This

What’s so different about him?

A slight genetic modification that has produced monstrous effects.

Just looking at him I feel the necessity to be armed, should the occasion arise that I run into this beast.

What’s his secret to abnormal muscle growth?

Working out? No. Steroids? No. Disabled myostatin gene? Check.

Now you’re asking yourself, “What is this myostatin and why does it have such unusual effects?” Myostatin is a regulation gene; in this case, it regulates muscle growth, causing it to cease after a certain point. This gene is not only present in cows, but also in other mammals, including humans.

What’s Stopping Humans from Utilizing Artificial Gene Disabling?

Belgian blues are bred to maintain their disabled gene and it’s obvious that if humans were able to genetically modify the myostatin gene that many males would be lined up for days just to receive the procedure.

So, what’s the holdup?

Although the Belgian Blue might be getting laid on a continuous basis, humans are not likely to benefit from this genetic shortcut anytime in the near future. First off, eugenics is a hot topic prone to controversy. Testing and research on humans is strictly prohibited.  And, even if humans could be guinea pigs, chances are, there would be many trials gone terribly wrong. To top it off, maintaining excessive muscle growth is extremely costly.

Large amounts of muscle means excess testosterone production and although testosterone might make you reek of manliness, you’d be better off without significant amounts. Although moderate amounts of testosterone are extremely valuable as it produces your sex drive as well as the genetic soldiers who ensure your future legacy, it’s also an incredibly destructive hormone within the body, eerily similar to cortisol, the “stress” hormone.

Testosterone in reasonable quantities = good

Testosterone in abnormally high quantities = kiss your ass goodbye sooner than expected

Why Women Love Your Testosterone

Beneficial on one hand and destructive on the other, there is one common theme surrounding testosterone—women love its effects, to an extent.

Ask a male what he loves about a woman and he’ll be pretty straight-forward: a nice curvy figure, plump (expletive), and a pretty face to match. If you’re an active reader of the blog, you’ll understand that attractiveness is mathematically measureable as well. Men’s ideal waist-to-hip ratio for women stands at a consistent .7 across the boards.

Women love testosterone’s effects because it signifies that you’re a baby-making machine (just kidding).  In reality, natural selection causes humans to utilize their senses to detect subtle clues in the opposite sex that might signify genetic health. Testosterone causes distinct alterations in male physical appearance. It plays a role in muscle development as mentioned previously, but it can also alter your bone structure, vocal chords, and even your aggressiveness.

The current theory with steam behind why high-testosterone is a beneficial attribute, revolves around the costliness of maintaining high quantities of testosterone. Since testosterone is destructive in high quantities, scientists believe that males able to withstand the excess “manliness” have stronger immune systems, something absolutely critical to survival—especially in our ancestors who were under more stringent evolutionary pressures. Natural selection over time selected people with any type of sensitivity to immune system cues (something also thought to be detectable through smells via the MHC).

With women’s continuously altering cycle—where only a few days are considered “fertile days”—there is even significant evidence that women are more attracted to males displaying high testosterone levels during her fertile days than throughout the rest of her cycle.

The only way to develop artificial muscle growth—a good, old-fashioned workout; however, don’t feel obligated to take it to extremes…unless of course you find women around you disappearing towards the middle of their cycle. 

But in truth, you’re lucky to be alive now, something most people almost certainly don’t appreciate fully – at least the majority of the time.

If you’re reading this, then chances are you’re in a fortunate situation in today’s world. You’re likely not living in an impoverished region that still lacks proper medical care, clean running water, and electricity. Even more-so, being alive at this point in time in history means you’re likely going to live longer due to advanced health care (although ironically, you’re probably going to live fatter); you’re going to have a greater access to knowledge than any single person a century ago; and you’re going to generally have freedom to perform an avalanche of jobs, depending on your preference. Dating-wise, in today’s secular society (at least as compared to societies of the past), you’ll also have more freedom on the date-and-mate game.

