Thing a Week

Thing a Week 52 – We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions

JoCo — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 00:40:12 +0000

Unbelievably, we are here. Thanks to all of you who sent in hand claps – every one of them is in there. It was very charming how almost all of you apologized for the quality of the recording, and suggested that I just throw it away and forget about it if it was unusable. I have taught you well – always, ALWAYS doubt yourself.

I’m sad and relieved that it’s the end. It’s been a really amazing trip from 1 to 52, and I can’t thank all of you enough for the many different kinds of support you’ve offered me over this last year. If you bought a CD, if you bought a song, if you sent a donation, if you drew a picture, if you made a video, if you stole a song and passed it along to a friend, if you babysat while I recorded vocals, even if you just wrote me to tell me you like the music, you are one of the reasons that this lasted a whole year. The difference between my life then and my life now is enormous, and it’s all because of you. And while the standard rich and famous contract continues to elude me, in the ways that really matter I am filthy, stinking rich.

Thank you.

We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions

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Thing a Week 51 – Summer’s Over

JoCo — Fri, 22 Sep 2006 22:44:33 +0000

Isn’t it though? Here’s the thing – this is song #51, and the next one is #52 and I’m freaking out. It was very hard to write this one. You can imagine how much pressure I’m feeling at this point to wrap the whole thing up with a couple of really kick-ass songs about monkeys and robots, really blow everybody’s mind. As a result, I can’t think of anything really interesting to say about monkeys or robots. So this one’s just about somebody leaving somebody else at the end of the summer (hint: no it’s not, it’s about the end of Thing a Week).

It was especially hard because I knew something you didn’t, which is that this is the last song I’ll write for Thing a Week. Next week is going to be a cover. Why yes, it is a cop out. But really, I can’t imagine writing something that’s as appropriate as this cover song will be – you’ll see. It just feels right to me.

Speaking of which, I need a little something from you folks to make it happen. If you have the capability to record decently (no built-in laptop microphones please), I would like you to record a single hand clap and email it to me. Your best hand clap please, mp3 is fine as long as it’s a pretty decent bitrate. By doing so you agree to let me use it for whatever I want from now until the end of time without getting any sort of credit for it, ever. But you’ll be on a CD.

And now, without any further adieu (hee hee):

Summer’s Over

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Thing a Week 50 – Pull the String

JoCo — Sat, 16 Sep 2006 01:39:23 +0000

This appears to be about a famous person with a terrible secret. It’s not about anyone in particular as far as I know. Maybe it’s about you – Tom Cruise! Or you – John Hodgman! It kind of reminds me of Big Bad World One, mostly because of the A/E ambiguity in the verse. Believe it or not, that acoustic riff in the verse is an idea that’s been floating around in my head since I was about 17 – it’s a relief to finally get that one out the door. Who’s next!

Pull the String

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Thing a Week 49 – Make You Cry

JoCo — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 22:23:54 +0000

Sometime in this week I found this guitar figure that hypnotized me into playing it for about a hundred hours straight. I wish I had picked something that was a little easier to play, because it drove me crazy during the recording process. My poor, stubby little fingers! I don’t think I’ve done a song for Thing a Week that’s just guitar and vocals, and this one seemed particularly suited to it, so there you are. It’s another love song from a crazy person – this guy wants to win the girl so he can punish her for not loving him. I guess. He certainly seems confused and angry and sad. Do NOT hang out with him.

And hey, before I go, in case you only read this feed and not the main site: I’m doing a concert in Second Life (the game/virtual world) on September 14th. I’ve been doing some rehearsals and it looks like it’s going to be pretty fun. Bring your virtual self. Details on this page.

Make You Cry

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Thing a Week 48 – The Big Boom

JoCo — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 02:15:46 +0000

Last weekend when I was staying with some friends in Pennsylvania, there was a very loud noise that woke me up. It was thunder. But it was crazy thunder – it seemed to last about a minute and a half, and it wasn’t a bang, it was this huge, diffuse roar. And after it stopped all the car alarms were going off. It sounded like the end of the world.

At least that’s what I thought when I sat bolt upright in bed and reached for my car keys and a weapon. My first thought, probably before I was fully awake, was that someone or something had scraped Philadelphia out of the Earth, and that I was going to have to grab some provisions, get in the car and head north. I don’t know why this would be my default explanation for a loud noise. I suppose it means I’m a little on edge.

At first this was about a loud boom that led to nothing, but it didn’t take long before I realized it would be better if it was about a loud boom that really did signify the end of the world. The Big Boom. And then I changed Philadelphia to Michigan because there are too many syllables in Philadelphia. The rest of it writes and records and mixes itself!

The Big Boom

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Thing a Week 47 – I’m Your Moon

JoCo — Sat, 26 Aug 2006 01:29:58 +0000

A few people suggested I do a song about Pluto, and I thought it was a fine idea. It was turning around in my head last week when the first line of the chorus came to me, as if from deep space.

