Sure enough, it was the lovely couple I had sold the home to a few years back and had only recently visited over the holidays.  My mind raced.

What did I do wrong? Are they upset with me? Did I fail to keep in touch? Did I keep in touch too much? Is it because I mangled their son’s name that time we ran into each other at the coffee shop?

After letting my stomach churn over the myriad ways I could have potentially brought this upon myself, I finally picked up the phone. After two rings, a familiar voice answered.  Mindful to make sure that I did not say anything that could be construed as tampering with another agent’s listing, I simply blurted out, “What happened?”

Long story short: The wife’s hairdresser had recently gotten her Real Estate license to use on the side.  Now, in my opinion, the words “hairdresser” and “Realtor” should never collide in the same sentence, but apparently not everyone agrees.  No one would ever in a million years sit down at a chair and let me go to town with a pair of clippers and #2 attachment, but my highly educated clients made the decision to help her out by listing a $500,000 asset for sale and purchasing a million dollar property with her.

Now, I will not pretend that I did not first take the news personally and selfishly. That is a big chunk of business to lose to a hobbyist, and it stung. The value proposition of hiring a full-time, active agent did not outweigh the desire to help a friend get started in the industry. That is not an easy pill to swallow. What’s worse and ultimately paramount, however, is the disservice such a choice can do to the consumer him or herself. When you don’t engage in the practice of selling Real Estate but once or twice a year, if it all, you put the people you represent at an immediate disadvantage. You simply don’t know what you don’t know.

And sadly, in this case, my former clients … ultimately got a bad haircut. 

It serves as a reminder that it doesn’t go without saying to the general public that all agents are not interchangeable. The effect of the misconception that we are can have a monumental effect on your bottom line and long-term satisfaction. As such, I try to use such experiences as teachable moments.

Remember, folks. We all want to help our friends and family members when and where we can, but think carefully before employing someone to guide you through a home sale or purchase if it is just their “side hustle.” This is not a profession that requires an advanced degree or special skill set over and above modest intelligence, tenacity, and a willingness to leverage your knowledge and experience for the benefit of your clients, but it does require practice. Experience. Repetition. Like any other human endeavor performed exceptionally, if never perfectly.

I don’t begrudge anyone the opportunity to make a little extra money in their spare time, but I firmly believe there is value to hiring someone who is working in their primary field of expertise. Hire your neighbor’s kid to pull your weeds. Hire your nephew’s girlfriend to walk your dog.

But when you have a major service need, I would advise the following:

• Need roof work done? Hire a roofer.
• Need your transmission serviced? Hire a mechanic.
• Need a haircut? Hire a barber.
• Need to buy or sell a home? Hire a Realtor.

And not a moonlighter. An active, full-time Real Estate professional who has been there, done that, and won the cheesy t-shirt in a home tour group raffle. 

After all, if you don’t want me fixing your fade after spending my evenings learning the craft via YouTube, you probably don’t want your hair stylist selling your house. 

Paul has been selling the greater Phoenix area as a full-time Realtor for over 20 years now. For all of your Scottsdale AZ Real Estate needs, please visit him at www.scottsdalepropertyshop.com

Moving day is never easy. Keepsakes overwhelm boxes. Boxes overwhelm trunks. Memories overwhelm hearts.

Leaving a house is simple. Leaving a home is sacred. It is something that demands reflection and resolve, whether the circumstances surrounding the upheaval are chosen or forced. Happy or sad. Not everything fits neatly into a box. Not everything is meant to. Hopes, dreams, smiles and tears stay behind, etching one’s passage just as clearly as the jagged initials carved into an old ash tree in the front yard. As deliberately as the carefully penciled height marks that chase each other up a kitchen door frame. Though you leave, you are never entirely gone. Your footfalls never forgotten.

Moving day comes for us all. And it is hard.

As your agent, I understand this. It is my distinct honor and privilege to guide you through this momentous transition. It is also a great responsibility. I thank you for your trust and vow not to squander it.

This is my pledge to you.

So it’s time to throw your house on the market, right? As in all matters, it depends.

The case for selling

You have been trapped in a home you couldn’t sell for the past several years. Eager to downsize, upsize, relocate, etc, you’ve put your plans on hold while the market languished. Not convinced that this break in the clouds isn’t just a temporary mirage versus a sustainable recovery, you aren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Buyers are buying, and climbing over each other to do so. With the summer coming up, you are going to cash out what’s left of your equity so that you can finally get on with the next phase of your life before the winter/spring visitors leave, gas prices shoot through the roof and the market returns to its regularly scheduled slump.

The Case for Waiting

Yes, the market is changing. The Real Estate signs that once lined your street are disappearing. The last house on the block sold in a day for 10k over list price. It reminds you of the market conditions from 2005 that temporarily shot your value through the stratosphere. Now your house is worth about what you paid for it in 2002. You are tempted to throw your place on the market now that there are buyers for it, but you won’t have much left over for a down payment on another place. Further, you know this is the beginning of the recovery. Why sell at the low point when values should continue to climb for the foreseeable future? You’d like a new home that more closely reflects today’s needs, but aren’t willing to dump the current one at a price that might look low with a year’s hindsight.

