When you targeted McCormick Ranch as the apex destination for your new home search, you did so for one of several reasons. It might have been the prime, central location; amenities such as the renowned walking paths, lakes and parks; the award-winning schools or …

To get your hands on one of the lush, oversized lots that are about as common as a duck-billed unicorn in other parts of the Valley.

Even within the confines of McCormick Ranch, there are lots, and then there are LOTS. Our new listing at 8001 N. Del Laton stands apart from the crowd with a whole lot of lot. No equivocation, this is one of the best pieces of property within Scottsdale’s most popular master planned community.

Featuring private gated access to the walking path that runs directly behind the property (leads to Rotary Park), this one of a kind parcel of almost 18,000 square feet is simply magnificent. Highlighted by a heated pebble-tec pool and spa, the backyard is the paradise your entertainer’s heart desires. Whether you use the generous space to stage a wedding reception or game of tackle football is up to you.

Did we mention this prized parcel comes with a house?

Just shy of 2500 square feet, the Von Dix built home in the Tierra Feliz subdivision features 3 bedrooms and 2 & 1/2 baths. Originally four bedrooms, one room was converted into, perhaps, the largest walk-in closet in McCormick Ranch.

Over the past decade, the owner has eliminated the dated step-ups and step-downs that vex many McCormick Ranch home shoppers, and opened up the wall between the living room and family room to create a flowing great room concept.

The kitchen has been updated with slab granite counter tops, painted white cabinets and newer appliances. Newer flooring throughout the home includes faux stone tile in the main traffic areas.

The master bath has been completely remodeled with slate stone tile flooring, counter tops and shower/tub surrounds. The tub, itself, was added where the original closet had been.

Ever cognizant of the warm, sunny days and your energy usage in the summer months, the owner has installed plantation shutters throughout much of the home and replaced the original sliding glass doors in the family room and the bay windows in the breakfast nook with dual-pane Pellas. This home does not include the soaring vaulted ceilings that certain buyers initially covet, before realizing that extra cubic footage requires cooling. The newer A/C will help keep those June – August electric bills down as well.

Throw in a roof that was replaced a couple years ago and a complete exterior paint job in May of 2012, and you’ve yourself got one special offering.

Are you the type that likes to add your own finishing touches? The sky is the limit in terms of the value that can be supported on this lot in this location, so bring your ideas both big and small. The setting can achieve whatever your imagination can conceive.

Learn more about McCormick Ranch and its amenities

View floor plans for McCormick Ranch homes

View all homes for sale in McCormick Ranch

Ray & Paul Slaybaugh

Your McCormick Ranch Real Estate Specialists Since Forever and a Day

Property Details

8001 E Del Laton Drive, Scottsdale, AZ 85258 (MLS # 4762151)

Great home on one of the best lots in McCormick Ranch! Lot is almost 18,000 sq ft and backs to a walking path (private gate access). Fantastic heated pebble-tec pool and spa is framed by lush vegetation and a football field masquerading as a lawn. The living room and family room have been opened up to create a large great room. Flooring has been upgraded with 20'' faux stone tile, and the bedrooms have newer high end carpeting. Master bath has been completly redone with separate shower and jacuzzi tub. 4th bedroom was converted to huge walk-in closet. Granite counters in kitchen. Dual-pane Pella sliding glass door in family room. There are two gas fireplaces. Exterior of home was just painted (5/12). Make this home your own with your final touches. The sky is the limit in this setting!

Property Type(s): Single Family - Detached, Residential

Last Updated	5/22/2012	Tract	Tierra Feliz 3
Year Built	1979	Community	n/a
Garage Spaces	2.0	County	Maricopa
Total Parking	3	Walk Score ®	46

Schools

Additional Details

Features

Location

Listing information deemed reliable but not guaranteed. Read full disclaimer.

Listed with Realty Executives

(view all details for MLS #4762151)

Max Welling sipped from the “Denny’s” emblazoned ceramic mug, gritting his teeth against the watered-down confection masquerading as coffee within, the inviting aroma nothing more than a ruse. A useful diversion as he mentally composed his argument, the swill was nonetheless an affront to his connoisseur’s sensibilities.

“Good, huh,” his smug companion inquired, seeking less an opinion than an acknowledgement of the self-evident truth.

