These two keys:

1. Medication
2. Schools that are “in the know”

All in all, this is a very interesting read and perspective on the difficulties many children and parents face when trying to manage and overcome the challenges presented by ADHD.

The article is heavy on research findings and statistics, reporting that 84 percents of parents turn to medication at one point or another.  I don’t know about you, but that seems very high given the great controversy reported by so many parents who are against using medication.  But that’s just my thought, and reaction.

At the same time, I definitely agree that medications are an important part of comprehensive treatment, but only when necessary and fully explored (not just for the sake of medicating).

What I liked most was the balanced discussion of just how important it is to be working with schools who are flexible and prepared to support these children in their unique learning styles.  That’s a huge factor!  It’s an awful lot to put the pressure on these children, and I think it even goes so far to suggest that they are the ones who must adapt to the world…rather than teaching them the value of choice, flexibility, and most importantly, fit.

What do you think?  I’d love to hear your thoughts on the article after you get a chance to read it all.

Now I obviously won’t be talking about “Winning the Financial Game” like Harv does, but I couldn’t overlook one of his lessons that really applies to everything we do in life.

“Are you playing to win, or not to lose?”
~T. Harv Eker

As I heard T. Harv talk about this concept, it immediately simplified something I like to talk about but never quite found the words to sum it so succinctly or clearly.

When I think about a lot of my clients and the questions I get from readers like you, it’s not uncommon to hear from people that they are constantly playing catch-up or clean up from the day to day stress and frustration of parenting a child with ADHD (or just parenting in general, honestly).

The message I want to share this week, and the real takeaway lesson has to do with being active and not passive… It has to do with responding to situations, and NOT reacting.

These are subtle, yet important differences that can truly mean the difference between success or ongoing struggle with anything you face in life.

Another great thing Harv talks about is that most people don’t know what they want in life, but they certainly know what they don’t want.

Whether you are looking for financial freedom (as T. Harv talk about), or parenting a child with ADHD, the same applies again.

Without a clear ending in mind, you will never know WHEN you get there, and you most certainly WILL NOT know HOW to get there.

With that said, I’d like to give you some homework this week….but NOT just any homework. I want to leave you with something that will help you get on the road to reaching your goals, and having a clear path to follow.

HOMEWORK: (You’ll need a pen and paper).

1. Write down what you want for your self, your child, and / or your family. (Be as clear and as specific as possible).
2. Write down how you picture things to be if you had a magic wand and could suddenly remove all the struggles you currently face (related to or not to ADHD specifically).
3. Act as if…

The final step, “Act as if…” means you want to begin acting like the situation has changed. You want to treat your self, your spouse, your siblings, your child, or anyone else like things have already changed.

When you act as if, you will start to change habits to get what you want.

While the medical community has so far said “no,” today we hear otherwise from a newly published study in the Journal of Pediatrics.

According to the study, one common pesticide (organophosphate) used to grow fruits and vegetables suggests there is reason to be concerned. Of over 1,000 participants involved, 119 had symptoms of ADHD. Researchers analyzed single urine samples and found that children with the highest concentrations of the pesticide were more likely to have ADHD.

Researchers and experts caution that more research must be conducted, but also suggests that we need to look at these findings very seriously.

What you can do

Lead author of the study, Maryse Bouchard, states that we should limit our exposure to the chemical by eating only organic produce. She also added that frozen blueberries, strawberries, and celery had more pesticide residue that other foods.

According to one Today Show expert contributor, we should also avoid eating foods that are out of season.

You can read the full article here:

ABC News

Yahoo News

Today Show

• Gender…
• Age…
• Thinking…
• Concept…
• Understanding…
• Perspective…
• Determination…
• Intention…

It was all in front of me…the differences were screaming out at me. One kid was grabbing as many Easter Eggs as he could (dominating the hunt), while my the other was being very select (almost inattentive) with her selections.

At first I started wondering… What was wrong with my daughter? Was she not seeing all the eggs right in front of her? Did she not have that determination and focus to win? Why was she getting beaten by her younger (and less capable) little brother?

But I bit my tongue… I kept watching and I let those thoughts just sit…without reacting or trying to intervene.

That was entirely different however for my mother-in-law and my wife. They both were trying to steer my daughter in the direction of more eggs. They even slowed her down to try and explain the rules of the hunt… **Don’t even get me started on that just yet.**

Still sitting with my birds-eye view, my mind was now spinning with thoughts and ideas about what this all really meant. An Easter Egg hunt right? I got this all from an innocent fun Easter Egg hunt.

When it was all over, my wife asked our daughter why she didn’t pick up more of the eggs. She even tried rationalizing with her…”Honey, you walked past so many different eggs, why?”

