The Purple Headed Earls' Complaints Blog

Another Hungry Jack's complaint

2012-08-13T13:43:00.001+10:00

A long time friend of the Purple Headed Earls has sent this one through for your enjoyment. He swears that the cashier didn't have a speech impediment.

To whom it may concern,

I have been a local in the Bulleen area for some time now, over this considerable amount time I have probably been into this store about 2-3 times per year, thus not making me your best customer.

Myself and my partner dropped into your store on Sunday around midday for something to eat, on our arrival in the store, we both commented on how the décor in this store hasn't changed for as long as we could remember, but considering that we are infrequent customers this was the least of ours worries.

The reason we wanted Hungry Jacks was for your signature burger (The Flamed Grilled Whopper), so after waiting around 3-4 minutes at the counter, where your highly competent staff seemed to look at us and look at us and look at us, we were asked, how can I help you, this is where the confusion started - I ordered your signature burger (please see above) and so did my fiancée, to which the girl at the counter replied "sorry, we only have fried burgers today", "I’m sorry" I asked, "Yes, we only have fried burgers today, our boiler isn't working", I then questioned her on the process of cooking a "Flame Grilled Whooper" to which she replied, "In the boiler sir". Now I'm no Einstein, but I do know the difference between boiling and grilling. this is where my complaint lies - Why would such a reputable company (and I use the word "reputable" loosely) promote their signature burger, as a "Flame grilled" burger, when your very polite staff are telling customers that it is boiled???

To complete this note, I would like to let you know that we went to McDonald's only a kilometre down the road, and know feel that "the burgers are better at Maccas"

Your sincerely,

Ex Hungry Jacks Customer

Will keep you posted of any responses.

More Qantas...

2012-06-26T17:25:00.000+10:00

This on Wednesday last week in response to my original complaint which you can find by clicking here:

Dear Mr Dikkii,

Thank you for your email and your very considered feedback.

I can let you know, that in accordance with feedback from many of our customers, we serve a UHT full fat homgenised (sic) milk with beverages.

With breakfast cereal we serve a "slightly fat reduced" milk.

I hope I have clarified this for you.

Kind regards

Virginia Hargreaves

Customer Care Executive

I've only just dashed off my response:

Dear Ms Hargreaves,

Thank you for your response. I’m not certain that things have been clarified, but I do appreciate your extremely prompt response.

I am certain that you probably get all manner of complaints in your position. I’m sure that you’re very good at responding to them. But, without meaning to tell you how to do your job, please allow me to tell you how to do your job.

Firstly, when responding to a complaint about low fat milk being served with muesli, try to refrain from rubbing your complainant’s nose in it by boasting about other occasions where full cream milk (or “full fat” as you erroneously refer to it) is served.

I do entertain the possibility that you have confused me with another passenger’s concerns. In this case, I should remind you that this can often be perceived by the complainant as somewhat maddening.

Secondly, please add me to the ‘many’ that support having “full fat” milk with their beverage. I support this. Whilst I suspect that you meant to appeal to popular support in the following sentence, and whilst your overdue reduction of ‘everybody’ to ‘many people’ was probably more accurate, I eagerly await Qantas’ next response, which I suspect will reduce this further to ‘would you believe...’ and be sent from the email box of Maxwell Smart.

In closing, please bring back full cream milk to have with cereal and leave low fat milk for those who want it. Kthxbai.

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

That should be the end of that.

Complaint to Qantas

2012-06-19T10:50:00.000+10:00

Oh look: It's a complaint to Qantas again.

This one went off to Qantas this morning and relates to flights I took with them quite recently.

Truthfully, I don't know why I fly with them anymore. Oh that's right: Company policy. But their slashing of value with respect to in-flight catering shouldn't really go unchecked for too much longer.

Folks, if you don't complain about this continual erosion of what is stuff that you should expect, Qantas will continue to turn the Qantas brand into an international joke. I say this as a former shareholder.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have a complaint for you. Firstly, however, I ask you to consider how you would normally answer if someone comes up to you right now and were to ask, ‘Hey, I’m going out for a coffee. Do you want one?’

If you would normally answer, ‘a skinny latte for me, please,’ or for any kind of caffeinated beverage with low fat milk, I respectfully ask that this complaint be passed on to someone who still has their tastebuds intact. If you normally ask that person going off to the cafe for a non-caffeinated beverage with low-fat milk, I strongly urge you to seek help.

Yesterday, as I was on the flight to Sydney out of Tullamarine at the ungodly time of 0630 hours, I was reminded of a particular section of the Constitution of the Commonwealth of Australia, section 116. This is the section that prohibits the Commonwealth from favouring one religion over another, and is often quoted by naive Australians as evidence that Australia is secular. Usually, when they say this, they turn a blind eye to our public holidays that are structured around religious celebrations, as well as those other aspects of public life where religion, more specifically, mainstream Christianity, is forced upon us lesser religious folk, not to mention kiddies who are unable to opt out of such ‘secular’ programs as religious education and chaplaincy programmes that feature in taxpayer funded schools of all persuasions.

But it is not religion that I write to you about, even though I draw this parallel.

Yesterday, upon the flight, I was prompted to think about religion and its all invasive hydra of heads when I was served breakfast on my flight, which consisted of muesli and a small bottle of a strange concoction from Pura, called ‘Skimmer’.

Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be one of those aforementioned low-fat milk products that taste as if someone spat in a bowl of water and stirred it around a bit.

I asked the flight attendant that surely, there had been some mistake, and could I have some full cream milk instead?

I have to hand it to the professionalism of your flight attendant. His poker face did not waver one bit as he responded with a straight bat, that they didn’t serve full cream milk on Qantas flights anymore, as, ‘Everyone complained that they wanted low fat milk.’

I very much expected the late and very much missed Leslie Nielsen to put his head out of the cockpit and add that if it wasn’t too much to ask, could I stop calling the flight attendant, “Shirley”?

But I do have to call ‘bollocks!’ on this suggestion. The very notion that ‘Everyone’ called Qantas demanding low fat milk would be outrageous, if it wasn’t for the hilarity that ensues when one considers the frankly unbelievable situation that one might be presented with, should this have ever occurred. Ignoring the very real problem that the telecommunications of a small to medium-sized country would be quickly rendered out-of-order by the phoning going on, imagine every car on the road coming to a complete standstill as everyone pulls over and attempts to contact Qantas in their attempt to enforce low fat milk on everyone.

In fact, it is only in this unlikely (and totally newsworthy) situation in which I might be prepared to forgive you for serving me up the bottled snot that you think passes for milk in this day and age. And whilst I confess to not watching the news all the time, I think I would have heard of seven billion people choking Qantas’ switchboard with calls.

I should point out that the last person I heard trying to convince me that absolutely everyone in the whole, wide world were trying to do something like this, I didn’t believe it then, and I’m pretty sure that the decline in Vanessa Amorosi’s career is no coincidence.

