College OTR

My College Phases: Wannabe Vinnie Chase

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:12:32 EDT

My College Phases: Wannabe Vinnie Chase

Things I have said:

"I gotta get fucked up tonight"

"Want a drink? No? Wow Gay"

"I don't know man...I mean...I'd let her blow me"

"Perhaps a Gentleman's wager is in order"

"Butterface's are the saddest thing ever. What a waste, you know?"

"I will never have sex with a virgin again, because they cling to you like fuck"

I went through a phase where I was very unsuccessful with women. THEN I went through a phase where I wanted to get my revenge on women by hooking up with them all and breaking their hearts after. I used the techniques I learned in middle school (talking to girls, picking Cologne, dressing right) and made a lifestyle out of it. Essentially I wanted to be a scumbag. I wanted to scoop up as many girls as possible and then make them feel as shitty as I did when they wouldn't hook up with me.

I still want to hook up with girls but its for different reasons now (mother issues). I understand why girls wouldn't want to have sex with a 17-19 year old John Trowbridge. I didn't have any facial hair (still don't), I was skinnier than I am now (holocaust victim skinny), my voice was still cracking, and I got NBR's constantly (No reason boners).

Its sort of the feeling you get when you come home from college and wish to have sex with all the girls who wouldn't have sex with you in high school. The difference is that I was treating girls I had never met before as if they were my High School crushes who wouldn't bang me.

My College Phases: Know-it-all-Agnostic

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:00:36 EDT

Don't tell me what to believe! What? You believe in god? You think Jesus was the son of GOD!? HAHAHAHAHAHA Seriously? Wow! Man, you are ****ing dumb! I can't believe that you believe that! People like you make me so mad because you actually think we just appeared here one day and you don't think evolution happened.

- JOHN EVERETT TROWBRIDGE (JUNIOR YEAR)

College is a rite-of-passage in many ways and so are the bologna phases you go through.

Here is something I would say making fun of my friend Sean behind his back to a close friend. I would say that God is equivalent to Santa or the female organism (I have seen the light since...ladies). I would make arguments that it is stupid because of the flying spaghetti monster, Scientology and other faux religions. What was the point of holding up something when you know its not true? Why not hold up a infallible plate of penne alla vodka? I could write "Delicious superstitious" on my facebook under religious views.

I faded out of this phase after reading some books on the knights Templar and watching some Da Vinci code-esque documentaries. I thought I was cracking the biggest code in history from my very own couch while taking breaks to watch bangbus (Amateur porn series where porno stars act like regulars girls who get picked up in a van, paid to have sex, and then ditched in the middle of nowhere). I thought I was like Tom Hanks because I knew that Jesus and Mary had children. Little did I know that it could all be bullshit like anything else. I knew Dan Brown wrote fiction but I wanted these secret societies to really exist because I wanted to single handily take them down.

It is very possible that Jesus and Mary scooped up some sacrament and blessed each other all night long. I will say that I hope they role played (The Inquisition?). It wouldn't (and shouldn't) change a thing. If he was half human half divine then why couldn't he drill Mary? It would be weird if he didn't have sex. Have you ever met somebody who acts like they don't get the itch? Its weird, right? If we acted exactly like Jesus, not acting until we consult our WWJD bracelets, we would be asexual and completely misunderstood. Everybody would interpret everything we do in a million different ways. We would order a grill stuffed burrito at taco bell and we would get back a chalupa, a gordita, an enchilada, three soft tacos, three hard tacos, a Mexican pizza and a a disgustingly translucent quesadilla.

The beauty of the menu at Taco Bell (and religion) is that its all pretty much the same. Its when people whisper "I don't think his fat ass can take another burrito" behind you in line that you start to boycott things and put labels on people. That's what I was doing.

And so ends one of my many college phases...

The End of Facebook?

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 05:43:46 EDT

Can everybody agree that facebook is on the way out? Thanks to devices like twitter, I feel like people have a new sense of self to go out and have things to tweet (or twat) about. This means that they have to go out and live life, pulling them (thankfully) away from facebook.

Let's be honest and list the things on facebook that nobody cares about anymore.

1. Groups

- Yes Double Dare was a cool show but as much as it hurts me to say it...the 90's are gone and we will never get them back. The only groups that should be allowed are private ones for actual things that require timely correspondence.

2. Gifts

- If I was dating a girl and I looked at her credit card information and it said that she spent 4.95 on a picture of a dog in a basket, I would dump her in front of her parents.

3. Ad's for girlsfriends who are a click away

- Seriously! How can an attractive, smart, funny, available girl be a click away? Sure facebook didn't sell out to a larger conglomerate but this is just as bad. I'd rather be looking at trailers of new releases then being tempted to meet "Funny Hot Freshman!"

4. Fan pages

- After Michael Phelps won his eight gold metals, he was told that he had the most friends on his facebook fan page. His reaction was..."Oh...well...I probably wont even check it...thanks though!"