“You were right,” Max agreed, nodding at the moon-faced young man as he set the mug down on the Ms. Pacman coaster on the metal table between them. “Definitely not the usual.”

Greyson “Graze” Mays smirked as he swiveled away from Max on his chrome bar stool, only to jolt back a moment later, arresting his indulgent spin with a pair of green Converse One Stars. He steepled his fingers under his chin as he redirected the conversation back to the matter at hand.

“So in light of recent developments,” Graze began, indicating not the half-inch thick ream of subdivision data that the Realtor had spent the previous hour belaboring, but newspaper clippings from various periodicals that were haphazardly spread about the table. “This is clearly a seller’s market, and buyers will pay a premium for a unique home such as this one.”

Max looked about the three bedroom ranch, thinking the shade of formica on the kitchen counter tops might have been slightly different in the home of the same model that sold down the street in January for eighty five thousand less than his erstwhile companion had in mind.

“It’s true that the market has turned,” Max allowed. “However, there has to be some basis for-“

“I showed you the new crown molding in the master bedroom, right,” Graze interrupted.

“You did,” Max affirmed. “It’s lovely.”

“And the chandelier I added in the dining room?”

“Beautiful choice,” Max replied, craning his neck to take in the garish atrocity that was the self-styled hipster’s attempt at retro ironic.

“Look,” Max began, changing the arc. “You have a great house, and it will likely sell above recent comps due to the work you’ve done and the lack of competition in the market, but within reason. We can’t jump comps by the better part of a hundred grand and realistically expect to find a buyer.”

“There’s no way my house is worth less than I paid for it,” Graze objected, adjusting his black, horn-rimmed glasses. “All these articles say prices are up twenty percent!”

“Three things,” Max said, holding up three well-tanned, corresponding fingers. “First, you have to remember that you bought the home in oh eight. Unfortunately, the market experienced three straight years of heavy losses before this recent resurgence.”

“But-“

“Second,” Max interrupted, returning the favor. “You can’t directly apply general market trends and percentages to any one specific property. Yes, the median sales price for the Valley is up approximately twenty percent in the last twelve months, but we can’t throw out the most recent neighborhood-specific sales in favor of such broad generalities to determine current market value.”

“The people down the street-“

“Are smoking crack,” Max finished over Graze again. “Just because they are asking an egregiously stupid price for their home, doesn’t mean we have to hop in the idiot bus to clambake with them. People can ask whatever they want for something. It’s irrelevant to value until they get it.”

“Third,” Graze challenged.

“Third is the inconvenient matter of the appraisal,” Max obliged. “Even if we luck into a buyer who just fell off the turnip truck, it means nothing if the home doesn’t appraise. And you can bet your bippy that an appraiser will review the very same sales I’m looking at when I tell you that the house is justifiably worth no more than two ten, max.”

“Great Scott,” Graze moaned, removing his spectacles and face-palming himself. A prematurely receding hairline did nothing to mitigate the fact that he looked all of thirteen years old without his glasses.

“The good news is that prices are finally heading in the right direction,” Max volunteered. “Another year or two at this rate and we’ll be able to break you out of here.”

“But by then I won’t be able to afford the new house I want to buy,” Graze lamented.

“That’s the rub,” Max ceded. “But there’s more than one way to skin a Kardashian.”

“I’m listening,” Blaze allowed, smiling despite himself at his elder counterpart’s clumsy attempt to bridge the generational divide through pop culture.

“You might consider renting the house out for the next year or two,” Max obliged. “As long as you qualify to carry both loans, you can lock in a new place at today’s prices while someone else pays the rent on this place until it gets to a point where we can sell it.”

“Not real keen on being a landlord,” Graze worried, taking a sip of his own iced coffee through a purple twisty straw. “Can’t bear to think of a tenant on the new shag carpet. You sure you can’t sell it for two ninety?”

“I’m good, but I’m not that good,” Max assured him. He stood and gathered his things. “I’ll run some rental figures this evening and let you know how they look. In the meantime, why don’t you call this guy.”

Max placed a business card on the table.

“My go-to lender. He should be able to tell you whether or not it’s feasible to buy without having to sell just yet.”

Graze looked at the card, but made no move to retrieve it.

“No offense, but I think I’m going to get a second opinion,” he informed the agent. “There’s a Realtor that specializes in this neighborhood. I get her flyers and mailings all the time.”

