The Smartest Man on the Internets

The End

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 16:45:00 +0000

All good things must come to an end. Which I suppose means that all bad things must come to an end too; and, for that matter, all very odd things. This blog certainly falls into one of those categories - if not all of them at different times - so I'm today officially announcing that The Smartest Man on the Internets is no more. This will be the final post.

I want to start it by thanking all of you who read my rather random musings over the course of the last year or so. It's been nice to know that at least a few people have seen them. In fact, according to my Google Analytics account, there have been 653 unique visitors to this site since it launched, some from places as far away as Australia and China. Looking back, I'm rather surprised by that. I didn't do a lot of promotion outside of simply telling some people I already knew that the site existed and also posting a couple of links on reddit. And while most of those visitors surely read just one post and never came back, there were plenty that did visit again; and for that I'm grateful.

This blog was never meant to be for anything more than fun, and for a time it was. But as with many fun things, sometimes life just gets in the way. As a result, most of what I set out to do here never got done. I blame myself for that, but I don't regret it. It's been a learning experience on many levels, and I'm satisfied with what I did manage to do because it will help me in the future to do more. I have a better understanding now of what will and what won't work in the blogging world, and so I hope to carry on in other endeavors that will be seen by a larger audience and hopefully be enjoyed by me even more that this has been.

One of these projects I've started already. I'll be watching every film that the great Akira Kurosawa made in the order that he made them, and then writing about it as I go. You can find it here if you're a film geek like me, and I hope that if you are you take some time to check it out. The audience for this new project is probably a niche one, but that's one of the lessons which I've learned through all this. When you have a blog that isn't really about about anything (or is about everything - which I think is the same thing) you're going to have a tough time capturing an audience. Simple is better when it come to blogs, and that goes for writing in general I suppose too. In the future I'll be working to do that.

And speaking of working, that's another of the lessons I learned while doing this blog. Writing a blog is hard work. It doesn't seem like it should be really, and I didn't think that it would be when I started. I mean, how hard could it be to just write some goofy things every once in a while? Well, quite hard actually. Not the actual writing itself - that comes easier to me that a lot of other things I do in life; but finding time to actually do the writing was something I found difficult to do over the course of this blog. It's a simple fix, really. I have to do more planning in the future, and then stick to those plans. I'm doing that already with my new blog, and I have other ideas that I'll be taking on which are in various stages of planning as well.

When I make a plan and then execute it, things tend to get done. I planned this post to be done today, put it on my calendar, sat down this morning to write it, and now here I am almost finished with it. Funny how that worked out. It's the model for how I hope to do things from now on.

So wish me luck in my future projects, and thanks again for being a part of this one. If you want to stay in touch and find out what's next in store you can follow me on Twitter @medwardkelly. @smartmanmike is now retired along with this blog, as is my Facebook Fan Page. I'll no longer be updating any of them beyond today, though I will leave all of them online for posterity (which I hope I won't regret).

Good luck to all of you in whatever you choose to do in the future as well, and have fun doing it. Good bye for now; and remember that if anyone ever asks you who the smartest person you know is, you can always tell them you once knew a guy who claimed to be The Smartest Man of the Internets. They'll look at you funny, but that's ok...

The Canadian Wood Spider is awsome!

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 13:12:00 +0000

So, I realize it's been a while since I posted anything. I've left promises unfulfilled. But this video must be seen...

Not sure how I missed this one

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 19:22:00 +0000

Thanks to Nate at work who told me to search YouTube for the best cry ever:

And while I know it's not nice to laugh at the pain of others, alas I must also show you this:

Thank you, Intervention on A&E. Thank you...

Well, at least someone likes me

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 01:53:00 +0000

As you may or may not know, I am a redditor - which is to say that I frequent reddit. I don't post a lot, though I do comment regularly; but I like it because it's far more customizable than digg (whose submitters find all their good stuff on reddit anyway) without having to go through all the trouble of "friending" people or even so much as verifying an email address. Oddly enough, it's still a great place to make some connections now and again; which is exactly what happened to me the other day.