5.Viral tagged photos

- I get excited when I am notified that a girl I know commented on a photo of me. I get disappointed when I find out that she commented on a photo of me as a cartoon.Not to mention when the comment is about somebody else's...cartoon...explaining this makes me crosseyed.

The point is that one day we will look back on social networking sites and laugh. I feel like it will end up as a very long fad. It pains me to think that people put so much energy into something so small as a social networking website.

ps. Kick off High School Students! Its making me hate myself!

The Lonely Island: I'm on a Boat

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:31:20 EDT

What do you get when you mix Andy Samberg, his seventh grade friends, T-Pain and a boat? "I'm on a Boat."

Perhaps the most badass boat ride ever, "I'm on a Boat" is just as good as "Jizz in my Pants."

How to procrastinate: Super Obama World

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 09:39:44 EDT

Super Mario World was fun, but we're living in a time of change. Enter Super Obama World.

The game is designed to be just like Super Mario, plus politics.The course is shaped like Alaska and players can choose from levels such as "I Can See Russia From My House" and "If You Build It, They Will Come."

Each level incorporates famliar items from the campaign trail: pigs with lipstick, American Flag pins, and the "Bridge to Nowhere."

Obama picks UNC to win NCAA tournament

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:31:35 EDT

Change Chapel Hill can believe in (if Ty Lawson plays).

Swiss sports: naked hiking

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 11:51:02 EDT

A new trend is sweeping through Switzerland: hiking in the nude.

International Herald Tribune writes:

"In recent years, it has become fashionable for a growing number of Swiss and some foreigners to wander in the Alps clad in little more than hiking shoes and sun screen. Last summer, the number of nude hikers increased to such an extent that the hills often seemed alive with the sound of everything but the swish of trousers."

Switzerland has no law against hiking naked.

Future "Top Models" go crazy in NYC

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 10:30:51 EDT

A casting call Saturday in New York City for "America's Next Top Model" was canceled when the line to get into the audition turned into a mass riot.

Six girls were injured and another three were arrested. It is unknown what caused the riot.

After watching this video, I think I can easily say that this is the last place I would ever want to be. The high-pitched screeching alone is enough to make me run for my life.

March Madness has officially begun

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:26:01 EDT

Championship week is in full force and top seeds are being knocked out left and right.

Teams that have fallen include No. 7 Oklahoma to Oklahoma State, No. 2 Pittsburgh to West Virginia, No. 11 Kansas to Baylor, and No. 17 Clemson to Geargia Tech (a team that had previously won only two conference games).

But the most spectacular loss of the day came when No. 3 UConn fell to No. 18 Syracuse in 6 overtimes.

MMA hit by steroid epidemic

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 01:20:20 EDT

Ken Shamrock, a UFC hall-of-famer and former WWE wrestler, tested positive for three steroids today. He has been suspended for a year.

First steroids ruined baseball, then the summer Olympics and now UFC? And to think, finally the world had a sport that seemed so pure--what could be more natural than two guys beating the crap out of each other?

What's next? Golf? Don't do it, Tiger.

Man fears sexual desires, has balls cut off

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:59:49 EDT

A man in the Czech Republic felt that he needed to repress his sexual desires, so he has his balls surgically removed.

Pavel (last name not given) was arrested when he was 18 for murdering a 12-year-old boy for sexual pleasure.

After years in prison and a psychiatric center, Pavel decided that the only way he would be safe in society was if he removed his testicles, thus removing his sex drive.

Now Pavel is a gardener for a Catholic charity.

Happy Birthday Hotness: A Gallery of the Sexy Heidi Cortez

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:47:57 EDT

Here is one Heidi that doesn't go skipping through the woods with goat's milk and braided buns. Here is a Heidi that skips through fantasies and dirty websites. Heidi Cortez brought naughty stories to the Howard Stern Show and even released a CD called Sexxy Noises. When she started hosting a bedtime story segment on Howard Stern called Tissue Time with Heidi Cortez, we all knew the tissue wasn't for tears. And so for our favorite sexy storyteller, let's note that once upon a time, a girl who would grow into a hot woman was born on March 11. Happy Birthday, Heidi!

Nerds Rejoice! Steve Wozniak is Dancing with the Stars

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:08:03 EDT

Even if you've never heard of Steve Wozniak- you've definitely seen his handiwork. As the co-founder of Apple Computers and the inventor of the Apple I & II, Wozniak (lovingly referred to as Woz) revolutionized the world of personal computing. Your iPod, iPhone, Macbook, iMac- heck even the PC you're running- none of that would be possible without Steve Wozniak. Woz left Apple during its heyday, while the Applie II was still the hot thing on the market but he's stayed in the computer world ever since. In recent years, Woz has been popping up everywhere including repeat appearances on Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List.

