Seattle Washington

Eff the Giants. Geezus, 4 Losses in a row?! And they should’ve had last week’s game against the Chargers. I walked away to cook because I thought they had it in the bag. I open up the paper the next day to find that they lost?! Take this Bye week and get yourselves straight. At least basketball season is here, wait, I’m a Knicks fan. Eff!

Eff waiting by the telephone like a love sprung pre-adolescent. I’ve been impatiently waiting around for a couple companies to hit me back. Every vibration from my iPhone (yeah, I said “my iPhone”) gets me happier than your girlfriend with her rabbit. And then I get immediately let down just like anyone that’s seen “The Happening”. Will you just let me know what’s good already!

Eff being incredibly bored at work. Noticed a spike in my tweeting and blog activity lately? Well now you know why. I don’t know what to do with myself. A few of my projects are on hold. I’ve finished the official company work and I’ve done as much as I can with the side hustle work. I’ve listened to the Wale album and the Wiz Khalifa mixtape about 10 times by now. Bout to start inventing projects. Actually… Eff it, it’s Friday. Time for a long lunch.

Miss Jenkins

Eff the effing persistent state of fatigue I have found myself in for the past 6 days.  I go to bed after 2 a few times, and everything falls to hell.  What is that about?  Maybe I’m getting old.  Like RCLS.

Eff being ambitious.  I can’t even lay in bed passed 8am without getting all anxious about stuff that needs to get done.

Eff the rain that is toying with my ability to rock my Uggs.  Yes I waterproofed them, but its still too risky.

And eff the Giants.  Between you and my Heartbreak Huskies, I am not getting any love this season.  Thankfully, college basketball is upon us…

Slim Jackson

Eff this week for feelin’ so effin’ long and eff this weekend because I already know it’s gonna feel way too effin’ short. I think I’m due for another vacation to a tropical island sans the sand flies. I’m elated to be employed, but sometimes a brotha really just needs a break. Brotha, in this case, is a universal term. #racialtolerance

Eff the things that I’d like to eff but can’t eff because I’d be giving up way too much effin’ information.

Eff the fact that it took me so long to start gettin’ my mind/life right. However, now is better than never. And no, it’s not because of this effin’ movie 2012 that’s coming out today. By the way, did I effin’ scare people away on Wednesday with that post?lol.

Eff the feeling of missin’ someone before they’re even gone. **sigh**

Aight. It’s your turn to eff it out. Get ‘er done.

The 3 Ways Crew

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This Was The Only Picture We Could Find That Was SFW

RightCoastLexSteele: In an interesting turn of events, The Award Winning Seattle Washington and RightCoastLexSteele, Cocksmen-at-Large,  are kicking it with you remotely from the land of clear heels, g-strings, and dolla bills.  Yes, a scrippa club.  Having contemplated the end of the world and all the things we may not get to do, we decided the first thing to cross off our emergency bucket list was hitting up a skin bar. If nothing else, this is the one place that can take your mind off all the stresses in life, including your impending doom.  Or that impending baby that may or may not be yours.  Watching a buck nekid stripper do the stanky leg then hop up on a pole upside down and balance herself with no hands, then slowly and seductively slide down a pole just has a way of de-stressing a person.  Don’t you feel more relaxed just reading that?

Seattle: Welcome ladies and gentlemen. And to answer your question Right Coast, I know I do! I have to feel at peace to throw a wad of my hard earned money in the air just because a woman showed me her rear end. Then again, it’s not really because she showed me her cheeks. It was the way she did it. Folks, imagine this for a second. A woman climbs up a pole probably 20 ft in the air, wraps her legs around it, seamlessly adjusts her body so her tight tummy is parallel to the ground and then freefalls like Tom Cruise in “Mission Impossible” only to catch herself with her legs right before she would need to use those tips for facial reconstruction. That alone deserves applause. Oh, did I mention she was naked? I shouldn’t even need to say this at this point, but I will -- the strip club is indeed a magical place of wonder and amusement.

RCLS: Did you notice that the young lady serving us our cognac is scantily clad as well?  Some people may not agree, but I can’t think of a more relaxing social atmosphere than a booty bar.  An almost Utopian haven where inhibitions are cast to the side and singles are cast in the air while bass heavy music thumps in your ears.  I don’t even have to get up other than to go the bathroom…and when I do go to the bathroom, there’s someone in there handing me a paper towel! Sweeet! Life’s good like a Verizon cellphone when you got a snifter of Gentleman Jack in one hand, a Guinness in the other, a pocketful of ones, and a stripper named Gigi doing pole acrobatics in a crotchless G-string.  Effin. Brilliant.

