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France to appeal fake virgin annulment

2008-06-05T11:41:00-04:00

THE French government says it will appeal against a court decision to grant a marriage annulment to a Muslim man on the grounds his wife lied about her virginity after the verdict sparked a public uproar.

Justice Minister Rachida Dati has asked state prosecutors to file an appeal against the ruling handed down in Lille in northern France, the justice ministry said.

"The annulment of a marriage by the high court in Lille has sparked a heated social debate. This private affair reached beyond the scope of two people and concerns all citizens in our country, particularly women," it said.

News of the ruling, which was handed down in April but revealed last week, sparked an uproar among French politicians and women's rights campaigners, but also French Muslim figures.

French Urban Affairs Fadela Amara, a Muslim and women's rights activist, called it "a fatwa against women's emancipation".

The man suspected that his new bride, also a Muslim, was not a virgin on their wedding night in July 2006 because the bedsheets were not stained with blood. The woman later admitted to him she had had sex before their marriage.

The court granted the request after ruling the man had been "mistaken about the essential qualities" of his wife-to-be.

Speaking on an internet talk show, Prime Minister Francois Fillon said he would take the case to France's high court of appeal if necessary to prevent creating a legal precedent for annulling a marriage on grounds of virginity.

"This is a very, very sensitive affair, one that shocks a great many French people because it seems to take us back to a time long past," he said.

"I do not wish for people one day to be able to make virginity a constitutional element of marital consent."

"Under these conditions, it is right to ask for a new judgment and, if necessary, to ask the Court of Cassation to issue a ruling to prevent this from setting a legal precedent for all judges in our country."

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French court annuls Muslim’s marriage because wife not a virgin

2008-06-04T11:27:35-04:00

Sharia law has sneaked in through the back door of France’s High Court in a judgement that allowed a Muslim man to annul his marriage because his wife lacked certain “essential qualities” - namely that she was not “pure” (i.e. a virgin).

… his wife had previously affirmed to him that she was pure, an essential value for him, however the man discovered the evening of their wedding, on July 8, 2006, that she was not and had announced it to his close relations at 4 in the morning.

The father of the husband brought the young woman back to her his parents, considering his family “dishonoured”, according to the account published in a legal review and quoted by the daily newspaper, Libération.

The husband, an engineer of about thirty years, had decided the following day to separate from his wife …

This is the first time in living memory that French law has been used to annul a marriage on these grounds. The law itself was crafted in order to allow people to annul their marriages if their spouses had lied about their nationality, their criminal records, or if they had previously been divorced.

The French political class is in arms over this:

Jacques Myard member of UMP (right) expressed “his indignation to this shocking decision that validates an archaic integrism” the PS (socialist party) denounced an scandalous judgement which goes is undermines woman rights”

Women’s rights group, ‘No Whores, No Submission” said that this decision was a regression and they expressed sadness that in France virginity could be considered an “essential quality” of a woman.

There’s nothing on this in the English-speaking press, but you can read the rest here (in French)

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Promises of ‘purity’ should be to self, not parents

2008-06-03T11:22:39-04:00

At first I suspected it was just media-generated hype, but apparently the trend of so-called “Purity Balls” is real — and growing. Last week, The New York Times described an elaborate father-daughter gala hosted in Colorado Springs: “After dessert, the 63 men stood and read aloud a covenant ‘before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity.’ … The evening was a joyous public affirmation of the girls’ sexual abstinence until they wed.”

In other words, the girls who attend these balls (and, by the pro-chastity Abstinence Clearinghouse’s own estimates, there are hundreds hosted every year), pledge their virginity to their fathers until they are safely in the custody of husbands. In fact, according to a February 2007 article in Glamour magazine, Randy Wilson, who founded the Christian ministry that sponsors Colorado Springs’ Father-Daughter Purity Ball, has given each of his five daughters a charm necklace with a lock. He keeps the keys, which he plans to give to his sons-in-law on their wedding days.

There are plenty of constructive ways to promote abstinence among teens, but something tells me this is not among them. That’s not just because (at least to me) describing sexually abstinent girls as “pure” is gag-worthy. And it’s not because research shows that most people — around 90 percent — who “pledge” virginity until marriage eventually break that vow. Anyone who cares about the young girls in their lives should be dismayed by the growing popularity of Purity Balls for two reasons: It places all of the responsibility on girls, and it teaches them to view abstinence as something they commit to for another person’s benefit.

