The Spoiler

This year’s must have Christmas present

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:02:08 +0000

Celebrate the birth of baby Jesus with a pooing CR9 statue…

Christmas in the Catalan region of Spain is a joyous occasion. People spend days painstakingly recreating replicas of the nativity scene, which are proudly displayed in the run up to Christmas Day.

But when friends and family gather round to look at the handiwork, no-one is particularly bothered about the nativity bit — they’re all looking for a discreetly-placed gnome (or Caganer, “pooper”), like the one above, taking a sly shit somewhere.

(more…)

Phil Brown ‘orders Hull players to see a shrink’

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:07:21 +0000

Gaffer is ‘concerned about the mental state’ of Irish trio…

Hull’s Irish trio Paul McShane, Kevin Kilbane and Stephen Hunt would’ve cut depressing figures today, having returned to the club’s training ground. With so many players involved in Handball-gate, The Spoiler would have thought Tigers boss Phil Brown would be waiting with open arms, ready to provide a shoulder to cry on.

But (not for the first time) we’d be wrong. Instead, the three were told to go and get their heads checked by a psychologist in time for Saturday’s clash with West Ham. According to the Daily Star, a club source said:

[Sports psychologist Mark] Nesti can help them prepare for games and be mentally ready. Such a massive disappointment can take its toll and be hard to overcome. So it is important to find out what sort of place they are in.

Henry wants a replay, Craig Bellamy may retire and Eric Abidal has swine flu

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:24:45 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Roy Keane, typically sympathetic towards the FAI

Sven is going to run out of fingers to put in pies
[Daily Mail]

Once it’s confirmed there’s no chance of a replay, TH14 asks for a replay
[The Sun]

Craig Bellamy could be finished in two years
[Guardian]

Eric Abidal has swine flu, as might Yaya Toure
[Mirror]

Liverpool want Juve starlet Seb Giovinco
[Caught Offside]

Damien Duff: Handball-gate was definitely a conspiracy

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:26:03 +0000

Adidas, in conjunction with France, under the supervision of FIFA? We’re through the looking glass here, people…

The fallout from that night in Paris continues.While some have accepted it as one of football’s great injustices (and the ensuing drama/debate as part of the reason we all love sport so much), others have chosen to self-medicate in the warm, comforting arms of conspiracy theory.

Damien Duff is part of the latter camp. Talking to reporters from a shadowy car-park alcove, the Fulham winger revealed the World Cup 2010 playoffs have been orchestrated by a higher power, made up of German sportswear giant Adidas, the French Football Federation and Michel Platini:

Do I think it’s a conspiracy? Definitely. FIFA want the big teams in the World Cup, they want France in the World Cup, and it may sound silly but they want teams sponsored by adidas. Adidas sponsor the World Cup, they sponsor France. Michel Platini has a lot of influence as well.

Maybe we’d have had a better chance of going to the World Cup if it was sponsored by Umbro.

Hilariously, The Sun point out, in his rage Duff seems to have forgotten, as well as his weekly pay packet from Fulham, he gets paid a £100,000 a year to wear football boots made by … Adidas.

Free-to-enter poker tourney - only for The Spoiler readers!

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:24:23 +0000

Win a $2,000 payout, courtesy of Titan Poker and The Spoiler

Our sponsor, Titan Poker, one of the best online poker rooms on the internet, has created a special free-to-enter poker tournament exclusively for The Spoiler readers — with a guaranteed $2,000 prize pool.

This invitation-only event will take place on Sunday 29 November from the very precise time of 20:05 and will of course be limited only to those who open an account with Titan Poker using the promotional bonus code ‘SPOILER’ when doing so - making this an amazing opportunity to win big even if you have very limited or no previous poker knowledge.

To be eligible for this exclusive tournament, you simply need to sign up for a new player account at Titan Poker, using ‘SPOILER’ as the promotional code when opening your account, and deposit a minimum of $20. This will entitle you to a huge $500 free bonus so you don’t have to spend any of your hard-earned coin to get started.

Click here to claim your $500 free bonus and start playing today!

Serbian horse placenta doctor exposed as being a bit weird

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:57:15 +0000

Least surprising news of the week…

The Daily Mail are claiming Premier League clubs have been leaving the well-being of their multi-million pound stars in the hands of a Serbian housewife who locals describe as ‘looking like Morticia Addams’.

Since her cover was blown by Robin van Persie on Tuesday, Mariana Kovacevic has gone into hiding, leaving the world’s press (and Serbian health officials, who have no record of this horse-guts operation existing) camped outside her clinic in New Belgrade, waiting for her to get back:

Within five minutes of each other Arsenal’s Van Persie left in one direction, while Liverpool pair Glen Johnson and Fabio Aurelio arrived from the other. By last night it appeared that Kovacevic may have already moved her placenta supplies and massage table elsewhere.

(more…)

Obafemi Martins struggled to live on £75,000 a week

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:03:09 +0000

Legal battle dishes dirt on footballer’s ridiculous spending habits…

A court battle between ex-Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins and his former management company has revealed he was regularly skint … despite earning £75,000 a week.

NVA Management, who are suing for £300,000, have accused the “25-year-old” of regularly drawing out £40k on the weekends then taking another £25k on Monday mornings — leaving himself continually overdrawn.

According to the Daily Mail, a lawyer representing NVA claims Martins was also too lazy to bother chasing up sponsorship deals, meaning his name and image were being used without him receiving any coin:

(more…)

A brief history of Thierry Henry: Wikipedia version

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:16:39 +0000

Now with added “c**t”

Click image for full size version.

Leeds fan has record for most managerial rejection letters

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:04:30 +0000

Possibly the worst world record, on record…

In a story which will be cited for years to come as proof human endeavor knows no bounds, Leeds fan Andy Ballantyne has been crowned as the official Guinness World Record holder for (deep breath) the most rejection letters ever received in application to a managerial post at a football club.

Andy has been knocked back from his own club, Celtic, Hull, Spurs, England (twice) and recently got a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ letter from Sven for the Notts County job.

The obsession started after applying to take the reins at Spurs in 1998, he told the Yorkshire Evening Post:

(more…)

Fluminense and Cerro Porteno match prompts stadium brawl

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:03:08 +0000

Paraguayan team should call Ireland for lessons in gracious losing…

Last night’s shenanigans in Paris (don’t visit the Stade de France’s Wikipedia page if you’re swear sensitive) seems to have cast football’s previous talking point - unrestrained violence on the pitch - into the dark recesses of everyone’s mind. The Spoiler is here to right the balance, with news of last night’s Copa Sudamerica brawl between Fluminense and Cerro Porteno.

After conceding twice in injury time to fall to a 3-1 aggregate defeat, Cerro Porteno sparked a vicious ‘22 players plus coaching staff and stadium employees’ brawl, which was only broken up when Brazilian military police rocked up.

As far as we can make out, it all kicked off with the most inflammatory dance in football history (0:37), before petering out after a comical double KO at 1:37.

The internet reacts to Thierry Henry’s handball

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:54:40 +0000

Photoshop goons have been working through the night…

The Mail has got up a gallery of the internet’s image-based response to that incident. Quite a few are rubbish, frankly, but you can see the best of the rest after the jump …

(more…)

FIFA conspiracy theories, player carded for farting and Chelsea reel in £40m Aguero

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:27:22 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Rio Ferdinand and Wes Brown get candid

Robbie Keane starts the conspiracy theories rolling
[The Sun]

… And the Irish justice minister demands … justice
[Telegraph]

Player gets carded for farting in ref’s face
[Mirror]

Fan fined £120k for Sweden/Denmark pitch invasion
[The Sun]

Atletico Madrid are on the brink of accepting £40m for Aguero
[Guardian]

Yuri Zhirkov’s knees are struggling with the UK weather
[Daily Star]

Sir Alex gets new signing Obertan on gardening duty

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:51:15 +0000

French U21 international kept busy while injured…

It seems Sir Alex Ferguson is on a mission to crack the problem of modern players being “fragile” and “lacking responsibility” - as Man Utd new boy Gabriel Obertan has already found out.

Instead of being allowed to doss about at home while recovering from a back injury at the start of the season, the £3m signing was handed a pair of overalls and some gardening gloves. According to The Sun Obertan “watered hanging baskets, pruned rose bushes and washed staff cars” at United’s Carrington training ground. A ’source’ ’said’:

It’s not very often these days a United first-teamer can ever be seen on manual duties! But Gabby is a nice kid and he was only too happy to help out with the older coaches’ requests.

He could give the groundsmen a run for their money with his trimming and lawn skills!

Before running back around the other side of his desk and filing the story.

[cheers to Unprofessional Foul for the heads up]

Roque Santa Cruz: Robinho won’t shut up about Barcelona

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:10:13 +0000

Striker helps show rival to the door at Eastlands…

Is Roque Santa Cruz greasing up the wheels of Robinho’s winter transfer to Barcelona? Man City’s £18m striker put the jinking Brazilian right in it during a recent radio interview with Catalunya Radio, by announcing Robinho regularly reminds his teammates he’d rather being doing his jinking alongside Lionel Messi than, er, Roque Santa Cruz:

Of course he talks to us about it. And the players are cracking jokes about it in the dressing room.

In the English papers there’s a lot of interest about Barca and Robinho is also not hiding his desire to play for them one day. But I guess we’ll see.

(more…)

Hand of God Part Deux: Thierry Henry cheats his way to World Cup 2010

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:27:23 +0000

Looks like they do prosper, kids.

What to do now? So far, The Spoiler has heard: ‘ban Henry from the World Cup’, ‘ban France from the World Cup’, ‘replay the fixture’, and a whole lot of rude words directed at Thierry Henry - mainly all on TalkSPORT.

Thoughts below … try to keep them clean

Ping pong wizard Cristiano Ronaldo could have gone pro

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:00:53 +0000

CR9 was a regular Forrest Gump…

Cristiano Ronaldo claims he was advised to quit football for his other childhood obsession, ping pong. In his upcoming autobiography, Momentos (we’re sure you can’t wait), the Portuguese man-o-sex reveals he could have just as easily been winking across a table instead of a football pitch:

After football, ping pong is my favorite sport. I love to watch professional games and I like to play. I started playing as a boy in my neighborhood and at school. When I moved to the school of Sporting [CP], I kept playing ping pong.

The Spoiler hopes this isn’t a direct quote from the book, because it reads like a four-year-old’s back-to-school recount of what they did over summer. Anyway:

(more…)

Win yourself a seat at the 2010 Irish Open poker tournament

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:49:10 +0000

Join Titan Poker and get a $500 free bonus

The world’s longest running European Poker tournament is back — Irish Open 2010 returns this April and there is plenty of cash to be won. Pros and amateurs alike can come and get a share of the multi-million Euro prize pool. TitanPoker.com, the leading online poker room in Europe, has launched a series of satellite tournaments to determine the players who will participate on its behalf at the Irish Open. Winning players at Titan Poker will be awarded with a $7,200 Prize Package, including €3,500 buy-in, five nights of luxurious accommodation at the Burlington Hotel in Dublin and €800 for flights and spending money. All poker players are invited to qualify for a seat, with buy-ins starting as low as $2.20. The Irish Poker Open is a welcoming and world-renowned Texas Hold’em poker tournament, second longest running in the world after the WSOP. It is traditionally held over Easter weekend each year in Dublin, a city famous for its fun and friendly atmosphere. Click here to claim a $500 free bonus and play poker at Titan Poker.

Arsenal quartet star in Great Ormond St charity advert

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:40:32 +0000

Theo Walcott is a hit with ladies of all ages…

Now get to donatin’

[spotted over on Kickette]

Get your very own West Ham dress (as seen on Katy Perry)

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:21:59 +0000

Hammers fans can now look just like this!*

Heeding our call to put Katy Perry’s recent appearance in a West Ham-themed basque to good use, the Hammers board have responded to “huge demand” by announcing plans to sell the outfit in their club shop, at £300 a time:

[Siobhan Dillon, creator of the original version] is set to produce a limited range for West Ham United fans. An initial run of 50 will be made and sold through the club stores. They will cost £300 each and will be available by pre-order only. Size and payment will need to be confirmed in advance.

At that bargain price, we’re sure they’ll fly off the shelves.

* Although not very many will.

Carlos Tevez uses Coronation Street to learn English

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:25:35 +0000

Welcome to Manchester, I say welcome to Manchester…

According to The Sun, Carlos Tevez has taken a leaf out of Dimitar Berbatov’s book and is using TV to finally learn English. But whereas Berbs took linguistic cues (and style advice) from Al Pacino and co. in The Godfather, Tevez has chosen to study at the feet of resident shemale, Hayley Cropper, star of ITV soap Coronation Street.

The Argentinean striker was convinced to take up English lessons by Man City team-mate and compatriot Pablo Zabaleta:

I have told Carlos he needs to come to me for lessons. It is important to learn because we need to speak with team-mates and managers and everyone. Plus we are living in England for the future.

(more…)

Horse placenta is ‘in’, West Ham get another lovely fan and puddles make good defenders

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:35:02 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Notts County’s puddles prove to be more effective at stopping goals than Sol Campbell

Horse placenta is the new Deep Heat
[Daily Mail]

Five Gunners stars who should tie their belongings in a red and white polka-dot handkerchief, put it on the end of a stick, and hit the road
[Caught Offside]

West Ham’s female fanbase gets better and better
[The Sun]

Although incredibly irritating, vuvuzelas are clearly a big part of African football culture right now. This is South Africa’s World Cup. Just STFU and get on with it, Japan/Alonso. We’re not in the NFL.
[Guardian]

Hooligans force player to switch clubs
[Dirty Tackle]

Lampsie has two attractive women fighting for his attention
[Daily Star]

Another look at those fifteen minutes that shook the world

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:48:30 +0000

Reliving the half-time break during THATNIGHTINISTANBUL™

The red-tops have finally picked up on the spoof Liverpool documentary ‘Fifteen Minutes That Shook the World’ (which The Spoiler brought you news of a full two months ago); giving us the opportunity to repost this genius trailer.

Vincent Kompany axed from Belgium after returning late from nan’s funeral

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:38:12 +0000

Boss Dick Advocaat maintains hardline policy…

New Belgium manager Dick Advocaat was brought into whip an unbelievably underachieving squad into shape, and he’s taking his job pretty seriously. Marouane Fellaini is already a marked man, having missed a match to go to the dentist and reported for training in the wrong coloured socks.

Now Vincent Kompany has felt Dick’s wrath, being told to pack his bags after failing to get back in time from his grandmother’s funeral in Brussels, as Belgium were preparing for last night’s clash with Qatar.

(more…)

Mirror Football and Wigan team up to scout new talent

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:39:25 +0000

Who?

12 hours later, and it still hasn’t been changed. The article isn’t a complete disaster though, as The Spoiler now knows four of the Palacios family have turned out for the Honduran national team at some point the past - an impressive feat not even the legendary Sodje dynasty has managed to accomplish.

David Sullivan offers £0 for 50% stake of West Ham

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:11:34 +0000

Former Brum chairman says he can turn the club around…

Bongo baron David Sullivan has announced he’ll ’save’ West Ham from financial doom, but only if the club’s Icelandic owners hand him over half the club. For free. According to this morning’s Sun, Cardiff-born Sullivan, apparently a Hammers fan from boyhood, told bosses at Straumur he’ll inject £40m and turn the club back into a profitable business, but won’t touch any debt repayments:

West Ham’s debts are frightening and nobody in their right mind would take on such a nightmare. So he’s come up with an ingenious plan.

