I believe it no exaggeration to claim Hebrews 13:4 as the single most pivotal verse in God's Word on sexuality in marriage. It offers specific instruction amid a context of instruction; this isn't wisdom literature or storytelling. The author plainly states, "Do this."

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Song of Songs 2:16b KJV: He feedeth among the lilies. NIV: he browses among the lilies. NASB: He pastures his flock among the lilies. The first colon of this verse (“My beloved is mine and I am his,” NIV) and its companion in 6:3 may very well be the most quoted verses from the book. In both cases, however, the following colon leaves you wondering, “He what?” Let’s see if we can unmuddy the waters a bit, starting with what’s certain. The Hebrew word šûšan means some sort of flower. We see it used in 1 Kings 7 as the master craftsman worked on Solomon’s temple, shaping certain objects in the form of šûšan blossoms (perah). There is some doubt as to the accuracy of lily — some prefer the lotus flower or water lily — but it is most certainly a flowering plant of some sort, else it would have no blossoms. Likewise, “among” is an apt translation for the prefix be-, as it generally indicates more than mere proximity but rather contact or even intermingling. An aged Joshua uses it in Joshua 23:12 to warn the Israelites against intermarrying and associating with heathen peoples. We see breath enter [...]

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Recently, Clara and I enjoyed a long-overdue vacation. Part of our trip included some classic tourist trappings, and we found ourselves milling about in large crosswalk crowds. And the inevitable happened. We started hearing the familiar tinny ring of an overdriven microphone blaring through a budget loudspeaker. She and I grimaced at each other, wondering which flavor of “You’re going to hell” was being broadcast on behalf of my Jesus. Turns out it was the utter depravity flavor with a light sprinkling of sulfur. You know, just to motivate people. Scaring Small Children Some thirty years ago, I stood with an adult in front of my parents’ small town church, terrorized tears streaming down my face as I repeated the preacher’s weekly injunction: “If you died tonight, do you know that you know where you’d end up? Do you really know? Because heaven is hot, and eternity is a long time.” “I don’t know,” I explained. The man, likely a deacon seeking purpose in his retirement years, listened dutifully before replying, “You only need to say this prayer, and then you’ll know.” I said the prayer. I practically had it memorized. I had prayed that prayer at the altar at [...]

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Last week, a reader sent a post from a Dallas-area mom and author who had a shift in perspective about her daughter wearing bikinis. You should go read it. Seriously, I’ll wait. Got it? Good. Let’s recap. This woman held a vehement position based on a desire to ensure her children (perhaps her daughter in particular) project modesty, a position she defended so aggressively she may have lost friends in the process. Then, after a pair of subtle but significant epiphanies, her view seemingly did enough of a 180 to make Owen Wilson say “wow”. To be fair, an Wilson Wow a low bar. Her insight evolved further into recognizing her own patterns of body shame. The idea that you cover your body more when you’re ashamed of it but show more when you’re not is a very unhealthy way of thinking. So why do I bring this up? After all, I’ve made my opinions pretty clear in this area over the past couple years: “Modesty” as defined by Scripture has almost nothing to do with clothes; even when applied to how we dress, biblical modesty is about suitability, not skin; I don’t want my children to grow up with [...]

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Was it lonely in prison? You're never alone, but being alone is not a prerequisite for being lonely. Thankfully God was with me.

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Some may consider this to be a form of compromise, of acceptance of sin. After much prayer, reflection, meditation, and study, I can honestly say I don’t believe it is. For me, at least. Your mileage may vary. Bounce First First, know that I’m a big proponent of the technique taught in Every Man’s Battle wherein a man “bounces” his eyes away from sensual imagery, be it an erotic video, a busty billboard, or something as pedestrian as a shapely, well, pedestrian. The concept behind this practice is deceptively simple. Since my early teens, I have — like most men — reinforced a habit of bouncing my eyes toward such imagery, and this now operates on pure instinct. There’s no instinct, however, that demands that my eyes dwell and my mind memorize. There’s no instinct to draw sexual gratification from that imagery. That is a choice, albeit a difficult one to handle properly without the right equipment. So, as recommended by Every Man’s Battle, I have been choosing to supplement the first habit of bouncing my eyes toward imagery with a second habit of immediately bouncing my eyes away from that imagery. This habit took weeks to establish, but once [...]