“By all means,” Max welcomed. “If she really knows the neighborhood, she’ll give it to you straight.”

“Well, thank you so much for the good news and enthusiasm,” Graze muttered, straightening his Napoleon Dynamite t-shirt as he walked Max to the door. “Want to kick my dog on the way out?”

“Nah, I like dogs,” Max grinned, reaching down to pet the yipping, over-sized rodent that joined them in the foyer. “But your coffee tastes like shit.”

Taken aback by the affront, a slight gurgle emanated from the younger man’s fleshy gullet.

Judas, his watery brown eyes hissed.

Max shrugged, hardened into the role of executioner by the last half decade.

“Call me when your listing with the neighborhood expert expires.”

Welcome to Belmont at Triple Crown.

Nestled in the heart of Scottsdale’s renowned Triple Crown community along the Tatum corridor, Belmont is the crown jewel of the prestigious 85254 zip code. A gated “lock and leave” subdivision which beckons seasonal and year-round residents alike, it features the appealing newer, block construction of Centex Homes in an ideal central location. With all of the privacy of single-family homes on more manageable “patio home” style lots, residents enjoy a lifestyle of private enjoyment that does not sentence them to hours on end of excessive landscape maintenance.

And within Belmont at Triple Crown, we just so happen to have listed its finest home for sale.

Located in the center of the complex for added security, and away from any busy streets, the home at 4841 E. Wagoner Rd is replete with upgrades and extras over and above the typical offering.

The huge island kitchen includes upgraded white cabinetry, high-level slab granite counter tops, upgraded appliances, upgraded lighting an fixtures, and would be quite at home in a property twice the size of this 1952 square foot patio home.

Ceramic tile greets you at the front door and kitchen. Hardwood floors extend through the living, dining and family rooms. The bathrooms and laundry room feature upgraded marble flooring.

The family room features a gas fireplace and highly upgraded Anderson sliding glass doors. The South-facing backyard orientation allows for plenty of natural light. For those occasions when you’d rather block out the sun rather than invite it in, there are plantation shutters throughout the home in addition to a fully retractable back patio awning (remote control operated) that shades the entire patio area.

In addition to a guest bedroom and den/office, this wonderful home includes a generous master suite (master bedroom suite is 20′ x 18′) with two closets (one walk-in), double-sink vanity and separate shower and tub in the master bathroom.

The Spanish architecture of the home includes a full tile roof and a mission bell tower look to the front elevation.

In addition to the cosmetic upgrades, the home features many structural improvements including a newer A/C unit, newer water heater, soft water system, etc.

The community features a heated pool and spa  in addition to the clubhouse and gym/exercise room. In fact, the walking path right next to the home leads directly to those amenities.

If you are ready to reclaim your weekends by abandoning the oversized yard that seemed like such a necessity at one time, you owe it to yourself to view this property. Give up the lawnmower, not your privacy.

Whether a jet-setter for business or pleasure who needs a lower maintenance home in a secure community for those times when you have to drop everything and leave for a month, or simply at a stage in life when you want single-family living, just minus the weekly headaches of yardwork, this is the home for you.

Call or email Paul Slaybaugh with Realty Executives today to arrange a private viewing of this stunning home. 

480-220-2337

paul@scottsdalepropertyshop.com

_____________________________________________

Full Property Details for 4841 E. Wagoner Rd, Scottsdale, AZ 85254

4841 E Wagoner Road, Scottsdale, AZ 85254 (MLS # 4747482)

Absolutely stunning 2 bed + den home in the gated Belmont at Triple Crown community. Whether a year round or seasonal resident, this is lock and leave living at its finest. Hardwood and tile flooring in main traffic areas, newer carpet in the bedrooms. Beautifully remodeled island kitchen w/ white cabinets, high level slab granite counter tops. Gas fireplace and high-end Anderson sliding glass doors in family room. Wood shutters throughout. Newer A/C. Huge master suite with two closets (1 walk-in). Back patio features a retractable awning (remote controlled) for increased privacy and shade. This home is not to be missed. Throw in the heated community pool & spa, rec facility and you have the perfect storm of quality and location.

