Thus Spiked

The Agony of a Steelers Defeat in Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 16:19:00 +0000

[Former Pittsburgh Steeler Edmund Nelson on a post game show]

[Pittsburgh's "Boy Mayor", Luke Ravensthal]

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Fun With Math, or Why Cris Collinsworth Was The Greatest College QB of All Time for a Few Minutes

noreply@blogger.com (Dennis G. Schmuck) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 19:39:00 +0000

If you weren't incessantly checking the box score for the Insight Bowl between the Oklahoma Sooners and Iowa Hawkeyes, you might've missed an interesting statistical anomaly. Late in the 4th quarter, with the game out of reach, backup Hawkeyes quarterback John Wienke (without looking, I'll assume he's related to Chris Wienke) came in for 1 play and threw an interception. In the oddball college system, this gave him a QB Rating of -200.

While the NFL QB rating system has a lower bound of 0 and an upper bound of 158.3, the NCAA QB rating system's range is far greater. You may assume that throwing every pass for an interception is the worst possible result for a QB, but that would limit him to a -200 rating lower bound, as was the case with Wienke. The actual lower bound for college quarterbacks is -731.6, which is the result of every pass being completed for a loss of 99 yards. Much like the possibility of scoring 1 point in a game, this result can only happen in theory.

The upper bound for a college QB rating is 1261.6, which is the result of every pass attempt being completed for a 99 yard touchdown. Is this possible? Maybe not for a starting QB who throws multiple passes in a game, but if we disregard minimum pass attempt rules, there may have been a case where a player has come in for 1 play and thrown the longest possible TD pass.

Former Tennessee Wide Receiver Lucas Taylor had a career passing rating of 866.6, including 1 game with a passer rating of 900.4, a result of throwing 2 passes in his career, both for TDs of 48 and 56 yards. Now that's efficiency! As far as documented passer ratings, this is likely the highest of any college player.

But some further research shows the possibility that a player might have had a 1261.6 passer rating at one point in his career. This was none other than current color commentator Cris Collinsworth (crikey!). In 1977, Cris was a backup freshman QB at Florida. During a blow out against Rice, he came in to throw a 99 yard TD pass for his first career completion.

Since no box score seems to exist of this game, I can't confirm if this was his first pass attempt, or if he threw any more passes during the game (though this is a safe assumption). If that was in fact his first pass attempt, then he at one point during the game had a QB rating of 1261.6!

If that happened in the NFL, his QB rating would be a small fraction of that. And you wonder why they call it the No Fun League.

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What breakfast cereal is your favorite BBVA Compass Bowl(tm) team?

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 13:53:00 +0000

On to Birmingham!

In all seriousness, expect a big return in the near future of negativedunkalectics.com, the foremost basketball blog of an era as well as some other negativedunkalectics-writers related announcements.

In the mean time, feel free to e-mail us an auto-generated Tim Tebow essay. Love him or hate him, the best semi-advanced chatbot Tebow entry may [or may not - ed.] be published here.

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Clash of the Titans

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 14:47:00 +0000

WHAT IF...each NFL franchise had to play a football game against the physical representation of their own name? A Thusspiked.com special:

AFC East

Buffalo Bills vs. "Buffalo Bill" Cody leading a team of 22 bill collectors.

Miami Dolphins vs. the mammalian sea creatures (coached by Ace Ventura, Pet Detective/zone blitz specialist.)

New England Patriots vs. the Tea Party Patriots.

New York Jets vs. a squadron of large advanced aircraft.

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens vs. the black flying creatures.

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Panthera tigris tigris.

Cleveland Browns vs. zombie Paul Brown.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. The United Steelworkers union.

Strength in numbers? The USW, a Pittsburgh-headquartered union of workers from steel mills as well as aluminum, brick, glass, and paper manufacturing, brings a roster of over 700,000 proud men and women from across North America. However, they are limited to only 11 players at a time on the field as any team normally is. They are able to create some match-up problems for the football-Steelers, including putting up 11 Slovak-American mill workers from Youngstown who weigh an average 350 pounds each for a special "jumbo" formation in short yardage situations, but ultimately just don't have the athletes it takes to stop a professional football team from spreading the field. In a show of solidarity, Union steward Charlie Batch meets with the Steelworkers executive board after the game to trade notes on negotiation tactics (sadly for the cause of organized labor, no NBA players attended.) Final score, Steelers - 770, Steel Workers - 6.

AFC South

Houston Texans vs. people from the state of Texas.

Indianapolis Colts vs. young male horses typically used to breed.

In what should have presumably been a lopsided contest (the Indianapolis team was favored by 700.5 points), Indianapolis management actually was internally divided over their desire to win the Andrew Luck bowl and their desire to win a damn game -- and show some young horses that humans still are masters of the gridiron. They finally sincerely decide to try to win the game, Luck be damned, and do an excellent job containing the Horse-Team's quarterback, "Heartbreaker". After numerous penalties on the horses for illegal formations, offsides, and delay of game, the Indiana team recovers a horse-fumble and Curtis Painter has his chance to shine. Most quarterbacks would use this opportunity to make a run at a perfect QB rating, but Painter's first pass to a wide open Dallas Clark instead flies harmlessly into the stands as the horses start to try to chew on the artificial turf. The coach of the horse team then runs onto the field and refuses to leave while defecating on the 50 yard line, forcing a 1-0 forfeit and a victory for the inevitably 1-15 Colts of Indianapolis. Painter ends the day with a QB rating of 39.58 on 0 for 1 passing. Andrew Luck declares he intends to finish his senior year at Stanford to do graduate level work on theoretical computer science, and the Colts then consider putting Peyton Manning out to stud.

