~Thoughts of an Oblivious Girl~

Stories

2011-03-15T18:49:00.005+08:00

Everybody have their own stories to tell.

Some are plain and boring.

Some are more extraordinary than others.

Some are just pure tragedy.

What's your story?

Do you think I care?

Stories we care enough to listen and care enough to make an effort to make it a better story are stories worth knowing.

I reaffirmed the saying, what you see may not always be the truth.

Again, today.

我不懂

2011-02-08T22:50:00.002+08:00

我不懂

认识了你是好是坏？！

我不懂

不坚持是对是错？！

我不懂

放下是解脱还是遗憾？！

是你让我认识了甜蜜与期待。。。

也是你让我明白了失望与无奈。。。

若我愿坚持，我该怎么做？

若我不，时间要当我好友当多久呢？

解脱的滋味我不懂。。。

遗憾的苦涩我尝了。。。

我不懂，能如何让它从我心怀内散开？！

Au revoir Janvier

2011-02-01T09:25:00.012+08:00

Goodbye, I say to the month of January 2011.

Thank you for being the last I need to see from you.

What you've gave me is more than enough, it will really be nice of you if you never visit again.

One can only take so much at a time.

1st Jan: Not going to France in Feb. Not going well with Christian.

2nd Jan: Dad got admitted into hospital, got into a fight with mom.

3rd Jan: Lost the tutor job.

4th Jan: Found out that I owed the bank RM15,000.00.

5th Jan: Lowest point in my life whereby I felt the lady who offered me to stand under the umbrella while crossing the road was the nicest person ever and wanted to lunged myself to her and cry on her shoulder. Too dramatic, I know. But, can you imagine?

6,7,8th Jan: Living life having a horrible feeling in my gut, fearing that today will be a worst day.

9th Jan: Big blow in the head. Mom was suspected cancer again. Next appointment in 27th Jan.

16th Jan: He said he cant do distance, I merely said okay. I was in a stage whereby I don't care shit bout anything anymore.

22nd Jan: Rest in Peace, Genie. May all the best wishes go to your family.

23rd Jan: He said he misses me and I've not contacted him for the longest time ever(not true). Why must he be like this? I am cool with being sad, why can't he just let me be sad ALONE?

27th Jan: Texted him. Doc said if antibiotic is taking effect for mom, then, it is okay. Nothing else need to be done. Useless doctor.

29th Jan: He replied and said he is free to talk on Sunday afternoon for him(which is midnight for me. Don't I need to work?)

30th Jan: We didn't talk.

J'en ai marre.

2011-01-30T20:34:00.002+08:00

Oh Sky Oh Sky

祢是在代我流泪吗？

再一次的，我证实了（第N次)，多于一人的世界有太多变数，我无力，无能，也无权去改变。

我的心已经无力再为你跳动了。

Blunt

2010-10-28T21:57:00.001+08:00

Rude?

Straightforward?

2010-10-26T00:08:00.001+08:00

Karma betul.

WAHAHAHAHA.

I will not be defeated

2010-10-19T23:07:00.009+08:00

'A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.'

David Brinkley

For all the bitterness I've suffered today, I'll taste the sweetness in another day.

Hopefully, not too far in the future.

For those who've thrown bricks at me today, thank you for making me a person who sustained and bear more pain.

For you who are pretentious and unreasonable, I am deeply sorry for the person you've become.

Thank you for setting me at a different pedestal from you.

There will be no capable when there are no incapable.

Wait you see.

Quote of the Day

2010-10-10T14:53:00.002+08:00

"Please understand that there is no one depressed in this house; we are not interested in the possibilities of defeat; they do not exist."

Queen Victoria

It's all in the mind.

i will not be defeated.

At the very least, not without a fight.

Shangyu and I

2010-10-09T22:20:00.006+08:00

There are 2 random conversations we have that are worth recording for the purpose of reminiscing in the future.

Conversation A:

One random evening, he called me on my cell and asked how was my day.

