I recently read Joel Mayward’s book Leading Up, an excellent book for Christian leaders on leadership and influencing people around you. The book really resonated with me and by sharing some of my thoughts and own experiences, I’d like to show you why.

Who are you?

“Before leading up you have to know who you are.”

Joel writes this in the first chapter after the story on youth pastor Logan his book begins with. It seems like a cliché this statement, but there’s a deep truth in it. Joel shares his own story of how his leadership started from a place of insecure pride and how that affected his leadership.

My leadership started the same way, though I’d say it was more insecurity than pride. You see, I wasn’t at all convinced I was the right man for the job of youth pastor (or youth coordinator as I was officially called). First of all I wasn’t a man, but a woman and while our church was open to women in leadership and preaching roles, I was one of the firsts to actually make that theory a reality.

Secondly, I did not have a theological background and that’s the one that really made me insecure. I always felt I wasn’t good enough, didn’t know enough compared to others, and it affected my leadership.

At times I was afraid to give my opinion, so sure it would be shot down, than no one would take me seriously. It also made me defensive whenever I encountered criticism, even constructive and rightful feedback.

Other times I would compensate for my own insecurity by being too bold, too dominant in discussions. I’m sure others have felt intimidated by me at times, which is rather ironic because it came from feeling intimidated myself.

Humble confidence

The healthy attitude of a Christian leader is humble confidence, Joel describes and I couldn’t agree more. The expression ‘your identity in Christ’ is one that is in my opinion too easily used without ever making it practical, especially when it comes to leadership. But how Joel describes humble confidence rings true: “allowing Christ to be King, to shape our desires and ambitions instead of trying to build them ourselves.”

The list he gives with characteristics of a humbly confident leader may look like an easy one, but it will take a lifetime of leadership to realize every aspect. And so it should be, ‘level 5 leaders’ aren’t just born, they grow out of experiences combined with the right attitude.

It’s that attitude that makes all the difference. Becoming aware of your insecurity, your pride, that’s a huge first step in changing your leadership into leading up. Living from your identity in Christ is a lifetime journey, but it’s one that is the indispensable foundation under influential leadership. Without a healthy identity, there is no healthy leadership and there is no chance of leading up.

Discipleship is a great catalyst for growth. It’s a process that meets someone and makes a change. One of the biggest balances to strike is the end game of discipleship.

Christmas is over, but I still remember all the presents under the tree. I could easily tell which I had wrapped from those my wife wrapped. All of hers had a bow. Some were big red ones and some were those silver ribbon-y kind. None of my presents had bows. It just never even occurred to me to finish a present topped with a bow.

Remembering those presents, I realized most of my meetings end without being wrapped up nicely. Finishing a talk or discussion with a couple of questions is actually a good practice. If you wrap things up too much, then there’s really no reason to continue thinking about what was said.

It’s uncomfortable (even jarring) for some people to be left without a clear answer to a question or three points of action they can try in response to your time together. It might be unsettling for you as well. But what really happens is a matter of trust. Do you really trust God to enter into that space? Do you trust the people you see to work out their faith when they leave?

Try this sometime. Start a conversation about something you have no specific answer ready. It doesn’t have to be about understanding the Trinity or predestination. Just try to enter a place where the answer can’t be known right then. Stay in that place. Don’t run from it. Then give some direction. You might say I think you should keep thinking about this and see where God leads you.

You will absolutely grow more in trusting God to do work outside of your influence. The people you lead will also grow more when they are forced to trust more as well.

Looking for more? Paul has written a great book on discipleship called Masterpiece: The Art of Discipling Youth. Download a free sample or purchase your copy here. 

I believe life exists for the purpose of creating community. Each of us is impacted in and through the relational connections that we develop. Whether challenging or refining, the relational context that individuals are exposed to shapes who they are, who they have been and who they are becoming.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how my journey through life has unfolded and what factors affected my character development as a leader.

Some Background

I grew up in a small town in a rural setting. My community was filled with different generational representatives, multiple ethnicities, and of course both men and women. My parents were heavily invested in the community. Particularly with the faith community portion of our relational context. We went to church most Sundays (often twice in one day); we knew all of our neighbours and many of our other community members in our little town.

While being in such a small setting does come with its disadvantages, there were many things about my upbringing that I unintentionally took for granted. The older members of our community took a vested interest in who I was. They knew me by name, and were happy to give me a piece of their wisdom when I was in need (either because of my propensity for mischief, or because of my desire to learn… I’m not sure which desire was greater.) I didn’t know it at the time, but the investment these people were making in my life was really about mentorship.

What is Mentorship?

