Think Simple Now

Finding Beauty in the Imperfections

Kayla Albert — Mon, 28 May 2012 00:00:50 +0000

“Love isn’t a state of caring. It is an active noun, like struggle.
To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly
the way he or she is, right here and now.”

There are certain things in life that we can’t master simply by memorizing a set of facts or figures. We must navigate our way using past experiences and current feelings, attempting to find what’s “right” when “right” is only a matter of opinion.

Relationships, especially romantic ones, are just one of these things.

Ever since I started dating at the immature age of 15, I’ve always evaluated other people’s relationships. I pay careful attention to the dynamic between two people, taking mental note of the things that other people’s partners do and don’t do for them.

I believe that the majority of us are on this constant quest to find the components of a perfect relationship, the formula that ensures that two people will fall blissfully into love and never know what it’s like to fall out of it.

Are there two personality types that can blend together seamlessly, ensuring that any conflict that arises is short-lived? Are there life experiences that can mold someone into being better equipped to handle the ups and downs that come with any relationship?

In my mind I believe that, yes, certain traits and life experiences can make a relationship more balanced and less tumultuous. But the right ingredients don’t ensure that the end product will taste the way we’d like it too — it’s the effort that goes into combining those ingredients that ultimately determine what the end result will be.

Growing up I was fortunate enough to always see mom and dad as a united front, believing that divorce was something that happened to other families. They bickered over bills and disagreed over who should be responsible for making meals, but I never questioned the stability of my foundation.

While this has given me something that many people don’t have — faith in the longevity of love — it’s also made me struggle with the idea that this kind of constant only happens for those who find their perfect match.

I’d like to believe that I am an entirely open minded and non-judgmental person. But this belief that I must find someone that fits my mind, my life, my personality perfectly has led me to operate from a place of analytical judgment, compartmentalizing and taking note of everything both big and small, dissecting a potential partner into parts that look nothing like their whole.

It’s made me discount things I know nothing about and place importance on things that I didn’t find all that important in the first place.

It’s made me forget that love is about the process, not the end result.

Unfortunately, by definition, perfect means that flaws and blemishes don’t exist. But people, and by default relationships, are filled with both flaws and blemishes.

And in truth, how can I expect someone else to always be kind when I’m not always kind? Or how can I expect them to be financially responsible when I don’t always want to be?

I’m not perfect. Therefore, my perfect match will be entirely imperfect.

If I were to judge my other half from a piece of paper, I can say with some certainty that we would have never met. I would have never chosen him for his political beliefs, his tumultuous upbringing or the sacrifices that come along with his choice in careers.

I met the person before I was able to pick the “imperfections” apart, and this is what that has taught me:

The bigger the differences the bigger the lesson. The bigger the lesson the bigger the reward.

As a society we like to see things in black and white, wrong and right. This gives us a false sense of security and allows us to make sense of anything that comes our way. Plus, it gives our ego a chance to shine.

But recognizing shades of gray and being able to let go of the “right” fight opens us up to a world of possibilities. It’s simply about being — not defending or preaching.

Love doesn’t settle and it’s not always pretty.

Relationships aren’t always a soft place to fall. If we are able to let go of the notion that they should act like a security blanket, we can see them for what they really are — a place to facilitate growth and encourage self-reflection.

We expect for everything to fall into place once we’ve met our match, but this is actually where the real work begins; we must plant seeds, water what grows and pull the weeds as they come up.

The Problem with Comparing Relationships

Comparing relationships is like comparing apples to oranges.

I have a friend who was always willing to share the positive aspects of her relationship. While I was extremely happy for her, I found myself comparing our experiences and feeling disappointed when it appeared that she had something I didn’t. In many ways it seemed too good to be true.

A few months later they broke up for good.

We rarely know the inner workings of another couple’s relationship, so it can be detrimental to our own to compare the two. In addition, what one person brings to another person’s life may not be what you need in your life — no two people and no two relationships are alike, for good reason.

A Work in Progress

I am a work in progress therefore my partner is a work in progress.

I have the money thing pretty well figured out. He can be an impulsive spender.

He is confident and stands up for what he believes in. I don’t always like to rock the boat.

If I blame him for his shortcomings, he can easily blame me for mine. Plus, these are the things that balance us out, and teach us to find balance within ourselves.

I don’t know if I’ve found my “perfect” match. All I know is that there is a deeper, more profound beauty in the imperfections and I treasure everything that this knowing has brought to my life.

> How about you? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment below. See you there!

Before you go: please share this story on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates. Thank you for your support!

Finding Myself: Why I’m Quitting My Job

Cat Li Stevenson — Mon, 21 May 2012 00:00:22 +0000

Photo by Eduardoizq

Editor’s Note: This is the 3rd version of an intimate and insightful story from Cat. I highly recommend reading it. I hope something in this speaks to you as it has for me. And before you go, please help me wish Cat a beautiful journey in this new life chapter by leaving a quick comment at the end of this article.

By Cat Li Stevenson

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards.
They try to have more of what they want so they will be happier.
The way it actually works is the reverse.
You first must be who you are, then love what you do,
in order to have what you want.”
~ Margaret Young

I started my banking career 10 years ago out of convenience.

“My mom had worked in the industry, banking appears to be a respectable living, and I like money.”— That was the entirety of the thought process behind my career choice.

With a secure paycheck and material comfort as my guiding life force, I would spend most of my 20’s crafting my external life.

In the chase of social status, I would tone my body and count calories to exhaustion, obsessively furnish a home with all things Crate & Barrel, plan an early retirement by closely monitoring my 401K, take great trips (and then update them to Facebook immediately), as a recognizable reward for living a good life.

I have a nice car, two beautiful homes, and a cushy career. Between my banking job and a real estate gig as a part-time Agent, I was making a healthy living.

At 29, I have achieved all the material goals I could possibly want. The tradeoff for this lifestyle: most of my waking hours working for stuff that brought more stress and debt than joy and ease.

This truth emerged: well-having and well-being are not synonymous. Stuff and external achievement do not equate to happiness and inner fulfillment.

In recent years, a recurring restlessness came on strong – a motion sickness, of sorts, from an unconscious ferris-wheel routine.

I felt stuck.

I did have it backwards.

Back to banking, convenience, the achievement-based chase …

On June 1^st, I’m quitting my Commercial Banking job. I’ll be reorienting my focus from external to internal.

Four days to follow, on June 5^th, my husband and I will take a 12-hour drive from Phoenix up the coast of California to begin six months of dedicated mindfulness training at two Zen Centers.

This will kick-off a one-year dedication to fully invest in growth of three areas:

Wisdom and wellness – through work/practice at two Zen Centers
Personal development – will read many books and self-educate during spare time
Compassion – will go overseas and serve a charity.

This is a tribute to living forward.

Finding Courage to Leave My Job

Photo by Eduardoizq

“Once in awhile it really hits people that
they don’t have to experience the world they have been told to.”
~ Alan Keightley

The courage to arrive at a resignation letter and the hatching of purpose-driven plans did not come over night. It began four years ago with introspection, valuable guidance, and exploring income streams outside of my banking job.

My work commute and evenings became a full on churning of teachings attributed to more consciousness. In the process, I saw that the way I had chosen to live – for the love of security in the corporate world – wasn’t the only way.

Here is a list of inspirational activities and resources that broadened my awareness:

Read many books. Top six favorites: Think and Grow Rich, Today Matters, The Four Agreements, The Power of Now, The Big Leap, The Magic of Thinking Big.
Listened to motivational talks. I have a lengthy commute to work, and have utilized this car time to tune into motivational talks – inspiring podcasts, TedTalks, audio books of favorite authors.
Traveled and retreated. Traveling to many different places (in and out of the country) and attending retreats provides for fresh perspective. So often, our most resonant moments appear from venturing out and immersing in a new way of seeing.
Self-discovery exercises to facilitate a deeper self understanding. Two tools: personality Jung & Briggs Myers test (I’m in INFJ and so is Tina – what are you?) and a great worksheet to explore personal values.
Surrounded myself with mentors, conferences, friends, websites, and role models. Annual conference I attend: Wisdom 2.0; Dharma Talk I follow: Gil Fronsdal; Blogs I follow: Zen Habits, Tiny Buddha, Mind Body Green & Think Simple Now (of course); Meditation teachings I follow: Sarah McLean
Explored supplementary income during evenings and weekends, outside of my 9 to 5. I freelance wrote and started a real estate business.
Identified activities that brought me peace. I love rising at dawn, coffee and writing at cafes, listening to beautiful music. Intentionally making space for activities that bring calm is crucial to nurturing growth, clarity and creativity.
Breathed. Prayed. Did a lot of yoga, long walks, jogs, and journaling. Holistic practices and a daily routine of healthy habits are oxygen for my inner strength.

Takeaway #1:

Our daily growth and ability to tap into our inner wisdom is crucial to who we become.

Our environment – who we choose to surround ourselves with – cultivates our mindset.

And self-awareness is the start of untangling ourselves from the limiting beliefs, societal conditionings, and old habitual patterns that prevent us from living the most extraordinary life.

Economic Changes that Took Place

Photo by Moaan

“Things are thieves of time.” ~ Nathan Gardels

I recently heard this quote … and man, it’s so true! Here are the two strategic steps that took place over the past seven months to actualize leaving our jobs for a year.