My mood is immediately lifted to a heighten level from the moment I heard his voice over the receptor.

Danielle: Hi, Shangyu, why do you call me? Miss me much?

Shangyu: Yes, I miss you. Very much.

Danielle: Ooooo....how sweet!!!! What is it that make you call me anyways?

Shangyu: You wrote down on my schedule the other day that I have to call you before I go to bed. I am doing what you wrote.

Danielle: You are really doing what I wrote, even when I wrote it for fun?! I am so happy, let's go for a movie. On me. When are you free?

Shangyu: Monday? (the next day is Monday.)

Danielle: Monday? Too bad, I can't make it tomorrow. I made plans. How bout Tuesday?

Shangyu: I am not available on Tuesday. How about the following Monday?

Danielle: I don't mind Monday, but I will have more free time on Sunday. Why not we go on Sunday? Will you be going to the farm on Sunday?

Shangyu: I only go to the farm on Saturdays these days. Sunday I am free but I prefer Monday. Monday is good. Hope to see you on Monday.

Danielle: Okay...no problem. We will talk about it again when it is nearer to date. Miss you.

Shangyu: Okay...miss you too. Bye.

Conversation B:

Aunt Christina: How are things with you recently? Boyfriend?

Danielle: No boyfriend la....

Shangyu was sitting at the backseat and I guess he heard bits and pieces of the conversation and he butted in.

Shangyu: Danielle JieJie, you have a boyfriend?

Danielle: Why? Are you jealous? All you need to do is to say that you want me to break up with my boyfriend and I will do so? So, what do you want?

Shangyu(took a min to absorb things): Okay, you break up with your boyfriend.

Danielle: But if I break up with my boyfriend, and I go out with you, I even have to pay for your movie ticket. I have no money lah....

Shangyu: Don't worry, I will collect cents. I can pay for the movie tickets.

Danielle: Okay, for you, I will break up with him. (Lol, since I have no one to breakup with, it doesn't matter.)

He is the cutest boy ever. Will love him forever.

我的未来

2010-10-03T02:25:00.002+08:00

不会再妄想其他。

不会再等待其他。

我，什么都不要再想了。

现在的我，只要

ICSA BEST STUDENT AWARD 2010/11，

CLP BEST STUDENT OF THE YEAR 2011/12.

其他的，我什么都不再期待了。

再一次的，我证实了，多于一人的世界有太多变数，我无力，无能，也无权去改变。

Equality vs. Special Treatment

2010-08-23T21:36:00.003+08:00

Though many would have thought that the 'ladies coach' facility in KTM trains is a pleasant change to the tainted image of KTM.

I, personally think that it is a distorted form of gender discrimination in todays' society. Female who enjoyed the facility shouldn't have the right to demand equality of any sorts because they are in no position to ask for anything more if they are the ones that put themselves in a weaker position.

With the change and development that the world is experiencing, sexual harassment is not limited to a specific gender only, it shouldn't be view as a gender violation. It can happen to anyone by anybody. Hence, the 'ladies coach' is in my personal opinion an impediment to the growth of equality.

Why do we need protection from other people if there is equality? Female shouldn't receive any special treatments just because we are girls. We should get special treatment because of something worth respecting or something deserving, and not because simply of our gender. If we accept special treatments given to us just because of our gender, equality will never come to life in this society.

p.s. I still use the 'ladies coach' because it is spacious in comparison to the other coaches and most importantly, girls smelled better even when they sweat. lol.

Cinderella Moment

2010-08-16T02:20:00.002+08:00

Cinderella moment can happen anytime, anywhere.

Sadly, prince charming is not always around to catch your glass slipper.

Hence, smack on some lippie, put on your glasses and strut proudly.

Coeur is Stoning in Process

2010-08-09T23:32:00.005+08:00

When I was a little girl, people often said that I have certain sparks in my eyes that intrigue them.

The spark they mentioned had long fled and the possibility of it returning is slim.