Property Type(s): Single Family - Detached, Residential

Last Updated	5/15/2012	Tract	Belmont At Triple Crown
Year Built	1997	Community	Triple Crown
Garage Spaces	2.0	County	Maricopa
Total Parking	2	Walk Score ®	38

Price History

Schools

Additional Details

Features

Location

Listing information deemed reliable but not guaranteed. Read full disclaimer.

Listed with Realty Executives

(view all details for MLS #4747482)

Looking for a rental home that doesn’t feel like a rental home? You’ve landed on the right page.

Nestled in the foothills of Shadow Mountain, this terrific five bedroom, three bath home is the pride of North Phoenix. That’s right, I said five true bedrooms.

A first-time rental, the relocating owners have painstakingly upgraded this home over the course of the last two years. From the architectural stone on the front exterior to the pavered front and back patios, you will be welcomed by the pride of ownership that simply does not exist in typical rental housing.

Featuring 4 bedrooms / 2 bathrooms up, and 1 bedroom and bath down, the 1998 construction boasts a family room, living room and formal dining area in addition to an eat-in kitchen nook.

And the kitchen … oh, the kitchen!

Recently remodeled with richly refinished cabinets, glass mosaic backsplash tile and newer appliances, you’ll be tempted to spread out on the generous kitchen island and simply bask in the room’s grandeur.

If you must leave the kitchen at some point, I highly suggest you only do so in favor of the resort-worthy backyard. The expanded back patio has been recently upgraded with pavers and a built-in firepit. Sit down for a spell on the built-in bench swing and let the world disappear for awhile as you laze away the day.

And, of course, the coup d’etat … the pebble-tec swimming lagoon (to just call it a “pool” would be a gross disservice). Fenced to accommodate those with fledgling swimmers, a salt-water filtration system was recently installed to spare your eyes, skin and hair the harsh chlorine experience. Perfect for a dip on those warm summer days, you’ll feel you’re treating yourself to a “staycation” in your very own home.

And what kind of resort experience would it be if you had to maintain said lagoon yourself? You provide the mimosas; the landlord will provide the pool service.

Of course, none of these amazing features would matter in the least if the home was not centrally located. Nice as the total package is, you likely wouldn’t want to commute to the other side of the moon to enjoy it. As the old adage goes, the three rules of Real Estate are location, location, location. Fortunately, the home sits along the prestigious 28th St and Thunderbird corridor. With high-end custom homes dotting the neighboring subdivisions, you will be equally thrilled with the ready access to the 51 freeway for an easy commute to downtown Phoenix.

If this is the lifestyle you envision, but aren’t quite ready to make the long-term commitment of a purchase, come take a test-run with us. Your only regret will be that you waited so long to start living the life you’ve always wanted.

_________________________________________________________________________

Full Property Details

We're sorry, but we couldn't find MLS # 4730059 in our database. This property may be a new listing or possibly taken off the market. Please check back again.

Pass me around ↓↓↓

“Why is his skin all splotchy?”

Chip Donaghue stared at the pathetic, grey man on the gurney. Tubes ran in and out of his crystallized body, connecting him to a bank of beeping machines and monitors.

“Sublimation is typical,” the humorless doctor beside him announced.

“Sublimation?”

“Freezer burn,” the doctor clarified, his high-pitched voice at odds with its gravelly undertones. He struck Chip as a man who had spent considerable time exploring the outer edges of life’s spectrum.

The beeping intensified moments before the patient sat straight up.

“He’s awake,” Chip shouted, taking a step toward the bed before being restrained by a vice-like grip.

He looked back to find the doctor’s skeletal hand clamped to his meaty shoulder.

How can he be that strong? Chip wondered.

“Keep your distance,” the doctor rasped. “He’s not lucid.”

“Like hell,” Chip argued, struggling in vain to free himself. “Look at him!”

“That’s just gas,” the doctor informed him.

“Gas,” Chip protested, incredulous. “He’s sitting up for crissakes!”

“The cells in the core are the first to awaken,” the doctor assured him. “They expand as they release CO2. Get too close during the herky-jerky and you’re apt to get clipped by an errant limb.”

The patient’s mouth remained a frozen “oh” as his sightless grey-brown eyes stared into the infinity. His right arm suddenly shot straight up.

“Pow, right in the kisser,” the doctor whispered. Sensing resignation, he relaxed his grip on Chip’s shoulder.

