Ice Cream Chronicles

An Interpretive Reading Of Your Facebook Status Updates: Part 3

2013-05-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

Still Life. III

2013-05-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: A Winner Is Ego

2013-05-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

Ego would never wear a shirt like this.

Placing an order for our latest Monthly Feature! T-shirt! is the easy part. Because as long as our shirt is directly in front of you – and you can still read the message the way it’s meant to be read – no one can argue the fact that a winner is obviously you. It’s right there…on the shirt.

But putting it on is a different story. That requires significant poise and unshakable confidence. Because the moment you pull it over your head and push your arms through its sleeve holes – we’re sorry to inform you – a winner is now the next lucky person to read your shirt.

Which is why Ego would never wear it.

Not because he doesn’t understand the relative nature of winning. Rather, he would prefer to buy everyone else a shirt to wear, because he does understand. And if that’s something you’re interested in, we’re ok with that too.

GET 'EM HERE!

HnH5s: It'd be funnier if you knew Sean...

2013-03-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

Hugs 'n High Fives

The very first Hugs 'n High Fives comic strip.

Melting Planets at The Ice Cream Bar

2013-03-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

Melted Planet Paintings - Series II

It's finally here; the first glimpse at the planets we've been profiling for several months - in all of their colorfully melted splendor...

See if you can identify which ones are which...

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: Insignificons

2013-03-08T15:06:00.002-08:00

What a man does for pay is of little significance. What he is, as a sensitive instrument responsive to the world's beauty, is everything!

- H.P. Lovecraft

Sometimes, our ideas are really just the result of coming to the same conclusions as those who came before us – especially those whose experiences were surprisingly similar to our own.

This month’s Monthly Feature! T-shirt design is called Insignificons; and what it represents, is only as important as you want it to be.

GET 'EM HERE!

2013 Spreegle Coney Action Kit - Now Available!

2013-02-25T12:44:00.000-08:00

If you haven’t noticed, we’ve been working hard – for quite some time – to provoke reactions that stimulate the thoughts of anyone who will listen. It hasn’t been easy – breaking through the nostalgia and the expectations – but it’s been worth it. We’ve found that delivering vague generalities has a surprising affect on the strength of conviction in others. But we want more people to know why they do what they do; we think it’s time to amplify our ambiguity.

We put together our 2013 Spreegle Coney Action Kit so that you could do just that – help us, help your self. Pick up one of our action kits – for you, or for someone just as special, to display proudly – and show us that you support the quest for cool...

Each 2013 Spreegle Coney Action Kit includes these amazing items:

1 – Help Your Self Wristband
4 – Laws of Cool Stickers
2 – QFC Loyalty Pins
1 – Very wise Postcard

GET 'EM HERE!

Planet Profile: Ottonamus

2013-02-22T10:31:00.000-08:00

In a universe that is both large and small, the planets in our solar system are closer to the latter. Over the next several months, we will reveal some of the planets that exist in a larger universe we think you should try to understand. But we want to help you avoid the expectations created by your pesky imagination. So, before we give you a glimpse of these planetary anomalies, we thought you should see their profile details first…

Despite this entire planet’s attempt to convince the universe otherwise - the Agents that live there (along with the six members that serve on their prestigious Council) really aren’t that different from everyone else. Preferring to ignore the indeterminate nature of their universe; they work harder than they should for what they get; spreading their influence where others let them; treating time as if it were infinite.

In a universe with increasing transparency; context disappears; and in the end - our imaginations will be used to determine our future.

This is Ottonamus – deservedly depicted out of context…

Planet Profile:

Ottonamus

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 1
Approx. Age - 28,000
Number Of Moons - 0
Number Of Rings - 0
Atmosphere - Lofty
Ingredient - Primary Synthetic
Flavor - Radical
Focus - Composer
Weakness - Information
Power Structure - Comprehensive
Agent - The Stomata Council
Discipline - Autoregulation
Extinction Risk Level - Red

Help Your Self Wristbands - Now Available!

2013-02-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

As much as we would love for you to wear our t-shirts every day of the week, we know it's just not something normal people do. And there is nothing we want more than for you to be considered normal.

