The Unquiet Life

Elly Review A SPARK OF LIGHT BY Jodi Picoult

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 16:42:00 +0000

Jodi Picoult is one of my favorite writers. I have read all of her books and I am never disappointed. A Spark of Light was no exception. I gave this one a solid 5 stars!

Picoult never shies away from controversy in her books. A Spark of Light centers around a shooting at an abortion clinic in the deep south. She masterfully weaves in different points of view and does a beautiful job of addressing all angles of a difficult issue. Ultimately, Picoult’s pro-choice views are pretty clear, but she isn’t overbearing or condescending. She introduces realistic characters who struggle with difficult decisions and the consequences that result.

I encouraged readers to approach this book with an open mind. Picoult’s skill at humanizing her characters, even the ones with whom we vehemently disagree, always generates reflection and a healthy debate, even with one’s own preconceptions.

More Updates Coming Soon

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 16:18:00 +0000

For the past few years, I've been writing on different platforms, but I'm going to bring everything back here (I hope) very soon. Keep an eye out for updates!

Elly Reviews GIRL, WASH YOUR FACE by Rachel Hollis

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Wed, 10 Oct 2018 14:58:00 +0000

Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

I have been hearing rave reviews on Girl, Wash Your Face for the past few months. I was hesitant to read it because Audrey and I read a short 5-day devotional series based on the book and didn’t love it. However, I listened to a couple of chapters of it on her Rise podcast and changed my mind.

I’m glad I did. I gave the book 4 stars out of 5. It was really motivational to me as I am working toward some goals I have set for myself and my Willing Beauty business. I’ll get to that later!

The premise of the book is that we believe lots of lies that society has passed on to us. We believe that something else will make us happy. We believe we aren’t good enough. We believe that we aren’t worth keeping our own promises to ourselves (this was my favorite takeaway). Rachel breaks down why she has believed these lies and how she overcame them.

Most of the book was very relatable. However, I really struggled with her perceptions on a couple of topics. One: My life is up to me. I get that to an extent- I make my choices and I have to live with the outcome. If I want better, I have to do better. My gripe with the “it’s up to me” philosophy is that I just don’t believe that I can do it all IN MY OWN STRENGTH. It is essential that I must rely on the Holy Spirit to change me. I can not do anything on my own. Maybe I am interpreting her self-reliance incorrectly, because Rachel is a believer. However, I just can’t completely take my life and my future and my plans into my own hands like she suggests. I have to lean on God and His plans for me.

The other thing that really really bugged me about the book is her relentless body image issues. I get that she thinks that God made us all to be thin and fit. Specifically, she says, “I also believe that humans were not made to be out of shape and severely overweight.” She goes on to say that we are to love and care for our bodies. Okay. I get that. I agree. Where she loses me is when she begins talking about her own obsession with body image. There is a difference in caring for and nourishing your body and being obsessed with fitness and being, in her words from a Rise podcast episode, “in sick [extremely muscular] physical condition.” She has battled emotional eating and what I would term disordered eating. She overcame them, like she does with everything, through therapy and willpower. I’m pretty sure, based on the things she writes and says, she judges every chubby woman as someone who just makes excuses and doesn’t really try. Maybe that is true for some. Or, maybe for others, being “in sick physical condition” isn’t a priority. AND THAT’S OKAY. Her best self is not my best self.

But, Elly, you gave this book 4 stars! Your review sounds like you hated this book!

Not true at all! I just needed to disagree with her on those key points. Otherwise, the book has had a massive impact on my life and my thinking. Rachel’s advice has motivated me to keep my promises to myself. For example, I have been working with Willing Beauty as a Beauty Advisor since August. August was an amazing month for my business! September WAS NOT. The goals I had set for myself were not happening. I felt like giving up. Fortunately, this was when I was reading Girl, Wash Your Face. It encouraged me to be persistent in my business, if this was what I really wanted. Well, it was, so I knew what I needed to do. Stop being so quick to give up just because a thing was hard. Stop breaking promises I made to myself. That is a mantra I have adopted and put forth in all areas of my life. If I tell myself I’m going to do it, I HAVE to do it. What a change I’ve seen as a result of that thinking!

Audrey Reviews ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY by Dave Sedaris

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sat, 15 Sep 2018 22:20:00 +0000

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

Me Talk Pretty One Day is a collection of essays about different parts of David Sedaris’s life. From speech therapy in elementary school to living in Paris with his boyfriend Hugh, David Sedaris takes you on a hilarious journey through his life.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I gave it 4 out of 5 stars, but it was really worth 4.5 out of 5 stars. Sedaris’s tone in some of the most hilarious stories was priceless. He points out ridiculous discrimination in a way that makes it funny. His essay topics range from bathroom humor to cultural prejudice. The book is divided into two parts, the first is his about his life before he met Hugh and moved to Paris, while the second part is about his life in Paris and learning French. I would recommend this to anyone who wants a good laugh and anyone who likes memoirs.

Audrey Reviews FLIPPED by Wendelin Van Draanen

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 22:29:00 +0000

Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen

Flipped, a middle school book by Wendelin Van Draanen, earns a generous six out of ten stars from me. Main characters Bryce and Juli are eighth graders who have known each other for years. Bryce thinks Juli is obsessed with him, and she is a little obsessed. However, once Juli finds out that perfect Bryce isn’t so perfect, their roles reverse. Bryce comes from a very difficult family. His father is very insulting and jumps to conclusions without knowing the whole story. Juli's family, on the other hand, is kind and creative. The contrast between the families and the character development make for an interesting story, but the ending is just disappointing. There were also parts of the book that were just unnecessary, but they were better than some major plot points.

I would recommend this book for 5th and 6th graders. It wasn't terrible, but it was very mediocre. There is also a movie based on this book, but it is set in the 1950's instead of present day. Otherwise, the movie did follow the book pretty closely and wasn't a bad adaptation.

Audrey Reviews FAHRENHEIT 451 by Ray Bradbury

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sun, 09 Sep 2018 00:06:00 +0000

Guy Montag is a fireman in his anti-book society. Since all of the houses are fireproof, firemen burn books. Montag comes to the realization that what he is doing is wrong, and decides to start defying the norm of society. Fahrenheit 451 is one of the best dystopian books I’ve ever read. While I wasn’t the biggest fan of the ending, the rest of the book was excellent. I particularly enjoyed the book burning aspect of it. I am not a fan of censorship, so when Montag rebelled against his society, I loved it. The ending wasn’t satisfying for me. The men in the forest just seem to come out of nowhere and they just kind of derailed the story. This book was totally worth five stars, including the ending. Bradbury gave the society scarily realistic futuristic aspects and a general topic for people to think about.