Humble beginings

His latest foray into the limelight has proven Woz to be a true renaissance man. Last night, during the premiere of Dancing With the Stars, Woz strutted his stuff and proved to geeks everywhere he has what it takes to shake his money-maker. If you know anything about Woz and his Scrooge McDuck-like fortune, you'll know that's quite a lot of money he's making. Woz did the cha-cha alongside the deliciously-named Karina Smirnoff. You can see how they did in this video:

I thought he did a good job considering he's spent most of his life at a computer desk. The judges don't seem to think so but, hey, they have to worry about ratings so they need to employ a bit of the old Simon Cowell method to keep people watching. Doesn't seem to bother Woz. Way to go and dance the dance of life for nerds everywhere!

Of course, having the support of geeks is the only thing Woz has going for him. Numerous websites campaigning to get the votes for Wozniak have been in place well before the show's premiere.

You can cast your vote for Woz or any of the dancers at ABC.com

Epic Rivalry: UNC/Duke

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 10:49:39 EDT

This Sunday at 4 UNC and Duke face off in Chapel Hill.

And to get ready for the game, here is a reminder of why Duke sucks. Go Heels!

Man aims for cat, hits cop

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 10:55:49 EDT

A man in England threw a brick through an off-duty police officer's windshield. His excuse? He was aiming for his neighbor's cat.

Steven Wimbles also ran into problems with police that same day when he assaulted an officer in his home after the officer was summoned on a disturbance call.

Needless to say, Wimbles is an alcoholic.

The Experts Talk: The Most Expensive Video Game Castles

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 01:47:49 EDT

In today's economy it's more important than ever to have a firm understanding of the real estate market. Many of us are graduating, looking for our first home, and moving forward in our lives. The last thing you want to do is make missteps, when purchasing a new home or financing a mortgage, that will hurt you down the road. If you happen to be an evil genius with plans of world domination or an eccentric, enigmatic billionaire with a flair for environmental puzzles, there are experts here to help you when looking for your dream domain. Maxim Magazine recently sat down with two real estate experts, David Marine of Coldwell Banker and Brian Block of RE/MAX Allegiance, to estimate the value of some of video game's most well-known fortresses. Here are the 5 highest appraisals.

Princess Peach's Castle- Super Mario Bros. 10,000,000 GC*
One of the most well-known video game series of all-time is given the highest honors as having one of the most expensive castles of all time. With lush landscapes, a full staff of Toadstool butlers, and a three-car garage, Princess Peach is quite comfortable in the Mushroom Kingdom stronghold. Buyer's beware: the area is known for frequent Goomba violence.
*GC = Gold Coins

The experts say:
David Marine: The castle to beat all castles. Beautifully adorned and perfectly located in a private area, this spacious, royal manor combines both classic style and leaves a zero carbon footprint. An indoor swimming pool is also available in the basement (if not desired, the addition of a sump pump may be mandatory).

Queen's Castle- ICO 2,700,000 GC
Before there was Shadow of the Colossus, gamers were given the chance to explore and appreciate the haunting beauty of this castle with ICO. With breathtaking vistas, marble floors, and plenty of room to move around, this is one would go fast in today's market despite the hefty price tag. Full disclosure: There's talk that the place may or may not be the final resting place for generations of cursed men.

The experts say:
Brian Block: While this one’s a fixer-upper, it’s enormous and offers the purchaser an enchantingly beautiful edifice. Perfect for that private getaway–think celebrities ditching the paparazzi because this castle is in the middle of nowhere. If you don’t mind chasing away the black wraiths and putting in some serious work to fix up the place, this castle offers the best in size and luxury.

Hyrule Castle- Legend of Zelda 1,500,000 GC
Despite the fact that Princess Zelda always manages to get herself kidnapped, this castle should offer the buyer some peace of mind. Hyrule is often being cloaked in darkness and overthrown by Ganondorg but the neighborhood has really been on the rise, lately. There's talk that the Hero of Time might soon be moving in so act now before the market price goes up.

The experts say:
David Marine: Classic architecture and beautiful views make this castle fit for any king. It comes with an excellent security system which is a must have for the area.

Castle Karstaag- The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind 1,5000,000 GC
The most important thing any real estate agent will tell you: location, location, location. Well look no further. Nestled in amongst the seashore, this castle is perfect for any Winter-weather lover. Any buyer has a perfect opportunity to make an investment in the nearby community.

The experts say:
Brian Block: Built almost entirely out of ice, this oceanfront castle has a great view. A neat feature is the bedroom with a built-in pool–I hope it’s heated! The large dining table in the banquet hall can fit giants and the ice torches never, and I mean never, burn out.

Fairfax Castle- Fable 2 1,000,0000 GC
Consider this the Xanadu of Fable 2. Moving in to Fairfax Castle reflects your wealthy status in the community. This place is huge and has tons of room to run around, quest, or what have you. The previous owners weren't well-liked by the neighbors but this purchase gives you plenty of stunning views.

The experts say:
David Marine: Questionable location and sordid history behind the castle will hurt its market value. But buyers can be enticed to take a chance on this palace because of the esteem given to the one who owns it and other worldly powers it possesses. May need a fresh coat of paint to sell quickly.

