I Think, Therefore I blog

White magic

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 10:46:00 +0000

Not many people in Pakistan know that there is such a thing as white magic. This is because most Pakistanis (and Indians, for that matter) are always complaining that they’re victims of black magic (which only exists in their minds). It’s so easy to blame others for doing black magic on you when you are incompetent and just plain lazy. However, although people suffering from black magic can be cured (since what they’re suffering from is not black magic but depression), there is no known cure for white magic.

How can you tell if someone has done white magic on you? Let’s say that normally you’re grouchy and irritable and no one likes to have you around. Suddenly, without any reason, you wake up one day with a smile on your face. You feel younger than your age by ten years. You want to sing and dance listen to music, although you gave up singing and dancing and listening to music when people suffering from black magic told you it’s a sure way of going to hell after you die. You want to smile at everyone. You actually give a hundred rupee note to each of the five beggars in the parking lot. You even smile at your assistants in the office. Your office staff think you’ve found a girl friend. Your wife thinks you’ve gone mad. If you have these symptoms, sure as hell someone has done white magic on you. This is dangerous. Don’t just sit there, feeling cheerful and happy. Don’t you know that happiness is unnatural? Those who’re happy are never able to achieve much in life. They’ll always remain juniors. People will never take you seriously if you’re always cheerful. Start scowling immediately. Look at yourself in the mirror. Frown. Scowl. Groan. Now you’re beginning to feel like your old, normal self again. You’ve already won half the battle. Start yelling again. Make all your subordinates think they’ll be fired before the day is over. Tell your secretary to take a bath. There, feel better? That’s the way to go, man!

Just remember, white magic can kill. One man hadn’t spoken to his wife for a year. When someone did white magic on him, he tried to kiss her. The poor woman died of shock. Another gave a check for a million to a charitable organization. The check bounced because there were only a thousand rupees in his account. He was arrested and sentenced for fraud. That’s why it’s better to get rid of white magic immediately. You don’t have to go to any scholars or experts, you can do it yourself free of cost.
www.chowrangi.com

Threats to journalists

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 08:03:00 +0000

Threats to journalists

Thursday, December 24, 2009

It was shocking to read that the PPP Punjab president, Rana Aftab, and the senior provincial minister, Raja Riaz, have threatened to chop off the hands of some senior journalists. The punishment of amputation is for thieves and looters, not for those who expose thieves and looters.

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi
The News, December 24, 2009

Indian nukes

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 07:00:00 +0000

Indian nukes

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The news that someone deliberately caused a leak in an Indian nuclear plant and diverted tritium into a water cooler is most disturbing. It should be remembered that a fundamentalist regime in India started the nuclear race in the subcontinent. Now it is evident that India, with its 836 million desperately poor people living on only forty cents a day, is at risk of having its nuclear arsenal being taken over by Naxalites and other terrorists. Something needs to be done urgently to save India's weapons of mass destruction from being misused.

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi
The News, December 13, 2009

Only Allah can save Pakistan

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:07:00 +0000

I don’t know whether I should laugh or weep. An advertisement printed in Dawn on 9th December asks the people of Pakistan to help in the fight against corruption. Nothing wrong there, except that the ad contains photographs of those PPP personnel who are known to have looted the country. The president and his spouse of course are known beneficiaries of Musharraf’s notorious National Reconciliation Ordinance, which enabled the couple to return to Pakistan and paved the way for Zardari to become president. The prime minister’s photo is also there.

It will be remembered that he offered to resign if it could be proved that his wife’s bank loans had been written off. Although Dawn published the news of NAB having written off loans in his wife’s name, he still continues in office. When such shameless crooks are in charge of the country, only Allah can save it.

Dismantle nuclear weapons

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 13:48:00 +0000

Dismantle Nuclear Weapons
8 December 2009

With reference to the letter, ‘India and NPT’ (KT, Letters to the Editor, December 5), there was no need for India’s sudden decision to go nuclear and provoke Pakistan to follow in 1998.

India and Pakistan should take the lead in announcing a unilateral dismantling of their nuclear weapons.

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi, Pakistan
Khaleej Times, 8 December 2009

Gagging the media

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 16:25:00 +0000

Gagging the media

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I have observed that whenever there are signs of a change in government, the pressure on the media increases. This has happened in past governments of the PPP, the PML-N and General Musharraf. Is history repeating itself?