Choice Strain Stems from Evolution

The irony of being human is that we’re a jumbled circuitry of conflicting ideas. Blame evolution. When your consciousness evolved, which Daniel Kahneman – author of the excellent psychology book Thinking Fast and Slow – would have called “System 2,” it began to override your subconscious (System 1) in many circumstances, or at the very least, conflict with it through moderation. People feel like their system 2 is in control, when in reality, you’re subconscious system – the system that controls breathing, the majority of your moods, and what psychologist are coming to find out, much of your decision making – still controls the majority of your life.

Am I losing you in this consciousness mumbo-jumbo yet? The point to express in the consciousness discussion is that subconsciousness is the powerhouse in our brains, the main decision-maker (although our consciousness often takes credit for it, something eloquently written about in David Eagleman’s book Incognito). Subconsciousness also lives and expresses itself in heuristics – it’s what causes you to cast immediate judgment on people, make snap decisions, and gives you an overall feeling of whether you like someone or not. It also doesn’t deal well with large numbers. Now, that’s not to say that heuristics don’t have their place, we’d never have the energy storage to fund a system that didn’t use an energy-efficient subconscious.

Marketers long ago realized this conundrum: give someone a couple of choices and they’re far happier than if they have no choices, which would otherwise limit the choice to one product. Common logic (System 2) dictates that naturally, the more choices you give, the happier the customer will be.  However, something very odd happens here. Instead of buyers swarming due to the increase in variety, more choices instead causes a drop in sales.

The reason?

Strain and stress from the mental exertion culminating in a more negative mood. System 1 isn’t designed to produce a “gut” feeling for more than a couple of objects. This means that System 2 automatically kicks into gear to solve the problem. System 2 requires energy and creates conscious attention, something also associated with more stress and a higher likelihood for a negative mood. Goodbye sales.

Is This Applicable to My Dating Life?

Daters can take several lessons from this seemingly trivial process.

Most obvious: never make your date choose anything! – especially in regards to situations that might bombard the person with choices.

On top of this reasoning, here’s another backup stipulation – women desire men to be “choosers.” This doesn’t mean they want you blurting out their order for dinner to the waiter (although that’s a fantastic way to measure your date’s sense of humor), nor that they necessarily want you to make the majority of the decisions. It merely means that they want a man that has the ability to make decisions.

Indecision relates to weakness (as judged by System 1!) and weakness is an unattractive trait; after all, how can a weak male survive in the wild filled with testosterone galore created by male-male competition?

But, you say, we don’t live on the Savannah plains anymore, nor in the forests and jungles. Correct, but our brains are still hard-wired to believe we are – at least in terms of your System 1.

Perhaps someday, several generations from now, the minimal constraints involved in natural selection in today’s relatively safe world will create fewer requirements from the opposite sex, but until then – pretend you’re a warrior in the jungle.

Men constantly talk about the “idea” of being a man – ranging from discussions with friends to upholding the views commonly found in media outlets, such as songs, movies and TV shows.

Why is this critical? Perhaps it’s because one of the main “attractants” to women is a man that acts like a “manly” man (at least when it comes to certain situations) or even that men needed to understand their ranking in a hierarchy when it comes to other men.

The Evolution of the “Manly” Man

Something unique to men as compared to women is aggression. A lot of being a man revolves around aggression.

• As a polygamous species, male-male competition over females developed through millions of years of evolution and has remained steady in humans, up until recent centuries, at least.

The more polygamous the species, generally the more aggression that can be found (as well as size difference between males and females).

Today, humans are relatively tame compared to many animal species, where males will often kill other males, not only over females, but also over things such as territory and resources (perhaps we’re still not so tame on the latter).

When it comes to male-female interaction, males – for the most part – choose females based on looks. Women, on the other hand, have a more complicated choice-making system. Looks – referring to the “good gene” theory – do play a role; however, extremely critical, especially in ancestral populations was the ability for a female to choose males with resources who would also protect the mother and any children they had together (at least to an extent).

