At one time or another, we’ve all had to deal with people we find difficult, and I’m betting you’ve wished at one time or another that they’d make your life easier by just disappearing.
Certainly, the easiest way to deal with any problem is to eliminate it, if possible, and the same is true of people we find challenging. If it’s possible, the best thing may be to wish them well and let them go.

But what if that’s not an option?

Sometimes, we have to interact with people we find difficult. But if you recognize that interacting with these people is having a really negative impact on your well-being and your life, you’ve got to do something, right?

Before we dive into what to do, it’s time for a reality check.

The reality is…

…“difficult” is nothing more than a label you’ve attached to a person. Somewhere along the line you decided that they should be or do something other than they are, and when they didn’t conform to your expectations, you labeled them “difficult.”

…much as you might wish you could…you can’t change someone else’s behavior or attitude. The only behavior and attitude you have any control over are your own.

…while you might love to blame your anger, frustration, or annoyance on the other person for being so darn difficult, the reality is…no one can make you feel anything.

…it’s not the other person’s behavior that is creating your feelings of upset. It’s your thoughts about the other person’s behavior that create your feelings of upset; it’s the litany of complaints running through your head. All of which stem from a critical, judgmental attitude.

Expecting others to conform to your ideas about how they should be or behave doesn’t serve you or the other person. Instead, it sets you up for continual disappointment and frustration.

The Magic of Seeing Others through Compassionate Eyes

The next time you’re faced with someone you find it challenging to interact with, take a moment to step back and attempt to see them through compassionate eyes. (Notice the emphasis here is on the reality of your experience – you find it challenging, something within your ability to shift. Rather than on the other person being “difficult” which implies there is something wrong with them that needs fixing. Something you have absolutely no control over.)

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~ Ian MacLaren

How do you suppose viewing them with compassion might shift how you see the other person?

What if, that “difficult” co-worker, who infuriates you by acting like you don’t exist, isn’t intending to be rude or anti-social but rather is grieving and simply trying to keep it together?

What if, your three year old, when he’s driving you nuts with his incessant chatter, isn’t trying to annoy you or throw you off your game, but is actually lonely and trying desperately to get you to give him even a few minutes of your undivided attention?

What if, when your mother-in-law makes you batty by constantly offering up unwanted and unsolicited parenting advice, she’s really just longing to feel needed again?

What if, your rebellious teenager isn’t trying to turn your life upside down, but is frantically trying to make sense of their own ever-changing and overwhelming emotions and life?

Now, of course, we can’t know what anyone else is dealing with in their private lives, but you don’t have to know for certain what the explanation might be. The point is to catch yourself when you’re being critical and judgmental and spinning stories about how they’re maliciously doing something to you, and to view them instead, with compassion.

When you practice compassion, you’ll discover, that almost like magic…the “difficult” people have disappeared from your life, transformed instead into people who are doing the best they can in each moment, and who, like you, want only to be happy.

“Happiness and peace will come to earth only as the light of love and human compassion enter the souls of men.” ~ David O. McKay

Change is a natural part of life. And yet, most of us fear change, to one degree or another.

It’s the discomfort we often associate with change that freaks us out. And what is that discomfort exactly?

It may be a little different for everyone, but in general, that discomfort shows up as nervousness, anxiety, a feeling of being “on edge,” irritability, insecurity, and/or in the body as muscle tension, a tight throat or a knot in the stomach.

The bigger the change, the more intense these effects can be. It’s no wonder we often fear or dread change. It’s human nature to instinctively do what we can to avoid discomfort or pain.

But…it doesn’t have to be this way. By initiating small changes in a fun, light-hearted way, you re-train your brain and body to react differently to change. Muster up your sense of adventure and creativity and play with making it a habit to initiate small changes.

• Do you always take the same route to work, or to the grocery store or to pick the kids up from school? Take a new route. Explore an unfamiliar neighborhood or store.
• Have you been sitting staring at the same blank wall in front of your desk in your home office? Re-arrange the furniture so you can gaze out the window.
• Do you always have spaghetti on Sunday and meatloaf on Monday? Do you always order take-out from the same Thai restaurant? Give a new recipe or restaurant a try.
• Have you been secretly longing to learn how to dance? Or surf? Or paint? Or cook? Go for it. Take that class.