Audrey reviews MATCHED by Ally Condie

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sun, 02 Sep 2018 21:43:00 +0000

Matched by Ally Condie
*I read this book in early August and am just now getting time to write the review!*

Matched is a romantic dystopia, based on the concept of everyone being matched with their soulmates by the government. The system is supposed to work perfectly, except in Cassia’s case. She was matched with her closest childhood friend, and someone who’s always been in the background of her life.

I thought that Matched was very predictable. Don’t get me wrong, I liked parts of it, but the predictability ruined the effect. Cassia was kind of a flighty character and she ruined a lot of her opportunities. The society also seemed really forced. But I did like it when she took initiative and spoke to Ky, and when she started to realize what her society was really like. All in all, I would give this three stars. Matched was a little unoriginal and kind of sad for the characters. I might read the other books in the series if I get in a reading lull, but I won’t be reading them soon.

Elly Reviews THE GUERNSEY LITERARY AND POTATO PEEL PIE SOCIETY

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sat, 01 Sep 2018 22:02:00 +0000

A couple of things before my review:

1. School started on August 1 and that has been all we've had time for! We sincerely apologize for having nothing new to review!!! Now that we've gotten into the groove of school, I'm sure we'll have more to share.

2. How was I so late to the GUERNSEY party? I have checked this book out at least once or twice the last several years but I never started it. Because I want to watch the Netflix movie, I finally buckled down and started reading it, which brings me to this review.

This book deserves FIVE STARS! I don't give five stars out often or with little thought. Most recently, I gave Silas House's Southermost five stars for the same reason Guernsey gets them: a beautiful story that gave me characters that I wept with and cheered for. A five star book goes beyond entertaining or enjoyable. I am moved and wowed by a five star and Guernsey did just that.

I will admit that at first, the set up of a novel in letters didn't excite me. I think that is why it took me several tries to get started on the book. Once I was able to establish who the each of the characters were and how they fit together, the letters were no longer an obstacle.

The gist of this book is that Juliet, a young writer in post-war London, takes an interest in the history of the occupied island of Guernsey and begins corresponding with the people there to learn more of the heartbreak they endured and the resilience they developed during the German Occupation, particularly the stories that surround a brave young woman named Elizabeth. Juliet eventually moves there and finds that the stories she has heard have become part of who she is.

I truly loved this book and the characters created by authors Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. It was sweet, sad, and hopeful all at the same time. Tonight, I think we will watch the movie and see how it stacks up. Half of the cast came from Downton Abbey so I imagine it will be delightful as well!

Audrey Reviews The Summer I Turned Pretty Series

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sun, 05 Aug 2018 19:46:00 +0000

The Summer I Turned Pretty Series by Jenny Han

I recently read Jenny Han’s To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before series and I loved it, so I decided to read her The Summer I Turned Pretty series. As much as I loved the first series, the second was a complete let down. The Summer I Turned Pretty was the first book in the series about Belly Conklin and her struggles with love. The second book, It’s Not Summer Without You, takes place a year later and follows Belly and her first summer not in Cousins. The last book, We’ll Always Have Summer, takes place at the end of her freshman year in college and shows Belly go through another summer and a lot of drama. For me, this series was very disappointing. Belly was a messy character and she seemed to get herself into unnecessary trouble. Conrad was one of the only characters I saw actual character development in. Belly’s inability to think about others was just sad. I gave this series three stars, but I was feeling generous so it’s probably more of two and a half star average. I wouldn’t recommend this series to anyone.

Audrey Reviews All Fall Down by Ally Carter

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 21:38:00 +0000

Audrey Reviews All Fall Down by Ally Carter

All Fall Down was the beginning of the Embassy Row series, which follows Grace and her search for revenge on her mother’s murder. All Fall Down was well-written and it really made you think. The flashbacks in the story made Grace’s struggle with trauma realistic and Ally Carter has made the fictional country of Adria seem real. I gave this book 4/5 stars because it was interesting and realistic. I am planning on reading the other two books in the series at a later time, but I am going to hold off on reading them right now because I have other books that are about to expire from the library.

Both Gilbert Girls review Jenny Han's Lara Jean Series

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sat, 14 Jul 2018 23:39:00 +0000

This week, Audrey and I finished reading Jenny Han’s Lara Jean book series: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, P.S. I Still Love You, and Always and Forever, Lara Jean. We will admit that the upcoming Netflix movie, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, inspired us to read the series. The movie will come out on August 17.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before tells the story about Lara Jean Covey and the chaos that unleashes after her secret love letters are sent out. The second book, P.S. I Still Love You talks more about Lara Jean and her now not-fake boyfriend Peter Kavinsky. The third book, Always and Forever, Lara Jean, is set a year later and outlines the stress of senior year.

Audrey’s take: The whole series is really funny and cute. I read it because I thought that it would be a fluff read, but I realized that you can’t judge a book on it’s title. While it was quick, and at some points, a little fluffy, it was actually really substantive and interesting. Lara Jean was like a real person. Some authors don’t develop their characters well, but Jenny Han did an excellent job. Han also incorporated references to famous rom-coms, which made the books even more lovable. The series was great all around. I gave the series an average four stars because the characters were well developed and the story was cute and funny.

Elly’s take: I must say that I was pleasantly surprised with how much I enjoyed all three, especially the first and second books. I would give the series as a whole four out of five stars, even though the third book didn’t quite give me the ending I was hoping for. What I liked most about the series was how much it reminded me of books I read in middle school, especially my beloved Judy Blume books and the Linda Berman series (We Hate Everything But Boys, etc) by Linda Lewis. I have to wonder if Jenny Han, who grew up around the same time I did, read these, too! They had a sweet, nostalgic feel. I felt like Han had a good ear for teenage dialogue, and she dealt realistically with problems facing teenagers, while still preserving Lara Jean’s inherent values. I enjoyed Lara Jean’s evolution and would love for Han to give us a glimpse of her college adventures, but Han says she is finished with the character, so I’ll just have to imagine grown up Lara Jean on my own!

