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Seattle Washington

Yeah… OK Slim. Well I guess that’s a good intro.  Right.  OK here we go. Eff not getting enough sleep.  I played around with a camera and joked around with close friends worked in NYC all weekend only to drive back to Boston on Monday morning. Things got so bad that I had to pull over and take a nap so I wouldn’t smash anyone in my sleep. I’ve done it before, but never in my car. Don’t think it would be as great. Anyway, I haven’t caught up on sleep since I’ve been back in town because of my “actual” job. But I plan on sleeping in on Saturday morning so don’t ask me to do sh*t!!!

Eff being mentally checked out. My “Eff It” glands are producing a. lot more “Eff It” than usual. Normally it’s saved for Fridays, but now it’s being pumped through my system during the whole work week. And a little on late Sunday. The irony is that I’m now less stressed, I’ve done some good work and in less time because of my overall nonchalant attitude. God has to be a comedian, because this whole experience is hilarious.

I really can’t believe this guy really just said “Balls” for the intro. SMH. What a deviant.

Eff the suspense. My boy and I entered into a few more film competitions and I’m sitting on pins and needles waiting to see what the results are. I feel like I just tried out for the team or asked a girl out again. Hopefully these folks don’t stand me up like that broad in elementary school. And since we’re on the topic, eff you broad! Yep, you made the Three Ways blog. screen! …Ahem, yeah. So, I’m over here praying to Jesus on Twitter that we win. It could lead to some #Majestic opportunities.

Who’s up next?

Slim Jackson

Balls.

Eff Seattle for calling me a deviant. I’ve been through months and months of sex therapy, so I know exactly what Tiger is going through. Sike.

Eff the fact that I don’t get excited for birthdays anymore. Mine was this week and I let it go by without really mentioning it at all. Damn, why all my joints hurt all of a sudden?

Eff the fact I expected to make a lot more money at work this week than I did. I’m glad I have a job and all that, but I expected a couple magical things to happen and they didn’t. Back to the effin’ drawing board I guess.

Eff the fried chicken I was thinking about when I was writing these eff ‘ems. And if you judgin’ me, then eff you!

Miss Jenkins

Eff Seattle for not having my food stamps and child support ready even though he knew I was coming to see him. Ladies, stay away from the cute men with good hair. They ain’t no good.

Eff having to come back and mentally prepare myself for the hellish reality that will be my life for the next 2 months. *laces up sneakers* Its a race til the end.

Eff school work that will keep me from watching every televised game of March Madness.

And lastly, eff all yall Duke and Cornell haters. See you at the dance!!

The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele LLC, I’m so Brooklyn

Eff people that waste my time.  These are precious moments than I can never have back, and you know what they say, time is money.  Sooo, either stop wasting my time, or cut me a muthaf*ckin’ check.

Eff holding my tongue.  I’m finna start telling people exactly what I think.  Denying my true identity as a assh*le is stressing me out beyond belief.  I hate to think that I’d only be helping to perpetuate the angry black man stereotype, but as luck would have it, I’m actually an angry black man.  It’s a cold world, and I think it’s time I introduced you.

Eff Georgetown and Louisville.  While I’m at it, eff Sowhatiff Jenkins, the horse she came in on, Duke and Cornell aka I-81’s Weakest Link.  And can someone please sit Scoop Jardine down and tell him if he wants to live out his fantasy of putting a team on his back and leading them to a comeback victory,  do it on his PS3.

Eff Drake.  That new “Over” track sounds like Weezy’s voice spittin’ Kanyeezy’s lyrical content.  Get “Over” yourself buddy, no one really thinks you’re that great.  Competing against the likes of Wacka Flocka Flame and Souljah Boy can make anybody seem great.  (i.e. Gucci Mane, The Game, Album Weezy, etc.)

Go ahead and let it out people. We know you want to…even if you had a good week.

