Yesterday on the Help Your ADHD Child Facebook page, a very frustrated mother posted that the teacher’s at her daughter’s school were suggesting a medication evaluation.

I don’t know if I read into things too much, but it came across that the school was politely trying to hint that this child needs an increase in her ADHD medications.

Perhaps it was the tone I gave to the e-mail, and my natural instinct to respond with compassion and support.

Any way you cut it, I re-posted her question so all of our “fans” would see this question and have a chance to offer their thoughts.

Mind you, I’m married to a teacher, so of course I asked for her thoughts on the matter as well.  It seemed a little out of sorts, and beyond the scope of practice, for a teacher to suggest a medication re-evaluation.

It’s of course certainly okay…even harmless…to inquisitvely ask how the ADHD medications are working at home…

But it’s certainly NOT acceptable or allowed (by any means) for a teacher to imply a child needs a higher dose of medications.

The Response

Responses quickly poured in.  Many, if not all, were very supportive and compassionate to how this Mom was feeling.  Some even offered suggestions about how to interact with the schools to facilitate a productive discussion to help this child.

All in all I thought it was a very productive and supportive discussion.  You could feel the passion in the posts, and it was no surprise (to me) at just how polarizing this topic was, pitting teachers against parents.

Having asked a good friend of mine (who happens to be a teacher) to review the discussion and add some thoughts, I soon after called it a night feeling good that there were balanced perspectives.

Concern

I woke up this morning to an incredible e-mail from one of our fans.  She indicated that she was a little concerned about the tone in the discussion, and the underlying negative message being sent.

She was right…

It was negative to the degree that teachers were being marked as the enemy.

And believe me…I didn’t pick up on it myself…because even I have been known to engage in some friendly teacher bashing and banter.

After all, one of the most common frustrations I hear from parents of children with ADHD is about teachers who constantly (allegedly) refuse to follow 504 plans and IEPs.

I hear about (and have personally experienced) teachers who seem unwilling to cooperate or work with students who learn differently.

BUT…I do feel it is necessary to balance these feelings about teachers, not only because I am married to a teacher, but because I honetly believe teachers are an important (invaluable) part of building a support team for any child, especially a child with ADHD.

The Sides

Teachers are in a position to see our kids in a particular environment.  They watch how our children learn, interact with others, and make sense of material that is presented to them.

In addition to instruction, teachers must also be skilled in managing a classroom of kids.

Where most of us have 2-3 kids, a teacher is often responsible for classes upwards of 20-30 students.  Imagine being in that classroom with 2-3 students who have different learning styles and challenges.

No…I am not defending them or letting them off the hook.  Part of this job, as teacher, is to learn how to support and reach children with different learning styles.  After all, we don’t all learn the same.

Parents are charged with the duty of raising their children…and by definition, we parents typically get pretty emotional and protective of our children.

We want the best for them.  It is often hard to accept differences, and sometimes…maybe sometimes…there is a bit of taking responsibility for these differences.

As a parent of a child with ADHD, it’s NOT uncommon to feel alone…and up against a battle with everyone you meet.  After all, most people don’t understand ADD / ADHD.  It’s a fact.  We just have to accept it.

To Succeed

No matter the situation, this fan who wrote me made a good point.  She remarked, “Do you think people take the time to put themselves in the other person’s shoes (i.e., the teacher) to see what they are up against?

I couldn’t help but nod along as I read this question.

She’s right.  To fully understand a person’s individual situation, and struggles, we have to put our differences (and biases) aside, and see things in their shoes.

The best advice I can offer is to build a large support staff or network with as many people in your child’s corner as possible.  Turn frustrated teachers into allies, by nurturing relationships and letting them know just how far you will go to get your child the help he (or she) NEEDS to succeed.

NOT DESERVES, BUT NEEDS!

Now, as I mentioned earlier, I am no stranger to come down pretty hard on teachers, doctors, therapists, and other professionals working with these children.  I do so because I am pretty fed up and frustrated with all the ignorance of how these kids get treated.  But, please know, the best and most direct path to supporting your childis to find a way to work with these individuals and not against them.

