The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 5.16.12

Photo Boy — Wed, 16 May 2012 20:00:13 +0000

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where we embrace Hump Day as hard as these two probably did seconds after this picture was taken. To be clear, the implication is that they had gay sex. Anyway we’ve also got Suzanne Somers still selling Thighmasters, Chloe Sevigny working her corner and willing to cut a Read More ...

Courtney Stodden’s Bo Derek Bikini Photos

The Superficial — Wed, 16 May 2012 18:26:23 +0000

Like clockwork, here’s Courtney Stodden doing her best Bo Derek impression, and honestly, these are probably the best-looking shots of her since that set from before she discovered make-up, clear heels and sugar-daddying her way onto reality television. On that note, you really can’t help but marvel at America’s incredible capacity for making women think Read More ...

There’s Probably A Kourtney Kardashian Sex Tape

The Superficial — Wed, 16 May 2012 17:38:48 +0000

Dear God, please be recent… Apparently before he started dating Kourtney Kardashian, Patrick Bateman’s little brother Scott Disick and his buddies used to get chicks high and/or drunk off their ass, then film each other having sex with them for sport and/or to look at each others wieners. It’s a story rife with subtext. Life Read More ...

Elisabetta Canalis In A Bikini Will Kick Off Cannes

The Superficial — Wed, 16 May 2012 16:36:38 +0000

Here’s Elisabetta Canalis and Sacha Baron Cohen on a yacht in Cannes this morning to promote The Dictator and the funniest part is that one of the agencies actually listed Elisabetta as “supermodel Elisabetta Canalis.” Which is an amazing distinction for someone whose claim to fame is getting tossed off of George Clooney‘s penis for Read More ...

Has Anyone Seen Nick Stahl?

The Superficial — Wed, 16 May 2012 15:32:01 +0000

The last time Nick Stahl was in the news, he was arrested in March for not being able to pay a cabbie $84 – despite making $500,000 last year – and now comes word that he’s missing after spending a lot of time down on Skid Row. So basically the perfect recipe for a happy Read More ...

Miley Cyrus Takin’ Them Dang Ol’ Puppies Fer A Walk

The Superficial — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:53:24 +0000

Here’s a braless Miley Cyrus taking her new puppy for a walk in Miami yesterday while politely bending over for her fans and letting them look right down her shirt which is apparently every young girl with weight issues‘ dream come true. Here I just assumed it was dry-humping Robert Pattinson at a Cold Stone, Read More ...

Reminder: Michael Fassbender Has A Giant Penis, Will Spank You With A Ping-Pong Paddle

The Superficial — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:03:46 +0000

“Now, before we begin, how attached are you to your cervix?” Michael Fassbender is the cover interview for the June 2012 issue of GQ, so if you’re in the mood for reading about the trials and tribulations of everyone making jokes about how huge your penis is while the writer awkwardly tries not to make Read More ...

Paris Hilton Is.. Cleavagey? No, That’s Not Right, And Other News

The Superficial — Wed, 16 May 2012 13:05:48 +0000

- Which are hotter: Girls in jean shorts or girls in jean skirts? These are the questions that try the Internet’s soul. - Gwyneth Paltrow is nice to reporters during press junkets? Whaaa…. - The SyFy channel basically made a movie about sharks eating the cast of Jersey Shore. God bless, America. Read More ...

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 5.15.12

Photo Boy — Tue, 15 May 2012 20:00:12 +0000

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed that actually serves a valuable purpose for once besides boob-ogling. (It still has that.) And that purpose is Chris Brown‘s object lesson in the practical decision-making capabilities, or more accurately lack thereof, withing the female brain. We’ve also got Thomas Lennon closing the chapter on photobombs, and Joe Read More ...

Mena Suvari’s Ex-Husband Wants Spousal Support

The Superficial — Tue, 15 May 2012 18:47:00 +0000

For two whole years Mena Suvari‘s unemployed ex-husband Simone Sestito got to have sex with her impossibly large chipmunk butt that by all rights should cause her to topple over every time she walks, so why wouldn’t he think that should earn him $17,000/month in spousal support? He practically did her a favor. TMZ reports: Read More ...