1. Simplify Living Conditions

Leased out the two homes we own
Donated most of our furnishings (that previously filled a 5 bedroom, 2,600 square foot home)
Sent two dozen bags of clothes to Goodwill.
Had a garage sale for all remaining things
Got a PO BOX, as we will not have a a permanent physical address for a year
Sold one car
Went paperless: simplified the entire home office – I scanned all pertinent documents (tax returns, business documents, real estate leases, legal paperwork) into electronic files. Then, I saved them all onto an external hard drive. This makes being out-of-state/out-of-country very convenient.
Shrank ‘stuff’ so that step #2 would be easy to manage.

Outside of the basic essentials, after three months of minimizing down to nearly nothing, I realized there are only seven things I need for my well-being: vitamins, journal, coffee, music, laptop, a space (for yoga/meditating/writing), running shoes.

2. Get the Finances in Check

Took a giant chainsaw to discretionary expenses: got rid of everything outside of necessities – cable, the landscaper, lavish nights out, clothes, overpriced Whole Foods snacks.
Paid off credit card debts

Automated finances: all bill payments are on auto-debit and electronic statements that auto-filter into a “bills” folder in my email.
Created a detailed budget and projection for financial goals.
Revisited the budget weekly to track savings.
Set the corporate resignation date based off of savings goals.
Saved enough for one year’s expenses.

Takeaway #2:

A life heavy with stuff is distracting – it’s a complicated lifestyle that pulls us from spending time doing what we enjoy with who we love. We think we’re living, but we’re really dancing around in a circle of material upkeep.

Whether you’re leaving your job or not, I encourage you to simplify your material life (home, debt, finances) and you’ll notice a feeling of lightness and mobility– it’s freeing … like a deep exhale. You’ll find freedom in your ability to do more of what you want, when you want.

Be Who You Are (First)

Photo by Lauren Rosenbaum

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Ghandi

This post is not to motivate you to quit your job (jobs aren’t bad). What is bad: living a knock-off version of who we are, shrinking our dreams, our quality of life and contributions to fit a tiny small-self mold.

Take an inner dive and practice listening to your intuition. Get to know who you are.

Instead of shuffling around a collection of stuff in the garage or maintaining a large lawn on the weekend, can you deliberately simplify your living conditions so you have more energy to do what you enjoy? Can you more frequently shift your attention inward — to connect – versus outward to distract?

Make space. Find activities in your life to expand your awareness and the feeling of inner peace.

Instead of spending evenings at happy hour talking about the cubicle slavery of a 9 to 5, can you invest in a new hobby? Brainstorm bigger possibilities? Surround yourself with passionate people who are loving life? Or find a mentor who can offer guidance?

Take action now – try new things, make mistakes, imagine possibilities, follow your heart and gut. The insights will ultimately appear.

Love What You Do (Secondly)

Let all of the external noise go. Become more conscious by attuning to your inner wholeness.

The inspiration and courage to “love what you do” will organically unfold as a by-product of being connected to yourself. Perhaps then, that will translate into quitting your job to pursue a deep-seeded passion. Or perhaps you may simply awaken to the life you’re already living now—and find it to be already perfect.

At the core, each of us is already beautifully complete. We just need to reorient ourselves back to that place.

Parting Wish & Takeaway #3:

May you be who you are. And the rest will follow.

Before you go: please share this story on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates. Thank you for your support!

Articles Related to Finding Myself:

The Next Step to Freedom

Chris Guillebeau — Mon, 14 May 2012 00:00:17 +0000

Photo by JUCO

By Chris Guillebeau

Before I made the call, I worried.

I had the chance for a new client, a big sale, and a lot of money. It was during a time in my life when I could have used it. No, to be precise—I needed it, or at least I thought I did.

But something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t follow-through, so I finally looked the opportunity in the eye and said, “Thanks but no thanks.”

After I made the call, I stopped worrying. I walked outside and noticed that something was different about the sky. All of a sudden, it was blue! I felt as if I had never noticed before.

Then I saw the grass. It was green! Wow. For the first time in a long time, I noticed the individual blades that worked together to create a patch of earth clouds for my feet.

That situation with my work, and the thing I thought I needed? In the end, everything turned out OK, as it usually does. I just had to take the first step of turning it down.

The Next Step

When making a big change, most people take a lot of steps—not just one big one.

Are you stuck in the cubicle and longing for a life of independence? Guess what? The first step isn’t to quit your job. The first step is to start something on the side. (That’s what nights and weekends are for.)

Not sure what to do with your life? The first step is to ask yourself what you really want. (Most people don’t know, so if you figure it out, you’re already ahead.)

How can you do it? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Tell Yourself a Better Narrative

When making changes, you may hear from people who feel the need to hand out unsolicited reality checks. “Let me give you some advice…” “Be careful not to go too fast…”

What they mean is, “Here’s why I don’t want you to succeed.” Unfortunately, sometimes this feedback even comes from people you trust, such as your friends or family.

You can overcome the negativity by telling yourself a better narrative. Stop thinking about why you might fail. You’re a winner, so tell yourself why you’ll win. It’s your story. Don’t let other people dictate the terms.

2. Consider a Different Future

Start with the small things. Can you learn a new skill? Pursue a new hobby? Pay attention to the distinction between active vs. passive choices, and whenever possible, choose active. Every day you have countless opportunities to do so.

Passive choice: watch TV.
Active choice: take a walk.

(Note: this doesn’t mean you never make any passive choices at all. If there’s a special show you love to watch on TV, don’t feel like you need to give it up. Instead, focus on being deliberate about those choices.)

3. Get to the Turning Points

Every journey has a thousand steps and a few turning points. The turning points are important; they are the early signs that you’re on the right track. Turning points are milestones and confirmations from the universe that you’ve done the right thing.

When you get to one of them, savor it. Remember it as you take the next steps. Turning points will give you courage as the challenge increases.

The Next Step Is the Only Step

Over the past two years, I’ve been on a journey to talk with hundreds of “unexpected entrepreneurs.” None of these people went to business school, and none were independently wealthy. Yet all of them ended up crafting a successful project that created freedom—and an annual profit of at least $50,000 a year (often more).

I discovered that in most cases, they found their freedom by taking small steps on a regular basis.

They thought about the skills they already had, and discovered how to apply them in a different way.

In Florida, Jaden Hair created SteamyKitchen.com, a hub for Asian cooking. In some ways, Steamy Kitchen is all about recipes. But on a deeper level, it’s about family time. The website helps people get excited about making new dishes and connecting with the ones they love.

James Kirk left a good job in Seattle to move to South Carolina and open a coffee bar. It was a long process filled with a mixture of excitement and doubt, but it all began with a single decision: I should pack up and trade the life I have for another.

A scary thought, to be sure, but this thought led to an adventure like no other, and a new life bringing happiness and lattes to his customers.

Your own life is waiting to be reclaimed. Are you avoiding it or embracing it?

Complete freedom may be more than one step away, but the next step is the only step that matters.

What’s yours?

Before you go: Please share it on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates.

About the Author:

Chris Guillebeau travels the world and writes for a small army of remarkable people. His new book, The $100 Startup, provides 300 pages of next steps for readers in search of freedom.

How to Find Fulfillment (with Sarah McLean)

Cat Li Stevenson — Mon, 07 May 2012 00:00:54 +0000

Photo by Isaac Hernandez

Editor’s Note: The following is a conversation between Cat and her meditation teacher Sarah McLean. This is truly an inspiring piece. As I was editing this interview, I felt an inner shift happening within me and with it came a sense of serenity and peace. Hope this inspires you as it did for me. Sarah is truly an incredible and powerful human being. I look forward to learning from her. Don’t miss the giveaway at the end of this interview.

By Cat Li Stevenson

“Meditation is an essential travel partner
on your journey of personal transformation.
Meditation connects you with your soul,
and this connection gives you access to your intuition,
your heartfelt desires, your integrity,
and the inspiration to create a life you love.”
~Sarah McLean

A few years ago my husband and I drove to Sedona, Arizona to seek out a private mediation session.

At that time, I was embarking on a self-discovery journey, in deep inquiry about how to lead a more meaningful life. I had this fundamental restlessness that no longer had me fully engaged in daily life – I was uninspired by the complicated upkeep of the corporate hustle that was rewarded solely by material comforts.

Something was off. And I was seeking for answers.

With a mouthful of questions and ambiguity, I began to search outside for purpose and change: Should I move out of the country and teach English in Taiwan? Should I switch careers locally? Should I start a family?

Tucked away at the top of a mystical red mountain in Sedona, we arrived at the studio of meditation teacher, Sarah McLean. Though meditation wasn’t new to us, Sarah’s modern translation of meditation – coupled with our own thirst for change – sparked an inner exploration.

In the hour we spent with her, Sarah’s casual style, relate-ability, and guidance reoriented us to seek out a new life path.

Since leaving Sedona that afternoon, I have stopped looking outside for fulfillment: I wouldn’t move out of the country. I wouldn’t switch careers. I wouldn’t start a family.

I would, instead, become more still, contemplative, reflective … and take my attention inwardly. Not too long thereafter, my inner growth would manifest into external life-changing decisions (look for this new post next week).