The two men watched in silence as random body parts took turns flailing about over the course of the next few minutes. Chip was reminded of a fish flopping around on dry land, desperate for breath. The room took on a gamey odor as life returned to long-dormant flesh.

The chaotic symphony reached the patient’s face.

“Now remember,” the doctor reminded Chip. “He’s not going to recognize you. Not at first, and maybe not at all.”

Chip sighed. He’d been waiting for this moment for six years. Now that it was finally here, he wasn’t sure he was ready for it.

The patient’s left eyelid spasmed. Then the right. His nose twitched.

This is it, Chip gulped. Please … oh, please …

“Mr. Niedelman?”

The patient did not respond to the doctor’s query.

“Mr. Niedelman,” the doctor tried again, in a stronger voice. “Can you hear me?”

Ed Niedelman broke six years of silence by barking like a dog.

“This happens sometimes,” the doctor assured Chip. “The synapses of the brain are especially prone to bursting and misfire upon rapid thaw. Give it a minute for the connections to reestablish themselves.”

“No,” Chip said shaking his head as the woofing continued unabated. “It worked! By God, it worked!”

The doctor raised a quizzical white eyebrow.

“This is how Ed celebrates a big sale,” Chip explained. “If you remember, we had him frozen at the closing table for the Meyers transaction. We had no more leads to feed him, so figured we’d put him on the shelf while we rode out the storm. Wanted his last memory to be a good one. Bless his heart, he still thinks it’s 2006!”

“Welcome back, big dog,” Chip, the managing broker at Prickly Pear Properties, gushed as he approached his sales associate. “You ready to eat?”

Niedelman jumped out of the bed, howling. He nearly lost his footing as he landed in a pool of water on the polished concrete floor.

“Outstanding,” Chip bellowed, clapping his underling on the back as he helped free him from the wires and tubes that bound him. “Let’s go wake up Peterson.”

The doctor attended to the vacated station as the awkward pair lumbered over to the next cryogenic chamber.

“One second, gentlemen,” he sighed, eyeing the half-naked, born-again charlatan and his Svengali with despair.

He had lost nearly fifty percent of his clients to reanimation since January first. The recovering Real Estate market was exciting news to everyone but him it seemed.

Time to start farming for new clientele.

But who? As Realtors began their rise from the ashes, which demographic was ready to take its place at the precipice of a great unknown … and in his freezer?

A thin smile spread across his narrow face as it came to him.

Of course, he thought. Moderate Republicans.

Scottsdale, AZ – Recent studies suggest that consumers still envision salesmen as fast-talking, slick-haired, turquoise-pinkie-ring-flashing hucksters who would sooner eat their own gold teeth than hesitate to push their mothers into traffic if caught standing between them and a sale.

Which makes the case of Agnes Friedman all the more unusual.

“I’m more of a go along to get along type,” Mrs. Friedman, a Real Estate agent with As You Wish Realty, LLC told BSRE news.

Admired by her peers for an amicable disposition which makes cross-transactions a breeze, she has come under fire as of late for her “path of least resistance” model of client advocacy.

“Nobody likes a salesman,” Friedman explained. “Well, I mean, maybe some people do, but I … I’m not saying it’s wrong if you do, just … what do you think?”

Bethany O’Leary, a former client of Friedman’s, was originally drawn to that very unsalesy manner when selecting a REALTOR to list her 4 bedroom McCormick Ranch home last May.

“She was such a breath of fresh air,” O’Leary told reporters when reached for comment at the same 4 bedroom McCormick Ranch home. “All the others wanted to talk about the market and toot their own horns. Agnes was willing to listen … and to ultimately do whatever I told her to do.”

Asked to corroborate, Friedman smiled and offered reporters coffee.

“No, the house didn’t sell,” O’Leary admitted. “But it didn’t sell on my terms.”

Dennis LeGrudge recently purchased a home utilizing Friedman’s services as a buyer’s agent.

“It started out great,” LeGrudge said over the sound of running water. “Agnes showed me everything, whether I was qualified to buy it or not. She even brought snacks.”

Things went awry once Mr. LeGrudge located a property that he wanted to purchase.

“At first, her advice made a lot of sense,” he allowed. “I didn’t want to insult the seller, so I gave him full price.”

