The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 5.23.12

Photo Boy — Wed, 23 May 2012 21:00:29 +0000

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed that unapologetically begins and ends with Kelly Brook, because I understand how to keep a job that lets me work in my jam-jams. We’ve also got Jennifer Love Hewitt whose flight obviously arrived just after Cinnabon closed, but Zac Efron‘s got there just in time for him to Read More ...

And Now For The Part of Cannes Where Michelle Rodriguez Wears A Bikini And Jumps Off Things

The Superficial — Wed, 23 May 2012 19:40:45 +0000

Here’s Michelle Rodriguez at Eden Roc where she stays every year for Cannes because she’s a bisexual spider-monkey who constantly dives off shit. Also, they let her jump on top of cars as they pull up so people can feed her grapes through a cracked window. “Ha, look, honey, she’s grabbing your tit. We loved Read More ...

Hey! Take Yo’ Gotdamn Shoes Off Before You Get On Diddy’s Boat

The Superficial — Wed, 23 May 2012 18:50:21 +0000

You and I live boring, conventional lives where getting invited over to someone’s house and being asked to remove our shoes is generally accepted because we all know shampooing carpets takes fucking forever. Also, shoes are violent oppressors whose shackles I’ve long since escaped, you toesy-restricting bastards. Anyway, when someone like Diddy throws a lavish Read More ...

Tara Reid Is All The Rage In Europe

The Superficial — Wed, 23 May 2012 17:55:11 +0000

Earlier this morning, I linked to an article on Lainey Gossip that identified Tara Reid‘s date to a Cannes yacht party as diamond mogul Fawaz Gruosi, so here are a bunch more pics of Tara at Cannes because apparently filthy rich Europeans can’t get enough of her. They’re so forward thinking. “I do say, Reginald, Read More ...

Courtney Stodden Is Very Subtle

The Superficial — Wed, 23 May 2012 17:19:17 +0000

In case you thought Courtney Stodden only wears lingerie to bake with her mom, here she is not so much washing a Mercedes as her heaving, child-bride implants except I don’t even know why I just said child-bride because, let’s be realistic, they’re not even pretending she’s 17 anymore. At this rate, the next themed Read More ...

Of Course John Mayer Uses ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ To Pick Up Chicks

The Superficial — Wed, 23 May 2012 16:01:31 +0000

John Mayer has a new album to promote, so it’s time to make with what he thinks are hilarious slice-of-life stories about how much pussy he gets because he’s so super-rich it doesn’t even matter that he walks around pretending to be Johnny Depp. Or homeless. I don’t even know how you tell the difference. Read More ...

Snooki’s Having A Boy

The Superficial — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:39:20 +0000

Because soon people will realize they’ve been hypnotized into staring at the warthog from The Lion King get the clap and stop watching, Snooki is selling every last detail of her pregnancy to anyone with a checkbook and/or pack of Slim Jims. So here she is exclusively revealing to In Touch that she’s having a Read More ...

Tracy Morgan is Khloe Kardashian’s Father

The Superficial — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:08:06 +0000

Okay, so that headline may not be entirely true – Although, she did turn down that DNA test. – but it is one of the 800 random things Tracy Morgan said during his appearance on Conan last night which are always fucking hilarious. I don’t want to oversell it, but the Charlton Heston bit was Read More ...

Good Morning, Irina Shayk, And Other News

The Superficial — Wed, 23 May 2012 13:40:37 +0000

- A woman’s abs are like magic. - Apparently jabbing your penis into a pile of Silly Putty with tits is the new Faberge Egg. - Weird Things Your Favorite Teen And Child Stars Are Up To Now - So Brad Pitt really has no intention of marrying Angelina Jolie. That’s Read More ...

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 5.22.12

Photo Boy — Tue, 22 May 2012 20:15:46 +0000

Welcome To Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where Kevin James jumps on the internet’s hottest new meme, ‘Hilling,’ Gerard Butler knows how to make himself look like less of a coked-out whoremonger by comparison, There’s Something About Guy, and holy cow, Bill Paxton really was the international terrorist known as Carlos this whole time! Seriously, Read More ...