Sarah’s practical guidance, as a mentor, has been influential in attuning to my inner wholeness. When she provided me a copy of her new book, you can imagine how excited I was to have this opportunity to share her inspirational wisdom with you—my TSN Family.

In Sarah McLean’s new book, Soul Centered: Transform Your Life in 8 Weeks With Meditation (Hay House), she offers a practical program, on a weekly basis, that instructs readers on how to explore our own awareness with mindfulness practices.

She provides bite-size, daily exercises that can ultimately transform the way we experience our lives with more ease and fulfillment. Alongside simple instructions for cultivating our inner world, she also generously shares her fascinating meditation journey.

The following is a conversation I recently had with Sarah, about life, fulfillment and the power of meditation:

1. How did meditation transform your life?

Question: Sarah, how long have you been a meditator? How did meditation transform your life?

I have been a meditator for 22 years, though I wanted to learn to meditate years before that. I just didn’t know where to turn.

I was a sad, stressed, confused young woman, and I searched everywhere-even traveling to other continents-to find peace and relief.

When I finally found meditation, it was the key to transforming my life—from one of suffering and pain to one of inner fulfillment.

My meditation practice helped me to know who I really am, what I truly want, and find that peace I had always searching for “out there”.

I am certainly living a fulfilling life now, and have been for years—a peaceful, satisfying and magical life—one beyond my wildest dreams!

2. Why Do We Struggle with Life Purpose?

Question: In your book, you outline an 8-week plan to a more meaningful life. What do you think is the main reason we struggle to live purposeful lives?

I believe the reason we struggle to live purposely is that what we prioritize in our life changes.

When we are very young all of us are basically joyous, free, and engaged with the moment at hand. There is an interconnection with our internal world – with what we feel, think, and desire – as well as with our environment. And this interconnection keeps our attention fully engaged in each moment.

By the time we’re 8 or 10 years old, our focus begins its shift. Instead of easily focusing inwardly on our own sensations, thoughts, and feelings as we had done as younger children, we begin to prioritize the external world with its variety, dynamism, and ever-changing landscape.

And by prioritizing the external world, our center-point begins its shift and our point of reference becomes the external world. This external world charms us as we wait for the next thing to see, to do, or to accomplish, or the next relationship.

So not only has our focus made its shift from the internal world to the external world, but the focus also shifts away from the present moment and our innate ability to be fulfilled with what is happening in the moment at hand and the joyous journey of our lives.

The focus is now on the future—waiting for the next moment as we struggle to reach our imagined goal, destination or whatever we perceive will MAKE us happy.

We are no longer fulfilled with the moment and feeling interconnected with our internal world and all that is supporting our life. This causes a subtle persistent discomfort. And, unfortunately, most of us continue to look externally for ways to address it.

Everyone wants to be happy, free, and fulfilled. And, here’s the thing, we already are – our soul, our being is naturally like that. And it is creative, wise, patient and loving too.

We can rediscover this aspect of ourselves by shifting our awareness back inside, into our inner world with the creating of an internally guided life.

It’s not that you have to sit around and meditate all day, but if you set aside some time for a meditative practice, a practice where you turn your attention inward, stay in the present moment, and focus on one thing at a time.

This facilitates the connection with your peaceful center-point on a regular basis, helping to re-establish the internal reference point – the connection to your soul.

Regular practice is how you become soul-centered, happy, fulfilled and creative.

3. What Is Transformation?

Question: The word transformation seems big – grandiose – what do you mean by transformation?

Transformation isn’t an exaggeration of reality or an absurd concept. Transformation isn’t an accomplishment. However transformation is impressive.

Transformation unfolds, naturally. You can’t will it. Instead, it has its own timing and intelligence and is guided by intent: like a seed growing into a seedling, a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, a bird hatching out of an egg, a rosebud in fully blooming.

The difference between making a change and undergoing a transformation is vast: a change can be temporary, and you can will it as you change your hair-color or your clothes or your name. You can always change back.

But transformation is evolutionary, and supported by all things.

There is no going back.

4. Soul Centered?

Question: And what does it mean to be soul-centered?

I came up with the term “soul-centered” to describe a shift in perspective which meditation cultivates: a transformation of the vantage point for one’s life. I’ve seen it in my students and in my own life. And there wasn’t a word for it.

For example: how do you answer the question, “How are you?” Many of us look to our external world to determine the response. We base how we’re doing on outside factors such as our relationship status, our work life, our state of health or wellbeing, our financial situation, and sometimes even on worldwide events.

With daily meditation, the external world begins to lessen its grip on your attention. Instead, you begin the inward focus and connect to your essence, your awareness, or what some people call “the soul.”

Though it’s always been there, your inner world often overshadowed by the external world. Meditation helps you to experience your inner world and how you feel, what you think and who you are – your soul. And you bathe in the soul’s qualities of peacefulness, stillness, creativity, wisdom, acceptance, and more self-awareness on purpose.

With this practice, this soul’s connection becomes more prevalent in your awareness—no longer overshadowed by external conditions. You begin to live with more internal awareness and your soul’s qualities are more dominant.

This transforms your perspective. So when you go to answer the question “How are you?” you don’t look toward externals. Instead, your reference point is internal. You check in. This is what being soul-centered means.

5. Science & Meditation

Question: What has science taught us about meditation?

Let’s face it, science hasn’t really taught us much about meditation, but what it has done is to confirm what meditators have been saying all along: that meditation is good for you!

And they’ve done meditation a good service, as this makes meditation more attractive to the general populace: those who may have previously been mystified by meditation and its attraction.

The outer world has been explored and much of it conquered, so as scientists are wont to do, they are finding new frontiers. And it’s now the inner world that has captured their attention. This is due to technology and the ability to measure deeper into the brain.

Years ago it was found that meditation helped with people’s physical issues, lowering their blood pressure, sleeping better, enhancing their immunity, etc. Then, it was found that meditation relieved mental issues like depression, lack of focus, addictions, or difficulty making decisions.

Over the last ten years or so, the new focus is the actual brain – or what’s called neuroplasticity. They see that meditation can actually change the physical structure—the gray matter—of the brain.

And not only do the changes occur while in meditation, but they last long after the meditation is over. They are finding that the areas of the brain change—the stress-response area of the brain shrinks (the amygdala) and the self-awareness area of the brain increases its folds (the insula).

These findings show beyond a doubt why those who meditate really do experience more compassion, more self-awareness, and less stress.

6. Transformation For Normal People

Question: You’ve had a pretty amazing spiritual journey – living in a Zen Buddhist monastery, meditating in ashrams, temples throughout India and the Far East – can we accomplish a similar transformational life in our ordinary routines?

Funny, when I first learned to meditate, I had this poem from T.S. Elliot cut out and pasted to my wall:

We shall not cease from exploration,
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started,
And know the place for the first time.

My journey took me all over the world. I loved where I went, the people I met, and the experiences I had, and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

However, the time I spent on planes, trains, buses, tuk-tuks and wagons, hiking and riding my bike throughout the remote areas of the world seeking wholeness, could have been spent exploring my inner terrain at home. You know the saying, Wherever you go, there you are. It’s true.

I was dissatisfied with my life, and I was motivated to find peace and fulfillment.

What I didn’t know then was that the external world is not where I’d find the answers to many of the questions I traveled with, such as Who am I? What are the mysteries of this life? What do I want? How can I be happy? How can there be peace?

I didn’t even imagine that the answers would be found when I quieted my mind, when I shifted my focus internally, and could be had without leaving my room.

It was often after some time of silently sitting in meditation that many of the ah-ha moments arrived.

Franz Kafka illustrates what I am suggesting: “You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait. Do not even wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”

7. Who Am I?

Question: I remember when my husband and I first met with you for our meditation session, you asked us to reflect on the question, “Who Am I?” Throughout your book, you ask your readers to reflect on many questions – How does inquiry and meditation, together, play a role in transformation?

When you ask the question, “Who am I?” who is doing the asking? And who is it asking?

Who am I is a koan, a question that stops the mind’s rational response.

So, that instead of responding with reason, you dive into a deeper realm, the realm of being. When you do that, you begin to transform the way you see life and the reference point for all activity.

Who is the one reading this right now? Where does my awareness arise from? Ask and you begin a dialogue with something other than your intellect.And this gives you the direct experience of your soul, your being.

8. Meditation For Busy People

Question: We’re all so busy. Now in addition to eating well and going to the gym, I need to fit in one more wellbeing tool—-meditation. And you suggest 30 minutes/twice a day? Is there a secret to how to fit it into your life?

I’ve found, and so have my students, that when you fit in 20-30 minutes of meditation first thing in the morning, then your entire day goes more smoothly.

If you can’t do that, five minutes once a day will show some benefits. You see, meditation creates a settling of the mind and body, and relieves stress that has built up over time. This has an effect on your whole life.

Think about it, how long do you wait in line at Starbucks? How long do you spend surfing the Internet? Set your priorities. Give yourself the same amount of time to do something that will garner proven results – results that will ultimately transform your life.

Special Promotion

If this interview spoke to you, grab a copy Soul-Centered and actually try the bit size exercises from the book. Witness as your life transforms in an extraordinary way by integrating meditation into your daily ritual.

