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Have you ever experienced dating older women? If not and you are interested in having such an affair, you need to find out the most common characteristics of these women.  The term cougar is used to define a woman, usually over 35 years old, good-looking, hot, confident and at least five years older than her partner. Think of Demi dumping poor Ashton and running to even younger Harry Morton. Now that’s a cougar.

Roles and relationships

Women in their late 30’s and older who have completed a role as mothers or this role perhaps is not a central in their lives, choose to have a relationship with a younger man. For you to understand cougars and their mindset here are some common characteristics:

• They think that young men are more attentive to satisfy women in bed.

• They believe that young men are more patient. And potent.

• Cougar women believe that younger men are unspoiled and innocent, an ideal material for molding perfectly according to their wishes and needs.

• Younger males are more physically attractive than older lads, and cougars just love that.

• They are quite independent and like to feel powerful and dominant in the relationship – it’s much easier to do with younger guys.

Additional characteristics

While the above is true, older women are also more emotional so the decision to date a younger guy is not exclusively sexually or physically motivated. Factors such as admiration, sympathy  and understanding also enter into the equation.

On the other hand, in the case of men, dating an older women belongs to their childhood and puberty fantasies. Who of us wasn’t madly in love with a hot school teacher? However, when it comes to realization of these fantasies, things can get a little complicated. Whether the relationship between older women and a younger man will work depends on much deeper issues, such as compatibility of their personalities, priorities, and personal and professional development.

For instance, going back to our poor Demi, she didn’t last long with Harry either. According to the gossip portals and blogs, the two had some real fun together but just couldn’t see the future together. And if you’re considering dating an older women than you must be prepared that this is more of the rule than the exception. Sometimes the age gap is just too much of the burden and the relationship falls apart (however, not everything is that bad; check out Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart, they are so sweet and doing quite fine!)

Did you know?

In the United States, the term cougar nowadays infuriate many people. The term resembles the image of a wild, graceful and beautiful animal that would haunt its victim, mostly young men. However, it seems that mainstream usage gave the term something pejoratively meaning, so today most women don’t like being labeled that way. Despite this these women are redefining the concept of what the appropriate relationship should look like. This is mainly due the relaxation of the relationship conventions  regarding the age, race, religion and economic status.

Wrapping it up, older women, cougars, are admired for being more independent, economic consolidated and extremely confident. But at the same time, they are feared by their female, as well as male peers. The former see them as dangerous and seductive competition in men, while the latter are afraid they are taking over the position of dominant figure in the relationship that was traditionally reserved for men. Their autonomy and determination just frightens them.

In the end, if you are considering dating older women, there is no harm in trying. Only you can decide if it will work out or not. If you fail you can always go back to dating ladies who are fragile and must be taken care of. Perhaps your male ego won’t be harmed that way.

Original article: All About the Cougar

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Once a relationship ends, many men and women recommend that burning the bridge with an ex is the best way to finally move on and let go of the past relationship. Sometimes, even when the breakup was amicable, a lot of people endorse a no-communication and no-friendship rule with an ex. This is because scores of men and women who have been through every kind of relationship believe that maintaining a form of communication with an ex and having a certain level of friendship with your previous lover will never work for your benefit.

An ex is called an ex for a reason, particularly because you are crossing him or her out of your life. An ex is a ghost from your past life, and having constant communication with that entity is neither healthy for your ex nor you. However, if you really believe that being friends with your ex is possible, there are certain conditions you need to meet in order to keep your ex in your friendship circle.

1. You have both decided that you are better off as friends than lovers.

2. You both have moved on and are in happy and fulfilling relationships with other people.

3.  You no longer have lingering romantic feelings for each other.

4. Your current boyfriends/girlfriends are okay with being friends with your ex.

If any of these conditions are not met, then it is a good idea to start accepting the fact that exes are not really meant to become good friends.

Here are more reasons you should stop communicating with your ex:

It Can Jeopardize Your Blooming Relationship with Your Current Love Interest

Staying friends with your ex or let alone communicating with them will open a way for you to start comparing your current love interest with your ex. When this happens, you will stop giving a new relationship a chance way before it starts. You say to yourself that you are strong enough to date new people, but if you are still buddies with your ex, you will end up creating a checklist of the similarities and differences of your new date with your ex, and you will become engross with that checklist instead of giving your new date a chance to prove to you that he or she is worth keeping. Give that new man or woman a chance to show you that they can be a better lover or partner than your ex.

