Everyday should be this grand

The gods of holidays and special occasions has given us such monumental fails as Groundhog Day, Columbus Day, and Festivus, but they definitely redeemed themselves and done mankind a service with this one.  For those of you not familiar, March 14th has been designated as Steak and BJ day, and has come to be known as the male equivalent of Valentine’s Day.  The history and founder of this holiday is unimportant and way too much work for me to look it up.  There is probably a large segment of women that may be unfamiliar with this day, but men everywhere know about this day all too well, as though it has been ingrained in them since birth.  Go ahead, say Steak and Blowjob day around the next man you see and watch his ears perk up and his eyes get real big like a happy puppy.  Just make sure you don’t say it to the driver of your carpool while reading this on your phone, or you may not make it to work.

This holiday is a no brainer (Well actually…).  It combines the two of your man’s classic favorites.  It’s safe to say that this combination is more American than baseball and apple pie.  At face value it may appear that all the perks of this holiday favor men only, but there are few a key advantages for women as well.  For example, if you are a very *fellatious* woman, this is a great holiday for you.  This is literally your time to shine.  Also, this is one of the only gift giving holidays where you don’t have to put any thought into figuring out what he wants.  Unless your mouth has been sewn shut, you’ve already got one of the gifts on your person, and depending on the last time you went grocery shopping you probably already have a steak in the freezer.  No long lines, no last minute shopping, no more worrying about whether or not he’ll like it.  Even a vegetarian would be hard pressed to turn down some Filet Mignon if he knew it came with a generous helping of fellatio.

A few tips for women who are thinking about participating in this joyous day.  First, don’t stress yourself out attempting to deliver the Top and Top Sirloin at the same time.   The thought of sopping up A-1 sauce with the last few pieces of steak while having your kids sopped up is rather tantalizing, but realistically there’s no way to balance a plate off the top of your head while it’s bobbing up and down and eat the steak at the same time, and more than likely even if there was a coordinated effort to make this happen, you’d probably end up washing steak sauce and bits of beef out your hair the next day.  It’s a safer bet to let your man enjoy both of these delicacies separately.

Secondly, today would be a good day to attempt some new feats of fellatio previously unaccomplished.  Swallowing, attempts at deep throating, hummers and “under carriage washes” are strongly encouraged on this blessed day.  Who knows, you may discover a some new tricks you are fond of that you can add to your resume.  Win-win for everyone.  Lastly, don’t be limited by the fact that the words “Steak” and “BJ” are used in the singular form.  Show some initiative…serve Steak and Eggs for breakfast, a NY Strip and Fries for lunch, and T-Bone and mashed potatoes for dinner with a big, juicy mouth job immediately following each meal.    I suppose if “he ain’t your man” you don’t have to resort to full service, but then again, that’s probably why he’s ain’t your man.  Think about it…

Remember, no matter how your man likes his steak, make sure the BJ is well done.  And yes, I know I didn’t exactly explain why I love Steak and BJ day, but I didn’t think I actually needed to explain it.  Should be self explanatory.  Do you like Steak and BJ day?  Is this the first time you’ve heard about it?  If so, now that you know about it, you are obligated to participate.  Those who know better, do better.  Do better.

I’m writing about Jesus next week,

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...Don't We All Bill?

Walking around any major city these days and you’ll bump into a homeless person. Depending on the city you live in it you may consider them an epidemic, a nuisance or just part of the scenery. Growing up in New York, I always felt it was the latter. They were just a part of the city. Like the dirty water hot dog carts, pissed filled subway stations and taxi cabs that you can’t catch. I gave change when I saw them or food if I had it on me and kept it moving with a little more warmth in my heart. And I continued that behavior when I got to Boston, for the most part. Lately though, I’ve been walking past the open hands and disregarding the begging. I realized I cut out donating cash to these folks for a couple reasons:

I Really Am Broke

Homie, I’m about two paychecks from standing in the subway with you. Do you want competition? Think about it. Plus, you can’t have my change because I need it like Slim needs Sour Patch kids. I keep the change in a container so I can “cash in” every couple months. Do you know what I can do with a couple weeks worth of change? I’ll tell you – I dive into it like Scrooge McDuck in the opening credits of Duck Tales. Or I use it to pay for the trip to the “massage parlor” next week’s lunch. It’s like one of those punch cards they give to preferred customers. I’m on a program and I’m not falling off the wagon.

You’re Not That Good of A Homeless Person

I know how that sounds, but dammit I lived in New York City – land of the hustlers. No one gets that dollar a New Yorker and that includes homeless people. Have you seen the homeless guy that will let you curse him out for a few dollars? Yes, you heard me right. If you give him cash, you can tell him off. That’s a man who knows his audience. I tip my hat to homeless people in other cities as well. Like the man in San Francisco that will hop out from behind a bush to scare people for money. People who live in San Fran will take their tourist friends to get ambushed for a good laugh. The man’s a damn attraction! I know it’s messed up, but I find it hard to give to a guy who’s just reaching out for change when you have dudes out there that’ll “work” for their money.

