I’ll be honest, to this point I have been a complete failure at this. I waste so much time and energy “doing stuff” for my boys (mostly Landon at this point) that I often rob them of the opportunity to accomplish it by themselves. I also tend to overprotect them, which totally prevents them from learning and growing, having goals and learning to achieve them. Obviously, as a parent it’s our job to protect our kids and keep them out of harms way. But it’s also our job to teach them how to live and how to grow, how to work for what they want — to be there when they fail and celebrate with them when they succeed.

Then God brought the entire conversation back around to me. How many times have I failed to learn from my mistakes, choosing to give up than to keep going? Have there ever been times in my life that I’ve chosen to take the easy road, out of a lack of confidence or fear? Immediately, several pivotal moments came flooding back… things from my childhood all the way up to now… times when I’ve completely given up and taken the easy way out… deciding to take the wheelchair accessible ramp instead of climbing the ladder I deemed “too hard” to climb. In every one of these moments, I’ve rested in my own strength and ability, lacking confidence in myself and the God I claim to trust.

You see, I often find myself questioning where the heck God is… begging Him to reveal Himself to me in a way that “I’ll know for sure” that He’s there. But today I realized that I’m no different than my son while he was learning to climb a ladder. He would often make it halfway there and then absolutely freak out, begging me to pick him up and take him the rest of the way. For the first few times I did, but then slowly I stepped back, simply placing my hand on his back to let him know I was there, while he climbed the ladder on his own.

God is no different. He did not put us on this earth so that He could do everything for us. He put us on this earth so that we would learn to trust Him. And only when we trust Him will we be able to achieve the success that only He can bring — and ultimately the mission He has for each of us. He’s with us every step of the way cheering us on, teaching us how to live and how to grow — picking us up when we fail and celebrating with us when we succeed.

We have no need to fear. We can live our lives boldly for Him, in complete faith and confidence, knowing He’s right there beside us every step of the way.

The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.
Once I was young, and now I am old.
Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned
or their children begging for bread.

– Psalm 37:23-25

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I’m not going to lie, there were times over the last year+ where I wondered if I’d ever make it back online. I really missed writing and keeping up with friends on Twitter, but I could’t force myself to do those things when my heart wasn’t in them. 2012 was an interesting year… physically, spiritually, emotionally. I feel dizzy just looking back.

My #1 priority or “theme” for this year is reconnecting. Reconnecting with my Savior first and foremost, then reconnecting with family and friends. When life gets crazy I so easily lose focus on everything that matters most. It’s like a domino effect I can’t stop until I find myself crying out to God, asking Him to reach inside of me and pull me out of whatever state I’m in.

And I’m not a good faker. I can’t really go on with life as usual, writing and having conversations as if everything’s ok. When something’s wrong, I tend to disappear into my own head like a bear hibernating for the winter. So I’ve been there and now I’m back again.

Honestly, I don’t know what this blog is going to look like this year or going forward. Looking back and some of my last posts (from 2011 – have I really been out of it for that long?!?), I think to myself: “who wrote this stuff?” At the same time, I know I made so many mistakes. I lost my focus on what really mattered, caring too much about what this site looked like or people’s reaction to it – when frankly none of that matters, at least for me. I just know I need an avenue for God to reveal Himself to me… and oddly, it seems as if I can hear Him more clearly as I write. It’s weird, I don’t know how to explain it. Anyone else out there like that?

So I’ve been “there”, wherever “there” was and now I’m back again, taking one step at a time, one day at a time and praying God will reveal Himself to me along the way.

I just wanted to jump on and post a quick update. I am still alive and well, just been super busy at work and at home, trying to raise a very active, strong-willed 3 year old little boy. Between the two, it doesn’t leave much time for anything else. So while we’re exhausted and feeling a bit maxed out, Carrie and I thought we’d just go ahead and throw another log on the fire! Carrie is pregnant and we’re expecting #2 in early October!

So yes, we are tired and feel a bit strung out, but we couldn’t be more excited! We’ve always wanted 2 kids and we were always hoping to have them 3-4 years apart, so we didn’t have two in diapers at the same time. We know God’s timing often differs from our plans, but we’re thankful everything’s worked out the way it has. Personally, I’m hoping for a little girl this time around. I love my little boy, but I’ve always wanted one of each.

So beyond a bunch of boring details, that’s what’s up with me lately. And I’ve got to say, even though I’m usually mentally and physically exhausted at the end of the day — there’s no place else I’d rather be than where God has us right now. I do miss interacting with my Twitter friends though and connecting with you all through your blogs, etc. I hope everyone is doing well and that you’re embracing whatever season of life God has you in right now.

Until next time!

Edit: Just found out this video is sparking a lot of debate in various circles (shocker!) and several well written critiques of it have been published about it (i.e. here, here and here). I don’t have the time, nor do I really care to get involved in parsing every phrase of this kids testimony – but I understand the critique to some degree.   But I get him and I get what he’s saying. He’s speaking about religion in its “legalistic” form and views religion, much like I view it – and have experienced it. That said, it’s important to remember that religion (whether in name or deed) means something different to everyone and it’s easy to oversimplify things. But I do love this kid and I love his honesty and his testimony.

On a different note, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year! Life’s been a bit crazy for our family since the holidays with work and everything; plus we’ve all been sick — especially Landon. Poor little guy has had strep and now has some sort of stomach bug. We’re just hoping to get back to some sense of normalcy this coming week! Hope you all have a great weekend!