In my role as a child and family advocate for those facing the challenges of ADHD, I am asked a lot of different questions.  Sometimes, these questions get very detailed and very specific.  And that’s a good thing.  Because the more information and details I get, the more tailored a response I can provide.

Yet at the same time, most of my answers can often be summed up with one word.

ADVOCACY!

Question: Will My Child Ever Get Better?

Simple answer, YES, advocate!

Detailed answer: What is better?  What does better look like?  How do you want your child to be?  More importantly, does your child have a clue about how he (or she) wants to be?

Question: Will my child change on his medication?  Will he lose his unique talents, spirit, creativity, etc…?

Simple answer: Advocate

Detailed answer:  It all depends on you, and your goals for treatment.  ADVOCATE!  If you decide to treat ADHD with medication, you need to ask yourself an important question: What are my goals for treatment?  What will I consider a successful outcome to be?

I know there are some who argue that an ADHD diagnosis = ADHD medication for treatment.  Some even compare the idea of being diabetic to the need for insulin, and the need for glasses if you have difficulty with eyesight.

Ok…decent argument.  I get it.

But, some diabetics choose to watch their blood sugar level with diet and exercise.  Some people refuse to get glasses and instead wear contact lenses (same principle…), some opt for elective surgery, while still others learn different ways to compensate (be in holding the book further away…sitting closer or further from the computer screen, and still others, opting for BIG PRINT BOOKS).

That’s a matter of personal choice…  And quite possibly a debate for another post, at another time.

Now, before we get too distracted and off topic, let’s re-center ourselves.  Let’s FOCUS!

Question: Will my child have to be on medication for the rest of his (or her) life?

Simple answer: Advocate!

Detailed answer: It all depends, again, on your goals for treatment and the outcomes you want for your child.  Not many doctors discuss this.  So…you have to advocate.  You have to take the lead and be your child’s best defense, offense, and referee.

Aren’t getting the answers you want…? Ask the question a different way.  OR…ask someone the question.

Not getting the support you want…?  Find the right people.  Ditch the bad.  Go over their head.

We can go round and round with the advice I can offer, and the detailed step-by-step instructions I can lay out for your treatment plan.

But the bottom line is, you’ve got to be on board.  You’ve go to have a plan.  You’ve got to agree with how I see thing.  And if you don’t, you have to be able to STAND UP and advocate for what you want.

At the bottom of all of this, it boils down to your support structure.  Who are the people in your corner…?  Better yet, who do you CHOOSE to allow to be in your corner…advocating with you?

I don’t have the answer about whether or not your child will have to be on medication for the rest of his (or her life).  In this current moment, there’s no way to tell.

A good treatment plan considers the following:

Where are you now?

Where do you want to be X (days / months / years) from now?

What’s in your way?

In a lot of cases, we start off in crisis.  Medication can be a good way to get a grip on a life that seems out of control.

But you must NOT stop there.  Medication can and does work.  But it doesn’t cure ADHD.  There is NO cure for ADHD.

If you are hesitant that your child’s ADHD medications might change who your child is, then we need to evaluate what the right medication is or is NOT.

If you want ADHD medication to be a short term treatment plan, then we need to map out other strategies and treatment approaches to put in place.

It’s like setting a strong foundation.

It’s having a place to start.

It’s up to YOU where you want to go from there.

It’s NOT up to the teachers.  It’s NOT up to the doctors.

It’s NOT up to your extended family.

It’s up to YOU!  It’s to you and your spouse / partner and your child.

This is why you must advocate!  Parenting a child with ADHD is a contact sport.  And as they say in baseball, grab a glove and get in the game!  Kick a little dirt at the umpire if you’re not getting your point across.  Don’t be afraid of getting thrown out of the game…  After all, you are the parent.  You take the game outside and play street yard rules!

Join Us On Facebook

What’s in a name?