Elly reviews WORDS WE DON'T SAY by K.J. Reilly

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Fri, 06 Jul 2018 18:37:00 +0000

Thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of K.J.Reilly's forthcoming young adult novel,
Words We Don't Say, hitting bookstores in October. I rated this 4/5 Stars...More like 3.5 stars, but I’ll round up this time because Joel’s struggle and character development worked for me. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure I was going to love this book but I felt compelled to see it through and I am glad it did. I appreciated Joel’s evolution from having so much inside him that he couldn’t share...so very like many young people I know and work with. The author’s use of saved text messages brought this age old struggle beautifully into the present. I loved the PTSD/veteran storyline but I will confess that I didn’t love the darkness that the gun brought to the story. That alone will give me pause in recommending this to students. Otherwise, it was a powerful commentary on the curse of PTSD that taught me much about a problem that needs to be better addressed in our society.

Audrey reviews Words in Deep Blue by Cath Crowley

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 05 Jul 2018 22:57:00 +0000

Henry and Rachel have been friends for ten years, but when Rachel moved to Sea Ridge, their friendship weakened. Rachel lost her brother, Cal, along with her old self. Henry found out that his girlfriend doesn’t actually love him. When Rachel moves back to Gracetown and starts to work at Henry’s family’s bookshop, Howling Books, they try to rekindle the flame of their friendship but end up finding something more.
Along with the main story of Rachel and Henry in Words in Deep Blue, there were the side stories of George and Cal, George and Martin, and Amy and Henry, which all fit in perfectly with the main story, and didn’t distract from Henry and Rachel. Because much of the story takes place in the bookstore, the author, Cath Crowley, was able to tell the some of the side stories in a unique format. George and Cal got to know each other through letters in the Letter Library, a place where anyone could leave notes in books for other people to read. George and Martin became friends through the letters as well. Amy and Henry's relationship was the obstacle that Henry helped to realize that he was meant to be with Rachel.

The author's use of the Letter Library created a format that gave the story an interesting twist. Through the letters, we got to know the characters better than we would have without them. Whether they were letters left by the characters in the book or by random readers, they gave us an inside look into what people think about while they read.
Words in Deep Blue was much like a journey. A journey from grief and tragedy. A journey to find old friendship. A journey to find love. Rachel was overcome by grief from the death of her brother, Cal, and Henry has just found out that the “love of this life” didn’t actually love him. This book dealt with the subjects of grief, love, and friendship so well, that it was like you were living along with Henry and Rachel as they were experiencing them.
I recommend this book for fans of Rainbow Rowell and John Green. Anyone who likes books about people who enjoy reading, or geeky characters, would find this book relevant and meaningful. People who are grieving might find this book comforting as well. I gave Words in Deep Blue a five-star rating because it’s funny, interesting, and thought-provoking.

Elly reviews Sadie by Courtney Summers

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 05 Jul 2018 14:34:00 +0000

Sadie by Courtney Summers

3/5 Stars

I received an ARC of this book. Pros: Loved the podcast frame of the narrative. I also enjoyed the bond between the sisters and May Bell. Reasons for so few stars? I felt like there were dots that didn’t connect for me, especially at the end. I just felt like some parts were just thrown in for red herrings or to shock the reader. It just didn’t click for me. Also, I teach advanced students in middle and high school and I don’t know that I would recommend it for young adults, even though it is branded YA. It was just a bit too dark and trigger filled for most of my kids.

A belated Advent devotion

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 07 Jan 2016 15:22:00 +0000

Disclaimer: You guys, I don't even know what happened here...This is a devotion I wrote and shared in chapel here at The Frankfort Christian Academy before Christmas break. I meant to post this a month ago. I didn't. So, here it is now. No judgement, okay?

Scripture: John 1: 1-13

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. This man came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. That was the true Light which gives light to every man coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

Growing up, my family and my church didn’t celebrate Advent. It just wasn’t a part of our Christmas tradition. I had heard the term but didn’t know what it was until I was a young married adult. From the first Sunday the folks at our new church lit the wreath and shared the liturgy, I was hooked. I loved the beauty and ceremony and most of all the symbolism of it. My husband and I decided that we would be intentional about crafting an Advent tradition for our children.

When my children seemed old enough to understand and participate in the candle lighting and devotional reading, I made a wreath and bought the candles. I used the unity candle from my wedding for the Christ candle that goes in the center. For several years, we tried weekly Advent readings with very little success. Squirmy little boys don’t like to sit still and listen to someone read a story that doesn’t involve trains or superheroes or talking animals. I usually ended up more frustrated than hopefully expectant, but, we persisted, and every year it got a little better.

This year, my daughter is 11 and my sons are 9, and I feel like it is the first year that we’ve had a productive and meaningful Advent season. Aside from minor skirmishes about who gets to the light the candles and who got to read the longer passage, they have been very excited to participate in this season of expectation. We have lit our candles and talked about the meaning of each- Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love, and how, like the candle’s flame, Christ is the light that shines in the darkness. We know that the light from the candles doesn’t just light up our home, but it symbolizes the hope that we hold for Christ’s coming.

I have learned as much or more during this particular Advent season as my children have. My biggest take away this year is that we have a choice. Yes, our world is pretty dark. We could stumble along like so many do. Instead, we choose to let Christ light our way. We choose to share the light of Christ with others so they don’t have to stumble and stagger alone in the dark. It is my prayer this Advent season that you are all preparing the way for the coming of the Savior, and that you allow His light to dwell in you now and all year long.

Yo, friends!

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 14:10:00 +0000

Let's pretend it hasn't been 4+ months since my last post. Let's just go right on and pretend like nothing ever happened.

K?

Good.

Anyway, a new school year has started and I'm busy busy busy. I have five distinct preps with students of wide ranging needs. I have one kid in Taekwondo twice (or more) a week, one in baseball with two games and one practice weekly, and I'm working in the after care program at school. Add to that I'm mentoring a new teacher (KTIP- Kentucky friends, you know how much fun it is!), sticking to the budget and cooking dinner every night, and helping the kids get the homework done...whew! So many things, so little time!!!!

Before school started, in anticipation of the busy-ness, I felt really anxious. I worried that all the stuff would wear me down and make me susceptible to a Crohn's flare. I began to pray that God would give me the energy to get it all done and keep the stress and exhaustion at bay.

