The Spoiler

Gary Neville: United fans at Barnsley were just ‘boisterous’

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:27:52 +0000

Bit of an understatement there, Gary.

Catfight at BYU vs New Mexico women’s football game

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:02:50 +0000

Ladies match turns into mud wrestling battle (without the mud)

BYU’s Kassidy Shumway and Elizabeth Lambert (the dirty one) of New Mexico get the undercard for Haye vs Valuev started early.

Man Utd named the best supported club in Europe

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:43:15 +0000

Premier League champs overtake Real Madrid…

Manchester United and Arsenal are the only English clubs to make the top 10 of a list of Europe’s 50 best supported clubs. The rankings, based on last season’s average attendance, are still dominated by German clubs - nine made the top 20.

See the full list after the jump…

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Fernando Torres could miss Liverpool’s next four games

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:18:51 +0000

Spanish press claim striker may not be back until December…

Diagnosis of Fernando Torres‘ recent trip to Spain, for a second opinion on his groin injury, proved fairly inconclusive in the English press this morning. The Spanish media, however, are confident the striker will be out until after Liverpool’s crucial Champions League clash with Debrecen.

According to AS, Torres hopped on a private jet to see Dr Ramon Cugat, a respected sports injury specialist, after medical staff at Liverpool’s Melwood training ground claimed surgery - which Benitez is desperate to avoid - was the only solution. Cugat is reported to have prescribed a ‘conservative treatment’ which will mean El Nino is laid up until the Reds’ game against Blackburn on December 5th.

Spoiler Bonus: El Mundo Deportivo are reporting a gentleman’s agreement is in place for Robinho to sign for Barcelona in the January transfer window now both the Man City chairman and Mark Hughes (who allegedly ‘has always been receptive to his departure’) are resigned to losing the Brazilian forward.

Good times with Football Manager, eleven famous beards and Sven gets an acting role

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:20:44 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Sven stars in a Kleenex ad

Reminiscing on the Championship/Football Manager series
[Guardian]

Arsenal scouts hid in trees to get a look at Vermaelen
[Off The Post]

Football’s greatest bearded footballers
[Interestment]

Patrick Vieira (not even the best midfielder on Inter’s bench) demands to be recognised as the best midfielder in France
[Goal.com]

Arsenal weighing up an £18m punt on winger Milos Krasic
[Caught Offside]

1 in 20 British schoolkids think Adolf Hitler was a football manager
[The Sun]

Katy Perry makes watching West Ham games worthwhile

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:41:37 +0000

She’ll be at West Ham/Everton on Sunday, get it moving…

Being a game sort of girl, big-chested faux-lesbian Katy Perry rocked up to last night’s MTV Europe Video Awards in this claret and blue ensemble, after a dare from her Hammers supporting boyfriend Russell Brand:

Wow. Now MY GIRLFRIEND has worn a West Ham basque while hosting the EMA’s. What a day! I might revive Gandhi and ask if he wants to be mates.

Yes I will be taking her to a game – West Ham Vs Everton. And, before it begins, no I won’t be taking her up the Arsenal. x

Hopefully this will give the West Ham board a bit of inspiration for their next replica shirt advertising campaign, after this summer’s nightmare-inducing Ray Winstone effort.

[spotted on Dirty Tackle]

Video: Fulham and Everton Europa League highlights

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:00:31 +0000

English clubs get the bitter taste of defeat in Europe…

Roma 2/ Fulham 1
Fulham lead the game for 50 mins after being put 1-0 up through a Diomansy Kamara penalty. John Arne Riise arrowed in a shot (deflected off of his younger brother, Bjorn Helge) to restore parity before Stefano Okaka Chuka completed the reversal 15 minutes from time. Fulham need to win both their remaining games (CSKA Sofia at home, FC Basel away) to stand a chance of getting through the knockout rounds.

Everton 0/ Benfica 2

The Toffees were once again well and truly served by Benfica, two weeks after their 5-0 humping in Portugal. Former massively-disappointing-Argentine Javier Saviola and the free scoring Oscar Cardozo racked up a goal a piece, leaving Everton second in Group I, three points behind the leaders. A win against AEK Athens next month will see Moyes’ men through comfortably.

Chelsea’s transfer embargo suspended by CAS, Ancelotti gets shopping list out

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:11:46 +0000

Expect a megayacht-load of new faces rocking up at the Bridge…

The Court of Arbitration for Sport have temporarily suspended Chelsea’s FIFA-imposed two-window transfer ban, leaving the Blues free to sign players until a final decision has been made over their appeal:

The FIFA Dispute Resolution Chamber imposed, inter alia, a restriction of four months’ ineligibility on Mr Gael Kakuta, and Chelsea Football Club Ltd was banned from registering any new players, either nationally or internationally, for the next two complete, consecutive registration periods. Such sanctions are now stayed until the CAS renders its final decision in this matter.

Despite this (unsurprising) bit of good fortune, the success of Chelsea’s appeal isn’t guaranteed - there’ll almost certainly be a stockpiling of players in the January transfer window, especially if Ron Gourlay wants two Champions League trophies in the next five years.

So who should be top of the shopping list? Sergio Aguero? Angel di Maria? Frank Ribery?

Lord knows Rio Ferdinand is Rock & Roll

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:15:45 +0000

“La Tasca, La Tasca, we don’t care about the mafia”

What better way for a professional footballer to answer his critics than to film himself pissed, in a tapas bar, MCing like he’s at a Garage rave circa 1999?

Is Arsenal’s attack better than it was in the Invincibles era?

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:00:42 +0000

van Persie, Fabregas and Arshavin > Henry, Pires and Bergkamp?

After Arsenal’s 4-1 Champions League cakewalk against the Eredivisie champions last night, Arsene Wenger was moved to compare his young team to the unbeaten Gunners squad of 03/04:

We’ve never had as many options on the creative side. We still have Nicklas Bendtner and Theo Walcott who are offensive players who are not available.

Denilson, Eduardo, Tomas Rosicky did not start - that is why I was amazed when people said, ‘Buy, buy, buy’. And Carlos Vela as well… I forgot him!

Fair assessment, or another one of Le Prof’s attempts to tack an extra psychological boost onto an impressive performance? Ljungberg, Henry, Pires and Bergkamp had racked up 16 goals and 10 assists in all competitions by this time in 03/04 season; while van Persie, Arshavin, Bendtner and Fabregas are already on 24 goals and 23 assists.

In terms of depth, Wenger has a point - as backups go, Eduardo, Rosicky and Nasri are a more desirable trio of reinforcements than Reyes, Wiltord and Kanu were. But does the overall attacking quality of the squad match up?

Adriano fronts drugs campaign, Darren Byfield is upset and shinpads are sexy

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:54:22 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

An excellent study on how to use sex to sell shinpads, via [The Offside]

Rafa feels the force of Darren Byfield’s post-Jamelia-divorce venting
[Off The Post]

Adriano fronts a new drugs campaign
[Dirty Tackle]

10 things which might help Rafa Benitez keep his job
[Caught Offside]

Internal memo from Mike Ashley leaked
[Football365]

Once again, a team isn’t bothered whether Andriy Shevchenko leaves or not
[Daily Mail]

Stan Kronke is getting ready for a takeover bid
[The Sun]

Jack Warner returns FA gift after ‘facing indignities’

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:39:04 +0000

Let’s hope they kept the receipt…

Weeks after The FA was embroiled in a row over appearing to buy off the FIFA’s executive committee (or at least their wives) with designer handbags, in the hope of securing some votes for England’s World Cup 2018 bid, FIFA vice-prez Jack Warner has decided he doesn’t want his anymore.

The £230 Mulberry bag has been sent back, along with a tear-stained letter claiming it’s brought him nothing but bad press:

Had [my wife] or I known then that the acceptance of what we all felt was a kind gesture would have resulted in the tainting of her character and mine together with the untold embarrassment to which we are still being subjected, none of us would have attended the dinner, nor would she have accepted what we thought was a gift in honour of her birthday [We’ll assume she thought it was in honour of the all the other wives’ birthdays as well - The Spoiler]

I have faced and continue to face all kinds of indignities from all manner of persons, but when these insults touch my wife, it represents an all time low.

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The Spoiler Bet of the Day

Michael Lintorn — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:55:06 +0000

Who do we turn to in our hour of need? Steve McClaren!

It’s been a horrible few days. Firstly, Man United flopped when all the long shots in our Champions League accumulator delivered and then Lyon once again mugged Liverpool in injury time yesterday.

When your luck is down, you probably don’t want to be relying on a Goodison Park goalfest, Spanish strugglers finding form and Steve McClaren. The Spoiler loves a long shot though…

Over 2.5 goals in Everton/Benfica
Six of Everton’s last seven European games have produced three goals or more. Benfica are the most prolific team in Portugal by miles and thumped five (more…)

Massimo Oddo is a fan of Kaka’s ball juggling skills

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:42:40 +0000

AC Milan defender uses the sexy to get Brazilian’s attention…

Spotted at [ONTD Football]

Spoiler bonus: Check out our extensive Sporno gallery here

Video: Liverpool and Arsenal Champions League highlights

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:10:08 +0000

Things get even harder for Rafa, Arsenal stroll to victory…

Arsenal 4/ AZ Alkmaar 1

Cesc Fabregas (angrily) opened the scoring 25 minutes into Arsenal’s televised training match against the Dutch champions; Samir Nasri doubling the Gunners’ lead with an exquisite shoulder drop. Second half strikes from Fabregas and Abou Diaby wrapped up the win, although Alkmaar bagged a late consolation in the form of a Jeremain Lens toe punt.

At the final whistle, there was only one question on the lips of a half empty Emirates… what the f**k has happened to the Dutch league?

Lyon 1/ Liverpool 1

Last minute comebacks are meant to be reserved for Liverpool, although it seems Lisandro Lopez didn’t get the memo. The Argentinean striker took advantage of some suicidal injury time defending to cancel out Ryan Babel’s impressive 83rd minute strike, signaling most Reds fans to start checking which TV channels are still showing Europa League football.

In a game of stark contrasts, Andriy Voronin plumbed new depths of unacceptable wankery, while Lyon keeper Hugo Lloris did a lot more to justify his billing as Football Manager-endorsed Keeper of the Future than Igor Akinfeev had on Tuesday.

Nigeria U17s captain is too old to play for the U21 team

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:03:02 +0000

Golden Eaglets skipper allegedly turned 18 about seven years ago

The U-17 World Cup, currently taking place in Nigeria, has been rocked by allegations the host nation’s captain, Fortune Chukwudi, is actually somewhere closer to 25.

Before the tournament, FIFA had made attempts to stamp out ‘age cheating’ by using MRI scans to determine a players age through bone density, but on Sunday a former Nigerian international revealed he’d seen Chukwudi playing youth team football as far back as 02/03:

“In the 2002/2003 season, I was chairman of Sharks Football Club of Port Harcourt. I decided to have a feeder team of fresh school leavers not older than 20 years.

One of my key players then is the current captain of our so-called Under 17 Golden Eaglets. By his own admission at that time, that is seven years ago, he was 18 years old.

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Kids put life savings into tribute cake, Maradona says ‘no thanks’

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:36:57 +0000

Argentina boss is serious about counting calories…

Earlier this week The Spoiler brought news of the ‘unwanted side-effects’ Diego Maradona has been suffering after his short stint in fat camp a few months ago. Now we’re getting wind El Pibe de Oro has recently been on a few more diet-related adventures.

According to today’s Daily Star, on hearing of his plans to visit on a charity trip, a group of children from the slums of Calcutta, India decided to surprise the footballing legend with a birthday cake. After weeks spent begging for cash the kids bought a £200, 4ft high blue and white cake. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a carbs day for Diego:

“It was quite rude really. These children literally have nothing but the clothes on their backs. But they managed to put together all that money to get Maradona a really impressive birthday cake.

“He took one look at it and said no. He could have had at least one bite. It wouldn’t have killed him, or affected his diet.

Fan Kamal Akash, 12, said: “It was fantastic to see our hero. We would have liked him to have had some cake.”

Thailand players get free McDs, Newcastle get a new email address and Becks gets pigs

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:08:42 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

After this, and the one where he controls the ball dropped off a block of flats, I might just bother to watch ‘Wayne Rooney’s Street Striker’. Maybe. Probably not.

Football’s 10 best celeb fans. How did Justin Timberlake get to be friends with Alan Smith?
[Caught Offside]

Thailand’s national football team double their chances of dropping dead on the pitch
[FourFourTwo]

Posh gets David’s Christmas present early
[The Mirror]

For some reason there is consensus in the Newcastle boardroom that an email address is an adequate title for a stadium
[Journal Live]

Polish keeper sacked for making homophobic remarks in his autobiography - with a title like “Fucking Polack”, I guess controversy was to be expected
[Deadspin]

Swine flu masks to be handed out at Dynamo Kyiv vs Inter
[Football Italia]

Is AC Milan’s potential owner as crazy as their current one?

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:27:51 +0000

Albanian oil baron alleged to have ordered journo beating…

Last month, rumours were swirling of a bid to wrest AC Milan from the wandering hands of everyone’s favourite political liability, Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi. Albanian oligarch Rezart Taci was ready to lump €700m on the Rossoneri, claiming he’d been given first refusal by Berlusconi after putting the kibosh on a mysteriously failed takeover of Serie A side Bologna.

Fans may think Milan have it bad enough with Berlusconi - whose ‘Controversies’ section in Wikipedia is the longer than most people’s entire profiles - at the helm, but according to Spanish sports paper AS (one of the less mental ones), Taci could give him a run in the ’shady’ stakes.
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Lionel Messi is not a fan of cold weather

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:20:07 +0000

Jinking Barca winger isn’t looking forward to tonight’s clash in Russia…

Google Translate provides more unintentional japery …

Fran Merida betrays city of Madrid, Arsenal possibly next

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:12:30 +0000

Agent claims ‘illness’ is to blame…

Fran Merida’s laser-guided finish in the Carling Cup against Liverpool last week propelled him into public eye alongside Carlos Vela, Jack Wilshere and Aaron Ramsey, as part of Arsenal’s jealousy-inducing line up of future stars.

However, things aren’t all good in the hood. The 19-year-old Spaniard is out of contract at the end of season and doesn’t look particularly fussed about tying up a deal any time soon. Even worse, he’s jonesing for a move to Atletico Madrid - which wouldn’t be so bad if 1) Atleti weren’t 18th in La Liga (one win from nine); and 2) he wasn’t born in Barcelona.

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Video: Chelsea and Man Utd Champions League highlights

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:15:34 +0000

Newbie managers hold English sides in Europe…

CSKA Moscow 3/ Manchester United 3

Leonid Slutsky’s (no laughing at the back) side took a surprise lead through Alan’s 25th minute strike, but were soon pegged back by a typically poached goal from Michael Owen. After going 3-1 down to a pair of all-too-easy goals from Milos Krasic and Vasili Berezutski, United staged a late rally - 84th minute late - with a Paul Scholes header and Antonio Valencia’s deflected equaliser.

Atletico Madrid 2/ Chelsea 2

Chelsea started the match ready to hammer an Atletico Madrid side, laughably shambolic on and off the pitch, who had nothing to play for. However, Atleti put in an admirable first-half performance, before Kun Aguero came on and smashed a 66th minute volley which stuck a massive middle finger up at any idea of a Blues rout.

Didier Drogba grabbed a late brace, but Aguero popped up again in injury time (with a free-kick that’ll add a few €m to his price tag in January) to grab a point.

The Spoiler Bet of the Day

Michael Lintorn — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:12:46 +0000

It’s time for Rafa to dig himself out of yet another hole

Yesterday The Spoiler picked out a four-team accumulator and were just one goal away from celebrating a tidy £104.70 profit. With Liverpool a tasty 21/10 on 888sport to win away to Lyon tonight, we’re relying on Rafa’s knack of delivering results when they matter most to make us some money. Here’s why we’re trusting the Reds:

» No team has ever done the double over Liverpool in the Champions League group stage since Rafael Benitez arrived in 2004 and only one side - Benfica in 2006 - have beaten the Reds twice in the same season in the competition.

» Liverpool have won their last four Champions League games in France, beating Bordeaux, Toulouse and Marseille (twice).

» Lyon have triumphed in just four of their last 12 home matches in the competition and were beaten 2-0 by regular strugglers Sochaux the last time they stepped foot in the Stade Gerland.

Click to claim £50 of free bets when opening an 888sport account

The 2009 MLS season in eleven minutes

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:41:35 +0000

Since there’s nothing else going on today…

With the MLS season drawing to a close, the league have released their candidates for 2009’s goal of the season. Although it might look like they’ve sort of missed the point and just documented every shot that went in, trust us, there are some pearlers in there (Brian McBride@ 1:35, for instance.)

Spurs are top of the league, Kai Rooney tweets and remember Gaizka Mendieta?

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:04:50 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Remi Gaillard: professional prank artist and also extremely handy with a football. Franck Ribery would be proud.

