tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19919926620590521172020-01-16T00:06:32.418-08:00The Fetoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17057933819394311578noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991992662059052117.post-5998630834488090092020-01-16T00:05:00.000-08:002020-01-16T00:05:02.195-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">people who understand that just walking out the front door with your shoes on and your hair washed can be a challenge. It means that grocery shopping and picking up brussels sprouts, and remembering how much your mom loved to eat them once she realized she could cook them in the oven rather than boiling them, and they actually tasted good, makes your eyes start to burn.<br /><br />You've joined a club with supportive people—one you never wanted to be in. No one ever wants to join the “I lost a parent" club. Fortunately when you do, you'll find that these are the people you needed in your life and they came at the perfect time. These are the people who will set their cell phone to a different ringer for you so they absolutely won't miss your call at 2am. These are the people who let you cuss like a sailor every other word because life is just not fair anymore. These are the people who will let you still be upset a month, a year, even 10 years from now. That brings me to my next point…<br /><br /><br /><br />2People seem to expect you to be okay after about a week or two. If they aren't a part of the “I lost a parent" club, people expect you to be okay pretty fast. Once the shock of the funeral (if you had one—we didn't) wears off, people will slowly start to forget about your pain and expect you to be normal again. It's okay to avoid people for a little while. It's okay to still be grieving. Remind those you love how hard this is. Sometimes people are so focused on themselves, they forget how to be a real friend.<br /><br />When I got home, I still felt like I should be okay, at least for my son and my dad. I didn't want them to think I was falling apart. So I held a lot of my sadness inside. It's hard to fully grieve, especially when you're a parent. When I'm trying to remember what ingredients my mom used in her special lasagna, I find myself grieving all over again. It never really stops, you just learn to accept it.<br />Your child's curious words will make your heart hurt. My son is four so death is not something he's used to. d.<br /><br /><br />then there are the days where he's reminding me, “Mommy, you don't have a mom anymore," where my heart breaks all over again. u just learn to accept it.<br /><br />Your child's curious words will make your heart hurt. My son is four so death is not something he's used to. d. it like a statement. Because it's true, I don't. But man do those words hurt.<br />, “Mommy, you don't have a mom anymore," where my heart breaks all over again. u just learn to accept it.<br />Your child's curious words will make your heart hurt. My son is four so death is not something he's used to. d.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /></div></div>The Fetoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17057933819394311578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991992662059052117.post-9274272649155365742020-01-16T00:02:00.001-08:002020-01-16T00:02:14.654-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">(Sorry you have not landed on my welcome message page. I don't have one.)<br /><br />Death is the original terminal disease and each one of us have it.<br /><br />It's been a little over bunch of years since I lost my mom to a very mean degenerative terminal disease. YET. Even today when I do manage to say the words “My mom is gone" out loud, they don't seem right.<br /><br />(I still can't mouth “My mom is no more". Because that's so wrong and so unfair.)<br /><br />I would prefer to say "I can't find my Mom", because it infers just like lost book can be found again.... But this isn't just a missing book I am talking about. Is it?<br /><br />Anyway “My mom is gone" it is for now - maybe feels better-ish and that's maybe because..... Ummm ...... Never mind.<br /><br />This is also huge hole in my gut, which I know will never, ever go away. And will make my eyes start to burn whenever wherever at the slightest of triggers. As long as I am alive. Which feels like eternity right now.<br /><br />So here are a few things that happen when your mom dies, in case you wanted to know where my head has been lately, or if you're trying to figure out why your friend who lost her own mom smells like a garbage can half the time, or cries at a simple Pampers commercial.<br />You cry a lot, and at random times. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've seen a cute commercial and started sobbing hysterically. Maybe the character's mom was cheering them on at a soccer game, or maybe she was just giving them a hug. Literally anything that shows another mom in it will have you crying.<br /><br />I may have gotten closer to my father - maybe? except he is dead too! You may get closer to your dad. This isn't really a negative. When you lose your mom, you suddenly understand that you need your dad's support and strength more than ever. While he's grieving as well, there's something special about sharing this together and being able to reminisce as a pair. You realize that you start telling your dad about your day in the same way you used to tell your mom, in hopes that maybe things will feel normal. It doesn't, but it does help a little to know that someone still has your back, and you're not going into every situation alone.<br /><br />Life seems like you're permanently wearing sunglasses, never the same brightness it was before. I don't know how to explain this to someone who hasn't lost a parent. Just trust me, nothing will have the same brightness after you lose your mom. Those cute shoes at the store you were eyeing suddenly just seem like a stupid idea. That new casserole you wanted to make? Its ingredients are still at the back of the pantry collecting dust. You'll get back in the routine someday, but it won't be today.<br /><br />Hug your babies tight. Tell your mom you love her. Seek her advice and wisdom. Don't take these moments for granted. You only have one mom, and when she's gone you'll wish you'd never said an ugly word to her your whole life.<br /><br />You may try to scour their phone, Facebook account, Netflix account, etc. searching for one last message, and it'll likely drive you bonkers. My mom and I shared a Netflix account which I now feel so thankful for. It's weird, but all I want to do is know my mom better. I searched through her phone looking for advice. I check Netflix to see what shows she was obsessed with. I went on her Facebook account looking for answers to questions I didn't even know I had.<br />I try to find notebooks with her handwriting, hoping maybe she left a note for me somewhere. It will frustrate you to do this, but you can't help it. You just need one more piece of her, however tiny it is.<br />You'll be jealous of everyone else who still has a mom. (Especially when they take her for granted.) From this point forward, you shall never complain about your parent in front of me again. Because darling, you have no idea how lucky you are and how much I want to be in your shoes. Cherish them. Love them. Be thankful you have one more day with them.<br /><br />Hug your babies tight. Tell your mom you love her. Seek her advice and wisdom. Don't take these moments for granted. You only have one mom, and when she's gone you'll wish you'd never said an ugly word to her your whole life.<br /><br /><br />Losing a parent means you've involuntarily joined 2 clubs.<br />Either a club that gets you. In totality. For orphans. There- i said the O word too! Yaay! :(<br />Or.<br />A club that feels like hugging the Manchineel tree. Even when you live in different pin-codes in different city, in a different country.<br /><br /><br /><br />(To be continued)<br /><div><br /></div></div>The Fetoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17057933819394311578noreply@blogger.com0