Our family farm has mostly disappeared. The land still flows, but the homestead signs are almost gone.

When I went to our family farm last year, I snapped this picture. These grain bins are the last reminders that a family worked this land. One of the odd things about them is they were present before my mom and dad bought the farm, and now they remain again. The only reason they are still around is no one really wants them. In today’s world of larger farms, these grain bins don’t store enough. They are a sign of smaller farms, simpler times.

Even though this picture was taken a few months ago, it popped back in my mind as a question:  What will stand after I am gone?

It is that vision thing, but more tangible.

It is an important question to think through and answer, as the response should guide us in our daily life. I think about it, but I honestly don’t have a complete answer today.

• I think my sons will be what stand after I am gone and what their lives develop into.
• I think my writing will stand, maybe at least with my family. The real reason I write this blog is for my kids. I hope when they are in their twenties, they will read through these posts and gain something from them, maybe learn a little more about and from me.
• I think about the relationships I have, but know the memories will slowly fade as the people I know fade away.
• I think whatever I do between this point in time and the end of my life will stand, although this is somewhat undefined and definitely unknown.

A funny thing is that this is a short list, but let me list the things that will not stand: My work as a marketing professional; my contributions or discussion points in many, many meetings; my hours worked; my home; my car; my clothes; my books read and collected; and my possessions.

The list can continue.

Having a job is important. Having a home is important. It is all part of a revolving door though. I walk through, and someone else takes my place to keep it moving around. What stands the test of a meaningful life?

The simple reality.

The simple reality that focusing on just one area of our life is impossible and impractical. If that happens, there is complete imbalance.

The reality is that we do things that take a stand in three areas:

• In our work: Words and actions on integrity, honesty, coaching, and inspiring are all things we can do in the place where we work. Most of us need to earn something, and we can do it in an honorable, meaningful way.
• In our home: Loving, engaging, guiding, and building a family is a worthy, meaningful thing to do. Enabling the people closest to us to be better may be one of the most central things we can do.
• In our life: Surrounding it all is what we do with our spare time. Giving and inspiring a community can have a longer term impact. More importantly, it affects people, here and now, positively.

The simple point.

The point is rather simple. We need to spend more time thinking about what will really stand after we are gone, and we need to spend more time doing the things that will stand after we are gone. It is about doing things that matter in our work, our home, and our life – balanced and meaningfully.

Maybe it’s just me being guilty of not embracing and doing more of the things that really matter in life. I can accept that, although I know there are others. I just have to pick up a newspaper and read the stories.

The simple point may lead to a simple action, which is carving out and protecting the time we spend doing the things that will stand the test of time.

Is it really that simple?

Beyond all this, hope often seems hollow. Hoping for something isn’t really doing anything. It is like closing our eyes tightly and, hoping beyond all hope, when we open them, all will be better. How often does that work?

Hope just seems like giving up. Placing whatever happens in the hands of others… seen or unseen.

There is a kernel inside of hope that is inspiring though. Hope delivers an outlook that things can get better and be better. Hope inspires change. It drives aspirations as well.

To make hope come alive, it takes a connection. This what makes hope real.

By connection, I mean:

• Hope becomes real when a people join in to lift up a cause or desire.
• Hope becomes real when we take positive action to change our direction, habits, or intentions.
• Hope becomes real when we modify our thoughts to embrace a new enabling paradigm.
• Hope becomes real when communities come together to make positive changes happen.

Hope thrives, and survives, on connections to actions and between people.

I realize we cannot control everything or make all things happen. I know this where hope comes in – placing our trust in something or somebody to intervene and make our wish come true. This is one side of hope.

The other side of hope is when we can do something. We can affect hope, enabling wishes and taking actions to move things in a positive direction. This is where we can, and should, play a key role in delivering hope to our families, workplaces, and communities.

Today, we have more ability to reach across boundaries and set hope in motion. This is one of the reasons why I believe HopeMob is a worthy Kickstarter initiative. In HopeMob’s words, it is –

“…exactly what it sounds like – a mob of people bringing hope.  Just as Flash Mobs dance and bring spontaneous joy and laughter, HopeMob will bring caring strangers together to create sudden, yet organized relief and hope…

If Mother Teresa built a platform with the tech base of Groupon, Foursquare, & Netflix & the heart of CNN Heroes, it would look like HopeMob!”