SW: “Hey sweetie, yeah, I’ll have a Jack on the rocks. And can you change this $20? Yeah, all singles. Thanks.” Oh, ahem, yes. The sexy waitresses are the face to the body of work that are the strippers. They keep the drinks flowing and us laughing so we’re a little more giving when it comes to handing over the chips and getting lap dances. But not for ourselves. I buy lap dances for my friends. Like I was telling my friend Black Bruce Wayne, the strip club is less of a show and more of a bonding time for friends. Sure we could go to the bar and watch football, but that’s not as interactive. I can’t tell Steve Smith to catch the long pass from Eli leading to a touchdown so my boys and I can all cheer excitedly. However, I can tell Mercedes here to give my boy RCLS the lap dance of his life so he can have a Kool Aid Smile and we can cheer her on as she does a back flip onto his face. You with me?

RCLS: I’ll only be impressed if she can snatch the a quarter off my nose.  I’ve seen rather phenomenal endeavors in my lifetime, so she’ll have to come with the goods.  I have a great amount of respect for the strippers that take the time to perfect their craft and even lend some innovation to their field.  The ones that just twirl around until their 3 songs are over should be ran out of town and put on the stripper blacklist.  I’m sure they have one. The ladies today are doing a fine job though.  And… there goes the quarter…

SW: Wow. Yeah, you’re correct Right Coast, there’s nothing worse than an apathetic stripper. It’s still a service industry and your tip reflects your job. So what you have more stretch marks than a Gumby doll? Chick you better incorporate that into your routine! Drop it down and roar like a tiger and show off those marks! But that’s the dark side of the club. Today the ladies are exquisite. It’s truly an amazing day here and I’m happy to once again rediscover the awe and wonder that is the strip club as well as cross this off the emergency bucket list. But this day isn’t just for us, it’s for the people too. Good folks of Three Ways, tell us why you love or hate strip clubs. What’s your favorite story? We’d love to hear from you. For now, it’s back to handing out my paycheck so Nikki here can go to “college”. *Wink*

Oh and before we leave, we feel bad that you couldn’t join us today so we’d like to leave you with the following video (sort of SFW). This has been the Award Winning Right Coast Lex Steele and Seattle Washington coming to you live from the booth near the center stage.

Seattle -- Shorty, What Do You Do With The Quarter Afterwards? -- Washington

&

RightCoastLexSteele, Speechless

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When I finally caught wind of the previews, I laughed a little. I had a moment of “Yeah right. The end of the world. Not in my lifetime.” Tidal waves? The earth caving in while I’m cruising across a bridge in my Altima sending me into a crevice of the earth only to be burned by lava worse than Mario when he missed his mark? Get the eff outta here with all that hot mess! I’m sure many of you have had similar thoughts when you saw the previews or heard about the flick. I figured that I’ll go see it once it comes out, eat some popcorn, enjoy, go home, and then have sex it be outta sight outta mind. But this past weekend I ended up in church—on a Saturday nonetheless. And coincidentally, this movie was one of the things that was talked about. The pastor man (Stay with me Cheekz, my atheist friend) was talkin’ about how the majority of folks take the concept of Armageddon and make light of it. He continued on about what people have done in their lives up to this point and what would happen to each of us in the afterlife in the world were to perish tomorrow.

Wait, Slim…you were in a Church?

Yes. I was in a Church. Did you not see my tweet or any of the corresponding messages from people that were confused because they thought I was Atheist? Fool you once, shame on me. Fool you twice…well, you just need to pay more damn attention.

Oh. Nevermind. Carry on.

Word. As I was sayin’, the man was talking about where people would end up in the afterlife and asked people to reflect on their life to this point and where they thought they would go. Not gonna lie. I got a tad bit concerned. I remember standing their thinkin’ “If I were to meet my demise right at this very moment, I might be in a world of trouble other than the one I’m living in.” I started thinkin’ about all the things that I’ve yet to accomplish or see through in this relatively short life that I’ve lived thus far.

I thought about all the phone calls I would have wished I made. I thought about a lot of stuff. I even realized that there are a lot of little things that I take for granted on the daily ranging from the people in my life to material things to my own talents and abilities. I think most of us are guilty of that to some degree. But honestly, as I continue to think about how times seem to be getting worse and worse across the world, I can’t help but think that maybe I should be taking this concept of Armageddon and the afterlife a little more seriously. Maybe I should start treating everyday like it will be my last. Not trying to be morbid. Just some food for thought.

So yeah, I didn’t take the hilarious or controversial approach today. Nonetheless, what do you think? Have you had any recent realizations that have led you to believe that it’s time to make some changes in your life? Do you think there is an afterlife? If so, do you think you’re on the plain to the nice fluffy place or that you’re gonna be floatin’ in purgatory…or perhaps gettin’ toasted like Quiznos? Are there things you’re taking for granted or do you feel that you’re giving your all daily? And lastly, do you think times are really getting that bad or are people just being dramatic? Pick one or answer ‘em all. The choice is yours.

