The Unquiet Life

It's not about me.

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 12:48:00 +0000

I have a hard time understanding the concept that things aren't about me. I don't mean that I am wholly selfish, but, honestly maybe I am. More specifically, I take EVERYTHING personally. Everything. Some guy honks his horn at me in traffic and I want to cry for a week and surrender my driver's license. The principal makes a blanket statement to the staff about us needing to work harder, and I think it means he thinks I'm lazy. A friend has a quiet day and I'm sure she's mad at me. A student misbehaves in my class and I just know that it is because I'm a rotten teacher.

Guess what. Sometimes it is about me, but most of the time, it isn't. The kid acted like a maniac because of something in his life, not because of me. My friend just needs to work through something on her own. The dude honking didn't get his coffee this morning and is late for work. The principal just wants us to make progress and reach our potential. Not one of them thought, "I'm going to really stick it to that Elly Gilbert today."

I need to wrap my head around that.

Be anxious about nothing...

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 15:19:00 +0000

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my gasteroenterologist. I was nervous. I have been feeling some changes, some pain, and I worried that I'm entering or suffering from a Crohn's flare. My mind has raced with the possibilities of what has caused these new symptoms. I had diagnosed myself with a plethora of new diseases, and was prepared for really grave news.

Monday night, I was a ball of nerves. I drank my Sleepytime Vanilla tea, had fitful rest. I proceeded to mull the possibilities Tuesday morning on the way to the doctor. I stopped at Target for some retail therapy, but even that didn't quiet my brain. I finally headed to the doctor's office to await certain doom. In the waiting room, I pulled out my phone and opened by Bible app. I wanted to read Philippians 4, specifically this:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I read it about 30 times. I recited it to myself. I had almost calmed down until the nurse called me back. Again, I began feeling a surge of anxiety. I cautioned her that my blood pressure wouldn't be good, and was I ever right! 168/98! My pulse was racing. I pulled my phone out again and began concentrating. The peace which surpasses all understanding. I repeated it over and over. It swept over me, and my heart and mind was able to rest in Jesus.

The news was pretty good. I will try some new medicines to eradicate the new symptoms. I will have colonoscopy in March to see if the disease is active. I'll see a rheumatologist to help me get a handle on my aches and pains. Nothing shocking, earth-shattering, life-altering.

God is good. I have to remember that. He is faithful. He will not forsake me. Anything that comes my way, I'll handle with His peace. I won't be anxious.

Back to business

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 14:41:00 +0000

We are back in school today for the longest quarter of the year. I'm trying hard to keep my chin up and do my job well, but my heart isn't in it! I long to be at home, with my kids, having a luxurious breakfast, watching cartoons...just being with them.

My heart is so conflicted. No, that's incorrect. My heart knows what it wants. Its the rest of my life that isn't following suit. Yesterday, the mere thought of coming back to school sent me into a near anxiety attack. I prayed hard, and meditated on Matthew 6:33 (ESV), "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Today, I was greeted with this verse, Proverbs 3:6 (NLT), "Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take."

So, I guess I need to quit wallowing in self pity, seek God's will in my life, and follow the path He puts forth for me. I have to put my fears aside and walk on faith in seeking God's kingdom and His desires for my life.

I still don't know what that means in terms of working vs. staying at home, but I know that I will have greater peace if I pursue God's will and put everything else aside.

Out with the old, in with the new

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 16:59:00 +0000

2011 is quickly coming to a close. I made some resolutions and it's time to see how I did on those.

1. Lose weight. I think 15 pounds would be doable and would help A LOT! No.
2. Get organized. Not so much.

3.Sell a crocheted item or two, or more! I did a LOT of crocheting for gifts but didn't try to sell any.

4.Cook four nights a week, and cook different things! Sometimes but not consistently.

5. Read 25 books this year, and document them on this blog. Success! I read at least 30. List to come...later!
6. Blog twice weekly. Nope.

7. Attend a genealogy workshop. Summer, perhaps? Nope.

8. Memorize scripture. A little, but not much.

9. Do something different. Try new things. Zumba, pottery, Bunco, wool spinning...just a few of the things I'd like to try. THIS I did! Yay me.

10. Get back on the Financial Peace train. No.

In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Moving on to 2012. I have five goals for this year.

