The Second Fiddle

New Year's Resolution 2012

2011-12-31T16:04:00.000-05:00

We're in the final few hours of 2011 and I can honestly say I've never looked forward to a new year as much as this one. I'm bidding farewell to my jobless, post-surgical, daytime-TV-watching, living-with-my-parents lifestyle and trading it in for a fantastic new job, my own apartment (sans roommate), and one less annoyingly painful bone in my right foot. It's going to be a good year.

In 2010 I decided to start making only one resolution every year after failing miserably to complete my 2009 laundry list of to-dos. This proved to be far more effective, so I continued the trend for 2011.

Last year's resolution was about financial giving. It was inspired by a blog post series called Stuff I Wish Everybody Knew About Money written by a friend of mine who runs an amazing church ministry in Kenosha, Wisconsin. While I didn't agree with everything, it certainly made me think about my attitude towards money and giving.

I decided to be more intentional about supporting specific causes so that I could feel more connected to them through giving. I made a spreadsheet and added the line item to my monthly budget in Mint like the giant Type a nerd I am. In all honesty, I could have done better. I should be giving more than I do, but the resolution led to a few good habits that will be the foundation of a lifetime of meaningful charitable giving.

This is why I'm such a fan of the singular new year's resolution - it leads to actual behavior change. Stating your goals publicly also helps. This brings me to my 2012 resolution, which is to spend less time complaining.

This is partially an attempt to reconcile lingering bitterness over being voted "Biggest Complainer" by my high school classmates. Unfortunately, they were right, and as much as I loathe the fact that educators sanction this sort of public humiliation, I couldn't exactly complain about it.

Mostly, this resolution is about focusing on the infinitely more interesting, important, and productive topics to discuss rather than my inept cab driver or incorrect Starbucks order - like how you're doing, for example.

So, here's to a new year, a new start in NYC, another softball championship (shoutout to my Buzz teammates) and a 2012 filled with interesting conversation and a lot less complaining.

Unemployment Part II

2011-09-03T22:40:00.000-04:00

I never realized how distracting work can be until I freed myself from it. I have seen, heard, tasted, felt, and experienced more intensely these past couple weeks and have found inspiration in the most surprising places, which I'm doubtful would have happened had I been focused on work.

A sampling of my jobless journey to self-fulfillment:

I went to the beach at 1:00am and made a point of feeling the sand between all ten of my toes, then proceeded to dance like an idiot. (we're talking country line dancing, irish jigging, the waltz)
I went to Six Flags Great Adventure and experienced what if feels like to fly. (seriously, you have to check out the Superman ride - it's a roller coaster on your stomach)
I ate a funnel cake the size of my head, guilt-free. It was worth every last calorie.
I saw an old Mexican dude playing Justin Bieber on the subway and asked the people around me if they, too, found this hilarious. This led to an amusing conversation with a stranger about the joys of life in NYC.
I went to a jazz concert and felt syncopated rhythms and heard beats like I never had before. It turned me on to a genre of music that I've never fully appreciated.
I danced the night away without wondering who was noticing me or if I looked cool.
I randomly (on the same day, back-to-back) bumped into two individuals who have done me wrong and, to my surprise, felt nothing but compassion for them.
I started a crazy long-distance diet and exercise challenge with my sister.
I started cooking and even made brussle sprouts for the first time.
I met someone who is also looking for more inspiring work and shared this list with him.
I watched a youtube video that reminded me why this time is important to me.
I danced alone in my apartment to September Radio on Pandora for a solid 30 minutes while my roommate was at work. (I highly recommend this next time you're home alone)
I walked 40 blocks through Central Park as the sun set gloriously over the city, just to take it all in
I felt the power of the earth moving beneath me as I sat on the shore during the earthquake.
I saw a young man making the sweetest coupon book for someone on the subway - likely broke and crazy in love.
I've been writing again.

On August 24th, I wrote these words in my personal journal:

I'm happy. I don't know why, but I'm happy.

I'm going to figure out what feels good and right and I'm going to do that. In the meantime, I will play and love and treat myself well.

Unemployment Part I

2011-08-30T18:42:00.000-04:00

For the first time in my post-college life, I'm unemployed.

How did I go from dancing around my bedroom to Diana Ross' I'm Coming Out back in May to a "woman of leisure" in just a few short months? In a nutshell, the timing for my full-time involvement is simply not right, though I'm still a shareholder and plan to remain involved as an advisor if/when the business moves forward.

To this day, I have never launched a full scale job search. I applied to one job after college and had the good fortune of landing at Google (in retrospect, this still amazes me). My next two roles came from referrals, both of which I started without taking much time off (or any...).

Yes, the thought of not earning a paycheck for a while is terrifying, but taking the time to conduct a thorough search can provide the mental space needed to make a sound career decision. Living in this in-between stage is helping me to more objectively evaluate the options in front of me and how closely they align with my values.

I am in search of work that inspires me, challenges me, and brings out the best in me. I want to find fulfillment in creating something new and I want to enjoy the company of my colleagues.