SPECIAL PROMOTION: If you order a copy of Soul-Centered by May 15^th email a copy of your confirmation to Sedonameditation@gmail.com and Sarah’s team will send you a copy of her Guided Meditation CD as a FREE GIFT ($20 Value).

Giveaway for You

We are giving away 5 copies of Sarah’s book Soul Centered: Transform Your Life in 8 Weeks With Meditation and beautiful Meditation CD to 5 people. Do you want one?

To Enter: Leave a comment below. In your comment, you can answer the question: “How do you want to feel?”

Alternative entries: tweet this article and leave a link to your tweet in the comment below.

Entries into the giveaway will close on May 31, 2012 at 8am PST. Make sure to use a real email address in the comments (Only TSN editors will see your email). If you’re a winner and we do not hear from you in 3 days, we will redraw.

Before you go: If you found this article helpful, please share it on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates. Thank you for your support!

More About Sarah

Sarah McLean is an inspiring contemporary meditation teacher, makes meditation accessible to everyone. She has been featured in the New York Times, and Phoenix Woman magazine calls her “an inspirational and dynamic teacher”

She has been teaching meditation since the early 90s and has worked with some of today’s great teachers, including Deepak Chopra, Byron Katie, Debbie Ford, and Gary Zukav.

To learn more about Sarah McLean and the retreats she’s created, you can visit Soul Centered, Sedona Meditation and Join her on Facebook.

How to Lose Weight Fast

Tina Su — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 00:00:03 +0000

Photo by JUCO

Editor’s Note: This article details my recent adventure into how to lose weight fast. Even if you are not interested in losing weight, check it out. There are some useful thoughts on the power of self image embedded within.

By Tina Su

“Losing weight is hard.” ~me
“Anything worth having in life is hard.” ~my husband

I admit it. I am not the most active person. I sit for more than 8 hours a day, and actually prefer to sit than stand, and drive rather than walk. To say that I am adverse to exercise is an understatement. In fact, the last time I visited a gym was over three years ago, for a burst of about 5 days, around New Years.

I always took for granted the gift of my tiny frame, Asian genes and fast metabolism. I was, for most of my life, naturally skinny. To the outside, my body gave the illusion that I was fit.

My mom used to say, “You should do sit ups. Otherwise, it’ll catch up with you after you have a baby” or “You should go jogging. Otherwise, it’ll catch up with you after you turn 30.” And each time, I would ignore her and wave her off in complete annoyance, while saying or thinking “Whatever. I don’t care”.

You know what annoys me more than anything?

… when that rebellious part of you learns that your mother was right. Arrggggh!!

Anyway, fast track to now. I’m in my thirties. I’ve had a baby. Most of my energy is spent on my business while seated like a sack of flour for hours at a time. I eat when I am extremely hungry and I eat whatever I want.

And what do ya know? I’ve learned that my mother was right, and the advice I’ve ignored for more than a decade is true: your metabolism slows the heck down in your thirties. *Gasp*

So here I sit, 20 pounds heavier than my teenage prime, and 15 pounds heavier than when I met my husband.

What’s interesting to note is that the actual weight sometimes isn’t what bothers us. (although, too much weight can cause serious health problems).

The problem is how we interpret it. How it affects our self-image (aka how we view ourselves). Strangers who see me wouldn’t think I am over-weight, but internally, in the privacy of my mind, I feel like an elephant. I feel gross. “You’re so fat and ugly,” is what my internal dialog usually repeats.

You see, our self-image affects everything that we do and creates the reality of our experience.

For the past year or so, I saw myself as “fat”. I would jokingly rub my (now larger) abdominal region and comment, “Don’t I look pregnant?” Whenever a fat joke came up, I would respond and somehow integrate myself into the joke. “I’m fat. I’m fat. I’m fat.” is what was repeated, like a broken record, in my mind.

Jokes or not, I started to identify with that image of an over-weight person. Like an insidious disease, it started to spread in the subconscious of my being and became the foundation for how I lived in the last year.

Because I felt gross about myself, I started to behave differently: I wore baggy clothes, sometimes I would wear pajamas to the office, I repeatedly wore one pair of jeans (my fat jeans, the only ones that fit), I stopped wearing any makeup, I stopped taking care of myself, my libido went down. I just felt gross and ugly, and this transfused into my external reality.

And you know what happened? I gained more weight!

I knew I should do something about it, and have been wanting to since the start of this year. You and I both know what happen to should: it gets added to your pile of shoulds, where thousands of others shoulds live. None of which will likely get looked at again.

Besides, my brain is just too quick and clever at coming up with excuses.

I know I should exercise. But I hate to exercise.
I sort of like jogging, maybe I should start jogging. But I’m in Seattle. It sucks to jog in the wet, cold darkness. We should move to California, so I can go jogging outside everyday.
I should go to the gym with Jeremy (my husband), but I’m busy. I’ll get to it when I’m not so busy.
I should go on a diet, but I’ve tried to cut out my morning bagel and I’m still fat.
I should track my intake of food calories, but that’s too hard and too much work.

How I Started to Lose Weight

Photo by JUCO

Between my personal struggle with weight and my learning about the importance of self-image, (via this incredible and highly recommended book Psycho Cybernetics) something clicked. I wanted to change my self-image and how I felt about myself. I didn’t want to see myself as “fat and ugly” anymore. This was my inspiration for losing weight.

Last weekend, Jeremy was poking around in some new iPhone app he got. Jeremy does weight training and has weight gaining goals. Because tracking caloric intake is important, he’s been on the hunt for tools because he was struggling with gaining lean muscle weight.

He then excitedly showed me how easy it is to track food calories and exercise and other fitness & dieting goals with his new app. The app is called MyNetDiary—online food diary and exercise log– and has a database of over 430,000 food items so you can quickly enter what you’ve eaten and track calories. It has a barcode scanner, so you can scan the packaging of food you’ve consumed and add nutritional info to your daily food diary in a few seconds. Woah!

(And no – no one is paying me to say that. They don’t even know who I am. I’m just a raving fan of a truly exceptional and useful product.)

You can enter your current weight, body profile, dieting goal and target date, and it will give you a plan with your daily allowed/required caloric intake. It will then measure against this daily goal with your food diary. Incredible.

The paid version (there’s also a free version) of the iPhone app also has a water tracker, so you can record how much water you’re drinking. For $4, the app seemed like a bargain and I quickly installed it. *Queue singing angels* My life was about to change.

Within minutes of setting MyNetDiary, I knew that A) I was consuming more calories than my body burns, B) I wasn’t drinking enough water at 1-2 glasses a day and C) consuming less calories than what I was accustomed to would be a challenge.

I was, however committed to change. I was ready and I had the tools. I was committed to eating leaner and healthier meals. I was committed to tracking my calories. I was committed to losing weight. I was committed to changing my self-image from one of “fat” to one who takes care of her body.

No more shoulds. Shoulds don’t work. This time I was committed.

Within the next 4 days, I lost 4 pounds. And no this wasn’t water weight – I was drinking 4 times as much water as before.

Let me share with you how I did it, what I’ve learned and tips on losing weight quickly.

At the Heart of Weight Loss: Calories Baby!

Photo by Chloe Rice

It says in my plan from MyNetDiary that in order to lose 15 lbs in 3 months, without exercise, for my age/weight/height, my target daily food caloric intake is 1341.

That is, like, very little calories. “I’m not sure I can do that without starving. I don’t want to starve,” I thought. But I was determined to find a way to consume under 1340 calories without starvation.

What was cool about knowing this number was I was now aware of food calories and how they can add up to a result I don’t want (ie. gaining weight). I started to pay attention to labels and measuring my food.

I was shocked to discover just how many calories are in simple dishes and beverages we consume without thinking. Being informed helps you make conscious decisions, right?

I used to think that salads were low in calories. But to my shocking surprise, while vegetables are healthy and low in calories, it’s the salad dressing and other toppings (chess, nuts, fruits) we add that boost calories to insane levels.

Turns out the balsamic salad dressing I like is 150 calories per serving (2 tbsp), and I typically use 5 or more tbsp for my (big) salads. That’s 375 calories just in the dressing!

Oh and that delicious Starbucks Grande White Chocolate Mocha Cappuccino with whipped cream I get every day is 470 calories! Yikes!

Don’t even get me started on deserts, sweets, and pastries. Let’s just say, you can easily consume your day’s calories in one sitting. No wonder, so many of people are putting on weight.

The morning after I discovered the MyNetDiary tool, I felt inspired and I rushed to the gym bright and early. I was pumped. My motivation was this: if I exercised, I will be able to add more to my daily food caloric budget, so I can eat more and not starve.

I enthusiastically jogged for 30 minutes while listening to a motivating Tony Robbins talk. To someone who hadn’t exercised in 3 years, a 30-minute jog is like a marathon. To me, it was a lot of work.

Do you know how many calories I had burned from those 30 minutes?

150.

WHAT?

Dude, that’s like less than half of the salad dressing I use at one meal; that’s one tablespoon of olive oil; that’s one small glass of orange juice; that’s one Starbucks Latte.

Yup. All that work for something I could easily consume in seconds by casually eating something innocent and ordinary.

Here’s an important lesson: exercise alone will not cause you to lose weight. It’s a myth. While exercise will help in boosting your metabolism, is good for your heart, and burns some calories – relative to some foods it burns very little calories.