I think that I would have a credible hypothesis that it was not ‘everybody’, but a vocal bunch of idiots who are very much in the minority, not unlike the likes of Jim Wallace, Cardinal Pell or Archbishop Jensen. And just like the powerbrokers in the major political parties, you listen to them like the gullible schmucks they are, possibly even believing the rubbish about ‘That’s the Kool-Aid that people drink these days.’

Listen, I remember the days where every flight between Melbourne and Sydney had a hot meal. I didn’t complain when you did away with the hot breakfast which was, unlike most plane food, a good feed of scrambled eggs, sausage and either mushrooms or tomato. I didn’t complain when you limited hot meals on this sector to flights departing between 6:00 and 6:05 PM on Mondays through Wednesdays and I certainly didn’t complain when meals became a Byron Bay cookie and a bottle of water. I didn’t complain either, when your Bega Tasty cheese and Jatz combo went from three Jatz crackers to two, nor did I complain when your meat and salad panini halved in size, as it appeared to have done on my return flight back to Melbourne, last night.

See, I bet that every time you get a new manager in to look after this area, the first thing that they do is look at their KPIs and say, ‘How do I slash costs?’ Then, they slash what is provided to the punters in the interest of saving costs. This, dear reader, is reducing what mums and dads call ‘value’ and every time you erode this, it does not go unnoticed. There would have been close to hundreds of meetings over the past few years where the manager in charge of in-flight catering makes a presentation to the executive of the division and discusses the savings that have taken place. I can almost visualise the exact moment when that manager would have puffed out his chest with pride, looked the executive square in the eye and said, ‘We slashed at our Jatz crackers and saved 10 million dollars. It was an heroic battle, but Qantas passengers should only have two Jatz crackers, don’t you think? Three Jatz crackers should have been seen as the aesthetic deformity that it was.’ And I can almost feel the thump of the executive’s hand coming down on the manager’s back amidst the mutual backslapping that would have then occurred. Don’t even begin to discuss what kind of bonus was paid for this atrocity that was committed in the name of customer service.

It’s about time that someone did let you know that that you’ve crossed a line, because eventually, you’ll claim that ‘everyone’ wanted no pork products, when in reality it was a few overly pious religious scholars, or that I’m no longer able to order sugar with my coffee, because ‘everyone’ wanted to have Equal® instead. The way things are going, we’re probably going to have gluten-free food forced on us by you by the end of the year thanks to fatuous wankers who think that gluten kills puppies. Wake up to yourselves.

I would very much like this fixed. Low fat milk should remain an option, like kosher, halal, Atkins and gluten-free, but full cream milk should be, just like it is in the real world, which you clearly don’t inhabit, the default.

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

Again, I doubt that I'll get a response.

Cudo.....What do you expect

2011-12-09T10:45:00.003+11:00

This first is the original email Cudo sent me after I sent them a nice email about how the car wash where the voucher was redeemable was lying and saying they were "busy" so I'd go away. The car wash had only one car being washed at the time and yet I was told to come back 45min later.

Hi Cameron,

Thank you for your email.

We’re sorry to hear that you’re having trouble redeeming your voucher.

The deal is bound by strict terms and conditions made between Cudo and the business, unfortuantely as the merchant did offer to honour the voucher, although with a wait of 45 minutes, unfortunately, on these grounds we’re unable to refund your voucher.

However, most of our vouchers are transferable and if you’re unable use it then you can give it to a friend or family member as a gift.

And if you need any extra help, please contact us again!

Warm Regards,

Jennie

The Cudo Team

So I fired back with this little number....I wonder if I will get a response?!

Hi Jennie,

“Extra help” required…..

So what you are actually saying is if the merchant had said to me “sorry, we are busy and you will have to come back another day” would that be acceptable?? I can imagine this would be relevant if the deal had stated please make an appointment before going there but I guess Cudo didn’t have the foresight to think of that. What if the merchant had of said “sorry we are booked for the next 2 months solid but you can come back in 3 months” then once I go there in 3 months they say “we’re booked for the next 2 months”??

I don’t suppose your stupid….sorry “strict” terms compensate for this.

Just as I suspected….and with all that I’ve heard in the media about how group buying organisations have been ripping off consumers you still….well…rip people off. I guess you can believe what you read in the papers!

I hate to be a whinger but unless you can offer me a better solution, I’m going to be forced to whinge to all and sundry – I’m sure my 1000+ social media followers will be over hearing about crap deals but hey…you gotta vent somewhere.

PS – If my deal is crap then I don’t want to give it to someone else as a “present”. If you think passing on a crap voucher is a great idea….I’d hate to be invited to your Christmas party. You’re likely to be regifting damaged or broken items to your closest friends. What a gem you are! You little recycler you.

Cudo….you suck! ESPECIALLY your customer service. Might want to get into a different field Jennie….maybe sales….then your attitude would be perfect!

Nestle. Yet again...

2011-06-16T16:53:00.001+10:00

I was asked by a colleague, who we'll call Jillian to write a complaint to Nestle about a nail clipping that she found in her Allen's Strawberry and Cream lollies.

Needless to say, she was extremely pissed off. Here it is:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have a complaint for you.

I have just eaten half a pack of your Strawberries and Cream lollies. Once upon a time, I thought that these were the yummiest lolly you made, but now I want to throw them up.

Please indicate why it is that you think that I might want to barf up the lollies that I ate. Is it because:

I ate too many of these;
I ate rather a lot far too quickly;
Someone doused mine in syrup of ipecac; or
Someone’s fingernail clipping was embedded in one of the lollies.

If you answered (4), then you are 100% correct. Do you know that warm feeling you get when you return from the toilet to your drink at the table and take a swig and the boys politely inform you casually that while you were away they’ve all placed their penises in your glass?

I must admit, having never played football (or been a boy) I can’t say that I do, but I’m sure that you get the idea. I feel really quite nauseous and angry right about now.

I would like this rectified right now. Whilst I’m not sure what adequate compensation would be, I’m certain that a fresh box of lollies, carefully screened for similar contamination before dispatch would be just, I’m not really sure that I want to touch any more Strawberries and Cream lollies at the moment.

Please contact me immediately to negotiate.

Yours sincerely,

Jillian.

She has reserved the right to make amendments. But she also sent me a picture, too:

Kobo (on behalf of Borders): How to strip DRM from ebooks for Linux users

2011-04-08T13:05:00.006+10:00

It's only 24 hours since I sent my initial complaint to Borders, which was forwarded on to Kobo for looking at. You may recall my complaint related mainly to the scam that is digital rights management (DRM) and how I couldn't read one of Borders' DRM protected ePub files on my Sony Reader.

I was quite surprised that Kobo were looking at this. I suspected that I might even have to resubmit in a different area, given that my ebook reader is a Sony.