My daughter was great….”But Mommy, I only wanted the yellow and pink ones.”

Now you can accuse of me thinking too much. I probably do!!! But the implications here were staggering for me.

• No one took the time to explain the rules (if there are any).
• Most of the group thought a certain way about the experience and then tried influencing others to think that way.
• No one stopped to ask my daughter what her plan was.
• We assumed way too much…
• We became competitive for our kids and lost sight of the goal: FUN

I am sure there are a million and one lessons we could pull from this experience… just so many lessons from an EASTER EGG HUNT.

But if you are thinking like me…this is how we (society) do things. The majority rule and make the rules. We accept those rules as “normal” and we question anything that is different.

It could just be me and how my brain works…but I’m willing to bet there are some of you who can see what I’m talking about….all from a simple Easter Egg Hunt…

What do you think? Let us know…

I am still reading (and re-reading) the comments to really absorb the different perspectives of ADHD, and getting diagnosed.

One thing to me is clear:  Getting the right diagnosis is critical, but it is only a first step!  For the record, I always advocate to my clients and anyone I speak to that seeing a professional – an expert who understands ADHD, children, and development – is of the utmost importance when you don’t know what’s going on.

Let me say that again (it was a mouthful):  Getting the right diagnosis, from the right* person is the most important first step.

But it’s ONLY a first step because there is so much else going on.  The diagnosis can change, and it can be complicated.  In my years of working with children and families, I just don’t know how an accurate diagnosis is made in one 15-minute appointment when there is clearly so much to consider.

Here’s just a taste of what makes the diagnosis so difficult to make:

1. Bad Information:  There is a LOT of bad information that leads to great misunderstanding about what ADHD is and what it is not.
2. Signs & Symptoms: As Dr. Kane mentioned in our previous post, there are over 50 other conditions that can mimic ADHD.  (Not to mention the things that can complicate what might or might not be ADHD).
3. One Size Does NOT Fit All: ADHD is going to be different for almost everyone with the condition.  There is NO one right answer…it’s about personal choice (as pointed out by colleague and friend Tara McGillicuddy).
4. Life Happens: One cannot overlook the dramatic impact and influence that life has upon symptoms of ADHD.  We cannot just attribute everything to the condition…we MUST look at what is going on in a person’s life.
5. Explanation NOT Excuse: ADHD (or the right diagnosis) can help explain why a person acts, behaves, or just is a certain way.  But it does NOT define them, and it should NEVER be used as an excuse.

Yes…there are plenty more complications to getting the diagnosis right.  And that’s why I call it a good and important (critical) first step!

So what’s this all about then?

As I mentioned, it is more important to me (in my humble opinion) that once we have a working diagnosis or understanding of who the person is, we focus on their unique challenges and NOT the diagnosis.

Sometimes we get it right.  Sometimes we get it wrong.  But behavior and our action / success is a good indication of what is going on.  I’ve said before that bad behavior is often a cry for help.  Having a bad attitude is often a way of getting attention when we can’t find the words to say what we really want.

No matter how you cut it…it’s just not as a straightforward as we’d like it to be.  And that’s the POINT!  As a parent of a child with ADHD, you’ve got some great responsibilities.  Yes….it might be more than the “average” kid, but as one “different” child (now adult) to others…. I don’t want to be average.  I like standing out…and yes…I love causing a little controversy.

Additional Responsibilities:

1. Get educated on ADHD / related conditions
2. Advocate for your child
3. Focus on their differences (not…”my child has ADHD”)
4. Question everything (even me).
5. Work with your child’s differences (not against them)
6. Make it fun.

As hard as all of this sounds…all parents face this every single day.  The good news is that ADHD is NOT a life threatening condition.  It’s NOT the end of the world.  It is however…or could be…another challenge you must face.  But hopefully, with this information and the right supports in your life, you will know when to stand up and shout, and when to laugh it off.

At least I hope you can…

But we got stuck…  My colleague asked me “At what point do you educate people on the diagnosis and the importance of HAVING the diagnosis?”

“……………………………”  Suddenly things got very quiet.

Most of you know by now how I feel about a diagnosis…  I won’t mix words here…but for me it’s sorta “nice to know” information.  At least that’s how I will start a conversation or how I REALLY feel about the diagnosis (and most diagnoses in general).

But this comment or difference in approach split the conversation.  We quickly kept dancing around the issue.

How important is it to have that diagnosis?  I mean…to really have it?!?!?!

We both agreed that there are two very distinct groups of people (more I’m sure in reality)…

1. People who have life changing “a-ha” moment when they find clarity from the diagnosis.
2. People who really don’t get all that excited or care…  They just keep moving on with life.

Now these are general characterizations for a reason…  I honestly know that deep down inside there are many different reactions to getting a diagnosis, or even the suggestion of an ADHD diagnosis.

