I’ve never screwed it up on a first date. Really, never.

That being said, I was a kid who literally cried over spilled milk. I’ve become so adept at avoiding embarrassing or uncomfortable situations because I’m so deathly afraid of them. I am the absolute worst person to have around in a crisis because I have no idea how to respond to a situation I’ve never encountered before. Usually I respond by crying, which, apparently, is never appropriate for a first date.

At 25 years old, with a health insurance plan that was approaching expiration, and without any qualified prospects, I spent a week talking non-stop to someone I had met through an online dating website. We texted throughout the day, and spent about two hours on the phone every night. We talked about our families, past (equally insane) relationships, and everything in between. By Saturday night, the night of our first date, I was ready to test if our physical chemistry matched our digital chemistry. Needless to say, we both got just a liiiitttleee closer than originally intended.

After an incredible dinner at a prime real estate table, with the best waiter, at the most in-demand restaurant in town (so say he,) my date and I headed back to his apartment for what I assume he thought would the cherry on top of an ideal evening.

We can fast forward to the part where we’re on his bed. I’m fully clothed, but he has, for some reason, decided it’s ideal to remove his shirt and jeans, leaving him in pristine white brief underwear. I’d like to elaborate on this further but I just don’t have the energy to explain why, on God’s green Earth, anyone under the age of 65 would wear those. In any case, with a combined ten (very strong) drinks between us, one can imagine the raw, sensual, vodka-soaked fervor with which the two of us tandem-somersaulted around that bed. After several acrobatic maneuvers I was completely unprepared for, I came to rest, like a woolly mammoth, on top. I was so excited that the room had stopped spinning, I lunged in for a deal-sealing kiss.

Unfortunately, so did he.

I remember the impact. A crunch, and then warm, and wet, and impossible to stop. I have never had a bloody nose before. And yet, there it was. All over his hairless chest, his crisp white sheets, and of course, in my freshly bleached blonde hair.

I was so sure this was what a broken nose felt like. I screamed, “It’s bleeding! My nose is bleeding! You made my nose bleed! You broke it! It’s BLEEEEEEDDIIIINNNGGG!!!!!!!” I simultaneously jumped up and, like a lunatic, bounced around from corner to corner of the room like a prize fighter. I’m having a fucking anxiety attack, and this guy is looking for a box of Lucky Charms. “My nose is bleeeeedddiiiiinnngggg!!!!!” What else can one do when bleeding all over a new guy’s EVERYTHING?! I at least wanted to mark my territory if I wasn’t getting laid tonight. If not with urine, then with blood, surely. Nothing says “don’t date me” like a potential crime scene in your bedroom. Checkmate, asshole.

Please don’t think I squirted DNA everywhere, flipped my hair, and all was well. I’m not that graceful. I screamed and spewed for a good 2 minutes before this dick moved off his ass and took me to the bathroom. Obviously, my “trail of tears” pretty much quelled the fires for the night. I went home soon after, and it’s anyone’s guess how he explained the House Of Horrors to anybody after that.

Original article: A Lesson in First Date Etiquette

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A cute gal off the OkCupid and I started talking and set a time and place to meetup for the date. We were out and about in Silverlake at a nifty joint called ‘Barbarella.’ Decent food, good drinks; not terribly busy. It’s a good spot to grab a date for a drink and do some “getting to know you” type conversation for sure.

You know how you talk to your single friends, they tell you about a date they went on and their date was a fucking goddamned lunatic? They talked about how they like to fuck, how they are into strange fetishes, or reincarnation. Weird shit like that and you think, “Wow, Mary, stop dating such terrible people.” They never tell you that THEY were the shitty one on a date, do they? Well, it happens. Sometimes WE are the shitty people on a date; we’re the one who sucks and will be the story that your date tells their friends about and those friends will raise an eyebrow and lament at the apparently shitty choice your date made in going out with you…

I was the asshole this night, folks.

Let me explain. It’s not often that I’m on a date with a pretty woman, but it does happen with some regularity. I don’t know what it was, kids, but for some reason I was nervous about this date. It wasn’t anything she said or did, but I was just nervous. I had a drink before she showed up, a Hendricks on the rocks and that “evened” me out pretty well in no time at all. My date arrives and we had decent conversation… Decent.

I’m going to go on a limb and say there just wasn’t any chemistry, but if there was, I was doing my darnedest to torpedo that shit right then and there. No second dates for me… That should have been my battle cry. Avoiding eye contact, asking question upon question upon question, LOOKING AT MY FUCKING WATCH, and, yeah, calling her a “broad” three times.