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. the deadly felines of Latin America.

Tennessee Titans vs. the race of descendants of Gaia and Uranus overthrown by the Olympians.

AFC West

Denver Broncos vs. unsaddled wild horses.

Replace "Painter" with "Tebow" and you have some idea of how this one turned out.

Kansas City Chefs vs. iron chef contestants.

Oakland Raiders vs. a marauding crew of Somali pirates.

San Diego Chargers vs. a industrial battery factory.

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys vs. professional cattle ranchers.

New York Giants vs. humans of historically significant size.

Philadelphia Eagles vs. our national bird and symbol.

Washington Redskins vs...oh give me a break, I'm not even going to touch this.

NFC North

Chicago Bears vs. hairy gay men of size.

Detroit Lions vs. the fearsome large African cats.

Green Bay Packers vs. a crew of meat packing workers.

Minnesota Vikings vs. 10th century Norse explorers.

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons vs. oh my god stop with the bird-names.

Carolina Panthers vs. oh my god stop with the large cat names.

New Orleans Saints vs. 22 of the top Catholic Saints throughout Christendom.

In this highly awaited contest, Pope Benedict uses papal magic to summon 22 of the top saints from the birth of Christ to the present. In a move that surely irked many Protestants around the globe, Benedict picked St. Thomas More to be defensive captain. St. Francis of Assisi uses plenty of forest creatures to harass the New Orleans offense for much of the afternoon but Drew Brees is able to pick on St. Paulina, the Patroness of Diabetes (due to her blood sugar problems in the fourth quarter), to make it a contest. Still, the Catholic Saints pull away when St. Maria Gemma Umberta Pia Galgani (who had earlier freaked out the television audience with her stigmata-related injuries) literally flies over the field to score an 80 yard touchdown "run" with only seconds remaining on the clock for a 35-34 victory. The Catholic Saints then kneel in the end zone for the next 40 days and 40 nights, making the field unavailable for remaining home games.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. historical swashbucklers.

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals vs. oh for Pete's sake I said stop with the birds!

St. Louis Rams vs. the horned animals.

Being that the game is held during mating season, the animal-rams commit endless helmet-to-helmet contact penalties to impress females of their species in attendance. Roger Goodell promptly hands out several hundred thousand dollars in fines. It is unclear if the animal-rams will ask the human players' association to appeal the fines or not.

San Francisco 49ers vs. gold rush pioneers of the American Northwest.

Seattle Seahawks vs....STOP WITH THE FRICKIN BIRDS!

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The Wonderful World Of One Point Safeties

noreply@blogger.com (Dennis G. Schmuck) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 03:11:00 +0000

(Image courtesy of @bubbaprog)

Last Sunday, the New England Patriots tried something for possibly the first time in NFL history, a drop kick onside kick. It was out of necessity, as they were attempting a free kick after a safety and couldn't use a tee, but you know that noted football historian Bill Belichick was giddy at the possibility of breaking out such an obscure gem. After all, this is the man who sent out Doug Flutie in 2005 to attempt a drop kick extra point, the first such attempt since 1941.

A few days later, our own Chris George posited that it might be possible for a team to score a single point in a game if Doug Flutie intercepted a pass on a 2 point conversion and while running the other way, drop kicked the ball through the uprights. Stickler that I am, I noted that you can't return a 2 point conversion the other way in the NFL (which is dumb, it's always an exciting play). Dejected that I poked a hole in his otherwise likely scenario, we decided to look into other possible ways a team might score 1 point in a (American) football game. It turns out there are 2 ways to do it, both rather obscure:

1) A team dies in a plane crash on the way to the game. The other team wins by forefeit, 1-0. As much as I would love to see 1 point scored in a game, this wouldn't exactly be a fun result to root for.

2) A safety is scored during a conversion play, resulting in 1 point rather than the normal 2. This has happened a few times, most notably in 2004 during the Texas/Texas A&M game.

In all practicallity, scenario #2 would have to occur in the end zone nearest to the conversion try, thus the safety would be counted as 1 point for the trying team, and look just like a PAT. This is an interesting footnote, but doesn't allow the possiblity of a team finishing a game with 1 point. However, if we extend the practical to the theoretical, a team can finish with 1 point if the team attempting a try was sacked in its own end zone. That's right, they'd have to run backwards 97 yards and get tackled. Barring me becoming a football coach, this will never happen, but I was still curious if it could be simulated in a football video game. I asked a friend to try it in NCAA Football 06 and lo and behold:

At first, I was impressed that EA thought to put in such an obscure rule, but the game was developed right after that 2004 Texas/Texas A&M game that likely was the first exposure many people had to it. To see if developers were really on top of it, I tried out some older games, going all the way back to the mid 90s.

The first game I tried was Bill Walsh's College Football from 1994, which I believe was the first college football video game for consoles. After scoring a TD, I ran backwards 97 yards and got excited for a brief moment:

This moment was fleeting as it ended when I saw that they awarded the other team 2 points, a clear misreading of the rulebook. Bill Walsh is rolling over in his grave.

A bit dejected, I trudged on and tried USA College Football from 1996. Perhaps video game developers had wised up in those 2 years. To my chagrin, they had not, and after running backwards 97 yards on a 2 point conversion attempt, it just counted as a failed try. The other team was awarded no points, and may God have mercy on their soul.