Brian Block: You instantly become the Mayor when you purchase this large Gothic-inspired castle adorned with many paintings and gorgeous candelabra. It was previously owned by the evil Lord Lucien; there was a murder in the observatory, but there’s also some magic present.

For the full list, check out Maxim Magazine

Most likely places to run into awkward situations on college campuses

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 11:14:12 EDT

Awkward situations are always lurking around the corner, expecially on college campuses. Here are the top place to run into some awkwardness:

Doors: So many possibilities for awkwardness: there's the "you go," "no, you go," the "oops, I meant to hold that door for you, not hit you with it," the "had I seen you, I would not have opened the door into you," and many others
Anywhere on campus between 5 and 7 a.m.: awkward because you, and anyone you may run into, are walk-of-shaming it home
Dining hall: although it's hard to say if running into someone and spilling your food/drink on them is awkward or just plain unfortunate
Gym: "Oh, I haven't seen you in so long...sweaty hug?"
University Massage: ...is UNC the only school with a local ~~brothel~~ massage place?
Bathroom: not a place where conversation is appropriate
In bed: of course, there are two forms of this one: the "What am I doing here?" and the "What are you doing here?"

Child + Painkillers = David After Dentist

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 10:00:05 EDT

Meet David, a lovable seven-year-old who just had dental surgery...and is now having his first experience with painkillers. Talk about a bad trip...

Paul Harris (Yes, Again) Decides Game Time Is Snack Time

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:40:31 EDT

I promise I'm not obsessed with Paul Harris, although that certainly would appear to be the case, wouldn't it.

No, actually, I am writing about Paul Harris again today because, as a Syracuse alum myself, I was watching the Orange (is there a more pathetic nickname? Delaware Blue Hens? NYU Violets?) play a "basketball game" against Cincinnati. During the game, Mr. Harris caught my eye once again, but before I get to him specifically, let me clarify why basketball game is in quotes above.

Simply, the Bearcats forgot how to put that orange round thing into the hoop. They scored a season low 17 points in the 1st half, on a pathetic 6 of 30 shooting from the field. Syracuse rolled, as they should, at home.

Now, once I'd decided I'd only be giving this game the occasional, cursory watch in between channel surfing, I happened to turn it back on to catch this little number from Paulie H.

I know they were beating Cincy like a stepchild (redheaded or otherwise), but, popcorn, Paul?

Just to be clear, I'm not one of those guys that thinks it's a bad thing. Those people make me sick. This is entertainment, and if it wasn't for us fans, these athletes (professional or otherwise) wouldn't make any money or have much to do in the way of playing sports. So, every once in a while, I like some interaction. I'm not condemning him, like so many people did in New York when Lastings Milledge high-fived fans after hitting his first career homer.

No, I'm not doing that at all. I happen to like when players interact with the fans.

OK, not all of the interaction is good. You get the point though. I think what Paul Harris did was cute, fun, involving, enjoyable. So, in no way am I being one of those "no-fun" guys that is upset about this.

Nah, instead, I just point it out. You can form whatever opinions you like about this.

I happen to find it funny that he wanted popcorn during the middle of a game, but, hey, to each their own. I'd think something less salty would be a better choice during a basketball game. Maybe a slushie? How about a pull of a Twizzler? I can't think of much else that they sell at the Carrier Dome, as most of it is either completely disgusting or loaded with salt.

So, in the past few days, we've discovered that Paul Harris enjoys popcorn, basketball, and 50 Cent. I wonder which order he'd put them in.

Lunch Break: The Greatest "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" Skit Ever, Feat. Richard Simmons

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 11:51:01 EDT

Richard Simmons is quite possibly the greatest human being to have ever lived, and this video clip from the hit ABC television show “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” is a testament to that fact.

For the uninitiated, “Whose Line” is an improvisation show in which four comedians act out a scene completely on-the-fly with very little direction from the host. Occasionally, they mix up the hilarity with unique games like “Living Scenery” in which an audience member is used as a live prop for the actors to use as they see fit.

Here, the live prop is fitness guru Richard Simmons, who, as far as I know, has no experience in improv, but yet manages to pull off one of the greatest performances in the show’s history.

As you can see, the key to a great guest appearance is testing the players on the stage at every turn. If you force them to react to your unscripted tomfoolery, you’ll nine times out of ten have comedic gold on your hands.

Oh, and it also helps if you play up the fact that you really, really like men.

Mardi Gras may be over...

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 08:20:03 EDT

But that doesn't mean you can't still celebrate the weekend...

Grads Get Ready to Roll!

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 08:40:19 EDT

Grads get ready to roll with this new addition from www.LostWorldShirts.com available is various colors and styles-Congratulations to the Class of 09!

Straight off the street: Vegas paper publishes hookers' pictures

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 11:43:34 EDT

The Las Vegas Review Journal posted a slide show of Vegas's "50 Most Prolific Prostitutes."