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“When you put on your Christian garb, you become an heir, on the same level as all the other heirs. Men and women are equal as children of God.” This is basically what Paul says in Galatians 3. Indeed, while the genders were made to be different, we were made to be complementary— equally vulnerable and equally needed by each other. In the home, men carry a responsibility to submit to their wives in a more profound way than she’s required to submit to him, and his headship is a role, not a rank. In the early Christian Church, men served alongside women in the body; women were empowered by the Holy Spirit to teach, prophesy, and serve as apostolic church planters, though it appears some needed to remember that such gifts comes from God and should be executed within His plan; we can’t grab authority that’s not ours to have. Yet the same Paul who classified men and women as equals in the kingdom offers some confusing words in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35. Look at how the NIV puts it: Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission as the [...]

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Everyone roared their jubilee and Dôdi beamed proudly as his wife panted, making her way over to him. She bent over and planted a kiss on his cheek, sending thrills through his body. Such a public demonstration of their affection was frowned on by some, but she’d proudly displayed her love for him in more scandalous ways than that over the past few days. Each time, just like this one, she’d enticed him, fogging up his mind. “I love you, my king,” she said, making his heart flutter even more. “And I love you, my queen,” he replied. She tugged on his beard playfully. “You’d better make that worthwhile,” she whispered coyly into his ear before standing up. Looking to his friends, she asked, “So, my subjects, how do we do this?” Yada looked to Akka. “We each take turns?” Akka nodded. “Works for me. From the ground up?” Yada shrugged. “Sure. I’ll go first. Let’s see…” He peered at her for a brief moment and said, “Even in sandals, your feet are beautiful, o royal maiden.” It was subtle, but Dôdi actually flinched at his best friend actually playing along with the royalty tradition of wedding celebrations. That was [...]

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I think braided hair is beautiful. This is true for the blue-haired Betty down the street who always smells like moth balls wrapped in licorice and the excitable five-year-old proudly performing terrible cartwheels and eliciting uproarious applause. The image of my wife in braids is downright sexy. Whether it’s a classic French braid or cornrows (yes, seriously), I think they’d all look good on her. It’s not for every occasion, but I just find them to be beautiful. The image of my wife in braids is beyond beautiful, though. It’s downright sexy. Whether it’s a classic French braid or cornrows (yes, seriously), I think they’d all look good on her. Admittedly, not all hairstyles, much less braids, suit her hair’s texture. Some stay better than others, and that’s just how braiding works. But they all could look great on her. So an idea hit me. My wife likes it when I play with her hair, and I like her in braids… So I can just learn to braid! This may or may not work out well. I’m not exactly the most coordinated person in the world, but it’ll be interesting to try. Worst case scenario: I rip out all her [...]

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So you’ve come across this website that claims to be Christian in its message, yet we talk openly about sex toys and even have reviews of some of them. What’s up with that? Aren’t Christians supposed to shun such things? What place is there for sex toys in a Christian marriage? Culture & Personality For most people, their acceptance or objection to sex toys has little to nothing to do with their religious beliefs. Mostly, it’s based on personality and culture. Consider my area, influenced by Southern conservatism and homemade apple pie, where stores aren’t readily permitted to openly sell sex toys. Yet anyone who drives through the area sees billboards and hears radio ads depicting specialty stores that sell just that. But, you see, these are “adult novelties” and are somehow completely different. So basically, we — as a culture — don’t want all those sexual deviants that would frequent an establishment that sells sex toys, but we certainly don’t mind having a novelty or two in our underwear drawer. We’ve got an image to maintain, or something. Whatever it is, it’s not religious conviction, since we happily purchase these items under this ridiculous reclassification. So stupid. Permission Shockingly, [...]