Over millions of years, this high selective pressure led to women’s ability to pay close attention to the subtle clues signifying a man’s “manliness,” aka his ability to protect her. Too much aggression and he might be a danger to her; too little aggression and others might be a danger to her.

Although that takes a relatively simplistic view at a complicated subject (and men are rarely accused of being complicated), men might even be more sensitive to other men’s manliness. The majority of animals roam around in groups or tribes, much like humans originally did. The hierarchy of males within the group often dictates mating success.

For that reason, men’s attention to other men would have also likely developed.

Are Less Manly Men Evolving?

In Richard Dawkins’ book “The Greatest Show on Earth” he outlines examples of Evolution in progress. One clever example discusses the counterbalancing of aggression and timidness. Animals in the wild often appear “braver” than what we’d consider ourselves; in other words, more manly. This gradual shift of humans to be more timid has taken place over thousands of years and is likely speeding up faster than ever given the population explosion.

Dawkins’ case is this (paraphrased):

Animals in the wild – where food is scarce – naturally evolve personality characteristics revolving around bravery. Timid animals would simply not be able to compete for food if a more aggressive and less timid animal shows itself.

But here’s where Dawkins’ hypothetical scenario for external influence on counterbalancing comes into play: If you took a landfill and placed it in the middle of the forest, and assuming it lasts forever as a plentiful food source, animals who were more timid would have a better chance at survival.

So the gist of evolution is: when selective pressures are mellow – such as the case for humans today – aggression lessens.

The argument of many people is that evolution has occurred over millions of years to produce who we are today. This is very true; however, the speed at which natural selection acts over many generations is being found to be quicker than originally thought. Rather than taking thousands, or even hundreds of generations for significant alterations in a population to take place, evolution likely takes place in only a handful of generations (at least when it comes to relatively simplistic alterations). This is, after all, the purpose of reproduction via sex – to create a higher amount of variation, subsequently preparing the species for an ever-altering environment.

• So in today’s society, where people live longer, food is plentiful, and people can nearly always find a mate – are men becoming less manly?

Well…it’s not gone yet, but slowly and surely, don’t be surprised if your future male offspring centuries from now rejoice in the beauty and manliness of Twilight. 

Every man wants it – the holy grail of sex. The right to claim “my manliness is simply too great to be contained by one woman.” Usually, people from both ends of the debate (who normally have no real knowledge on the subject) are extremely passionate about their viewpoints.

Those supporting monogamy feel that the ability to be monogamous is what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. Those supporting polygamy (usually as an excuse for their behavior) feel like monogamy is going against nature.

• The reality sits somewhere in the middle and most certainly varies in degrees…

You’re A Fox!

No, really. You’re a fox – both men and women. Given that there are quite literally, varying degrees of polygamy in the animal kingdom and it’s clear that humans have at least a slight polygamous tendency, it helps us to look at animals that behavior similar to us.

Enter Foxes.

• Why a fox? It’s probably a coincidence – to an extent – that they’ve evolved a similar pattern to us regarding mating in their social environment.

What’s Special about a Fox?

Foxes are seasonal polygamists. When foxes find each other, they stick to gether monogamously…for a period of time…for one season in fact.

And what is this season?

It’s a breeding season. Foxes stick together long enough to raise a child and then depart, repeating the same process, in general.

• Human’s average divorce-rate is 4 years into marriage – roughly the average age it takes to raise a baby.

Our Monogamy Idol

Think we’re the best species when it comes to monogamy? Think again.

The prairie vole mates with a partner for life. What causes this “pair-bonding”?

A chemical – Vasopressin (in males). Vasopressin reacts to receptors in the brain and causes stimulation in the reward system, much in the same way we get joy from eating sugary foods. The reward in this circumstance is associated with a single partner.

• Scientist can genetically alter a polygamous rat’s receptors in the brain to make this species act monogamously and vice-versa.

