That is Charlie - in the picture. We lost him today. Just a few minutes ago.

My gentle giant.

As I weep my eyeballs out, all I can think of is how he enriched our lives for the years he lived with us. How little he asked for and how much he gave.

And I worry a bit about my girls and what I will tell them when they wake up in the morning.

Here is a slideshow we made years ago - my husband and I.

We will miss you Charlie but you will always be with us.

View SlideShare presentation or Upload your own. (tags: training play)

I have never done any giveaway or advertisements on my blog. This is really neither of them, but it is an effort from Office Max that I have chosen to support with a blog post in order to help a teacher. I have done so for two very important reasons -

1. Since start work on my start-up Memetales ( a picture book space) and seeing my children grow up (my oldest one just turned 3!) has surely gotten me more passionate about children and education. And in a very selfish way, I want my children to have the right to the best possible education they can have. And I want to do my bit to enable people so that can happen. So, in many ways, I am doing my start-up for my children and this post to help the teachers who carry the responsibility to educate my children.

2. I am a MomItForward chapter leader for the Seattle area and I love the Seattle community! It has really been less than 6 months since I started involving myself in local events and non profit efforts in the Seattle area, but I have loved the people and the community immensely. This is an opportunity for me to give back!

So here goes - and please do make the effort to nominate a person who you think deserves a little thank you

Did you know teachers spend an average of $1200 of their own money on classroom supplies each year? Thatís $4 billion annually! That’s why OfficeMax joined with Adopt-A-Classroom to create “A Day Made Better“óa national cause event founded to erase teacher-funded classrooms. This year, ìA Day Made Betterî will take place on October 6 where 1,000 teachers will be surprised in their classrooms each with $1,000 worth of essential supplies from OfficeMax. Thatís more than one million dollars donated to help teachers! Principals at needy schools nominated the teachers for demonstrating dedication, innovation, and passion.

To pay-it-forward, OfficeMax and Mom It Forward have teamed up to create awareness about the issue of teacher-funded classrooms and to give you the opportunity to get involved and help a teacher in your community on behalf of the ìA Day Made Better.î Hereís howÖ

Simply nominate a teacher of your choice to win this giveaway by following the entry requirements. Be sure to check out the prize and criteria!

Prize

One exceptional teacher will receive a ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR gift card to OfficeMax. This can go a long way when it comes to classroom supplies!

Criteria

This is a giveaway that is meant to be given away. What does that mean? You get to nominate a teacher by sharing why this person is exceptional and deserving of this giveaway. The best part, every story told helps raise awareness in an effort to erase teacher-funded classrooms. The winning teacher will be chosen based on the following criteria, so be sure to tell us why your teacher is most deserving:

• Dedication: does everything in his/her power to deliver the best possible education for his/her students.
• Innovation: thinks outside the box and engages his/her students through creative learning activities & programs.
• Passion: expresses a genuine passion for education and shares this enthusiasm in the classroom.
• Need: demonstrates a need for essential classroom supplies.

Entry Requirements

To enter your teacher, you are required to do two things.

1. Enter your nomination as a comment on this blog post!

2. Nominate them through a blog post or on Whrrl.

Write a post on your blog.

• You can include photos, video, etc. but please stay under 400 words or 3 minutes.
• Please include these links: http://adaymadebetter.com or @adaymadebetter.
• Include a link to your post in the comments section.

OR

Create a story on Whrrl.com.

• Go to our custom Whrrl page at http://whrrl.com/search?q=omx, click ìStart A Storyî and upload photos and text about why your teacher is most deserving.
• Be sure to include the #omx hashtag in the text of your story.
• Post a link to your Whrrl story in the comments section.

3. Post these messages on Facebook and/or Twitter.

• Teachers spend avg $1200 of own $$ on school supplies annually! Help erase teacher-funded classrooms. http://bit.ly/3VUNvC PLS RT #omx
• Nominate a teacher 2 win $100 in OfficeMax classroom supplies. Enter here: PUT YOUR POST URL HERE PLS RT #omx
• Join the ìA Day Made Betterî movement to end teacher-funded classrooms at http://bit.ly/UJ3LF #omx

More than 30 sites are participating in this campaign between now and Sunday, October 4. Visit http://momitforward.com for a list of all the giveaways! You may enter a different teacher on every site, but you may only win once!

Thanks so much for helping pay-it-forward to teachers in your community! Please join us on Tuesdays, September 22 and 29 from 9 to 11 pm ET for Girls Night Out (#gno) on Twitter if youíd like to meet the team behind the cause: @officemax, @adaymadebetter and @Adopt_Classroom. Hope to see you there!

Fine Print

It has been a long time - and more than ever before, I have had blog posts sitting in my head.

