theurchiness

Space of quiet...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 19:08:00 +0000

Loving deep and rich colors today. It's threatening rain outside and the inhabitants of the house are peaceful. Lounging, reading, cat napping, idly playing with a catnip toy. There are spicy pine/sweet orange candles burning, a cup of tea at my side, and woolly fair isle socks on my chilled feet. I love this time of year.

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 23:26:00 +0000

It was perfect weather for drying roving in the sun today so I pulled out a project for the shop that I started back in the spring... Build Your Own Striping Kits!

Having my first roving update since April (March?) next week and while I'm expecting a slow start, I hope it's successful enough to spur my drive into making updates a weekly or bi-weekly habit. Since I won't be living off the money my shop generates I'll have the freedom to invest everything I make back into the business... Or to save up for my brick and mortar store.

But for now, I'm sitting here with my cuppa, watching the water drip from the ends of roving.

Hello October

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 23:22:00 +0000

My favorite month is here. I love October for its changing weather, browning colors, cool breezes, and of course, pumpkin flavored anythings.

So to celebrate the arrival of my dear October, I made my famous (okay, they're only famous to me) spicy pumpkin seeds which of course meant carving pumpkins. Because it would be a huge waste to de-brain a pumpkin without turning it into a demonic dog or pirate cat.

Plus, we got to carve pumpkins and eat caramel apples before we were exhausted of talking and thinking about Halloween. You know, like the night before Halloween?

I've been doing some photo blogging...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 21:29:00 +0000

Over here.

Follow along if you're so inclined!

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 05:12:00 +0000

"They spent so much time arguing the whithertos and the whyfors, that the sun’s first light crept over the top of the trees, and turned them all to stone." -LOTR

Wishing you a peaceful Saturday sunrise.

Behind the scenes...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Tue, 31 May 2011 17:50:00 +0000

It's raining today and I love the rain. Geoffrey, my only indoor/outdoor kitty (he's the only one whom I'm convinced can handle himself out there) is sitting on the door mat under the overhang and watching the drops. I wish he would come inside where it's warm and safe, but his stubborn nature won't give. And if he did come in he would sit on the window sill above my desk and alternate glaring at me and gazing wistfully out the window. I admire his tenacity. As if he knows without a doubt that it will be sunny again soon enough.

Trying to settle into new routines takes so much patience and love. Trying to navigate feelings of change, success, abandonment, failure... It takes something deep within a person to settle into this easily.

I'm not one who is afraid of change... In fact, I embrace it with every part of my being. "Oh, a new job? Let's get a new house, too! And a new car! And a new laptop! And new foster kittens!"

This particular month has been a lesson in slowing down, letting go.

The job I accepted at the beginning of my job search didn't work out for various reasons (all my own reasons... the people I was working with are lovely) so I accepted another position better suited to my wants/needs/style/personality and it is going swimmingly.

The townhouses and condos we were looking at just weren't stacking up to our current place. The benefits of living near the beach, dishwashers, bath tubs, heaters, did not outweigh the benefits of greenery, being able to foster, fenced in yard, and amazing landlords who offered us an extra room and a small kitchen remodel to get us to stay. And we can buy a little propane heater so Sean doesn't have to chop wood.

And then we got sick. The poor lobster has been under the weather for almost two whole weeks. First a rotten cold that knocked him flat (and cut his birthday short, the travesty!) then stomach issues that rendered him useless. And while I'm applauding my immune system for kicking ass, there were a couple of days there where I thought I was going under, too.

Between the stress of the first job, then quitting that job, adjusting to a new sleep schedule (this is always a huge challenge for me), switching gears and starting a new job, deciding to leave Felton, then to stay for a while longer, getting a new car this weekend, taking a weekend away, having to buy a new laptop and dishwasher, and healing sickness... Well you can imagine. It's been quite a month.

Hello, June. I embrace your beginning.

Today is... Thoughts like these.

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Thu, 12 May 2011 15:51:00 +0000

I don't wear cute clothes very often. I am a utilitarian when it comes to what I wear. Practical, comfortable, but with a flair for the dramatic. Long sleeved shirts over a tank for unpredictable spring weather, jeans and boots. And then there are the long shawls, scarves, overstated cowls, flowy retro inspired pants. Not to mention the crazy dread hair.

Been listening to a lot of Audioslave and Indigo Girls lately... With a touch of Billy Joel thrown in for good measure.

