The South End Zone

Hous-ton Nutt!

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 04:11:00 +0000

I was there on October 25, 2008. There, in the Lower West Side of Reynolds Razorback Stadium, on the sixth row, and very close to the visitors' tunnel. Close enough to have a very clear view of Houston Nutt holding his team's entrance onto Frank Broyles Field until the Razorbacks began their run "through the A". Until the fireworks ignited. Until the band played, and until the crowd cheered. That way, the inevitable boos were not only minimized, but they were drowned out.

I just shook my head in disgust. This man had been the coach of my team for ten years. A decade. Even as his team was enjoying success, and mine struggling, how excited I was to be rid of this coward.

Toward the end of the night, after Ole Miss had salted away a close game that was decided by two points and (surprise!) a questionable call against the Hogs, the visiting faction of Rebel fans broke out in chant. They like to do that, you know. Up from their respectable crowd arose a "Houston Nutt" chant. Hous-ton NUTT...Hous-ton NUTT." Nobody knew it at the time, but it would become a rallying cry for BOTH sides over the next years. I looked up what I wrote about that chant after the recap of the game. I have to say, it still made me giggle.

Skipping over the game for a second, the "Houston Nutt" chant started by the Rebel fans was so much unintentional comedy that it was almost overwhelming. I know there was a "Bobby, Bobby" response, and I'm sure it was cathartic, but I really feel like my instinctual response would have been more apropos; three or four seconds of stunned silence as the realization that, no, it's not a joke, and yes, they really do feel lucky to have him, sets in, followed by a very nice belly laugh, right in the middle of a pretty dire situation. Like 70,000 Santas telling Ralphie "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Pregnant pause, belly laugh. Would have been beautiful. Oh well.

The following year, 2009, brought a trip to Oxford, and with it renewed expectations of an Ole Miss beatdown at the hands of the Hogs. Ryan Mallett had breathed life into our offense, and Razorback fans dreamed of him tossing it around at will inside Vaught-Hemingway Stadium, bringing home a victory and prompting a sarcastic iteration of the "Houston Nutt" chant to be volleyed toward the Rebel sidelines. This was to be the year, but again, it was not. The Razorbacks played uninspired football, no doubt due in part to a hangover from the previous week's heartbreaking loss to Florida in Gainesville, a game that featured (surprise!) officiating so poor that it resulted in the suspension of the crew the next week. Razorbacks who made the trip were forced again to endure the chant, tasting the sting of a barb they so badly wanted to utilize themselves.

Last year, 2010, brought us Nutt Bowl III, and I was in attendance. For most of it, at least. For the first time, Bobby Petrino's Razorbacks had the upper hand in terms of talent to go along with their always-present upper hand in coaching. The Hogs struggled some early, however, no doubt due in part to a hangover from the previous week's heartbreaking loss to Auburn, yet another game which featured (surprise!) very questionable officiating. The Hogs did manage to take control, however, and looked ready to blow it open when the skies opened up, and lightning forced two stoppages in play, the second of which wiped out most of the crowd. I was standing across Razorback Road when the few remaining in the stands tested it out. I'm sure it felt good, but that was far from the scenario that Razorback fans had hoped for for so long. Houston Nutt had, yet again, somehow escaped the scorn that he was due.

Three years later, we are this week preparing for the fourth meeting of Arkansas and Ole Miss since Houston Nutt crossed the Mississippi River to become an Ole Miss Rebel, and things have officially come full circle. Rebel fans, fed up with nine consecutive conference losses and the virtual guarantee of a second consecutive year without a bowl game, have ratcheted up the pressure on Nutt to levels he didn't see at Arkansas until his seventh or eighth year. Ole Miss Alumni who once mocked their Arkansas counterparts for engaging in all sorts of headline-making activities designed to rid themselves of Nutt are now taking out newspaper ads and organizing clubs and wondering just how much flying a banner really costs. Things are bad in Oxford. Razorback fans, on the other hand, are eyeing the prize of a return trip to the Sugar Bowl and back-to-back double-digit-win seasons for the first time since they have been in the Southeastern Conference. Construction will soon begin in earnest toward building a new Football Operations Center, and plans were announced just this week to enclose Reynolds Razorback Stadium sometime in the future. Their team is talented, confident, and prepared every single week. The excitement surrounding the football program is palpable.

Things have turned around so much, so fast, that I have heard very little with regard to Houston Nutt this week. Fans are focused on Ole Miss because they represent the next SEC obstacle on the Razorback schedule. Stadium expansion and conference expansion have dominated the news this week, and there are very few pot-stirrers left to call in to the talk shows and pine for Nutt's leadership. I never thought it would happen, but things in Arkansas are pretty tame this week. I know that several thousands are planning on making the road trip, but I haven't heard one person mention that they are planning on doing The Chant. Of course, if the opportunity arises, I'm sure it will be hard to pass up. Neither the teams nor the weather look likely to save Nutt a fourth time.

Personally, I'm more interested to see if, as in 2008, he times his team's entrance onto the field in order to minimize the boos from the home crowd.

Paging Dr. Lou

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Alright, 2011 SEC Season. Into the locker room. Or better yet, just stay on the field, behind the goal post, where coaches direct their team at halftime when they are so disgusted with them that they cannot wait to get behind walls to unleash their fury. We're at the midpoint of the season, and just like Frank Costanza during Festivus, it's time I let you know just how much you've let me down this year. So take a knee, take your hat off, and take what's coming to you. Just remember, it hurts me more than it hurts you.

While we're on the subject of pain, why don't we let the first request be for you to STOP HURTING ALL MY FAVORITE PLAYERS. I know you have a reputation to keep, what with the SEC being the biggest, baddest bully on the block, but you have to at least allow some of its stars to keep shining. You took out Knile Davis before the season started. He might have been the best running back in the conference. After that, you took out his backup, Dennis Johnson. When you gave Johnson back, you apparently took out HIS backup, Ronnie Wingo. Then you took out four starters for Arkansas during their toughest three-week stretch of the season. You tried your hardest to take out Tyler Wilson, the best quarterback in the conference, but he apparently is either too dumb or too numb to realize your intentions. He just keeps playing and setting records.

You're not limiting yourself to Arkansas, either. You decimated Georgia's running back corps in the preseason, and since kickoff you've whacked both Tennessee's best receiver and their starting quarterback, who might be the second best passer in the league behind Wilson. In a cruel twist of irony, you refuse to injure Barrett Trotter, yet you take out his top two wide receivers... presumably in nothing more than a capricious act of evil brilliance, because he certainly needs no extra help in failing miserably as an SEC quarterback. Oh yeah, you also ended the season of Florida's one viable quarterback option, John Brantley, and while you were at it, took out his cherubic understudy as well. I think that kid might have been fourteen, and you trotted him out there against Alabama, bless his heart. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Second, I'm going to need a little more ineptitude in the officiating department before this SEC season can really be deemed as legitimate. Over the past few years fans of the SEC have gotten used to officials making themselves part of the equation that determines the winner of any given game, instead of removing themselves from that equation. Excessive celebration penalties, unsportsmanlike conduct penalties, fumbles that were and touchdowns that weren't, we've gotten used to hating on the officials. There is little doubt in my mind that the officials still suck, but you're going to need to give us more of an opportunity to affirm that for this season. So far, all we've had is a clock-controversy over one second in the Auburn-South Carolina contest that was really much ado about nothing. The officials got it right, and even if they hadn't, it's not like South Carolina would have been able to do anything with their one remaining tick. Still, the Ole Ball Coach at least deserved a chance to see if he could coax brilliance out of his drunk quarterback and chunky wide receiver one more (or in the case of Garcia, just one) time.

Third, people are going to stop watching SEC football if LSU and Alabama turn the featured television slot into a blowout each week. There hasn't been a CBS game worth watching this season, but the best one of the bunch as far as entertainment value was the first one aired, between Florida and Tennessee, which ironically enough featured the worst matchup in terms of talent and rankings. Alabama and LSU are going to demolish every team they play, and even if it doesn't appear that way on the scoreboard, it will seem that way to those tuning in, because a 10-point lead for either team is insurmountable. I was in the stands at Bryant-Denny Stadium, and I am a diehard Razorback fan who refuses to give up, but I knew well before the fourth quarter of the game between Arkansas and Alabama that my Hogs didn't stand a chance. The Tide are that good. LSU isn't on that level, in my opinion, but they are certainly good enough to take every team in the SEC, save two, to the cleaners. It's why the SEC, even at midseason, and even with two of the top three teams in the country, is being branded yet again as being "down". Whatever that means. So how about some exciting matchups? If not great football, could you at least throw some intrigue our way? Require Les to eat some other strange non-food? Steal another game from Derek Dooley just to see if he breaks down and cries on the 50 yard-line? Or steal the first game from Will Muschamp to see if his head does, in fact, explode like an overfilled balloon, right there on the sideline? Just give me something... anything. Remember, these few Saturdays are what we live for.

The second half is almost upon us, so I'm going to close the way that all great coaches close and send you out on a positive note, with fire in your belly and a gleam in your eye. We laid an egg that first half, guys, but the SEC season is built for second-half comebacks. We have rivalry game upon rivalry game, stacked up so high that some bitter feuds might get relegated all the way to the SEC Network slot. Every week, a game will be played that is highly important for no other reason than the teams playing hating each other so much. We have a Cocktail Party and an Egg Bowl and an Iron Bowl and a Battle for the Boot and so many more. We have a conference championship game that will likely send a team to claim a BCS Championship for the sixth straight year. We have Trent Richardson chasing a Heisman trophy and Tyrann Mathieu, the Honey Badger himself, making his own case for being the best player in America. And we have an ace up our sleeve. We have a game on November 5th that can reinforce with undeniable resonance that the best football in America is played here, in our region and on our fields. Sidebars with Stephen Garcia and Jordan Jefferson may pass the time, and debates over conference expansion and the job security of Mark Richt and Houston Nutt may hold our interest temporarily, but for true college football fans, what it all boils down to is getting to watch GREAT football... and that's what the matchup between LSU and Alabama will deliver. That's what the SEC does, and that's what will make this second half so great.

So let's get to it.

The Case for the Longhorns (spit)

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 03:56:00 +0000

It's 9:00 p.m. on Thursday, September 22, 2011. Do you know where your conference commissioner is?

Two years of rumors, denials, threats, and lawyering, and it looks like the dominoes are finally starting to fall in the latest, and possibly final round of conference realignment. Pittsburgh and Syracuse are leaving the Big East for the ACC, Texas A&M appears poised to move over to the SEC, and members of the Big 12 and Big East are shuffling around each other in an uneasy dance of contempt and attraction. It's getting late at the bar, and nobody wants to take home a four when they could have had a six. Most of all, nobody wants to go home solo.

Well, except for one bitch.

The volatility of the situation makes it very fun to follow, while the intricacies of it (the understanding of which is key to really have a handle on things) make it not very much fun at all. I certainly do not fully grasp everything that's going on, but I have a feeling that puts me right along with most everyone else, so I won't be shy about throwing my own conspiracy theory out there as well. It goes along with a philosophy that has served me well for nearly all of my time on this earth.

When in doubt, blame Texas.

It is pretty much universally agreed that the impetus behind conference realignment is television money, same as it was during the early '90s. And same as it was before, the thinking is that adding markets adds viewers, which adds revenue. Everyone accepts that and moves on because it makes sense, but there is one very important difference between the realignment of the early '90s and the present round: availability of coverage.

When Arkansas and South Carolina defected to the SEC in 1992 as the first dominoes in an era of realignment that lasted more than a decade, televised football was limited primarily to broadcast networks, syndicated coverage, and ESPN. ESPN2 didn't debut until a year later, and it was still focusing on alternative sports when the Big XII was formed in 1996. ESPN GamePlan was more than a decade away. In this climate, adding television markets really did equate with adding viewers. College football is a big draw, but back then it was a limited draw. Get your game televised in a market, and there's a good chance people would watch it.

Nearly two decades later, the proliferation of cable networks has enabled college football to explode as a televised sporting event. ESPN alone operates five cable channels with the capability of televising college football, in addition to the Fox Sports family of regional channels, Versus, and an endless supply of syndicates. The Big Ten even has its own cable network, which I am able to tune into through my very middle-of-the-road AT&T U-Verse television package.

I have The Big Ten Network. In Arkansas. How much do you think I tune in?

That's what makes this round of realignment different. Delivering markets won't automatically deliver viewers and ratings as it would twenty years ago. People have a myriad of viewing options, even within the genre of sports. Even within the sub-genre of college football. 57 channels and there's nothing on? That's a joke. Now there are 57 sports channels, and if you're a college football fanatic like myself, there is ALWAYS something on.

It's not as simple as adding a state to your conference footprint and considering that market delivered. If the SEC were to add North Carolina, for instance, it wouldn't deliver the state of North Carolina. It wouldn't add any television sets to its coverage map, because the SEC Network is already carried in The Tarheel State. What the addition of North Carolina would add is the North Carolina fan base, and that's likely it. It's not likely Duke fans or Wake Forest fans or NC State fans would take any more of an interest in SEC Football than they did previously, just because UNC jumped ship. Ditto for Virginia Tech and the state of Virginia, as well as the DC market. Adding states to the coverage map is good, but I don't think that will add viewers as automatically as many seem to believe it will.

Clearly, Slive and company have to be very selective with their distribution of golden tickets. If we are indeed headed for four sixteen-team superconferences and the playoff that will inevitably ensue, the college football landscape would likely stabilize for an extended period afterward, and the SEC would presumably be buckled in for the ride. Slive is as shrewd as they come, and is undoubtedly burning the candle at both ends to ensure that the SEC is in the best possible situation when the dust settles. His sole mission is to position the Southeastern Conference where it remains the strongest, richest, and most visible conference in the country. With 12, 14, or ultimately 16 teams.

Doesn't that include Texas as a member? Ideally? Yes, adding Texas A&M delivers the Texas television markets, but not in the way adding Texas would. Based on my theory that fan bases drive ratings instead of just available markets, adding Texas would be a get far surpassing any other school out there. A&M is nice, and makes sense, but they aren't Texas. Nobody has the numbers, the cash, or the stroke that the Longhorns have. Nobody has the ego, either, which is why my fingers are burning even as I type this, but it's true, isn't it? Texas brings to the table measurables that no other school can compete with. This does nothing to diminish the case of adding A&M, by the way. They bring enough to the table in terms of money and viewers in their own right, and Texas is big enough that it can support two member schools without any drawback from overlapping resources.

The drawback, of course, is Texas' Longhorn Network. Part of the ESPN family, LHN is Texas' vehicle to further widen the already massive revenue gap between it and all of its competitors, and reap the competitive advantages that come with it. So many advantages that it seems LHN is becoming as much hairy mole as beauty mark when it comes to finding a permanent conference home. It apparently presented too much of an obstacle for the PAC-12 to overcome when lumped with Texas' somewhat understandable unwillingness to share its revenue from the venture. The problem for Texas is that while LHN is delivering guaranteed money right now, its viability long-term is still very much in doubt, and we are presently in a period of positioning for the long-term. Independence seems the only way for LHN to have enough content to flourish immediately, while at the same time independence virtually guarantees a schedule so boring that it would ultimately be the death knell for the network. A deal with the Big Ten seems to have been tabled, and joining the ACC lacks the panache a football school like Texas would seem to want.

What's left? The SEC. It's been spouted time and again that Texas' refusal to acquiesce with the SEC requirement of equal revenue splits will forever prevent Bevo from moseying over Birmingham way. But if there's a roadblock everywhere else, why can't this possibility be revisited? None of their other numerous options look particularly appealing at this point. Why not the SEC?