The Case for Compromise

Can you cover your current mortgage by renting out your house? If so, and you have the financial means to qualify for another loan without selling, you might consider that route. For those who are optimistic that the current market is a sign of better things to come, this tactic covers two bases: 1) Secures the new property at today’s prices before appreciation takes further hold, and 2) Allows for holding on to the former property for another year or two of market gains before selling for a better price.

Which Road is Right for Me?

There is no one-size fits all equation for the buying or selling of homes. In addition to the financial variables at play, there are personal and emotional considerations that don’t fit neatly into a spreadsheet. The best advice I can offer is to take a close look at your chief objectives before deciding whether this is a “good” or a “bad” time to sell your home. Real Estate sales do not take place in a vacuum. The sale of a home must be considered in tandem with the subsequent purchase and vice versa.

It is a good time for sellers, in general, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t an even better time coming, or that it’s the “right” time for you.

Don’t hesitate to contact us for a complete review of your unique circumstances to determine if now is the ideal time to take the Real Estate plunge. We pledge objective analysis and honest opinion. Nothing more, nothing less.

Contact Us   |   Our Listing Services   |  What’s My Home Worth?

A refrain familiar to any working Realtor. Be it a frozen shut-off valve under the kitchen sink, a double-tapped breaker in the main electrical panel, a wobbly ceiling fan or a stubborn sliding glass door, there is a minor nit or five in most every list of buyer repair requests that follows a home inspection. A seller’s response to a list comprised of such nuisance items typically goes one of two ways.

1. The seller exhales deeply, thanking his lucky stars that the inspection gauntlet has been navigated with minimal carnage. The roof passed without mention and the balky A/C somehow managed to attain the proper temperature split, so he doesn’t look the gift report in the mouth. He signs off on the couple hundred dollars worth of repairs before the buyer changes his mind, thus closing the window for withdrawal from the transaction based upon physical defects with the property.

2. The seller goes ballistic. Enraged by the unmitigated gall of the buyer to bust his stones with inconsequential repairs on a multi-hundred thousand dollar transaction, he agrees to correct every item on the repair list EXCEPT the loose toilet tank.

This isn’t a brand &$%#ing new house, he rages. Besides, is the buyer really going to walk over something his worthless a$$ can fix with thirty seconds and a wrench?

The pragmatic seller opts for door number one. He signs off on the repair agreement, thus slamming shut the buyer’s dual-pane inspection window. At this point, unless the buyer’s loan falls apart, the appraisal goes awry or the buyer breaches the agreement (thus forfeiting his earnest money), the sale is going through.

The saucy seller kicks in door number two. Of the ten requested repairs, he agrees to nine, omitting only the most trivial bit of ridiculousness that pisses him off on general principle. He knows the buyer isn’t going to walk over a creaky door hinge, and his written response indicates as much.

What the seller may not be aware of, however, is that by denying any of the buyer’s repair requests, he has essentially prolonged the buyer’s “free look” period by another five days.

What? How did that happen?

Yep, it’s true. Stated right in the original contract (assuming the boiler plate language of the standard AAR purchase agreement was unaltered during the course of the negotiation), the buyer has ten days from the date that the contract is fully executed by all parties to perform any/all inspections. Before the 10th day elapses, notice of any defects that the buyer wishes the seller to correct must be provided. The seller then has five days to respond (no response indicates seller’s refusal to make repairs). If the seller agrees to repairs, the inspection period is over and a major walk-away contingency for the buyer is removed. If the seller does not agree to ALL repairs, the buyer has five more days from the receipt of the seller’s written response to decide whether or not to proceed with the transaction.

That’s right, ANY repair. No matter how trivial.

And while the buyer is unlikely to torpedo the transaction over a leaky sprinkler head per se, it does provide additional time and impetus to rethink the entire endeavor, for buyer’s remorse to take up occupancy in a fickle mind … for a superior property to enter the market and attract the attention of the buyer, YOUR BUYER, while he still has a transactional out.

Time kills deals. You don’t want to cede any more of it than absolutely necessary. What starts as a dispute over a teeny, tiny physical property deficiency can morph into a referendum on the purchase itself.

Is this really where I want to live?

Can I really afford home ownership?

Maybe a townhouse would provide less ongoing maintenance?

Big ticket items always need to be reviewed carefully, but don’t sweat the small stuff. I urge you, as a seller, to think twice before rejecting repairs that cost you little more than aggravation.

It might end up costing you a whole lot more.

Rochelle Laraway waited the three seconds it took for her husband to look up from his notes.

“Toots,” the software engineer questioned, pulling his keen eyes from the meticulously organized data on the yellow legal pad.

“Mr. Bartowski,” Rochelle replied. “Don’t pretend you didn’t notice.”

She pinched her nose and waved a hand in front of her face; her flawless skin scrunched up against an imagined stench.

“That’s just mean, Ro,” Shane scolded, unable to suppress a smile. “It could be a medical condition.”

“Yeah, gluteous halitosis,” Rochelle countered with a laugh. “I’m sorry, but he smells like rotten eggplant.”

Shane threw his hands in the air; exasperated, as always, by his wife’s unparalleled aversion to pragmatism. Who knew choosing a Real Estate agent would be the first real test of their young marriage?