In my words, HopeMob is about connecting our social media world with our real world, delivering hope to real stories about real people in real neighborhoods.

Hope is about connections. Connections make hope real.

Are we making hope real enough today?

If you have read anything about me, you know that I grew up on a family farm. A farmer’s life teaches you many things, and one of them is that no one is going to do the work for you. This goes for easy and tough work alike.

This will sound like “when I was your age,” yet that is not the intent. Having said that, when I was a teen on the farm, we did not have the nice air conditioned cabs that most farmers sit in today. On those hot August days, I was on the tractor, under the sun, surrounded by dust, with the AM radio blaring over the tractor noise. At the end of the day (between 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm), while taking a shower, I watched the dirty water drain off of me. All clean, my skin took on a deeper color from the day before. All in all, I was just a little tougher skinned.

Today, I may be at a higher risk for skin cancer, and my kids tell me I need a hearing aid. Other than that, I learned that hard work has to be done if you want to get things done, and the best way to toughen up yourself is to jump in and get busy.

President Theodore Roosevelt really said it best:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” (April 23, 1910, Citizenship In A Republic speech)

This has always been one of my favorite quotes and core to my life philosophy.

All this relates to toughening up. Getting thicker skin means that you have to just get out there, take a deep breath, absorb what comes your way, reflect a little, and then repeat.

Toughening Up in Four Steps:

Step 1: Take a deep breath. When the criticism – constructive, petty, or otherwise – comes our way, we need to take a deep breath to center ourselves. Our initial reaction may be the correct one, but we need to get our second wind before deciding. Just breathe! Take a long, deep breath and release the comment as you exhale. Don’t look back. Be confident in who you are and what you stand for.

Step 2: Absorb it. Whatever comes our way, we cannot run from it. We need to take it in and then let it roll or roll with it. The elements worth anything we should keep. All others we just need to put behind us. By doing this, we will not let the words or actions hang around, festering inside. There are two choices:  Know it was said or done in spite and not worth another moment of time or do something with what was received.

Step 3: Reflect. Does it really matter? This is where we need to be really honest with ourselves. What was the intent of the remark or action? What caused it? Reflect to understand the meaningful comments and actions. If the intent is well-meant, then we need to explore and determine how to get better in what we say and do. In the end, it is about strengthening and improving ourselves – one way or another.

Step 4: Repeat. Life’s hurdles are never-ending. This is a continuous process, which makes us stronger, more confident. It is not being cocky, but it is changing constructively and keeping centered in doing the meaningful work we were called to do.

It is just like those days on the farm. There are certain elements that toughen our skin while the rest we need to let run down the drain, just like the dirt and grime at the end of a day. We need to dive in to do the work, no matter how challenging it may be. It is the best way to continue to grow and strengthen our resolve and, ultimately, our soul.

Peace is a home where there is laughter, cuddling, and quiet moments of just feeling good about all that is around.

Peace is getting lost in the lyrics of song.

Peace is teenagers who do what they are asked when they are asked.

Peace is a workplace that respects individuals, creativity, and contributions.

Peace is an expansive prairie with a light breeze and a slight smell of a spring rain.

Peace is the clean, quiet scene after a major blizzard. All outside looks crisp, clear, and pure.

Peace is a conversation that makes you think.

Peace is holding hands and just walking deep in thought and comfort, knowing there is nothing we cannot do and all is okay.

Peace is being accepted for who we are while be challenged on how we can be better.

Peace is feeling comfort yet never being completely comfortable with things just being good enough.

Peace is a soulful feeling that we are making a difference in what we do.

Peace is being lost in thought.

Peace is silence in a chaotic swirl of activity.

Peace can be two-faced. It is calm yet stirs our soul with inspiration. Peace lowers barriers while strengthens our inner spirit. Peace can be a dying breath and living fully. Peace unclutters and encumbers.

Peace. A simple word filled with complexity and meaning.

In a world defined by quick hits of delight, peace has longevity… more challenging and rewarding.