In hindsight, LeGrudge thinks that may have been his first mistake.

“I wish I’d known the house had been on the market for fourteen months,” he lamented.

Problems compounded for LeGrudge when the home inspection revealed a bad roof and a missing air conditioning unit. Rather than banging heads with the seller on the deficiencies, his agent convinced him that all homes had issues, and not to upset the seller by requesting frivolous repairs.

“Frivolous,” LeGrudge scoffed. “Hear that burst pipe? I think they plumbed this place with twisty straws.”

One competitor, who chose to remain anonymous, hopes Friedman never lets the industry change her.

“It’s inspiring to see someone so determined to remain true to her benevolent nature in this dog eat dog business,” Agent X said. “I hope she never loses that.”

When pressed, Agent X admitted he has an ulterior motive for Friedman to continue with her current practices.

“Yeah,” he confirmed with a wink. “As long as Agnes negotiates like Bambi, I’m more than happy to thump’er.”

- Paul Slaybaugh, Disassociated Press

BSRE NEWS – In a long anticipated move, an obscure Real Estate blogger has announced she is completely out of fresh content ideas.

“I just don’t know what to write about now that my cat died,” Dolores Pentupangst of Katy, Texas lamented. “Frolix was good for one, maybe two posts a week with his wacky antics. Now that he’s gone … you don’t just replace that kind of hole in your blogroll.”

Long considered a black hole for creativity by her peers despite a prodigious output, Pentupangst has been reduced to trolling the Real Estate net for content to take issue with in recent months.

“Trolling itself is an art,” she assured reporters from her basement via Skype. “You have to wait for just the right moment to jump in and piss all over the original poster and the sycophants in the comment stream. Too soon and you kill the thread prematurely, limiting the damage. Too late and no one is around to witness it.”

Pressed on whether surfing the interwebs 23 hours a day in search of a fight is the highest and best use of a Real Estate agent’s time, Pentupangst assured reporters that she had more than enough time left over to sell a home this year.

“Not everyone has the gift of original thought,” Bob Stuartson of ReTopBlog admitted of those who utilize his online Real Estate writing platform. “Some are better suited to what we call ‘reblogging’ and ‘counter-posting.’ If you can’t write your way out of a wet paper bag, your options are pretty much limited to reconstituting someone else’s work or calling them stupid.”

“Not original, huh,” Pentupangst countered, chuckling. “Tell that to the clown in Delaware who authored the piece about dual agency last week. I bet he didn’t wake up on Tuesday expecting to find his name hyperlinked to a picture of a sow’s ass in comment number thirty seven.”

While Pentupangst may be reduced to critiquing the work of those who contribute original material to the collective mainframe for the time being, she doesn’t figure to be out of circulation for long.

“I adopted a Yorkie.”

Paul Slaybaugh, Disassociated Press

Reggie stared at the pen.

Held between the thumb and index finger of the hand that emerged from a white coat sleeve, the golden implement caught and reflected the overhead lights in mesmerizing fashion.  No doubt by design.

Reaching to accept the offering, he did so not of his own volition.  As had been the case since Emma declared the community “home” within seconds of their first visit, Reggie felt the conveyer belt moving beneath his feet, hurtling him towards a purchase that didn’t feel right.

The house was exactly what he wanted.  Boasting 3 bedrooms split from a home office, the warm slice of Tuscany was ideal for his burgeoning family. A play pool, a swing set in the middle of the community park and a tree-lined street with neighbors who actually waved when they saw you coming … it was Pleasantville in every conceivable way.

As he took the pen, squinting away the glare to scrutinize the engraved homage to the “Top Producer” across the table, he chastised himself for his hesitance.  If there was one thing that defined the walking neurosis that was Reginald Painter, it was the perplexing inability to make a decision.  Asked to pick the movie on date night, he’d break out in a cold sweat between the “Romantic Comedy” and “Thriller” aisles.  Given a choice of soup or salad, he was apt to order both.  Why, the mere mention of “paper or plastic” had been known to reduce him to a catatonic state. Steeling his resolve, he hunted for the signature line with his trembling hand.

