The Tin Lizard

Nonnuclear Fallout: Record Snows

2010-03-17T10:10:48-04:00

By all prognostications, spring is arriving in the Washington DC area today. It's supposed to be sunny, with temperatures reaching into the 60s. With that kind of weather, the record snowstorms of a month ago, and the rainy deluge of a few days ago that finally washed away most of the snow, will soon be forgotten, even as some low-lying areas have been flooded.

Now, however, we deal with some of the quirky unexpected consequences.

We got a credit card bill yesterday stating that the previous month's payment was overdue. What previous month's payment? We hadn't received any bill. We don's use this card a lot, so we hadn't thought to check online, in fact we haven't even set up online connection to this account. Thinking back, we recalled the time of the snowstorms, when USPS did not make delivery in our neighborhood for five days running. That was almost exactly a month ago, so presumably, our bill would have come during that period. The thing is, though, it still hasn't shown up! When service finally did resume after the snow, there was no big batch of accumulated mail, just the normal allotment of a few catalogs and other bulk mailings. So I have to wonder, where did all that accumulated mail go, and will it ever turn up?

Also in the mail yesterday was the quarterly water and sewage bill. The water is the last of the utility meters that's still read by an actual person walking around to each meter, and after the snow, the meter-reader wouldn't have been able to find the meter. So, they estimated. A reasonable approach, except that the cold weather must have caused a brain freeze somewhere -- instead of estimating based on last winter, their billing was based on the autumn quarter, when people were still watering gardens and such, so the amount is three times what it ought to be. The difference is about $250, so at my request, they're coming today to do a real reading.

A snowstorm isn't a hurricane or earthquake, and its consequences are far less catastrophic and tragic. Even so, beyond the obvious fallout like collapsed roofs, broken trees, and reduced sales for almost all retail establishments, it's interesting to see how the last little ripples still wash up unexpectedly into our daily lives.

Nonnuclear Fallout: Toyota

2010-03-16T19:38:30-04:00

There's always someone around (often several someones) ready to try to derive personal benefit from the misfortunes of others. Huh? What did you say? ...something about the uninsured millions in the U.S. and the Republican Party and the "healthcare industry?" Well, yes, that IS a good example, but it's not what I'm talking about just now.

Closer to home, for many people, is the ability to have confidence in their car. And that's been a little problematic lately for Toyota owners. It seems there are people with legitimate cause for complaint: Real malfunctions over a number of years, that have now forced Toyota to do recalls, launch an investigation, and even apologize. Definitely, that should be dealt with seriously.

Now, we begin to see evidence of imitators and fakers who would like to get on the bandwagon of what they hope could be a big settlement. Was the guy in California who was rescued by the highway patrol, under circumstances that now seem questionable, the first of these? I don't know. Maybe not. His lawyer has appeared in public to argue that, because his client had told him (the lawyer) that he wasn't looking to make money out of the incident, he has no reason to lie and must be telling the truth. Possibly. My question: If that's so, why did he need a lawyer?

There's other evidence as well; a second case today in which someone drove into a stone wall (was it New York?) and is blaming their Toyota. Well, of course nothing can be ruled out, but it just seems that there's a sudden rash of these cases now, after the problem has become widely known. It seems a lot like those people who read the list of possible side effects of some medicine, and then proceed to develop every one of them.

An acquaintance was involved in an accident a few days ago. While sitting at a stoplight, she was rearended at 45-50 mph, her car totaled, by a driver she could see coming in her rearview mirror and who had her head down. This driver, too, after the accident, was quick to claim that her vehicle had accelerated uncontrollably and without warning. She happened to be driving a Jeep, not a Toyota, but never mind, a good excuse is a good excuse.

Incidentally, speaking of driving while distracted, what about the idiot in Tennessee who plowed into a large rockslide over the highway today while he was looking at the police who were trying to warn him to stop? Well, at least he didn't get out and claim that his car ran away with him.

Spring Back

2010-03-13T12:14:37-05:00

Tis the season -- the season when once again, meteorologists and others exhort us to "spring forward" by turning our clocks ahead an hour to get on Daylight Saving Time. In the fall, we'll be told to "fall back" to help us remember once again which way to adjust the hour hand on our timekeeping devices.

Too bad the mnemonic is the opposite of what it means in real terms. To go on DST is a step backward, a needless and not altogether harmless mass drill for a Nation of Sheep, something like those public displays on holidays in North Korea. Needless, because it saves us nothing - not any measurable amount of energy, and certainly not any daylight.