We went grocery shopping yesterday. It's been so long since we've had a full fridge I was actually a little excited. On the menu tonight is barbecued chicken (for the man), twice baked broccoli potatoes, and garlic bread. Breakfast was bagels with cream cheese and sliced cucumbers.

My current foster kitten has a new habit of climbing up window and door screens.

My camera is feeling neglected and I think that if I don't pick it up again soon it will break up with me.

I've been meeting a lot of people lately with really interesting tattoos and ideas about tattoos. Which makes me want to finish my novel so that I may get my next tattoo.

I never used to make ridiculous rules for myself until I started dating Sean. I kid you not, we actually had the following conversation yesterday:

Me: "How are you enjoying The Wise Man's Fear? You're tearing through it pretty fast."
Him: "Yeah it's good! I tore through Dwarves really fast, too (the book he was reading before the current one). I really should have read a boring book in between the two."
Me: "WHY??"
Him: "That's the rule."

I don't read boring books, I can't waste my time on things like that. Even if I know later on I'll be happy I read the book, I can't be bothered to torture myself with books that put me to sleep. But now I make rules like 'you have to finish writing your book if you're going to get a tattoo themed around it." WHY??

I am conflicted today.

Last night Sean and I argued for fifteen minutes about Ryan Reynolds and Scarlet and Alanis.

We're still house hunting. The place we were really excited about is still on the table but we're looking at other options, too. This is both exciting and upsetting. And our landlords put something on the table to entice us to stay which is both lovely and even more lovely. But conflicting.

I think it's time for another cuppa.

Saturdays

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Sat, 07 May 2011 16:11:00 +0000

It's an honest to goodness Saturday today. The spring breeze (hello flip flop weather!) is wafting through the open windows of my little cabin in the woods, there's irish bagpipe (I'm weird) music coming from the stereo, I drank a beer with lunch. I've missed Saturdays.

Let me explain. For the past two years (up until a week ago) I've been operating a small craft business from home. And I am the obsessive type. So for the past two years (up until a week ago) I worked sixteen hours a day, seven days a week. I answered emails from bed in the morning and before sleep, I promoted my business on twitter while eating breakfast, I played around with new product ideas over sushi dinners with my man. And it worked. The business was successful, I made enough money to pay rent and then some, I enjoyed networking with beautiful fiber and tea people, I was proud of the little something I built from scratch.

However, that little something had turned into a huge something that was keeping me from having a life. Strange how a small craft business can keep you hostage, starve your soul of creative nourishment, and leave you feeling helpless at the end of the day.

Stranger still that no one talks about that part of 'living the dream'.

But I digress, because today I'm here to talk about Saturdays.

How good this Saturday feels after a week of working a nine to five job. How beautiful it is to sit quietly with no emails, customer concerns, or responsibilities other than letting the cat out. Before the craft business, Saturdays were my favorite day because of this feeling. The feeling that you have one more week under your belt, one more to do list crossed off, and two whole days ahead of you for adventuring or Grey's marathons. Whatever you want. Which is exactly the point.

During the craft business Saturdays were for catching up on everything that didn't get done during the week, doing tea packaging, setting up photo shoots, dragging the man all over town to find office supplies... Working. With no end in sight because that to do list just kept getting bigger and better and I kept staying the same size.

So I am loving this Saturday of spring breezes and beer with lunch.

Chocolate Cake and Peonies.

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Thu, 05 May 2011 16:26:00 +0000

Been listening to a lot of Beach Boys and Sam Cooke. Sitting in the sun with iced tea on my lunch break. Adjusting to new routines and ideas.

Contemplating new spaces with doors between the rooms.

Someone explain to me how I spent my entire childhood living in a home without doors and complaining about it, to living three years in a place where I can't lock the cats out of my bedroom or office... Due to not enough doors.

I'd like to have house plants in my office. French doors that open to a backyard full of peonies.

I'd like to sleep without three cats on my feet. They are wild things that communally bathe and they rock the bed with their aggressive grooming.

Contemplating chocolate cake on Saturdays and Farmer's Markets on Sundays. Jasmine wafting on a salty breeze.

Tentatively planning.

Little Boxes on the Hillside...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Tue, 03 May 2011 16:40:00 +0000

We've lived in this gorgeous little home for three years now. Three years this month.

I love the quiet, the wind in the trees, the open windows, the sun casting leaf shadows on the hardwood floors. I love the walk down to the mail box, how everyone freaks out when they have to back down the driveway. I love the window in the shower and the amazing view from the office. I love the orange kitchen, yellow bathroom, sage green office, lavender loft. I love our landlords.