But pretending to be normal doesn't mean we have to abandon what we know to be true. Sometimes we need a little reminder to let us know that we're not normal. Our new Help Your Self wristbands can do that for you…and more - all at a reasonable price. No shipping, handling, or tax to pay; only $5. Order online and we'll have one on your wrist in about the amount of time it takes the Post Office to get it to you.

GET 'EM HERE!

Planet Profile: Oocron

2013-02-21T10:45:00.001-08:00

If you want to blame anyone – for everything – you should probably point your finger at the senile inhabitants of the pinkish, pint-sized planet of Oocron. Just don’t get too hung up on which direction to point; very few know the exact location of the ice cream-fueled walnut this self-indulgent species calls home - and only a handful know where to start looking.

Ego is from this planet; and - because we know what he’s capable of – we recommend you start by getting to know him. From there, simply follow the trail of drips - left behind by the long Oocronian history, full of good intentions - that melted along the way.

Planet Profile:

Oocron

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 9
Approx. Age - 1,500,000,000,000
Number Of Moons - 0
Number Of Rings - 0
Atmosphere - Sheltered
Ingredient - None
Flavor - Pink
Focus - Live
Weakness - Willpower
Power Structure - Meritocratic
Agent - Harvey Ingot
Discipline - Gelatinization
Extinction Risk Level - Orange

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: The Original QFC Glo-go

2013-02-15T12:23:00.002-08:00

It's a busy time over here at QFC; so busy, that the month of February almost passed without the release of a Monthly Feature! T-shirt…Almost. With only two weeks left in the month, we wanted to give our fans something that really stood out - something twice as bright. Our latest design is an image of our original logo, and is so bright it actually glows in the dark. We call this glowing logo a glo-go; and we call this month’s Monthly Feature! T-shirt The Original QFC Glo-go.

GET 'EM HERE!

Planet Profile: Muskth

2013-02-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

It's no coincidence that vanilla is the most common flavor in the known universe - and also the word used to describe something with absolutely no flavor at all. Because, that pretty much describes Agent Oxyl VonElafen - the man vanilla happens to be named after. He's not proud to be the source of such a confusing expression; he also isn't shy about excusing himself from a conversation it was used in. When you're as close to the source as VonElafen - and the entire planet of Muskth for that matter - it can be difficult to see the details. Because sometimes, too much of something makes it appear to be nothing at all...

Planet Profile:

Muskth

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 8
Approx. Age - 10,000,000,000
Number Of Moons - 5
Number Of Rings - 0; but Fingers -- they have more than they can count
Atmosphere - Nostalgic
Ingredient - Notes (Fragrance)
Flavor - Flavorful
Focus - Transmission
Weakness - Pathological
Power Structure - Emotional
Agent - Oxyl VonElafen
Discipline - Exposure
Extinction Risk Level - White

Law Of Cool v3.0 T-shirts - Now Available!

2013-02-08T08:56:00.001-08:00

If you're like most people, you probably don't like being told what to do. So you can see why we waited this long to create a shirt with more than one of our Laws Of Cool printed on it. If you own one of these shirts - and were brave enough to wear it outside of your house - you know exactly what we're talking about.

Our Laws Of Cool 3.0 merchandise will be the first time we serve up all four Laws Of Cool in one generous scoop – on a single shirt. Flavored with more ambiguous demands than most people can handle; these shirts are for those who savor the disapproving glances and bewildered looks that are to be expected when exposed to such undeniable taste…

So hurry up and get one already...

GET 'EM HERE!

Planet Profile: Brool-39

2013-01-23T10:50:00.000-08:00

The whole point of having a defense mechanism in the first place, is to avoid feelings of anxiety during moments of vulnerability. But when the performance of your defense mechanism relies on a hyperactive species with attention spans the size of a spleen; it's a wonder how anyone sleeps at all…

These are the Broolians…

Planet Profile:

Brool-39

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 5
Approx. Age - Unknown
Number Of Moons - 5
Number Of Rings - 3
Atmosphere - Invasive
Ingredient - Classified
Flavor - Potent
Focus - Suppression
Weakness - Expectant
Power Structure - Empirical
Agent - Donald Bittering
Discipline - Absurdity
Extinction Risk Level - Yellow

Progress T-shirt - Now Available...Again!

2013-01-21T13:57:00.000-08:00

Every day is a good day for progress; but we thought today in particular would be a good day to announce the re-release of one of our most popular t-shirt designs. Starting today, our Progress T-shirts will be available to purchase -- for the rest of 2013!