When you get too set in your ways, too habituated to your routines, too comfy in your comfort zone, you start tuning out and operating on auto-pilot. (Have you ever driven home only to realize you don’t really remember much of the drive?)

Consciously choosing to do new things will wake you up. Because they’re not familiar, you’ll naturally be more focused and present with the new activities. Being more present will open your eyes and your mind to even more new things and new possibilities. It will stimulate your creativity and spark personal growth.

Doing new things, or simply doing things in a different way, creates new neural pathways in the brain, and over time, de-sensitizes you to the fear of change. It allows you to practice mustering up the courage to do even bigger, bolder new things, and you’ll find you’re better able to roll with and handle the bigger changes we all experience from time to time.

Regularly initiating small changes with a sense of play allows you to transform your experience of change from one of dread and discomfort to one of anticipation, adventure, excitement, and fun.

When was the last time you did something new? Or did something you’ve done a thousand times, but in a new way? I’d love to hear what you think. Share your thoughts and suggestions for initiating small changes, in the comments section below.

habit hab·it (hab’ĭt) n. A recurrent, often unconscious, pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition.

Notice, that habits, by their very definition, are often unconscious. This fact can make attempting to change a habit more than a little challenging, and attempting to force yourself to change habits out of sheer willpower is often nothing more than an exercise in frustration that leaves you feeling deprived and dejected.

If you’ve ever attempted to make a dramatic change overnight, then you know just what I mean.

While making a dramatic change overnight is possible and works for some, for most of us, it sets us up for an equally dramatic inner conflict between our desires and our will. And, even when it seems successful at first, it often falls apart as soon as you let your guard down.

If you’re thinking there’s got to be a better way, you’re right. There is.

Awareness is Key

A few months back, I’d been whining about the weight I’d gained over the last few years, and then one day, while wandering through the bakery at the grocery store, I grabbed one of those tasty, and oh-so indulgent pastries and threw it into the cart. I took about three steps before it hit me what I’d just done, and I literally thought to myself, “Whoa! You do not get to complain about your weight AND continue eating high-calorie sweets.” And I promptly turned around and put the pastry back.

Changing any habit has to start with increasing your awareness. If you aren’t aware of the choices you’re making in the moment you’re making them, how can you possibly make a different, more positive choice?

So how do you increase your awareness?

Start Asking the Right Questions

Rather than telling yourself you’re going to go on a diet and eliminate all sugar, rather than going on a strict budget that doesn’t allow you to ever indulge, or eliminating any activity that isn’t highly and immediately productive, from your day, simply craft a question that will help you to bring greater awareness to your habits, and that will allow you to make more conscious choices.

Want to lose weight or simply make healthier eating choices?

After that enlightening trip to the grocery store, I realized I needed to be more aware of my eating & shopping habits. But I’ve never been a big fan of strict diets that leave you feeling deprived, so rather than cutting out all sweets or eliminating every high calorie treat I enjoyed, I began asking myself this simple question:

“Is it worth the calories?”

You would be amazed at the power of that one simple question. Much of the time I realized it wasn’t worth the calories and I would choose not to have that second helping or that crazy high-calorie dessert. Other times the answer was a clear yes, and in those instances, I’d allow myself to indulge, and when I did, I savored every bite. This meant that most of the time I was making much better choices about what I was eating, while still allowing myself the occasional treat so that it didn’t feel like punishment or deprivation.

Maybe you’re wanting to save for a special vacation or a down payment on a new house or car.

You might craft a question like:

“Is this a purchase I really want or need to make or would I rather put this money toward our dream vacation?”

Perhaps you’ve realized you’re spending way too much time on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter and you want to work on spending your time in more productive ways.

Ask yourself something like:

“Is this the best use of my time right now?” or “Is this moving me toward my goal/vision?”

The beauty of crafting and asking yourself the right questions, is that it’s a simple, easy way to increase your awareness, and allows you to make conscious choices rather than operating out of an unconscious habit. It won’t take long for the questions to become a positive habit that serves you well in just about any area where you’re wanting to make positive change.