Spurs sit top of the most pointless league table ever devised
[Daily Mail]

Is Angel di Marina Rafa’s ace card or the first signing in Liverpool’s new era?
[Caught Offside]

Gaizka Mendieta: from £30m transfers to being told you’ll never get a game at a Boro team 12th in the league
[BBC Sport]

Twitter users don’t hang about - the first Kai Rooney accounts are up
[Off The Post]

Atletico Madrid have got their Newcastle hats on
[Guardian

We’ll give it three months (weeks)
[The Sun]

Cristiano Ronaldo teams up with Michael Jackson’s dad to sell BBQ grills

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:48:05 +0000

So cheap and tacky, he put his name on it…

There’s still a fair chance Cristiano Ronaldo will have a lot of free time on his hands next summer, while the rest of his Real Madrid team mates jet off to South Africa for a post-season kick about. However, fans of winking and arrogance will be happy to hear CR9 could be lining up a contingency plan to make sure his face will remain plastered all over our TV screens come June.

According to US entertainment site TMZ (who broke the news of Michael Jackson’s death), horror-faced entrepreneur Joe “he’s worth more dead than alive” Jackson has told them he is set to meet the Portuguese man-o-sex early next month, to start filming TV, magazine and internet adverts for his latest venture - the laughably rubbish ‘Goalie Grill’ barbecue set.

Cabin crew reveal the Spurs team “are all very impolite”

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:33:51 +0000

Man Utd’s squad, on the other hand, get a gold star…

Over the years it’s become apparent footballers have a hard time travelling in cars without crashing, vomiting, or embarrassing themselves. But what about other methods of transport? Sunday’s feature in The Times on cabin crew secrets revealed flying habits of some of the Premier League’s finest:

“We often get football teams flying to European games, and it’s always interesting to see how they behave. Without doubt the rudest was Spurs. They were going to Prague a couple of years ago, and they were all very impolite. None of them said thank you for anything. One player in particular, a striker, sat with his headphones on and refused to take them off, and none of them would lift their window blinds for takeoff and landing.

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Don’t argue with Jeff Winter

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:42:58 +0000

Ex-ref lives out rage-filled retirement

Jeff Winter, retired ref, professional media whore and the only man with facial hair bad enough to rival Craig David, happily waded into the argument between Sir Alex Ferguson and Alan Wiley last month, calling the United manager a ‘bully and a coward’ for deeming Wiley to be out of shape after his side’s 2-2 draw against Sunderland.

However, it’s since been brought to The Spoiler’s attention Winter may not be in the best position to be taking the moral high ground on being magnanimous. Jeff’s official website “Jeff Winter Entertainment & Media” (no, really) is an amazing shrine to egotism, the highlight of which has to be the ‘Reader’s Letters‘ section.

A selection of Winter’s finest correspondence after the jump …

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The Spoiler bet of the day

Michael Lintorn — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:31:36 +0000

Our attempt to turn a £10 note into ten £10 notes

The Spoiler has a bit of a soft spot for Chris Hughton but he let us down badly last night by leaving the Hare well and truly malnourished at Bramall Lane - using him in only the last six minutes to render yesterday’s bet null and void.

Today, we’re taking no chances, pursuing an accumulator so that nothing besides the weather and floodlight failure can rule the bet pointless. We’re looking to turn £10 into £104.70 by backing Juventus, Porto, Wolfsburg and Manchester United to win tonight. Here’s why:

Maccabi Haifa v Juventus - The Israelis have lost all three of their matches so far without scoring.

APOEL v Porto - Porto won their first group meeting and over the past three seasons, whenever they do that they go on to complete a double.

Besiktas v Wolfsburg - A big ask, although Besiktas have lost four of their last ten home games and have scored just once this season in Europe.

Manchester United v CSKA Moscow - United are unbeaten in 23 Champions League matches at Old Trafford, of which they have won 18.

Combine these four together using the Betfair Coupon and you stand to win over ten times your initial stake!

Click here to claim a free £25 bet when opening a Betfair account

‘Arry claims Arsene Wenger got his sloppy seconds

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:03:41 +0000

Spurs boss suffers wheel/deal fail…

Harry Redknapp, never one to miss an opportunity to mine some glory out of the most desperate of situations, has brushed off Spurs’ 3-0 humping at the Emirates on Saturday by revealing he knew about one of Arsenal’s best performers this season, Thomas Vermaelen, before Arsene Wenger did:

“I was recommended him as a left-back but we were strong in that position. People who recommended him didn’t speak of him as a central defender.”

‘Arry can’t have done too much research - Vermaelen filled in at centre-back for Ajax for over a third of last season, winning eight of the 12 games he played in the role. If the Spurs boss wants to get a more well-rounded view of Europe’s finest footballers, perhaps he should actually start playing Football Manager, rather than just pocketing the coin from shamelessly hawking it.

Football and Guitar Hero, a match made in heaven

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:32:21 +0000

Tricksters master seriously difficult stunt in four hours

Apt for a band whose guitarist scored Soccer AM’s greatest Road To Wembley goal of all time, Kasabian are promoting their new single, ‘Underdog’, with a massive, three-storey high football-powered version of Guitar Hero.

Carlos Tevez buys that poster, Roman Abramovich leaves a £2,000 tip and Rooney is a dad

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:59:19 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Spectacular triple save from the crossbar

Roman Abramovich uses Chelsea’s unspent transfer kitty to run up an outrageous lunch bill
[News of the World]

Carlos Tevez forks out £2,000 for a copy of the infamous ‘Welcome to Manchester’ poster
[FourFourTwo]

Wayne Rooney names his new son … Kai Wayne
[Kickette]

The Sun couldn’t have made it more obvious they didn’t watch Arsenal/Spurs
[The Sun]

Perma-crock Stephen Appiah finally finds a club stupid enough
[The Offiside]

The FA are planning to steal Aaron Hunt from the Germans
[Daily Mail]

The Spoiler Bet of the Day

Michael Lintorn — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:18:01 +0000

Bramall Lane is a happy hunting ground for Harewood

It’s difficult to confidently argue in favour of either team ahead of tonight’s TV offering of Sheffield United v Newcastle, with the hosts winless in six and the Magpies having ended three of their last four away games empty-handed.

Therefore, our attention turns to Marlon Harewood, a boo-boy victim during last weekend’s 2-1 home win over Doncaster. Assuming Chris Hughton is brave enough to risk the wrath of the Toon Army by starting the Hare, his Betfair odds of 3.75 (11/4) to score are worth a glance.

The 30-year-old isn’t the most prolific striker in the world, which is why his record of five goals in his last seven meetings with Sheffield United - and two on his last three visits to Bramall Lane - is worth paying attention to.

It could also prove a blessing that he is playing away from the sceptical St James’ Park support - six of his last eight league goals have come on the road.

Click here to claim a free £25 bet when opening a Betfair account

Darren Bent’s Twitter obsession reaches a new low

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:12:18 +0000

I think we can safely say this is a step too far

Wow.

Rio Ferdinand is not a reliable resturant critic

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:57:19 +0000

Utd mogul and part-time defender turns shameless self-promoter

He might be starting to wane at his day job, but Rio Ferdinand is still a true Renaissance Man. Having just attended the film premiere of Dead Man Running, on which he was executive producer alongside Ashley Cole, he’s also three issues into his own magazine and co-owns a record label. Obvious, then, that budget airline BMI should choose such a worldly man to offer tips on the best places to eat out in Manchester, in the latest issue of their in-flight magazine:

“Rosso. It serves unbelievable food. I love the steak if I’m having a big main … The vibe is nice, too, with a casual dress code which I like. Plenty of footballers pop in for quality food after matches.

The chef is as hot as mustard! I love the flattened steak if I’m having a big main or the penne pasta, which is so good it’s ridiculous.”

But don’t bother trying to seek out Rio’s favorite eatery - it’s not even open yet. Although we’re sure he’ll make an appearance on the opening night … being that he’s actually co-owner of the place.

Maradona: sex, gas and threats

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:30:43 +0000

Legend wins girl over with trouser cough

It seems Argentinean hacks aren’t the only people Diego Maradona has recently entreated to “suck it“. Word reaches us from Spanish rag Sport that The Golden Boy’s preparations for Argentina’s crucial World Cup qualifier against Uruguay basically consisted of chatting up attractive blondes in hotel lobbies and farting.

According to Uruguayan vixen Natalia Rosas, who crossed paths with Diego while he was holed up at the Shreaton Hotel in Montevideo, the tubby gaffer seems to still be suffering the side effects of the steamed cabbage and prune diet forced upon him at fat camp:

“He invited me to have coffee with him and while we were talking we both wished each other good luck. Then we hugged and he kissed me. I was left with the taste of onion or garlic that he had just eaten. Then there was the gas. Diego got nervous and started moving around on his chair to try to justify himself

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PREDICT THE INCORRECT SCORES AND WIN £1000 WITH SOCCER MILLIONAIRE’S NEW GAME

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:29:26 +0000

Predict the weekly football scores and win big money

Soccer Millionaire’s Zero Points game is a ROLLOVER this weekend and the cash pool is growing by the second. Predict the scores wrong and win an estimated £1000 - who else pays you to lose? Soccer Millionaire offer many more games, such as their Predictor Game, where there is a guaranteed £1,000,000 Jackpot prize every week, plus many more cash prizes - start predicting now at www.soccermillionaire.com

Daily Competition: Guess the football autobiography 8

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:26:06 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

UPDATE - Now with added correct answer

Belated congratulations to MwepuLlunga, Dark Knight and Chris A, for correctly telling the world that this extract, was from criminal Mark Ward’s recent book ‘Right Wing to B Wing’.

Today’s effort, in the ungoogleable competiton that is soon to retire leaving the people wanting more, is below. Whose chat is this:

The final game of the season, the final game of my league career, was at home to Barnsley. We had beaten them 1-0 at Oakwell earlier in the season in a match played in deep snow. Their centre-half, Mick McCarthy, had kicked lumps out of me for the whole game. Mick wasn’t my favourite man at the time, although he’s a friend now, and became a player at Manchester City for a while. I asked him if he got pleasure out of kicking an old man, and he just laughed. In that last match he was doing exactly the same. Eventually I’d had enough, so I turned round and gave him a whack with a big tackle and got sent off. It was a good tackle all right, and by the time the referee came over I was already on my way. I knew what was coming.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

Friday Youtube Special

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:13:51 +0000

Obscure footage from around the world for the weekend sir?

Click after the jump

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Elen Rives, Notts County’s attempt to lure Roberto Mancini and who is the best footballer in the world?

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:53:09 +0000

Coming to a computer near you

Insert your own smutty innuendo-laden intro about this pic of Lamps’ ex surrounded by cats
( Kickette )

Notts County fail to sell Meadow Lane to Roberto Mancini
( Eurosport )

Ten great Serie A disasters
( The Offside )

John Terry in the running to be FIFA World Player of the Year. No, really
( Pies )

Poll: Do Arsenal now have the worst goalkeeping situation in the Premier League?

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:37:56 +0000

Not another Wenger blind spot

Steven Howard in today’s Sun no less, has piled onto the bandwagon marked ‘Arsenal goalkeeping crisis’ and let rip. Howard writes:

“They have four goalkeepers on the books - Vito Mannone, Manuel Almunia, Lukasz Fabianski and teen Wojciech Szczesny - and none, for one reason or other, look up to the job.”

before making the stunning claim

“In fact, you would be hard pushed to find a Premier League club WITHOUT a better keeper than the four at Arsenal.”

Well thespoiler has been scratching itself having a good think this morning, and we reckon maybe Chelsea and Birmingham City are the only clubs without a better keeper than Arsenal - your thoughts below please…

Darren Bent is fit for Saturday, and James Collins isn’t a big fan of Peaches Geldof

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:02:09 +0000

We follow them so you don’t have to

Above is a revealing snapshot into the life of a top footballer. Having mentioned the magnificent breakfast cereal Weetabix via his Twitter account, the good people at said product sent Darren Bent an entire box full. Because on 65k a week, it’s not as if he could afford his own. At this point, we’d like to add that thespoiler loves all breakfast cereals, indeed all foods, in fact all products ever made.

Meanwhile, no such luxury for James Collins, who spent last night watching ITV2 with his wife. Just after the conclusion of ‘Peter Andre: The Next Chapter’, Collins tweeted:

thinks Peter Andre is a top geeza!!

But the next programme was not to this televisual conniosseur’s liking. And who can blame him? At 10pm last night, ITV united two oxygen thieves in the same slot, by showing ‘Fearne and Peaches Geldof.’ Sadly, thespoiler was too busy chewing it’s own arm off to watch, but the promo we received promised, ‘Fearne gains exclusive access to the controversial Peaches Geldof - presenter, journalist, designer, party girl and daughter of Bob Geldof. In this extraordinary and revealing encounter, Fearne follows Peaches to discover the truth behind the headlines.’

Collins’ verdict was more succint:

Peaches Geldofa……….what a c*nt!!

QPR vs Leicester City - prepare for some boutique football

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:08:12 +0000

Trick or Treat? Probably neither

Brian Clough famously said, “Anybody who can do anything in Leicester but make a jumper has got to be a genius.” How apt it is then, that Leicester City are tonight’s visitors at the nation’s first boutique football club, Queens Park Rangers. Sky Sports 1 offer that at 7:45 whilst at the same time on ESPN, Borussia Dortmund will be looking to swipe bottom club Hertha Berlin.

Germany vs Honduras is the afternoon offering on British Eurosport from the U17 World Cup. Get in quick - it finishes in a fortnight.

Rio to Spurs and all the other big transfer stories

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:52:13 +0000

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Rio Ferdinand to Tottenham
On Tuesday, only 42% of thespoiler readers disagreed with the sentiment that Rio was finished. For now, Sir Alex is in that minority, although if Ferdinand were to have another couple of iffy matches,he may quickly dust off his ruthless side and bring in Jonny Evans. Needing to play first-team football ahead of the Coupe du Monde, could Rio return to Uncle Harry, and join the White Hart Lane circus?

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Given Daniel Levy’s reluctance on deadline day to give Harry any cash to sign David James, he surely wouldn’t shell out the huge fee that signing Rio would demand. Ferdinand also seems to be one of those players who love playing for Manchester United. The step down may not appeal to his ego, or the Rio brand.

Jack Rodwell to Manchester United
Despite only making 27 appearances for Everton, Rodwell has been hailed by many pundits as the, ‘next Rio Ferdinand.’ Which is handy for Sir Alex given the form of the old one.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Although United did sign Rooney from Everton as a youngster, he had played almost three times the matches of Rodwell. Plus, with his development faring so well at Goodison, why go to United?

Federico Macheda to Middlesbrough
Since that goal, Macheda has somewhat withdrawn from the scene, with Sir Alex preferring to go with immobility in the form of Berbatov and insecurity in the form of Michael Owen. Is a loan move to Middlesbrough what Macheda needs to get back up and running?

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Macheda was one of the names on Gordon Strachan’s leaked list earlier in the week, and one would expect him to score goals in the Championship. With Jeremie Aliadiere out injured, Boro’s need for a centre-forward has become even more pressing, but the relationship between Strachan and Fergie has never been the best, with wee Gordon even accusing Manchester United of deliberately losing a match at home to Derby in 2001, to help put his Coventry side down. Favours may not be forthcoming.

The Daily Eboue

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:47:42 +0000

Today - confused Eboue

The greatest dive ever, Rio’s toughest three opponents and goalkeepers behaving badly

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:19:11 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Has there ever been a worse dive in football than this?
( 101gg )

When is a retirement, not a retirement? When it’s announced by Christian Vieri of course
( Dirty Tackle )

Who are Rio’s toughest three opponents?
( Pies )

Naked goalkeepers part 1

Naked goalkeepers part 2

Jose Mourinho back on the television tonight

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:55:36 +0000

For those not invited to celebrate the birthday of Robert Pires

The U17 World Cup continues at 3pm on Eurosport 2, as Italy’s nippers attempt to take revenge for 2002 and all that, by beating some South Korean children.

Three matches this evening covering a range of footballing competition. If you like your football young, catch Wales vs Scotland in the Victory Shield at 7:40pm on Sky Sports 1. If you like your football second-rate, Man United reserves try to take their own revenge against the Liverpool counterparts, MUTV from 7.

And finally, if you like your football preening, the Special One hosts Walter Zenga’s Palermo, looking to go four points clear at the top of Serie A. The game is on ESPN at 7:45.

A unique peek into the Real Madrid changing room

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:36:34 +0000

The only team missing Ronaldo more than Manchester United are

Updated - now with added Guti swearing at supporters

The Real Madrid dressing room: a place full of fragile egos, littered with haircare products, and reeking of the smell of complacency. The Spanish daily Marca has this morning reported an incident that should serve as a taster, for those who would like nothing more than to press their nose against the glass, and have their own cheeky glance inside.

On entering the dressing room at half time on Tuesday night of their hilarious Copa del Rey spanking (and already three down), veteran midfielder Guti urged his collaborators in this shambles, to try harder and work a bit more. Coach Manuel Pellegrini attempting to assert some Chilean discipline instructed Guti not only to shut it, but also to get changed - he was being taken off. To which Guti simply replied:

“Stick it up your arse.”

This Galacticos Mark II era may not end well…

How does Brad Guzan celebrate saving four penalties in a single game?

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:36:18 +0000

American + goalkeeper = dull

Fresh from the greatest night of his career, American penalty wall Brad Guzan, must have been in a buoyant mood when he turned on his computer . But what would he say - would we get a description of a jubilant Villa dressing room? A brief exposition of his penalty saving secrets perhaps? Or how it feels to be on the sports pages of every newspaper in the country?