As you certainly know by now, Pluto is not a planet anymore. Just yesterday the International Astronomical Union made it official by redefining “planet.” Pluto is a now considered a dwarf planet, along with a few other small, icy spherical things out there. Obviously very upsetting to Pluto. As you are also no doubt aware, Pluto’s moon Charon is kind of unusual: it’s about half the size of Pluto, which is pretty large for a moon. And it doesn’t orbit around Pluto, they actually orbit around each other, faces locked, like dancers. You wouldn’t be crazy to think of them as a double dwarf planet.

What I’m getting to is this: Charon sings this song to Pluto.

I’m Your Moon

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Thing a Week 46 – You Ruined Everything

JoCo — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 18:10:03 +0000

I was having a conversation with a friend who had recently become a parent, and she reminded me of something I had forgotten about since my daughter was born. She was describing this what-have-I-done feeling – I just got everything perfect in my life, and then I went and messed it all up by having a baby. I don’t feel that way anymore, but the thought certainly crossed my mind a few times at the beginning. Eventually you just fall in love and forget about everything else, but it’s not a very comfortable transition. I compare the process to becoming a vampire, your old self dies in a sad and painful way, but then you come out the other side with immortality, super strength and a taste for human blood. At least that’s how it was for me. At any rate, it’s complicated.

You Ruined Everything

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Thing a Week 45 – Mr. Fancy Pants

JoCo — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:58:50 +0000

I tried to write something else, believe me. But this stupid line about Mr. Fancy Pants having the fanciest pants just wouldn’t get out of my head, so I was forced to follow it through to whatever this is. I’ll warn you, it’s a short one. A nice little amuse bouche (but for your ears). Even so I kind of like it – some kind of strange morality lesson about beating Mr. Fancy Pants at his own game. Or something. Anyways!

Mr. Fancy Pants

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Thing a Week 44 – Big Bad World One

JoCo — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 02:15:26 +0000

Enough with the bigfoots and zombies, this one is pretty straightforward subject matter. The headline is “Sadsack Can’t Find Love,” which is just about as classic as it gets. I have spent more time than I would like to admit hanging out by the food table at parties, because it makes me look like I’m busy with something instead of just afraid to talk to anybody.

I like the way the title phrase sounds out of context – it seems like maybe it might mean something, but you can’t really say what. And I’m incredibly relieved to have broken out of the endless series of sad songs in the key of D that I appear to have been working on. It feels nice to do something a little different. This one’s in A, D and G! Crazy!

While I have your attention, I will mention to you TAW feed readers that I will be playing at Jammin Java in Vienna, VA this Sunday 8/6 at 8 PM. Let’s rock (softly). Now then…

Big Bad World One

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Thing a Week 43 – Under the Pines

JoCo — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 13:04:54 +0000

Not many people know this, but when Leonard Nimoy did the Bigfoot episode of “In Search Of…” he and the creature hooked up one night and had this crazy fling. These kinds of things never end well, but Bigfoot in particular is a bit of a cad anyway (being mostly wild animal). As you might imagine, Leonard Nimoy came out of the experience somewhat worse for wear.

I’m almost sure that I have stolen this melody from somewhere, or maybe parts of it from lots of places, it sounds very familiar to me. And the bassline – hello? Blue Bayou? At first this was just a “bigfoot broke my heart” song, but I wasn’t getting a lot of traction. It wasn’t until I realized that it was Leonard Nimoy talking that it came together for me. There are just a couple of subtle references to Spock in there, and bigfoot’s name is never mentioned, so if you’re haven’t read this explanation you are either confused, or blissfully unaware that it’s about Bigfoot and Leonard Nimoy. Godspeed.

Under the Pines

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Thing a Week 42 – Creepy Doll

JoCo — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 16:29:54 +0000

I don’t know what’s going on with this one, I just decided earlier this week that it was time to write a song about a creepy doll. I was thinking about various 70s horror movies that scared the hell out of me when I was a kid. Back then you didn’t need to torture people with chainsaws and drills to make a scary movie, it was enough just to have a doll that kept showing up. Or maybe a clown. I couldn’t keep a straight face though, somewhere in the middle of the song the doll just becomes not so much creepy as annoying. And before you post it in the comments, yes I know that it sounds like Bacteria in the beginning – it’s the same Glock sound and the same key, and kind of the same music. Sue me. We’re on song number 42 here people…

Also, just a little merch plug: I’ve just added T-shirts for “Re: Your Brains” to my CafePress store. The image is the song lyrics typed in memo form decorated with a delightful blood spatter. Buy zombies, buy!

Creepy Doll

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Thing a Week 41 – Seahorse

JoCo — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 12:47:45 +0000

I was thinking about how with seahorses, the males are the ones who carry the fertilized eggs until they hatch. And then of course I started thinking of a sad seahorse, whose female had left him alone to care for the kids – AGAIN. I’m pretty sure this is not actually the way things really are for seahorses. But if it was, you know, this song would make sense.