If I'm Mike Slive, I give Texas one last chance. LHN is destined to fail without enticing matchups, and no conference that can provide enticing matchups is willing to serve up a Texas-sized slice of the pie for the Longhorns to gorge themselves on. What's needed is a graceful exit strategy that saves face for both UT and ESPN. Enter the SEC, who is just around the corner from their first round of renegotiation with The Worldwide Leader for their television deal. It will certainly be bigger than any previous deal, and very likely much bigger. The Longhorns can allow ESPN to rebrand LHN into a conference-wide network, giving the conference another badly needed broadcast stream and giving ESPN a chance to get out of a loser and into a winner with a change made in scope and nothing else. You're still going after college football fans. You're just going after more of them. Texas' lollipop in the deal is that they get to keep the guaranteed money from the terms of the original LHN deal, after which the Longhorns participate in an equal split of all revenue, just like the rest of the SEC.

There. More exposure. More money. Salvaged egos. A more powerful conference. Only one problem.

She's such a bitch.

Remembering

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 04:59:00 +0000

It was supposed to be a grand opening. The primetime debut of our spiffy, sparkling, brand-spanking-new home. Instead, it was a rain-delayed, waterlogged washout. I was lucky enough to have scored a suite-level ticket in the first ever game inside remodeled and rebranded Donald W. Reynolds Razorback Stadium, but I contend that nobody felt lucky that evening.

After enduring two bleacher-clearing bouts with lightning and a fourth-quarter letdown that allowed Tennessee to escape with a sloppy victory, my friend Shane and I set out to return to Carlisle, where he had a sermon to deliver on Sunday morning. My familiarity with Fayetteville then not being what it is now, and exacerbated by a distracted copilot, driving rain, and unprecedented vehicular volume, I failed spectacularly in guiding my little Chevy Malibu toward Interstate 540. Long story short, we got lost and ended up taking the Pig Trail.

I remember how long we seemed to be on that highway. Inching down the mountain in the fog and the rain, certain that the next corkscrew curve would be the one blocked by a fallen tree. We had certainly succeeded in removing ourselves from the unprecedented traffic volume. From the time we passed Elkins until we reached Interstate 40 in Ozark, we didn't see a single car. Not one.

The interstate wasn't any better. I'm pretty sure I had the only vehicle on the road that night that was not an SUV. Due to road construction, the highway was only one narrow lane for long stretches, and the rain and fatigue quickly made a bad situation worse. My wipers were fighting a losing battle, and all those SUVs with plenty of ground clearance passed me in an endless parade of road spray, forcing me to slow down even further. It seems dramatic, but I was genuinely scared for our safety. I simply couldn't see, and the construction prevented stopping. Finally, around Conway, the rain stopped and the traffic lessened, and I was able to loosen my death grip on the steering wheel for the last hour of our journey. We pulled into the driveway of Shane's parsonage at 4:00 a.m., and I promptly fell asleep on the steering wheel. When I woke up Sunday, I immediately placed September 8, 2001 as one of the worst days of my life.

I had no idea a big, ugly shadow named Perspective was breathing down my neck.

It seems to me that we all go through life wearing different lenses. At any given time, a person could be wearing any number of these lenses Some are transparent, while others are a little more opaque. Some we can choose to put on or take off at our leisure, while others, like the terrorist attacks of 9/11, cast their tint on our outlook with a haunting permanence. After ten years, this lens has faded from a dark,choking, charcoal grey to a lighter hue. After a decade, the fear emanating from this lens has, for the most part, subsided. Now, it offers clarity and depth, serving as a largely unseen sentinel in the background of our lives.

We have a lens for football, too. Or, at least I do. Big and bright and Razorback red, it dominates my perspective when I'm wearing it, which is most of the time between August and February. It colors my life for an entire six months, getting me through the workweek and repurposing my calendar. Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving anymore so much as it's the day before the LSU game. I LOVE this lens. Live for this lens.

This Saturday, fans at War Memorial Stadium will have a unique opportunity to juxtapose their memories of that tragic day ten years ago with all the passion and excitement that they hold for the Razorbacks on game day. The event is titled Razorbacks Remember. An opportunity to reflect on what we lost and how we grew. I do not know exactly what to expect, but I suspect it will be moving. There's a flyover planned, along with a patriotic Razorback logo, and a coordinated attempt for game attendees to dress in the colors of our flag. But really, instead of the planes and the songs and the paint, all they really need do is ask. Right?

I understand the need felt by the university to make some acknowledgement of the anniversary of that horrific day, and I am quite honestly anxious to participate. Hopefully it will be a cathartic exercise, serving to cleanse any residue of that dark, terror-stricken lens that seemed lacquered over everyone in the weeks and months that followed. I know how big and bright my football lens can be, and I recall how it and every other lens was completely snuffed out by those terrorists. For a while, at least, palatial new stadiums and ulcer-inducing roadtrips were forgotten. Everything... EVERYTHING was seen through the filter of 9/11.

This Razorback remembers. How could anyone forget?

The Radio Dilemma: A Matter of Frequency

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 01:55:00 +0000

You're standing in line at Chick-Fil-A. Or sitting at the bar at Bonefish. Or waiting to checkout in Piggly Wiggly. Wherever. The phone of the person next to you lights up and buzzes and erupts with a joyful noise unto the Lord. Instead of forgettable pop music or unintelligible rap, however, you are met with the exclamation of a man in his sixties.

TOUCHDOWN!!! ARKANSAS!!! OH MY!!! LUCAS GOES UP AND MAKES THE CATCH!!!

The words of Paul Eells, Voice of the Arkansas Razorbacks, after Clint Stoerner fired a beautiful 23-yard strike to a leaping Anthony Lucas for the game-deciding score in a 1999 victory over #2 Tennessee. It was one of those moments that validates those who say that there is nothing better than college football. One year removed from the fumble that derailed Arkansas' undefeated season and propelled the Volunteers to a national title, Stoerner got his redemption, Razorback fans claimed their revenge, and Paul Eells left his indelible mark on the fabric of Razorback history.

Seven years later, on July 31, 2006, Eells was returning home to Little Rock from a golf tournament in Fayetteville when his Chevy Impala left Interstate 40 and struck a car in the westbound lane. Both drivers were killed, and no Razorback fan will ever forget the mourning that followed in the days and weeks after. After 28 years as Voice of the Razorbacks and head sportscaster at KATV in Little Rock, Eells was one of the most beloved figures Arkansas. It was a story that consumed an entire state. Every radio show and every newspaper columnist and every television station paid tribute. The memorial was packed to the rafters. Razorback fans spliced clips of "Paul's Calls" into music and submitted them to radio talk shows. And yes, Eells was even immortalized via ringtone.

Last Sunday marked the five year anniversary of Eells' death, and the landscape of college football has changed drastically in the interim. The Southeastern Conference has claimed every single BCS Championship, while 2005 champion Texas is coming off of a losing season, and 2004 champion USC was stripped of their title. The ACC pillaged the Big East, and the Big East pillaged Conference USA, and nobody is exactly sure who is in Conference USA now. Discussions of conference expansion are continuous, and the prospect of 16-team superconferences dominating the landscape seems likely. More than anything, however, the biggest change in college football over the past five years has been the dramatic increase in exposure.

In 2009 the SEC shocked the college football world by making every single game played by its members available to a television audience through ESPN and CBS.

It was a massive deal, and one that immediately forced other conferences into catch-up mode. The Big Ten went to work on improving the breadth and reach of its proprietary network, and the Big XII and PAC-10, er, PAC-12 started working on deals of their own. Where we are headed is pretty obvious. Within a matter of years, not decades, every single college football game with a major-conference participant will be available to view on television. Most to a national audience.

Radio, for the most part, will be obsolete.

We are, practically speaking, most of the way there already. Even in 2005, the last season Eells served as Voice of the Razorbacks, there were only a handful of games in which the Razorbacks were not on television. But there were at least some, and that required fans not in attendance to rely on Eells to follow the action. Not anymore.

The position of play-by-play announcer in the SEC is historically somewhat of a permanent position. It's the top rung of the ladder instead of a stop along the way. Most of the twelve current play-by-play men are either into their third (or fourth or fifth or sixth) decade of describing the action, or were selected to replace such a legend, and have no plans of going anywhere. What happens, though, now that their role is somewhat superfluous? Will the role of "Voice of the ___" continue to produce legends when 80% or more of those who care aren't even listening?

When was the last game you were truly dependent upon radio play-by-play to follow your team? I remember exactly which game it was for me. Arkansas at Mississippi State in 2006. It was the Saturday before Thanksgiving, and my cohabitant girlfriend put up our Charlie Brown Christmas tree while I paced outside our apartment, chain-smoking Marlboro Lights and cursing ESPN and JP for not picking the game up. Darren McFadden took a kickoff to the house and the Razorbacks took care of business, but that day only reinforced what I already knew: living and dying with your team through nothing but the voice of a play-by-play announcer sucks. Hard.

Don't get me wrong, I love the romanticism that these guys bring. Ancient and unabashedly homer, they have a wonderful partiality that is endearing even when your team is the rival. My favorite radio call ever was a 2005 touchdown run McFadden had as a little-regarded freshman against Georgia. He broke through the Bulldog front seven, and the race was on. As he found fifth gear and split the safeties, Larry Munson lamented how "Five" was "running away from us, just running away from us". Not going to get that from Verne Lundquist or Brad Nessler. Or one of the Daves.

The thing is that for someone like me, who will, by God, be ass-in-seat for as many games as possible, and ass-on-couch for the rest, the radio call is something I want to hear on the way home, as much to hear what the crowd sounded like as anything else. It's an extra, not a need, and with athletic departments more business-minded than ever before, how much longer will advertisers pay premium prices to keep those legends in the booth? College football is everywhere, and the number of ways that target demographic can be reached is growing every day.

So where do we go from here? What's next? Television deals and superconferences and, eventually, a playoff system seem to be what college football is destined for. Increased college attendance and the internet are maximizing the footprint of the game, and because of that, it is evolving and improving for everyone that enjoys it. But it is important not to let these guys, these legends and legends-in-the-making, get left behind as flotsam and jetsam in the wake of progress. Jack Cristil has called more than half of Mississippi State's football games. Ever. The Bulldogs need Jack Cristil, and more importantly, they need to believe that their next Voice will be another Jack. Around for the duration, not just until ISP moves him to another market.

It's easy for me to say that. To say that I hope my son can enjoy as an adult the voice he grew up with as a child. Those are empty words, though. He's not going to listen to the game with me. He's going to WATCH the game with me, either in the stadium or on the television. We just won't need a radio guy. Which is great. And sad. I really want the great tradition of SEC play-by-play announcers to continue. I want to wax poetic about Jack Cristil and Eli Gold and Jim Hawthorne, but I must readily admit that I'm not doing my part, and don't plan to.

I sure do miss Paul, though.

----

Trent Wooldridge will be that guy with enough bourbon. He loves the S-E-C chant and honks because he hates Texas. He puts honey on his pizza, demands aisle seats, and sees quitting golf as more of a hobby than actually playing golf. Follow @twooldridge and track his quest to transform his one-year-old into a southpaw ace in the bigs. Because nursing homes suck.

O-H-N-O You Din't

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 01:16:00 +0000

There was a time that I liked Ohio State. Not that long ago, even.

I thought that Eddie George seemed like a really stand-up guy, and those ESPN spots of Greg Oden as an ad man were hilarious, and what about that dotting-the-i thing they do?  Awesome.

I didn’t care about Maurice Clarett getting paid, having guns, or collecting felonies like yards after contact.  Everyone’s got problems.  It didn’t bother me that they were selected to play in the BCS National Championship Game one year after getting embarrassed by Florida while playing for the same stakes.  I didn’t even mind when Troy Smith was awarded the Heisman over Darren McFadden in 2006.

Wait.  Yeah, that pissed me off.  That was bullshit.  But I didn’t hate Ohio State for it. And I certainly didn’t hate the state of Ohio because of it.

What fueled the hate came after that BCS Championship Game in January of 2008, when it became very evident that Ohio State fans are obviously ignorant of the Rule of What Not to Do After You’ve Completely Humiliated Your Program. Instead of taking their lumps, they lashed out.  Buckeye Fan emphatically and irately informed anyone who would listen that it WAS NOT a vulnerability to “SEC speed” that did them in.  Two consecutive years. In convincing fashion.  Couldn’t be.

That’s when I started to realize that, no, I actually did not like Ohio State very much. As happens when you discover you do not like something, I paid more attention to the Buckeyes and their fans.  I read the comments following articles about them. Even made the mistake of visiting their message boards.  My dislike grew rapidly as their whining grated ever on.  If you’re wondering, and I know that you are, Ohio State could win them all every year if they accepted anyone that can spell their name right, like the SEC does.  They would also win every year if bowl games were played up north, out of the backyard of the Southeastern Conference, and in the elements.  Where real football is played. When it’s not being played inside Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, where the inaugural Big Ten Championship Game will be held in December.

What else?  Oh yeah.  Oversigning.  To an Ohio State Buckeye, every school in the SEC deserves to have an asterisk next to each win due to their audacity to follow NCAA guidelines for awarding scholarships in a manner which maximizes wins, minimizes losses, and does not result in a violation of NCAA regulations.  Cheaters, the lot of them, whether they are following the current rules or not. It compromises student-athletes!  Ohio State would never do that.  Unless you’re talking about looking the other way while your coach looks the other way while those student-athletes congregate around a drug dealer to trade signatures for tattoos and merchandise for money.  That type of compromising doesn’t require a step down from the pedestal.

Which brings me to the 2011 Sugar Bowl.

Certainly as a result of proximity to the bowl site and no other reason whatsoever (a loyal and rabid fan base like the SEC is known for having… another myth, Buckeyes?), I, along with many other Razorback fans bought tickets to the Sugar Bowl through Ohio State after Arkansas’ allotment quickly sold out.  If I wasn’t convinced from the Bourbon Street tailgating that the word Buckeye was Iroquois for “narcissistic douchebag”, sitting behind enemy lines quickly and permanently cemented the notion.

Due to my insistence to be on the aisle at all seated venues, my trio thankfully had Ohioans only to our right.  To their credit, even as Ohio State jumped on top early, our neighbors were cordial.  We swapped pleasantries and some light banter back and forth until the Buckeyes threatened to break it open in the second quarter. Communication at that point pretty much ceased, at least until halftime.  During the intermission, as I pulled out my phone to snap pictures of that lucky sousaphone player dotting the “i”, the Rust Beltian next to me went on and on about the bands. How great Ohio State’s was.  How terrible Arkansas’ was.  I agreed wholeheartedly, and told him so, but the funk of douche was growing. Bands? Really?

After establishing the superiority of his band, this idiot pharmacist from Cincinnati or Dayton or wherever leaned over and honestly, genuinely, inquisitively asked “So what do you do in Arkansas?”

Notice the italics.  He wasn’t asking about my profession.  He meant between milking Bessie and feeding Wilbur.  Between pumping well water and slaughtering dinner, I guess.  He was surprised to learn that we had mastered both indoor plumbing and the internal combustion engine.  We’re even getting an Apple Store.  I told him about Wal-Mart and Tyson Chicken and Stephens, Inc.  He was blown away.

That exchange sealed it for me.  The naïveté of Marie Antoinette without the stature to support it doesn’t even make for condescension.  Just stupidity.  People in ivory towers look down on others. Jersey-draped nimrods who voluntarily cheer for the Reds don't.  Something about throwing stones from glass houses, right? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland fits right in with the rest of the state, apparently.

Which brings me to Friday.

After years of Ohio State fans screaming about the underhandedness of the SEC, months of denying that their legendary coach Jim Tressel could ever perpetrate a cover-up of NCAA violations, and, finally, weeks of running the proverbial bus back and forth over their former hero after it was realized the overhanging NCAA cloud, like Cleveland smog on an August day, would not just blow out onto Lake Erie, Buckeye fans learned Friday that their beloved program would not be hit with the charges of “Failure to Monitor” or “Lack of Institutional Control”.