Even when our date ended, I didn’t even offer to walk her to my car, I simply wanted to Get the Fuck Out and take my fail with me.

What the fuck, Alex?

The watch and the broad comment both happened within minutes of each other. I felt bad. I wasn’t bored or anything, it’s just convo had died and it was time to put this date out of its misery for my date and for me. Now, I didn’t have a miserable time. I actually did enjoy my time with my date, but my mind was everywhere but where it needed to be. Not sure why. I mean, the following week I went on a date that went much differently… But that’s another post.

I’d like to reach out and offer my date an apology for my apparent raging douchey-ness, but I think I’ll just move on, learn a lesson and try again. But if said gal ever does happen on this blog, to this post, just know that I’m sorry that I was the asshole that night.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Original article: Sometimes YOU Are the Asshole

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Mike and I share some of our experiences with people misrepresenting themselves in online dating profiles. Before we share our stories, we will give a little bit of background on our personal height preferences.

Mike: The only time I dated a girl my height (I’m 6’5”) was when I was a freshman in college. She was about 6’3” tall, chocolate and beautiful. We only went on 2 dates. There just wasn’t much interest. I knew at that time I didn’t want to date tall women. I know tall women are beautiful and there’s a very good chance my 2 daughters will be tall (they’re already tall for their age). Does that make me closed-minded? I don’t think so because despite my earlier preference I still dated a few tall women after my divorce.

LuBella: I personally have been interested and dated both tall and short men. I do find myself being physically attracted to very tall men. Am I closed-minded? No because I stated I’ve dated both. Being open to variety can’t hurt you. I’ve had men approach me that I wasn’t overtly excited about for a number of reasons. But their personality, politeness or something that they said or did made me give them a chance. My ex-husband was 5’9” so I’m aware that good men come in all sizes.

Mike: I have experienced a few dating games where the woman misrepresented her height. Most of these women tend to be very generous on how tall they were when filling out their online profile. I believe they took their height when they were in their Jimmy Choo’s. I thought it was cute.. usually gave them somewhat of a hard time and told them to embrace her God-given height ☺.

LuBella: When someone starts playing dating games I can’t help but ask, “So what else have they lied about?” I make a very special effort to take what a person of interest tells me at face value. I really don’t understand how someone can blatantly lie in their online profile. Especially when it comes to photos. Do they think the person will be ok that they are 50 lbs heavier than their pictures? I’ve been told by a lot of men that women will post pictures that don’t represent their present weight. If you don’t want someone lying and playing dating games with you then you have to practice what you preach.

Mike & LuBella: It seems like men are sensitive about their height and women are sensitive about their height and weight. Regardless of your sensitivities be forthright. Particularly when it comes to online dating you should upload current pictures. Please don’t entertain the thought of a picture-less profile. Not uploading pictures just makes the initial date more stressful. On top of the encounter being more tense you risk disappointing your date. Let’s see if Mike was happy or disappointed in a mock initial Meet & Greet in the video below.

Mike & LuBella: An online profile is simply incomplete without pictures. Pictures are just as important as the content. If you’re really serious about finding love, represent the true and CURRENT you in your profiles (pictures, content, etc) and in person.

[plulz_social_like width="350" send="false" font="arial" action="like" layout="standard" faces="false" ]

Original article: Misrepresenting Yourself in an Online Dating Profile Can Lead to Dating Games

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So let’s get to the meat and potatoes of this thing and jump right into the questions:

• the Urban Dater — There’s a lot that’s been written about dating, love, relationships and the like ( I know because we’ve done a lot of that ourselves ). What insights do you feel set your approach apart from the rest of the crowd?

Damona “Dear Mrs. D” Hoffman - There are two big factors that seem to separate my point-of-view. First, I’ve tried all of the techniques that I recommend to my readers and clients they helped me meet my husband on an online dating site. Not all dating experts can say that they’ve practiced what they preach and gotten the results that they were seeking – a loving, healthy relationship. Second, being a former casting director, in dating I use the same techniques I once taught actors about marketing themselves to stand out among other candidates who on the surface look and seem similar to you. But every dater, just like every actor, is unique.  It’s important to capture what makes you special in your profile and the way you present yourself to be intriguing and memorable in a modern dating scene when we have so many things vying for our attention.

• the Urban Dater — Talk about your thoughts on branding oneself for success when out dating in the digital age. It sounds almost like you’ve taken an online marketer’s approach to dating.