The air fled the sales office as the world around him slowed to a crawl.  He felt as though he were breathing through one of Gabe’s twisty straws. Unable to scrawl his name and unable to pull his hand back, he stared at the ponding ink where the pen dug into the contract.  The formerly amicable pair of watery, brown eyes across the table narrowed to predatory crescents – the flint of a looming sale sharpening the agent’s countenance to a wolfish blade.  Reg’s mind eye foresaw a suddenly hirsute figure leaping upon the table between them to howl over its fresh kill.

Then the noise of the cavernous surroundings returned, louder than before, amplified by the preceding silence.  The man across from him once again nothing more than a run of the mill sales associate, making him more or less human. The agent laughed in obvious discomfort.

“Earth to Reg,” the Realtor was saying.  “You okay in there, boss?”

“Yeah, um, fine.  I’m fine.  Sorry,” Reggie responded.

He looked around to see if anyone else noticed the episode, his face hot with embarrassment. A manic middle-aged woman was loitering in the vicinity, but she was too busy prattling on about her recent kitchen remodel to pay him any mind.

Re-gripping the pen with a sense of determination, Reggie bent again to make his mark.  It was time to move out of a self-imposed Purgatory and into the rest of his life.  And his dream home.

Expecting a Herculean effort in deliberation, he was shocked to see his hand fly across the page, with flair no less.  He’d done it!

Except he hadn’t.  Seeing an indentation but no ink, he realized the pen was dead.  He chuckled at the irony.

“Not a problem, not a problem,” the agent assured Reggie as he rifled through the pockets of his ill-fitting jacket, his broad shoulders testing the tensile strength of its burdened seams.  “I have a spare here somewhere.”

Now it was the agent whose brow began to sweat.  The momentary panic relented when he found what he was looking for inside a coat pocket.

“Your sword, my liege,” the agent intoned, bowing his head in mock reverence and extending the considerably less impressive Bic that was emblazoned with prescription drug branding.

When his joke was met with silence, he lifted his head.

Reggie was shuffling away in the direction of the television.  He was missing a slipper.

“How’s business today, Mr. Landry?”

The agent looked in the direction of the new arrival’s voice.

“Brisk, sir. Brisk,” he assured his questioner.  “I’m closing a sale right now.”

“Or I would be if you hadn’t gone and chased off my prospect,” he snorted as his eyes drifted back to the retreating figure.

Reggie had sauntered over to a cluster of unoccupied chairs on the far side of the recreation room, paralyzed into standing by the multiple seating options.

“The Vintage Square Development,” the newcomer asked.

Saul Landry eyed the interloper with suspicion before a wide smile spread across his face.

“Why yes, indeed … Vintage Square… marvel of modern architecture and the last place you will ever call home,” he segued.  “You strike me as the family type, am I right?”

“You got me,” said the doctor, settling into the chair opposite his patient. His own face stared back at him from the identification badge on the breast pocket of his pilfered coat.

“Do you have any move-in ready specs,” the doctor asked, placing a tape recorder on the table and pressing ‘record’ as he welcomed the forthcoming sales pitch for the long-defunct housing project.

Now that the outside world stood at the brink of a recovery, the rehabilitation efforts for his charges at the Shady Acres Home For the Criminally Inequitable could begin in earnest.

Today’s was an important session.

“You’re in luck,” Saul answered, adjusting his non-existent tie. “Looks like one just opened up!”

Greetings REO Agent,

As the foreclosure crisis here in Scottsdale is beginning to show signs of easing, if not exactly abating, your fellow Real Estate professionals are eager to welcome you back to the ranks of humanity.

You’ve been missed!

You’ve done what you needed to do to stay afloat during the difficult times of the past few years, but now that your bank business is slowly petering out, we have a few tips to help ease the transition back to regular old resale transactions. By following the advice herein, you should have little trouble re-assimilating with the general population.