“We’re not getting anywhere here,” he declared, focusing on her thick eyelashes as they batted once, twice, thrice.

“Really? I think we are making some progress,” Rochelle argued.

“Progress,” Shane wondered. “Thus far, we have determined that Mrs. Dahl has a voice like shrapnel and reminds you of my mother …”

“Grr,” Rochelle growled.

“… Mr. Shroeder, or should I say, Jerry Maguire,” Shane continued, “is too slick.”

“Show me the money,” Rochelle squealed.

“And now poor Mr. Bartowski is a touch malodorous,” Shane finished.

“A touch malodorous,” Rochelle gasped. “The man is a walking septic tank!”

Shane bent back over his notes, tugging on the sleeve cuff of his lightly-starched cotton button-up exactly three times before picking up the pad.

“I knew it would come to this,” he confided. “So I went ahead and compiled a list of pros and cons for each candidate.”

Rochelle slouched back in her chair with arms crossed. Her dark eyes brimmed with skepticism. She was stunning.

“To take emotion and irrelevant personality quirks out of the equation, I assigned each one a number at random,” Shane said. “Remember, Ro, we’re selecting a Real Estate agent, not a travel companion.”

Rochelle remained silent.

“Agent number one is a twenty year veteran of the business. Strong interpersonal skills, strong sales record,” Shane began. “Numerous productivity awards and industry designations. Works for a boutique brokerage that specializes in both our area and the luxury market.”

“Likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain,” Rochelle deadpanned.

“Negatives,” Shane continued, ignoring her. “Unimpressive web presence, including a non-user friendly website. More emphasis on print marketing than internet advertising. High commission rate.”

Shane waited a beat, expecting another retort from the resident smart alec. When he didn’t get one, he continued.

“Agent number two is a sixteen year vet. Decent web presence. Equal emphasis on online marketing and traditional methods. Not as many sales in our neighborhood as Agent One, but more total sales in the last twelve months. Works for a large brokerage with a national buyer referral base. Slightly better commission rate.”

“Go on,” Rochelle prodded, warming to the analytical approach despite herself.

“Chief negatives include a high volume of listings, and being slightly out of area. Will our home receive the attention it requires? Will we get passed on to an assistant?”

“Agent number three is the most tech savvy,” Shane continued. “Amazing website, near the top of virtually every Google search term for our area. Very user-friendly. More reliance on tech than traditional marketing means less intrusion from tour groups and open houses. Best commission rate of the bunch. Very aggressive.”

“Negatives,” Rochelle prompted, now leaning forward with elbows on knees; the palms of her hands supporting her delicate chin.

“Only four years in the business,” Shane obliged. “Fewest total sales, none in the immediate neighborhood. Never heard of the brokerage.”

“Number two,” Rochelle announced.

“Just like that?”

“Yes, just like that,” she confirmed. “And that’s your choice, too.”

All Shane could do was smile. Married less than a year, and she already knew him inside and out.

“See, babe,” he crowed. “Logic and reason. It’s all about choosing the right tool for the job, not a best friend.”

“Shall we meet our agent,” he asked with a wry grin, tapping the notepad three times before flipping the page.

“Drumroll, please,” he requested.

Rochelle obliged by rolling her tongue and patting her designer blue jean-clad knees.

“And the winner is … Hans Bartowski!”

Rochelle groaned and buried her head in her hands.

“Reshuffle the deck,” she instructed through her fingers. “We are not listing with Captain Flatulence.”

“You mean Toots,” Shane corrected as he tore the sheet of paper from the pad, folded it three times and set it aside.

“So now what?”

“We tried it your way,” Rochelle advised. “Now we try mine.”

Now it was Shane’s turn to groan as he emptied his mind of reason and held on for the ride.

“You disagree with my analysis,” Maxwell Listers surmised. He was not unaccustomed to the question, though twenty six years of patient rebuttal had him rethinking the answer some days.

“You call that an analysis,” Ollie Meanders dismissed. “Even my senile mother in law could tell you this house is worth five hundred grand, and she thinks you can still buy a ticket to a picture show for a nickel.”

“I see,” Max replied, organizing the stack of comparable sales he had spent the past half hour explaining in excruciating detail. “Your mother in law would no doubt be swayed by the thirty two hundred square feet you claim to possess.”

“Damn straight,” Ollie confirmed, puffing his hirsute chest beneath an overmatched, crumpled white undershirt.

“Why, that three thousand square foot house one block over just sold for four eighty after all, and it didn’t even have a fireplace, did it,” Max agreed, leafing through his stack to the appropriate property listing.

Ollie stared at the agent with suspicion roiling in his beady eyes. He knew he was being taken for a ride, he just didn’t know where.

“Of course,” Max continued, “that was all original square footage …”

“So,” Ollie challenged.

“So original square footage is more valuable than added square footage,” Max concluded on cue, his silver hair lending more credence to the proclamation than the dirty blonde it had crowded out a decade earlier.

“What the hell is the difference,” Ollie pressed. “Thirty two hundred feet is thirty two hundred feet!”

The cords in Ollie’s sausage forearms rearranged themselves into angry knots beneath his taut, freckled skin.