What’s that Brad?

on to the next one…

Ah, ok.

Thespoiler tells Roberto Martinez - ‘Stop Lying’

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:27:21 +0000

What’s the Spanish for desperado?

Ah, isn’t Roberto Martinez a breath of fresh air? Having given an interview in which he complained that everyone in England is running scared of Sir Alex Ferguson, Martinez today ~~boldly stuck to his guns, whipped off his trousers and thrust out his groin in Fergie’s direction~~ denied ever making those comments and scampered away to look for a tree to hide behind.

To read the original interview with the AS newspaper (in Spanish), click here. Meanwhile thespoiler’s Spanish expert has painstakingly translated the entire interview and can confirm the following quotes:

“He (Ferguson) has spent his whole life here and that has weight. Recently he was penalised for saying that a referee wasn’t fit enough and the truth is that they have almost ended up saying sorry to him for fining him. Another person would have been pounded.
Ferguson also has his group of loyal fans among other managers. Steve Bruce, who was his player; Sam Allardyce, who thinks he will be successor at Old Trafford, and others. On the opposite side Benitez is alone and thus gets stick from all sides.”

Deny away Roberto…

Freddie Shepherd: Ashley is ruining Newcastle United

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:11:57 +0000

Pot. Kettle. Black

“I suppose nothing surprises me about the current regime, so news they are ready to sell the naming rights isn’t exactly a shock. Whatever next? Why don’t they just go the whole hog and change the name of the club itself? Fans will be horrified, angry and upset about this. They’ve had to put up with a lot in recent months, but this is just another blow.”

Indeed, but who to blame? Well, on selling his shares in Newcastle two years ago to err…. Mike Ashley, Shepherd commented:

“The board believes Mike Ashley will be an excellent custodian of Newcastle United’s heritage and will provide the best possible opportunity for the club to flourish in the future, to the benefit of the company and its fans.”

How’s the whole heritage preservation thing going then Freddie?

Defoe’s WAG Imogen lays down the law, Sheva/Berba compared, and at long last - a Leicester City news special

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:53:30 +0000

Coming to a computer near you

“I’m one of those girls who’d walk away if he cheated.” We won’t hold you to it Imogen
( Holy Moly )

Get the lowdown on Rafa’s latest attempt to waste some money
( Caught Offside )

Who was a bigger mistake - Shevchenko or Berbatov?
( Footy Factor )

Luis Figo’s wife. Not unattractive
( Big Smudge )

Leicester have the cheek to issue Edgar Davids with an ultimatum, and old favourite Peter Taylor may be set for a return to football
( Team Talk )

And the next Hull manager is: David O’Leary

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:20:46 +0000

Hurry up, Phil - the taxi’s outside

The resignation of Paul Duffen as Hull City Chairman, and the imminent arrival of Adam Pearson at the club can only mean one thing. Hull fans, get behind the sofa - David O’Leary is on his way.

Pearson was the Commercial Director of Leeds United during O’Leary’s time there, but managed to get out in 2001 before it all went a little bankrupt. The two have since remained firm friends, and Villa fans will recall a 3rd Round FA Cup tie back in 2006 (when O’Leary’s Villa won 1-0 at the KC,) in which the Irish scoundrel spent much of the game waving and winking at the Hull chairman. Post-match O’Leary added:

“I always look out for Hull’s results because I know Adam Pearson, the chairman here, very well from our days together at Leeds and really like him.”

Hull fans - are you ready to be told you have a young side and not to expect too much. Leave us your thoughts below…

The Daily Eboue

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:15:13 +0000

Today - sad Eboue. With added Jesus

Ireland’s World Cup song

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:10:57 +0000

What do you mean, they haven’t qualified yet

The Corrigan Brothers (Gerard, Brian and Donncha if you must know) made an indent into the world’s brow, when they popped up at Barack Obama’s inauguration with their song ‘There’s no one as Irish as Barack O’Bama.’ Well now they’re back back back, with a jaunty tune aimed at propelling the Irish into the 2010 World Cup.

Watch out for the reference to John O’Shea and Eamon Dunphy (after the latter described him as “not good enough” ahead of a United match) as well as the tremendous verse, “Sometimes we lack skill, Sometimes we lack speed. Who needs Stephen Ireland, Bring back Andy Reid.”

Thespoiler is a huge fan, and demand that if the Irish make it through, ‘Here’s to Trapatonni’ becomes the official FAI song. Altogether now - “Let’s take it to the French. Here’s to Trapatonni.”

A brilliant goal from yesterday’s action

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:37:40 +0000

You’ve probably already seen Fran Merida’s cracker, and feel free to step this way and dribble at Valeri Bojinov’s brilliant goal for Parma last night.

But thespoiler’s favourite came in the Asian Champions League.Saudi side Al-Ittihad beat Nagoya Grampus Eight 6-2 in the first leg of their semi-final. and were already two ahead in the second leg, before Keita Sugimoto scored this wonder goal. It was however, to prove a mere consolation, and Ittihad will now meet Korean side Pohang Steelers in the final.

Poll: Is Spurs’ bench better than Arsenal’s?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:02:14 +0000

Like it really matters

Robbie Keane knows a thing or two about the bench, having of course parked himself on one at Liverpool for six months. So when he talks about them, thespoiler listens.

Having realised trying to claim Spurs have a better team, manager, ground, history or support than Arsenal was ludicrous, Robbie decided to attack the Gunners where it hurts - the all-important sub selection. Keane told the London Evening Standard:

“You look at the two squads and we’re definitely on a par. It will be judged at the end of the season but if you look at the bench we have, it is probably a little bit stronger than their bench.”

Indeed, the North London derby this Saturday should provide a perfect opportunity for Keane to test his theory, when with ten minutes left, and three goals ahead, Wenger turns to his bench to rest key players ahead of the midweek fixture.

But is Keano right? Here are the two benches for the most recent league games:

Tottenham’s bench v Stoke: Michael Dawson, Jermaine Jenas, Roman Pavlyuchenko, Alan Hutton, Carlo Cudicini, Gareth Bale, Kyle Naughton
Arsenal’s bench v West Ham: Nicklas Bendtner, Eduardo, Manuel Almunia, Mikael Silvestre, Samir Nasri, Aaron Ramsey, Kieran Gibbs

Vote now:

Turf news, Theo Walcott’s missus, and the strange case of Daniel Sturridge

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:41:41 +0000

Coming to a computer near you

Maybe these figures are the reason why Phil Brown is currently clearing his desk
( Guardian )

Fancy doing a bit of lawnwork at the Molineux. Now is your chance
( Dirty Tackle )

Walcott WAG doing what she does best
( Kickette )

And you thought Ashley was bad - meet the Australian owner who is trying to limit his club’s attendance
( Dirty Tackle )

Aloof, arrogant et al - it’s the Daniel Sturridge story
( The Sun )

Breaking News: Phil Brown sacked by Hull?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:43:23 +0000

Strong rumours reaching thespoiler

Paddy Power already have a market up for next boss, intended to go live at 10pm tonight. Andy Burton has now reported it on Twitter (albeit after thespoiler broke it.)

Is this the end for Mr Orange? And how extraordinary does this make that vote of confidence yesterday?

Sixy Time: Six great League Cup 4th Round Ties (Part 2)

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:23:50 +0000

This wasn’t easy

Leicester City 2 Manchester United 0
27/11/1996

On their way to winning the Worthington Cup, consider this 4th round tie the coming of age party for Martin O’Neill’s Leicester City. Whacking a strong United side including Keane, Scholes, Cryuff and Poborsky (the latter of whom cost more than the entire Leicester first XI), was typical of O’Neill’s disregard for bigger clubs, and in his time as manager, Leicester won at Anfield three times in a row as well as securing famous victories at Old Trafford and Stamford Bridge.

Steve Claridge’s brilliant first was added to by 18 year old Emile Heskey (whatever happened to him) 13 minutes from time, with a Paul Scholes missed penalty in between. United scored three times in the last fifteen minutes to win the league match a week later, but Leicester recovered to finish the season in 9th.

Bolton Wanderers 6 Tottenham Hotspur 1
27/11/1996

Another stunning result on the same night, as First Division leaders Bolton trounced Premier League comedians Tottenham Hotspur. Super John McGinlay bagged a hat-trick, and further goals from Gerry Taggart, Nathan Blake and Scott Taylor were answered to only by a Teddy Sheringham freekick.

Even back then it was customary for sides to rest players for the League Cup, yet incredibly it was Bolton who had left their three key players on the bench. Less incredibly, Gerry Francis was out of work 12 months later, his huge mullet following him out the door a few days later.

Arsenal 5 Wolverhampton Wanderers 1
2/12/2003

The night Cesc Fabregas, at the age of 16, entered the record books as the youngest goalscorer in Arsenal’s history, as the next generation of Wenger starlets battered fellow Premier Leaguers Wolves, in a devastating display of attacking power. Whilst the first team were proving to be literally unbeatable that season, Wenger was showing that the future was pretty bright too

Interestingly, only Cesc and Gael Clichy have survived to the Arsenal first team, whilst MOTM Jerome Aliadiere is currently plying his trade in the Championship

3 things we learnt from last night’s Carling Cup action

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:59:42 +0000

We watched it so you didn’t have to

1. Michael Owen should never have signed for Manchester United:

Look at the company he was keeping last night; Obertan, Macaheda, Wellbeck - all clearly reserve players. And this is the category Owen now falls into at United. Ignored when the big games come around, his chances to impress now only arrive in insignificant matches, so the clamour for Capello to pick him is no less ludicrous than expecting Marcello Lippi to give Macheda a call.
Had Owen swallowed his pride and signed for a lesser club, he might be seeing some action in the Premier League, in the process testing himself against international-calibre defenders. When he fails to make Fabio’s 23 in June, he has his own pride to blame.

2. Goalkeepers should stop guessing in shoot-outs:

Following his heroics in the Peace Cup Final penalty shoot-out in the summer, a friend of thespoiler went to interview Brad Guzan to suss out his penalty-saving secrets. Guzan revealed that he has never understood why many keepers merely guess where the penalty is going, and hurl themselves in that direction before the kicker makes contact with the ball. His own preference was to wait, and rely on natural reaction to make it in time.
This worked to extraordinary effect, saving four penalties, bringing to mind Mark Bosnich’s awesome performance against Sunderland in the same competition 16 years ago. So is Guzan right? Are keepers bottling it at shoot-outs?

3. Michael Laudrup is spending today sitting by the phone:

For those who didn’t get their copy of Marca delivered this morning, Real Madrid got soaked 4-0 by 3rd division Alcorcon in the Copa del Rey last night. Madrid coach Manuel Pellegrini described himself as, “very embarrassed”, although “very sacked” may soon prove more appropriate.

Arsenal scholars set to teach Liverpool’s kids a lesson

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:24:56 +0000

Can Rafa still blame Steve Heighway

Amongst the many arrows aimed at the temples of Rafael Benitez Maudes of late, has been the allegation that his ability to bring through young players is limited. Certainly the foriegn teenagers he has brought to Anfield, bear no comparison with Arsene’s shrewd kiddy business.

Three years ago, Arsenal’s youngsters, including Walcott, Song and Denilson, ran riot at Anfield in this same competition. Sky Sports 1 at 7:45pm is the place to be tonight, which is good news for Lee Peltier, Gabriel Paletta, and Danny Guthrie - just some of Rafa’s future stars that night, who will be watching on television this evening.

Elsewhere, Celtic will be looking to recover from the embarrassment of their former manager seeing Middlesbrough as a step-up, by beating Hearts in the CIS Quarter Final (BBC1 Scotland 7:35pm).

The U17 World Cup continues in Nigeria, and if you want to help Rafa find a good young player, Holland face Gambia at 3pm, and then it’s Turkey vs Costa Rica at 6, both on Eurosport 2.

But the spectacle of the night, will be on ESPN at 7:45, where Milan visit Napoli. The Partenopei haven’t lost at San Paolo since 1998 and will fancy their chances tonight. Both sides started the season slowly, but Milan have picked up of late including a win at the Bernabau, whilst Napoli have improved since the booting out of Roberto Donadoni

Which Premier League footballer is this?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:18:24 +0000

Loving the jumper

The Daily Eboue

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:12:07 +0000

New day, new bear

Is Mike Ashley deliberately sabotaging Newcastle United?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:53:30 +0000

Scorched Earth football style

The last time Newcastle United made permanent a caretaker manager’s stint, Glenn Roeder was the beneficiary, as he managed to wangle an extra year of shuffling nervously along the touchline. He signed Antoine Sibierski and Olivier Bernard, finished 13th in the table and contrived to lose 5-1 at home to Birmingham City in the FA Cup. What’s more, demonstrations against the Shepherd regime throughout the season, ironically served to usher in the new chairman.

Nevertheless, the past must be a foreign country to Mike Ashley, as he has rewarded caretaker Chris Hughton with an 18 month deal, for unconvincingly managing to keep the best squad of players at the top of their division by a single point.

Yet as anyone who has visited some of his sport shops will know, Ashley isn’t one to leave in tact any fragment of class. Hence his subsequent announcement that naming rights for SJP (not Sarah Jessica Parker - pay attention) are up for grabs. Leave your suggestions below Mackems…

Lampard’s new ladyfriend off the telly, some classic South American cheating, and help name Spurs’ new ground

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:48:39 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Frank Lampard still looking for The One (Show)
( Metro )

Is this the most open Premier League title race ever?
( Telegraph )

Legend Ariel Ortega does what we expect Argentinian no 10s to do - cheat
( 101gg )

Steve Gibson has a long way to go - Atletico name nine coaches in one day
( Guardian )

And name Tottenham’s new stadium
( Pies )

Sixy Time: Six great League Cup 4th Round Ties (Part 1)

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:57:11 +0000

This wasn’t easy…

Plymouth Argyle 3 Aston Villa 5
6/2/1961

A full eight weeks after this fixture was first played, Aston Villa finally booked their place in the quarter finals of the inaugural League Cup, scoring five times against their lower league opposition. Villa of course were the competition’s first winners, beating Rotherham United in the final.
The first attempt had ended 3-3 at Villa Park, whilst the first replay at Home Park ended goalless. Thespoiler happily admits it pines for the days of the endless replay, a terrific addition to the cold, winter nights. Police - make it happen!

Coventry City 5 Nottingham Forest 4
28/11/90

Having won the previous two installments of the League Cup, Forest arrived at Highfield Road confident of protecting a 22 match unbeaten run in the competition. Terry Butcher’s Coventry were doing what Coventry always did back then - they were just outside the relegation zone.
Forest had beaten Cov in the 1990 Littlewoods Cup semi, and the Sky Blues came out looking keen to take revenge. Very keen in fact. A Kevin Gallacher hat-trick and a goal from Steve Livingstone (watch out for a dreadful blooper from Stuart Pearce in the build up,) put them 4-0 up after just 35 minutes.
Half-time arrived with the score incredibly at 4-3, after two from Nigel Clough and a scrappy Gary Crosby goal put Forest within distance of forcing a replay. Garry Parker soon made it 4-4 after the break, with a typical Parker screamer. Yet it was to be Coventry who had the last laugh as Livingstone scored again, 25 minutes from time.
Post-match, Brian Clough was as quotable as ever, remarking:

“Fingers crossed, I’m still in work. But blow me, after that defensive performance, our chairman would have every right to think about giving me the sack.”

Arsenal 2 Manchester United 6
28/11/90

Having taken part in a 21 man brawl a month earlier, the tie of the round between Arsenal and Manchester United, promised a real treat. And we weren’t disappointed.
On the greatest ever night of League Cup action (Villa and Middlesbrough also shared five goals in a thriller), a new star was born at Highbury. 19 yr old Lee Sharpe’s hat-trick (including a sublime first) and goals from Blackmore, Hughes and the awesome Danny Wallace (after a wonderful touch from Sharpe,) served notice of the type of football United would spend the next 18 years playing. Within 20 months, they were Champions.
Arsenal would go on to win the league that season, conceding just 18 all season and losing just one under the raised arms of George Graham, yet having disposed of Liverpool in the previous round, United now accounted for the other best team in the land, in the days when the League Cup was still a competition for first XIs.
As well as a breakthrough for Sharpe, that evening’s ITV highlights also proved a breakthrough for Clive Tyldesley, at that time a third choice commentator behind Brian Moore and Alan Parry. But the dramatic nature of events at Highbury meant the nation stayed up to hear Clive call the goals. He too never looked back, and his slight Utd bias to this day perhaps dates back to this match.
United lost in the final that season, whilst Sharpe later revealed in his book that Fergie still gave him the hairdryer treatment in training the next day, for giving an unauthorised post-match interview to the newspapers.

Can Barnsley knock Man United out the cup?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:54:24 +0000

Coppa del Carling time again kids

Above, a memorable evening at Oakwell over a decade ago, but Barnsley’s task may be slightly easier tonight for the absence of Schmeichel, Beckham, Cole, Sheringham et al. Sky Sports 2 at 7:45 is the place to be if you want to see Championship strikers humiliating Rio.