I do not love having to store my toaster in a cupboard, crouch down in my bedroom (we sleep in the loft, the ceiling is five feet five inches at the tallest part, one and a half feet on the lowest), having to move a cutting board to get to a cupboard (that makes no sense to you until you stand in my kitchen, but trust me, it's annoying), having only two closets and having to heat our home with a wood burning stove.

I've lived in plenty of places since I moved out of my parents place at eighteen and this, by far, has been my favorite. And I lived in fancy apartments, a five bedroom house at the top of a mountain, and garage turned studio in downtown. It's fair to say that I've done it all in terms of rental living... And this place is top notch. I will be so so so sad to leave.

That said, I cannot wait to leave! With a new job comes a new paycheck comes a new residence and we found a lovely one. Great location only three blocks from the beach with exactly what we've been missing for the past three years.

You guys, we're going to have a dishwasher! And a bath tub! And a heater!

We're going to live like real live people!

We will seriously miss this place and have the fondest memories one can have over an apartment, but this move has been a long time coming and the change is going to feel stupendous.

Also, from this new location I can walk to the farmer's market.

Hurry up, July! (Things are still a little wonky as far as timing but we're hoping to have a place ready to go by the end of July. Which sounds like it's far away but people, it's already May).

Sunday and Pensive

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Sun, 01 May 2011 16:25:00 +0000

There are a lot of changes happening in my life right now. It only seemed right to resurrect something I once loved. I like the juxtaposition of new and old, faded and bright.

So we're back at this address. I've imported the Brie by Night months for a seamless blogging experience and I'm happy to be back to theurchiness.

More news coming soon.

Happy Thursday!

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 21:21:00 +0000

Giveaway winner and good news!

P.S. I look tiiiiired! :)

Dyeing

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 18:47:00 +0000

My best moment this week was splashing color onto wool (check the shop). What was yours?

P.S. Don't forget to enter the tea giveaway below!

A new vlog...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 20:09:00 +0000

Leave a comment to enter the tea giveaway!
A note: I usually post this videos in my ravelry group, so when I say 'on my blog' and 'over there' and all, it's because a lot of people are seeing this video someplace else. :) You can watch all of the videos I post here.

Goodbye and Hello

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 20:32:00 +0000

I wrote this post a few days ago, hesitant to share it with you, because it doesn't really explain anything about my personal/business plans... But I realized last night that it would have helped me to read something like this to know that I'm not alone. So just in case you're struggling with similar thoughts and ideas, here you go. And if you're not struggling with dream versus lifestyle, here's a glimpse into my thought processes this month.

What must it be like to have hobbies? What does routine look like? What happened to energy and motivation? To relaxing, to adventuring, to taking trips and finding new space in which to breathe deeply?

What happened is I started a small business. A small business that is slowly sucking the life from my bones, sticks, and stones.

In order to follow this accidental dream I sacrificed a lot of myself. The part of me that would rather spend every weekend in a new city has disappeared. The part of me that finds the adrenaline rush of emergency medicine to be the best high in the world. The part of me that

paints
draws
sews
hikes
plays in the dirt
creates adornments
writes novels
fills journals with inspiring words/phrases/photos/places
loves working hard and long
playing in new soil

That Brie, I miss.

I miss having a life outside of customers, wool, and tea. How could a life surrounded by those things possibly fulfill me? And the thing is, I knew that it wouldn't be enough for me when I started this. I knew that I wouldn't be fulfilled by small victories. I wanted it to be a temporary fix for going to school full time, for supplementing income when I was laid off from my non-profit job, for trying something new. So when did this 'hobby' turn into a full time job?

It turned into a full time job when my adventurous nature said out loud "I wonder if I could do this?"

I wonder if I could make enough money to survive off of this.
I wonder if I could be one of those people that doesn't need more than wool and tea.
I wonder if I could be happy working from home alone all day.

So I stopped going to school because the work picked up and I didn't have enough energy at the end of the day for both. I gave up on eight hour workdays. I started pouring my heart and soul into making new connections, friends, customers.

And for a while I was really happy. I was in charge of my future, my days off, the processes of the business, I worked in my pajamas, slept in, became a good boss, collected treasures to share with others, took the dogs to the beach on my lunch break. Who wouldn't be thrilled with that?