I can’t believe we’re on Thing a Week V.

Seahorse

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Thing a Week 40 – Skymall

JoCo — Sat, 08 Jul 2006 06:36:45 +0000

Ah, the joys of travel. I actually enjoy browsing the SkyMall – never mind the delicious array of products for the person who already owns all the world’s products; the copy alone is worth the price of admission, which is zero, since Skymall is free. Look into it.

SkyMall

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Thing a Week 39 – Pizza Day

JoCo — Sat, 01 Jul 2006 02:14:45 +0000

In my school, it was Friday. The pizza wasn’t any good at all, but you can’t really argue with pizza at school can you?

Those of you who’ve spoken to me in the last 24 hours may be surprised that there’s a song here – until about 2:00 this afternoon I had pretty much nothing. I was all ready to blow it off and go play some tennis when this came to me. The music is an idea that’s been floating around in my head forever, but the sad guy singing about pizza was one of those things that just bubbled up from somewhere. It’s by necessity a pretty simple structure and arrangement, but I kind of like it that way. It’s economical. And recording it also felt very old school for some reason, reminded me of high school, sitting in my room at home with a four track cassette and a chorus pedal. And maybe a piece of pizza.

Pizza Day

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Thing a Week 38 – Drinking with You

JoCo — Sat, 24 Jun 2006 02:26:23 +0000

I don’t know what it is with me and the office crushes – I haven’t had a job in almost a year so you know, it hasn’t really come up. But I find them very sweet, I think because offices are a lot like high school, which is the best time to have a crush. Except when you have an office crush, you are most likely old enough to drink, and so you can go out and get drunk with your crushee, which is also the best.

I am sensitive to the fact that some might misconstrue this song to be not so much a “sweet love song” and more a “pro-date-rape” song. This is not what I mean. I’m talking about that night long after the two of you both know very well what is going on but haven’t acted on it, and you make this mutual but kind of secret decision to “go out for drinks” – and you’re playing it cool on the outside but inside you’re jumping up and down and doing a one-person conga line singing “Going out for dri-hinks! Going out for dri-hinks!”

If you aren’t old enough to drink, don’t go out for drinks with your crush. It’s really not that awesome. Stay in school kids.

Drinking with You

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Thing a Week 37 – Rock and Roll Boy

JoCo — Sat, 17 Jun 2006 01:46:12 +0000

I went trolling for some interesting audio this week over at the Internet Archive – frankly, I’m a little sick of writing songs, and I wanted to flush out the system with a found audio thingie. I found this treasure trove, a collection of kids on cassette in the public domain (if you’ve never been to the Internet Archive, you should check it out – it’s non-profit with an enormous library of, like, everything). It brought back fond memories of yelling nonsense into the grill of a 40-pound tape recorder with a record button you had to lean on and mash down with your whole hand. And I was blown away by six-year-old Justin’s “Rock and Roll Boy,” which begins with the most fantastic opening lines in the history of rock and roll.

So I wrote a song around Justin’s vocals. He wasn’t thoughtful enough to provide a third verse or a bridge, and he wandered a bit in terms of key, so I had to improvise. But I really think he had an actual song in his head. Which is more than I can say for myself some weeks…

Rock and Roll Boy

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Thing a Week 36 – Not About You

JoCo — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 00:25:07 +0000

Ah, denial. Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps you going. This one cried out for hand claps from start to finish, but I resisted – the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Funny story: while I was recording this, I got a call from the Gin Blossoms. They want their pre-chorus back.

Not About You

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Thing a Week 35 – Soft Rocked By Me

JoCo — Fri, 02 Jun 2006 23:43:09 +0000

I find this one a bit unsettling. The guy in this song is a total ass – his philosophy is whatever the opposite of carpe diem is. I thought the idea of someone “soft rocking” you was kind of funny when I started this, but now I think it’s just creepy and sad. I’m disgusted with the whole thing.

No bass – no time!

Soft Rocked By Me

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Thing a Week 34 – Famous Blue Raincoat

JoCo — Fri, 26 May 2006 14:54:00 +0000

This is a cover of a Leonard Cohen song. If some of you kiddies haven’t heard it, you should, and in fact you’re about to. I’m sort of obsessed with it – to me it’s a nearly perfect example of how stories can be told in songs. You never know exactly what happened, but you get glimpses through all these tiny verbal gestures. The title itself says so much without being at all specific. I like to try to fill in the gaps – there’s something about a friend, a wife, and a betrayal, but also something more complicated and private. It’s especially creepy to hear Leonard Cohen sing it, because he is nothing if not totally creepy.

And a small plug – I’ll be at Jammin Java in Vienna, VA tonight with Paul and Storm. If you’re in the area, come on out and see us.