Think about which habits you’d like to begin shifting, and craft your own questions to begin increasing your awareness. I think you’ll be surprised at just how easy and effortless it can be.
Need help crafting a great question? Want to share a great idea for shifting habits that’s worked well for you? Dive into the discussion in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

You’ve made a conscious choice to initiate some positive changes in your life, and you’re excited…you’ve already begun to see the benefits and you feel amazing. You’re feeling energized and alive in a way that you haven’t for a very long time. Life is good.

But…you’ve also begun noticing that some of the people in your life don’t seem to be nearly so thrilled with the new you.

This can be disconcerting and downright upsetting, especially if you don’t understand why it’s happening and didn’t know to expect it.

It’s often the people closest to you that are most heavily invested in you remaining as you are. They like you just fine, just as you are and often worry that the changes you’re making will somehow negatively impact their relationship with you.

Or they may feel downright threatened…afraid that you’ll decide you don’t need or want them in your life any longer either. (And you might.)

If those around you work hard to maintain the status quo, they aren’t going to appreciate that you’re shaking things up. Because, when you shake things up, it makes it all the more difficult for them to stay nestled, safe and sound, in their comfort zone.

If you’re happy and they’re not, you’re suddenly a constant reminder of the happiness they long for but don’t have.

If you’re going after your dreams and refusing to settle for less than you deserve, you may be a painful reminder of the dreams they gave up on long ago, of the ways in which they’ve settled in their own lives.

“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.” ~ Unknown

Hard as it may be…sometimes we have to let go.

When we don’t have a clear sense of self, we have a tendency to allow others to define who we “should” be.

When you wake up and start living according to your own values, dreams and ideals…you will likely also recognize that there are some relationships that aren’t healthy and supportive and that you need to let go of to continue moving forward.

The beauty is that in doing so…you make room for truly healthy, positive relationships with people who will love you unconditionally, who will support you through your challenges, and who will be genuinely happy for your successes.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell

Is it hard and sometimes painful to let go of the life you’ve planned (and some of the people in it)? Yes. Of course it is. Especially when you find yourself needing to let go of the old life before you really know what the new one will look like or be like.

It’s a process that is at once, both exciting and frightening, but when you step boldly into the unknown, trusting your intuition to guide you toward the life that is waiting for you, your life will transform in ways you never even knew to dream of.

Have you had to let go of something or someone to step into the life that is waiting for you? Or have you recently recognized that you’ll have to let go of something or someone? I’d love to hear about it. Come chat with me in the comments.

*Originally published on The Life Change Network

As an entrepreneur you’ve got to be damn good at what you do, damn good at marketing, and damn good at getting shit done.

And trust me…there’s always more to do.

If, on any given day, you’re determining what you’ll do and how you’ll spend your time based on what you “feel like” doing…it’s time for a lovin’ booty-kickin’. You cannot build, or sustain, a successful biz that way.

I’m a big fan of delegating wherever you can. When you recognize there’s something you really aren’t very good at or really can’t stand having to do, find someone else who’s good at it and loves it and delegate it. Get it off your to-do.

But even if you’re a pro at delegating, chances are there are still things you’d rather not have to do but that YOU have to get done.

If every time you’re faced with one of those tasks you find yourself procrastinating in the hopes that you’ll feel more like doing it tomorrow or the next day, or the next…you’re kidding yourself and, quite frankly…behaving like a spoiled brat rather than a responsible (and oh yeah…adult) biz owner.

And I’ll tell you now what your mother used to tell you anytime she asked you to do something and you started whining, “But I don’t feel like it!”

I don’t care if you don’t feel like it…do it ANYWAY.

Seriously. Knock that shit off. Right. Now. Quit whining and just get to it. In the end, you’ll likely discover that the task itself didn’t take nearly as much time or energy as whining about not wanting to do it did.

What have you been procrastinating doing because you don’t feel like doing it? Want to really give yourself a kick in the pants? Make a public commitment in the comments below to get whatever it is done. Now. Today. Have you recently finally completed a long-procrastinated task? How did it feel to finally get it done? Share your story…it might provide just the inspiration someone else needs to get movin’.