You’d think the reaction would be one of relief.  Of a bullet dodged.  Certainly not one of defiance, smugness, arrogance. Unless you’re talking about Buckeyes, of course.  In their eyes, the news Friday brings vindication.  A righted ship. Nevermind that the proud program had to vacate an entire season, give up their only EVER bowl win against an SEC opponent, and jettison the coach whom school president Gordon Gee once jokingly intimated had the clout to dismiss him. Friday signified a return to normalcy for Buckeye fans.  A victory over Yahoo and Sports Illustrated and ESPN.  Those mean, nasty, agenda-driven haters who’d done nothing but grind their axe against a proud program while they should have been elbows deep into the inherent advantages of oversigning and warm-weather bowl games.  Pathetic.

Though it will certainly be pegged as such, this is not sour grapes from an Arkansas fan. Not in the least.  I’m glad those five players participated in the Sugar Bowl.  Ohio State was the better team that night, and earned and deserved their victory.  I didn’t want a “W” that way then, and I will not claim one by forfeit now.  And I won’t dismiss the shortcomings of the SEC and its problems with playing by the rules.  What I will do from now on, though, is forever mock Ohio State and its fans for their absentee integrity, apparent ignorance, and brazen hypocrisy.  They’ve been pointing that finger and banging that drum for the past half-decade.  Turns out they make a pretty good target, too.

What we need... is Rita Hayworth

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 20:18:00 +0000

The 1994 classic The Shawshank Redemption finds prisoners Andy Dufresne, played by Tim Robbins, and Ellis Boyd "Red" Redding, played by Morgan Freeman, discussing the value of hope throughout their lengthy sentences. They have very different views on the subject.

"Hope is a dangerous thing," Red says. "Hope can drive a man insane."

Andy believes that "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."

Two days after the Arkansas Razorbacks made their exit from the 2011 Southeastern Conference Men's Basketball Tournament by giving up a 74-68 decision to the Tennessee Volunteers and capping off their second three-game losing streak of the season, a visit to the schedule of upcoming games on the Razorbacks' official website reveals that the Hogs are still slotted for a game on Saturday, April 2, in Houston, Texas.

That would be the National Semifinal. Commonly known as the Final Four. I think it's safe to say that Red would feel validated.

Perhaps, though, there is some merit in what Andy preaches. No, the Razorbacks will not be playing in Houston on April 2. That doesn't mean, however, that it cannot be an important day for the basketball program. The team will not be in Houston, but perhaps the one Hog that matters now will be. Perhaps Athletic Director Jeff Long will be in attendance. Wooing the next great Razorback coach, be he in the stands or on the court.

Of course, presently there is no coaching vacancy at the University of Arkansas. As of the time of this writing, John Pelphrey continues to be the coach. To which another great line from that great movie springs to mind.

"Get busy living," Andy Dufresne says, "or get busy dying."

Watch With Me

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 22:47:00 +0000

I hate making predictions.

I have long been of the school of thought that college football is so unpredictable that there is no way to know how a game will play out. Predicting a winner is tough enough in all but the most lopsided affairs. Any remotely accurate prediction is nothing more than a lucky guess, and each and every incorrect offering provides evidence that the would-be clairvoyant doesn't know what the hell he or she is talking about.

Of course, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. So why not throw some stuff at the wall? I don't know about you, but here is what I'm watching this weekend. If your television displays something other than what I describe over the next few paragraphs, you should get it checked out, because you can take this stuff to the bank.

Not really. The research here is minimal. In fact, you'd probably be wise to bet on the opposite of whatever gibberish is forthcoming. Here we go.

Cal @ Nevada Friday Night 9:00 p.m. CST (ESPN2)

Really, no football on Friday night until 9:00? When is the west coast going to realize that it is a sideshow and nothing more? Yeah, it's great to watch SMU @ Fresno State in the late game on Saturday when you're hammered and not ready to stop watching football, but this business about being the main event is a bunch of bull. Cal doesn't have Jahvid Best. Nevada doesn't have Chris Klenakis, a longtime assistant at Nevada who is now the offensive line coach at Arkansas. The Wolf Pack lost the brains behind their offense, but I'm giving them the nod for no reason other than their lack of an "s". Nevada in a thriller. Nevada 34, Cal 31 (OT)

Arkansas @ Georgia 11:00 a.m. CST (ESPN)

This is the big one for me and the ~~dozens~~ others reading this. Arkansas is your unbeaten, untied, untested underdog, despite the fact that they are ranked #12 nationally, bring nearly their entire team back from last season, and face a Georgia team that was unable to find the end zone last week against South Carolina, looked completely inept when tasked with tackling South Carolina freshman Marcus Lattimore, and, at the moment of this writing (4:22 p.m. CST), will be without their best player, stud receiver A.J. Green.

I think Georgia will find the end zone against the Hogs, but will do so infrequently, which is bad news for the Dawgs. Arkansas will certainly find it, and if they find it early, things could get ugly. Last year, Bobby Petrino schemed all summer for the matchup against Georgia, and the Hogs responded with a 21-point opening salvo. It was only the questionable ejection of defensive leader Jerry Franklin that slowed the Hogs' momentum, and helped Georgia turn the tide. Petrino revealed this week during his radio show that this season was no different, and that the Razorback offense has been held back against two lesser opponents in order to retain some new wrinkles for the Bulldog defense, as well as the Alabama defense, who the Razorbacks play next week.

If anyone can have a workman-like effort and produce 400 yards passing, it's Ryan Mallett. That's what he did last week, and I foresee something similar going down tomorrow. Mallett will be efficient above all else, but it won't be the coming out party he enjoyed last year against Georgia. Look for Joe Adams and the Razorback defense to be the stars of this one, while Mallett quietly throws for 300-plus and two touchdowns, and the committee of Razorback running backs handle the rest of the scoring. Arkansas 42, Georgia 24

Alabama @ Duke 2:30 p.m. CST (ABC)

If you are wondering why in blue blazes the defending national champion Crimson Tide are going on the road to play the weakest member of a weak football conference, you aren't the only one. It's not very often you see a team go on the road as a 24-point favorite against another school from a BCS conference, but that's what you'll see tomorrow. Wallace Wade Stadium just doesn't have the same magic that Cameron Indoor does. I'm tuning in purely to witness the carnage as the Tide tuneup for a potential Top 10 clash next Saturday. Mark Ingram makes his debut, but Trent Richardson is still the star. Bama gives up its first touchdown of the year, but the Tide roll regardless. Alabama 30, Duke 10

Florida @ Tennessee 2:30 p.m. CST (CBS)

The SEC on CBS. For the last four seasons, this weekly game in this coveted time slot has done more to shape the national champion than any other. I don't foresee the matchup between the Gators and the Vols to play much of a role in shaping the SEC Champion, much less the national champion, but there are storylines nonetheless. Vince Dooley's son makes his SEC debut in a rivalry game that has decided the East Division representative in Atlanta the vast majority of the time since conference expansion in 1992. The Vols are licking their wounds after getting shellacked in the fourth quarter against Oregon, but fortunately for Tennessee, the Gator offense seems too preoccupied with staying out of prison and snapping the football to score too many points. Look for lots of momentum swings early, but superior Gator talent on the defensive side of the ball to make the difference late. Florida 23, Tennessee 10

Clemson @ Auburn 6:00 CST (ESPN)

Not the most appealing game to be chosen for GameDay, but that's where Chris, Kirk, Lee, and crew are this week. The purple-and-orange Tigers from Death Valley are visiting the blue-and-orange Tigers on the Plains, in a rare game where an assistant coach is likely to get more airtime than either head coach. The camera loves Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn, who is arguably a bigger star than either his boss Gene Chizik or Clemson Head Coach Dabo Sweeney. Auburn's offensive unit looked pedestrian in a Thursday night victory over Mississippi State last week, although Cam Newton seems to have lived up to his massive hype, at least in the eyes of Auburn fans. I haven't seen him make an impressive throw yet, and I'm convinced he won't make it through the season if he continues to be as physical as he was against State. Once again, Newton's legs make the difference. Auburn 24, Clemson 20

Mississippi State @ LSU 6:00 CST (ESPNU)

Last year's contest was too close for comfort, as far as the Tigers are concerned. Chad Jones returned a punt 90-plus yards for a touchdown late in the game to put the Bulldogs away, and special teams could play a significant role this Saturday as well. Star LSU Cornerback Patrick Peterson showed out as a return man in the Tigers less-than-impressive victory over a depleted North Carolina squad, but he may have trouble getting too many touches. It's doubtful that Dan Mullen will allow a kicked ball to go anywhere remotely near Peterson, and neither of the Bulldog quarterbacks seem competent enough to get a pass close enough for Peterson to intercept. Assuming he is providing his usual blanket coverage, he will be far too close to a Bulldog receiver to get a play on the ball. Depending on your perspective, it's either a pillow fight or a defensive struggle. Either way, it's Saturday Night in Death Valley, and the drunks will make the difference. LSU 24, Mississippi State 14

Everyone Loves a Good Road Story

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 05:03:00 +0000

Even more than Ryan Mallett, high expectations seem to be the dominant storyline as the Arkansas Razorbacks make their way through fall camp. The reasons behind the buzz are obvious. The Razorbacks have a Heisman Trophy front-runner in quarterback Ryan Mallett, return the vast majority of their other offensive weapons, and look to be much improved and more experienced on the defensive side of the ball.

Even Hog fans with the shortest of memories, however, certainly cannot forget that the Razorbacks went 0-4 on the road last season, and must factor that in when contemplating the Razorbacks' fortunes this year. Winning them all, while a longshot, is undoubtedly the Hogs' goal this season. But you can't win them all unless you win them on the road. So can they?

Skeptics of Arkansas will immediately point to the Hogs' .000 road record in conference last season as an indicator that the 2010 Hogs' chances of an SEC Championship (or beyond) are somewhere between slim and none. That is fair criticism, but there are counterarguments to be made. More than anything, it cannot be denied that the 2009 road schedule was more difficult than the 2010 slate will be. In 2009, every opponent Arkansas faced on the road featured a Top 15 Scoring Defense. Alabama, of course, finished the season as the national champion, and Florida finished ranked #3. The other two road opponents, Ole Miss and LSU, also finished ranked. No disrespect intended to Georgia, Auburn, South Carolina, and Mississippi State, but none of those opponents on paper stack up to any of the four teams Arkansas traveled to meet last season.

Not to be ignored when examining the dismal road record Arkansas put up in 2009 is the fact that the Hogs were criminally setback by pitiful officiating during their game against Florida, and then stunned by an equally egregious gaffe against LSU, both of which likely cost them victories. 0-4 is still 0-4, but in my eyes, the Razorbacks played well enough to win in both Gainesville and Baton Rouge, two of the toughest places to play in the country. Turn 0-4 into 2-2 and the 2009 Hogs are suddenly 10-3, and the skeptics screaming about having to prove their mettle on the road are much less convincing.

Thinking about it that way led me to begin investigating Bobby Petrino's record on the road as a head coach. Was last year an anomaly? What about the 1-3 road campaign in 2008? Do we attribute that to the utter lack of talent left to him by outgoing Houston Nutt, or is there something else that is keeping Petrino from attaining success away from home. The answers might not be definitive, but they certainly shed some light on the apparent disconnect between Petrino's 1-7 SEC road record and his reputation for meticulous preparation, come hell, high water, or unfriendly confines.

As a collegiate head coach, Petrino has compiled an 18-14 record in regular season away games, a winning percentage of 56%. Not stellar, although the 1-8 record in his first two seasons at Arkansas significantly tarnish the shine off the 17-6 mark he built at Louisville, where he won on the road at a 74% clip. His two stints on the surface could not be any more disparate, but there is a common thread that appears when taking a closer look at things.

In his 14 losses as a head coach at Louisville and Arkansas, Petrino lost an astounding NINE by a field goal or less. Only one of the other five losses occurred while he was at Louisville, a 45-14 defeat at the hands of South Florida that is the only real head-scratcher in the bunch. The rest of those "bad losses" came while Petrino was with the Hogs, rebuilding a depleted talent base and facing a murderous schedule. Among them, Texas destroyed the Hogs 52-10 in Austin in 2008 en route to a 12-1 season and a Fiesta Bowl victory. Last season, Alabama handled the Razorbacks 35-7 in Tuscaloosa on their way to a national championship.

Even with the murderous schedule Petrino has faced the past two seasons, he has still managed to coach his team to within a field goal more than half the time. The Hogs lost heartbreakers on the road to Kentucky and Mississippi State in 2008, and Florida and LSU in 2009, all decided by a field goal or less, and three of the four featuring missed 4th quarter game-winning or game-tying kicks by Alex Tejada. Yeouch.

Petrino lost his share of heartbreakers at Louisville, too, including overtime games to South Florida and West Virginia, and a 28-25 loss at Rutgers in 2006 that knocked the Cardinals out of their bid for a BCS National Championship. It also turned out to be their only loss on the season.

So what does all this mean? If you're a Hog fan, it means exactly what you likely have already known. That Bobby Petrino will not coach himself out of any game, but especially one in which the deck is stacked against his team with a hostile crowd and potentially less-than-impartial officiating. Far more often than not, his team will have an opportunity in the fourth quarter to either win or extend the game. And as we have heard so much, that is all you can ask for when you're on the road.

If you look at the four games on Arkansas' road schedule this season, the thing that stands out is the certainty of what the Hogs bring to the table, versus great uncertainty in each of their opponents. Georgia and Auburn are breaking in new quarterbacks. Mississippi State is searching for a replacement for the great Anthony Dixon. South Carolina is mired in controversy, and could potentially be without the services of one of its best players, tight end Weslye Saunders, for the entire season.

The Razorbacks, on the other hand, return three-quarters of last season's offensive and defensive starters, and are virtually assured of being a better team than last year, when they went 3-1 at home against this season's road slate. The odds of the Petrino getting back to his winning ways on the road seem favorable, to say the least.

As long as they don't have to kick it.

Never Mind the Bullshit, Here's Gregg Doyel!

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 00:24:00 +0000

It is certainly not the intention of this blog to zero in on the stinkbait of hit-trolling columnists, but we're going down that road for the second consecutive day. Today, the misguided soul between the sights is CBSSports.com columnist Gregg Doyel. Although not a graduate of Ole Miss or Florida, he spent time growing up in Oxford and did attend school in Gainesville. He claims no allegiance to either school, but he's certainly no fan of the Razorbacks.

The flailing hackjob Doyel produced today undoubtedly accomplished his intended result by generating thousands of views, but it also rose my hackles. Mouth agape, I read Doyel's scolding with mounting anger. At the point he counseled Arkansans that "people don't act this way", I knew silence was no longer an option. I fired off a quick email to Mr. Doyel.

The irony is staggering.

An opinion writer shaming someone (or in this case, someones) for persuading another to their line of thinking.

Isn't that what you, as a "National Columnist", are paid to do?

It seems the only difference between you and the Arkansas fans you ridicule is the fact that we at least did our research.

I've got to ask... what would you consider an appropriate punishment if you took it upon yourself to meet with your bosses in ESPN.com garb? After others had warned against it?

After, of course, you tweeted about how much better things were when you were working at ESPN.com.

After, of course, you made a point to mention to your readers how many more awards ESPN.com deserved last year over CBS.

Of course, you wouldn't do that. Journalists don't act that way.

I look forward to updating everyone, but no response as of yet. I'm certainly not one to expect a big important national journalist to answer this peon on MY terms, so I'll be patient. I think I'll stop short of holding my breath, though.