What does peace mean to you? Take a moment and write below.

“Get thicker skin!”

“She/he must have thicker skin.”

We hear these statements, and what rings through our mind is “toughen up.” There is truth in this thought. We do need to have thick skin in our life.

Many things come at us –

• Making ends meet
• Surviving annual reviews
• Being told you are not good enough or smart enough
• Being ignored
• Raising teens
• Getting old
• Navigating troubled economic times

You, undoubtedly, can add to this list. Especially over the last several years, we get worn out trying to keep up with everything and worrying about when some of the uncertainty will disappear. Tensions seem more apt to grow than dissipate.

Thicker skin is a requirement in today’s world. In reality, it was no different 100 years ago. Different challenges just existed then. Think about the wagon trains moving from East to West. Think about turning soil over for crops with just one plowshare and a horse or mule. Think about surviving a blizzard huddled in a sod house in the middle of the prairies – no wind break, no way to escape the blistering cold winds.

We have always encountered challenges. In many ways, it is part of being human. We don’t live in heaven. We live on earth, and we are constantly tested. Why? It is what helps us grow in our understanding and our capabilities. It challenges our soul, mind, and body to get better in all that we do. It is more than just surviving; it is transforming ourselves from the conditions we encounter.

The conditions we meet include:

• People
• Opportunities
• Threats
• Environmental changes
• Economic shifts

Again, you can add to this list, given your own set of experiences. No one is immune from good or bad conditions. This fact is the primary reason we need to have thick skin.

Thick skin gives us the ability to:

• Absorb constructive feedback. We need to take in comments and observations that will enable us to learn how to do better, learn more, and return a higher level on whatever our life gifts are. It is reflection based on converting feedback into renovated actions.
• Deflect inaccurate or hurtful criticism. People or situations will try to slow us down at times. We need to weather the storms and gain strength. These are the situations, sometimes, that carve in our skin’s character lines.
• Thrive in uncertainty and through tests. With our internal strength of spirit, we can do more than just survive unexpected encounters and life-changing events. We can gain a renewed commitment or a refreshed outlook. We cannot afford to be clamped down for one simple reason – life is too short.
• Maintain momentum forward. One step back and two steps forward still give us forward momentum. The one step back should be the absorption moment, reflecting and transforming ourselves and our mission. We should be propelled out of this step with more forward motion than before.

Having thick skin is vital. It is our protection, yet it is not only a shield. It is what enables us to shed what is unimportant and focus on our core purpose. Thick skin is what bounds us to our life purpose while enabling us to reach outside of it and continue our spirited, meaningful work.

What helps you develop thick skin? How has your thick skin helped you thrive in uncertain times?

Heated conversations take place all the time.

Disagreements come into light between honorable people.

Life is contentious at times. What do we do?

• Do we fight to the bitter end?
• Do we use unflattering names?
• Do we stall or filibuster until we get our way?
• Do we let problems fester until everything fails?
• Do we say one thing and then do another?

Life is in motion. What do we do?

• Do we listen to the differences and then find middle ground?
• Do we look for solutions?
• Do we evaluate alternatives?
• Do we put progress above stagnation?
• Do we find what can be done in order to realize a higher goal or purpose?

We have a choice – in our nation, our community, our family, and our organization – as to whether or not we foster an attitude of spite or solution, deadlock or growth, selfishness or humanity.

Maybe the question is, simply, how do we want to be remembered?

• Do we want to be remembered as angry fools or savvy problem solvers?
• Do we want to be remembered for failures or advancements?
• Do we want to be viewed as holding back or moving forward?

It seems to me that we need to make this choice as an individual and as a society. Read the newspapers, where are we heading? Read the faces of the people in your organization, where are you moving? Look into the eyes of your family members and neighbors, what reflection do you see?

Let us not allow this decade to be viewed as one of divisiveness and decay. Let us lift up this decade as the one in which we rose to the challenge and solved problems for the greater good, higher ideals, and betterment of generations to come.

Let this be our work as a nation, a community, an organization, a family, and an individual. It is our responsibility to do better.

Issued at year end, amidst a ream of top ten lists and related assessments, the cheetah stood out for its focused energy, and even more so for its extraordinary speed.