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi
The News, November 26, 2009

Crime pays

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 07:02:00 +0000

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Crime pays

Almost every day, newspapers publish advertisements by banking courts asking defaulters to pay or face legal action (usually resulting in their properties being auctioned). Sometimes the loans are as low as half a million rupees. So can anyone explain why loans amounting to Rs 60 billion were written off during the Musharraf era? One favoured politician got away with a 110 million rupees. Could not the banks have followed the prescribed procedure for these big defaulters as well? Perhaps there are different laws for bigger criminals. After this loot and plunder by the bigwigs, on what grounds can banks take legal action against small defaulters? Justice demands that either all loans be written off or all defaulters be made to return the money borrowed by them.

SHAKIR LAKHANI
Karachi
Daily Times, December 5, 2009

Gagging the media

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:35:00 +0000

Gagging the media

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I have observed that whenever there are signs of a change in government, the pressure on the media increases. This has happened in past governments of the PPP, the PML-N and General Musharraf. Is history repeating itself?

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi
The News, November 26, 2009

Gilani to quit

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:32:00 +0000

Saturday, 21 Nov, 2009

Gilani to quit: This is with reference to the news item “Gilani to quit if wife is found to be NRO beneficiary” (Nov 20). Perhaps, Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani is not aware that his wife’s loan of Rs171 m (plus a 20-years interest) was written off by NAB in September this year. Isn’t that reason enough for him to resign?

SHAKIR LAKHANI
Karachi
DAWN, 21 Nov, 2009

Should this woman be allowed to live?

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:15:00 +0000

I’ve heard of married Pakistani Muslim women having extra-marital affairs and I’ve heard of them killing for love or other reasons, but what Fauzia Sultana has done is truly shocking. A normal woman would never kill her own eight-year old son to avoid giving him to her ex-husband (who demanded custody of the child after divorcing her). Yet she poisoned her eight year-old kid Ali Raza as reported by Dawn.

Her second marriage ended in divorce after two years when she failed to bear a child. Her third husband Tariq Mahmood (father of two sons from a previous marriage) is described by her as a good man who took her to the Holy Land to perform Hajj. One would have thought she’d turn into a truly pious Muslim woman after the Hajj, but this did not happen. She continued her liaison with her lover of 22 years (Mehr Asif) for whom she used to steal jewelry and cash.

Apparently Asif was her lover even before her first marriage. Then she killed her third husband (Tariq) by poisoning him. Why she did it is not known. Maybe he came home earlier one day and found her lover in his house or perhaps he caught her stealing his cash and jewelry. She told everyone that Tariq had died of a heart attack. But then one of her stepsons (Shehzad Tariq) would beat her up (she didn’t say why). Maybe he too suspected her of being immoral. So she and her lover killed the stepson, and she told the cops that some unknown men had killed him. The police, employing their well-known “humane” methods of interrogating suspects, got her to confess to the murders of her husband, her stepson and her own son.

So will she be allowed to live by the state? We know that Pakistanis can get away with murder (after the victims’ near relatives forgive them). If that happens in this case, and she’s not sentenced to death, what about her affair with Mehr Asir? Remember, in Pakistan (and in Islam), the prescribed sentence for a married woman indulging in illicit sex is death by stoning. Will the state decide to kill her? Or will she turn out to have powerful relatives who will save her from execution?

Bal Thackeray and his divisive politics

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 13:44:00 +0000

In 1993 I saw Bal Thackeray being interviewed on Zee TV (satellite TV channels had just been introduced in Pakistan). I wish every Pakistani and Indian Muslim had seen that interview. It confirmed what I’ve always known: that Indian Muslims would have been annihilated if India had not been partitioned. When the compere asked him why his party activists had violated the Supreme Court’s order about the Babri Masjid, he said (in Hindi), “The Supreme Court’s order was not to do any construction at the mosque, we didn’t do any construction, we simply did a lot of destruction!” His hatred for Muslims was evident.