I’ve Been To A “Third World” Country

For anyone who’s been to a nation who’s infrastructure isn’t as solid as the U.S.’s knows that poverty outside of the States is a lot different than inside the borders. When you see that, it’s hard to give to the homeless here. Pre-Recession that is. I know middle class is disappearing for no fault of their own now. However the people that were homeless when Bill Clinton was in session or even the first term of George Dubya can’t compare to the homeless people in areas where there is no opportunity whatsoever except to hop on a raft and hope for the best. I know it’s hard to compare, but I can’t help it.

What about you? Do you think I’m crazy for not giving up the change in my pocket? Do you take the change out of the cup and act like you’re putting something in there? Or you all “humanitarian” and ish? Let me know.

Seattle – I Know, I Know… I Need Jesus – Washington

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The cast...

ABC’s Private Practice, a spin-off of Grey’s Anatomy, is centered around a multi-speciality medical clinic that serves patients for a variety of medical needs. When the show first started, Sam (played by Taye Diggs) and Naomi (played by Audra McDonald) were a married couple, raising their teenage daugther. As the show progressed, their marriage did not, and eventually they divorced. Fast forward a season or so: both Sam and Naomi have been pursued or are seeking boos outside of their race. Sam has fallen in and out of love with Naomi’s (White) best friend, and Naomi has smitten not one, but two white men. Fun times. Also, the couple’s daughter has gotten knocked-up by and married to a White boy. In addition to these, the show often features interracial couples as patients of the clinic–a man from Kenya dating a White woman last week and Asian people dating white and black people in past shows, to name a few.

Sam and Naomi doing what married people do.

When Sam first started pursuing a White woman, I wasn’t surprised. A bit annoyed, but not surprised. But once I saw that Naomi was being sought after by the two white men, I began to wonder:

What messages are the writers trying to send?

As you watch a show long enough, you begin to notice the writers’ agenda. They all try to slip in bits and pieces of their political and social agendas through their characters’ lives. You can hear it in the sometimes preachy monologues of some characters, or notice it in the reoccurring themes of the various plots. But then I wondered: are the writers merely reflecting the cultural dating scene of California (where the show is set), or are they trying to normalize in their own way, dating people who don’t look like you?

Interracial dating is usually framed as men of x race dating women of another. For example (IMHO) in Black culture, it’s more common to see a Black man dating a woman who is White or of another racial or ethnic background. But seeing a Black woman embrace dating a non-black man tends to be less common. With shows like Private Private seemingly encouraging people to look beyond their immediate racial circles, I’m starting to wonder if the writers are trying to start a trend, or are they exposing one that already exists and is growing.

Last week, I came across an article in the Washington Post (yep, they are at it again) imploring Black women to date outside of their race. In the article, Karyn Langhorne Folan, the author of “Don’t Bring Home a White Boy,” stated that Black women are in a market failure, and encouraged us to “find a new market” for our commodities, us being the commodity and new markets being men of other races. While I find her analogy a bit insulting to Black men and women, it raises an interesting assumption. It seems to assume that people should explore dating of outside of their respective races because of failed attempts at dating within their own race.

But does it have to be that way?

It seems like mixed messages are coming our way. On one hand, ABC seems to be encouraging people to go beyond their race for the sake of going beyond. Find love wherever it may exist. Folan, and other people I’m sure we’ve all encountered, seem to encourage people to go outside of their race, when they are fed up or have encountered failure after failure with their own people, so to speak.

Have you ever dated someone of a different race? Why or why not? What are your concerns, if any? Are you open to the idea? Have you noticed a difference in the number of interracial couples you see either on TV, in the media, or in real life? Is it more acceptable for a Black man, or a Black woman to date outside of their race? Why’s that?

That’s a cute White man, but I dunno…

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• New York City (May)
• Philadelphia (June)
• Chicago (July)
• Atlanta (August)
• Boston (September)- Slim Jackson will be a potential panelist.
• Los Angeles (October)
• London (November)

To purchase tickets to the nearest event, you can click here or on the image below. Please note, Three Ways to Take It readers will receive a discounted ticket price when they use the code 3WAYS on the ticket purchase site. The code will apply to the full access show and after-party tickets and show-only tickets, not just one or the other. To get the most up to date information about Paul’s trip to a city near you, make sure you visit his facebook event page. We hope to see you there.

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Eff this play-play cold I have right now. The only symptom I have is a very stuffy, yet runny nose. No coughs. No body aches. I’m fatigued. Not enough to call out sick, but enough that it takes way more energy to do anything. I’ll be sniffling one minute and in the next, I am blowing my nose. I’m managed to make it through fall and 3 snow storms without getting sick and out of nowhere, I am reduced to 75% breathing capacity. And I’ve been working out and taking vitamins. Wtf. Maybe I just need to get more sleep. On the bright side, my tissue is infused with Vicks. I like smelling it. #dontjudgeme

Eff my Spring Break that won’t really be a break. This time last year, I was packing my bags and heading to South Beach to flirt with young college boys and lay on the beach and relax. This year, I’ll be held up in a library trying to learn a month’s worth of school work. FML.