The 3 Ways Crew

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There are so many different types of people that annoy me or piss me off. Sometimes I even manage to piss myself off. I don’t know how I do it, but I do. Okay, I’m lying. I know exactly how I manage to piss myself off. Happy now? Great. Contrary to the way I started off this post, it isn’t really about me. It’s about a certain type of person that has the ability to piss everyone else off—particular those who are just like them. This person is also great at garnering pity intentionally and unintentionally. This type of person comes in all shades, shapes, and genders. The genetic trait they have doesn’t discriminate. Your best friend may be one of them. One or all of your siblings may have the trait. One of your co-workers most definitely has it. You may even have the trait yourself. What am I talking about? Well, that’s easy. I’m calling out Attention Whores.

Attention whores, fortunately but more so unfortunately, are a necessary evil. Where would reality television be without them? Where would fashion be without them? Where would sunglasses in the club be without them (#dopeoplestilldothat?)? Where would the rant from your homegirl or homeboy about their friend or significant other be without attention whores? Life would certainly be a bit more boring, but I’d be willing to deal with that to save myself the stress and/or disdain that comes with dealing with an attention whore. In an effort to solve the ills of society one issue at a time, I’m going to highlight a few of the main types of attention whores out there. I won’t be using any fancy names. It’ll just be hard-body truth. I like the term hard-body (pause?).

The Cordial

You know the person who when you go to work on Monday or any other day of the week and they ask you how your night, day, or weekend was? The person who after you provide them with a short answer goes off on a soliloquy of sorts. They might as well be talking to themselves because you tune them out after a few seconds with a series of “mm hmm” and “that’s awesome” type replies. This is the person who you never want to ask how things are going unless you’re running to get on a bus or catch a cab. What makes this person an attention whore? Well, they’ll do this with every person they talk to even after explaining their life in front of a collective of the same people.

The Fashionist

No disrespect to any of the designers and fashion folk out there, but this is the type that is always dressed in glamorous or lavish attire no matter the circumstances. They rock designer everything even when they’re at IHOP. They don’t select clothing based on how much they like the items. They select clothing based on how people will respond to the items. This type of attention whore can be scantily clad or overly clad. They’ll use the excuse of “You never know who you’re gonna run into” for every situation where they’re the only person over or underdressed.

Too Cool for School

This type of attention whore is very subtle. They may appear standoffish, but don’t let this trick fool you. This is the shades in the club, nonchalant, and often “oozing with swag” type. They wear shades to appear cool and keep their eyes hidden. Because if you saw their eyes, you’d see them looking out the corner of them for attention.

The Center of the Universe

This may sound like every attention whore, but there is a difference. This person always has to be the life of the party whether it’s jokes or having to be the most vocal person in every discussion. They are constantly seeking validation. When that validation is lacking, you’ll usually find them vying for the #1 spot at whatever the event is regardless of the number of people there.

The Contradiction

This is the person who gets involved in activities and organizations not because they care about the cause or values of the organization, but because they want to be seen. You’ll find an overwhelming number of this type in frats, sororities, and churches.

Bloggers and Avid Aggressive Commenters

Yeah, we got it in us too.

So what do you think? Did I miss any types of attention whores? Did I mislabel a particular group? Do you know any attention whores now? And lastly, are you one at all?

May I Have Your Attention Please,

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Everyday should be this grand

The gods of holidays and special occasions has given us such monumental fails as Groundhog Day, Columbus Day, and Festivus, but they definitely redeemed themselves and done mankind a service with this one.  For those of you not familiar, March 14th has been designated as Steak and BJ day, and has come to be known as the male equivalent of Valentine’s Day.  The history and founder of this holiday is unimportant and way too much work for me to look it up.  There is probably a large segment of women that may be unfamiliar with this day, but men everywhere know about this day all too well, as though it has been ingrained in them since birth.  Go ahead, say Steak and Blowjob day around the next man you see and watch his ears perk up and his eyes get real big like a happy puppy.  Just make sure you don’t say it to the driver of your carpool while reading this on your phone, or you may not make it to work.