Mentorship in its most basic form is best understood as the intentional relational investment in another person. Sometimes mentorship can be a negative experience. We humans are creatures of habit; we mimic what we see and experience. Children that experience abuse at a young age, most agree, are more likely to become future abusers than those who are not victims of this sort of tragedy.

While we may not see this as a form of mentorship, it is. Although negative, there is an intentional investment in a relational capacity in the life of an abused child. Similarly, there is an intentional investment in the lives of those who do not experience great trauma as a young child. The mentorship process becomes more about a sequence of relational exchanges than a linear curricular guide to adulthood and beyond.

There is actual biological evidence to back this up. Human brains contain something scientists refer to as “mirror neurons.” These neurons help us as humans to display empathy and sympathy. Have you ever wondered why a great storyteller captivates us? At the most basic level, the mirror neurons in our brains help us to be able to identify with and even imagine ourselves in the unfolding story that is being presented. The same can be said for experiences of mentorship. We are shaped by those we interact with because of our desire to either become or refrain from becoming more like them. Mentorship is discipleship. As followers of Jesus we are invited and expected to go and make disciples (Matt. 28:18-20), and because of this great invitation those of us who have given our lives to work alongside emerging generations must become experts in the mentoring process.

So what is a mentor?

Being a mentor and finding a mentor are two significant milestones in the process of discipleship. While there are many different components of what this all entails, I want to suggest three basic principles every mentor and disciple-maker should pursue:

1. A mentor is someone who knows your name. You can’t intentional invest in people if you aren’t willing to either know or be known by them. While it’s true that we can learn from people we may never meet, it’s those that we do share some sort of relational connection with that will have the greatest impact on our lives. In the absence of relational, mentorship and discipleship in turn are virtually impossible. As we work alongside this emerging generation are we making the effort to know and to be known, or are we more concerned about a statistical analysis of our ministry success than character development and transformation?
2. A mentor is someone who inspires you to be. Our North American cultural possesses an over-stimulated fascination with doing. Think about this for a minute, what are some of the initial questions you ask someone you are meeting for the first time? What is your name? Where do you live? What do you do for a living? As we introduce ourselves to people, we are more likely to talk about our vocation than we are about some sort of character quality that we either possess or are trying to develop (Hi, my name is Lisa and I’m a dentist). Deaf culture, conversely, makes the effort to introduce themselves to one another using a being descriptor instead of a doing descriptor (Hi, this is my funny friend Lisa who is a dentist). Mentors focus more on character development and transformation because they care more about who a person is than what a person does. As ministers to youth and families are we helping to create a culture that emphasizes being rather than doing, or are we simply content modify a persons behaviour instead of partnering with Christ in the transformation of their identity or entire being that will ultimately shape their behavior?
3. A mentor is someone who stands in the gap for you and with you. People who value character development are people who are willing to walk alongside of others in all seasons of life. This is the most difficult time in all of history to be a teenager. They face more obstacles than us older folks ever have. The communities that we create in our gathered or scattered church settings must be places of safety, hope and restoration. Do those we serve know that we are willing to walk life with them no matter how dark or how bright the next season might be? Mentors are allies in life’s journey, not adversaries. Difficult truths need to be shared verbally and non-verbally. People who are willing to share in the suffering of others earn the right to be heard and the credibility to be a mentor. How does your community reflect this value of being present in the moment?

Making it Fresh

When we work with this emerging generation our ministry initiatives should be steeped in the concepts and principles of biblically based mentorship. If we believe that the church needs a fresh infusion of enthusiasm, life, energy and passion, perhaps we should grow to consider what it would be to re-culture our approach to mentoring and discipleship instead of re-engineering our programmatic elements of youth ministry. What would it look like if our commitment to families (how ever diverse the definition of this may be in your context for ministry) became more about mentorship and less about keeping them active in our programming efforts?

I know that I’m longing for something fresh, what about you?

the fine people at WhoopTee asked us if we’d like to give out some free t-shirts. “heck, yes!” said we.

then months went by, because we’re distracted sorts of fellows here at The Youth Cartel.

eventually, marko whipped up this playful wee design, with a little help from Banksy. we call him the “Cartel Panda.” and we’re going to give away five of them, completely free!

if you want one, here’s how you enter: tell us (promise us!) where you’ll wear it if you win. we’ll pick five from comments here on The Youth Cartel blog and marko’s blog. it’s that easy!

deadline for entries is this thursday (tomorrow!) at 1pm, pacific.

WE HAVE WINNERS!

adam and i laughed our heads off reading the entries. it was TOUGH to narrow it to five. actually, we realized we have six. so here they are:

D. Scott Miller
I will wear it in November at the National Catholic Youth Conference in Indianapolis. Not only will I wear it where 20,000 youth are gather, but also where thier adult leaders are also present. Most importantly, ReBuildMyChurch partner Tony Vasinda will be there dying of major jealousy that I am wearing the shirt!