Also, not harmless, because it disturbs our biorhythms, our circadian patterns, in measurable ways. One concrete example of the harm is the statistics on the increased number of people who suffer heart attacks on the morning after our "spring forward," thanks (it is thought) to the hour's less sleep people get.

In short: Let's put an end to this silliness. In commonsense terms, our watchword should be "Spring Back, Fall Forward," and not the other way around.

Failing To See The Light In The Piazza

2010-03-12T10:18:42-05:00

The Light In the Piazza originated as a novel, was done in the 1960's as a film, and has had a fairly active life as a musical, one that was nominated for and won Tony awards. I haven't seen other productions, nor the movie, nor read the book, but based on the version I saw at Arena Stage in Washington DC this week, I'd have to give it about a C- or worse.

Part of my disappointment with the piece is purely personal; musical comedy as a genre is OK, but I'm no fan of opera, and this is one of those vehicles that takes the operatic approach -- sung dialogue, rather than any catchy tunes (or any tunes at all). So if you happen to like that kind of thing, maybe you'll like it. I just fail to see the point of singing (caterwauling?) lines of dialogue when dialogue would do as well. It usually suggests that the dialogue itself is pretty vacuous.

That's definitely the case here. Most musical theater requires the audience to suspend disbelief to some extent or other, but LitP carries this to an extreme, and an unsatisfying one at that. As Wikipedia's synopsis (link above) quaintly puts it, Clara, the young lady at the center of the play, has "the mentality of a child" because she was kicked in the head by a horse during her childhood. Her mother (Margaret) knows this, which is the reason for her initial reluctance to let Clara get involved with the young Italian fellow (Fabrizio) who falls in love with her.

And there's the rub, for eventually, Margaret decides to let the two marry, in fact, she pushes for it actively, putting up bribe money for the boy's family (who have learned, or guessed at, the truth), and persuading Fabrizio's father by "taking a walk" with him! (This sort of euphemism seems seriously anachronistic for the 1960's, when this thing was originally produced.) All that is still in the best tradition of the musical comedy: Love conquers all, happily ever after, etc. But the outcome depends on a cruel, amoral hoax: Poor Fabrizio, "blinded by love," does not realize despite occasional hints from Clara's childish behavior, that her development is arrested. Nor is he ever told!

Here's a clear recipe for a happily-ever-after marriage that is not going to work out. Poor Fabrizio will learn the truth eventually (unless he remains twelve years old too); won't he feel cheated and deceived? Is it OK with Margaret because her American daughter needs a little joy in her life, and Fab is just a no-count Italian? Or is she that desperate to get Clara off her hands? I suppose the optimist scenario is that the marriage works miracles on Clara's mind and she assumes "the mentality of an adult," but for me, disbelief can't be suspended quite that long.

Russell's Revenge

2010-03-10T16:40:50-05:00

It's only coincidence if I appear to be on a candy kick lately. First Necco, and now Russell Stover.

Recently in a drugstore I noticed a display of Russell Stover candy. We've tried some Stover products before and some are OK (nut and chewy centers, for example). They're not gourmet, but not bad for what you can expect for the price. This time, I noticed a type that I hadn't seen before, and opted for a box of Russell Stover's "Truffles."

I put that in quotes because that's what they're called, but they're a far cry from the real thing. My wife and I tried one each the other night; we both made a face at the same time for the same reasons -- a flattened disc-like shape, mediocre chocolate, a too-firm consistency (curiously like RS's cream-centers), and worst of all, a strange almost chemical taste not resembling chocolate in the least. Ever the optimists, we decided to try another piece. Bad decision. Exactly the same problems and, though we selected different-looking pieces to try, they tasted just like the first two pieces. We're going to just pitch out the rest of the box, and we never do that.

So my advice: Avoid these "truffles" like the plague. (At least for the plague, you can get shots.) I'm sorry to have to say so, since the company is headquartered in the city where I was born, Kansas City Missouri. But if you love good chocolate -- if you love even fairly decent chocolate -- you'll dislike these.

Bad Ads

2010-03-04T20:48:05-05:00

The American Petroleum Institute (API), a lobbying group for the oil and gas industry, continues to spend really big bucks on television ads. Like many commercials, they try to "pretty up" the reality of what they do: sow's ear, silk purse.

One common API pitch is for the oil industry's remote-location drilling, by which they mean one platform can now handle drilling in multiple, widely separated locations. For the API, this means "more of the oil and gas we need, from less than meets the eye." The public, presumably, will like the idea of fewer visible, above-the-surface rigs. That's a selling point, maybe, but a pretty weak one. "out of sight, out of mind" isn't a bad motto -- lumber companies have used it to good advantage, leaving a thin row of forest along miles and miles of roadside, screening the acres and acres of clear-cut.