So pick up one of these shirts and let people know what progress looks like…

GET 'EM HERE!

Planet Profile: Ruta-C

2013-01-17T14:53:00.000-08:00

Knowing you play an integral role in the bigger picture is not necessarily a bad thing; but halfway through our Planet Profiles, we've come across an entire planet that sure makes it look like one. Between their cocky self-awareness and uncomfortably gruff idiosyncrasies, their only tolerable quality is the way smell. Because honestly, they smell amazing...

Here is Ruta-C…

Planet Profile:

Ruta-C

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 4
Approx. Age - 4,500,000,010
Number Of Moons - 13
Number Of Rings - 4-ish
Atmosphere - Aggressive
Ingredient - Vitamers
Flavor - Required
Focus - Fortification
Weakness - Stubborn
Power Structure - Rigid
Agent - Aaron Saul
Discipline - Regularity
Extinction Risk Level - Green

Planet (and Moon) Profile: Whaff & Fleed

2013-01-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

It's been longer than we would've liked between our Planet Profile entries; and we'd like to say that we're concerned about our tardiness - but we're not...not when it comes to these two. This planet and moon duo would just love for us to be concerned about them and their well-being. Then they could complain about how we're smothering them.

So, without any affection whatsoever, we give you the petty planet of Whaff…and its mutinous moon, Fleed.

Planet Profile:

Whaff

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 10
Approx. Age - 1,400,000
Number Of Moons - 1
Number Of Rings - 0
Atmosphere - Thick
Ingredient - Oxygen
Flavor - Starched
Focus - Remote Sensing (Passive)
Weakness - Heavily Reliant
Power Structure - Colonial
Agent - None Assigned
Discipline - Accountable
Extinction Risk Level - Insignificant

Moon Profile:

Fleed

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 10^-18
Approx. Age - 17.5
Number Of Moons - 0
Number Of Rings - 0
Atmosphere - Volatile
Ingredient - Ammonia
Flavor - Leavened
Focus - Remote Sensing (Active)
Weakness - Unreliable
Power Structure - Osmotic
Agent - None Assigned
Discipline - Ignore
Extinction Risk Level - Insignificant

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: The Neverending Ego

2013-01-10T10:50:00.000-08:00

For most people, it's January - the start of a new year. Time to begin the countdowns to the moments they anticipate in the months ahead.

For Ego, it's always January. At least it feels like it. Enduring the seconds that pass between the moments that other people anticipate takes its toll on him. If he were to begin to try to comprehend the concept of a month, he would have to lie down from mental exhaustion. And when Ego lies down, it's never gently.

Our latest Monthly Feature! illustrates an example of one of Ego's sleepy nosedives; and, while it looks painful…you shouldn't worry. He'll be fine. What we should worry about…is why he'd ever get back up.

GET 'EM HERE!

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: The Holiday Q

2012-12-11T09:40:00.000-08:00

The last month of 2012, marks our first full 12 months of Monthly Feature! T-shirt Designs; and we have no intention of slowing down…We've been working hard this year, so we think you should join us and just let it all go for a few weeks…Pick up our new Holiday Q T-shirt; put it on, kick back, and get festive with us…We always like to start with the eggnog…

GET 'EM HERE!

Ego & The Jedi Master

2012-12-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

It was recently brought to our attention that there is a strong resemblance to a certain green Jedi Master in one of our paintings…We assure you, this was completely unintentional; but we thought we should show you anyways…Further proof that you see what you want to see…

Click on the image to see what we found...

Planet Profile: Hal

2012-11-30T11:20:00.000-08:00

Hundreds of thousands of tiny islands speckle across it’s murky oceans. Without any large continental landmasses, there is no need for transportation on land. If you want to get anywhere on this planet, at some point you’ll have to go snailing.

This is Hal…

Planet Profile:

Hal

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 3
Approx. Age - 4,000,000,000
Number Of Moons - 1
Number Of Rings - 0
Atmosphere - Unstable
Ingredient - Salt
Flavor - Enhanced
Focus - Preservation
Weakness - Impressionable
Power Structure - Affected
Agent - Leonard Spreegle
Discipline - Isolation
Extinction Risk Level - Orange

Planet Profile: Leh-V

2012-11-21T10:36:00.001-08:00

To go on a quest is to go in search for something. If you were to happen upon that something before you ever began your search for it, the value found in the point of that something could potentially diminish. Even worse, you might have one of those overly confident imaginations where nothing you happen upon could ever live up to your expectations. And then there’s always the chance you may not notice it at all.