I agree with the Purity Ball organizers that abstinence is the best choice for teens, boys included. Earlier this year, I was hired by Dr. Miriam Grossman, author of the book Unprotected, to be a researcher for her second book, You’re Teaching My Child What?, which is about sex education in middle and high schools. I spent hundreds of hours researching the subjects of abstinence and teen sex — including the nutty, sleazy and often dangerous messages kids get from the media and self-described “sex-positive” educators.

There’s no question that there are many physical, psychological and moral benefits for avoiding early sexual activity. Besides the obvious threats of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, it’s an easily measurable fact that teen girls who say “no” to sex are happier, better-adjusted and less dependent on peer approval than girls who do it at a young age. (For anyone interested in reading more about this topic, Dr. Grossman’s book comes out in July.) Therefore, I don’t blame parents for encouraging their daughters to practice abstinence.

But many go about it in the wrong way. First, Purity Balls and many other programs designed to promote abstinence are aimed only at girls. There is simply no male equivalent — which gives girls the distinct impression that the responsibility is all theirs. One poster distributed by a Christian abstinence group declares, “You are like a rose. Each time you engage in premarital sex, a precious petal is stripped away … Don’t leave your future husband holding a bare stem.” It seems not to occur to them that a future wife might not want a husband who’s had dozens of sexual partners, either. One abstinence-education program, “Reasonable Reasons to Wait,” tells teens “the girl may need to put the brakes on first in order to help the boy.” It’s no wonder that the organization Legal Momentum described such programs as “contain[ing] harmful and outdated gender stereotypes that cast women as the gatekeepers of aggressive male sexuality.”

Second, many religiously based abstinence programs encourage girls to sign away their sexuality to a suitable guardian — first to their fathers, then to husbands. Of course, there are the requisite warnings about teen pregnancy and STDs, and the possible risks to a girl’s confidence and sense of self-worth if she engages in early sex.

But the very idea of a public “virginity pledge” implies that the real danger comes in disappointing the person you made the pledge to. It gives the girl no personal reasons to practice abstinence. She is encouraged to focus not on protecting her own health and well-being by abstaining from sex, but on living up to someone else’s standards and doing what they want.

What might happen when these two forces collide? What if a girl who’s been trained to please others meets a boy who believes it’s her job to enforce abstinence? If he wants sex — and she temporarily craves his approval more than her own father’s — she’s likely to sacrifice her values and break the pledge.

And she’s less likely to be smart about it. As the Glamour article on Purity Balls noted, teens who take virginity pledges are actually less likely than their peers to use contraception when they start
having sex.

It might comfort a parent to hear his daughter pledge abstinence until marriage. But she’s unlikely to reap any benefits of her promise — so long as she made it for his benefit rather than her own.

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Doctor held for hymen surgeries

2008-06-02T12:29:21-04:00

Sharjah - Police in Sharjah in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) arrested on Wednesday a German doctor of Arab descent for performing hymen reconstruction surgery and illegal abortions.

Police investigations indicated that the 61-year-old gynaecologist carried out the surgery to restore broken hymens for about US$1 000 dollars, according to a police statement.

The surgery known as hymenoplasty is illegal in many countries in the Middle East and the Gulf where women are required to prove their virginity when they get married.

The surgery is usually done under local anaesthetic.

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Guttmacher Institute Tracks Teen Sex Trends

2008-05-30T12:08:18-04:00

There's a common misperception that teens tend to engage in alternative sexual activities while trying to maintain their virginity. A Guttmacher Institute study debunks the myth, finding sexually active teens are almost 20 times more likely to engage in oral or anal sex than their virgin peers. Linda Klepacki, sexual health analyst for Focus on the Family Action, said parents can help their children steer clear of this alarming trend. “The most important (thing) to convey is God’s awesome design for sexuality and His abundant blessings when we honor His boundaries to keep sexual expression within marriage," she said. “Talk with your child who’s sitting next to you in the car. That way you’re not looking at each other, and it’s much easier to begin those discussions.”

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Physician touts her virginity to promote purity, abstinence

2008-05-29T12:13:40-04:00

Dr. Lindsay Marsh, 30, is beautiful, well-educated successful ... and a virgin.

The anesthesiologist and ordained minister from Upper Marlboro, Md., is the founder of I Am Worth the Wait, an organization that promotes sexual purity and abstinence.