This holiday is a no brainer (Well actually…).  It combines the two of your man’s classic favorites.  It’s safe to say that this combination is more American than baseball and apple pie.  At face value it may appear that all the perks of this holiday favor men only, but there are few a key advantages for women as well.  For example, if you are a very *fellatious* woman, this is a great holiday for you.  This is literally your time to shine.  Also, this is one of the only gift giving holidays where you don’t have to put any thought into figuring out what he wants.  Unless your mouth has been sewn shut, you’ve already got one of the gifts on your person, and depending on the last time you went grocery shopping you probably already have a steak in the freezer.  No long lines, no last minute shopping, no more worrying about whether or not he’ll like it.  Even a vegetarian would be hard pressed to turn down some Filet Mignon if he knew it came with a generous helping of fellatio.

A few tips for women who are thinking about participating in this joyous day.  First, don’t stress yourself out attempting to deliver the Top and Top Sirloin at the same time.   The thought of sopping up A-1 sauce with the last few pieces of steak while having your kids sopped up is rather tantalizing, but realistically there’s no way to balance a plate off the top of your head while it’s bobbing up and down and eat the steak at the same time, and more than likely even if there was a coordinated effort to make this happen, you’d probably end up washing steak sauce and bits of beef out your hair the next day.  It’s a safer bet to let your man enjoy both of these delicacies separately.

Secondly, today would be a good day to attempt some new feats of fellatio previously unaccomplished.  Swallowing, attempts at deep throating, hummers and “under carriage washes” are strongly encouraged on this blessed day.  Who knows, you may discover a some new tricks you are fond of that you can add to your resume.  Win-win for everyone.  Lastly, don’t be limited by the fact that the words “Steak” and “BJ” are used in the singular form.  Show some initiative…serve Steak and Eggs for breakfast, a NY Strip and Fries for lunch, and T-Bone and mashed potatoes for dinner with a big, juicy mouth job immediately following each meal.    I suppose if “he ain’t your man” you don’t have to resort to full service, but then again, that’s probably why he’s ain’t your man.  Think about it…

Remember, no matter how your man likes his steak, make sure the BJ is well done.  And yes, I know I didn’t exactly explain why I love Steak and BJ day, but I didn’t think I actually needed to explain it.  Should be self explanatory.  Do you like Steak and BJ day?  Is this the first time you’ve heard about it?  If so, now that you know about it, you are obligated to participate.  Those who know better, do better.  Do better.

I’m writing about Jesus next week,

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...Don't We All Bill?

Walking around any major city these days and you’ll bump into a homeless person. Depending on the city you live in it you may consider them an epidemic, a nuisance or just part of the scenery. Growing up in New York, I always felt it was the latter. They were just a part of the city. Like the dirty water hot dog carts, pissed filled subway stations and taxi cabs that you can’t catch. I gave change when I saw them or food if I had it on me and kept it moving with a little more warmth in my heart. And I continued that behavior when I got to Boston, for the most part. Lately though, I’ve been walking past the open hands and disregarding the begging. I realized I cut out donating cash to these folks for a couple reasons:

I Really Am Broke

Homie, I’m about two paychecks from standing in the subway with you. Do you want competition? Think about it. Plus, you can’t have my change because I need it like Slim needs Sour Patch kids. I keep the change in a container so I can “cash in” every couple months. Do you know what I can do with a couple weeks worth of change? I’ll tell you – I dive into it like Scrooge McDuck in the opening credits of Duck Tales. Or I use it to pay for the trip to the “massage parlor” next week’s lunch. It’s like one of those punch cards they give to preferred customers. I’m on a program and I’m not falling off the wagon.

You’re Not That Good of A Homeless Person

I know how that sounds, but dammit I lived in New York City – land of the hustlers. No one gets that dollar a New Yorker and that includes homeless people. Have you seen the homeless guy that will let you curse him out for a few dollars? Yes, you heard me right. If you give him cash, you can tell him off. That’s a man who knows his audience. I tip my hat to homeless people in other cities as well. Like the man in San Francisco that will hop out from behind a bush to scare people for money. People who live in San Fran will take their tourist friends to get ambushed for a good laugh. The man’s a damn attraction! I know it’s messed up, but I find it hard to give to a guy who’s just reaching out for change when you have dudes out there that’ll “work” for their money.