1. Improve my physical well being through healthy eating and exercise.
2. Continue growing in my Christian walk. (2011 saw lots of growth, but some setbacks.)
3. Continue my creative pursuits- writing, crocheting, sewing.
4. Make my home a peaceful place through organization, decluttering, and sticking to a budget. Welcome people into my home to share in that peace.
5. Read 50 books.

I have some ideas about how to carry this out. I will try to blog more, reporting on my specific goals. I have also selected a passage of scripture to use as my guide this year. 2 Peter 1:5-7 says, "For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love" (ESV). I think that verse speaks to the need to be intentional about your faith walk- not leaving things up to chance but to work toward building and growing your faith.

The first directive says "giving all diligence add to your faith virtue" (KJV) or as the NIV says, "goodness." The Amplified Bible notes that virtue includes "excellence, resolution, and Christian energy." I think that this has to drive all of the resolutions on my list. I have to seek to add virtue to my faith, to be sure that the things I strive to do are NOT for selfish reasons, but to be a better Christian and to more closely align myself to the will of God. None of the rest is possible if I lose sight of that. That will be my first step toward accomplishing my other resolutions.

Advent Musings

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 16:24:00 +0000

It's that time of year when we prepare our hearts for the coming of the Christ Child. In years past, I have foud myself spending this blessed time being sad, angry, depressed, and resentful. The obligations placed on me by the world have overtaken the joy extended to me through the miracle of Jesus. I'm making a pointed effort this year NOT to allow myself to become distracted by the busy-ness and the materialism. I refuse to lose sight of true generosity and hospitality. This year, I'm changing the tone of the season at my house. Gifts should be heartfelt and not given out of obligation. I shouldn't attend functions that I don't want to attend...my time should be spent anticipating the wonder of Christmas, not dreading the drudgery.

So, my pledge this Advent season is a renewed focus on the true meaning of the season. I'm aiming for daily posts on this topic, along with practical ways I'm going to make this real in my life.

Merry Christmas!

October is done...and I was not productive!

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:45:00 +0000

I'm not even going to revisit the list from last month. I failed miserably. Not gonna beat myself up either. Moving on. Here's what I am going to do- new month, new goals.

November's List:
1. Participate in the Do Not Depart challenge (there's a link on the right side of my blog!) to memorize chapter 8 of Romans. I should have verses 1-9 committed to memory by month's end!

2. Hit the gym. I have to.

3. Maintain order in my house. This means going back to night time and morning routines.

4. Cook more.

5. Make handmade Christmas gifts for teachers and family/friends.

Doable, I think. More than this would set me up for failure.

One week in, updating the goals!

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 19:45:00 +0000

Here's how I've done with my goals for the month of October to date...

Household
1. Wash shower curtain and ~~bath math~~, deep clean bathroom.
2. ~~Declutter living room. (Partially!!!!!)~~
3. ~~Fall decor on table and outside~~.
4. Create and follow a cleaning checklist (a la The Fly Lady)
5~~. Clean out fridge.~~

Personal/Spiritual:

1. Get back in the gym!
2. Keep a journal.
3. Be a better friend. (Not sure how to measure this, but I'll know:)
4. Finish Feminine Appeal and ~~Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires-~~ and practice what I've learned!
5. Continue my quest to hear and obey God's will in my life and produce tangible results from doing so.

Family:

1. Weekly devotional/teaching times with the kids.
2. Begin a devotional/study with John.
3. Prepare healthy meals at home at least 4 times a week.
4. Plan Audrey's birthday party...make it great, but economical!
5. Keep the kids clothes organized and outfits laid out every day

Goals for October

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 16:17:00 +0000

You can search this blog and you'll find LOTS of times when I've set goals, drafted resolutions, and created grand plans. It's the beginning of October, and today starts the beginning of my three week Fall Break, so it seems that now is a great time to set some goals in motion! I'm linking up with www.simplyrebekah.com to keep me accountable!

Now is also a great time to revisit my New Year's Resolutions and update the progress on them.Here's what I declared in January. In red, you'll see my updates.