It started when I posted that very strange story I put up here a few nights ago to the writing "subreddit." /r/writing is a great place to find writing tips and especially to link to pieces you've written to get a little feedback. So when I did this for my story I expected a few mostly positive comments and perhaps some constructive criticism. What I did not expect was to be contacted by someone who found my stuff interesting enough that he wanted permission to use parts of it in a project he's working on. But, that's exactly what happened.

The project is called Quoll Writer, and it's a pretty simple application designed to help writers focus on writing. It looks pretty neat so far, though I'll admit I haven't had much time to play around with it. However, the creator of the application, Gary Bentley, was so nice that I decided to allow him to use the quotes that he wanted. They're obviously not in the current version of the program, but I'll be interested to see where those little bits of my work end up in the future. I know it's not a paying gig or anything, but it's the first time that someone I don't know has read something of mine and thought it was good enough to take it and put it somewhere else for more people I don't know to see. It's pretty exciting for me.

So do me a favor and check out Quoll Writer, especially if you're interested in writing and need a nifty little program to help you get organized. Also, let me know if you ever see my name pop up anywhere in there. It would be a pretty big thrill. Thanks!

Um, this is ridiculous

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 09:19:00 +0000

A scary hellgate has opened up in Guatemala. "Scientists" claim it's a giant sinkhole that was caused by the tremendous rains brought by a recent storm, but I know better.

Image via imgur and reddit.

BP needs to finally bring in the big guns

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sun, 30 May 2010 02:37:00 +0000

Look, let's face it. This whole oil spill thing has really gotten out of control.

Am I the only one who thinks it's time to get Michael Bay involved? I mean, he could just hire Bruce Willis and Steve Buscemi to go down there in a submarine to fix this baby right up. Holy shit! That is the answer, because remember in Armageddon...? Fuck off, yes you do. But anyway, in Armageddon, what did those guys do before they were sent into space with no real training? They were deep core oil drillers! They would know exactly how to turn this thing off with little more than some big wrenches and a few hilarious and/or dramatic monologues. I'm a genius!

Seriously though, we're all fucked.

Of blog posts and weird fictions...

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sat, 29 May 2010 00:38:00 +0000

So as you may have noticed (I hope), I haven't been too consistent with the blogging lately. I'd like to tell you that I've just been busier at my job, or that I've been taking some extra time to get back in shape; but those things wouldn't be true. Really I've just been kind of lazy. In fact, I've actually started a bunch of posts over the last few weeks, but I just haven't gotten around to finishing them. Well, sooner rather than later, I'm planning to get around to it.

They'll be some good ones too. I'll be telling you about the most ridiculous trip to Manhattan since Homer Simpson took on the City of New York. I have a post I'm finishing up about "movies" that was prompted by question on my Facebook page, and a post about "print media" that I said I'd do in response to a question from my cousin @MatMan913 on Twitter. And I'm even preparing the next installment of M. Edward Kelly: A Sporting Life (SPOILER ALERT: It involves the most dominant pitching performance - not mine - in the history of the Niskayuna Little League).

But all that's to come. Tonight, I'll leave you with a very strange piece of fiction that I wrote very quickly a few days ago. To get back into the writing groove I came up with a little experiment. I basically just banged out a bunch of letters on my keyboard (like this: HDFHUGNGJI) and the only rule I had was that each of those letters must be the first letter of a new paragraph in the story. What I came up with when I was finished is less a story than it is a weird manifesto; but still, I followed my rule and it's what came out. So here you go, a piece of fiction that I had no better title for than Who am I?

Have fun with it...

All things must end...

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sat, 22 May 2010 07:26:00 +0000

And I for one have never been so excited to watch a television show. We all know where I'll be this Sunday...

Your conspiracy theories are boring me

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sun, 16 May 2010 15:07:00 +0000

The title says it all really. Enough already. George W. Bush (for you nuts of the left) or Barack Obama (for you nuts on the right) can either be diabolical geniuses with brilliant plots to enslave their opponents OR complete morons whose lack of intelligence is going to bring the country down. THEY CANNOT BE BOTH! So please, shut the fuck up already.