The truth is that the remote-location technique serves the industry, reducing the costs of setting up large, permanent platforms over each hole in the sea bottom. It may also represent somewhat less danger to shipping, though that could be outweighed by what must certainly be much greater danger to the sea floor and marine life.

In another frequently aired ad, API, using an alias, presents those "average-looking" people who surprisingly have lengthy, articulate ideas about how bad increased taxes on oil and gas would be for them. It's as if Yogi Berra suddenly delivered an eloquent speech on the history of the Dead Sea Scrolls, or George W. Bush were to speak intelligibly about anything.

Personally, I can only applaud the selflessness, the pure civic-mindedness of the American Petroleum Institute, spending millions on prime-time commercials just to warn people about a threat to their pocketbooks. I can't think of any other reason they'd do it...can you?

After all, there is some honesty here: without a doubt, any taxes imposed on oil and gas companies are ultimately going to be paid by the consumer. And if petroleum-based energy should happen to retain an artificial market edge vis-a-vis competing forms of energy, just because efforts to impose new taxes were thwarted, no one at API is likely to complain.

Of Necco I Sing

2010-03-03T13:26:01-05:00

Corby Kummer has been writing on food in The Atlantic for years, (maybe even before the magazine became a "price sticker" by dropping the "monthly" from its masthead and going to ten issues a year). He almost always comes up with some unique and interesting insights.

Finding him writing about Necco wafers in the October issue really caught my attention, though - it's not the kind of thing you usually find in a food column. On the other hand, I can remember Necco Wafers from my childhood, and I still like a pack now and then today (so Necco, I hope you don't mind my borrowing your photo of the package).

This perennial candy has been made in the U.S. since 1847 (yes, eighteen), and I remember even from the perspective of 40 or 50 years ago that the name "Necco" derives from the manufacturer, the New England Confectionery Company. There is a lot of interesting Necco lore and history on the company's website - do take a look, or you won't know (for example) the story of Necco at the South Pole.

Kummer's main emphasis is that Necco recently changed over its production to all-natural ingredients, flavors, and colors. That's a big deal for a fairly low-cost candy, but maybe it is indicative of how deep the interest in "natural" has become. He says the "neon" colors have been toned down, but I never thought of them as neon - by comparison to almost any other such candy (the kind of stuff sold in movie theaters and at drugstore counters), they always seemed subdued. Now, I guess, they're even more so.

Yesterday I bought myself a roll, to see if the new version really measured up to the old. The good news is that they seem to taste as good as ever, so at least the changeover to "natural" hasn't hurt them. It's an interesting fact about taste, by the way - most flavors derive from chemical compounds that are either present in nature, or can be created in a lab. Studies have shown that flavoring from manufactured chemicals aren't distinguishable from "natural" ones, so when it comes to the taste of a candy like Necco, such as "clove" or "orange," "natural" has much less significance (in fact almost none). Natural ingredients may be more healthful and to the extent they hhave flavor of their own, might enhance taste too. But it really doesn't matter where that infinitesimal drop of "orange flavoring" comes from.

Your Friendly Electric Company

2010-02-27T17:59:16-05:00

I got my electric bill today. If your company is like mine, nearly every month, along with your bill, you get some kind of an offer of some other service.

Some are just radically off-the-wall -- my company offers, for an extra fifty or sixty dollars a year, a kind of insurance plan covering the eventuality that you might have to replace the sewer line between the house and the street. Let's see: sewers, electricity... electricity, sewers...no, it doesn't compute. Why would my electric utility be offering sewer repairs? And what may be next? Perhaps an offer to sell me my next new car, or discount prescriptions?

Another interesting one is the offer to supply only "green"-produced energy to your household - for an extra monthly fee, of course. I guess it's ok for the electric company to try to make a buck off people who are addled over alternative energy, but I have my suspicions. Energy is pretty fungible. How would I know if the electricity I get really comes from alternative sources?

The offers that really irk me, though, are two others that I commonly receive. One is for a big, expensive stand-alone backup generator (several thousand dollars) in the event of a lengthy power outage. These generators are noisy, ecologically unsound, inefficient (compared to centrally distributed power) but worst of all, they should be unnecessary if the power grid were as reliable as it used to be. (In response to an inquiry, the company said these are offered mostly for businesses, though that fails to explain why the offer is stuffed into residential bills.)

There's another in the same vein - for only five dollars a month, you can get a power surge protector installed that will protect all your appliances with motors (not computers) from getting zapped by a power spike.