It Creates a False Hope that He or She Might Actually Be the One

Maintaining an open line of communication with your ex is not exactly helpful for your cause of finding your one true love. Even when you know and your friends tell you that your ex is not the right person for you, keeping in touch with your ex all the time can give you a false hope that someday, the two of you will still end up together. That is sweet thinking, but that rarely happens in real life. The more you stay in touch with your ex, and the more you make him still a part of your life now that you are single, the more you will obsess over the fact that he or she may actually be that proverbial and elusive “The One” even when he or she does not clearly make the cut.

Your New Boyfriend or Girlfriend Does Not Like It

You are extremely complicating things with your new boyfriend or girlfriend if you insist on still being friends with your ex. Even when your boyfriend or girlfriend says that it is completely fine that you are still friends with your ex, the friendship you keep may give them a reason to think that you might still have a humongous pile of unresolved romantic feelings with your ex. Moreover, you can never really tell if they are okay with it since most of the time, they tell you that there is no problem with you being friends with your ex because they do not want you to see them as the paranoid and insecure new lover. Not being friends with your ex, no matter how healthy your friendship you think will be, is a form of respect to your current lover. Furthermore, before you introduce your new partner to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, you should establish a firm foundation on your new relationship before having both of your new and past lover meet each other. Insecurities and jealousy may arise when people who have been and are currently romantically involved with you meet.

Original article: Why You Should Never Talk to an Ex…Ever

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Summer’s here and everywhere you go, you see them – the happy couples, walking hand in hand, laughing over a glass of wine or feeding each other oysters, displaying a little too much PDA (and yet you’re insanely jealous that they’re getting that affection).  It’s your turn now – but you’ve been doing the online or meet-in-the-bar dating thing and you’ve flatlined.  Time to invent the game and reinvent yourself.  

1. TOSS THE LIST.

No matter where we keep them – on paper, on our laptops, in our heads – we all have those LISTS.  You know, the Top 10 Things We’re Looking For in a Partner.  Maybe you’ve got an image of what he needs to look like (head full of hair? Over 6 feet?) or that she needs to be a daily gym goer and able to wear a bikini?  Maybe you want someone to buy season tickets to the symphony or be the one to throw those Sunday TV football-watching parties? Whatever’s on your must-have list, TOSS IT.

Now’s the turn to turn the page on what or who we THINK we want.  That’s not to say you can’t hold on to what’s most important to you, but there’s a reason that OPPOSITES ATTRACT.  You may want to run a half marathon and your partner may opt to browse in a bookstore, but that doesn’t mean s/he won’t be there waving you across the finish line.

Toss the list and allow yourself to be intrigued.  Toss the list and allow yourself to fall in love.

2. DON’T LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS.

Sounds harsh?  Look, your friends and family have developed a sense of who you are based on what they’ve seen of you; makes sense.  But no one knows what you really want, who you really want, who you really are, more than you.  Maybe you’re tired of your professional look and want to grow your hair or maybe you’ve never told anyone that you’d actually like to go clubbing or spend a few hours walking a nature trail instead of that weekly trip to the art museum.  It’s natural to turn to your friends and family when writing your online profile but you’re the one who wants to be dating.

Don’t listen to who THEY think you should go out with.  Listen to YOU.  It may shock them – and you – to find who you’re really happy with.

3. WHAT IF?

You’re at the bar and the guy a few barstools down sends you a drink but he doesn’t seem your type.  Your online dating inbox is full, but none of these women’s emails totally float your boat.

But what if you said yes?

What if you accepted that drink and spent a few minutes chatting with the guy?  What if, instead of staring at your computer and hoping to get that just-perfect dating email, you just wrote back to see if there just might be something there.  What if she was really great by phone and just couldn’t write an interesting profile? What if he was the funniest guy you’ve ever met but you couldn’t tell from his pocket-protector nerd look?

Right now, you’re dateless.  What if you said yes?

Maybe you’ll be booking that vacation for two…!