3 Levels of Human Polygamy

In the human brain, there are 3 different receptors to vasopressin, each person possessing one of the 3 types.

Your receptor type will alter your response to vasopressin, subsequently affecting your ability to pair-bond with a single partner.

Even in human species, polygamy-tendency varies. 

When most people play sports – including the majority of professionals – the clutch, high-pressure shot becomes incredibly hard to make.

Dating is not unlike sports. Both involve a few basic fundamental behaviors. In sports, we practice the basics of the game; in dating, we’re merely repeating human interaction, something performed since childhood.

So Where in the Hell Does Nervousness Come From??

Enter – Brain.

You can’t explain math without counting just like you can’t explain your behaviors without knowing the brain.

Need-to-know information about the brain:

• About 80-90% of your decisions are made subconsciously, including the actions you perform and thoughts you create.

• Consciousness evolved. There’s no solid theory as to how, nor why, but there is no doubt that the “self” most people identify as “them” is only a small part of the evolved brain.

Your consciousness acts mostly as a gateway for learning new tasks than a provider of instructions on performing tasks.

Consciousness, Your CEO

Scientist David Eagleman, in his book Incognito, asks people to think of the consciousness as a “CEO” of the body. It’s there for basic guidance for the rest of your brain; however, it’s merely a bystander in regards to the true essence of the company.

Even though consciousness is clearly beneficial and plays a large role in learning new tasks, such as dribbling a basketball, or language skills, it’s clear that the rest of the brain quickly takes over the task, allowing you to not think while performing the once difficult task.

Why? Energy efficiency.

Dating and Nervousness

Now that we’ve covered a very brief background – back to dating and nervousness. As mentioned previously, dating is only human interaction with a provocative title.

Attraction can interfere with the brain, stimulating the conscious mind to come alive – making a simple 3-foot putt extremely difficult.

What’s happening in these circumstance is interference with your subconscious brain – the part of the brain that normally performs the simple, repetitive task.

• This is akin to a painter – with a finished portrait – finding ways to continue to add paint to the canvas.

Only harm can come from thinking about a task after a certain point.

So Attraction is the Culprit

If it’s not attraction that stimulates you thinking too much, it’s generally some derivative of it.

Superficiality:

The Winner: Tie

Devotion to Children:

The Winner: Women

Power:

The Winner: Tie

Gay genetics

Other interesting statistics about gay genetics, related to biology:

• ~75% of children showing gender non-conformity (ie, boys that show significant displays of opposite sex behavior, who also spend the majority of their time with the opposite sex) later identify themselves as homosexual.
• ~20% likelihood of being gay if your fraternal twin identifies himself as gay.
• ~50% likelihood of being gay if your identical twin identifies himself as gay.

All these stats, according to scientist Michael Stebbins, author of Sex, Drugs, and DNA.

The moral of the story – there’s certainly more than meets the eye. And most importantly, there’s a lot of answers currently available.

Choices

Feeling gay today? No, you’re probably not – unless of course, you were feeling gay yesterday. “Gay genetics” – putting it informally – has become a hot topic in recent years and certainly for good reason. Being gay – at least in westernized societies – has been on the chopping block for quite awhile, being attributed to poor decision making. Luckily for our rainbow brethren, like many faulty assertions, this one is riddled with holes and in recent years will likely crumble “officially.”

Secrets of Science

When viewing homosexuality through an objective, scientific lens, the first thing noticeable about homosexuality is that it exists, to some degree, in over 200+ animal species. A poor choice on their part?

Bonobos – the closest genetic relative to humans, along with the chimpanzee – perform roughly 75% of their “sex” in a non-reproductive manner. For them, sex is a much broader social behavior that helps develop relationships (appearing to substitute for forms of aggression). And, oh yeah, they have a lot of gay sex as well.