It doesn’t matter what “it” is. The specifics are irrelevant. But whatever your “it” is…I have to ask…

How badly do you want it?

That’s really what it boils down to. When you get right down to it, everything has a price. No, I don’t mean a monetary price. Most of the things that hold deep meaning for us can’t be bought at the local Walmart, but they come with a price all the same.

It’s easy to say, “I want to find an amazing man (or woman) to share my life with” or “I want to build a multi-milllion dollar biz” or “I want to land a great job.” Or whatever your long held dream may be.

The sticking point occurs though, when you sit back and “wait” for any of those things to simply drop into your lap.

Before you begin protesting that you don’t do that, let’s see if any of these thoughts sound familiar…”One of these days…” or “Someday…” or “I’ll get around to it when…” or “I can’t right now because…” If any of those thoughts sound familiar, on some level you’re putting it off as if you think it will simply drop in your lap one day. While it’s ever-so-remotely possible, it is highly UN-likely.

It’s easy to say, “I want <fill in the blank>.” But are you willing to give up whatever is necessary to get your “it?” It might mean giving up some free time, or family time. It might mean having to be uncomfortable, or vulnerable. It  might mean having to do things you aren’t great at, or that you’ve never done before. It might require that you dredge up levels of patience and perseverance you didn’t know you possessed. It might require that you work your ever-lovin’ ass off to get it.

So let me just ask again….

How badly do you want it?

If your answer to that question is a resounding, “So badly I can hardly stand it!” then it’s time to stop whining about how hard or unfair life is. It’s time to stop making excuses for why you can’t. It’s time to stop waiting until you’re “ready” or worse yet, until “someday.”

It’s time to…GO. AFTER. IT.

Because when you get right down to it, it’s a CHOICE. So choose. You either want it or you don’t. You’re either willing to do what it takes, willing to give up what you must, to make it happen, or you’re not. You can keep daydreaming and talking wistfully about it…or you can…

GET. INTO. ACTION.

There are no shortcuts. It’s not going to magically be easier some day in the future, and the fear you likely feel at the thought of going after what you want…that’s not just going to disappear one day either. You’ll never think your way out of fear. Action is the only real cure for fear.

Take that first step. Today. Then take the next, and the next, and the next…until you have whatever that “it” is for you. Because I promise you…if you keep waiting and hoping and dreaming…you will be disappointed. You will still be waiting and hoping and dreaming of the very same thing, years from now. Don’t let your life pass you by…

LIVE IT. Live it fully, no-holds barred.

So, how badly do really you want it? What would you have to give up? Are you willing to pay the price? What support do you need? What’s the smallest step you can take to get started? What’s holding you back? What would it take to get you into action? Come chat with me in the comments…I’d love to hear your thoughts.

“There are generations yet unborn whose very lives will be shifted and shaped by the moves you make and the actions you take today. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

Every single thing you do matters.

You have been created as one of a kind. On the planet, there has never been one like you…and there never will be again. Your spirit, your thoughts and feelings, your ability to reason and act all exist in no one else. The rarities that make you special are no mere accident or quirk of fate.

You have been created in order that you might make a difference.

You have within you the power to change the world.

Know that your actions cannot be hoarded, saved for later, or used selectively.

By your hand, millions – billions – of lives will be altered, caught up in a chain of events begun by you this day.

The very beating of your heart has meaning and purpose.

Your actions have value far greater than silver or gold.

Your life…and what you do with it today…MATTERS FOREVER.”

*Excerpted from The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters ~ Andy Andrews

If you haven’t yet read, The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews, go grab a copy. It’ll take you all of 15 minutes to read and it will remind you that how you use your time today, and every day, MATTERS. Not just to you…but to others. To your family, your community, and yes, even the world at large.

It’s all too easy to get caught up in our personal reasons for wanting to build a successful business…more money, security, power, fame or freedom…and to forget that our actions, our businesses, affect others. When we forget we have a tendency to make choices by default.