At this point, I came to the conclusion that video game developers had no idea about this rule until 2004, understandably so. But I wanted to try one more game that I remember playing in my formative years, MobyGames' NCAA Football from 1994. This game was notable for its side to side scrolling and terrible AI. Every team, whether it was Air Force or Arkansas, had exactly the same skill level, and players were indistinguishable. Because of this, it was impossible to run backwards 97 yards without getting tackled. After a few failed attempts, I figured out a way to do it. Take 20 delay of games, and run it backwards into the end zone once I'm on my own 3 yard line. As proud as I was of this idea, the result was predictable, a failed try, and no points awarded to the other team.

Since it's difficult enough to score 1 point in video game football, it's doubtful it'll ever happen in real life American football. Weird football score enthusiasts such as myself will have to take satisfaction in scoreboard fails like the Temple/Ohio image above and the following bizarre box score that I screencapped a few years back (think outside the bun):

But I do have a solution that'll allow us to see it more often. Back in 1948, the AAFC's (predecessor of the AFL) Brooklyn Dodgers played a pre-season game against the CFL's Montreal Alouettes in which the first half featured Canadian rules and the 2nd half featured American rules. The Dodgers beat the Alouettes by a score of 27-1. The 1 point was scored on a rouge, a fairly common way of scoring in Canadian football. I say we bring back these exhibition games between American and Canadian football teams. It would spice up the overly long and tired NFL pre-season, and also might create some interesting strategies. And when the Kansas City Chiefs finish the game with 1 point against the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, it won't be because an ESPN guy in the truck pressed the wrong buttons.

After all, why should Canadians have all the bizarre scoring fun? They already get to set 18 guys in motion at a time.

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Links to Outside the Thus Spiked/Negative Dunkalectics Family, Volume III

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 13:45:00 +0000

"Barry, listen, I can help deliver West Virginia...Kentucky is not a swing state anymore."

"Racist Zombies": a hilarious piece by Negative Dunkalectics writer David Hill.

Dan Wetzel giving the well-deserved props to Bill Snyder: the best coach in college football?

Carson Palmer knew only about 15 of the Raiders plays when he entered his first game as part of the Autumn Wind.

"Dr. Saturday" on Rice's 4'9", 130 pound running back Jayson Carter

SmartFootball on the Buddy Ryan "Polish Goalline" and "Polish Punt" formations. As someone who comes from a Domanski family name, I'm offended...not at the obvious Polish joke, but at the fact a violent Irishman who couldn't utilize QB EAGLES would encode them in his playbook.

Several hours of a Rich Rodriguez clinic talking about the evolution of his offense right before he started at West Virginia. (PS, 13-9 forever.)

Mike Leach has a new book out, Sports for Dorks. "What do you get when you combine an astrophysicist, a world champion backgammon player, some respected economists and a few other brilliant minds? This fascinating book and the reason I'm hoping to watch Mike Leach on Saturdays instead of coach against him on Sundays." - Rex Ryan

Great job, BCS computers! To the Junior College known as "Arizona Western", we are all so proud of you. New Mexico Military Institute is the sort of win you tell the grand kids about. Go Matadors, BCS or bust!

"Advanced NFL Stats" creator Brian Burke on the problems the Washington Redskins have (from a statistical standpoint, that is. We all know the problem with the owner and the team name..)

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Football on Main Street

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:53:00 +0000

The greatest opening I've seen before a football game was from an epic 1993 Notre Dame - Florida State match-up. Bob Costas narrated a script of what makes college football special: from fall weather to tradition to legendary coaches to single games that determined an entire season. It also embraced a Norman Rockwell-esque vision of Main Street, USA. Watch it yourself:

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Three years into the great recession, and three decades into the decline of first rim suburbs in Pittsburgh, I couldn't entirely embrace such an optimistic view of football on Main Street. But I definitely don't want to endorse cynicism and gloom either.

You see, last Saturday, my daughter marched with the Kindergarten contingent of the homecoming parade for Northgate School District, which borders the city of Pittsburgh and the Ohio River. The march went up our main street, California/Lincoln Avenue (streets in Western Pennsylvania have a tendency to change names every time they enter a new municipality.)

Our borough is a great representation of what "middle America" was/is? for a lot of people: median family income is around $42,000 and the per capita income around $18,500. The population has declined by over a third since it's peak, but it's not an empty place either. There is a large elderly population, even by Western Pennsylvania standards. The solid majority of people here are White but there is an African American (and increasingly, biracial/multiracial) community as well. People walk to the grocery store for their milk and the school doesn't even have buses because the students walk there as well. Old folks remember when the trolley car ran here, young people know they should learn the bus system or how to drive.

------------------------------------------------

But I wasn't thinking about demographics or geography when I was walking along the sidewalk taking pictures of my daughter proudly chanting "Pump it up, pump it up, pump that Northgate spirit up!" I saw a community that still comes together for High School football. I saw old people on the balconies of their apartments smiling at the band and cheerleaders marching by. I saw young people on their porches waving to their friends. I saw people stuck in traffic due to our parade, not honking their horn, but giving a thumbs up to their old school. I saw adults, from teachers to alumni, who organize these events and are proud to see our two towns rally behind our school. And most of all, I saw my daughter so happy to be part of something, chanting with her friends and waving her pom-poms.