I have had no excuse - except that I am so insanely busy that I have turned into somewhat of a scatterbrain.

And the fact that I have been thinking about money. Since after all the comments I had on my last post, I am really not so sure what my relationship with money is. Writing that post about money and happiness was rather powerful on me. I re-evaluated my relationship with money, tried to alter it, push it around and really just experiment with it.

I had to think of all kinds of things -
Is money taking too much importance in my life?
Am I too dependent on my relationship with money?
Even if money does not define my happiness, is it defining my life?
Do I need to let go of the stories I told you about money from my childhood?

I have truly enjoyed reading the comments. I have read them over and over again.

I told myself a story that the collective story the comments in my last post told me.

This been a hard time for me. Not financially at all - although I am still not earning any money, but because I have been hard at work on a “self imposed money therapy” - trying to focus on changing my relationship with money and seeing where that takes me. Like Marelisa said to me on my last post, I had to adjust to my new role. I challenged myself to see in what other way I can add value to my own life and family. I truly removed money out of the picture for the past few weeks.

JD Meier dropped his wisdom and creatively pulled my focus away from money and towards wealth. While I focused on money, JD seemed to say that there in lies the problem. Once we have money for basics,we should be thinking of wealth and not money. And I did that.

So, I told myself it is okay. It is really really okay that I do not make money at this point. I am a mom and a wife and an entrepreneur. And all those roles are about anything but money.

When I did the two things above - disconnect from my past, try to adapt to the new situation and see beyond money and into wealth, like Dani says, I did see that more money or stuff does not mean more happiness.

So, I focused on a lot of local non profit work. I am entrenched in Social Media, so I try my best to help non-profits locally - be it through fundraising, engagement and education.

As I did that for a little while, I started to see how I focused more on my passions and truly did something only because I was passionate about it. Life got simplified a lot. It was great. I started doing things because of my passion for education. My passion for children. My passion for making a difference.

But as Vered says, I also started to realize that i was missing on some luxuries. And also started to be aware, as always, the luxuries that my money allows me. A nanny for my kids to let me do what I enjoy once in a while - even if that happens to be a short peaceful nap …

I simplified my life a lot more. My life has always been simple but I simplified it all the more - in my head.

Ram and Ankur both seemed to say that they would donate money if they had more. I thought I might try that too. I have started to donate to causes through Memetales. I really do not save a lot, so I started to give more of my time to my passions. And yes, it has been wonderful. Stop focusing on the money and the money starts to come — like Nicole very simply put it. I am not so sure yet, but I do see a LOT of work (and hence potential money) coming my way. Earning respect, being invited to speak at conferences and so on might not be money, but it certainly qualifies as wealth.

And after all this, I do not know, what is real and what is a perception. It is all blurry to me now. I might need Natalie’s help

And then I wondered - Am I becoming the person Sara talks about in her post? By thinking less about money, am I becoming irresponsible? Is it okay to care less about making money?

But then, Ann Marie said it beautifully - and I think I am getting there too. It is more about the cash-flow for me and less about the money in total.

As I get to that point, I wonder, just as Lori says, if me being content with less takes away from my ability to seek abundance.But I am quite certain this is not the case. Abundance is about wealth - and not money.To me, it is about abundance and wealth. If I focus on abundance, wealth and value, the money will come.

It has been a long but wonderful ride - my experiments with money. And it will continue. I am still confused about a number of things - I know that children on the streets would be so much better off with the facilities that money can provide. I know that money is the reason so many “normal” people become homeless in the US. And I know that there is only so much I can do for anyone else if I do not make enough money to pay my own bills ….

But then, I also know that extending my time, efforts and energy has made me feel wealthier than money could ever have. And yes, if I put THAT wealth back into my life, I for sure, will end up making money “money” that I would have done simply. I am sure of that.

In the end, it is about starting an all-new relationship with money. And doing it every so often. I feel SO much calmer on the money front now - not all rectified but just calmer. And I have also understood that it is good for me to be a little paranoid. I have responsibilities (kids) and would hate to be cold and/or homeless. But after a basic point (which is very very minimal) , it is about the wealth I can create in my life. And wealth is all about creating internal abundance, not the stuff.

I am excited to share my money-detox program in my next post. Can you say I am loving this “poor but wealthy state” ?

Have you every challenged yourself to a lifestyle not driven by money? Can you relate to my experience in any way?

I think it is time for a discussion. About MONEY. Even Seth Godin wants to think about it!

Money is on my mind a lot these days. It is the first time in years that I am not bringing a paycheck home. We are paying our bills, thanks to my husband having a job, but I never imagined I’d ever go this long without contributing to the family income (or cash-flow) …

I am doing a LOT of other things to contribute to family life and I am not unhappy by any means, but I do *think* about money a lot.