But the question today is really about….  How important is to have that diagnosis versus understanding your differences and what that really means?

Can you have one without the other?

This is a very loaded question for me.  At the end of the day, I don’t much care what the diagnosis is…  At least if we are talking about ADHD.  I am more interested in helping people understand their differences and HOW those differences create challenges than I am nit-picking whether it’s ADHD or not.

BUT!!!!  At the same time…it is clearly important to me because otherwise I wouldn’t insist that people see specialists to get their diagnosis.

So WHY then is this so difficult?

Well…we know how complex ADHD is to diagnose properly.  There are co-morbid conditions that complicate a diagnosis, and there are many other factors that influence our behavior and how we are affected by life.

Plus there is the difference I experienced in my own childhood….  Being identified as “gifted and talented” and how my differences were encouraged and NOT seen as weaknesses.  Just from that experience alone I am convinced that differences are just that….  DIFFERENCES!!!!  They are NOT good or bad until you use them…  And how you decide to use them…

PLUS…there is just so much more to consider.  We need to look at the underlying cause of the behavior.  Is it really ADHD or is it the child?

And I think that’s where we got stuck.  Because I always encourage people to see a specialist to get diagnosed.  I think it’s critically important that we have an accurate diagnosis, or at least a clear picture.  BUT…I still want to know…

How important is that you have the diagnosis?  Is it more or less important to have the diagnosis versus understanding your individual, and unique challenges?

Let me know.  Clearly both are important to me…BUT I am a little stuck and am leaning more towards the side of being aware of your differences more than anything else.

But that’s just the surface issue that we need to worry about.  What lies beneath that is far more offensive, insulting, and dangerous!

You’ve heard me say it before…and I need to say it again.  That’s how serious of an issue this is!

“Effective treatment should NOT focus on teaching the
individual (or their family) to become like others.  Instead,
it should help the individual embrace their differences and help
them learn how to work with their ADHD and NOT against it.*”

My friend and colleague Jennifer Koretsky talks about “unleashing your inner maverick,” and I don’t think there is any better way to say it.

Too many people who are different are singled out and can be led to live a life of shame, doubt, sadness, and more…

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

While ADHD as a condition can certainly present challenges for an individual, that does not mean the person themself does not have valuable talents and qualities that can help them become successful.

The worst thing you can do…whether you are a parent or have ADHD yourself…is to break some down…  Never lose hope…  Never give up…  Never believe that you or your child are not good enough simply because you are different.

Most of all, NEVER hide behind who you are!  You are on the on this earth for a reason, and you have qualities that make you stand out from everyone else.  Start to embrace those differences as an advantage.

I don’t care what they are…  Put them to use in a way that embraces your passion and gives you energy and pleasure.

But what if we there was a quick and easy way to understand people’s reactions and why they behave the way do…towards people with ADHD?

Please consider for a moment:

• How do stereotypes and expectations influence your behavior?
• How do they influence your child’s behavior?
• And what affect do they have on how your child is treated?

These are some pretty interesting questions that I think a lot of people consider every now and again.  But what if these questions deserve more attention than you might realize?  What if just being aware of these questions provided you with powerful insight into how and why your child really is treated by others…  And why he or she might struggle just to get out of bed in the morning?

Perhaps the following can shed some light on these questions:

“…our own behavior can be influenced by our stereotypes, and that
activation of stereotypes can depend on our current state of mind and
how we view ourselves at the moment.” (page 169)

I don’t know about you…but this quote quickly got my brain spinning in all sorts of directions.

These words come from a book called “Predictably Irrational.”  It is written by an MIT professor and researcher who studies behavioral economics.  The basic premise of the book suggests that despite our desire to think we as humans are “rational” people who make clear decisions, we are not.

Through research and investigation, the author demonstrates that we are actually irrational people whose behavior can typically be predicted, and even manipulated based on our circumstances and the situation we find ourselves in.

This book might at first be about economics and buying decisions, but it really has everything to do with human dynamics, interaction, and behavior.  If you haven’t read “Predictably Irrational” yet, I would strongly suggest you move it to the top of your list.

The more I read the above quote…the more obvious it seems to me that I already knew this.  But in the context of this book, and a personal “a-ha” about how easily we are influenced….it meant so much more.  My mind immediately began wondering if this can explain why negative feedback can quickly crush a person’s self-esteem…?  And what if the person were constantly getting negative feedback?  Does this explain why some people just give up?

But even more so…my mind began wondering if this can explain how and why some teachers automatically believe certain things about a child with ADHD…without ever having taught them before?

What are your thoughts on the subject?