Turns out that prostitution and trespassing go hand in hand? See the mug shots here.

A-Rod Plays Second Fiddle To The Bretts

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 01:45:39 EDT

Sure, Alex Rodriguez drilled a home run in his first at bat of the spring on Wednesday.

Sure, he left the game, driving away with his cousin of now ill-repute, Yuri Sucart.

But, A-Rod's home run truly took a back seat to the game's real intrigue, the real story of the Yankees first Spring Training game: the play of the New York Bretts.

No, not him. These guys...
and .

Don't take the difference in size to mean anything other than the fact that those are the first pictures I found of each. Though, the likely hood the former makes the team as opposed to the latter is quite slim. Still...

Wednesday was a day for Brett's, or at least it should've been.

With all the attention paid to A-Rod, the steroid scandal, the pathetic "apologies" issued, and now the buzz about the fans cheering him after his titanic blast, two men on the Yankees simply forged ahead. One a grizzled vet with about as much chance as I have to make the big league roster. The other a wet behind the ears rook fighting for a chance to start in center field for the New York Yankees, despite having the lowest batting average among any Yankee last year with at least 100 at-bats.

Mr. Tomko, signed on a minor league deal, started the game, giving the Bombers two solid innings of work, yielding only one hit. One single hit in two innings! Egads, man. Sign this fella up to a real deal.

And, as if that wasn't enough, Mr. Gardner, known largely for his inability to initiate contact between the wooden club in his hands and leather orb thrown at him while at the plate, took the second pitch he saw and drilled it for a homer. Now that's impressive.

A-Rod hits homers all the time. He's done it something like 500 times in his career. I haven't checked the exact amount, but the point is, I'm sure it's a lot.

Care to venture a guess how many times Brett Gardner's done it in his pro career?

Zero. Not once. So, here's to you Mr. Gardner, for getting off the schnide, and having your limelight stolen from you and your fellow Brett.

Somewhere, you've gotta believe Brett Butler is smiling upon the successes of her namesakes.

Forbes names best NCAA basketball coaches

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 10:17:47 EDT

Forbes has released a list of the 10 best men's college basketball coaches. Topping the list is the University of North Carolina's Roy Williams (go Heels!).

The rest of the list is as follows:

2. Bill Self, University of Kansas

3. Ben Howland, UCLA

4. Mike Krzyzewski, Duke University (boo)

5. Billy Donovan, University of Florida

6. Tom Izzo, Michigan State

7. John Calipari, University of Memphis

8. Mark Few, Gonzaga University

9. Bo Ryan, University of Wisconsin

10. Rick Barnes, University of Texas

The NBA, Where Russell Westbrook Happens

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 01:42:28 EDT

This post could have also been titled, "The NBA, Where Things I'll Never Be Able To Do Happen Daily".

Or, "The NBA, Where Playground Moves Are Not Only Acceptable, But Encouraged".

Or, "The NBA, Where Unsuspecting, Foolish Italian People Get Dunked On".

Anyway, peep this.

As Jalen Rose so aptly starts to question, what the hell was Marco Belinelli thinking, jumping up after that ball? Did he think he was actually going to go up and get it?

Earl Watson may not be a great offensive player (read: bad), but did Belinelli think the shot was that far off the mark? Did he not hear the train that is Russell Westbrook rumbling in the background to come and make a poster out of him?

There's a funny mix of emotions for the guy that gets posterized. You empathize with his situation, and congratulate him for at least not giving up on the play. But, you condemn him for thinking that he would be able to actually stop the dunk.

I should know. I was once posterized, though no documentation exists to prove the point. It was my sophomore year at Syracuse University, and I was playing pick up basketball at the gym. There was a loose ball and Demetrius Nichols, SU guard, ran to pick it up. I was already back on defense, the only one on that side of the court with the 6'8" Nichols. He came thundering down the lane, and I decided that I wasn't going to simply give up on the play.

So, I jumped up with him as he took flight towards the rim. Why did I do this? I have no idea.

As I'm on my descent, he continued to rise in flight. As I finally came back down to the ground, I distinctly remember covering my head, as he dunked right over and on it, flushing it down with one hand.

I half expected people to be there with cameras, to show up in the school paper the next day "Nichols to Nerdy White Kid: Stay On The Ground Where You Belong".

So, Marco B., I know how you feel. Kind of.

Far as Westbrook is concerned, I must admit I'm quickly becoming a fan. He's got that rare ability to defend (I think Ben Howland starves his players if they don't play defense...have you seen Darren Collison?), and athleticism that oozes. His shooting lacks a bit, but that's one of the easier skills to work on, ask Tony Parker.

This isn't the first time I've said this, but I'll officially go on record now, here, as saying that the Thunder will be a playoff time in a year or two. Maybe not this very next season, but almost definitely the year after. The trio of Westbrook, Durant and Green is really something to behold.