For Once The World Needs One MORE Lawyer

noreply@blogger.com (Karl Onterio) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:19:00 +0000

On Saturday the Razorback nation was aflutter with the news that Arkansas head football coach, Bobby Petrino responded to a question from a local radio co-host saying, “…and that will be the last question I answer with that hat on.” The radio personality in question, Renee Gork, is a Florida graduate who claimed that she wore a hat brandishing her alma mater’s mascot to protect her hair from the Saturday morning rain. Fast forward to Monday morning and Gork is terminated by KAKS, a Northwest Arkansas radio station that bills itself as “Hog Sports Radio.” By Monday afternoon, The Associated Press had picked up the story prompting numerous national pundits, including AOL Fanhouse columnist Clay Travis, to weigh in.

Mr. Travis knows a thing or two about covering the South’s fall religion. In 2005 the Vanderbilt Law graduate and unapologetic Tennessee Volunteers fan burst on the southern football scene with his weekly mail bag column for CBS Sportsline. Mr. Travis parlayed his column into a fantastic book, Dixieland Delight, which chronicled his visits to each SEC venue during the 2006 football season. Travis’ biting wit and everyfan perspective made him a hit among his fellow twenty-something Southeastern Conference football fans, and eventually led to another book that followed Phil Fulmer and his Volunteers in Fulmer’s last season as head coach.

Now, I must confess, I am a fan of Travis’ work. I’ve been a regular reader of his material since the beginning. I own two of his books. I constantly recommend Dixieland Delight, right alongside The Blind Side, and Meat Market to friends looking for excellent football reading. I have written in to his mail bag column, and I have encouraged others to do so. I follow him on twitter. I even know that he made a huge impression on his first day as an editor at the popular sports blog www.deadspin.com when he talked about Vince Young’s use of the phrase “No homo,” in the Tennessee Titans locker room. But I think it might finally be time for me to take exception with Mr. Travis’ work.

I suppose I should not be surprised that Travis would stick up for Gork through this ordeal. Media famously sticks up for other members of the media, but Travis goes too far in his defense. As usual, instead of relying on his lawyer’s logic to make a point that could easily be made, especially in this case, Travis pulls out his quiver filled with arrows of stereotype and innuendo.

First, in attacking Petrino, Travis insists that Razorback fans should be ashamed of their coach, because he left his NFL team in mid season, and of course Travis cannot resist a chance to call Arkansas the 8^th best football program in the SEC. Is it possible that Travis had a lapse in memory in regards to the dubious history of Tennessee’s own head football coaches? I wonder if Travis thought less of Phillip Fulmer for pushing out his legendary boss, Johnny Majors, to take the reins of the boys in orange? Did Travis shudder when Lane Kiffen took the position of head coach to new lows just a year ago? I think not. Travis should also be reminded that the so called 8^th best football program in the SEC played for the conference title more recently than the Vols, and are expected to do so again.

But, of course, this is not a discussion of the Hogs and the Vols. It’s a question of professionalism in the media. Gork had long covered both college and professional football. By all accounts Gork was successful in covering the Florida Gators, the Jacksonville Jaguars, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. In other words, she should have known better. Even the most casual fan knows that reporters don’t cheer in the press box, and you sure don’t wear the apparel of a conference rival to question one of the most beloved men in Arkansas.

Even Gork’s choice of clothing might have been nothing more than an interesting post practice anecdote if she had managed to maintain a semblance of professionalism both at practice and away from it. Numerous reports identify Gork as a regular violator of a University of Arkansas policy that bans those attending Razorback football practices from transmitting information during the practice about its events. But even still with this violation Gork might have kept her job despite raising the ire of Coach Petrino and the U of A media relations staff if she could have convinced herself to be a little more professional with her use of popular social media tools. No, Gork insisted on complaining about her job duties, not once, but numerous times via facebook and twitter. Most adults who use these social media tools understand that what you say on the internet has consequences, but Gork clearly didn’t see anything wrong with doing any of these things. Frankly, she’s a poster child for any aspiring reporters who are looking for examples of what not to do if you hope to be a successful journalist.

Clay would do well to learn from this episode. Here’s to hoping he doesn’t try to interview Derek Dooley in his Vanderbilt Law t-shirt.

An Open Letter to Jeff Long

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:46:00 +0000

Mr. Long,

We have never met. I am an avid fan of the athletic programs of the University of Arkansas. The Razorbacks. Those teams which you endeavor to manage. And though my meager annual contribution to the Razorback Foundation in a perfect world might purchase me some voice, however distant and tinny, regarding the personnel you choose to maintain as coaches of my beloved Razorbacks, I am a realist. I know I have no legitimate voice. No legitimate means of influence.

Still, I feel compelled to write.

Last Thursday, as you are certainly aware, the Razorbacks men's team played the Florida Gators in Bud Walton Arena, and lost a close decision. 71-66. It was a game that Arkansas could have, and perhaps should have, won. Florida did not win impressively. To my eyes, they played poorly. They did not shoot the ball well, and yet escaped Bud Walton Arena, our Basketball Palace of Mid-America, with a victory.

But basketball teams lose games sometimes. Heck, we lost 16 of them last year, and have lost 11 so far this season. We even lost three in 1994 when we won the national championship. That the Florida game was an agonizing loss at home is something else that I know I have to stomach. Basketball teams lose home games sometimes. I know that. We can't win them all in Bud Walton. Well, I guess technically we can, but we've only done it twice in 17 seasons. Home losses, however tough, are part of the game.

Still, I feel compelled to write.

Last night, I sat on my couch and watched the Border War on ESPN. Bill Self's #2 ranked Kansas Jayhawks hosting Mike Anderson's Missouri Tigers. If you watched the game, you saw Kansas dismantle Mizzou in impressive fashion. The noise inside Allen Fieldhouse was deafening, and the knowledgeable fans there were active and engaged for the entire game.

I'm sure you already know this, but with a capacity of around 16,000, Allen Fieldhouse is actually smaller than Bud Walton Arena. And due to its ingenious design and the foresight of Frank Broyles to create a facility built purely for big-time basketball, Bud Walton Arena's 19,000 seats are actually closer to the floor than the seats at Allen Fieldhouse. Proceeding logically, and I have seen nothing from you to doubt your loyalty to logic, you have to be open to the possibility that Bud Walton could conceivably be louder even than intimidating Allen Fieldhouse, where the Jayhawks have now won 54 consecutive games.

I am no basketball expert, but I do have an appreciation for the game and a respect for its history. I know that the James Naismith that Kansas' court is named for is the same James Naismith that invented the game in Springfield, Massachusetts in 1891, and was also Kansas' first basketball coach. I know that Allen Fieldhouse is named after Phog Allen, Naismith's successor at Kansas, and one of the most successful collegiate basketball coaches of all-time. I understand and appreciate the stature of programs such as Kansas. As Kentucky. North Carolina. And I realize that Arkansas is not in that echelon.

Still, I feel compelled to write.

To put it simply, I sleep too easily. After our loss to Florida last week, I went to bed and I fell asleep. Immediately. I was angry momentarily following the game, but it dissipated as soon as I turned the television off. There was a time when sleep would have been impossible following any such loss, much less one in such an agonizing manner....especially one at home. It seems that time has passed, however. How dignified is it, after all, to lose sleep over Morgan State, East Tennessee State, and South Alabama,?

I am 28 years old. I wasn't around for The Triplets and Eddie Sutton, but I came to love basketball during our finest hour as Hogs. These things may not mean much to you, but I remember the 1990 Final Four. I remember the life-sized newspaper insert poster of Todd Day that hung on my wall for years. I remember Corliss Williamson's delayed debut in the winter of 1993 due to a stress fracture, and the dominance that followed it. I remember great games. Overtime against LSU and Kentucky. I remember great players that I demonized because they played against the Razorbacks. Shaquille O'Neal. Anfernee Hardaway. Jamal Mashburn.

I remember the final game inside Barnhill Arena. Jim Robken and the Hog Wild Band. Capturing the "spirit" of Barnhill to transport to Bud Walton Arena. I remember that some people were angry, and that virtually everyone was sad. Can you believe that? A fan base so tied to an old, outdated facility that it was hesitant to move into a sparkling new facility twice the size of its predecessor? It happened. Here. That's how great Barnhill was, but as great as it was, I have personally witnessed Bud Walton Arena exceed it in every way.

The problem, Mr. Long, is that you have not.

The past two seasons have seen our numbers dwindle. The past two seasons have seen our wins dwindle. Bud Walton Arena, a place once feared, has become what residents of this state swore it would never, ever be. Just a building where basketball is played. The "spirit" that was captured in 1993 has escaped somehow, and been replaced with something dangerously close to apathy. I could never turn my back on the Razorbacks, but despite my best efforts to combat it, it seems I am vulnerable to dozing off on them, and that is alarming.

It compelled me to write. What does it compel you to do?

Woo Pig Sooie,

BVC

JEAL-OUS-Y! JEAL-OUS-Y!

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:38:00 +0000

Attend any football game pitting an SEC team against a team from another BCS conference, and you will more often than not a) watch the SEC team win, and b) hear the fans of the victorious team start an "S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!" chant.

Fanbases from other conferences do not do this, and have come to despise this chant. This hatred manifests itself most often in the form of mocking. No, that's wrong. It doesn't. In order to mock, these fanbases would have to witness their team defeat the SEC opponent more than is presently the case. So, to put it more accurately, this hatred most often manifests itself in the form of coming up with bullshit reasons for the chant.

99 times out of 100 the proffered "reason" always comes back to inferior Southerners having a chip on their shoulder about one thing or another. About a third of the time there is some implied incest joke about the "SEC family". More than half the time the reasoning is in the "they are so proud because that's all they've got" line. Finally, and I kid you not, I have even seen serious arguments that the S-E-C chant is the South's modern day way of fighting the Civil War. Seriously.

What those Northern Aggressors fail to pick up on in their rush to belittle is that fans of the SEC, while sometimes slow of wit and even slower of tongue, get it. It being, in this case, that conference pride helps ALL members of the conference. That the present dominance of the SEC helps ALL members of the SEC. It's so simple to SEC fans that it really befuddles us that fans in the Big Ten or Big XII or PAC-10 haven't figured it out yet.

The school of thought that the SEC is home to the best teams, top-to-bottom, is borne out most bowl seasons when the sixth or seventh bowl selection of the SEC defeats the second or third, or even first bowl selection of another conference. It is borne out when LSU in 2007 loses not one but two conference games, makes the BCS National Championship Game, and defeats Ohio State convincingly. Sure, they were a controversial participant, but they overcame that by dominating the game. They earned it, and in the process put a HUGE feather in the cap of the Southeastern Conference.

The S-E-C chant during that game was, among other things, a tip of the cap to the rest of the conference, whose collective power generated LSU the benefit of the doubt, for lack of a better phrase, to be in that game in the first place. Other fanbases may not like that benefit, but it's hard to dispute at the moment. The last SEC team to play a complete season without losing a conference game was Auburn in 2004. They went undefeated on the year, 14-0, and were snubbed for the national title. Since then, the SEC has won three BCS titles. What do you think the odds are of another situation like Auburn's in 2004 happening again?

As an Arkansas fan, I don't cheer for the SEC in these big games so much for the particular school, as Florida and Alabama are both pretty much reprehensible to me. I cheer, as an Arkansas fan, because I want to take advantage of that benefit of the doubt the conference has earned on the shoulders of its depth and parity. Be it the Gators or the Tide, I want them to do the conference proud because next year or the year after I want the same chance. Fans of other schools scoff when this reasoning is given by fans of "lesser" SEC schools, but they shouldn't.

Since 1992, when the SEC expanded to two divisions, added a conference championship game and for all intents and purposes began the modern era of college football, the Southeastern Conference has had four different members win the national title. That is 33% of the conference, and that doesn't even include Auburn, who gets no credit for their undefeated season in 2004. Fully more than half of the teams in the conference have the tradition, facilities, and deep pockets necessary to win a national title. This, in my opinion, is what sets the SEC apart, and also what validates that chant.

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So who wins this Saturday’s SEC Championship Game between #1 Florida and #2 Alabama? It’s a rematch from last year, once again matching the top two teams in the country in the biggest game of the season. Last season, I really thought that Alabama was the best team going into the game, but Florida came away victorious. This season, I again feel that Alabama is better. More imposing physically. When I play the game out in my head, I see Alabama winning. But really, I have no idea whatsoever. As good as these two teams are, anything could happen.

The only thing that is already determined regarding the SEC Championship game is that the winner will advance to the BCS National Championship for the fourth consecutive year. They will be favored by Las Vegas oddsmakers. And if the past three years are any indication, they will defeat their competition and establish themselves as college football’s best. In the final minutes of the game, as the players of the game are being determined by network commentators, a repetitive chant will rise up from a jubilant half of the stadium.

S-E-C. S-E-C. S-E-C. Fans from other conferences hate it, and can you blame them? The better question that these fans will fail to consider, however, is if history repeats itself and the SEC claims its fourth straight…. can you really blame us?

Mr. Mid-November

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:05:00 +0000

“That’ll be $8.42. Credit or Debit?”

In a world of steroids and supplements, the needle, The Cream and The Clear, aren’t you surprised and relieved to know that some finely tuned athletes can prepare themselves to tackle greatness for less than a ten spot?

A six-pack of Coors Light and a bag of ice. That’s all I need.

It’s the next-to-last game of the 2009 Fall Softball Season at Interstate Park in Little Rock, Arkansas, and my team, Team Oinkx, is scheduled to play at 8:30 against a team of youngsters named Give It a Yankee. That might be a clever name in a kickball league, but in lower level softball, it just makes them seem like a bunch of tools.

Anyway, Give It a Yankee is undefeated, untied, and untested. They have demolished every single team they have played this year, including Team Oinkx in two previous meetings. 15-0 and 19-2. There is a run-rule in effect for this league, and Give It a Yankee has run-ruled their opponent in nearly every game this season. And looked good doing it. They are the sharpest outfitted team out there. Old (but not too old) high school baseball pants. Old (but not too old) Legion pants. Old (or, more aptly, out of eligibility) Razorback red pinstripe pants.

Yes, you read that correctly. Give It a Yankee boasts a former Hog. Very newly former, I might add. College World Series in June. Bottom level beer league softball in September. Dave Van Horn would certainly well up with pride at the news.

Anyway, it’s 8:30. And it’s cold. There had been talk of simply not showing up to play. The last team to play Give It a Yankee had walked off the field in the middle of an inning, trailing by more than three touchdowns. The fate of Team Oinkx isn’t any more promising, and Hooters is warm and has cold beer and hot wings. And other things.

In the interest of full disclosure, I voted for Hooters, by the way.

I am voted down. Team Oinkx will honorably fall on its sword. Walk into the Coliseum with head held high. But at least we’ll do it with a buzz.

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Warming up for me is a pretty simple process. The way I see it, at 28 and unathletic, my joints and muscles are roughly 1/3 through a collision course with rigor mortis that no amount of stretching can derail. If injury is in my future tonight, stretching will not prevent it, but I at least need to get the blood pumping. I stretch my quads. My hamstrings. Then run high knees to the fence, and butt-kicks back.

Our coach is out of town on business, so we don’t even have balls to warm up with. We have two game balls, and two bats. After somebody fetches a couple of spare softballs from their car, I toss a little with Terry, our left fielder and one of our best athletes. Once our arms are warm, we head to the dugout for a pregame beer to discuss strategy.

The goal tonight is simple: limit their extra bases due to throwing errors. Out opponents are easily the fastest team in the league, and run the bases aggressively. Consecutives base hits up the middle for Team Oinkx will typically result in runners on first and second. Those same hits for Give It a Yankee can easily end up as a run scored and a runner on second due to their speed and aggressive baserunning. We must get the ball in quickly and refuse to engage in futile efforts to gun their runners down.

