like taking time out from our crazy compact schedule

to see a friend’s first steps in film production,

to comment positively on their work,

and leave constructive criticism to the critics.

This simple gift of time touched my friend deeply.

She said my encouraging words warmed her heart.

She said they meant more than I would ever know.

She said this with an expressive thank you card and gift,

that made me feel tearful, joyful, grateful and more.

Sometimes it’s the little things that mean so much.

So when someone you care about asks you to do

something that will only take a little time,

nothing more…

please don’t put it off forever,

because the truth is:

we can all find time to do the things we really want to do.

by sitmonkeysupreme

I don’t spend a lot of time on Facebook, but I’ve been able to reconnect with some long-lost friends through Facebook, so it does have its uses.

Here’s what irritates me about some Facebook users…

Friend requests that don’t include a personal note. If you haven’t been in touch with someone in a long time, and you really and truly want to reconnect with them in a meaningful way, wouldn’t you take the time to say hello when you are asking them to add you as a friend?

If you’ve been in contact with them minutes or hours before you clicked on the ‘Add as friend’ button, then maybe you could skip the intro and it would be okay. But it only takes a couple of minutes to say hello and it makes the person you’re friending feel like you value them as a friend.

I state clearly in my Facebook profile that I do not accept friend requests that don’t include a personal note. But this hasn’t stopped them being sent my way.

Recently, I got a friend request on Facebook from someone I hadn’t heard from in over 10 years. This person did not include a note – just the impersonal friend request. I’d like to know what they were thinking. All these years of non-communication and they can only manage a mouse click?! That’s some friend!

I make no apologies for not accepting these impersonal friend requests. In my experience, someone who doesn’t take the time to say ‘hi’ after all these years isn’t going to take the time to interact with me beyond the occasional ‘like’ or ‘poke’ (whatever that means), if even that. I want to be more than a name on their friends list.

And then there are the wall-hijackers.

These people advertise their website links on your wall without your consent. I don’t like that at all and I will delete these posts as soon as I spot them. If these friends were to ask me nicely, I might let them post their links on my wall. It’s all about courtesy. If and when I get tired of policing my Facebook wall, I just might disable the wall feature altogether.

Tagging is another feature that drives me to distraction. I’ve been tagged by some people in photos that had nothing to do with me. It seems like a sneaky way to get someone to view a photo or other item. And all those other people who are tagged at the same time – it’s like sending mass emails without using the blind carbon copy feature. Indiscriminate tagging does not endear the ‘tagger’ to me.

OK, rant over. I have found some long-lost, good old friends through Facebook, and for this, I am grateful. Please share what you like or dislike about the way some people use Facebook.

I saw this on a friend’s status update on Facebook. She heard this message when she called someone she knew (or used to know).  I wondered whether my friend would get a call back.

Many of us have made changes to our relationships, although we may not be quite as open about it as my friend’s friend was. I’ll admit I re-evaluate my relationships from time to time and I do some restructuring. There are many reasons for this.

For example, I may decide to reduce the time and effort invested in a particular relationship with a friend who has become elusive and difficult to reach (say, they’ve stopped returning my calls or replying to my emails). Doing this means that I am able to spend more time cultivating other, more rewarding relationships with friends who are more responsive.

Sometimes, when I am overwhelmed by the many roles I am juggling, some of my friends may not hear from me for a while. Eventually, however, I will get back in touch, perhaps on the said friend’s birthday when I’ll send a card or give them a call.

Rarely will I cut someone out of my life entirely, unless they’ve asked me to do so. This has happened a couple of times.

I’d like to hear what you think about making changes to one’s relationships. Have you ever restructured your friendships and if so, how?

First, they can be displayed and read over and over by the recipient.

Second, cards take more time and thought to write than texts and emails and so they tend to have more impact on the recipient.

Recently I received a beautiful one from a friend who also happens to be a client of mine. She wrote to thank me for the get-well card I’d sent her when she had surgery a couple of weeks earlier. She also thanked me for introducing her to my online greeting card service.

I can tell you that my friend’s card absolutely made my day week! It was totally unexpected and very much appreciated. I called to thank her for her beautiful, heartfelt card. She told me that my card was the only one she’d received after her surgery. She’d been given flowers by other people, but she said flowers need to be cared for, and they eventually wither and die.  Cards, however, don’t need any care and they can be kept forever.

True. I’d never thought about cards versus flowers before, until my friend brought up the subject. I will treasure her thank you card forever.