1. Lose weight. I think 15 pounds would be doable and would help A LOT! Twenty five would be awesome, but who am I kidding? UMMM....next? Nothing to report here.
2. Get organized. I can't make this one more specific. Any improvement in this area would be welcome. It seems to me that this whole exercise in goal setting and action plan designing speaks to this resolution. I've done better this year, but still not where I should be.
3.Sell a crocheted item or two, or more! Nope. But I have made more fun things in general. We'll see!
4.Cook four nights a week, and cook different things! Sometimes, I do this. Other times, we hit the drive thru. Oh well.
5. Read 25 books this year, and document them on this blog.Easily on track to do this, if I haven't already.

6. Blog twice weekly. Good until summer hit. Maybe I'll do it again!
7. Attend a genealogy workshop. Nope.
8. Memorize scripture. I think a verse a week is doable. I haven't done this.

9. Do something different. Try new things. Zumba, pottery, Bunco, wool spinning...just a few of the things I'd like to try. They are all "fun" things, so why not? Zumba, yes.
10. Get back on the Financial Peace train. I think it ran me over during the holidays. :) Not really...

So, now, here are my OCTOBER 2011 GOALS...

Household:
OY! So much to do...so little interest in doing any of it!
1. Wash shower curtain and bath math, deep clean bathroom.
2. Declutter living room.
3. Fall decor on table and outside.
4. Create and follow a cleaning checklist (a la The Fly Lady)
5. Clean out fridge.

Personal/Spiritual:
1. Get back in the gym!
2. Keep a journal.
3. Be a better friend. (Not sure how to measure this, but I'll know:)
4. Finish Feminine Appeal and Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires- and practice what I've learned!
5. Continue my quest to hear and obey God's will in my life and produce tangible results from doing so.

Family:
1. Weekly devotional/teaching times with the kids.
2. Begin a devotional/study with John.
3. Prepare healthy meals at home at least 4 times a week.
4. Plan Audrey's birthday party...make it great, but economical!
5. Keep the kids clothes organized and outfits laid out every day.

Feel free to chime in and give me advice on how to get it all done!

Praying in Color

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 01:02:00 +0000

Last week, I stumbled across a book at Cokesbury entitled Praying in Color by Sybil MacBeth. You can check out her website in the link above to get a gist of the book, which I devoured in one sitting. I had been searching for a way to enrich my prayer life, and by enrich, I mean keep me awake while I pray. This is it. I'm not much of an artist, but I do like to doodle, which is the premise of Praying in Color. I've been keeping a journal and adding to it as I continue to pray for people and things in my life. I've enjoyed adding this new dimension to my prayer life.

I haven't been blogging regularly since the spring, but I hope to get back into it soon. I've felt very spiritually confused and disconnected, as I have posted before. I'm getting back on track, though. It's been a tough process, though. Lots of spiritual "pruning" involved, some of which has been painful. I appreciate my friends, though. Those of you who have been praying for me, who have encouraged me, who have supported me. I pray that you'll see some changes in me as I continue to yield to God's calling on my life. My heartfelt desire is to commit my whole self to God. Pray for me as I listen to Him and learn to say yes to Him.

Inconvenient

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 01:52:00 +0000

I heard a really good meditation today about inconvenience, about how inconvenient it can be for us to do what God calls us to do. It really hit home with me. For a year or so now, I've been feeling God's pull on my life to do something. I've not yet figured out what that something is, but I'm starting to get a bit more clarity. And what I am seeing would definitely not be convenient.

When I spent some time thinking about this, I began to realize that no one ever produces great results for God by doing only what is convenient. In fact, when I look at the heroes of the Bible, none of them took the easy route. All of them were faced with challenges and forced out of their comfort zones, but if they had not said yes to God's call, they would have made no real impact. But they said yes with total abandon.

I was really convicted by this. I can recall countless times when I didn't say yes. It didn't fit my schedule. I was too busy, too comfortable, too lazy, or too stubborn to do what God called me to do. I needed a detailed outline of His plan, in 12 point font, presented at least a month in advance in order to clear my calendar and even consider committing to something. And, if I was going to step out on faith, it would need to be something I was good at and that I wouldn't make a fool of myself by trying. On the off chance that I did say yes, it was really more like a maybe. Maybe I'll do it, if it is easy, if no one steps on my toes, and if I don't have to give up much of my time. Yes- when it is convenient.

For some reason, God has been persistent with me. Instead of passing me over and moving on to someone with a more willing heart, He kept softening mine. He put me in places and with people who could encourage me to do more, to push past my boundaries, and walk in total security that God's plan is way better than mine, even when I can't see it all or it doesn't make sense. Or, if it inconveniences me a little- or a lot!