The leadership quality Myatt discussed, symbolized by the cheetah, is pursuit. You don’t ever attain, Myatt states, what you don’t pursue.

“Great leaders are never satisfied with traditional practice, static thinking, conventional wisdom, or common performance. In fact, the best leaders are simply uncomfortable with anything that embraces the status quo. Leadership is pursuit – pursuit of excellence, of elegance, of truth, of what’s next, of what if, of change, of value, of results, of relationships, of service, of knowledge, and of something bigger than themselves.”

I agree with Myatt, yet I waited for him to name pursuit’s other angle: the added dimension that completes the ascent of mere pursuit to the level of real leadership.

That dimension is discernment.

Focus, energy and hot pursuit are essential. Yet without discernment, they might just defy the success they seek.

Though he doesn’t state it, Myatt implies discernment’s presence.

You must pursue the right things, for the right reasons, and at the right times.

Yet it could be argued that discernment is more central to leadership than pursuit itself.

I’ve long seen discernment as an antonym to desire. That’s my subjective look, not a dictionary definition. Some would say the two can work together, and I would agree, with the note that the filter of this discernment-desire context may clarify examples in which pursuit does – or does not – create an effective leader.

To use an auto metaphor: speed and focus power the engine, but discernment steers the car. In real life situations, leaders hit decision points. Forks in the road. Discernment is a moment of skill and understanding of one’s vehicle and one’s road, offering a driver nimbleness and accuracy in making the forward turn.

Myatt’s post considers the entrepreneur. I’ll consider the same, and add examples of the politician and the “lover.”

The Entrepreneur.

When prescience meets resources, and the ability to dream, code and subsist on coffee and powernaps, the startup formula can work. The essential role of dogged pursuit is beyond doubt. Yet discernment is also present. It’s present in the angel investor’s central question to the entrepreneur: “Why are you doing this?”

A couple of years ago, I interviewed a CEO and inventor, with the intention of financially enabling his newest creation. His verve seemed unstoppable, and his invention showed brilliance. Yet I realized quickly that he was obsessed with winning the reverence of his customers and investors, perhaps to resolve a past unjust wrong done to him.

He proved that point clearly one day as he interrupted a potential customer, saying “but this isn’t about you! It’s about me!”

He had to pursue winning, because he had lost.

In another case, a newly hired CEO, who brought excellent qualifications on paper, began to spend far too much time describing the same qualifications, time and exaggerated time again, for investment promotional materials.

He had been hired to pursue specific milestones: Acquiring customers and markets, brand identity, product innovation.  Instead he was managing his own social profile.  Pursuing the title and trappings of CEO, not its tasks.

Both were intelligent and well prepared by traditional measures. Both were all about unfettered pursuit. Yet discernment was lacking.

The Politician.

“Why are you running?” asks the reporter. Or the prospective constituent, in a town hall held in a highschool gym filled with rather uncomfortable folding chairs. There are prearranged answers for such questions, delivered conveniently to fill purpose and space.

The real answers are also there, often becoming evident in unintended ways: The Power, The Resume and The Reason.

Power and resume get a lot of attention but tend to be secondary thoughts. The primary pursuit is almost always The Reason.

The lure of “the reason” is the most blissful lure of all. It justifies everything. Even breaking rules, even assumed superiority of an elected over his or her constituents and what is “good” for them.

Certainly many, driven by a cause, do great things. But for some, their Reason makes them actively “overfix” what never was originally broken. The pursuit of their one cause is everything. The public becomes an inconvenience to be convinced by PR experts, not a partner or peer. If discernment intervenes and guides, leadership can be attained. If it doesn’t, then the gulf between elected and constituents can widen immeasurably.

The Lover.

This example may seem different than the other two. Yet if you’ve founded a startup or worked a campaign, it’s not. Your life, in a state of pursuit, assumes just one big combined uber-priority. Your relationships with those closest to you are altered and reconditioned by your project. Your project is fundamentally shaped by them.

What happens to a courtship marked by pursuit, but not discernment?

The courtship cannot cease. That sounds romantic, until you actually consider it in real life.