1. Invest in some Supra lockboxes. We don’t fault you for not wanting to spend $70 a pop for an electronic box when you were carrying 50 listings at a time (okay, we do, but we aren’t ones to carry a grudge), but it’s a small sacrifice for the security of your mom and pop clients and ease of access for your fellow agents now that you are down to two overpriced townhouses.
2. You have to return phone calls again. As a busy professional, we understand that you can’t always field a call. Just bear in mind before letting everything roll to voicemail purgatory that you will need the sales force now that you can’t rely on grossly underpriced homes to do the job for you.
3. Burn your addenda. Then piss on it. Every last piece of superfluous documentation that your employing banks made we hard-working stiffs submit in advance of a purchase acceptance.
4. Regarding feedback on your new resale listings … um, yeah, not going to happen until you update us on the status of every unanswered offer we have collectively submitted on your REO listings over the past five years.
5. Camera phone listing photos … time to rethink this one. We recommend mixing in a shot or two of the interior while you’re at it. Human sellers appreciate marketing.
6. Be advised that our sellers will respond to all offers you draft in 3-5 business days. Or thereabouts. Your business is important to us, and we thank you in advance for your patience.
7. We do NOT advise touting your recent success of underselling the neighborhood, or looking equity sellers directly in the eye on your first forays back into the wild. They will charge.
8. Planning on working with buyers again? They are those vaguely homo sapienish looking creatures you have been studiously ignoring since 2006. We’d be happy to make introductions. They don’t think you really exist.
9. Time frames matter again.
10. Send the legion of fresh-faced assistants back for their diplomas. They still have a chance to make something of their young lives.

And most importantly, remember to have fun. Because we’re going to have a bunch of it at your expense in the coming months.

Sincerely,

The Real Estate Community

PS – We may have taken a few of your former clients while you were gone. Our bad. If you can pick any of yours out of a lineup, we will gladly return them. If not … tough titty for you, fishface.

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Note: This bit of light-hearted fare is purely satire and not intended to impugn the integrity and/or professionalism of my fellow REALTORS.

Much. 

As of this morning (2/24/12), there are 16,589 properties actively listed for sale in the Arizona Regional Multiple Listing Service, well below our peak inventory levels in the 50,000+ range at the height of the foreclosure crisis. Moreover, there are currently more homes under contract (19,962) across the Valley than currently available to purchase. 7486 properties closed escrow in the last month. At this rate, our market has just over 2 months of inventory. The supply of quality homes is anemic to the point that multiple offers and bidding wars are erupting across the greater Phoenix area on new listings. By any reasonable measure, we have stumbled into a strong seller’s market early in 2012.

So it’s time to throw your house on the market, right? As in all matters, it depends.

The case for selling

You have been trapped in a home you couldn’t sell for the past several years. Eager to downsize, upsize, relocate, etc, you’ve put your plans on hold while the market languished. Not convinced that this break in the clouds isn’t just a temporary mirage versus a sustainable recovery, you aren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Buyers are buying, and climbing over each other to do so. With the summer coming up, you are going to cash out what’s left of your equity so that you can finally get on with the next phase of your life before the winter/spring visitors leave, gas prices shoot through the roof and the market returns to its regularly scheduled slump.

The Case for Waiting

Yes, the market is changing. The Real Estate signs that once lined your street are disappearing. The last house on the block sold in a day for 10k over list price. It reminds you of the market conditions from 2005 that temporarily shot your value through the stratosphere. Now your house is worth about what you paid for it in 2002. You are tempted to throw your place on the market now that there are buyers for it, but you won’t have much left over for a down payment on another place. Further, you know this is the beginning of the recovery. Why sell at the low point when values should continue to climb for the foreseeable future? You’d like a new home that more closely reflects today’s needs, but aren’t willing to dump the current one at a price that might look low with a year’s hindsight.

The Case for Compromise

Can you cover your current mortgage by renting out your house? If so, and you have the financial means to qualify for another loan without selling, you might consider that route. For those who are optimistic that the current market is a sign of better things to come, this tactic covers two bases: 1) Secures the new property at today’s prices before appreciation takes further hold, and 2) Allows for holding on to the former property for another year or two of market gains before selling for a better price.

Which Road is Right for Me?

There is no one-size fits all equation for the buying or selling of homes. In addition to the financial variables at play, there are personal and emotional considerations that don’t fit neatly into a spreadsheet. The best advice I can offer is to take a close look at your chief objectives before deciding whether this is a “good” or a “bad” time to sell your home. Real Estate sales do not take place in a vacuum. The sale of a home must be considered in tandem with the subsequent purchase and vice versa.

It is a good time for sellers, in general, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t an even better time coming, or that it’s the “right” time for you.

Don’t hesitate to contact us for a complete review of your unique circumstances to determine if now is the ideal time to take the Real Estate plunge. We pledge objective analysis and honest opinion. Nothing more, nothing less.

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