He basically told Straumur: ‘I’ll turn this club round, I’ll make it profitable and healthy but only if you give me a 50 per cent stake right now and leave me to run the ship with my people.

(more…)

Player prints thank you letter to club after being given second chance at football

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:54:53 +0000

Would you get this in the Premier League?

More heartwarming tales of football’s most stand-up guys. Former Brazilian international midfielder Amaral recently published this thank you note in ALPHA, an Australian sports magazine. It came in response to A-League team Perth Glory offering him a second crack at playing professional football, after his original spell at the club was scuppered through injury.

[Soccerlens via The Offside]

Lionel Messi debuts an ‘interesting’ new look

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:20:28 +0000

Let’s hope Mr Beckham is taking notes…

We’ll leave it to the girls over at Kickette to explain this one…

Women’s football turns cute, cars and wild boar don’t mix and Nani gets his wish

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:12:06 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Some respite from videos of girls kicking each other to pieces on the pitch - awww. [spotted on Deadspin]

Nothing else going on today - play Spectrum ZX-era Football Manager online
[EPL Talk]

Toon defender crashes into wall made of wild boar
[The Sun]

It’s not all bad - Carlo Cudicini gets to be nursed back to health by this lady
[Caught Offside]

Salomon Kalou spends the international break fighting
[Daily Mail]

Emmanuel Adebayor is unable to talk about anything that isn’t related to Arsenal
[Mirror]

Unsurprisingly, Nani is looks to be heading out of Old Trafford
[Telegraph]

Samuel Eto’o gives £30k watch to each of his 24 Cameroon team-mates

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:57:29 +0000

Former Barca hitman offered incentive for WC qualification

Samuel Eto’o may have grown a reputation as being a bit ‘difficult’, but it seems, like Didier Drogba, he’s actually all heart.

After Cameroon secured their passage to next year’s World Cup last weekend with a 2-0 win over Morocco, Eto’o made good on a promise to give every member of the squad a £30k watch.

Getting a Cameroon call-up is an extra-special affair, considering the striker has a history of giving things away to his fellow countrymen. Four years ago Samuel shelled out £60k after promising the squad two grand each should they beat Ivory Coast in n upcoming match.

His charity doesn’t stop at fellow pros though. According to Football Italia:

Eto’o is not shy of making a bet, as long as the proceeds go to charity. Three years ago, he did a deal with Ford whereby they would send an ambulance to Cameroon for every goal he scored above a certain quota.

He is now in the process of recycling Europe’s unwanted shoes, installing special bins in Spanish department store El Corte Ingles where people can donate them to charity.

[Football Italia via Dirty Tackle]

Former referee turns suspected drug kingpin

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:49:37 +0000

Spanish Div 2 ref does his best Scarface impression…

A former Segunda Division referee has been arrested in Spain on suspicion of masterminding a national-scale drugs trafficking operation. Eduardo Perez Izquierdo was recently arrested with eight other suspects after police uncovered a massive cocaine haul in Madrid.

Izquierdo retired in the 2002/3 season after presiding over more than 100 league matches. However, instead of spending retirement with his feet up, bashing out angry responses to fan mail, the former ref is thought to have tried his hand at cocaine distribution, setting up a network of gangs throughout the Basque Country.

El Mundo Deportivo reports:

Some of the sources close to the investigation are assuring that the referee’s role in this was to coordinate the movements of all the operations undertaken by the gang in exchange for a commission.

(more…)

Nominations for Serie A’s ‘Golden Bin’ awards are in…

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:02:35 +0000

Milan, Juve and Inter well represented at ‘worst player’ ceremony

Serie A’s least coveted award has revealed its ten player shortlist.The Bidone d’Oro (Golden Bin) award annually recognises the terrible efforts of some of Italy’s worst performers. Past winners include Christian Vieri, Adriano and Rivaldo.

Most of the 2009 list will read like a who’s who of dodged bullets for Premier League clubs.

Last year’s winner, Inter Milan and Chelsea reject Ricardo Quaresma, is back in contention, along with Arsenal’s summer target Felipe Melo. Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, who Spurs are currently eying up, continues to have the worst year of his life and there’s a customary appearance from the world’s biggest disappointment, Ronaldinho.

See the full shortlist after the jump…

(more…)

Robin van Persie fights ankle injury with placenta

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:32:08 +0000

Striker turns to pony guts for injury relief…

Injured Arsenal striker Robin van Persie is to fly to Serbia to undergo a radical treatment which will involve rubbing fluid from a placenta into his hurt ankle.

As far as The Spoiler can remember from its Biology lessons, the placenta is the organ which allows food and air, as well as poo and wee, to pass between mother and foetus. Placental therapy is especially common in the Far East, where it has been used for repairing injuries to muscle tissue.

Van Persie told reporters:

I am going to receive treatment from a female doctor. She is vague about her methods but I know she first massages you for a long time with placenta fluid. I’m going to give it a try. It can’t do any harm and if it helps it helps.

(more…)

Raymond Domenech doesn’t have the best timing…

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:39:39 +0000

French gaffer puts his foot in it once again

Thanks to his possessing an incredible, almost slapstick, level of incompetence, Raymond Domenech doesn’t have a lot of friends amongst the footballing community. Especially in his own country. He could have even less today, after making a rather ill-judged faux pas during Friday’s pre-playoff press conference:

People can say what they want, when they want. I stopped listening to them a long time ago, otherwise I would have committed suicide.

Meanwhile, 45,000 turned out in support at Robert Enke’s memorial service over the weekend…

[spotted over on Dirty Tackle]

David Beckham is a man extremely bored with life

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:57:14 +0000

At 34, is it not time to be packing this shit in?

John O’Shea gets a boot deal, Freddy Adu has been found and Totti grows a mullet

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:44:04 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

The Spoiler has no idea what is going on here, but Francesco Totti’s mullet is nice

How have Capello’s England done against the world’s best so far?
[Guardian]

Fans of being laughed at should get John O’Shea’s new signature boots
[Off the Post]

Eduardo is tired of collecting splinters on the bench
[Caught Offside]

Remember Freddy Adu? Of course you do. Next, we want to know where Cherno Samba, Tonton Zola Moukoko, Andri Sigporsson and all the other Championship Manager faux-legends ended up
[BBC Sport]

Kaka wants Beckham at WC2010. So he can run rings around him in a quarter-final
[The Sun]

Ben Foster refuses to accept his own rank mediocrity
[Telegraph]

Diego Maradona fined, banned from football for two months

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:08:42 +0000

Feigning blindness didn’t get him an easy ride…

Diego Maradona’s post-World Cup qualification uber-cussing (”you lot suck my d**k” or “you lot take it up the a**e”, depending on what side of the equator you reside on), has earned him a two month ban and a fine of almost £14,815.

Directed at journalists who he claimed “treated [him] like garbage”, the outburst came at the end of a qualifying campaign fraught with personal attacks sent back and forth between the tubby manager and the Argentinean media.

(more…)

Is this the world’s biggest Barcelona fan?

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:07:02 +0000

Have a side of NSFW with today’s lunch…

[via ONTD, unsurprisingly. Visit if you’re mental enough to want to see the uncensored version]

Fergie forced to sign up for Match of the Day interviews

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:56:56 +0000

Six year post-match boycott comes to an end…

Expect Gary Lineker’s opening lines on next season’s Match of the Day to be even more smug and annoying than usual. New Premier League rules, to be enforced next year, mean all managers will have to give post-match interviews to broadcasting rights holders - meaning Sir Alex Ferguson will have to explain his latest outburst to the cameras himself, rather than sending right-hand man Mike Phelan.

Ferguson promised never to do another interview with the BBC after it broadcast a documentary alleging his football agent son Jason used the family name to gain influence in transfer dealings, in 2004.

Spurs boss Harry Redknapp and Blackburn’s Sam Allardyce have also had previous run-ins with the Beeb over corruption allegations, but all will have to give TV or radio interviews or face ‘a sliding scale of punishments’.

(more…)

Jose Mourinho wants to return to the Premier League

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:40:19 +0000

Whose dugout would you like to see the Portugeezer rock up in?

Over the weekend Jose Mourinho took a break from bullying football’s favourite pensioner and being told what to do by Samuel Eto’o, to confirm what we all already knew - he wants a Premier League comeback sooner rather than later:

I love Inter and would love to build for the future here. In fact, I am doing it now because I am not a selfish coach and I’m thinking about the future in terms of youth development and the age structure of my first team.

But Italy is not the country for this. England is the country — and my football is English football. I am ready for the next phase of my career — I want to work with a different perspective.

(more…)

Carlos Tevez might retire after next summer’s World Cup

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:07:13 +0000

Gone by 2011, having pretty much clocked the game of football

Carlos Tevez has always struck The Spoiler as a simple man with simple needs. Give him a football, bessie mates “Pat & Ji”, and his choice of knitted headscarf (black or white), and he’s happy. Professional football and all of its trappings, we imagine, he could take or leave. So it comes as no major surprise that, at the age of 25, the Argentinean forward has admitted considering retirement.

Speaking before Argentina’s 2-1 defeat in Spain on Saturday, Tev revealed losing his place in the national side to Gonzalo Higuain and the pressures of juggling both international and domestic football caused him to reevaluate his career:

It’s complicated, there’s my family, the desire to return to Boca Juniors, but I think about it. It crosses my mind to hang up my boots if we win the World Cup, although I have a contract [with Man City] until 2014.

(more…)

Weekend preview: World Cup 2010 UEFA playoffs

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:59:29 +0000

Let’s get ready to rumble…

Ignoring England’s ridiculous, money-spinning, injury-ravaged jaunt to Brazil; and the baffling decision to put the first friendly anyone might have given a toss about for ages firmly out of physical reach of the average fan, there are some actually important games going on this weekend.

The World Cup 2010 UEFA playoffs start tomorrow, complete with added seeding-system nonsense, as eight European teams fight it out for four of the remaining nine places. Who will take a first leg advantage?

Ireland vs France

Shots have been fired by players and diplomats alike, prior to this weekend’s marquee clash. Raymond Domenech’s job rests on the outcome, which in turn rests the surety of his centre-back pairing - currently Gallas plus ‘whoever wants a go’. This one may be closer than the French team care to admit.

(more…)

Adidas and Germany get creative for the World Cup

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:03:14 +0000

Die Mannschaft channel Sin City and a bit of Watchmen…

A little less standing around and this could’ve bested classic Nike adverts such as “No! It’s rounder,” and “Au Revoir”. Or at least that’s what The Spoiler called them in primary school.

UPDATE: Having actually watched both Nike adverts again, The Spoiler can confirm they will never be bested, ever.

The Spoiler Bet of the Day

Michael Lintorn — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:44:26 +0000

Come on Colchester, Norwich, Barnet and, erm, Costa Rica!

The Spoiler’s knowledge of Costa Rican football isn’t as good as it once was and, in truth, it was never that good to begin with. However, after watching Uruguay’s toothless performance against Argentina last month, our hunch is that they can get a result tomorrow night. Here’s why they’re one of four teams in our accumulator this weekend…

Colchester (v Exeter)
The only team they’ve failed to beat at home in the league this season are Leeds. Exeter have lost all four of their away games with top-half sides.

Norwich (v Tranmere)
The Canaries haven’t lost at Carrow Road since their opening day humiliation. Tranmere’s only away points came against bottom side Wycombe.

Barnet (v Hereford)
Ian Hendon’s men are unbeaten at Underhill and have won their last three there to nil. Hereford are yet to win away.

Costa Rica (v Uruguay)
They’ve won nine of their last ten home games, with victims including World Cup qualifiers USA and Honduras.

For a £10 stake, you can win £103.50 on Betfair with this quadruple.

Click here to claim a free £25 bet when opening a Betfair account

Sporno bumper post!

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:40:27 +0000

Celebrate Friday with an avalanche of inadvertent man love…

Cheers to Simon Bagel and eRe. The rest after the jump…

(more…)

Rafa has finally lost it, Ireland vs France turns political and more angry female players

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:18:03 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

The Spoiler might quit the day job and get into the growing “women’s football violence” industry [spotted on Dirty Tackle]

Really classy bunch at The Mirror - top 10 footballers who survived car crashes
[The Mirror]

Rafa Benitez is delirious
[Daily Mail]

The Premier League’s best benchwarmers
[Caught Offside]

Man City have their own pointless friendly, lose
[101 Great Goals]

‘R.O.I.’ and ‘France’ get into it, vis-a-vis executive boxes
[Off the Post]

Brazil friendly update: JT injured, Wayne Rooney could take the captain’s armb..ZzZzZzZz
[Football365]

Carlo Cudicini goes into surgery, as Spurs chiefs deny knowing he owned a bike

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:49:46 +0000

Keeper patched up after escaping this…

Carlo Cudicini is to undergo wrist and pelvic surgery today, after his “life-changing” motorbike crash yesterday morning. It has since been revealed many of Spurs‘ senior ranks didn’t know the keeper even owned a bike.

Every Premier League footballer has a standard clause written into their contract, banning them from taking part in anything which could affect their ability to train or play.

As Cudicini’s bike had apparently never been seen around Spurs’ training ground before, The Times are reporting he could possibly fall foul of a breach of contract, putting a spanner in the works of any insurance claims.

Frank Lampard injured in mid-air, as FA book budget plane to friendly in Qatar

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:24:07 +0000

Football chiefs could face £900k compensation bill…

Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard has been forced to pull out of England’s Qatar-based friendly with Brazil on Saturday, after picking up a hamstring injury brought on by the ‘cramped’ team plane.

The FA are now reportedly facing a £900,000 compensation claim from the Blues, as they look to reclaim the £151,000 p/w wages they’ll be shelling out while Lampsie is sprawled out over a physio’s bench.

According to The Sun, Lampard tore a thigh muscle during England’s first training session, after attempting to “burst into a sprint” (seriously, those were the words they used.) The finger of blame was immediately pointed at a pokey jet the FA had chartered to fly its team 3,000 miles to Qatar.

(more…)

Anybody got a spare room for Darius Vassell?

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:42:06 +0000

Will busk for lodgings…

Pictures of poor Darius Vassell’s eviction from a Turkish hotel room. Any spare rooms/sofas free?

More of these (admittedly rather sad) pictures after the jump…

(more…)

Boy toy Nicklas Bendtner is dating Danish royalty

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:40:20 +0000

Arsenal striker scores with baroness 13 years his senior…

Things just keep getting better for Nicklas Bendtner. A week after the Arsenal striker was chosen as the Danish Player of the Year, newspaper reports claim he’s found himself a new girlfriend. One with £400m and a castle.

34-year-old Baroness Caroline Luel-Brockdorff is a member of the Danish royal family who recently ended up quids in after a big money divorce settlement from the cousin of James Bond creator, Ian Fleming.

The couple met when she appeared in an episode of what we assume is the Danish equivalent of Changing Rooms (except she was doing up the family castle rather than a two bed semi in Warrington), in which Bentdner was guest-starring. At the time, she was quoted as saying:

He is charming and bright and he’s very willing to help other people. You never know when our paths will cross again.

Since then their paths, and probably a couple of other things, have indeed crossed, with the Danish high-society set heralding the relationship as a ‘fairytale romance’.

