Some Things Should Be Left In College

On Sunday night I threw back about 10-13 shots, had a couple beers, walked home, woke up at 9am & then killed a couple interviews. Shout out to everyone who gave me shot suggestions by the way. Now some would call this functional alcoholism. Others would say it’s the consequence of a solid college education. Forget information, college is all about learning how to drink & not make an ass of yourself in the process. I’ve had my setbacks (who hasn’t?), but dammit I think I’m doing pretty well overall. It’s a good thing too because contrary to popular belief the boozing doesn’t stop in college. I would argue it only gets worse after you graduate.

I hear a lot of college seniors saying their lives will be over once they graduate. That it’s all downhill from there. What’s worse are the alumni that are confirming it & saying that their lives really are miserable. For shame. Sure working for the man, or wo-man, isn’t ideal; but it isn’t the Green Mile either. If anything that gig only inspires more drinking and partying. College students and depressed workers of the world, here’s some easy mathematics for you I hope more than 5 percent of you will get it. Take everyone you party with now, give them more disposable income, a somewhat daunting life & then throw in with a bunch of other people from random colleges who’ve also developed a drinking habit and a few other habits as well. Oh yeah, add Happy Hour & older coworkers who want to forget about their lives at home learn about you & your goals in life. What does that give you? A great effing time that’s what.

Those of you in entertainment based industries should also know about comped drinks or reps. You thought drinking for cheap on college is cool, well wait until someone sponsors your alcoholism. You’ll never want to pay for a drink again. & if you play your cards right or become friends with someone in advertising, music or film, you’ll never have to.

Then you have Christmas Parties. As any working person can tell you they’re the The Super Bowl, no, the WrestleMania Steel Cage Match of work parties. Have you seen a married 40 something year old man make out with a fresh out of college assistant before? That my friend is hilarious. Have you ever seen your coworkers wobbling in a corner while they try to regain consciousness? It’s like watching a real life Mortal Kombat character.

Oh & it’s March Madness time too? Ha! Here’s a little known fact & well hidden fact – American productivity will fall in the upcoming weeks. You remember that guy that used to go to the games with his whole body painted? Or the one that would get wrecked & then belligerently yell once he got outside. Or the guys who used to point to fingers in the sky while brashly standing in front on a Navigator? Yeah, they’re also in Corporate America. Some are even executives now. Trust, they will be taking random breaks throughout the day to watch the game(s) at the nearest watering hole & if you’re lucky you’ll be right there with them as they buy those rounds. If you went to a school with a great team, ahem Syracuse, you should block out time now, have your Out Of Office ready & prepare your liver.

Listen, all I’m trying to say is that things aren’t that bad post-college. If you were planning on packing up your coozie & leaving your hungover days behind you – think again. My jersey is far from going in the rafters & neither are my squads’. Only difference is once you’re out of school, you can’t just skip class. Great thing is that everyone else at work on Friday is hungover too. Hello long lunch!

Is it just me or are you having as much fun as when you were in college? Different fun, but still fun. For those still in school, are you really afraid it’s all over? And what’s your favorite drunk memory? I’m sure we all have more than a few stories to tell.

Seattle – All Orange Everything – Washington

Make sure you add Slim and Crew on Twitter. We keep the party going all day long!

We've all seen this picture before.

When I was growing up, I only knew about 1 type of sexuality: boys liked girls; women liked men. Sure, I “knew” what it meant to be gay, but that word was unfortunately used as a way to put down boys who were…how do you say…less boyish than the rest. I didn’t know what it meant for a man to be attracted to a man. I didn’t even know that women could be gay too until 6th grade. There were two women who lived next door to my aunt. I always wondered who they were to each other, but never got up the nerve to ask. Were they sisters? Best friends? Cousins? One day I learned that they were living together as wife and wife. As time wore on, the idea of people liking members of their same sex came more and more to the forefront.

But what about bisexuality?

First, let me be clear. I love men, Jimmy the Pipe, and all the other manly fixins. But apparently there are plenty of people out there who love and have relations with people of the same and opposite sex. And while I can appreciate the beauty that women possess, there won’t be any of that over here.