After much procrastination and telling myself I’ll start a Facebook page “someday,” I finally took action and pulled it together.  To my delight, this page has attracted just over 500 people (as of this writing), and I couldn’t be more pleased with the level of dedication and commitment these loving, caring parents have for these unique and often misunderstood children.

Earlier today, one of our “fans” who I have gotten to know asked the question, “Why do we call this group Help Your ADHD Child when it places the emphasis of ADHD on the child, rather than the focusing on the child him or herself?”

What an incredible and relevant question!

After all, there is so much in the name.  There is power in how we identify ourselves and think of ourselves.  The message needs to be clear and matter of fact.

It reminds me so very much of why I HATE the term Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  I cringe to know that we think of this condition as a disorder.  It suggests that these children are broken and need to be cured or fixed.

And while I understand this condition presents real challenges, and real problems when it goes unaddressed, undiagnosed, and untreated…I can’t help but think of the subtle difference a name can make.

Let’s break it apart for a second:

Attention Deficit – We now know that this is entirely inaccurate.  There is NO deficit in attention.  It’s a matter of variable attention.  You and I both know these children are more than capable of paying attention.  It’s just often a struggle to pay attention to things that are NOT interesting.

Hyperactivity – Not all children (or adults) have hyperactive symptoms.  Yet the medical community changed the term from ADD to ADHD in order to encompass the variety of symptom presentations and subtypes.

Disorder – The word I dread the most.  While I fully believe in the validity of this condition, and I support the advocacy and hard work of organizations that fight on behalf of the millions diagnosed, the word upsets me.

I don’t know about you, but I much rather focus on differences!

Your Child With ADHD Vs. Your ADHD Child

So what spurred this post and my thoughts on the subject this morning.  It’s certainly not a trivial difference.  In fact, it’s done with great intent.

If you look at the logo, [ADHD] stands out NOT because I believe your child IS ADHD, but rather to play on the unfortunate stamp and label of ADHD.  Ultimately, it’s a play on a words, and a jab at what I think is an unfortunate stamp and characterization.

Believe it or not, but there is a HUGE difference between saying “My ADHD Child” and “My Child With ADHD.”

In fact, a few years ago, I gave a talk titled, “ADHD: Is It Me Or My Child?”

Parents always ask me, Is this behavior the ADHD or is it my child?

Ahhh…the $64,000 question.

So I ask you…what do you think?  Does your child have ADHD?  Or is your child ADHD?

I want to hear it…

My thought is very simple.  Children have the condition we call ADHD.  They ARE NOT and SHOULD NOT be defined by it, characterized by it, or looked at as ADHD.

No…quite to the contrary, your child has a condition we call ADHD.  Deep down inside…at the very core of he or she, we will find the true child.  We will see the unique talents and strengths that rise above the condition of ADHD.

As Adam pointed out in his comment, ADHD does NOT define who your child is.  ADHD simply is a piece of who they are.

And I couldn’t say it any better myself.  Your child’s diagnosis of ADHD is merely but a piece of the puzzle.  Your living, breathing, fire-crackin’ child has a whole lot of other stuff goin on that makes him or her the special bundle you have before you!

Tim Tebow seems to be all the rage in the news today. From his message of faith to perserverance to there is much we can learn. Now I’ll admit, I don’t watch the news much. I’ve heard rumblings of Tim Tebow and “Tebowing” but I don’t fall too much into the hype and at one point, I’ll admit I had had enough of this “miracle” man and his story of being a great athelete we should all look up to.

But this past Saturday morning, the news was on in the background and I heard a little about his story. It caught my attention and it made me realize, Tim Tebow can teach us a lot about ADHD.

If I understand things correctly, Tim Tebow thrived at the University of Florida, winning two National Championships and the coveted Heismann Trophy.

He was a sports hero, and since moving to Florida, I have learned this state is very loyal to their athletes and to their football teams. Tebow is both.

So what does Tim Tebow have to do with ADHD?

Well…everything and nothing. It all depends on where you choose to stand, and how you choose to look at things.