Now seemingly set for life with a sugar mommy, perhaps Nicklas will pack in the football career to focus his energies on the finer things in life, like falling out of clubs with his pants round his ankles, and driving into trees.

Robbie Savage tried to use his wife’s passport to board plane

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:08:33 +0000

Football panto villain gets odd looks from passport control…

Crown The Spoiler a 21st century prophet. Yesterday, we opined that professional footballers were now so girly, they’d eventually become indistinguishable from the fairer sex. Less than a day later, and The Sun reports Robbie Savage had to miss a flight with Derby County after mistaking his wife’s passport for his own. Nostradamus ain’t got s**t on us.

The Rams were jetting off on a 4am flight to Amsterdam, for last night’s friendly against ADO Den Haag (which they lost 1-0). On discovering his new passport photo flattered him immensely, Savage had to dash back home whilst staff waited on standby to check him into an afternoon flight:

“I offered to shave my beard and put on some make-up and then I’d have looked like my missus! What worries me slightly is that when I suggested it, some said I might get away with it!

We doubt it, Robbie. The Welsh midfielder made it to the ground minutes before kick-off, but had to settle with starting on the subs bench.

Spurs keeper Carlo Cudicini injured after motorbike crash

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:33:07 +0000

Injuries described by police as ‘possibly life-changing’

Tottenham Hotspur keeper Carlo Cudicini was rushed to hospital this morning, after his motorbike collided with a car.

Ambulances were called to the scene on Forest Road, Walthamstow, at 10.30am. The 36-year-old was then taken to an East London hospital for further assessment and treatment. Spurs have since released a statement on their official website:

Carlo Cudicini has fractured his wrists and injured his pelvis after being involved in a road accident this morning.

The 36-year-old Italian goalkeeper has been admitted to hospital and undergone scans under the supervision of club medical staff.

The club will update supporters on Carlo as soon as there is any further information.

Franck Ribery is at it again

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:10:26 +0000

Football’s head prankster-in-charge is good at standing still…

[spotted on Pies]

Darius Vassell evicted from Turkish hotel room

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:10:05 +0000

Striker booted from temporary home after club fails to pay rent

Darius Vassell - last seen being mobbed by 3,000 Turkish football fans after signing for Super Lig team Ankaragucu - has been kicked out of his hotel room after the club failed to keep up with bill payments.

Ankaragucu have been in financial difficulty since a recent takeover, with player wages being paid late and training sessions canceled. It hasn’t helped that, despite his Christ-like reception, Vassell has been typically rubbish in front of goal, netting two goals in seven games.

Talking to Sky Sports News, the striker said:

I have asked the managers did I do something wrong? The hotel manager said ‘no you didn’t do anything wrong’ but they had a meeting today with the club and now I must leave the hotel.

My heart tells me to stay here and play football for the fans but my bags are all packed and I wonder sometimes whether I should go back home. But tomorrow I hope somebody will explain to me what is happening and we can resolve the situation.

I’m not sure [if I will return to England]. It’s difficult. First of all I don’t speak the language so I can’t hear anything that’s happening.

Spoiler Bonus: Relive past memories of Darius with this clip of “insane skill” (it’s not that bicycle kick for England.)

Player sentenced to 40 lashes for drinking alcohol in Sudan

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:30:54 +0000

‘Excessive punishment’ news…

A promising Nigeria U-21 star has been sentenced to 40 lashes of the whip, after being found guilty of drink driving in Khartoum, the capital of Sudan.

Striker Stephen Worgu, who plays for first division side Al-Merreikh, was ordered to pay fines of £12 for alcohol consumption and £48 for driving under the influence.

Worgu’s lawyer is appealing the case, while Al-Merreikh are also pleading his innocence. In an interview with the BBC in April, Worgu said:

I am finding it hard to adapt [in Sudan]. It’s a different culture, different religion, different language, everything

They have this Sharia law, and it’s really affecting me also, because you don’t feel free to do the things you need to do.

We’re a little confused Worgu chose drink-driving as one of the things he felt he ‘needed’ to do - maybe they have really wide roads in Sudan, perfect for donuts and handbrake turns etc. Let’s hope his appeal is successful, anyway.

img credit: kickoffnigeria.com

Judge bans Defoe politely, Rooney finds World Cup winning secret and Old Firm rejected

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:03:05 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

We’ve been waiting for this to appear on YouTube all week

Carlo Cudicini has suspected broken pelvis after motorbike accident
[Daily Mail]

Four players ‘Arry should shift to raise some Big Four-cracking cash
[Caught Offside]

Eureka! I think Rooney’s cracked it! - ‘We must improve to win World Cup’ :/
[Times]

Fergie handed two match touchline ban for boring everyone to death
[Guardian]

Judge tells Defoe ‘good luck for WC2010′, before handing 6 month driving ban
[Off The Post]

No Old Firm in the EPL after all
[The Sun]

Premier League stars metrosexual out of control

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:02:34 +0000

Yes, we’ve used it as a verb.

The Spoiler would like to consider itself as toned, moisturised and stylishly-shaven as the next football blog - call us metrosexual if you so desire. You would be too if you were weaned on a diet of Arshavin sex-faces, Guti campery and Cristiano Ronaldo being Cristiano Ronaldo.

However, there are a group of men who seem to be steadily redrawing the boundaries of the phrase ‘metrosexual’, until it eventually becomes interchangeable with the phrase ‘I actually thought that was a woman for second there’ — Premier League footballers.

It might just be us, but when we first saw the picture above, its accessory-clad subject was almost unrecognisable. Let’s put it to the test (and hope it isn’t blindingly obvious):

A shiny gold coin for whoever can identify the Premier League ’star’ (upper/mid B-list) in the picture.

Answer, + picture, can be found over our secret football blog crush, Kickette

ECOOP V – a $4.5m poker championship for everyone

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:20:25 +0000

Brought to you by The Spoiler and Titan Poker…

While the World Series of Poker and its champion, the absurdly named, absurdly rich 21-year-old Kid Cada, may have stolen the headlines this week, all eyes will now be on Titan Poker as the European Championship of Online Poker returns this November. Starting on Monday 23rd, ECOOP V is set to kick off on the online poker site for a two-week long festival in which more than $4.5 million will be given away in guaranteed prize money.

ECOOP V will include 14 individual events for all player levels. This year’s poker party promises to be by far and away the biggest series yet and qualifiers are now up and running on Titan Poker for next to nothing. Don’t miss your chance to make online poker history.

Click here to claim a $500 free bonus and play poker at Titan Poker

St. Didier of Drogba gives £3m to build hospital

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:01:01 +0000

Not his own one to ‘recover’ from his many ‘injuries’, it’s for charity

The Spoiler can’t quite put our finger on it, but Didier Drogba has been strangely likable this season (discount last Sunday’s impromptu Harlem Shake if you want.) Perhaps it’s the undeniably prodigious goalscoring, or the fact there was a massive Drogba-deficit last season. Anyhoo, he’s been a thoroughly entertaining bloke recently, and, dare we say, perhaps now even a nice one.

According to the Daily Mail, Didier has pledged the £3m fee he’s just received for becoming the new face of Pepsi to a donation fund for building hospitals in his homeland, the Ivory Coast. He’s even managed to convince ‘hard-up’ Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich to top up the pot with a few million petrodollars:

Sources close to the remarkable deal also claim there will be a generous donation by Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich in a personal show of support for Drogba.

Sportsmail understands Abramovich may even have offered to match the donation pound for pound.

(more…)

Nani: Fergie is screwing up my Manchester United career

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 12:28:17 +0000

NotRonaldo talks his way out of Old Trafford…

Ruud van Nistelrooy, Jaap Stam and Roy Keane all have the same two things in common. All three were indispensable Man Utd players who were very much dispensed of the moment they crossed Sir Alex Ferguson.

The Spoiler can only assume Utd winger Nani, who is currently about as indispensable as a used, porous condom, was blissfully unaware of these events ever having happened, since he’s made the extremely stupid move of criticising Fergie in the tabloid press.

“It is clear the 23-year-old has reached the end of his tether,” crows The Sun, while rubbing their hands at the carnage about to unfold. “In a no-holds barred interview, Nani reveals how:”

He has felt the withering force of Fergie’s infamous hairdryer rage.

He is frustrated at being omitted from big-game starting line-ups.

He believes promises have not been kept.

Three grievances, all of which can be answered with one simple explanation: “It’s because you’re s**t.”

(more…)

This week’s football catfight: Villa Novas vs Tolman Tigers

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:51:54 +0000

2 for 1 special: Catfight breaks out on pitch, fans riot in stands

As if last week’s now infamous tear-up between Kassidy Shumway and Elizabeth Lambert wasn’t enough (it wasn’t), women’s football has fallen foul of another on-pitch scrap. A high school match between the Woonsocket Villa Novans and the Tolman Tigers had to be abandoned when a 22-man rumble broke out, as two opposing players began to throw hands.

As a bonus, watching fans, galvanised by scenes of children fighting, then turned on each other; ensuring at least 500,000 views on YouTube by next week.

(Fat) Ronaldo: “I’m fat”

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:20:14 +0000

O Fenômeno’s weight-related epiphany is three years overdue…

Since returning to Brazil after pies and feeble knee cartilage called time on a 14-year European career, Original Ronaldo has been enjoying his football. He’s racked up 19 goals in 25 games for Corinthians so far, bagging a league title and Brazil Cup in the process.

All this success has made him hungry (not an unfamiliar feeling) for glory on the world stage … if he could just get rid of his gut.

In an interview with Brazilian TV channel Globo, the tubby genius relayed plans for world domination next summer:

“Right now, today, I would not even call myself up [for the national team] … I am going to make a huge effort, maybe the biggest effort of my entire career. I am going to do everything I can to be there [in South Africa for WC2010] … I think it will largely depend on the first semester of 2010.

It is Corinthians’ centenary year and we are going to take part in the Brazilian championship and the Libertadores Cup… I am going to admit it, I am fat. Television adds 3 kilos. Here I have five cameras pointing at me. So that’s 3 kilos per camera!”

We’ll assume the ‘huge effort’ will be however much exertion is required to pick up a phone and book a liposuction appointment.

Fan love: An open letter to Grimbsy Town

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:37:29 +0000

Expect this one to be doing the rounds soon…

Correspondence recently unearthed from Grimsby Town’s mailbox (allegedly):

Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC,

I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do.

I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your ‘performance’ (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.

In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and wánking furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.

(more…)

Mexico’s ’80s inspired kit, Tevez is an ideal housewife, and the Blues Brothers

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:08:39 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Well in.

Luke Young retires from international football
[BBC Football]

I think a “LOL” is in order here. Is that Adrian from Rocky?
[Pies]

After the Rafa/Phil Brown/Jedward mashup of a few days ago, Fleet Street’s Photoshop goons are excelling themselves
[The Sun]

Carlton Cole - Liverpool’s unlikely hero?
[Caught Offside]

Mexico’s new kit takes inspiration from the shittest fashion trend in a long while
[ONTD]

Behind the scenes at WC2010
[Daily Mail]

Schumacher’s 1994 Benetton car? Yours for £2m
[Telegraph]

Would it matter to you if a player dived to win your country the World Cup?

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 14:48:26 +0000

Tainted victory? You decide…

Inspired by the David N’Gog/diving debate. Hypocritical bandwagoning or much-deserved attack on cheating w*nkers? Rock t’vote.

Broke Hull give injury-hit Ian Ashbee new £20k contract

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 14:36:29 +0000

Despite the Tigers skipper being on the brink of retirement…

Recently departed Hull chairman Paul Duffen clearly hasn’t been keeping up with Dean Ashton’s troubles at West Ham. According to The Mirror, one of his last acts before leaving was to give club captain Ian Ashbee a brand new £20,000 p/w contract.

Considering Ashbee is a Tigers legend, having captained the club from League Two to the Premier League, this wouldn’t typically be an issue - except the 34-year-old midfielder has been ruled out of the whole 09/10 season with a cruciate ligament injury which could force him into retirement. Oh, and Hull are already £27m in debt … mainly thanks to their crippling wage bill.

Lothar Matthaus rejects job offer from club by text message

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:39:02 +0000

2009 equivalent of Rivaldo’s “thx, but no thx” letter to Spurs

Lothar Matthaus has turned down Argentinean Primera Division club Racing by text message, hours before starting his new job as manager. The legendary German sweeper had been expected to hop on a plane to Buenos Aires this morning, but had a change of heart after fears his 22-year-old wife (Lothar is pushing 50, btw) would not be able to continue her modeling career in South America.

Despite Racing Club setting up interviews with Argentinean modeling agencies and TV production companies, in a statement on his website, the former Hungary manager claimed to have rejected the offer due to doubts over financial guarantees. In typical jilted lover fashion, Racing say they’re the ones who did the dumping. Club President, Rodolfo Molina announced:

“Matthaeus will not be the coach of Racing, because of the decision of Racing. He wanted last-minute changes, which the club did not agree with.

Expect the next chapter in this saga to be a ill-advised drunken text. “Am sorry lotR. I dnt wnt2 dual this up. Plz giv us anthr chance x B^D”

Germany keeper Robert Enke dies after being hit by train

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:39:36 +0000

Police confirm 32-year-old left a suicide note at the scene

Robert Enke, goalkeeper for the German national team and Bundesliga club Hannover 96, was found dead last night after an apparent suicide attempt.

Enke’s body was found at a level crossing in Neustadt am Rübenberge, on the outskirts of Hannover, after he had been hit by a high-speed train. Police have confirmed there was a farewell note left at the scene. The Guardian reports:

The 32-year-old was hit by the train as it passed through a crossing at Neustadt-Eilvese on its route between Hamburg and Bremen. Police said the Hannover 96 captain’s car, parked metres away from the tracks, was unlocked and his wallet still inside.

The two train drivers reported seeing a man on the tracks and applied the brakes while travelling at about 100mph but could not stop in time, police reported. Enke was pronounced dead at the scene.

Enke had been expected to secure a starting place in Germany’s World Cup 2010 squad. Last night fans were leaving tributes to the Hannover 96 captain at the team’s stadium.

John Terry gets down and dirty in this week’s “Angler’s Mail”

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:59:01 +0000

Mr Chelsea loves fishing around in wet, smelly muck…

Out now!

Full front page here

Newcastle fans are launching a campaign to buy-out the club

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:49:53 +0000

Supporters take matters into their own hands…

The recent furore over St. James Park’s naming rights was clearly the last of many straws - a group of Newcastle United fans have started appeals to banks and local businesses, asking for help in raising enough funds to launch a takeover bid for the club. The Newcastle United Supporters Trust (NUST) claim to have roped in ‘big names in the business and financial world’ to help meet Mike Ashley’s £80m price tag:

We have emailed over 40,000 supporters to ask them if and how they want to buy into the campaign to lead a city-wide bid to buy back the club.

The idea is based on fans investing in the club through a number of financial opportunities which will be held by a local solicitor in an escrow account to demonstrate to Ashley that the fans have proof of funds.