But my surprise about that was nothing compared to the response that I received from Kobo, from a helpful staffer who I'll call "George". Linux users, bookmark this page. The rest of you, be prepared to be gobsmacked by someone who has gone above and way beyond the call of duty.

(Use this only for your own fair use, which is not illegal. I will not be held responsible if you start using this for illegal copying. Nor should you be using this for illegal copying.)

Hi,

If you have a Sony and ADE then there should be no problem with DRM. Does ADE not ask to authorize the Sony when you plug it in?

The ususal method to download a book is to purchase the book and then click on the download tab in your online library then save it to your desktop. Then drag the link into ADE where it will open. Then go to library view and the book should be there, if not add the book to the library from the recently read bookshelf.

Here is an app for the eReader for Linux for www.kobobooks.com, but only work with Kobo eReaders.

Linux app
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/2183775/kobo-desktop.deb

We don't have copies of books that are not DRM protected.

You may be able to use Calibre to transfer the book to the eReader, but it may also have to have the DRM removed.

Follow these links and instruction to remove DRM:

Install Python
Install PyCrypto
Google for ineptkey.pyw and ineptepub.pyw and put them into one directory (desktop). These files are python scripts and is basically a text file with .pyw ending in windows. If you cant find the .pyw file with google, just copy the script text and paste into a notepad file and rename it to the correct .pyw files.
Run (double click) ineptkey.pyw. It will find a key and write it to hard disk as “ADEPTKEY.DER ” in the same directory where ineptkey.pyw is.
Run ineptepub.pyw
A dialog windows with three parameters will pop up :
Key file ADEPTKEY.DER (filled automatically if the ADEPTKEY.DER-file and ineptepub.pyw reside in the same directory)
If not, click on the “…” button and select a file.
Input file
Click on the “…” button to choose your ebook. You’ll find it in “My Documents\My Digital Editions“.
If you just can’t find the ebook, open Adobe Digital Editions and find the path in the properties of the ebook.
Output file
Click on the “…” and enter a filename.
Open your newly created DRM-free pdf file with your favorite application (on whatever device you like ! YAY
download python http://www.python.org/download/
Lilac

http://www.voidspace.org.uk/python/modules.shtml#pycrypto

Here is the link to download Calibre:

http://calibre-ebook.com/download

If you are still having problems let us know.

We believe that we have provided you with a working solution and that your issue has been resolved. If that is not the case and you require further investigation, please reopen your ticket.

To reopen (#XXXXXX, can't read my KOBO files on my Nook), simply respond to the ticket notifying us of the current status and a member of our Customer Care team will review your response and action accordingly.

Please note that answers to our most common questions can be found at:

http://help.kobobooks.com

Sincerely,

The Kobo Team

Naturally, I thanked George in my response and sat there for 20 minutes thinking to myself, "This is 24 carat gold." I will be going home this evening to strip the DRM off the file and then enjoying it the way nature intended.

I nominate this for the most helpful response to a complaint at the Purple Headed Earls Complaints Blog ever. And then some.

Borders/Sony complaint

2011-04-07T12:06:00.007+10:00

Digital Rights Management, or DRM has to be one of the worst things in the known universe. Sony have a somewhat idiotic history on this front, having intentionally been complicit in the installation of malware in the form of rootkits.

The worst thing about it is that it has nothing to do with copyright protection. Oh no, it goes much further to essentially stymie fair use of copyrighted works. And you probably already know that copyright owners themselves are generally a few thousand nautical miles removed from the actual artists who create the works in question. The owners of copyrights are generally record companies, publishing houses, movie studios.

Copyright owners argue that piracy robs artists of royalty revenue. I tend to sympathise with the piracy crowd who maintain that copyright owners have already done the theft with grossly unconscionable contracts that assigns copyright ownership to them for very little in return for the authors or musicians who create the works. Having said that, I'm a sad old dude who insists on buying CDs for the packaging.

I recently bought a Sony Reader from Angus & Robertson, part of the RED Group along with Borders which is presently in administration. I bought it because Ebook Readers are cool - they have really cool e-ink screens that probably use less power than a digital watch. I bought it because I always liked Douglas Adams' Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy and think that electronic books are a really neat idea. But I also bought it because my course notes are only available in ebook form this semester, and having ownership of that neat idea that is an e-ink powered reader as a tax-deductible expense is pretty goddamn attractive.

And I certainly wasn't going to be buying a Kindle from Amazon: I've done wonderfully this far in my life to avoid the commercial rape that Apple's customers seem to love in an almost masochistic way, so it would be hypocritical in the extreme if I'd settled for Amazon's identical marketing model.

Sony's Reader line supports almost every format there is, it doesn't lock you in to a single provider of content, and it works beautifully. I'm also slowly starting to like the touchscreen page-turns as well, although I still use the buttons at the bottom a bit. But Sony are so totally in love with DRM it's almost weird.

I suspect that I'll also be buying books for the packaging after this tale. I sent this to Borders:

Hi,

I purchased an ebook last night - Na-Joon Chang's "23 Things They Don't Tell You About Capitalism" - which I thought I'd buy, having started reading a borrowed copy of a friends and finding the contents quite addictive.

You will have to forgive me, as this is the first ebook I've purchased, having purchased my ebook reader originally to read my uni course notes. Naturally, having bought my reader from your affiliate Angus & Robertson, and knowing that you also sell the Sony Reader, I figured that this would be nice and simple.

I would firstly like to advise that simple, it is not. Firstly, as a Linux user, having to put my purchase through Adobe's Digital Editions is nothing short of frustrating, but despite Adobe's attempts to have everyone using Windows or Macs and nothing else, I succeeded. So first issue was defused, no thanks to Adobe.

From here, normally, things are a piece of cake. I've downloaded many a fine book from Project Gutenberg, which must be a bit hard to hear, given that you're in the business of profiting (or not - I'm aware of your current financial difficulties) from the sale of intellectual property that's in the public domain. Usually, when I move a book over to my Reader, I can then mosey off to my comfy chair in front of the TV, ignoring whatever cr@p is on TV and listening to a nice CD or two, many of which I've purchased from your establishment. I'm pretty sure that I purchased Sleater-Kinney's "The Woods" album from you which is both on high rotation on my CD player at the moment and a totally kick-@rse example of riot grrl rock and roll.

But we are discussing other electronic media at the moment. Ones that I am having extreme difficulty playing, unlike my CD example which I can happily play at home, in the car, at a mate's place or no my PC at work.

In case you haven't worked out by now, sitting in my comfy chair, Reader in hand, Sleater-Kinney turned up to maybe 3 (it was late and I didn't want my neighbours to complain), I turned on my Reader and clicked on my purchase and was greeted in big friendly lettering, "Protected by Digital Rights Management".

I notice that this has been an issue with Sony Readers, so I downloaded new firmware from Sony which apparently fixes this problem, but it did not. In desperation, I rebooted my computer and went to my dreaded Windows partition to try copying it from there. No luck.

