One of the questions I am frequently asked is how to handle a negative blog comment. Unfortunately, if you blog long enough, you will eventually receive negative comments. It’s so sad but true . And unfortunately negative comments can still hurt no matter how long you’ve been blogging. For example, I recently received an email from a friend who has been blogging longer than I have, receives millions of pageviews each month, and received a few negative comments on an incredibly awesome post. The comments were rude, and even though there were literally HUNDREDS of positive comments appropriately raving about her project those two negative comments stung. In fact, in a sea of positive comments negative comments stand out as unusually stinky!

So before we explore how to handle negative comments, let’s do a little profile review of the most common types of negative comments bloggers receive. And since I’m a girl who needs visuals, I’ve created the following little chart for you!

Online communication is a tricky business ripe with misperceived comments and flagrant miscommunication. With the exception of the Troll, sometimes a perceived negative comment is simply a misguided attempt on the reader’s part to be helpful. Regardless of the motivation behind the comment, these types of comments are often perceived as negative so let’s talk about how to respond to each type. With any comment you have the following choices:

1. Delete.
2. Do nothing.
3. Reply.

1. The Troll: Blatantly mean comments intended to illicit a reaction from you. This type of comment is so blatantly mean and ridiculous that the delete button is typically the best way to handle it…followed by blocking the troll’s IP address if you are able. There is no need to allow this comment to inhabit your blog or your mind. Hit delete and do not ruminate on the words intended to harm. I treat these comments the same way I would a prank caller—-hang up and don’t give them any satisfaction of engagement. But Beth, shouldn’t you stand up for yourself and let them know you’re not going to take their crap? If they are an anonymous stranger to you, then no. Delete and block and don’t waste your words or emotional energy on such nonsense. They WANT attention and engagement. Don’t give it to them. If they are a known reader or fellow blogger, then yes, tell them firmly to stop and then treat them the same as above–delete, block, and move on.

What if you see a troll attacking a friend or blogger whom you love? Shouldn’t you stand up for that friend in a comment?  I am quick tempered and feisty. I have a mouth on me, and I frequently stick my foot in it . I am passionate and incredibly loyal to those I adore. Awhile back, a blogger I greatly admire was being viciously attacked by an anonymous blogger on one of her more personal posts. I did what any good friend would do and came to her aid. That person then turned on me and harassed me on my blog and through email for the next several months. Turns out he (not she like I had been falsely led to believe in the comment) was in no way anonymous and was actually an estranged family member of the blogger. I would have been better off staying out of it. My comment didn’t really “help” my friend, and in retrospect the troll’s attacks would have been better managed with silence and the delete button. If your friend is being trolled, text, DM, or private message her about the attack  and lend your support…but think twice before engaging the troll.

2. The Where’s Waldo: Looking at your pictures for a stray sock, misplaced item, or other flaw and pointing it out to you. Why would someone bother to let you know that they noticed something imperfect about your project or picture? Isn’t that rude? Well, let’s give the Where’s Waldo the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he was just trying to be helpful. Perhaps she is relieved to know that you are human after all and that your projects, home, children, pictures, life, etc. aren’t always “picture perfect”. Perhaps pointing out the flaw is her way of just teasing and connecting with you. If you receive a Where’s Waldo comment, just assume the intentions behind the comment are pure. Laugh it off and move on.

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3. The English Nazi: Corrects your spelling and grammar. It’s disappointing when you work hard on a post only to receive criticism for misspellings and grammatical errors. But just like the Where’s Waldo, it’s safest to assume that the English Nazi is trying to be helpful. But what if he/she is attacking your slang and style of speaking? I like to use words like peeps, fantabulous, awesomesauce, decrapification, etc. This might drive some people crazy, but my blog is just that…mine. I like to have a conversational tone. I like to write informally. If someone asks you to stop using a certain phrase or speaking style, simply respond that you’re sad to hear that _______ is bugging them but that you hope the inspiration you offer will allow them to overlook any English fallacies committed.

4. Debbie Downer/Church Lady: Dishes out negative feelings to a group and sometimes moralizations intended to one-up and shame. There is a well known term in online forums called “thread crapping” where someone enters a conversation and completely derails it by offering a comment that goes against the initial intent of the thread. Debbie Downer/Church Ladies are thread crappers and the sound “wah waaaaaah” should follow their comments. For example, let’s say you do a post about some beautiful handmade jewelry and everyone in the comment thread is excited and enthusiastic about the creations. Then Debbie Downer/Church Lady comes in and replies, “Let’s remember that 1Timothy 2:9 states, ‘women adorn themselves in decent apparel, with modesty and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array.’ I think women look better without jewelry.” The comment adds nothing to the conversation and leaves a negative ickinesss in its wake. If you receive a comment like this, your relationship to the reader will determine your response. Perhaps Debbie Downer is having a really bad day and is taking it out on you. If  ”Debbie” is anonymous, you might just want to delete it and move on. If it’s attached to a name and email, delete the comment and respond to her off the blog if you feel it’s necessary.

thread crapping v. Thread crapping occurs when a person comes into a thread and posts something contrary to the spirit/intent of the thread, often derailing the discussion or turning it into an argument.