Courtship is the hot pursuit of a specific ideal. Is the subject of this pursuit, him or herself, ever “ideal” in the same sense? No.

A successful courtship, like successful leadership, involves discernment overcoming mere pursuit.

The pursuit can only cease when the actual beloved becomes that which is pursued, rather than the originally pursued ideal. Discernment illuminates this inspired turning.

If this does not happen? Pursuit is endless, and attainment impossible. Some call this state of unfinished desire “passion,” but it’s not passion in its true sense. It’s just a state of never succeeding. It can be glorified in narcissistic pop songs, but it’s ironically a rejection of who the “beloved” really is. This deprives both of the shared vision of mutual leadership which is gifted by love, yet not ever found in the insatiable, focused pursuit of one.

Discernment is a necessary dimension. Paired with Myatt’s hot pursuit, it’s an excellent basis from which leadership may develop across many aspects of our lives.

Guest Writer:

Anne-Marie Fowler is an undergraduate lecturer in political communications and writer/policy advisor on Federal Reserve, Treasury, tax reform and budget-related issues. She is working on her first book, addressing the evolving interaction between the U.S. Congress and the U.S. Treasury, as viewed through the lens of the 1995 and 2011 debt ceiling debates. A former banker who loves social entrepreneurship, campaigns and working with startups, Anne-Marie is currently amidst launch of a new charitable and political fundraising platform called GivingSphere.

I drive by this billboard almost every day. Get a Pair.

The first time I drove past it, my marketing brain went to work, and my thought was “what a bad ad.” If I liked the khakis, I did not know the brand nor could I read where I could buy a pair. My conclusion was “what a waste of money.”

A few mornings later, when I noticed it again, a second thought went through my mind. “Oh, there is a second meaning to that message!”

Now, whether you get the second message or not, let me just say it is a somewhat crude way to say, essentially, “Get a backbone, get in there, and do what needs to be done. Stop being timid.” Another way to think about it is: Live Boldly!

In this simple billboard, there is a dual message:  Buy Khakis or Live Boldly. The funny thing about it is that we get this message so often confused in our own lives!

Think about it. If we want to feel better, many may want to go out and shop. If we want to prove something to others, many buy bigger homes, lease fancier cars, and load up on more stuff. We confuse living a good life, or feeling good about life, with material things we can buy.

What if we took the other approach? What if we lived boldly instead?

Living boldly has a more of a personal touch combined with an outward reach. It means converting your soul-guided rumblings into real, meaningful actions.

Live Boldly means:

• Inside Out: We have a soul, a spirit inside. If our soul is aligned with a higher purpose, then there is something inside that wants to get out in the form of words and actions. It is reaching inside to find what inspires us and transforming it into inspired living, impacting others positively.
• Comfort Zone Exit: This is about picking ourselves up and moving our activities into a new realm, doing things that we might not normally do. These new things create new connections, new opportunities, and new ways to make others feel good about our activities, making them better in what they do. Leaving our comfort zone may lift all up around us.
• Ignited Staying Power: When we are engaging in new things and living spiritedly, there is an ignition that happens and doesn’t end with a flip of a switch. Yes, it is a passion that is used and unstoppable, even in a maze of obstacles. There is a momentum that is larger than us. It is something passed on to our sons, daughters, communities, and others who understand and feel the impact of our words and actions. This is ignited staying power! This is living a life of meaning!

There is a choice. We can choose to buy khakis and fill our lives with material stuff, hoping it fills a hollow feeling that keeps returning. We can choose to live boldly and convert our spirited soul into real, meaningful actions that have momentum beyond us. Choose well.

We drive by many messages life is trying to deliver and, like me, we miss some. We need to be more aware of what life is trying to tell us and then do something with the message. Embrace the message. Live boldly!

Two years ago, Twitter saved my life. This sounds dramatic, I know, yet there is a kernel of truth in the statement. My physical community seemed to be roadblocked. My core seemed to be drying out. I was uninspired. When I began to tap into the conversations happening through Twitter, it was like striking a spirited spring. It was more than the 140 character messages gushing through; it was the content of the characters behind the tweets. It was enlivening. Something sparked.