Sheep are one of the most notable animal species featuring exclusively gay members (~8%); these gay sheep won’t mate with females under any circumstances. The U.S. Department of Agriculture reports that the area of the brain controlling the sexual behavior in sheep (in this case, the sexual dimorphic nucleus within the hypothalamus) is roughly the same size between “gay” males and female sheep, while twice as large in heterosexual sheep.

 Inside the Human Brain

All of our behaviors truly stem from the brain, even the ones we take for granted. When it comes to emotion and attraction, our brain contains the receptors and produces the body’s endocrins, which dictate hormones in the body and ultimately, our behavior.

Male and female brains are quite different in their morphology. Morphological differences mean there is a distinctive layout difference in the brain. The layout alone, can create differences in behaviors (which is a point no heterosexual man or woman will argue).

Are humans like sheep – do our brain morphologies differ in heterosexuals and homosexuals? For homosexual men at least, who have been studied far more than women, the layout of the brain is thought to be more akin to a woman’s brain layout – at least as far as the hypothalamus (or parts of it), the region governing sexual behavior, is concerned.

The reason the word “thought” is necessary is that humans are tough to measure in regards to brain morphology and hormones. Regulations simply don’t take kindly to the idea of cutting up human brains (something that is consistently done in labs with much smaller animals, like rats or fish), but that’s not to say there’s not someone on your list you’d like to volunteer for the position.

A Homosexual Gene?

One misconception about the human genome is the “cookie-cutter” version, the fallacy that one gene controls one aspect behavior or physical feature of the body. Unfortunately, biology is an accumulation of small changes in the genome, acting randomly, causing a vast array of effects. Most aspects that make us “us” are in fact controlled by tons of genes acting together, much more like an extremely large orchestra, where a flute player might be holding up their partner’s trombone with his feet and a saxophone musician might have his hand on the clarinet in front of him (while playing his own instrument of course). It would simply be the most impressive orchestra you’ve ever seen.

The point being is that sexuality is extremely complex and the idea of discovering a single gene that controls it is highly unlikely to happen. The reality will likely be painted in shades of gray for individuals, where-by each person experiences degrees of homosexuality.

You Smell So Nice

And there’s a lot more than liking the “look” of someone; humans have a host of arousal sensories – namely through things such as hearing and smell. Numerous studies have been performed where participants are exposed to laundry, some of which is dirty. In reality, it’s coated with the sweat, ie pheromones, of the opposite sex.

Women prefer dirty laundry coated in men’s hard-earned sweat as opposed to clean laundry…and vice-versa. What’s interesting is that gay men, when subjected to the same experiment, show the same preference as heterosexual women!

There’s no shortage of signs that biological mechanisms are rapidly at work.

Think

Think again. I can even use psychology to predict who you are…

Your Profile:

“You have a great need for other people to like and admire you. You have a tendency to be critical of yourself. You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage. While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them. Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others’ statements without satisfactory proof. You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic. Security is one of your major goals in life.”

Did this Hit a Nerve? Don’t be Surprised.

This seemingly complex and specific biographical paragraph resonates with close to 90% of those reading it, each claiming that the majority – if not all – of this profile represents the “real” them. It’s called the “Forer Effect” and it’s one of the many telling studies in psychology and this one’s certainly not cutting-edge information – it dates back to 1948.

To be fair, humans ARE unique when compared to one another – to an extent – which is the result of non-stop forces of nature, including sporadic mutations and environmental effects upon the body, each creating small deviations in the genetics of one person to the next. These mutations are beneficial as they create a constantly-altering machine that is the human body. Although nature spontaneously alters for the better, these mutations can also be for the worse (the location of the mutation on a genome is everything – it determines whether the mutation is beneficial or cancerous). In sexually reproducing species, genetic recombination via meiosis is the other key to genetic variation.

But, you say, “I’m nothing like anyone I know.” Well, you’re not if you pay attention to the subtleties; however, when it comes to the fundamentals of behavior (which is by-far the majority of our behaviors, contrary to what our common sense tells us), we’re pretty similar with our neighbor as well as an isolated tribe in the amazon (when you take out customs and traditions).