In the meantime, my job is to lean into this crazy turn and enjoy the ride (stay tuned for Part II) .

Sisters from another mister

2011-08-12T17:39:00.000-04:00

I first became a sponsor with Women for Women International in April 2010 immediately after interviewing the founder, Zainab Salbi. My monthly donations were supporting an Iraqi woman named Hasna. I wrote to her immediately to let her know how happy I was to be connected to her, and continued to write throughout her sponsorship year despite never receiving a response.

A couple days ago, this came for me in the mail:

Dear Sister,

Am the participant Hasna Edan Abdullah, Group 12Y. Unmarried, I joined the programme I was not that culturated woman, I did not know my rights as a woman or the value of the women's work or how to save money or documenting records and sewing but now I know everything from the previous things. Now I have an idea to open a small project to be an independant woman and this will be by saving. I'd love to thank Women for Women International and the trainer and all the people who made this programme work and a success.

Wish you all the best.
Thanks.

Hasna's letter left me feeling overwhelmed with satisfaction knowing that my contribution had truly impacted another woman's life - a feeling of gratitude for the opportunity to actually contribute in a meaningful way.

It's hard for me to imagine living in a society where I questioned my rights or the value of my work. The fact that Hasna now feels empowered to work and take control of her life makes every feminist bone in my body dance with joy.

As Hasna graduated from the program, my sponsorship rolled over to a Sudanese woman named Azema. Before I had a chance to write to her, still reveling in the news from Hasna, I received this letter from Azema:

Respcted Madam Gina Valo!

My name is Azema Dulan, and I'm 19 years old. I live in the city Zenica. I live with my parents and a brother. I joined in the organization "Women for Women International" as many other women, because I think this program will help me. I want to thank you for your decision to help me during my participation in the program. That means to me a lot. It's nice to know that there's someone in the world who can understand our problems, and our wish to have a good life like other women in the world. I would be very happy if you could write me, I would like to know who you have in a family, what you do, and what inspired you to do such a human gesture - to help women.

Nice regards from your friend!

Humbling, to say the very least. Reading this, I can't help but wonder why I have been afforded "a good life" as Azema so hauntingly refers to it. Basic needs aside, why do I have the freedom to explore and create while she and so many others never get the chance to experience the joy of self expression through work or art?

I don't know why these letters came to me in such quick succession or at this particular time when I've been questioning the impact I'm making with my life, but the message was received loud and clear. I can't pretend to understand the problems faced by Azema and the women in her community, but I have the power to affect change in a very real and tangible way.

So do you.

Birthday love fest

2011-07-19T17:58:00.000-04:00

I've been pretty down on myself lately and dealing with that all-too-familiar "Oh crap, what have I gotten myself into" kind of feeling. The rut has lasted just long enough and I've been looking for things to help me snap out of it.

Sunday was my birthday and amidst the many digital greetings I received, one in particular stood out. My cousin's 10-year-old daughter sent me this message on Facebook:

I'm proud of u and all ur accomplishments I hope one day I can be like u and have courage to do the things u do u mean the world to me and I think its amazing what u can do I believe in u and know matter what people say u can do it I know u can I've seen u do a lot of things u being couragous, out going, brave and strong rubs off on people ecpiecally me! I love and I hope u see that ur an amazing person!

When you're busy trying to create something that impacts the world, it's easy to forget the affect you still have on your own small corner of it. It's nice to be reminded of the things that truly matter, which is why we celebrate birthdays in the first place.

Thanks to all who sent their love and wishes on Sunday. Thanks especially to my mom for giving me life in the first place. Here's to another year in this beautiful world.

Both and neither

2011-07-16T01:50:00.000-04:00

I sat down with a friend earlier this week to chat about the process of raising money and at one point he said to me, "Don't bother pitching people who don't understand the online advertising space. If you have to explain eCPM to someone, they're not going to invest in you."

Yesterday I sat down with another trusted advisor who told me, "Pitch people who aren't familiar with the ad space because those who know it well will be too cynical at this stage."

Both are entrepreneurs who have successfully raised money in the past, and both have a really solid understanding of online advertising. When two trusted sources give you conflicting advice, who should you listen to? Which is the correct approach to fundraising? The answer is both and neither.

I recently joined a small circle of founders led by Jerry Colonna (same guy that ran the workshop I blogged about previously) and in yesterday's meeting he made an excellent (and timely) point: Usually when someone starts a sentence with "You should really..." what they actually mean is "If I were you I would..."

This isn't to say their advice or perspectives are not worth considering, but it's important to recognize the biases of the source. In this fundraising example, both individuals were drawing on their own personal experiences of raising capital, but our business is operating in a different financial climate with different founders and a different product. Also, like most first-time entrepreneurs, these two individuals were more than likely defining their strategy ad hoc as they learned tough lessons and made adjustments accordingly. Hindsight is 20/20.