Can't we all agree that it's more likely that both of these men seriously want to do what they think is best for the nation, even if what that is doesn't sit well with you?

A Glorious Dawn

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Fri, 07 May 2010 05:05:00 +0000

Just posting this because I happened across it again today and wanted to share it. Enjoy!

Americans hate the National Day of Prayer, CBS says so.

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Thu, 06 May 2010 20:58:00 +0000

Ha, ha. Now CBS knows what happens when they put up stupid poll questions. This one went from 84% in favor of National Prayer Day to 71% opposed in just 3 hours. All it took was one simple link submitted to reddit with a challenge to see if we had enough juice to break it.

See where the poll is at now, and weigh in on it yourself if you like.

Dwyane Wade's wife is a crazy person

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Thu, 06 May 2010 15:14:00 +0000

Look, ok. There's a distinct possibility that I could be a bit biased here (considering my own divorce); but I'm going to go on record anyway and say: Fuck Dwyane Wade's wife. She has apparently decided to sue actress Gabrielle Union for $50,000 in damages as part of a divorce action. It seems Wade has been dating Union since he and his wife separated, and here are some of the claims in the suit:

Defendant has played sexually explicit roles, including roles as a seductress
Defendant has apparently decided to take her role beyond the films and into the home of a married man, Dwyane Wade, in the presence of his two minor children.
Engaging in ``sexual foreplay'' in front of the ex couple's two sons.

She's also apparently angry that "the boys received 'medium size gifts' from Dwyane Wade for Christmas last year, while Union got 'the biggest gift of all.'"

Are you kidding me? She's suing because Union has played a "seductress" in some of her roles, and because she didn't like the Christmas gifts here kids got? I'm stunned that this kind of thing is even allowed. Wade, for his part, seems to be taking the high road here; and he and Union are both claiming the allegations are as ridiculous as they are false. But in any case, next time you get the urge to jump on a high horse about dead beat dads (if you ever even do), remember this case; and remember that there are thousands more just like it where it really is the woman who's the crazy one.

This is creepy...

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 15:14:00 +0000

A Glenn Beck parody, from a decade before anyone knew who Glenn Beck was.

You should take comfort in these numbers

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 05:21:00 +0000

I noticed something interesting just now. As of about 1am today, @glennbeck and @SarahPalinUSA, have 361,745 followers on Twitter. That sounds like a lot, doesn't it? But consider this, @BarackObama has 3,768,488 followers. That's a little over ten times as many followers as Beck and Palin combined. And if you consider that many of those within the Beck/Palin group are just the same people counted twice for following both Beck and Palin, the real advantage the President has could be closer to 15 or 20 times more followers. Now, considering the median age of twitter users is about 31, I would say that this bodes well for our future; and it speaks to a point I often try to make. Namely, that the crazy, right-wing, wacko crowd is actually quite old demographically, which means that more of them die off every day. It's the way of the world I suppose, and if they're not careful it'll be the doom of the Republican party as we know it today.

I find that uplifiting...

Crayola loves Tea Parties

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 04:04:00 +0000

Funny...

Thanks, reddit.

Aloha, or do I have to bust a cap in your ass?

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 22:51:00 +0000

I've been an absentee blogger. I'll admit it. I need help. But I found this today and thought that people needed to see it. It's a map that shows the concentration of guns, pizza, and strip clubs in the US. Anywhere there's more red, there's more pizza; green, more guns; yellow more strip clubs. You can get more details about how it was made here.

(click for larger image)

Cool, huh? But am I the only one who thinks differently of Hawaii now? It's apparently just a big island riddled with guns; like some sort of palm tree infested terror dome. I've never really been a beach guy (I burn), but now I wouldn't go to Hawaii more because I don't want to get popped.

Oh, and stay classy Vegas...

The Founding Fathers are on Twitter, and they're pissed...