Ever since I started thinking up this post, I have been thinking about what money means to my happiness. And how much money I need to be happy? Is it the cash-flow that bothers me, is it that these days we are saving no money for the future, or the fact that there is really very little stretching we can afford to do financially at this point in our lives? Money is a non issue at this point  but if I my financial situation stays the same, will I eventually get exhausted of this whole frugality thing? And will lack of pocket money and no contribution to the future fund worry me into some unhappiness? When will that be and what should I do ….?

Well, of course, having no money is hardly a situation to be happy about for anyone. But once we are able to put food on the table, so to speak, just how much money do we need to be happy? And how much money do we need to not worry about our finances? I understand that all these things vary for different people and I really want to have a conversation around it.

I wish I had a picture of the home I grew up in. I did not grow up rich at all. Or so I believe. My dad is a smart guy, but he is not and never was a businessman. For years and years, I remember him struggling to pay off loans that he had made. His would worry for days before he found the courage to ask someone for the money they owe him - for supplies he had provided them months ago. As a child, I just watched, quietly listened and then worried about how much my parents struggled for money.

Those are the memories I have of money from my childhood. I had parents that always provided, but I had parents that always seemed to struggle to get money together. With four kids, they perhaps had a LOT of expenses …In all honesty, I have no idea about how rich or poor my parents were. To ask my parents for a few Rupees was a painful task and often, I’d survive for days from the change at the last shopping trip to the drugstore.

So, deep inside, from the money story I sew together with my memories is one of mild poverty - I was uneasy about money, it worried me, caused pain to my parents and stressed the heck out of me. We were always middle-class, but in my head, I was poverty stricken.

Coming to the USA with a graduate scholarship was incredibly cathartic. All of a sudden, I had money, my own money. Enough money for food, shelter, a few experiences, little gifts and then some to save off for a rainy day. It seemed to me that for the first time in my life, I was not thinking about money. I had enough to no worry about money and start concentrating on being happy.

The little money I had made me independent and secure. Let me have the things that are important to me. Took money off my mind. And let me concentrate some energy on being happy.

That is when I figured out that I had a certain relationship with money.

Money to me is like having another person in my life - one who complicates and/or simplifies my life in powerful ways. A necessary evil. A good friend who I fight with often.

And over the years I have learned that like most things in life, what I make of money and the happiness I derive from it is more about what is inside me than the absolute money I have in my pocketbook.

I did research money and it’s effects on happiness and basically found that money does buy happiness to some extent. They listed the happiest nations and talked about how people in richer nations are somewhat happier. Prosperity does contribute to happiness but so do freedom and equality ….

So as individuals we all have to figure out (once we have our basic needs met), what our individual relationship with money is. And how to manage it.

Once we have learned to do that, we have successfully gotten money out of our worry systems, we simplify our lives and can focus on what REALLY makes us happy.

So this is my relationship with money. Like EVERY relationship, my relationship with money has 2 parts - the money and the part of me that relates to the money.

MY MONEY and ME

I will leave you with this. I will come back and talk about my relationship with money in some more detail in my next post. And then we can talk about how we can be find money and happiness if we had way too much or too little of one or the other.

My life is RICH and I could not be happier. BUT there is no denying that if I had a little more money, I’d put it towards a few experiences(travel) and conferences like @jeffpulver ’s #140char conference, TEDIndia and our very own local Gnomedex. But having less money makes you creative and I am exploring scholarship opportunities in both cases, but it is a struggle … perhaps I should start my education fund

So, I am curious.

Would you call yourself rich but unhappy, poor but happy?

WHAT is YOUR relationship with money? What would YOU do if you had a little more money?

photo credit: psyberartist

If I asked you if you know EXACTLY what you want in your life, would you be able to tell me?

I really want to know.

Did you start off many years ago, saying that you wanted a job A, make X amount of money, have a home that is Y square feet and so on and get exactly what you wanted many years later?

If you did, you will have to tell me how you did it? What is your formula?

Those are my two questions -

How do I know what I want in my life? And how do I know if I have what I wanted in my life?

It is eerie, since I am doing everything I ever wanted to do in my life. Or it seems like that. And I have everything I ever wanted to have. Or it seems that way. Kids, dogs (and a cat!), a home, life, adventure, freedom, education,  the luxury of having an entrepreneurial experience and a support system that I had no idea could even exist.

I am NOT sure this is what I set out wanting in my life. But it seems like today, I have everything I had ever wanted for myself.

And then I wonder - Am I so happy because I really have everything I ever wanted or am I happy because I have made Happiness a Habit?