Communities age. It is no different in social media communities. They may show a little age in the way cliques have developed or how some of it all begins to sound the same with cookie-cutter formulas and messages. A positive thing about social media communities, though, is that there seems to be an almost endless stream of new people to engage. In fact, if you move beyond your “usuals,” there are people who are sharing a compelling message or story. It is important, from time to time, to move beyond your comfort zone and meet new neighbors, gain new insights.

Having said this, it is time for me to move back to connecting to my real community. Although I will continue to be involved in my social media circles, I realized that a social media community without a real face-to-face community has a hollow feel to it. My belief is that my social media community experience will be enhanced by having more real connections and conversations in my immediate physical community.

I am not a hermit. I live in a real neighborhood. I work in a real office. I am “connected” in, yet I just don’t feel like I have a real circle of mutually supportive relationships. To often, we feel like an individual in a crowd, silos standing in a field. We need to feel like individuals connected in a community, supportive and interactive, writing a better life story together. Just as the aspen trees do, I need to have that rooted foundation in which an above ground life can spring.

What is my plan then? I haven’t figured it all out, but my working thoughts are to try to start a monthly group of people who are interested in discussing self-leadership topics. It may be breakfast or lunch group. It may be a dinner group. Whatever it ends up being, it will be a group willing to engage in conversations on how to do more and be better in all that we do — business and life.

If you are reading this in the north Dallas area, let me know if you are interested in joining in the conversation and building a real, connected community. You can join the newly created North Dallas Leadership Community Google+ Circle. We need a spark in our communities, and I am ready to get to work.

What is your split between sharing in a face-to-face community and sharing in a social media community? I am interested in your thoughts and perspectives on building communities within a 6-mile radius of where you live. What works?

Here is the list of the most read posts of 2011:

1. What Happens After a Leadership Summit
2. Life Reverberates Like a Dandelion Blowing in the Wind
3. Pace Yourself
4. Freedom from / Freedom to
5. Lead from the Middle: The 9 New, New Leadership Principles
6. Life Isn’t a Journey. Life Is a Warrior Dash.
7. The Jim Tressel Leadership Lesson
8. Moving Ideas
9. What Are Your Core Beliefs?
10. Do You Make People Better?

Here are my thoughts on these.

The biggest surprises on the list are Life Reverberates Like a Dandelion Blowing in the Wind and Pace Yourself. I would not have guessed either of these posts would have made this list.

The biggest un-surprises are What Happens After a Leadership Summit and Moving Ideas. The first one was picked up by the Willow Creek blog, so the traffic came through. The second one was part of my role as a co-host in a monthly #ideachat, so there was a natural audience for the post.

The most satisfying ones are Do You Make People Better? and Life Isn’t a Journey. Life is a Warrior Dash. To my very core, I strongly believe in the messages in these two posts, so I am glad that came through.

The most rewarding ones are Lead from the Middle: The 9 New, New Leadership Principles and The Jim Tressel Leadership Lesson. I have tried to focus on personal leadership in several of my posts this past year, so it is good to see some of it resonating.

From this analysis, my lessons are that the 5Ps of writing matter. I just devised the 5Ps based on this review, so stay with me here! These elements may have been said many times before, but it really strikes home when I look at these top posts.

Here’s my reasoning behind the 5Ps:

1. Passion – Each of the top 10 posts were written with a certain amount of internal fire. I still remember my mindset when I wrote these, and I feel that spirit kindling again when I re-read them.
2. Personal – Many of my top 10 posts had a personal angle. Experiences need to come through as part of the story being told.
3. Purposeful – There needs to be a purpose behind the writing. Passion without purpose may not lead to action, so there needs to be a reason why the words come together.
4. Philosophy – What is the philosophy behind the message? It could be principles or values, but I like to think of it as a philosophy behind the blog posts.
5. Peers – Some of the more successful posts are that way because of peer involvement. It is through sharing and having conversations. Peers or partners, it is a community that helps make your writing gel and come alive.

I have learned a great deal this past year, and I am very grateful for the people who come here to read, interact, and share. Your insights inspire me. Thank you.

To this community and all who pass through here, I wish you the best in 2012! May you lead by making good choices, acting with spirit, and living meaningfully!

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