When I was growing up no one ever talked to me about expectations. I never read a book about it, never had my dad sit me down and talk to me about expectations, didn’t even hear a sermon on expectations. But as I walk into adulthood I have found time and time again that expectations is the biggest thing I struggle with.

Whether it be high or low expectations, I often find myself disappointed and often times angry that they are never met. It is not something that I realized was going on, but it has become glaringly obvious to me that at the core of most of my frustration are my expectations.

I often wonder if expectations are a motive of selfishness, idealism, or the lack of contentment? It is probably is all of the above. But expectations seem to be the first thing I set and the last thing I think about. But they never leave me satisfied. In fact, they only produce more anger.

This struck me as odd when I realized that hardly anyone talks about the issue of expectations. How we project them on others, situations, and our own life.

Here are just a couple of quotes I found about expectations:

“There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations”  -Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” -Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

“No expectations mean there is no risk of disappointment.” -unknown

I do not know about you, but expectations kill me every time. With the girls I have dated, with every job I have taken, every friendship I have started, and every dream I have dreamt.

And as I continue to think abou this subject I come back to a one-way conversation with myself. I feel like I need to get this conversation out to others.

This is something that I have never talked about before and would love to hear what you think about expectations and how you handle them.

Share your thoughts on expectations below

*kyle

I have decided to dust off the ole Music Tuesday feature because there is someone I need you to hear. My friend Lana Del Rey is worth bringing back Music Tuesday (she is not really my friend, but I hear people say that all the time and it sounds cool). I think you will enjoy this little album as much as I have been enjoying it. Do not judge her by her awful Saturday Night Live performance, (here is a much better performance on Letterman) I do not know what happened with that. Judge her based off of the album below, you will not be disappointed.

Enjoy

Buy the album here

The easiest part of working at a church is leaving God out.
Yes, that sounds crazy, but every day I go about my job without ever thinking about God.

Working at a church can in fact become more about work then the reason for your work.

It amazes me that the simple task of serving God is not so simple.
In fact, it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I consult my own knowledge without asking God.
I rely on my own ability rather then on God.
I take credit for things that I did without ever giving acknowledgement to the blessing of God.

Sometimes the place that I leave God out of the most is the very place where His presence rest…in me.

I have been blogging off and on since my freshmen year of college (2005) with some extreme vigor and some extreme laziness (there was a period of lost years where I did’t blog at all). This blog has evolved from different names, different directions, different thoughts, and different ideas, but it has always been a place that I can express myself. For that I am grateful.

I can honestly say that blogging (and twitter) has led me to where I am today. Where I live, my job, my wife (working on that), and my writing ability have all been shaped greatly by the simple task of starting a blog. This little blog allowed me to do free-lance web design for a year and a half, it has allowed me to go to conferences, it has even given me the chance to speak at conferences. It truly has changed my life. For that I am grateful.

But I do not want to get so caught up in the medium. My blog is my medium, it is not me, but simple a tool that shares a piece of me. Since it is my medium it has grown with me over time and has shifted in use from year to year. It has simple been my little travel companion that gives me an outlet to share my thoughts. For that I am grateful.

I write this 1000 post in a contemplative mood over the 25 years of my life on earth. It is fun going back and looking in the archives from 2005 or 2009 and seeing what I was doing, things I was thinking about, and music I was loving. It seems like time has sped up with every published post I submit, but as I look back over the last 7 years of blog post (see the lost years of no blogging above) I cannot help but be excited for what is to come. For that I am grateful.

The theme of this blog as always been about dealing with patience, talking about the struggles of life, good music, and finding mentors. I think I will always be discussing these types of subjects for the rest of my life. I hope we can discuss some of these one day soon.

Thanks for joining me in this journey.

*kyle

Gaining inspiration from my friend Jared Erickson I decided to create my own iPhone lockscreen wallpaper.

I have been preaching two messages to myself lately:

GO

DO THE WORK

I need this daily reminder.

Download here.

On your iPhone, download it here:
Do the Work
Go

*kyle

I think I know something about the human race that most have not figured out.
We do not do well with space.

I’m not talking about the outerspace.
I’m not talking about hardrive space.

I’m talking about our own personal space. The space of our time.

Humans do not do well when we have tons of open space.

How do I know this?
Because I use to have all the space one could ask for.

About five months ago I was a free-lance web designer who was single, lived alone, and had no responsibilities. I didn’t have a boss, I didn’t have any time commitments, and I didn’t have a set routine. I had the space to do whatever I wanted.

I say about five months ago because that all changed when I decided to take a full-time job. Suddenly my space decreased to the size of my studio apartment. I had very little.

That one shift, from free-lance to full-time, taught me the idea that we do not do well with space.

Think back to the last time you were free to do whatever you wanted to do for a minumum of two hours. What did you do with that time? If you are like me, all the plans of accomplishment that you thought would happen within those hours didn’t happen.
In fact you probably at one point said “where did the time go?”

This idea of more time is often the myth that most people buy into. If only I had more time to do blank. If I just had a couple more hours in the day I could get blank done. The idea of more space is often the very thing that subtracts from doing anything at all.