(more…)

Hansen-approved defending, Peter goes to Hollywood and Man City chat up a 14-year-old

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:40:50 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Ironic that a bloke called Hansen should profit from some of the worst defending in history [via Off The Post]

The Gunners dress up for charidee, Fabregas apparently rocking a weird pony/rabbit hybrid
[Kickette]

Women’s footballer turned stripper goes back to her roots
[Dirty Tackle]

Hopefully these two will play a friendly against Martin Taylor next summer
[The Sun]

Peter (Kenyon) goes to Hollywood
[The Times]

Five players Rafa should sell in order to buy someone who can save his job
[Caught Offside]

Man City offer QPR two squad players + £1m for a 14-year-old
[The Mirror]

Kid Cada, 21, new poker world champion and $8.55m richer

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:49:06 +0000

Claim a free bonus and win big at Titan Poker

Young Joe Cada beat logger Darvin Moon heads-up to win the World Series of Poker Main Event title early Tuesday morning. With his victory, Cada becomes the youngest winner ever at the tender age of 21. Cada won $8,547,042 for finishing first while Moon took home a still whopping $5,182,920 for his second-place finish.

Moon, the lumberjack from Maryland kept applying pressure all night at the Rio in Las Vegas. Cada, an Internet poker specialist, eventually found his footing and the victory blow came when he went all in with pocket nines versus Moon’s queen and jack of diamonds.

After he realised the champion bracelet and the millions were his, Cada was ice-cool and kept a poker face even after his triumph.

“I’m a heads-up specialist,” Cada told reporters. “I’ve been playing it for three years online.”

“My (aggressive) style of play comes from playing seven days a week online, including tournaments on Sundays.”

Click here to claim a $500 free bonus and play poker at Titan Poker

Alex Sanchez: La Liga’s first one-handed player

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:33:42 +0000

Real Zaragoza reserve-team starlet makes history…

Real Zaragoza’s 3-1 defeat to Valencia on Sunday was relatively uneventful, largely because Jermaine Pennant was injured and therefore unable to stink up the pitch with his special brand of ‘football’. However, history was made on the 85th minute, when Zaragoza coach Marcelino brought on 20-year-old Alex Sanchez - La Liga’s (and, as far as we know, all of European football’s) first one-handed footballer.

Born without a right mitt, Alex was was handed a first team debut after bagging 12 goals in 10 games for Zaragoza’s reserve squad. There was no fairytale ending to his first senior appearance though - in the 15 minutes he was on the pitch, he flubbed a rubbish attempt to win a penalty and was booked for diving.

A certain someone will be off Steven Gerrard’s Christmas card list this year…

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:23:56 +0000

…or maybe not

“I don’t think there’s anything worse than a player diving when no one’s been anywhere near him. It does ruin the game.

If I saw a team-mate doing it, I would definitely have a word.”

- Steven Gerrard

Is Dean Ashton about to announce his retirement?

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:00:06 +0000

West Ham striker’s career finally succumbs to ankle injury…

Could Dean Ashton be joining Eric Cantona, apocalyptist goalkeeper Carlos Roa, and, to a lesser extent, Dean Richards, amongst the ranks of footballing heroes whose careers were prematurely cut short? Today’s papers are buzzing with news the West Ham striker is close to quitting the beautiful game, after being ruled out for over a year with a persistent ankle injury. Ashton has only featured in four matches in the past 18 months, altogether making just 42 appearances in four years at Upton Park:

West Ham will be making an insurance claim, believed to be about £7 million, for the loss of Ashton. However, any claim by the club against the FA could become complex, with Ashton having appeared to recover from the initial injury

He was injured in a collision with Shaun Wright-Phillips, the Manchester City winger who was playing for Chelsea at the time. Ashton could consider making an insurance claim against the FA and/or Wright-Phillips.

West Ham sources have confirmed that, despite no definitive decision having been made yet, it doesn’t look good for the 25-year-old.

Tom Huddlestone plays up to jibes about being ‘a bit large’

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:04:30 +0000

Insight into why he has the turning speed of a block of flats…

Ex-Spurs Steed Malbranque and Andy Reid were never the tallest of players, but this is just silly.

Are Man City still favourites to break the top four?

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:48:31 +0000

Moneybags Mancs aren’t as flash as first thought…

Lying in 6th, the table might show Man City are still in with a chance to crash the Big Four’s tedious party, but their fans seems to think otherwise.

Boos rang out on full time at City’s 3-all draw with Burnley - the club’s fifth successive draw in a row. After a £120m spending spree in the summer, taking five points from Aston Villa, Wigan, Fulham, Birmingham and Burnley might indicate a slight derailing of Manchester’s Emirati revolution.

So, with a post-suspension Adebayor decidedly quieter than he was at the start of the season, Lescott playing as if - surprise, surprise - he wasn’t worth £24m after all and Mark Hughes being increasingly found out as lacking the tactical acumen to change a game, are City still favourites to drag ~~Arsenal~~ Liverpool out of the Premier League’s elite?

The Spoiler Bet of the Day

Michael Lintorn — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:45:15 +0000

Hopefully we’ll be bored to tears by events at Anfield tonight

Nine successive Liverpool home games in the Premier League had featured at least three goals prior to the 2-0 win over Manchester United 15 days ago. Here’s why we’re hoping that the flood is about to be followed by a drought…

» The last three meetings between the two sides have all featured under 2.5 goals, with just three goals scored in total during the encounters. Incidentally, Liverpool won none of them.

» Premier League games this season have averaged 3.03 goals a game but Birmingham’s have featured the fewest of any top-flight club, with just 20 in 11 matches - 1.82 a match.

» Liverpool’s is among the highest because of their goal-heavy clashes with Stoke, Burnley and Hull but three of their last four have failed to breach the 2.5 barrier.

You can find odds of 2.28 (almost 13/10) on Betfair that there will be under 2.5 goals in tonight’s game.

Click here to claim a free £25 bet when opening a Betfair account

Drogba auditions for Casualty, Spiderman forgets his mask and a ten goal thriller

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:44:36 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Didier Drogba takes football theatrics to seizure-tastic new levels

Jonas ‘Spiderman’ Gutierrez finally scores… but leaves his Spidey mask in the dressing room
[The Sun]

Game of the weekend: Lyon 5 - Marseille 5
[101 Great Goals]

6 stadiums which have sold their souls - although ‘Bargain Booze Stadium’ conjures fond memories of The Spoiler’s student days
[Telegraph]

John Terry will now have a special chant for every member of his family
[News of the World]

Are Eboue and Sagna ready to quit Arsenal’s goal party?
[Caught Offside]

Wee Gordon Strachan thinks marriage is the key to Boro’s problems
[Off The Post]

Is it time for Ledley King to hang up his boots for good?

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:30:02 +0000

Spurs talisman may call time on his career, for his own good…

It was all smiles around White Hart Lane this Saturday, as Heurelho Gomes‘ heroics and a wanky penner from derided ex-Spur Darren Bent propelled Tottenham to 4th spot, after a 2-0 victory against Sunderland. However, not everything went to plan for Harry Redknapp’s men - vice-captain Ledley King was subbed, through injury, 10 mins after the restart.

So far this season King has only played a full 90 minutes five times in eight league games, despite his infamous ultra-low intensity training sessions. Contract up for renewal in the summer, the Spurs backroom have a genuine dilemma on their hands as to whether the defender should stay on - and the cons are stacked against him.

(more…)

Gianfranco Zola takes drastic steps to stop Nigel Quashie relegating West Ham

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:10:07 +0000

Relegation-baiting midfielder told to stay away

Like heavy rocks in a bin-liner full of kittens, the dead weight of West Ham midfielder Nigel Quashie’s astounding mediocrity has dragged four of his five previous clubs into the relegation mire in the past 14 years.

With the Hammers currently languishing 19th in the Premier League, boss Gianfranco Zola seems to have finally caught wind of Quashie’s club-damning reputation and is now on a mission to keep the midfielder away from Upton Park at all costs.

According to reports in the News of the World, having already been packed off to Poland, Nigel has now been told to stay away from training completely, being offered the tasty incentive of seeing out his £20,000 p/w contract by sitting at home watching The Wright Stuff:

“The midfielder approached the Hammers last week about a pay-off, after manager Gianfranco Zola ignored his claims for a recall.

Instead Quashie, forced to travel to Poland last week with the reserves, was told he no longer has to report for training.

(more…)

Oral hygiene is extremely important to Chelsea fans

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:24:04 +0000

Anyone else spot this bloke at last night’s game?

Gary Neville: United fans at Barnsley were just ‘boisterous’

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:27:52 +0000

Bit of an understatement there, Gary.

Catfight at BYU vs New Mexico women’s football game

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:02:50 +0000

Ladies match turns into mud wrestling battle (without the mud)

BYU’s Kassidy Shumway and Elizabeth Lambert (the dirty one) of New Mexico get the undercard for Haye vs Valuev started early.

Man Utd named the best supported club in Europe

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:43:15 +0000

Premier League champs overtake Real Madrid…

Manchester United and Arsenal are the only English clubs to make the top 10 of a list of Europe’s 50 best supported clubs. The rankings, based on last season’s average attendance, are still dominated by German clubs - nine made the top 20.

See the full list after the jump…

(more…)

Fernando Torres could miss Liverpool’s next four games

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:18:51 +0000

Spanish press claim striker may not be back until December…

Diagnosis of Fernando Torres‘ recent trip to Spain, for a second opinion on his groin injury, proved fairly inconclusive in the English press this morning. The Spanish media, however, are confident the striker will be out until after Liverpool’s crucial Champions League clash with Debrecen.

According to AS, Torres hopped on a private jet to see Dr Ramon Cugat, a respected sports injury specialist, after medical staff at Liverpool’s Melwood training ground claimed surgery - which Benitez is desperate to avoid - was the only solution. Cugat is reported to have prescribed a ‘conservative treatment’ which will mean El Nino is laid up until the Reds’ game against Blackburn on December 5th.

Spoiler Bonus: El Mundo Deportivo are reporting a gentleman’s agreement is in place for Robinho to sign for Barcelona in the January transfer window now both the Man City chairman and Mark Hughes (who allegedly ‘has always been receptive to his departure’) are resigned to losing the Brazilian forward.

Good times with Football Manager, eleven famous beards and Sven gets an acting role

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:20:44 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Sven stars in a Kleenex ad

Reminiscing on the Championship/Football Manager series
[Guardian]

Arsenal scouts hid in trees to get a look at Vermaelen
[Off The Post]

Football’s greatest bearded footballers
[Interestment]

Patrick Vieira (not even the best midfielder on Inter’s bench) demands to be recognised as the best midfielder in France
[Goal.com]

Arsenal weighing up an £18m punt on winger Milos Krasic
[Caught Offside]

1 in 20 British schoolkids think Adolf Hitler was a football manager
[The Sun]

Katy Perry makes watching West Ham games worthwhile

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:41:37 +0000

She’ll be at West Ham/Everton on Sunday, get it moving…

Being a game sort of girl, big-chested faux-lesbian Katy Perry rocked up to last night’s MTV Europe Video Awards in this claret and blue ensemble, after a dare from her Hammers supporting boyfriend Russell Brand:

Wow. Now MY GIRLFRIEND has worn a West Ham basque while hosting the EMA’s. What a day! I might revive Gandhi and ask if he wants to be mates.

Yes I will be taking her to a game – West Ham Vs Everton. And, before it begins, no I won’t be taking her up the Arsenal. x

Hopefully this will give the West Ham board a bit of inspiration for their next replica shirt advertising campaign, after this summer’s nightmare-inducing Ray Winstone effort.

[spotted on Dirty Tackle]

Video: Fulham and Everton Europa League highlights

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:00:31 +0000

English clubs get the bitter taste of defeat in Europe…

Roma 2/ Fulham 1
Fulham lead the game for 50 mins after being put 1-0 up through a Diomansy Kamara penalty. John Arne Riise arrowed in a shot (deflected off of his younger brother, Bjorn Helge) to restore parity before Stefano Okaka Chuka completed the reversal 15 minutes from time. Fulham need to win both their remaining games (CSKA Sofia at home, FC Basel away) to stand a chance of getting through the knockout rounds.

Everton 0/ Benfica 2

The Toffees were once again well and truly served by Benfica, two weeks after their 5-0 humping in Portugal. Former massively-disappointing-Argentine Javier Saviola and the free scoring Oscar Cardozo racked up a goal a piece, leaving Everton second in Group I, three points behind the leaders. A win against AEK Athens next month will see Moyes’ men through comfortably.

Chelsea’s transfer embargo suspended by CAS, Ancelotti gets shopping list out

Richard Gilzene — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:11:46 +0000

Expect a megayacht-load of new faces rocking up at the Bridge…

The Court of Arbitration for Sport have temporarily suspended Chelsea’s FIFA-imposed two-window transfer ban, leaving the Blues free to sign players until a final decision has been made over their appeal:

The FIFA Dispute Resolution Chamber imposed, inter alia, a restriction of four months’ ineligibility on Mr Gael Kakuta, and Chelsea Football Club Ltd was banned from registering any new players, either nationally or internationally, for the next two complete, consecutive registration periods. Such sanctions are now stayed until the CAS renders its final decision in this matter.

Despite this (unsurprising) bit of good fortune, the success of Chelsea’s appeal isn’t guaranteed - there’ll almost certainly be a stockpiling of players in the January transfer window, especially if Ron Gourlay wants two Champions League trophies in the next five years.

So who should be top of the shopping list? Sergio Aguero? Angel di Maria? Frank Ribery?

Lord knows Rio Ferdinand is Rock & Roll

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:15:45 +0000

“La Tasca, La Tasca, we don’t care about the mafia”

What better way for a professional footballer to answer his critics than to film himself pissed, in a tapas bar, MCing like he’s at a Garage rave circa 1999?

Is Arsenal’s attack better than it was in the Invincibles era?

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:00:42 +0000

van Persie, Fabregas and Arshavin > Henry, Pires and Bergkamp?

After Arsenal’s 4-1 Champions League cakewalk against the Eredivisie champions last night, Arsene Wenger was moved to compare his young team to the unbeaten Gunners squad of 03/04:

We’ve never had as many options on the creative side. We still have Nicklas Bendtner and Theo Walcott who are offensive players who are not available.

Denilson, Eduardo, Tomas Rosicky did not start - that is why I was amazed when people said, ‘Buy, buy, buy’. And Carlos Vela as well… I forgot him!

Fair assessment, or another one of Le Prof’s attempts to tack an extra psychological boost onto an impressive performance? Ljungberg, Henry, Pires and Bergkamp had racked up 16 goals and 10 assists in all competitions by this time in 03/04 season; while van Persie, Arshavin, Bendtner and Fabregas are already on 24 goals and 23 assists.

In terms of depth, Wenger has a point - as backups go, Eduardo, Rosicky and Nasri are a more desirable trio of reinforcements than Reyes, Wiltord and Kanu were. But does the overall attacking quality of the squad match up?

Adriano fronts drugs campaign, Darren Byfield is upset and shinpads are sexy

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:54:22 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

An excellent study on how to use sex to sell shinpads, via [The Offside]

Rafa feels the force of Darren Byfield’s post-Jamelia-divorce venting
[Off The Post]

Adriano fronts a new drugs campaign
[Dirty Tackle]

10 things which might help Rafa Benitez keep his job
[Caught Offside]

Internal memo from Mike Ashley leaked
[Football365]

Once again, a team isn’t bothered whether Andriy Shevchenko leaves or not
[Daily Mail]

Stan Kronke is getting ready for a takeover bid
[The Sun]

Jack Warner returns FA gift after ‘facing indignities’

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:39:04 +0000

Let’s hope they kept the receipt…

Weeks after The FA was embroiled in a row over appearing to buy off the FIFA’s executive committee (or at least their wives) with designer handbags, in the hope of securing some votes for England’s World Cup 2018 bid, FIFA vice-prez Jack Warner has decided he doesn’t want his anymore.