The cause of such lost is LIFE.

Days after days

Weeks after weeks

Months after months

Years after years

My eyes see the world clearer and clearer.

Despite that, my eyes became more and more clouded.

When I was young, I envisage the future to be bright and sunny.

Now I wish I am young again where the world is bright and sunny.

Used to think that tv drama is just drama and exaggerated, now I realized, it is an art incorporated the elements of life. It is a reflection of reality.

Why can't people be satisfied of simple and normal life?

Julia Chuah - You will always have a place in my heart. Thank you for being such a vibrant personality despite all the events that you have experienced in your life. I hope I will have the strength and capability to be that fiery in the long run in this world. I'll have you in my mind to advice me through times of pain and struggle. Thank you for teaching me how to love and be kind. I will keep that in mind at all time.

R.I.P. my dear friend.(7/8/2010)

Coeur 2

2010-08-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

Permanently damaged.

Wounded beyond repair.

人不可貌像，海水不可斗量。

Coeur

2010-07-30T07:41:00.002+08:00

心与理智的对话

心：我好想跳高，跳远，跳不停！！！

理智：我明白，我了解，我也想，我也要！！！

心：哪，我们就跟我的意思吧？！

理智：战情不乐观，我们从长计议吧。

心：可是，一旦时机过了，就没机会了！

理智：败在天时，地利，人和都不在我朝啊。。。咱们再等时机再出击吧！

心：可是。。。可是。。。

心跳加速。。。深呼吸。。。静下心

我的心我要好好看管。。。

2010-07-19T02:26:00.004+08:00

Never knew there is a street named 'Working Street' in Cardiff.

Interesting.

St. Davis Hall is located there.

Life is so different when you grow older.

We yearn to be young again when we are at a certain age.

Ironically, we were looking at adulthood with anticipation and anxiety.

Yes, indeed anxiety is the part where it still remain true.

It is just that this part of anxiety is not much of a pleasant experience.

People often say, what doesn't kill you make you a stronger person.

I think this is true to a certain extent.

What if I am wounded over and over again yet I survived?

Physically, I am still capable of standing on my feet, but psychologically, I may not be able to take that pain and suffering again.

Not anymore would I wish to put myself through that kinda pain especially after I experienced first hand how much it hurts.

Call me LLB.

2010-07-18T00:14:00.002+08:00

I am officially a Law graduate at 1030, 16th July 2010.

That signifies the end of a phase of my life.

There is nothing to be sad or to be happy about.

Need not be happy because what lies ahead of me is much more than what I am facing now.

Need not be sad because I enjoyed a great deal more from what I've experienced.

I need to pay my tribute to those that supported and loved me throughout my journey.

Thank you and I hope you all can continue to be part of my life in the future.

The meaning of my existence is all because of those around me.

Life would be pointless if I am all alone.

Metamophorse

2010-07-15T21:20:00.004+08:00

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.

Harold Wilson

I am confident enough to say that I have always been well aware of my strength and my flaws. Yet, I had never come to terms with myself to change my flaws because I have always believed that everyone in this world is unique and different, so why should I change myself? Just another thing that left me puzzled is that why people do not offer me the same form of tolerance and acceptance when I never judged them for who they are and how they behaved, so why are they discriminating me? The second thought conflicted with my first thought I supposed, to a certain extent. I forgot that people are different, they are different from me. Just because I don't judge them and accept them for who they are doesn't mean that they will reciprocal. Now, I know.

The question now is, should I change to make myself more acceptable and hence being less true of myself and inflict more self-doubts in myself and jeopardize my love life even more than I did? Just so people are more comfortable around me? How is this gonna work? How can people love me when I don't even love myself? What people may love is just the image I portray.

Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow.

Glen Beaman

The fact that stubbornness is indeed a HUGE part of my personality, I highly doubt that I can be that flexible just because I am now at the point of my life where I MAYBE coming to terms with the expectation of the world and how I behave around them.