I wanted to know how to lose weight fast, and looked like exercise alone was not going to cut it. What may be more essential to losing weight quickly is an increased awareness of our caloric intake.

The Diet Plan to Fast Weight Loss

Photo by aeschleah

I Googled around and found the slow-carb diet described in Tim Ferriss’s book The 4-Hour Body. You can read the diet chapter here for free. Really, this chapter is all you need. It’s pretty simple.

Following the slow-carb diet, I focused on eating food with dense calories. I was able to stay full for longer and thus consume less total calories. Here’s a summary of the diet plan:

No White Carbs – No bread, rice, noodles, pasta, cookies, pastries.
No Fruits – Except avocado and tomatoes, which we limit to a max of 1/day.
No Drinking Calories – No juice, milk, sweet drinks.
3 Foods – For every meal include at least one item from each of these three food categories:
1. 1) Protein: Egg, black beans, chicken, beef.
2. 2) Legume: Lentil, soybeans (Edamame), pinto beans, red beans.
3. 3) Vegetables: Spinach, broccoli, peas, green beans.
4 Meals – Eat 4 meals a day. Plan meals in advanced. Eat simple meals that you can repeat.
Cheat Day – One cheat day a week to eat whatever you want.

In addition to the above diet plan, I also:

Measure – Track caloric intake using MyNetDiary.
Water – Drink at least 8 glasses of water. One glass is defined as 8oz. I carry a 16oz water cup with me at all times. How much water your body needs differs on your height, weight and age. Find out how much you need to drink here.
High Frequency, Low Quantity – Eat more often and avoid feeling hungry. Sometimes I’ll eat part of a meal, then wait an hour or two and eat the other half.

That’s it!

This is how I lost 4 lbs in 4 days.

I have since continued to lose weight every few days, not as fast as the initial 4lb burst, but making notable progress on the weight every 2-3 days.

While sticking to the diet has been challenging (I’ve slipped a few times at the sight of ice-cream), overall, I feel great. Better than I have felt in a long time. I have more energy. I feel better about myself. And seeing progress is always cool.

The answer to how to lose weight fast is to figure out how many calories you can consume for your dietary goals and activity level, and change your diet such that you consume less than that number. Remember, the magic to losing weight is in the calories.

To Summarize:

Sign up to MyNetDiary (Free) and get your daily caloric intake number.
Watch and record calories for everything you eat.
Stick to one diet for 30 days. I like the Slow-Carb diet described above.
Measure every morning on an empty stomach.
Rinse and repeat.

Tips for The Person Losing Weight

Photo by Karrah Kobus

Obviously, we are all different and our individual results will vary. But if you stick to a plan—where you are consuming less calories than your body will burn–you will lose weight.

Regardless of how fast you are losing weight, give yourself a firm pat on the back for taking action. It’s not easy. But then again, anything in life worth having isn’t easy.

By adapting these new habits that will result in weight loss, you will improve the quality of your life, and your body will thank you for it.

Make a full-on commitment to yourself. Try it for 7 days, then 14 days. Then extend that to 21 days and 30 days.

If you are someone like me, who likes to accomplish goals quickly and efficiently and are serious about your commitment to doing so, here are some tips:

1. Measure

In business, the popular saying goes: “What gets measured gets improved.” or “What gets measured gets managed.” This is also true when it comes to losing weight.

Weather you want to make more money, or get more traffic to your blog, or lose weight, one of the most efficient practice you can adapt is measuring you progress and tracking numbers most relevant to your goal.

In this case, we want to track our weight and caloric intake.

If you have a smart phone or fancy tablet, get the MyNetDiary app. It’s awesome. If you have a computer, you can use their planning tool online.

2. Low Friction

Make it easy for yourself to do the activities needed to reach your weight loss goal. Create as little friction for yourself as possible, and you will more likely get it done.

If you plan to do the slow-carb diet, prepare your meals the night before. Cook for several days in one session. I put all my pre-measured food into small plastic containers or Ziploc bags. Then I can easily and quickly put meals together by pulling out 3 bags/containers from each food categories.

I plan out what food items I will bring to work the next day in advance. I line them up in my fridge so in the morning, I can quickly toss them into a bag and I’m out the door.

Drinking a lot of water can be hard, so I make it as simple as possible for myself. I use one of those large clear Starbucks plastic water cups with a cover and a straw (Go to Starbucks and ask for a “Venti Iced Water” – they’ll give it to you for free. The cup is 16oz, which is 2 glasses).

I find that it’s a lot easier to drink from a straw than a bottle–where you have to open the top, tilt your head and dump water. A straw is lower friction because it requires less movement.

I like the clear cup so I can see my progress. Seeing progress encourages me to keep going and creates a cycle of momentum and encouragement.

I carry a cup with me at all times, so I see the bottle everywhere I go. When I see it, I will drink from it. I also fill up a cup the night before and stick it in the fridge, so I have water all ready to go first thing in the morning. I drink the first cup during my commute to the office.

If I plan to go to the gym (which still isn’t too often), I make sure the gym clothes are lined up next to my bed before I sleep, or pack them in a bag all ready to go.

The point is to make things convenient for yourself, so you can easily eat right, exercise or drink plenty of water. This requires a bit of planning and discipline on your part, but the trade-offs are worth it. If you don’t make things easy, it’ll be too easy to slip and fall back to old habits.

3. Be Nice to Yourself

Change is uncomfortable, for all of us.

During your first few weeks, you may experience some episodes of crankiness or frustration. Do your best to weather it, and to forgive yourself for feeling cranky.

The change is frustrating, because you’ll realize how many things you can’t eat and you will crave them. And if you do end up eating them, you’ll feel guilt.

Do your best to let go of the drama: guilt, frustration, regret (if any).

I consider myself to be a very disciplined person, even I broke down a few times in my first few weeks.

One day when I was feeding apple wedges dipped in peanut butter to my son and he refused, I looked at the apple and took a bite. I couldn’t stop myself fast enough before the apple slice landed in my stomach.

Another day, I broke down and ate an entire box of strawberry covered pocky.

When this happens, don’t beat yourself up over it. Relax. Be kind to yourself. Even though you may take a few steps back, overall, you’re still moving forward and making great progress.

4. Conscious Eating

The point of this exercise isn’t so that we end up feeling hungry. The point is to be conscious of what we eat, particularly the quantity and quality of the calories.

The first few days you will find that you’re hungry all the time. It’s actually more psychological. Just do your best to eat dense caloric food–food from the 3 categories. Some low fat protein bars are also good snack options (I love Luna Bars).

If you have cravings and can’t help yourself, you can (obviously) break the rules, but do so consciously. Know how many calories you can afford to play with.

I was craving the sweet Starbucks Grande White Mocha I normally get. So I went through the Starbucks drink menu online and found that a Cafe Latte is a nice lower calorie option. So I got myself a Short Latté to satisfy that craving (110 Calories).

Yesterday, I was craving something sweet, so I had a small cup of sweet Chai Tea (170 Calories).

The point is not to suffer. The point is to bring conscious awareness into the food and drink we consume.

5. Self Image & Self Dialog

Instead of saying “I can’t have that”, say “I don’t want to have that”. By saying you don’t want to have something instead of you can’t have something you take the power and responsibility into your own hands. You have the choice.

The language that we use with ourselves and with others about ourselves affects our self image and will unconsciously affect our external result.

Start paying attention to your internal dialogue with yourself. Catch yourself in the action of name calling or putting yourself down, and then turn it around—rephrase whatever sentence into a positive or encouraging one.

Replace “I’m fat” with “I used to be fat, but I’m losing weight fast!” or “I take care of my body and eat consciously.” The point: stop calling yourself fat.

Replace “I’ve tried every diet and nothing works for me” with “I am committed to lose weight and to take care of myself. I deserve to live a good life. I am committed.”

Closing Words

Even though I wrote this article on the premise of how to lose weight, the motivation behind this article was based on the power of self image: how we see ourselves and what we believe to be true about ourselves. And this belief colors our perception and bleeds into our external reality.

Because I repeatedly saw myself as “fat” for a prolonged period, I felt myself slipping down a negative spiral and it transpired in everything that I did. Before I knew it, my physical reality became such that I would put on more weight, and with it came a loss of self-esteem and self-worth. The cycle then repeats.

If we want change, in any area of our life, the steps are simple. First we must change how we see ourselves by changing our internal dialog. Second, because our beliefs have changed, so will our actions. Commit to taking action in the direction you want to go. Third, because we are taking different actions, we will see different results.

Every change starts in the mind. It starts with a decision.

So what will you decide?

It is these moments of decision that changes and shapes our destiny.

Decide now.

* What’s your story? Share your stories of personal goals, weight loss, and motivation with us in the comment section. See you there!

Before you go: If you found this article helpful, please share it on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates. Thank you for your support!

About the Author:

Tina Su is a mom, a wife, a lover of Apple products and a CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. Subscribe to new inspiring stories each week. You can also subscribe to Tina on Facebook.

* Click here to read all articles written by Tina.

4 Steps to Personal Transformation

Bobbi Emel — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:00:16 +0000

Photo by Karrah Kobus

Guest Contribution By Bobbi Emel

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin

Sometimes the path of life comes to a crossroad. One direction ends in stagnation while the other leads to transformation.

