What is the definition of allow? It means “to permit or to let happen.” Also “to take into account (allow for),” according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

The definition doesn’t include “to like or to be glad” or even “to have everything go as planned.” Changing your circumstances and bending people to your will is also not included.

Allowing means you give up striving to control everything because as we know deep down, that doesn’t work anyway.

Instead, allow life to happen and don’t wish it was different or try to fix it.

Allow and move through circumstances without fighting them.

It’s utterly exhausting to hold the world on your shoulders… in your mind. You don’t even realize you’re doing it. But your body knows, and it responds with headaches and shoulder tension and even a lowered immune response and illness.

All that resistance you hold doesn’t help change anything. It just wears you down and wastes your physical and emotional energy. It creates knots and tangles inside you.

Resisting means you think that something has gone wrong, as if life is supposed to be perfect. How did we get the idea that life is supposed to be perfect or else we’re doing it wrong?

Allowing requires trust. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

This is very practical. Allow your husband to be who he is without getting frustrated. Allow your children to be children. Allow yourself to be human. Allow a day to go differently than you planned. Allow interruptions.

Open the clenched fists and hold it lightly. Loosen your jaw and relax your shoulders.

God’s got this. He’s had it all along. So allow Him to be God.

Sophie was our 12th and final student to graduate, after our family’s 38 years of homeschooling. 

Our family loves a good party, and the graduate chose a garden theme. The party took place the day after graduation, with a Saturday lunch.

The entryway was decorated with a rather fabulous balloon arch. Two of our daughters can put these things together like it’s easy, and I’m always amazed.

The light fixture above the dessert table was adorned with floral vines and butterflies:

The graduate’s cap and gown were hung up in the party room:

Lunch was a taco bar and it was a big hit (note: the thumbs-up guy was the mere boyfriend of another daughter at the time but he is now an actual husband):

Desserts and other finger foods were displayed on another table:

One of my favorite things was the display of favorite childhood read-aloud books on the fireplace mantel and bookshelves. That part of the preparation was surprisingly sentimental for me, as the girls chose books to arrange. I shed a tear or two, as it brought back memories of reading aloud to sweet little girls long ago.

We had chairs set around the living room perimeter, and on our large driveway outside as well. The TV played a slideshow of photos of the graduate. 

There were lots of laughs and it was a fun time! After the party, I left the books up all summer because they looked cute. 

Following graduation, Sophie took a gap year at home and I was glad to have one more year with her. She’s currently finishing a successful freshman year at college, living in the dorm. It’s been fun for me to remember and share this graduation party Version 12.0 with you… thanks for reading!

After having twelve children and raising all of them to adulthood, it seems like by now I ought to have reached a conclusion about my purpose and calling in life. I keep waiting to feel finished and sure of myself. I’m still waiting.

Feeling unsure about whether I’m doing exactly the right thing at any point in my life is actually good. It keeps me seeking, on my knees, and always listening.

I think that people who wait to know if they’re doing all the right things before they start doing anything end up doing nothing, mostly out of fear and self-sabotage.

I haven’t arrived. But sometimes I catch a glimpse of who I want to be when I grow up. It’s recognizable in older people and the fruit in their lives. When I grow up, I want to:

• Wear lipstick and earrings when I’m ninety-three.
• Be the lady who encourages others with a cheerful perspective.
• Accept and freely give physical affection.
• Stay present in the moment and live life in person instead of living online.
• Learn to use new technology.
• Stay fit and energetic as much as possible.
• Read and learn continually.
• Avoid talking about my health problems and current physical status.
• Stay sweet and not get bitter.
• Be gracious and forgiving and grateful.

I may not be completely sure about all the stuff I’ll be doing in the future, but I can get started on this list now. It’s not going to happen magically on my next birthday, that’s for sure. We become what we do in the every-days.

Rather than get frustrated because I don’t have the 10-year plan, I’ll keep my eyes on the Maker of Plans and do what I know right now. One day I’ll look up and find myself in places I never imagined. Come to think of it, I do that now.

Think about what–and especially, who–you want to be when you grow up. Live towards that instead of getting there and wishing you would have. Wear lipstick and earrings now if that’s your daydream, and do things that feel uncomfortable if that’s who you want to become. If they are good and right things, the feeling of discomfort is a good sign that you’re really supposed to do them.

What (or who) do you want to be when you grow up? How can you start moving towards that today?

And not just washing dishes and doing laundry, even though these tasks are important.

I mean the art of making a home. Creating atmosphere and beauty. Tidying up, tucking in, rearranging. Spending some of your precious time and focus on making your living space cozy and welcoming.