Bristol Palin Received Death Threats After Obama, Gay Marriage Post. Goddammit…

The Superficial — Tue, 15 May 2012 18:14:06 +0000

Probably the worst thing that could’ve happened after Bristol Palin(‘s ghost writer) wrote a hilariously hypocritical blog post criticizing Barack Obama‘s support for gay marriage is an excuse for her to play the martyr, and of course, this being the Internet, she was handed that on a silver platter. Granted, comments can be faked, I’m Read More ...

JLo Wore This Next To Cameron Diaz’s Face

The Superficial — Tue, 15 May 2012 16:53:28 +0000

Mmmm… JLO belly. While Cameron Diaz continued her metamorphosis into Madame at the Hollywood premiere of What To Expect When You’re Expecting last night (How many premieres/upfronts were there last night? 85 million.), Jennifer Lopez decided it’d be a great time to wear an open-front dress that she’d be guaranteed to look awesome in by Read More ...

Kim Kardashian Will Do ‘Whatever She Can’ To Get Near Beyoncé

The Superficial — Tue, 15 May 2012 15:52:14 +0000

And apparently “whatever she can” means hooking. That’s dedication. Despite reports that Beyoncé wants Kanye West to keep Kim Kardashian the hell away from her, he’s inviting her to London anyway for his five-night Watch The Throne performance with Jay-Z. And just like Kris Jenner taught her, Kim’s immediately trying to calculate how many penises Read More ...

Kristen Stewart Seems Lovely

The Superficial — Tue, 15 May 2012 15:00:35 +0000

Here’s Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron and Chris Hemsworth at the world premiere of Snow White and The Huntsman Keep in mind this is a movie where Kristen is supposed to be more beautiful than Charlize, so it’s good to see they really sold that by making Charlize look like a gorgeous model while Kristen flipped Read More ...

Bertney’s Gon’ Be On TV, Y’All! And She Done Brought Her Britches

The Superficial — Tue, 15 May 2012 14:05:15 +0000

Proving his voluminous man-boobs possess a dark bitch-tit magic that can bend men’s minds to his will, Simon Cowell successfully talked Britney Spears‘ dad and her fiance into accepting $15 million that she’ll never see a dime of to be a judge on the second season of X-Factor along with Demi Lovato because who doesn’t Read More ...

Good Morning, Brooklyn Decker, And Other News

The Superficial — Tue, 15 May 2012 13:04:42 +0000

- NHL Ice Girls will warm your cold heart. - Salma Hayek seems really happy about the huge cash settlement her husband just paid the supermodel he knocked up while they were “on a break.” - Why is their a frozen bag of peas on your wife’s vagina? 50 Shades of Grey. Read More ...

The Crap We Missed – Monday 5.14.12

Photo Boy — Mon, 14 May 2012 20:00:01 +0000

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed which is bursting at the seams from a weekend full of hidden paparazzi gems. Gems like Goldie Hawn‘s timeless beauty, which applies to Brooke Shields as well. Big black microphones start to look small in Serena Williams‘ hands, Ryan Phillipe‘s dick becomes a divining rod, Simon Cowell gives side Read More ...

Rihanna’s Boobs Were Dinosaurs The Whole Time

The Superficial — Mon, 14 May 2012 18:30:08 +0000

The last time Rihanna uploaded a bunch of pics to Facebook, it was of her butt in a bikini, so in her defense, the only way to top that is behind-the-scene photos where people paint lizard scales on her topless chest. So here’s Rihanna on the set of her new video for “Where Have You Read More ...

Tan Mom Wants To Do Playboy Now. I Swear To God, Hugh Hefner….

The Superficial — Mon, 14 May 2012 17:23:49 +0000

Just… goddammit, New Jersey. If there’s anything this great country of ours has taught us, it’s that any type of publicity, even from reckless child endangerment, will immediately turn you into a celebrity who thinks she has a shot at Playboy which you will then immediately reject and/or be open to considering without the offer Read More ...

So Anne Hathaway Wasn’t Wearing Her Engagement Ring In Those Bikini Photos. Or These.

The Superficial — Mon, 14 May 2012 16:44:00 +0000

As far as everyone knows, Anne Hathaway has been engaged Adam Shulman since November. Except in the batch of bikini photos that popped up over the weekend, she’s not only not wearing her engagement ring, but spending the entire time with Italian Argentinian polo player Nacho Figueras and we all know Anne has a soft Read More ...