Elsewhere, the U17 World Cup continues where the U20 left off last week - in a vapour of anonymity. It’s Argentina v Germany at 3pm, before Brazil and Mexico are allowed to stay up a bit past their bedtime, to entertain us at 6pm. All the fun on Eurosport 2. There’s a Eurosport 2?

Hull chairman really puts the boot into Rafa

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:43:15 +0000

“Phil Brown is better than you”

Ignominy comes in many forms; falling over in the street, walking into a meeting with flies at half-mast, being nutmegged by a small child. All embarassing, yet a mere trifle compared to how Rafa Benitez must be feeling this morning.

Showing delusion doesn’t just run through Hull City, rather it gallops, club chairman Paul Duffen told today’s Sun:

“If you look at Phil’s squad and what he will do with it this season compared to Rafa, you’ll find Phil will come out top in terms of adding value to players.”

Duffen then puzzlingly added:

“We were written off by everybody last year and told we were going to redefine the expression ‘doing a Derby’, but we broke all records for a newly-promoted side.”

Not too sure what records Mr Duffen is referring to here. Nottingham Forest famously won the league in their first season up, so it is tough to argue that Hull’s 17th placed finish was some sort of record. Unless of course he is referring to the most assiduous post-xmas collapse, the most orange manager, or perhaps Phil Brown’s record for the most rapid loss of dignity.

To see Steve Watson and Steve Stone mimic Mr Brown, as well as our own effort, read on (more…)

Football QI - Here to bust all your Premier League myths

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:49:08 +0000

More informative than being told Peter Crouch has a good touch for such a big man

1. All hail Thomas Vermalen:
Let’s not bother actually. He may have scored four goals already, but Arsenal have never conceded more than eleven goals in their first nine Premier League goals. Until now - they’ve shipped thirteen this season already.

2. Referees favour Manchester United:
Which would be why they are the only club in the league to have received more than one red card this season.

3. Aston Villa are such a threat on the break.
Only a threat to those sitting behind the goal. Villa have had the least shots on target of any Premier League club this season.

Poll: What do Zamora and Rosenthal have in common? Now with added miss

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:41:20 +0000

UPDATE
Now with an even better miss

New Feature: The Daily Eboue

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:38:08 +0000

Tell your friends…

Is Rio Ferdinand finished?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:25:12 +0000

Is Rio the new Anton?

Huge media over-reaction or genuine decline of a once great defender? Vote now

Good news comedy fans: The man who took Newcastle down fancies another go

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:52:16 +0000

Sheeerah! Sheeerah!

Most managers who contribute to a club’s relegation become pariahs. Forced to move away from the city, booed upon their return with another team, these men certainly don’t get another crack at the job (see Peter Taylor at Leicester, Tony Cottee at Barnet or Bryan Robson anywhere for classic Public Enemy No 1 examples.)

Yet not Alan Shearer. The man who won just one of his eight matches in charge is tipping himself to take charge again one day. Speaking in the weekend’s press, Shearer said,

“I would still like to be the manager of Newcastle again one day. If the situation came around and everything was right and in place then without a doubt I would love to give it another go. But that’s not up to me.”

Nine things we learned from the weekend’s football

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:25:33 +0000

Because ten is one too many

1. Dimitar Berbatov is the worst signing in football since Seba Veron:
If anyone can name a truly big match Berbatov has turned or contributed to since he strutted in to Old Trafford last summer, could they kindly alert thespoiler. Surely £30million players should occasionally do that, or at least look like they are trying to.
At Spurs of course, Berbatov was a notorious flat-track bully, scoring just one goal against top-half opposition in his first season at the Lane. At United he has continued this trend, scoring this season against Wigan, Stoke and Sunderland.
Due to deference to Sir Alex, and how the spurs-obsessed media egged on the signing in the first place, the papers never analyse and corrode his transfer policy, as they do to Rafa. But this was bad, bad business indeed.
Fergie himself effectively recognised this when speaking to the weekend press about Berba’s strengths, declaring, “he knows when a short, simple pass is the best option.” Indeed - but there are probably cheaper players one can find on Hackney Marshes who can do that.

2. The Premier League is no good:
“Liverpool’s thunderous victory over Manchester United was a cracking scrap but where was the class?” So said Martin Samuel no less in today’s Daily Mail.
And in truth, that has been emblematic of the entire Premier League season. The most influential player on the game yesterday was probably Lucas. Jamie Redknapp’s post-match dissection informed us United were missing Darren Fletcher - both of whom are simply players who run around a lot and neither of whom one would pay to watch.

3. Barcelona are the best team in Europe this year:
Poor old Jermaine Pennant. Having been thrown onto the scrapheap in England, here was his chance back in the limelight at Camp Nou. He used Friday to mouth off about Rafa to ensure maximum pre-match press coverage, and Sky spent the weekend filling our screens with his blabber about how happy he was that his friends and family back in Blighty will finally get the chance to watch him play
So here old Jermaine was, at Camp Nou against the best team in the world. On the telly. And how did it go?
In truth, so awesome were Barca that Pennant might as well have been watching at home with his family too. He hardly touched the ball.

4. Mark Hughes spent badly in the summer:
£38m hasn’t bought him a decent pair of centre-halfs. Close to £50m on Tevez and Santa Cruz has yielded precisely two goals. The heat is now on City, who were always going to be reliant on results and momentum to keep a happy ship sailing along. Three draws in a row may spell trouble for Hughes.

5. Steve Bruce always buys well:
Hughes’ former United colleague on the other hand, does seem to understand the transfer market. Add Hugo Rodallega to a list that already includes Palacios, Zaki and Valencia.

6. Spurs start to the season hasn’t been as good as everyone thinks:
Ignore the freak win against Liverpool, and their other five wins have come against the five worst clubs in the division. Against top opposition, they have been found out time and again.

7. Ashley Young is getting back to his best:
Ever since Martin O’Neill hailed him a genius for that goal against Everton, Ashley Young hasn’t quite been himself. Villa fans will point to the absence of a natural left back behind Young as a cause of this trouble, with Luke Young filling in on his wrong side instead. As a result of having a right-footer on that flank, the ball down the line in behind which Young thrives on, has been that less frequent.
But with Saturday’s MOTM, and natural left-footer Stephen Warnock now ensconced as the Villa left-back, Young has been slowly getting back to business. He provided both goals in the victory against Chelsea, and his flick in the build-up to the Villa goal on Saturday was what Martin O’Neill would certainly call “genius”.

8. Steve Sidwell remains a true mystery:
Aston Villa’s points average per game with Steve Sidwell on the field is close to 2 pts better off than when he doesn’t play, yet nothing he does on the pitch suggests a reason for this. On Saturday, he cannoned the ball into Richard Dunne’s arse (admittedly a large target) rather than into an empty net, and for good measure, gave away the decisive penalty too. Surely it’s time for O’Neill to swallow his pride, and give Nigel Reo-Coker another chance.

9. Small, skilful players can no longer cut it in the Premiership:
The Championship’s two star performers this weekend, were two youngsters for whom there was no place in the physical minefield of the Premier League. Adel Taarabt and Peter Whittingham were deemed surplus to requirements at Spurs and Villa respectively, and are flourishing now in the Premier League. thespoiler is sad that there is no place in the top flight for these nimble, quirky players whom fans tend to adore.

Roberto Carlos gets kissed, Jens Lehmann gets owned, and some Turks get angry

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:41:21 +0000

Coming to a computer near you

Ballboy nonchalantly plays tricks on Jens Lehmann, who surprisingly is not amused.
( 101gg )

Modern Turkish medicine at last recognises the kiss as a valid form of healing
( Dirty Tackle )

They take their warm-ups seriously in Turkey
( 101gg )

The real reason Boro opted for Strachan
( Off the Post )

And disciplinary hearings, Israeli-style
( 101gg )

Robert Earnshaw joins the nation in laughing at Arsenal

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:58:37 +0000

Twitter news

As West Ham’s equaliser hit the old onion bag yesterday evening, the great Robert Earnshaw told the nation:

“A large portion of apple CRUMBLE for arsenal.”

Incidentally, Robert Earnshaw is the answer to one of football’s most notorious quiz questions. If you think you know what it is, let us know below…

Stan Collymore limbers up for another clash with thespoiler

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:39:30 +0000

Once more unto the breach…

The above headline may have had you spluttering over your chocolate fingers at breakfast this morning, but that quite frankly, should teach you to buy the Daily Mirror. This site and Stanley Victor Collymore have what could be described as form, and yet again, our intense admiration for Collymore the player, has degenerated into scorn for Stan the pundit.

Let’s take a closer look at today’s thoughts:

The Premier League is considered by many to be the best league in the world but I think drastic reform is needed to keep it at the pinnacle.

In some of the finest Schools of Journalism, they teach that a good way to indicate you are about to waste a few minutes of your reader’s time, is to make the opening sentence nonsensical, thus hinting to the reader to go and do something else. Here Stan delivers, pointing out that the success of the Premier League (which lies in its top-to-bottom competitiveness) could only be maintained by ditching any competition outside of who wins the thing. It’s the equivalent of Terry Leahy advocating Tesco stop pushing the food element so much.

Turning now to the hub of Stan’s argument:

And there would be no promotion or relegation which would allow those teams to grow.

No it would not. After all, with no threat of relegation, why should any chairman or team outside the top three make any effort to win the league, or even to improve? Why should fans care or go anymore? If a team is 10 points clear at the top by November, what interest is there for the rest of the season?

It would make a pleasant change from watching some of the smaller clubs in the Premier League in recent times like Reading, Wigan and Bolton.

Perhaps. So why write in the same column, “So there is very much a place for Stoke City in the top-flight and I have enormous respect for their wily manager Pulis.” Having never won a league or FA Cup, it seems unlikely Stoke would be there as one of the, “biggest and most successful sides in modern history.”

Fans around the world want to see the huge games - not clashes involving clubs like Barnsley, Watford or Hull.

A bit like arguing, that because the Sun is the biggest selling newspaper, people only want to have that one paper in their newsagents. And that we should close down the Mirror. Hang on a sec actually…

The Football League would still function if you are a Wigan or a Notts County or a smaller club.

Well Notts County, as the oldest club in the country, would probably stake a claim to being one of the clubs who have ”contributed the most over the last 100 years.”
In addition, the point is untrue. The only thing that keeps all four divisions going, is the hope for even the smallest teams, that one day, they may mix it with the big boys. Stymie that hope, and there is nothing left. Fact.

There is little precedent in other sports for the system of meritocracy if you look at the NFL.

Ah, the NFL. Well Stan, take a look at the global tv audience for Liverpool vs Manchester United yesterday, and compare that to the American Football at Wembley. The Premier League wins by a distance - so we shall take no lessons from the NFL thanks.

No further questions your honour. And Stan, we’ll still never forget that goal against Atletico Madrid. Even after all this.

Hello October. Goodbye Ramos

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:24:07 +0000

Swept away with the leaves once more

Breaking news from Russia, and it appears thespoiler favourite Juande Ramos will yet again, to paraphrase Wyclef Jean, be “gone by November.” No stranger to the Spanish Archer, Ramos has now bade farewell to his 13th club. Ramos’ P45 from CSKA Moscow will appear in the post almost a year to the day since Daniel Levy sent him one printed on Tottenham Hotspur-headed notepaper.

Juande’s latest sacking followed a 3-1 defeat to FC Moscow at the weekend, a result that leaves CSKA struggling to make Champions League qualification with just four games remaining in the Russian season. A CSKA statement read:

“Following an agreement between all parties, CSKA have cancelled their contract with head coach Juande Ramos. We are very grateful to Juande Ramos for the work he has done with the team.”

Clearly very grateful. The Ramos career remains something of an enigma. He passed through a plethora of mediocre Spanish teams whilst making very little impact, before bandwagonning on the the transfer brilliance of Sevilla’s Sports Chief Monchi, to take the club to back-to-back UEFA Cups. His time at Spurs was a disaster, before relative success at Madrid. And now chaos at CSKA.

It appears Ramos does his best when in Spain, but once on his travels, he likes to sign large contracts, and then do his upmost to get the boot. His time at Spurs famously included starving his players on matchday, naming teams in the dressing room that included players who were suspended or out on loan, and trying to sign Jesus Navas, a player who gets chronically home-sick even on away trips within Spain.

Having failed to engage with the English language at White Hart Lane, did he ever truly expect to master Russian, a language composed of an entirely different alphabet and with many regional variant dialects? Or was Juande once more up to his old tricks?

Celebrate Arsene Wenger’s bday, see Rio do something well, and which footballer has a tattoo of his WAG on his arm?

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:36:02 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

“I did not see it” + 59 others. Step this way for Arsene Wenger’s best 60 quotes
( Football 365 )

Which Premier League footballer has a tattoo of his girlfriend on his arm?
( Who ate all the Pies )

Here comes the new Kinkladze. And guess what - Arsene is chasing him
( Caught Offside )

Watch Rio do what he does best - karaoke of course
( The Sun )

And guess what made Robbie Savage cry?
( Dirty Tackle )

Who should Chelsea sign in the January transfer window?

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:07:10 +0000

Because they can’t play Blackburn every week

Like a hospital patient on suicide watch, Chelsea won’t be allowed near the window any time soon. Yet despite thumping Blackburn Rovers on Saturday, Chelsea have confirmed that they will now appeal to the confusingly-ordered CAS (Court of Sport Arbitration,) over their year-long transfer ban. In so doing, the resultant delay ensures their ability to do business this January, but does risk an extension of the ban if the Court deem their appeal to lack foundation.

This risk demonstrates that Carlo Ancelotti has concluded that his team still need enforcing in January. Knowing his wallet may soon start to gather cobwebs, and needing to keep up with the Abu Dhabi crew up North, Roman Abramovic will be under big pressure to do some pretty heavy spending.

So who is Ancelotti eyeing? Goalkeepers will certainly be an area of interest, as might centre-half, due to the continuing problems of Petr Cech and Ricardo Carvalho respectively. The African Cup of Nations will certainly be in mind too, and hence backup for Drogba will be handy. Of course, the imminent transfer ban, that consequentially could even last beyond the original two windows should this appeal fail, will also be a factor. With a year of transfer famine potentially on its way, expect players to be hoarded like tamiflu in a house full of hypocondriacs, and possibly loaned back for six months, or even a year. Arrivals could hence be staggered like the conventional transfer window system, even were Chelsea to play no part in it.

Chelsea fans - who would you like to see arrive in January? Let us know below…

Stop looking so pleased with yourself Essien. This is a proper long-range effort

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 09:21:11 +0000

Thespoiler finally responds to demands to cover college soccer

World Cup 2018 update: Vote for us and you’ll get a handbag

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:02:00 +0000

‘Sporting bureaucrats in possible corruption’ shock

How easily can you be bought off? Tickets to the FA Cup Final? Sexual favours? How about a handbag? In the latest installment of the triumph that is the England 2018 World Cup bid, the FA have been criticised for bestowing handbags upon all 24 members of FIFA’s executive committee just for being members of FIFA’s executive committee.

Of course, the gifts served a higher purpose, that of representing the best of British handicraft, seemingly a vital element in any successful Jules Rimet bid. And at £230 a pop, one expects the handbags really do represent the high-end of British handicraft.

But don’t worry legal eagles, it’s all perfectly kosher. An England 2018 spokesman confirmed:

“FIFA have a set of guidelines for all bidders which includes direction on what constitutes an acceptable campaign gift. All our gifts are carefully chosen so as to be within both the spirit and letter of that law.”

Yet Shadow Culture Suit Hugh Robertson was less happy:

“I think it is a massive misjudgement particularly in the middle of an economic recession and a time when the bid is looking for public funds. In addition I think it’s very clumsy in public relations as it sends out entirely the wrong messages about England’s bid.”

In other positive news for the USA 2018 bid, Brian Deane has been named as one of the 50 official bid Ambassadors. The full list is after the jump…

(more…)

Liverpool supporters starved of common sense to stage their own Jarrow march on Sunday

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:30:22 +0000

We’re on the march with Rafa’s army

To the causal observer, a list of Liverpool’s troubles right now would probably begin with an unusually cruel injury list. Next would be their manager’s inability to purchase any useful players since Fernando Torres, and then a close third would be Rafa’s failure to produce a single young player of note since he arrived.

So no prizes for guessing what 10,000 Liverpool fans will be taking to the streets to whinge about on Sunday afternoon - the owners of course. “They haven’t built our new stadium” - although most fans want to stay at Anfield. “They don’t give Rafa enough money” - well they gave him £40m for Dossena, Keane, Babel and Riera so would you shell out any more in their position? “They must sell up now” - the Americans are trying their hardest to shift the club.

Still, why let a valid argument get in the way of a good afternoon’s whining up at Anfield? Walk on indeed…

Andrei Arshavin reveals: “I have to shell out to breathe!”

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:02:33 +0000

Don’t give Gordon any ideas

Whilst taxes on cigarettes, alcohol and even fatty foods are lapped up by meddling governments, a tax on that luxury item of air has yet to be announced by the men in suits. Someone must be pulling the wool over Andrei Arshavin’s eyes in that case given his recent comments:

“In domestic terms, I confess, it is difficult. They say that a foreigner only adapts to London after living there for a year, so I still have three months left! Here you have to pay every step of the way. Sometimes I have to shell out to breathe!”