Famous Blue Raincoat

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Thing a Week 33 – Tom Cruise Crazy

JoCo — Sat, 20 May 2006 00:07:30 +0000

Poor Tom Cruise. Sure, he’s got plenty of money and fame and power, but the dude is seriously effed up. I’m a fan, I think he’s a pretty pretty fellow and he makes a fine action film. And I’ve really enjoyed watching him freak out in public of late. But there’s something about these superfamous types that I find very sad – the Michael Jacksons, the Madonnas, and now I can’t think of a third one. Which just goes to show, it’s a very exclusive club – there are only a few of these people who get so absorbed by popular culture that they lose the ability to exist on our plane.

Note to Tom Cruise/Scientologist Heavies: please don’t sue me or have me killed.

Also, in case you see this feed but not the main site, please allow me to pimp my new podcast for Popular Science magazine. Listen and subscribe here.

Tom Cruise Crazy

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Thing a Week 32 – Till the Money Comes

JoCo — Fri, 12 May 2006 19:53:01 +0000

Just so you know how bad this monkey problem of mine has gotten, every time I type the title of this song my fingers want to type “Monkey” instead of “Money,” which would make for a very different song. This is more on the theme of “asshole sings a breakup song,” in this case his assholism is that he is a scrub, the kind of guy who can’t get no love from the lovely ladies of TLC.

I should also mention, by popular request I have made available a huge honking box set – it’s at the top of the songs page, it costs $50, and it gives you everything but the current Thing a Week album in one big zipfile. If you’ve been waiting to jump in and purchase, this may be the place to do it…

Till the Money Comes

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Thing a Week 31 – Just as Long as Me

JoCo — Fri, 05 May 2006 22:57:20 +0000

I wrote this song for a documentary a friend is working on about being tall (and in case he is reading this: yes, I certainly do owe him a phone call). Some people fake the funk, me, I fake the bluegrass. And this feller in this song, you see, he’s extremely tall and he would like to find a tall woman. I like the vocals and I’m pretty proud of the word play in the chorus, but I think this song could be much improved by the addition of a little fiddle – any bluegrass fiddle players out there?

Just as Long as Me

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Thing a Week 30 – The Presidents

JoCo — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 16:44:21 +0000

This is a song that I wrote last year for a Presidents Day edition of Little Gray Books – one small fact about every US president (thanks Wikipedia). Some of you more dedicated Coulton scholars may have already heard the live version in episode 7 of the Little Gray Books Podcast. Back then I performed it with the Hungry March Band, the most energetic stoner marching band I’ve ever seen. They played the Hail to the Chief part in between verses – since I have no marching band here, I had to make do with toy instruments. This new recording may be a little rough because there are men hammering and sawing and drilling in my kitchen all week, not exactly the best thing to have on the other side of the studio wall. You may hear some of it here and there, but hey: this is Thing a Week, people.

The Presidents

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Thing a Week 29 – Code Monkey

JoCo — Sat, 15 Apr 2006 00:19:31 +0000

Yay, monkeys. This is not autobiographical, but I did indeed used to have a job writing software. VB! MS SQL! I affectionately referred to myself and my co-developers as code monkeys, especially when a client asked me a question that I didn’t want to answer (“What do I know? I’m just a code monkey.”).
Now this part is important: tomorrow morning I leave for a week long vacation in a sunny place, and I don’t know how easily I’ll be able to access the internets. I think it’s unlikely I’ll be able to get anything posted, so I’m giving you notice now: I’m taking the week off, I think. If I am in fact unable to post anything, I’ll refund a dollar to all you paying subscribers. The rest of you will just get nothing for nothing, which seems fair.

See you in a week…

Code Monkey

Shirts and other Code Monkey gear now available!!!

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Thing a Week 28 – When You Go

JoCo — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 16:44:47 +0000

The creative process is a funny thing. This week I was convinced that I was completely out of songs, that I would never write again, that all the ideas in my head were really just the same lame idea that I’d been using over and over again all along. And I had this piece of something, I knew it was a sad song because I was feeling frustrated and blocked and that’s when the sad ones usually come. I hated it, but I kept smashing it against the wall because I didn’t have any other options and it was Thursday morning already, and I have Paying Subscribers for goodness sake. But then something shook loose and by 3 PM I had a new song. Where did it come from? Why did it take all week to show up? Why can’t I remember how it feels to write when I’m trying to do it and can’t? After 28 of these you’d think I would have found the magic button in my brain that makes a song happen. Still looking.

Anyway, this is an a cappella breakup song (not necessarily about the end of a romance). It didn’t start out a cappella, but there were so many vocals that I decided to take all the instruments away and I liked how it sounded enough to finish it up that way. You don’t hear a lot of really sad a cappella songs, they’re mostly about putting limes in coconuts and zombie jamborees and that sort of thing. At least that’s how we did it at Yale. Ahem. Full disclosure: it is almost certainly a distant relative of Todd Rundgren’s “Pretending to Care.” Also, I realized too late that I had stolen a little chord change/melody line thing from a Jim Boggia song. I hope he either doesn’t mind or doesn’t notice.