What do you think about sending thank you cards? Please leave your comments below. Also why not send someone a free thank you card today – just click here.

I was feeling good. Just minutes before, I’d had a pleasant but brief catch-up phone call with another old friend. This one I hadn’t seen in many years, but we kept in touch.

Anyway, I was looking forward to catching up on the phone with S. She and I had done this many times before.

But this time, her voice sounded cool, as in distant. Somewhat hesitant. Maybe even a little wistful.

‘You know, Chichi’, she said slowly. ‘I’ve decided I only want friends I see often.’

A pause and then her voice tapered off…

Her words took me by surprise. They seemed to come out in fits and starts, like they were being dragged out of her.

I thought I knew what she was trying to say and I wanted to get this over and done with.

‘Okay, S. You can be straight with me. You’re saying you don’t want us to be friends anymore because we don’t see each other often, right?’

‘Yes’. Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

‘I have so much to do right now that I can’t commit to seeing most of my friends that often. I’m able to keep the friendship going in spite of this. But I understand this isn’t enough for you and you’d rather we weren’t friends, right?’

I thought I could hear S’s silent transmission of relief.

‘So if that’s what you want, I won’t be calling you again. And that’s a promise.’

‘Okay, Chichi. I wish you all the best in the future.’

‘All the best to you too, S’. I’ll remember the good times. Bye.’

‘Bye’.

And so ended a 12 year-old friendship.

I did not want our friendship to end, but you can’t be friends with someone against their will. S and I lived about 35 miles from each other and while she had her work and her friends, I was juggling a family, a day job, a home business and countless friendships, both online and offline.

I am not able to meet regularly with friends who live in my neighbourhood, so how could I even think of having regular meetings with anyone who lived over 30 miles away? I know it’s a reflection of the crazy-busy lives many of us lead today.

What do you think? Have you had a friendship end because you both weren’t able to meet regularly? Please share your experience in the comments.

Before I had my online system, I found sending cards a chore. So I didn’t send many cards.

I’d have to traipse down the card aisles at the store just to find a card that I liked. I’d often end up picking one with a picture or word selection that I wasn’t particularly keen on.

Still I would buy the card, because I didn’t want to spend any more time than I had to peering at cards packed tightly on rows of shelves.

After buying a card, I would have to remember to mail it. And if that meant having to stand in line at the post office, I’d often postpone the visit.

Somewhere in this long (for me, anyway) process, my memory would often fail me. I’d either forget to buy a card in time for someone’s special day or I’d buy one and forget to mail it.

I still find cards that I bought a few years ago. They appear occasionally, out of the blue.

My online card service has the ultimate birthday reminder. Now I remember people’s birthdays and other special occasions. This system makes me seem organized. Ha!

And the service prints and mails my cards for me, saving me a trip to the card store and the post office. Plus I can schedule cards to be sent at a future date. Cool!

So now I really enjoy sending (and receiving) cards. I like personalizing them with my own pictures and words. I like to think the cards I send make the recipients smile, and brighten their day a little.

I’m telling you, I experience a real high when I hear that a card I sent has touched the recipient deep down.

Like this email I received recently from someone I’d sent a card to, congratulating her on the birth of her new baby. To protect her privacy, I’ve left out her name and other identifying details. Other than that, I haven’t changed anything. These are her words:

Hi Chichi

I just want to say thank you SOOOO much for the gorgeous baby card and lovely rattle. It was super thoughtful of you. It feels really vain somehow but I am absolutely delighted with it. I really only thought of sending cards with photos of me/my family rather than ones with the recipient’s photo. I suppose there’s nothing a mother likes more than photos of her babies, though! I particularly love the Special Delivery panel with the photo corners. I’m thinking of framing that for the nursery. I confess I am a bit of a sentimental hoarder….and I can see myself keeping that card the rest of my life.

I was also impressed with the fact the card, which was included in the same box as the rattle, came safely enclosed in plastic. Very professionally packaged. Beautiful quality gift item.
……….
Thanks again from the bottom of my heart…
- J xxxxx

This heartfelt appreciation for my card and gift blew me away. Made me feel all warm inside. I wish I could fully express just how I felt after I read my friend’s message. But I think you get the idea.

By the way, if you’d like to send a heartfelt card to brighten someone’s day, you’re welcome to use my service. I’ll pay for it. Just click on the button (Custom Greeting Cards) on the right or email me, okay?