The £230 Mulberry bag has been sent back, along with a tear-stained letter claiming it’s brought him nothing but bad press:

Had [my wife] or I known then that the acceptance of what we all felt was a kind gesture would have resulted in the tainting of her character and mine together with the untold embarrassment to which we are still being subjected, none of us would have attended the dinner, nor would she have accepted what we thought was a gift in honour of her birthday [We’ll assume she thought it was in honour of the all the other wives’ birthdays as well - The Spoiler]

I have faced and continue to face all kinds of indignities from all manner of persons, but when these insults touch my wife, it represents an all time low.

(more…)

The Spoiler Bet of the Day

Michael Lintorn — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:55:06 +0000

Who do we turn to in our hour of need? Steve McClaren!

It’s been a horrible few days. Firstly, Man United flopped when all the long shots in our Champions League accumulator delivered and then Lyon once again mugged Liverpool in injury time yesterday.

When your luck is down, you probably don’t want to be relying on a Goodison Park goalfest, Spanish strugglers finding form and Steve McClaren. The Spoiler loves a long shot though…

Over 2.5 goals in Everton/Benfica
Six of Everton’s last seven European games have produced three goals or more. Benfica are the most prolific team in Portugal by miles and thumped five (more…)

Massimo Oddo is a fan of Kaka’s ball juggling skills

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:42:40 +0000

AC Milan defender uses the sexy to get Brazilian’s attention…

Spotted at [ONTD Football]

Spoiler bonus: Check out our extensive Sporno gallery here

Video: Liverpool and Arsenal Champions League highlights

Richard Gilzene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:10:08 +0000

Things get even harder for Rafa, Arsenal stroll to victory…

Arsenal 4/ AZ Alkmaar 1

Cesc Fabregas (angrily) opened the scoring 25 minutes into Arsenal’s televised training match against the Dutch champions; Samir Nasri doubling the Gunners’ lead with an exquisite shoulder drop. Second half strikes from Fabregas and Abou Diaby wrapped up the win, although Alkmaar bagged a late consolation in the form of a Jeremain Lens toe punt.

At the final whistle, there was only one question on the lips of a half empty Emirates… what the f**k has happened to the Dutch league?

Lyon 1/ Liverpool 1

Last minute comebacks are meant to be reserved for Liverpool, although it seems Lisandro Lopez didn’t get the memo. The Argentinean striker took advantage of some suicidal injury time defending to cancel out Ryan Babel’s impressive 83rd minute strike, signaling most Reds fans to start checking which TV channels are still showing Europa League football.

In a game of stark contrasts, Andriy Voronin plumbed new depths of unacceptable wankery, while Lyon keeper Hugo Lloris did a lot more to justify his billing as Football Manager-endorsed Keeper of the Future than Igor Akinfeev had on Tuesday.

Nigeria U17s captain is too old to play for the U21 team

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:03:02 +0000

Golden Eaglets skipper allegedly turned 18 about seven years ago

The U-17 World Cup, currently taking place in Nigeria, has been rocked by allegations the host nation’s captain, Fortune Chukwudi, is actually somewhere closer to 25.

Before the tournament, FIFA had made attempts to stamp out ‘age cheating’ by using MRI scans to determine a players age through bone density, but on Sunday a former Nigerian international revealed he’d seen Chukwudi playing youth team football as far back as 02/03:

“In the 2002/2003 season, I was chairman of Sharks Football Club of Port Harcourt. I decided to have a feeder team of fresh school leavers not older than 20 years.

One of my key players then is the current captain of our so-called Under 17 Golden Eaglets. By his own admission at that time, that is seven years ago, he was 18 years old.

(more…)

Kids put life savings into tribute cake, Maradona says ‘no thanks’

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:36:57 +0000

Argentina boss is serious about counting calories…

Earlier this week The Spoiler brought news of the ‘unwanted side-effects’ Diego Maradona has been suffering after his short stint in fat camp a few months ago. Now we’re getting wind El Pibe de Oro has recently been on a few more diet-related adventures.

According to today’s Daily Star, on hearing of his plans to visit on a charity trip, a group of children from the slums of Calcutta, India decided to surprise the footballing legend with a birthday cake. After weeks spent begging for cash the kids bought a £200, 4ft high blue and white cake. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a carbs day for Diego:

“It was quite rude really. These children literally have nothing but the clothes on their backs. But they managed to put together all that money to get Maradona a really impressive birthday cake.

“He took one look at it and said no. He could have had at least one bite. It wouldn’t have killed him, or affected his diet.

Fan Kamal Akash, 12, said: “It was fantastic to see our hero. We would have liked him to have had some cake.”

Thailand players get free McDs, Newcastle get a new email address and Becks gets pigs

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:08:42 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

After this, and the one where he controls the ball dropped off a block of flats, I might just bother to watch ‘Wayne Rooney’s Street Striker’. Maybe. Probably not.

Football’s 10 best celeb fans. How did Justin Timberlake get to be friends with Alan Smith?
[Caught Offside]

Thailand’s national football team double their chances of dropping dead on the pitch
[FourFourTwo]

Posh gets David’s Christmas present early
[The Mirror]

For some reason there is consensus in the Newcastle boardroom that an email address is an adequate title for a stadium
[Journal Live]

Polish keeper sacked for making homophobic remarks in his autobiography - with a title like “Fucking Polack”, I guess controversy was to be expected
[Deadspin]

Swine flu masks to be handed out at Dynamo Kyiv vs Inter
[Football Italia]

Is AC Milan’s potential owner as crazy as their current one?

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:27:51 +0000

Albanian oil baron alleged to have ordered journo beating…

Last month, rumours were swirling of a bid to wrest AC Milan from the wandering hands of everyone’s favourite political liability, Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi. Albanian oligarch Rezart Taci was ready to lump €700m on the Rossoneri, claiming he’d been given first refusal by Berlusconi after putting the kibosh on a mysteriously failed takeover of Serie A side Bologna.

Fans may think Milan have it bad enough with Berlusconi - whose ‘Controversies’ section in Wikipedia is the longer than most people’s entire profiles - at the helm, but according to Spanish sports paper AS (one of the less mental ones), Taci could give him a run in the ’shady’ stakes.
(more…)

Lionel Messi is not a fan of cold weather

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:20:07 +0000

Jinking Barca winger isn’t looking forward to tonight’s clash in Russia…

Google Translate provides more unintentional japery …

Fran Merida betrays city of Madrid, Arsenal possibly next

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:12:30 +0000

Agent claims ‘illness’ is to blame…

Fran Merida’s laser-guided finish in the Carling Cup against Liverpool last week propelled him into public eye alongside Carlos Vela, Jack Wilshere and Aaron Ramsey, as part of Arsenal’s jealousy-inducing line up of future stars.

However, things aren’t all good in the hood. The 19-year-old Spaniard is out of contract at the end of season and doesn’t look particularly fussed about tying up a deal any time soon. Even worse, he’s jonesing for a move to Atletico Madrid - which wouldn’t be so bad if 1) Atleti weren’t 18th in La Liga (one win from nine); and 2) he wasn’t born in Barcelona.

(more…)

Video: Chelsea and Man Utd Champions League highlights

Richard Gilzene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:15:34 +0000

Newbie managers hold English sides in Europe…

CSKA Moscow 3/ Manchester United 3

Leonid Slutsky’s (no laughing at the back) side took a surprise lead through Alan’s 25th minute strike, but were soon pegged back by a typically poached goal from Michael Owen. After going 3-1 down to a pair of all-too-easy goals from Milos Krasic and Vasili Berezutski, United staged a late rally - 84th minute late - with a Paul Scholes header and Antonio Valencia’s deflected equaliser.

Atletico Madrid 2/ Chelsea 2

Chelsea started the match ready to hammer an Atletico Madrid side, laughably shambolic on and off the pitch, who had nothing to play for. However, Atleti put in an admirable first-half performance, before Kun Aguero came on and smashed a 66th minute volley which stuck a massive middle finger up at any idea of a Blues rout.

Didier Drogba grabbed a late brace, but Aguero popped up again in injury time (with a free-kick that’ll add a few €m to his price tag in January) to grab a point.

The Spoiler Bet of the Day

Michael Lintorn — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:12:46 +0000

It’s time for Rafa to dig himself out of yet another hole

Yesterday The Spoiler picked out a four-team accumulator and were just one goal away from celebrating a tidy £104.70 profit. With Liverpool a tasty 21/10 on 888sport to win away to Lyon tonight, we’re relying on Rafa’s knack of delivering results when they matter most to make us some money. Here’s why we’re trusting the Reds:

» No team has ever done the double over Liverpool in the Champions League group stage since Rafael Benitez arrived in 2004 and only one side - Benfica in 2006 - have beaten the Reds twice in the same season in the competition.

» Liverpool have won their last four Champions League games in France, beating Bordeaux, Toulouse and Marseille (twice).

» Lyon have triumphed in just four of their last 12 home matches in the competition and were beaten 2-0 by regular strugglers Sochaux the last time they stepped foot in the Stade Gerland.

Click to claim £50 of free bets when opening an 888sport account

The 2009 MLS season in eleven minutes

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:41:35 +0000

Since there’s nothing else going on today…

With the MLS season drawing to a close, the league have released their candidates for 2009’s goal of the season. Although it might look like they’ve sort of missed the point and just documented every shot that went in, trust us, there are some pearlers in there (Brian McBride@ 1:35, for instance.)

Spurs are top of the league, Kai Rooney tweets and remember Gaizka Mendieta?

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:04:50 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Remi Gaillard: professional prank artist and also extremely handy with a football. Franck Ribery would be proud.

Spurs sit top of the most pointless league table ever devised
[Daily Mail]

Is Angel di Marina Rafa’s ace card or the first signing in Liverpool’s new era?
[Caught Offside]

Gaizka Mendieta: from £30m transfers to being told you’ll never get a game at a Boro team 12th in the league
[BBC Sport]

Twitter users don’t hang about - the first Kai Rooney accounts are up
[Off The Post]

Atletico Madrid have got their Newcastle hats on
[Guardian

We’ll give it three months (weeks)
[The Sun]

Cristiano Ronaldo teams up with Michael Jackson’s dad to sell BBQ grills

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:48:05 +0000

So cheap and tacky, he put his name on it…

There’s still a fair chance Cristiano Ronaldo will have a lot of free time on his hands next summer, while the rest of his Real Madrid team mates jet off to South Africa for a post-season kick about. However, fans of winking and arrogance will be happy to hear CR9 could be lining up a contingency plan to make sure his face will remain plastered all over our TV screens come June.

According to US entertainment site TMZ (who broke the news of Michael Jackson’s death), horror-faced entrepreneur Joe “he’s worth more dead than alive” Jackson has told them he is set to meet the Portuguese man-o-sex early next month, to start filming TV, magazine and internet adverts for his latest venture - the laughably rubbish ‘Goalie Grill’ barbecue set.

Cabin crew reveal the Spurs team “are all very impolite”

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:33:51 +0000

Man Utd’s squad, on the other hand, get a gold star…

Over the years it’s become apparent footballers have a hard time travelling in cars without crashing, vomiting, or embarrassing themselves. But what about other methods of transport? Sunday’s feature in The Times on cabin crew secrets revealed flying habits of some of the Premier League’s finest:

“We often get football teams flying to European games, and it’s always interesting to see how they behave. Without doubt the rudest was Spurs. They were going to Prague a couple of years ago, and they were all very impolite. None of them said thank you for anything. One player in particular, a striker, sat with his headphones on and refused to take them off, and none of them would lift their window blinds for takeoff and landing.

(more…)

Don’t argue with Jeff Winter

Richard Gilzene — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:42:58 +0000

Ex-ref lives out rage-filled retirement

Jeff Winter, retired ref, professional media whore and the only man with facial hair bad enough to rival Craig David, happily waded into the argument between Sir Alex Ferguson and Alan Wiley last month, calling the United manager a ‘bully and a coward’ for deeming Wiley to be out of shape after his side’s 2-2 draw against Sunderland.

However, it’s since been brought to The Spoiler’s attention Winter may not be in the best position to be taking the moral high ground on being magnanimous. Jeff’s official website “Jeff Winter Entertainment & Media” (no, really) is an amazing shrine to egotism, the highlight of which has to be the ‘Reader’s Letters‘ section.

A selection of Winter’s finest correspondence after the jump …

(more…)

The Spoiler bet of the day

Michael Lintorn — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:31:36 +0000

Our attempt to turn a £10 note into ten £10 notes

The Spoiler has a bit of a soft spot for Chris Hughton but he let us down badly last night by leaving the Hare well and truly malnourished at Bramall Lane - using him in only the last six minutes to render yesterday’s bet null and void.

Today, we’re taking no chances, pursuing an accumulator so that nothing besides the weather and floodlight failure can rule the bet pointless. We’re looking to turn £10 into £104.70 by backing Juventus, Porto, Wolfsburg and Manchester United to win tonight. Here’s why:

Maccabi Haifa v Juventus - The Israelis have lost all three of their matches so far without scoring.

APOEL v Porto - Porto won their first group meeting and over the past three seasons, whenever they do that they go on to complete a double.

Besiktas v Wolfsburg - A big ask, although Besiktas have lost four of their last ten home games and have scored just once this season in Europe.

Manchester United v CSKA Moscow - United are unbeaten in 23 Champions League matches at Old Trafford, of which they have won 18.

Combine these four together using the Betfair Coupon and you stand to win over ten times your initial stake!

Click here to claim a free £25 bet when opening a Betfair account

‘Arry claims Arsene Wenger got his sloppy seconds

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:03:41 +0000

Spurs boss suffers wheel/deal fail…

Harry Redknapp, never one to miss an opportunity to mine some glory out of the most desperate of situations, has brushed off Spurs’ 3-0 humping at the Emirates on Saturday by revealing he knew about one of Arsenal’s best performers this season, Thomas Vermaelen, before Arsene Wenger did:

“I was recommended him as a left-back but we were strong in that position. People who recommended him didn’t speak of him as a central defender.”

‘Arry can’t have done too much research - Vermaelen filled in at centre-back for Ajax for over a third of last season, winning eight of the 12 games he played in the role. If the Spurs boss wants to get a more well-rounded view of Europe’s finest footballers, perhaps he should actually start playing Football Manager, rather than just pocketing the coin from shamelessly hawking it.

Football and Guitar Hero, a match made in heaven

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:32:21 +0000

Tricksters master seriously difficult stunt in four hours

Apt for a band whose guitarist scored Soccer AM’s greatest Road To Wembley goal of all time, Kasabian are promoting their new single, ‘Underdog’, with a massive, three-storey high football-powered version of Guitar Hero.

Carlos Tevez buys that poster, Roman Abramovich leaves a £2,000 tip and Rooney is a dad

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:59:19 +0000

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Spectacular triple save from the crossbar

Roman Abramovich uses Chelsea’s unspent transfer kitty to run up an outrageous lunch bill
[News of the World]

Carlos Tevez forks out £2,000 for a copy of the infamous ‘Welcome to Manchester’ poster
[FourFourTwo]

Wayne Rooney names his new son … Kai Wayne
[Kickette]

The Sun couldn’t have made it more obvious they didn’t watch Arsenal/Spurs
[The Sun]

Perma-crock Stephen Appiah finally finds a club stupid enough
[The Offiside]

The FA are planning to steal Aaron Hunt from the Germans
[Daily Mail]

The Spoiler Bet of the Day

Michael Lintorn — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:18:01 +0000

Bramall Lane is a happy hunting ground for Harewood

It’s difficult to confidently argue in favour of either team ahead of tonight’s TV offering of Sheffield United v Newcastle, with the hosts winless in six and the Magpies having ended three of their last four away games empty-handed.