Arshavin also managed to fund just enough oxygen to pant and gasp out one more thing.

“The most beautiful football isn’t here, but at Barcelona. But after them, perhaps Arsenal - we are probably missing two top players.”

Hmmm. Probably not money well spent there Andrei…

Which former England goalkeeper appeared on BNP Question Time last night?

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:12:13 +0000

Dave Beasant of course

34mins in on the iplayer for those who wish to see the former Chelsea keeper in action

Jermaine Pennant tells Benitez: “Give it a Rest”

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:03:24 +0000

Just what we need - another opinion on Rafa

Remember Jermaine Pennant? We here at thespoiler certainly do, mainly for classily proposing to his girlfriend in a graveyard. On the off chance you care, Jermaine now strolls around the touchline for Real Zaragoza in the lower echelons of la Liga.

Pennant turns 27 in January, and it may be fair to say that he hasn’t quite fulfilled the potential of his teenage years, when aged just 15, that fine dissector of young talent Arsene Wenger, splashed out £2m on the Notts County lad. But whose fault? Being a footballer, the answer is inevitably, not his own. These are his thoughts on Rafa:

“Liverpool have had some great strikers come and go - Robbie Keane is scoring goals at Tottenham, Peter Crouch is scoring now. It didn’t happen at Liverpool: it must be about how the manager relates to players, how the tactics are and how he restricts players. The coach plays a big part when you arrive at a new team. If he restricts you, it’s going to make you play differently.

When I was there, sometimes I would like to get the ball and not even beat the man, just put it straight in. And he would be shouting: ‘Go to the byline.’ He’d say it before the game and, if I had put a ball in early, as I was jogging back he’d be there gesturing for me to get to the byline. You think, ‘Give it a rest. Can I just play like this? Can’t I just express myself?’”

With his PR team suddenly awake and jolted upright, Pennant later clarified:

“I have no qualms or bad feelings about Rafa and I still love the club. He’s a great manager and there are times when he is a genius but sometimes his approach can take the best out of you.

The quotes seem fairly typical of a footballer with an axe to grind, exploiting the current sports news agenda. Let’s just hope for his fellow travellers, that Pennant isn’t at the wheel of this particular bandwagon.

Breaking News: Michael Owen out for the season

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 08:20:41 +0000

No, not that one. This one

Although one suspects it’s only a matter of time..

The best goal from all the Europa League action

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 08:10:30 +0000

Sorry Fulham fans…

Not many British centre-backs could do this. It was late, it was undeserved, but Marco Andreolli’s chest-volley combination was fitting of any occasion.

Managers’ style rated, Fergie’s food half-inched and Becks gets ready for Halloween

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:59:31 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Who is the trendiest of the sideline ranters? Clue - it’s not Martin O’Neill
( Unprofessional Foul )

A goal celebration more exciting than Alan Shearer’s
( 101gg )

Who confiscated Fergie’s chewing gum?
( Who ate all the Pies )

Daily Sceince - FIFA’s cunning new ruse to prevent cheats in junior football
( Off the Post )

And not content with living alongside a witch, Becks buys a pumpkin to prepare for Halloween
( Off the Post )

All hail the Liverpool Saviour

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:30:07 +0000

Aquilani, Aquilani, ole, ole, ole

Here he is folks. Alberto Aquilani, all £19m worth, finally pulled on a Liverpool shirt last night, in a reserve team outing against Sunderland. Never has a player had so much pressure piled on him before even pulling on a club’s jersey, as the Italian midfielder is expected to save Rafa, get the best out of Steven Gerrard, and be as good as Xabi Alonso.

Not that we expect Aquilani to be around for long. The injury-prone midfielder managed a colossal 102 appearances in seven seasons for Roma. Across the same time period, Steven Gerrard played 335 games for Liverpool.

Daily Competition: Guess the football autobiography 7

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:13:55 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

Patience is a virtue Mr MwepuLlunga. As is getting the right answer in this quiz. So congratulations to eltigreferoz, rehab polga now, Clysidious, Ziggy, Steph, Laura, for all correctly identifying the serial shtupper as George Best.

Today’s effort , in the ungoogleable competition that is keeping Peter / Jordan off the front pages, should separate the men from the boys. Who cleverly put these words one after the other?

Barry Fry was Birmingham’s manager at the time, and I also received a call from him. It went like this: “Mark. I’ve followed your career since your Northwich days. Come and show these c**ts how to pass a ball!!!”

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

New award for goalscorers - Michael Owen need not apply

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:54:44 +0000

FIFA ~~exploit~~ honour the dead

Thespoiler has always thought that there aren’t enough awards ceremonies these days. Young Hollyoaks actresses, American Presidents and Lionel Messi just don’t get enough love.

Sepp Blatter, being the wise man he is, agrees with us. Hence his unveiling this week of the FIFA Puskas award, a new prize to be awarded for the ‘finest goal of the year.’ The selection process for the winner of the award will take place on FIFA.com at the end of November. The ten best goals of the year, as selected by the FIFA Football Committee, will be available to view online and users will then be able to make their choice.

Something to look forward to then. In the meantime, what has been the ‘finest’ goal of 2009? Tell us below…

What did Darren Bent have for supper, pregnant WAGS and Danielle Lloyd

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:37:37 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

This Autumn’s WAG trend - pregnancy
( Kickette )

A Liverpool fan tells it how it is
( Caught Offside )

Ahead of Question Time tonight, here is Danielle Lloyd
( Big Smudge )

Maradona apologises to the ladies
( Eurosport )

Interested in what Darren Bent’s dinner looked like

Europa League. Still going apparently

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:47:34 +0000

The alternatives to watching a racist tonight

Heroin users regularly tell thespoiler, that following the intense euphoric rush as the drug first kicks in, comes a withdrawal period. Anxiety, depression, nausea and excessive yawning all follow in the next 24 hours. It’s easy to empathise on weeks like this.

The Champions League shows us a bit of leg on the Tuesday, even more on the Wednesday, but by Thursday, as the Europa League theme strikes up, the aforementioned symptoms are all too familiar.

At 6pm, two struggling sides meet on ITV4, as Lazio host Villareal, currently rock bottom of la Liga. At the same time on ESPN, Everton can continue their march towards the knock-out stages by taking care of former European giants Benfica.

At 8pm, three more matches to ignore in the competition that contains more groups than Simon Cowell’s record label. Martin Jol’s Ajax host Dinamo Zagreb, captained by former Liverpool scapegoat Igor Biscan. ITV4 are showing Celtic’s defeat at home to Hamburg whilst the match of the night is at the Cottage, where Roma come calling on Ch5. Feel free to insert your own Stan Collymore - Cottage related joke. Thespoiler never goes for the easy laugh.

For a better standard of football this evening, MUTV at 7 is the place to watch Manchester United Reserves tackle Blackburn’s second string

Eto’o tells Mourinho: “You don’t know what you’re doing”

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:14:17 +0000

This won’t end well…

One wouldn’t think Jose Mourinho takes criticism in his stride. Having called Arsene Wenger a ‘voyeur’ for offering some opinions on his Chelsea side, called affable Claudio Ranieri ‘old’ for questioning his special attitude, and told Carlo Ancelotti that he is, ‘ no friend of mine,’ after he softly questioned Inter’s style, the evidence seems fairly damning.

Enter Samuel Eto’o, who in the aftermath of Inter’s home draw with Kiev, decided to criticise Jose’s tactics:

“Things were much better in the second half with Suazo alongside me. It’s a mistake to go with one striker playing at home. We have to take more risks and have two players upfront.”

Can Jose risk dropping his main man? Or will he at last learn to tolerate a bit of criticism?

Isn’t the lack of Wi-Fi inside Stamford Bridge irritating?

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:54:13 +0000

Can Chelsea fans get any more middle class?

We all love a stereotype when it comes to football fans - The Kop love a minute’s silence, West Ham’s support are particularly fickle and the Arsenal faithful all bring their imacs to matches. Yet it doesn’t help to dissolve these unfair generalisations, when supporters play up to them, as ~~friend~~ former friend of thespoiler Tim Lovejoy, did last night.

Disappointed that he was unable to fully use his iphone at the Bridge during the Atletico match, Lovejoy went outside the ground to tweet:

iphone internet stuff doesn’t work at the home of football. How annoying is that?

Post-match, he further commented:

You would have thought Roman would have put free wi fi at the Home of football for all us Kings Road ponces to tweet when we’re winning!

Crap toilets? Awful food? Overpriced tickets? No, the real issue bothering football supporters is a dearth of wi-fi. It’s good to know the BBC hire football phone-in hosts so in touch with the average fan.

Happy birthday Arsene Wenger

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:34:07 +0000

Card is in the post

The cake will no doubt be slightly bitter, everyone will be buying him a pair of glasses for his birthday, and Arsene will no doubt be looking forward to his £200 winter fuel allowance. He can also benefit from free NHS perscriptions, and a nice, shiny, bus pass. But what do you want to give Arsene for his 60th? Leave your thoughts below..

Three things we learnt from last night’s Champions League

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 09:40:06 +0000

Pay attention at the back

1. England aren’t the only country with a dodgy keeper
Madrid - Milan was a terrific match, end-to-end and iced with a couple of wonderful goals. But there were also some dreadful goalkeeping on display, from two men who are in contention to be the custodians for two of the favourites to win in South Africa.
Iker Casillas had his worst game in a Madrid shirt for many years. Not only was he beaten by Andrea Pirlo’s 87 yard strike for the Milan equaliser, but he then made a terrific hash of a standard long ball, to allow the Duck to put the Rossoneri ahead.

2. Serie A is no longer the home of Catenaccio
Things aren’t what they used to be in Serie A. 17 goals in the four matches in which Italian sides were involved this week, shows that the days of tuning into Ch4, to watch Roma and Sampdoria pass the ball around the back four inside their own half, are well and truly over.

3. Frank Lampard needs a team built around him
Much flapping and excitement in today’s press, as the golden boy Frank Lampard returned to form last night with a goal and two assists against the awful Atletico. Less lauded however, was how Lamps was at his best due to once more having three midfielders screening him, allowing Frank effectively a free role. It’s this sort of indulgence that Lampard has become used to, and that Capello is trying to stamp out with England.
Steven Gerrard to a slightly lesser degree relies on the same indulgence - at his best in a free role with three midfielders in behind him. Many would argue the pair are so good, they are worth spoiling. Thespoiler isn’t so sure - Paul Scholes used to score 15 a season playing with just Roy Keane alongside him, let alone two others.

The best Champions League goal last night

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 08:35:50 +0000

Tres bon indeed

Bordeaux’s Michael Ciani had already sliced the ball into his own net to give Bayern an early lead, but twenty minutes later, the big centre half equalised with a Zola-esque flick from a corner. For more great back-heel goals, click here

Ever wanted to own a bit of footballer? Well now you can

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:51:48 +0000

Organs for sale

Fancy becoming a poor man’s Pini Zahavi? Well according to today’s Marca, the Spanish, in keeping with their reputation for economic endeavour and initiative, have devised a new method of player ownership, exactly what football needs right now.

Norwegian striker Daniel Førlandsås seems set to be the guinea pig for this experiment. Myfootballplayer, based in Santander, have snapped up the youngster, and are offering football supporters shares in the player, ahead of trials with la liga clubs. If he goes on to make it big, investors will share some of the transfer booty, as well as future signing-on fees.

The player himself said:

“I’m very proud that the fans can be made part of my rights and want to put their trust in me. I’ll take that as a responsibility and I have come to Spain to work hard and become an elite footballer.”

5% of the player should cost around €1000. So what are you waiting for? Get your trousers off and get involved!!
Beckham’s left foot? Ben Fosters hands? Joey Barton’s brain? Which is the most worthless bit of a footballer? Let us know below…

Daily Competition: Guess the football autobiography 6

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:18:24 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

After two days of sleepless nights, bribery and forensic combing of brains, thespoiler offers the heartiest of hearty congratulations to MwepuLlunga, for being the only entrant to correctly deduce that this exciting extract came from Steve Claridge’s second book, ‘Beyond the Boot Camp’.

We all quite frankly need a good night’s sleep, so today’s installment of the ungoogleable competition that ranked second on google trends yesterday, is slightly easier. Whose voice is this?

“A few nights later we went back with a couple of mates and word must have got round because almost overnight this little back-street pub became one of Manchester’s in-places. It helped that the Granada TV studios were close by because all the young actresses in town and the young hopefuls began staying there, which brightened the place up and offered me the chance of some new conquests.”

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

Is Hope Powell about to take Mike Newell’s job?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:05:31 +0000

Irony police urgently needed at Blundell Park

Women. They get everywhere these days. Just ask Mike Newell. Having seen a female assistant referee play her part in a Luton Town defeat to QPR back in November 2006, Newell ranted:

“She should not be here. I know that sounds sexist, but I am sexist, so I am not going to be anything other than that. We have a problem in this country with political correctness, and bringing women into the game is not the way to improve refereeing and officialdom.

It is absolutely beyond belief. It is bad enough with the incapable referees and linesmen we have, but if you start bringing in women, you have big problems.

This is not park football, so what are women doing here? It is tokenism, for the politically-correct idiots.”

So one can only imagine the silence at the Newell family breakfast table this morning, as he perused his Daily Mail (not one of those ubiquitous right-on digs - the story was genuinely a Mail exclusive.) The Mail revealed that one of the names in the frame to sit in the chair he’s just been booted out of is none other than England Women’s Coach, Hope Powell. A bona fide woman.

Powell had a good summer, guiding England Ladies to a creditable runners-up spot in the recent European Championship. It goes without saying, Hope Powell would be the first female to manage in the mens’ professional game. But what would you think if your club hired a lady gaffer? Fancy swapping Rafa for Rafaella? Carlo for Carla? Let us know below…

More Cristiano Ronaldo curse shenanigans, why are our EURO 96 team all such bad managers, and laugh at a referee falling over

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:37:43 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Just who is responsible for Ronaldo’s recent run of injuries
( Dirty Tackle )

Shearer, Ince, Adams and now Southgate - just why are Venables’ EURO ‘96 side such poor managers?
( Daily Mail )

Did you spot the referee missing Lyon’s equaliser last night? The legends at 101gg did

Arsenal 04 vs Arsenal 09 - how do they compare?
( Daily Telegraph )

The week’s football in review from the lovely fellas at Interestment

New Video Footage: Sir Alex storms out of Press Conference

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:18:09 +0000

This one does exactly what it says on the tin

Sepp Blatter to go on and on

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:59:34 +0000

“I have not finished my mission”

Democracy is a fragile thing. On the one hand, giving the people a say on who runs their affairs, often leads to a greater engagement with public affairs, and greater scrutiny of the legislature. On the other, it gives free rein to all sorts of maniacs, who can simply respond, “I was chosen by my people,” at the first hint of any criticism. And so to Joseph ‘Sepp’ Blatter, elected man of football. Kind of.

Lest we forget, the Observer newspaper reported back in 1998, how bundles of cash replaced the traditional manifesto as Blatter’s electoral weapon back in 1998. In 2002, the head of the Somalian Football Association revealed how he was offered £100,000 to vote Blatter in that year’s poll. Three years ago, Sepp was conveniently elected unopposed.

So to celebrate another imminent triumph of FIFA democracy, after the jump are four of Joseph Blatter’s finest moments, one for each year he wishes to be re-elected for.

(more…)

ITV miss a trick by not screening Madrid vs Milan

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:15:23 +0000

Who really wants to watch Chelsea win 1-0?

Another eight matches for your consumption this evening, although at least CSKA Moscow and Manchester United (5:30pm SS2) have the decency to kick off a little earlier for us armchair fans.

At 7:45, the two most successful clubs in European Cup history meet for the first time in almost seven years. Many expect Madrid to absolutely tank Milan, whilst in the other Group B fixture, Marseille will be collecting some Toblerone, and probably three points in Zurich.

Elsewhere, Besiktas go to Wolfsburg, whilst victory for Bordeaux at home to Bayern, could mean big trouble for Juventus, who themselves are at home to whipping boys Maccabi Haifa tonight.

For those without Sky Sports, Chelsea - Atletico is on ITV1 at 7:30, whilst the other Group D game tonight, Porto vs APOEL, should go largely unwatched.

As ever, predictions below…

UPDATE: Thespoiler has just been reminded that this year’s Champions League final is on a Saturday. Thank goodness Simon Cowell is usually on his holidays by then, or we may be looking forward to the first ever ITV2 Champions League final.

Updated: 3 things we learnt from last night’s football. Now with added poll

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 09:38:50 +0000

Champions League and Championship-related schooling

1. Rafa has failed to think of the children
Whilst continual whinging about lack of funds has earned him an undeserved amount of sympathy, Rafa Benitez’s failure to bring through a single young player of any note during his five years at Anfield is pretty damning. Both United and Arsenal have a number of young players who have been developed through the clubs’ feeder teams (albeit often poaching them from other clubs in their late teens.) Yet Rafa, despite booting out Steve Heighway as Youth Development Manager and replacing him with err…himself, has merely signed dud after dud after dud, whilst ignoring local, young players entirely.
That, and not lack of funds, is why the Liverpool squad is so poor, and their bench so shallow.