I’ve Been To A “Third World” Country

For anyone who’s been to a nation who’s infrastructure isn’t as solid as the U.S.’s knows that poverty outside of the States is a lot different than inside the borders. When you see that, it’s hard to give to the homeless here. Pre-Recession that is. I know middle class is disappearing for no fault of their own now. However the people that were homeless when Bill Clinton was in session or even the first term of George Dubya can’t compare to the homeless people in areas where there is no opportunity whatsoever except to hop on a raft and hope for the best. I know it’s hard to compare, but I can’t help it.

What about you? Do you think I’m crazy for not giving up the change in my pocket? Do you take the change out of the cup and act like you’re putting something in there? Or you all “humanitarian” and ish? Let me know.

Seattle – I Know, I Know… I Need Jesus – Washington

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The cast...

ABC’s Private Practice, a spin-off of Grey’s Anatomy, is centered around a multi-speciality medical clinic that serves patients for a variety of medical needs. When the show first started, Sam (played by Taye Diggs) and Naomi (played by Audra McDonald) were a married couple, raising their teenage daugther. As the show progressed, their marriage did not, and eventually they divorced. Fast forward a season or so: both Sam and Naomi have been pursued or are seeking boos outside of their race. Sam has fallen in and out of love with Naomi’s (White) best friend, and Naomi has smitten not one, but two white men. Fun times. Also, the couple’s daughter has gotten knocked-up by and married to a White boy. In addition to these, the show often features interracial couples as patients of the clinic–a man from Kenya dating a White woman last week and Asian people dating white and black people in past shows, to name a few.

Sam and Naomi doing what married people do.

When Sam first started pursuing a White woman, I wasn’t surprised. A bit annoyed, but not surprised. But once I saw that Naomi was being sought after by the two white men, I began to wonder:

What messages are the writers trying to send?

As you watch a show long enough, you begin to notice the writers’ agenda. They all try to slip in bits and pieces of their political and social agendas through their characters’ lives. You can hear it in the sometimes preachy monologues of some characters, or notice it in the reoccurring themes of the various plots. But then I wondered: are the writers merely reflecting the cultural dating scene of California (where the show is set), or are they trying to normalize in their own way, dating people who don’t look like you?

Interracial dating is usually framed as men of x race dating women of another. For example (IMHO) in Black culture, it’s more common to see a Black man dating a woman who is White or of another racial or ethnic background. But seeing a Black woman embrace dating a non-black man tends to be less common. With shows like Private Private seemingly encouraging people to look beyond their immediate racial circles, I’m starting to wonder if the writers are trying to start a trend, or are they exposing one that already exists and is growing.

Last week, I came across an article in the Washington Post (yep, they are at it again) imploring Black women to date outside of their race. In the article, Karyn Langhorne Folan, the author of “Don’t Bring Home a White Boy,” stated that Black women are in a market failure, and encouraged us to “find a new market” for our commodities, us being the commodity and new markets being men of other races. While I find her analogy a bit insulting to Black men and women, it raises an interesting assumption. It seems to assume that people should explore dating of outside of their respective races because of failed attempts at dating within their own race.

But does it have to be that way?

It seems like mixed messages are coming our way. On one hand, ABC seems to be encouraging people to go beyond their race for the sake of going beyond. Find love wherever it may exist. Folan, and other people I’m sure we’ve all encountered, seem to encourage people to go outside of their race, when they are fed up or have encountered failure after failure with their own people, so to speak.

Have you ever dated someone of a different race? Why or why not? What are your concerns, if any? Are you open to the idea? Have you noticed a difference in the number of interracial couples you see either on TV, in the media, or in real life? Is it more acceptable for a Black man, or a Black woman to date outside of their race? Why’s that?

That’s a cute White man, but I dunno…

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