David Van Dyke
I will wear it to a Wheaton faculty meeting in the psychology department.
They (we) need the cartel!

Sam Halverson
I will wear that amazing shirt with pride at the Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry in April where I will be attending various ym training with many, many youth ministers as well as the mentor ship training (also at Princeton) AND at the Bahamas Methodist Habitat mission trip in June FOLLOWED BY the North Georgia Annual Conference (also in June) where many North Georgia UM leaders will be hearing about youth ministry in our conference. I will also wear it at the NYWC in Nashville in November, followed by The Summit in Atlanta (also in November). Whew.

Jill Laufenberg
Visiting the Panda’s at the Philadelphia zoo with water guns in both my hands.

Jeff
I would wear it while preaching int eh main service. Oh man, I will get in so much trouble…

Marc
I would wear it in a house.
I would wear it with a mouse.
I would wear it in near and far
and on a train and in a car.
I would wear it here or there.
Heck, I would wear it with my silk underwear!
I would wear it, though it’s weird,
I would wear it AND Marko’s beard!

each winner needs to do two things:
1. fulfill their promise and send us a photo (or post a photo on facebook and tag the youth cartel).
2. send adam your address and shirt size (adam@theyouthcartel.com)

Geeks are an eclectic bunch, sometime hard to get to know; they speak a different dialect, a jargon that seems so strange. The jargon varies from geek to geek, determined by what the geek is passionate about, what they are into. They might seem cool for a spell like how we might laugh at The Big Bang Theory or when a geeky movie comes out like The Avengers.

But most of the time, the geek life is a lonely life.

I should know— I’m actually Geek Royalty. In 1991, I won the Dungeons and Dragons Open event, the largest event of its kind at Gen Con (the Super Bowl of nerdery). I’ve presented at Comic-Con for multiple years and started “Geek Week” at colleges such at UCLA and Rutgers. It’s in my blood, my DNA, my Gattaca.

But when you don’t speak our language, when we ask if you what you thought of the Walking Dead and you reply, “The TV show?” and with such scorn we reply, “No the graphic novel” it can cause some distance. So how do you connect with these geeks in your youth group.

Now there are some stereotypes of geeks—we are pale skinned, male, horrible at athletics, introverted and socially awkward. And I’ll be the first to admit, at 14-15, I was all of those. Now you’ll find some geeks are extroverted, but you might only see this around their own tribe. They are horrible at athletics, because when you are picked for kickball last in 3rd grade, you are usually picked last in 6th. But there is no template for us—we have more variations than the X-Men comic book covers (if you’re a geek, that joke totally kills).

Here’s a primer on how to get geeks attention and connect

1. Listen, for a spell: Geeks will go on and on if we have an attentive ear. Sometimes in the junior high development and on to high school, they might not have the clue you are uninterested. Geeks can miss that subtle verbal clue and we are wounded when it’s not so subtle. We bottle up all of our enthusiasm and when someone shows mild interest, we tend to gush. If we tend to go overboard, start asking questions that are about their geek love, but not necessarily why there are two Slayers instead of one (Answer: Buffy died briefly and then Faith became….you know what, never mind.) You could ask: “Why does that interest you?“, “Who would you be if you could be one of them in the story?“, “What movies (games, TV) are influenced by that?” They aren’t asking the question about their hobby—they are answering questions about themselves.
2. The Gateway Drug: Ask the geeks what you could watch to start to see their interest. If they are interested in World of Warcraft, ask them to show you how to make a character. If they are into Steampunk, ask for one book you should read. Geeks are not looking for people exactly like us; we understand people care about us if they want to know what we love.
3. Give the Option: These kids are slammed into lockers, picked last in gym, and if that becomes what your youth group is about, they will put on the One Ring and become invisible. If you have physical stuff as part of your weekly meeting, give them the option out, but they must serve in some capacity. Also, let them shine. Have a trivia night—some kind of engineering challenge (egg drop)—and let their geek flag fly a bit.
4. They are More Than a Geek: When you have time find out what else they are interested in besides the geek menagerie. Do they like to swim? Are they into art? Do they build things? Sometimes our geek identity is what takes up the most space and most people do not get past it to see what else is there.
5. Connect Us: If you have adults in your congregation who are of the geek clan, make sure and connect them to your youth. One of the hardest parts about being a geek is not having a role model who doesn’t tolerate, but celebrates our geeky nature (my father and I watched Star Trek together growing up. It is one of my favorite memories, but alas, he wasn’t a board game player.)
6. Just Love Us: We seek heroes in our films and comic book pages. We look for someone to save the day. Behind every single geeky pursuit there is the need to be loved and find connection. Show us Jesus; show us He loves us and we’ll follow Him (and you) to Mordor.

