We are definitely living in challenging times, and you are NOT alone! Not even close to being alone. And while that might be helpful information…I often tell people that “that doesn’t help.” It’s great to know we aren’t alone…but it’s even better to know what we can do.

To help with this process…I had the pleasure to interview Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, on her new book “ADD And Your Money: A Guide to Personal Finance For Adults With Attention Deficit Disorder.”

I hope this interview provides some helpful tips and tools to help you better manage your money and it’s impact on your life.

After you’ve had a chance to listen to this audio…please leave us a comment below about what else you’d like to know about. Saving… Budgeting… Making money… Creative ways to add money…

We’ll do our best to help.

The Debate Rages On

If you ask me, there is no stronger story to demonstrate to what lengths parents will go to protect their children as well as how misunderstood ADHD continues to be…

Maybe throw in a little bit of confusion around how to support a child with ADHD.

Yea…that’s right.  Despite what we know about ADHD, families continue to be torn apart (in debate) about how to best support a child.

And I’m not sure I can blame anyone.  Is it easy walking around, taking advice from multiple people – none of whom you feel you can trust?

What’s At Stake (And What’s Really Going On)

It would be unfair for me to comment on this situation without recognizing that there were likely MANY MORE issues going on between this family than what has been revealed.

Most families “battling” over how to approach treating ADHD, particularly in a child, are facing many more things.  Among these difficulties and stressors are:

• Communication problems
• Relationship issues
• Financial stress
• Outside influence
• And more…

So while the surface issue here is one Dad’s attempt to “save his son” from the evils of medication, I can almost guarantee so much more was happening – and the signs were ignored.

Rather than be a backseat driver and pretend to have any opinion on the matter, I’ll use this story as an example to encourage families (or just loved ones in general) to make sure you are taking the time to listen.

Pay attention (no pun intended) to what is going on between the people in your life, and hear what people are saying.  Most people don’t just come out and tell you what is going on.  And when they do (and if they do), it’s usually met with immediate resistance and defense.

Be an active listener, and really hear what someone is saying.  You don’t have to agree with it, but sometimes people just want to be heard and acknowledged.

ADHD: The $77 Billion Condition

This morning I received an e-mail touting “The Cost of ADHD.”  Being intrigued, I opened the e-mail and began reading.  Apparently, a report published by researchers at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital have said that ADHD “costs sufferers” approximately 77 billion dollars each year.

• “ADHD affects educational attainment” – and so does poor teaching, outdated lesson plans, and teachers who don’t know how to connect with children.
• “ADHD impacts employment” – and so does the common cold, the flu, bosses who are jerks, and more…
• “ADHD causes lost days” – and so does (again) the common cold, the flu, kids who need and deserve our attention (and more still…)

At the heart of this message, I fully understand what the researchers are saying.  I even know some people will get angry with me for the comparisons I make.  But ADHD presents real challenges…  Real struggles…  And we can’t simply just address them by putting the blame on the individual…  By thinking that medication is the only answer…

But what’s it really all about?

Yesterday I spoke with a Mom who battled ADHD and the medical community for  years.  The education and information is out there, but people seem to be paying attention to the wrong thing.  Or maybe they are offering the wrong answers (and advice).

This Mom told me her child’s physician – the supposed professional – that she should give up on her child.  He was a lost cause…

This is an extreme example.  But there is help out there.  It’s just a matter of what you pay attention to (no pun intended) and who you reach out to for support.

Claims like the one above (costs of ADHD to the United States) can be taken several different ways.  Here are some other stats you might like to know:

According to Wikipedia, the common cold costs Americans:

• Doctor visits: $7.7 billion
• Over-the-counter medications: $2.9 billion dollars
• Prescription medications – $400 million

And last but not least… “An estimated 22 to 189 million school days are missed annually due to a cold. As a result, parents missed 126 million workdays to stay home to care for their children. When added to the 150 million workdays missed by employees suffering from a cold, the total economic impact of cold-related work loss exceeds $20 billion per year.”  (From the above Wikipedia link).

Yes…  I understand these numbers are pale in comparison to ADHD.  You can break it apart to the numbers of Americans who are said to have ADHD (approx 4-8% of the population) versus who gets a cold.  But what do these numbers really tell us?  And can they be broken down to real life experience?  Or are they just another way of reporting the so-called lifeless facts that are just meant to scare us?

It’s just something to chew on…

Why do we seemingly leave out so many facts?  And even more importantly, why do we NOT provide more context and comparison!

ADHD is a very real condition.  ADHD requires serious attention (no pun intended once again).  But most of all, ADHD requires love…  It requires helping people — building them up and NOT breaking them down and making them feel worse about themselves.