But this is where things get a little fuzzy for me. It’s easier for me to wrap my head around the idea of a woman being bisexual, or even just “liking other women” than for me to accept the idea that men can do the same. I don’t understand it, but I accept it. Clearly, this is a double standard, and one that I am not alone in, but why is that? What makes it more understandable, by many women and men alike, for women to like other ladies? Maybe it has to do with the roles men and women are expecting to fill. What is it about our ideas of manliness that makes a man’s bisexuality less acceptable? Who knows? *shrugs*

Is sexuality really fixed, or did we make it that way?

I was talking to my mother the other day about how kids seem to be more open to experimenting, but not necessarily declaring any particular sexual preference. I, like I always do, attributed this newfound freedom to the way sexual relationships have been portrayed on television. While there are certainly many stigmas still associated with “alternative lifestyles,” it’s way more common to find women kissing women or men kissing men, but each returning back to the opposite sex. To me, this feels like something new; like people are imposing something new on the masses. But to children of this generation, it has become more normalized.  People seem more free to express or test the waters of their sexuality in ways that people couldn’t (or didn’t) 10 years ago.

Is there a such thing as a sexuality continuum? Has sexuality actually become more fluid or have people become more aware of/comfortable with the idea of trying new things? What do you think about men and women become more open to the idea of going back and forth between sexes to get sexed? What makes some people more open to it than others? Are you open to the idea?

True she’s pretty, but she better not try to hit on me,

Make sure you add Slim and Crew on Twitter. We keep the party going all day long!

Make sure you add Slim and Crew on Twitter. We keep the party going all day long!

Seattle Washington

Yeah… OK Slim. Well I guess that’s a good intro.  Right.  OK here we go. Eff not getting enough sleep.  I played around with a camera and joked around with close friends worked in NYC all weekend only to drive back to Boston on Monday morning. Things got so bad that I had to pull over and take a nap so I wouldn’t smash anyone in my sleep. I’ve done it before, but never in my car. Don’t think it would be as great. Anyway, I haven’t caught up on sleep since I’ve been back in town because of my “actual” job. But I plan on sleeping in on Saturday morning so don’t ask me to do sh*t!!!

Eff being mentally checked out. My “Eff It” glands are producing a. lot more “Eff It” than usual. Normally it’s saved for Fridays, but now it’s being pumped through my system during the whole work week. And a little on late Sunday. The irony is that I’m now less stressed, I’ve done some good work and in less time because of my overall nonchalant attitude. God has to be a comedian, because this whole experience is hilarious.

I really can’t believe this guy really just said “Balls” for the intro. SMH. What a deviant.

Eff the suspense. My boy and I entered into a few more film competitions and I’m sitting on pins and needles waiting to see what the results are. I feel like I just tried out for the team or asked a girl out again. Hopefully these folks don’t stand me up like that broad in elementary school. And since we’re on the topic, eff you broad! Yep, you made the Three Ways blog. screen! …Ahem, yeah. So, I’m over here praying to Jesus on Twitter that we win. It could lead to some #Majestic opportunities.

Who’s up next?

Slim Jackson

Balls.

Eff Seattle for calling me a deviant. I’ve been through months and months of sex therapy, so I know exactly what Tiger is going through. Sike.

Eff the fact that I don’t get excited for birthdays anymore. Mine was this week and I let it go by without really mentioning it at all. Damn, why all my joints hurt all of a sudden?

Eff the fact I expected to make a lot more money at work this week than I did. I’m glad I have a job and all that, but I expected a couple magical things to happen and they didn’t. Back to the effin’ drawing board I guess.

Eff the fried chicken I was thinking about when I was writing these eff ‘ems. And if you judgin’ me, then eff you!

Miss Jenkins

Eff Seattle for not having my food stamps and child support ready even though he knew I was coming to see him. Ladies, stay away from the cute men with good hair. They ain’t no good.

Eff having to come back and mentally prepare myself for the hellish reality that will be my life for the next 2 months. *laces up sneakers* Its a race til the end.

