Just outside the reservation in Whiteclay, Nebraska there are four beer shops that sold nearly five million cans of beer in 2010.

The Tribe argues that their people are coming to the stores, buying the beer, and are “smuggling” it back to the reservation (where they, presumably, drink it).

You want $500M because you can’t stop drinking beer?

Ok, here is who I am going to sue and on what basis…

1. Maserati – I can’t really afford to buy the one I want (or my spouse won’t let me). They should stop any and all advertisements so I don’t have to see them. Suit amount: $23M
2. Flippers Pizza – Because they make such a damn good pizza I want one every week. Suit amount: $45M
3. Rolex – Because they don’t make an attractive watch that I would want to buy. Suit amount: $3M
4. Hostess – Because the Twinkies they have now just don’t taste the same as the ones I had as a kid. Suit amount: $289M
5. Apple – Because they make me buy every new gadget they come out with (from day one). Suit amount: $237M*
6. Diet Pepsi – Because I drink too many and it must be their fault. Suit amount: $5.00
7. McDonald’s – For making the McRib Sandwich. Suit amount: $282
8. George Lucas – For making the prequels to Star Wars. Suit amount: $282M

*They can afford it

OK, back to the reservation…

So why not just start selling the beer on your own reservation and keep the profits to fight any “abuse?” Nah, that would be too easy…

Who are you going to sue?

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“Use Caution – One does not simply walk into Mordor.”

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Guess again. There are millions of creative ways the average person can cash in.

Here is an easy way to keep a couple extra million in your pocket.

1. Sell everything of value you own.
2. Take your $5.45 to the local park or freeway underpass.
3. Find a blind person (or at least one visually impaired enough to require a cane or seeing eye dog).
4. Hire that person to create you blind trust (assuming you trust them of course).
5. Give the person $1.00 and tell them that it is $100 (you will be expecting change).
6. Go to Wal-Mart with the remaining $4.45
7. Buy 10 apples for  $2.50 – then immediately go the parking lot and sell all 10 apples for $2.00 (clearly you will need to make it up in volume).
8. Collect the balance due from the blind guy (this will be interest income).
9. Declare loss on the apple sale (est. $235,000 profit you would have made had you knew how the hell to run a business).

10. Fire the blind guy and collect the unemployment for him.

11. Re-invest the unemployment benefits in the company.

Here is where the real cash comes in…

12. In the spring, buy Girl Scout Cookies.

13. Sell the cookies in the winter (don’t worry, they will keep).

14. In the winter buy McDonald’s McRib sandwiches.

15. In the spring, sell the McRib sandwiches (don’t worry, they will keep).

16. Hire back the blind guy.

17. Run for some sort of political office.

18. Get millions donated to help you (off the books of course).

19. Retire

There, now that wasn’t that hard was it?

*Course this has nothing to do with how Romney actually made money. I am pretty sure that there were no blind guys harmed and no apples. Course I can’t really speak for the McRib sandwich part – that is a gold mine!

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A recent poll indicated that as much as 43% of the people interviewed felt Tebow’s success with the Denver Broncos was due to “Divine Intervention.” I suppose that will be the same percentage of people I will piss off with these blasphemous comments I made up.

IF Jesus was to speak with Tebow the next day after the playoff loss, here are my top ten things I think he might say…

10. Stepped out for a couple days, did I miss anything?

9. What? The game was on Sunday? My bad.

8.  Ooops, Saturday night I was watching FireFly reruns. Man they cancelled that show too soon.

7. Dang, I wasted the entire second half waiting in line for a pretzel.

6. Dude, I thought you had this covered!

5. WTF? Like home field advantage would have made a difference?

4. Seriously, the next thing you will want me to do is actually play for you.

3. Sheesh, it was a loss, don’t go all Charlie Sheen on me.

2. Sorry man, I am a Packer Fan. 

1. Really Tebow, did you not think I had something better to do?

Feel Free to Add Your Own in the Comments!

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“Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.”

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If you have any you would like to recommend, feel free to leave a comment!

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Let’s say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer
backup in your neighborhood….and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.

What do you think you should do ……

Raise the ceilings, or pump out the crap?

Best Response……came from Jerry L. (Dallas, Tx)

“How bout we kick the $#@% out of the guy who broke sewage line.”

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Before someone drops a Cappuccino on Wall Street and starts celebrating, no, they are not talking about you. Occupy Wall Street and the Tea Party are not in the same category…sorry.

If Time was forced to pick the US equivalent of the international protesters, they might have skipped this year.

Course IF Time was talking about the Occupy Wall Street movement I suspect they would all pack up their bags, declare a moral victory, and head over to some big box store to celebrate (I mean you can only avoid evil corporations for so long…until you want something…like food or clothing).

Anyway, well done Time. For awhile there I thought you were going to pick the cast of Jersey Shores or Charlie Sheen.

You can read the Full Article Time 2011 Person of the Year here.

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People, meet Ray, Will, and Raf.

In real life they probably don’t look like stick figures – but frankly, I have not ruled it out.

Anyway, click on the comic and give their site a spin.

What? Are you still reading this? Click on the damn comic strip already!

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