As a self-described non-baseball enthusiast, I am more drawn to the history of the game…  To the history of one of the most profilic athletes to play major league baseball.  And again, more importantly, I care about story… legacy… greatness… and the idea of what someone represents.

Feeling a little sappy already this morning, I was saddened even more to learn of the passing of Edward Kennedy (the senior Senator from Massachusetts).  Not being much of an active political person – and yes I even live in the great commonwealth of Massachusetts – I am more drawn and saddened by his passing because of what he represents to this country.

For those of you don’t know…  Ted Kennedy was the younger brother to our past President John F. Kennedy (before my time), and Robert Kennedy.

Legacy…  Life… Greatness…

While sharing the news of Senator Kennedy’s passing with a friend, she remarked that he was a very polarizing individual in his politics.  I could sense there was something more to it.  BUT, my point of sharing his passing had nothing to do with his politics.  I was compelled to share simply because of what this man represented to so many people, and his legacy over several decades of growth and history in this country.

Growing up after JFK’s assassination, the Kennedy family represents an empire or royalty in the United States.  They are a family who has been followed and watched…  And yes, they even impacted history and the course of our society.

What Can You Learn From This?

While my friend saw his passing as a moment to comment on his political stance, I was more moved by the loss of a giant in our time.  Like the passing of Michael Jackson or any larger-than-life figure…  there are always people who will see things differently than you and I.

For me…  I have been moved by the greatness of figures like Ted Kennedy, Michael Jackson, and Babe Ruth.  I am looking at what they represented.  And most of the stories of their greatness – focus on what success they achieved in life.

Yes there are critics who take this opportunity to focus on the negatives.  There will always be critics in life.

Who do you choose to listen to?

And more importantly, who will you choose to listen to when it comes to living with ADHD?  Raising a child with ADHD?  Or in supporting a loved one with ADHD?

Will you focus on all they do wrong, or what they do well?

I’ve seen reports from Reuters (article here) that focus on the substantial increase in calls to Poison Control centers across the country.

The Associated Press (article here) seems to be focusing on drug abuse, and a report from CBS News (article here) begins with a comparison of the abuse of marijuana to ADHD stimulant medications.

Caution: Here’s What The Media And Scientific Reports Leave Out

I’ll be honest with you.  I glanced over these articles quickly.  I saw what I needed to, and immediately had to weigh on this issue for my readers.  Out of the three reports, I am very pleased that an expert for CBS talked about the increase abuse being related to an increased awareness of ADHD and ADHD stimulant medications.

I am NOT suggesting this is okay, or stops the issue dead in it’s tracks,  BUT, a report like this can be quickly misinterpreted and take on a life of it’s own.  I know as a parent I would be scared by rising numbers.  And it doesn’t help that ADHD medications are already one of the most controversial, hot-button issues related to attention deficit hyperacitivity disorder.

For the record, I am NOT here to weigh in on the use of medications…or even the abuse of these medications.  What I am here to do is make sure you know all the facts.

#1 – These reports concern me becuase people are likely to see the large number or percent of increase over time.  What often gets down-played is that we really didn’t talk a lot about ADHD in 1988 like we do now (and is subsequently reported in the 2005 numbers of calls to poison control).

#2 – There also doesn’t seem to be much focus on the evidence that supports less drug abuse by those teens or children who are appropriately treated for ADHD.

I’ve held interviews on this very topic, and the consensus is that someone who is properly treated for ADHD, is less likely to abuse drugs.

#3 - I am also a little frightened about this topic because it is during the teen years when kids tend to start experimenting with drugs.  With ADHD stimulant medications now being more popular than ever, I can understand why their abuse is on the rise.

Not too mention, I can fully understand the passing around of these stimulant medications as kids prepare for college exams.

I do NOT condone or support this type of behavior.  But let’s recognize what is going on here.  Whether we like or not, kids will look for any competitive edge to help them around exam time…  I know this was a hot topic when I was at college studying for exams.

The Implications:

The implications from a report like this are likely to create widespread panic, and add more fuel to an already raging debate over the use of medication to treat ADHD.  Heck, it’s likely to spark fires about whether or not ADHD even exists.

Let’s accept reality for what it is…  Kids are going to try and experiment with drugs.  We are placing more and more pressure on teens and students to perform – with expectations getting higher and higher in a very competitive and volatile workforce.

Substance abuse of any kind is concerning.  It’s troubling.  I’ve lived it…  I’ve been affected by it…  And I’ve supported families fighting substance abuse.

Let’s leave the hype of ADHD drug abuse out of the mix, and report the facts about WHO specifically is abusing these drugs.

The timing of this post is rather ironic because my wife and I were just out walking this morning — talking about how everyone feels like they have the right to their opinion….  People believe this, even without any expert training or personal experience.  Nothing could be more true for ADD or ADHD.