At the same time and on a completely different mental path, I decided it was time for my daughter, Audrey, to get a little more active. She is much like me in so many ways. We don't want to sweat. We'd rather curl up with a good book or movie than be active. I love that about her. However, I didn't want her future to involve chronic illness like mine does. So, we began talking about things we'd like to try together, since both of us need to move more. We enjoy our Fitbits and don't mind to walk (in an flat and air conditioned space, please), but we wanted to add some variety. We began to discuss options like Jazzercise (too dancy, she said) or Zumba (even more dancy). Taekwondo with brother? Um, no (although the prospect of kicking him in the head appealed to her). I began to pray about this, too. I want her to be strong, healthy, and confident about her body. I want to model that in my life and be a good example of physical stewardship.

We decided we might try yoga. But where? There is a yoga studio in town, but, to be honest, it kinda seems a little too out there for me. Incense and chanting and spirit animals and such. I began researching and compiling ideas. A couple of gyms in town offered classes, but we weren't really sure about how buying day passes would go. Then, out of the blue, my freshman year college roommate, who lives about 15 minutes from us, posted on Facebook that someone was teaching yoga on Saturday mornings at her church. Seemed pretty much like divine intervention...plus, there are no fewer than three donut places near or on the way to the church. Yes.

We asked my dear friend Megan to go with us, because everything is more fun with a friend, and honestly, I needed accountability. In fact, if she had begged off that first Saturday, I would have probably slept in and that would have been that for yoga.

But we went...and I am sooooooo glad we did. It was nothing like my previous (extremely limited) yoga experience; you know, where I felt awkward and out of place, like a big fat failure. The instructor was warm and gentle and lovely. My body felt like a million bucks after class. I couldn't wait to go back, and Audrey agreed. Plus, there were donuts after.

Now, I know that some people are all weird about yoga and think it is a gateway to evil. Maybe, if I was less rooted in my faith, or if I was intent on transforming my mind in some Hindu way, that might apply. However, I am not. In fact, I firmly believe God directed my path to yoga and I can use it to honor and celebrate His presence in my life. I did a little research and came across this article, which reinforces what I'd already discerned. I am guarding my heart and mind against anything that is not healthy for my relationship with Christ.

We've been at it for a few weeks now and I am loving the benefits of the practice. I have infinitely more energy. My Crohn's disease is well managed; I'm nearly symptom free. Limited aches and pains. I just feel good. I've been exploring ways to get more yoga in my day. I hope to share with you soon some of the great resources I'm compiling. Until then, I'm going to focus on building a good, steady practice at home and in my Saturday class, and trusting that God will keep leading me to a place of health and wellness.

Perfectionism

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 12:33:00 +0000

I gave a talk at a breakout session for a women's celebration at our church last weekend. A few of my friends wanted to hear the talk but couldn't be there. Here is the text of it (though I always go off the script!!!!!). I think you can access the slide show I used here.

Pushing Past Perfection to a Place of Grace

Good afternoon, ladies! For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Elly Gilbert and this afternoon I’m going to share some lessons I have learned and am still learning about a very common feeling that impacts most women I know. Perfectionism. Some experts say that social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest set standards that women can never reach. I admit that I’m guilty of scrolling through these sites and feeling like I just don’t measure up. If you feel that way, too, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. Before we get into the serious stuff of this talk, we’re going to look at some of my favorite social media images- Pinterest Fails. Anytime I start to feel like I am just not meeting the world’s expectations of me, all I need to do is take a look at these images shared by real women just like me, and I know that I am not the only one who is a recovering perfectionist!

Pinterest Fails (Slides)

It’s good that I have become the kind of woman who can laugh at my failures, though I probably wouldn’t document them and share them for the world to see! But aren’t you glad these brave souls didn’t take themselves too seriously and let us see...and laugh at….their failures?

The name of this session is Pushing Past Perfection to a Place of Grace. I’m assuming that you are here because you feel the struggle to be perfect. Before we go on, let’s do a little self-diagnosis and see just how many perfectionists we have here. There are some statements on the screen and in your packet. I will read them, then I want you to take a minute and rate the degree of truth this statement holds for you. Is it True, Somewhat True, Somewhat False, or False

Nothing good comes from making mistakes.

I must do things right the first time.

I must do everything well, not just the things I know I’m good at.

If I can’t do something perfectly then there is no point even trying .

I rarely give myself credit when I do well because there’s always something more I could do.

Sometimes I am so concerned about getting one task done perfectly that I don’t have time to complete the rest of my work.

If you rated yourself as True or Somewhat True on these statements, then you probably struggle with perfectionism. Even if you didn’t feel that all the statements applied to you, you still probably have your perfectionist moments.

In your packet, I have some fill in the blank statements that you can use to take notes. Those notes will be on the screen and we’ll go in order, but we will take a few breaks from note taking. . If I’m going too fast or you get lost, don’t hesitate to tell me!

Our first set of notes will help us understand a bit more about the nature of perfectionism.

Perfectionism is more than just the need to be really good at something. According to the Centre for Clinical Interventions, perfectionism has a three part definition.

1. The relentless striving for extremely high standards.

2. Judging your self-worth based largely on your ability to strive for and achieve such unrelenting standards.

3. Experiencing negative consequences of setting such demanding standards, yet continuing to go for them despite the huge cost to you.

There are definitely some pros that go along with perfectionism. You may have said some of these things to yourself: I like to do things well , I get pleasure out of achieving what others can’t do. It makes me feel special. I like to go to bed leaving no tasks undone. I get satisfaction knowing I’ve tried my hardest. I like being top of the class. I like being efficient. I like being organised. I like being prepared for every event. None of these things are bad. In fact, they are all admirable traits, as long as they don’t dominate your thinking.

On the other hand, psychologists have identified many more negative, unhealthy aspects of perfectionism. It can actually impair our performance because we are so singularly focused. The standards perfectionists set are often unattainable. Pursuing these standards can have a significant impact on your wellbeing, and can lead to social isolation, frustration, worry, depression, eating disorders, relationship difficulties, obsessive-compulsive symptoms,, insomnia, procrastination, poor health and a persistent sense of failure.

Today I’m going to tell you a story about the toll perfectionism has taken on my life and some of the lessons I’ve learned from women much wiser than I am about how to combat it. For many, many years, I identified myself as a proud perfectionist, and I embraced that role. I hope you don’t tune me out when it sounds like I’m bragging, because believe me, that’s not my intention. I’ve suffered plenty of setbacks and failures in my time, but it is important, I think, for you to see how this evolved in my life. I spent a large part of my life completely enslaved to perfectionism. I can’t blame Pinterest for it, either, because my quest for perfection began years before the internet ran our daily lives. My earliest memory of the desire to conquer a task flawlessly was when I started swimming lessons at the age of three. I was by far the tiniest person in the pool. I had to stand on a concrete block to stay above water...but I wanted to swim like the big kids and I was determined to do it. And I did. I think that kickstarted my love-hate relationship with perfectionism. I LOVED being perfect, being applauded and congratulated. I HATED failing, losing, being pitied!