Rafa: Stay or go?(polls)

2. Platini may have been right
Last night was possibly the best evening of Champions League football in a while, and much of it down to the tinkering Michel Platini made to qualification in the summer. Rubin Kazan, Unirea Urziceni and Dinamo Kiev all received direct passes into the group stage this year whilst Debrecen had a far easier time of qualifying into the Champions League proper, due to Platini’s ruse of pairing seeds.
After a slow start, it’s shaping up to be the best Champions Leaue group stage for a while, and were Inter, Liverpool and Milan to fall at the first hurdle, Platini would be a vindicated man.

3. Winning isn’t always a good idea
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it Gareth.

What did you learn last night? Tell us below

Southgate and Middlesbrough in unmutual termination

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 09:12:12 +0000

You’re next Rafa

Fresh from the confusion and turmoil of winning a match, Middlesbrough chairman Steve Gibson obviously felt a little trigger-happy this morning. A statement on the club’s website said the following:

MIDDLESBROUGH FC have tonight announced that manager Gareth Southgate has been relieved of his position with immediate effect. Football consultant Alan Smith will also be leaving the club as part of the change.

Chairman Steve Gibson said: “This has been the most difficult decision I’ve had to make in all the time I’ve been in football. Gareth has given Middlesbrough Football Club magnificent service as a skipper and, in very difficult circumstances, as manager.”

thespoiler would quite like to know what a football consultant does, and how we can become one. But the big question remains, what is Steve Gibson playing at? The most patient of chairmen has finally snapped, yet after a convincing victory.

Boro fans, thoughts below please…

Tuesday evening’s best Champions League goal

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 08:48:39 +0000

Delgado’s was the funniest, but this one was the best

The word unstoppable is much overused in the footballing vernacular, but Aleksandr Ryazantsev’s rocket for Rubin Kazan to open the scoring at Camp Nou last night, probably fits the bill. Victor Valdes had plenty of time to scramble across, but even then the ball comfortably eluded him. We’ve also included Ibra’s brilliantly taken equaliser and the winner. Because we’re those kind of people.

Which is better - a beachball or Michael Owen?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:34:04 +0000

Battle of the hotshots

So if there is one space on the plane to South Africa in eight months time, what should we fill it with? One-goal beachball or two-goal Michael James Owen? You decide…

Beckham fighting, Gazza headbutting and Peter Crouch completely pissed. Its an ‘England footballers misbehaving in public’ special

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:09:30 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

England star gets hand put in his face, and then gets angry
( 101gg )

England star gets barred from club, and then gets headbutty
( The Sun )

England star gets three points at Portsmouth, and then gets very drunk
( Daily Mail )

Birmingham City star (not quite the same) is banned from a nightclub
( Dirty Tackle )

And now for something completely different. Have you ever wanted an index of all rude player names? Are you really that juvenile? Ah, ok. Midfielddynamo have helpfully compiled one.

Domenech: Ireland are like the England B team

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:03:30 +0000

Oh dear

Never one to shy away from a faux pas (or its French equivalent…), French clown and part-time boss Raymond Domenech has today declared the following:

“The advantage is that everyone knows them. They are a sort of England B side. They all play in the English league so all our players know them: some of our players play alongside them, while others against them. There will be no surprises. We know what to expect and we know what we have to do.”

If ever there is a nation not to confuse with England, it’s probably the Irish, not a group who by and large, take their nationalist separatism lightly. But it does raise the question, are Ireland actually the England B team? Would anyone bar Shay Given get a game for Capello’s men? Leave us your thoughts below…

Italian Banner of the Season…

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:15:36 +0000

…is ‘Thank Goodness we are drunk’ apparently

The tifosi (oooh, get us) banner has long been a mainstay of Italian football culture, along with flairs and female presenters who aren’t necessarily on television due to their knowledge of the Bari back-line. Such banners have been employed for sinister purposes down the years, as the fascist-leaning clubs use them to ill-effect. Lazio even received a one match ban back in 2001, when their ultras held up a banner aimed at Roma supporters proclaiming, ‘Team of Blacks, stand of Jews.’

More happily, the annual Sandro Ciotti award has just been allocated to Torino fan Eleonora Ingrassia, for the banner he displayed (above) throughout Torino’s relegation campaign, loosely translated as:

Thank goodness we are drunk

To read the next best three, click below

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Daily Competition: Guess the football autobiography 5

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:59:13 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

A gentle teaser for the weekend led to correct answers from Sam Dale, Bigshow, Alvin Chang, Teshner, Dark Knight, Mizman, Q, Perdo Jardim, Stephie and MwepuLlunga, who all guessed that this extract was from Ryan Giggs’ autobiography. Goodie bags have been emailed to one and all.

Today’s entry of the ungoogleable competition that is the watercooler topic of conversation at every office in the country, can be found below. Who used some crayolas to write the following:

The one I have had trouble understanding is, ‘you fat bastard.’ I have always been among the leanest of specimens. Perhaps I have looked a bit blobby sometimes in midwinter down the years because I have to wear several T-shirts under my shirt. I feel the cold so badly, due to having an under-active thyroid gland as a result of taking pills for that heart defect I was diagnosed with when I was a teenager.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

UPDATE - No correct answer thus far so we have our first rollover. Two pats on the back on offer therefore, if anyone can spot the winner. Today’s clue, is that it is the author’s second book, and this one focuses more on his brief managerial career to date.

Should ESPN be paying Kevin Keegan for his thoughts?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:23:25 +0000

Former England boss not best-placed to provide half-time analysis

Tuning in to watch Fulham vs Hull City last night, thespoiler was relieved not to be forcefed the thoughts of Kevin Keegan, who ESPN have wheeled out for some of their bigger matches this season. After all, Keegan’s own brand of half-time chat isn’t exactly earth-shattering, as an international footballer friend of thespoiler once revealed.

Despite starting with a victory over Poland, Keegan soon ran into trouble, and the side were being held 0-0 after 45 minutes at home to Sweden, in a match they had to win to secure qualification. The players entered the dressing room in expectant silence, in search of some tactical nuance, or perhaps the famous Keegan inspiration that would guide them through the second half, and towards EURO 2000.

Instead however, they were told by the gaffer, “I don’t need to tell you what to do. You’re all top, top international footballers. Just get out there and play. You are all top players who know the game.”

Inspirational mind games perhaps. But when the side were being held in Bulgaria at half-time a few months later, and then trailing at the break to Scotland in the play-offs soon after, Keegan’s repetition of this mantra began to wear thin.

Up popped the hand of a particularly brave player, “Boss - clearly we do need to be told what to do, as we keep finding ourselves in these effing messes.”

Man City are still tracking Ribery, Arsenal are still poaching 16 yr olds and Spurs are still signing right backs

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:50:39 +0000

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Frank Ribery to Manchester City
Ribery was keen to leave Germany in the summer, but Manchester United swallowed hard and balked at the price tag. The owners of Manchester City by contrast, don’t balk at much, and could no doubt find a spare shekel or two down the back of the couch to pass on to Bayern. Robinho’s replacement in January perhaps?

Thespoiler truth-ometer: If Bayern get out of their qualifying group, Ribery would be unlikely to walk out on a Champions League campaign. Having kept his powder dry, the French hunk is surely most likely to wait an extra few months, and attempt to engineer a move to one of Europe’s biggest clubs.

Romelu Lakuku to Arsenal
This 16 yr old striker has been keeping Tony Adams off the streets of late, with the ex Arsenal skipper being dispatched to spy on the Anderlecht striker. (Thanks to Caughtoffside for bringing the link to our attention)

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Given Adams’ scouting reports back to Wenger regarding Thomas Vermaelen (”I think Thomas is a very good player but I don’t think he’s ready for the Arsenal,”) and Emmanuel Adebayor (”Adebayor was playing for Monaco against Lille and he said what do you think of the left winger and I actually said no!”), it’s unlikely the Arsenal boss would send Big Tone to watch anyone he wanted to sign. It might be a decoy.

Vadis Odjidja to Tottenham
Premier League commentators everywhere will be praying this transfer doesn’t go through, but today’s Sun reveals Spurs are monitoring the 20yr old from Brugge. Odjidja can play anywhere across the back line or midfield, so should be a suitable replacement for any of Spurs’ injury-prone defenders / midfielders.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: A signing more in tune with the imaginative Comoli regime, rather than Harry’s transfer plan of just bringing back old Spurs players or anyone managed by Willie McKay. The Current Bun quote Odjidja simply as saying, “I cannot rule anything out,” which is simply the Sun saying, “We need to fill some space here. Anyone got a quote?”

No stretcher? Here’s one we knocked up earlier

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:49:50 +0000

Injured player quite literally shown the door.

Next time you read a traditional NHS scare story about patients being left to die on trolleys, spare a thought for the Spanish third division footballer, for whom a trolley would mark a significant step-up from the typical form of transport. Here is some tremendous initiative from the weekend fixture between Extremadura and Badajoz.

Good news - Champions League Tuesday is back. And this time its quite interesting

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:35:00 +0000

Watch the end of the Rafalution in lovely HD

Eight games across Europe on the gogglebox this evening, but surely none as critical as Liverpool’s home match with Lyon. Having finished third in le Championnat last season, OL are certainly are not the force they once were back in the days of Juninho, Florent Malouda and Michael Essien. Nevertheless they should have more than enough to trouble Liverpool’s back-line, with Lisandro Lopez (pictured) a particular threat. In the other Group E match, Fiorentina should just about see off Debrecen.

Home wins at the ready for Barcelona (Rubin Kazan) and Inter Milan (Dinamo Kiev) in Group F tonight, whilst Rangers must beat Unirea Urziceni to sustain their interest, at least for a few more weeks. Stuttgart vs Sevilla in that same group, should be a comfortable away win, leaving the Reds coach Markus Babbel in even more toil and trouble.

If you like to watch your contests unbalanced, whilst all the time being patronisingly told what great football you’re watching, AZ Alkmaar vs Arsenal is on Sky Sports Xtra. Olympiacos vs Standard Liege, the very definition of making up the numbers, is the final match of the night.

Has Rafa Benitez gone soft?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 08:48:37 +0000

Why so coy Mr Benitez?

There were occasions last season, when it was impossible to open a newspaper or turn on a televison, and not be confronted with Rafa Benitez chatting about something or other. He was the footballing equivalent of Paul Ross on one of those ‘100 greatest’ Ch4 shows - ubiquitous, ill-informed, irritating.

Yet given the opportunity to rant about a genuine misjustice, a winning goal against his side that should never have been allowed, Rafa instead has remained calm. Speaking about the beachball goal in his press conference yesterday, Rafa said:

“I don’t know if the referee didn’t know, maybe he couldn’t see. Anyway, I think that is better to move on. I think the referees and Keith Hackett know that a mistake has been made but I do not want to criticise. He is a young referee and there are not too many referees around the world so if you have someone who has a passion and wants to be a good referee then the best thing to do is to just move on.”

Ok, very admirable and dignified. Best not to criticise referees as they are only tryng their hardest. Does this apply to Phil Dowd too Rafa?

“I think everyone could see there was a penalty, especially to Voronin, it was so clear. The third one, you could excuse. You can say that the hand was to the ball or the ball was to the hand, it could be, but the other one was so clear, it was unbelievable.

Can you get two penalties at an away ground? No. With this referee, I knew that this was impossible.”

Ah. Could the new Rafa have anything to do with being warned as to his future conduct by the FA last Tuesday? thespoiler thinks it might….

A tremendous goal celebration, Maradona tells you what he thinks, and Fabio Cannavaro’s biggest asset

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:40:40 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Never one for subtlely, Diego gestures to journalists, what they can do him
( Dirty Tackle )

Fabio Cannavaro has a lot going for him
( Kickette )

Who really threw that beachball on the pitch?
( Who are all the pies )

Marca bring you one of the goal celebrations of the weekend

And how bothered are you about your right2bet?

Oh no! It’s Ireland vs France. World Cup Qualifying news

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:05:23 +0000

Blatter is warming the balls as we speak

Republic of Ireland vs France

Portugal vs Bosnia

Greece vs Ukraine

Russia vs Slovenia

Thespoiler is nothing if not topical. Hence we’re bringing you live coverage of the play-off draw for the European Qualifiers. Matches will be played on the 14th and 18th of November - countries listed first are at home

Let us know your thoughts straight away below..

Ever wondered where Gabriel Agbonlahor gets his ferocious brainpower from?

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:45:52 +0000

Wonder no longer

In today’s feel-good story of the year, it emerges that Gabriel Agbonlahor has finally been reunited with his mother after a twenty year absence. More revelatory in the Sun’s article however, is the news that the Villa frontman’s father is in fact an eminent scientist, none other than allergist Dr Samson Agbonlahor (BSc,MSc,PhD,CEng,MIM,MICorr.)

A reminder that the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree can be found below:

Nine things we learnt from the Weekend’s Football

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:31:26 +0000

Because ten would be one too many

It’s not just Chelsea who can’t defend crosses:
Lost amidst the great excitement of Villa’s two goals on Saturday, was the fact that Arsenal conceded a pathetic goal from a cross, and Manchester United seemed puzzled every time the ball arrived in the air too. Add to this Liverpool conceding 75% of their goals from set pieces, and it is clear that when the punditocracy talk of big four vulnerability, the aerial ball is where they are at their most brittle.
The era of Carragher, Rio and Terry being a class above is clearly coming to an end, and whilst managers scuttle around for their replacements, the lesser teams are taking advantage.

The best-paid referees in the world don’t know the rules:
Last week their fitness was called into question; this week their knowledge of the rules. There are only 17 laws in football, and the small booklet weighs in at less than 50 pages, so one would hope a professional referee could manage to skim through it in their spare time. But of the four officials on call at the S of L on Saturday, none of them knew that Bent’s goal should not have stood.

Arsenal have made the best start in Premier League history:
27 goals in their first eight matches is more than any other side has managed since 1992. Crazily, most people still don’t consider them genuine title contenders.

Everton’s season is all about the Europa League:
In the past two seasons, Everton’s reliability against the lesser sides was a major factor in their successive top five finishes, particularly when contrasted to their struggles against the four above. With the Man City millions ripping Lescott off him, perhaps Moyes realised that in the league, Everton had gone as far as they realistically could. By placing all his eggs in the basket marked Europa League, silverware could be on the horizon.

Manchester City aren’t ready for the title yet:
In their two most recent away fixtures, City have equalised early in the second half, only to sit back and settle for the draw. It’s hard to imagine United or Arsenal at their pomp, content to draw at either Villa Park or the DW. Mark Hughes’ biggest challenge is to change the City mindset to that of a truly big club.

England’s number one isn’t even United’s number two:
Having declared earlier in the season, “I have said it before and I will say it again, there is no question in my mind that he will be England’s goalkeeper. There is nobody better. I am absolutely convinced of that,” Sir Alex has since decided Tomasz Kuszczak is better to name but one.
It is no exaggeration to say it is possible Foster will never again play for United. Fergie has shown in the past how ruthless he can be with goalkeepers - just ask Massimo Taibi.

The Welsh get ignored:
Such is the media’s obsession with the English untouchables of Lampard, Gerrard, Rooney etc, that their attention can only be elicited away by a glamorous foreigner, a Drogba, Torres or Fabregas. But if you’re Welsh or Scottish, you might as well not exist to the majority of football writers.
Darren Fletcher has been criminally under-rated for many years, as has the brilliant Craig Bellamy. James Collins has been a revelation since he joined Aston Villa, whilst West Ham’s defence has suffered without him carrying England star Matt Upson. Yet his MOTM performance on Saturday is treated as a one-off, as if he has suddenly appeared from nowhere.

Inter are a real threat this season:
Their dismantling of Genoa on Saturday night showed that when it comes to pace and power, Inter can now compete with Premier League sides, unlike previous years.

The Championship is really poor:
Three awful teams from last year are in the top four, and Middlesbrough even managed to lose at home to Watford this weekend. Message from Scudamore- “please stop sending us up such dross!”

What did you learn from the weekend - tell us below…

ESPN lure the American audience with Fulham vs Hull

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:48:51 +0000

For those who don’t care much for Panorama

If tonight’s Panorama, promising a gritty investigation into life on a Bristol estate, doesn’t appeal, some even grittier action is available on ESPN this evening. Hull did the double over Fulham last season, so Hodgson’s men will be hoping to take a tentative step on the recovery road back from such shame, by dealing with the Tigers tonight.

Sky Sports 1 at 7:30 is the place to be if you like your Premier League nostalgia, as Leeds host Norwich. Whilst for those curious to see how the younger members of Chelsea squad can defend the dead ball, Chelsea TV at 7 is the place to watch Chelsea Reserves vs West Ham reserves.

How Darren Bent spent Sunday

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:27:14 +0000

Updates from important people

Morning peeps I might go to the beach today lol ha ha

Goals of the weekend

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:39:47 +0000

The ones you haven’t seen yet.

Cagliari’s Daniele Dessena, on loan from Sampdoria, shows once more why he is one of the brightest young things in Italian football right now, with this overhead kick against Catania.

John Goosens started his professional career with Ajax, where the famous academy obviously taught him to do things like this.

We here at thespoiler can never get enough of goalkeepers scoring goals, so we loved this one from the Portugese Cup.