Introspectively yet again,

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Now, How Could You Leave This?

It’s a new era. I’ve hit that point in my life where my friends are beginning to settle down and start families. One afternoon in particular put it all in perspective for me. Within a few hours one of my boys sent me wedding pictures of him and his new wife (blessings to you both) and soon after that my other boy sent me a picture of his newborn daughter. In a few hours mind you. I felt like Kanye in “Welcome to Heartbreak”, all I could do was talk about the new kicks I got. My world was crumbling around me. In a fit of confusion I talked to my girl (who coincidentally thinks I’ll never get married) about it all and she quickly asked, “Why do you make it seem like your boys are dead?!”

I was stuck in shock for a brief second and I thought about it for awhile. I didn’t know why I subconsciously read a eulogy for every dude that got married. I discussed it with a few people and realized that it’s just something most guys (and some women) do. We make marriage into a horrible thing. Like we’re about to be dragged into a personal fiery hell by the lost souls of Satan and whoever is our fiancee. Or like the Grim Reaper himself is the one all dressed white stepping down the aisle, father in tow. We think that the groom isn’t smiling because he’s happy, but because you have to maintain some sort of gangsta when you’re staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Y’know, something like that.

One of the people I discussed this with was my friend the G.O.D. He bluntly said to me, “When you get married, a piece of your soul dies.” At the time, a giant LMAO bubble appeared over my head and I was soon ROFL. Except I was doing it in real life. With people around. When I regained my composure, I realized that the comment is messed up and sort of an exaggeration, but I still understood where he was going. I think most single dudes give marriage a negative connotation because they think of all the things they will have to give up instead of the things they gain. I heard that the men that never get married are just too selfish (watch “This Christmas”). Which makes sense. But we’re not talking about that, we’re talking about why they’re so opposed to getting married.

Disappearing Acts Aren’t Cool If There’s No Sanaa Lathan

For those that have friends that have gotten married, you may look around one day and see that they disappeared. Hence why we make marriage equal into death. We know they’re not gone, but we know we just won’t really see them anymore. My fraternity brothers, friends and family members that are married have disappeared into the abyss only to reappear like Jesus every Easter (or Chapter reunion). Which I understand, a woman probably doesn’t want their newlywed hanging out with their reckless single friends who only think about getting ass and drinking. But dammit, I want to see my friend and go out and get drunk. Is that so wrong?

“I Don’t Want To Be A Regular Guy With A Wife & Kids”

Another reason why dudes are sometimes apprehensive about marriage is the belief that the dream is gone. When you have a wife (and ankle biters) you can’t suddenly decide you want to pursue your dream of owning a small island off the coast of South America and naming it Seattle’s Semen Mark. Or for those more serious in their conquests, you can’t uproot and go out to Europe, West Coast or even back to school to pursue your career. You have to make decisions for the family. Which may include letting go of that dream of having a monkey named Dr. Jingles who does your work for you. Which is all well and good, but some folks are a little intimidated by the lack of freedom.

Th-Th-Th-That’s All Folks!

Finally, we all know what it boils down to – the finality of it. My pops always told me to have a way out of anything you get into. Whether it was a club that looked a little shaky, a job, anything. Marriage is the antithesis of just that attitude. Or it’s supposed to be at least. Not to mention, many single dudes focus on the life they know being over instead of looking at the new start. I can’t front, I’m guilty of it too. I don’t know exactly what’s on the other side of the fence, but all in all it looks nice. And I can get a great view of it from right here.

There are plenty more reasons why guys, and some gals, are more than a little apprehensive about getting married. What didn’t I include? And ladies, do you talk about your married friends like they’re gone too or is it just us? Are we wrong about having such a negative attitude about marriage? Are there any married folks out there who’d like to contribute to the conversation? OK, I’m done with the Grand Inquisition, let’s get on with the show.

Seattle - Future Proud Owner of a Small Island – Washington

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Like most of you, I watched Rihanna’s interview on 20/20. I appreciated hearing her perspective on the situation after months of C. Breezy’s apologies, loud bow-tie-and-sweater combos, and his attempts to get back in America’s good graces. I can’t front, I like his new songs. I’m not really sure what I expected of the interview. I didn’t expect her to be so poised. I also didn’t expect her to share as much as she did. Then again, as the “victim” in the situation, it kinda made sense for her to tell that part of the story. I guess her team took notes from Chris’ Larry King interview and made sure she had answers locked and loaded. But I digress…

More than anything, I was struck by this statement:

Even if I hit him first, that makes it okay for him to do that to me?