(Note that this come-on also makes use of the concept that's so popular now, the monthly fee for a one-time service or product. Pay in perpetuity for a device that they'll come and install once and only once. What a rip-off! What would you think if the cable company tried "leasing" you its converter box instead of just putting it in as part of the service? What's that you say? They already DO? Oh yeah, I forgot.)

But back to the electric company. The common feature of the last two "offers" above is that the company can make profit from failing to perform the function we pay for: reliable electric power. Power failures and surges ought to be far less common than they are. I believe state regulators ought to forbid utility companies from offering services/devices that produce profit from poor performance. Otherwise, aren't we incentivizing them to do the wrong thing?

Heroism

2010-02-24T20:02:24-05:00

The term "hero" is endemically overused these days, and often in absurd ways. Recent news offers us a couple of good examples:

Unhero: Joseph Stack, the nut case who flew his airplane into a building in Texas. It's not surprising, I guess, that his daughter thinks he's a hero -- aren't daddies always heroes to their little girls? Looking past the Oedipal implications of that, though, to call this guy a hero is more than a little misguided. By that measure. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the mastermind of the September 11 terrorist actions in the U.S., is also a hero to some. Stack and KSM, heroes together in a political sense, but not otherwise. Real heroism is universally recognized, not just by a coterie of people with a cause.

An interesting sidelight to this event is that the daughter lives in Norway because she gets better medical care there, so the Stack story is a two-edged sword for his "supporters," who appear to dislike paying taxes but believe U.S. healthcare doesn't need fixing.

Hero: David Benke, the teacher at that middle school in Colorado who tackled the fellow who was starting to shoot students. He would have been more of a hero if he'd made sure the shooter happened to crack his head wide open on the edge of a step, but still, Benke fulfills the requirements - an act of courage in the face of danger. Not foolhardy, in this case (he saw that the bolt-action rifle gave him a chance to go for it), yet a brave effort that prevented a bad outcome, and that most bystanders would not have attempted.

Customer Service Reps

2010-02-23T17:19:59-05:00

I'm an inveterate writer of letters (in olden days) and e-mails (in more modern times)to companies. When they make a decision that makes their product less useful, or tasty, or likable, I let them know. These letters go to people called "customer service representatives," or something similar; seldom do they reach the people who really ought to see them (do you suppose someone ever wrote Toyota about an odd experience they'd had with their accelerator, perhaps?).

Judging from the kinds of responses I get, evidently these reps aren't too well paid; and in my estimation, they're seldom worth what pay they get. Another case of "you get what you pay for."

Not long ago, I wrote in this space about some size/quality changes in Evercare lint-rollers and mentioned that apparently a 60-sheet roll had replaced a 70-sheet roll at the same price. I said as far as I could tell, the 70-sheet roll wasn't available any more. Now, I retract that statement: in fact, these rolls are available in more sizes and types than you'd want to know, but to find them, you have to go to the kinds of places they like to hang out.

(Hint: They seem to like to hang out at Target stores, where you can find them in several different aisles, in 60, 70, or 100-sheet sizes; sticky and stickier; professional and amateur, easy-pull and not-so-easy; special ones for pet hair -- the mind boggles.)

But my statement was an honest mistake. When we mentioned on the company website that we didn't like the less-sticky, 60-sheet rolls we found, they sent us some free samples -- of the product we didn't like! Wouldn't you think they would have mentioned that the ones we did like were still available, and maybe even send those?

I suspect they don't even read the letters in most cases. We also told Unilever on line that we had a bottle of their mayonnaise where the seal on the jar lid didn't seem quite right. Was this dangerous?, we asked. We thought it was curious we heard nothing back...until about 10 days later, when we got a snail mail letter in response to our e-mail inquiry. It contained a check for $5, but no answer to the question of food safety. We might be dead or sickened by food poisoning, but hey, at least we got a check!

Unfortunately some of these customer service types seem to graduate into jobs as Congressional staffers. Last year when I wrote to my two Senators about passage of a certain bill, I got a reasonably focused answer from one, but the other seemed to think I was for, rather than against, the legislation and boasted about how he was serving my interests.

We're supposed to accept nowadays that people in low-paying jobs won't perform very well. There was a time when people thought that doing a bad job well could lead to a better job; there was even a time when people in low-level service jobs would do the work well as a matter of pride. But now, like a dimestore barbecue tool whose shank bends cartoonishly under the weight of a steak, customer service reps don't really seem to be fulfilling the function they exist for. Companies may as well not spend the money. (And in fact, some don't.)