It makes me sad to hear women say that they’re not creative or good at decorating. You don’t have to DIY, make crafts or be handy with tools.  

You definitely don’t need to compete with a stranger on Instagram. She doesn’t have your home, your family, your LIFE.

But you can put stuff away, throw out trash, clear the counter and light a candle. You can put a flower in a glass of water. Spread a cloth on the table, straighten the chairs. Drape a soft throw over the back of the couch and fluff the pillows. 

The little things and going the second mile are what make a difference.

Don’t apologize for your home or your skill level. Don’t wait for someday, when you remodel or buy a bigger house. Make a cozy, comfortable home right where you are, today. Make it a welcome refuge for you and your loved ones, away from the crazy world we’re living in. 

But be gentle with yourself. Let it be easy and light. Have fun with creating atmosphere and making your home pleasant.

It’s okay to keep it simple. In fact, it’s probably better because it’s more likely to get done.

Happy homemaking, my friend. It’s important.

Normally I’d already be thinking about curriculum and registration for next year’s homeschool co-op…but not this time. After 38 years of homeschooling, I’ll be retiring as our 12th and youngest child graduates from high school next weekend.

The schedule will be hectic starting today, with her four performances in a musical this weekend. Next week will be full of putting together the graduation with other families from our co-op, a garden-themed taco party, a Prom and her voice recital, followed by a short senior trip. Whew. 

But underneath the busyness is the looming reality that life is changing.

Truly, life is changing all the time. We just notice it more when a season ends.

If we’re angry or depressed about it, we’re living in the past. 

If we’re anxious about it, we’re living in the future (not in a good way).

To lessen negative emotion that is focused on the past or the future, bring your focus back in to right now, this moment. Because that’s really all we have. 

The words of this song remind us:

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate.
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain. 

“Little Wonders” by Rob Thomas

We can be grateful for the past and all the time we’ve had. Hopeful for the future and what’s ahead. And then get back to living in these small hours, where our lives are made. 

I’m Charlotte, wife of 45 years to my steadfast husband, mom to 12 amazing adults (six sons and six daughters), mother-in-law to the best sons- and daughters-in-law, and “Minky” to 16 wonderful grandchildren. For 43+ years my days revolved around homeschooling, feeding and clothing the multitudes, and juggling the needs of toddlers to teens. It was a long season of the beautiful, exhausting work of raising a (really) big family.

One by one, the chicks grew up and flew away. The youngest started college this year, and suddenly the nest is empty. At first, it felt disorienting… like I’d lost my compass. Who am I now that the role I’ve poured my heart into for so long has shifted? What fills the hours that used to overflow?

But slowly over the months, something beautiful is unfolding. I’m discovering that this next chapter isn’t an ending… it’s an invitation. An invitation to continue to create a life that I love. To nurture my health and savor quiet mornings. To get used to recipes scaled for two while still feeding a hungry crowd when the family gathers. To organize not just a home, but a life that feels peaceful and purposeful.

That’s why I started QueenAge Mom.

This space is for women like us: moms who have given everything to our families and are now wondering, “What’s next?” It’s not about having all the answers. I’m right here figuring it out with you, although I’ve said a lot of goodbyes to grown children for a very long time. It’s about gentle encouragement:

• Mindset shifts that bring hope when the days feel empty
• Guidance for the journey of healing neglected health and supporting your nervous system
• Ideas for family gatherings that honor every season of life
• Tips for a peaceful and welcoming home
• Honest reflections on finding purpose, joy, and true identity in midlife

My original blog, This Lovely Place, has been my heart-home for years… full of archives on mom life, mindset, simple systems, and family recipes and events. QueenAge Mom is a new section here so I can share from my current experiences. If you’re reviving an old routine, missing the noise, or quietly excited about what’s ahead, we’re in this season together.

Years ago I realized that my childhood longing to be a princess had been answered with a twist, because life grew me into being a Queen.  Now that we’re “queenagers,” let’s adjust our crowns with hearts open to whatever good things God has for us.

Can you relate to feeling a bit disoriented in this new chapter of life? Your words encourage me, too.

With kind regards and lots of hope,

Charlotte

QueenAge Mom

Finding joy and purpose in the next chapter of life

Accepting and planning for the reality of summer variations in your meals and your schedule can make the transition easier and the days more productive.

A hectic schedule makes it even more crucial to plan ahead. Even though it’s tempting to hit the drive-thru for most dinner meals on the way to the baseball field, you’ll save time, money and much-needed family connection if you take a bit of time to plan some meals. Replacing even a couple of take-out meals with home cooking during a busy week can save your food budget.