I do not know. But I have a feeling that it does not matter.

I think what really matters is that at every moment we WANT SOMETHING. And at every moment in our lives we are working feverishly towards that something.

But there is a Step 2 to this -

And while we are working feverishly towards that SOMETHING, it seems really critical to understand WHY we wanted that SOMETHING.

In retrospect, what I had wanted in the past does not seem to matter - the past has gone by. What matters is that I always seem to know what I want next (if not in life) and I keep going towards that. Whatever it is, it seems to be working. You can argue that “working” is a relative term, but I think I am doing well enough to talk about how I do it. While I have often not achieved exactly what I had set out to achieve, I have ended up having more in a lot of ways.

What you want to HAVE is an external force - It provides momentum like the fuel in a motor boat. It deals with the tangibles. About larger force and control.

What you want to FEEL is an internal force - it provides direction control like the steering wheel in the boat. It deals with the intangibles. It gives the finer control on our journeys in life.

Life is a vector - it needs both momentum and direction. Without one, the other is meaningless. Moving towards a goal is all about make sure the intangibles are protected while trying to achieve a tangible goal.

Knowing what you want to HAVE is like having the fuel to go towards something

Knowing what you want to FEEL is like having control of the steering wheel.

To make the journey meaningful, you always have to set out seeking something (and that something might be to just explore aimlessly for a while). it is very important to have a destination in mind while we start off, but it is perhaps as important to check on the bumps that come along the way, navigate the rapids appropriately and perhaps steer towards a newer destination that is more exciting than the one you started off seeking. It is NOT about getting EXACTLY where you wanted to go, but about being in control, taking responsibility and reaching a destination that you love.

It does not matter if you do not know where you want to go sometimes. The stream of life provides those lovely slopes sometimes, when you can ride for free - just flow along and take some time figuring it out … and enjoy it.

But choosing a journey that leads to you to a destination of your longing, while letting you connect with yourself every single minute of the journey is what makes a journey passionate. If your passions come alive in letting yourself flow, so be it.

You’ll probably NEVER get what you thought you wanted years ago - and that is perfectly fine. What matters is that you set out wanting SOMETHING. What matters in that in the end you ended up FEELING and EXPERIENCING life the way you wanted.

How do you figure out WHAT you want to HAVE in YOUR life? Does it disturb you if you do not get what you exactly set out to get?

photo credit: Groume

I HAD to interrupt my previous series post to put up a post about Play - inspired by a Carnival of Play that PhdinParenting just hosted. As an afterthought, I realize that the concept of PLAY is very similar to the concept of powerful “microexperiences” - looked at from a slightly different perspective.

When I watch my 2.5 year old play her favorite games, I wonder what makes it play. Most things she LOVES doing are what I consider to be chores - emptying the dishwasher, folding laundry, dusting, walking the dogs …

And then I look at my own life - spending hours and hours of my life on my blogs and my startup - just because it is something I really enjoy, something I love to do….

When I think of what is common between the two - my daughter and I - I wonder why we do the things we do …. what motivates each of us to do these things that another human might never consider doing

It just seems that for one reason or the other, we do these things that we do because they give us a sense of sheer enjoyment. A sense of engagement and joy that could only make what we are doing an act of “play”.

As I sort my daily activities into 2 buckets of WORK and PLAY, I see the characteristics of my PLAY bucket starting to form -

• Play is a change of pace. Play is an activity different from the one we are doing. Sometimes that is all play is. Play for way too long and even play starts to seem like work!
• Play is productive, play is fun.
• Play is anything we enjoy.
• Play energizes
• Play rewards
• Play is spontaneity
• Play is something that causes flow - a flow of energy within us - an activity that consumes so well that it almost seems effortless.
• Play is an activity that “pulls” us  - it is an activity that we indulge in because we want to - not because we HAVE to

My daughter loves any activity where she is my little helper. She LOVES the feeling for a group activity - learning from me, doing with me and gaining that appreciation. I entice her with nothing else that a fun activity together - together being the key word. She will do anything with me as  long as I am already doing it and am excited about it …

There in lies the secret - She is willing to convert any activity as play, as long as she-gets-to-experience-togetherness. At this point in her life, that characteristic is mostly what defines “play” for her.

BUT

What does all this mean? How can understanding “play” make our lives better?

Understanding what constitutes PLAY in our own lives is very very critical to living a sane life from one day to another. To me, it is the difference between being able to care for my little ones with a whole lot of patience versus being a horrible mother at my wits end. With work, it is the difference between someone just doing her job and someone doing a damn good job and being passionate about it.