Overall, biologically, we’re just NOT THAT different, in that the majority of our behaviors are innate, common among populations (even incredibly isolated ones), and highly predictable via psychology and evolutionary psychology.

These differences become especially obvious when humans are compared to other species of animals. Our behavioral differences amongst ourselves becomes more akin to our viewpoint on the differences between individuals within a single animal species – virtually unnoticeable in our eyes.

Psychology of Dating in Your Life

A well-rounding understanding of Psychology in Dating can mean the difference between a relationship that “might have been” and one that’s still flourishing. No knowledge can guarantee success, but it can serve as your “advisor” to help encourage and constrain your actions when appropriate – something that becomes incredibly important in highly emotional situations…and dating, is a highly-volatile situation.

If you’re going to play the stock market, think like a broker, not an amateur. You’ll get ahead a lot sooner.

Imagine

Cheating is incredibly common in relationships, hovering well-above 50% for both partners, a statistic that causes 1 in 2 partners to cringe and immediately deny the credibility of such statistics…uh huh.

Cheating also appears to be incredibly versatile, even among humans. Everyone knows couples that seem incredibly happy and likely never had and never will cheat. You likely also know couples that seem incredibly happy, but one partner has strayed. Then, everyone knows the couple where both partners seem to stray consistently.

Science to the rescue…

Although cheating is incredibly common and most people have been involved in at least one aspect of it, clearly, it shows no signs of improving, and with the advent of social media, cheating is actually getting worse.

Common sense is clearly not the answer. But – maybe science is.

Fact 1 about Cheating:

Humans – in general – are a slightly (at the least) polygamous species. Common sense might tell you this (due to all the cheating out there!); however, there are several other, more measurable signs. One of the central commonalities among polygamous species is that the males are much larger than females, something that certainly holds true in humans.

Fact 2 about Cheating:

Vasopressin is the hormone primarily responsible for “pair-bonding.” Remember, no behaviors or actions – no matter how much we take them for granted – are occurring without a trigger and reason. The hormone vasopressin (and more specifically, our body’s receptors to this hormone) causes a trigger in the reward system of the brain (to one partner). Some species – such as prairie voles – only mate with one partner for life. The reason? Vasopressin.

Fact 3 about Cheating:

In humans, the gene RS3 334 – or “The Cheating Gene” – codes for receptors specific to vasopressin within the brain. The study at the Karolinska Institute, discussed at the beginning, focused on examining human’s different levels of this gene, as well as its affects on relationships. The gene comes in 3 varieties in humans; people can have 0, 1, or 2 pairs. The more pairs they have, the less the person responds to vasopressin and subsequently, the worse the quality of relationship they have (as judged from studies of partners who had been in relationships for at least 5 years).

(Want a jump-start to learning about the “cheating gene” RS3 334? – Fill out the 15-second form to your right and receive The Science of Dating’s Completely FREE e-booklet. Offered for a limited time only!)

Fact 4 about Cheating:

Vasopressin in animals can be altered (artificially). One key reason why it is clear that vasopressin plays a central role is that its alteration can cause changes in mate behavior. Rats – which are highly polygamous and certainly would need a prenuptial agreement for each set of partners they have – can become monogamous and devoted to one partner, that is, if researchers alter their levels of vasopressin.

Fact 5 about Cheating:

Someday, you’re likely to know the genetics of your partner. Genetic sequencing is still expensive today; however, within the next few years, it should be easily affordable. If someone really wants to evaluate their partner, they can look at their inclination towards cheating through genetics, and at the very least, be prepared for their partner’s potential to stray when times aren’t so cheery.

Tiger Woods

All these men – as well as the runner-ups we didn’t have time to list – have far more than this one thing in common.

We’re Probably More Like Them Than We Care To Admit

As everyone knows by now, Woods was hitting more hole-in-ones off the course than on; Clinton had a fetish for lonely interns with esteem issues; and Letterman – although consistently ridiculing the former two – succumbed to temptation just as easily.