“Think so,” Max asked, his arched eyebrows issuing a direct challenge.

“Well, sure,” Ollie sputtered. “Who cares … I mean, what does it, uh, matter if it, um …”

“Remind me, how many bedrooms do you have, Ollie?”

“Four,” the homeowner boasted, jutting his chin at the listing in Max’s hand. “Same as that one!”

“And did I miss the formal dining room somewhere when you were showing me around?”

“No,” Ollie said with slightly less confidence. “That’s where I added the fourth bedroom.”

“And how many baths?”

“Well … still just the one and a half,” Ollie admitted.

“How about parking,” Max asked.

“I, um, enclosed the garage to make the game room.”

“And this kitchen,” Max continued, looking about the small galley.

“Installed the granite counter tops myself,” Ollie crowed.

“And they are stunning,” Max allowed. “But does this room strike you as the hub of a thirty two hundred square foot home, or would you agree that it more closely embodies your home’s former life as a seventeen hundred square footer?”

“It might be a bit on the small side,” Ollie acknowledged. “But I converted the laundry room to a pantry for extra storage.”

Max scribbled something on a manilla folder marked “Meanders, Ollie.”

“These low ceilings ….”

“No, I don’t have the big, fancy vaults that some of my neighbors do,” Ollie ceded. “But do you have any idea how much it costs to cool that extra space?”

“And the back patio … wait. Where is the back patio,” Max asked, craning his sinewy neck to look past the homeowner.

“I enclosed that, too,” Ollie replied, slowly being sapped of his pugnacity.

“Ah yes, I see,” Max nodded. “That would explain the step-down and the funky slope to the roof line. A shame how it darkens the family room and eats up the backyard.”

“Should I put in some skylights?”

Max shook his head.

“You’d just be throwing good money after bad,” Max advised the crestfallen homeowner. “I’m afraid you have a Frankenstein house, Ollie.”

“Frankenstein house?”

“A Frankenstein house,” Max confirmed. “You took a perfectly good little home and created a monster – a big, sprawling octopus of a property, one incongruous addition at a time.”

“But the bigger, the better, right?”

“No, Ollie. Not necessarily,” Max corrected. “Your house doesn’t fit the needs or expectations of a larger family despite the raw square footage, nor does the new layout fit the single or couple to whom it would have originally appealed. You are stuck between buyer demographics. Homeseller Purgatory, if you will.”

Ollie buried his head in his hands.

“You just can’t juice a little house into something it isn’t,” Max added for good measure.

“All that work,” Ollie moaned. “All those trips to Lowes.”

“Wish you’d called me in sooner,” Max lamented. “Would have aborted Rosemary’s Baby here before it was ever conceived.”

“Hey!”

“My apologies,” Max offered.

“Well,” Ollie breathed with a heavy sigh. “I need to move, but I’ve put way too much into it to sell it for three fifty. What do I do?”

Max took a moment to ponder their options.

“How’s your insurance,” he wondered.

“Insurance,” Ollie parroted with evident confusion. “Full replacement cost, why?”

“Fire bad,” Max suggested with a conspiratory wink.

The agent stood and lumbered out of the cramped kitchen with arms extended out in front of him like the monster fleeing an angry mob of torch-bearing villagers.

Why, you ask?

Because there is little to no motivation on the part of the occupant to participate in the process. Think about it. With zero financial stake in the sale of a property, why would anyone care to have their daily lives disturbed by pushy Real Estate agents and their snooping clients? As such, tenants tend to make home showings more difficult than owner occupants.

You want to show the home in an hour? No, today is impossible.

Tomorrow? No, tomorrow doesn’t look real good either.

Given that a landlord or an agent of the landlord cannot legally enter the premises in cases of non-emergency without permission or 48 hours written notice (under the AZ Landlord-Tenant Act), it is not uncommon to come across such tenant-occupied listings that require 2 days minimum notice prior to showings. These constraints cost owners more than a few showings, particularly those of the spur of the moment, I’m in town to buy a house today variety.

In a market choked with inventory, especially in the lower price points where rental properties typically live, few will bother looking at the homes that are difficult to view. There are simply too many readily accessible options to make special plans to see one nondescript investment property.

So how does the owner of such a home counter the tenant malaise that is killing his/her ability to sell prior to the expiration of the lease (inviting the holding costs and desperate pricing decisions that can accompany a vacancy)? By incentivizing the tenant to participate in the process.

It frankly amazes me that tenant-occupied properties are often so difficult to show when the remedy is so readily apparent: money.

Offer your tenant a discounted rate on the rent or nominal alternative compensation ($500 is a lot of money for the average tenant) if the home sells while they occupy it. By doing so, you will not only encourage your tenant to eagerly agree to the showings that were formerly abhorred, but will provide the requisite motivation for showing the home in its best condition as well. Get the tenant on your side by offering a stake in the outcome and watch the beds make themselves, the dirty socks disappear from the living room floor, the food-caked plates on the kitchen counter find their way into the dishwasher.

When you empower the powerless, everyone benefits. From the only perspective that matters in a Real Estate transaction – yours – that means minimized holding costs and maximized sales price. Cool beans.

