The childcare system here works in such a way that in most HDB hubs, there are infant and childcare centres whereby working mothers can send their children in for affordable and quality care whose operation and set-up is monitored by the government through strict regulations and such. Singaporean working mothers enjoy a subsidy of $700 whereas PRs pay the full price of around $1000 to $1200 depending on the childcare center. Foreigners on the other hand pay double of the full amount, which is a whooping $2000 or more. Most end up hiring foreign maids or finding babysitters who charge around $650 to $700 for their services (with pros and cons, naturally).

At first glance, it seems quite unfair if you’re a foreign worker as you are not entitled for any CPF contribution yet find yourself paying the same amount of income tax as a citizen or PR (a foreign worker’s tax, it would appear, goes to benefiting locals more).

Not only that but medical bills are different as well. Singaporeans and PRs pay a whole lot less than foreigners who most of the time end up paying double the amount paid by PRs. When it comes to buying property, foreigners can forget about purchasing HDB apartments which are very affordable. They are off-limits and only reserved for those with citizenship or PR. Instead, foreigners find themselves renting (which benefits locals) (be prepared to fork out at least $1.4K to $1.8K for a whole HDB 2 or 3 room apartment) or paying crazy amounts for private properties – and by crazy, I mean amounts starting from $600K to over $1 million and we’re not talking about landed properties but merely condos. And I haven’t even gotten started on things like finances, term life insurance quotes and so forth.

Clearly, having children, getting sick, becoming a homeowner and so forth are luxuries few foreign workers can afford in this so-called land of opportunity. Why I say so-called is that having said all those things, the average pay of a non-expat here is hardly anything to shout about. It is what it is – average. In many instances, accounts from friends who have been here are mostly the same; companies here want the best but they not necessarily will pay for your talents…even multinationals. It was almost as if I was being reminded that Singapore is no better than Malaysia.

Yet, in a way, I can understand why the system is such – after all, if there weren’t any benefits, who would want to be a citizen or PR? If the tables were turned and it was Malaysia who gave its citizens such benefits, would we sing a different tune?

I would say that if you’re a singleton with few commitments, then Singapore is a good place for you to establish a career, bulk up your finances and so forth. If you’re married with children, think twice before coming down here especially the pay. Factor in all the costs, possibilities and so forth – even the environment, culture and common communal perceptions. Don’t settle for anything less, even if it means “having a job is better than none” – we made that mistake and find ourselves now paying a pretty hefty price for it – something which I’m now constantly reminded of as I’m job-hunting.

Really, the grass is not always greener on the other side – or at least that’s the case for a foreigner in Singapore like myself (do exclude yourself if you’re on an expat pay or earning a nice cushy salary because you’re in a different league altogether).

I made this a few days back as I had some prawns stocked up in the fridge since the end of February and wanted to make room for new produce such as meats and fish. Having bought some squid that was on sale from the market, I decided to get some okra as well to make a yummy spicy seafood dish. It has been a while since we had some spicy dish – well, not curried per se but more of a tom yum or sour sauce spice.

I used a pre-made sauce (sorry, not pictures here) as it just make things a whole lot easier, especially these days when Eva is getting stickier due to her two front teeth popping out. Yes, you heard me – crazy barcode scanner assignments aside, I’m busy because my little one has two little pearlies coming out! She has been a gem so far by fussing for a night, then sleeping through the next day and only being sticky during the day. Even then, she’s sticky only in the afternoon. Going out in the mornings help calm her and get her to nap plus she enjoys it as well.

Anyway, back to the dish. With a pre-made sauce, this dish takes less than 30 minutes to cook. Prep time is around 10 minutes – shelling the prawns, cleaning the squid and slicing the okra. You can opt to replace the prawns and squid with fish and other forms of seafood but I like it best with these two items. What is a must is the quality of the seafood. They have to be fresh to impart that yummy salty sea flavour into a spicy sour sauce. Prawns have to be firm – flesh and especially the shell – whereas the squid surface (skin) has to be pinkish-red plus the flesh firm to the touch as well. There is no need to add salt or pepper as the sauce is already salty and spicy enough for the palate.

Excellent on a cold day, served with rice and some side servings of lightly blanched vegetables!