When You Go

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Thing a Week 27 – Madelaine

JoCo — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 05:31:27 +0000

New recording of an old song – this is another one from the Supergroup set list. I’ve always liked this one, but couldn’t listen to the 4-track cassette, midi drums version anymore. I was working on something else for a while this week but then decided not to use it, long story I’ll get to later when it’s not so late. For now I give you:

Madelaine

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Thing a Week 26 – Re Your Brains

JoCo — Fri, 24 Mar 2006 13:53:59 +0000

If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that being trapped in a mall surrounded by a million zombies would be really troublesome. But how much more annoying would it be if the head zombie used to be your co-worker, and he was kind of a prick even before he got infected? And now he’s right outside and he just keeps talking and talking – still the same jackass, only now he wants to eat your brains?

Also, for those of you who only see this feed, I should alert you that there is now an option to purchase a subsc ription for Thing a Week if you like. Click here for details: http://www.jonathancoulton.com/subscription

Re Your Brains

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Thing a Week 25 – Stroller Town

JoCo — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 23:03:31 +0000

On a sunny day in my neighborhood, you can’t throw a rock without hitting a stroller (believe me). I’m not complaining, in fact I freely admit that I am part of the problem. So this is kind of about that, though it’s also about a baby who likes to drag race. And before you point it out, yes, I was thinking very hard about the Beach Boys while I was doing this, specifically “I Get Around” and “Shut Down.”

Stroller Town

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Thing a Week 24 – Don’t Talk to Strangers

JoCo — Fri, 10 Mar 2006 18:18:39 +0000

Yes: the Rick Springfield song. This recording is based on an arrangement I once did live at Little Gray Books with my friend Phoebe. I heard a recording of it recently and my voice sounded terrible, but I liked the arrangement a lot so I thought I’d flesh it out a little more and give it to you nice people.

Don’t Talk to Strangers

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Thing a Week 23 – A Talk with George

JoCo — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 23:56:29 +0000

Chapter 23 in which you are visited by the ghost of George Plimpton and he relays to you an important message about life.

It was Jim Hanas who told about the song contest going on at The Plimpton Project, an organization dedicated to getting a statue of the man erected somewhere in the city. George was a hell of a guy, and he deserves about 10 or 15 statues, but I guess one would be a good start. I met him at a Paris Review party once, and he was pretty charming for a Harvard man. The song: A Talk with George

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Thing a Week 22 – Take Care of Me

JoCo — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 15:53:41 +0000

Sometimes you wake up grumpy, that’s all. I like this one – you can see that I’ve become addicted to hand claps in the chorus, as well as the combination bridge/solo move (that way you don’t have to write bridge lyrics!). I should point out that the solo is actually played by me on an actual accordion. That thing is a bitch.

Take Care of Me

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Thing a Week 21 – Chiron Beta Prime

JoCo — Sat, 18 Feb 2006 01:21:31 +0000

I’m in Denver you see. So this is from the reserves – I wrote it around Christmas time last year at the request of my friend Andrew at Z+ Partners. For their holiday card they sent a CD, and they wanted a Christmas song with a futuristic theme. Of course I went right for the post-apocalyptic, stranded on an asteroid, ruled by robots situation. What would a family Christmas letter sound like from there? Well I think it might sound…something…like this…

The song: Chiron Beta Prime

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Thing a Week 20 – Curl

JoCo — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 02:09:26 +0000

As some of you know, I’ve lately been feeling a bit under the weather. I saw a doctor recently, and I was diagnosed with – Olympic Fever! This week’s thing is about the US curling team, who will be competing in events next week. Those of us not intimately familiar with the sport would probably describe curling as bocce on ice, though the pros would probably have a thing or two to say about that. Just so’s you know, the leader of the team is called the “skipper” and the things they slide around are called “rocks” and the zone of concentric circles that you’re aiming for is called the “house” (thanks Wikipedia).

Standard disclaimer: I don’t have any idea how this really sounds because I did most of the mixing on an airplane with in-ear headphones. If it’s awful I’ll have to fix it in a week or so when I’m home again. Anyway: Curl

Thing a Week 19 – So Far So Good

JoCo — Sat, 04 Feb 2006 00:31:33 +0000

There is no funny here, so don’t bother looking. This is a breakup song, or maybe just something about the end of an old thing and the beginning of a new thing. Pretty sparse arrangement, but I’m digging the heck out of the guitar part in the left ear – minor 9th! Also, watch out for the bridgey solo section, lest you be frightened by the sudden appearance of the Ghostly Banjo ™. If you are a movie director who is currently on the set of “Tootsie 2: Still Mannish!”, you may want to call my lawyer to discuss licensing this song for the credits.

So Far So Good

Thing a Week 18 – Dance, Soterios Johnson, Dance

JoCo — Fri, 27 Jan 2006 15:44:05 +0000

It was time for this song to get the full treatment and rise up from its obscure position on the Songs page. For those of you who don’t know, Soterios Johnson is the morning anchor on the NPR station here in New York, WNYC. He may or may not have a secret life of dance, but he’s got a pretty sweet radio voice. Thanks SoJo…

Dance, Soterios Johnson, Dance

Note: currently the mp3’s screwy and cuts off before the end. I will fix it soon…

More Note: now fixed. Sorry for the trouble (you get what you pay for I guess).