Now, 16 years later, this demagogue is in the news again, this time for trying to divide India along ethnic and linguistic lines. A Muslim legislator who preferred to take oath in Hindi instead of Marathi was attacked by his activists, and when Sachin Tendulkar said he was an Indian and that Mumbai belonged to all Indians, he faced the wrath of Thackeray. Thackeray said that Sachin had not even been born when the struggle to make Mumbai part of Maharashtra took place. I remember what happened in those days (it must’ve been in the late nineteen fifties). Even in those days, my mother and aunts used to pronounce Bombay as Mumbee. There were riots almost daily in Bombay, and later we heard from one of my uncles that Gujarati college girls had been stripped naked and paraded in the streets. The slogan of the Maharashtrians was “Mumbai humchee!” (Bombay is ours!).

Ultimately of course Maharashtra got Bombay (after much bloodshed) and the Shiv Sena managed to get it renamed as Mumbai a few years back. It should be interesting to see what happens now. The Shiv Sena did poorly in the recent elections, which may have been one of the reasons why Thackeray suddenly decided to foment trouble along linguistic lines. He apparently knows that language is a divisive factor: one of the reasons for Pakistan’s disintegration in 1971 was the feeling among Bengalis that their language was not being given due importance.

Any Pakistani politician can be bought

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 10:28:00 +0000

14th November 2009

Aitzaz Ahsan
If Mr Aitzaz Ahsan accepts an important position in the government, it will only prove what we have known all along: any Pakistani politician can be bought. Remember the US state senator who a few years back said that Pakistanis would gladly sell their grandmothers to achieve their aim?

SHAKIR LAKHANI
Karachi
DAWN, 14th November 2009

Salary of KESC's Chief Executive

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:14:00 +0000

Salary of a CEO

Friday, November 13, 2009

According to a news item titled "Salary of new KESC CEO up by 35pc" (November 6), the salary of the new KESC CEO is 35 per cent more than what his predecessor was being paid. He will draw Rs1.3 million per month plus free accommodation and other perks. If the KESC had shown some improvement after privatisation, it would have been understandable. But the power company is making losses of Rs15 billion every year and its management has not been able to reduce even line losses. The KESC should reduce its expenses and one of the ways of doing it is to keep the salaries and perks of the senior executives reasonable.

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi
The News, November 13, 2009

Presidential immunity

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:57:00 +0000

Presidential immunity

Monday, November 09, 2009

According to a news item, Aitzaz Ahsan has said that the president will have protection under the “principle of sovereign immunity” and that no court can summon him. This is truly amazing. I always thought all laws in the Islamic Republic were supposed to be in conformity with Islam, according to which, all citizens of the state are equal. Why does the office of president enjoy immunity?

The second caliph of Islam, Hazrat Omar (RA), was publicly questioned in the mosque by a commoner to explain why he was wearing a robe made of a bigger piece of cloth than was allotted to him. If an ordinary man could confront the ruler of the first Muslim state then why can our president not be summoned by the court?

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi
The News, November 09, 2009

In the national bathroom

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 13:06:00 +0000

Old Moosa Bhai had been worried lately. His income tax case had been pending before the lady I.T.O. and he needed it to be decided in his favor since the next date of filing returns was only a couple of weeks away. He had paid money under the table to everyone in her department, yet his case was still undecided. “You’ll have to speak to madam yourself,” said the lady officer’s assistant. Moosa Bhai knew what this meant. “Why don’t you take the bribe money from me and give it to her?” he asked the assistant. “No way,” was the reply. “She’s the niece of a VVIP, and if she’s offended, she’ll have me transferred to a place like Chichawatni where there’d be no chance of earning more than my measly salary, which isn’t enough to buy petrol for my car,” said the assistant.

The old man wished there was some other way to persuade the powerful lady, but when he saw there was no other alternative, he sent in his card and was invited into her office. He said, “My file’s been lying on your table for two months now, yet my case hasn’t been decided.” She opened the file, looked inside and said, “This will take some more time.” Old Moosa Bhai cleared his throat, ran his fingers through his luxuriant white beard and said, “I understand. So I’ll pay you what I gave the officer who was in your seat last year”. She pretended to be shocked. “You think I want a bribe from you?” she yelled. “Here, I’m deciding your case right now in your favor. And don’t ever offer me money to do something for which I’m paid by the government.” The old man knew it couldn’t be that easy. “When will I get the signed order?” he asked. “You’ll get it in a couple of days,” she said.