5. The All-About-Me: Gets angry when your post doesn’t apply to their specific needs. We are used to being consumers. We like getting our way and we like different blogs for different reasons. If a reader adores your posts about home decor and all of a sudden you switch it up by posting recipe after recipe, that reader might let you know his/her displeasure. Try not to take it personally. If you’re a professional blogger, try and view the All-About-Me from a customer service standpoint. Respond honestly but positively to the reader, “Aw, I’m bummed to hear that you’re not enjoying my series on recipes. Although I love DIY projects, cooking is another passion of mine and this blog is all about creating and sharing my passions with all of you. Rest assured that I’ll have more DIY projects in the future, but I also plan to share recipes from time to time. I respect that food blogging might not be for everyone, but it’s something I love so I hope you’ll respect my choice to blog about it.”  Typically, this type of response is all that is needed to quiet an All-About-Me.

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6. The One-upper: Gives you unsolicited advice and often shares something they’ve done which is bigger and better. Often times the One-upper masks their comment in language that appears neutral or even partly positive that really is a negative comment in sheep’s clothing…and sometimes (many times?) a One-upper just isn’t thinking before they speak. Give the One-upper the benefit of the doubt, have empathy, and if you need to respond, respond positively. Getting nasty or defensive will most likely lead to hurt feelings and unnecessary drama. Let it go (and vent to a girlfriend if you need to .)

So here are my final tips on how to respond to a negative comment:

• Are they a troll? Are they blatantly attacking you? If yes, DELETE, block, and move on. If you must reply, reply to the troll in a private message and not on your blog. Be direct and reply ONCE telling them to stop.
• If they are not a troll, are they just being blunt, direct, and honest? Give them the benefit of the doubt (even if it’s undeserved), respond with empathy and love, and try not to take the words personally. This does NOT mean that you never stand up for yourself, or set proper boundaries, but that you do so with grace.
• We are so used to being praised for everything we do as bloggers; however, there IS indeed room in comments for constructive criticism. Typically it is easier to hear from a friend than a stranger. If you are going to give suggestions to a blogger in areas for improvement, evaluate your relationship with the blogger before doing so. Your comment might not be taken in the spirit in which it was meant if the relationship is not well established beforehand.
• And most importantly, do not respond to a negative comment immediately. Take a deep breath, regain your own inner peace, and perhaps talk to some trusted friends about the comment before replying. This will ensure that you aren’t responding impulsively or out of anger. (This is a MUST for me. I admit that I’m sensitive and a total hot-head. My friends and husband help calm me down. )

I think Mother Teresa gives some of the best advice on responding to negative comments, so I’ll conclude with this:

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No go forth and be nice !

Welcome to the party! I can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to this week! Just a reminder that Valentine’s will be over once I write up the feature post so feel free to link up V-day projects but know that I won’t be featuring them. Enjoy!

Party Rules

• Any tip or tutorial is welcome! Decorating, holiday ideas, room makeovers, cleaning tips, recipes, crafts, and sewing all count.
• Keep content fresh! Please do not link the same projects week after week. I will delete posts that you’ve linked up here several weeks in a row.
• If your post has been featured in a Tutes & Tips Not to Miss, please do NOT link it up again.
• Link back. I only feature those who link back to me within your post.

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Today I thought I’d share a quick tip on how to get an aged look to your terra cotta pots using dark furniture wax.

I used this technique recently when I created my Valentine’s mantel and loved the results so much that I’m attacking any terra cotta in my home with wax . I’m not a fan of the orangey color of terra cotta, and the stain provides a rich worn look that I’m digging.

All you need to achieve the look is some dark furniture wax, a brush, and some paper towels. I happen to have Annie Sloan’s Dark furniture wax on hand, but I think any dark wax would work.

Using your paint brush (or wax brush if you happen to have one), rub the furniture wax into the terra cotta. I like the look of the brush marks, so I make sure that I apply the wax using even brush strokes in the same direction.

Once your pot is completely covered, use a paper towel (or old rag) to wipe off the excess wax.

That’s it! Here is the before and the after–a darker, richer terra cotta that looks fantastic! Enjoy!

Gooooodness you all! Someone certainly poured on a big heaping of awesomesauce over this week’s posts! I know I say this every week, but really the creativity that is out there is just phenomenal. If you’re not featured week after week, it’s not because you’re not awesome…it’s because there is too much amazing out there to contain in one post! Thanks to everyone who linked up and linked back . I enjoy being inspired by you.