For the past one week, the temperature has been hitting 35°C and where I am, there is no sign of rain at all. The grass outside is of a brown to dark brown colour, looks awfully parched and well, the trees are no better. Some look just dead! We did get a itty bitty tiny shower on one day last week but that was like misting, hardly cooling – in fact, it had the opposite effect because as water droplets land on the hot ground, they turn into steam instantly creating a sauna-like effect! ARGH!

So to avoid the heat, we have been heading out in the mornings via public transportation – yay for airconditioned Singaporean buses! – and Eva would doze off in whatever I’m babywearing her with that day, and in the afternoons, we are holed up in her room where I have the aircon blowing a gentle breeze of 28°C and the fan circulating the cool air at the lowest speed. She takes her afternoon naps then – the longest (about two to three hours depending on the morning) – and later, has her playtime in there as well. We emerged every day like a bunch of heat-vampires at around 5-5:30pm where I’ll prepare dinner as she snacks on a rice cake in her highchair and later, we head out again. The park nearby gives us a good evening breeze so the walk then is excellent for the both of us.

The heat is still on at nights and only really cools down nearly midnight. Sometimes, I’m thankful for our fans (only Eva gets air-conditioning and even then, it’s only for the afternoon) although it still doesn’t stop me from looking at Minka Aire fans – why the heck did my landlord NOT install a ceiling fan? Definitely a must-note-item on the list should we have to find a new place.

But really, we NEED more rain!!!

…and she still looks nothing like me! GAH!

Still, I can’t deny that my life has changed and I love it despite the ups & downs. For the past seven months, I’ve been privy to how the human mind and body changes, how and what we can be capable of with a child – you can seen examples of men being reduced to nothing at the mere sign of a bubbly baby – and how your marriage can stand the test of so much more. I don’t have much to share compared to many couples out there with two or more children.

Mine is limited to Eva and so forth, she has been a lovely baby; of course she can be sticky and fussy at times but I can still get away with her in the exersaucer, looking for me occasionally while I’m just a few feet away working on a Mesothelioma treatment assignment. I count my blessings all the time and celebrate them in pictorial moments like these. Pictures of her sleeping, eating, smiling…only thing I haven’t taken a shot of is of her pooping!

Seven months on and while the shutter has slowed down (mainly because I’m more busy entertaining here than stepping in front of the camera), I sometimes wonder what goes on in that little mind of hers and if she knows…

…if she knows that she makes my heart melt all the time.

In response, Information, Communication and Culture Minister, Rais Yatim has cautioned that young people should think “a thousand times” before committing to such onions.

The minister cautioned that incidents of marriage breakups involving Caucasians (coloquially referred to as mat salleh) happened more frequently, as compared to thove involving other ethnics group.

…

When asked about the recent split between local celebrity and star of Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam, Maya Karin, 31 and her Italian husband, Steven David Shorthouse, 41, Rais said they had only been “in love” and were to blame for not considering their cultural differences.

According to the Malaysian Mirror, he went on further to say that “the reality is that those who want to go into mixed marriages have a lot of obstables [sic] to go through. Marriage failures are due to cultural and religious differences as well as the upbringing they go in their respective countries.”

“Most of the marriages are a result of ’short-term love affairs’ that survive for a brief period before each of the spouses go back to the cultural and religious beliefs they grew up with.”

Rais continues to caution about the legalities of such issues.

“It’s not that simple to get a Malaysian citizenship. In this sense, it is easier if it involves a foreign woman marrying a Malaysian man than otherwise.”

“This is because the status of citizenship, under Section 16 and 17 of the Federal Constitution, is based on the paternal consideration not maternal.”

“What more, if the couple has a child or children. The father is likely to ’snatch away’ the kids to England or Europe, for instance.”

“It is, perhaps, better for those involved in mixed marriages not to have children.”

…

The full article is available here.

Rais Yatim is right to a degree. Mixed marriages are a lot of work, especially more so if it is between an European/Westerner and an Asian – not only are they different ethnically, but the environment they grew up in are starkly different. By environment, we not only refer to the living conditions BUT the social and communal practices.

BUT it doesn’t mean that a mixed marriage is doom to fail the moment it begins. It just means that the effort you put into your marriage is different from those in non-mixed marriages.