Deborah Sloan is the founder of IT’S A DATE: ONLINE PROFILE HELP FOR GROWNUPS, helping people ages 40 and up write and create online dating profiles that stand out from the crowd.  Visit www.itsadateprofiles.com to learn more – and get dating.

Original article: 3 Ways to Reinvent Yourself and Attract a New Date

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I’m a 54 year old, happily remarried woman to a great person who wasn’t my ideal man, then became my perfectly flawed man. I have been where you are now, through my education and experience, I am sharing the truth about dating and finding someone who, given a chance, may just surprise you. So with that in mind I ask, why is dating so hard? Commercialism verses reality.

You watch all the advertising for any product and you usually see attractive people walking hand in hand, acting “in love”. We are inundated as a society by the dream of love! I aimed for those fantasies when I was younger, and was so disenchanted that I couldn’t have the life I saw in movies, TV shows, commercials. They are real people paid to pretend they are in love. Now ask yourself, how many of those romantic leads are happily paired with the right partner, in real life?

Ask yourself, how much time was spent with directors to get a 30 second commercial made. I made a 10 second commercial when I was younger and it took 8 hours, mostly set up cameras at the right angle, then waiting for the light to be right. Commercials, TV shows and movies are all smoke and mirrors.

Now ask yourself another question: Who is Mr./Ms. Right for you? Is it the person at the club, restaurant, sporting event that is good looking but looks like they’re so busy trying to impress others? Could it be the person having fun, talking to other people or being kind or polite to others, but is only okay looking?

When you are dating, you should be thinking about these questions that only you can answer! Have you ever had a friend or co-worker that wasn’t attractive but the more you got to know them the more attractive they became? I would bet (if I were a betting person) that the answer is yes!  Dating is no different. Find someone who has potential because you enjoy or like the way they handle themselves in public. Do they have the qualities that you respect? Enjoy? Have fun with?  If you can be honest about who you are and what you have to offer a relationship, you have a good chance of getting the relationship you want!  Warning: relationships take as much work or more, as your job/career requires! You need to show up in your relationship every day, put the time in, learn how to do it right, and you might just find your “soul mate”.

Original article: Why Dating Is Hard

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If you’re reading this, chances are you’re aware of just how much dating advice is out there. Books, magazines, websites, friends and family – it can seem endless, because it is.

And I’ve read a lot of it while trying to improve my own love life. A few books in, however, I started feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of advice, rules, do’s and don’ts.

More than that, I was struck by how some advice was similar to, or just flat out opposite of, what I’d just read in the book before. Where I’d hoped to kick my romantic adventures into high gear, I was stalled – literally paralyzed by how to implement the guidance I’d just been given.

Was I going to make it worse? Make it better? Did it apply to this particular guy? Did it even apply to me?

It was that last question that really stuck with me – the individual with a unique story, with unique experiences in all areas of my life, including romance – ups, downs, push and pull, broken-hearted or breaking a heart.

What did all of those relationships have in common? Me. All of the decisions I’d ever made – how to act or react to a situation or a particular predicament – were based on my past experiences (with a splash or 10 of advice from others).

I’d made some mistakes and been on the receiving end of them. That’s why we turn to experts and friends in the first place, right? To learn what we did wrong and do better the next time? To understand what just happened after the whiplash of a break up we didn’t see coming? To salvage the relationship we’re in?

It seems relatively simple at first: type your problem into a search field, click a few buttons, and all your problems will be solved. But it’s a rabbit hole. The deeper you go, the more complicated things can sometimes become. And what happens to the fun? That’s what dating is supposed to be, right?

It was while contemplating this that I was struck with the notion that no matter how much or how little advice I read, what really mattered was that I kept one super-important thing in mind. Me! Who I am, what I want, what I believe, and to make decisions accordingly. It wasn’t always going to be fun, or pretty, but it was going to be me.

And that was the beginning of my interactive romantic comedy novel, Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda: A Novel Approach to Dating. I took all the dating and relationship advice resources I could get my hands on, mined them for common and contradictory advice, the most common, fun and angsty predicaments and dilemmas, and arranged them into one giant work of fiction – a book where you call the shots (and live or die by the outcome).