When I entered my junior year of college I had a sudden identity crisis. I had always been an athlete throughout high school and junior college, and a fairly good one at that. A very shy person normally, my abilities in sports gave me confidence and brought out leadership skills I didn’t know were within me.

But now my skill level was finally surpassed by the expertise of the University-level teams. My sports career was over and I felt completely lost without my self-image of the student-athlete to lean on.

Who was I now? What did I bring to the world if not my athletic abilities? Would anyone care about me now that I wasn’t scoring points and winning?

I sunk into a depression, feeling completely groundless. Without my previous structure and direction, I took classes and dropped them, finding no interest in the vast number of subjects available to me.

Slowly, I began to realize I was at my own personal crossroad with a decision to make: to choose to transform into a new me or stay safely in the past with an outdated sense of self.

What is it about change that is hard? We are an analytic society. Whether we are aware of it or not, we constantly apply a cost-benefit analysis to decisions we make in our lives. So we ask ourselves: Does the risk of change outweigh the risk of standing still?

It took some time, but I eventually decided the risk of stagnation was too painful for me. To begin my own transformation I had to:

Let go of the old “student-athlete” image over time including allowing myself to grieve over the loss of that identity to which I was accustomed.
Look within myself to find who I really was. As the poet William Stafford says, “Who are you really, Wanderer? … and the answer has to be, ‘Maybe I’m a king [or queen.’]”
Realize that the absence of sports opened up a whole new avenue of opportunities for me.
Understand that the intrinsic parts of being an athlete still stayed with me: leadership skills, excelling at teamwork, the drive for excellence. These were aspects that I wanted to carry with me into my new way of being in the world.

As I opened my eyes to opportunities available to me and started understanding that I was more than one-faceted, I noticed that I really was interested in something: psychology.

I ended up completing a psychology degree and as my path unfolded, I was not only able to use many of the leadership skills I had honed as an athlete, but I blossomed into the guide and mentor I was called to be.

Maybe your life’s path has led you to the possibility of transformation. What does your cost-benefit analysis reveal about where you are in life? Are you ready to let go of that bud and become the beautiful blossom you truly are?

Try this simple affirmation for the next few days: I am discovering who I am and growing exponentially. I am maturing from a tight bud into a beautiful blossom.

Then meditate on these transformation skills and use them when you are ready:

1. Let Go.

Brainstorm the parts of yourself you may need to leave behind as you pursue your personal transformation. Write them down on a piece of paper so you can see them. If you need to grieve for these aspects of yourself, allow time to do so.

If you feel like celebrating the letting go process, make sure you do that, too. Either way, create a ritual for letting go.

Perhaps you want to burn the paper on which you wrote down the old part of yourself. Maybe you want to bury the paper as though it were a funeral. You can do this ritual alone but it may be more powerful to do with close friends as witnesses to your commitment to transformation.

2. Who Are You Really, Wanderer?

Sit quietly and become focused on your breath. As you exhale, breathe out the tight bud you used to be. On the inhale, welcome the beautiful new blossom you are growing into. When you are ready, give thanks for being open to discovering the new you.

3. Look For New Opportunities

A friend of mine named John wrote an interesting article for his church newsletter. He talked about clearing the clutter in our lives, both externally and internally, and how, when we do that, we create a vacuum where the old stuff was.

Nature abhors a vacuum so that space is now available to you for expansion of your transformed self. Jot down new opportunities you see for change in your life now that you’ve let go of the old clutter.

4. Take the Good Stuff with You

Even if you are shedding an identity you didn’t like, remember that you learned some positive skills and character during that time, so don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!

In my career as a psychotherapist, I have worked with many people who struggled to shed old ways of being in the world.

Some were ashamed that they had learned to manipulate social systems to meet their needs and yet, as we talked about their experience, it became clear that there were some useful skills in there, too: the ability to problem-solve, the creativity to come up with a variety of ways to get needs met, and innate assertiveness, just to name a few.

Just as you wrote down the parts of yourself you will need to leave behind in the first step, take some time now to note the characteristics that serve you and others well. Take those with you on your journey.

* Ready for transformation? The world eagerly awaits a beautiful new blossom.

Liked this article? If so, please share it on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates.

About the Author

Bobbi Emel is a psychotherapist who specializes in helping people face life’s significant challenges and regain their resiliency. In addition to seeing clients in her private practice, Bobbi is a well-regarded speaker and writer. You can find her blog at The Bounce Blog

How to Plan the Unexpected

Kayla Albert — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 00:00:34 +0000

Photo by Sandra Lara

By Kayla Albert

“Life is what happens to you
while you’re busy making other plans.”
~John Lennon

Plans are what I’m good at.

I plan my meals, outfits, weekends. I plan what I’m going to say when confronted by a certain someone, what my life will look like six months from now and how I’m going to spend the tax return that hasn’t yet hit my account.

I plan because I like control, because the only surprises I like are of the party variety and because I don’t want to have to face anything that I’m not entirely ready for.

Yesterday I was forced to acknowledge the very real possibility that my job may not be here in the next six months. Possibly even the next six days.

That certainly wasn’t in my plan.

News like this seems to always be a little shocking — even when we hear whispers of financial trouble or watch other people clear out their desks over and over again. For me it’s shocking because I have the naive idea that things won’t happen if I don’t plan for them to happen.

Despite the situations in my life that have told me otherwise, I thought that the universe was taking notes when I created blueprints for my life. Turns out, there’s a bigger plan that I have yet to be privy to.

My sister was 24 when she found out that she was pregnant with my niece — old enough to take full responsibility for the life of the child, but in no way prepared for such a life change.

The truth is, when I would talk about the 3+ kids I hoped to some day have, she balked at the idea of even having one. It simply wasn’t what she planned for her life.

Despite the initial shock, she spent the following months adapting to the idea, growing to accept the change and eventually showing excitement for that next unpredictable step.

Now, three and a half years later, any thoughts that this isn’t the perfect situation for everyone involved have long since dissipated. By no means is it perfect because it’s easy or without upset. It’s perfect because it has brought to the surface the lessons that needed to be learned and helped facilitate a variety of life experiences.

It’s morphed my sister into someone she would not have become if she wasn’t faced with something she wasn’t expecting, something she hadn’t mapped out.

In taking a moment to step out of my own fear, these are the things that I have learned about why we plan and what it actually means for our growth and wellbeing:

1. Avoid the Uncomfortable

Planning helps us avoid the uncomfortable itch that comes along with growth.

When we make plans for ourselves, we generally try to steer around any foreseeable bumps in the road. In fact, that’s the real basis for making plans in the first place.

However, it’s the unexpected curveballs that allow us to make the biggest leap towards self-understanding and awareness.

I learned multitudes about what I wanted for my life after enduring a breakup that was completely out of the blue. I learned how to trust my instincts and listen to my gut after being forced to walk away from a lengthy friendship.

I plan to avoid these lessons because they’re painful. But steering my way around them wouldn’t have had the same payout. Not even close.

2. Illusion of Certainty

Planning gives us the illusion that we can control our circumstances as well as the actions of others.

I would say that the majority of the time that we find ourselves hurt by others, it stems from the tough realization that we have no control over how others feel, think or act.

By making plans and expecting those around us to fall in line, we believe we have everyone under control that we can avoid being hurt or disappointed. Unfortunately, this illusion of control makes it even more devastating when things don’t go as planned.

Control in any situation, no matter what it looks or feels like, is not real. Being able to recognize this can relieve us of a heavy burden — the responsibility we feel when things fall through or simply don’t work the way we had hoped.

3. Plans Are Based on the Past

Our plans are dictated by what we can physically see or imagine from experience.

When we look to create plans for ourselves, they are almost always dictated by what we know to be true — things we, or someone around us, have experienced. But the possibilities are almost always far greater than what our mind is able to create for us.

How, for instance, can a person plan to travel to a country they’ve never heard of on a continent they never learned anything about? They wouldn’t. It would be through unplanned circumstances that they might have the opportunity to open their mind to this possibility.

It’s these unexpected events that lead us to create the best possible version of ourselves, and the most fulfilling life experiences.

4. A Plan is an Excuse for Being Stuck

Planning is an acceptable covering to being stuck.

Fresh out of college, I spent over a year working at a job where the pay was poor. There was little respect and virtually no room for growth. But my plan all along was to stay until I found something else.

Well, it’s easy to not put your all into looking for a job when you already have one. So I stayed on month after month, complaining about all the things that I loathed about the position, my boss and the pay.

It was the plan that made me feel like staying was the responsible thing to do and I thought I was actually being incredibly smart. But the plan simply kept me stuck with an excuse as to why it was ok.

5. A Plan Creates the Illusion of Control

Planning allow us to believe we can create and maintain our own flow.

It’s undeniable that life has it’s own flow. Things come in and out of our experience without us having to dictate what should go where and why.

Planning leads us to believe that we can be the creator of our own flow, picking and choosing the optimal times certain things will occur in our lives. It just doesn’t work that way.

As much as we try, we can’t always see the big picture — i.e. how losing one job could open the door to one better suited to our wants and needs. We simply see the inconvenience and pain such an event can lead to.

In my attempt to see this potential life change as a positive step forward, I’m handing all planning over to universe with the expectation that the outcome will be far greater than anything I could plan on.