Selling a home is not rocket science, just an exercise in the practical study and application of human motivation. For your own sake, you have to step outside of your head every once in a while to learn how to help others help you.

This is your Jerry Maguire moment. Don’t blow it.

Realtorspeak

As we in the business have a tendency to forget that not everyone readily understands our acronym-heavy lexicon, the following is the CliffsNotes version of a Scottsdale Real Estate dictionary. Of course, me being me, a few red herrings are included amongst the standard terms you will encounter in your adventure to buy or sell a house to keep you on your toes. See if you can pick them out, and leave me a comment with your guesses.

And as always, kids, we are not attorneys. DO NOT rely on my interpretations of the terms below for legal purpose.

——————————————————————————————————————————————–

AAR – “Arizona Association of Realtors” is the body responsible for the Standard Purchase Agreement that is typically used in residential Real Estate transactions.

Active – A property listing in the MLS that is currently for sale.

Active With Contingency – A property listing in the MLS that is under contract, but accepting backup offers.

Addendum – Document attached to a Purchase Agreement (Contract).

Agency – Fiduciary obligation of a Real Estate Agent (Broker) to represent the best interests of a client in a Real Estate transaction. May be expressed (stated in writing) or implied (through the actions of the agent).

Agent – While the term “Agent” can refer to numerous things, it is most often used in conjunction with a Real Estate transaction to refer to a REALTOR (either a Buyer’s Agent or Listing Agent). SEE ALSO: Real Estate Agent

Appraisal – Valuation of a property’s current worth by an independent professional. An appraisal is part of nearly every financed transaction.

APR – “Annual Percentage Rate” calculates the true cost of borrowing by tallying expenses associated with the loan (closing costs), spreading those costs over the life of the loan, and adding to the rate of interest.

ARM – “Adjustable Rate Mortage”

ARMLS – “Arizona Regional Multiple Listing Service”

“As Is” – Term of a transaction which indicates that the property will convey to the buyer in its present condition, with no repairs required of or agreed to by the seller.

Assessed Value – The basis for property taxes in Maricopa County, as determined by the County Assessor. Assessed Value is calculated at 10% of Full Market Value.

Asset Manager – Person employed by a bank to represent its interests in the sale of property acquired through Trustee’s Sale (Foreclosure).

Bank-Owned Home – See “Foreclosure”

BINSR – “Buyer’s Inspection Notice and Seller’s Response,” standard form used for negotiation of repairs on residential property in AZ.

Blanket Insurance Policy – Insurance coverage that protects the physical structure of a property. Coverage typically extends to the interior studs, leaving drywall, flooring, etc unprotected (unless supplemented with additional coverage).

BPO – A “Broker’s Opinion of Value” is basically a poor man’s appraisal (though we agents are not allowed to refer to our evaluations as “appraisals” as we are not licensed in that field). Primarily used by banks to determine current market value of a property on the cheap (approximately $50-75 versus $350-400). As the name suggests, BPO’s are performed by Real Estate Agents.

Buyer – The person(s) or entity purchasing Real Property.

Buyer’s Agent – Real Estate Agent who represents the Buyer in a Real Estate transaction.

Broker – A Real Estate Broker is an intermediary between a Buyer and Seller in a transaction. Often, there are two Brokers in a Real Estate transaction; one who represents the Seller, and one who represents the Buyer. More often than not, the salespersons with whom the Buyer and Seller interact directly (Buyer’s Agent and Listing Agent respectively) are not the actual Brokers, but agents of the Broker.

Chain of Title – Sequence of title transfers from the present owner back to the original owner.

Client – Principal in a Real Estate transaction (Buyer or Seller) to whom an agent owes a fiduciary obligation.

Closing Costs – Costs due a Buyer or Seller at the Close of Escrow in association with a Real Estate transaction.

CLUE Report – “Comprehensive Loss Underwriting Exchange” details past insurance claims against a property.

CMA – “Comparable Market Analysis” utilized by Real Estate Agents to derive an opinion of a property’s current market value.

COE – Or “Close of Escrow,” is the agreed upon date on which the title (ownership rights) to the property is transferred from Seller to Buyer.

Comps – Short for “Comparable Sales,” recent Comps comprise the linchpin of a property’s current market value.

Contingency – An act upon which a Real Estate transaction is subject, ie: buyer obtaining a loan, the property appraising for the purchase price, buyer selling another property, etc.

Contract – Also known as a “Purchase Agreement,” the legal instrument which states the terms of the agreement to buy/sell between the Buyer and Seller.

Contract Date – The date upon which a Purchase Agreement is fully executed by all parties.

Conventional Loan – Financing vehicle that is not insured or guaranteed by a government agency, and adheres to Fannie Mae (Federal National Mortgage Association) guidelines, with a maximum loan amount of $417,000 in AZ (at the time of this posting).

Counter Offer – A written response that alters one or more terms of an offer to purchase.

Creative Financing – Means of financing the purchase of Real Property that is most likely to result in incarceration.

Cure Notice – Written notice from one party to another during the escrow period of a breach of contract. The breaching party is granted, according to the standard terms of the AAR Purchase Agreement, 3 days to correct the breach before the non-breaching party is permitted to unilaterally cancel the transaction and pursue additional recourse.