How you want to handle the beginning of a relationship; how quickly or slowly you want to take things; how you handle fights; face rejection or how you reject; when to say I love you, or how to deal when you’re faced with an ‘I love you” you can’t return; whether or you want to stay in a relationship or run for the hills; wait for a proposal or make one; live solo or “in sin;” have kids or not; deal with a pregnancy scare (or fake a pregnancy)…you get the picture.

Like everything in life, no matter how much advice we’re given, no matter how many books we read, or tales of life experience we hear, how we handle our romantic relationships is up to us. We have choice. Even when we don’t have a choice in the outcome, we have a choice in how we react to it. And when it ends, we get back up and do it again.

While Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda: A Novel Approach to Dating will take you through all the ups and downs, all the stages and anxieties that come with falling in love, it also has the most important part – the fun, the shenanigans and, most importantly, the hijinks.

Like boiling down a decade of relationships into 400 pages, it has hundreds of choices, upwards of 60 endings, and endless opportunities to start over when things end. All without getting out of your jammies. If only real life were like that, eh?

I could use your help in getting Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda off the ground. I’m raising funds for professional editing, formatting and design. In exchange for contributions, you can get an advance copy of the book, win prizes, or even have a character named after you.

It’s a one-of-a-kind book for a one-of-a-kind you. You can find my crowdfunding campaign here, read an excerpt of the book here, and get to know the story’s characters on their Pinterest boards.

Have a gander and decide if you’d like to be a part of something special (and you know, avoid any Coulda, Woulda, Shouldas down the road).

For now,

Tara Reed

Original article: Dating Advice Doesn’t Have to Take the Fun out of Dating

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You’ve spent the last week or two talking to someone you’ve met on an online dating site and you’ve finally made plans to meet. The day is here. You’re excited to meet this person who has seemed so wonderful online. Next thing you know, some mysterious (ie. lame) excuse comes up preventing them from meeting you or worse yet, you don’t hear from them at all. Or maybe they do show up and look nothing like their pictures. The possibilities are endless.

Anyone who has spent any amount of time in the realm of online dating has had some kind of experience like this. If not, consider yourself lucky. There are many great people on these sites who are honest and sincere, but let’s face it. Some are not.

Up until now, there really hasn’t been a way to determine if you’re wasting your time with someone or not, besides putting in the work yourself. Enter “Lots of Fakes”. A new website/app that allows you to search profiles across all major dating sites, and add reviews of people you’ve had experience with.

If a married guy, posing as a single guy, is on a dating site, wouldn’t you want to know that before spending a week or two only to figure that out yourself? Or the girl who loves the attention of receiving 100+ messages a day, and flirting back and forth, but has no real intention of ever meeting anyone in person. For years people have wasted enormous amounts of time and energy on these people who are not who they say they are, or simply have no business on a dating site.

This database is going to be built organically, over time, by people in the online dating community. If everyone would simply take 60 seconds after that date (or misdate) to record that experience, be it good or bad, this app could prove to be invaluable and improve online dating for everyone.

Lots Of Fakes – Google Play, App Store, http://www.lotsoffakes.com

Original article: Lots Of Fakes

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Sadly, the art of courtship is sometimes replaced by instant sex or relationship. Some people believe that they should have sex by the third date and others think that they should be in a committed relationship by the third date. I have experienced both of those assumptions and know they are totally false statements.

I was stunned when a man told me that our relationship was going nowhere because I would not have sex with him on the third date. He also told me that I should not eat garlic on a date and to dye my hair because I had some grays. Ohh, what a turn on! Let me drop my panties now, my sweet love. Forget about the fact that you could have a disease, be married, or an axe murderer who I just met from an online dating site!

On the opposite extreme, I still remember the terror I had in my early twenties, when a man I just been dating for a week talked about us getting married. I wasn’t even sure I just wanted to only date him, let alone marry him.

As a professional psychic, I often hear the questions when am I going to get married, meet someone, does he/she like me, etc. I give my clients the answer that I receive from my guides and Angels. One of my biggest roles is to guide them along the path.  It is amazing how people think psychics know and can predict everything. We have no control over the way the information is given. Every human being has free will and can change an outcome.