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It wasn't all positive emotions I felt though. It's hard to miss that too many storefronts sit empty:

Since I've moved to this location a little over 10 years ago,

The old style movie theater closed and was replaced by a dollar store
Blockbuster video was replaced by a Rent-a-Center
One family owned bakery closed, though luckily a second remains open
An artsy thrift store, a collectibles store, and a Celtic themed shop all closed
A wood fired Italian restaurant closed and more chain pizza stores opened up

To be fair, there have been some good changes on the main drag as well, including a few coffee shops and a couple of nice restaurants. Of course, one of those restaurants is probably outside the budget of many families who live here. Bellevue, Pennsylvania is actually a "dry"/no alcohol sales municipality (recently reaffirmed via popular referendum) that I think helps encourage the coffee shop culture, which seems to be healthy. Overall, it's still a charming main street, but the economic implications of dollar stores and cigarette shops to me is that the working/middle class here is struggling.

------------------------------------------------

Eventually we arrived at the football field at the end of the parade and waited in line for our tickets. My daughter asked of the scene in front of her, "Oooo what's this?"

I responded, "this is the football game you were cheering about"

"Ohhhhhhh! I hope we win, dad."
"Me too. Me too."

The candidates for Homecoming Queen drove by in convertibles, looking pretty and proud. The parents and students stood in line for dollar hot dogs, pretzels, and pop. The bleachers started to fill up on the home team side, though remained fairly empty for the visitors, a small school with a fairly long way to travel.

After hearing the marching band play the national anthem and Alma mater, and having a moment of silence for a tragic plane crash that had killed three people from the community of the other team (Leechburgh PA), we watched the Northgate Flames captains walk to midfield for the coin toss. It wasn't Notre Dame - Florida State, but it was a great introduction for football on Main Street, USA.

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The King of Coffee

noreply@blogger.com (Thus Spiked) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 07:41:00 +0000

[Ed. Note: Gregg Gethard co-hosts the best NBA podcast in the lower 48 states, The Holding Court Podcast. Since there'll be no NBA season, he's decided instead to share his thoughts with us on a widely read football writer's particular obsession.]

Do you like football? Do you like coffee? Especially coffee from national corporate chains? Then you’re a lot like me. And Sports Illustrated writer Peter King.

Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback is the first thing I read every Monday morning. I usually ignore the vaguely vague commentary on football games everyone already saw and skip to page 5 where, amongst other interesting tidbits about his life and some stuff I don’t read from that soldier who e-mails him, he talks about his love of coffee.

I first fell in love with Peter King’s love on Nov. 10, 2010 (11/10/10 Never Forget) when he wrote the following about a popular seasonal drink at Starbucks:

“The pumpkin spice latte, no whip. So delicious. So misunderstood.”

I, too, am a fan of Starbucks’ pumpkin spice latte. It’s delicious. It also reminds me of the Adirondacks. However, I don’t know what has been so misunderstood about a pumpkin spice latte. The last I checked it was coffee, pumpkin spice flavoring and milk. (I think its steamed milk but I don’t know the difference between a latte and a mochahino.)

I also love baseball. I haven’t gone to the new Yankee Stadium yet for reasons which don’t pertain to you yet. However, I have wondered about the availability of gourmet coffee at the stadium. Peter King knows the mysteries! I only hope they have the coffee bar open after the 7th inning:

“I did have a Yankee Stadium latte Saturday afternoon. Surprisingly competent. Not good, but passable, with good foam. It's the first baseball latte I've ever had that wasn't made in Seattle.”

One day, I hope to be able to afford the Acela so I can go from Baltimore’s Penn Station to New York’s Penn Station in roughly three hours, pending a delay caused by killing a mentally ill person. But if I do this, I’ll know to get Starbucks ahead of time as opposed to getting something from the Acela dining car. I hope the Amtrak executives also consult him on business plans so they can make an extra 20 cents or so on their coffee margins.

“There's something wrong with a business model when the coffee on the expensive East Coast train, the Acela, is far worse than the coffee at a 7-Eleven. And that's a fact.”

No, Peter King. The fact is that you’re not just my favorite football writer. You’re also my favorite coffee writer!

I just hope that your coffee addiction doesn’t result in another colonoscopy.

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Weekly Beatdown - Week Five: Aaron Rodgers in: The Donner Party Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Kirk Krack) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 07:26:00 +0000

Welcome back to Thus Spiked Presents the NFL Weekly Beatdown. If you tuned in last week, yours truly, Kirk "Billy Beatdown" Krack "The Greek" was slightly off on his call that Tebow would set approximately 6 NFL season records when the Broncos met the Packers. I apologize for the typo, as I clearly meant Aaron Rodgers. I mean...things got ugly there for the Broncos for a while. Hope you either weren't watching, or at least didn't bet with me on that one.

Anyway, this is the first bye week which cuts down on some of my material. Like, what would happen if the Dolphins had to play? Their QB is out with "Played QB for Dolphins – got rocked". I feel like this is a major PR issue ... but the solution can't be to run all wildcat again. How boring would that be? Guessing the Dolphins take their chances and do it anyway, and bring back Andre Ware or Major Harris to run the triple option next week. Don't lose an earring, guys.

Onto this week's picks! As the camera cuts away, Tony Rice, trying to mask his tears, hides behind his authentic Hoosier cabinet autographed by Tyrus Thomas...

Vegas Beatdown:

Seattle Seahawks at NY Giants -9.5

Why They're Wrong:

Two words: Shockey.gif

Actual Beatdown:

Kansas City Chiefs at Indianapolis Colts -2.5

Why I'm Right:

Megaton bombs are exploding in my brain in anticipation of the Week 5 matchup between Vegas's main contenders for "most beat down" this year. How can one even begin to handicap a game against such gladiators? These heavyweights match up pretty well on paper--both have feeble running backs, overwhelmed quarterbacks, overrated receivers and nonexistent/devastatingly injured secondaries. The only real advantages at any position are the Chiefs special teams and the Colts defensive line.