Because there is so much popularity around this term — everyone thinks they know what ADHD is.  The problem is, most people don’t know.

Case In Point:

I’ll let this article speak for itself.

Apparently Bill Maher got into a conversation about medications in America, and his guest, Arianna Huffington, took that opportunity to comment on ADHD and how it is over-diagnosed.

You all likely know this is one of the most hot-button, controversial topics when it comes to ADHD.

Bottom line, there is a lot to it.  No matter what you believe, ADHD is very real.  The details of it, and your beliefs, are an entirely different story…important, but different nonetheless.

Bottom Line:

The reason I wanted to share this with you today is that it is yet another example of how everyone and their mother (and television guests) have an opinion about ADHD.

I want to take this moment to caution you and remind you to be very careful about who you listen to, what advice you take, and the action you put into place as a result.

Please…please…please be very careful about who you listen to and what you allow them to have you think about ADHD and it’s impact on your life.

Lesson #1 – It’s About The Experience

I learned not too long ago that I was nothing more than a passenger in my own life.  I was watching other people have fun…just waiting for the day when I would have fun.  Kinda laughable if you ask me?  It happened on a weekend in March – when I realized that I need to take control of my own life and live in the driver’s seat.

Life is about the experience – about the journey – NOT the destination.

Lesson #2 – Some Things Only Make Sense After You Mess Up

I once heard a story about two sisters.  One was a straight-A student, and the other struggled through school.  Later in life, the straight-A student got easily frustrated when she faced a challenge, whereas the sister who struggled knew how to fight for what she wanted.

I made a mistake building my kids swing seet, and as I looked at that mistake, I realized there was no way around making it – unless I had put one together before.

Lesson #3 – You’ve Got To Have Fun

The day the swing set arrived, I was excited.  Some people might say it was like Christmas morning.  But not everyone was excited.  My neighbors kept telling me I was nuts.  I should hire someone to put it together – they told me.

Why on Earth they were frustrated by my own decision, I’ll never understand.  But I knew differently.  I saw the look in my kids eyes, and I wanted to have fun with them – and build memories we could cherish together.

Lesson #4 – Sometimes You’ve Got To Build Memories

I don’t know what else to say here.  Sometimes life and the lessons we have are about building memories – moments you can cherish and look back on, knowing you made a difference, had an impact, or just had fun.  It’s not always about getting it right, or doing it right like so many people (teachers, bosses, co-workers, parents) want from us.

Lesson #5 – It’s Not About Me

As I put this swing set together, I kept reminding myself – "It’s not about me."  This one is for my kids.  I chose to sacrifice the days and hours it has and will continue to take me to put this together.  And that’s okay.  I have consciously made that decision – knowing ahead of time – that this is NOT about me.  This is about my kids (and in some ways, it then becomes about me).

Not everything we do or choose to do in life is about "us."  Sometimes we need to get past that, and think about the joy it will bring others.

Lesson #6 – Even Plans Fall Apart (Bumps In The Road)

I’ve had so many setbacks on this project – I don’t know when I’ll finish it.  I’ve had pieces break…  Pieces missing…  Unexpected rain ruining the manual…  Kids who want to play, and neighborhood kids who want to watch and ask me 5,000 questions about why the wood is brown instead of "wood color."  It happens!

Lesson #7 – It’s More Fun With Help

I am a kinda do-it-yourself guy.  Whether it’s in my business or working on a project for my kids – I am perfectly fine (and usually successful) working on my own.  But even though the nieghborhood kids were distracting me and frustrating me (to a degree), it was more fun having life happen around me.  But what was even more – was being able to ask my wife to come outside and help.  She brought our kids outside who kept getting in the way…  Grabbing the tools – measuring the wood…  And just having fun!

I was the one who was getting easily frustrated.  I was the one who was having a hard time with my patience.

No matter what they do… I am the one who is usually at fault when I get angry, mad or frustrated!

So what happened?

Monday and Tuesday this week I hired a babysitter for the first time ever. I needed to get some things done around the house – and quite frankly – I also just wanted some time for me.

I’ve been a stay-at-home Dad for four years now, and have sacrificed my own time so my kids could have what they want.

But that’s what we parents do…right?

Anyway, while the babysitter was here on Monday, my kids were on their best behavior.  They played nicely together, and they had a lot of fun.

And yes, I was able to get things done and it felt great.

But then I decided to send the sitter home early, and that’s when it (and I) unraveled and almost snapped.

Once our babysitter left, the kids went crazy!  And by crazy, I mean they were doing exactly what you would expect a two-year-old and a four-year-old to do.

They were jumping on all the furniture and interrupting me while trying to do work…  The nerve of me!!!

What was so bad?

