The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 3.17

The Superficial — Sat, 25 May 2013 17:06:11 +0000

Welcome to the Memorial Day Weekend edition of The Most Important People on The Internet which, again, is probably one the best assortments we’ve had in a while, so I’m going to get right out of its way and return to the couch our troops so bravely fought and died for me to lay on. Read More ...

Happy Memorial Day Weekend

The Superficial — Fri, 24 May 2013 18:02:57 +0000

Alright, folks, Photo Boy’s already at the beach, and judging by my sensors, a lot of you are off today or actually doing your job for once so you can get the hell out early. So on that note, we’re off until Tuesday, but look out tomorrow for one of the better Most Important People Read More ...

Amanda Bynes In Court Is Exactly As You Ridiculous As You Think It Is

The Superficial — Fri, 24 May 2013 16:50:42 +0000

Here’s Amanda Bynes in court this morning where on top of looking like a Muppet prostitute in the blonde wig I’ll just assume she clawed her lawyer to let her keep on, she also spoke and tried to plead her own case by saying the bong she threw out of her apartment window wasn’t really Read More ...

Kristen Stewart Is Handling The Break Up Well

The Superficial — Fri, 24 May 2013 15:26:22 +0000

In case you somehow missed it, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson broke up over the weekend because Twilight‘s over now (Or she’s banging Rupert Sanders again. Choose your own adventure.), so here she is walking into a parking garage yesterday with guns blazing just in case anyone even thinks about asking her where’s SparkleDick. A Read More ...

Kanye’s Ducking Kim Kardashian Again

The Superficial — Fri, 24 May 2013 13:59:27 +0000

Kim Kardashian arrived in Paris this week, but according to the Daily Mail, just as soon as she got there Kanye West hopped on a plane to Milan as is his wont. Of course, it probably didn’t help that Kim showed up with cameras to film Keeping Up With The Kardashians which Radar Online reports Read More ...

The Superficial Presents The Week in Playmate Instagrams

The Superficial — Fri, 24 May 2013 13:50:16 +0000

In case you couldn’t tell it’s a Friday before a holiday weekend, here’s The Week in Playmate Instagrams before your second cup of coffee to pretend you didn’t mentally check out three days ago. On that note, special thanks to Photo Boy for slapping this together last night so he could hurry to the beach Read More ...

Good Morning, British Kate Upton, And Other News

The Superficial — Fri, 24 May 2013 13:02:37 +0000

- Paris Hilton got signed to Cash Money. Why the fuck would you do that? - Nicole Kidman wore the dress Anne Hathaway abandoned to look like Nipple Nipplestein. - This pretty much sums up the Xbox One. - The Great Bob Saget Topanga War has begun. - You can Read More ...

They Finally Arrested Amanda Bynes

The Superficial — Fri, 24 May 2013 04:02:26 +0000

Amanda Bynes has only been walking around in public blatantly smoking weed since April 8th, so let’s give it up to the NYPD for taking just under two months to make the easiest arrest of their lives. Easy as in having probable cause, that is, because bitch went crazy on them. TMZ reports: We’re told Read More ...

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 5.23.13

Photo Boy — Thu, 23 May 2013 20:00:13 +0000

Welcome to a glorious Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I got the wonderful news that I might not be headed to the Hell I don’t believe exists. Although that caveat about being a good person might be tricky considering I have no intention of stopping this daily post. Shit. Oh well, at least I’ll Read More ...

Here’s Benedict Cumberbatch Showering In ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ To Nullify Alice Eve’s Boobs

The Superficial — Thu, 23 May 2013 18:55:41 +0000

Sorry to hit you with two Conan clips today, but remember when I said in the Alice Eve post about Alice Eve‘s breasts that J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof couldn’t trip over themselves fast enough to apologize for showing them in Star Trek Into Darkness? You don’t and did nothing but look at her breasts? Read More ...

It’s Anne Hathaway’s Camel Toe

The Superficial — Thu, 23 May 2013 18:23:16 +0000

Anne Hathaway may have won an Oscar, but nothing will ever beat the pure sexual thrill of everyone seeing her vagina. Granted, this is a thought that has never once crossed Anne’s mind, I like to pretend that’s why she slapped on yoga pants and puffed her labia out to ward off predators right in Read More ...