The superstar (Durant), the complimentary, do-it-all player (Green) and the athletic guard (Westbrook). All that's missing is the big man. Blake Griffin, anyone?

Interview with Chris Smith and Jim Brandon of Dorm Life!

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:51:45 EDT

This is the first part of four of my phone/skype interview with Jim Brandon (Gopherr Reed) and Chris Smith (Mike Sanders) of the amazing web series, Dorm Life.

Make sure to go check out season two starting March 2nd at www.dorm-life.com

Should coaches have salary cuts?

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 08:53:00 EDT

We all know where Jim Calhoun, UConn head coach, stands on the question of whether caoches' salaries should be cut during the recession, but what do you think?

Remembering White Chocolate, Dispelling the Myths

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 02:39:44 EDT

Some of you youngens just having watched the above video might not believe what you just saw, that what was just pictured above had to be some miracle of digital video editing.

A white point guard? A white, flashy point guard? A white, flashy point guard that could dunk, showboat and trash talk with just about anyone in the league?

Yes. Yes. And, yes.

Let me say this. There's no reason, besides some boredom and the beauty of Youtube, that I mention Jason Williams today. But, that doesn't mean it's not fun to watch him do his thing. I still can't figure the pass at the 2:50 mark.

The man who started his collegiate career at Marshall and finished it at Florida (not at his own pace--he was suspended permanently for drug use after three prior suspensions) was no myth. Jason Williams (not the Dukie, not the one charged with killing someone) was a white point guard that defied the way white players stereotypically played. Matter of fact, with his fancy style of play, Williams defied the way most NBA players since Pete Maravich played the game, bringing streetball flair and flash to the hardwood of the NBA.

Now that I'm done waxing poetic about Williams, let's keep it real.

White Chocolate was popular as hell his rookie year. His jersey was in the top 5 in the league in sales, he made Sports Center almost every time the Kings played, and he helped transform the Kings (along with Chris Webber, Vlade Divac and Peja Stojakavic) to contenders. That they weren't able to get over the Lakers had likely more to do with happenstance and Doug Christie being, well, Doug Christie, but that's neither here nor there.

Besides all of this though, Williams wasn't a good player, at least not when he was at his most fun. In his three years in Sac-town, his minutes during the regular season were always higher than they were in the playoffs. He averaged over 2 turnovers a game in those years, highlighted by a robust 3.7 per in 99-00. Not so great, if you look at it that way.

But, what I loved about Jason Williams, J-Dub, J-Will, White Chocolate, was that he wasn't on my team. His maddening inconsistency and wild decision making never hurt my team. I was just happy that as a fan I got to watch him play, and make people look silly playing the game they'd played for their whole lives.

WC did things I've never seen done before in the NBA, and I doubt I'll see again. So for that, Jason Williams, I say, thank you.

Total Domination: Trinity Squash

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 10:58:59 EDT

Trinity College has won 11 straight squash championships and 202 straight matches. That's the longest winning steak in any college sport.

Check them out.

His Name is Al Harrington. He Sells Sneakers.

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 12:43:55 EDT

Driving around New York City on Sunday afternoon, passing by Madison Square Garden while the New York Knicks were north of the border getting beat by the Raptors, I saw an enormous banner that nearly caused a shock based accident.

Here I am, minding my own business, listening to a youtube-produced blend of a Natasha Bedingfield and Notorious BIG song (sounds idiotic, but it's actually a banger), and there it is, hanging down the length of the Garden: a full length picture of Al Harrington, pimping his new shoes.

Why even mention this here? Don't most athletes, especially basketball players, have their own shoe deals? Yes, of course they do, but this is quite different on several levels.

First, and most obviously, he's Al Harrington. At 29 years of age, he's been in the league for 11 years, played for 4 teams, and has averaged an extremely pedestrian 13.5 points per game over the course of his career. Suffices to say, he has to be one of the more average, non-descript, uninteresting players to get his own shoe line in recent memory.

But, beyond that, what's interesting is the shoe itself, and where it's being sold. No, not at Foot Locker, or Champs or Finish Line or any of those places. The Protege is available only at K Mart. More shocking than that--the price, at only $34.99.

OK, where do I begin.

Let's take a look at the shoe before we make any judgements.

I'd say, not bad. It's offered in black, and in at least one other style. So, not bad. For 35 bucks, certainly doable. At least when you compare it to the Starburys...

Similar colors, granted, but these are clown shoes. And, though it is hard to beat a 15 dollar pair of kicks, you get what you pay for. Many people I've talked to that got duped into purchasing the "NBA player's" sneakers tell me that they're uncomfortable.

For 20 more dollars, you'd have to think Big Al's are a bit nicer on the feet.

The other issue I have to bring up with Harrington's sneaker is how he got to be the face of the line. There's no way anyone at K Mart came to him and said, Al, we've been waiting for you to reach the level of mediocrity that you've sustained now for 11 years, and we're finally ready to reward you with your own sneaker line.

On the other hand, did he go into them with the idea? Who knows.