What life plans should you hand over?

Liked this article? If so, please share it on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates.

:: See All Articles From Kayla?
Click here to read all articles written by Kayla.

Facing Challenges

Danielle LaPorte — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 00:00:01 +0000

Editor’s Note: Danielle is an intuitive genius when it comes to business and life. Check out her wonderful guest article on facing challenges and a quick exercise to identify tools you can use to overcome challenges.

By Danielle LaPorte

When I got fired from my own company, I cried myself to sleep and got up the next morning and did crazy Kundalini yoga in my living room to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Soul, soothed.

When my marriage hit the snowbank, I knew just the poetry book to read obsessively, the right astrologer to call, and that Green Smoothies were better than the pack of Marlboro’s I craved.

When I had a book deal in jeopardy, I knew just the person to call to give me straight up strategic counsel, and that if I dropped everything that afternoon and went to my favorite beach, the right answer would come to me.

Life throws you a curve ball…. Your dog dies… The relationship isn’t working and you can’t deny it… You got canned…. A surprise diagnosis… The tough meeting that it’s time to have… These are all things that you can handle.

You can rise to the occasion after you remember what you’re made of — but you need those reminders.

The thing about being afraid or in crisis mode is that we can get so spun out that we forget where the emergency exit or the rip-cord is. Where’s your bridge over troubled water? Who ya gonna call? How do you spell relief? Lunch with your best friend, a visit to church, a call with your mastermind group, a few laps in the pool, silence?

KNOW YOUR “COMFORTING” ZONE

Make a list of your soul vitamins so you can mentally, or literally, refer to it when the going gets rougher than tough. This will serve as your go-to list, your secret stash of pick-me-up’s, your 911 Life Operator.

Answer these questions for yourself — now — before the curve ball hits.

1. INSTANT AWESOME FEEL GOODS: “When I do the following, I am guaranteed to feel close to 100 percent improved, lighter, and focused…”

2. MODERATELY HELPFUL: “When I do the following, I will likely feel a sense of relief or improvement…”

As for downing a carton of cookie dough ice cream, drunk-dialing your former flame, sneaking a smoke in the airplane bathroom, watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels reruns instead of going to yoga class, and all manners of vengeful vandalism . . . let’s put that “comfort list” in its place. Answer this for yourself:

3. TEMPTING, BUT NO. REALLY…NO.: “Even though I might think that doing the following things will bring me relief and comfort, they actually aren’t helpful at all…”

So much of being resilient is about having good emotional reserves. You just need to remember what fills you up when you need it the most.

Liked this article? If so, please share it on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates.

Editor’s Note:

When it comes to business advice, one of the few people I trust and learn from is Danielle LaPorte. She is an intuitive genius and (to me) the goddess of prosperity.

Danielle did to my business like what Eckhart Tolle did to my soul. And that’s a big statement.

Last year, I did a one-on-one consulting session with her, and it marked a pivotal point in my business’ growth. The clarity and confidence I gained from that experience allowed my business to grow twenty-fold. I am deeply thankful to her.

Her new book—The Fire Starter Sessions—is just divine. It’s not your typical self-help book. Not only is it beautifully designed (Make sure to get a physical copy instead of kindle to get the full experience), it is immensely practical, action-able and inspiring.

Whether you are an entrepreneur or not, you will find incredible value and juicy ideas all throughout it. And if that’s not enough, the book is based on a digital product that used to sell for $150 but is no longer available. The book will ignite you into action, and before you know it, your life will be changed for the better. Be sure to get a copy here. Really.

Before you go: please Like this article on Facebook and RT on twitter. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

About the Author:

Danielle LaPorte is the author of the forthcoming book The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide for Creating Success on Your Own Terms (from Random House/Crown). An inspirational speaker, former think tank exec and business strategist. Over a million visitors have gone for her straight-up advice on DanielleLaPorte.com. Based in Vancouver, BC, you can find her on Facebook and on Twitter @daniellelaporte

The End to Worry

Rebecca A. Watson — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 00:00:37 +0000

Photo by JUCO

Guest Contribution by Rebecca A. Watson

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight.” ~Benjamin Franklin

A friend and I were on a beautiful hike through the redwood. It was early morning, and the mist still hung in the trees, but the sunlight had started streaming through the branches, little beams of heaven.

“I hope I locked the car,” she wondered out loud.

We both looked at each other and started laughing. Here we were in arguably one of the most beautiful and special places on the planet, and she couldn’t help but worry about the car doors.

It’s something we’re all guilty of, and it’s a tough habit to break: worry. It can rob us of our sleep, our joy and in many cases our sanity.

When I was only 21, struggling to pay for school and other bills, I made a rare discovery: Worrying won’t make me more money.

It was like a light bulb went on for me. Of course, it didn’t make me stop worrying completely, but I started to see worry for what it really was, and I knew I could beat it.

Over the years I’ve become much more adept at managing my inner worry-wart, and I’d like to share some of that, because I believe with a little practice, worry can be a thing of the past. And when it leaves, it creates more room for peace, love and beauty in our lives.

Insight into Your Inner Worry

The reason most people are angry, stressed out or filled with anxiety is because they can’t answer the burning question inside them: Why? In order to answer that, you need to get the hard data. This is the easy part, but it takes some legwork.

The following is a two-step process to gaining insight and understanding into your worries—recognizing what they are, when they happen and what triggers them.

1. Identify Your Hot-Button Issues

Keep a small notebook with you for three days. (Trust me, it’s worth it.)

Divide the pages into three columns. Every time you worry, write down what you worry about, when and where you are.

After the three days, go through your notes and tally up your “what” column.

There are usually a few big ones that stand out. These are the hot-button issues that cause us to worry. For me, it was money and how people perceived me.

2. Identify Your Worry Triggers

This is where your “when” and “where” columns come into play. Grab a piece of paper and a pen.

Draw out four (or less) columns. Write your top four hot-button worry issues at the top of each column.

You may have more or less hot-button issues than four. The point is to keep it to a maximum of four worries. I had two reoccurring worries: money and how people perceived me, and I just focused on these two for this exercise.

Write down the times and locations of each worry instance. Once you’re done, look through each column for patterns. Notice if you tend to worry more during a certain time or activity. These are your triggers.

For example, I found that I would worry about money after I looked at catalogs or magazines.

Pay attention to the “whens” of each column where you find yourself worrying about things, and start to become sensitive to them. Take proactive steps to avoid your triggers.

For example, in my case, I unsubscribed to a lot of magazines. I quit looking through catalogs. Immediately, I felt a lot better.

When you can’t avoid your triggers, be aware that you might worry more but to not take it so seriously. Tell yourself: “I’m just worrying about that right now because of A, B or C.” And move on.

How to Deal with Your Inner Worry-Wart

Learn to have conversations with your inner-worrier. This is vital. The voice in your head that worries is there for a purpose. There are certain things that should make your hair stand up.

But just because that worrier is supposed to be there doesn’t mean it belongs in the driver’s seat. This is when knowing your triggers become vital, because it gives you factual ammunition that can help your worrier calm down.

1. Be Kind and Encouraging

I’ve read a lot of self-help books that say you’ve got to be aggressive toward certain parts of yourself in order to tame them into submission.

I disagree. We have enough tough love in the world. It’s time for a little kindness. Your inner worry wart is frazzled enough working overtime, oftentimes in unstable conditions.

When you start chatting with the part of you that worries, remember that this part of you can be like a child: Handle with care. Try to avoid chastising or saying hurtful things.

Use phrases that are friendly. “I understand that you are worried.” Be empathetic. “It must be hard work worrying like this all day. ” Offer to be helpful. “What can I do to make things easier for you?”

2. Ask Questions

Start with the easiest: “What are you worried about?” And then let your worrier talk. Then ask: “How does worrying make you feel better?” Listen to what it says.

Then talk with it about the triggers. “Do you think you’re just worrying because we spent time doing this activity?” Your inner worrier might have a bit of an ego, but if you’re kind, it will usually admit the truth.

Then ask the kicker: “What will worrying about this do?” The answer is almost always nothing. “So why do you continue to worry?” To which your worrier can’t say much.

3. Gratitude & Compliment

When your worry-wart gets to that point where it admits that there isn’t really a reason to worry, celebrate with it! When you notice it’s been quiet from worrying, compliment it.

But understand that it may still want to hold on to the habit because it feels like that is all it’s good for. It may feel useless without the unnecessary worry.

This is why it’s important to acknowledge how grateful you are when it’s quiet. And it’s also important to compliment it when it speaks up in a situation that’s questionable.

“Thanks so much for speaking up when I thought about going through that deserted field at night. That was a bad idea.”

4. Be Vigilant But Be Patient

Worrying is a habit that for many of us, is as old as we are. You can’t break a habit like that in a week. Or even a month.

Even now, a decade after my realization, I catch myself worrying about finances, going over my bills in my head or mentally balancing my checkbook.

At this point I have to remind myself that I trust myself, I make good choices and most importantly, that worrying isn’t going to make my bank account balance go up. And then I move on.

The End to Worry

If you spend some time working with yourself and make a commitment to worry less, I can guarantee that other parts of your life will become more beautiful.