After a great career in college, NFL scouts, coaches, and commentators didn’t believe this young man had what it would take to thrive in the NFL. I heard something about his passing style and how it didn’t fit.

Then I heard Tebow talk about his faith… His perserverance… The influence from his parents… His values to try his best.

That’s when I realized Tim Tebow has everything to do with ADHD.

Here’s a man who thrives in the right environment. We know this to be true about individuals with ADHD. Put them in the right environment, allow them to do something they are passionate about, and build a team of support around them… WATCH OUT! A person with ADHD can thrive, succeed, and dominate.

Does Tim Tebow have ADHD? Heck if I know. And if that’s the message you are getting, I am NOT doing a good job explaining why he matters.

It’s NOT about his brain. It’s NOT about his “inability.” It’s NOT about his ability.

Tim Tebow and the ADHD connection is all about an individual thriving under the right circumstances.

Tim Tebow doesn’t let the critics change who he is. He doesn’t allow people to take him (the sqaure peg) and force him through the round hole.

Tim Tebow’s Miracle Comeback

On the news, there was even talk about his marketing potential. How could the business world capitalize on the celebrity of Tim Tebow to sell more products…

One marketing and branding expert said, Tim Tebow needs to stick to brands that fit who he is. He needs to find companies that match his personal beliefs and morals.

Sounds a lot like this branding expert is suggesting Tim Tebow not sell out!

Well…we need to teach our children (and their teachers, and other professionals) that we shouldn’t ask our children to sell themselves out.

Children with ADHD need to be lifted up for who they are, accepted for who they are not. And believed in just the same.

For every child in the right environment can and will flourish. The challenge is often finding that environment, and having enough people believe in them to lift them and help them thrive.

Can you do that for your child?

When I first came across this video on Facebook today, I was watching it because a friend asked a question.  Little did I know that what Ken Robinson would be speaking about would have me jumping up and down, on the edge of my seat, and cheering for more.

This is simply brilliant.

It starts off about the economy and our education system.  Ok…I was curious.  But then at the 4:30 mark, my ears perked up as I heard Ken Robinson speak about ADHD and the epiedmic, or rather the “NOT  an epidemic” of ADHD.

That’s when things got REALLY good, and I knew I would have to share this with you.

This is NOT about politics.

This is NOT just  about the economy.

This is NOT just about our education system.

This is NOT just about ADHD.

It’s about the big picture.  This is about life and where we are headed.  This is what I have been talking about when it comes to seeing a child with ADHD for more than just the diagnosis.  This is about how we can support a child with ADHD…heck, any child…  We need to focus more on the big picture and societal shifts and trends than we do the micro of ADHD symptoms and diagnosis.

Watch this video, and let me know what you think (in the comments below):

• How did it make you feel?
• What was your gut reaction?

SpongeBob and ADHD?

Did you hear this yet?

A recent study published in the journal Pediatrics, suggests that kids around 4 years of age demonstrated decreased attention levels after watching only nine minutes of the favored Nickelodeon show SpongeBob Squarepants.

Two groups were tested, one watched SpongeBob Squarepants and the other watched what the journal is reporting as a “slower paced” show called Caillou…

I’m familiar with both shows.  I’m just not certain what the media outlets and / or the study is referring to as a “slower-paced” show versus the alternative of what?  A more hyperactive show – featuring an energetic, flighty SpongeBob who is all over the place?  (NOTE: Sarcasm intended here).

But seriously…this has generated quite a bit of news attention and talks children and attention issues.

Noted in the research, these children were not reported to have any identified attention problems like ADD / ADHD.  It was also a small sample size (red flag), and the show is intended for 6-11 year olds.

These are the points being argued, debated, and presented by the mainstream media, research scientists, and of course the creators and distributors of the show.  Oh, and let’s not forget that the American Academy of Pediatrics says “No television for children under two years of age,” and other groups are saying that we should focus on quality of television and NOT quantity.