Here is a good example of that from a call I received concerning a couple, whose names have been changed. Marybeth called wanting to know what the future held for her and Steve. I heard the song lyric, “We only just began” and asked if this was a new relationship. They had been seeing each other for three weeks. I got the following information – Steve really liked her, was very attracted to her, and  he wanted to take things slowly. The most important thing was not to push him into commitment or call him all the time because of his past experiences with women. If she allowed the relationship to flow it would move forward to commitment.

Fast forward, a few weeks later. Marybeth was very angry at me because Steve had broken up with her. “You told me that he would commit to me,” she yelled. I got a vision of her constantly texting and calling him. I also heard the song lyric, “I’m already gone” by the Eagles. I asked if she texted and called him a lot. She admitted she had. It was her free will and actions that ended the relationship.

Please do not be a Marybeth; instead allow the relationship to unfold. I often hear a lyric from an old-time song, “Getting to know you.” Get to know a potential romantic partner mentally, emotionally, spiritually before having sex or committing to a relationship.  If they are “The One,” they are not going anywhere. But, to find that out you need to enjoy the courtship and let the relationship flow.

Pamela Cummins is The Musical Psychic, singles and psychic development coach,  and author of “Psychic Wisdom on Love and Relationships.” For more information visit her website

Visit me over at: www.pamelacummins.com

Original article: Let the Relationship Flow

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When used correctly, pickup lines can get you that much closer to that cute girl across the room, or that hunky guy that just walked in. Whether you’re sheepish or sly, it’s important to remember that confidence is everything. It sounds cliché but it is indeed true. So, before trying any of these lines, take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re awesome, because you are, and whomever you have your eye on will think so too.

Take an Interest

Taking an interest is one of the easiest ways to start a conversation. If you’re at a bookstore, ask for a book recommendation; if you’re at a record store, ask him or her about a band they have been listening to recently. It may sound easy enough, but it’s important to not feign an interest when in conversation. You want this exchange to be genuine, not just an excuse for you to drop lines left and right. Ask open-ended questions, don’t be creepy and you should have a first date in no time. Opening with, “I’m looking for some new music to listen to, what would you recommend,” is a perfect way to initiate a conversation and begin getting a feel for his or her musical preferences.

• Taking an interest is an easy way to start a conversation.

• It’s important not to feign an interest, be genuine.

• Ask open-ended questions and don’t be a creep.

Make Her Laugh

Making the opposite sex laugh can be a painstaking process. The success rate can be pretty low, and it can leave you looking like a fool, but, fear not! Putting a smile on his or her face can be done in many ways. It’s important in this scenario to read who you’re talking to and gauge his or her sense of humor. You don’t want to open by telling an offensive joke or one that he or she won’t understand. Instead, say something funny that’s relevant to where you are or what you’re doing and hope for the best. Also, don’t be afraid to be a bit of a goofball. Asking him or her, “How much do you think a penguin weighs…,” followed by, “…enough to break the ice,” will certainly lead to an eye roll, but is almost always accompanied with a smile.

• Making the opposite sex laugh can be painstaking, but is worth the effort.

• Read his or her sense of humor and joke accordingly.

• Tell a joke that is relevant to your surroundings to break the ice.

Hold a Conversation

No pickup line has the power of an actual conversation. In fact, if you’re using your pickup lines properly, a legitimate conversation is the endgame. Yes, it pays to be slick and charming with the opposite sex, but at the end of the day, being real goes a long way. Start things off with a simple introduction followed by a, “How’s your night going,” or even a compliment on what he or she is wearing. Again, don’t be overzealous with your sweet nothings, but a polite comment is a great way to break the ice.

• Holding an actual conversation should always be the endgame.

• It pays to be slick and charming, but being real goes a long way.

• A polite comment is a great way to start, but don’t overdo it.

Original article: 3 Surefire Pickup Lines that Break the Ice

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As I introduce myself as a Matchmaker to my peers while I’m out networking, I notice I have let open the floodgates for “what my type is” type of conversations. Like any craftsperson my craft is not free for the taking. But since I reside in sunny San Diego, home of millions of attractive people, I thought I would share with you some of the hilarious exchanges I have encountered and my personal thoughts on the subject at hand.