Inter’s splattering of Genoa on Saturday night was unquestionably the performance of the weekend in Europe, and Dejan Stankovic’s long-range effort, probably the goal of the weekend in Europe.

Daily Competition: Guess the football autobiography 4

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:47:17 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

A powerful but not too violent pat on the back to all our entrants in yesterday’s competition. Alvin Chang, Mike the Handsome One Ruddick, Dark Knight (still 100%) and MwepuLlunga all correctly guessed that this extract was Bobby Charlton. Another easy one today, before we raise the bar a bit next week.

Today’s entry of the ungoogleable competition that like Kevin Pietersen, is slog sweeping the nation, can be found below. Who poured their heart out in such a manner?

Downstairs it was bedlam. The gaffer threw everyone out - some of them our non-footballing mates and girls who were nothing to do with him. But he was a man on a mission. Unstoppable. “Go on, get out. Out” he shouted. “Go home! This is no f**king party house. Three young apprentices who were getting ready to go out, hid in the wardrobes and never got caught. They were still there when, with everyone else gone, the gaffer came downstairs and sat me on the settee with Lee opposite and absolutely slaughtered him, just ripped him to shreds. He was so angry I really thought he was going to hit Lee. He was shouting in his face, poking him in the chest, “You’re an absolute disgrace. You’ve done it this time. You’re out of this house and going back into digs. You can’t be trusted to live on your own because you’ve no self control.” He’d been in trouble before, but this was my first scrape and I was shitting myself.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in Monday’s installment.

Breaking News: Important Pronouncement from Shakira

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:41:26 +0000

Just don’t confuse her breasts for mountains

Colombia’s second favourite export has just told the Guardian:

“Life is a soccer field, don’t you think?”

Unfortunately, no further explanation was forthcoming from Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll. So come on spoiler readers, what did she mean? Leave your thoughts below…

Aston Villa - Chelsea, Genoa - Inter Milan, Valencia - Barca. And thats just Saturday

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:30:13 +0000

The weekend’s football on your plasma

With all the important European leagues now in full swing, the weekend offers a fabulous few hours viewing for those who don’t want to watch the X Factor exploit the tragic death of a young man. Here are the highlights:

England:
If you’re still dripping from the Machester derby last month, the U18s battle it out on MUTV 10:45 Saturday morning. Once wide awake, watch Aston Villa beat Chelsea on Sky Sports 1 (12:30), whilst at 5:30, the same channel screens Nottingham Forest vs Newcastle United, a Premiership match in all but quality.
Sunday’s Sky offering sees the first top-flight East Lancs derby for forty years followed by Wigan Athletic vs Manchester City, a match Mark Hughes’ men lost at a similar time last season. This time, they will expect to do better. £150m better in fact.

Scotland:
Its St Johnstone vs Rangers on ESPN at midday Saturday. Rangers will win. Go and spend the time doing something else.

Germany:
The biggest match of the weekend is in the Bundesliga, where the top two clash in the Nordbank Arena. 5:30 Saturday on ESPN to watch the last two unbeaten clubs in the Bundesliga.
Sunday’s match may be slightly less easy on the eye, as Borussia Dortmund host Bochum (ESPN 4:30).

Italy:
ESPN are bringing us three decent matches from Serie A this weekend, starting at 7:45 on Saturday with Genoa vs Inter Milan. The two highest-scoring sides in the league should be well worth watching.
The day of rest is unlikely to be too restful for whoever presents the Italian football on ESPN. At 2pm, Lazio meet early league leaders Sampdoria, and at 7:45, struggling Milan will probably continue to struggle at San Siro against Roma.

Spain:
Three matches from la Liga too. The game of the weekend in Spain sees Valencia host Barcelona at 9pm Saturday night on Sky Sports 2.
Sunday’s double bill sees Athletic Bilbao face Sporting Gijon at 6pm, followed immediately by Osasuna vs Atletico Madrid, both on Sky Sports 1.

Russia:
With one third of all clubs in the Russian Premier League hailing from Moscow, you never have to wait too long for a Moscovite derby. On Sunday morning, ESPN at 11 is the place to be for Spartak vs Locomotiv.

Sixy Time - Six best Premier League derby matches

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 11:43:56 +0000

Fights, Camera, Action

If you’re not a fan of physical violence, it may be wise to avoid East Lancashire this weekend. Sunday sees the first top-division derby between Burnley and Blackburn since New Years Day 1966, and a bit of tear-up is sadly inevitable.

To get you in the mood, thespoiler lists its six favourite Premier League derbies of all time. Clicking ‘Read More’ should do the trick…

(more…)

U20 World Cup Final - Earth not expected to leave axis.

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 09:10:37 +0000

Ghana v Brazil final a dress rehearsal for S.Africa next year?

We here at thespoiler have a hunch. It is a well-known fact that Brazil are the only nation to have won the World Cup outside of their own continent, which makes a Samba triumph next summer a strong possibility. In a related stat, there is also the adage that home nations always travel further than expected. The flaw in the upcoming World Cup however, is that South Africa are dreadful.

Another African side though, may take advantage of the waves of enthusiasm that should sweep the continent in June. Ghana, with Michael Essien, Sulley Muntari and Kwadwo Asamoah to name but three, could well be that nation.

So tonight’s U20 World Cup Final (7pm Eurosport) may be viewed as a sign of things to come - we’re tipping a Ghana vs Brazil World Cup final next summer. And if that isn’t enough incentive to watch, it’s a chance to check out tournament top scorer, Dominic Adiyiah, coming to a Premier League club near you soon.

For those who can’t find the remote control, the 3rd/4th place play-off between Costa Rica and Hungary is on earlier at 4pm.

Do you ever wish it was still 1999? John Gregory does

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 08:18:38 +0000

“Look at me. I used to be a manager.”

‘Moving on.’ Be it from a job, a relationship, or the death of a loved one, psychologists around the globe earn their corn by encouraging clients to put the past to bed, and move on to a fresh challenge.

In unrelated news, a good friend of thespoiler recently spotted former Aston Villa boss John Charles Gregory having dinner at the Palm Beach casino, (in London’s Mayfair for those who live outside the M25.) Coincidentally, he also spied a vehicle parked outside the swanky venue, with the number plate ‘V1LLA.’ Back to the couch Mr Gregory.

Jose has a go at Rafa & Arsene

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 07:56:38 +0000

Is the Special One honing his act to replace Fergie?

Inter Milan will almost certainly win Serie A this season. Their two biggest rivals, Milan and Juve, are both managed by men who before August, had taken charge of a hefty zero matches in their managerial careers. The challenge should come from Sampdoria, Fiorentina and Genoa, none of whom are likely to have the staying power or experience for a long Serie A season.

Yet since Calciopoli, Inter always win the title. Its like being named the tallest dwarf. So Jose must do better to keep his job, and that means the Champions League, which Inter have started badly by drawing their first two matches. If Mourinho is fired at the end of the season, he will be casting his manly eyes to Old Trafford, where Sir Alex may soon be vacating the throne.

And what better way to ingratiate himself with the United faithful than having a pop at the bête noire of choice, Rafa Benitez, and the 2005 version, Arsene Wenger. Mourinho commented yesterday when asked if he feels pressure at San Siro:

“[Arsene] Wenger has been Arsenal’s coach for 15 years but he hasn’t won even a Carling Cup for six years. [Rafa] Benitez hasn’t won a league title in six years but they continue to keep him as Liverpool’s coach.

This is not the Italian mentality. To stay here I must continue winning and do well.”

Good work Jose - we miss you.

Burnley star Clarke Carlisle speaks exclusively to theSpoiler

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 07:19:23 +0000

A real footballer wants to be our friend and talk to us

thespoiler was more than delighted to be offered the chance to natter away with one of the Premier League’s in-form centre-backs, Clarke Carlisle. The former England U21 defender was promoting FIFA 2010 and told us he was a big fan of the new edition:

I’ve got my man-space in the garage at home, and love to play a bit of FIFA when I need a quick break from family life.

Being a perceptive little website, thespoiler asked Clarke why things had started so much better at Burnley, than they did for the Watford side he was promoted with back in 2006:

Its a different type of play. We at Watford were very direct, and had two of three lads upfront who could capitalise on the second ball. Here at Burnley we have a Plan A, Plan B and a Plan C. Watford didn’t have that Plan B, and we ultimately had to work hard on it in training, with a group of players who were made for another style.

Having already faced Man United, Everton, Chelsea and Liverpool, Carlisle is perfectly placed to name his toughest opponent:

“Didier Drogba is the best player I have ever come up against. He’s skilful, can manipulate the ball, has such a low centre of gravity for a big guy, is good in the air and quick. He’ll ask so many questions of you in the course of a game.”

During our chat, Clarke tossed in words including ‘palpable’, ‘articulate’, and ‘epitomise’, hardly the standard after-match thoughts of a Premier League footballer. Indeed, Carlisle was recently named the most intelligent footballer in the country so he seemed a good person to put the charge to, that his fellow professionals are all idiots:

The stereotype of the stupid footballer could not be further from the truth. There is plenty of intellect in the changing rooms at football.

But then he went and spoiled it all by answering ‘Alan Brazil’ to the question of whether he is in fact the best footballer with a city for a surname…

Clarke Carlisle is a top man, and FIFA 2010 is available on all formats from places where you can buy things

Daily Competition: Guess the football autobiography 3

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 23:35:04 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

The Dark Knight kept up his 100% record yesterday, by correctly spotting that Wednesday’s extract was from Pele: the autobiography, one of five Edison Arantes do Nascimento has written down the years. But as Chelsea found out recently at Wigan, 100% records are there to be broken.

Today’s entry of the ungoogleable competition that like swine flu, is sweeping the nation, can be found below. Who may have said something along these lines to their ghost writer?

It wasn’t really a shop, more a kiosk beside the hotel reception desk, and I had the idea that I might buy a piece of jewellery for Norma. I would have made a wider investigation of shopping possibilities if we hadn’t been warned to be careful about leaving the hotel because there was so much random violence and thievery on the streets of Bogota. We were advised that if we did go out, the pavements were packed with peddlars, and we were told, pickpockets, so it should never be with fewer then three companions.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

Breaking News: Robinho is heading to Barca

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:10:17 +0000

You heard it here first. Kind of

The biggest television station in Catalunia no less, is reporting that Barcelona will sign Manchester City passenger Robinho in January. TV3 are tonight reporting Barcelona have confirmed to their sources, that the Brazilian will join the European Cup holders on loan for six months, with a permanent deal to be discussed after the World Cup.

So if you like your stepovers, you know where to go in 2010.

3 things we learnt from last night’s football

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:01:19 +0000

Better late than never

1. England have a good first XI. Spain have a very good squad

Starting last night’s match in Bosnia without Ramos, Xavi, Torres or Villa, Spain still smashed five past a side who were unbeaten at home in Group Five. By contrast, England laboured, and were outpossessed for swathes of the match against Belarus.
Critical injuries and suspensions in previous tournaments have often put paid to England’s chances. In 2006, the Italian XI who beat France contained four changes from their opening match against Ghana. Could England survive four players missing from their first choice line-up?

2. Beckham’s MOTM award says more about Lennon et al, than it does about Steve Bruce

National outrage, complaints to OFCOM, even Fabio Capello seemed mildly amused at Steve Bruce’s selection of David Beckham as Man of the Match last night. But there can be no doubt that the right side flourished when Becks came on, and all of a sudden England looked a threat from both flanks, rather than just the left.
Bentley, Walcott, Lennon - all have tried to displace Becks since Steve McLaren tried to axe him back in 2006. Yet over three years later, only the bearded one looks certain to make England’s world cup squad next summer.

3. Maybe it does all even itself out Brian

Cut to any professionally dull football pundit in the aftermath of a shocking refereeing decision or late equaliser, and they will, having mulled it over for a little while, cerebrally conclude that, “at the end of the day, it all evens itself out.” And events in Washington last night, appear for once to vindicate this viewpoint.
Having scored an added time equaliser during their CONCACAF Gold Cup semi-final against Mexico this summer, the ‘Ricans’ were undone by Jonathan Bornstein’s 95th minute header for the United States last night, which sent Honduras to South Africa, and Costa Rica to Uruguay.
Or U R Gay as Homer Simpson famously misread it.

Welcome Baby Berba to the world, have you seen the Falkirk mascot’s head, and Rio’s mag Issue 3

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:41:39 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Bouncing Baby Berba born
( novinite )

Have you seen the head of Fergus Fox?
( offthepost )

“You lot take it up the arse!” No, not you lot. This lot of journalists who were roundly abused by Maradona after Argentina’s victory last night

If you’re planning a week’s annual leave, you may just about have time to read theGuardian’s monster piece about the Danish national side of the 1980s

Has England’s goalkeeping situation ever been more bleak?
( Footy Factor )

And gather the family round for Issue 3 of Rio’s mag - its a music special kids
( 5 Magazine )

Dive of the Week

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:26:27 +0000

Fanni does something funny

Here is the French right-back Rod Fanni, who in a vain attempt to take attention away from his surname, throws himself to the ground in a ludicrous manner.

Bored of the old Michael Owen? Time to find a new one

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:15:07 +0000

Small boys? In the park? Jumpers for goalposts? Marvellous

When Michael Owen sat in the posh seats last night, cutting a sad figure sending text messages to himself, his mind may have gone back to his 15 year-old self, scoring one of the all-time great England goals in the Victory Shield against Scotland. Owen himself has often described it as the greatest goal of his career, most recently in this interview with 4-4-2.

Cast your eye over England’s next sullen and ultimately disappointing hero in the Victory Shield match between England Wales, tonight from 7:30 on Sky Sports 1.

Sixy Time - Six great managers heading to the World Cup

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 11:48:29 +0000

No, not you Diego

Klinsmann, van Basten, Dunga, Maradona - international football management, like policing and judging dance contests, seems to have become a young person’s game of late, with recently-retired legends heading straight to the dugout, and more often than not, tarnishing their reputations.

Not next summer however. In an unusually high-calibre field, (probably due to the young managers trend seeping down to club level - Ferrara, Leonardo, Guardiola etc) there may be as many as six managers at South Africa 2010, who have won the greatest prize in club football, the European Cup.

Can you name them? We help you after the jump…

(more…)

United and City fight over Maicon, Real join the race for Cesc and does Rafa read thespoiler?

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 10:07:52 +0000

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Maicon to Manchester United / City
Expect a lot of these over the summer. As soon as United make a move for anyone at all, City will come barging in flashing cash, purely to antagonise their neighbours.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Both clubs need a right full-back, and Maicon is probably the best in the world right now (sorry Glen.) Another season of European failure for Inter could see one of these deals happen.

Cesc Fabregas to Real Madrid
Seething from the defeat against Seville, Madrid supremo Florentino Perez has swiftly identified the problem, and the solution - another lightweight creative midfielder. The Daily Mail no less, reports that Madrid may even make a move in January, so as to get in ahead of Barca who are unlikely to do any business before the summer.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Cesc is a proud Catalan, and unlikely to want to join their fiercest rivals. It is also questionable whether Madrid can find the room to squeeze him in, with Diarra and Alonso having started brightly in the centre of their midfield.

Nilton to Liverpool
Having yesterday highlighted the brilliance of the young Vasco striker (see here), thespoiler is proud that Rafa Benitez has picked up the hint, and according to the Daily Mirror, is keen to bring him to Anfield in January.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Rafa’s transfer policy is never the easiest to predict. One week its Nilton, the next Peter Shilton, the next Paris Hilton. We’re staying non-committal on this one.

Darren Bent likes the England kit, Danny Gabbidon doesn’t like Cheryl Cole, and more from Stan the Man

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 09:30:57 +0000

Updates from important people

We here at thespoiler are committed to bringing you the big breaking Twitter stories. First off, in quite a maudlin post at 8pm last night, Darren Bent admires the England strip from afar:

That all white kit looks so nice

Well if your manager keeps passing over two-goal rival strikers for his MOTM decision, maybe you’ll get back in there DB.

Daniel Gabbidon however, has more pressing things on his mind. As a Welshman, he is more concerned with the England left back’s wife than the England left back. Responding to the stunning news that Cheryl will mime her performance on the weekend’s X Factor (), the Gabb issues his response:

Cheryl Cole did anyone really think she was going to humiliate herself by singing live its not in her locker! x

Finally, to our old pal here at thespoiler, Stan Collymore. Watching the Argentina game late last night, Colly tweeted:

It’s funny,when I look at Maradona I can’t think of the cheating,the drugs etc,I just think of the pure footballing genius of the man.weird!

Is Stan the Man trying to subliminally whitewash his own reputation. A magnificent footballer, scorer of some wonderful goals, but how many people will remember him for the ‘other stuff’?

The pick of Wednesday’s World Cup qualifiers

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 08:31:33 +0000

Goals you might not have seen yet

Japan absolutely malleted Togo last night, beating the 2006 World Cup finalists 5-0. Their second of the match was scored by Shinji Okazaka, one of the rising stars of Japanese football, with a cute back-heel.

Nani set Portugal on their way against Malta, with a sharp turn and volley that calmed the nerves of the home side.