But there's a reason I'm really restless at the end of the day, I'm not sleeping as well or as much as I like. There's a reason the failures hit SO hard. And that reason is that I am in charge. I'm not saying I'm scared of responsibility or that I'm not a strong person because those things are still true of myself. I'm saying that no matter what happens, whether it be in my control or not, me = my business.

So when my credit and debit card numbers were stolen yesterday, it didn't just inconvenience my personal life... It delayed packages, caused panic about automatic payments for various merchants/suppliers, delayed ordering of office supplies and raw materials, and basically affected every person I've ever done business with. So not only am I worrying about myself and my personal finances, but suddenly my business could be at the hands of a mad(wo)man trying to buy shoes (I'm assuming shoes, because if I were a madwoman with someone else's card in hand, I'd buy shoes.) at Macy's and online services.

When etsy went through the privacy fiasco a few weeks ago, my immediate thought was not 'oh no, now people can see my real name' but 'oh no! I hope my 14 year old customer that bought tea from me for his girlfriend for v day isn't found out because I left feedback too early!' or 'Gosh, I hope my customers are okay with these changes because there's nothing I can do to fix this for them.'

That's a lot of people to worry about.

And I worry. Because my income is based on how much people like me. So imagine that every tiny thing you do or say online can make or break paying rent.

You'd worry, too.

And not only about money, but about who to hang out with online, who to support, which battles to fight, which battles to write off.

I miss being free.

Ironic how I feel trapped by owning my own business and freed by the idea of returning to the work force with steady pay checks, less responsibility, and weekends off.

I know there are people out there who LOVE pouring their creative juices into making a life around their craft and I think that is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately the little voice deep in my soul that tells me I'm not one of those fortunate people has been pushed down and beat up and trampled on for more than a year now.

That voice is coming out loud and clear this month.

So it may be time to say goodbye to Fall Creek Fibers and hello to a new kind of dream. When the right opportunity presents itself I'll begin taking steps in the direction of adventures, vacationing, hobbies, buying our house, living deeply. Taking the steps that are GOOD for me instead of the steps I WANT.

And trying to remember that the strong decision is cutting off a toxic relationship, not giving up on a dream.

How to Deal with the Melancholy in Three Easy Steps

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 18:26:00 +0000

Adapted from a friend of a best friend who used the steps last weekend to paint her bathroom a rocking pink with black and white accents.

I didn't realize I used these steps until they were written down in front of me.

Step One: Believe in Yourself (buy donuts)

Or in my case, take a shower. I always feel more equipped to handle the swirly when clean and refreshed. I use all the hot water and only my favorite scents. Do something in this step that makes you feel good. Slip on your favorite jeans, braid your hair, take a walk, buy a donut. Something in this step is supposed to make you feel a tiny bit better about your abilities.

Step Two: Take a Deep Breath (eat donuts)

I eat a cupcake for breakfast. Or a donut. Or drink a big giant cup of coffee. Or tea, or whatever. Something to center me in real life where I can take a minute to think about the next step. This step is all about taking control of your tangible scenario.

Step Three: Just Do It (melancholy fin)

Call the credit card company in charge of the stolen card. Have the hard conversation. Send out a resume. Get on with it. When things in your (my) life feel like they're spinning out of control and I have no bearing, I remind myself that there are things I have control over.

I'm off to clean the oven. (Just do it.)

I did a vlog yesterday!

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 18:57:00 +0000

I did this vlog for my loves over in my ravelry group but I've decided to share it here as well... Because I'm neglecting this blog with a vengeance and this will make it seem like I'm not.

Or something. Anyway, enjoy!

Where I want to be as a photographer...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 18:44:00 +0000

Someone who reacts to their environment and finds those moments where the mood is right. Who lives 'the visual life'.

tea

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 00:40:00 +0000

’tea leaves
tea loves
loves tea
lives tea
leaves tea?
never.’

uniek swain

Because someone asked...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 22:35:00 +0000

I'm not back to the regularly scheduled programming.

More like... Blogging about what I feel like when I feel like, in order to rediscover what I like about blogging.

I am grateful for...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 21:53:00 +0000

Bob Dylan covers.Warm clean soft socks.

Yarn dyed red.

Comfy hooded sweatshirts left over from high school.

Grapefruit green tea and sourdough toast with fancy olive oil and lemon and garlic salt.

Smell good candles and clove incense.

Clean floors.

The 'Nickel Creek' Pandora radio station.
The man in my life.
Sleeping kitties in the sun, in the cat tree, and on the back of the couch.
Flipping through cook books.
Local taquerias.
January sunshine.