Rest assured that I will be sending a similar email to Sony explaining the problem to them, however, my complaint comes down to a single cause: Digital Rights Management. This could very easily be fixed if you were to provide me with a non-DRM protected copy of this book. You might well complain that the publisher won't let you have one, but frankly, the way that I see this, if I can't open the thing up on my Sony Reader, you've sold me defective merchandise, and the defect can be none other than the DRM that is there.

I look forward to hearing your response on the issue.

Yours sincerely,
Dikkii.

Then I did a couple of minor tweaks and sent it off to Sony.

It'll be interesting to see if I get a response.

Edit 7 April 2011, 13:48:

I just noticed in my email inbox that this is being looked at by Kobo. OK, I know that Borders/A&R are in bed with Kobo, but this is a bit ridiculous, given that my reader is a Sony. I may have to resend this.

Samsung Washing Machine - Give me my powder!

2010-08-24T09:49:00.002+10:00

Dear Samsung,

It has come to my attention just how poo you really are. With all your bravado about technology and innovation, you’ve forgotten about the everyday somebody. You know….people…humans…ohhh forget about it. Too busy playing with machines to realise that humans still run this world. Anywho if we roll the clock back to June where I still thought your organisation was reputable, I was on the hunt for a new washing machine, and low and behold I found one, a Samsung one, with what seemed like a tacky yet decent deal. Buy now and receive 16kgs of washing powder. 16kgs I thought to myself, that could help me wash my elephant sized underpants or all the dirty cloths in Nepal.

So I bought it! And thought great. Now all I have to do is wait for washing powder to roll in. Wrong. After having to put together as much information as was gathered in the Spanish inquisition and sent off for my white gold, you can imagine how greatly disappointed I was to receive a letter back from “The Team at Samsung” – which sounds like the start of a joke…how many Samsung employees does it take to write a rejection letter?! – The letter ridiculously stated that my claim was an invalid! How would you know?! My claim is not an invalid! It’s a piece of paper. A clean white sheet made from the nicest of trees, a picture of virility and health. It doesn’t get around in a wheelchair…and it doesn’t get the front car spot at the supermarket. Beside the point, you knocked back my application for the powder as you received my application 3 days late. 3 days. Yes 3 days…explain yourself.

Instead of a nice letter stating – “unfortunately we are quite sorry that your were not able to gather as much evidence as is required in a murder trial yet still get your claim in on time” the letter from your “team” read “your claim is invalid” – huh. You would think that with a “team” of writers at Samsung you could produce a nicer letter…If I were you I’d look into that team, they might be a bit like Real Madrid where they are too busy worrying about what their hair looks like to remember who they’re playing for.

So as a curious customer I called the 1800 number to find out more. I left a message and was promised that I would be called back. Do you think I was called back?! Nuh. The Samsung Call Back Team must have been too busy stroking their machines to notice mere humans calling. Oh well. I suppose I will have to tweet and blog on just how crap you are…and if you lose just one customer out of all my effort it will be worth it.

Shame on you Samsung!

Woolworths Wish Card response

2010-06-01T13:18:00.002+10:00

Bagerk got this response back:

Hi Bagerk,

I am writing in response to correspondence you submitted
via the Everyday Gift Cards website on Monday 31st May 2010 in regards to your
damaged WISH Gift Card.

Our Supermarkets and BIG W stores have procedures in
place to redeem funds from your card manually, or to transfer the balance of
your damaged card to a new card.

A replacement card will be posted to you in the mail
today.

I apologise for the inconvenience caused.

Regards

Rebecca Wicks

Group Financial Services

Woolworths Wish Card complaint

2010-06-01T13:12:00.002+10:00

Here's a complaint that my good buddy Bagerk sent to Woolworths' Wish Card bunch:

To the customer service experts at Wish Card.

I received a gift card with the number inserted in the field above on it.
This made me think I had to go get a slab from Dan Murphy's. I attended the Dan
Murphy's in the Thrift Park Shopping centre in Parkdale. I acquired a most
excellent slab of Crownies which coincidentally were only a few more dollars
than a slab of Carlton Drafts and such great value I couldn't resist. I carried
the dam heavy box up to the counter to make my golden bottle purchase, this
however when I started to hate your organisations. I could only WISH that the
voucher Card would work.

The lady at the register informed me that she would scratch of the sticky
blob over the pin number for me which I thought was great especially when she
informed me she hated the new sticky blob over the number because it was
difficult to remove compared to what you used to cover the number with.. After
oh about 1 minute she managed to get to the stage where she swiped the card and
it didn't work invalid pin, I suggested she may not have scraped of all the
gloop and she hadn't which was great because now I can get my beer .. Or so you
would think right.. She scratched of the gloop revealed the extra hidden number
and lo and behold no more pin number issue.. But this is when it starts to get
really annoying..

The comment on the hand held banking facility at the register then began
stating Contact Bank which I thought was most frustrating as it wasn't even a
bank card I had presented, I mean it didn't even look like the anz cards that
sit next to it in my wallet, all this naturally was very embarrassing standing
at the register with all the other soon to be drunk people milling around beside
me.

The attendant tried 3x and said I would have to call the provider of the card
(good thing she didn't say bank ay) I insisted on giving it a try with my magic
swipe skills, amazingly it didn't work..

I had to pay cash for my slab of wonderfully priced crownies which was most
disappointing! It did however let everyone proceed further in the queue and get
that small distance closer to drunken bliss.

End result I'm out of pocket and was advised by the attendant she could do
nothing, that I was to contact wish card to "have the expiry investigated as you
could extend the expiry date, she felt that the date written on it was not
correct, that they had had the card for ages and then just written the wrong
date on it before sending it to me". Now let me add..This was a gift from a well
respected member of the community a manager of a large and reputable firm.. I
would even hazard a guess that he in turn obtained the voucher card from his dad
who is in turn a very established manager at the director type level and
needless to say I'm sure neither of them would appreciate the slur or even the
hint of the slur on a card they provided.. So anyway needless is to say I went
off and cracked me one of those crownies post haste!

The saga continues unfortunately today I called the 1300 665 249 number that
is written on the card falsely assuming I could talk to someone about this
problem. I did confirm the amount was still valid and correct ($30) and the
expiry date is as was written on the card 24/05/11 and thus all is well and my
associates are not in fact fraudulent cheep shysters.

The automatic service alas had no option to talk to a person nor did it offer
me any way of obtaining a phone number of someone to talk to. I would love to
resolve this sordid mess and dismally all results thus far are leading me to the
conclusion you would like to wish me well but wish me away all in the one swoop
of your terminating automated non message system. You really couldn't annoy me
more so far..

I'm left believing you couldn't give a stuff if I have a good "wish card
experience", basically I'm getting screwed royally by your Corporations
inability to service your clients to this point.

Perhaps you would like to issue me, send me, a new gift card and include some
extra value on it for the waisted time and embarrassment I have experience so
far?