Well DUH!!!
Oh the issues I want to tear apart here and rant on…

#1.  My readers know how I feel about research.  It has it’s place, but typically there are flaws and limitations that while they might get mentioned (in small print) don’t lead the newscasts or the water-cooler talk on Twitter and Facebook.  For instance, this story probably already has legs because it involves SpongeBob, television, our children, and attention questions.

The reality is, and mentioned, that this study involves a very small sample.  And worse off, it’s reportedly a sample of all middle to upper class white kids.  Where’s the diversity?  There was also no-pretest measuring intelligence or attention span.

The researchers claim, as mentioned above, there were no identified attention problems in these children.  BUT, we all know how misunderstood ADD / ADHD is.

#2  The issue of Quality vs. Quantity.  I like that this is emphasized, but seriously, are we to be surprised that children are watching more and more television at a time when life is busier and busier on parents…just to get by and survive?  Think about it…  In a lot of families, two parents are out of the house working just to go by.  Kids (older brothers and sisters) have more and more homework and even more extracurricular activities.

This now doesn’t involve or consider the current state of our society given how stressed out parents might be that they are possibly about to lose their jobs or might already out of work.

Ok…let’s not hit that panic button here quite yet.  And I might be guilty of inciting some panic by stirring the pot.

But the issue of quantity verus quality is HUGE.  Are we as parents / adults paying attention ourselves to what our kids are watching?  And what about the commercials that are targeting a certain demographic between SpongeBob aged-kids and Calliou aged kids?

Me Personally?

I’ve said my peace…  I think research nowadays makes headlines because the news likes a juicy story.  We are still struggling as a community to understand what causes ADHD, what contributes to ADHD, and to what makes an individual’s symptoms worse.

So does SpongeBob cause ADD / ADHD?  Doubtful.  And that’s NOT what the research is suggesting.  (Me either).  What is pointing out however, is that attention spans are being affected by current trends in society.  And because we do a poor job diagnosing and identifying ADD / ADHD from other conditions…we have to be more alert of what is going on.

And more than ever, we need to be stronger advocates for our children.  Information like this falling into the wrong hands can cause even more frustration, singling out, and fingers being pointed at our children (or even us as parents).

Now It’s Your Turn…

What do you think?  Let us know your reaction in the comments.

I recently answered this question and thought it was worth sharing. Plus, it really got me thinking. For those of you who do take medications yourself, or have children taking medications, what experience do you have or see as a result?

It’s difficult to say what you changes you might see in your husband without knowing which exact medication he is being prescribed. There are different types, two primary to be exact (stimulants and non-stimulants) along with some “off-label” medications that are for other conditions but have also shown to work with ADD / ADHD.

Depending upon which medication he is prescribed, along with his particular type of ADD / ADHD, his experience of ADD / ADHD, and how his body reacts, there is just know way to tell.

In most cases, there are generally side-effects, and I would encourage you to watch for them, ask him about them, and then have him communicate with his prescribing physician if there is any concern.

As for how they help, the best way I can put it is that the medications are said to improve focus, concentration, and attention so that his brain or his energy can be focused on other tasks. The medication itself does not get rid of ADD / ADHD… It merely relieves symptom experience so he can dedicate “resources” to other tasks.

One friend of mine who has taken ADD / ADHD medication for different periods in his life (a young adult) has shared with me that it allows him to better control his emotional reaction to situations and deal with them more effectively.

Unfortunately, I can’t get you a better answer right now without knowing more about your husband and which medication he will be prescribed. But I hope this helps.

As for whether they work or not (the medications), biologically they do. But again, they are not a cure for ADD / ADHD. They do not suddenly make life miraculously better. There are still lots of things to work on, and the medication is supposed to help with that…but certainly not resolve everything.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, or personal experience with medication. Go ahead and share with us all what experience you have had. We’d also love for you to share this with anyone you know who might find this information or your comments useful.

In a blog post today, CNN’s medical team discusses the recent results of a Consumer Reports Health Survey that suggests the two most important keys to successfully helping and supporting a child with ADHD.