I still want to be determined, strong and decisive tomorrow, but I think developing my emotional and sympathy features would be nice to the world. I may be doing a good deed just by being less true and telling people fake stuff when they ask for my opinion. Guess this is just how pathetic my life is. Can't even believe in honesty is the best policy.

Catching Up

2010-06-26T04:50:00.002+08:00

Phew....phew....Phew....phew....

Running out of breath here, trying to catch up with what I've missed out filling in all year in the shortest period of time.

Too many things, too little time.

Post R-Day

2010-06-26T00:12:00.006+08:00

'Language...has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone. '

Paul Tillich.

Here in Prague I am, on the verge of struggling between solitude and loneliness.

Great that I can do what I want with no restriction, no boundaries and no time constraint, yet I can't help filling empty inside especially there is no one by my side to share my happiness after I received my result yesterday, June 24th. Though calling my mom and hearing her congratz me is nice and sweet, but it would be brilliant if I can be home and we can head out to party immediately.

Yesterday marked the end of my misery ever waiting period and it too marked the end my insecurity over my final result. One must understand that it is not normal exam that I am distressed about, it is my LLB at stake here.

Thank you, Faith for letting me sail through this year. I am beyond estatic when I saw the marks on the screen of A Plus hostel in Prague. This adventure that I am embarking on teached me a lesson or two, one of the most valuable is that life is so much better if there is someone you can share it with. Guess I am not one that deal really well with being alone. I love human contact, people around me, noises everywhere, crowd of people that I love excites me. I am not a nomad living person. I like stable settlements.

Inactivity

2010-06-24T05:02:00.002+08:00

Extended period of inactivity is an understatement for my redundant blog.

However, this might not be the case anymore because I have every intention to revive the livelyhood of this blog by spicing it up with some of my traveling experience and life experiences throughout this whole school year that I am abroad.

Right now, I am still globetrotting around Europe with spontaneity, with undecided destination and dateline. Never in my life would I imagine myself doing it, but hey, I am actually living every moment like this right now.

Who say I am not flexible?

There are so much changes I wish to make to the blog, will be doing so as soon as I have a place to stay for more than 3 days...hehehe.

LondonLondonLondon

2009-11-11T00:26:00.004+08:00

Guess what/who greeted me early bright and sunny when I first step foot in Victoria Coach Station, London?

I would said, its Lady of Fortune or maybe Lady Opportunist, if there is 1.

Unexpectedly, I bump into a friend from BAC in London. We took the same bus that en-route from Cardiff-Bristol-London, Darryn Chiew. Had no idea at all that we are both visiting London the same weekend on the same bus.

Walking along Buckingham Palace Road, other than the obvious, Buckingham Palace that is currently closed in November, we saw the awesome view of St. James Park, the morning breeze, the scary grey squirrels, fat non-flying pigeons, geese, king fishers and many others unnamable animals in the park. That park is spectacular. Simply amazing is not enough to express how beautiful it is. Seriously, must go there and see for yourselves. There is even a military march in a building next to the park, the soldiers(militants) were marching or maybe practicing for some sort of event, not too sure.

Opposite the park, there are 2 museums, Imperial War Museum and, unfortunately, we don't have time for it this trip cause we needed to meet up with Tiffany Goh at Big Ben at 10. St. James Park simply took up too much of our time...it is so beautiful, so very very beautiful.

The other very unexpected thing on that Saturday morning is that, when I was looking up at Big Ben standing at one of the traffic light, I saw this Afro girl and thought that, wow, she looked familiar to me, hmm, maybe all of the Afro girl looked almost the same, then when I turned to looked at her side, another younger girl too looked damn familiar as well, then it suddenly struck me that it was not because all Afros girls looked alike, but it is because I've seen them before, on TV! They are Aoki Lee and Ming Lee, daughters of Kimora Lee Simmons. It is quite a shock to me at that time, caused it is only about 9.50 in the morning, after a sleepless night and at such an unexpected place and time, I crossed path with 2 kiddie celebrities. They were standing barely 1 foot away from me. At that very moment, I whispered to my travel/flat mate, Sunny in excitement....´hey, look!!! It's Kimora Lee Simmons' children....What happened is, she is from Canton, China and she had no idea whatsoever who is Kimora Lee Simmons at all...she even looked at me blankly at asked, WHO?! Potong steam betul...My excitement drop from top notch to bottom down below the valley level...haiz.

