the ranch of love

Let us introduce Vincent, the Tall Jacket Professor

2014-12-12T04:05:00.000-08:00

Hello there, and welcome back.

If Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking and the Hoff would have a baby (trust me, they'd figure it out) Vincent would be it. One might wonder, "What the hell is David Hasselhof doing in this equation?". Let us explain.

Vincent Fraenkel, aka'ed the Tall Jacket Professor his intelligence is outranked by only one thing: his sex-appeal. A mere look at his breathtaking features will explain this far better than I can ever surmise so without further ado:

Yes, yes, ladies and gentlemen, I already hear you think: "Sweet Lord almighty, however are we to survive the next performance of this already incredible sexy formation of Young Urban Gentlemen when such a formidable specimen of sheer Lust has been added!", but rest assured, there shall be Cleanex.

To offer in advance, some consolidation, the current members of Coco Bongo and the Bonfire Ranch of Love also have had a very hard time during band-rehearsals, keeping their eyes on their instruments because the sheer magnitude of this snappy looking young fellow his sex-appeal is just flat out outrageous.

"However did you find such a fine looking Guru of Lovemaking?", your next query may be. Let us rewind the clock a tick.

Every so often, the members of Coco Bongo organize team-building expeditions to strengthen their sex-appeal and get really really drunk. The last time, we stumbled upon a flyer that was attached to a foul looking window in a moist alley filled with bins full of condoms and because of the subject, immediately triggered our arousal. We took a picture of the flyer for better narrative purposes:

For English readers, the flyer reads: "Spermotologist Vriendje Kortwijk, A long hot wet lecture about the joy of penetration without proper preparation".

Needless to say, we stumbled in, seeing as it was exactly the 15th of December and the moist looking alley was in fact the Prinsengracht in Amsterdam. After a six hour long, extremely sweaty and informative talk with a lot of hands on examples and demonstrations about the joy of penetration without proper preparation, we were sold and bound to the faith of this young, sexy intelligent creature of God and immediately asked him to play some random instrument in our band. When he told us he can't play an instrument, we joyfully leaped in the air, because neither can we.

His first appearance shall be on saturday the 20th of December. So be sure to bring a friend, who can catch you when you faint. Because, trust me, you will.

[BREAKING NEWS] Blood in blood out

2014-11-18T04:54:00.001-08:00

Hi,

To many of you it is probably not very well known that Coco Bongo is actually not a band but a Jenaplan Prison-Island. The members of the band are as of such, not band-members at all, but much rather prisoners in the mind-prison of the holy institute of Boom Shaka Laka.

Every fifteen-thousand one hundred and one crescent moon, a magical orb falls down to Earth, and lands on the courtyards of the Jenaplan Prison-Island. The prisoners are then introduced to a series of games, to win the contents of this orb. This game is called: the Jenaplan Prison-Island Games.

Every prisoner-member is to compete in a series of mind-boggling and body-wrecking adventures and to forfeit means certain death. In a "last man standing" contest the two last standing oponents will have to solve a series of puzzling puzzles to break the code of the magical orb. This part of the game is usually where the mothers of the prisoners are allowed to fly in paper airplanes containing hints and candy, to strenghten their beloved sons in the wretched Games of Jenaplan Prison-Island.

When the code is cracked, the magical orb magically opens up (there are no electrical cables attached to the orb, and no CGI is used whatsover) and spits out two very sharp, shiny and dangerously looking dinner-forks to each side of the courtyard. The two last standing contenders then run to their forks and are to take down their oponent in a game of accurately pinning down 3 peas on one fork. Whoever pins the peas down first, wins the Jenaplan Prison-Island Games.

Last week, the event came to a staggering halt when Jew Cocker (who is always very, very, very keen on winning whatever type of game) threw his fork backwards, blindfolded and sleeping, with an amazing speed through the air and not only pinned 5 peas, but also pinned his oponents fork, and pinned 5 peas with that one too. A universal High-Score was set.

The prize for this amazing achievement was not only his ticket off the island, but also to compete in the universally held roast-beef sitting contest, held at the Makadocentrum Schagen. Since it takes a very long time for a roast-beef to hatch, the Jenaplan Prison-Island is now one member short (and not a short one).

Good luck at Roast-Beef Con 2014-2175 Jew Cocker, and thanks for everything. Here's to a job well done!

Coco Bongo Random

2012-06-06T01:38:00.001-07:00

Some pics from recent gigs.

Coco Bongo - I wonder @ Bevrijdingsfestival Amsterdam - 5-05-2012

2012-05-09T01:49:00.002-07:00

Le Coco's were welcomed to play at the freedom festival in Amsterdam last week. Here's some footage from that show. Take notice of the awesome moves of the cute little fella.

Thanks to Marlies van Arkel for filming!

Rumours

2012-04-20T02:13:00.001-07:00

Yes the rumours are true, Coco Bongo is about to record a:

New Album !!!

We have decided to record it in India so the giggs will be on the low for a while this fall & winter. When we do have giggs in Holland, just to escape from the digestive problems, we will keep you posted. We will also keep you posted with some lovely pics and clips from the recording sessions, just like all the other bands do, knowing you don't give a shit.

In the meanwhile, enjoy some more rumours:

Some songs to soothe the soul

2012-04-20T01:26:00.000-07:00

As we are occupied with the preparations of recording the album, our DJ Eindbaas has given you something to kill the pain. A vast selection of smooth, new, fresh and very fine songs from his record collection molded into a mix by the just hand of his righteous.. fuck this, here ya go:

Zon.. by Thomas Vos on Mixcloud

Big Up for Eindbaas and his battleshipcheesebreadcock