Given that, what kind of score is even imaginable in this likely maelstrom? I don't think the Colts need to check whether the scoreboard goes over 100, or just starts back counting at 0. This game is gonna end with a miserable Chiefs team "decimating" the Colts 6-4. Watch for the Colts scoring two safeties, one each by Freeney and Mathis. Succop can hit field goals, but don't expect the Chiefs to make it past the 50 yard line this game. However, the Colts can't kick and the Chiefs can't return. These factors add up to a surprise fair-catch kick field goal as time expires and a Chiefs victory.

Stand strong, Warriors. This is your moment.

To place your bets and ride with the winner, read NFL Weekly Beatdown every Friday on Thusspiked!

Previous weekly beatdowns:

Kendall "Night Of The" Hunter

The Chefs

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Week 6 College Football Preview: Time to Separate the Legends from the Leaders

noreply@blogger.com (Dennis G. Schmuck) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 12:00:00 +0000

After a 2 week hiatus, the Thus Spiked college football weekly preview is back. Since we last left you, Florida State and Nebraska dropped out of the Top 10, the Big East lost any hope of having a BCS title contender, Texas A&M lost its first SEC game, and Hawaii's Bryant Moniz threw 7 TDs in a half. Brett Favre also made his broadcast debut, but lets not talk about that. To the games:

Thursday, October 6th

California at Oregon - The Golden Bears almost ruined Oregon's BCS championship hopes last year after they figured out what the “Burger King Glycerine” play was. To try and fool Cal this time, The Ducks have created a new play called “Jack in the Box Machinehead”.

Friday, October 7th

Boise State at Fresno State - Boise State plays on Friday nights a lot, which makes sense since they play glorified high school teams a lot. Though that wouldn't describe Fresno State, which is more of a glorified Junior College team that poisons the NFL quarterback pool. Somehow, I'm leaning towards a Bulldogs upset here.

Saturday, October 8th

Connecticut at West Virginia - West Virginia is the last Big East team to be ranked, and a loss here would almost certainly push them out of the top 25. Uconn should be fired up for this one, as judging by their acceptance of a BCS bowl game last year, they enjoy making the conference look bad.

Oklahoma vs. Texas - A win against Oklahoma would put Texas back into the BCS Championship conversation. Unfortunately they have to play the game in Dallas rather than their hometown stadium, since most Austin residents aren't about to wake up for an 11AM local start, man.

Boston College at Clemson - Clemson is perhaps the surprise team of the season so far, with a fast explosive spread offense attack that has them at 5-0 and #8 in the country. Now 1-4 Boston College pays them a visit in what is a clear trap game for Tajh Boyd and company. With BC's Meineke Car Care Bowl dreams all but dashed (especially since it's now called the Belk Bowl), they have nothing to lose against the upstart Tigers.

Arizona at Oregon State - Oregon State has been threatening to leave the Pac 12 recently, but the Sun Belt already has 2 winless teams and doesn't want to take on a 3rd.

Iowa at Penn State - A couple of old school coaches meet again as Kirk Ferentz's Hawkeyes take on Joe Paterno's Nittany Lions. In grand tradition, Joe will be coaching this game from his State College estate via Skype.

Missouri at Kansas State - Kansas State, another surprise unbeaten team, faces a tough test against Missouri this week. Bill Snyder, in his 2nd stint as the Wildcats coach, looks to do the impossible again and turn a team from Manhattan, Kansas into a national contender. Regardless of whether he succeeds, he's already in good company among coaches with non-consecutive tenure, such as Howdy Myers, Dana X. Bible, Branch Bocock, Perrin Busbee, Moon Ducote, and Moon Mullins. Yes, I just picked out the guys with the best names.

Iowa State at Baylor - The Jantzwagon hit a speed bump last week, and spilled over into a ditch. The damage was so great even Gus Johnson couldn't fix it. RGIII will look to take it apart fully and sell it for parts this Saturday. Ok, I think this metaphor has reached its course (much like a wagon would).

Texas A&M at Texas Tech - Poor Gus hasn't called a close college football game yet. The tension inside him was so great that he had to let it out during a battle of winless NFL teams last Sunday. However, Texas Tech is still undefeated and should give the Aggies a tough game in Lubbock, and we may finally have our "The Slipper Still Fits"-esque signature call.

Michigan at Northwestern - Congratulations to Brady Hoke for finally being allowed to cross state lines as Michigan ventures to Evanston, Illinois to play their first road game of the year.

Troy at Louisiana Lafayette - The Sun Belt game of the week! Louisiana Lafayette took out FIU 2 weeks ago and now looks like the favorite to go Pizza Bowling. This game may be played on Saturday but it has that Tuesday Night feel to it.

Kansas at Oklahoma State - None of Brandon Weeden's teammates wanted to go see that Pearl Jam movie with him. Being a 28-year-old college football quarterback can be isolating.

Florida at LSU - Florida looked over-matched last week against Alabama, and now heads to Baton Rogue to take on the other elite team in the SEC. It may seem like we're in for the same type of result, but anything is possible with Les Miles at the helm. LSU could win by 40, or lose in 8 overtimes, or take 6 intentional safeties at the end of the game to keep it close, or punt on every down, or go for it on every 4th down, or start Jordan Jefferson. This is what gamblers call a “stay away” game. Or take the over. LSU 51 Florida 44.