And at times like today when I am home alone with my kids and HAVE to take care of them, I can plan my day to insert elements of play for both of us - for the kids AND for me. Cleanup time (I hate, they love), naptime (they hate, I love), food time (they hate, I hate) all need to be planned right to make it enjoyable for all of us.

This is my take - the ability to understand our own internal drivers that cause us to perceive an activity as play, will let us choose the right activities and the right careers for ourselves. In the BIG scheme if things, it lets us decide what our limits are, what  we need on a day to day basis and what kinds of jobs we are more suitable for. In the microcosmic view, understanding “PLAY” in our lives gives us quick fixes for bad days, irritating times and even teach us some about how to get along with people and get going with the things we just cannot escape from.

So here is a rather quick way to find and incorporate PLAY into your life -

Step 1: Find YOUR play equation

The nature of PLAY = actions + experiences + results

This is what you do - Choose a few activities you LOVE and come up with a bunch of words for each of the categories - actions, experiences and results that cause you to love that activity.

What are your actions?

What is the experience?

What does it leave you with? What are the results?

What is it that you love BEST about that activity? Your actions, your journey, the result?

Once you have done all of that, you will start to see a pattern with what kinds of things you really love about what you consider PLAY. As you see in the table below, for me, the Experience is most important, followed by the result. All/most PLAY for me involves learning and should always result in a calmer me and calmer kids.

Try to do this and see what patterns you see emerge.

Step 2: Now USE the PLAY formula

Now that you have answers to that, choose one of these model -

1. Insert Play into activities - insert pockets of playtime into an activity. These could quite literally be coffee or your figurative shots of caffeine for your long and/or boring activity that you see as work.

2. Evolve activities into Play - Just don’ t enjoy your job? Time to change it completely or evolve it into a job that incorporates your play elements.

Companies invest thousands of dollars into getting people to socialize in informal environments, because that helps people let their guard down some and have a good time while getting to know each other better. While right in theory, this rarely works as every single person’s perception of play varies widely from another person’s perception of play. So if you are managing a bunch of people, be sure to talk to them about what they consider fun before you go too far deciding what might be god for everyone …

As time goes by, I fear that my daughter’s perception of what is play and what is a chore will change - be it due to life experiences or be it due to the pressures… How do I teach her to keep the play going? How do I teach her to find play in what the things she has to do or find ways to incorporate play into her work. I think it is about teaching her some truths and secrets….

THERE REALLY ARE ONLY 2 KINDS OF STUFF!

You gotto do what you gotto do STUFF -There are some things in life we HAVE to do. Like it or not. Chores will never go away -So transform these - sing along while you clean, do things with company, focus on the results and treat it as an opportunity to learn.

You don’t have to do this STUFF - Teach them to get creative and find other ways to do it. Chuck these activities and choose activities that are better for us, keep us energized and in the flow.

I think understanding this basic truth  gives us the strength and ability to control and enjoy our lives to the highest degree possible.

What do YOU think? Is your work day filled with PLAY or does even PLAY seem like work to you?

How have you transformed your WORK into PLAY?

photo credit: H Images (Photography by Paul Hagius)

My husband has been away for a few days and he will be away for a few more. During this time, as I go about my day, managing my 2 little girls, the 2 dogs, a cat and my most recent baby Memetales, a number of thoughts flow in and out of my head …thoughts about my life, my kids and mostly my husband. I go about my day with a sense of calm (so far at least ) and manage to last until 10 p.m every single night when a strange kind of exhaustion starts to hit. And then, I try to work some, but eventually decide it is best to go to bed at a time when my head feels like a trash truck filled to the brim …

I lie down and my thoughts start to flow out - like water that flows out of a jug when tilted. Wonderfully bloggable ideas …but by the morning they have all flowed out and evaporated …and new thoughts start to form again ….

After a few days of this, I am exhausted. Tonight, I just have to unload some of my thoughts ….

This post today is more of a journal entry than my typical blog post … I have just decided to go with the flow on this one …

And I wonder where does my strange sense of calm come from when I am all by myself with at least 5 living creatures completely dependent on me and my husband is half-way across the world???

It is really coming from me - somewhere deep inside of me ….

But how did that calm get inside of me - somewhere deep inside of me ?

I guess it comes from inside of me - like a fire that burns within, but one that is kept alive by a number of people and factors. My “fire of calm” is kept alive by the support I get from my husband, a sense of accomplishment/learning I get from pursuing something intellectual/spiritual in my life and a sense of self-worth and simple joy I get from caring for and sharing with my kids and animals. And so, like all paradoxes in life - this fire that burns bright is  a calm one, this fire that burns deep inside is fueled as much from the outside as the inside.