Marsh will give a presentation, "The Next Step," at 6:30 p.m. Friday at Hartford Middle School at 1824 Third St. SE in Canton. The event is sponsored by LIFE Ministries International Church, and the Stark Community Foundation.

Author of the book, "The Best Sex of My Life," Marsh said she made the decision to remain a virgin until marriage at an early age.

"I was like your normal 16-year-old," she recalled. "I had my first boyfriend and I was in love, but my parents raised me to believe that virginity was a special and important gift. It carried over into my relationship."

But Marsh admits the relationship became physical, by other means.

THE BODY AS TEMPLE

"I got caught up in vicious cycle," she said. "I found myself doing things I never intended to do. The young man who was my boyfriend, left to find his satisfaction elsewhere. At 16, that was a difficult concept for me to grasp. That propelled me into a place, and I took a step back. Out of nowhere, I decided to sit down and develop a relationship with God."

At 17, Marsh said she embraced the biblical concept of the body as a "temple," that "I really deserved to wait for a person who will deserve and earn me."

Marsh said today's young adults are deluged with messages to the contrary, and too many, she added, get their information from TV, the barbershop, locker rooms, or the cafeteria.

MEDIA INFLUENCE

"A lot of (music) videos could qualify as soft pornography," she said. "Quite honestly, the media is probably the most powerful influence that young people have right now, in some instances more than parents. Some parents are ignoring the subject. Meanwhile, Kanye West, and Beyonce and Jay-Z don't have any problem at all, talking about it."

Marsh pointed to R&B singer Usher's new song "(I Wanna Make) Love in The Club."

"It's going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy," she said. "People play out what they see. That's just the truth of the matter ... people don't have a defense because they're not being taught."

Marsh said black families often don't teach abstinence because it's seen as a "Republican or "Bush" policy.

"Also, we associate a person who is abstinent, as lonely, sad, unpopular and rejected, " she said. "You can be attractive, popular and successful. I want to have the same influence that Kanye West or Alicia Keys has on mainstream culture, but for sexual purity."

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'Sex and the City' Turns 14-Year-Olds into Sluts then Mormons

2008-05-28T16:16:56-04:00

"Lisa" was a 14-year-old girl hooked on "Sex and the City" and growing up in New York. She lost her virginity that year, graduated to drinking cosmos and soon began cheating on her boyfriend with up to seven guys a week. This comes from a new article at ABC.com titled "'Sex and the City' Fiend: Show Turned Me Into Samantha".

Lisa (not her real name) began emulating Samantha (Kim Cattrall's character in the show turned feature film) to the point that she drops this little story based on an episode when Samantha scrunches her face up at her latest suitor and tells him she doesn't like the way he ... tastes.

"That was something that happened to me. I used her exact words: 'You have funky spunk,'" she said. "I knew from watching the show that it had to do with something he was eating," so she took a cue from the script and took an ax to a certain item in his diet.

Luckily, this story has a happy ending as "Lisa" has now embraced a Mormon life but she has been forced to sell her "Sex and the City" DVDs on eBay and her husband forbade her to watch "Sex and the City".

Ha! Apparently he was afraid "it would lure her back to her habits of sex, drugs and one-too-many cosmos." This guy must be a real winner.

The article goes on to say that "Sex and the City" can't be blamed for creating a generation of sluts. Yeah, you girls did that all on your own... Another cosmo over here please!

Don't fear you hounds, "Lisa" has reclaimed her DVDs and plans on seeing the movie on opening day. Not sure if she will be hammered on cosmos, but word is if you offer she won't be rude and refuse.

If you want to read the fluff of the piece click here, or just click here and buy what this site is selling, I think it is from episode 10 from season 7.

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Teen sex study doubts "technical virginity"

2008-05-27T14:49:12-04:00

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A survey examining sexual practices of U.S. teens has undercut the notion that many engage in oral sex rather than intercourse to stay "technically" virgins, researchers said on Tuesday.

The findings, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, were based on answers by 2,271 females and males age 15 to 19 in 2002 in response to a government survey.

The researchers found about 55 percent of the teens said they had engaged in oral sex but that this practice was far more common among those who also had engaged in vaginal sex.

Teens said they began vaginal and oral sex at roughly the same time -- by six months after first vaginal intercourse, 82 percent had also engaged in oral sex, according to the study.