Eff school work that will keep me from watching every televised game of March Madness.

And lastly, eff all yall Duke and Cornell haters. See you at the dance!!

The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele LLC, I’m so Brooklyn

Eff people that waste my time.  These are precious moments than I can never have back, and you know what they say, time is money.  Sooo, either stop wasting my time, or cut me a muthaf*ckin’ check.

Eff holding my tongue.  I’m finna start telling people exactly what I think.  Denying my true identity as a assh*le is stressing me out beyond belief.  I hate to think that I’d only be helping to perpetuate the angry black man stereotype, but as luck would have it, I’m actually an angry black man.  It’s a cold world, and I think it’s time I introduced you.

Eff Georgetown and Louisville.  While I’m at it, eff Sowhatiff Jenkins, the horse she came in on, Duke and Cornell aka I-81’s Weakest Link.  And can someone please sit Scoop Jardine down and tell him if he wants to live out his fantasy of putting a team on his back and leading them to a comeback victory,  do it on his PS3.

Eff Drake.  That new “Over” track sounds like Weezy’s voice spittin’ Kanyeezy’s lyrical content.  Get “Over” yourself buddy, no one really thinks you’re that great.  Competing against the likes of Wacka Flocka Flame and Souljah Boy can make anybody seem great.  (i.e. Gucci Mane, The Game, Album Weezy, etc.)

Go ahead and let it out people. We know you want to…even if you had a good week.

The 3 Ways Crew

Make sure you add Slim and Crew on Twitter. We keep the party going all day long!

There are so many different types of people that annoy me or piss me off. Sometimes I even manage to piss myself off. I don’t know how I do it, but I do. Okay, I’m lying. I know exactly how I manage to piss myself off. Happy now? Great. Contrary to the way I started off this post, it isn’t really about me. It’s about a certain type of person that has the ability to piss everyone else off—particular those who are just like them. This person is also great at garnering pity intentionally and unintentionally. This type of person comes in all shades, shapes, and genders. The genetic trait they have doesn’t discriminate. Your best friend may be one of them. One or all of your siblings may have the trait. One of your co-workers most definitely has it. You may even have the trait yourself. What am I talking about? Well, that’s easy. I’m calling out Attention Whores.

Attention whores, fortunately but more so unfortunately, are a necessary evil. Where would reality television be without them? Where would fashion be without them? Where would sunglasses in the club be without them (#dopeoplestilldothat?)? Where would the rant from your homegirl or homeboy about their friend or significant other be without attention whores? Life would certainly be a bit more boring, but I’d be willing to deal with that to save myself the stress and/or disdain that comes with dealing with an attention whore. In an effort to solve the ills of society one issue at a time, I’m going to highlight a few of the main types of attention whores out there. I won’t be using any fancy names. It’ll just be hard-body truth. I like the term hard-body (pause?).

The Cordial

You know the person who when you go to work on Monday or any other day of the week and they ask you how your night, day, or weekend was? The person who after you provide them with a short answer goes off on a soliloquy of sorts. They might as well be talking to themselves because you tune them out after a few seconds with a series of “mm hmm” and “that’s awesome” type replies. This is the person who you never want to ask how things are going unless you’re running to get on a bus or catch a cab. What makes this person an attention whore? Well, they’ll do this with every person they talk to even after explaining their life in front of a collective of the same people.

The Fashionist

No disrespect to any of the designers and fashion folk out there, but this is the type that is always dressed in glamorous or lavish attire no matter the circumstances. They rock designer everything even when they’re at IHOP. They don’t select clothing based on how much they like the items. They select clothing based on how people will respond to the items. This type of attention whore can be scantily clad or overly clad. They’ll use the excuse of “You never know who you’re gonna run into” for every situation where they’re the only person over or underdressed.

Too Cool for School

This type of attention whore is very subtle. They may appear standoffish, but don’t let this trick fool you. This is the shades in the club, nonchalant, and often “oozing with swag” type. They wear shades to appear cool and keep their eyes hidden. Because if you saw their eyes, you’d see them looking out the corner of them for attention.