Damona “Dear Mrs. D” Hoffman -It’s really about personal branding. According to a recent NYU study, people take only 7 seconds to draw conclusions and make decisions about you. The same way that you scan through shirts when you’re clothes shopping online, people scan through pictures – very quickly! So your photo needs to telegraph your personality at a glance. When you take the emotion out of online dating and look at it from a more strategic point of view, it becomes more manageable and enjoyable.

• the Urban Dater — Also, from all that I’ve read on you and your approach to online dating, can you shed some light on your background?

Damona “Dear Mrs. D” Hoffman - When I was a casting director I taught classes for actors on auditioning and marketing techniques which few acting teachers focused on. You can be talented as heck but if you don’t know how, when, and where to present yourself, you don’t stand a chance. Online dating is the same thing – you are casting yourself in your own dream role so you have to think from the point of view of the director who’s making the selection first.

• the Urban Dater — Because I always wonder about this; how do you think daters ought to approach dates now that they can ‘Google’ them easily and find out all the juicy stuff without even having to talk to them. Do you think that’s good, bad? How do you think people should handle that?

Damona “Dear Mrs. D” Hoffman - ALWAYS Google your dates but NEVER tell them about it. With so many social networks and search tools you can find out a lot about what interests your date and get an edge over the competition. Just as research helps a candidate stand out in a job interview, it can help you connect with your partner. It’s also a good way to protect yourself from online dating fraud and make sure that the person you’re talking to is really who they say they are. What you don’t want to do is seem like a creepy stalker and spend hours finding out every detail about them than recite their life story on the date.

• the Urban Dater — What is the most common thing your clients come to you about?

Damona “Dear Mrs. D” Hoffman - People come to me when they are ready for a relationship. They’ve tried online dating, speed dating, and matchmaking and none if it has worked for them. You can go to the gym every day and exercise but if you’re not doing the moves correctly or giving maximum effort you won’t tone up. So in the gym, you get a trainer but in dating you hire a coach – Dear Mrs D!

• the Urban Dater — Where do you see online dating going? Is it going to be more social? More of the same with sites like Match and eHarmony paving the way?

Damona “Dear Mrs. D” Hoffman - We’re definitely headed in a more social direction. The ones to watch are the mobile dating apps that use your Facebook network and GPS features to give you better matches. With the large dating sites I think you will see more integration with social media and also more offline presence. I actually just formed a partnership with Match.com Stir Events to lead live workshops for their members to help get them better results online and build an offline community.

• the Urban Dater — Can you share with our readers some cool things you’ve got coming down the pipe for you?

Damona “Dear Mrs. D” Hoffman - The Match.com “Secret Sessions with Dear Mrs D” will be rolling out in May in the west coast market. It’s a great way for Match members to get a taste of what I do in my workshops and boot camps. I’ll be holding a dating boot camp this summer in LA and offering a bunch of helpful free videos and audio bonuses to my online subscribers on www.DearMrsD.com starting later this month! I also love taking live questions from listeners on my weekly radio show Dates & Mates with Dear Mrs D.

- The preceding was a sponsored post. You can read up on our disclosure statement here.

Original article: An Interview With Damona Hoffman

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The What

So that’s great, but what’s the news, you’re wondering?  In celebration of the Stir anniversary, Match.com is offering the opportunity for singles to create their own Stir event, and if their event is chosen, to work with Match Stir event planners to bring it to life!

 The How

Visit Match.com’s Stir Promotional link here , now through Tuesday May 28^th, 2013 and tell Match.com what you think would make for the perfect singles event to be entered to win. Entries will be judged based on quality, creativity, uniqueness and geographical relevance. Want more??? Check out the video!

The selected winner will have their idea re-created by the Match.com Stir Events team in their city, and will receive an invitation to attend the event along with ten of their singles friends – all at no charge! In addition, the winner will also receive a free six-month Match.com subscription.

- The preceding was a sponsored post. You can read up on our disclosure statement here.

Original article: Match.com Wants You to be Stirred, Not Shaken…

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Exhaustion can knock the libido, even women who had been good sleepers may start experiencing broken sleep patterns in midlife, as hormonal changes occur, evening sweats and early morning awakenings begin. A US National Sleep basis poll uncovered that 1 in 5 of individuals which aren’t getting enough rest assert they’re too tired for love making, in a survey in 2012, 60% wanted rest more than loving.