"There is a widespread belief that teens engage in nonvaginal forms of sex, especially oral sex, as a way to be sexually active while still claiming that, technically, they are virgins," Laura Lindberg of the Guttmacher Institute in New York, who led the study, said in a statement.

"However, our research shows that this supposed substitution of oral sex for vaginal sex is largely a myth. There is no good evidence that teens who have not had intercourse engage in oral sex with a series of partners."

The Guttmacher Institute studies sexual and reproductive health issues.

About one in 10 of the teens said they had engaged in anal sex. These teens were far more likely to have also engaged in vaginal sex.

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Sex column: Reason for staying pure range from religious beliefs to lack of action

2008-05-23T12:49:05-04:00

Of all the milestones one reaches in life, losing one's virginity can be one of the most fondly - or regrettably - remembered. Some, however, have yet to reach this milestone.

According to a 2002 report by the Guttmacher Institute, a nonprofit organization that studies reproductive and sexual health, 95 percent of Americans reported having premarital sex.

But what about the other 5 percent?

One of the more traditional reasons to hold off on getting it on is saving oneself for marriage.

Depending on your religious beliefs, remaining a virgin until you are married is a valued virtue. No wonder, since the other 95 percent of us could hardly wait to do the horizontal mambo.

My own experience in this department may be - or may not be - your typical tale: Boy meets girl, boy promises girl the moon, girl gives it up, boy spends next six months harassing girl because she broke up with his clingy ass. Ah, youth.

I scoured Chico State for the rare breed - Virginicus collegiatus - hoping to shed some light on the reasons it has decided to keep its pants on longer than most.

Believe it or not, it is awkward and difficult to A) ask random people on campus if they are still virgins, B) get them to admit to you, a perfect stranger, they are in college and still a virgin and C) get them to tell you about it.

But find them I did, only genuinely creeping out two or three people in the process. It's progress.

Virgin No. 1 is a 24-year-old male business major. He says the reason he hasn't lost his virginity is because of his shy nature and not meeting the "right one" just yet.

"My dad always told me just to not do it with a random girl I don't even care about if I'm going to do it before I get married," he said.

He's also managed to fool his roommates into think the he's done the horizontal mambo.

"I just let them assume I already lost it (with my first girlfriend) back in high school. I don't need that to be a public thing."

When I pressed for more details about what he has and hasn't done, his face turned beet red. "What is this, 'Moment of Truth'?" he said, wiping fake sweat off his brow.

But don't think he doesn't get the ladies.

"I go on dates and to bars with girls every once in a while," he said. "But a lot of them just seem too dramatic and high-maintenance."

He also admits he has few good friends who are female.

Virgin No. 2 is a 23-year-old female liberal studies major. She says the reason she hasn't lost her virginity yet is because she doesn't try hard enough and is too focused on school.

"When I go to school, I don't try to look good," she confesses, adding the majority of the people in her classes are female. "If there are no guys, I'm not going to wake up at 6 a.m. and get all done up for no reason."

She has some serious career aspirations - and no time to waste on men.

"I guess I just would prefer to get my education out of the way first. I see all these girls around campus hanging on their boyfriends all the time and I think, 'When are you getting your work done?'"

Ouch, that one cut me deep.

As hardcore as she may sound, she said she does get lonely.

"Who wouldn't want someone there when you have a bad day? It's just more risk than reward at this point," she said.

When I ask her if she's up for dating, she smiles coyly and fires back, "Why? You know someone?"

Yes I do. He's a 24-year-old business major.

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Virginity: A Very Personal Decision

2008-05-22T14:25:52-04:00

Sometimes it might seem like everyone in school is talking about who's a virgin, who isn't, and who might be. For both girls and guys, the pressure can sometimes be intense.

But deciding whether it's right for you to have sex is one of the most important decisions you'll ever have to make. Each person must use his or her own judgment and decide if it's the right time — and the right person.

This means considering some very important factors — both physical ones, like the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) — and emotional factors, too. Though a person's body may feel ready for sex, sex also has very serious emotional consequences.

For many teens, moral factors are very important as well. Family attitudes, personal values, or religious beliefs provide them with an inner voice that guides them in resisting pressures to get sexually involved before the time is right.

Peer Pressure Problems and Movie Madness

Nobody wants to feel left out of things — it's natural to want to be liked and feel as if you're part of a group of friends. Unfortunately, some teens feel that they have to lose their virginity to keep up with their friends or to be accepted.