The parable of talents (or bags of Gold) has taught me many different leadership lessons over the years, but perhaps the most eye-opening and convicting of them all has been with regard to the concept of managing risk.

Risk Management in Youth Ministry

There is a lot to be said about the concept of managing risk when it comes to youth ministry. I’ve spent countless hours navigating through complex situations that required great sensitivity. I can remember losing many hours of sleep agonizing over different leadership questions and conversations that dealt with matters of great risk. Perhaps you can identify with some of these sleepless nights if you’ve ever been in a situation where you are contemplating a major shift in your youth ministry. Maybe you’ve even made a list of pros and cons for or against your proposed change or risk, and based your final decision on what the cost of the risk might be.

The Upside of Risk Management

While there is a great cost associated with risk, there is also a great reward. The story of the bags of gold reminds me of this. Two servants found the courage and inner resolve to risk what they had in order to pursue more. And while we may apply this concept to the materialistic pursuit of happiness as a society, I’m not convinced that the material gain these servants experienced had anything to do with materialism at all. Take out your leadership lens and re-examine this story once again. Two leaders with ample resources invested what they had in pursuit of greater things. Sounds like a basic youth ministry principle to me, doesn’t it?

Leadership Lessons

What if leadership is more about learning to take appropriate risks rather than managing the risk itself? If it is true that great reward comes only through great investment or risk, shouldn’t we spiritual guides of the emerging generation become expert risk-takers for the sake of Kingdom extension?

I’m beginning to wonder if my strategic plans, strengths assessments and evaluation of weakness would be better served as filters for questions about my ability to embrace risk as a leader. No general wins a battle by choosing to play it safe. If we agree that this emerging generation cannot and will not be disciple in the ways of Jesus through entertainment based illusions, are we then willing to risk what we know for what we do not know, trusting that the leading into risk will provide great returns if the risk itself is simply an extension of a invitation by Christ to come and follow after him?

Youth ministry might just be about risky business, but then again, so is life itself! May we learn to navigate, embrace and lead into risk as invited by the power and presence of God’s Spirit.

At The Youth Cartel our tagline is, “Instigating a Revolution in Youth Ministry.” Sometimes that revolution is really, really big. But other times it’s pretty small.

Here’s some pictures from youth workers who posted a picture of their #tinyrevolution toy.

Did you get a toy in your package? Post a picture on Twitter or Instagram with the #tinyrevolution hashtag or just tag us on Facebook and we’ll share it on our blog.

I’m very pleased to announce that our latest product, Stations of the Cross, has been released and is available for immediate purchase and download.

Here’s the description:

You can’t dance at the after-funeral party unless you have been to the funeral.

You can’t truly appreciate the glory and color and music of the resurrection unless you have felt the hard cold stone in front of the tomb.

Stations of the Cross is a book of thirteen creative and dramatic lessons that will take participants into the last moments of Jesus’ life. Those who venture into these words will smell the sweat. They will feel the blood roll down his back. They will be taken to the dark place within their own souls and be invited to leave all that baggage behind in the tomb.

Utilizing scripture, dramatic readings, and thought provoking questions, Steve Case provides a unique approach to curriculum that can easily be customized for individual or group use.

Stations of the Cross is a downloadable product, so you can buy it and download it right now.

Want to check out a free sample? Click on this link: Stations of the Cross (452)

Today is the official release date for Lent, a student devotional written by Erik Willits. 

The response to this book has been phenomenal. It arrived from the printer two days early which meant that we worked like crazy to get out all of the pre-orders we could.

Even while we were fulfilling orders yesterday more orders were coming in. We made three trips to the post office just to get caught up! (We normally make one trip.)

And then this morning… we officially sold out.

Sold out on the day it released. We didn’t see that coming. 

Marko and I aren’t exactly known for doing things small. We’re shameless optimists who consistently go big. So to sell out of this book gives you an idea of how strong the response has been.

We are amazed and thankful and happy for our author, Erik, and the editorial team who worked so hard.

Can I Still Buy It?

Yes! The book is still for sale on our site. As we made clear on the product page, you are placing a back order that will be fulfilled as soon as we get more from the printer. We expect to have them back in stock no later than February 25th.

We obviously understand the time sensitive nature of the devotional. It’s for Lent which starts next Wednesday. So here’s our solution to that: We will send anyone who buys the book while its on backorder a full PDF version of the book and permission to print as many copies as you’ve purchased from it. (So, if you are buying 20 copies for your youth group and want to print out 20 copies… awesome. But you can’t buy 1 copy and make 1000 copies. Make sense?)

Go here to learn all about the book or place an order.