So, I'm ready to say yes. To whatever it is. Yes, with abandon. Yes, with all of my soul. Yes, even if it is inconvenient. Just yes.

Doubt

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 23:26:00 +0000

I haven't written a single blog post in two and a half months. I haven't had anything to say, and I am not exactly sure why. Well, I could offer a couple of reasons, but really, I have no excuse except that I've fallen into a dark place where I'm surrounded by doubt and negativity. It's hard to write from here.

It all started when I let someone's careless words hurt my feelings, and then I let that spiral into doubting myself and my mission. I'm still living in that cloud of doubt, but I'm working through it. I'm trying really hard to surround myself with people who support me, who want the same things I want spiritually, and who can help me find my way through this place. I'm learning more about my self and the way I think, and I've learned that I have to accept the fact that I am powerless to change other people. I can influence, inspire, persuade, support, cajole, but I can't change them. I can't make them see things the same way I do. I can't make them care about the things I care about.

So, all that said, I'm going to do my best to get out of the hole I'm in and to kill the doubt. More posts to come....

Checking in...

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 16 May 2011 00:33:00 +0000

I've been off the blog beat for a couple of weeks. I have been super busy at school, plus I have been going through some stuff at work that has been really distracting and challenging. I haven't had a clear enough mind to be able to construct a meaningful blog post.

Things are tough for me, but they aren't unbearable, and they will get better. I've had to put my trust in the Lord and lean completely on Him. I'm beginning week 8 of my P90:12 plan, and I have found a great deal of comfort from the things I've been reading. I've been spending a tremendous amount of time in prayer as well. I know that God has a plan to pull me out of the funk. He will set my feet on His paths and help me follow after Him.

I will continue to seek God's will for my life. I may be off and on with the blog, but know that I'm just allowing Him to use me as he sees fit.

Why bother?

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 02 May 2011 12:49:00 +0000

Some people wonder why they should bother with Bible study. They think it is outdated, inaccurate, irrelevant, too time consuming, and too confusing. I disagree. I think it Bible study is essential to living a life rooted and grounded in Christ.

Here's what Proverbs, THE book of wisdom, has to say about those who ignore the word of God:

"Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me, since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord. Since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes. For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm” (Proverbs 1: 28-33).

Now, I'm not big on the use of threats to get people to buy into religious concepts. That's not my point. I just think that it makes sense to realize that rejecting God's advice and ignoring Him when He points out the sin in your life has a natural consequence. You reap what you sow. Being complacent-choosing not to hunger and thirst for righteousness, but to keep doing only what you wish to do- will destroy you.

A relationship with God isn't a one-sided thing. He's not our genie in a bottle, here only to grant our requests. He wants to dwell in us, to shape us and refine us, and to use us for His service. It requires our commitment and a willingness to allow ourselves to be transformed by His grace and His teaching.

Woah. That's totally righteous, dude.

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 18:47:00 +0000

Last night, our Bible study group read the Beatitudes, and got stuck on the one that says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." I asked the question, "What does it mean to hunger and thirst for righteousness? What does it look like?"

We struggled to establish a definition for righteousness. Some associated it with being "self-righteous," which I related to the Pharisees- those who put on the external appearance of having religion through the law, but in doing so, failed to rely on the power of God's grace. Here's what the dictionary says that righteous means-characterized by, proceeding from, or in accordance with accepted standards of morality, justice, or uprightness. In other words, doing what is right and good. That's a good thing to hunger and thirst for, don't you think?

The Bible has a LOT to say about righteousness, and I tend to think the Biblical description shifts some of the perspective from doing what society accepts as good and right to doing what GOD says is good and right. Synonyms for righteousness that are found in Biblical reference are holiness, Godliness, and integrity.