Looking at the article, I resent the following implications:

• Marrying an angmoh means that my love is “short-term” and I’m only interested in a fling.
• Angmohs steal away children and are inconsiderate towards their partners or former partners.
• Malaysian women who want things easier should stick to marrying Malaysian men while our male peers can go ahead and marry foreign women.

Marriage is a serious thing and irrespective of who you are marrying, people do think long and hard about it – “a thousand times” were the words he used. Many go for premarital courses OR those who don’t, talk things through. It’s not the same as shopping or buying stuff like industrial products. Also, no one gets married with the intention of divorcing. That’s just being silly. Everyone whom I know who is married works doubly hard at making their marriage work, especially those whose parents are divorced – the last thing they want is for history to repeat itself.

As for “stealing children”, Malaysian men are capable of that – Chinese, Malay, Indian or otherwise – and they sure as hell can be inconsiderate towards their partners. I have lost count of the number of stories I have heard of spousal abuse, marital rape, unfair judgements at divorce trials, fathers skipping out on alimony and child support, and so forth. In fact, one of the reasons why some women marry angmohs is because they are more likely to garner equal status and treatment in a marriage then they would if they had married someone from their own race (NOTE that I said some and not all). Bad, inconsiderate men exist in all cultures, just as how good and God-fearing men exist in all cultures too. No need for white-washing here.

With regards to “easier” and “choice”, instead of telling women to stick to the status quo when there is something wrong with it, how about considering a change to the darn constitution? In one sentence, Rais Yatim confirmed what I have been trying to get across to many women out there – Malaysia is not female-friendly at all. By stating that our citizenship rights are only based on paternal consideration, we tell female citizens that they are not as important as men and that ultimately, it’s better to be a man. Shouldn’t a citizen be given equal rights and opportunities irrespective of sex? Apparently not in Malaysia.

I do believe that many Malaysian women out there who choose to date angmohs, let alone marry one, think long and hard about their decision. It is not as if you don’t face any “judgement” while you’re dating one. I’ve been thought of as a gold digger, a hooker and so forth, and this is by other Malaysians. Sad to say, we are a really judgemental and ignorant bunch. Unfortunately, the people in leadership positions like the Minister of Culture is the same – for all his title may say, he is certainly not very informed or ‘cultured’.

While part of me is excited about the prospects of going back to work, a HUGE part of me is, well, feeling quite torn and forlorn about the whole thing.

It’s a hard decision to make; in fact, I am very reluctant to do it but we have to because we need the extra cash and well, Eva is old enough, I figured. Still, I can’t help but wonder sometimes if this is a good idea – to leave her in the care of someone who doesn’t know her very well or could subscribe to different caring methods that I do. Then there are things to plan and worry about like how to continue breastfeeding her while putting her on solids that I’ve cooked and so forth.

It is at times like this that I really wish I was into lotteries and Totos, actually buy them, and then actually win them so that I could spend all my time watching my children grow up before my eyes instead of digesting them through someone else. I guess for some of us, you could say that once you are a SAHM, it’s hard to go back to work again.

We consume quite a lot of yoghurt and since Eva started solids, one of the first foods I wanted to introduce to her was yoghurt as Nil and I just simply loveeeee yoghurt to bits, not to mention he wants to be absolutely sure that she grows up exposed to a wide variety of both European and Asian foods/items. The only problem with us loving yoghurt is that it can really put a dent in our pockets. A one kilo tub of good quality creamy yoghurt can hit up to nearly $10 so I started exploring the option of making homemade yoghurt.

I came across the Easiyo Yogurt Maker and decided that it was good value for money as it was simple to use (just three steps), the gadget itself looked simple – nothing fancy like stainless steel drums and so forth – and have starters/cultures available as well. Phoon Huat here in Singapore sells these for $35 and the cultures for $6. I was lucky to have stumbled upon them while they were having a promotion – buy a yoghurt maker and get five culture packs of the same value for free. So I grabbed a pack of Natural, Custard, Mango and two packs of Skimmers (low fat) cultures. All the culture packs include milk solids and live cultures already so all you need to do is just add water. Best part is that each pack makes 1 kg of yoghurt.