At this early stage we have little more than a vision, strong work ethic, and unbridled talent, which means that we should be talking to people who fit the following criteria:

A. They actually have money to invest
B. They like us
C. They're willing to listen
D. Any and all of the above*

Sure, we may spend time talking to people who have no intention of investing in our company, but it won't be in vain. In fact, we had one of those meetings yesterday and it served as a great reminder that we've done a pretty good job of identifying the risks in our business model and anticipating pushback.

There's no substitution for tenacity. Don't waste time trying to figure out which conversations will be a waste of time. Make it up as you go along. Write down what you've learned so you don't make the same mistakes twice. Rinse and repeat.

*I'll add one caveat to this methodology, which is that we have verbally committed to one another that we will only pitch our business to people we personally believe to be trustworthy, which means we must trust each other's judgment. Sometimes it's a tough call and in these cases we've agreed to tread lightly and err on the side of caution.

Vacation, unplugged

2011-07-09T14:41:00.000-04:00

I just got back from a long vacation to Ireland and Edinburgh. As soon as I landed in Dublin I headed straight to the airport rep for a mobile network to get a local SIM card. You should be groaning right now at the thought of it...

In my defense, it was a way to avoid planning ahead. A smartphone is incredibly useful when you don't know where you are or where you're going, and even more so when all of your confirmation numbers are stored in email. Plus, tweeting is a great way to remind everyone who is not on vacation that they should be appropriately jealous of you.

The problem, however, is that having a data plan meant that I was still connected to what was going on at home. I couldn't keep myself from compulsively checking email, which kept me from fully relaxing.

Everything changed when I landed in Edinburgh and the SIM card (that the airport guy swore would work in the UK) didn't work in the UK. I figured I was fine because I knew my London-based travel companion had a fancy new Android device, but as soon as we met up the first thing he said to me was that he left his phone in the back of the airport taxi (which he eventually got back thanks to a very friendly and honest Scotsman).

Left to our own devices (awful pun intended), we simply wandered around the city with a paper map and no agenda. We randomly ended up at a Scottish military parade and sat on a hill watching her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, along with the traditional drum and pipe band playing 'God Save the Queen' and 'Brave Scotland'. We walked into random pubs, ate at restaurants with good curb appeal, asked locals for recommendations, and stopped to rest in scenic parks - none of which were planned or mapped or endorsed by online reviews.

The weekend ended up being exactly what I needed - a complete mental break from everyday life and quality time spent in good company. Sure, it would have been cool to tweet a pic of the Queen, but it was nice to just absorb what was happening around me, enjoy the breathtaking views, and share my witty commentary with the person sitting next to me rather than giving the 140-character play-by-play.

Lesson learned: Ditch the phone. Enjoy.

Email support

2011-06-23T00:50:00.000-04:00

About two years ago one of my good friends moved to New York to follow her passion for modern dance. On August 30, 2009 she wrote to me in an email:

I cannot tell you how much it made my day to get your message this morning...I woke up for the first time in my new apartment, and reality had hit...BIG TIME...that reality that I don't have a job, that I am here "alone" and that although I am confident that I am exactly where God needs me right now, I am scared to death.

Then on October 24, 2009 she wrote in an update:

I wanted to let you know, that the days of passing out fliers on a street corner are done, and that starting Monday I will no longer be collecting pennies off of the subway car floors to make my rent... I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to work and support myself, so though it looks different than I had originally hoped, I am confident that this step is yet another step towards the fulfillment of some goal - one that I cannot even clearly define.

Exactly one year later, on August 30, 2010 I woke up in New York for the first time to start my new job and guess who greeted me when I arrived at my hotel the night before... She hugged me as I broke down over the reality of the decision I had made and took me to dinner to celebrate. Today she sent me an email to pass along this quote:

"When we think that something is going to bring us pleasure, we don’t know what’s really going to happen. When we think something is going to give us misery, we don’t know. Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. We try to do what we think is going to help. But we don’t know. We never know if we’re going to fall flat or sit up tall. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know." -Pema Chodron

I've always felt that this particular friend and I are deeply connected on a soulful and spiritual level, and while we often go extended periods of time without communicating, we have an uncanny history of emailing or calling at exactly the right time. Fortunately, we're neighbors now.

Reconnecting

2011-06-20T15:36:00.002-04:00

I mentioned in a previous post that my transition to New York has been tough - or at least more challenging on a personal level than I had expected. The amount of change that has taken place over the past several weeks left me feeling overwhelmed and doubting some of the choices I've made.

There are a number of things I've done to get through this (e.g. developing more of a routine, deciding to move to Manhattan, doing more yoga) but I realized that what I needed more than anything was to reconnect with my support system, which is why I made a last minute decision to take a trip back to Miss Michigan.

I went to Muskegon hoping to just enjoy myself and get caught up in the nostalgia of the weekend. I wanted to go back to the place that brought out the best in me – a time in my life when I was truly thriving.

From the moment I arrived at the hotel on Friday to the moment I left this morning I was surrounded by people who love and care about me (and vice versa). I must have told at least 30 people that I had left my job to co-found a company and not a single one thought I was crazy.