And the fire burns on - even with my husband half-way across the globe …

But it is not always this way. There are times when I am completely the opposite. When something someone says will fill me with a great sense of self doubt. When I am filled with hopelessness. When the world looks different and my response to every single thing will be vastly different from what it will be today, when I feel that calm fire inside of me.

All my life, struggle and introspection in my life has been about understanding who I am when and learning how to respond to and tend to myself. This seems to be paying off somewhat as I learn to bring up my own children, it seems to be paying off.

Do you have a calm fire inside of you? A fire that keeps you warm and protected? Or a rock that keeps you grounded? Who or what is that? And do you notice when the fire is disturbed?

In my next post called You and You, I will talk more about how I recognize myself in my different forms and what I do about it. And as usual, I will come up with a structure to help you recognize the different YOUs you might come across.

And do check out my latest guest post about Negotiating out at Simplemom if you want to learn about a few universal truths about negotiating.

photo credit: lrargerich

In my last post, I talked about how my little one had discovered a micro-experience within a less desirable macro-experience …. This is part 2 of my “pee-break” post.

Don’t we all end up having to do things we wish we did not have to? Like take care of our little ones when they are whiny and sick. Or working for a boss that we do not really like. Or going on play-dates because your kid loves the other child while you have absolutely no connection with that other parent? Or enduring a relationship even though you really have nothing in common with a person?

And these are real HAVE-TO ’s - not just situations that we are stuck in because we failed to act, like thinking that we are  stuck in a job without ever trying to find another one. Not HAVE-TOs because we are scared of society. These are HAVE-TOs that we know are really good for US in the long run. These are HAVE-Tos that will enhance our lives in ways that are a LOT bigger than the pain and inconveniences they cause us … I  WANT to take care of my kids, I WANT my child to have a fun playdate and I absolutely WANT to maintain a realtionship with a person I adore and respect even if I perhaps have nothing in common with him/her.

The only way for us to really survive these HAVE-TOs well is by designing powerful micro-experiences that will create joy that will spill-over into your not so fun macro-experience, thereby changing the complete experience without quite deviating from the intended goal of the macro-effort.

A micro experience is different from a reward. A micro-experience is eventually supposed to make the whole macro-experience once that you like and start to love. It is not merely an incentive, it is meant to contribute to the overall journey. In some ways, micro-experiences should slowly get smaller and smaller but eventually getting incorporated into a macro-experience.

In order for micro-experiences to work, try to find one that can nicely be integrated into the flow of your work and makes you more effective. You could loosely follow this process -

• Think of something you really do not like to but is good for you - this is your macro-experience
• Think of something that you really love to do that you could incorporate here - this is your micro-experience
• Now, pair the micro-experience you love with your least favorite activity of your macro-experience.

Now, get on with your business. Focus on the goal while trying to enjoy the macro-experience by using your micro-experience as a vehicle to get you from point A to point B, while giving you a little break from the pain.

When you HAVE to endure a macro-experience that you believe is for your ultimate good, all you have to do is insert just the right number of micro-experiences into your macro-experience.

These micro-experiences will work like magic if chosen right. They will

- take little time relative to the macro-experience (really be micro)

- create spill-over joy and excitement for the macro-experience.

- they lead you towards the goal of your macro-experience or even enhance your micro-experience.

- eventually, the micro-experience seamlessly flow into your macro-experience - either by going away or getting nicely integrated into the flow of your macro-experience.

Micro-experiences can end up causing you to cheat if you are not honest with yourself. Scope creep, distraction, inefficiencies and swaying away from your real goal are all dangers of indulging in micro-experiences. In order for this not to happen I make sure I tell stories to myself and the people involved. Like with my little one … to prevent mentions of pee-breaks during the actual dinner, we take a visit BEFORE we eat and I promise one after we are done with dinner. During dinner, we are allowed to talk about the whole process of the “pee-break” with dad and little sister …this is when my older one explains over and over again the rules of using a public toilet - “don’t touch anything , touch only paper, stand away from the walls and so on and so forth …” It makes for good family conversation - if you watched us you’d be jealous of how great a time we were having together except you had no idea WHAT we were talking about

But my point is, it works. We have a great dinner. We ALL enjoy out time together and fulfill our individual desires. And I’d rather have my little one choose to visit the toilets herself than having to force her into it or stressing that she might interrupt dinner and so on …

But the “pee-breaks” also work so wonderfully because we are talking about the “pee-break” is almost always a part of the process of sitting down for dinner - especially with little ones. It would not be so great however if my little one wanted to take a break every 5 minutes.

So be sure to externalize your final goal and admit to yourself that you are indeed “taking a pee-break while the goal is to have dinner together”. Don’t take half hour coffee breaks every hours and try to tell yourself that you are getting work done.