Here are some scriptures to consider:

Job 29:14 "I put on righteousness as my clothing; justice was my robe and my turban."
Psalm 33:5 "The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love."
Isaiah 33:5 "The LORD is exalted, for he dwells on high; he will fill Zion with his justice and righteousness."
Isaiah 51:8 "For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations.”
Ezekiel 18:26 "If a righteous person turns from their righteousness and commits sin, they will die for it; because of the sin they have committed they will die."
Amos 5:24 "But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness
Romans 3:22 "This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe."
2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness."
2 Timothy 4:8 "Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

So...what does it mean to hunger and thirst for righteousness? I think it means to crave God. It means to seek after Him and follow His ways, to yearn to be closer to Him. What does this look like in someone's life? I think it means that a person seeks total transformation. They seek repentence in Jesus, turn from their sinful ways, and earnestly live in relationship with Him. It isn't something that we can accomplish of our own will or in our own strength. That is self-righteousness. True Biblical righteousness comes from Jesus.

I think Phillipians 1: 9-11 sums it up nicely."And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." The bold and italics are mine, but the words are from Paul, a righteous man if ever there was one.

On the menu this week

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 15:12:00 +0000

Spring break was lovely, but it derailed my organized life. I was in a great groove of planning and cooking meals at least 5 times a week. I was a coupon clipping diva. I was tracking my points on Weight Watchers, working out 4 times a week, and losing weight at a reasonable pace. I had it all together.

And then, three weeks of blissful, unstructured break, and POOF! All gone!

I've gained my weight back, thanks in large part to the fact that I've been eating out almost every night because I didn't take the time to plan my meals. I threw out food that went bad because I was too lazy too cook. I missed the gym almost all of last week because life got in the way and I just didn't make it a priority.

To top it off, I've been in a very cranky mood because of all the chaos, which has yielded even more emotional eating than normal, which has created that cycle that I hate so much.

This week, I've got a better handle on things. I made time to plan my meals, thanks to E-Mealz. We're having Mexican skillet pasta tonight, tandoori chicken tomorrow, mango salsa tilapia Thursday, and dijon chicken Friday night.

I've set my schedule to include Zumba at least three times, probably four. I've planned my outfits out for the week to save precious time in the mornings.

Hopefully, we'll all recognize a positive change in my attitude, a negative change in my weight, and a general overall glow about me.

Let's go with that.

Cracked cisterns

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 13:05:00 +0000

I am on my fifth week of my 90 Day Bible reading plan. I have missed a day or two along the way but am mostly caught up. I've found areas that I really enjoy reading and others that I've struggled through.

In addition to much of Psalms and Job, here's what I've completed:
Genesis
Joshua
Judges
Ruth
Isaiah
Matthew
Mark
Romans
1 Corinthians

Right now, the "prophecy" section I'm in is Jeremiah and I really have been getting a LOT out of it. I hate to say that Isaiah was a struggle for me- but it really was. Jeremiah is full of things that I can apply to my life, and it has brought a lot of answers to things I've been struggling with. In Jeremiah 2: 13, I read this last week: “My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Jeremiah was relaying God's message about the Israelites who had continued with their destructive pattern of wandering from God and worshiping false idols.

I think that verse has major implications for the church today, too. People are thirsty for God's word, but rather than drinking from His living water, they search for it on their own. They dig their own cisterns and get no water from them because they are like a seive...the water slips right through. Just like the Israelites, they call out to God when they are suffering, but then wander away again when they get what they need. They follow after messages that are easy to hear and require little sacrifice. Those false doctrines or idols that are pleasing to us are nothing more than cracked cisterns. Can we expect our thirst to be quenched if we drink of anything other than Living Water??

Grace and Truth

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 19:27:00 +0000

Last night, our Bible Study class began a new study focusing on Biblical truths. We talked a lot about absolutism, relativism, and subjectivism...and determined that we fall somewhere in between absolutism and relativism on most things.

One of the topics we discussed was the balance in truth and grace. Are we super legalistic about things? Or, do we have an "anything goes" philosophy because we claim grace? Both ways are dangerous, we decided. Living a life of do's and don'ts reduces God's power and makes it much more difficult for us to be in true relationship with Him. Having no standards isn't right either, as we are called to be set apart from the world.

So, what on earth are we supposed to do???

The key to finding balance between grade and truth is to be in relationship with God. Romans 8:1-2 says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Jesus released us from legalism. Following rules and doing the right thing won't justify us; only grace will. He calls us to live a holy life, but provides grace for those times when we fail. . When I get angry or jealous, or I say something I shouldn't say, or withhold my love from my neighbor, He will forgive me. Now, I shouldn't take advantage of that grace, but it is there- and it is plentiful. Forgiveness is a daily necessity. I can't earn it, I can't repay it, and sometimes, I can't even understand it, but I know that it is true.