As I grew up, I figured out really quickly that I was never going to be an athlete. My body just didn’t move fast. One year, in the annual 4th of July bike race in my hometown, I came in dead last. I think the expression on my face summarizes how I felt about losing.

However, I did find my area of strength in academics. From writing contests to the honor roll to the spelling bee, I was extremely competitive and usually victorious. In this picture, I’d just come in runner up in the third grade spelling bee and I was fiercely disappointed in myself. I do want to clarify that my parents never pushed this idea of perfection on me. They were proud of me and loved me no matter what. I just really, really liked being the best. I liked it so much that I shunned any activities that didn’t highlight my strengths. I’d rather miss out on something that might be fun than fail at it. Hmm...that sounds a bit like I’d have had to answer TRUE to one of those questions from earlier, doesn’t it?

When high school came along, my drive for perfection kicked in to high gear. I became intensely focused on three goals: maintaining a perfect 4.0, being named valedictorian, and earning a scholarship. I structured my schedule to be rigorous, but to accentuate my strengths- lots of literature classes and only the minimum in science. I dropped typing class after the first semester because I feared that it might crush my goal. I picked the right extracurricular activities- volunteering at the nursing home, teaching Sunday School and Vacation Bible School, honor and service organizations, and I only associated with like minded friends. I cut loose anyone or anything that might be perceived as a threat or a distraction. My teenaged self was serious about my goals. Sometimes the perfectionism was crushing, but when I was on top of things, there was no better feeling.

I am sure you’ll be relieved to know that I achieved all three of my goals: The perfect gpa, the valedictorian spot, the scholarship. . The accolades fed my perfectionism and I felt like I could do anything. I went off to college armed with a trunk load of bravado and grand plans.

And then it happened. My first semester in college, I made a B. I know, some of you are probably rolling your eyes, and to be honest, the grown up me won’t disagree with you. But to 18 year old me, it was devastating. I was, for the first time in my life, NOT PERFECT. My confidence was deflated like an old balloon. There was no room in my life for mistakes! I had plans!!!! For the first time, I had to wonder...if I’m not the perfect straight A good girl, who on earth am I?

For me, my perfectionism did bring some good things into my life. However, my motives for my perfectionism revealed that something was amiss on a deeper level. I had been a Christian since I was 15 years old and had been in church most of my life. As I matured and grew in my relationship with Christ, I began to see that my perfectionistic tendencies were holding me back in my spiritual walk. I’d grown so accustomed to accomplishing thing in my own power, setting my own path and expecting God to be on board with it. After all, my plans were pretty good ones, weren’t they? The reality was that my perfectionism prevented me from full submission to God’s will for my life. My desire to find my identity in my accomplishments kept me blind to my true identity as an imperfect but redeemed child of God. I’d been striving toward unrealistic goals, holding myself to impossible standards, racking up accolades and accomplishments...all for the wrong motives. I was not seeking to glorify God- I wanted to glorify ME.

I share that story with you to highlight the danger of what Hearts at Home founder Jill Savage calls “The Perfection Infection.” Jill wrote a book called No More Perfect Moms. I was lucky enough to serve on the launch team for the book, and was able to read and discuss it with other women who had similar experiences with perfectionism. A lot of what I’m going to tell you comes from Jill’s book, and I encourage you to read it for yourself.

Jill identified four causes or “heart issues” that are at the root of The Perfection Infection. For each issue, she also provided a Biblically sound antidote. Let’s complete the next set of notes and learn more.

The first heart issue is PRIDE.

Pride is undue confidence in and attention to one's own skills, accomplishments, state, possessions, or position. I don’t think there is a better definition of how I felt during my teen years than this. Jill Savage says in her book that pride is self-centered, self-focused, and self-preserving. Pride robs us of the joys of life because it keeps up bound up with its demands for more. Pride says, “I am right and you are wrong.”

In Luke 18, Jesus told his followers a parable of a Pharisee and a tax collector. The Pharisee’s prayer went like this: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.” When we examine this passage, we see the very essence of pride and perfectionism...look at me! I’m doing it all and doing it well. Compare me to someone else, and you’ll see how much better I am. The Pharisee is consumed with comparing himself to others. I think this is a common condition for women. We compare ourselves to others, even when we don’t mean to and it is always destructive.

One of the most helpful pieces of advice I’ve been given about comparisons is this: “Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.” When we make comparisons, we don’t know the whole story. Our friend’s Pinterest perfect pictures that we feel outshine ours be putting a pretty face on a hurting heart. We just don’t know!

In this parable, Jesus warns us against pride and comparisons. He goes on to say, “But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Jesus provides the antidote to pride. HUMILITY.

When you are feeling overcome with prideful feelings, here is a scripture that will come in handy. Philippians 2:3 says, “ Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Don’t let pride lead you into places where only hurt can follow. If this is your heart issue, pray that God will replace the pride with humility, with a desire to exalt others above yourself. Sometimes it is a hard battle, but when we take off pride and put on humility in its place, we become more authentic followers of Christ.

The next heart issue we are going to explore is FEAR. Fear is a very natural human feeling of alarm caused by the expectation of imminent danger, pain, or disaster. God has given to us to protect us from harm. However, when we live in a constant state of fear, it is usually out of a sense of our own sin and disobedience. Adam and Eve first experienced fear after their sin. They hid their nakedness from their creator. How does fear compel us toward perfectionism? Like Adam and Eve, it keeps us hiding. We don’t want to appear weak or wrong in the eyes of others. We are afraid of the consequences of our actions, so we lean toward inaction. : Jill says we “awfulize” things...that’s her made up word for how we distort things in our minds. We imagine the worst case scenario and make things bigger than they really are.