My hope is that the excerpt I’ve shared will remind you of the importance of making conscious choices about how you spend your time, how you build your business, and how you can best be of service and effect positive change in your own life and in the lives of others.

What if every single thing you do really does matter? How would that change how you’re living? How would that change how you’re running your biz?

What will you do with your life today? And tomorrow? What actions will you take?

Just as importantly…what do you need to let go of or stop doing?

What support do you need to step more fully into what you know, on a deep soul level, you’re being called to do or be?

If you ask most people if they’d like to be happier they don’t have to stop and think about it. It’s a no-brainer. Of course, they’d love to be happier.

The irony is that if you ask the very same people, “What makes you happy?” you’re likely to get a blank stare or a perplexed look.

Give them a minute or two to think about it and the answers you’ll get will likely be some version of  ”Ill be happier when…I’m making more money, get a promotion, buy a new house or car, take a vacation, win the lottery, drop 30 lbs”…and the list could go on and on.

While all of those things might well bring an increase in happiness… that happiness is momentary. It’s not long before the excitement of the new “thing” wears off and our level of happiness reverts back to whatever it was previously.

Then we set a new goal we’re just sure will bring us happiness once we achieve it, and the cycle continues, leaving us in the perpetual pursuit of happiness rather than living a happier life.

And notice…the question was, “What makes you happy?” not, “What would make you happy?” If you’re thinking right about now that I’m splitting hairs here, you’re right. Because there’s a VERY important distinction to be made.

The answer to the second question will keep you forever striving for some illusive “someday” because you can’t BE happy in the future. You can only dream of being happy in the future.

While the answer to the first question holds the key to actually living a happier life now, because now, this moment, is the only time in which you can actually experience or BE happy.

Do you see the subtle distinction? Well, duh, you may be thinking now…because once I’ve pointed it out it seems obvious doesn’t it? Sometimes it’s the simplest, most obvious, of things that are the easiest to overlook or undervalue.

But here’s the reality…

…your life is made up of days, and your days are made up of moments. Okay, so now I’m really stating the obvious, I know. ; ) But if you bear with me you just may find that it’s also life-transforming.

If you want to be happy, if you want to live a happier life, you have to fill your days, and the moments that make up your days, with the things and experiences that make you happy.

Forget all the big, momentous occasions you hope to enjoy someday in the future and pull your focus back to this moment to answer the question, “What makes you happy?” 

You can’t fill your days with the things and experiences that make you happy if you don’t even know what those things and experiences are.

What are the little, day in and day out things, that make you happy? That warm your heart? That make you smile? That fill you with a sense of contentment and peace? That leave you with that delicious sense that all is right with the world?

Over the course of this week, keep those questions simmering in your mind as you go about your days. Make a list. No, really….make a list. Not in your head…on paper. One that you can refer back to.

List anything and everything you can think of that makes you happy. (Need some examples to get the ideas rolling? Check out some of the things that make me happy, here.)

Then begin incorporating as many of those things and experiences into your days as you possibly can.

Simple? Yes. But it really is some of the simplest ideas that are the most profound and that hold the most potential to transform your life. Please don’t underestimate the power of answering the one simple question, “What makes you happy?” It truly is the key to living a happier life, a life you love, starting now.

What are you waiting for? What have you got to lose? Give it a try.

Got a question or a thought you’d like to share? Jump into the comments! I’d love to hear about what makes you happy, how you’ve incorporated what makes you happy into your days, and how it’s transformed your experience of your life.

The house I’m leasing here in beautiful Monument, CO went to foreclosure sale and reverted back to the bank, and then Fannie Mae, on Nov. 9th of last year.

We (my honey and I) love this house. It’s everything we were looking for and then some. It’s a gorgeous house and it backs to pine forest. As idyllic a setting as I could have hoped for.

We moved in just six months ago. We signed a three year lease because we were ready to settle in and stay for awhile. (I don’t know about you but I’m not a big fan of moving and I’ve already moved three times in the last four years. ; )

When we began getting notices regarding the impending foreclosure sale, we didn’t panic. We did our research and we knew we had rights under the Protecting Tenants at Foreclosure Act that President Obama signed into law back in May of ’09.