This happened to me recently.

While surfing the internet, I found a blog that had some helpful, general tips on WordPress. Anyone who wanted more specific advice could hire the blogger. But their fees weren’t stated on the blog. Readers were warmly invited to ask the blogger for a quote.

Don’t be shy, the blogger urged. Quotes are free. Contact me.

I thought the blogger seemed like someone I could work with so I decided to ask for a quote.

First, I sent an email. A couple of days later, I had not received a reply. The blogger had posted their phone number on the blog so I took this to mean they were open to being contacted by phone.

So I called them. Here’s the conversation that followed:

Me: Hello. Is that (insert real name of blogger here).

Blogger: Speaking.

Me: This is Chichi. I emailed you a couple of days ago. I like your blog and I’m interested in hiring you to help me with WordPress.

Blogger (sounding irritated): I have so much work right now. I’m not taking on any more clients.

Me: Can you recommend anyone that might be able to help me?

Blogger: No.

Me: OK, thanks.

End. Of. Conversation.

I was disappointed by the way the self-styled WordPress expert had dealt with my inquiry. Was this the same person that had invited, even urged, people to contact them on their blog?

I felt like I’d been led on. One thing was for sure. I would not be contacting the WordPress guru ever again. Not for love or money. And I would not be visiting their blog again.

OK, I understand that she had more work than she could comfortably handle. And maybe that’s a good thing. But I don’t understand why a self-professed geek did not update her blog to say she was currently not accepting new clients.

And she didn’t have to sound so irritated on the phone. After all, she had asked readers to contact her if they wanted to know more about the WordPress services she was offering.

I think it is possible to turn away prospective clients without alienating them. Doing this leaves the door open for possible interaction in the future. What do you think?

People who are permanent residents of Facebook-land may think I’m a stuffy, unsociable stick-in-the-mud. And I’m cool with that – freedom of opinion and all that.

For the record though, I enjoy connecting and interacting with interesting people. It’s just that I haven’t found Facebook to be an effective communication tool. And I’m not speaking for everyone here, so your mileage may vary.

So what do I have against Facebook? Mostly, I dislike the fake friends. I know some people think words can mean anything they’d like them to mean, but I don’t agree.

To me, a friend is someone with whom I have a genuine relationship, someone I interact with (online, over the phone, face-to-face – whatever) from time to time. A friend is NOT:

-       someone who never replies to my messages or returns my calls;

-       someone who doesn’t want to have a one-to-one conversation with me;

-       someone from my (recent or distant) past who sends me a friend request, but doesn’t have the courtesy to add a brief note saying who they are, where we met and why they want to (re)connect with me.

Adding friends is so easy!

When I first joined Facebook, I was mouse-happy, meaning I just clicked to accept everyone who’d sent me a friend request.

Well, except for a few requests from imperfect (and weird-looking) strangers who looked like they wanted someone to stalk. I’m not counting those.

But several mouse clicks later, and after being seriously disappointed by the fakeness of some ‘friends’, I have reclaimed my right to define ‘friend’ for myself. I’m more discerning now.

I don’t accept friend requests from everyone who resurfaces from my past. If a request doesn’t include a personal note, I usually don’t accept it.

If it’s from someone I was close to, then I might send them a message asking why they want to add me to their list of friends. And depending on their answer, I may approve their request.

Some people don’t bother to reply and when that happens, I assume they added me on impulse and they have since decided it wasn’t such a good idea. That makes it real easy for me to reject their request.

I don’t understand why some people want to add me to their friends list. Maybe it’s because it’s so easy to click on the ‘Add’ button.

Or maybe they’ve got lots of time on their hands and want a peek into other people’s lives. Social networking voyeurs, perhaps? Who knows?

The case of the vanishing friends

I think some of the friend requests I’ve received are strange. I guess people act strangely sometimes.

Like the friend from way back who sent me a frantic friend request, saying they’d been looking all over the world for me. It seemed like they were really keen to get back in touch.

So I added this friend and emailed them right away. For old times’ sake. We used to be good friends many years ago.

They didn’t write back. Ever. And I knew this friend was still active on Facebook because they updated their profile. Rather frequently too.

After a couple of months, there was still no reply to my email. So I removed this friend from my list. I didn’t want anyone on there that seemed too busy to communicate with me personally. No, status updates don’t count.

Then there was another blast from my past that sent me an eager ‘I’ve missed you and I’m so glad I’ve found you’ message. Along with a friend request. Sweet.