What I found so inspiring about these interactions was that no one really had any idea what the company is about, the risk involved, or the likelihood of it succeeding. It didn’t matter because they believe in me, and that reminder was worth the trip.

Sometimes I work so hard at being independent that I forget to allow myself to need other people. It's not always easy to recognize when we need to reconnect with our true selves, and I’m glad I took a timeout to indulge in the unconditional support of the Miss Michigan family.

Deserving success

2011-06-17T17:38:00.000-04:00

"We only get what we think we deserve." That was the theme of my yoga class yesterday.

I left thinking about what it is I feel I deserve and the more I meditated on the concept the more I struggled with it. It's the word 'deserve' that bothers me. There's something about it that seems connected to entitlement, which is a concept that makes me really uncomfortable.

Do I deserve to be filthy rich? Does anyone? Does everyone?

Do the early employees of a wildly successful tech startup deserve wealth any more or less than a great school teacher or spiritual leader? Does a lottery winner deserve their fortune?

I'm still grappling with these questions and the degree to which hard work should factor into the equation, but the point the yoga instructor was making is that we are often our own worst enemy.

Most entrepreneurs I've met would agree that starting a business can feel like stepping bare fisted into a boxing ring. You can end up taking a lot of punches before realizing that you're the one with your gloves off. Ultimately, it's all about perspective.

We must learn to ignore the overwhelming fear and to recognize that we have the power to control the outcome. Of all the things I am learning right now, this is perhaps the most difficult.

The reprise

2011-06-15T19:49:00.002-04:00

It's been a while. One year, one month, one week, and four days to be exact. Here's what you missed:

I started doing contract work for a 19 y/o whiz kid
My big sister got married
I left my job at AnnArbor.com to join NYC-based Clickable
I went to India (again) for six months
I moved to New York
My mom and Stan finally got married
I left my job at Clickable to co-found a company with the whiz kid

There were a few dramas and dating mishaps thrown in there as well, but by and large the theme of the last thirteen months has been change.

I have been plotting my return to blogging for a while, but I wanted to be intentional about it and the timing didn't feel right until now. I went through a phase where I was determined to shed my pageant identity and re-brand myself as a professional. What does that even mean, you ask? Exactly.

For a brief moment I thought this blog needed a more focused theme and decided I would write about women in business and technology. Boring and overplayed, you say? Exactly.

The next iteration was a blog focused on living life intentionally. That brought about as much focus as an old school overhead projector, at which point I realized that trying to assign a theme to my blog is the equivalent of assigning a theme to my life - impossible.

I've decided to stick with the original title of the blog for two reasons: (1) I'm still patting myself on the back for coming up with it and (2) It acknowledges that there is much to be learned from failure, which is something I expect to experience a lot more of in the near future. To get a better idea of what I'll be writing about, take a look at the fancy new 'About' page.

Note: I started writing again about a month ago and I have ten posts that have not yet been published. I will be posting them shortly. I refrained from publishing these in real time because of the sensitivity that comes with career transitions. My apologies to those of you who subscribe via email because you are about to get spammed.

For art's sake

2011-06-15T19:48:00.000-04:00

Written May 23, 2011

Ahhhh yoga... I always walk out feeling like it was exactly what I needed and tonight was no exception. The instructor shared a great metaphor at the beginning of class about the Cave of Forgotten Dreams and how people have an innate desire to create and leave their mark on the world. In the deepest darkest parts of these caves lies unmistakably human artwork that has survived more than 30,000 years.

The focus for tonight's class was on our inner being - what lies within our metaphorical cave that we long to share with the world - and the belief that the true cultured expression of this is our art. I'm butchering the instructor's eloquent words with this description, but something about what she said really resonated with me.

Often we hear entrepreneurs say that they want to "change the world," and for some reason that phrase is inherently tied to making a positive impact on humanity. But the truth is that people like Hitler, Sadaam Hussein, and Osama Bin Ladin set out to change the world and succeeded. There is something about the ability to affect the lives, choices, and behaviors of other people that we find intrinsically motivating, regardless of whether it's for good or evil.

Work and art do not have to fit neatly into these binary categories. Technology companies are undoubtedly changing the world, but they're not fighting famine and disease, nor are they committing genocide. Think about electricity, the printing press, the fax machine, the cell phone, Twitter... It's tough to argue that these inventions are either inherently good or evil, but they have all certainly impacted the world to varying degrees.

When you hear someone say that they want to create the next Google or Facebook (or whatever is hot at the moment), what they're really saying is that they want to be hugely disruptive to society. I bet if you asked Mark Zuckerberg if he would have rather earned his fortune from a lottery ticket or in a Vegas casino he'd think you were crazy for even asking. It's not about money or fame.

We all want to create work and art that survives long after we leave this world. I simply want to create something that doesn't yet exist and I want it to impact the world, not necessarily for better and certainly not for worse, but simply because that's what gives it (and by definition me) meaning. It's a creative and artistic expression of myself - art for art's sake.