In hindsight, my kids did nothing wrong. They were acting their age by exploring the world and experimenting with new things.  They wanted attention from me, their primary caregiver…

To some degree, I didn’t like what they were doing to get my attention (and I think that’s the point).

So again, they did nothing wrong.  They weren’t being bad — but to me they were because I had other interests…other intentions…other thoughts about what I wanted to do with the same amount of time.

That’s when disaster strikes.

One of the things I tell a lot of my clients (with kids) is that children
know exactly what they want.  In most cases they just can’t express it or go about expressing it in a way that we as adults don’t want to hear it.

Even as I write this now, my kids are playing with the sitter – jumping up
and down – having fun, but I just want quiet.

We both want different things, and no one is really wrong, but we are sharing space that perhaps we should not be at the exact moment.

Well, that’s my thought for the day. I really just wanted to share my story with you because I know many of you could appreciate it.

And I also wanted to share this with you because in that exact moment, I
found myself saying "If only my readers were here to see me (a parent coach) reacting the way I am…

Too funny, but maybe you just had to be here!

 

If you haven’t seen what goals I’m talking about, or want to share yours, there is still time.

As I think about my own goals, and the goals you want, it occurred to me that there are many types of goals…none right and none wrong.  Just many types of goals that all require careful planning, commitment, and execution.  And honestly, there are many different ways of achieving your goals.

Now…some might argue this point with me and in fact, I started thinking about a talk I heard from Raymond Aaron.  Raymond is arguably one of the foremost experts on goal setting and achieving your goals.  Quite honestly, I’m not sure what we are doing here would align with Raymond’s secret formula…but then again, we are working on this (and learning) together.

For me, setting goals relies on two things:

1. Being very clear (and specific about what you want)
2. Setting a target date for completion
3. Taking precise action to work towards that goal…

Okay, so there are 3 things I’ve mentioned.  And there are probably even more steps we could put in place…  But I want to be specific and want to make sure we take ACTION towards completing these goals.

Let’s Take Action (Together)!

We can do any number of things today…  We can each catch up on the progress of our goals, or we can talk about setting a target completion date in mind.

For me – I’m going to jump ahead for a moment and introduce the idea of "What will success (or completion of our goal) look like?"

Maybe this needs to be a 4th step to the three outlined above.  We can’t go anywhere (or at least won’t get there) without knowing what the end result will look like.

***So go ahead and think about what your goals will look like when they are done….

Write it down below…  Keep it in a journal…  Just put in writing so you can declare and track what you are after.

More to follow….

But today, I’d like to pause for a moment to acknowledge the upcoming holiday here in the United States.  The 4th of July is probably one of the biggest celebrations for Americans around the world (and others who have followed for Independence).  While many simply take the time to celebrate a national holiday that represents our freedom from tyranny – I want to think larger than that.

I find that many people (myself included at times) take for granted the meaning of freedom and independence that was fought for over 200 years ago.  Back then it was a matter of gaining our independence from rule from afar – including unfair taxation and policy from our leaders across the ocean.

Regardless of what you believe, even your political affairs, the fight for freedom and true independence is still raging on and on everyday.  Today I want to encourage you to look at your life, and think about what it means to truly be free.

In my life, I want to be free from expectations that I find to be unrealistic and difficult to meet.  Many of my clients share that a diagnosis of ADHD can be very liberating.  Yet, after this diagnosis, their fight continues.

• The fight to be understood…
• The fight to be accepted…
• The fight to "fit in"
• The fight to be free from stress
• And so much more…

If you’ve been with me for any great period of time, then you know that I firmly believe the constraints and expectations of societies across the world are often unfair and even unrealistic.  In my own life, I was encouraged to pursue an advanced degree.  It was the "right" thing to do, yet for several years I struggled with that decision.  And certainly the choice to be a stay-at-home Dad, sacrificing my career for kids, was a huge factor in continued struggle and feeling as if life was out of control… As if I had made the wrong choice.

Just about 4 years ago, my daughter was born and being a father changed my entire perspective on life.  Suddenly, what mattered most was not my grades (in graduate school), the comments and feedback from professors, supervisors, and colleagues, but rather how my kids saw me and the impact I had upon them.  And in turn, the impact they have had on me…

Today I celebrate a different kind of freedom.  I am excited to be free from a world of expectations that don’t meet or match my interests or desires.  While those expectations continue to exist, I have found my path to what freedom means to me.

I hope today, and every day (no matter where you are), that you will seek out true freedom in your life and for your family.

It’s not always easy, and there will be people who tell you that it is not possible.  But that’s what our forefathers here in the US were told when fighting the larger, more victorious British army.

Yes — times have changed, but you can choose to fight and get what you feel you deserve.  That is the true meaning of Independence and Freedom for me.

I hope you’ll take a moment to share with me what freedom and independence means to you, and how you will pursue it in your own life.