The PTFA in essence, requires that any purchase at foreclosure sale is subject to the terms of any existing bona-fide lease. The only exception being if the buyer intends to occupy the residence, in which case they must serve the tenants with 90 day notice.

In our case, the house reverted to Fannie Mae and of course, they aren’t going to be occupying the house, so we weren’t the least bit worried.

What we didn’t know then, that we do know now, is that the PTFA is, (are you ready for this?!) self-regulating. Meaning…no one is enforcing it. It’s left to the big organizations like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and the big banks, to regulate themselves. And we all know how well that works.

The PTFA is a federal statute. Never in a million years would I have dreamed that a federally-backed organization like Fannie Mae would, or could, simply disregard the law. It’s the law, after all, right? So when we submitted our lease to Fannie Mae for their “approval” we could not have been more surprised, just a few days later, to be told that they would not be “approving” our lease.

They offered us a new 12 month term lease that would have required us to sign away all our rights and would have offered us no protection at all.

We declined and I began a round of phone calls to anyone and everyone I could think of who might be able to help us – the CO State Atty. General’s office, DORA (Dept. of Regulatory Agencies), HUD, and several other agencies, including a local but nationally known consumer advocate…all to no avail. It wasn’t until phoning Senator Michael Bennet’s office that we got some help.

Our contact there filed a formal inquiry with the Federal Housing & Finance Agency that oversees Fannie Mae. We breathed a sigh of relief to have at least found someone who might be able to help. The FHFA was investigating.

Meanwhile, I’d phoned Fannie Mae again to address their initial denial of approval of our lease, citing the PTFA. They said they’d review it and within days they denied us yet again.

We reiterated that we would be asserting our right to remain in the premises until the end of the term of our lease, as is our right under the PTFA. At that time, a week or so before Christmas, we still weren’t worried. The FHFA was investigating…surely they’d force Fannie Mae to comply with the law.

That was nearly a month ago. Flash forward to this past Monday…when we were served with a Demand for Possession requiring us to vacate the premises, not in 90 days, not in 3 days….but IMMEDIATELY.

WHAT?! To say that we were stunned would be an understatement.

Since we were quite sure we were well within our rights to remain, and that the FHFA would surely step in to enforce the PTFA, we were distressed to see that the situation had escalated to the point of a demand to vacate immediately.

When I shared what was going on with a few close friends all were stunned, and commented on how stunned they were, that I wasn’t completely freaking out.

But here’s the thing…I can freak out and I can sit here and bemoan the fact that this shouldn’t be happening…this is precisely the kind of situation that the PTFA was designed to prevent…or I can accept that, like it or not, this is what’s happening and I can look at what needs to be done, and then get down to it.

I was watching the pilot episode of Alcatraz last night when Doc asked Lucy why she wasn’t freaking out, and she replied, “How I feel about what’s happening doesn’t change the fact that it is happening.” So very, very true.

The truth is…it doesn’t serve us to allow ourselves to devolve into panic. When we’re in a state of panic…not only is it crazy-uncomfortable…but we can’t think straight and so we freeze. Panic keeps us stuck at precisely the time we most need to think clearly and take whatever pro-active steps we can take.

So really, I have two choices…I can sit here with my head in the sand, whining about how unfair life is and how this shouldn’t be happening, until the Sheriff shows up on my doorstep next week to forcibly remove us, or I can face the reality of the situation and I can take a good hard look at what steps I need to be taking.

Have I given up the fight? Not a chance. With the help of an amazing colleague with a background in real estate law, I composed a Notice of Violation of the PTFA and sent it out to the law firm that served the Demand for Possession, to Fannie Mae, the FHFA and the Senator’s office. And I’ve been on the phone again to each of them as well.  We have, for the moment, done all we can on that front.

And in the meantime, while we’re waiting to see how this will all unfold over the next week or so…we’re packing. Because, while this “shouldn’t” be happening, and we’re still hoping that ultimately it won’t…it’s sure starting to look as though it might.

Does the thought that a Sheriff may show up on our doorstep to force us out in less than two weeks freak me out? You bet it does.