Life in the big city

2011-06-15T19:47:00.001-04:00

Written May 22, 2011

Warning: this post is terribly self-indulgent and probably not worth reading.

I'm starting to understand what Baz Luhrmann meant when he said, "Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard."

Moving to New York has been a challenge for me. I'm still amazed when I think back to what my life was like this time last year and everything that has taken place since. I don't think I have given myself enough credit for making bold decisions, nor have I fully realized the world I just stepped into.

I'm really hoping I look back on this post someday (sooner rather than later) and laugh at myself. That being said, here it is:

I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm terrified to walk anywhere alone. I feel like I can't trust anyone. I feel suffocated by the crowds and lack of personal space. I feel insignificant - like the smallest fish in the biggest pond. People are intimidating. Everything is expensive. Really expensive. I miss my car. I miss my friends. I miss weekends in Chicago. I miss the simplicity and comfort of my former life.

Still, I am learning and growing faster than I could have imagined and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Finally, we have a name

2011-06-15T19:47:00.000-04:00

Written May 18, 2011

It's been said more than once that naming this company is harder than actually building the darn thing. Fact. We've known since incorporating under our original name that we would have to come up with something better and we've been tossing around ideas for months now. Some have been decent but lacked spark, others were awkward or terrible in an obvious way, and then there were the mostly-joking-but-maybe-5%-serious suggestions (e.g. Tap That Ad). None, however, were more controversial than the one we finally landed on today.

I wish I could say that this name has a higher intellectual meaning or perhaps a touch of personal significance, but this is not the case. We found it on a pre-branded domain site, tested it with users, and it came out as the undeniable favorite. Was that enough to convince us to adopt such a ridiculous name? Nope. In fact, I believe at one point the words "I kind of hate it" came out of my mouth.

We debated this one to death until the evidence in favor of it was too great to ignore. Even the few users who said they didn't like it still remembered it two weeks later. Despite positioning the name negatively in conversation, people would push back saying they actually liked it.

At the end of the day, we're a data company, and numbers talk. That, and we're all pretty pragmatic individuals that make extremely calculated decisions (which can turned a routine coffee run into an unreasonably lengthy process). Knowing when to invoke that kind of decision-making process is a valuable skill and I think we'll look back on this process and wonder why it took us over a month to accept the truth that was in front of us the whole time.

It might not make for a prepackaged PR story, but it's a reflection of who we are and what we're building. There will inevitably be haters (though, it has genuinely grown on me, so perhaps it will for those folks as well), but according to Fred Wilson's naming conventions I think we made the right choice.

In the end, it's not about winning

2011-06-15T19:46:00.001-04:00

Written May 15, 2011

I went to a workshop with Jerry Colonna and Ann Mehl yesterday called Disappearing into the Fire: Surviving the Startup Life. It was phenomenal. One of those times when you stop and realize that you're exactly where you're supposed to be.

As amazing as I think Jerry and Ann are, what I found so interesting about the workshop was the fact that the other people there were the real teachers. I learned more from this group of strangers in 6 hours on a Saturday than I could possibly have gotten out of a 1-1 coaching session. The fear, anxiety, overwhelm, excitement, energy, passion, etc. was palpable in the room from the very beginning. Knowing that I am not alone in this was worth every penny of the steep admission price.

I took a lot of notes about the questions and ideas that came up as I was listening to Jerry, Ann, and the group. I was surprised at how much I learned about myself through the stories of others. Creating an environment where people feel free to share their feelings is a gift; one for which I have a deep respect. This workshop reminded me of the leadership camp I went to in high school - something I've craved for over a decade and an experience I intend to recreate in a later stage of my life.

My main goal in attending the workshop was to prepare myself for diving into the deep end of entrepreneurship. There are a lot of sharks in the water (a lesson I've already learned the hard way) and I need to be ready to face them with courage and conviction. In the end, it's not about winning, but survival. As long as I have a roof over my head and a couple dollars in my pocket I know I'll be just fine. Because I'm ready and willing to work hard - whether at my own tech startup or bagging groceries - I feel like there's no such thing as risk. The real challenge is to enjoy the ride.

For more context on the workshop, check out Jerry's blog post on Disappearing into the Fire.

Everyone's a critic

2011-06-15T19:46:00.000-04:00

Written May 13, 2011

So, we decided not to apply to TechStars. I feel good about the decision, mostly because it just didn't feel right. It hit me when one of my team members said "It just feels like we're shoving a square peg in a round hole." When logic doesn't seem to tip the scale in one direction or the other, the only thing we have to go on is intuition (and occasionally frivolous astrological guidance, which we'll revisit later).

The tough part about the process of building a new product and starting a business is that everyone's a critic. Some mean well, others are pessimistic by nature. Either way, it's hard to know who to listen to and when to take or leave their advice. There are many people who are smarter, wiser, and more experienced than us, and I have a tendency to put too much weight on the opinions of individuals I respect, but the truth is that no one knows exactly the right thing to do 100% of the time. Fact.