These two keys:

1. Medication
2. Schools that are “in the know”

All in all, this is a very interesting read and perspective on the difficulties many children and parents face when trying to manage and overcome the challenges presented by ADHD.

The article is heavy on research findings and statistics, reporting that 84 percents of parents turn to medication at one point or another.  I don’t know about you, but that seems very high given the great controversy reported by so many parents who are against using medication.  But that’s just my thought, and reaction.

At the same time, I definitely agree that medications are an important part of comprehensive treatment, but only when necessary and fully explored (not just for the sake of medicating).

What I liked most was the balanced discussion of just how important it is to be working with schools who are flexible and prepared to support these children in their unique learning styles.  That’s a huge factor!  It’s an awful lot to put the pressure on these children, and I think it even goes so far to suggest that they are the ones who must adapt to the world…rather than teaching them the value of choice, flexibility, and most importantly, fit.

What do you think?  I’d love to hear your thoughts on the article after you get a chance to read it all.

As an admitted self-improvement / personal development “junkie,” I have been listening to T. Harv Eker’s The Milllionaire Mind Intensive audios this weekend. As I often talk about here and with clients, I believe that your mindset towards your wants and desires has a tremendous impact on what you are able to achieve.

Now I obviously won’t be talking about “Winning the Financial Game” like Harv does, but I couldn’t overlook one of his lessons that really applies to everything we do in life.

“Are you playing to win, or not to lose?”
~T. Harv Eker

As I heard T. Harv talk about this concept, it immediately simplified something I like to talk about but never quite found the words to sum it so succinctly or clearly.

When I think about a lot of my clients and the questions I get from readers like you, it’s not uncommon to hear from people that they are constantly playing catch-up or clean up from the day to day stress and frustration of parenting a child with ADHD (or just parenting in general, honestly).

The message I want to share this week, and the real takeaway lesson has to do with being active and not passive… It has to do with responding to situations, and NOT reacting.

These are subtle, yet important differences that can truly mean the difference between success or ongoing struggle with anything you face in life.

Another great thing Harv talks about is that most people don’t know what they want in life, but they certainly know what they don’t want.

Whether you are looking for financial freedom (as T. Harv talk about), or parenting a child with ADHD, the same applies again.

Without a clear ending in mind, you will never know WHEN you get there, and you most certainly WILL NOT know HOW to get there.

With that said, I’d like to give you some homework this week….but NOT just any homework. I want to leave you with something that will help you get on the road to reaching your goals, and having a clear path to follow.

HOMEWORK: (You’ll need a pen and paper).

1. Write down what you want for your self, your child, and / or your family. (Be as clear and as specific as possible).
2. Write down how you picture things to be if you had a magic wand and could suddenly remove all the struggles you currently face (related to or not to ADHD specifically).
3. Act as if…

The final step, “Act as if…” means you want to begin acting like the situation has changed. You want to treat your self, your spouse, your siblings, your child, or anyone else like things have already changed.

When you act as if, you will start to change habits to get what you want.

For a long time now, there has been great concern, speculation, and rumor that ADHD might be caused (or at the very least contributed to) by certain pesticides used to grow and manufacture our foods.

While the medical community has so far said “no,” today we hear otherwise from a newly published study in the Journal of Pediatrics.

According to the study, one common pesticide (organophosphate) used to grow fruits and vegetables suggests there is reason to be concerned. Of over 1,000 participants involved, 119 had symptoms of ADHD. Researchers analyzed single urine samples and found that children with the highest concentrations of the pesticide were more likely to have ADHD.

Researchers and experts caution that more research must be conducted, but also suggests that we need to look at these findings very seriously.

What you can do

Lead author of the study, Maryse Bouchard, states that we should limit our exposure to the chemical by eating only organic produce. She also added that frozen blueberries, strawberries, and celery had more pesticide residue that other foods.

According to one Today Show expert contributor, we should also avoid eating foods that are out of season.

You can read the full article here:

ABC News

Yahoo News

Today Show