Therefore, our attention turns to Marlon Harewood, a boo-boy victim during last weekend’s 2-1 home win over Doncaster. Assuming Chris Hughton is brave enough to risk the wrath of the Toon Army by starting the Hare, his Betfair odds of 3.75 (11/4) to score are worth a glance.

The 30-year-old isn’t the most prolific striker in the world, which is why his record of five goals in his last seven meetings with Sheffield United - and two on his last three visits to Bramall Lane - is worth paying attention to.

It could also prove a blessing that he is playing away from the sceptical St James’ Park support - six of his last eight league goals have come on the road.

Click here to claim a free £25 bet when opening a Betfair account

Darren Bent’s Twitter obsession reaches a new low

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:12:18 +0000

I think we can safely say this is a step too far

Wow.

Rio Ferdinand is not a reliable resturant critic

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:57:19 +0000

Utd mogul and part-time defender turns shameless self-promoter

He might be starting to wane at his day job, but Rio Ferdinand is still a true Renaissance Man. Having just attended the film premiere of Dead Man Running, on which he was executive producer alongside Ashley Cole, he’s also three issues into his own magazine and co-owns a record label. Obvious, then, that budget airline BMI should choose such a worldly man to offer tips on the best places to eat out in Manchester, in the latest issue of their in-flight magazine:

“Rosso. It serves unbelievable food. I love the steak if I’m having a big main … The vibe is nice, too, with a casual dress code which I like. Plenty of footballers pop in for quality food after matches.

The chef is as hot as mustard! I love the flattened steak if I’m having a big main or the penne pasta, which is so good it’s ridiculous.”

But don’t bother trying to seek out Rio’s favorite eatery - it’s not even open yet. Although we’re sure he’ll make an appearance on the opening night … being that he’s actually co-owner of the place.

Maradona: sex, gas and threats

Richard Gilzene — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:30:43 +0000

Legend wins girl over with trouser cough

It seems Argentinean hacks aren’t the only people Diego Maradona has recently entreated to “suck it“. Word reaches us from Spanish rag Sport that The Golden Boy’s preparations for Argentina’s crucial World Cup qualifier against Uruguay basically consisted of chatting up attractive blondes in hotel lobbies and farting.

According to Uruguayan vixen Natalia Rosas, who crossed paths with Diego while he was holed up at the Shreaton Hotel in Montevideo, the tubby gaffer seems to still be suffering the side effects of the steamed cabbage and prune diet forced upon him at fat camp:

“He invited me to have coffee with him and while we were talking we both wished each other good luck. Then we hugged and he kissed me. I was left with the taste of onion or garlic that he had just eaten. Then there was the gas. Diego got nervous and started moving around on his chair to try to justify himself

(more…)

PREDICT THE INCORRECT SCORES AND WIN £1000 WITH SOCCER MILLIONAIRE’S NEW GAME

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:29:26 +0000

Predict the weekly football scores and win big money

Soccer Millionaire’s Zero Points game is a ROLLOVER this weekend and the cash pool is growing by the second. Predict the scores wrong and win an estimated £1000 - who else pays you to lose? Soccer Millionaire offer many more games, such as their Predictor Game, where there is a guaranteed £1,000,000 Jackpot prize every week, plus many more cash prizes - start predicting now at www.soccermillionaire.com

Daily Competition: Guess the football autobiography 8

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:26:06 +0000

We read them so you don’t have to

UPDATE - Now with added correct answer

Belated congratulations to MwepuLlunga, Dark Knight and Chris A, for correctly telling the world that this extract, was from criminal Mark Ward’s recent book ‘Right Wing to B Wing’.

Today’s effort, in the ungoogleable competiton that is soon to retire leaving the people wanting more, is below. Whose chat is this:

The final game of the season, the final game of my league career, was at home to Barnsley. We had beaten them 1-0 at Oakwell earlier in the season in a match played in deep snow. Their centre-half, Mick McCarthy, had kicked lumps out of me for the whole game. Mick wasn’t my favourite man at the time, although he’s a friend now, and became a player at Manchester City for a while. I asked him if he got pleasure out of kicking an old man, and he just laughed. In that last match he was doing exactly the same. Eventually I’d had enough, so I turned round and gave him a whack with a big tackle and got sent off. It was a good tackle all right, and by the time the referee came over I was already on my way. I knew what was coming.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

Friday Youtube Special

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:13:51 +0000

Obscure footage from around the world for the weekend sir?

Click after the jump

(more…)

Elen Rives, Notts County’s attempt to lure Roberto Mancini and who is the best footballer in the world?

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:53:09 +0000

Coming to a computer near you

Insert your own smutty innuendo-laden intro about this pic of Lamps’ ex surrounded by cats
( Kickette )

Notts County fail to sell Meadow Lane to Roberto Mancini
( Eurosport )

Ten great Serie A disasters
( The Offside )

John Terry in the running to be FIFA World Player of the Year. No, really
( Pies )

Poll: Do Arsenal now have the worst goalkeeping situation in the Premier League?

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:37:56 +0000

Not another Wenger blind spot

Steven Howard in today’s Sun no less, has piled onto the bandwagon marked ‘Arsenal goalkeeping crisis’ and let rip. Howard writes:

“They have four goalkeepers on the books - Vito Mannone, Manuel Almunia, Lukasz Fabianski and teen Wojciech Szczesny - and none, for one reason or other, look up to the job.”

before making the stunning claim

“In fact, you would be hard pushed to find a Premier League club WITHOUT a better keeper than the four at Arsenal.”

Well thespoiler has been scratching itself having a good think this morning, and we reckon maybe Chelsea and Birmingham City are the only clubs without a better keeper than Arsenal - your thoughts below please…

Darren Bent is fit for Saturday, and James Collins isn’t a big fan of Peaches Geldof

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:02:09 +0000

We follow them so you don’t have to

Above is a revealing snapshot into the life of a top footballer. Having mentioned the magnificent breakfast cereal Weetabix via his Twitter account, the good people at said product sent Darren Bent an entire box full. Because on 65k a week, it’s not as if he could afford his own. At this point, we’d like to add that thespoiler loves all breakfast cereals, indeed all foods, in fact all products ever made.

Meanwhile, no such luxury for James Collins, who spent last night watching ITV2 with his wife. Just after the conclusion of ‘Peter Andre: The Next Chapter’, Collins tweeted:

thinks Peter Andre is a top geeza!!

But the next programme was not to this televisual conniosseur’s liking. And who can blame him? At 10pm last night, ITV united two oxygen thieves in the same slot, by showing ‘Fearne and Peaches Geldof.’ Sadly, thespoiler was too busy chewing it’s own arm off to watch, but the promo we received promised, ‘Fearne gains exclusive access to the controversial Peaches Geldof - presenter, journalist, designer, party girl and daughter of Bob Geldof. In this extraordinary and revealing encounter, Fearne follows Peaches to discover the truth behind the headlines.’

Collins’ verdict was more succint:

Peaches Geldofa……….what a c*nt!!

QPR vs Leicester City - prepare for some boutique football

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:08:12 +0000

Trick or Treat? Probably neither

Brian Clough famously said, “Anybody who can do anything in Leicester but make a jumper has got to be a genius.” How apt it is then, that Leicester City are tonight’s visitors at the nation’s first boutique football club, Queens Park Rangers. Sky Sports 1 offer that at 7:45 whilst at the same time on ESPN, Borussia Dortmund will be looking to swipe bottom club Hertha Berlin.

Germany vs Honduras is the afternoon offering on British Eurosport from the U17 World Cup. Get in quick - it finishes in a fortnight.

Rio to Spurs and all the other big transfer stories

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:52:13 +0000

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Rio Ferdinand to Tottenham
On Tuesday, only 42% of thespoiler readers disagreed with the sentiment that Rio was finished. For now, Sir Alex is in that minority, although if Ferdinand were to have another couple of iffy matches,he may quickly dust off his ruthless side and bring in Jonny Evans. Needing to play first-team football ahead of the Coupe du Monde, could Rio return to Uncle Harry, and join the White Hart Lane circus?

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Given Daniel Levy’s reluctance on deadline day to give Harry any cash to sign David James, he surely wouldn’t shell out the huge fee that signing Rio would demand. Ferdinand also seems to be one of those players who love playing for Manchester United. The step down may not appeal to his ego, or the Rio brand.

Jack Rodwell to Manchester United
Despite only making 27 appearances for Everton, Rodwell has been hailed by many pundits as the, ‘next Rio Ferdinand.’ Which is handy for Sir Alex given the form of the old one.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Although United did sign Rooney from Everton as a youngster, he had played almost three times the matches of Rodwell. Plus, with his development faring so well at Goodison, why go to United?

Federico Macheda to Middlesbrough
Since that goal, Macheda has somewhat withdrawn from the scene, with Sir Alex preferring to go with immobility in the form of Berbatov and insecurity in the form of Michael Owen. Is a loan move to Middlesbrough what Macheda needs to get back up and running?

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Macheda was one of the names on Gordon Strachan’s leaked list earlier in the week, and one would expect him to score goals in the Championship. With Jeremie Aliadiere out injured, Boro’s need for a centre-forward has become even more pressing, but the relationship between Strachan and Fergie has never been the best, with wee Gordon even accusing Manchester United of deliberately losing a match at home to Derby in 2001, to help put his Coventry side down. Favours may not be forthcoming.

The Daily Eboue

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:47:42 +0000

Today - confused Eboue

The greatest dive ever, Rio’s toughest three opponents and goalkeepers behaving badly

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:19:11 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Has there ever been a worse dive in football than this?
( 101gg )

When is a retirement, not a retirement? When it’s announced by Christian Vieri of course
( Dirty Tackle )

Who are Rio’s toughest three opponents?
( Pies )

Naked goalkeepers part 1

Naked goalkeepers part 2

Jose Mourinho back on the television tonight

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:55:36 +0000

For those not invited to celebrate the birthday of Robert Pires

The U17 World Cup continues at 3pm on Eurosport 2, as Italy’s nippers attempt to take revenge for 2002 and all that, by beating some South Korean children.

Three matches this evening covering a range of footballing competition. If you like your football young, catch Wales vs Scotland in the Victory Shield at 7:40pm on Sky Sports 1. If you like your football second-rate, Man United reserves try to take their own revenge against the Liverpool counterparts, MUTV from 7.

And finally, if you like your football preening, the Special One hosts Walter Zenga’s Palermo, looking to go four points clear at the top of Serie A. The game is on ESPN at 7:45.

A unique peek into the Real Madrid changing room

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:36:34 +0000

The only team missing Ronaldo more than Manchester United are

Updated - now with added Guti swearing at supporters

The Real Madrid dressing room: a place full of fragile egos, littered with haircare products, and reeking of the smell of complacency. The Spanish daily Marca has this morning reported an incident that should serve as a taster, for those who would like nothing more than to press their nose against the glass, and have their own cheeky glance inside.

On entering the dressing room at half time on Tuesday night of their hilarious Copa del Rey spanking (and already three down), veteran midfielder Guti urged his collaborators in this shambles, to try harder and work a bit more. Coach Manuel Pellegrini attempting to assert some Chilean discipline instructed Guti not only to shut it, but also to get changed - he was being taken off. To which Guti simply replied:

“Stick it up your arse.”

This Galacticos Mark II era may not end well…

How does Brad Guzan celebrate saving four penalties in a single game?

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:36:18 +0000

American + goalkeeper = dull

Fresh from the greatest night of his career, American penalty wall Brad Guzan, must have been in a buoyant mood when he turned on his computer . But what would he say - would we get a description of a jubilant Villa dressing room? A brief exposition of his penalty saving secrets perhaps? Or how it feels to be on the sports pages of every newspaper in the country?

What’s that Brad?

on to the next one…

Ah, ok.

Thespoiler tells Roberto Martinez - ‘Stop Lying’

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:27:21 +0000

What’s the Spanish for desperado?

Ah, isn’t Roberto Martinez a breath of fresh air? Having given an interview in which he complained that everyone in England is running scared of Sir Alex Ferguson, Martinez today ~~boldly stuck to his guns, whipped off his trousers and thrust out his groin in Fergie’s direction~~ denied ever making those comments and scampered away to look for a tree to hide behind.

To read the original interview with the AS newspaper (in Spanish), click here. Meanwhile thespoiler’s Spanish expert has painstakingly translated the entire interview and can confirm the following quotes:

“He (Ferguson) has spent his whole life here and that has weight. Recently he was penalised for saying that a referee wasn’t fit enough and the truth is that they have almost ended up saying sorry to him for fining him. Another person would have been pounded.
Ferguson also has his group of loyal fans among other managers. Steve Bruce, who was his player; Sam Allardyce, who thinks he will be successor at Old Trafford, and others. On the opposite side Benitez is alone and thus gets stick from all sides.”

Deny away Roberto…

Freddie Shepherd: Ashley is ruining Newcastle United

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:11:57 +0000

Pot. Kettle. Black

“I suppose nothing surprises me about the current regime, so news they are ready to sell the naming rights isn’t exactly a shock. Whatever next? Why don’t they just go the whole hog and change the name of the club itself? Fans will be horrified, angry and upset about this. They’ve had to put up with a lot in recent months, but this is just another blow.”

Indeed, but who to blame? Well, on selling his shares in Newcastle two years ago to err…. Mike Ashley, Shepherd commented:

“The board believes Mike Ashley will be an excellent custodian of Newcastle United’s heritage and will provide the best possible opportunity for the club to flourish in the future, to the benefit of the company and its fans.”

How’s the whole heritage preservation thing going then Freddie?

Defoe’s WAG Imogen lays down the law, Sheva/Berba compared, and at long last - a Leicester City news special

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:53:30 +0000

Coming to a computer near you

“I’m one of those girls who’d walk away if he cheated.” We won’t hold you to it Imogen
( Holy Moly )

Get the lowdown on Rafa’s latest attempt to waste some money
( Caught Offside )

Who was a bigger mistake - Shevchenko or Berbatov?
( Footy Factor )

Luis Figo’s wife. Not unattractive
( Big Smudge )

Leicester have the cheek to issue Edgar Davids with an ultimatum, and old favourite Peter Taylor may be set for a return to football
( Team Talk )

And the next Hull manager is: David O’Leary

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:20:46 +0000

Hurry up, Phil - the taxi’s outside

The resignation of Paul Duffen as Hull City Chairman, and the imminent arrival of Adam Pearson at the club can only mean one thing. Hull fans, get behind the sofa - David O’Leary is on his way.

Pearson was the Commercial Director of Leeds United during O’Leary’s time there, but managed to get out in 2001 before it all went a little bankrupt. The two have since remained firm friends, and Villa fans will recall a 3rd Round FA Cup tie back in 2006 (when O’Leary’s Villa won 1-0 at the KC,) in which the Irish scoundrel spent much of the game waving and winking at the Hull chairman. Post-match O’Leary added:

“I always look out for Hull’s results because I know Adam Pearson, the chairman here, very well from our days together at Leeds and really like him.”