Customer – Principal in a Real Estate transaction to whom an Agent (Broker) owes no fiduciary obligation (either represented by another Broker or unrepresented).

Deed of Trust – Legal instrument securing a lender’s interest in a property, included in the closing documents in financed (non-cash) transactions.

Discount Point(s) – Lending fee(s) which may be charged to borrowers with lower credit scores, or at the borrower’s discretion to “buy down” the interest rate. One point is typically equivalent to one percent of the total loan amount.

DOM – “Days On Market” for a listed property.

Dual Agency – The representation of both principals (Buyer and Seller) in a transaction by a single Broker.

Earnest Money / Deposit – “Good Faith” funds, typically deposited with 3rd party title company (or broker’s trust account) upon contractual agreement between Buyer and Seller.

Easement – Right to use of a property for a specific purpose by a party other than the owner, such as a utility company.

Escrow – The process in which title is transferred from the Seller to the Buyer in a Real Estate transaction via neutral third party in accordance with the terms of the Purchase Agreement (Contract).

Escrow Officer – Professional who oversees the Escrow process.

Equity – A homeowner’s financial stake in a property (determined by subtracting existing liens and encumbrances from current market value).  ALTERNATE DEFINITION – Something we all once had in far greater supply.

Fair Housing – Doctrine which mandates I not advertise my listings as “FAMILY friendly,” “Within WALKING distance of the SYNAGOGUE,” or “Perfect for RETIREES and EMPTY NESTERS” because the federal government hates target marketing almost as much as it hates me.

Fair Market Value – The price a willing buyer and seller agree to in the open market.

FHA – aka the “Federal Housing Authority,” FHA financing is available for the purchase of a primary residence with a max loan amount of $346,250 (at the time of this posting) in Maricopa County. Property and borrower must meet certain eligibility requirements.

FICOs – Credit scores from the three major reporting bureaus (Experian, Equifax and TransUnion).

Fiduciary – One who is entrusted to represent the best interests of another. In a Real Estate transaction, the fiduciary is the Broker (and agent thereof) who represents a principal (Buyer or Seller).

Final Walkthrough – Buyer’s reinspection of a property immediately prior to the Close of Escrow to ensure that the premises are in substantially the same condition as when the Purchase Agreement was executed, and that any/all agreed upon repairs have been completed to satisfaction.

Financing Contingency – Under the standard AAR Purchase Agreement, a transaction is contingent upon the Buyer’s ability to obtain financing. Unless the boilerplate terms of the agreement have been altered, the Buyer is typically entitled to a full return of the earnest funds if denied for a loan (provided the good faith effort described in the Purchase Agreement has been put forth) at any point prior to the Close of Escrow.

Foreclosure – A bit of a misnomer as properties in AZ are taken back by the bank (or the highest bidder) via “Trustee’s Sale” for non-payment by the mortgagee (homeowner), a Foreclosure property is one which is now owned by the bank or its assignee.

Funding – The lender’s release of closing funds upon full loan approval to the title company.

Fustigate – To beat with a stick. Typically pertaining to Loss Mitigation Specialists and Underwriters in a Real Estate transaction.

Good Faith Estimate – Or “GFE,” is a legally-required estimate of total settlement costs to a Borrower from a Mortgage Lender or Broker.

Guarantee – Distant cousin of the unicorn, this mythical creature does not live inside a Real Estate transaction.

Hardship Letter – A letter, required in a Short Sale transaction, that details the nature of the homeowner’s hardship that necessitates a sale of the property for less than the balance owed on the loan(s).

Hazard Insurance – Required by most lenders, indemnifies against property loss due to nature (fire, storm, etc). Additional coverage may be required for properties that fall within designated disaster areas (flood plains, etc).

HELOC – “Home Equity Line of Credit”

Highest and Best – Solicitation by the Seller, usually in competitive multiple offer scenarios, for a Buyer’s best offer.

HOA – A “Homeowner’s Association” is a governing body (managed either professionally or by the homeowners themselves) that may impose additional rules and bylaws over and above local ordinances to preserve the quality of life and integrity of property values for its members. Periodic fees (monthly, quarterly, semi-annually or annually) are typically levied to support the body and maintain common area elements (community pools, guard gates, clubhouse, foliage, etc). Special assessments can be levied for specific projects over and above the standard operating budget.

Homeowner’s Insurance – Insurance policy that combines hazard coverage with personal liability protection.

Home Warranty – Annual coverage policy for the primary mechanical components of a home, often included in the negotiation between Buyer and Seller.

HUD Home – A property taken over by HUD (Department of Housing and Urban Development) after default on an FHA loan. An FHA loan foreclosure.

HUD-1 Settlement Statement – Itemized list of all costs incurred and funds disbursed at closing.

IDX – “Internet Data Exchange” program that most local Real Estate Brokers participate in, allowing for the proliferation of their ARMLS listings across publicly accessible websites.

Inspection Period – Sometimes referred to as the “Due Dilligence Period,” the Inspection Period typically extends 10 days (negotiable) from full execution of the Purchase Agreement by both parties. During this period, the Buyer is to perform any/all inspections of the property and decide whether to 1) Accept the premises, 2) Request Repairs or 3) Cancel the transaction, provided that none of these options were overridden in the Purchase Agreement.