It is a great thing though. Recession or not, basketball sneakers costing 75, 100 dollars is absolutely insane. Who ever came up with the idea of having Al Harrington sponsor these sneakers, I say to you, strange choice, but great idea.

Some Flip Cup for the Weekend

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:06:11 EDT

Have fun kids...

Move Over Phoenix, NJ Semi-Pro Team Almost Sets Hoops Record

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:49:17 EDT

If you're impressed by what the Suns did to the Clippers in a recent home and home immediately after the All-Star break, than news out of the ABA will make your head explode.

The New Jersey Express, a semi-pro team in New Jersey, dropped 171 points in a single game earlier this week against the cleverly titled New Jersey Starting5. What's next in New Jersey, a team named after the net?

Anyway, the 171 points actually isn't even a record, somehow. In a triple overtime game in 1983, the Pistons squeaked by the Nuggets, 186-183. Think about it. And no, the Starting5 wasn't a disguised version of the Harlem Globetrotters.

Some interesting things to consider regarding this game/the league.

The Express averaged 42 points a quarter.
They had a 50 point lead at half.
They had 112 points through three quarters.
Their Eastern Division has a team in it called the New York City Internationalz. Yes, with a Z.
They play at Drew University, which has a capacity of 1,000, approximately 980 seats larger than necessary.

As for the shenanigans the Suns played on the Clippers, I honestly thought the boxscore from Wednesday's game had to be a misprint.

140 points, again? No. Couldn't be. And against the Clippers, again? No way.

But my friends, the truth is a sad but definitive, yes way.

For the second consecutive night, the Clippers proved just how awful they truly are. A team that has been so besieged by injuries (the most recent being Marcus Camby's eardrum caving in on a team flight, prompting Mike Dunleavy to say "We're inventing new ways to get hurt") was just made witness to the first team in nearly two decades to score at least 140 points on back to back nights.

Take a quick look at the numbers.

282 - Total points scored by the Suns in the two games. In their previous 3 games, they'd scored 290.
170 - Points scored in the paint by the Suns in the two games. Tuesday's 90 paint points outdid the full game efforts of the Raptors, Sixers, Magic, Nets, Hawks, Pistons, and Sixers (again) over the two day span.
65 - The total amount of points Amar'e Stoudemire scored in the two games (Previous 3 games, 64)
63 - The total amount of points the Clippers were destroyed by in the two games.
2 - Games that Zach Randolph was suspended for.
1 - Fists that Louis Amundson received to his face.
0 - The amount players that played 30 or more minutes in either game for the Suns.

YouTube: "I'm Eatin' Now"

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:31:00 EDT

Give a high schooler an hour, and this is what you'll get.

Craig Sager Gets Dressed Down

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:21:51 EDT

If you're unfamiliar with exactly who Craig Sager is (and that's perfectly fine), you need not know anything other than the fact that he is mostly known for his style of dress.

Sure, the man's been covering sporting events for over 30 years, on various networks. He's covered the NBA, the MLB, college sports, soccer, the Olympics...You get the point.

I'm not writing to tell you what I think of this man as a broadcaster. Frankly, I see very little purpose to what he (and every other single sideline reporter on the planet) does. What, before unheard, advantages and storylines are they bringing to the viewers?

Oh, Coach Johnson said to his team to play hard during halftime? Really? Wow, thank you for that little nugget. Next you're going to tell me that what I saw on TV was actually true---he was yelling at his team to play better defense. Jeez, where would we be without you?

OK, back to the point at hand. Sager is known for his crazy style of dress. Not a fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, I'm bothered by Sager's choice in outfits because he can't possibly think he looks good. No one can. And yet, for some reason, he rarely gets blasted for looking like a circus clown on television, with the seeming intent to call intention to himself.

How he goes out looking the way he does, I'll never understand. But, finally, thanks to our friends at Yahoo Sports, I present to you, Kevin Garnett laying down the law with Sager and his Pink Panther-esque suit over this past All-Star Weekend.

Craig, I beg of you, take his advice. I don't like KG, but he's right on point in this one.

What to Talk About When You're Not Sure Who You're Talking To

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 11:27:11 EDT

Between classes, clubs and random nights out, you meet a lot of people. And, unfortunately, you forget who some of them are. More unfortunately, you run into them and they remember you. Here are a few conversations to have when you're not too sure who you are actually talking to:

How was your weekend? Perhaps you will receive a clue as to where you met this person.
What are you up to this weekend? This way, if you just met this person the day before, you're not asking them about how their life has been in the past 12 hours.
How are your classes? Only use this if you know you haven't seen this person in a while. If they might sit next to you in bio, you may want to try a different topic of conversation.
Did you go to/watch the game last night? What game? Any game. Just talk about a game.
How are you? It was good seeing you, I'm in a rush. This is for the desperate. No conversation other than those two sentences--just make a run for it.