Thing a Week 17 – I Will

JoCo — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 18:53:43 +0000

Easing back in with a Beatles cover this week. This song has been floating around in my head for quite a while, who knows why – maybe I’m in love. I think this may be the sweetest love song ever written, so I’ve recorded it without any winking or irony or irreverence. Just straight ahead sappy. And say what you want about Paul, but it takes guts to write a line like “Love you forever and forever, love you with all my heart” and never look back.

I Will

Thing a Week 16 – You Could Be Her

JoCo — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 22:46:07 +0000

The three or four of you who remember when I used to play in a band called Supergroup will perhaps remember this song. We played it a few times but it somehow never got recorded, so here is an acoustic demo. I had big dreams of loud guitars but in the end had to settle for a drum loop and some hand claps (which I am loving by the way, from now on they’re going to be all over the place). You will note there is no solo – contest anyone? Was that fun? I had fun. Anyway, sorry if you are a person who actually does run a pretzel shop at a mall somewhere, I’m sure it’s really great and probably not as tragic and awful as this guy thinks it is.

The song: You Could Be Her

Thing a Week 15 – Resolutions

JoCo — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 20:36:53 +0000

Took a page from the Radiohead playbook here and had my laptop read some lyrics to you (thanks, American Academy of Pediatrics!). I also used my new dobro I got for Christmas, and my daughter’s toy piano. Happy new year everyone: Resolutions

Thing a Week 14 – Flickr

JoCo — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 04:18:40 +0000

This is Super Special Video Edition of Thing a Week. Some of you will no doubt be watching this on the new video iPod you got for Christmas – the rest of you, maybe you shouldn’t have married a cheapskate. I won’t explain too much about it here, except to say that it’s an example of what Creative Commons licensing makes possible. I was able to do this without calling any lawyers or receiving any cease and desist letters, because all these photos were published on Flickr with CC licenses that let me know it was OK to use them this way. No doubt you’ve finished your Christmas shopping already, but if you forgot to get something for The World, maybe you should take a moment to CC license something you created and release it into the wild…

Enough! Here it is: Flickr

Thing a Week 13 – Drive

JoCo — Fri, 16 Dec 2005 21:53:26 +0000

I don’t know what’s going on here, other to say that the gentleman in this song likes his car very much and doesn’t speak English that well. This is mostly a sketch at this point, it could stand to be dressed up quite a bit, but studio time was hard to come by this week so you’re going to have to suffer. I’m assuming that all the car companies will want to license it immediately for their commercials about people who LOVE TO DRIVE, especially if the car in the commercial is a Scion xB. All pimped out and phat. As they used to say in my day, “a bad ride.”

Here is the song: Drive

Thing a Week 12 – Furry Old Lobster

JoCo — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 23:54:01 +0000

By request, this one comes from the book tour I’ve been doing with John Hodgman. In the book, there’s this very funny history of the lobster in America, in which John explains that what we think of as lobsters today really were not the first animal to be called “lobster.” In fact, the old kind of lobster was a sort of sea otter that was wiped out when the new lobster made its way north to Maine. Then I sing a sad song about the death of the furry old lobster, and also I wear a hat made from its fur. Hilarious. Here is the song: Furry Old Lobster

Thing a Week 11 – Podsafe Christmas Song

JoCo — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 21:03:26 +0000

Yes, I know, it’s two days early. That’s how restful my week off was – I am now twice as productive! Actually, I’m off for a mid-Atlantic tour with John Hodgman tomorrow, and I don’t know when I’ll have a chance to post this if I don’t do it today. This week’s thing came from a suggestion made by a few podcasters: Len and Nora from Jawbone Radio, Big Mike and Just Sue from Extra Super Action Show, and C.C. Chapman from Accident Hash. They wanted a podsafe Christmas song (for those of you not on the podcasting tip, “podsafe” just means that the copyright holder authorizes its use on podcasts). The subject matter’s a bit inside, but the inspiration should be immediately clear if you’ve ever heard a Chipmunks song. I poke a little fun at Adam Curry, self-annointed “podfather,” because he has all the money and all the power. I kid because I love, and also because I want to curry favor. Ha! I said “Curry” favor!

Technical note: you have no idea how slow and awful the vocals sound at regular speed.

Anyway, enjoy! Play it on your podcasts, tip me if you like it, Merry Xmas, sorry for all the exclamation points!

