The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 2.9.12

Photo Boy — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:30:08 +0000

“Shit. Did my nose fall off again?” Welcome to The Crap We Missed featuring Wilmer Valderrama who apparently is blind to anyone holding a camera, Melissa Molinaro who still needs at least 35 more pounds of ass and a bucket of urine to even come close to looking like Kim Kardashian (But, seriously, good effort.) Read More ...

Halle Berry Seems Reasonable

The Superficial — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:25:01 +0000

When we last left Halle Berry she was in the middle of making it look like Gabriel Aubry assaulted their nanny so she could strip him of visitation rights which absolutely no one bought including the judge. Since then there’s been a legal circus that’s so far resulted in their daughter Nahla being ordered to Read More ...

Kris Jenner: The New Face Of Lube

The Superficial — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:00:10 +0000

And of course she’s holding a penguin. The most vagina-looking bird of them all… When Kris Jenner decided to use all that whoring around she did behind Robert Kardashian‘s back to shill her new book and lay the groundwork for outing Khloe as a bastard on cable television, I didn’t even stop to think there Read More ...

Reese Witherspoon Wants Another Baby – AHA!

The Superficial — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 18:20:01 +0000

For those of you just joining the site, I spent most of the summer trying to prove Reese Witherspoon is pregnant only to eventually give up and accuse her of getting an abortion, so trust me when I say the whole thing was very professional. Except here she is telling Us Weekly she wants another Read More ...

Miranda Kerr’s In A Bikini, Clearly Hates Jesus

The Superficial — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 17:17:47 +0000

Because a woman’s body is her husband’s property – After two years of bringing in sweet Victoria’s Secret checks, of course. – here’s the godless Jezebel Miranda Kerr flaunting her carnal treasures in Australia so that men may become filled with lust and spill their seed upon the ground thus fertilizing Satan’s subterranean army which Read More ...

Minka Kelly Still Looks Like Minka Kelly and Other News

Photo Boy — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:08:56 +0000

Posted by Photo Boy - Jenna Marbles never actually had to say a world to get famous on the Internet. - Dog the Bounty Hunter supports gay marriage now, as long as its not interracial. - Daniel Radcliffe: “Ditto, as long as we’re talking man-bush on man-bush.” - Turns out Read More ...

Kylie Jenner Tweets Photo of Khloe Kardashian With Her Real Dad, Pretends It’s A Joke

The Superficial — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:07:30 +0000

Yesterday Kris Jenner thought it’d be an hilarious idea to make Kylie tweet the above photo of Khloe Kardashian with Alex Roldan the man who couldn’t more obviously be her real dad if he pulled somebody’s arms out of his socket when he loses a game goddammit my penis is lonely. Anyway, Kylie also included Read More ...

Kylie Bisutti: ‘Jesus Made Me Quit Victoria’s Secret’

The Superficial — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:02:28 +0000

In 2009, a then-19-year-old Kylie Bisutti beat out over 10,000 applicants to become the newest Victoria’s Secret model, yet after two years of raking in money she won’t return, she’s now decided it clashes with her Christian faith and marriage. Which I suppose would make sense if she was a recent convert and/or just got Read More ...

Lindsay Lohan’s Beauty Will Cure AIDS Now

The Superficial — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:18:35 +0000

Proving that the best shots of her are in washed-out black and white with her boobs out, here’s Lindsay Lohan at the New York Fashion Week amFAR Gala last night because apparently Courtney Love wasn’t available as a visual aid this time, so they went with the next best thing. DINA: Great news, honey. Courtney Read More ...

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 2.8.12

Photo Boy — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:23:29 +0000

Welcome to a Hump Day Edition of The Crap We Missed where against all precedents Tara Reids‘s torso is in a see-through shirt that doesn’t make me want to sprint into traffic, Ashanti almost plays Peek-A-Boo: Britney Spears Edition on the red carpet and Denzel Washington shows Ryan Reynolds what he would have totally been Read More ...