Psychological anxiety, the worldwide bane of multitasking individuals, doesn’t help. Experts revealed in 2010 that the anxiety hormone cortisol can block the effects of testosterone so our busy, hot-bed lives can end up reducing our sexual desire. But simply while the needs of lifestyle weaken your craving for sex, the following lifestyle changes can improve your attachment with your sensual side:

Exercise
Not only will repeated cardiovascular exercise help your keep your body weight under control and cause you to become happier with the body in general, but it also gives you increased vigour, stamina and decreases stress, all important elements of a great sex life. Studies produced, show that those fitter amongst us tend to feel better about ourselves and enjoy more loving. Workout increases blood flow to the private areas, which often improves arousal. We don’t need to be an athlete. Going for a fast stroll 3 times a week can help.

Choose a healthy diet
There’s proof that eating loads of salad, fruit, veg, fish, and grains build sexual desire.

Discover how to de-stress
Since cortisol physically inhibits desire, it’s vital to select methods to calm down, maybe take up yoga, socialise more with friends, or enjoy a hot tub after work.

Just enjoy it – you maybe surprised
Additionally, if you’re not completely in the mood, research demonstrates that women’s sexual reaction varies from men’s, as they may not experience the spontaneous need to bond. But if you could relax and forget about the days stress and the “to do” list and simply start kissing and caressing your man, you’ll possibly get warmed up. Females feel that if they don’t appear as sexy as they did in late teens and early twenties, there must be something completely wrong. But in fact the move from impulsive sexual desire to a more responsive flow is actually completely normal.

Original article: 4 Easy Ways to Heat Up your Sex Life

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• Pay attention to what she’s saying: Most women will always start hinting at what they want long before the actual gift giving occasion. The problem is that most men ignore it immediately the woman starts talking about that cute polka dot… and so forth. The words that complete that dotted line may just be your ticket out of a lot grueling gift related issues that DON’T count.

• Clothes and outfits: If you are considering getting her an outfit, you might want to rethink that idea. You might end up buying an outfit a size too big, which by woman reasoning is an implication that you think she’s fat. If it’s a size too small, it’s implies that you want to lose weight. We all know that will not end well for you. However, in the eventuality that you have your mind set on an outfit, make sure you get a female friend’s opinion before its purchase.

• It’s the thought that counts: There is a disclaimer to this: do not stray too far from the comfort zone. Buy her chocolates, but let them be Swiss. Don’t just wrap the gift in normal gift wrapping; put the gift in a paper bag printed in Australia. In short, do something small but memorable. Nevertheless, remember not to set the bar too high for the sake of your next gift giving.

• The actual gift giving: This is probably the part where most men have an epic fail. After identifying your gift and having it pass all the necessary vetting, you can’t just shove it in her face. You may call it a surprise, but like all things, a surprise can also be bad. Choose an appropriate time and present it to her. Again you need to be thoughtful on this aspect – let it be in a setting that she might have mentioned earlier. Again, women tend to describe their idea of just the right moment subconsciously and you need to be keen so that you don’t miss it.

Now stop stressing yourself, it’s never that serious!

Original article: The Art Of Gifting: How Do You Get The Perfect Gift For Your Lady?

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Make an effort

Today, most people are workaholics. In a bid to try and beat the rat race, there are many of us who have very hectic schedules, such as having school and work at the same time. This means that there is very little time left over for relationships. However, the fact of the matter is that if you are in such a setting and you need yours to work out, you will need to make an effort. For instance, you could decide to spend some time with your loved one over the weekend doing something that you love such as taking a cooking class. This will give you time to connect with them, but will also give you enough time to relax from your daily schedule. This means that you will not only have a more healthy relationship, but you will also be rejuvenated and have enough energy to tackle the other difficulties in your life.

The importance of seeing things from other points of view

Another skill that you are likely to find very useful in your relationship is the ability to see things from different perspectives. For instance, when you and your partner have some kind of argument, simply taking a step back and trying to put yourself in their shoes is often all that you need to solve it. When you do this, it will be easier for you to form your argument while taking into account the other individual’s point of view. This will in turn make it easier for you to come up with a more mutually beneficial solution to whatever the problem was.

As long as you keep the issues above in mind, you should not have a hard time sustaining a relationship even if other circumstances in your life may seem to make it more difficult to do so.

Original article: Who Doesn’t Want To Make Their Relationship More Fulfilling?

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Keep it light. Drinks or dinner is plenty, don’t try and be the most romantic man/woman in the world. Just be yourself. Women can smell desperation a mile away and no cologne in the world can cover that up. If you connected on the Internet from light banter and goofy jokes then stick to that. Don’t try to be something you’re not. One of my favorite dates is to go get a drink, maybe a light meal and then go out dancing. Now I love to dance, so that’s me being me. Don’t take someone dancing to impress them if you are not a dancer. Find something you enjoy doing and share that passion.The biggest sin is to bore your date. And if they don’t enjoy the activities you love to do so much then maybe you just aren’t compatible anyhow. Having a second location to take your dates is always good to have on hand. This way it keeps things interesting and if things get boring you can always switch it up.