Everyone Has Multiple Personalities

One key to being human is:

• the person you are in one moment might make completely different decisions than the person you are the next moment.

The Mind is a Constant Battlefield

The mind is incredibly complicated – far beyond our current understanding; however, the key to grasp is that no behavior – no matter how much we take it for granted – is a “natural” or “given” behavior. Everything is wired into our genetics or learned culturally (but even “learned” behaviors must be processed by our mind, which is dictated by genetics).

The Two Halves

Your mind (regarding reward) divides into two sectors:

Short-Term Thinking – We want it now. This includes being tempted to cheat, playing the lottery, and the immediate gratification of smoking a cigarette regardless of consequences.

The Nearer in Time the Temptation, the Higher the Value we Place Upon It

And

Long-Term Thinking – We desire long-term success. This includes saving for retirement, valuing aspects of life with safety-nets, and acting as faithful partners

Pit the two against each other and short-term rewards tend to hold the upper-hand. Will you receive your retirement fund in 15 or 16 years? Do either of these make a difference?  How about the iPod you just ordered from Amazon, are you upset that you have to wait for the 5-day shipping vs. the 1-day? The good money’s on the latter.

The Scales Are Constantly Shifting

Although most people have a disposition towards one side or the other, a key factor is understanding that far more overlap exists than what most people care to admit.

Rather than remaining static in personality, you are more like the ocean, roughly the same in material, but constantly altering in form. In the morning, the tide of the ocean will be different than the evening, much the same as people’s desires and decision-making.

Although only you will have your memories, the you in the morning might desire completely different things than the you in the evening. The difference in fundamental mood and desire might be so different within yourself that the you in the morning might more closely resemble a stranger than the current you.

It’s a scary thought, but it’s important to realize behaviors in order to effectively combat their results.

This is most certainly one of the contributing factors behind why cheating hovers between 60-80% within relationships depending upon which survey you’re reading.

When We Cheat

The traditional view, which features people constantly making and weighing choices as a static person with static desires and a static personality, leads to those that have been cheated on to immediately cast the blame on that person, thinking they “faked” everything they said.

But chances are, for most people, the “I love you’s” and “I do’s” were all very real. It’s a hard concept to grasp, but simplified and traditional logic often distorts actual behaviors.

Place Yourself In A Potential Cheating Scenario…

You see a beautiful member of the opposite sex…you gander, but nothing comes out of it. Good. You didn’t want anything anyways.

What if the same situation occurred, except this time…you’re alone. The person is clearly interested in you. You’re comfortable. You know you can’t get caught, and to top it off, you’re in an intensely aroused state.

Who you were begins to change, your personality, emotions, feelings, hormones, all alter. All of a sudden those black-and-white answers become more gray. Justifications for previously unconsidered actions begin to occur. The chance for immediate reward presents itself.

Does the decision become more difficult? 

Some immediately say “No!” and run away; however, talk is cheap. As mentioned, who you are now isn’t who you’d be in the situation. The you now most certainly says no, but the you then…might say no.

Thinking that some people lack temptation is a foolish way to handle a relationship. Temptation is very real; however, what you do with that temptation is everything.

Alright, We’re Naturally Prone to Temptation, Now What?

Realizing humans are prone to altering temptations depending upon time and scenario isn’t to tell you you’ll cheat in the right given scenario.

Instead, the goal is explaining the biology of being human, which brings a realization of our our consistently altering states. If you make yourself aware of an issue, preparation can be adequately accomplished for unexpected situations or scenarios. You understand the temptations that might present themselves and most importantly, how these temptations will alter your decision-making.

Hypothesizing these potential scenarios will not only prevent you from placing yourself in their path, but it can act as a reminder for how you planned and prepared for the situation if you find yourself within the scenario; after all, your memory doesn’t shut off.

As the cliché goes…the first step to solving your problem is admitting you have a problem. We all do.