The instructions are easy – wash and dry the yoghurt maker (where you’ll be culturing your yoghurt) before use and wipe the yoghurt jar with a damp cloth. In the yoghurt maker, pour in the cultures and add in about 500ml of cool water (refrigerated water is good) before stirring rapidly and well (if you want creamier yoghurt). Once the cultures have dissolved, fill it up to the 1 liter mark and close the maker. Fill the jar with boiling water until the indication point (there is a mechanism inside) and place the maker inside before closing the jar. Put aside for at least 10-12 hours – you can leave it to culture for up to 24 hours and the result will be firm but tangy yoghurt. The shorter it has been culturing, the less firmer and less tangy the yoghurt will be. I like my yoghurt creamy and slightly firm as well as tangy so I let it sit for 12 hours.

After this, you can remove the maker and refrigerate the yoghurt maker but what I did was stir up the yoghurt before refrigeration to help mix the whey (liquid from the culturing process which is high in Vit B and so forth) and yoghurt. The result is as seen in the pic below – slightly liquidy and not quite set. I left the mix to set in the fridge overnight and the result was firm but creamy and yummy yoghurt.

At first, Nil was a bit sceptical about using culture packs but when he tasted the yoghurt after culturing and then again after setting, he was sold on it! His verdict? Yummy! Best part of all is that you don’t need culture packs to make yoghurt. All you need is milk and more yoghurt which I’ll tell one of these days as what yoghurt you use (as a starter) has an impact on the taste as well as the type of milk you use.

Oh, did I mention that Eva loves it as well?

Prawns are wonderful. Never mind that they are bottom feeders and people think they are filled with tons of junk. Nil and I simply love prawns – doesn’t matter if they come to us boiled with a slice of lemon or stir fried or in curries. Prawns are yummy!

BUT getting to the flesh can be tedious if you hate peeling prawns to bits. Then there is the preparation – if you want to eat the flesh without having to peel it, you need to shell it before you cook it. They leave a stench on your fingers and anything that comes into contact with it, including my stroller basket. (I wouldn’t and cannot imagine parents with preppy strollers like this Bob stroller putting in prawns in their stroller basket so it must be just me/Nil!). My Swiss-Italian housemate used to think that I was nuts shelling my own prawns back in Australia when you can buy them shelled. They cost more and I was a stingy poker back then when it came to food. Besides, you can do more with unshelled prawns – pan fries, boiled, grilled and so forth instead of the regular add-in-veg or fried rice with shelled ones!

It takes a certain kind of skill to pick out fresh prawns from not-so-fresh ones – I’m still working on it although I got most of it down to pat, I think. Choose prawns with a firm texture, hard shell and not slippery. Sometimes I’m too busy thinking about other stuff to buy and get one or two which aren’t fresh but no biggie. Often, they are still edible; they just don’t taste as good as fresh ones – not-so-fresh prawns when cooked are often mushy, and their flesh sort of splits or falls apart easily.

When storing prawns, the old school style has always been to fill a container with some water and sugar, toss the prawns in immediately upon returning home and freeze it. For shelled prawns, sprinkle some sugar over and freeze. Sugar is used to maintain the firmness and enhance the sweetness in the flesh. Both methods have worked well in my favour; I find it great when prices are low and I want to stock up on prawns.

When cooking prawns, look out for the characteristic pink colour throughout the prawn. It should be even – this means even the tail and head has to be pink. Half-cooked prawns can result in you having a rendezvous with the toilet – not recommended at all. Having said that, don’t overcook your prawns – they will end up dry and tough. You want something juicy yet fully cooked.

How to cook whole prawns? Well, there are many ways – with butter, garlic, cereals, on the grill with/without marinate, boiled, curries and flavoured sauces, and Nil’s favourite style – with plenty of tamarind pulp. Note that with this dish, the more “burnt” the prawn is, the better the flavour so don’t worry about having to watch out for your prawn and use plenty of high heat. A non-stick pan will work best in this instance.