Three days later a man arrived with the signed order. “How much?” asked the old man. “Five thousand for me, fifty thousand for her,” he said. “That’s too much!” exclaimed Moosa Bhai. “In the national bathroom, everyone is naked,” the man said with a smile.

Winning the war against terrorists

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:36:00 +0000

Winning the war against terrorists

SHAKIR LAKHANI (KARACHI)

LETTER (October 25 2009): We cannot win the war against the terrorists unless and until each one of us, including our leaders, is willing to make personal sacrifices. I do not mean that we should offer to blow ourselves up as the militants are doing. But at least we can make a start by paying our due taxes.

How much income tax do our feudals pay every year? Are they ready to curb expenses and cut down on unnecessary foreign trips? We should be like the rich Germans who have asked their government to impose a 5% tax on their wealth. Do our feudals have this spirit? If they do, there is no need to beg the US for aid to win the war.

Copyright Business Recorder, 2009

Kissing banned by LUMS

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:04:00 +0000

Now let me be clear about this (as Obama would say): I’ve got nothing against kissing, particularly if it’s between men and women. It’s the kissing of men by men that I find offensive, even if it’s done in months other than Ramadan. But the recent publicizing of a case in which a LUMS girl playfully pecked a boy’s cheek (when she thought no one was looking) has again generated adverse publicity for the country (something it could do without). So what happened? Another student hiding somewhere photographed the scene and distributed it throughout the world, which led to LUMS permanently banning kissing of boys by girls (and vice versa).

Of course, the fact that the incident took place during the month of fasting made it worse. You can’t kiss your boyfriend (or even your husband or brother) when you’re fasting, as all of us know. But suppose the two were not fasting? As I just said, they thought they were alone and no one could see what they were doing. I agree that kissing in public cannot be tolerated by the average Pakistani, who in any case is terribly disturbed whenever he sees a woman (especially if she’s not covered by a burqa).

However, I don’t mind it when a man kisses his wife or his daughter at the airport when one of them is leaving the country. That kind of thing happens all the time (sometimes even at railway stations). But LUMS should also have banned kissing between men and men (and also between girls and girls, since I assume there are some females who would find it terribly offensive). In the meantime I’m waiting for some Saudi/Waziristan mullah to issue a fatwa banning kissing between husbands and wives even when they’re alone in their bedrooms.

Iranian cleric opposes women to be appointed governors

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:02:00 +0000

Why do mullahs hate women so much? I know many clerics who’re infuriated when they see women driving or working in offices. For some strange reason, Saudi Arabia doesn’t allow women to drive or go out of their houses without being accompanied by a close male relative (like a son or brother or husband). I can understand this kind of thinking among illiterate men who think women are agents of Satan. But this is the twenty first century and most Muslims don’t believe that allowing women any freedom poses a danger to their religion or culture.

So today I was surprised to read that an Iranian cleric (Grand Ayatollah Lotfollah Safi Golpayghani) has warned the government there not to appoint women as governors of provinces (I’d always thought Iranian mullahs were not as illiterate as their Pakistani counterparts). I’d like to mention here that Pakistan has had women governors, ambassadors and even a prime minister, although the Jamaat-e-Islami violently reacted when someone proposed that women should drive buses (even though in some areas of Karachi and Lahore more women than men are seen driving cars).

Talking about the Iranian mullah (Daily Times, 16th October 2009), he is reported to have said that “God will be furious if women become governors.” I’d like to know how he came to this conclusion. I have found nothing in the Holy Koran or the Hadith to support this view.

Mixed couple denied marriage licence in the U.S

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:59:00 +0000

It’s unbelievable that there are people in the U.S. who still think marriages between black and white people should not be allowed, but that is the belief of Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish (Louisiana, U.S.A.). The man thinks such marriages do not last long (Mr. & Mrs. Barack Hussain Obama, please note). He asks everyone who call about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he refuses to allow their marriage.

Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most members of black society do not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said. Beth Humphrey (a white U.S. woman) wanted to marry Terence McKay (a black American man), but Mr. Bardwell did not agree to sign their marriage license.

The couple says they will consult the U.S Justice Department about filing a discrimination complaint.