Met up with Tiff and she showed us to her place, lucky her, she stays 5 mins away from London Eye, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben and right opposite Trafalgar Square!!! Her place is almost like the city centre and everything is within walking distance to her. Oxford Street, Russell Square, Picaddily, China Town and many many more....´

Re-reading and writing this blog now is now feeling all so odd all of a sudden. This post was orginally written on 11.11.09 and right now it is more than half a year later that I decided it is time to finish what I have started, it may seem pointless and I actually can´t remember much about that day to continue the story, but I will try to refresh my memory by looking at the pictures from FB and try to fill in the empty spaces I left throughout the year, in case I have Alzheimier during my old age.

Almost forgotten blog

2009-11-04T18:01:00.002+08:00

People, I am plainly too lazy to update the blog.

Check out facebook, it literally spell out my life there.

Maybe, occasionally, I'll drop by to say something here, chances are, very minimal though.

A lovely Saturday

2009-08-22T22:41:00.004+08:00

There are two events that are planned on the day, though we started the day a bit off by me pointing the wrong place to Timothy.

I thought both the CAMBRIDGE vs OXFORD Student Debate 2009 and KPUM-TUC's Law School Law Career Convention 2009- Careers Fair for Lawyers are at the same place. Taylor's college. Purely my fault. I merely skimmed through the email. The former was at Sunway while the latter was in Taylor's.

Long story short, there are a number of people from BAC went, those that I nampak la.

Chan, Adrian Yeow, Timothy, and me.

Hmm?

How was the debate?

It was mediocre if you asked me, but given the fact that they have so little time to prepare and the positions was placed 30 mins before the debate. I think their performance are fair.

The motion was, this house thinks that youth should stay in Malaysia.

Cambridge was government and Oxford, the opposition.

I personally have no preference over the unis, I simply like the idea of us, the youth, the people trying to make a

change for the people.

I think that we Malaysian should think of us as a group of sailors on the same ship, the reward is at the end of the day where we reached a certain shore. All of us in the ship has a responsibility and moral obligation to maintain the ship at its fittest, the reason being, if we don't, we sink together with the ship. Take Black Pearl in Pirates of The Caribbean, with a good leader that chooses to live and die with his ship and a whole bunch of sailors being the backbone of the ship, they are no doubt a organized ship despite their intentions.

Similarly, if pirates can understand this simple concept as together, we are a nation/family.

Why can't we Malaysian, think more like them?

Or, specifically, why don't the leaders of our country think a bit more like them?

There are too many personal agendas in the local political scene that is seriously wearing off the people's confidence in them. They are more concerned of themselves, aka self-centered than what they claimed themselves to be, working for the rakyat.

In my humble opinion, I think Malaysia operates more like a fishing ship rather than a military vessel or a submarine for instance. The latter 2 examples are where the people in the ship co-operate with each other to complete their major task, while the fishing vessel is like having fishmongers each trying to out win each other on an auction for the fishes and trying to get all the profits for themselves. They are not those focused ships like where there is an absolute clear destination. They are a bit like scraping around, seeing what's there to do type ship, I would say.

Enough of the long winding grandmother. grandfather story.

Back to the debate, the comments from the crowd are not entirely positive, maybe because oxbridge students have a certain gold ring above their head when we see them in the crowd that makes them shine. People tend to expect a little bit extra from them.

The winner was Cambridge and best speaker goes to William Chan, from Cambridge as well.

Congratz, guys!