At first I was like, true. But then I had to think about it. No, her hitting him first or whenever doesn’t justify dashboard beat downs, ear biting, and headlocks. However, it made me wonder how common this attitude is among women. Back when we were young, girls would slap boys like it was nothing. It was mostly playfully, but still a slap nonetheless. Once the boys hit puberty and started to get a lil muscular and tall, those types of love taps diminished. But you had a few ladies who carried the play-hitting through high school, college, and even into adult relationships.

Most of us are taught, “If someone hits you, you hit them back.” I don’t know about yall, but I still abide by that rule. Men, however, have a caveat: If a woman hits you, don’t hit her back and/or walk away. Which makes sense. Men are stronger than woman. But what about the situations when a woman may not be “abusing” her man in the way we traditionally think, but she constantly slaps, punches, or shoves him? I’ve seen it: a woman rolls up on her man, and slaps him in the back of his head for whatever reason or pushes him pretty hard in his chest. As a man, he is supposed to just take that, right? I dunno. But if he did that to her, he’d be wrong.

When Diane Sawyer presented the question to Rihanna, it kinda made me wonder if she did hit him too. Again, that doesn’t justify an ass-whoopin, but what if things happened differently? Imagine a situation like this:

A man and woman are having a very heated argument. The woman mushes the man in his head once out of anger. He tells her not to do it again, but in her anger, she hits him repeatedly.

What do we expect his reaction to be? None? Walk away? Try to restrain her? What about this situation:

A man and woman are having a very heated argument. The man mushes the woman in her head once out of anger. She tells him not to do it again, but in his anger, he hits her repeatedly.

I bet two very different pictures came to mind. Does one situation seem worse than the other? Why? In each, there are different aggressors, and also different expectations. Is the woman more right as an aggressor, just because she is a woman, and may not inflict as much physical pain and damage on the man? Would we expect her to walk away, or do we hope that she defends herself?

I presented these scenarios just to highlight the fact that violence in relationships does not always originate and rest with the man. Women abuse men, verbally and physically. People don’t really talk about it though, for reasons I’m sure we all can imagine.

What did yall think about Rihanna’s interview? How do you we expect men to react in situations of violence involving women? Is it more acceptable for a woman to hit a man? Why don’t people talk about women hitting or verbally abusing men? Speak on it.

Women should only put their hands on men in soft and sexy ways,

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Eff the Phillies!! And all the people who talked that ish after Game 1, got all quiet for the next 3, and then got hype after Game 5. That last Phillies win was all a part of the master plan…

Eff school for keeping me from going to the parade.  School kept me from going to the G-Men parade too.  I need to be done with this learning nonsense.

Eff people who want me to do so much with so little time. Like, what gives? There are only 24 hours in a day and I am but one woman. Albeit a very fly woman, but one woman nonetheless. Give me some space and find someone else to do your busy work.

Eff the “I miss you” feeling. That ish is wack. Thank goodness for the people in my previous eff, and the impending doom of exams. I am forced to focus my energies on learning stuff, getting stuff done, and keeping my arms defined.  Nice.

Slim Jackson

Eff the fact that the sweaters in my closet been hangin’ so long that when I put them on they kinda awkward and oversized. I know I haven’t lost or gained a significant amount of weight. Why don’t you fit me right?!

Eff the Yankees for not taking the series in 4 games. I done missed my shows for a couple weeks because of this BS. Though I wore a Yankees hat with my suit to work, that doesn’t mean I have to accept this foolishness. Yall need to be more efficient next year!

Eff my love for bunz. Though I’m a man and this is what’s expected, that still doesn’t make my cravings any easier. I know I can’t suffer from d*ck dehydration like a woman does, but I still turn into a ravenous beast when I’m not lost between walls during a certain amount of time. I guess that’s better than being a drug addict though.**Scratches face and neck aggressively.**

Seattle Washington

I feel your pain fam. Hopefully after tomorrow I won’t have a clue about what you’re talking about and these eff ‘em won’t mean a damn thing to me anymore…

Eff Murphy’s Law. Whatever could’ve gone wrong with this trip has. I’m just happy that I will be reimbursed for this $20 baggage fee, that my plane actually landed, that I was able to rent a car from a different rental place instead of walking 22 miles to the hotel and that my hotel had a room even though they didn’t have my reservation. First impressions mean everything and right now my impression of Durham, NC isn’t so high.

Eff the darkness. No, not Right Coast Lex Steele, I mean the complete pitch black abyss I was enveloped by when I was driving on the “highway”.  I put “highway” in quotes because although it looked like there were white lines and other cars on the road, I wasn’t sure if I was on the actual interstate because it was so effing damn dark out!

Eff staying up to write these Eff ‘Ems. I have meetings that I need to get ready for tomorrow! On that note, I’m out suckas. Wish me luck!

We’za done. What you got to eff this week?

Your Partners in Crime,

The 3 Ways Crew

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