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 01:48:00 +0000

Look, there's something you should know about me. I'm scatterbrained... Yes, I know that's a surprise considering the multiple blogs I'm trying to manage, and the novel I'm trying to write, and the job that I actually get paid to do, and well, you get the point. I tend to get pulled in multiple directions because there's a lot I want to do. To be realistic, I should pick one thing and focus on it; but in the end, I'm an ideas man. And, as it turns out, I've had another one.

I've decided to start a simple, "novelty" Twitter account that I'll be posting to whenever I think of something funny or interesting to say. It's located here @RagingFounders, and it's basically a place for me to toss in my two cents to the political arena in 140 characters or less. I'm taking the voice of an angry group of Founding Fathers who are back to show us the error of our ways. It'll mostly be funny - you'll hear from the likes of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and others along the way. But I also hope to enlighten people from time to time as well. Sometimes the most insightful comments are the satirical ones, so I'll see what I can do.

I don't know why, but I think this will be one of my most fulfilling projects to date. Although I guess in some ways it's kind of a natural progression for me; I do have a degree in Government, after all. So combining that with writing in a minimal sort of way sounds like a really fun thing to do. And who knows, maybe this will turn into something more at some point. I've got plenty of interesting ideas bouncing around in my head should this catch on and gain even a moderate following.

So anyway, please check it out and follow me there if you enjoy that kind of thing. Oh, and I promise to have Chapter Four of Shanghaied up very soon. So stay tuned for that. Let me know what you guys think about this whole idea as well, because I'd love to hear from you about it.

Yeah, a reasonable response!

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 02:29:00 +0000

Well, this guy seem to have the right idea anyway...

Taking care of things behind the scenes

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 01:48:00 +0000

So, I've been doing a lot of behind the scenes work here on the blog which, first and foremost, manifests itself in the form of a new layout and what I think is an overall cleaner looking design (thanks Blogger Template Designer). Aside from that though, I've decided to gather all my projects together under a single banner. For instance, if you visit my photoblog, it has the same theme and feel as this one. I also started two other Blogger sites. One to make hosting my novel easier, and the other as a site to post any short stories that I might want to share. So I hope you'll poke around and let me know what you think about the new look.

In other news, I'm just about finished with Chapter 4 of the novel. I'm going to try and get it up by Friday, so check back later on and see. Or better yet, just subscribe and you'll find out as soon as it's ready.

EDIT: I took down my photoblog. Sorry.

The end of publishing...

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:12:00 +0000

Cool video, watch the whole thing...

Wow, another LOST video!

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 04:02:00 +0000

Ugh... not another LOST video. Sadly, yes. But come on, LOST and Baywatch? It's funny, or at least not totally geeky. Ok, so it is totally geeky. Fear not, though, an actual post is in the works. I promise. Plus Chapter Four of my novel will be up soon. So stay tuned; because next week on LOST, Kate saves Ben from a shark!

Desmond is... LOST

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 19:03:00 +0000

For those of you who don't know, I'm a LOST junkie. I love the show, and I've really enjoyed the final season so far. This particular video centers on Desmond, who we haven't really seen much yet this season. I think he'll be back in a big way soon; and this video pretty much sums up why...

Oh, no! The magic is gone!

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 18:44:00 +0000

Who knew they used "green screens" this much in pretty much every television show? I admit it's pretty cool, but it makes me wonder now if the whole world isn't just some sort of big special effects type illusion. You know, I've never been in that apartment building across the street from me. How do I know it's really even there? Wait, is that somebody dressed all in black? AHHHHH!!! I'm in the matrix... Oh, nope, that's just some emo kid. Good thing I downloaded kung fu into my brain last night though, or did I just stick a fork into a power outlet? Either way, fun times...

LOST - Simpsonized

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 06:08:00 +0000

I enjoy the awesomeness of this picture...

Click on the picture to see it full sized.

Up goes Chapter Three

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Kelly) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 18:42:00 +0000

I've got little to say in this post. It's short and sweet. Chapter three is up and ready to go. Get it here. Oh, and please let me know what you think so far. Enjoy!