The best part is, I saw Eilyn Chong and Justin Liew there.

O...and there is one very cute guy from Oxford, guys, it's not a crush.

It's just like the time where I saw an Indian uncle i the KTM train and I can't stop staring at him despite his bulging tummy and disheveled look. That uncle was in his early 40s and still very good looking. At the very least, that was the 1st time where I seriously felt the phrase," can't take my eyes off you". He was oozing sexuality and masculinity.

So, similarly, we are attracted to good looking stuff, just the way I like my MAC cosmetics nicely arranged on my bedside table and those brushes standing along with it. These are the few of my favorite things. * Sound of Music*

Moving on, we went to Taylor's for the law career convention.

I've never got a chance to actually walk into the hall and see what those booths are caused when we first arrived, we were immediately ushered to this talk,"When the CLP gets Tough" -Only the Tough gets the CLP by Mariette Peters-Goh, Zul Rafique & company.

She actually made my impression towards CLP changed.

Her main point was, all the bars in the world are tough, if you work your ass hard enough, what are the chances that you don't make the cut?

True enough, I believe in that too.

In addition to that, she busted a few myth as well.

There is no such thing bout the quota system.

It's just that being students we are occasionally lazy and unfocus, and this is when things goes terribly wrong.

CLP is definitely not a stage where we loose our focus. It is THE most important if you are doing it.

So, people, good luck in staying focus. Think of the bigger picture. Your future.

The second talk was about "What is the real life of a litigator?"conducted by Lau Mark Chi-Ming, a practicing litigator from sreenevasanyoung. It is more of a video watching sessions where we watched several clips of what the hollywood thinks of litigators' life and the video which is nearer to reality, as projected in Rumpole of the Bailey.

From Mark's experience, there are several things he said a litigator should possess, virtues such as passion, patient, hardworking, and most importantly, never stop learning.

What intrigued me the most of the job as a litigator is the last part, never stop learning.

I really liked the concept where you learn a bit on this matter today, and the other the next.

It's the same thing like how I like to read little facts such as blue eyes are mutated gens, WHR and sex ratio and many of those stuffs.

The difference is that if you are doing a case, the research need to be more in depth and you make good use of it and state your case using those knowledge, and it is definitely bulkier than a 1 piece article I normally read.

We'll see what I like in the future and see how things work out then.

For now, I'm gonna focus on my degree and think about the others later.

I've came to realized that I've not exploit myself at all for the past 20 years and I've always lived my life in the cukup makan manner. I believed that if I actually do make an effort in things, I can do a lot better than what I've achieved. It's all the laziness in me to blame. Maybe, I should really try just a bit harder next year.

p.s. extremely thankful to Timothy for his kindness to give me a ride when my bro took my ride.

Anxiety Attack

2009-08-21T19:59:00.002+08:00

The more I read about law firms and those law blogs, the more butterflies I have in my stomach.

The idea of reading these blogs and articles struck me after my friend told me that MMU was exempted from doing CLP.

Somehow, one link leading to another, now I know a bit more bout stuff, though I can't really specifically said what are the stuff I know.

They gave me anxiety attack, if my intentions were to stay in Malaysia and take CLP.

Just let skip the part of whether will I pass or not, assuming I do, and I am an average student with a 2:1 or 2:2 maybe.

What are the chances that I am going to get my training position at a good firm when there are so many other smarter kids around? With their flawless CV and everything.

That's shit number 1.

Shit number 2 is, in the event that I don't get a decent firm to start off, where will this lead me?

Will I got swallow up by the market and spit out again, looking all so disgusted and disappointed in life and everything?

Shit number 3 is that I discovered that it is a fact that law school has one of the highest dropout rate in the world, presumably law school is tough and sworn by some that it is something they will never want to look back.

Is it me only or what that I am taking it pretty easy though I am in law school?

Can I really make it through the end?

I felt dump, useless and vomity due the low level of knowledge I possessed.

Am I really prepared for the real world?