I know that we are going to make mistakes. We could be making one right now by not applying to TechStars, but my hunch is that we're on the right track - because it feels right.

Confession: One of my guilty pleasures include reading my daily horoscope. I found a great app that gives only happy optimistic readings with promises of great fortune. This is especially helpful when facing difficult decisions or situations - a good reminder to stay positive. Here's what today's said:

What someone else thinks about a new idea of yours, or a plan to get ahead financially or career-wise doesn't really matter. You may now be placing far too much weight on a trusted friend's or relative's opinion when you should be concentrating on your own ideas and your own judgment. You aren't giving yourself enough credit, Moonchild. You are not a complete novice; a new venture you had high hopes for is something you have thought about for some time now. Pour your ambition and knowledge into it, and it will flourish - as long as you don't allow someone else's negative opinion to derail you.

So, it could be coincidence, or possibly just crap, but it happens to be exactly what I needed to hear today. Seems like good advice, at the very least.

To apply or not to apply? That is the question...

2011-06-15T19:45:00.002-04:00

Written May 10, 2011

These past couple days have been mentally exhausting. Sure, I'm sleep deprived and feeling the physical side effects of increased caffeine intake, but it's my brain that's hurting.

My team and I have been debating whether or not to submit our application to TechStars. It's been a healthy debate with sound reasoning from all angles, but it has added another layer on top of the stress of actually applying. We all have mixed feelings, but we've boiled it down to one primary question: is the unknown value of mentorship worth 6% of our company?

Yes, we need mentors. We know that. But is the TechStars fire hose model of mentorship what we need at this stage? (Let's suspend reality and assume that the TechStars selection committee thinks we're as awesome as we fancy ourselves to be.) My hunch is yes, but the truth is that we won't know the answer to this unless we actually go through it.

Making a decision with imperfect information means that we're going to have to take a leap of faith - in one direction or the other. The good thing about this debate is that it has really surfaced our ability to communicate with one another and make decisions as a team. It's clear that we trust one another and regardless of the decision, there will be no contempt and no looking back. One way or another, we're moving forward and building a company that we believe in, which leaves little room for disappointment.

The company we keep

2011-06-15T19:45:00.001-04:00

Written May 7, 2011

When I was in the Organizational Studies program at the University of Michigan I met an impressive group of young women that I'm proud to call my friends. We've all taken very different career paths and it's been fascinating keeping up with their successes - both personally and professionally. But what I find most impressive about this group of women is that despite the collective laundry list of accomplishments, they all value personal happiness and fulfillment above all else. Relationships, lifetime learning, and passions come before money, titles, and reputation. They inspire me.

I spent some time catching up with one of these women today who is just finishing up her MBA at a top tier business school. She told me about how crazy people think she is for turning down jobs at the Clinton and Gates foundations to work at a small firm in Chicago. Honestly, she could probably get a job anywhere she wants, but if you ask me, after hearing how she talked about her new role she would be crazy to do anything else.

Now more than ever, I need to surround myself with people who make bold decisions that are rooted in truth and passion. I'm grateful for the little daily reminders that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

According to an Aesops Fable, "A man is known by the company he keeps [sic]." If this is true then I must be pretty damn amazing.

Magic 8 Ball, how I love thee

2011-06-15T19:45:00.000-04:00

Written May 6, 2011

I handle irrational emotions like fear and insecurity by removing all logic from the situation. Trivializing the big questions on my mind has a way of keeping it all in perspective.

Things I asked my Magic 8 Ball mobile app today:

Are we going to get accepted to TechStars? Ans: Without a doubt
Will I become a respected technology professional? Ans: Without a doubt
Is this company going to have a successful exit? Ans: It is decidedly so
Is the man I'm dating going to break my heart? Ans: My reply is no

On a completely unrelated note, I imagined Bill Gates circa 1998 asking a Magic 8 Ball if Google was a legitimate threat to Microsoft and getting the response "Outlook not so good." Can someone with artistic skills please make a cartoon of this? Thanks.

Thank You, Derek K. Miller

2011-06-15T19:43:00.000-04:00

Written May 5, 2011

Someone pointed out to me today that it had been exactly one year since I had posted on my blog. Ironically, I had been thinking the exact same thing when I sat down to write yesterday's post. It feels good to be writing again and I'm realizing just how much I have missed this form of catharsis.

It's day two of real work on launching this business. I've downgraded from RedBull to Diet Coke after I found myself doing push-ups and dancing around my room at 3am to I'm Coming Out on repeat. Perhaps that was caffeine overkill...

While eating dinner I read an article about Facebook offering virtual currency in exchange for users' attention to advertising. This is big. I knew the day would come when I would feel my stomach knot up at the realization that others are truly playing in the same space. I just wasn't expecting that it would be today.