In addition to that can you please advise why I should have to go through
this ridicules process and inevitably end up with a drinking problem due to the
fact ill now have to go buy another slab when all of this is resolved. and well
we all know if there's a beer in the fridge when you get home it's going to get
drunk and one leads to the next and then your asleep on the couch .. This will
only be made worse by you making me go and buy another one.

I WISH my experience was better.

Regards

Bagerk

Hungry Jack's, 29 April 2010

2010-04-30T01:24:00.005+10:00

Here's one that I just fired off to Hungry Jack's:

To whom it may concern.

This is not your usual complaint. For starters, I really must point out that I don't eat at Hungry Jack's very often, but you know, sometimes, I do get a craving for one of your delicious Bacon Deluxes, topped off with beetroot, tomato sauce and onion to boot.

Why you don't pack in these ingredients as standard, I'll never know.

But it's here where my complaint starts.

Incidentally, I love the way that I can order amendments to your standard burgers. I love the way that I can order “minus gherkins” if I want, or “heavy lettuce” or “light mayo”. I have asked for “heavy all condiments” on at least one occasion, although I should point out that I have to be pretty hungry to do this. (I also should point out that I don't abuse this privilege)

(I've also heard, although you might be able to confirm for me if it's an urban myth or not, that some can order “heavy heavy this” or “light light that”. The mind wonders, really, what kind of idiot wouldn't just ask for that ingredient to be removed if they want “light light” something. Weird.)

And I can have my burger cut in half too. I like that. Stick a corkscrew in my side and call me twisted, but the standard burgers are not for me.

So on to my complaint.

If I normally go out to buy my specially prepared Bacon Deluxe, with beetroot, tomato sauce and onion, I will normally get it from one of your Melbourne city stores. Most likely the one on the corner of Russell and Bourke Streets, but sometimes the one on the corner of La Trobe and Swanston. And before long, I'll be sitting in a booth, munching on one of these little bundles of joy in rapture as the fat from two meat slabs and two slices of lovely melted cheese mixes with the tomato sauce and the mayo and, if I don't hold it correctly, dribbles down my arm like a pink rivulet that makes my arms slimy. I love this, although during the working week I have to be extra specially careful, because I wear a suit.

I really must re-iterate that I don't go to Hungry Jack's very often. Maybe only once or twice a month and, I'm sure that you understand that this is because I regard it as a bit of a fatty treat. As I'm sure you would also understand, 37g of fat is not something I could possibly go for regularly. It's outrageous, and you really should put enormous warning signs up so the bogans who eat there everyday don't end up having a cardiac arrest as a result of attempting to sweat pure fat through their pores.

That's not my complaint, though, as an educated person such as myself would ordinarily like to tell these suburban yobbos to effing well wake up to themselves and get better educated about a good diet and lose those stupid undie-revealing jeans in the process. They probably think that having 'Calvin Klein' visible makes them look classy. I think not.

So obviously, my burger is not something I have on a frequent basis. No offence intended if you personally like to wear jeans halfway down your arse with your Calvin Klein waistband visible for the world to see.

But here's the complaint: I can't get my burger out in the suburbs. Or at least, not how I want it.

This is a typical conversation that I had the other day with one of your cashiers in one of your suburban stores. I was in either your Eltham one or your Burwood one – I can't remember which. The cashier was a nice young blonde girl who simply must have been over eighteen or I couldn't possibly have noticed what a fetching example of feminine pulchritude she was:

Cashier: “Good evening, may I take your order?”

Me: “Yes, could I have a Bacon Deluxe and a medium Coke, but can I also have beetroot, tomato sauce and onion on my burger?”

Cashier: “Would you like that in a value meal with fries?”

Me: “No thank you. Fries give me indigestion, but thank you for proactively assuming that I had forgotten to order something just because I didn't ask for it. You should consider a job in banking when you get older.”

The cashier keyed it in. I noticed – as I always seem to do in the suburban stores, that she'd rung up “Heavy Beetroot”, “Heavy Ketchup” and “Heavy Onion”. I brought this up.

Me: “Excuse me, but I noticed that you rang up “heavy” beetroot, ketchup and onion. If it's OK with you, I just want “normal” beetroot, ketchup and onion.”

Cashier: “I'm sorry, but our cash registers only allow us to record these this way.”

I'd like to digress for a moment to say this is pretty weak. How come you don't have this problem with your city cash registers? But I'll get back to the conversation.

Me: “But I just want normal beetroot, ketchup and onion. Won't they now make it with twice as much?

Cashier: “I'll go round and make sure that they just put normal amounts on.”

She was a sweet young thing. But really, she shouldn't have to have done this, if her cash register was up to the task in the first place. She came back and engaged me in conversation.

Cashier: “You know, you're getting extra value with the extra ingredients. We don't charge extra for those ones, you know.”

Me: “I know, but I don't want these to overpower the rest of the burger. I really like the ingredients in normal quantities.”

Cashier: “I suppose that you probably get enough ingredients anyway with a Bacon Deluxe. I like to have a little extra lettuce myself when I order a burger.”

Me: “It's probably because there's already extra meat and cheese already in a Bacon Deluxe. How much meat do you usually stuff into your burger?”

She turned away at this point to get my burger which was ready and put it on a tray with my Coke and I didn't get to find out her answer to this. I'm sure that her sudden attack of the giggles is a reflection of a fun workplace, and I commend you on keeping your staff morale so high. I do think however that some older Australians might regard the fit of hysterical shrieking that followed from her colleagues after I sat down at a table to be a little bit too jovial and perhaps a bit undignified. You know how they like to unfairly generalise about youngsters and drugs.

Anyway, I suppose I should finish up with the obvious question: When are you going to get the cash registers fixed in your suburban stores so that I can have the burger I want without all that mucking around?

I look forward to your response.

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

PS: Is it possible for me to order my burger with bacon and onion fried in your deep fat fryers? Not that there's anything wrong with raw onion, but microwaved bacon is slightly wrong.

I wonder if I'll get a response?

Sam Kekovich - Grand Final Day Rant - For Australia Day

2010-01-25T14:35:00.003+11:00

This was a speech Sam Kekovich gave before the 2008 Grand Final, but it can apply to anything where the corporate arseholes who have no interest in the sport get priority ticket allocations and the poor mug who buys a membership to the club and goes to every game gets shafted

Centre Square was a $1900 a ticket event just across the road from the MCG.

My fellow Australians.

I've been invited here to talk to Centre Square, in these big marquees on Punt Road Oval. And speaking of Punt Road Oval, let me tell you something for nothing - Jack Dyer would be spinning in his grave if he could see the place right now. Full of a bunch of Collins Street corporate criminals, Chapel Street designer cats and Toorak poodle rooters who have about as much interest in football as Paris Hilton has
an interest in astrophysics.