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Links to Outside the Thus Spiked/Negative Dunkalectics Family Volume 2

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Boise State moneyball without Brad Pitt (requires a membership but is worth it in my opinion.)
http://insider.espn.go.com/college-football/blog?name=mcgee_ncf_ryan&id=7007743&action=login&appRedirect=http%3a%2f%2finsider.espn.go.com%2fcollege-football%2fblog%3fname%3dmcgee_ncf_ryan%26id%3d7007743

An inside look at WVU coaches preparing for LSU: my must-read of the week.
http://www.cbssports.com/collegefootball/story/15654783/allaccess-hunkering-down-with-the-mountaineers

Hundreds of these stories probably exist every year -- this one brought a tear to my eye.
http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefootball/story/Starkey-Pitts-Schlieper-living-a-dream-44156414

Five hours of Calvin McGee describing the offense he and Rich Rodriguez had installed. Not for those who are in a time crunch. How does Brophy find all these videos?
http://brophyfootball.blogspot.com/2011/10/calvin-mcgee-rodriguez-spread-offense.html

Andrew Luck's one handed catch. Considering he also has a great tackling video, the guy seems to have rounded out his football resume. I'm waiting for the drop kick.
http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Video-Look-ma-Andrew-Luck-brings-down-a-tightr?urn=ncaaf-wp7271

Chris Brown from "smartfootball.com" now also writes for Grantland. This is a good break down of Darren McFadden taking it to the house against the Jets.
http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/4969/draw-it-up-darren-mcfaddens-touchdown

Love this goofy blocked kick.
http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Hidden-Video-Here-8217-s-Pacific-with-your-ale?urn=ncaaf-wp7276

Don't look now but there is a 7.8% chance of a Lions Superbowl win and a 7.5% for the Bills. Rust Belt Super Bowl, played in old the Rubber Bowl stadium please?
http://www.footballoutsiders.com/stats/playoffodds

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NFL Weekly Beatdown - Week 4: Kendall "Night of the" Hunter

noreply@blogger.com (Kirk Krack) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 16:58:00 +0000

Welcome back to Thus Spiked Presents the NFL Weekly Beatdown. If you tuned in last week, yours truly, Kirk "Billy Beatdown" Krack "The Greek" went 2-0-1 with his beatdown calls. Of course teams were something like 103-4 against the spread last week (or so I heard on Simmons).

Expert Beatdown:

Denver Broncos at Green Bay Packers -13.5

Why They're Wrong:

I heard that Tim Tebow got some reps at WR last week. I didn't watch the game though, I hate depressing shit. However, given the pass-happy season and Green Bay bend-but-don't-oops defense, expect good things from this fan of Jesus. Look for 400 yards passing from this surprise starter, as well as 130 yards receiving also from Teebs, including a 95 yard pass to himself. Broncos beat the Pack outright, 30-27.

Actual Beatdown:

Buffalo Bills at Cincinnati Bengals -3

Why I'm Right:

The Bills offense has been looking a lot like this recently, but they're the visiting dogs. 3 points isn't enough though. Dalton and Green have the connect. Cedric Benson is a free man! I'm picturing him running roughshod over the perhaps-correctly unheralded Bills defense. Cedric, I hope you read this too. 'Velt!

To place your bets and ride with the winner, read NFL Weekly Beatdown every Friday on Thusspiked!

Previous weekly beatdowns:

The Chefs

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The Aesthetics of American Football Formations

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 13:38:00 +0000

Bertolt Brecht wrote early in his career that Karl Marx was "the only spectator for my plays." And in a certain sense, the only spectator for a football play is the head coach. The fans may love or hate a particular system of offense or defense, but the relevant fact is whether or not it was effective from an organizational standpoint.

Well, that is, until now. Now we are in the era of ThusSpiked.com, where a certain artistic standard can be applied as well. So now we will look at a few of the more aesthetically interesting football offensive formations through history.

"T"

The T formation was a perfectly balanced product of an industrial age. Darwinism ruled the (long) 19th century; and Eugenics, Fordism, and Taylorism brought the same values to the political and economic sphere. The Futurist Manifesto embraced the power, violence, and industrial nature of changing times and advocated a new Italy built on these values. The T formation helped lead to a majority of all football formations since, as influential to football as the steam engine or Spinning Mule was to industrial economies. Things could get a bit ugly here, but that was exactly the point.

"Single Wing " (shown via the "Notre Dame Box" Variation)

The Arts and Crafts Movement (DIY since the Victorian Era) opposed the staunch division of labor that was becoming standard in Industrial England. The belief was that the loss of traditional skills to machinery required a more Guild-like and organic approach to society and art. Enter the (relatively) "wide open" single wing, a formation that allowed more individualistic expression, though still working toward a common goal of excellence.

"Double Wing"

DaVinci's Vitruvian Man is a timeless example of the Classical order, complete with perfect symmetry ('συμμετρεῖν', "to measure together"). The Double Wing is a mirror image of itself on both sides of the ball. The amount of time it would take to run to the left or to the right is equal as a passage of time and as a spatial relationship. Euclid of Alexandria would be proud.

"Lonesome Polecat"

Cubism was without a doubt an avant-garde movement. And the influence was remarkable: from poetry to literature to sculpture, it sprawled well beyond the original Cubist paintings. Likewise, Glen "Tiger" Ellison's lonesome polecat didn't just influence the swinging gate style gimmick plays you may see on a Friday or Saturday game that might visually resemble his lonely shotgun quarterback, but more relevantly created the space for the beautiful organized chaos of the Run and Shoot (choice routes) and even part of the Flexbone option offenses.