The umpire comes over and explains to us that the batter gets one bat and the player on-deck gets two bats, and only those three bats may be outside the dugout. He says this very sternly, as if he is somehow privy to our plans to gallivant around the infield with multiple bats in each hand. Nobody bothers to tell him we have only two bats. It would have ruined his impassioned explanation of a critical rule.

8:30. Finally. Batter up. Let’s get this debacle over with.

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The game starts off slow, and Team Oinkx actually leads after one inning, 1-0. There is no excitement. Encouragement, yes, but certainly no hope. We led after the first inning in our last meeting as well, and that one ended badly. All there is to do is to keep swinging on offense and keep catching the ball on defense.

My first at bat is a weak line drive to shortstop off the handle of the bat. I hate this pitcher. He throws high and inside, and I am not a pull hitter. Not pleased.

Give It a Yankee take the lead over the next couple of innings, but do not take control of the game. There are no dropped balls in the outfield enabling them to clear the bases. Our right fielder Jeremy catches numerous balls that would drop against any other team, including a spectacular diving catch that turns a two-run inside-the-park-home run into an out. The infield is playing solid, too. No booted balls. No errant or unnecessary throws.

We keep catching the ball, but Team Oinkx just cannot seem to score. Getting runners on is easy enough, but getting them across the plate is exceedingly difficult. We hit into no fewer than three double plays, and their shortstop gobbles up everything in sight.

Finally, in the top half of the sixth inning, after clawing to within one run at 6-5, the Oinkx bats wake up for good. Rex, our EH, blisters a ball right down the line. Steve, our left-centerfielder places a ball with precision in a soft part of their defense. And I finally get a hit, a well-hit single up the middle, but nothing to write home about.

As I’m standing on first, I notice that the umpire is looking at the bat. I am befuddled. Did I sling it? I don’t think so. Is there even a rule against that anyway? What is going on? Finally, I realize that the catcher has asked the umpire to check the bat TO MAKE SURE IT’S LEGAL. Really? Not sure what was so impressive about my routine single up the middle, but I’ll take it as a compliment.

The ump determines my bat is legal, and suddenly we are excited and encouraged and just plain pissed off. I make it to second on a hit, and after another hit, I am running full steam for third base. My buddy Marc, the acting third base coach, is waving me home.

“Go four! Go four! But you damn well better GO if you’re going!”

I hit the bag at third and start to turn for home, but momentum and inertia and every other law of physics apparently dictate at this point that my turn be a little wider than normal. Like, honestly, probably the widest turn anybody has ever made rounding third base. So wide, in fact, that I run into Marc. I feel like one of the outer planets at the far end of their orbit, and when my legs are finally completely back under me I am halfway to home plate and easily fifteen feet off the base path. I beat the throw, however, and when we get our third out, we have put five runs up and lead 10-6.

Give It a Yankee get two in the bottom half of the sixth, and with one inning to go we hold a 10-8 lead. We are guaranteed not to get run-ruled. We are guaranteed to get our complete hour in. But now we are concerned with winning. Our opponents are visibly tense. They haven’t trailed this late in a game all season. Their voices strain as they shout encouragement to each other. They never should have had the umpire check that bat. They might as well have held up a sign reading “Rattled”.

Amazingly, Team Oinkx has another monster inning in the top of the seventh. We get men on base early, before registering outs, and the pressure that this puts on their defense is palpable. I get my best hit of the season after I finally figure out how to wait for their pitcher to throw a pitch outside. I get the fat part of the bat squarely on the ball, and experience that “hum” of catching one flush. It rockets off the barrel, and out of the corner of my eye I can see the left fielder sprinting backwards as I run to first. A stand up double for a slow fellow like me feels great. Our right-centerfielder Dillon follows me up with another shot and I get to cross the plate once more. After the dust settles, we have put five more runs up and lead 15-8 going into the last half of the final inning. Could this really be happening?

Give It a Yankee are not going down without a fight, and unleash a barrage of hard-hit balls back up the middle in their last half inning. We only need three outs, though. There’s a fly ball to right. One down. Who cares if a runner advances. No bad throws!

More balls up the middle. They are moving station to station now. Scoring when it’s available, but running the bases cautiously. Keeping them full and awaiting a big hit. There’s another fly ball. Two out. We just need one more.

With the meat of their order coming up, one of their players hits a shot into left field and instinctively goes for two. Terry, in left field, makes a break on it and cuts it off efficiently, getting it to Marc, the cutoff man, who is preparing to throw in front of the lead runner. Standing on second, I see the batter round second, and inexplicably keep going. He let himself get way too far off the bag. I yell to Marc “TWO! TWO!” and he wheels around to find the runner dead-to-rights.

Marc plays the situation perfectly and charges the frozen runner, forcing him to commit to a base. He chooses to dive back toward second base and Marc fires a perfect throw to me. I catch it cleanly and snap my glove down in front of the base just as the Yankee’s head slides into it. The leather of my mitt right on the button of his ballcap. There is little doubt about this one, but just to make sure, I inform him. “You’re OUT!”

We’ve done it. 15-11. There is little celebration. Even less trash talking. The “good game line” after the game is brief, but extremely satisfying. We beat an undefeated team. A team that managed to ooze arrogance and inject tension into a league designed for recreation. After embarrassing every team out there, Give It a Yankee finally gets a taste of what it’s been dishing out, and my team facilitated it. What an incredibly great feeling.

All of that for $8.42. What a return on investment.

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Play’s at first, infield.

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:59:00 +0000

I feel good about this one.

Arkansas hosts the South Carolina Gamecocks Saturday, and though it happens rarely, I already have a feeling how this one is going to go. South Carolina is beaten up, coming off a loss, and are facing their second consecutive road game against an SEC opponent in a “must-win” game scenario.

Arkansas found itself in this exact scenario when it traveled to Oxford to play Ole Miss, and we all know how that worked out.

If things play out the way I think they should, Arkansas will take advantage of the suspension of FS Chris Culliver and pick on whoever is playing in his place. If Mallett is able to get the ball to Joe Adams over the middle of the field, and Michael Smith can get going early, either Greg Childs or Jarius Wright could have a field day on deep passes out of play action.

In every game played at Razorback Stadium this season, the Hogs have played well to start the game. Even in the loss to Georgia, Arkansas blazed to an early 21-10 lead in the first quarter. If the Razorbacks play well early on Saturday, it will be interesting to see just how much fight South Carolina has. Beat up, on the road, and with an offense that has struggled to score points, I could see the Gamecocks folding if things go south for them early in the game.

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In other football news, the Battle of the Ravine will also be played on Saturday between the Tigers of Ouachita Baptist University (B.A. ‘03) and the Reddies of Henderson State University. One of the most unique rivalries in college football, and one I’ve had the pleasure of attending several times.

There may be another rivalry in which the visiting team’s empty stadium is visible from the attendants of the game, but I’m unaware of one.

There may be another rivalry where going “on the road” to face an opponent is actually done after dressing for the game, but I’m not aware of one.

For those who are unfamiliar with the Battle of the Ravine, Ouachita Baptist and Henderson State are two small universities located in small Arkadelphia, Arkansas (population 10,000). The schools are separated by a small ravine, a narrow state highway, and the chasm of state funding. They don’t always hold true to form, but the stereotypes you might draw upon are there. Ouachita Baptist is smaller, private, and for its part plays well the role of snooty elitist. To an extent. Henderson State is larger, public, and seems to naturally play the role of Joe Sixpack in contrast to OBU’s Bible Thumpers. To an extent. The difference is that in a town of 10,000, you’re forced to share things with each other. Like Wal-Mart. And Brookshire’s. And even church. USC and UCLA this is not. There’s just not enough room for hate.

Anyway, if you ever find yourself in Arkadelphia, Arkansas, do yourself a favor and drive through both campuses. It won’t take long, as they are across the street from each other. Tour Henderson first, and then make your way over to Ouachita. You might think both schools seem exactly the same. You might think they seem totally different. And what’s unique about Arkadelphia, and Ouachita and Henderson, is that you’re absolutely right either way.

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Hopefully next week I’ll have the time to write a nice, well reasoned piece about SEC football, with abundant research and thoroughly fleshed out theories and zany, entertaining opinions. That’s what I was shooting for this week, but four softball games in four days was just too much. After four consecutive days of “Where do I throw it if it comes to me?”, all creative energy is shot.

Paid off, too. I never threw it to the wrong person.

Triple Word Score

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 05:09:00 +0000

It’s raining. Like, Biblically. I’m not sure when it started. I know it had already started when I was on my way to work this morning. It was raining at lunch when I walked outside. It was raining as I drove across town to meet my family for dinner. It was raining hard as we left the restaurant. As we drove to my mother’s to visit following dinner. As we drove home. And now, 16 hours later, it is still raining as my wife slowly invades my side of the bed. This is no Shermanesque land grab, mind you. No raping, pillaging, burning. This is measured and methodical, but make no mistake. If I don’t hurry the hell up with this post, I’ll be finishing with one cheek on the precipice of disaster.

It’s supposed to rain all day tomorrow as well. Little Rock is closing in on 70” of rain, and 2009 is already on record as the 7th Wettest Year on Record. And we’re not even to November.

So Stephanie and I will take off for Fayetteville tomorrow. In the rain. Because Saturday is homecoming for the University of Arkansas. The Razorbacks are playing Eastern Michigan University. On Halloween. In the cold. After a flood.

We are SO there.

Y-P-S-I-L-A-N-T-I

That’s where the Eastern Michigan University Eagles are from. Yes, that’s right. The EMU Eagles from Ypsilanti. If this football team were a child, you’d wonder why its parents hated it so much. That’s a rhetorical question, of course, but if one were looking for an answer, it might be “because it’s so very bad at football.”

Last week, the EMU Eagles from Ypsilanti went off in search of their first victory of the season. They were playing the Cardinals of Ball State, also winless on the season. Rynearson Stadium’s very own version of the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object. Try as they might to avoid it, one of these teams would leave the field a winner.

Through sheer determination, the EMU Eagles of Ypsilanti got it done. It’s not easy to lose a game in which your opponent gains ONE SOLITARY PASSING YARD, but Eastern Michigan was not to be denied. They willed themselves to ineptitude, surrendering a 14-point 2nd quarter lead to lose a 29-27 decision.

All of these ingredients together seem to be the recipe for a game played with an intensity level on par with the sun’s as of late. A routine cupcake victory, lots of points for the Hogs, few or even zero points for the Eagles. Very few exciting moments after halftime, and perhaps even fewer spectators in the stands to witness them. The Razorbacks will not have to work hard to blow out EMU, and the EMU Eagles of Ypsilanti will not have to work nearly as hard as last week to maintain their own brand of perfection.

So, why go?

It’s Halloween, and Stephanie and I both have nieces and nephews we’d like to see dressed up. I have candy I’d like to be stingy with so I can eat it later myself. Plus, the game is televised. In HD, for that matter. And it’s not like Homecoming is a big draw. Neither one of us are alumni.

We go because that’s our thing. At the very least, it’s my thing that Stephanie goes along with so I can pretend it’s our thing. Even meaningless games against scrub teams in seasons where our best hope is a mid-tier bowl. We go because it’s something to look forward to the entire week. I wrote about it a couple of months ago, and it really is true. The drive up to Fayetteville for a football game is a really special experience for me. I look forward to it all week. If I knew that there was a game being played this weekend and people were going and I could go but instead was choosing voluntarily to do something else? That would seriously mess with my head.

I watched Game 1 of the World Series last night. Cliff Lee, pride of Saline County, was magnificent in Yankee Stadium, helping the Phillies capture the first game of the series. As I was watching, I thought back to our trip to Yankee Stadium a couple of months ago, and it was really cool to see a place that we had recently been to on such a grand stage. At the same time, however, I took notice that for all of the drama and fanfare that Game 1 brought, it still held my interest far more poorly than the certain blowout against the hapless Eagles will this Saturday. Even as I watched the World Series, my anticipation for the blowout victory against the weakling on Halloween was growing.

Why do we go? Because, in a few short months, the only thing to anticipate watching on Saturday, while watching a baseball game on a Wednesday… will be another baseball game. But for now, we’re still clinging to October, and football is plentiful.

Stephanie has finished her March to the Edge of the Bed, causing me to flee downstairs in her wake. Our cat just joined me. It’s 11:43. I’ve been up for 17 hours.

And it’s still raining.

Halfway Never Felt So Far

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 05:25:00 +0000

I am a huge fan of The Masters. One thing that makes The Masters so great is the volatility of the leaderboard on Sunday. As the saying goes, “The Masters doesn’t begin until the back nine on Sunday.” And year after year, this is illustrated when CBS puts up a graphic of what is essentially a time-lapse leaderboard. Displaying in chronological order what the top of the leaderboard looked like at different points throughout Sunday afternoon, viewers get a chance to step back and see how all the individual swings and holes paint such a compelling picture over about three short hours.

It’s not the perfect analogy, but fans of the SEC know that in Green Jacket parlance, we are making the turn on Sunday afternoon. If recruiting season was Thursday and Spring Ball was Friday and Fall Camp was Saturday, that means the first half of conference play would be the front nine on Sunday, and the second half would be the back nine. And that’s exactly what we’re currently staring down the barrel of. So let’s see where we’re at, and what we’ve learned. It may foreshadow some of what lies ahead.

THIS IS WHERE WE’RE AT

EASTERN DIVISION	Conference				Overall
School	W-L	Pct.	PF	PA	W-L	Pct.
Florida	4-0	1.000	100	43	6-0	1.000
Georgia	3-2	.600	159	153	4-3	.571
South Carolina	2-2	.500	87	97	5-2	.714
Tennessee	1-2	.333	80	68	3-3	.500
Kentucky	1-3	.250	74	121	3-3	.500
Vanderbilt	0-4	.000	29	95	2-5	.286
WESTERN DIVISION	Conference				Overall
School	W-L	Pct.	PF	PA	W-L	Pct.
Alabama	4-0	1.000	115	36	7-0	1.000
LSU	3-1	.750	76	61	5-1	.833
Auburn	2-2	.500	112	111	5-2	.714
Ole Miss	1-2	.333	36	45	3-2	.600
Miss. State	1-2	.333	65	82	2-4	.333
Arkansas	1-3	.250	112	133	3-3	.500

THIS IS WHAT WE’VE LEARNED

Alabama is the best team in the country. Questions about Greg McElroy were legitimate questions, but he has performed well when needed, and above all, has managed his team. Remember, the Tide went undefeated with Jay Barker back there. Trent Richardson is having a great freshman campaign, gaining over five yards per carry. Mark Ingram leads the SEC with a 129 yds/gm average and is sneaking into the Heisman race, but the real star is the Crimson Tide defense. They are second in the SEC in scoring defense, first in total defense, and tied for first in turnover margin. In fact, there really has been only one player for the Crimson Tide who hasn’t lived up to preseason billing…

A.J. Green is better than Julio Jones. I said it here before the September 19 game between Arkansas and Georgia:

Oh yeah, then there is A.J. Green, who just might be the best receiver in the SEC. Yes, even better than Julio Jones.