Alice Eve’s Breasts Are In This Post

The Superficial — Thu, 23 May 2013 17:06:41 +0000

While The Pope just nullified Pascal’s wager and theoretically tore a hole in the supernatural universe, unleashing all the terrifying consequences that come with that, he doesn’t have spectacular breasts so I don’t even know why I brought it up. But Alice Eve does, so here she is on Conan where she ironically talks about Read More ...

The Pope Just Said Atheists Go To Heaven

The Superficial — Thu, 23 May 2013 15:56:27 +0000

“Now hear me out, Cardinal Vengeance, I was only-” “You will pay for this insolence, Francis. Rosary KICK!” While Catholics have stood by as the church systematically shielded and abetted serial child molesters for decades, Pope Francis is probably going to finally face intense criticism and revolt for saying atheists make it into Heaven because Read More ...

Amanda Bynes Has A Perfectly Rational Explanation For Those Pics of Her Apartment

The Superficial — Thu, 23 May 2013 14:35:05 +0000

Yesterday, In Touch‘s latest issue hit newsstands and inside were photos of Amanda Bynes‘ apartment that, honestly, don’t look that bad and were way better than what I expected. For starters, I didn’t even see Drake‘s dead body anywhere. Amanda Bynes, on the other hand, felt they looked nothing like the posh, drug-free high fashion Read More ...

Ke$ha Drank Her Own Pee

The Superficial — Thu, 23 May 2013 13:39:07 +0000

On Tuesday’s episode of Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life, Ke$ha drank her own pee because, at heart, she’s always been a demure, proper lady of Victorian sensibilities. Unfortunately, the Parents Television Council felt differently and demanded ala carte cable subscriptions yesterday because people shouldn’t have to pay for MTV just to watch The Weather Channel. Read More ...

Good God, Irina Shayk At Cannes, And Other News

The Superficial — Thu, 23 May 2013 12:00:48 +0000

- “The motherfucking badass” mom who distracted the ax-wielding terrorists in London so police could move in and shoot them in the face. - Leonardo DiCaprio‘s already bailing on The Great Gatsby premieres. - Demi Moore‘s new boyfriend has beads in his dick. Uh huh. - Yesterday was Hump Day. Let Read More ...

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 5.22.13

Photo Boy — Wed, 22 May 2013 20:30:47 +0000

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, an important day for us, where we learn that Leonardo DiCaprio‘s vaginotizing abilities may be hereditary. We’ve also got a shot of Ewan McGregor on the set of Happy Ending: The True Story of How I Got John Travolta To Pay Off My Mortgage, Geena Davis and Michelle Read More ...

Jose Canseco’s Being Investigated For Rape

The Superficial — Wed, 22 May 2013 19:46:20 +0000

According to a statement by the Las Vegas Police Department, Jose Canseco is being investigated for the rape of a fitness instructor who he’s apparently already named on Twitter like an idiot along with revealing her exact allegations and claiming he’ll take a polygraph test. Both of which he’s since taken down, yet still left Read More ...

Amanda Bynes Should Probably Stop Tanning Under Power Lines, This Can’t Be Healthy

The Superficial — Wed, 22 May 2013 18:16:01 +0000

Before everyone gets really confused, this is actually stripper Blac Chyna in Calabasas the other day who probably looks familiar because it’s who Amanda Bynes is literally trying to carve herself into. No, really. Via Fox News: In a rare interview with In Touch, the actress-turned-Twitter-sensation explained that she modeled her new style after famed Read More ...

Wolf Blitzer Is A F*cking Idiot

The Superficial — Wed, 22 May 2013 17:18:29 +0000

Now that it’s time to pick the news-meat off the bones of the Oklahoma tornado survivors, above is Wolf Blitzer not even entertaining the thought that maybe everybody in America isn’t a Christian – Or in light of recent events, might have rationally and logically thought, “Wait, if God is real, why did He just Read More ...