Summer is the time to serve lighter versions of favorite dishes, or different side dishes:

• White chili (which is more like bean soup) rather than old-fashioned chili
• Potato salad or pasta salad instead of mashed potatoes and gravy
• Rice-based side dishes
• Cottage cheese with sliced tomatoes and green peppers, sprinkled with paprika
• Stir-fried tender veggies instead of baked vegetable recipes

It’s also the season to take advantage of fresh vegetables and fruits:

• Corn on the cob
• New potatoes
• Homegrown tomatoes
• Squash
• Green peppers
• Peaches
• Watermelon
• Strawberries
• Blackberries
• And so much more, whatever your favorites are

Leftover grilled burgers and chicken can be popped into a baggie and then reheated individually throughout the week for sandwiches, salads and recipes. They will retain their great grilled flavor but you don’t have to drag out the grill every time if you cook them in quantity.

If you don’t have time to grill burgers, substitute:

Homemade Sloppy Joes

Add the sauce ingredients to the browned hamburger in the skillet and simmer for a bit. Serve with pickles, chips, mustard or whatever else you like with your Sloppy Joes, and you’re good to go.

Rather than heating up the kitchen by turning on the oven, choose recipes that use the stovetop, microwave, crock pot, instant pot and air fryer. Using leftovers and fresh ingredients, you can even whip up meals that don’t require cooking at all.

Instead of getting stuck in a summer sandwich rut, observe your favorite local sandwich shop. Mimic them by buying a variety of ingredients. Instead of a boring loaf of bread, get some crusty artisan rolls or a loaf of flavored French bread. Lay out a choice of sliced meats and cheese, along with varied condiments, and your family will enjoy their cool sandwich meal.

Or skip the bread altogether and lay out a simple charcuterie board, with meats, cheeses, nuts, veggies and whatever else you come up with.

A little planning for summer can go a long ways toward saving time and money in the kitchen. When the seasons change, adapt your menus. It’s nice to have seasonal variety in your meals. Create a summer menu list so you don’t have to rack your brains each week, and use the list to get in and out of the grocery store quickly. Then enjoy your summer fun…AND your summer meals!

Anything you do daily, weekly or even monthly should have a written routine. Don’t worry, you don’t have to write down “brush teeth” or anything like that. You’ll save yourself some time and clutter by NOT writing down the things you naturally do every day as a part of your normal life. Let’s hope you don’t forget to brush your teeth if you don’t write it down!

Besides meals and groceries, your household can benefit from other lists: laundry days for family members, cell phone numbers of siblings and in-town relatives, assigned days when children help with meals, and of course lists of chores. You’d be surprised at how much it helps to have a list of the steps for tasks.

Instead of telling a child “clean the kitchen,” give them a list with the steps broken down: empty the dishwasher, load the dishwasher, wipe off the table, etc. Lists with specific assignments help the child to know what is expected and what constitutes “clean.” They also know that the end is in sight and how much more there is to do.

How about keeping a running list of your family’s favorites? This will be invaluable and timesaving when birthdays and gift-giving occasions come around. Keeping track of their favorite meals, candy, restaurants, colors and more can simplify shopping and help them feel special.

For “public” lists you can use a marker board on the wall or refrigerator, or even inside a cabinet door, as long as everyone knows to check the board regularly. That’s where family members can write grocery items, things to remember, math facts they’re memorizing, messages to each other and reminders of appointments.

One of our sons writes down where he’s gone and when he’ll come back so he doesn’t receive a frantic call of “Where are you?” when he’s gone on a mowing job.

If you feel a little resistant to lists, it could be that you’ve made them too complicated in the past.

I’m a fan of simple, easy and fast. Any “system” that requires too many steps and forms and techniques and color-coding and the kitchen sink won’t work for busy families.

Keep it simple but DO write it down.

Written lists are a secret weapon for good time and home management. If your system of to-do’s works for one area of life, figure out a way to bring that system over to the other areas of your life. A little planning ahead and the use of lists to declutter your brain will free your mind for relationships and other important things.

Quick! Think of a household task that is not working well for you right now. Make a list of ways to create a system for that task because it’s not going to go away. You might as well deal with it as efficiently as possible—and a list can help you do that!

However, there are general principles that tend to work for most people when it comes to managing all the stuff they have to do.

Actually we don’t manage tasks, we manage life.

And in managing life, it’s important that we manage our energy.

That’s really what we’re spending as we go about our daily tasks. We start our day with a certain amount of energy, both emotional and physical. When it gets used up, we’re not going to get much else done.

That’s why it’s so important to monitor where we’re spending that energy — whether it’s mindless scrolling through Instagram or reading negative blogs or staying up too late.