There are actually several receivers building justified cases to claim they are better than Jones. You won’t find him in the top ten of a single statistical category for SEC receivers. To be fair, that undoubtedly has to do with the attention he creates, as well as the reluctance Saban has shown to throw the football without reason to. However, Green gets attention from defenses, too. That hasn’t stopped him from leading the league in receptions per game, yards per game, and touchdown receptions. His touchdown grab against LSU on Georgia’s final drive was one of the finest plays of the season, thus far. Unfortunately, it was also one of the most controversial…

Florida is missing something. Dan Mullen’s input. It’s hard to accuse the SEC’s leading offense in points and yards of being a disappointment, but it’s also hard not to think that if you watch the games. Florida dined on two courses of cupcake to begin the season, but have sputtered in SEC play, topping 40 once against Kentucky, but failing to hit even 30 in their other three contests. The absence of Percy Harvin is usually first brought up when Florida’s offensive woes are discussed, but I believe the departure of Dan Mullen to Mississippi State is playing a much bigger role. The 2009 Gators look the same from a distance, but upon closer inspection one notices that the playbook has been pruned, the execution is not as sharp, and the knack that Meyer has for calling the perfect play at the perfect time seems to be, well, not so much of a knack anymore. Put all that together and consider that Mullen had been with Meyer since they were at Notre Dame together in the late 1990s and it’s not too much of a leap to consider that Mullen was the creative force behind the offensive juggernauts that Meyer took credit for.

Houston Nutt, you are who we thought you were. At the very least, you are still who I knew you to be. Taking a team full of talented players recruited by the coach you succeeded, you shocked the world in 2008 with nine wins including a Cotton Bowl victory. Riding that momentum, and on the wings of a top ten preseason ranking, you coach your 2009 squad to a flat opening win against lowly Memphis, rise to #4 as other teams fall, and, with the world watching during a primetime Thursday night showdown, proceed to score 10 measly points in your SEC-opening loss against unranked South Carolina. Your offense has scored only four touchdowns in three SEC games, and was kept out of the end zone in the massively anticipated matchup against Alabama. You asked Rebel fans for their support that day, and they responded by setting a new attendance record for Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. And not one soul among those 62,657 got to see a single Rebel touchdown that day.

There is no bigger enigma than LSU’s offense. Unless it’s Les Miles poker strategy. Seriously, how do you take a group of skill players that includes Charles Scott, Trindon Holiday, Brandon LaFell, Richard Dickson, and Terrance Tolliver, put them together with an experienced offensive line and a mobile and adequately armed quarterback, and not score points? And not gain yards? With all of that talent, LSU is 11th in scoring offense, and LAST in total offense. Amazingly, in another massively anticipated contest with another attendance record set, another home team failed to cross the goal line, as the Tigers accounted for just three points against Florida on October 10, only hours after Ole Miss suffered the same fate at the hands of Alabama. If not for a ridiculous punt return by Chad Jones against Mississippi State, and the unfortunate penalty against A.J. Green in the Georgia game, LSU could easily be 1-3 in SEC instead of 3-1. Miles must walk around on two huge rabbit’s feet.

The suckass officiating in the SEC has reached critical mass. To use a highly scientific adjective. After inserting themselves into the winning equation in at least two high-profile games this season, referee Marc Curles and his crew find themselves suspended until November 14, which is pretty much unprecedented (to my knowledge) in the Southeastern Conference. The poor officiating during the waning minutes of the Georgia-LSU game earlier in the year was highlighted by an excessive celebration call against A.J. Green following his touchdown catch in the YouTube clip seen above. That was bad, but Curles and his crew outdid themselves last Saturday with their ineptitude in calling a game between Arkansas and #1 Florida in Gainesville. Just watch:

Something has to be done. The SEC is all about superlatives. The best conference. The most money. The worst officiating. Can’t we, just on this one issue, strive to be mediocre?

THIS IS WHERE WE’RE HEADED

Where else? We’re headed for a matchup between #1 Alabama and #2 Florida in the SEC Championship Game for the second consecutive year. Last year, I thought that Alabama was the best team, and I was wrong. This year, I again feel like Alabama is better than Florida. I think they are head and shoulders better than Florida. Than anyone. I’ll be shocked if I’m wrong on this two years in a row.

What else?

Arkansas will win their final six games of the season and turn a 1-3 start in the SEC into a New Years Day bowl season.

Mark Richt will be legitimately on the hot seat after his Bulldogs fail to get any momentum whatsoever for the entire 2009 season. How hot will his seat be? That will depend on the outcome of the Bulldogs annual Thanksgiving game against Georgia Tech.

Auburn will complete a successful first season under Gene Chizik, although there will be a faction of fans ready to fire him after being humiliated by Alabama. Tiger fans will pray that they can hold on to offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn for just one more year.

Ole Miss could potentially miss out on a bowl game after being ranked in the preseason top ten. This is because the magic number for the Rebels is seven wins, due to the scheduling of two Football Championship Subdivision (formerly I-AA) teams. They need three more wins, and have only one gimme. It could happen. Oh, please, let it happen.

The only thing for certain is that the second half of this SEC season, like the first half of this season, and every season before it, will be marked by the routine occurrence of the completely unpredictable. Maybe Ryan Mallett will have a 98 yard touchdown run. Maybe Florida will get beat by Vanderbilt. Maybe Steve Spurrier will realize he has become a defensive coach. Maybe Lane Kiffin will make headlines for actually coaching football. Better tune in. You just never know. Except about Houston Nutt.

Get your hate on

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:50:00 +0000

My mother taught me that one should never hate people. That whatever negative effect that emotion might have toward the target would be equally doled out upon the emitter. She’s right, too. I try not to hate anyone.

But, man, I cannot stand Tim Tebow. I think I really might hate him.

He offended my sensibilities right from the start. In 2006, as a true freshman, you would have thought he was the team captain. Emotional. Fiery, even. Completely over the top. Gator fans ate it up. As #12 Chris Leak was leading their team to a national championship, Florida fan after Florida fan went all-in with #15.

At this point it was an annoyance. There was no lore to speak of. There were other football stories out there. Tebow Fatigue had not yet set in. My ire was drawn by mostly trivial things. The stupid assed way he slaps his hands out of the shotgun like some self-congratulatory seal after successfully begging for an anchovy. That, and the way he absolutely goes berserk after a four-yard run for a first down. Springing up off the ground, ball in hand, and imploring fans to get up and cheer. This in itself sounds pretty harmless, but it’s just the way he does it. Herky-jerky, almost rigid from the exertion, vein bulging visibly from his neck, with zero doubt of a matching one on his forehead hidden behind his helmet. Shit, man, just go back to the damn huddle.

I probably could have handled my disdain for Tebow if things had ended there. But nooooo, he had to go win the freaking Heisman. As a sophomore. ON A TEAM THAT LOST THREE GAMES.

Granted, he did have a pretty decent year, breaking SEC records for rushing touchdowns in a season (23) most touchdowns accounted for (55), and was the first player ever to rush for at least 20 touchdowns and pass for at least 20 touchdowns in the same season. As a by-product, he demolished the record for the post-touchdown-glance-skyward-accompanied-by-the-earnest-point-to-God maneuver.

Because of this performance, he was able to steal the Heisman from Darren McFadden. The irony being, of course, that McFadden was essentially the player who gave Tebow the opportunity to win. McFadden, the runner up in 2006 as well as 2007, effectively greased the wheels in 2006 for Tebow’s victory in 2007. Clearly the most dominant player in 2006, McFadden lost first and foremost because he was a sophomore, and also because Troy Smith, the senior quarterback from undefeated (at the time) Ohio State, had already been anointed as the next recipient. After Smith was exposed against LSU in the BCS National Championship Game, some began to question the informal tradition of awarding the trophy to upperclassmen only, opening the door for Tebow in 2007. Hopefully Tim at least sent Darren a thank you card.

Any hopes that Tebowitis was in remission during the 2008 season were eradicated during a press conference following the Gators home loss to unranked Ole Miss. Later in the week, in typically understated Tebow fashion, the Savior from the Sunshine State made an emotional, heartfelt, voice-cracking vow that no team, no player would ever play harder than he and his Gators would for the rest of the season. And, of course, they did, winning out and winning the BCS National Championship. Gator fans undoubtedly remember just where they were when they first heard Tebow’s promise. Similarly, fans of others schools remember just where they were when they first considered violence toward an electrical appliance as a means of escaping that damned speech. One year later, and it’s still getting played ad nauseum by ESPN.

How in the world can you top a teary-eyed performance in which you essentially call your shot, Babe Ruth style, and then execute it? What could Tebow possibly do in 2009, and how deep would he have to dig to make my hatred for him further develop? Simple. He went all CDC on us. That’s right. Tim Tebow got the swine flu.

Not really. It was later reported that Tebow was suffering from an unspecified respiratory illness that was not H1N1, but this came out only after Tebow was flown to the Gators’ game against Kentucky in an aircraft separate from the rest of his team. Really?

Apparently that wasn’t enough, because during the game Tebow suffered a concussion after a brutal hit caused the back of his head to strike the knee of a teammate. The impact knocked him unconscious, and he was motionless on the field for several minutes. After getting back to the sideline, Tebow began vomiting. On national television. Upon the decision to take him to the hospital for observation and testing, camera crews gave viewers a shot through the back window of the ambulance as it pulled away to verify that, yes, it really was Tim Tebow in there.

Really, what more is there? Aren’t his fans even getting a little tired of it at this point? Seriously. In spite of Tebow being, by all accounts, a genuinely good guy as well as a fierce and worthy competitor, aren’t people just a little bit over all of it? Even if you like him, aren’t you sick of him after four years of this?

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for the Age of Mallett to begin. Hopefully it begins tomorrow in Gainesville. Tebow’s Mormon Tabernacle Choir squaring off against Mallett’s Eminem.

I know which one I’d rather listen to.

Can’t ride home on a bowl of goat…

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:16:00 +0000

First time in my life that I suffered from chili before I ate it.

I told you this would happen. From my blog during our Off Week:

The sun will rise again tomorrow. College football fans all over the country will greet it with that familiar knot in their stomach. Their team is playing tomorrow, and they get to experience again the best time of the year. Me? No Hogs. No other big game to plan around. No home-cooked dinner at Mom’s. No catching up with friends. Hell, not even a wedding. This sucks all around, and will prove to be a problem later in the year. For the Razorbacks and myself. Mark my words.

I really should pay more attention. A couple of weeks ago, after the Auburn game was announced as a likely 11:00 a.m. kickoff, Stephanie asked me if we could go home after the game was over instead of on Sunday morning. Her dad is driving down from Lexington because he has Columbus Day off.

I figured “What the hell?” and told her sure, we could go back on Saturday.

Not until yesterday did the critical error I made dawn on me. Arkansas and Auburn kick at 11:00. Then Ole Miss and Alabama kickoff at 2:30. I can’t miss that. Saban will absolutely dismantle Nutt, and I will maniacally enjoy every second. And THEN… LSU and Florida kick off at 7:00. Two top five teams battling for supremacy, with the possible storyline of Saint Timothy literally risking his life for The Jort Nation.

So, when, exactly, am I supposed to drive us home on Saturday?

YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE OTHER SHOE DROPPING! OH IT’S DROPPING, BABY!

I quickly devise a plan. I conclude that the best course of action is simply to be honest. I will explain the situation to my lovely wife. Explain that this is one of the biggest Saturdays of SEC football in the past decade. Explain that Houston Nutt is revved up and ready for Fail on the biggest stage in the land, the CBS Afternoon game. Explain that Tim Tebow’s life could actually be in danger if he plays, but gee whiz, the Gators NEED him.

“She’ll understand,” I tell myself. “She’s awesome.”

So I work up my courage and trot out my story. I lay it all out there. Nutt. Tebow. The works. She considers my plea for a moment. Okay, a second.

“But my dad is making chili for lunch Sunday”

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Weekends like this are the reason the SEC is the superior football conference in America. Singularly. Without competition.

The marquee matchup is obviously between No. 1 Florida and No. 4 LSU, the only two schools with claim to more than one BCS National Championship. Saturday night in Death Valley. I remember another matchup between these two schools that sold me for good on SEC football 12 long years ago. It was 1997. Arkansas wasn’t very good, and hadn’t been very good since joining the SEC. As a teenager, my fandom wasn’t what it is now.

I remember sitting on a couch watching #14 LSU run up and down the field with their stable of great backs. Kevin Faulk. Rondell Mealey. Cecil “The Diesel” Collins. The Tigers beat #1 Florida in typically Tiger dramatic fashion. The students spilled over onto the field. I knew what I was watching was something special, and something that didn’t happen in the Southwest Conference that Arkansas had departed five years prior. There was just something about the atmosphere. College football in the SEC was more authentic than college football anywhere else that I could see. And it has only gotten better.

Only in the Southeastern Conference would second billing go to a game like #20 Ole Miss hosting #3 Alabama. Even though the Crimson Tide hold an absurdly lopsided advantage in the series, winning over 80% of the contests between the schools, the scores have been close and the action has been fierce in recent years.

The last meeting in Oxford between the two teams saw Ole Miss lose a heartbreaker after a long completion to Shay Hodge nearly assuring a Rebel victory was overturned. Livid and liver-hating fans responded by throwing all manner of items on the field, most notably a single red high-heeled shoe. This is Ole Miss, after all. Be a drunken ass if you must, but for God’s sake, at least do it pretentiously!

Normally this would be an early kick, as the Rebels typically know their place against the Tide, but this year is supposed to be different. Riding high off a Cotton Bowl win over Texas Tech last New Years’ Day, the Rebels began the season in the Top 10 and worked their way up to #4 before pissing their pants the first chance they got against South Carolina. This Saturday presents Houston Nutt with a perfect opportunity to score the big upset he is famous for and get his team some momentum. It also presents him with another opportunity to appear underprepared and overmatched against a superior coach with superior talent. This will not end well for the Right Reverend.

The matchup between Arkansas and Auburn has all kinds of storylines. Petrino coached with Chizik under Tommy Tuberville at Auburn. Tiger offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn was the Razorback offensive coordinator in 2006, and coached against the Razorbacks last year as the OC of Tulsa. Petrino was secretly contacted in 2003 to replace a struggling Tubs, but Auburn finished strong and that clandestine airport rendezvous was lambasted. To bring everything full circle, Petrino’s first SEC victory last year against the Tigers was one of the final nails in the coffin that sealed his fate at Auburn. Such is life in the Southeastern Conference.

With all of the shadowboxing going on between coaches Saturday, there will also be a game played on the field, and it’s important to note that the home team has not won in this series since 2004. That doesn’t bode well for the Razorbacks, but by all accounts this year’s matchup feels different than previous ones.

For the longest, Arkansas and Auburn have seemingly seen their success come from the legs of the endless supply of tremendous running backs each school produces. In the case of the Tigers, I really think it’s some cyborg that gets a fresh coat of paint and a name change, because it is always the same guy back there. Big. Fast. Impossible to tackle. Cadillac Williams. Ronnie Brown. Rudi Johnson. Brandon Jacobs. Ben Tate. And I’m leaving out several. Arkansas counters with Madre Hill, Cedric Cobbs, Felix Jones, Darren McFadden, and of course, Fred Talley, whose 241 yards on The Plains in 2002 still haunts Tiger fans to this day.

While Auburn possesses a superb running attack with Ben Tate as the workhorse and shifty Onterrio McCaleb providing big play spark, they will look to pass more than they have in years past. Gus Malzahn has turned Chris Todd into an effective if not outstanding SEC quarterback, which is 180 degrees from where he was in 2008. Of course, Arkansas counters with Ryan Mallet and a stable of speedy, sure-handed receivers that have been covered on here before. The ball will get thrown around a lot on Saturday, and judging from the defensive units of both teams, it may not hit the ground very often.

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Chili is a very big deal in my wife’s family. Stephanie’s dad has won multiple church chili cookoffs, to the point that he was “term limited” from competition. It really is excellent chili. Stephanie and her sister both rave over it, and Steph can be a very picky eater. But is it so good that it requires us to come home a full 18 hours before consumption? Causing me to miss a substantial portion of the biggest football weekend of the season to date, and one of the biggest for the conference in years?

I WAS FREE AND CLEAR! LIVING THE DREAM! STRIPPED TO THE WAIST AND EATING A BLOCK OF CHEESE THE SIZE OF A CAR BATTERY!