Podsafe Christmas Song

Thing a Week 10 – When I’m 25 or 64

JoCo — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 17:13:44 +0000

This is my first ever mashup. I’m on the road so my recording capabilities are limited, plus I’m so angry about this whole Sony rootkit thing that I felt like a little illegality was called for. I’m too old to smash things, so this copyright violation will have to do. I did actually purchase these songs from the iTunes music store, but then in order to get them into a workable form I had to circumvent the DRM by recording the audio out from my iPod. Hear that?! I circumvented the DRM in a blatant violation of federal laws! And I’d do it again!

Like many mashups, this really starts and ends with the title – a blend of Chicago’s “25 or 6 to 4” and the Beatles song “When I’m 64.” I’m all about the numbers you see. It’s not quite as successful as I’d hoped (turns out it’s pretty hard to do this well). There are times when they work well together, but I can’t escape the feeling that I’m just listening to two songs at once, not a new coherent musical thing. If you don’t understand what makes McCartney melodies so great, you should try taking one out of its original musical context – they have deep roots.

Here is the song: When I’m 25 or 64

Thing a Week 9 – The Town Crotch

JoCo — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 16:24:57 +0000

Last week was so computery, I wanted a little palette cleanser this week, so you’re getting a nice simple all-acoustic number. This song is based on a memory I wish I had – none of this actually happened, but it is cobbled together from the many tiny bits of kindness and desperation and longing that come with growing up in a small town. I was always into older women in high school, and there was a time when they all seemed so tall and big and wonderful – especially the dangerous ones. The ones who were “built for speed” and who maybe had a certain reputation, but really they were just fun to hang around with. And if you were a skinny freshman in a social situation that was way over your head, they would take care of you, and drive you home in their dark, fast, dangerous cars.

I give you: The Town Crotch

And not to ruin a nice moment with something crass, but if you enjoy Thing a Week, you should feel free to donate whatever you think it’s worth so far to me through Amazon or Paypal. I will not object.

Thing a Week 8 – Sibling Rivalry

JoCo — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 17:11:35 +0000

This week, a little laptop music. I’ve been in airplanes and hotels all week, so everything had to happen inside my computer, which made for an interesting challenge. The vocal track is from some voice over work a friend of mine did for a TV show, cut up and arranged in Ableton Live. I added some loops, recorded a little guitar, and mixed it all on my Plantronics USB headset (all you audio engineers out there are cringing right now). I must tell you, for most of this week I despaired of getting to a place where this was in any way interesting. Then somehow in the last 24 hours the vocal track started to be “about” something, though I can’t say what. Sisters. Suspicious, fighting sisters. And someone goes to a mall.

Here is the song: Sibling Rivalry

Thing a Week 7 – Brand New Sucker

JoCo — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 15:16:52 +0000

My friend Brett tells me that last week’s thing was good because it was angry, and that I should be angry more often. Fine! This week’s thing is an angry breakup song! It was written a few years ago, but I somehow lost the recording. Honestly, it wasn’t that good an arrangement so nobody cared, I like this one much better. And the last verse needed to be rewritten anyway, somehow the first time around I missed the opportunity to do the “somebody, nobody, everybody” structure, which I find very satisfying.

Here is the song: Brand New Sucker

Hodgman book tour news: John and I will be at Quimby’s in Chicago on Wednesday November 2 at 7 PM. Then on Friday November 4 at 7:30 PM we’ll do a Little Gray Books lecture about Brookline, John’s hometown, at the Coolidge Corner Theater in Brookline MA.

Thing a Week 6 – Someone Is Crazy

JoCo — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 23:42:03 +0000

Whoo boy, rough week. That’s why this is getting posted at 7:30 PM – but I will point out: it is still Friday. This one comes from a verse that’s been floating around in my head for about 10 years. I think that originally it came from an argument with some girl about something, but I can’t remember anymore. I can still find the disdain in my heart though, that hasn’t left me. The amazing Cynthia Hopkins stuff on Wednesday night inspired me to dust off the old accordion and give it a whirl. Man that thing is hard to play. But that’s what Thing a Week is about. Dusting off old accordions. Hard to play. Rough weeks.

Here is the song: link

Following up with the Shop Vac solo contest, it looks like Vincent’s sweet guitar solo is the winner. Tomorrow I’ll swap out the mp3 that’s there with a new one that has Vincent’s solo in it, and we will both make a million dollars. Thanks again to everyone who submitted, I hope you had as much fun as I did. As I say, I’m very glad it was not me who had to choose.

Thing a Week 5 – Baby Got Back

JoCo — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 20:18:42 +0000

This week is a cover of Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot (note: he is not an actual knight). Had to activate the whole team for this one – guitar, mandolin, banjo and even some shakers and tambourines and other things lying around the house. I’ve wanted to cover this song for a long time, because it is excellent – there’s a wonderful message in there for those of you who have big butts. In the proud tradition of many white Americans who came before me I hereby steal and white-ify this thick and juicy piece of black culture. Watch for my album “Jonathan Coulton Sings Songs by Black People.”

Here is the song: Baby Got Back

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Oh, and don’t forget to vote for your favorite Shop Vac solo over there on the right. UPDATE: New plan! New plan! I forgot I said you could submit through this weekend. So we’ll stop the voting and continue on Monday once I have all the entries.