The virgins of Paradise

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:49:00 +0000

In an interview, Syrian-born Saudi scholar Muhammad Al-Munajid described the virgins as “black-eyed….beautiful white young women, with black pupils and very white retinas, whose skin is so delicate and bright that it causes confusion….they are like hidden pearls….They have wide eyes, and they have not been touched by man or jinn. They are virgins, who yearn for their husbands. They are all the same age, morally and physically beautiful. They are like precious gems and pearls in their splendor, their clarity, their purity, and their whiteness. They are like hidden pearls – as pure as a pearl within a shell, untouched by man. Each one of them is so beautiful that you can see the bone-marrow through the delicate flesh on their legs”. You can see the interview at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrBX40TgIXg&feature=player_embedded#.
Now I can't help wondering that it's this kind of indoctrination that produces suicide bombers. Imagine the poor illiterate guy being told all this nonsense repeatedly and after a few months he can't wait to blow himself up so he can get the virgins.This is what Muslims must fight against. The battle against extremism can be won only by changing the mindsets of Muslim men and women.

Obama picks openly gay lawyer as ambassador

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:29:00 +0000

I used to respect Obama a lot, even though he turned out to be a spineless wimp when dealing with Israel. But now I think the man has lost his marbles. He has picked an openly gay lawyer (David Huebner) to be an ambassador. Now let’s get one thing clear: I know that gays can’t help being homosexuals. They’re born that way, just as a man can’t help it if he’s a Christian or a Jew or a Hindu. But while I have no reservations having lunch or dinner with non-Muslims, I do have this strange feeling about homos. I mean, as long as I don’t know whether he’s gay or not, it doesn’t matter (by the way, I’ve never come across an openly gay person in my life), but with someone who openly admits to having sex with members of his own gender, I feel queasy.

How does one shake hands with such a man? I only hope this guy Huebner (he seems to be Jewish) is not appointed ambassador to Pakistan or any Muslim country. Of course, the question of him being appointed ambassador to Saudi Arabia or Yemen doesn’t arise (in those places, they take homosexuals to the roof of the tallest building in town and throw them down). But I do think it’d be nice if he’s made ambassador to India (I think they need such people there, they must be bored with so much female nudity around).

Honor killings among Hindus in India

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:25:00 +0000

It seems that Muslims are not the only ones who kill to save the honor of their families. In Pakistan’s rural areas, one hears daily about boys and girls falling in love and fleeing their home towns after marrying in court to escape being killed. But invariably they are traced by their relatives and shot dead. But in India (”shining” India, remember?), the situation is the same.

According to the Los Angeles Times, a man was killed after he married the girl of his choice. It appears that their customs don’t allow marriages between members of the same caste (surprisingly, since in Pakistan, such couples are killed if they don’t belong to the same caste or “biradari”).

One wonders why this kind of thing is happening in the twenty-first century, and how long it will take India to join the group of civilized nations. But I suppose the Indian elite is too preoccupied with getting super-power status rather than attending to problems like illiteracy and poverty.

Kerry-Lugar debate

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:03:00 +0000

Kerry-Lugar debate

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Accepting the Kerry-Lugar bill will mean that every Pakistani gets eight dollars every year for the next five years. Compare this with the two thousand dollars given unconditionally to each Israeli over the past twelve years. Why doesn't the bill require the Pakistan government to arrange repatriation of the hundred billion dollars illegally transferred abroad from the country and kept in secret bank accounts or invested in property? Is it because they know that their puppets here will be adversely affected?

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi
The News, October 11, 2009

Humiliation in South Africa

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 07:05:00 +0000

Defeat in South Africa

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

I've noticed that whenever the Pakistan cricket team wins a match, they fall to the ground prostrating themselves, as if they've just discovered Islam, but when they lose, they blame the umpires or give some excuse for losing. Why don't they prostrate after losing and thank Allah that they were able to reach the semi-final and were not disqualified in the early stages of the tournament?

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi
The News, October 06, 2009

Why did India go nuclear?

noreply@blogger.com (Shakir Lakhani) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 07:35:00 +0000

Nuclear India
5 October 2009

This is with reference to the letter ‘Why Nuclear Weapons?’ (Letters to the Editor, KT, October 2). Pakistan, of course, went nuclear because of India’s 1998 explosions. But why did India go nuclear?

Shakir Lakhani
Khaleej Times, 5th October 2009