So, what is the antidote to fear? COURAGE. If you struggle with fear, here are a few verses that you can use to help you pray for courage, because it is promised to us., “Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Those words were given to Joshua when God gave him authority to take the promised land for the Israelites. Think about that for a second. That was a huge job. Joshua could easily have “awfulized” the situation. If the had let himself dwell on all the things that could go wrong, he might never have taken the first step toward obedience. But, he trusted in the Lord, and wondrous things occurred. If you need more encouragement to take off your fear and put on courage, know this: We have freedom from fear because of the perfect love of Jesus Christ. Fear has been cast out. I challenge you to claim 2 Timothy 1:7 for yourself, ““God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

The next heart issue we’re going to talk about is INSECURITY. Now that may sound a lot like fear, but there is a difference. It is uncertainty or anxiety about oneself. Another word for this is doubt. We have all these voices inside our heads telling us that we aren’t enough. : The common message we broadcast to ourselves is “I can’t” because that is easier to believe than “I can.” For me, the best example of this in the Bible is Moses. God calls him to a task and he is full of insecurity- he knows his own limitations and hesitates to trust God to overcome them. This is almost the opposite end of the spectrum from pride, isn’t it? It still revolves around what we think we can do under our own power. Instead of being locked into relying our own skills like we are with pride, we are locked up in our doubts about our skills.

How can we overcome insecurity without becoming overtaken by pride? What is the antidote? We take off insecurity and put on CONFIDENCE. But not just regular old self-confidence. God-confidence. Confidence that recognizes a divine design. We have to rewrite that “I can’t” script we’ve been following. Replace it with, “God can.” : I absolutely love this from 2 Corinthians 3:4-5, “Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.” I think that encapsulates so much of the antidote to the Perfection Infection-I absolutely can’t do anything on my own, but God can do it through me if I am willing.

The final heart issue we’ll talk about today is JUDGMENT. I am afraid this one might hurt a little bit. It’s a sticky subject. It literally means the act or process of forming an opinion or making a decision, which doesn’t sound so bad. However, the negatives outweigh the positives when we turn judgment on others. If you’ve ever thought, “I can’t believe she’s letting her kid run around like that!” or maybe “If she’d just get up earlier, she’d make it to work on time,” you might be suffering from a bad case of judgment! Judgment is kind of the culmination of perfectionism- we’ve stopped just applying our ridiculous standards to ourselves and have imposed them on others. Judgment builds a wall between us and others. Judgment is the brick and pride is the mortar holding it together.

I told you that when I was in high school, I cut loose anyone and anything that stood between me and my goal. This meant that I ended friendships because of my exacting standards. I was not accepting of others whose goals were different than mine. I wish I could say that I conquered my judgmental attitude, but it still rears its head all too often. Because I let that attitude take root, I developed an ugly, critical spirit that I still struggle with today. That is an example of what a powerful hold judgment can have over your life.

What are we supposed to do about this? What’s the antidote for judgment? For me, this ends up actually being the first step toward putting perfectionism to death in my life. Very simply, the answer is GRACE. You know, when we’re supposed to get punishment, but we get mercy instead? Yes, GRACE. We turn off the constant feed of criticism that runs in our heads, starting with ourselves and extending to others. The next time you screw up, forgive yourself. That will make it a little easier to forgive others when they don’t meet your expectations.

Just like all the other heart issues we’ve talked about, the scriptures provide hope for shedding our critical spirits, as long as we realize we can’t do it alone. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” We must allow Him to transform us with his all-encompassing grace.

As we wrap up today, I want you to know that I’m grateful to have had this chance to ce reflect on my own battle with perfectionism. I’ve grown up and I’m not obsessed with perfect grades and scholarships anymore, but that doesn’t mean new issues haven’t cropped up that bring out the perfectionist in me. I’m a wife, a mom, a teacher...all of these roles bring expectations that have to be managed. I also asked my Facebook friends to weigh in on the issue with their own stories. I was overwhelmed when well over one hundred women replied to my little anonymous survey. Originally, I had anticipated getting twenty or so, and I thought I’d print a list of the advice I gathered to share with you. However, with so many responses, it became impossible to compile them all. I plan to put the responses together and share them on my blog (the address is at the end of your notes), so you can take a look at them later, but I will tell you how immeasurably blessed I was to read that most of these women feel or have felt the same way I do. Some of my favorite pieces of advice included, “Don’t take yourself so seriously,” “As you age, you realize things are what they are...keep doing the best you can and don’t sweat the rest,” “You are enough,” “You are made in the image of God and He loves you just the way you are.”

Ladies, it is my prayer that God will continue moving in our lives and breaking us free of the bond of perfectionism. I pray that we are able to learn the lessons that He is teaching us with every so called “failure.” It has been a pleasure to share this with you today and I know that God will continue to bless you in your journey.

Snowmageddon 2015 and a Goal Update

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 19 Feb 2015 17:28:00 +0000

Just when I thought winter was going to leave us high and dry with nary a snow day to be found, mid-February brought Octavia and nearly a foot of snow, plus brutal cold. Snowmageddon, if you will. Gross. That's not a complaint, though... just an evaluative remark on the weather. We've been out of school all week, which has been positively restorative for me. I was wiped out. Now, I think I can make it to Spring Break thanks to this little boost.

Six weeks into 2015, it seems like a great time to update you on my progress toward the goals I set for the year.

1. Smile more. (Maybe. I think I've been kind of grouchy. See #2.)
2. Stress less. (Not really. I wish I could say yes, but extenuating circumstances- you know, the kind that are soooo far beyond my control that I shouldn't let them annoy me but they do anyway- have plagued me with stress. I've tried to remain positive, but it has taken a toll- sleeplessness, upset stomach, generally pessimistic attitude. When March arrives, things should be better.)
3. Encourage more. (I don't think so. However, that is my plan for Lent.)
4. Worry less. (See #2, and my remarks below.)
5. Write more. (Nope.)
6. Procrastinate less. (Nope. I am so behind on stuff at school it isn't funny. Well, behind on lesson plans and unit plans, any way. Grades are kind of caught up, but that is in spite of my procrastination. And, yeah, I have had all week to work on this stuff, but seriously. It was SNOW. That means I am only allowed to sit on the couch, binge watch Gilmore Girls, cook, crochet, and read. Back off, worker bees. It'll get done.)
7. Make more. (Finally, one I can respond positively to! I've been a cooking and hooking fool. Suzy Homemaker right here!)
8. Spend less. (YES! In addition to being conscientious with my grocery and food budget, I've not purchased ONE new piece of clothing all year. I know, normal people are all, "WHATEVER, Princess." But for me, that's HUGE!!!!!! I plan to make it through February before I permit myself a spree. Also, I've been better about those darn Amazon Prime impulse purchases. Delaying the gratification isn't easy but it is worth it.)
9. Move more. (I bought a FitBit- full disclosure: I had a gift card, so it didn't interfere with number 8. Up until Snowmageddon, I was doing well. Getting back at it tomorrow!!!)
10. Eat less. (Err...umm...kinda. Again, Snowmageddon has reversed my progress on this. Quoth Scarlett, "Tomorrow is another day." )

In evaluating my progress, I realize that numbers 2 and 4 are really the same thing. So, I am making a revision. Henceforth, goal #4 shall be, "Complain less."