"Wishbone"

The Wishbone. Norman Rockwell. So wholesome. So heartland red America. So low brow. But as time passes, the genius behind the formation becomes more and more clear. For 25+ years, Big Eight teams used the Turkey bone shaped formation to smash their opponents in the mouth from a variety of great running plays with staunch Republican quarterbacks like JC Watts in command. Rarely has a formation shown such consistency and sustained success. Rockwell's work in The Saturday Evening Post might have been well known (and disdained by many art critics) at the time, but the more time passes, the more the artistic world has come to realize the prolific artist left us many beautiful gifts and his influence is now undeniable.

"I"

The simple I formation may best be represented by German Romanticism: later developing than many assume, but hardly too late to the party and hugely influential. The heroic and incredibly hard working Beethoven is at the cross roads of the inspirational individual work and artistic achievement, as noted scholar Bill Walton has said before. The I formation represents this same transition from a classical period to a new form of art while also moving away from mysticism in its later periods. Three yards and a cloud of dust at its finest.

"Maryland I"

The Maryland I is best represented by Brutalism. Four backs in a straight line behind seven blocks of granite. Concrete. Post war proletarianism. Iggy once asked, "Raw Power: Can you feel it?"

"Spread" (in one of its 1000 variants here)

The spread in all its diversity will be claimed as PostColonial art. First I would note, In Things Fall Apart, the center "did not hold" (the nose tackle.) But with that controversy out of the way, I would talk about the academic debates about if Post-Colonial art "exists" (as such or as a movement) in the same way "the spread" may also be an increasing challenging term. Still, it is all around us. Can the subaltern audible?

"A-11"

The "A-11" offense, now illegal in its purer forms, lead many coaches, fans, and pundits to question "what is football?" Postmodern works like John Cage's 4'33" and Andy Warhol's prints similarly raised questions about the definition of art. Beauty was no longer central as it was. One can almost hear Lyotard asking if the Gator Bowl took place.

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Saturdays in Iowa City: Inside the Belly of the Alcohol-Infused Beast

noreply@blogger.com (Thus Spiked) — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 16:00:00 +0000

(Ed. Note. The following is a dispatch from an Iowa City worker, who shall remain anonymous as he doesn't want to get on Ricky Stanzi's bad side.)

Last week Iowa beat Pitt in one of the biggest come-from-behind victories in school history. I didn’t go, because I had to work. I work at an off-site liquor retailer in downtown Iowa City and all home game days are all-hands-on-deck days.

Much of this blog post is relaying my experience working in the booze business in Iowa City on football gamedays. I supply numbers when I can, but much of the information is anecdotal. Iowa City is a small town, and its downtown service industry an even-smaller part of it. Hopefully, by the end, you are vomiting all over your black-and-gold overalls and “IOWA FUCKING CITY” t-shirts.

Last Saturday at work we followed the Iowa-Pitt game on the store radio. Sometime during the 3rd quarter, when Iowa was losing by more than 20 points, we had some Hawkeye-gear-clad fans who left the game early come in and get some beer before returning home. But Iowa won. When they did, the boss told all of the employees to clear the floors, get behind the counters, and make sure we took our cigarette breaks now. For the next four hours, right until I left, the line was at least three-people deep. Sometimes more. College kids, homeless people, rich out-of-town season-ticket holders, all coming to get the celebratory bottle or two or 24. It bears mention that the Hawkeye’s victory song is “In Heaven There Is No Beer.”

Iowa City is a drinker’s town (and Iowa is a drinker’s state, at least according to this map). Iowa City by the numbers: 887 public intoxication tickets and 529 possession under legal age tickets in 2010. Those tickets, combined with 163 tickets for those under 21 in bars after 10:00 PM, net the city roughly half a million dollars in revenue. Even assuming some repeat and out-of-town offenders, roughly one in 60 Iowa Citians receives an alcohol citation every year. There are approximately 30 bars in downtown Iowa City, which is right across the street from the heart of campus. The University of Iowa was 4th in last year’s Princeton Review party school rankings. As of 2009 Iowa had the Big Ten’s lowest freshman retention rate and highest acceptance rate.

More numbers: Iowa City has roughly 68,000 residents. Kinnick Stadium seats 70,585, and an estimated 30,000 extra people attend tailgates. One 2010 study estimated the fiscal impact of seven home games at $100 million a year. Hotels, restaurants, and, of course, liquor sales are at the center of that fiscal impact. Unsurprisingly, many of the ~100,000 people are drinking.

A liquor retailer has to prepare. Many bars and liquor stores (including us) open at the earliest legal time (7 A.M.), and there will be people waiting.

In the week prior we adjust orders to our distributors. Because Iowa is a control state, all hard liquor comes from a state-owned warehouse in Des Moines. They only send one shipment a week, so we need to get it right. Load up on cheap vodka. We also stock up on mixers, particularly bloody mary mix. We presumably would order more kegs, but the city banned kegs at tailgates roughly five years ago. Cans are now where it’s at. (In Iowa you can redeem cans for 5 cents, so another industry which accompanies football games is can-collecting. A familiar game-day site is homeless men riding bicycles with can-stacked trailers.) An acquaintance who was a stocker at another liquor retailer told me stories about how before Iowa City banned kegs at tailgates, he would often wheel out 100+ kegs (roughly 16,000 pounds of beer) in a single morning. Thankfully his employer provided a weight belt.