These are some pretty powerful (and incredibly negative) ways to describe people or talk about others.  I’m sure just seeing these words gave you some sort of reaction?  Now imagine how using these words – c’mon, we all do – impact the people around us?

Now how do they impact our children or loved ones who might be a little different than what is expected of them?

For the individual with ADHD, there is a lot of “negativity” associated with the condition.  In fact, one very well-known ADHD expert has said there are no positive attributes associated with the condition…  And I am sure there are plenty of other people out there who say it (and believe it) too.

ADHD Is NOT The Person

Today we are NOT going to debate whether or not there are positive or negative qualities directly related to ADHD.  Who cares?  Yea…I said it and I am sure to get some flack for it too.  But that’s also the point.  ADHD is merely a piece of the puzzle, and I am beyond convincing that every single person has plenty of positive attributes.

It’s just finding them can sometimes be difficult…

Consider this for a moment.  If we were all meant to be good at the same things…how we actually accomplish anything?  Where the fun be?  How we would evolve, invent, and create new and exciting technologies or advancements?

The Weakness Is Not The Person

Just as we all have positive qualities…we also have “negative” qualities or weaknesses as so many people refer to them.  But what exactly is a weakness?  And why do we focus on them so much?

Think about these questions if you want…but what I really want you to think about is the idea of ‘relative weaknesses.’  We can only have weaknesses in comparison to other strengths.  And when you compare…weaknesses are ONLY relative to our strengths.

Does that make sense?

When a child struggles with Math, but excels at Biology or History, does that mean we should focus on the Math being a problem?  Or should we celebrate the fact that they are great in Biology?

Do we get upset because our children can get A’s and B’s in these classes, and then end up with a C or D in others?

What if your child earned all B’s across the board?  Would we be happier?  Still frustrated?

How about the athlete who is gifted in one sport but not another?  What if they never discovered their talent in one sport?

Everything is relative, and we seem to ignore that.  A weakness cannot exist without a strength on the other end.

My challenge to you today is to remove these words from your vocabulary, and to begin looking at your children…your loved ones…your spouse…partner…whoever NOT in comparison to other people…BUT in comparison to themselves.  NOT in comparison to other people, but in comparison to their abilities…

Normal does NOT exist.  Most people are NOT good at everything, and they are NOT intended to be either.

I know I have plenty of weaknesses, and I am well aware of them…  There might even be some I don’t see as weaknesses, but they might be obvious to you.

In all the work I do supporting families affected by ADHD, one of the strongest pieces of advice I advocate is having a powerful support network, and not being alone.  Yet I still did the exact opposite…

So many parents tell me they are afraid to talk to other parents about their challenges.  Whether it’s not being understood, feeling ashamed, being blamed, judged, or shamed… they tell me they just don’t want to talk to people about it.

And I really get that…  And it’s far too easy to just shy away, especially after being burned a few times.

But I have to caution you to steer clear of isolation as best you can.

Whether you are a busy on the go parent (working outside or inside the home), it’s just too easy to feel alone.  It’s too easy and natural to get caught up in your world…your own struggles…and to feel like you are the only one!

As a stay-at-home-Dad…my biggest struggle is the demands of being a parent while also having a deep burning desire to work on my life…my business…and to have space.

I’m telling you this because I withdrew from my support network.  I was afraid to say certain things to people.  I didn’t want to be judged.  I was embarrassed by certain thoughts I was having, and felt like others would laugh.

But the other day I finally reached out to a colleague and shared some thoughts that were holding me back…  I couldn’t keep them to myself anymore.  I took a chance…and yea…I was nervous about it.

And you know what?

He didn’t laugh…  He didn’t judge.  He actually connected with me… Heard me… And told me he has the same thoughts.  Instantly I was re-energized and felt like I wasn’t the only one.  It was amazing and gave me energy that I hadn’t felt in a while.

Now not everyone will have this affect on me…or you.  But it reminded me that there are people out there who will offer support.  And that being alone is dangerous! It also reminded me that I am NOT alone and that I crave connection.  It is connection that inspires me…

That might work for you, or it might not.  You’ve got to find what or who helps get you out of isolation or being alone.

But no matter how uncomfortable you are feeling… How scared… Alone… Or Lost you feel…  Don’t keep it bottled up inside. Take a chance and share with someone.  If they don’t give you what you need, find someone who will.

No I don’t expect it to be that easy.  Sure it might even hurt…but I am living proof that going through it alone is dangerous and just makes things even harder.

Raising a child or supporting a loved one with ADHD ain’t easy!  Believe you me…I get it!!!!  But I’m also gonna tell you that life isn’t easy…  Raising a child without ADHD isn’t easy…  It’s just different.  Yes, you’ll face unique challenges for sure… and all it takes to get the support you need is to find the right people.  That’s the challenge we all face in life.