Pan fried tamarind prawns

Ingredients

500 gms medium to large prawns
100 gms of tamarind pulp – more if you like it stronger
Light soy sauce
Some water

Method

1. Remove the sharp bits on the prawns head and tail as well as the whiskers and rinse before marinating the prawns with the tamarind pulp and soy sauce.
2. Leave to sit in the fridge for at least one hour or more if you want a stronger flavour.
3. When ready, put a non-stick pan on medium-high heat and wait till the pan is smoking hot before placing the prawns in on one side. Flip over when the flesh is pink and the shell is slightly charred. Remove when both sides are fully cooked and slightly charred. Repeat until all the prawns are cooked.
4. When the last batch of prawns are ready but still in the pan, pour the marinate into the pan (still on medium-high heat) with the previously cooked prawns.
5. Add in about 50ml of water and stir until the sauce thickens or is nearly dry, leaving a coat on each prawn. If you like more sauce, then you don’t have to reduce a lot of the sauce. If you don’t like the sauce, then cook it for longer.
6. When ready, dish and serve warm with some rice or other dishes or eat on its own.

On lazy days or days when I just have no idea what to cook, I dig out various cuts of chicken and prepare them with just soy sauce and some garlic. My favourites have always been to use the following cuts either mixed in or separately: chicken feet (YUM!), drumnets or wings. Nil doesn’t really fancy the feet so I do those mostly for lunch plus that part is pretty cheap. I often get about 20 or so feet for around SGD2 or less. The outcome is still very yummy!

In fact, you can use just about any cut of meat or type with this dish. Some people make it with pork belly; others with pork ears (YUM as well!) and so forth. I love it with huge amounts of garlic but discovered of lately that the key in the sauce is the quality of the soy sauce used. I tried to cook this dish with a soy sauce that had less salt (and indirectly less flavour) and found it wanting in so many ways.

For the taste, it should be sweet yet tinged with meat flavours; savoury would be the key word we’re looking for. The sauce is fab on its own or with some soft white rice and even noodles or pasta! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go lick my fingers and try not to get any sauce while I’m working on some exposed acne treatment systems.

Dark soy sauce chicken

Ingredients

Some chicken pieces
Dark soy sauce
Light soy sauce
Garlic
Water
Sugar

Method

1. Fill the wok with about 250ml of water or more, depending on the amount of chicken you’re using – just ensure that you cover at least 3/4 of the pile of meat.
2. Once the water boils, added in some cloves of garlic – how much depends on your tastebuds. Remember to wash them as you’d be using unpeeled garlic.
3. Allow the water to boil with the garlic for a few minutes before adding in your meat. Turn down the heat to simmer and cover.
4. Once the meat is cooked, add in a dash of light and dark soya sauce plus sugar. Don’t forget to taste the sauce – it should be savoury, not too salty or sweet.
5. Remove the wok, turn up the heat slightly so that it’s still simmering but not boiling and stir occasionally to get an even dark colour on the meat. Leave to cook until the sauce is reduced to a few tablespoons or more (how much, again, depends on you).
6. When ready, dish and serve warm with some rice/noodles/pasta or other dishes.

Kacang botol or more uncommonly known as winged bean (its English known counterpart here is “four angle bean”) is one of my favourite vegetable and is often used in stir fries with plenty of chilli but is more commonly used in Malay cuisine as an ulam or Malay salad where raw vegetables, chosen for their medicinal (and nutritional) properties, are eaten with sambal belacan. It is high in Vitamin A, C and several others, and is often cooked in the same way as other leafy greens. Great for when you’re on a diet – no need to resort to things like phentermine!

One of the more popular ways of cooking this is with sambal and prawns although I too like it with some garlic and dried prawns. The key to yummy sambal-based dishes is not to overdose with the salt, keep the “meat” (prawns, fish, etc) fresh and add in a pinch (or two) of sugar – at least that’s how I prefer my sambal dishes. And oh, not too much on the oil either.

Sambal kacang botol with prawns

Ingredients

A good amount of winged beans
200 gms of fresh prawns – shelled save the tail
Sambal belachan*
Salt, pepper and sugar to taste
Oil – for stir frying

Method

1. Wash the beans and slice them diagonally before putting them aside.
2. Heat up your wok to medium-high heat and add some oil before tossing in the sambal. Fry them until fragrant.
3. Add in the fresh prawns and stir fry until the prawns turn pink. Then toss in the vegetable and add in a few tablespoons of water if necessary. Cover the wok for about one minute
4. Remove the wok and stir fry. Season with salt, sugar and pepper to taste. You’ll know the vegetables are cooked when they are bright green. Dish and serve warm with some rice and other dishes.

* For the recipe for sambal belachan, please refer to this link.