So start with awareness of your energy, and then use these two better ways to get stuff done:

1)  Do it EARLY

2)  Do it TOMORROW

At first glance these tips may appear to contradict each other, but let me explain.

Do It EARLY

This means that, as much as possible, get as much done ahead of time as you can. When you spread out preparations, the work seems to almost do itself.

Getting things done early leaves room for creativity and excellence, while a last-minute rush leads to getting by with as little as possible. It feels good to have something done ahead of time and to be ready just in case. It’s satisfying and powerful.

Most of the time, the things we save for “later” end up causing more stress and worry than they would have if we had just done them right away or ahead of time.

Here are some examples of Doing-It-EARLY:

• Start packing for a trip several days ahead
• Make ahead and freeze meals or ingredients such as browned hamburger
• Plan meals and buy ingredients to have on hand
• Put gas in the car when it gets to half a tank instead of empty
• Have kids take a shower and wash hair the night before instead of leaving the house with wet hair the next day
• Do laundry before every piece of clothing in the house is dirty
• Make bill payments early instead of late (your credit score and nerves will thank you)

Do It TOMORROW

This seems counterintuitive but let me explain.

It simply means that the tasks that come up during the day–the ones that weren’t on your to-do list for today — get put on a list to do tomorrow.

Do you really need to run to the store or spend time searching for an answer to that email TODAY….right now?

Do random tasks pop up and crowd out the ones you had already planned to do today?

That can make you feel frazzled and frustrated. Calmly assigning those tasks to another day or time, rather than impulsively responding immediately, can help you regain a sense of control.

Start a list for tomorrow or later so it’s not lurking in your head, then get back to what you really wanted to do.

Meanwhile, don’t take responsibility for someone else’s lack of planning, as much as it is within your power to avoid it. Sometimes it can’t be avoided when the someone is a spouse or child, but even then it might be a good lesson for them.

Do a quick assessment to make sure you’re not stuck using old ways of getting things done. What used to work for you may not work now, as your situation and responsibilities have changed. Nobody gets it perfect, but mindfully consider better ways to get stuff done for YOUR life, not some expert somewhere.

It makes sense to monitor your account balance, and to become aware of any sources of leakage.

We often live like we have an endless supply of emotional energy, recklessly spending it here and there. But like a bank account, if we don’t stay watchful we can wind up with a negative balance.

Here are some ideas to keep your account current….with no overdrafts:

1) Make thoughtful choices about how to start your day. What “fills you up” and charges your emotional and physical batteries? Time spent in reading and prayer, a good breakfast and mindful exercise are good for your body, soul, and spirit.

2) At night, charge your phone across the room or in another part of the house. This will help you resist the temptation to pick it up as soon as you open your eyes in the morning, and get pulled into someone else’s agenda. Even if you think you’ll attend to the matter “later,” meanwhile it will run like a background program in your mind, draining your mental energy.

3) Take care what you click on. Sure, that Facebook story about the murdered child in another state is intriguing, but will you be able to do anything about it? Will it enrich your life to read the sordid details? Is it something you want to spend emotional energy on? Make no mistake, it WILL cost emotional energy and time to read that article.

4) Pay attention to your body’s signals. Do you realize how often you are clenching your jaw or hunching up your shoulders while answering an email? These are physical manifestations of stress, so pay attention.

5) Run from Social Media drama. Whether it’s drama on someone’s wall or drama in a Facebook group, ain’t nobody got time (or emotional energy) for that. When we get sucked in to someone’s drama, we’re giving them all the power….and draining ours.

6) Instead of thinking, DO something. When we stop working we start THINKING about working, and the fatigue of mental resistance to our tasks is exhausting. We use up precious mental energy dreading or procrastinating, when the original task could have been done with far less mental effort if we had just DONE it.

7) Recognize when your account balance is running low. When you feel like you’re on your last nerve, you probably are. Time to take a break to recharge. Whether it’s going outside, exercising, watching a movie, or going window shopping, a change of pace can help restore your balance. Switch to an activity that is the opposite of what you’ve been doing, if possible. For example, if you’ve been sitting at your desk for hours, get up and go outside. If you’ve been on the phone all day, go for a walk alone.

Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your limited capacity for emotional energy.

It’s not an endless supply and that’s okay–you’re human! Awareness is the first step in energy conservation. You’ll probably find that your energy has been leaking in surprising ways.  Take charge and spend your emotional energy where YOU choose. Like a bank account, protect it from being drained by unauthorized access!

Have you found some ways to protect and recharge YOUR emotional energy? Please share!