• Define the start
• Define the finish line - What is your goal?
• Externalize your goals and focus on them.
• What micro-experiences are you incorporating?
• What is the cost - in terms of time, effort, $ etc.
• Define a plan - how do you see the micro-experience seamlessly flow into your macro-experience - either by going away or getting nicely integrated into the flow of your macro-experience.

This blog is a micro-experience in my macro-experience of life, kids and work. (I break life by weeks - hence my one post/week format :))I love this blog to death for it grounds me, gets me to look inwards and reminds me to connect with myself and the hearts and souls around me. I spend a lot of time thinking about and writing my posts - doodling, taking notes and applying my own little discoveries and frameworks. It really makes me feel energized to get on with my other work and my life in general. But there are times when I don’t post for a while - and these are the times when writing the blog would take me away from the goals of my life - of being there for my kids and getting my work done. This blog has become my own “pee-break”, truly “relieving” me and leaving me energized enough to last at the “dinner table”.

Be sure your micro-experiences energize you BIG,  take SMALL chunks of time and always lead you towards your final GOAL.

Do you know who Gary Vaynerchuck is? He is a crazy wine guy who started to video blog because he did not like to write on his blog. And today he is a phenomenon! Selling wine, writing books, taking people on a wine cruise …but most of all, having fun! What started off as a fun “micro-experience” soon morphed into the complete experience for Gary. So like Gary, as long as you focus on the goal and go with your passions, you will do just fine.

What are your micro and macro experiences? Do “micro-experiences” work for you? Have you ever designed one consciously?

photo credit: °__betti__°

I have a new look. Yes, I do. So stop reading this in your RSS reader now and head on over to the new me - with a fresh makeover! The last time I had a makeover (read: cut my hair!) was a few months after my first daughter was born. Now that I have everything I had ever imagined (2 little girls and a startup!), I really have no time desire for a physical makeover myself …

So it is all true excitement for me in this part of my world. So head on over, for I’d love to hear what you think!

Talking of how much I am loving my life filled with diapers, baby talk and never ending storytelling, it is time for me to talk about an itty bitty but big life lesson I have learned from my 2.5 year old… If you ever feel you have been pushed into a corner and are having to do things you really do now want to do, then read on …

As much as I love my kids, I have to say this - life is not as convenient anymore. Not in a bad way. Just in a “this is life” kind of way. Like when we bought our first home - loved the home, did not exactly love the never ending stress of having to clean. And then we got our dogs - and all of a sudden we were coming back home every 8 hours - so no going away to have your drink straight from work.Come home, feed the dogs, love them and get out again - so they love you back on those bad days (that is a lie, these creatures will love you no matter what!) …

But life starts to get better - life starts to take on a new meaning and you start to love your own reality (hopefully) and ignore those little inconveniences - the joys of the garden at home, the kisses from the dogs and the incredible joy of seeing those little babies blossom into little loving monsters

And so it happened in my life as well. We did differnt things so that life would seem a little less inconvenient. Slowly we ate out lesser and lesser (it is hard with 2 under 2 ;)) and started enjoying other things more (sorry, no idea what we did - but some memory loss is good!). Only recently, we have started to explore eating out as a family again. We went out once and it went well - (2 little girls, on their high chairs, eating their food, while we ate ours!) - and then we went again and again and again  …. Were we on to something here? Was eating-out a viable and sane reality again??? We tried not to think about it and just carried on … little family togetherness - one dinner at a time…

In just a few outings, I could not help but notice the excitement of my 2.5 year old as we started to set out to a restaurant. As I got her ready, I started talking about the restaurant and the menu …

Me: What would you like to eat?

Hmm …White rice…hmmm…pasta …

Me: Wonderful, we will be sure to have one of those, okay?? How fun, right?

Yes! And then, when we are done eating, we go peepee, right?

Me: What? Sure, if you need to pee we can certainly do that

And then, we peepee and wash hands, right?

Me: Yes, indeed, we need to wash our hands clean …

And then it all started to come together. My little one cared not for the food. She does not really love eating out. She lasted the whole restaurant experience every single time only because she wanted to explore and experience a new restroom/bathroom every single time. As soon as we were all done eating, she wanted to go pee.  Every single time.

How profound, I thought. If I could create a little wonderful micro-experiences every time I had to go on a less than desired macro-experience, would I start to enjoy “eating out” as well?

So here is my question to you: Do you find a ways to take a “pee-break” so as to “relieve” yourself when you are placed in situations and experiences that do do not exactly love?

In part 2 of this post, I will explore how exactly you can find your “pee-break” based on how I found some of my own …

photo credit: pkolari

Have you ever had a problem letting go of something or someone? Do you have  a belief that you cannot change? Do you ever find yourself justifying a self-defeating action of yours endlessly?