Felt Flower Pillow Tutorial {Horchow Knock-off} by Strawberries and Sweet Love. I love this. I want one.

Impossible Sectional Slipcover by The Delectable Home.

Paper Rose Tutorial by Craftberry Bush.

Paper Fortune Cookie Tutorial by The Lettered Cottage.

Oversized Fortune Cookie Recipe by Moore Minutes.

DIY Animal Bookends by Hi Sugarplum.

Dog Crate End Table by Cul-de-sac Chic.

How to Build a Desk by It’s Overflowing.

How to Build a Window Seat by Four Generations One Roof.

Reclaimed Hardwood Floors by Three Scoops of Love.

Reclaimed Plywood Ceiling by Burlap & Denim.

Kitchen Sign by Small-n-Simple Things.

Groceries Sign by Maple & Magnolia.

Furniture Painting Tutorial and Tips by The Cerniks.

How to Paint a Couch with Wood Stain by Biblical Homemaking.

How to Create Gray Stain by The Hunted Interior.

How to Remove Wood Veneer from Furniture by Decor Adventures.

Before & After of Removing Wood Veneer by Turnstyle Vogue.

How to Store Fresh Produce by The V Spot. (Go over and download your free printable for your refrigerator!)

How to Make a Blog Button by House & Hone.

Back in early October, I shared with you my love of using the sock bun curling method! Since that time I have received numerous emails and comments asking for more information on how to get your sock bun curls to look good. So for today’s fashion and beauty Friday post I thought I’d do a full tutorial! (Please forgive the grainy pictures. I was using my Mac camera for this post.)

Sock Bun Curls Tutorial

1. Start with clean fresh hair. It works best if your hair is still a bit damp after blowing dry; however, if your hair is too damp it won’t dry overnight and your curls won’t be pretty. I usually dry my hair until it’s just barely damp at my roots and underneath.

2. Cut the toe off of two socks. Many have asked whether or not the type of sock makes a difference. Yes, it does. I use my a pair of my son’s athletic socks because the elastic is good and they are smaller which works well for my very fine hair. If you use an old sock with stretched out elastic, your curls will be looser. A tighter, smaller sock will lead to tighter curls. I have also found that using TWO sock buns gives me a more evenly curled look.

3. Roll the “sleeve” of the sock down towards the open toe. Just keep rolling a nice neat smooth sock donut.

4. When you’re done rolling your sock will look like a donut. Mmmmmmm….donuts.

5. Pull the sides and top of your hair into a ponytail on the top (crown) of your head. 

6. To avoid a ponytail dent, be sure not to wrap the elastic too many times around your hair. I make the ponytail loose enough that I could wrap it at least another time or so.

7. Use a hair styling aid before rolling it into a sock bun. You could use a styling aid before you dry your hair, but I prefer to just spritz a little hairspray on my ponytail before rolling. I spritz, brush it through evenly, and then place the ends through the sock.

8. Place the ends of your hair through the sock donut hole and “curl” the ends over. 

9. Roll and tuck your hair down and around the sock. Pull the sides of your hair over to cover the entire sock and just keep tucking and rolling the sock and your hair until all of your hair is securely rolled around the sock.

It will look like this when you are finished. I don’t bother securing it with a pin. The sock  keeps it in place just fine.

10. Repeat steps  5-9 to create your second sock bun at the base of your head. 

Here is what my hair looks like when I’m finished. I sleep on my sides so these don’t bother me too much while I sleep.

11. Go to bed and sleep on your sock buns, or keep your suck buns in for at least five hours for best results.

12. In the morning, remove you socks and ponytails and use your fingers to comb through your curls and style. 

Enjoy your beautiful heat free curls and nearly ZERO time in the bathroom in the morning!

Here is the pinnable version of the tutorial for you! Please pin!

Linked up to Jen’s Weekend Wrap-up Party.

Need help with paint color? Love playing around with color options and gleaning inspiration for your next project? Well hop on over to take a quiz that will help determine colors customized to you based on your personality! Fun! Also try out the new color palette generator tool. Click here to be taken to the quiz and see how it works!

Back in December, I shared in this post the brand new site called My Colortopia by Glidden. Have you seen it yet?  The entire site is devoted to helping us decorate with paint and inspire us to live a more colorful life!

If you haven’t taken the quiz, My Life, My Colors, I encourage you to do so below. It is a fun questionnaire that will help determine the colors best suited to you and your personality.

But my favorite part of the My Colortopia site is the color palette tool called My Image Inspiration. This tool allows you to upload an inspiration picture such as a piece of art, furniture, fabric swatch, etc. and immediately see a great selection of color palettes to browse through, save, print, share and paint!