God's grace is an outpouring of His love for me. His unbelievable, unending, unconditional love. It's a gift and He wants us to accept it. He desires a relationship with each of us. No matter how terrible our sins have been, His grace is deep enough to cover them. There is nothing about me that is good enough to deserve God's love and grace. That's a hard thing for a lot of people to accept. I think it's hard for a lot of us to digest the fact that Jesus loved us so much that He went to the cross to sacrifice for our sins. We tend to see all the bad we've done and think we're unlovable and unredeemable. Not true! Romans 8:38-39 tells us, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
I started by talking about absolutism and said the folks in my group and I decided that we fell somewhere in the gray area of all the black and white on most issues. Well, that's still true in a lot of respects, but one truth I can accept without hesitation is that of grace. I've seen it at work in my life, and it continues to amaze me.

Adopting a new mantra this week.

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 19:32:00 +0000

As much as I've hoped it might, the clock has not frozen today. Time marches on, and tomorrow will bring the first day of a new quarter of school. I'm still not adequately prepared but I'm working on it. I've pulled my head out of the sand.

In order to prepare myself for what lies ahead, I've adopted a new mantra to repeat when times get tough this week. It is Galatians 6:9, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

I'm not giving up on my prayer that God will reveal the middle of the puzzle to me. I'm still sure that there's something at work that I'm not noticing because I can't see past the nose on my face. So, instead of letting this get me down and depressed and wallowing in the woe that is me, I'm going to focus on the verse. I won't become weary in doing good because AT THE PROPER TIME, I will reap a harvest if I don't give up.

Did you notice what I noticed? AT A PROPER TIME. That doesn't mean by midnight tonight. Or by June 10. It means in HIS time. And to a God of eternal proportions, my timeline is pretty minuscule. Who knows, maybe tomorrow, as much as I dread it, will bring something to light that makes this puzzle make more sense. I just have to keep my eyes open and focused on Him, not on me.

God is good, all the time. Even when I'd really like Him to hurry it up, He is good!

Check out the Purple Dress Project

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 18:17:00 +0000

A few months back, I was visiting another blog, saw a post by another commenter, and clicked on her link. I scanned her blog and found references to Crohn's disease, so I began to read. Ashley, author of A Hasty Life, is a young woman whose life has been altered by Crohn's much like mine has.

This month, she's raising funds and awareness for Crohn's disease through the Purple Dress Project. Pop over to her blog and check it out. She's wearing the same purple dress every day this month, chronicling the adventure with pictures, and posting daily facts about the disease. She's a doctoral student in textiles and has a great sense of style. She's rockin' that purple dress!

I've provided a couple of links for you but her blog is always in my "Blogs I Read" list, so she's easy to find.
Kudos to Ashley, and kudos to you for checking her out!

It's me, it's me, it's me, O Lord!

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 03:08:00 +0000

Standin' in the need of prayer. I bought the boys a new CD of fun little religious songs, and that's one of them, and tonight it applies to me.

I go back to work on Monday. When I think about it, my chest gets tight and I want to throw up. It isn't that I hate my job. Really. I've just lost my fire for it. I feel very strongly that there is something else I should be doing, and I suspect that it is all a part of God's bigger plan for me. Some of that is being revealed to me, little by little, but it's like working a big puzzle- I've only got the edges put together. The big picture in the center is still in pieces waiting to be figured out. And, you all know, waiting drives me nuts!

Here's where the prayer part comes in. I need you to pray that God will continue to reveal His plans for me, and that I'll have a heart and eyes that are open enough to recognize it. I need you to pray that I'll have enough faith to walk down that path, even though I already can tell that it might be scary, it might be unpopular, and it might be difficult. I need you to pray that I'll be strong enough to handle the opposition and the challenges that come along. I need you to pray that I'll be obedient no matter what.

I know that God is mighty and can do more than I imagine possible. I've seen Him work before, but usually it is in the lives of others. Now, I'm beginning to see Him working in my life, and it is amazing- and terrifying! I appreciate your prayers and your love! You guys are the best!!!

XOXO!

My Psalm 90:12 Adventure

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 13:38:00 +0000

Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Hold on to that verse for a second. I'll come back to it.