Thing a Week 4 – Shop Vac

JoCo — Fri, 07 Oct 2005 14:03:17 +0000

This is me doing Fountains of Wayne – you know, funny tragic suburban angst power pop ennui, etc. I started recording this one before it was written, which is something I never do. But I knew I was going to do hand claps in the chorus and I couldn’t wait. I came up with the chorus when I was actually using a shop vac (which is awesome by the way, it sucks up everything).

You may notice that there is no guitar solo after the bridge. I was going to go through the whole process of cutting together snippets of decent playing, beating myself up about not being a better guitarist and cursing my useless sausage fingers, but forget that. I leave it to you, dear minions. Anyone who wants to should record a solo and email it to me or post a link here. I’ll mix them in and post clips and we can all decide together which one works best. The song is in the key of E major and it’s 150 bpm. You’ll want to target the 8 bars right after the bridge, starting at about 2:20 and ending somewhere before the third verse. It can be shreddy or pleasant or noisy or whatever – it doesn’t even need to be that musical as long as it’s interesting, and as long as the recording is just the isolated solo (if you record yourself playing your bongos in front of your speakers I won’t really be able to use that – you will want some kind of multitrack situation so you can hear the song but record only your solo). And any instrument is fine – come on clarinetists, make your voice heard! Once a winner is chosen I’ll change the link to the new mp3 and give the player credit in the notes. Here’s the song:

Shop Vac

Also, if you’re in the Philly area and you’d like to hear John Hodgman read from his book and me play some backup music, we’ll be at the Philadelphia Museum of Art tonight in between sets of the band Beau Django. Details on the Areas of My Expertise site.

Thing a Week 3 – W’s Duty

JoCo — Fri, 30 Sep 2005 19:12:28 +0000

For a long time I have been obsessed with the word “duty” which sounds to me a lot like the word “doody” (as in, you know, poo). It’s gotten really bad, so that ever time someone talks about their solemn duty, or how so-and-so has fallen down on their duty, it makes me giggle. So this week’s thing is, well, I guess it’s GWB talking about taking a crap. You will probably find this funny if you have the mind of an 8-year-old boy.

W’s Duty

And also, in a strange coincidence, I saw a link today on Waxy and Gawker to an even better example of what can be done with all the GWB audio that’s available from The Bots. This is sort of amazing actually. What I did took me forever and it’s still pretty rough around the edges. And so I must give the maddest props ever to the geniuses who so skillfully manipulated tiny slices of audio to make our president sing COVERS OF SONGS in the most uncanny, creepy way. You must listen:

The Party Party

Thing a Week 2 – My Monkey

JoCo — Fri, 23 Sep 2005 21:05:46 +0000

My strange obsession with monkeys continues with Thing Two of Thing a Week. I don’t know where to begin explaining this one. Here is what I know: The guy in the song has recently had an argument with someone he loves and is trying to apologize. He happens to have a pet monkey, more of a monkey butler actually, whose name is Brian Dennehy. He’s unable to talk directly about his own feelings (the singer I mean, not Brian Dennehy), so he’s projecting his emotional life onto the monkey, explaining how the monkey feels when this or that happens. It sounds like he does this a lot, and it’s probably indicative of a larger problem. It’s kind of a sparse arrangement, drum loop, guitar, bass, and then somewhere in the mix are a few wine glasses. I thought long and hard about the monkey chorus that comes between verses, but finally left it in. This song makes me feel sad and sentimental, despite the fact that it mentions Brian Dennehy (shout out to Dr. Smith, who really wishes he had a so-named monkey butler).

Download Here

Still trying to figure out if I should make this a separate podcast or just make this blog the podcast. I like the title “Thing a Week” and it’s certainly more catchy than “Jonathan Coulton” but I’m not sure it’s worth all the hassle of breaking it out, posting twice, etc. Right now WordPress is already creating enclosures for linked mp3s, so it should work as a podcast the way it is (and I’m experimenting with the WP-iCatter plug in to get the iTunes tags in there too). I suppose I could set up a separate feed for this post category using feedburner. Or I could just rename this blog to Thing a Week. Why is the internets so complicated!? If you all have any thoughts, let me know.

Thing a Week 1 – See You All in Hell

JoCo — Fri, 16 Sep 2005 22:07:46 +0000

Well, you asked for it, or rather, I told you that you were going to get it. Here’s the debut thing of my Thing a Week series. It’s 48 seconds long, but I think it has a special kind of quirky charm. The lyrics are taken from a text message that a TV producer sent while having a difficult time on some sort of aquatic shoot, somewhere far away where it’s probably hot and dusty and hard to get around. I found them funny but also a little sinister – there is more than a touch of madness in them. They are sung by my mac (via Text Edit, via Audio Hijack) and mixed with loops in Soundtrack.

I will eventually set up a page as these things pile up, but for now:

download it here .