Interest Rate – The cost of borrowing money for a home loan is based on a percentage rate of interest. While most loan programs offer a fixed rate of interest over the life of the loan, some (ARMs) adjust at specified intervals based on the behavior of a particular index. Most 30 year fixed mortgage rates are driven by ten year, five year and one year Treasury Note yields on the open market, not the fund rate you hear about the FED lowering or raising on the nightly news.

Jumanji – Finding oneself under contract on multiple properties after negotiating offers on more than one at a time.

Jumbo Loan – Financing type that exceeds Fannie Mae conforming loan limits. In AZ, that would be a loan amount in excess of $417,000 presently.

Junior Lien – A lien that is subordinate to a prior lien; ie second mortgages, lines of credit, etc. A junior lienholder is often the fly in the ointment to a successful Short Sale.

Lead-Based Paint Disclosure – Federally required disclosure on all properties built prior to 1978, the year lead was outlawed in paint.

Lease – Rental Agreement for temporary housing.

Lienholder – The financial institution or investor that holds a Deed of Trust.

Listing Agent – Real Estate Agent that represents the Seller in a transaction.

Loan – See “Mortgage”

Lockbox – Key repository used by Real Estate Agents to alternately permit and gain entry into a property.

Loss Mitigation Specialist – AKA “The Anti-Christ,” is the negotiator employed by a bank to represent their interests in a Short Sale transaction.

LSR – A “Loan Status Report” is a buyer pre-qualification form that is attached (typically) to an Offer per the terms of the standard AAR Purchase Agreement.

LTV – “Loan To Value” ratio which outlines down payment requirements for a loan program. For example, an 80/20 LTV reflects a loan for 80% of the value (purchase price), and a 20% down payment from the Buyer.

Mortgage – “Deeds of Trust” are recorded in Arizona instead of Mortgages, but essentially interchangeable terms that refer to the legal instrument used to secure the lender’s interest in the property.

Mortgage Banker – A mortgage professional who works for and sells the financing products of a specific bank.

Mortgage Broker – An intermediary who matches borrowers with financial institutions based on needs and terms. The primary difference between a Mortgage Broker and a Mortgage Banker is that a Broker is not necessarily affiliated with any particular institution.

Negotiation – The attempt to reach an accord between Buyer and Seller on the terms of a Real Estate transaction.

Offer – The initial proposal (must be in writing to be legally recognized) to purchase Real Property; the starting point of a negotiation between Buyer and Seller.

Open House – Four hour blocks of a Listing Agent’s time used to catch up on crossword puzzles.

Origination Fee – Fee which may be charged by a Mortgage Banker or Broker in affiliation with a new loan and included in the Buyer’s closing costs. Most often, an origination fee is equal to 1% of the loan amount.

Pending – An alternate option for a property that is under contract, a listing entered into “Pending” status is effectively removed from the market (not soliciting backup offers) while escrow is navigated.

Personal Property – Affects of a homeowner that are not considered Real Property, and therefore, do not transfer upon sale unless specified in the Purchase Agreement. Basic rule of thumb for Arizona holds that anything that requires a tool to remove from the home is considered a fixture of the house, and conveys unless excluded. Notably, refrigerators and washers/dryers are personal property in AZ.

PITI – “Principal, Interest, Taxes and Insurance” of which a monthly mortgage payment is comprised.

PMI – Private Mortgage Insurance, required on loans with down payments less than 20% of the purchase price.

Preliminary Title Report – Report that lists conditions of obtaining title insurance and any exceptions to the policy’s coverage.

Primary Lienholder – The lienholder in first position on a property, often the holder of the Deed of Trust.

Primary Residence – Where you hang your hat, for financing and tax purposes.

Property Taxes – Taxes levied annually and paid semi-annually in conjunction with the ownership of Real Property in AZ. Total tax liability is determined by multiplying a property’s assessed value (10% of True Market Value, as determined by the County Assessor’s Office) by a municipality’s current tax rate.

Purchase Agreement – See Contract

Quitclaim Deem – Transfer of interest in a property from one party to another without warranty.

Real Estate Agent – A person licensed to transact in the sale of Real Property.

REALTOR® – Real Estate Agent who is an active member of the National Association of Realtors. All Realtors are Real Estate Agents, but not all Real Estate Agents are necessarily Realtors.

Real Property – Land and its appurtenances plus the physical improvements (structures) made to a property.

Recording – The recordation of the warranty deed (conveying title from Seller to Buyer) at the county recorder’s office signifies the official Close of Escrow in Arizona.

REO – “Real Estate Owned” AKA Foreclosure or Bank-Owned Property.

Renter’s Insurance – Otherwise known as “Content Insurance,” this type of coverage protects personal affects.

RESPA – “Real Estate Settlement Procedures Act” that establishes consumer protections in a Real Estate transaction, including measures to ensure proper disclosure of estimated settlement fees, and prohibitions on kickbacks from service providers that may increase total settlement costs.

Riparian Rights – System for allocating water rights that AZ Realtors learn about in licensing coursework and then summarily forget. This is the desert, people. We don’t own squat.