And then… chili happened.

What it comes down to, though, is that my wife wants to spend time with her Daddy. He lives 10 hours away, and she wants to see him Saturday night and she doesn’t want to wait until Sunday and she doesn’t give a damn if it messes up my watching LSU/Florida and Ole Miss/Bama or not.

Hell, we’ve got DVR. The games, literally, can wait. I haven’t gotten to hang out with her dad in a while, either, and I’m looking forward to that.

And it really is excellent chili.

The Southwest Classic: A Rivalry Regurgitated

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 04:53:00 +0000

Hey Norm! If you were a "rivalry game” between two teams who hadn’t played in 18 years, would you incessantly promote yourself?

I know I would.

I’d smother myself in TV rights and $300 tickets. A sparkling new stadium and a catchy name like “Southwest Classic”.

I’d taste soooooooo good.

Arkansas meets Texas A&M this Saturday at Cowboys Stadium, affectionately known as JerryWorld. It is the first of ten consecutive meetings between the two schools. A clash of the two best conferences in the nation, the SEC and the Big XII, and a rebirth of a great rivalry from the long-dead Southwest Conference.

I am 27 years old. I was 10 years old when Arkansas played its first SEC conference game. I have watched the Razorbacks play every SEC team. I have been to 5 of 12 SEC stadiums. I have been to the SEC Championship game in Atlanta.

I can speak fluently in SEC. Yea, Alabama. Geaux Tigers. War Damn Eagle. I know the significance of 18 miles per hour in Oxford, Mississippi. Of Mr. Two Bits. Of Smokey and Uga. I. Love. SEC. Football.

On the other hand, I do not and cannot give a crap about Texas A&M. I’ve tried, and I just can’t.

I have never watched Arkansas play Texas A&M in football. Never been to College Station. I know no more about the Texas A&M Aggies than I do the Oregon Ducks or the Minnesota Gophers or the West Virginia Mountaineers.

I understand that the Aggies have a lot of traditions they hold dear. A dog. A fire. A unique band. A highly organized student section. Too bad it’s all so dreadfully boring. A&M is a football school, and I can name as many former Aggie basketball players as I can former Aggie football players: one.

Don’t get me wrong; I think this is a great game for the Razorbacks. It’s an out-of-conference game against an opponent from the conference that is closest to the SEC in football. It should be nationally televised each year, and, by all accounts, the facility it is to be played in is far and away the most impressive in the country, if not the world.

Notice that none of these reasons have anything to do with rekindling old flames from conferences past. And we haven’t even gotten to the two main reasons Jeff Long lined up this game for the Razorbacks. The same two reasons any businessman makes any decision: Money and power.

Shortly after the renewal of the series was announced in March of 2008, reports of $5 Million payouts to each team began to hit blogs and message boards. Even in the financially dominant SEC, that is serious money for a regular season football game. It is nearly 10% of the Razorbacks’ entire Athletic Budget. One game! Not even counting television!

To lock in a deal like that for an entire decade is a tremendous boon to the University of Arkansas. Made possible by the the benevolence of alumnus Jerry Jones, the Southwest Classic is without a doubt a sweetheart deal that the other 11 schools of the SEC are green with envy over. At least they get their fair share of the television revenue.

Additionally, this game carries with it the opportunity to bore out further a recruiting pipeline that Arkansas has been the beneficiary of for decades.

When it was a member of the Southwest Conference, Arkansas was dependent upon getting football players from the state of Texas. Good and great players from within Arkansas were usually sewn up as Razorbacks before their recruitment ever started, and still the Hogs depended mightily on the Lone Star State to provide enough quality players to put a winning product on the field.

As the Razorbacks have settled into the SEC, the dependence on Texas has waned as pipelines into regions across the southeast started to emerge. Louisiana. Georgia. Florida. And though the talent in Texas was ever-present, the exposure for the Razorbacks was no longer there. And when you combine a decrease in exposure with a reduction in allocated resources, a decline in the number of Texas-bred Razorbacks is the logical outcome. Yes, we still get a great many players from Texas, but not like we used to.

This series presents a chance for the Razorbacks to reacquaint Texans with the Razorback program. However, instead of being dependent upon talent from Texas as it was in the days of the Southwest Conference, the Razorbacks can use their pipeline into Texas as an advantage that the rest of their conference does not have.

The sting of recruiting and missing on a blue-chip recruit from Jackson, Mississippi or Jackson, Tennessee is two-fisted. Not only have you wasted resources on recruiting that player, but you will likely have to compete against him yearly. Miss out on a blue chipper from Lake Jackson, Texas, and he’s most likely a Longhorn, which is a dreadful fate, but better than him being a Rebel or Tiger or Volunteer.

Arkansas has before it a unique opportunity to turn its perennial negative into a positive. The knock on Arkansas has always been that it is out of place. The Razorbacks never fit in competing against eight schools from Texas in the SWC, and they don’t fit in with the East-of-the-Mississippi mentality of the SEC, either. Yet they competed in the SWC and compete in the SEC with respectable success. If Arkansas can use their newest inroad into Texas to gain some recruiting momentum there without losing steam in the southeast, it might be just what the Hogs need to jump that last hurdle keeping them from being an elite team in the conference.

See? Money and power. That’s why this game is so great for the Razorbacks.

These aren’t new ideas. People identified these positives immediately after the announcement of the series. But instead of saying that we are playing this game for the money and for the recruits, we prattle on about a rivalry renewed. Old-timers tell war stories of games from the 60s and 70s, when both programs were in their prime. We talk about dogs, and fires, and bands.

That’s all well and good, and I am happy for everybody who is so excited about this game. Any reason for excitement over the Razorbacks is a good thing as far as I am concerned. I just can’t muster up the additional excitement for this week, however. I could do without all the ballyhoo. I just want to see my Razorbacks go into Dallas and get the victory, the money, and the recruiting power.

And then I want to relish getting to play Auburn. Followed by Florida. Followed by Ole Miss. War Damn Eagle. Mr. Two Bits. Hotty Toddy.

OMG TEH TEBOEWEZ GOES DOWN

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 01:49:00 +0000

This is a picture of the utter despair from Gator fans as their savior lay motionless on the field after receiving a crushing hit from a blitzing Kentucky Wildcat.

I don't hate Tebow as a player the way so many do, but I sure have a lot of disdain for Gator fans. And this picture serves as a one-stop shop as to why.

You want a quick count? That's two jerseys, two Shrek ears, one crooked visor, six collagen injections, a bottle of hair dye, a Gator-themed "LiveStrong" bracelet, and one of those gay-assed Live radios I made fun of last month.

And is that Kige Ramsey in the background? I cannot wait for his take on Tebowgate.

Anyone who says that woman doesn't live in Ocala and live for Gator football, show dogs, and diet pills is lying to himself.

Bobby Petrino doesn't give a flip what you think about The Georgia Game

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:33:00 +0000

Going to do my best to make this a weekly feature of games I attend in person. I've read no articles, and have seen no highlights except for a clip of Childs' TD catch and no stats except for Mallett's line. This is my view from the cheap seats, 100% accurate except for those parts clouded by beer, a poor night's sleep, and the eight year-old down the row who, I swear to God, got up to get food or drink 10 freaking times during the game. So here we go.

* Ryan Mallett has an unbelievable gift. I wasn't completely sold on him until last night. The majority of his passes were thrown well before receivers came out of their break. We have heard so much about his arm strength that his touch has really been overlooked. He did it all last night. The first touchdown pass to Childs was absolutely perfect. Like, so good it almost seemed like a fluke, especially after four years of Casey Dick.

With that said, the red flags are there. When we got down and time was getting tight, Ryan seemed to try to get everything at once. He will try to make the impossible throw when the easy throw is there, and even when the easy throw looks to be the best option for a big gain.

Also, he's got to work on his composure. The slide two yards shy of a first down was disconcerting for a couple of reasons. First, I understand that sliding is probably what Petrino would have him do, but I like to think that if it were me, I wouldn't be sliding in that situation. I like to think that sliding wouldn't even be an option that close to the goal line, regardless of down or game situation. Of course, I would also like to think that I wouldn't piss my pants in that situation. I understand I'm likely wrong on all counts. More importantly, jumping up and running over to the official made my eyes bulge. That's asking for trouble, and I wonder if he did that because he immediately regretted not sliding. It was around that time that his accuracy started to take a serious dip. That was really his first mistake, and he started pressing to make up for it. It didn't work out.

* The defense is atrocious. Also, water is wet and the sun rises in the east. I don't know if Willy Robinson is a bad gameday coach, because his defenses are so bad fundamentally that it really doesn't matter what he calls. Losing Franklin certainly didn't help. They are getting behind us on the outside, so we go cover two to help the corners. That opens up the seam route with their tight end. Willy schemes to stop that, and Green gets an untested corner on an island with no safety support. Want to double Green? That leaves their other capable receivers with the same opportunity, and opens up the running game as well. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Regardless of his ability as a gameday coach, the lack of preparation and apparent lack of skills displayed by Robinson's defense falls back on him. We had guys unsure of where to line up. We had unnecessary penalties and inopportune times. And we had starters...talented players we depend on, displaying such a grotesque lack of composure that it was embarrassing to be a Hog fan for that one play.

Who is our leader on this defense? Who could it be? Certainly nobody on the line, as they were the opposite of intimidating last night. Jerico Nelson? Not when he's committing offsides on crucial third downs that enable a stalled drive to continue. Matt Harris? Just not seeing it. Who is it? It's certainly not Franklin. We are leaderless on the field, and it looks like they aren't getting much direction when they go to the sidelines. I am anxious to read what Robinson has to say in defense of the job he did.

* Far more troubling to me than the nonexistent defense was the absolute chaos that was special teams. I gave him a pass after Missouri State because it was mostly problems with executions, but after last night, I have to wonder what the hell John L. Smith is doing. Last night we had a delay of game on a punt when the ball was already inside our own five yard-line. That punt went less than 30 yards.

We had the kickoff return team line up on the wrong end of the field. This is Division I football. And they lined up on the wrong side of the field.

Finally, on one punt return, I'm pretty sure we used ten players. And if I'm not mistaken, we had NINE out there and ran one more on at the last second. To cover their gunner. Who was standing by himself. I really hope I'm mistaken.

But hey, Tejada made all his kicks, and we kept all of our kicks in-bounds.

* I don't know what happens to cause it because I'm always seem to look at something else, but we have a play where our outside receiver runs a crossing pattern and somehow rubs his man off, and this is going to be a bread-and-butter play all season. We ran it at least twice with Adams and once with Wright, and I have never seen a receiver so wide open. It's good for 25 yards every time, as long as Mallett puts it on the money, because it's a tough throw across the field. I was surprised we didn't go to it more last night, because Georgia NEVER figured it out.

* The jury is still out, but I think Joe Cox might be a little better than he has been given credit for. It should take NONE of the heat off of our defense, but he threw some really great passes last night. We made him look like an all star, but he is much better than the Casey Dick/Jonathan Crompton comparison he's been getting. I think he looked like a legitimate SEC quarterback last night.

After the game, a buddy offered this up regarding the rest of the season. "We are going to score 40 points a game. If you can score 50 on our defense, you'll win. If not, you'll lose." I agree in theory, except I am concerned that our passing attack won't be nearly as effective if our running game is exposed. Georgia had to respect it last night, and we made them pay.... once they abandoned that, Mallett wasn't nearly as effective. Something else that concerns me is how we scored most of our points. 1st and 3rd quarters, when the plays were almost certainly already scripted. Petrino seems to not do as well on the fly.

If Alabama starts out selling out against the pass and we can't run it well enough to make them stop, we are going to be in serious trouble. Like... "new guy at Sing Sing" trouble. It will be ugly early.

Look for the Pylon: The Athens Music Scene predicts The Georgia Game

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 03:35:00 +0000

Vince Dooley came to the University of Georgia in 1964. Herschel Walker arrived in 1980. And the 40 Watt Club opened in 1978, helping usher in an explosive music scene an hour northeast of Atlanta. Dooley left the University of Georgia in 2004. Walker left in 1983. 40 Watt Club is still kicking without signs of slowing down. Longevity matters little to a Georgia Bulldog, however, as they take pride in their ability to stay rooted in their best moments, regardless of factors other things and people succumb to…like, you know, time. Much like Bears fans with Ditka and Alabama fans with Bryant, Georgia fans have become so obsessed with finding their next Walker, it has become not only a black mark against their reputation, but also a detriment to their program. Because of this, I think it is only fair to let the least heralded, yet most productive member of this triumvirate offer its opinion on this weeks game. So…what does the music of Athens have to say about Saturday’s matchup? I’m glad you asked.

“Home Field Advantage”

This Drive By Truckers song from their Brighter than Creation’s Dark album is not one of my favorites from the Athens-based band, and that makes it all the more appropriate in this instance. Critical in the SEC, a home field advantage is something that the Razorbacks have gone without in recent years. Consistent almost as the passing of the seasons, big games in Fayetteville seem to come, go, and get checked with an “L”. It’s not that Razorback Stadium doesn’t get loud. It does. It’s just that the crowd has never been given a reason to stay loud. There always seems to be a major catastrophic moment that manages to take the wind out of 75,000 sails simultaneously. Any true Hog fan can tick off the major tailgates they have attended in Fayetteville over the past ten years. Ask us how the victory party after the big game was, however, and all you will get is a dirty look.

This year is different, however. A new coach brings a new attitude. This may be Bobby Petrino’s second season in Fayetteville, but this is his first truly big game. For the first time, he has everything in place. The personnel. The opponent. The setting. Primetime doesn’t get much more primetime than a 6:45 p.m. kickoff on ESPN against the Georgia Bulldogs. A still sparkling Reynolds Razorback Stadium, one of the prettiest settings for football in the country, even has a little new bling to show off. A new LED ribbon board, new stadium speakers, and most importantly, a new playing surface have been installed. Bobby Petrino wants a fast team on a fast surface, and in just his second season, he has accumulated both. If things work out the way Petrino thinks they should, the Hogs’ home field advantage will be as much literal as figurative.

“Everybody Hurts”

R.E.M. is the king of Athens-born rock bands, and this song from 1992 is one of its biggest hits. It’s also seemingly an anthem for both schools as injuries have already taken a toll in this short season. The Razorbacks lost senior starting receiver London Crawford, one of just a few upperclassmen on the two-deep, for several weeks in their September 5th opener against Missouri State. The Bulldogs have been even more plagued. Just one season after watching a much-hyped Georgia squad underachieve due in part to a decimated offensive line, followers of the Red and Black must be experiencing déjà vu after losing left tackle Trinton Sturdivant and defensive end Rod Battle for the year in the first two weeks of the season experiencing déjà vu after losing left tackle Trinton Sturdivant and defensive end Rod Battle for the year in the first two weeks of the season.

The most excruciating pain the Bulldogs are feeling, however, is likely a vicious case of phantom limb pain. Matthew Stafford gone. Mohamed Massaquoi gone. Knowshon Moreno gone. Hurts, doesn’t it, Dawgs? Very reminiscent of the 2008 Razorbacks, who were suddenly without the services of Darren McFadden, Felix Jones, Marcus Monk, and Peyton Hillis. 5-7 was the result, and with the SEC as brutal as ever, that conceivably could be the result for Georgia.

“Keep Your Hands to Yourself”

Although this Georgia Satellites hit is technically the product of an Atlanta band, it’s just too fitting to pass up. The team that can best keep its hands to itself, namely avoid holding and pass interference penalties, is likely the team that will prevail. What sounds easy in theory, however, is quite another matter when things go live and the x-factor known as “game speed” shows up.