I added this friend and replied to her message. We exchanged a couple more emails.

Then my friend did a first-class disappearing act.

She was still active on Facebook, updating  her status and adding new photos. Maybe I’d just slipped off her radar, or gone down on her Friends List.

Several emails later, I realized this friend had vanished into my past, and I decided to leave them there. So I de-friended them.

Moral: some friendships only last for so long and then you’ve gotta move on. Not all past relationships can be revived on Facebook.

Real friends

You may think I’m uptight about the whole ‘friending’ thing, but that’s how I roll. I don’t want to be just a bunch of lifeless letters on someone’s Facebook list. I want to engage with my friends.

And I don’t mean being blasted with pseudo-exciting what-are-you-doing messages. I mean, who really has the time to read all that stuff?

I’m looking for authentic relationships, on Facebook and everywhere else. I don’t have time to play the now-you-see-me-now-you-don’t game with anyone.

Do you think there’s method in my madness?

I want Facebook friends who will take the time to interact with me, share ideas, talk about stuff. At least once a year. Is that really too much to ask?

Notice I didn’t say I was looking for friends to play games and do quizzes with me. That would be a huge time suck for me. No offence if that’s your thing.

And I’m not going to join any causes or groups or fan pages either. Nothing personal – I just can’t do everything (something, I’ve slowly and painfully come to realize).

And so I prune my list of Facebook friends from time to time. Here’s why.

I like to re-evaluate my connections and decide which ones to keep and which to cut loose.

I don’t want a huge collection of ‘friends’ for whom I’m just another name on their list. I’d rather have fewer friends who take the time to communicate with me.

What about you? How do you use Facebook? Do you think I’m over-analyzing this friending thing? Please share your thoughts and experiences below.

I have taken out display space myself. But these days, I prefer to go to these events as a visitor because I can mingle more easily this way.

I’ve found that many of the businesses at these events don’t follow up with customers and prospective customers. Maybe these business owners don’t see the value in following up with people who don’t buy their product or service right there and then.

That is so short-sighted.

Don’t these business owners know they are leaving money on the table by not following up with people who showed an interest in their product or service?

If you have ever taken out display space at craft fairs, exhibitions, trade fairs, or you know someone who does, please read this and pass it on.

At an indoor market, which was organized as a fundraiser for a nonprofit, I stopped by one of the stalls and talked with the stall holder for a while.

I didn’t have an immediate need for what this woman was selling, but she seemed friendly and so I asked for her card. I thought I’d stay in touch with her and get to know her.

So a few days later I sent her an email. I didn’t get a reply so I called her and left a message.

Still nothing.

About a month or so later, someone on an online forum I belonged to asked if anyone knew a supplier of the same product that was sold by the woman I met at the craft fair.

Now I could have recommended this woman if she’d taken the time to return my messages and build a relationship with me. But I didn’t.

Sure, she may have been a really nice person, but I wasn’t ready to do business with her or refer people to her if she could not be contacted. First impressions do count.

When I go to craft fairs or similar events, I’m looking to make new contacts – people I may do business with, give referrals, or share resources with.

And who knows – maybe we’ll become new best friends. I want to build relationships with people who care enough to keep in touch with me.

So I’m working on my own keep-in-touch skills. I have a simple system that helps me do this in an effective and personal way. Do you have a system for staying in touch?

I could see where she was coming from.

Maybe she’s been to one of those business card swapping contests,  like the one I witnessed at my first (and last) breakfast meeting.

I described this type of networking meeting in a previous post. It’s where no one bothers to have a real conversation or even make eye contact.

Now that’s so not fun.

I think of networking as just getting to know people and build relationships. We can do this anywhere and at any time.

Take the other day when I visited my son’s primary school (or grade school if you’re in the US). I and other mothers had been invited to spend the day at school with our children so we could see what a typical day was like for them.

My son had just started school and he liked having me sit next to him in the classroom. And I enjoyed sharing his learning experiences. I also got to know his teachers a little.

And I got to hang out with the other mums (or moms). Oh, the interesting stories we shared.

Now that’s networking in my book and it was fun. No breathless pitches, no fast and furious card swapping there. Just getting to know other women in a relaxed environment. Works for me. I like to do business with people I know, like and trust. Don’t you?

And so I try to build genuine relationships wherever I go. This is how I see networking.

What do you think about networking? When and where do you network? Please share your thoughts here.