Recently I was Downtown and a fellow female networker was intrigued by my Matchmaker status, which quite honestly sounds so much more glamorous than it really is. She instantly wanted to share with me her type and who she currently was crushing on. The first question I pose to anyone who has a type is “How is that working out for you?”  Limiting oneself to a type is like limiting yourself to only wearing wedge heels. Sure they look good but after wearing them for so long your knees begin to ache and your feet begin to swell.  If you go about searching for a type of partner rather than looking for qualities your compatible within an individual, you may just keep dating the same person over and over again never learning from your mistakes.

When I tell men I am a Matchmaker they often do one of two things.  They either immediately tell me that they are taken or they ask me who my clientele are. Which I happily answer, business minded professionals who are far too busy to waste precious time on dating the wrong people…just like you.

Men have it all figured out though, and certainly don’t need my help finding a woman.  They know exactly who they want, the most visually appealing female in the room. But let’s talk about that train wreck of a beauty they are drawn to for a moment, the type they always go for. On the outside she is usually skinny with flattering features; big chest, pretty face, small waist. She laughs at your jokes and flings her hair back every 7 seconds while usually over indulging on wine. Oh yes, she is pretty on the outside alright, but what about on the inside? Can she entertain a stimulating conversation or does that even matter?

Not just men, women also typically believe everything an attractive person of the opposite sex tells them. They want to believe the lies but the truth is; wasting precious time with the wrong person will further keep you from finding the right person. So you are either too naïve or not intelligent enough to realize they are lying or you are lying to yourself. Which is it? The truth is always right there in front of your face, flashing, blinking. Can you afford to ignore it? Yes the truth hurts, but isn’t it more painful to drag out the inevitable with the wrong person? You deserve more for yourself and the sooner you accept the truth the sooner you can get on with a life of less drama and less heartache.

Original article: The Truth About Your Type

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Should the man pay for a first date? This is one of the most controversial and commonly asked questions when it comes to dating etiquette.

I’m not going to talk about feminism or gender equality. I’m not going to compare income ratios or discuss the official roles of men and women in society. I’m not even going to talk about the dynamic of men as pursuers and women as those being pursued, as fascinating as all of that is.

For me, it all comes down to this: Men should offer to pay on first dates because it’s a nice thing to do.

That’s it. That’s my entire argument. It’s a polite gesture that also establishes that the meeting is a date. I feel this applies to all first dates, whether it’s with a friend you’ve known for a while or someone you’ve only just met in person after messaging with them online. It shouldn’t necessarily be expected or required that the man pay, but in my opinion, it is part of the dating ritual that they make the offer.

That said, while I think men should offer to pay, they shouldn’t insist on it if the woman truly wants to split the bill. If a woman is more comfortable paying her own way on a date, that needs to be respected. Some women feel it creates a sense of obligation or imbalance if the man pays.

I personally offer to split the bill or chip in even after a guy says that he’ll pay. Not with much insistence, I admit, but I want them to understand that I appreciate the gesture and that it was not implied. I make sure to thank them genuinely. And yes, I have gone out on a second date with someone who didn’t pay for the first. I don’t believe it is a requirement, although most guys do offer to pay, and they certainly get brownie points for it.

Now, not all men will offer to pay on first dates. That moment when the barista announces your total at a café or the check comes at a restaurant can be awkward if he doesn’t swoop right in with his credit card. In those instances, I always get my wallet out and am ready to pay for myself if they don’t. Despite my personal feeling that men should offer to pay, I never assume they will or want to make them feel pressured. They should pay because they want to, not because you’re looking at them funny.

As a twenty-something who’s been dating since I was in college, I know money can be an issue, especially for younger folks. My general rule of thumb is to keep things simple for the first couple of meetings. Even if the guy asks you to dinner and a movie, you can always request to meet for coffee if you’re uncomfortable with the idea of them paying that much for a date or if you don’t want to end up splitting the bill (which you might have to do, even if they’re the one who asked you).

Although there’s a lot of debate on this issue, the general consensus seems to be that the man should offer to pay for a first date, especially if he was the one who asked for it. Some women feel embarrassed or anti-feminist for wanting or even expecting the guy to pay, but I don’t think we should. It might be a tradition with a basis in outdated gender roles, but if you look at it simply from the perspective of it being a nice gesture, you can’t really go wrong.

Original article: Why Men Should Still Pay For the First Date

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