Both teams have plenty of speed at receiver and will look to put opposing defensive backs in vulnerable positions. Joe Adams, Jarius Wright, and Cobi Hamilton all can burn, while Branden Smith of Georgia, while technically not a receiver, can flat out fly. Oh yeah, then there is A.J. Green, who just might be the best receiver in the SEC. Yes, even better than Julio Jones.

In what is likely to be a shootout, an ill-timed holding penalty might be the only thing able to effectively kill a drive and force one team to play catch-up. Conversely, a defensive pass interference call could prolong a flagging drive in a game where every stop is huge. With the Bulldogs next to last in the SEC in penalties with 20 infractions over two games, but first in opponent penalties, enjoying 102 yards per game off of the opponents, it seems likely that nobody, including the officials, will be keeping their hands to themselves.

~~“Roam”~~

Try as they might to persuade you otherwise, this B-52s ditty is not nearly as pertinent to the game Saturday as a Bulldog fan would have you believe. Like the psychotic girl with a death grip on her phone awaiting a call three days after a bedfellow slipped out in the murky predawn, Georgians STILL have not forgiven Bobby Petrino for leaving the Falcons. Never mind that the bill of goods he was sold (the chance to develop Michael Vick) never materialized. Never mind that Petrino and Authur Blank had agreed ON THE FRONT END that Petrino could opt out for the college ranks at any time if he felt the NFL wasn’t his cup of tea. Never mind that the Falcons had recently enough had to replace another coach with three games left in the season… Dan Reeves, who Blank unceremoniously fired. And you just thought that smell at Sanford Stadium was sewage. Now we know what hypocrisy smells like.

Of course, I have been told a hundred times before that the Falcon fan base and the Bulldog fan base don’t really overlap. That Bulldog fans don’t hold any grudges against Petrino. Poppycock. I don’t buy it, and the article I linked from Georgia’s largest newspaper doesn’t do much to dispel it. Neither does a trip to any of the UGA message boards. They hate them some Bobby P.

“Shut Up and Get on the Plane”

I fully intended in using R.E.M’s “End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” for my conclusion of a level-headed, just-the-facts-ma’am breakdown of the game. But I got riled up during that last paragraph, so instead I am going with this fantastic song from the Drive By Truckers, who kicked this whole thing off. It’s really better that I am angry at this point. It’s game week. That means I’m breathing. I was ten the last time the Razorbacks beat the Bulldogs in SEC play. The only time the Razorbacks beat the Bulldogs in SEC play. That changes Saturday. As I mentioned above, a new coach. A new attitude. And all that Georgia Bulldogs fans will have to take with them are memories of victories past. And as I pass the dejected Bulldogs following the game Saturday, I’ll smile to myself and sing in my very best Mike Cooley, “shut yo’ mouth and get yo’ ass on the plane.”

We win this one. Big.

For a much better, more in-depth breakdown of this game, head over to my buddy Malvie's. He actually uses stats and names and stuff. And he can actually remember the games he attends. Great job as usual!

Idle

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 06:23:00 +0000

There is no game this week. I am really pissed off about this. Only one week into the season, and the Arkansas Razorbacks get to enjoy the season’s only Off Week. This is nothing good. A week of rest following the least taxing game of the season, and then we are staring down the barrel of three months of non-stop football. 11 consecutive weeks, starting with the Georgia Bulldogs, ending with the Louisiana State Tigers, and featuring midseason appearances by the Florida Gators, Ole Miss Rebels, and Alabama Crimson Tide. Yeouch. That’s 33% of the Preseason Top 15, by the way But enough about the team, let’s talk about who this Off Week really screws up… ME.

For me, the Off Week is something of a necessary evil. Sure, the absence of Razorback football on an otherwise perfect fall Saturday is unwanted, unwelcome, and unequivocally wrong, but it does serve a purpose. Three, in fact, and I shall take this opportunity to flesh them out. And then tell you why this particular Off Week falls short.

1. People love me. It’s true. I can’t help it. There is apparently just something about me. In fact, so many people love me that there is just not enough to go around during football season. Round about midseason, family and friends alike will begin the barrage of passive-aggressive cries for attention. A non-ticket-having buddy sends a text about losing me to “football season friends.” Mom leaves a voicemail “making sure you are still alive…” The Off Week gives me a chance to give these wilting relationships a super-concentrated dose of water and sunshine that will sustain them until basketball season.

Normally. Not this year. It’s too early. Too soon. Nobody has had a chance to miss me yet. No wilted relationships to water. No texts. No voicemails from mom. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that they may still be a little tired of me after the BVC-heavy summer I graced them with. I do, after all, try to cultivate their adulation judiciously. This is no good. This ill-timed Off Week is just laying down the foundation for a distraction during the late season push. The team needs me at tip-top condition for the LSU game, and how can I get there when I have to split time between prepping for the game and coming up with an excuse for not getting back with the friend who wanted to catch up over lunch… on SATURDAY.

SATURDAYS ARE NOT FOR LUNCH.

They are for one thing. Attending, or at the very least watching on television, your favorite football team. And before and after that, every college football game you can feast your eyes on. Don’t get me wrong, food plays a very substantial role in this… it’s just that “dining” and “catching up” do not.

2. Fall Weddings. For some reason, women love to get married in the fall. The idea of a fall wedding, with fluttering leaves of blazing red and vibrant orange dancing about, is a very romantic one. It is also terrifying to the groom. And his friends. And the spouses of her friends. And pretty much every male…everywhere.

This is an issue near and dear to my heart. The sanctity of football season and the sanctity of marriage can coexist, even if sometimes it seems the dexterity required to balance both can rival that of a laid out flanker trying to land with that first foot in. When I was engaged, I even went so far as to seek counsel from author and SEC guru Clay Travis:

Trent Woolridge writes:

Clay, belated congratulations on the success of Dixieland Delight: A Football Season on the Road in the Southeastern Conference. It is definitely one of the most enjoyable reads that I have had in a long time, though I wish you had gotten to experience a better game in Fayetteville.

Anyway, I come to you seeking input into and advice concerning what I consider to be a very critical issue. I recently got engaged, and my fiancée and I are currently bandying about possible dates. To her credit, she has taken off the table all dates that would coincide with the Razorbacks' football schedule, home or away. However, she has suggested the date of Sept. 27, 2008, which is an open date for the Hogs.

My question is this: What, if any, obligation do I have to negotiate on behalf of fans of other schools? Should a television at the reception be mandatory? Lastly, is this covered in Man: The Book? I am ashamed to say that I've not yet read it. Any light you can shed on this issue will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

This is a question worthy of an entire column but I'm going to try and answer it here. Basically it's my contention that southern weddings should never occur during football season. At least not if you have lots of family of varying allegiances. Thanks to the guy who always does the SEC football helmet schedule (that inevitably ends up e-mailed to me 14 times after I lose it over and over again), you can break down the SEC games on that day. Here's the helmet schedule link.

Thanks to television deals you can sort of project who will be on television come Sept. 27 and at what time. At 11:30 a.m. CT, JP/LF/Raycom will probably accidentally carry Tennessee-Kentucky from 1998 (legitimate guess -- they will carry either Miss. State at LSU or Ole Miss at Florida, say the latter because LSU fans don't want to have to get up and go to a football game that early). CBS will carry either Alabama at Georgia or Tennessee at Auburn (my guess is Alabama at Georgia). ESPN will take the one left over (likely Tennessee at Auburn) for the night kickoff.

So if you have family that are fans of either Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, or Auburn, chances are those family members are going to be cursing you all season. Balance the time for your wedding based on family allegiances accordingly. Is it a night or day wedding? My call would be to go with Saturday night because if you go with a day wedding then you basically cut out everyone's football watching.

If you absolutely must go with a Saturday wedding in the fall, go with the evening. Start at 7:00 (CT) and whatever you do, for the love of God, you absolutely have to ensure that a television is easily accessible at all times.

Depending on the parking situation, here's something that's really cool to do (that your wife and all her girlfriends will hate) -- set up a tailgate in the parking lot of the wedding. Get your buddy who has the satellite dish and the good televisions to set up there just in time for the early afternoon kickoff and make sure he gets the best spot that is easily accessible to an exit from where the wedding or reception is taking place.

People can go outside after the wedding, check the score out and still feel like they're at a game. Of course you'll be tailgating in a suit, but still, it's close. Put someone's eighth cousin twice-removed in charge of keeping an eye on everything outside during the wedding. Good luck.

The problem with this year’s Off Week? You guessed it. Too early. You can’t have a fall wedding when it’s not fall. We haven’t even celebrated the autumnal equinox! I have no wedding to attend this weekend. On the surface, this is a good thing. But my loyalty to the Arkansas Razorbacks and their propensity to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory prohibits me from looking at this optimistically. The Off Week being this early can only mean that one of my wife’s college friends who I don’t even know has decided to get married on the day of the South Carolina game, and Stephanie is just hiding to invitation until she figures out what to do. The other shoe will drop…it’s just a question of when.

3. I like to watch football. This seems like a strange purpose for an Off Week, but stick with me. Whether the game is home or away, early kick or late, watching the Razorbacks is an all day affair. In the event of a home game, there are travel to and from and tailgating considerations to be made. For road games, there is typically some sort of a watch party organized. Long story short, time to sit in front of a television can be diminished. And what time is available is typically done so under the influence of alcohol. It just usually happens that way. Away games offer some opportunity for good football watching, but home games are especially tough. I remember listening to the Texas-Texas Tech game on the radio on the way home from a home game last year and thinking every other college football fan in the country was glued to his television…except me.

Off Weeks, strangely enough, provide me with an opportunity to watch a lot of different football teams with a clear mind and minimal rooting interests. I see teams and players I don’t normally see. Off Week might be my only chance to really pay attention to the play of Matt Barkley or this year’s dark horse mid-major.

This year’s Off Week? Once again, too early. What are the marquee matchups? Who cares? Time dictates that they will matter little toward the end of the season. Yes, USC does travel to The Horseshoe to take on Ohio State, and yes, both are ranked in the Top 10. But really, how big is this game going to be at the end of the season in an “I was *here* when I watched it” sense? They played early in the year last year. Do you remember it? I sure don’t. Early season college football is great…because it is football. Not because it is particularly compelling. It’s one reason why the Red River Shootout is so often forgotten by the end of the season…although that worked out particularly well for the Sooners last year.

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The sun will rise again tomorrow. College football fans all over the country will greet it with that familiar knot in their stomach. Their team is playing tomorrow, and they get to experience again the best time of the year. Me? No Hogs. No other big game to plan around. No home-cooked dinner at Mom’s. No catching up with friends. Hell, not even a wedding. This sucks all around, and will prove to be a problem later in the year. For the Razorbacks and myself. Mark my words.

Coming to my Cit-tay

noreply@blogger.com (BVC) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 05:09:00 +0000

“Message received”

My phone is buzzing. It is Sunday morning. Two days after returning from vacation. Four days before the college football season begins. Six days before my team, the Arkansas Razorbacks, kick things off. My wife is catching up on the DVR’d episodes of Drop Dead Diva that she missed while we were gone. I am scanning the room for heavy, blunt objects.

I open the phone and read my text. It’s from my friend (and brother-in-law) Jay. How do you feel about the Big and Rich song? He needs not explain himself further. He is talking about the intro song to ESPN College Gameday. Why else would ANYBODY listen to Big & Rich?

For the record, I respond that I love the song. It is cheesy. Over the top. Too much twang, But for whatever reason, it is the perfect song for its purpose. This song is what I look forward to every Saturday from September until the first week of December every year. Every Saturday, I dance and sing along with this intro. I don’t even voluntarily decide to do it anymore. It just happens. Every Saturday. Freaking love it.

But that is not the point. The point is that it is a week before football season begins, and Jay and myself are completely out of college football to discuss. The players have been broken down. The games have been circled. The record and bowl predictions have been made. We have been reduced to talking about the intro song for College Gameday. This isn’t a joke, either. We aren’t being ironically funny. We’re seriously giving measured opinions of a Big & Rich song about college football. This is all that is left.

It started after the Florida Gators dispatched the Oklahoma Sooners in the BCS National Championship last January. After Urban Meyer raised his second crystal football. After Tim Tebow knelt on the 50, unsheathed a sword, and canonized himself to become Sir Timothy of Jortland. After the last awkward interviews were stumbled through and the last remaining bit of glory was given to God, there it was. The beginning of eight long, cold months without college football. Every serious fan went into a deep and immediate depression.

How does someone who eats, sleeps, and breathes college football make it from January until Labor Day? We break it up. The immediate focus turns to recruiting. We all become suddenly infatuated with “the lifeblood of a program”. We scour websites like Rivals and Scout and bicker endlessly on message boards about our incoming class and its ranking. National Singing Day, or NSD, has actually become so important that people will take off from work to monitor any eleventh-hour surprises. Invariably, these guys chide their teenage daughter for obsessing over Miley Cyrus and shake their heads in disgust at the spectacle of such a young woman being so influential.

Next is spring practice. People actually show up to watch the first day of spring practice. Not only is it practice. Not only is it spring practice. It’s the FIRST DAY of spring practice. The players aren’t even wearing shoulder pads! This doesn’t matter. Dutiful members of the media, and more pathetically (and I use that term endearingly), uncompensated fans, show up and soak up every detail so that they may later disseminate it to the masses desperate for a fix. Talk radio is flooded with armchair experts. People actually make predictions on the record of their team based on no-contact offseason drills. The madness builds upon itself, roiling to a climax in…

The Spring Game. Remember when you were a kid and had soccer practice and mom and dad sat and watched in lawn chairs and you got a sundae from McDonald’s if you did good? Yeah, not the same. The Spring Game is a chance to knock the dust off the tailgating gear and watch some football! Nevermind that the team will have had less than a month of work, will be playing itself, and that the star players will be protected or even held out completely…it’s football! In April! Full band. Full pregame. Full television coverage. And full stadiums. Alabama has drawn over 90,000 before. The only thing missing is an opponent.

Depending on the fan, the next date to look forward to may be the most important of all. This is of course the traditional mid-summer release of EA Sport’s latest iteration of its NCAA Football video game series. Within the span of one generation, we have evolved from the amoeba-like blobs of Ten-Yard Fight to fully rendered, facial feature having football players at the whims of our thumbs. Stadiums appear true to form, rosters are accurate down to a player’s high school… even the correct situational cheers and chants are in there. Much easier than running to the computer and hitting play to hear your queued up fight song on Napster after that game-winning pick six against your roommate in college. Uh. Not that I was ever that geeky.

Finally, with summer winding down, the final push begins with Fall Camp. The incoming class, so urgently researched back in February, are reporting, and the internet is abuzz with descriptors of their physique and demeanor. Can they make an impact? Can they challenge the veterans for a starting position? Can they even survive two-a-days? These questions are answered and asked again daily through the last weeks of the doldrums. After crunching finite, unchanging statistics since January, our brains are reaching critical mass. We need new data to manipulate. So we scour the final scrimmage, extracting every last shred of information we can get out of it. The running back who will certainly redshirt gets his yards per carry calculated. The third string quarterback is assigned a QB Rating. We predict a big year for the little-known and lightly regarded flanker based on his two touchdowns in the second half against the scout defense. At this point, it feels like Arctic Summer. The closer we get to college football, the more the days seem to drag.

And here we are. It is four minutes before midnight on Wednesday, September 2. I just completed the final lineup revision of my college fantasy team, Beanie Weenies and Malt Liquor. Less than 24 hours from the beginning of the season. National Signing Day seems so far away now, and furthermore, it seems so irrelevant. I got that worked up over some high school kids? They are all redshirting this year anyway! The importance of seemingly everything over the past eight months fades as college football prepares to take its rightful place in the sports spotlight. Who’s playing tomorrow? Does it matter? Tomorrow my favorite time of the year begins, and I will celebrate it. Ass in seat. Wing in mouth. Beer in hand.

It’s time.