Ke$ha’s Just Your Average, Everyday, Penis Costume-Loving Praying Mantis

The Superficial — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:56:19 +0000

And Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Did I not mention that? I entirely forgot Ke$ha was still a thing, but apparently Glamour didn’t because here she is talking to them about devouring men after she mates and/or making them wear giant cock costumes for her amusement. So basically she’s a really, really shitty Read More ...

Taylor Swift Got Dumped Again

The Superficial — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:14:50 +0000

Apparently Taylor Swift was dating some dude Eddie Redmayne with the keyword being “was” because apparently he’s already given her the ol’ John Mayer/Jake Gyllenhaal/Joe Jonas heave-ho. So good news if you’re a fan of her music. Via Hollywood Life: Taylor and British actor Eddie Redmayne met when she auditioned to play Eponine in Les Read More ...

Emma Stone’s In A Bikini

The Superficial — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 18:47:50 +0000

I debated whether or not to buy these Emma Stone pics because while this would be her first bikini debut, they’re also kind of boring. But then I remembered all that statistical data I have proving you people can’t get enough of chicks like Emma Watson with the bodies of 10-year-old boys and my paycheck Read More ...

Miley Cyrus Is Sexy, Y’All

The Superficial — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 18:11:06 +0000

“Darn tootin’.” Here’s Miley Cyrus shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond yesterday where she walked around in torn booty shorts carrying a Starbucks per the guidebook Britney Spears wrote for her inside an old KFC bucket. Granted, it wasn’t so much a guidebook as a doodle of Grimace proposing to Britney with a Big Mac, Read More ...

Scarlett Johansson, Just Stop Talking

The Superficial — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:42:33 +0000

“Just ignore Al Gore and he’ll stop trying to light your hair on fire, brother. He’s so droll.” During the 2008 presidential election, Scarlett Johansson didn’t do Barack Obama any favors by claiming to be his e-mail buddy (She wasn’t.) and then showing up to his inauguration with her vaginal flaps aflutter, so of course Read More ...

Snooki & JWoww Just Outed The Situation

The Superficial — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:35:19 +0000

If you haven’t figured out by now, Snooki and JWoww are heavily promoting their Jersey Shore spin-off and basically doing everything they can from radio appearances, to leaking pregnancy rumors (You knew that’s what was happening, right?) to now throwing The Situation under the bus by outing him to The Huffington Post. Also, ladies, if Read More ...

Jesus Looks Like This Now and Other News

Photo Boy — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:30:35 +0000

Posted by Photo Boy - Rosie Huntington-Whiteley doesn’t want you to forget Valentine’s Day. - Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke knows that Sparkledick > Terrible Plot. - Jennifer Aniston is so annoyed by the Brangelina feud rumors that she brought them up again in an interview. - JLo and that gay au Read More ...

Russell Brand Doesn’t Want Katy Perry’s Money

The Superficial — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:40:02 +0000

Russell Brand might be a sex addict who can’t get an erection without the aid of wheelchair porn, but if there’s one thing he’s not, it’s a bloody gold-digger. TMZ reports: Katy made $44 million between May, 2010 and May, 2011 — according to Forbes. The couple married in October, 2010, so Russell could have Read More ...

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 2.7.12

Photo Boy — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 21:20:02 +0000

“Holy shit, that’s hot.” – Said no man, alive or dead. Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where it looks as though Rachel McAdams got into her mom’s make-up again, Ralph Fiennes completely misunderstands how microphones work and when did Dog the Bounty Hunter get nominated for an Oscar? Mel B can show us Read More ...

Kim Kardashian & LeAnn Rimes Are Best Friends Now, Starting That Bible Study

The Superficial — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:21:01 +0000

“And there’s the entire lunch I just paid for in her purse.” Remember last week when Kim Kardashian said she wanted to start a bible study and everyone went, “Wow, who’d be stupid enough to go to that?” LeAnn Rimes. LeAnn Rimes is that stupid. TooFab reports: The stars had lunch together Friday in Calabasas Read More ...