The 50 best players in Ligue Un, an old man falls over and Jamie Redknapp wears a very shiny jacket

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:12:50 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Who are the 50 best players in the French top flight? We don’t know either but these guys do
( The Offside )

A Czech paper has offered a whole lot of shekels to encourage San Marino against Slovenia tonight. If the Slovenians win, the Czechs will be spending next summer on the beach.
( Off the Post )

Interestment round up the week’s international action

Fabio Cannavaro tries to suppress his laughter at his boss falling over
( Dirty Tackle )

Jamie Redknapp glows in this lovely jacket
( Kickette )

Daily Competition: Guess the football autobiography 2

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:50:46 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

Virtual spoiler goodie bags go out to JT, Dave and Dark Knight who correctly identified John Gorman’s ‘Gory Years’ from the short extract here.

Today’s entry of the ungoogleable competition that like Robbie from Eastenders, is sweeping the nation, can be found below. From whose mighty contribution to society is the following:

Some people have suggested that I was able to see more than other players because my eyes are further apart than normal. That’s not true but I did end up doing tests and I do have very good peripheral vision. You know, I cannot remember in three decades of playing football that anyone ever robbed me of the ball by coming at me from behind - not the way I see it happen so often to other players. No one was ever able to do this because I would always notice them coming I can’t explain how or why - whether I heard them or whether I saw them, or whether it was a sixth sense. And I’ve been like that since I was a boy. Maybe I developed it because in those days there would be loads of us playing in very small spaces, so you had to be really quick.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

Create an England chant and make the government happy

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 13:38:55 +0000

Because its not as if they have much else on right now

The war on terror, the broken society, a wreck of an economy. One would think the government had enough to ~~interfere with~~ solve at the moment. Yet thankfully, plugging the gaping governmental failure to create any new football songs, arrives a new public sector campaign from the good souls at Get On.

For those interested, the Get On campaign aims, “to encourage adults to recognise the ability that they have with words in their day-to-day life and inspire those who need to brush up on their English skills to do so and gain a qualification. The chant competition, now running for its second season, was launched to tap into the nation’s writing talents and show just how creative with language football fans can be.”

Getting in the front seat of what will inevitably be a World Cup bandwagon heaving with this type of guff, Get On are now looking for a fresh England chant to inspire Capello’s men to victory.

The judging panel will include former World in Motion star John Barnes, who luckily enough, now has plenty of time on his hands to sagaciously judge the field. In case you feel intimidated by the calibre of entry, thespoiler is happy to print the sample entry, written by the resident poet at Barnsley FC no less, Mr Ian McMillan. Its after the jump.

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Stay up late for Uruguay vs Argentina tonight

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 11:15:04 +0000

England the hors d’oeuvre ahead of an Argentine main course

Starting at 5pm, you can take your televisual pick from five meaningless World Cup qualifiers, before the real action starts at a slightly-inconvenient-if-you-work time of 11.

Germany (already through) vs Finland (already out) help ESPN stave off the test card from 5pm, before channel hoppers enter heaven at around 7. Sky Sports 2 at 6:30 is the place to be to watch Shay Given clap the crowd who in turn will be clapping him, as he wins his 100th cap against Montenegro. Meanwhile Slovenia’s inevitable win in San Marino, makes Czech Republic vs Northern Ireland (7:20 BBC red button) another dead rubber.

Liverpool TV is the place to watch the top two in Group 5. Turn on at 6:45 for Bosnia-Herzegovina vs Spain, a match Rafa doesn’t want any of his stars to play in, although presumably LFCTV advertising execs take an opposing view.

Or walk the way of ITV1 at 7:30 to watch Gabriel Agbonlahor, Ben Foster, Michael Carrick and assorted others once more prove they aren’t quite up to international football. But all this is mere flotsam and jetsam compared to the second oldest derby in international football. Separated by the widest river in the world, tonight’s result could ensure many more miles will be separating the players of Uruguay and Argentina next June. Maradona’s men need a draw to qualify, but should they lose, and Ecuador win in Chile, the World Cup 2010 will take place without the world’s best player. Sky Sports 1 at 11 for the game of the season thus far.

UPDATE The Chile vs Ecuador match bizarrely (and slightly unfairly) kicks off an hour earlier, so if the away side win that game, the second half in Montevideo really will be something.

Any predictions? Let us know below…

Are Rangers and Celtic set to drop the shoulder on the SPL?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 10:39:52 +0000

World’s oldest question bounces back again

Here is how the media works. Withdrawn from their regular diet of Premier League football, the football press find themselves with swathes of blank pages to fill on international weeks. To help fill the space, the sports editor will select at random from a top hat containing a bulky collection of ‘old chestnuts.’ These consist of agenda-defining topics such as, ‘The England goalkeeping conundrum’, ‘Fabregas to Barca’, and most tiresome of all, ‘Should the Old Firm desert the SPL?’

Once selected, a journalist is challenged to find a new angle or even better, a new voice, to shed new light on the old chestnut. Hence Michael van Praag’s quotes appearing in the British media this morning, regarding the founding of a North Atlantic League. The Dutch FA chief said:

“There was no way we could push that through because Uefa at that time were conservative and full of fear. Now I am part of Uefa myself and, for this course, I can begin the lobby. It makes sense to start the lobbying now.”

Indeed the lobbying may well start now. And it will be heartily ignored until the next international break.

Spread betting preview: England/ Belarus

Ryan Bailey — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 09:44:55 +0000

World Cup Qualifier, Tonight, 8pm, ITV1, bet here

The road to South Africa has been uncannily smooth for a side that couldn’t make it to the Euro 2008 starting line, with spread punters who got with Don Fabio’s side generally happier than those who didn’t.

They gave Croatia double trouble with a 4-1 smash and grab in Zagreb and a good old-fashioned 5-1 hiding at home as spread buyers of Three Lions’ total goals spread were left thinking ‘with games like these, who needs friendlies?’. Sporting Index’s total goals spread buyers who keep the faith for the Belarus game will feel safe in the knowledge England have averaged over three goals-a-game in Group Six. And, if that wasn’t enough for spread sellers to be cautious, then they’ll remember that two from Wayne Rooney and another from fellow Scouser Steven Gerrard helped their side breach the Belarusian goalkeeper’s net three times in Minsk. Despite neither man set to feature tonight, their deputies should be more than capable of filling their shoes. Meanwhile, (more…)

Food or Sven? Which would you prefer to have ?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 09:07:55 +0000

Taking shameless to new heights

Fresh from a dabble with Thaksin Shinawatra whilst at Manchester City, today’s media are reporting Sven Goran Eriksson is sniffing around another slightly iffy human rights situation. Sneaky Sven is said to be the frontrunner for the North Korea national team job, just in time to lead them to their first World Cup since 1966.

According to the Central Intelligence Agency in America, North Korea rank a distinctly unimpressive 155th in the list of each nation’s purchasing power parity per capita. For those who are economically illiterate, someone in a suit has just explained to me that this is the total value of all goods produced, divided by the population, and is a key indicator of a country’s wealth.

So racked by poverty, with hundreds of thousands of citizens dying of starvation each year, do we think that the limited government money should really be spent on a football manager? Particularly this one. Have your say below

A brilliant goal from last night’s action

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 08:42:16 +0000

For those who don’t keep abreast of the Brazilian second division

Vasco de Gama dominated Brazilian football in the late 90s, when led by Romario, they laid claim to being the best side in the world. Hard times have befallen them since, but this overhead volley from young midifelder Nilton, put them up to second in Serie B, just two points off the top.

World in Motion may be coming back, Stephen Hunt trades some quality insults, and some breaking WAG news

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:22:53 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Rumours abound that the World in Motion reprise is on
( Off the Post )

Jimmy Bullard has bits of dead men in him
( Off the Post )

Interestment have gone early on their World Cup XI
( Interestment )

Stephen Hunt brilliantly calls Eamon Dunphy a, “skinny little rat”

Jermain Defoe’s ex has upped her game (NSFW)
( The Sun )

New Competition: Guess the football autobiography

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:13:34 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

Chaucer, Shakespeare, Austen, Orwell - just fragments of the British literary tradition that has served the nation’s readers for almost 1000 years. However, slip into any Waterstones these days, and it is the less intellectually-demanding tomes of chefs, footballers and slags cluttering up the shelves.

Also on its knees is the traditional competition. Whilst Google may, on balance, be a good thing, it has ruined television and radio competitions for good. So in salute to two dying breeds, thespoiler is proud to launch a brand new ungoogleable competition. Below is a typically dull extract from a former footballer’s autobiography. Using the self-contained clues, the challenge is to work out who penned it.

“The highlight of the season was getting to the Soccer Bowl and playing in front of 70,000 people in the Giants’ Stadium in New York. It was a real shame that we lost, getting beat 2-1 by Vancouver Whitecaps, with former Ipswich striker Trevor Whymark scoring both their goals, while I got booked after a clash with Alan Ball who was also on their team. The trouble was Bally lashed out because he mistook me for our Dutch midfielder Jan Van der Veen. When he saw it was me he apologised.”

Leave your answer below. The actual answer will be revealed in tomorrow’s installment of the competition that, like Boy George on community service, is all set to sweep the nation.

Are Villa still the Premier League penny-pinchers?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:20:08 +0000

Bigmouth defender shows some things don’t change at the Villa

Curtis Davies may be spending the next couple of days practising the ps and qs ahead of attending the England wrap party tomorrow evening, but his agents have had no such qualms about speaking out of turn recently. Castigating Martin O’Neill for refusing to open negotiations on a new contract (due when Davies has played 60 matches for Villa,) Davies’ people hinted that dark forces were at work when their client, who has featured in 58 Villa games thus far, was left out of the side earlier this season.

Nonsense and piffle of course, but it did remind thespoiler of a story from the Doug Ellis reign at Villa Park, involving Mustapha Hadji. Having spent months negotiating a fee with Coventry chairman (and fierce rival) Bryan Richardson, Ellis was still smarting from what he saw as an excessive final fee of £2.5million between the clubs. Richardson on the other hand, felt £2.5million in a summer which saw Blackburn Rovers pay £6.5m for Corrado Grabbi, and Villa themselves lose £6m in a Bosko Balaban shaped hole, was a little on the cheap side. The Coventry chairman thus engineered a £500,00 payment due when Hadji started 25 matches for Villa.

John Gregory failed to last the season at Villa, and his replacement Graham Taylor preferred more workmanlike performers. By the end of the 02-03 season, Hadji was marooned on 24 matches, a bit-part player at the Villa. Enter Mr Ellis and his opportunity for revenge on Richardson. New manager David O’Leary was warned not to start Hadji by any means, and O’Leary was forced to select such Villa luminaries as Mark Kinsella, Peter Whittingham and Ulises de la Cruz in place of the experienced Moroccan playmaker. Hadji was soon shipped off to Espanyol, leaving Coventry, by now in deep financial trouble, half a million quid light.

Wanted: Anyone who paid for the England game

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:01:48 +0000

500,000 viewers. Really?

UPDATE
Just 3% of Spoiler respondees paid for this match via the correct and legal channels. So come on Kenataro - prove this 500,00 nonsense is accurate.

According to the companies behind the pay-per-view screening of England’s World Cup qualifier in Ukraine, almost half a million folk turned on, tuned in and left as satisfied customers.

In addition, the Swiss agency Kentaro, left holding the rights after Setanta went bust this year, and Perform, the internet broadcaster it employed to show the match, said almost nine in 10 viewers who responded to a post-match survey found the picture quality “satisfactory or better”. Perform’s chairman Andrew Croker said it was “an extremely successful and ground-breaking project”.

Now thespoiler admittedly doesn’t get out much, and the size of its circle of friends enables it to hold its birthday parties in phone boxes, but we don’t know a single person who paid for this match. We do however know plenty who watched it on ~~iraqigoals~~ illegal television streams unknown to law-abiding citizens such as ourselves, but nobody who actually dusted the cobwebs from their wallet, and splashed some shekels.

So in a method remarkably similar to how they do tv ratings, we’re going to conduct our own poll. Help us help Kentaro. Lets find out how many souls watched England legally on Saturday night.

Gareth Barry: “Don’t hate us”

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:58:31 +0000

Ok then we won’t. On second thoughts actually…

There are many things that tend to induce scorn across this small island nation of ours. Bankers, Harriet Harman, racism from participants of Strictly Come Dancing to name but three. New to that list are Manchester City, or at least Gareth Barry seems to think so. Barry, speaking ahead of England vs Belarus tomorrow evening said:

“The people outside of the club may look on us in a different way but it’s something the players, including myself, can deal with.

A lot of money has been ploughed into the club and people on the outside may enjoy seeing us fail rather than go on and achieve something this season. I’m sure that’s where the views are coming from but as a unit I’m sure that can help us and make us stronger.”

Indeed. But what isn’t to like about ostentatious displays of wealth, illegally unsettling players and a manager who defends slapping spectators, stamping on opposing player’s heads and inciting crowd riots?

Do you hate City like the Pussycat Dolls hate this part right here? Let us know below…

Four teams, Four continents: the U20 World Cup

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:28:16 +0000

If you like your footballers young, tonight is your lucky night

The U20 World Cup may have come and almost gone without leaving any sizeable indent into the nation’s consciousness, but its semi-final time today dontcha know. Arsene Wenger will no doubt be tuning in to British Eurosport from 3:30, as Ghana battle Hungary, followed by Brazil taking on Costa Rica at 7pm.

And for those with relatives playing in the fixture, Ireland U21 vs Switzerland U21 is on Sky Sports 1 from 7:30

What have Darren Bent and Ryan Babel been up to?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:08:51 +0000

The question that keeps us all awake at night

We’ll start with Benty (DBTheTruth). Well yesterday afternoon he informed us that, “Some one just got absolutly worked on fifa,” thus introducing a tremendous new adjectival passive verb into the English vernacular.

Yes, yes I hear you cry. But what will Darren be up to later on today? Well he won’t be training with the England squad. However, just an hour ago, Darren tweeted, “After training fifa and cod all day on the XBOX people” (for the uninitiated COD refers to Call of Duty, a highly popular video game.) But in case you’re thinking that doesn’t sound much like a full afternoon’s cultural experience, Darren adds seconds later, “How could I forget and watching heroes in between too.”

Not such lazy times for Ryan Babel (RyanBabel19) however. He is travelling with the Dutch international squad (no, really, he is) and has been the victim of a serious crime. Cryptically, Babel tweeted late last night, “Just got out the plane and guess what : They STOLE stuff out my Bag in Holland…” Poor Liverpool players. Their houses are perennially robbed at home, and even on their travels, there is no safe haven.

Tony Adams is fitter than which Premiership footballer?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 09:21:32 +0000

One-time world beater outrun by creaky-backed ex-alcoholic

Cast your mind back to transfer deadline day January 2009. As Jim White began to moisten in the studio, the big news seemed to be coming from Fratton Park, where a big name was all set to arrive on loan.

The creative midfielder had a reputation so stellar, Patrick Moore had done the scouting report. Yet it was a report Pompey boss Tony Adams wasn’t happy with. Having heard rumours about the new signing’s fitness, Adams refused to acquiesce with his superiors’ demands to sign the player. The deal was deadlocked.

Sniffing a resolution Henry Kissinger would have been proud of, Adams offered the various agents and hangers-on a deal. Both he and Player x would undergo the notorious bleep test - the classic acid test of a footballer’s fitness. If Adams, a 42 yr old former alcoholic with various limb issues, could outperform the new signing, he would be on the first boat back out the South Coast.

thespoiler’s spies report that not only did Adams emerge triumphant, but he absolutely romped home.

New Ronaldo Alert

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 08:41:16 +0000

Given up on Valencia already United fans? Don’t despair - Obertan could be the new Ronaldo.

In yesterday’s spoiler we highlighted United’s Senior Cup clash with Oldham as worth watching, for the potential debut of Gabriel Obertan. Indeed last night we got the first glimpse of Fergie’s £3m summer signing from Bordeaux, which he announced with a sly tap to the side of the nose.

Obertan’s 45 minutes last night included the following Ronaldoesque piece of jiggery pokery

Sixy Time - Six best topsy-turvy periods of injury time

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:40:25 +0000

Its not just Manchester United who score late, by Danny Harris

Republic of Ireland were robbed of a credible draw at the weekend, after scoring late only to see their opponents Italy equalise with stunning impertinence.

After the jump, we choose our six favourite similarly chaotic upside-down closing stages:

(more…)

Bees causing carnage, van Gaal makes up some revelations and WAG Nicola McLean looks distinctly unWAGish

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:07:36 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

World bee shortage accelerates thanks to a Mexican with a fire extinguisher

Celtic striker scores the goal of the weekend in the European Qualifiers
( 101GG )

Louis van Gaal reveals he was offered the Manchester United job
( Sky Sports )

Peterborough United WAG Nicola McLean looks most unWAGish
( Kickette)

Its not football, but its a great time-killer at work
( Speech Breaker )

Notts County sack manager

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:25:18 +0000

Which nowadays is headline news

More as we get it, but Notts County have issued a statement informing the world that they have sacked Ian McParland, for having the temerity to drop points at home to Torquay yesterday.

So many questions. Where does that leave Sven? Is it a much-mooted return for David Platt? And if so, how much closer to Meadow Lane would ex Forest boss Platt had to have worked for County directors to realise what a terrible manager he is?