Hull fans - are you ready to be told you have a young side and not to expect too much. Leave us your thoughts below…

The Daily Eboue

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:15:13 +0000

Today - sad Eboue. With added Jesus

Ireland’s World Cup song

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:10:57 +0000

What do you mean, they haven’t qualified yet

The Corrigan Brothers (Gerard, Brian and Donncha if you must know) made an indent into the world’s brow, when they popped up at Barack Obama’s inauguration with their song ‘There’s no one as Irish as Barack O’Bama.’ Well now they’re back back back, with a jaunty tune aimed at propelling the Irish into the 2010 World Cup.

Watch out for the reference to John O’Shea and Eamon Dunphy (after the latter described him as “not good enough” ahead of a United match) as well as the tremendous verse, “Sometimes we lack skill, Sometimes we lack speed. Who needs Stephen Ireland, Bring back Andy Reid.”

Thespoiler is a huge fan, and demand that if the Irish make it through, ‘Here’s to Trapatonni’ becomes the official FAI song. Altogether now - “Let’s take it to the French. Here’s to Trapatonni.”

A brilliant goal from yesterday’s action

Eliot Pollak — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:37:40 +0000

You’ve probably already seen Fran Merida’s cracker, and feel free to step this way and dribble at Valeri Bojinov’s brilliant goal for Parma last night.

But thespoiler’s favourite came in the Asian Champions League.Saudi side Al-Ittihad beat Nagoya Grampus Eight 6-2 in the first leg of their semi-final. and were already two ahead in the second leg, before Keita Sugimoto scored this wonder goal. It was however, to prove a mere consolation, and Ittihad will now meet Korean side Pohang Steelers in the final.

Poll: Is Spurs’ bench better than Arsenal’s?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:02:14 +0000

Like it really matters

Robbie Keane knows a thing or two about the bench, having of course parked himself on one at Liverpool for six months. So when he talks about them, thespoiler listens.

Having realised trying to claim Spurs have a better team, manager, ground, history or support than Arsenal was ludicrous, Robbie decided to attack the Gunners where it hurts - the all-important sub selection. Keane told the London Evening Standard:

“You look at the two squads and we’re definitely on a par. It will be judged at the end of the season but if you look at the bench we have, it is probably a little bit stronger than their bench.”

Indeed, the North London derby this Saturday should provide a perfect opportunity for Keane to test his theory, when with ten minutes left, and three goals ahead, Wenger turns to his bench to rest key players ahead of the midweek fixture.

But is Keano right? Here are the two benches for the most recent league games:

Tottenham’s bench v Stoke: Michael Dawson, Jermaine Jenas, Roman Pavlyuchenko, Alan Hutton, Carlo Cudicini, Gareth Bale, Kyle Naughton
Arsenal’s bench v West Ham: Nicklas Bendtner, Eduardo, Manuel Almunia, Mikael Silvestre, Samir Nasri, Aaron Ramsey, Kieran Gibbs

Vote now:

Turf news, Theo Walcott’s missus, and the strange case of Daniel Sturridge

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:41:41 +0000

Coming to a computer near you

Maybe these figures are the reason why Phil Brown is currently clearing his desk
( Guardian )

Fancy doing a bit of lawnwork at the Molineux. Now is your chance
( Dirty Tackle )

Walcott WAG doing what she does best
( Kickette )

And you thought Ashley was bad - meet the Australian owner who is trying to limit his club’s attendance
( Dirty Tackle )

Aloof, arrogant et al - it’s the Daniel Sturridge story
( The Sun )

Breaking News: Phil Brown sacked by Hull?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:43:23 +0000

Strong rumours reaching thespoiler

Paddy Power already have a market up for next boss, intended to go live at 10pm tonight. Andy Burton has now reported it on Twitter (albeit after thespoiler broke it.)

Is this the end for Mr Orange? And how extraordinary does this make that vote of confidence yesterday?

Sixy Time: Six great League Cup 4th Round Ties (Part 2)

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:23:50 +0000

This wasn’t easy

Leicester City 2 Manchester United 0
27/11/1996

On their way to winning the Worthington Cup, consider this 4th round tie the coming of age party for Martin O’Neill’s Leicester City. Whacking a strong United side including Keane, Scholes, Cryuff and Poborsky (the latter of whom cost more than the entire Leicester first XI), was typical of O’Neill’s disregard for bigger clubs, and in his time as manager, Leicester won at Anfield three times in a row as well as securing famous victories at Old Trafford and Stamford Bridge.

Steve Claridge’s brilliant first was added to by 18 year old Emile Heskey (whatever happened to him) 13 minutes from time, with a Paul Scholes missed penalty in between. United scored three times in the last fifteen minutes to win the league match a week later, but Leicester recovered to finish the season in 9th.

Bolton Wanderers 6 Tottenham Hotspur 1
27/11/1996

Another stunning result on the same night, as First Division leaders Bolton trounced Premier League comedians Tottenham Hotspur. Super John McGinlay bagged a hat-trick, and further goals from Gerry Taggart, Nathan Blake and Scott Taylor were answered to only by a Teddy Sheringham freekick.

Even back then it was customary for sides to rest players for the League Cup, yet incredibly it was Bolton who had left their three key players on the bench. Less incredibly, Gerry Francis was out of work 12 months later, his huge mullet following him out the door a few days later.

Arsenal 5 Wolverhampton Wanderers 1
2/12/2003

The night Cesc Fabregas, at the age of 16, entered the record books as the youngest goalscorer in Arsenal’s history, as the next generation of Wenger starlets battered fellow Premier Leaguers Wolves, in a devastating display of attacking power. Whilst the first team were proving to be literally unbeatable that season, Wenger was showing that the future was pretty bright too

Interestingly, only Cesc and Gael Clichy have survived to the Arsenal first team, whilst MOTM Jerome Aliadiere is currently plying his trade in the Championship

3 things we learnt from last night’s Carling Cup action

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:59:42 +0000

We watched it so you didn’t have to

1. Michael Owen should never have signed for Manchester United:

Look at the company he was keeping last night; Obertan, Macaheda, Wellbeck - all clearly reserve players. And this is the category Owen now falls into at United. Ignored when the big games come around, his chances to impress now only arrive in insignificant matches, so the clamour for Capello to pick him is no less ludicrous than expecting Marcello Lippi to give Macheda a call.
Had Owen swallowed his pride and signed for a lesser club, he might be seeing some action in the Premier League, in the process testing himself against international-calibre defenders. When he fails to make Fabio’s 23 in June, he has his own pride to blame.

2. Goalkeepers should stop guessing in shoot-outs:

Following his heroics in the Peace Cup Final penalty shoot-out in the summer, a friend of thespoiler went to interview Brad Guzan to suss out his penalty-saving secrets. Guzan revealed that he has never understood why many keepers merely guess where the penalty is going, and hurl themselves in that direction before the kicker makes contact with the ball. His own preference was to wait, and rely on natural reaction to make it in time.
This worked to extraordinary effect, saving four penalties, bringing to mind Mark Bosnich’s awesome performance against Sunderland in the same competition 16 years ago. So is Guzan right? Are keepers bottling it at shoot-outs?

3. Michael Laudrup is spending today sitting by the phone:

For those who didn’t get their copy of Marca delivered this morning, Real Madrid got soaked 4-0 by 3rd division Alcorcon in the Copa del Rey last night. Madrid coach Manuel Pellegrini described himself as, “very embarrassed”, although “very sacked” may soon prove more appropriate.

Arsenal scholars set to teach Liverpool’s kids a lesson

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:24:56 +0000

Can Rafa still blame Steve Heighway

Amongst the many arrows aimed at the temples of Rafael Benitez Maudes of late, has been the allegation that his ability to bring through young players is limited. Certainly the foriegn teenagers he has brought to Anfield, bear no comparison with Arsene’s shrewd kiddy business.

Three years ago, Arsenal’s youngsters, including Walcott, Song and Denilson, ran riot at Anfield in this same competition. Sky Sports 1 at 7:45pm is the place to be tonight, which is good news for Lee Peltier, Gabriel Paletta, and Danny Guthrie - just some of Rafa’s future stars that night, who will be watching on television this evening.

Elsewhere, Celtic will be looking to recover from the embarrassment of their former manager seeing Middlesbrough as a step-up, by beating Hearts in the CIS Quarter Final (BBC1 Scotland 7:35pm).

The U17 World Cup continues in Nigeria, and if you want to help Rafa find a good young player, Holland face Gambia at 3pm, and then it’s Turkey vs Costa Rica at 6, both on Eurosport 2.

But the spectacle of the night, will be on ESPN at 7:45, where Milan visit Napoli. The Partenopei haven’t lost at San Paolo since 1998 and will fancy their chances tonight. Both sides started the season slowly, but Milan have picked up of late including a win at the Bernabau, whilst Napoli have improved since the booting out of Roberto Donadoni

Which Premier League footballer is this?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:18:24 +0000

Loving the jumper

The Daily Eboue

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:12:07 +0000

New day, new bear

Is Mike Ashley deliberately sabotaging Newcastle United?

Eliot Pollak — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:53:30 +0000

Scorched Earth football style

The last time Newcastle United made permanent a caretaker manager’s stint, Glenn Roeder was the beneficiary, as he managed to wangle an extra year of shuffling nervously along the touchline. He signed Antoine Sibierski and Olivier Bernard, finished 13th in the table and contrived to lose 5-1 at home to Birmingham City in the FA Cup. What’s more, demonstrations against the Shepherd regime throughout the season, ironically served to usher in the new chairman.

Nevertheless, the past must be a foreign country to Mike Ashley, as he has rewarded caretaker Chris Hughton with an 18 month deal, for unconvincingly managing to keep the best squad of players at the top of their division by a single point.

Yet as anyone who has visited some of his sport shops will know, Ashley isn’t one to leave in tact any fragment of class. Hence his subsequent announcement that naming rights for SJP (not Sarah Jessica Parker - pay attention) are up for grabs. Leave your suggestions below Mackems…

Lampard’s new ladyfriend off the telly, some classic South American cheating, and help name Spurs’ new ground

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:48:39 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

Frank Lampard still looking for The One (Show)
( Metro )

Is this the most open Premier League title race ever?
( Telegraph )

Legend Ariel Ortega does what we expect Argentinian no 10s to do - cheat
( 101gg )

Steve Gibson has a long way to go - Atletico name nine coaches in one day
( Guardian )

And name Tottenham’s new stadium
( Pies )

Sixy Time: Six great League Cup 4th Round Ties (Part 1)

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:57:11 +0000

This wasn’t easy…

Plymouth Argyle 3 Aston Villa 5
6/2/1961

A full eight weeks after this fixture was first played, Aston Villa finally booked their place in the quarter finals of the inaugural League Cup, scoring five times against their lower league opposition. Villa of course were the competition’s first winners, beating Rotherham United in the final.
The first attempt had ended 3-3 at Villa Park, whilst the first replay at Home Park ended goalless. Thespoiler happily admits it pines for the days of the endless replay, a terrific addition to the cold, winter nights. Police - make it happen!

Coventry City 5 Nottingham Forest 4
28/11/90

Having won the previous two installments of the League Cup, Forest arrived at Highfield Road confident of protecting a 22 match unbeaten run in the competition. Terry Butcher’s Coventry were doing what Coventry always did back then - they were just outside the relegation zone.
Forest had beaten Cov in the 1990 Littlewoods Cup semi, and the Sky Blues came out looking keen to take revenge. Very keen in fact. A Kevin Gallacher hat-trick and a goal from Steve Livingstone (watch out for a dreadful blooper from Stuart Pearce in the build up,) put them 4-0 up after just 35 minutes.
Half-time arrived with the score incredibly at 4-3, after two from Nigel Clough and a scrappy Gary Crosby goal put Forest within distance of forcing a replay. Garry Parker soon made it 4-4 after the break, with a typical Parker screamer. Yet it was to be Coventry who had the last laugh as Livingstone scored again, 25 minutes from time.
Post-match, Brian Clough was as quotable as ever, remarking:

“Fingers crossed, I’m still in work. But blow me, after that defensive performance, our chairman would have every right to think about giving me the sack.”

Arsenal 2 Manchester United 6
28/11/90

Having taken part in a 21 man brawl a month earlier, the tie of the round between Arsenal and Manchester United, promised a real treat. And we weren’t disappointed.
On the greatest ever night of League Cup action (Villa and Middlesbrough also shared five goals in a thriller), a new star was born at Highbury. 19 yr old Lee Sharpe’s hat-trick (including a sublime first) and goals from Blackmore, Hughes and the awesome Danny Wallace (after a wonderful touch from Sharpe,) served notice of the type of football United would spend the next 18 years playing. Within 20 months, they were Champions.
Arsenal would go on to win the league that season, conceding just 18 all season and losing just one under the raised arms of George Graham, yet having disposed of Liverpool in the previous round, United now accounted for the other best team in the land, in the days when the League Cup was still a competition for first XIs.
As well as a breakthrough for Sharpe, that evening’s ITV highlights also proved a breakthrough for Clive Tyldesley, at that time a third choice commentator behind Brian Moore and Alan Parry. But the dramatic nature of events at Highbury meant the nation stayed up to hear Clive call the goals. He too never looked back, and his slight Utd bias to this day perhaps dates back to this match.
United lost in the final that season, whilst Sharpe later revealed in his book that Fergie still gave him the hairdryer treatment in training the next day, for giving an unauthorised post-match interview to the newspapers.

Can Barnsley knock Man United out the cup?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:54:24 +0000

Coppa del Carling time again kids

Above, a memorable evening at Oakwell over a decade ago, but Barnsley’s task may be slightly easier tonight for the absence of Schmeichel, Beckham, Cole, Sheringham et al. Sky Sports 2 at 7:45 is the place to be if you want to see Championship strikers humiliating Rio.

Elsewhere, the U17 World Cup continues where the U20 left off last week - in a vapour of anonymity. It’s Argentina v Germany at 3pm, before Brazil and Mexico are allowed to stay up a bit past their bedtime, to entertain us at 6pm. All the fun on Eurosport 2. There’s a Eurosport 2?

Hull chairman really puts the boot into Rafa

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:43:15 +0000

“Phil Brown is better than you”

Ignominy comes in many forms; falling over in the street, walking into a meeting with flies at half-mast, being nutmegged by a small child. All embarassing, yet a mere trifle compared to how Rafa Benitez must be feeling this morning.

Showing delusion doesn’t just run through Hull City, rather it gallops, club chairman Paul Duffen told today’s Sun:

“If you look at Phil’s squad and what he will do with it this season compared to Rafa, you’ll find Phil will come out top in terms of adding value to players.”

Duffen then puzzlingly added:

“We were written off by everybody last year and told we were going to redefine the expression ‘doing a Derby’, but we broke all records for a newly-promoted side.”

Not too sure what records Mr Duffen is referring to here. Nottingham Forest famously won the league in their first season up, so it is tough to argue that Hull’s 17th placed finish was some sort of record. Unless of course he is referring to the most assiduous post-xmas collapse, the most orange manager, or perhaps Phil Brown’s record for the most rapid loss of dignity.