The Art of The Tea Bag

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 12:48:23 EDT

A while back, as a wide-eyed underclassman at Syracuse University, I walked around the local mall completely unaware of an entire art form. A art form that, when put into practice, has a habit of destroying the victim's self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and generally results in a lot of post-event derision. I was unaware of this art form.

Walking through the mall, I came across a hobby store. You know the type of place I'm talking about. The kind of spot that convinces you via the magic of nice framing that you need to spend 300 or 400 dollars on some random athlete's signature on a dirty base or jersey. Anywho, there I am, walking around, minding my own business, when I see the picture above, framed, and signed by Hakim Warrick. The inscription read as follows:

Hakim Warrick, The Texas Tea Bag

I was stunned.

How had I never heard of this before? What the hell was a tea bag? Was it the same thing as a d-bag? No, my friends would tell me later. The distinction being that d-bag is a person, for instance that cop that gives you a ticket for doing 45 mph in a 40. He or she is a d-bag. A tea bag, no, that's an action.

What makes a tea bag?

Dunking on a player.
Jumping high.
Jumping high enough that the dunker's testicles are near the face of the defender.
Hanging on the rim or in the air long enough to give the impression that the testicles aren't just there for a fleeting second, a la the tea bag in a mug.

So, we fast-forward to another Syracuse event, this time earlier this year. Syracuse in New Jersey to play (read: beat) the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. They would wind up doing so, in convincing fashion. But, it wasn't made possible until something derisive happened. Care to guess what it was?

And here I was again, witness to a tea bag. This time though, I knew what it was. I shouted out, from the upper tier of the arena, "You just got tea bagged!" I doubt anyone heard me.

Anyone else know any other great tea bag stories?

Creepy Toys Children Deserve Better Than

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 10:39:17 EDT

Some of these are childhood classics for the '90s generation, others are brand new. Common thread? They're creepy.

Furby: Artificial intelligence that never knows when to shut it.
Life size Barbie: Almost half a step up from the invisible friend.
Anything having to do with clowns
Creepy Crawlers: Hey kids, let's cook up some bugs in the Easy Bake Oven!
Angela Merkel Barbie: Yes, last week Mattel unveiled a Barbie doll that they claim is German Prime Minister Angela Merkel. I don't know that I see the resemblance, but even still...what's next? The Obama GI Joe? Politicians and world leaders are not children's toys.

Michael Phelps Won't Be Charged, New Precedent Established

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 12:36:34 EDT

Breath easy everyone. Literally, and figuratively.

Monday afternoon a landmark decision was made, sure to affect lawbreakers all over the world.

According to The State, Michael Phelps will not be charged with marijuana possession.

Do you realize what this means? Now, you can admit to using a drug, have a picture that you've verified is you smoking the drug, and lose tons of sponsors and fans for such an admission and still not be found guilty of such a crime in a court of law.

Apparently, there just wasn't enough evidence. No one there said they'd seen Phelps smoking, not one person could verify that they actually saw Phelps smoking. The magic of the still photograph doesn't carry the same convictional credit in South Carolina.

Let's just say there was a trial, and Phelps was asked to go on the stand, how on Earth could he not get convicted...

Prosecutor: Mr. Phelps, is this in you in this picture.
Phelps: (Nods head in agreement).
Prosecutor: Mr. Phelps, are you smoking marijuana in this picture?
Phelps: (Nods head in agreement).
Prosecutor: Your honor, we'd like to make our final submission that marijuana is in fact illegal.

Don't get me wrong, I personally don't care much that he did this. Something like near 50 percent of the country has admitted to trying it at some point, and to be honest it's a lot less damaging than the DUI he got let off the hook for a few years back.

But, it never ceases to amaze me how constitutional law ceases to exist when it comes to famous people, particularly athletes.

One example I can never get out of my head is Jamal Lewis. After he got caught for involvement in a drug deal, he did his time during the off-season. Did the sentencing judge have Lewis on his fantasy football team? Had to make sure Lewis didn't miss training camp because he drafted him too high?

There's tons more, whether it's Leonard Little of the St. Louis Rams or Jayson Williams of the Nets. Conveniently, a lot of athletes get away with more than us regular joe's and jane's get away with. Not that I think what Phelps did was so bad but, I gotta call it as I see it.

'90s Revivals That Need to Happen

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 10:22:36 EDT

If the '80s were one big night out, the '90s were one really bad hangover. From boy bands to pop princesses, '90s music didn't quite have the pizazz that the '80s had, but after nine years there are some artists that are due for a comeback.

House of Pain: White Irish rappers? I will never understand why they were a one-hit wonder.
Ricky Martin: There just isn't enough hip gyrating in music today.
Color Me Badd: What a name.
Spin Doctors: No sarcasm on this one, I'd really like a Spin Doctors revival.
Sophie B. Hawkins: Omnisexual? What?
Will Smith: I want to see "Gettin' Jiggy With It" performed live.
Right Side Fred: Ha.
Billy Ray Cyrus: More mullet, less Hannah Montana.