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 19:24:00 +0000

The lobster put his foot down today when he walked into a skein of soaking wet vinegary sock yarn. I am no longer allowed to use the pot rack, cat tree, or light fixtures to dry yarn.

The first week of the new year (in pictures)...

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 15:47:00 +0000

December 31, 2010: We spent with my best friend Ally and her man.... Homemade lasagna, champagne, and Mad Men marathoning.

January 1, 2011: The first meal. Which has also become my favorite meal. (That red stuff on the bread is sun dried tomatoes. Yum.)

January 2, 2011: I pulled out my wheel (for the first time in a long while) and did some spinning... As I was uninspired by my yarn stash and therefore did not feel like knitting.

January 3, 2011: We had to drive down to Salinas with a cranky cat to meet Jessi this day. We made the most of it and stopped at Black Bear Diner in Salinas for breakfast. Sean's favorite breakfast place.

January 4, 2011: Dye rinsing off wet wool. One of my favorite parts of my job.

January 5, 2011: Geoffrey often hangs out with me in the office and watches me work with interest.

January 6, 2011: I rearranged my office today... Again.

January 7, 2011: I love the afternoon light we get in the winter. Today it fell on my read in progress. This photo wasn't staged... Things actually look like this in my house. :)

A Regular Course.

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 18:34:00 +0000

"Virginia Wolf wrote, 'Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword.' On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where all is correct. But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, 'all is confusion.' Nothing follows a regular course. Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will be more perilous." -Elizabeth Gilbert

Goodbye and Hello

noreply@blogger.com (Brie) — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 19:47:00 +0000

I've been spending a lot of time making lists and bubbles about business stuffs for the new year.

I'm hoping to grow into myself come 2011. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm pretty much set in who I am as a person, but there are some things with which I struggle internally. (Roles within the home for instance... Full time work, part time stay at home wife? Ugh. Part time work, full time home keeper? More ugh. Business woman who doesn't leave the home office for anything except more caffeine? More ugh but more appealing than stay at home person. See, I have a lot to define and work through.)

So I've been making lists of things that are important to me as a person.
balance
yoga
authenticity
veganism
being genuine in my actions
creative endeavors
risk taking

So these things are important for my growth as a human. As a young woman with a penchant for delicious food and gentle exercise, loves the beach and the forests equally, dreams of a ranch with sheep and goats and fresh vegetables warm in the sun... As a personally successful woman. Someone who does not define success by another's definition.

And then I've been working on my business... A business I want to not only survive, but thrive.

And things I (personally) love to work on within my business.
design
customer interaction
dyeing
color theory
mixing teas
photography

Some things I don't love doing with this business.
packaging
packaging
packaging
emails
researching wholesalers and advertising opportunities
... BLOGGING.

There you have it. At the very bottom of the do not like list.

See, my favorite blogs are wordy. They're soulful. They're full of deep, genuine, authentic people. They touch on emotional turmoil without focusing on it, they reach out to those around them with loving arms, open hearts, cocoon like dreams.

Unfortunately, I'm not one of those brave souls who are comfortable sharing such intimate parts of themselves with the world of the interweb. Even as I write this post I am struggling with clicking the Publish Post button. (Is it too wordy? I didn't add a photo. This post really should come after a Christmas gratitude post, I didn't blog about the deliciousness that was my holiday. I didn't even bring my camera to capture those moments to share. I have some projects I could share, maybe that should come first. I have a new year's resolution post to work on, too. This post isn't important, it's not inspiring, nor fluffy, nor typical, you should delete it. People want to read uplifting things.)

These are the things I'm struggling with. I find that there isn't very much of myself in these posts and that directly conflicts with the personal success list from above. I worry too much about my readers (that's you lovely people) and not about what I want to write about, spill, share.

So I'm saying goodbye to blogging for a little while.

I'll miss it, I'm sure. I've had some sort of bloggy outlet for the past ten years... That's a long time. But I feel so much more refreshed when I marinate in my real life journal, when there is pen and paper and creativity involved. Where there is ME on the pages, instead of other people I find interesting, pretty, or inspiring.

I'm thinking of taking up photo blogging instead. Photos that I can then print out and tape into my journal. Photos that I can then print into a book and add to my two huge boxes of the chronicles of my life. If I get into it, I'll share a link with you where you can follow me.

So goodbye blogging, hello new adventures of self.