Captain Blood didn't break every bone in his body and commit multiple acts of on-field heroism and homicide so he could see his beloved home ground turned into an over-priced pre-match party for chardonnay-swilling spivs and their assorted hangers-on attending their one footy match of the year, whilst tens of thousands of hard-working honest battlers who love the game and love their team are denied the chance to attend the greatest game in the world.

I've had a gutful. Whilst this bunch of Armani-wearing, Audi-driving, Prada-carrying try-hards monopolise priceless vantage points in the MCG, millions of genuine footy fans who have followed their team through thick and thin have to make do by watching the game at home or down at the local pub, whilst the Melbourne spivocracy get to sit on their fat posteriors in a marquee and wouldn't even know the way to the MCG without a tour guide.

Since most of you haven't attended a single match this year and know nothing about football, let me give you a few tips - Geelong wears blue, Hawthorn wears brown, and in case you were wondering, there'll be no fashions on the field at half-time, and no, the Lexus Centre across the road is not a prestige car dealership.

Centre Square is not only unfair. Centre Square is not only inequitable. Centre Square is downright un-Australian! And so are all of you! In fact, I bet you're all so un-Australian that you all hate the Anzacs, you booed Cathy Freeman, and you want to cull cute cuddly koalas because one of them once jumped out in front of your Range Rover on the way to Mount Hotham.

But it's not just you who are at fault. I also blame the AFL - those out-of-touch, opera-loving elitists at AFL headquarters who are responsible for this unconscionable abomination need to take a good hard look in the mirror. That is if they can handle the sight of moral and spiritual bankruptcy staring back at them.

I also blame the government. Our new Prime Minister has clearly failed his first test of leadership if he thinks it's acceptable to allow an event like this to go ahead without a pre-emptive strike by the SAS. The PM is doing nothing to ease the squeeze on working families on the bottom rung of the ladder of opportunity who just want to see their team in the Granny. But he'd better get his act together and do something
about it, or millions of angry footy fans will do it for him. Revolutions have been started and governments have been overthrown for lesser outrages than this. And people ask why we need capital punishment.

So cut off your silver tails, tear up your fur coats and get fair dinkum. Our great Australian game is the greatest game in the world - the game of the people. Not some once-a-year marquee piss-up for an overpaid, over-dressed pack of passionless corporate cretins who only turn up for the free chardonnay and then spend the actual game looking about as interested and excited as a line of Easter Island statues.

So don't bother coming across to the MCG this afternoon, because you're not welcome. The next train out of Melbourne leaves Richmond station in 10 minutes - so make sure you're on it. Or, better still, under it.

So don't be un-Australian - everyone here in Centre Square can get
stuffed! You know it makes sense. I'm Sam Kekovich.

Nestle - Less is Less! - Mixed lollies...yeah right!

2010-01-22T16:17:00.000+11:00

Dear Whoever,

I recently purchased a packet of you Allen’s “Party Mix” and I just wanted to give you some consumer feedback.

My first comment is around your definition of the word “Mix”. I suppose mix means an assortment to most people, but at Allen’s it means Bananas, Strawberry Creams and Jelly Babies. Perhaps in future you should call them “Allen’s Party Trio”, with the tag line “99% Fun Free”. I suppose you aim the product at children, who perhaps don’t care about what their lollies look like and are just as happy to eat turd shaped lollies, but for me it’s a swift kick in the face to think Allen’s is trying to pass off 3 kinds of lollies as multiple kinds in a “mix” bag.

I know what your response will be…”the machine packs each bag randomly…” but the simple fact is…I don’t care. If you are having trouble with the randomness of your selections, perhaps you should borrow an Infinite Improbability Drive like the one on the space ship “Heart of Gold”. I’m sure Zaphod Beeblebrox won’t mind lending it to you!

My second problem is with your “Instant Prize” competition. The idea of a competition is the undeniable chance to “compete”. Unfortunately due to the severe lack of instruction, one cannot partake in such competition. You competition is like putting Usain Bolt on a oval with no lines and asking him to “win”….bloody win what?! I dunno….read the instructions….what instructions…ohhh the really vague ones that don’t actually help….mmmm…they’re the ones.

Entering my “unique code”….There is no such thing on this packet. Click on “where to find unique code = it’s on the inside of the packet….I give you the mail…it’s not! Stupid competition, from a stupid company.

That is all.

Myki

2010-01-13T13:20:00.001+11:00

To whom it may concern or that idiot Lynne Kosky,What a pathetic system this is. One and a half bilion dollars or whatever it is that you have spent and the website doesn't even work properly. From the time I logged on (Which took several attempts over 2 days) it took me over 1 hour to get to this point after finally getting my details in for a card. 1 HOUR!!!!! And even then I put in my details and does not give you an option to choose Street/Road etc. Honestly, I cannot see why there is such a delay on this site and if it is going to take this long each time I need to log on and "top up" i cant see how this will work. What an absolute debacle/fiasco/shambles/calamity and any other word you can think of which describes the extent of my misfortune in accessing this site and my tax dollars wasting away. However, credit where credit is due. Well done on your contract where you managed to get a bonus for being 3 years overdue and a billion dollars over budget. Outsatnding.

Yarra City Council Complaint

2009-07-09T11:20:00.001+10:00

To whom it may concern (if anyone actually cares),

I recently received a parking ticket in the mail for a fine received in Fitzroy. Whilst I am not displeased with receiving the fine, what I am annoyed about is the councils persistence to claim I was the driver, and thus the reason for this email.

Whilst I am sure that every single person at the City of Yarra is law abiding and has never, ever been in my situation, and thus can understand that you wouldn't even know what this situation feels like, I thought I'd try and spell it out to you as I am feeling like a convict from the first fleet.

My issue stems from the fact that I am a law abiding citizen, and currently have no warrants to my name, and that I wasn't the driver of the vehicle at the time of the infringement, yet you still persist to send me fine increase after fine increase demanding that I cough up more, and more money, for an infringement that I clearly wasn't the driver for. "Did you nominate the actual driver?" I hear you vehemently ask. Well actually yes I did, TWICE, yet this doesn't seem to matter as I apparently sent the form in 15 days too late.

Unlike everyone at the Yarra City Council who have got all their friend's details at their very fingertips whenever they need them, I on the other hand had to find out who was driving my car that day and get in contact with them to find out their details. One may assume that you lot only have one friend each, and they're probably related, thus remembering their address and license number could be a hobby of yours, but us in the real world who treat people fairly have amassed several of these so called "friend" things you may hear about out there in the society. Now, since I lent my car to an actually household of friends, I then had determine which one it was driving that day. Once I did this I then found out his license details, filled in the form and sent it back to you.

The next correspondence I got was an enforcement order notice from the Magistrates Court of Victoria, which I assumed meant you a) couldn't be bothered processing my request, and b) felt it necessary to charge me more for an offence not committed by myself. It's so much fun filling the councils coffers isn't it?! I then filled out the form received from them to say AGAIN that I wasn't the driver, followed by silence again, and now followed by another correspondence "Notice of intention to issue an infringement warrant". Nice to see the consistency in that the Magistrates Court of Victoria in that they also don't listen or care.