I can’t quite fathom how we’re going to get the entire house packed, let alone find another home to move into, that quickly but thankfully even in the midst of all this chaos…we’re very blessed.

Unlike so many others in this country who have been forced out of their homes and onto the street in recent years, we have family and friends that have graciously offered to open their homes to us until we can find another.

And so, life goes on, and I have a biz to run, so I simply don’t allow myself to dwell in that place of panic. When those thoughts start spinning, and the panic rises up, I make a conscious choice to re-direct my attention from what I cannot control to what I can.

I remind myself of what  I know to be true, and of what I’ve learned and teach to others about coping with unexpected, and unwelcome, change.

How Not to Freak Out

1. Breathe. When we’re stressed we tend to breathe very shallowly which elicits the physiological fight or flight response – shooting your adrenaline sky high and creating that panicked feeling which then causes more shallow breathing and round and round you go. When you stop, close your eyes, and take several slow, deep, breaths an equal, but opposite, physiological relaxation response occurs.

2. Trust and have faith that your life is unfolding perfectly, especially in those moments when it least feels as though it is. It’s often those seemingly “negative” situations we face that hold the promise of the greatest gifts and growth and lead to equally unexpected blessings.

3. Reach out for help and support. Identify the people that might be able to offer assistance and/or support and rather than hiding out, reach out to let them know how they can help.

4. When the panic hits…repeat steps 1-3 and then make a conscious choice to shift your attention from what you cannot control to what you can. What pro-active steps can you take? Identify them and begin taking them. The more present in the moment, and the more engaged you are, with whatever is right in front of you…the better off you’ll be.

5. Take good care of yourself. It’s easy when life feels stressful or chaotic to lose sight of the things you most need to function at your best. Eating regular, healthy meals and getting good rest can be challenging. And the more enjoyable activities that really nourish and energize you often get tossed by the wayside altogether. Make a conscious effort to ensure that you don’t let those things slide completely. Maintaining your routine will provide a sense of stability in the midst of the chaos and taking part in activities that you enjoy will help to keep you sane.

So, I’ll be taking advantage of this opportunity to continue to walk my talk, and to practice rolling with change, and I hope you’ll take heart the next time you’re faced with unexpected, and often unwanted, change, in knowing that no matter how dire the circumstances may seem, you don’t have to freak out.

Time for me to get back to the packing…but don’t let that stop you from jumping into the comments to share your thoughts…I’ll be looking forward to them.

*UPDATE: We asked our contact at Senator Bennet’s office to inquire with the FHFA if it might be possible to enforce a stay on the eviction proceedings while they finish their investigation and we just got word that they’ve done just that.  So while nothing is decided just yet and we may yet have to move before the end of our lease, we can relax a bit knowing that there won’t be a Sheriff on our doorstep looking to force us out next week. ; )

A few days ago, I happened across Stephen Dimmick’s website and videos and I love them. Stephen is so natural and down-to-earth in his videos that it feels as though he’s chatting with an old friend and I find that incredibly appealing.

He clearly knows his stuff and really enjoys what he does, and he keeps his videos to about three minutes making it easy for anyone to find the time to watch. That he also delivers some really great make-up tips is a nice bonus.

As his twitter bio says, he’s “dishing a daily dose of gorgeous w/ Aussie attitude and N.Y style.” And it goes on to say…”If you ain’t a nice person makeup won’t help. After all, True Beauty Only Comes From Experience.” So true.

When I happen across someone like Stephen I like to share. So yesterday I tweeted, “Do you know how to effectively spot conceal so your skin looks flawless? @dailydimmick shows you just how to do it: http://shar.es/Wy7VM ”

And surprise, surprise, it wasn’t one of my women followers who replied to that tweet. It was @TimBrownson of A Daring Adventure with this provocative reply, “ is the answer meditate on mindfulness and don’t give a shit about external beauty? ”

Oooo…the gauntlet had been thrown down. I paused in surprise for only a moment before picking it up and tossing it back Tim’s way. ; )

The rest of our brief twitter chat went like this:

Me: I think you can be mindful and still care about your appearance w/out obsessing.

Tim: Not sure where the line is to be honest. Can’t imagine the Buddha ever using a cover up stick.