Planet Profile:

Leh-V

Planetary Rank Of Importance - 2
Approx. Age - 2,000,000
Number Of Moons - 0
Number Of Rings - 2
Atmosphere - Business Professional
Ingredient - Any needed in the Root Cellar
Flavor - Serious
Focus - Ingredient Gopher
Weakness - Highly Synthetical
Power Structure - Counseled
Agent - None Assigned
Discipline - None Effective
Extinction Risk Level - White

Sneezes

2012-11-09T13:54:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, the sounds of certain words creep up on me like sneezes.

My nose twitches from the tickle of words like “impact” or “buttons”…or "sneezes".

Sometimes, I fight back. Flex my nostrils and breathe in deep. Pretend like they go away when I don’t think about them…

Sometimes, I try to dodge the strands of dander that flow through the air currents on an unpredictable course towards the vulnerable nerves that line my nasal passage…

And sometimes...I sneeze....

It’s not the sneezing I mind, though. I can handle the violent explosion of involuntary muscle reactions that make up a sneeze.

It’s just that sometimes… SOMEtimes…… SOMETIMES……..

…nothing happens.

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: The Walnut

2012-11-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

Here's how it works…All nuts are also seeds. Whether the nut is a good seed or a bad seed, depends on its intentions. Like everyone else, a nut's intentions are always good - they just might not care about you specifically…

It's a Walnut. It's November. It's another Monthly Feature.

To celebrate our right to choose, we've made The Walnut T-shirt available in two colors...Orange and Pistachio...

GET 'EM HERE!

The Art of Plain Talk

2012-10-26T10:11:00.001-07:00

I consider art to be anything people do that could be done better, with more practice. I found out only recently that this is not a profound notion after all. It felt profound when I wrote it but, after a quick toggle over to my laptop's built-in dictionary, a search for the word "art" negated any profoundness I assumed to possess.

I found a description that shared my enlightened perspective only four definitions down.

Here is what I found:

Art |ärt| -
4 - a skill at doing a specified thing, typically one acquired through practice.

Here is what I pictured:

Samuel Johnson

There was only one difference I found between their definition and mine.

I liked mine better.

I prefer my definition because I included people.

At least, I tried to.

I did this because I think people want to know about other people. I know that their preferred method for thinking about other people is in the most straightforward way possible. I know that being straightforward means hearing things plainly.

Yet, for some reason, you still find me to be confusing. Even though I might sound like I talk to you plainly.

This is only because you feel as though you understand WHAT I am saying; you're just not exactly sure WHY I say it.

And of course, you absolutely MUST know WHY.

That is why I paint.

Ice Cream Chronicles

An Interpretive Reading Of Your Facebook Status Updates: Part 3

Still Life. III

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: A Winner Is Ego

HnH5s: It'd be funnier if you knew Sean...

Hugs 'n High Fives

Melting Planets at The Ice Cream Bar

Melted Planet Paintings - Series II

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: Insignificons

What a man does for pay is of little significance. What he is, as a sensitive instrument responsive to the world's beauty, is everything! - H.P. Lovecraft

2013 Spreegle Coney Action Kit - Now Available!

Planet Profile: Ottonamus

Help Your Self Wristbands - Now Available!

Planet Profile: Oocron

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: The Original QFC Glo-go

Planet Profile: Muskth

Law Of Cool v3.0 T-shirts - Now Available!

Planet Profile: Brool-39

Progress T-shirt - Now Available...Again!

Planet Profile: Ruta-C

Planet (and Moon) Profile: Whaff & Fleed

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: The Neverending Ego

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: The Holiday Q

Ego & The Jedi Master

Planet Profile: Hal

Planet Profile: Leh-V

Sneezes

Monthly Feature! T-shirt: The Walnut

The Art of Plain Talk

What a man does for pay is of little significance. What he is, as a sensitive instrument responsive to the world's beauty, is everything!

- H.P. Lovecraft