I love that Glidden has come up with three fantastic ways to help demystify color: 1. Blog advice from the experts, My Life My Colors quiz to help determine colors for your personality, and the My Image Inspiration color palette generator! Now go have some fun and find the paint color for your next project!

* I have partnered with Glidden/Akzo Nobel Paints to participate in the My Colortopia program. However, all thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.

The dreaded boob light fixtures. Most of us have them somewhere in our homes and most of us want to get rid of them….ASAP! They are cheap, unattractive, and look like giant breasts hanging from the ceiling, so what can be done?

Fortunately there are a plethora of inexpensive lighting options and solutions available. My girl Traci wrote a fantastic post here on how to deboob your home one breast fixture at a time. But what if money, renting, or a lack of electrical knowledge is an issue right now? What if you’re not quite ready to learn how to replace a light fixture on your own, and you can’t afford to hire someone else to do it for you? Well, let’s explore some creative options that make the most of your existing fixture.

1. Work with it.

Sarah from The Yellow Cape Cod shows how a boob light can actually look fantastic dressed in black and as the center of a compass decal!

Contemporary Cabaret shares a whimsical solution to working with your boob light….put a feather boa wreath around it. Hey…why not?

And although I wasn’t able to find a DIY version of this idea, I’m sure one exists somewhere out there! Why not create a starburst wreath for around your light fixture?

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2. Hide it with a shade.

This is the option I chose to do in our kitchen. It’s not a permanent solution, but in a pinch it can get you by until you’re ready to update your fixture!

Young House Love also chose to hide one of their boob lights using the same method.

You can also replace the shade with a paper lantern as shown on Apartment Therapy.

3. Disguise it with capiz shells.

Whether it’s with wax paper, vellum paper, or real capiz shells, this is a fantastic way to disguise your ugly flush mount fixture! Freshly Picked has one of the best tutorials for making this fixture if you are wanting to create your own.

Spilled Milk took her inspiration from a Pottery Barn Teen fixture and created this lovely below.

And Making House a Home took notes from Freshly Picked and created this fun DIY light.

Whether you choose to work with it, hide it, or disguise it, there is a creative solution for coping with your boob lights. How about you? Do you have boob lights in your home? Any plans for updating them in the near future?

One of the (many) things I love about blogging is getting to meet and work with other creative professionals! Andrea from Signs by Andrea is my newest A to Z sponsor, and I’m thrilled to have her on board! Andrea creates hand-painted wood signs for her shop such as these:

She also creates graphic design prints and canvases known as (de)signs–so clever and so cute!

When Andrea contacted me and asked if I’d like to review one of her hand painted signs for this giveaway, the hardest part was choosing just one!

I loved the Carved Heart and Initials sign and think it’s perfect for Valentine’s Day and beyond. Wouldn’t this make a sweet wedding or anniversary gift?

I also really liked the Personalized Signs and thought this would look great over our front door.

But my favorite sign was a Custom Sign! Here is what I chose for my craft room. Isn’t it perfect? I love it!

Andrea is generously offering a 10% off discount (off painted wood signs only) to all A to Z readers. Use coupon code: A2Z10 upon checkout to receive your savings! Coupon good through 2/21/12. In addition to the savings, Andrea is giving away TWO items from her shop to two separate A to Z readers. Woohoo! Someone will win:

• The Monogram with Overlay Painted Wood Sign ($40 value)

• 11″ x 14″ Gray You Are My Sunshine Canvas ($75 value)

If you’d like to enter the giveaway, please follow the directions in the widget below. If you’re reading in a feed, hop on over to enter! If you don’t want to enter Rafflecopter through facebook, just click on the “email” option below.
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Every Monday night, I watch the ridiculous show known as The Bachelor, and I tweet about it with other bloggers on twitter using hashtag: #bachbloggers. (Feel free to join us if you too enjoy mocking discussing the show .)

And speaking of fun twitter chats to join, we will be having our first of many #Haven2012 chats on Thursday 8pm EST. This week we’ll be discussing more about the conference details, why conferences are so dang expensive, whether or not Haven is a good fit for you, will someone be there to sit at your lunch table or will you be left to feel like we’re in junior high again, etc.! It will be a fun chat and Chris from Just a Girl and yours truly will be leading it, so I hope you’ll stop by and join the conversation!

And now let’s see what amazing things you have been up to this week!

Party Rules

• Any tip or tutorial is welcome! Decorating, holiday ideas, room makeovers, cleaning tips, recipes, crafts, and sewing all count.
• Keep content fresh! Please do not link the same projects week after week. I will delete posts that you’ve linked up here several weeks in a row.
• If your post has been featured in a Tutes & Tips Not to Miss, please do NOT link it up again.
• Link back. I only feature those who link back to me within your post.

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