The solution.....well apparently I have to write a letter to the registrar of appeals, and have the matter dealt with in court. One word that immediately sprang to mind SCUM. A festering vampire on the wallet of society. Revenue raising, non caring and scandalous. I hope to never be alleged of any crime and have anyone from the council on the jury. With your nonchalant approach "I don't care if he didn't commit the murder, he didn't hand his forms in on time, string him up!" will be your battle cry.

Shame on you. Shame on me for looking for a fair go from a revenue raising archaic organisation like yourselves.

Yours insincerely,

Normal Human

Is this the greatest complaint letter ever?

2009-01-30T13:16:00.003+11:00

Oliver Beale wrote this to Virgin boss, my colleague the Reverend Sir Richard Branson. In it, he used lines like:

"You don't get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it's next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That's got to be the clue hasn't it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in..."

And:

"Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's more of that Baaji (sic) custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It's mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month."

I've gotta say, it's pretty good.

Here's the full thing here.

What do you think? I gave it 5 stars myself.

3

2008-12-19T11:02:00.002+11:00

Sent this off to 3 this morning:

Dear Sir/Madam,

Re: Phone number 0425 XXX XXX

I have a complaint. I presently have no service on my mobile phone for inbound calls and text messages. It has been this way for nearly two weeks. Possibly even three.

I have lost count of the number of calls that I have made regarding this matter to get it resolved, only to be met by the response that it’s because of “Network issues.”

I spoke to Nam this morning was at least a little helpful, asking me to try various different settings with my phone before giving up and referring me to one of your shops with a repair ID.

To re-iterate, I cannot receive phone calls. I’m sure that I don’t need to tell you how inconvenient this is.

Or maybe I do: It is as inconvenient as a festering pustule on my bottom. And just like that sore, it is threatening to burst forth, exploding volcanically on to everything in the near vicinity with glorious golden pus. And maybe some blood.

Please get this fixed immediately. I use my phone for work purposes, and as a consequence I have been nigh on unreachable. I will not be paying a bill for this month, and am pretty certain that I deserve a credit for the previous two months bills as well.

Please email me back if you have any queries, because you will not be able to get me on my mobile.

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

Grrr.

Catholic Health Australia

2008-09-24T01:39:00.003+10:00

Disgusted.

Disgusted some more.

Thought about it.

Still disgusted. And appalled.

Complained:

Dear sir/madam,

I write to you with more than just a small degree of disgust over the blackmail stunt that you pulled today. I wish to complain about this as it is clear that you are behaving with an infantile level of dignity, decency and decorum.

Your board member Bishop Joseph Oudeman's threat to close your obstetrics wards in your Victorian member hospitals if the abortion bill successfully proceeds through state parliament is a national disgrace. Possibly even an international one. I cannot believe that you, in good conscience, would even consider resorting to blackmail to try to get this law stopped.

I can't even comprehend how you would even find blackmail to be appropriate.

All the bill requires is for doctors with a conscientious objection to abortion to refer women to doctors who do not. And yet, this isn't good enough for you: You have to enforce your concept of "life" on to the rest of us. Whether we're religious, specifically Roman catholic christians, or not.

How could you possibly do this?

All over the state, there are women who are going to need to give birth. According to stats on The Age's website, your hospitals deliver one third of them. Are you going to deny them assistance in a hissy fit over the laws, if they even become that? Law, that is?

And I read that your CEO, Martin Laverty, has stated that you will not require your doctors to comply with the law on this. This is a disgrace, and is completely irresponsible.

I can only conclude that you have the mental capacity of an eight year old who is threatening to take the bat and ball and go home if by chance he is given out. Please confirm when Mr Laverty and your board will be resigning over this matter.

Should you carry out your threat, I wish to advise that my wife and will have no alternative but to use condoms and birth control pills.

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

Pwned.

The Australian Financial Review Part The Final

2008-09-15T09:25:00.002+10:00

This is Part 10.

Click here for previous parts:

9… 8... 7... 6... 5A... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

You pleased it’s all over?

Me too. Finally received this from Stuart from The Age this morning:

Thank you for your query regarding your subscription to The Financial Review. Your subscription has been extended by 8 weeks to compensate for the missed deliveries.

The contact number for any queries regarding subscriptions, deliveries or suspensions is 9604 1025 and is available 7 days from 6am. until 5pm Monday to Friday, 2.00p.m. Saturdays and 12 noon Sundays.

Regards,

[Insert The Age graphic here]

I feel kinda sad that it’s over. But I’ll probably have something new to complain about next week.

THE END.

The Australian Financial Review Part 9

2008-09-10T00:24:00.005+10:00

This is Part 9.

Click here for previous parts:

8... 7... 6... 5A... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

Right. Now you're all probably getting almightily sick of this whole saga, but there is now the small issue of compensation. I'm sure that we'll get to that eventually.

The reason I'm sure of that is because yesterday, I received this in the mail. Snail mail, that is.

Which means that I have to type the whole sodding thing in:

Dear Dikkii

CONSUMER COMPLAINT (CASE NUMBER: C2008/08/017995)

Thank you for your correspondence received on 25 August 2008 with regard to your complaint concerning The Australian Financial Review.

I write to confirm that your complaint has been received. A Consumer Affairs Victoria officer will contact you further to talk to you about how we may assist. This may take up to two weeks, or longer in some circumstances, as a large number of Victorians have sought our assistance. If you require an interpreter or have any special needs, please let the officer know when you are contacted.

Consumer Affairs Victoria assesses complaints in accordance with it's Conciliation and Compliance & Enforcement policies. Copies of these policies are available on our website at www.consumer.vic.gov.au .

To avoid any further delay in having your matter dealt with, please ensure that all relevant documents in support of your complaint have been forwarded to Consumer Affairs Victoria. We will not be able to progress your complaint until we receive all supporting documentation. Please quote the reference above when sending in any additional documentation.

Consumer Affairs Victoria provides an accessible, cost-effective, practical and fair dispute resolution service for consumers. Consumer Affairs Victoria staff members have extensive experience in negotiating dispute outcomes which might avoid the need for recourse to Courts or Tribunals. However, Consumer Affairs Victoria does not have a determinative role, nor can it compel parties to participate in any conciliation process or to accept any settlement proposals that may be under consideration. If Consumer Affairs Victoria is unable to reach a mutually agreed settlement, we can provide you with information and advice about alternative avenues which you may wish to pursue to resolve your dispute.

Should you have any queries please contact us on 1300 558 181 and quote the reference number above.

Yours sincerely

Daniella Schmidt
Assessment Officer

I guess that I should be greeting this with a cheer. Instead, I fired this off to the Fin:

To whom it may concern,

I would like to thank you - and my newsagent - for my copy of The Fin, which was delivered on Saturday. I hope that this has been fixed, and look forward to my next copy.

