The Superest

Doctor Doom

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:17:53 -0500

Predicts "The End". Turns out Hellmütt has Stuntmaniac Poisoning. Also, it turns out Doctor Doom doesn't actually treat injuries, just diagnoses them. Also, also, it turns out Doctor Doom is a jerk.

HellMütt

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:28:36 -0500

Safety last. Hurk's final stunt will be to give a slight bout of indigestion as his head passes through the large intestine.

Hercules "Hurk" Thrillcox, Stuntmaniac

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:13:14 -0500

Breaks finely-crafted goods. No craftsmen should be forced to watch their life's work destroyed by Hurk. Luckily, Carpenter Ant was eaten by doves startled off the chandelier that fell when the motorcycle crashed through the stained-glass window wreathed in flames.

Carpenter Ant

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 00:12:24 -0500

Re-purposes wood You know how many ant-chairs you can make out of one mallet? Like, 6 at least!

The Dog Pounder

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 05:15:37 -0500

Pounds dogs flat! Lucky for Lassy, she's got nine lives. Oh wait. That's cats.

Lassy

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:55:51 -0500

Rescues kids in danger "Bark! Bark!" "What is it, girl? Bobby, Susie, Tommy, Billy, Timmy and Sally are stuck in a sweat shop sewing Jonas Brothers bracelets? Good girl, let's go!"

Child Labor Squad

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 09:51:07 -0500

The same quality heroing at one-third the cost! The Seamstress just couldn't compete. Ninety-nine percent of all hero start-ups fail in their first week. Ninety-nine!

The Seamstress

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:53:55 -0500

Snips out tangles and sews the ends together. And now you know where Goomba's come from.

Gordian Nazi

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 11:30:58 -0500

You can't make straight what you can't untie. Don't hate him too much. He's one of those goofy, lovable Nazis like you see on Hogan's Heroes.

The Straightener

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 23:15:18 -0500

Straightens all things crooked When he writes he straightens all his S's. Ever been to Millillippi?

Stage Hook

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 09:07:47 -0500

Removes "undesirable" acts. Comedefuser is about to learn that comedy isn't just about timing. It's also about peripheral vision.

Comedefuser

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:56:40 -0500

Defuses explosive situations with comedy. He's the only bomb squad that is followed by a rim-shot after a bomb is defused.

Maître Dynamite

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 09:47:51 -0500

Explodes Busboys. You don't want to be anywhere near this kid if he falls below 50 mph.

Bus Boy!

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 15:39:40 -0500

Speedily clears away dirty silverware. He dishes out the pain and then he busses it away.

Omnivore

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 09:30:45 -0500

Eats both plants and animals. I suspect Dragonion was bred entirely for this guy to eat.