Be it resolved.

Starting now.

Ahem.

I have also been reading like a boss. My annual reading goal is 50 books. I usually make it or get really close. I don't count books I read at school with kids unless it is the first time I read it with them. To this date, I've read 19 books. I'm totally going to make it to 50 by summer if I keep this pace. I may re-evaluate in June and aim for 60.

Goals for 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Tue, 06 Jan 2015 00:06:00 +0000

Last week, we ushered in a new year. Like always, I set some goals and make my grand schemes for the days to come. Here's my list for 2015.

1. Learn how to ride my hoverboard.

Oh, wait. Back to the Future Part 2 didn't happen? Ooops! I guess some more realistic goals are needed then. I present to you my real, serious, not-fake list for 2015.

1. Smile more.
2. Stress less.
3. Encourage more.
4. Worry less.
5. Write more.
6. Procrastinate less.
7. Make more.
8. Spend less.
9. Move more.
10. Eat less.

I love these. I know they don't fit the SMART goal thing you are supposed to do, but I like them because I know I can succeed. They aren't so specific that I end up quitting mid-January because I've already fallen off the wagon. Plus, because of number two, "Stress less," I have made it impossible to worry about failing.

I am a genius. I know.

Advent and a poem

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 11 Dec 2014 23:05:00 +0000

We are having a special Advent chapel next week at school. I get a little crazy excited about Advent. Our wreath is maybe my favorite thing to unpack when the decorations are hauled out. I force my family to endure a weekly Advent devotion and sign up to light the candles and do the readings at church because I LOVE ME SOME ADVENT. It kind of summarizes everything about my personality....anxiously awaiting something awesome, but not really quiet waiting. The kind of waiting where you count down the hours and mark the minutes. It's an active waiting. Pacing, watching out the window, wringing your hands, celebrating your anxiousness...all that's okay in Advent! Yay!

Anywhoooo, our principal asked for teacher participation in the special Advent chapel. Normally, I'd be all, "Ooooh, oooh, pick me!!!" except that what teachers traditionally do is sing or play an instrument or do something else cool and musical. I was probably sitting in the corner for talking when the music talent got passed out. I don't have even a dribble of it. I can do lots of things really well: cook, crochet, nap, plan stuff...but none of those things translate really well on the stage.

So, I wrote a poem. It's probably terrible. You are my friends. Don't tell me if it is terrible. Just pretend like you didn't see it and smile at me anyway. I'm going to share it with the students next week. They, like you, are used to my special brand of crazy, and most of them just give me that "Bless her heart" look and go right on. I love them for that.

Here is my poem...enjoy (or pretend that you do...I'm okay with that!)

Light:

A Poem for Advent

by Elly Gilbert

A circle of candles, wreathed in green

Mark the days in anticipation.

Light one for hope-

We found it first in a promise fulfilled, tiny and innocent, in a manger in Bethlehem.

We remain steadfast in that hope

Waiting, trusting, expecting His return.

Light one for peace-

We rest in it, turning from evil, seeking reconciliation.

We let our feet be guided in peace’s path,

Praying, practicing, preaching its gospel.

Light one for joy-

We shout it loud, all the Earth sings it!

We let our wailing be turned to dancing, change our sackcloth for joy,

Praising, radiating, bearing its fruit.

Light one for love-

We share it with our neighbors, our enemies, the least of these.

We are loved by the One who is love

Unending, unfailing, unmerited favor to us.

Light one for Christ.

The Light. The Holy One.

Son of God, fully human and divine.

The promise fulfilled, the reason for our hope, joy, peace

Love embodied, broken, emptied

Resurrected,

Returning!

Light the candles, study the flickering flame.

Then, just like that,

Extinguish them!

In the quiet, dark stillness

The smoke swirls and evaporates.

But the Light of the world,

The Light that shines in darkness,

The Light of life,

It remains!

Words from a wimp: Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 15:01:00 +0000

For quite a while now, I have felt this urging to improve my prayer life. As a result, I took a few tangible steps to help me move in the right direction. I began participating in the intercessory prayer ministry at my church. I constructed a prayer journal. I have read a number of books about prayer and I'm currently in TWO Bible/Book studies about prayer- Approaching God by Steve Brown and Before Amen by Max Lucado, which begins with the author declaring that he is a "recovering prayer wimp." Max. A giant in the Christian world. If he thinks he is wimpy, then what am I? Queen of All Wimps!

As I'm drawing closer to Christ, one big thing strikes me: none of all that stuff- the studies, the books, the journal- is necessary. All that is needed is for me to COME TO HIM. The Bible provides us with very specific yet very simple instructions from Jesus Himself about how to do prayer, and as it turns out, a wimp can do just fine following His instructions.

So, I'm practicing following those instructions. I pray the Lord's Prayer. Sometimes I put it into my own words and fill in my needs and the needs of others, but sometimes I just repeat it as is. Sometimes I'm more elaborate, but sometimes my prayers just consist of a single word or phrase repeated over and over. "You are good." "Help me Father." "Thank you, Lord."

And guess what? It's enough. Just bringing myself to His throne, sitting in his presence, letting my heart be open, stilling my self. It's enough.

I guess I gave up blogging...

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 14:54:00 +0000

I could make a million excuses as to why my blog has been silent for so long. However, it really boils down to one thing: I had lost the desire to write anything for public consumption.

Well, aren't you glad to know that I've got my mojo back? Seriously, back when I was blogging regularly, I felt a burning desire that I know God placed in my heart to share my thoughts, struggles, insights, and, well, my life. Then, it went away. The words were still there, floating around in disjointed clusters in my brain. The struggles were CERTAINLY there. I just couldn't get it all together in a way that made any sense. I have a dozen draft blog entries that I started but lacked the oomph to complete.

For the past few weeks, I've felt that stirring again. That prompting to put my thoughts out there for others to see. Several times, I have experienced a strong leading to write. Finally, I'm getting to it.

Now, I don't have anything big or profound to say today. Just wanted to tune up my old blog and get it ready for whatever God has in mind for me to say.

Are you ready? I am!

For Lent....