Most people have heard of the exercise program P90x. It stands for Power90Extreme, and is a rigorous fitness and diet program designed to produce significant results. I think that's great if that's your thing. Clearly, it isn't mine. For me, "intense" and "physical" don't belong in the same sentence. I'm loving Zumba, but that hardly qualifies as "extreme."

I have decided to embark on a different kind of 90 day adventure. I'm going to read the Bible in 90 days. I thought I'd be really cute and call it B90x, but someone else already did that. So, I'm going to call it P90:12Adventure, in reference to the verse above. I'm numbering my days as I read through God's word in order to gain a heart of wisdom.I'm on Week 2, day 4, which is approximately 12% complete. I began on March 27. My estimated date of completion is June 24, which my 34th birthday!

Here's what I'm doing. At my Emmaus Walk, someone gave me a "Read Through the Bible in a Year" plan. I adapted it by breaking it into 13 chunks. This particular plan appealed to me because, unlike some other 90 day plans, it doesn't have me reading in order. I have tried those plans before, and the prospect of 27 chapters of Leviticus in a row doesn't work for my ADD brain. My interest wanes and I give up. However, knowing I only need to do a few short readings in those heavy, complicated books and then I can move on to something more "fun" keeps me motivated.

The structure for this plan is:
Sunday: Gospels
Monday: Law
Tuesday: History
Wednesday: Psalms
Thursday: Poetry
Friday: Prophecy
Saturday: Epistles

So far, I've read Matthew 1-22, Genesis 1-31, the book of Joshua, Judges 1-16, Psalms 1-23, Job 1-8, Isaiah 1-22 and Romans 1-8. I'll try to post some updates on here, as well as things I'm learning as I go.

If you'd like to accompany me on my P90:12Adventure, leave a comment w/ your email address or email me at elly.gilbert@gmail.com and I'll send you a copy of the plan!

Priorities

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 14:26:00 +0000

I'm still stewing over many of the things I learned on my Emmaus walk, but one of the things that I'm really wrestling with right now is the concept of priority. I *thought* my priorities were clearly defined. I had a pat answer ready if anyone asked me what mattered most in my life. However, when I examined my life a little closer, I realized that my answer didn't really match up with the way I was living.

For example, the first thing I tell most people about myself when we meet is that I'm a teacher. I don't say, "I'm a Christian mom to three fabulous kids and wife to an amazing husband." I say, "I'm a teacher. A working mom." The emphasis in my real answer is on work. Now, my job is and should be important. But should it define me? NO. Evidently, though, it does, because I have a hard time talking about my life without dredging up my career. And, when I look at the hours I spend at work, thinking about work, planning for work, dreaming about work...it far exceeds anything else in my life. That is a problem.

My first priority should be serving and worshipping God. Some may say that I serve through my career, but I know that isn't really true. If anything, it becomes an obstacle to service. I am drained at the end of the day and I can't participate in true acts of service because I'm exhausted. I often feel called to work in different ministries, but don't have the energy to follow through. Work makes me bitter,too; I resent the time and effort I put in to lessons that go unappreciated. My light doesn't shine like it should because I'm grouchy, tired, angry, frustrated, and not giving God the attention He deserves in my life.

I also know that work is an obstacle to loving and serving my family the way I should. Again, a lack of energy keeps me from playing with my children in the evenings like I should. I try to cook and serve a family meal every night, but sometimes I just can't. I have meetings and work-related obligations that fill my nights. I have grading, planning, and other "homework" that diverts my attention. I'm not present with them like I should be.

I know this. What am I going to do about it? I'm not sure yet. I know what my priorities should be. I want them to be as such. However, making that happen might require a major life shift. A new way of life, a new way to fill my days.

I am praying that God will make me obedient to His will in my life. I want to hear His voice and follow. When I search the scriptures for examples of this, it always seemed that God asked His people to do things they thought they couldn't, but they did anyway, and He pulled through. Maybe I know what He's asking me to do and I just don't want to say yes yet. Maybe I'm afraid.

Here's my prayer for today, that God would fulfill His promise from Proverbs 2: "If you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God." I pray that God will show me the insight I need. I will seek it as a treasure. I will apply my heart to understanding His will.