It's a tough thing to take the first time around, especially coming from such a behemoth company (in reach, if not yet in size). All kinds of thoughts ran through my head - everything from whether we should just throw in the towel now to imagining Facebook just buying us right up in a lightning fast exit. Neither end of the spectrum is remotely reasonable or rational, which is how I know these thoughts are based in fear.

Fortunately, the next thing I read was a blog post by Derek K. Miller. It's the last one he ever wrote, just before losing his battle with cancer on May 3, 2011. It's both morbid and life-affirming at the same time, and certainly cause for a moment of reflection. Do yourself a favor today and read it, but be ready to tear up. The last paragraph wrapped itself around my soul and reminded me that the things in life that truly matter are not tied to success or failure.

I expect that fear will continue to grip me from time to time throughout this venture, if not daily or hourly. I read a quote the other day (not sure where, but I remember it being something cheesy like a tea bag or laptop sticker) that said, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it." The interwebs credit Mark Twain with this version, though Googling it reveals many others who have said similar things. Regardless, it's good advice, and my path to mastering the fear is to stay focused on the things that would truly matter to me if I found myself in Derek Miller's shoes.

Thank you for the reminder, Mr. Miller. This is exactly what I needed to hear at this juncture:

I think and hope that's what my daughters can take from my disease and death. And that my wonderful, amazing wife Airdrie can see too. Not that they could die any day, but that they should pursue what they enjoy, and what stimulates their minds, as much as possible—so they can be ready for opportunities, as well as not disappointed when things go sideways, as they inevitably do.

Let the Games Begin

2011-06-15T19:41:00.001-04:00

Written May 4, 2011

It's 11:00pm. I just got off a two-hour Skype call with my co-founder after a full day of work at my 'real job.' And the day is just beginning.

We decided today to apply to TechStars. The application is due on May 15. It's May 4 (for another hour) and we don't even have a name for this company yet. We've agreed as a team that these next ten days are an all out sprint to get our pitch materials together and create a compelling story about what we're building. No sweat (but perhaps a fair amount of heartburn and anxiety).

Of course, there's one tiny little issue I have to get around and that is the fact that I still have a day job. They know what's going on, but it's not public knowledge yet. I've been told to "finish strong," which goes without saying because I fancy myself to be a fiercely loyal person. I've given a lot of my life to this company (perhaps not in tenure, but six months of solitude in India counts for something) and I want nothing but the best for my colleagues, our partners, and the board.

Essentially this boils down to two things: less sleep and more Red Bull. Healthy? Not the least bit. Necessary? At least for the next 10 days.

Today's theme song: I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross

Zainab Salbi's Moment of Click

2010-05-05T00:27:00.002-04:00

Last week I received an email from my former professor asking me if I would be interested in interviewing Zainab Salbi, founder of Women for Women International, who was schedule to speak at the Ross School of Business commencement ceremony. Truth? I'd never heard of Zainab Salbi or the organization before that email, but it only took a second for me to glance at their website and realize how lucky I would be to meet her.

Women for Women International has helped countless women survivors of war rebuild their lives and it all started from an idea she had over a meal at Denny's. Running a multimillion dollar global non-profit is an incredible accomplishment, but what impressed me most about Zainab was her humility and self awareness. She is someone who knows her strengths and weaknesses, taking full responsibility for both and acknowledging that which is out of her control.

The daughter of Saddam Hussein's personal pilot and a survivor of war herself, Zainab has endured more in her lifetime than I could possibly imagine. The opportunity to sit down with her and hear some of her struggles firsthand was priceless. I walked out of that room in awe of her grace and completely stunned by her presence.

What stood out to me more than anything was that Zainab and I seem to have similar beliefs with regard to what is 'meant to be'. It was obvious to me from our conversation that she was living the life she was meant to live, and that as I struggle to figure out the same for myself I was meant to meet her.

I asked Zainab what she's most proud of and she described something she refers to as the 'moment of click', where seemingly disconnected people and/or events come together to paint a much bigger picture of what is possible. It reminded me that I do not operate on an island and that everything I do is a part of something much larger than myself. Each of us has the freedom to choose how we contribute to the world and meeting this incredible woman has inspired me to choose more wisely.

Read my interview with Zainab Salbi on AnnArbor.com and visit www.WomenForWomen.org to join me in changing a woman's life through sponsorship.

Opportunity Cost

2010-04-26T22:30:00.001-04:00

I was in San Francisco last week for a conference and made plans to meet up with a friend for lunch. With only the address to his office, I was determined to navigate the city streets like a local. It's probably worth mentioning here that not only am I terrible at reading maps, but also that this particular section of the city appears to have been laid out by either a drunkard or a small child.

Ten minutes and two blisters later (new shoes - cute but stupid) I arrived at the address without having stopped for directions and feeling unreasonably proud of myself. The only problem was that the address was nothing more than a giant steel door with a scary looking combination handle. It reminded me of the kind you'd see in a movie that conceals a secret vault of family treasures, except without the giant crank (because that would look ridiculous).

I looked around for a doorbell or call box, but found nothing. I knew knocking would be fruitless, and likely painful, so I picked up my phone and called my friend to tell him I had arrived and that the door was locked.