The Center of the Universe

This may sound like every attention whore, but there is a difference. This person always has to be the life of the party whether it’s jokes or having to be the most vocal person in every discussion. They are constantly seeking validation. When that validation is lacking, you’ll usually find them vying for the #1 spot at whatever the event is regardless of the number of people there.

The Contradiction

This is the person who gets involved in activities and organizations not because they care about the cause or values of the organization, but because they want to be seen. You’ll find an overwhelming number of this type in frats, sororities, and churches.

Bloggers and Avid Aggressive Commenters

Yeah, we got it in us too.

So what do you think? Did I miss any types of attention whores? Did I mislabel a particular group? Do you know any attention whores now? And lastly, are you one at all?

May I Have Your Attention Please,

Make sure you add Slim and Crew on Twitter. We keep the party going all day long!

Everyday should be this grand

The gods of holidays and special occasions has given us such monumental fails as Groundhog Day, Columbus Day, and Festivus, but they definitely redeemed themselves and done mankind a service with this one.  For those of you not familiar, March 14th has been designated as Steak and BJ day, and has come to be known as the male equivalent of Valentine’s Day.  The history and founder of this holiday is unimportant and way too much work for me to look it up.  There is probably a large segment of women that may be unfamiliar with this day, but men everywhere know about this day all too well, as though it has been ingrained in them since birth.  Go ahead, say Steak and Blowjob day around the next man you see and watch his ears perk up and his eyes get real big like a happy puppy.  Just make sure you don’t say it to the driver of your carpool while reading this on your phone, or you may not make it to work.

This holiday is a no brainer (Well actually…).  It combines the two of your man’s classic favorites.  It’s safe to say that this combination is more American than baseball and apple pie.  At face value it may appear that all the perks of this holiday favor men only, but there are few a key advantages for women as well.  For example, if you are a very *fellatious* woman, this is a great holiday for you.  This is literally your time to shine.  Also, this is one of the only gift giving holidays where you don’t have to put any thought into figuring out what he wants.  Unless your mouth has been sewn shut, you’ve already got one of the gifts on your person, and depending on the last time you went grocery shopping you probably already have a steak in the freezer.  No long lines, no last minute shopping, no more worrying about whether or not he’ll like it.  Even a vegetarian would be hard pressed to turn down some Filet Mignon if he knew it came with a generous helping of fellatio.

A few tips for women who are thinking about participating in this joyous day.  First, don’t stress yourself out attempting to deliver the Top and Top Sirloin at the same time.   The thought of sopping up A-1 sauce with the last few pieces of steak while having your kids sopped up is rather tantalizing, but realistically there’s no way to balance a plate off the top of your head while it’s bobbing up and down and eat the steak at the same time, and more than likely even if there was a coordinated effort to make this happen, you’d probably end up washing steak sauce and bits of beef out your hair the next day.  It’s a safer bet to let your man enjoy both of these delicacies separately.

Secondly, today would be a good day to attempt some new feats of fellatio previously unaccomplished.  Swallowing, attempts at deep throating, hummers and “under carriage washes” are strongly encouraged on this blessed day.  Who knows, you may discover a some new tricks you are fond of that you can add to your resume.  Win-win for everyone.  Lastly, don’t be limited by the fact that the words “Steak” and “BJ” are used in the singular form.  Show some initiative…serve Steak and Eggs for breakfast, a NY Strip and Fries for lunch, and T-Bone and mashed potatoes for dinner with a big, juicy mouth job immediately following each meal.    I suppose if “he ain’t your man” you don’t have to resort to full service, but then again, that’s probably why he’s ain’t your man.  Think about it…

Remember, no matter how your man likes his steak, make sure the BJ is well done.  And yes, I know I didn’t exactly explain why I love Steak and BJ day, but I didn’t think I actually needed to explain it.  Should be self explanatory.  Do you like Steak and BJ day?  Is this the first time you’ve heard about it?  If so, now that you know about it, you are obligated to participate.  Those who know better, do better.  Do better.

I’m writing about Jesus next week,

Make sure you add Slim and Crew on Twitter. We keep the party going all day long!