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:34:00 +0000

Today, the social media world is all abuzz with folks publicizing what they are giving up for Lent. It makes me feel a little inadequate, as I am not giving up anything tangible this year. In the past, I've had some success giving up things like romance novels (in exchange for better literature) and Facebook. I had prayed for insight on what seemed to be interfering with my relationship with God, and at those specific times, He pointed me in those specific directions. I've prayed about it again this year. He hasn't revealed something big and external. Instead, , He has convicted me of something deeper and more personal. My thoughts. Honestly, I don't know what needs pruning from my life this year more than negative thoughts. But how does one give up NEGATIVE THINKING? Really? I will not think negative thoughts. Isn't that kind of a negative thought already?

I guess I can't "quit" thinking negative thoughts, but I can choose to redirect my thinking, focus on the positive, spend more time in prayer and study and Christian action than in those negative-thought-breeding activities (umm, so maybe I *SHOULD* give up Facebook?)

Like all things I set my mind to do, I have a plan. I created a calendar for myself (and I'm sharing it with my classes) to fill out. Each day, I'll have a person, place, or thing to pray for, a scripture to read, and/or an act of kindness or service to perform. At least I'll be organized! In theory, I'll have lots to blog about as a result, but we all know how that usually turns out. Keep your expectations low, friends!

I'm including my calendar for sharing if you are so inclined. Click here to view it. Share it with your family and friends!

How about you? What has God called you to lay aside for the next 40 days? What has He called you to take up? Share, please! I would love to hear your thoughts and encourage you!

A Special Treat!

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 17:11:00 +0000

A guest post today from my bloggy friend and fellow Kentucky girl, Kristin! Enjoy and then visit her blog to leave her some love!

“Only God gives us an unchangeable, perfect identity. We can embrace our perfect identity when we’re able to see ourselves through God’s eyes.” {From “No More Perfect Moms” by Jill Savage}

For five years, eight months and 23 days my daughter has misunderstood her middle name.

We named her on our 4 ½-hour drive home the day we met her birth mom. God affirmed our adoption plan and relationship with her birth mom through so many details, including her name. Catherine Anna. Catherine for my mom and Anna for my husband’s grandma. Turns out Catherine is her birth mom’s middle name and Anna resembles part of her first name.

We call her Cate. But we often say “Catherine Anna” in both endearing and attention-getting tones. Plus she knows her initials spell C.A.T. I always attributed her liking of cats – other people’s and fictional ones because we don’t do pets, especially ones that make Momma and Daddy sneeze, here in this house – to her initials.

So when she came home from kindergarten with her name written incorrectly, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Hana. Over and over. Yes, it sounds like Anna. Just one different beginning sound. But for five years, eight months and 23 days, we’ve been saying “Catherine Anna” not “Catherine Hana.”

I took a picture and texted it to my husband, my mom, my sister and two dear friends. I posted it on Facebook. With each response, I laughed again. I talked to my girl about her actual name, and she laughed herself.

I’m raising a miniature version of myself, a typical first-born who strives for excellence, doesn’t settle, likes to plan, wants her way, and is into details. I wondered how she’d handle being corrected about something as personal as her name, so I was relieved when laughter came.

And it was in that moment that I realized embracing imperfection often leads to laughter, which is good for the soul. Being corrected and perfected is a process that makes us better and teaches us truth. It’s in these ordinary moments we can know we are named and called and known by a God who gives us joy in our imperfect moments.

Kristin Hill Taylor lives in Murray, Ky., with her husband, Greg, and two kids – 5-year-old Cate and 3-year-old Ben. She can often be found trying to beat her husband in Words with Friends, playing games of Settlers of Catan with her best friends, watching “Parenthood” or “Bones,” listening to her daughter’s stories, reminding her son to be careful, or texting her friends. She believes in taking road trips, living in community, and keeping her camera and iPhone close. You can keep up with her at www.kristinhilltaylor.com or follow on her Twitter.

On becoming BOLD

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:52:00 +0000

One of my “words” for 2013 is BOLD. I yearn to shake off the fear of failure and rejection so that I can do big, bold things for God. In order to do bold things, I realize that I have to make some changes as to the kind of person I am.

In No More Perfect Moms, Jill Savage talks about being a “there you are” person instead of a “here I am” person. “There you are” people enter a room, see someone they don’t know, and initiate a friendship. This is NOT me. I am much more of the “here I am” type: I sit and wait for people to come to me, talk to me, be my friend. It isn’t that I am a snob, or that I don’t want to talk. I really, really want to talk! I want to hang out, go shopping, see a movie, have coffee. The problem is that I am terrified. I don’t want to be rejected. That’s why it would be so much better if a “there you are” person would just start a conversation with me! We’d be fast friends, I’m sure. But that doesn’t require me to be very bold, does it? Nope, the burden of boldness is on the other person.

As I read Jill’s book, the chapter on friendship really jumped out at me, especially in light of my aspirations to be bolder. If I am a prisoner to my fear of rejection and failure, I’ll keep waiting to be approached and never reach out. If I wait for a “there you are” person to engage me, I will never develop new friendships. Therefore, in order to have a fuller life with a bigger gospel reach, I MUST stop being afraid of rejection and actually become the “there you are” person.

That’s so much easier said than done. Last week, I posted that I wanted to host a Super Bowl party. I have yet to act on that intent. I’m so afraid I’ll invite people and they’ll have somewhere more fun they’d rather go. I’d like to start a small study/accountability group for moms, but I’m afraid that I’ll sit at Starbucks waiting for them to show only to find out that they’d rather do something….anything…else than grow closer to me. So many fears to overcome! How can I move past them?

Jill gives some practical advice in this chapter (well, in the whole book) that I plan to take. She offers the advice to be confident. I love this quote from page 117: “Insecurity says we aren’t worth someone’s time and energy, but confidence says we are valuable and have something to offer to a friendship. Confidence comes from defining ourselves as God sees us: forgiven, loved, valuable, and filled with hope and promise.” God has uniquely gifted each of us. By refusing to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to a new friend, I’m hiding my gifts. What if I have something of value to offer that mom I see every Sunday at church? What if the girl I work with who seems so together is lonely and looking for a friend, too? If I don’t act as a “there you are” person, I’ll never know, and another opportunity to make a cherished friend will be lost.

I vow to pursue confidence in my relationships. I will reach out to at least one person this week and be a “there you are” kind of girl. I will stretch myself, and trust that others will see me as the loved and valuable child of God He made me to be. I will be bold.