Miley Cyrus Thinkin’ She’s A Dang Ol’ Sex Expert

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 18:57:50 +0000

As part of her, “Garsh, I Sure Grow’d Up Tour,” Miley Cyrus stopped by Lifetime’s The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet where I reckon she done pontifercated and philosophicalized the ins and outs of the daddy-daughter dance for such are its proclivities and the like. Via Page Six: “I was talking about this at dinner Read More ...

Kelly Brook Wore A Bikini, Too

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 18:55:36 +0000

Here’s Kelly Brook on the set of a photo shoot in Cannes where her breasts looked just gigantic and awesome. I don’t know what random god I pleased to deserve such a bounty, but I’ll bet it has something to do with not blowing that entire Nativity scene while it was sleeping that one Christmas. Read More ...

Johnny Depp ‘Adopted’ By Comanche Nation

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 18:05:12 +0000

“Wait. For real? Like the baking powder?” While Johnny Depp may or may not have based part of his Tonto performance on Marilyn Manson, he definitely based it off a painting by an artist who literally just makes up his own Indian outfits because his historical research stops around, “Eh, they probably liked birds.” But Read More ...

Laura Vandervoort Wins

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 17:07:11 +0000

So remember earlier when we all arguing about Daisy Fuentes and Gabrielle Anwar? Shut up with your granny porn. Here’s Laura Vandervoort posing for Esquire and Me In My Place‘s magical team effort to take pictures of hot, on-the-cusp model/actresses standing around their house in their underwear. Which, fun fact, was Leonardo Da Vinci’s original Read More ...

Cheryl Cole: ‘America Should Forgive Chris Brown’

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 15:06:48 +0000

Cheryl Cole is a British pop singer who’s barely relevant in America unless, like me, you’re in the tit and boob business and recognize her solely for showing up on red carpets for strange foreign movies with her tit and boobs. So naturally she’s just the person to tell us we all need to forgive Read More ...

Daisy Fuentes In A Bikini Is 3 Years Older Than Gabrielle Anwar, Looks Way Better

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 15:05:01 +0000

Possibly because her face doesn’t look like an over-tanned garden gnome pumped full of collagen, here’s 45-year-old Daisy Fuentes in Miami yesterday looking way better than the 42-year-old Gabrielle Anwar who almost got me stabbed with a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey for not saying she looked fucking gorgeous for her age. Folks, I Read More ...

John Travolta Remembers Robin Gibb

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 15:00:20 +0000

While John Travolta will tell you during a night of seduction and hamburgers that he made it big satisfying the sexual appetite of the gay Jews who run Hollywood – He’s perfectly straight himself though, for the record. Handjob? – but it was Saturday Night Fever that really propelled him to stardom and featured a Read More ...

Lindsay Lohan’s Crazy Search For Dick Is Dicking Over The Production of ‘Liz & Dick’

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 14:28:38 +0000

So here’s some completely shocking and unpredictable news from the production of the Lifetime biopic Liz & Dick: Lindsay Lohan is being goddamn impossible to deal with and demanding crazy shit like casting approval and free trips to Europe whenever she’s not out partying with Paris Hilton. Which doesn’t make any sense because she’s changed Read More ...

Good Morning, Kelly Brook, And Other News

The Superficial — Tue, 22 May 2012 13:12:49 +0000

- Sean Penn‘s banging Petra Nemcova again. Of course. - Mind the Gap in HQ - Is Matthew Fox‘s unseen opponent a morbidly obese bus driver’s vagina? I’m going to assume yes. - The 18 Best Ideas People On Read More ...

The Crap We Missed – Monday 5.21.12

Photo Boy — Mon, 21 May 2012 20:30:33 +0000

Welcome to Monday’s overstuffed The Crap We Missed which is a direct reference to Lil Kim‘s performance wardrobe that landed her two spots in today’s gallery, because seriously, how do you choose between this and this? We’ve also got Scott Disick And The Amazing Technicolor Douchecoat, Tara Reid who’s john amazingly looks more fucked up Read More ...