"No, it's not. Did you try opening it?"

The question was so obvious that I thought he was joking. This was followed by a short awkward pause and then the realization that the suggestion wasn't so unreasonable.

"Um, no."

So, I pulled on the door handle and insisted that it wouldn't open.

"Did you try turning the handle?"

At this point, I'm almost too embarrassed to even try, terrified that it might actually work. I reach out, turn the handle, and pull the door open, checking my ego at the same time.

That was it? Just turn the handle? Really? How is it that I managed to get all the way there on my own, but needed instructions to open the door?

The door was designed to be intimidating. It's sole purpose is to keep people out, and it worked. I took one look at it and assumed defeat without ever trying.

Judging by my friend's response I was not the first person to make this mistake, but I'd bet money that would-be criminals have tried opening that same door in hopes that someone forgot to lock it. I'm not suggesting we behave like deplorable opportunists, but it does make me wonder how many doors remain closed simply because we never attempt to open them.

Most likely to succeed

2010-04-04T20:32:00.008-04:00

I remember reading about Michelle Kwan in an issue of Sports Illustrated for Kids circa 1994 and realizing that by age 12 she had already accomplished far more than I likely ever would. Part of me felt inspired to do accomplish something equally as impressive, and part of me felt so discouraged believing that at the ripe age of 11 I was already past my prime.

Thinking I had missed some sort of window of opportunity at that age was just as ridiculous as my dream of starring in Disney's Kids, Incorporated (alongside Fergie). The same could be said of my high school dream to become a doctor and the anxiety I'd feel watching Doogie Howser, M.D. If only I were kidding...

I wish I could say I no longer make such ridiculous comparisons to other successful people, but now that I have a better idea of what I want to do with my life I only have more realistic examples. The Mark Zuckerbergs and Evan Williams of the world have a way of making any aspiring entrepreneur feel inadequate.

I have heard from several well-meaning people that they believe I'm going to be successful, and while it's a flattering to hear, I'm never exactly sure what to make of it. At what point does their prediction become reality? Is there some sort of finish line I'm not aware of?

The only thing I'm certain of is that I want to create something that doesn't yet exist and will positively affect a large number of people, which is precisely the problem. I know that in order to make a significant impact the focus of the goal has to be on the 'something' and not on the effect, because the latter cannot be controlled.

The anxiety I feel about my future is that I have yet to figure out what that 'something' is. I face a constant struggle between feeling completely satisfied with my life and always looking for the next opportunity.

What I envy most about the Michelle Kwans and Evan Williams of the world is not their fame or the size of their bank accounts, but the fact that they have managed to identify the cross section of their talent and passion early on in life.

March Madness: Expect miracles

2010-03-21T22:32:00.010-04:00

In my New Year's post I made a resolution to focus on loving my body, which meant becoming more dedicated to my yoga practice. In January I committed to an 8-hour Anusara workshop, which took place this weekend and judging by the level of soreness I'm already experiencing, I'd say it was effective. I'm icing my body as I type.

My alarm went off at 5:30am on Saturday morning and I knew immediately that it was going to be a rough day. I tried to squeeze too many things into my Friday night, so I didn't get enough sleep and had to scramble to get myself out the door on time. By the afternoon I was so tired and mentally unprepared that I gave myself permission to just focus on making it through the day and then I would start all over on Sunday.

When I woke up Sunday morning my whole body was sore and the thought of bending over to touch my toes seemed like a task of Olympic proportions. Despite the fact that I really wanted to get a lot out of the workshop, the last thing I wanted to do was another four hours of yoga.

We began every session by choosing our intention as a group, and Sunday morning the instructor used the NCAA tournament as an example of how we should approach our practice, a metaphor that immediately resonated with me.

I love March Madness. I love it for the same reason most people love it - not because we're passionate about college basketball, but because anything can happen. The win-or-go-home tournament makes it possible for a little known team with a losing conference record to knock out a top raking team in one fatal blow. When filling out our brackets, we have to expect miracles. It's a modern day version of David and Goliath that restores our faith in what is possible.

We see a small team come into the tournament pouring everything they have into the first of 'one game at a time'. After they make a few shots they pick up momentum and get into a rhythm. The entire team is in flow, the transformation palpable. Every shot they make is cause for celebration, drawing on the energy of the crowd and soaking in the moment.

We hear a lot of cliches about seizing the day, but too often we equate that with spontaneity and risk taking. Fully living is not about skydiving or running a marathon; it's about finding that flow in our daily lives. The real challenge is to approach everything we do with a win-or-go-home attitude and open ourselves up to possibility. When we find it, that's when the real fun begins.

I took this attitude into that morning yoga session, pushing myself to go beyond the limits of my own mind and finding myself capable of doing things I had thought were well beyond my level. I've never worked so hard in a yoga class and I've never had that much fun at 8am on a Sunday morning.

See more photos of great March Madness moments from The Huffington Post.