Reflections on my Walk to Emmaus

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 21:01:00 +0000

I promised reflections about my Walk to Emmaus. I'm going to try to do my best with this post, but, honestly, I'm not sure that words will do it justice. Yes, I am speechless. Don't get used to it!!

For those of you who haven't heard about the Walk to Emmaus, click on this link to read more. It is basically a three day spiritual renewal retreat, but it was a lot more for me. My wonderful sponsor, Joan, took me to Wilmore on Thursday evening. I was able to see many of my old Trinity Hill United Methodist Church friends, and met my roommate. We got "oriented" and the weekend began. I was still pretty clueless as to what to expect. And, for once, that was okay with me.

Thoughout the weekend filled with various talks, prayer, and worship, I got to know the ladies at my table quite well. We shared a lot of laughs, personal stories, and tears. I started learning more about myself and my relationship with God, as well. A lot of the things I realized can't be verbalized, or at least I am finding that hard to do, but here's one big thing I got, and I *think* I can convey it in writing.

The scripture that relates the original Walk to Emmaus is found in Luke 24:13-35. Just after Jesus's death, two friends were traveling out of Jerusalem toward Emmaus,and they were discussing the horrific details of the crucifixion. Jesus came along side them and talked with them, providing them with the answers to all the questions they had about what had happened. However, these two men didn't recognize Jesus. They arrived home and invited the stranger in to dinner, and suddenly, as Jesus blessed the bread, their eyes were opened and they recognized Him, but he was gone.

My whole life has been spent on that road. I've studied, discussed, learned, and had those God moments, but I have been too blind to see how the love of Jesus has been working in my life. I saw it this weekend for the first time. I knew my parents loved me, my husband loved me, and a few of my friends did too. However, I don't think I really believed that most people loved me. In turn, I kept a big wall around my heart, and didn't love others the way I should, since I doubted their sincerity towards me and didn't want to be hurt.

This weekend, I really saw the love of God...from friends, family, and complete strangers. My eyes were opened. I've been changed. I want to show love to everyone. I want to build my spiritual life and become the person that God intends for me to be.

Now, I went into the weekend hoping that I would get some revelation about what God wants me to do with my life. I didn't really get that. I'm still as confused about that as ever. However, I'm okay with that. I'm just trusting that He'll lead me to the plans He has for me.

I think the Walk was one of the most significant things I've ever done. I would encourage anyone else who wants a deeper relationship with Christ to consider going. I'd be glad to answer questions for you.

As we sang on our walk, "De Colores!"

I'm baaaaack....

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 23:29:00 +0000

So, I'm back in the land of the wirelessly connected. Thursday through Sunday, I was at Asbury Theological Seminary for a Walk to Emmaus retreat. I'll post about that tomorrow when I have had time to think about what I want to say. It was amazing, but I want to say more than that. I just don't know what I want to say yet!!!

Anyway, I'm home, have all my kids back with me, and I'm going to get back in the groove of life.

Eventually.

A new day

noreply@blogger.com (Elly Gilbert) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 12:36:00 +0000

Spring break has broken. A new day has come. After a really stressful and emotional day yesterday, I am able to enjoy a little rest today and regroup a bit. I spent a long time in my devotional book today and studied some scriptures that have put my worries into perspective.

I should probably get Philipians 4: 4-7 tattooed on my arm so that I can glance down at it every time I get myself all worked up like I did yesterday. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

That passage does two things for me. First, it convicts me. Gentleness? Yesterday, my gentleness wasn't evident to anyone. I think it had gone ahead and taken an early spring break, maybe skipped the country. I was that cranky. And did I rejoice? Sure...about 8:30 last night, when I was finally home, scarfing down some Rice Krispies. But I mostly rejoiced because the day was over, not because of the blessings of the Lord. So, when I read these verses, I am confronted by some serious short-comings that I need to take to God in prayer and ask for His help to overcome.

The other thing this passage does for me is that instructs me about what I should do when I'm having one of those days. Don't sweat it. Pray about it. Ask God for peace. That last little bit is an awesome promise for me. God's peace will guard my heart and mind. If I trust Him, turn my worries over to Him, ask Him for guidance, He'll insulate me from worry. He'll wrap me up in a big old blanket of peace. Love it.

Does this mean I'll never worry again? Nope. I will. But I can always flip back to this passage as a reminder of what God will do if I just ask.