Me: It’s a fine line for sure. But the reality is…most of us do care about our appearance.

Me: And we should…it’s a reflection of our respect and caring for ourselves. Whether it’s cover-up or it’s a clean, pressed shirt.

Tim: Maybe Mrs Buddha did though.

Me: lol…she just might have.

Are mindfulness & makeup mutually exclusive?

140 characters simply doesn’t do justice to the provocative and valid question Tim raised. The heart of which (correct me if I’m wrong here, Tim) is the question of whether mindfulness and attention to external beauty are mutually exclusive.

I don’t think they are. While on the surface it might seem a contradiction, I think it’s simply a matter of balance.

Do I advocate paying obsessive attention to external beauty? Definitely not. But the reality is…I’m not Buddha and I’m not spending my days sitting under a Bodhi tree. (And that I know of, neither are my twitter followers. ; )

On the flip side…do I advocate completely disregarding your appearance on your path to attaining “enlightenment?” Hmm…what do you suppose that might look like?!

We could go back to medieval times and stop showering more than once a week, stop wearing makeup or brushing our hair, stop giving any care to what we wear…no need to iron clothes or pick them up from the dry-cleaner.

We could even have a theme song! We could simply tweak the lyrics to “I’m Too Sexy.” It would go like this…

“I’m too enlightened for my shirt, too enlightened for my shirt…”

Now, let’s get real here…

…the above scenario would be a little ridiculous wouldn’t it? I think swinging too far toward either extreme isn’t healthy.

I meditate, and I practice living mindfully. AND…I care about my appearance. I don’t obsess over it, but I do care about it.

I’ve never been a fashionista. I don’t really care what the fashion fads or trends are, but I like to look reasonably well put together.

I don’t visit the salon every week or spend hundreds on expensive cremes and makeup. I’ve never had any kind of plastic surgery and don’t intend to, and I’m not one of those women who can’t walk past a reflective surface without stopping to admire herself, and you’ll never see me re-applying lipstick in public every five minutes.

There are days I roll out of bed and dive into work only to realize at noon that I haven’t so much as looked in a mirror, let alone brushed my hair. But would I walk out the door like that to run errands or to attend a business meeting? Um, no…not a chance in hell.

And I don’t believe for a moment that my choice to use makeup or to do my hair, or carefully choosing what to wear, is an indication that I’m less enlightened than someone who doesn’t.

Taking care with our appearance is a reflection of our self-respect and value. And like it or not…much of that critical first impression with others is based primarily, if not exclusively, on appearance.

And doesn’t it just feel good to get dressed to the nines once in awhile for a night on the town? And doesn’t the perfect, flattering suit give you an extra boost of confidence when going into that business meeting or speaking on stage?

Make-up is no different. If watching Stephen’s video on how to spot conceal helps a woman to feel a bit better, to feel a bit more self-confident, how is that a bad thing?

As a teen I had the worst acne. I’m not talking the pimple here or there that most teens have to deal with from time to time. I’m talking severe cystic acne. (To this day I have the scars on my face to prove it.)

To say that it made me feel self-conscious is a huge understatement. It made me want to fall through the floor most of the time, and there was no hiding it. Not really. Had there been a product then that would have hidden it…I’d have grabbed it and used it in a heartbeat.

Because, ironically…while some may say that make-up puts too much emphasis on the superficial, external beauty rather than on who that person really is on the inside…when I was dealing with that damn cystic acne…that’s all anyone saw. They didn’t see the real me. They were too focused on the acne. Or at least that’s how it felt.

Did the horrible appearance of the acne on my face make me any less of a person? Of course not. But you could have talked to me until you were blue in the face about how true beauty is on the inside and it wouldn’t have made one iota of difference in how I felt every time I had to go out in public.

That kind of self-consciousness is excruciating. If a bit of cover-up or lipstick or eye-liner eases that discomfort for you…I say more power to you.

What do you think? Are mindfulness and make-up mutually exclusive? I would LOVE to have a rousing discussion on this topic in the comments…so please…don’t hold back…dive right in and share your thoughts and experiences.