With regards to my complaint below, there is still the matter of the previously undelivered eight weeks. Is it possible for someone to contact me to discuss some kind of arrangement?

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

And you know, even though the resulting credit that I hope to get to my account will not be as great as the $75 this blog obtained from Harvey Norman, I hope to get some satisfaction out of this. I'm not letting go just yet.

The Australian Financial Review Part 8

2008-09-07T00:47:00.003+10:00

This is Part 8.

Click here for previous parts:

7... 6... 5A... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

My copy of The Fin was delivered this morning. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Should I retract my complaint to Consumer Affairs just yet? Unsure. Certainly, I think that I'd like to know how the last eight weeks are going to be compensated for.

The Australian Financial Review Part 7

2008-09-02T23:52:00.003+10:00

This is Part 7.

Click here for previous parts:

6... 5A... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

Previously, on Double The Fist...

OK. Not that exciting, but I'll keep you up to date anyway.

Sonny from The Age rang me yesterday to see where I was at with this one. After I informed him that I hadn't, in fact, received my copy of the Fin on Saturday, this is what he said:

"I think that it would be best if I filed an official complaint for you."

I nearly shat.

"Sonny," I pointed out, "I've already done that. Twice."

"OK. But if I do it, I'll be able to get the right people to speak to you."

I asked the question.

"Sonny, are you aware that I've already referred this to Consumer Affairs?"

A pause.

"No."

"You have received a forwarded copy of the email thread containing my initial complaints?"

"I might... um that is to say... there is..."

"Look. All I want is my Financial Review delivered on Saturday. Can you fix it?"

Sonny assured me that he would. Not before also assuring me that other people would be calling me. Yawn.

The time for talking is through. I want my newspaper.

The Australian Financial Review Part 6

2008-08-30T13:51:00.007+10:00

This is Part 6.

Part 5 is here. (Part 5A is here.) Part 4 is here.
Part 3 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 1 is here.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!! You bastards!!!

Just stop for a moment and listen. Do you hear that? Yes, that's right. That's the sound of my Australian Financial Review weekend edition not being delivered, once more.

I can hardly wait until Consumer Affairs catch up with this lot. But just to underline the situation, I sent this off:

Dear sir/madam,

Even though I expect to hear from Sonny on Monday regarding this matter, I thought that I would let you know that this morning, just like for the preceding seven weeks, I did not get the Saturday edition of the Financial Review delivered to me.

I look forward to hearing from him on Monday.

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

I'm getting extremely sick of this. Just to ensure that I get a response, I also sent this to the Fin's help desk.

The Australian Financial Review Part 5A

2008-08-28T23:49:00.003+10:00

This is Part 5A

Part 5 is here.
Part 4 is here.
Part 3 is here.
Part 2 is here.
Part 1 is here.

While I'm not yet in a position to post a Part 6 yet, it is interesting to note that Fairfax Media, publishers of the Australian Financial Review, The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald, has announced that it will cut 550 jobs.

First to get his marching orders was the editor of The Age, Andrew Jaspan.

Journalists have responded today by going on strike until Monday.

This blogger is, while disgusted, not going to let these issues at Fairfax sidetrack him from more important issues. Like the one about whether or not I actually get my copy of the Fin delivered on Saturday morning.

The Australian Financial Review Part 5

2008-08-25T23:24:00.004+10:00

This is Part 5.

Part 4 is here.
Part 3 is here.
Part 2 is here.
Part 1 is here.

Goodness! I really don't know what it is that makes some companies move when you invoke the magic words that is the name of a complaints resolution scheme.

Banks move like greased lightning when you say "Banking Ombudsman".

Telcos will say "Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir," when you say "Telecommunications Ombudsman".

And so too, in this instance, just by saying "Consumer Affairs", I've seen Fairfax go completely berzerk in responding to each and every single email I've sent since.

Take this: I only sent my last email off last night. This afternoon, I got this back:

Dear Dikkii,

Thank you for your e-mail.

I have just found your account, and we have been having trouble finding you because you have accidently [sic] been emailing the Sydney office.

Anyway - I have contacted your newsagent and spoken to them about the missing deliveries and hopefully this problem will be resolved.

I have also contacted the Melbourne office, and spoken to a fellow called Sonny. He will call you on Monday next week to ensure that you received your paper on Saturday.

The number for the Age is 03 9604 1468 should have any further queries.

Kind Regards,

Jenny Cuthbert
Customer Service Team,
subscribe@fairfax.com.au or contact us on 1800 252 525 or 13 66 66

Let's just put this in some perspective for a moment. Under "Contact Us" on the website for the Australian Financial Review, it clearly states the following:

Subscriptions
AFR newspaper subscriptions
Telephone: 1800 646 990
International: +61 2 9282 3800
Email: subscribe@fairfax.com.au
Web: http://www.afr.com/home/subscribe/

Which, if my eyesight is not failing me, is exactly where I sent my initial request.

Let's look at Jenny's response.

Fairfax owns three of Australia's biggest daily newspapers - the Fin, The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald (SMH). Whilst I'm aware that newspapers that are owned by the same owner like to remain independent from each other, it's clear from this email that the subscriber databases for the Fin, the Age and the SMH are separate operations.

This is a joke and I'm kinda glad that I'm not a shareholder. I may not be an efficiency expert, but even Blind Freddy will tell you that this is a costly exercise.

Secondly, if Fairfax haven't got the good grace to let their SMH staff know that they're also responding to queries about the Fin, then they have problems.

Lastly, as discussed ad nauseum, it's not my Age subscription that is the problem: It's my subscription to the Fin.

I wrote this in response:

Hi Jenny,

Thank you for your email. I am glad to hear that this is being rectified.

I wish to correct you on two things, however: I have NOT been "accidently [sic]... emailing the Sydney office". The Fin's website clearly states that issues relating to subscriptions and subscriber queries should be emailed to " subscribe@fairfaxmedia.com.au ". If you want emails to go to the correct address, please amend your website.

Secondly, my subscription to The Age is perfectly alright. It is the Fin that I'm not getting.

I look forward to Sonny's call on Monday.

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

Unfortunately, I then realised, after I had already sent my email to them that I'd cut and pasted the wrong email address into my email, so I had to add this correction:

Hi Jenny,

I'd like to correct my previous email.

At the website - http://www.afr.com/home/contact.aspx , the email address given is subscribe@fairfax.com.au , not the one I put down in my previous email. You and Alison emailed me from subscribe@fairfaxmedia.com.au .

The email address that I quoted above ( subscribe@fairfax.com.au ) is the one that my initial and second complaints were sent to.

Please ensure that Sonny leaves a message if he is unable to contact me on Monday. I can be hard to reach on every second Monday.

Yours sincerely,

Dikkii.

Let's see if that's the end of this - I'm not rescinding my complaint to Consumer Affairs just yet.