The space you create by removing worry will be filled with wonderful things. You will have more mental and physical energy and your body will thank you for it. I encourage you to grab a notebook and give it a try!

* What do you worry about? What did you learn from this article? Share your thoughts and insights with us in the comment section below.

Liked this article? If so, please share it on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates.

About the Author

Rebecca is a fierce optimist who believes in the power of making life happen. After realizing optimism doesn’t jive with journalism, she left newspaper to create her own brand of marketing through education and humor. Balance and mindfulness are her latest pursuits, along with learning to knit. Read her blog and follow her on Twitter for her latest enthusiastic (and sometimes witty) remarks.

The Illusion of Time

Kayla Albert — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 00:00:05 +0000

Photo by JUCO

By Kayla Albert

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” ~Will Rogers

Last Saturday morning, as I sat at the corner coffee shop with my mom cradling my daily caffeine fix, I found myself going into a long rant on all the things that were currently irking me in my life. The list was a long one, and I was convinced that each problem was valid.

But as my mom steered me in the direction of brainstorming solutions for these problems, I quickly and easily came up with reasons why they wouldn’t work.

“Maybe you should try exercising. Being active really helps to improve your mood,” she said.

I was quick on the rebuttal.

“But I just don’t have the time.”

I knew it was a lie before I even said it. I had spent the previous night watching a ridiculous amount of reality TV and organizing a stack of papers that probably should have just gone to the trash.

Time was just the easiest, most guilt-free excuse I could think of. And, if we’re being honest here, it’s the easiest most guilt-free excuse most of us can think of when we go to explain why we don’t call family members we haven’t spoken to in months, or why we don’t tackle the new hobby we’ve been thinking about trying.

It takes all the responsibility from ourselves and puts it on something that we believe we have no control over.

For me, it’s always been exercise. I’ll begin a routine, start to feel a difference in my body and mind, and then decide one day that something else is more important, that my schedule is just too full to continue with such a commitment.

Yet even as I consciously decide to release myself from any pressure I feel to get moving, I know I’m not doing myself any sort of service. I know that sitting in front of a computer screen for eight hours followed by another two in front of the TV is detrimental to my body.

I feel bad. But to me, lack of time is always an understandable excuse.

Ironically, a few days after the conversation I had with my mom, I ran across an article in the Wall Street Journal — “Are You As Busy As You Think?”

After explaining in some detail studies that were conducted to show that Americans grossly underestimate the amount of free time they have, the author made a suggestion that immediately flipped a switch for me.

“Instead of saying ‘I don’t have time’ try saying ‘it’s not a priority,’ and see how that feels. Try it: ‘I’m not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it’s not a priority.’ ‘I don’t go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.’ If these phrases don’t sit well, that’s the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don’t like how we’re spending an hour, we can choose differently.”

Stating that I didn’t exercise because I didn’t have time sounded entirely reasonable to me. But when I changed it to say, “I don’t exercise because taking care of my body is not a priority,” I suddenly felt completely out of alignment with that excuse. I knew that it didn’t sit well with me because it’s not who I am or who I want to be.

So I went for a walk, taking slow deliberate steps, acknowledging the fact that my body was responding positively to being outside and the movement was helping to clear my mind.

The next day I did a yoga video in my living room, using my TV to help me–instead of hinder me–in my attempt to be kind to my body.

That weekend I committed to twice weekly work out sessions with three of my girlfriends, knowing that giving my word to others would help me stay accountable to myself.

When I decided to take the excuse of time off the table, I began to take notice of the underlying reasons — the real reasons — why I did or didn’t do certain things in my life:

I avoided calling my ailing grandma because I didn’t want to be witness to her deterioration, I’d rather remember her as she was when I was young.
I gave up drawing because it brought to the surface feelings of inadequacy I struggled with when I attended art school.
I abandoned the idea of taking photography classes because I didn’t feel like I would ever have the eye for it.
I ate processed foods and take-out because I didn’t trust that I could ever really learn how to cook and I was embarrassed at any attempts I made to try.

Each of these things had been grouped in the same category — “the things I should do but simply don’t have time for.” Creating this broad umbrella in which to place them under was the easiest way to curtail the real issues, the real insecurities, the real hurts I was consciously or unconsciously trying to cover.

While I’m more aware of the things I’ve worked to avoid now than I’ve been in the past, I haven’t corrected every single one of them just yet. However I do notice that taking the comfortable, fall-back excuse of “time” out of the equation makes keeping certain things the same seem counter-intuitive.

When you expose the truth of why you do things, it prompts you to make decisions that fall more into alignment with who you are and the direction you wish to move in. To me, this seems incredibly empowering.

Is time an excuse you’ve used in the past to get out of doing something that’s in your best interest or in the best interest of those around you?

Here are a few questions I asked myself when I started exploring this in my own life:

1. What are all of the things I haven’t done because I “didn’t have the time?

Not everything you put on the back burner is something you should pursue, but making a list of everything you’ve avoided with this excuse can be incredibly eye opening.

How do you feel when you pair each of the things on your list with the statement, “It is not a priority?” If it doesn’t feel like something you’d want to repeat out loud, then it’s likely something you should look into further.

2. What is it that I’m really trying to avoid?

Sometimes we are trying to avoid failure, other times we’re trying to avoid hurt — either way we are simply hindering our growth by avoiding tasks or situations that could get us out of our routine and teach us something great.

3. Where is my time going?

Do a time audit. If you spend ten minutes a day checking Facebook, that is over an hour a week that could go towards taking a class or catching up with a friend.

The time is there, it’s simply a matter of spending it more deliberately.

Each day I now set my intention to give my physical body the same amount of attention I give my mind. I know that it’s possible and time is no longer an obstacle I can fall back on.

What will you pursue now that you have the time?

Liked this article? If so, please share it on Facebook, RT on twitter. Follow us on facebook and twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates.

:: See All Articles From Kayla? Click here to read all articles written by Kayla.

Think Simple Now

Finding Beauty in the Imperfections

Love doesn’t settle and it’s not always pretty.

The Problem with Comparing Relationships

A Work in Progress

Related Stories on Imperfections & Relationships:

Finding Myself: Why I’m Quitting My Job

Finding Courage to Leave My Job

Takeaway #1:

Economic Changes that Took Place

1. Simplify Living Conditions

2. Get the Finances in Check

Takeaway #2:

Be Who You Are (First)

Love What You Do (Secondly)

Parting Wish & Takeaway #3:

Articles Related to Finding Myself:

The Next Step to Freedom

The Next Step

1. Tell Yourself a Better Narrative

2. Consider a Different Future

3. Get to the Turning Points

The Next Step Is the Only Step

About the Author:

How to Find Fulfillment (with Sarah McLean)

1. How did meditation transform your life?

Question: Sarah, how long have you been a meditator? How did meditation transform your life?

2. Why Do We Struggle with Life Purpose?

Question: In your book, you outline an 8-week plan to a more meaningful life. What do you think is the main reason we struggle to live purposeful lives?

3. What Is Transformation?

Question: The word transformation seems big – grandiose – what do you mean by transformation?

4. Soul Centered?

Question: And what does it mean to be soul-centered?

5. Science & Meditation

Question: What has science taught us about meditation?

6. Transformation For Normal People

Question: You’ve had a pretty amazing spiritual journey – living in a Zen Buddhist monastery, meditating in ashrams, temples throughout India and the Far East – can we accomplish a similar transformational life in our ordinary routines?

7. Who Am I?

Question: I remember when my husband and I first met with you for our meditation session, you asked us to reflect on the question, “Who Am I?” Throughout your book, you ask your readers to reflect on many questions – ­How does inquiry and meditation, together, play a role in transformation?

8. Meditation For Busy People

Question: We’re all so busy. Now in addition to eating well and going to the gym, I need to fit in one more wellbeing tool—-meditation. And you suggest 30 minutes/twice a day? Is there a secret to how to fit it into your life?

Special Promotion

Giveaway for You

More About Sarah

How to Lose Weight Fast

How I Started to Lose Weight

At the Heart of Weight Loss: Calories Baby!

The Diet Plan to Fast Weight Loss

Tips for The Person Losing Weight

1. Measure

2. Low Friction

3. Be Nice to Yourself

4. Conscious Eating

5. Self Image & Self Dialog

Closing Words

About the Author:

Similar Articles on How to Lose Weight Fast:

4 Steps to Personal Transformation

1. Let Go.

2. Who Are You Really, Wanderer?

3. Look For New Opportunities

4. Take the Good Stuff with You

About the Author

Related Articles on Transformation

How to Plan the Unexpected

1. Avoid the Uncomfortable

2. Illusion of Certainty

3. Plans Are Based on the Past

4. A Plan is an Excuse for Being Stuck

5. A Plan Creates the Illusion of Control

Related Articles on Life’s Plan and Planning:

Facing Challenges

KNOW YOUR “COMFORTING” ZONE

Editor’s Note:

About the Author:

Related Articles on Facing Challenges:

The End to Worry

Insight into Your Inner Worry

1. Identify Your Hot-Button Issues

2. Identify Your Worry Triggers

Question: I remember when my husband and I first met with you for our meditation session, you asked us to reflect on the question, “Who Am I?” Throughout your book, you ask your readers to reflect on many questions – How does inquiry and meditation, together, play a role in transformation?