When I lost my space of freedom everything changed.
I had to get more creative, more focused, more intentional, and more dedicated to the things I wanted to create in my space of time.
This shrinking of space that took place in my life caused me to “cut the fat” of my work and start producing the meat of what I wanted to accomplish all along.

So you say you are busy, that you do not have any time, well I guess you are one of the lucky ones that now has the ability to do your best work in the little space that you have.

Charles Dickens said “There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish; The thing is to do as much as you can in the time that you have”

Like most humans we all struggle with the space of time, but only you can control what you fill your space with. The opportunity to work on this space could be the very thing that allows you to accomplish more then you could ever imagine. It all comes down to how you choose to see your space of time.

This post was inspired by the Luminous Project. Luminous is an event in Nashville for creatives on May 9-11, 2012. To find out more, check out luminousproject.com. You can use the promo code ‘luminousLOVE’ to get 30% off the ticket price.

All this language about shipping can be confusing, at least to me. Maybe more overwhelming then confusing, shipping seems to be grandiose idea of making great stuff. When really it is a decision to just do the work. You ever wonder what are some things you could ship? (in a non FEDEX or UPS way)

You could decide to ship…

• A blog post every day.
• 800 words on paper every day.
• One new creative idea.
• 25 minutes reading a book.
• 30 minutes on the treadmill.
• One conversation with an old friend.
• A home cooked meal.
• 25 pushups.
• A hand written letter.
• A difficult conversation.
• Make a cup of tea.
• Start a new diet.
• Email your favorite author or blogger for an interview.
• 15 minutes of meditating in silence.
• A scavenger hunt around your city.
• A photo a day. (A PSD a day)
• One less refresh of twitter or a facebook.

Often the temptation of shipping is to focus on the biggest scale rather then focusing on the everyday. Think about the last time you shipped something that weighed over ten or twenty pounds. That probably cost you more then you wanted to pay. Why? Because of the weight, UPS or FedEx had to treat what you were shipping differently. It had its own special delivery. Just like shipping something that is big cost you more then you want to spend, shipping a big project will cost you as well.

Focus on shipping every day and before you know it the amount you can ship will get bigger.

What would you add to the list?

*kyle

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What happens when every day people start to write? An oddity occurs. The oddity of personal passion and public pursuit. The desire to share something but also the desire to be known for sharing something. It can quickly shift from personal to public. The oddity occurs when we start to downplay personal passion and focus on public pursuit.

Part of the problem with living in the information age is that we can watch videos, read books, and even see traffic stops in action, but it doesn’t make us a cop. We just become pretenders with no real authority.

The draw to take shortcuts to notoriety never works. It is an imitation that will quickly be found out. It requires starting every day and realizing that it is a slow burn, your motives start to shift and the pressure starts to cease.

Seth Godin was asked recently about this post and it’s origin. His answer was that it took him 20 hours to finish the post. What seemed to be something that he sat down one morning and scribbled out a list post of ideas to gain traffic in reality took him 20 hours total of writing, editing, and refining.

Julien Smith was asked about this post and said that it took him weeks to write and edit. Even to the point of stressing over which italics to use on certain words. What was a post that certain led to a lot of change for a lot of people was something meticulously crafted for weeks. Not something he wrote before he went to bed the night before.

Sometimes things are not always as they seem. 

The reason firefighters focus on putting out fires and not arresting people is because they do not have the time to focus on both. They have the task of knowing everything they can about fires and how to prevent them. You have the task of being faithful to your craft, letting it breathe, and being true to your calling. Realizing that just because it seems that the people you admire seem to put out great content overnight but really work hours to refine their craft is one of the first steps in this process.

Focus on your fire and do the work.

More conflict.
More drama.
More uncertainty.
More denial.
More bitterness.
More depression.
More doubt.
Monday does not always present itself in the greatest way.

But what if Monday represented a whole lot more?

Opportunity.
Opportunity to grow.
Opportunity to learn.
Opportunity to develop relationships.
Opportunity to seize the day.

Monday does represent more. Monday starts another chance to grab opportunity.
It comes down to which opportunities you will take.

As you can image, when you are searching the internet for deals and gifts, you have some time to think. Whether it be what you want to eat for dinner, why your hands are always so cold, or how many cups of coffee you have had today, sometimes your mind wonders. This particular time of searching for Christmas gifts my mind wondered to what this Christmas would be like…

Opening presents
Eating a big breakfast
Fire crackling in the fireplace
Coffee
NBA basketball
Eating Christmas ham
All the things that I love

But as I thought more about the true spirit of Christmas I could not help but see it captured in Christmas eve tradition of eating chinese food after attending Christmas eve service with my family. Or waking up early on Christmas day to check what is under the tree. Or spending the entire day with just your family, no schedule, no agenda, just family. My mind continued to go to what mattered the most, celebrating with those you love.

So as I searched the women’s section online trying to find that last minute deal for my sisters, I could not help but think about another Christmas where I get to spend it with family.

Do you have any Christmas day traditions?

This post is a part of a series “the 12 blogs of Christmas” from World Vision.
Check out the other post here

*kyle