To see Steve Watson and Steve Stone mimic Mr Brown, as well as our own effort, read on (more…)

Football QI - Here to bust all your Premier League myths

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:49:08 +0000

More informative than being told Peter Crouch has a good touch for such a big man

1. All hail Thomas Vermalen:
Let’s not bother actually. He may have scored four goals already, but Arsenal have never conceded more than eleven goals in their first nine Premier League goals. Until now - they’ve shipped thirteen this season already.

2. Referees favour Manchester United:
Which would be why they are the only club in the league to have received more than one red card this season.

3. Aston Villa are such a threat on the break.
Only a threat to those sitting behind the goal. Villa have had the least shots on target of any Premier League club this season.

Poll: What do Zamora and Rosenthal have in common? Now with added miss

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:41:20 +0000

UPDATE
Now with an even better miss

New Feature: The Daily Eboue

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:38:08 +0000

Tell your friends…

Is Rio Ferdinand finished?

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:25:12 +0000

Is Rio the new Anton?

Huge media over-reaction or genuine decline of a once great defender? Vote now

Good news comedy fans: The man who took Newcastle down fancies another go

Eliot Pollak — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:52:16 +0000

Sheeerah! Sheeerah!

Most managers who contribute to a club’s relegation become pariahs. Forced to move away from the city, booed upon their return with another team, these men certainly don’t get another crack at the job (see Peter Taylor at Leicester, Tony Cottee at Barnet or Bryan Robson anywhere for classic Public Enemy No 1 examples.)

Yet not Alan Shearer. The man who won just one of his eight matches in charge is tipping himself to take charge again one day. Speaking in the weekend’s press, Shearer said,

“I would still like to be the manager of Newcastle again one day. If the situation came around and everything was right and in place then without a doubt I would love to give it another go. But that’s not up to me.”

Nine things we learned from the weekend’s football

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:25:33 +0000

Because ten is one too many

1. Dimitar Berbatov is the worst signing in football since Seba Veron:
If anyone can name a truly big match Berbatov has turned or contributed to since he strutted in to Old Trafford last summer, could they kindly alert thespoiler. Surely £30million players should occasionally do that, or at least look like they are trying to.
At Spurs of course, Berbatov was a notorious flat-track bully, scoring just one goal against top-half opposition in his first season at the Lane. At United he has continued this trend, scoring this season against Wigan, Stoke and Sunderland.
Due to deference to Sir Alex, and how the spurs-obsessed media egged on the signing in the first place, the papers never analyse and corrode his transfer policy, as they do to Rafa. But this was bad, bad business indeed.
Fergie himself effectively recognised this when speaking to the weekend press about Berba’s strengths, declaring, “he knows when a short, simple pass is the best option.” Indeed - but there are probably cheaper players one can find on Hackney Marshes who can do that.

2. The Premier League is no good:
“Liverpool’s thunderous victory over Manchester United was a cracking scrap but where was the class?” So said Martin Samuel no less in today’s Daily Mail.
And in truth, that has been emblematic of the entire Premier League season. The most influential player on the game yesterday was probably Lucas. Jamie Redknapp’s post-match dissection informed us United were missing Darren Fletcher - both of whom are simply players who run around a lot and neither of whom one would pay to watch.

3. Barcelona are the best team in Europe this year:
Poor old Jermaine Pennant. Having been thrown onto the scrapheap in England, here was his chance back in the limelight at Camp Nou. He used Friday to mouth off about Rafa to ensure maximum pre-match press coverage, and Sky spent the weekend filling our screens with his blabber about how happy he was that his friends and family back in Blighty will finally get the chance to watch him play
So here old Jermaine was, at Camp Nou against the best team in the world. On the telly. And how did it go?
In truth, so awesome were Barca that Pennant might as well have been watching at home with his family too. He hardly touched the ball.

4. Mark Hughes spent badly in the summer:
£38m hasn’t bought him a decent pair of centre-halfs. Close to £50m on Tevez and Santa Cruz has yielded precisely two goals. The heat is now on City, who were always going to be reliant on results and momentum to keep a happy ship sailing along. Three draws in a row may spell trouble for Hughes.

5. Steve Bruce always buys well:
Hughes’ former United colleague on the other hand, does seem to understand the transfer market. Add Hugo Rodallega to a list that already includes Palacios, Zaki and Valencia.

6. Spurs start to the season hasn’t been as good as everyone thinks:
Ignore the freak win against Liverpool, and their other five wins have come against the five worst clubs in the division. Against top opposition, they have been found out time and again.

7. Ashley Young is getting back to his best:
Ever since Martin O’Neill hailed him a genius for that goal against Everton, Ashley Young hasn’t quite been himself. Villa fans will point to the absence of a natural left back behind Young as a cause of this trouble, with Luke Young filling in on his wrong side instead. As a result of having a right-footer on that flank, the ball down the line in behind which Young thrives on, has been that less frequent.
But with Saturday’s MOTM, and natural left-footer Stephen Warnock now ensconced as the Villa left-back, Young has been slowly getting back to business. He provided both goals in the victory against Chelsea, and his flick in the build-up to the Villa goal on Saturday was what Martin O’Neill would certainly call “genius”.

8. Steve Sidwell remains a true mystery:
Aston Villa’s points average per game with Steve Sidwell on the field is close to 2 pts better off than when he doesn’t play, yet nothing he does on the pitch suggests a reason for this. On Saturday, he cannoned the ball into Richard Dunne’s arse (admittedly a large target) rather than into an empty net, and for good measure, gave away the decisive penalty too. Surely it’s time for O’Neill to swallow his pride, and give Nigel Reo-Coker another chance.

9. Small, skilful players can no longer cut it in the Premiership:
The Championship’s two star performers this weekend, were two youngsters for whom there was no place in the physical minefield of the Premier League. Adel Taarabt and Peter Whittingham were deemed surplus to requirements at Spurs and Villa respectively, and are flourishing now in the Premier League. thespoiler is sad that there is no place in the top flight for these nimble, quirky players whom fans tend to adore.

Roberto Carlos gets kissed, Jens Lehmann gets owned, and some Turks get angry

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:41:21 +0000

Coming to a computer near you

Ballboy nonchalantly plays tricks on Jens Lehmann, who surprisingly is not amused.
( 101gg )

Modern Turkish medicine at last recognises the kiss as a valid form of healing
( Dirty Tackle )

They take their warm-ups seriously in Turkey
( 101gg )

The real reason Boro opted for Strachan
( Off the Post )

And disciplinary hearings, Israeli-style
( 101gg )

Robert Earnshaw joins the nation in laughing at Arsenal

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:58:37 +0000

Twitter news

As West Ham’s equaliser hit the old onion bag yesterday evening, the great Robert Earnshaw told the nation:

“A large portion of apple CRUMBLE for arsenal.”

Incidentally, Robert Earnshaw is the answer to one of football’s most notorious quiz questions. If you think you know what it is, let us know below…

Stan Collymore limbers up for another clash with thespoiler

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:39:30 +0000

Once more unto the breach…

The above headline may have had you spluttering over your chocolate fingers at breakfast this morning, but that quite frankly, should teach you to buy the Daily Mirror. This site and Stanley Victor Collymore have what could be described as form, and yet again, our intense admiration for Collymore the player, has degenerated into scorn for Stan the pundit.

Let’s take a closer look at today’s thoughts:

The Premier League is considered by many to be the best league in the world but I think drastic reform is needed to keep it at the pinnacle.

In some of the finest Schools of Journalism, they teach that a good way to indicate you are about to waste a few minutes of your reader’s time, is to make the opening sentence nonsensical, thus hinting to the reader to go and do something else. Here Stan delivers, pointing out that the success of the Premier League (which lies in its top-to-bottom competitiveness) could only be maintained by ditching any competition outside of who wins the thing. It’s the equivalent of Terry Leahy advocating Tesco stop pushing the food element so much.

Turning now to the hub of Stan’s argument:

And there would be no promotion or relegation which would allow those teams to grow.

No it would not. After all, with no threat of relegation, why should any chairman or team outside the top three make any effort to win the league, or even to improve? Why should fans care or go anymore? If a team is 10 points clear at the top by November, what interest is there for the rest of the season?

It would make a pleasant change from watching some of the smaller clubs in the Premier League in recent times like Reading, Wigan and Bolton.

Perhaps. So why write in the same column, “So there is very much a place for Stoke City in the top-flight and I have enormous respect for their wily manager Pulis.” Having never won a league or FA Cup, it seems unlikely Stoke would be there as one of the, “biggest and most successful sides in modern history.”

Fans around the world want to see the huge games - not clashes involving clubs like Barnsley, Watford or Hull.

A bit like arguing, that because the Sun is the biggest selling newspaper, people only want to have that one paper in their newsagents. And that we should close down the Mirror. Hang on a sec actually…

The Football League would still function if you are a Wigan or a Notts County or a smaller club.

Well Notts County, as the oldest club in the country, would probably stake a claim to being one of the clubs who have ”contributed the most over the last 100 years.”
In addition, the point is untrue. The only thing that keeps all four divisions going, is the hope for even the smallest teams, that one day, they may mix it with the big boys. Stymie that hope, and there is nothing left. Fact.

There is little precedent in other sports for the system of meritocracy if you look at the NFL.

Ah, the NFL. Well Stan, take a look at the global tv audience for Liverpool vs Manchester United yesterday, and compare that to the American Football at Wembley. The Premier League wins by a distance - so we shall take no lessons from the NFL thanks.

No further questions your honour. And Stan, we’ll still never forget that goal against Atletico Madrid. Even after all this.

Hello October. Goodbye Ramos

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:24:07 +0000

Swept away with the leaves once more

Breaking news from Russia, and it appears thespoiler favourite Juande Ramos will yet again, to paraphrase Wyclef Jean, be “gone by November.” No stranger to the Spanish Archer, Ramos has now bade farewell to his 13th club. Ramos’ P45 from CSKA Moscow will appear in the post almost a year to the day since Daniel Levy sent him one printed on Tottenham Hotspur-headed notepaper.

Juande’s latest sacking followed a 3-1 defeat to FC Moscow at the weekend, a result that leaves CSKA struggling to make Champions League qualification with just four games remaining in the Russian season. A CSKA statement read:

“Following an agreement between all parties, CSKA have cancelled their contract with head coach Juande Ramos. We are very grateful to Juande Ramos for the work he has done with the team.”

Clearly very grateful. The Ramos career remains something of an enigma. He passed through a plethora of mediocre Spanish teams whilst making very little impact, before bandwagonning on the the transfer brilliance of Sevilla’s Sports Chief Monchi, to take the club to back-to-back UEFA Cups. His time at Spurs was a disaster, before relative success at Madrid. And now chaos at CSKA.

It appears Ramos does his best when in Spain, but once on his travels, he likes to sign large contracts, and then do his upmost to get the boot. His time at Spurs famously included starving his players on matchday, naming teams in the dressing room that included players who were suspended or out on loan, and trying to sign Jesus Navas, a player who gets chronically home-sick even on away trips within Spain.

Having failed to engage with the English language at White Hart Lane, did he ever truly expect to master Russian, a language composed of an entirely different alphabet and with many regional variant dialects? Or was Juande once more up to his old tricks?

Celebrate Arsene Wenger’s bday, see Rio do something well, and which footballer has a tattoo of his WAG on his arm?

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:36:02 +0000

Coming to a computer near you…

“I did not see it” + 59 others. Step this way for Arsene Wenger’s best 60 quotes
( Football 365 )

Which Premier League footballer has a tattoo of his girlfriend on his arm?
( Who ate all the Pies )

Here comes the new Kinkladze. And guess what - Arsene is chasing him
( Caught Offside )

Watch Rio do what he does best - karaoke of course
( The Sun )

And guess what made Robbie Savage cry?
( Dirty Tackle )

Who should Chelsea sign in the January transfer window?

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:07:10 +0000

Because they can’t play Blackburn every week

Like a hospital patient on suicide watch, Chelsea won’t be allowed near the window any time soon. Yet despite thumping Blackburn Rovers on Saturday, Chelsea have confirmed that they will now appeal to the confusingly-ordered CAS (Court of Sport Arbitration,) over their year-long transfer ban. In so doing, the resultant delay ensures their ability to do business this January, but does risk an extension of the ban if the Court deem their appeal to lack foundation.

This risk demonstrates that Carlo Ancelotti has concluded that his team still need enforcing in January. Knowing his wallet may soon start to gather cobwebs, and needing to keep up with the Abu Dhabi crew up North, Roman Abramovic will be under big pressure to do some pretty heavy spending.

So who is Ancelotti eyeing? Goalkeepers will certainly be an area of interest, as might centre-half, due to the continuing problems of Petr Cech and Ricardo Carvalho respectively. The African Cup of Nations will certainly be in mind too, and hence backup for Drogba will be handy. Of course, the imminent transfer ban, that consequentially could even last beyond the original two windows should this appeal fail, will also be a factor. With a year of transfer famine potentially on its way, expect players to be hoarded like tamiflu in a house full of hypocondriacs, and possibly loaned back for six months, or even a year. Arrivals could hence be staggered like the conventional transfer window system, even were Chelsea to play no part in it.

Chelsea fans - who would you like to see arrive in January? Let us know below…

Stop looking so pleased with yourself Essien. This is a proper long-range effort

Eliot Pollak — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 09:21:11 +0000

Thespoiler finally responds to demands to cover college soccer

World Cup 2018 update: Vote for us and you’ll get a handbag

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:02:00 +0000

‘Sporting bureaucrats in possible corruption’ shock

How easily can you be bought off? Tickets to the FA Cup Final? Sexual favours? How about a handbag? In the latest installment of the triumph that is the England 2018 World Cup bid, the FA have been criticised for bestowing handbags upon all 24 members of FIFA’s executive committee just for being members of FIFA’s executive committee.

Of course, the gifts served a higher purpose, that of representing the best of British handicraft, seemingly a vital element in any successful Jules Rimet bid. And at £230 a pop, one expects the handbags really do represent the high-end of British handicraft.

But don’t worry legal eagles, it’s all perfectly kosher. An England 2018 spokesman confirmed:

“FIFA have a set of guidelines for all bidders which includes direction on what constitutes an acceptable campaign gift. All our gifts are carefully chosen so as to be within both the spirit and letter of that law.”

Yet Shadow Culture Suit Hugh Robertson was less happy:

“I think it is a massive misjudgement particularly in the middle of an economic recession and a time when the bid is looking for public funds. In addition I think it’s very clumsy in public relations as it sends out entirely the wrong messages about England’s bid.”

In other positive news for the USA 2018 bid, Brian Deane has been named as one of the 50 official bid Ambassadors. The full list is after the jump…

(more…)

Liverpool supporters starved of common sense to stage their own Jarrow march on Sunday

Eliot Pollak — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:30:22 +0000

We’re on the march with Rafa’s army

To the causal observer, a list of Liverpool’s troubles right now would probably begin with an unusually cruel injury list. Next would be their manager’s inability to purchase any useful players since Fernando Torres, and then a close third would be Rafa’s failure to produce a single young player of note since he arrived.

So no prizes for guessing what 10,000 Liverpool fans will be taking to the streets to whinge about on Sunday afternoon - the owners of course. “They haven’t built our new stadium” - although most fans want to stay at Anfield. “They don’t give Rafa enough money” - well they gave him £40m for Dossena, Keane, Babel and Riera so would you shell out any more in their position? “They must sell up now” - the Americans are trying their hardest to shift the club.

Still, why let a valid argument get in the way of a good afternoon’s whining up at Anfield? Walk on indeed…