Schedule B – List of exceptions to coverage in a Title Report

Seller – The person(s) or entity selling Real Property.

Short Sale – A Real Estate transaction in which the total lien(s) against a property exceed its current market value. Approval must be gained from the lienholder(s) to accept repayment in an amount less than owed in exchange for the lien’s release. With a host of possible legal and tax ramifications, consultation with a Real Estate attorney is strongly advised before a Seller pursue a short sale.

SPDS – “Seller Property Disclosure Statement” which outlines the Seller’s knowledge of the property’s history, and is given to the buyer within 5 days of contract acceptance under the terms of the standard AAR Purchase Agreement. Such disclosures are rarely available for bank-owned properties, thus this provision is often stricken from the agreement on REO transactions.

Subprime Loan – A financing option for borrowers who don’t qualify for traditional mortgage programs that is presently about as viable as Justin Bieber’s impending induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Title – Bundle of rights that accompanies ownership (either whole or partial) interest in a property.

Title Agent – Third party responsible for underwriting a title insurance policy. The term is often used  interchangeably with “Escrow Agent” in AZ, but the two are not necessarily the same.

Title Insurance – Coverage supplied by a Title Agent that warrants clear title to a property (less any listed exceptions of the policy). Separate policies are available to protect the interests of homeowners and lenders.

Trustee – Third party to whom a property is entrusted for the protection of a beneficiary.

Trustee’s Sale – Sale of a property under the terms of a Deed of Trust as a remedy for default in Arizona. The artist otherwise known as “Foreclosure.”

Underwater – Slang reference for a home loan whose balance exceeds the current market value of the property.

Underwriter – The professional responsible for final review of a Buyer’s loan package and underwriting of the closing documents.

Usain Bolt – Jamaican speedster who is considerably faster than the housing recovery.

VA Loan – Financing type available to veterans.

Vacant – Terminology used to describe an undeveloped lot or an unoccupied home.

Vesting – Manner in which title to a property is taken. Standard options include “Sole and Separate Property,” “Joint Tenancy,” “Tenants In Common,” “Community Property” and “Community Property with Right of Survivorship.” As there are potential legal and tax ramifications to the option selected, seeking the advice of an attorney and/or CPA is recommended.

Zestimate – A continual source of amusement for Real Estate Agents.

I am drafting this explanation of hardship in attempt to effect a short sale of my property located at 88 W. Tantalus Lane, Scottsdale, AZ 85258.

When I purchased the property on 1/16/2005, I was under the impression that Real Estate values never declined. That’s what the guy doing the seminar behind the Benihana on 12th said, at least. Granted, I wasn’t thinking clearly because I skipped dinner and the aroma of szechuan beef was driving me half mad with hunger, but I decided right then and there that I was going to put all sixty two of my dollars into Real Estate investing. If he could buy 764 properties for no money down, why the hell couldn’t I?  Figured I could finally hang up my plunger for good.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to swab out a stall after the sponsored little league team comes through and crushes fifty happy meals in four minutes flat?

So I bought a place. And another. And another. Before long, I had both shift managers leasing houses from me. It was awesome. One time, Steve, the ball-buster who managed nights, told me I overcooked the fries. My shift ended two hours before his. I threw all his shit out in the front yard and changed the locks. Nobody complained about my fries after that.

Anywho, after my brother in law flew down from Sacramento and got his Real Estate license in like six minutes, he hooked me up with this appraiser guy. Got all the houses refi’ed for 200% of purchase price and bought this here spread for cash. I only put the mortgage on it with you guys so I could cash myself out to fund the hotel in Fiji.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, I lost my job. Got laid off right after telling the regional manager that his fat $%&^ of a wife better start watering my hibiscus or they’d be on the street faster than she could cram a number eight combo down that feed trough she called a throat.

Downsized, I couldn’t believe it. With values beginning to sag, the double whammy of losing the $5.75/hour and a solid tenant was the start of a downward spiral that I couldn’t escape.

The Internal Revenue Service started coming around about this time and asking stupid questions like, “Exactly how many primary residences do you have,” and “Did you really think you could complete a 1031 exchange into a Peruvian brothel?” They seized my liquid assets. Communists.

After I got out of prison, I spent 16 months in Tijuana clearing my head. I took some part time custodial work in the entertainment industry, but as fate would have it, the goddamn donkey got the drop on me one night. Kicked me right in the lower bicuspids as I was bending down to hose off the astroturf. As medical coverage wasn’t provided by this particular employer, I was pushed further into debt by the street vendor who fashioned my new teeth out of cardboard and chicklets. Now every time I smile, I provide free advertising for “Beto’s Baja Fish Tacos.”

Despondent, I returned home to find my brother in law (who had since given up on Real Estate and was now selling Tang on Craigslist full time) had let my properties go completely to pot. Broken windows, four foot high weeds in the yard, missing air conditioning units … all of my tenants were long gone. Except for the dead guy we found in a barcalounger at the Clarendon duplex (I think you have the loan on that one, too?). That episode put me in counseling for a year. That’s when the whole drug thing really got out of hand.

So anyway, do you really want this piece of &*%^ back or what? We smoked the drapes.

Best,

Hugh Joversite