Eff my professors who have been standing in front of the class for the last 2 months and have taught me virtually nothing. It is your fault that I must neglect my good rest and television over break and teach myself something I pay you thousands of dollars to do. Rat bastards.

Eff parking tickets. They blow major chunks.

Slim Jackson

Eff Luvvie. Her avatar looks horny all the time. Don’t let that halo fool you. It wants D—safe D.

Eff the fact that as soon as I started being more positive and optimistic, good things began to happen. This whole “speak it into existence” thing is pretty cool. Eff the fact that I’ve disproved my own theory of optimistic pessimism. I hate being wrong…especially when I prove myself wrong. Wait, doesn’t that make me right? Aw eff it.

Eff the fact I spent an hour trying to download the FAMU s*x tape only to find out that it wasn’t really made at FAMU. Damn you Dare Dorm. You’re probably the same people who made Dancing Bear. Both of which should be viewed from home computers unless your office doesn’t have an HR department.

Eff the fact that it’s already March. I’m all about Spring and warmer weather, but this year is going just a wee bit too fast for me. I’m behind on my personal goals and it’s my own fault. iSuck…sorta.

Seattle Washington

Eff my coworkers for being so damn entertaining. How am I supposed to go home if you continue to act drunk and make a spectacle of yourself? I want to watch this as much as this mysterious FAMU sex tape.

Eff everyone for having so much to eff. Geezus Christmas, could you save a few topics for the rest of us? Selfish muthas…

Eff… Well, actually it’s been a pretty good week. Good things happened for your boy and some things should pop this weekend as well. With that said, eff you for you wanting me to have more to eff. Get off my effing back! Let’s just go ahead and wrap this up…

Go ahead folks. Tell us about your week. We know someone or something pissed you off. If nothing happened, just leave a happy thought so we can eff you. Lol.

Partners in Crime,

The 3 Ways Crew

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My post on whooping/whipping/shalacking children was recently re-posted on The Fresh Xpress website. Some people got it for the humor and light skinned blogger post that I am it was and left a comment indicating that. One person took offense to the post and connected it to slave masters beating slaves into submission, then basically called the post a piece of irresponsible writing. I gritted my teeth and responded kindly asking for clarification on why he was bothered and was told that I’m not utilizing my writing talents the right way and that I’m promoting false truths that people are going to internalize and believe. My response? Homie, you’re giving me way too much credit and not giving the readers enough credit in their ability to discern truth from opinion. I suggested if he were honestly concerned about the issue of child abuse that he write an article and I’d promote it for him. His response? No response.

Is this what you expect from me?

It was at this point that I had a “hmm” moment. This obviously wasn’t the first time I had been criticized, but it was the first time that someone acknowledged my writing ability and said that I was basically using my powers for evil. My first thought was “Negro, I don’t owe you anythang. I do this for free!” My second thought, which is the true focus of this post, was “Do I really have any type of social responsibility for what I write?” As I’ve said before, there are many blogging niches out there. Sex, relationship, and gossip talk dominate the internet followed by humor, music, politics, and true social consciousness websites (You know. Sites with black power fists, pictures of starving children, etc.) I like to believe that I play somewhere in the middle of these niches despite the fact I’m a writer at Single Black Male and I occasionally write relationship posts here.  SBM is a fairly large and popular site. Three Ways is bigger than the average blog, but certainly not dominant. Why do I think we’re not as dominant as some, but not all, other sites? Well, that’s simple. I’ll tell ya:

We write about what’s important to us and not just what will get hits.

I’ll admit that I’ve struggled at times. I’ve written about topics that I knew would turn people off because they went deeper than rap people were prepared for. In some ways, I think we’ve taken the L in the blog world because we’ve held to our values of providing honest and thought-provoking content on a regular basis. In a way, it’s become a “writer’s responsibility” that we consider with every post. And as we’ve grown, I can truthfully say that I haven’t given much thought to the social responsibility and accountability aspects of what we do here. I know that as we continue to gain traction, we will continue to get more criticism because that’s just how it works—there’s no success without haters. But do we really increase in our social responsibility to not only the blog world, but also the real world?

Are we supposed to be leading the charge in fighting issues of Black people or any people for that matter? Granted, it’d be easier for us to do that compared to some of the other popular sites. But what about those that are considered the most entertaining and most visited? Should the authors and owners of these sites be treated as e-celebs or highly visible and e-fluential people? If so, at what point does that accountability kick in? 500 subscribers? 4,000 views? 200 comments? Day 1? I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that these websites are nothing without the people who read them. And with that being the case, who really has the responsibility here? Hmm, I feel like I’m talking about the state of music or television.

If you run a blog or are a regular blog reader, I’d really like to get your thoughts on what you think the responsibilities of bloggers and writers are nowadays. Let’s have an honest discussion.

Truthfully, Respectfully, and Honestly,

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