I started thinking about it recently when I read this post on MomGrind. It is a beautiful post about something we all experience - a sense of fear at times of greatest joy …

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go. - Kate Winslet

Why do we not let go?

Not letting go or Hanging On is an act of fear. Fear of losing control mostly. And the fear of what will happen after we lose control. Fear of the unknown in the future. Fear of change. Some of the reasons we might not let go:

* InSecurities - mostly in relationships

* Being Protective - mostly with siblings or offspring

* Power/Control Issues - mostly in organizations, management etc

Letting go - is an attitude and an action. And like Happiness is a habit, so is letting go.  “Hanging On” or “Not Letting Go”  is the attitude that something will stay the same just because I am hanging on to it. And then - the action of relentlessly hanging onto it.

Letting go is not an attitude that is easy to embrace simply because we are human. We like to hold on to the things that make our lives better. We like to hold on to what makes us happy. In a lot of ways, that is a very basic survival instinct and there is no arguing that this is the right thing to do. In fact, it can be argued that letting go is sometimes downright stupidity -

* I work so hard to build my company and you are saying that I should LET GO of control? You mean I cannot do accounts and marketing and development and ….blah blah blah…

* My child NEEDs me. How can I LET GO? Won’t she get hurt? Will she make mistakes? How will I help her then?

The truth is that Letting Go is not too much of a “fashion accessory” for various reasons. It is not the cool thing anyone is talking about - much unlike Simplicity. And guess what, wearing the Let Go attitude can even be dangerous - could you be percieved as non chalant and not caring for not being incredibly attached? And then, it is too much effort? Nobody talks about Letting Go because it is such a painful thing to do. There is really nothing pleasant about it, is there? When we are trying to Let Go of something, it is because we are already in pain from hanging on to something or someone for too long..

But I tell you what, it does not have to be that way at all. You can prepare to let go with grace, by telling yourself a story and breaking it down so you understand what is going on.

There is the past. There is today. And there is tomorrow. Every day we evolve and grow. Every day we have our struggles and ever day we have victories - big and small. We nurture our friendships, our relationships, our children and our own selves to create “wealth” in our lives.We worked hard yesterday to create the happiness for today.And we start to experience happiness.

But there is something wrong in this picture. A fear grips us. A fear about what will be tomorrow - a fear of the future that starts eating into our present. And then we do what we know how to do best - protect what we have earned. Little do we know that it does not work this way. But that is what we know best - it is our only response to our fears. We hang on for it almost seems like the misery of hanging on is better than the fear of the unknown. And we start our journey on the downward spiral. The fact that we believe the future is in our control is just a complete illusion!

Learning to let go is all about learning to change our perception of the future, changing our beliefs …

Letting Go is a story. It is a story you tell yourself. It is a story about replacing the fears with hope. It is about rejecting your fears and giving wings to the person/beliefs/children wings you are hanging on to - so they can fly freely - and come back to you to recreate the beauty all over again in the future. It might not be the same beauty of today, but it will be beauty nevertheless. Letting Go is a story you tell yourself because Letting Go is what lets all of us evolve and grow to make the future possible. And to see more beauty. And feel more secure by not having to protect something that was not yours in the first place.

Find the courage to let go in your imagination. By changing your attitude about the future into an attitude of hope. Prepare to let go with joy. It will be hard - just as any change is - but it is limitless in creating a beautiful life if embraced.

The next time you are hanging on to something and feeling miserable, think of your choices -you can continue to hang on and be miserable or you can be brave and let go with optimism and promise to create the best future for yourself. A change in perspective does wonders. Just believing beauty exists is enough to be able to create a LOT of it.

Watch this talk - Please. Watch the last 5minutes if you cannot watch all of it. AT this TED talk, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about a different way of thinking about the creative genius. As I watched this, I thought about how we can extend this thinking to pretty much anything we are hanging on to. This is a powerful talk and watching it was quite a journey.

Elizabeth talks about shifting your conscience.When you have a hard time letting go of something or someone take a moment and think. For a minute imagine that what you are hanging on to was not yours at all in the first place. It was just loaned to you so you could experience some beauty- of your kids, the beauty of building a company, the beauty of a marriage of 20 years …. The person did not come into your life so you could hang on, the person came in so you could experience something beautiful. That is it. Let go of the person/though and just keep doing your job everyday - your job of creating and experiencing beauty in your life.

I am letting go of my inhibitions and desire to be perfect and sharing my first video post today on my other blog. I am scared but it feels great! Just like I did when I wrote the first post for this blog actually

What/who are you letting go of today? And how does it feel?

Share your thoughts. I am waiting to hear what you think!
photo credit: carf