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While the Bible doesn’t seem to address the topic of masturbation clearly, the very nature of masturbation makes it dangerous territory for a married Christian. Masturbation can be a slippery slope for married Christians. I believe there’s a five-point self-inspection that will identify the sin potential in most cases of masturbation in marriage. Combine these five Mandates for Marital Masturbation with a key follow-up question, and you’ve got a good answer to the question: is it sinful for me to masturbate? Keep in mind, as always, that this is written about the context of marriage. However, the principles still apply outside of marriage. If you’re not married yet, then you don’t have a spouse. So keep that in mind while you’re reading these. The Five Mandates If you can pass all five of these tests with intellectual and spiritual honesty, and you both can enjoy the act, you may find introducing this activity can further your intimacy with your spouse. But stay true to yourself and your spouse as you consider these mandates. You must not masturbate… While drawing sexual gratification from the image (visual or mental) of someone other than your spouse; If it impairs intimacy with your spouse [...]

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As I’ve indicated on many subjects, I’m fairly liberal in my stance on sex in marriage. There are some immovable lines that cannot be crossed such as adultery, but I think there’s very little that can be done in the marital bed that’s inherently sinful. I’m far from uptight on the subject, particularly when compared with the typical Christian point of view. But there’s at least one line drawn by the traditional conservative Christian that I agree with soundly: pornography. Porn, certainly for men but potentially for women as well, can be subtly addictive and dangerously distracting. In its modern Internet form, it’s ubiquitous. anonymous, and convenient. The web has placed it at the very fingertips of every man, woman, and child with a few seconds to kill and even the most rudimentary computer skills. But is it sin? The Lust Angle First of all, the only person we’re allowed to lust for is our spouse. Period. Jesus makes that extremely clear in Matthew 5:28. For a man to look at a woman he’s not married to with lust in his heart is the same as adultery. I’m not a big fan of the universal gender neutralization that some practice [...]

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Growing up, my family had a fun little Christmas Eve tradition that was hardly unique. My parents would pick out a single gift for each person, and we’d all get to open this gift a day early. Clara and I have modified this a bit for fun, where the single gift is a pair of pajamas that will be worn in the following morning’s family time. Sometimes we go over the top with ridiculously exaggerated Christmas designs, picking out the cheesiest things we could find (mostly for pictures), but not always. Usually, we just get something warm, soft, or otherwise enjoyable for the wearer. Something they’ll keep on wearing. You know the sexy little female version of Santa’s outfit? I’m going to get one for my wife, perhaps with some white stockings, and that’s what she’ll wear all evening. This fun little tradition, with a simple twist, can become one of our #irreverentholidays. You know that skimpy little plush red dress with white furry trim? The sexy little female version of Santa’s outfit? I’m going to get one for my wife, perhaps with some white stockings, and that’s what she’ll wear all evening. When she gives the presents to the kids, [...]

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We’ve covered all sorts of topics here, from the general site motif of sexuality to the entertainment value of foam weaponry. Christian life is far from boring, and Christian marriage is even further, despite how wound up some sticks-in-the-mud are. If they enjoy that lifestyle, more power to them. For me, I’m all for enjoying the things God has given me, including my children, my job, my friends, my church, and every square inch of the undefiled marriage bed. Given our broad range of topics, it was inevitable that we’d come to this topic. What about alcohol? Is wine divine? Is beer to fear? Can I drink whisky when I’m frisky and sip rum ’til I’m dumb? Is alcohol an abhorrent sin as often described or a gift from God to be prescribed? What can we find in Scripture on drinking alcohol? The body of Christ is all over the place on this one. Some denominations violently denounce the consumption of any alcohol whatsoever while others refuse to consider the Eucharist to be valid without authentic wine to be consumed and therefore serve it in the sanctuary itself. Each feels biblically supported in their opinions, and everyone in the middle [...]

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Song of Songs 2:4 KJV: He brought me to the banqueting house, / And his banner over me was love. NIV: Let him lead me to the banquet hall, / and let his banner over me be love. NASB: He has brought me to his banquet hall, / And his banner over me is love. Yes, I like the modern song that has these lyrics, too. And insofar as this ancient Song provides a strong metaphor of Christ and His bride, I’m okay with that interpretation of this verse. Yet even a casual reader could choke on making sense out of it, given the context. Does our hero take his love out to dinner and plant a flag for all to see, claiming her lands for king and country? I suppose I can appreciate public claims and wanting to show off my wife as much as (or more than) the next guy, but is that really all this is? Even the translators who do buy into the above translation can’t seem to agree on any real interpretation within the context Pope, Carr, and others think not. In fact, even the translators who do buy into the above translation can’t seem [...]

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