It doesn't sound like it's all that complicated; maybe most of your friends have already had sex with their boyfriends or girlfriends and act like it isn't a big deal. But sex isn't something that's only physical; it's emotional, too. And because everyone's emotions are different, it's hard to rely on your friends' opinions to decide if it's the right time for you to have sex.

What matters to you is the most important thing, and your values may not match those of your friends. That's OK — it's what makes people unique. Having sex to impress someone or to make your friends happy or feel like you have something in common with them won't make you feel very good about yourself in the long run. True friends don't really care whether a person is a virgin — they will respect your decisions, no matter what.

Even if your friends are cool with your decision, it's easy to be misled by TV shows and movies into thinking that every teen in America is having sex. Writers and producers may make a show or movie plot exciting by showing teens being sexually active, but these teens are actors, not real people with real concerns. They don't have to worry about being ready for sex, how they will feel later on, or what might happen as a result. In other words, these TV and movie plots are stories, not real life. In real life, every teen can, and should, make his or her own decision.

Boyfriend Blues or Girlfriend Gripes

Although some teens who are going out don't pressure each other about sex, the truth is that in many relationships, one person wants to have sex although the other one doesn't.

Again, what matters most differs from person to person. Maybe one person in a relationship is more curious and has stronger sexual feelings than the other. Or another person has religious reasons why he or she doesn't want to have sex and the other person doesn't share those beliefs.

Whatever the situation, it can place stress and strain on a relationship — you want to keep your boyfriend or girlfriend happy, but you don't want to compromise what you think is right.

As with almost every other major decision in life, you need to do what is right for you and not anyone else. If you think sex is a good idea because a boyfriend or girlfriend wants to begin a sexual relationship, think again.

Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex by saying, "if you truly cared, you wouldn't say no," or "if you loved me, you'd show it by having sex" isn't really looking out for you and what matters most to you. They're looking to satisfy their own feelings and urges about sex.

If someone says that not having sex after doing other kinds of fooling around will cause him or her physical pain, that's also a sign that that person is thinking only of himself or herself. If you feel that you should have sex because you're afraid of losing that person, it may be a good time to end the relationship.

Sex should be an expression of love — not something a person feels that he or she must do. If a boyfriend or girlfriend truly loves you, he or she won't push or pressure you to do something you don't believe in or aren't ready for yet.

Feeling Curious

You might have a lot of new sexual feelings or thoughts. These feelings and thoughts are totally normal — it means that all of your hormones are working properly. But sometimes your curiosity or sexual feelings can make you feel like it's the right time to have sex, even though it may not be.

Though your body may have the ability to have sex and you may really want to satisfy your curiosity, it doesn't mean your mind is ready. Although some teens understand how sex can affect them emotionally, many don't — and this can lead to confusion and deeply hurt feelings later.

But at the same time, don't beat yourself up or be too hard on yourself if you do have sex and then wish you hadn't. Having sexual feelings is normal and handling them can sometimes seem difficult, even if you planned otherwise. Just because you had sex once doesn't mean you have to continue or say yes later on, no matter what anyone tells you. Making mistakes is not only human, it's a major part of being a teen — and you can learn from mistakes.

Why Some Teens Wait

Some teens are waiting longer to have sex — they are thinking more carefully about what it means to lose their virginity and begin a sexual relationship.

For these teens, there are many reasons for abstinence (not having sex). Some don't want to worry about unplanned pregnancy and all its consequences. Others see abstinence as a way to protect themselves completely from STDs. Some STDs (like AIDS) can literally make sex a life-or-death situation, and many teens take this very seriously.

Some teens don't have sex because their religion prohibits it or because they simply have a very strong belief system of their own. Other teens may recognize that they aren't ready emotionally and they want to wait until they're absolutely sure they can handle it.

When it comes to sex, there are two very important things to remember: one, that you are ultimately the person in charge of your own happiness and your own body; and two, you have a lot of time to wait until you're totally sure about it. If you decide to put off sex, it's OK — no matter what anyone says. Being a virgin is one of the things that proves you are in charge, and it shows that you are powerful enough to make your own decisions about your mind and body.

If you find yourself feeling confused about decisions related to sex, you may be able to talk to an adult (like a parent, doctor, older sibling, aunt, or uncle) for advice. Keep in mind, though, that everyone's opinion about sex is different. Even though another person may be able to share useful advice, in the end, the decision is up to you.

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