Pictures Pictures Pictures. It’s a shallow world online dating and unfortunately if you don’t catch someone’s eye with your looks you’re unlikely to get them interested in your personality. As awful as that sound, you don’t want to be a dating profile pic faker. We’ve all been tricked. A photo from a couple years ago or a mischievous angle that sheds the pounds. Maybe even some hair to cover up a wonky eye. I know I sound hurtful and blunt but I’m just being honest and that’s appealing believe it or not. Don’t be ashamed of your body. Revel in it. Put it out there for the world to see. There are men and women out there that will be attracted to you. Confidence is the most attractive quality. Don’t trick someone with your pictures or else when it comes time to meet you’ll have some ‘splaining to do and your first impression will be as a bit of a liar and deceiver.

Bring your date around your friends. You know how your friends are always saying you are so nice and they don’t understand why you are still single? That probably means you act differently around dates than you do with friends. Around friends you’ll be more comfortable and they can help to validate how cool of a person you are. Obviously you want to spend time with your date and not just your friends so be sure to not to ignore your date if you are in a group setting. Also be particular with which friends you bring around, make sure you invite friends that will highlight your personality and help you shine, you don’t need any showboating friends that will steal the spotlight and forget to help out your pursuit of love.The moral of this story? Be yourself! I think so many people are drawn to online dating because of the anonymity of it. “I’m unsuccessful with men or women so I’ll go online where I can be anyone! I can be someone who is suave and smooth and the perfect lover.” Unfortunately, it does not work that way. The anonymity just breaks down the initial walls and makes connecting easier, which is an amazing tool but eventually you need to admit who you are. The sooner you start to embrace yourself the sooner the opposite sex will too.Happy Dating!

Max Crandall writes for Arlington Accident Recovery a site dedicated to information on legal, financial and medical issues surrounding automobiles and auto accidents.

Original article: 3 Pitfalls to Avoid While Dating Online

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A strong connection can be difficult to maintain when distance inhibits an extremely important part of all relationships: physical contact. So many individuals I talk to have partners who are overseas serving in the military, studying abroad, or just living in a city four states away. According to Fatherhood.org, a program for military dads, 150,000 military fathers are currently deployed on assignments lasting from 30 days to 15 months. The Center For The Study Of Long-Distance Relationships (yes, that is a real entity) found in 2005 that 2.9 percent of U.S. marriages are of the long-distance variety and 10 percent of marriages had a period of long-distance separation at some point.

I’ve come up with a few ideas to cheer up those longing for their long-distance loved one.

Care Packages

Susan Swartz, in an article for Suite101.com, said one of the best ways to combat homesickness is to create and send care packages. They should contain items that remind your partner of home, like a favorite baseball cap, a book, and even a framed picture of family and loved ones. They’ll appreciate the kind gesture and you’ll feel good knowing you can do something proactive that connects you both, and that reminds you of your partner at the same time.

Chat Time

Writing letters and sending food are great ways to let your love know you care, but there will be times when you’ll want to share something and make an instant connection. A baby’s first word, or a promotion at work, qualifies as one of these events. There are several free or very affordable online forums that allow live chat sessions, including video chat. Swartz suggests a cheap, $30 webcam is more than adequate for this purpose.

The two of you should coordinate times so weekly or even daily chat sessions are possible. I know one mom who chats with her partner every day over morning coffee. The conversations last 30 to 60 minutes, and the kids sometimes join in as well. The kids need the face time with their absent parent just as much as you do.

Create a Digital Scrapbook

You don’t have to be a tech-geek to create a nice online scrapbook for your family to share and continuously add to. I once created a private Facebook page when I was in the Peace Corps. The security settings allowed only close friends and loved ones to view it. We were all able to post pictures and share comments in the timeline. I was able to keep in touch with many loved ones through videos, images, and heartfelt words of encouragement.

Remember that while his extended absence is not the ideal situation, staying positive during these times will help time pass more rapidly. Before you know it, your partner will be home again falling asleep in your arms. So cherish this time as well. As you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Katie Rochester

A relationship counselor and doula, Katie shares her tips and stories with readers online.

Original article: Keep in Touch: How to Maintain a Long-Distance Relationship

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