Iowa State is the biggest home game. Wisconsin has been the second-biggest in recent years (Madison is three hours away, their team has had a great decade, and both of us get a lot of students from the Chicago suburbs). I’m sure some Iowa City retailers were upset by Iowa and Wisconsin being placed in separate divisions.

Victories mean higher receipts than losses. There’s no truth to that “drinking away the pain” silliness. People have been drinking since 8 AM already, and if depressed they will sleep. A friend who’s a downtown bartender told me he earned $20 in tips on a closing shift the night after the Iowa State loss two weeks ago.

Being behind the counter on such days is essentially an assault. The line can be multiple-bodies-deep for hours, despite the store having a man on all registers. You need to be on your game, making sure change is right and checking IDs (failing a sting nets a fine greater than $1,000). You need to watch for shoplifters. People will bring in cans (all retailers in Iowa need to have can-redemption centers). You go home exhausted on these days, and are tempted to bring home a six pack or bottle for yourself.

The 2009 Homecoming was, as I learned in conversations with other booze merchants, a record-setting day for a lot of downtown bars (a combination of many factors: unexpectedly good Stanzi-led Hawkeye team, Homecoming weekend, afternoon game, beautiful weather, big-name opponent, and, of course, a Hawkeye victory).

This is all from the retailer’s point of view and ignores the effect of thousands of drunk people on the streets. The cops declare amnesty on open container laws, at least in public parking areas. Before and after the game, the streets are crowded with yellow-clad football fans.

My opinion is that the worst people on game days are not students. I expect a 19 year old to be drunk and stupid and maybe vomiting on the sidewalk. Rather it’s the 50-something dads escaping their loveless marriages, grabbing bar waitresses’ asses, talking to service employees as if they are dogs, and using their employer’s expense account to buy an expensive hotel room in Hotel Vetro downtown for him and his college buddy who’s ostensibly a “business forward” despite not having sent the company any business in 10 years. I remember one time I made the mistake of walking through downtown on gameday wearing a pink shirt and being called a “faggot” multiple times, mostly by men my father’s age.

Unfortunately these men also are responsible for part of my paycheck. Many downtown service employees are, like me, students or recent grads of the university who do not have the luxury of employer expense accounts. We take these jobs because they pay reasonably well by Iowa City standards and because better-paying jobs in specialized fields essentially don’t exist unless you’re a professor or a cog in the machine of big testing companies (i.e., ACT and Pearson, both of whom have huge local offices).

The recession-proofness of being a college-town liquor store employer isn’t lost on me, either. You can find recent JDs tending bar and working behind the counter in gas stations in town, fooled by misleading job-placement stats of law school grads.

Thus, we are the candymen and women, for whom football season is either a tiring godsend (if you earn tips) or just plain tiring (if you don’t). Iowa is a party school and Iowa City is a party town, a fact not lost on those aforementioned mid-life-crisisers. The school tries to do something about it, but how far can they go when some members of the school’s alumni network seem to prefer that Iowa City remain the staging point for the Hangover-styled middle-aged-man drunken getaway?

I am far from a teetotaler, and identify as a Hawkeye fan. I admit there’s a shitload of cognitive dissonance in working in liquor retail while simultaneously being critical of an excessive, stupid drinking culture. But the fact is we have a better understanding of this culture than any member of the college administration or press. I have heard the fucked-up comments men make when bragging about how their jungle juice is going to make the girls at their party “a bunch of whores,” and I have seen no shortage of people walk into the store with black eyes or open wounds. I won’t pretend to know what the solution is but in the meantime I know I am, in a small way, a part of the problem.

Go Hawks.

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NFL Weekly Beatdown - Week 3: The Chefs

noreply@blogger.com (Kirk Krack) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 18:30:00 +0000

Welcome to Thus Spiked Presents the NFL Weekly Beatdown. My job is to review the most obvious mismatches on paper between two teams. Then I'll offer a little opinion of my own, and weekly, we will tally the record of the previous week's "obvious" mismatches Vegas suckered you into.

Expert Beatdown:

Kansas City Chiefs at San Diego Chargers
(Vegas Line, Chargers -15)

Great Googly-Moogly! Jamaal Charles appeared to tweak his knee trying to take out an escaped jungle cat. As a result, some shortsighted oddsmakers tried to give you a line to make you believe that the Chiefs are all but finished this season. Also, the Buffalo Zoo reported "needing better keepers." However, I've been there, it's just not a safe place and I don't know if better keepers can be found.

But a lot has to go wrong to lose a game by more than 2 touchdowns in the NFL. It's quite a feat actually (NFL has parity – eds.). Either 1) you forgot to turn off the "all-madden" setting, 2) you obviously didn't WIN THE AFC CHAMPIONSHIP LAST SEASON 3) Norv Turner is your coach.

That's why you play the game, son!

In 2007, the stumbling Chiefs jetted off to sunny San Diego to take on the juggernaut Chargers. The result was a stunning 30-16 Chiefs win. Look for another crowd-led anti-Norv chant, and the unexpected return of an in-his-prime Larry Johnson to turn the outcome to the Chiefs for this one. I'm guessing a 6 point victory (shutout). They're playing for pride now!

Alternate Beatdown:

Pittsburgh Steelers at Indianapolis Colts
(Vegas Line, Steelers -11)
This is the Sunday night game. Nobody would put a game this lopsided on as a feature. Obviously, Manning is coming back this week. You heard it here first. Expect a lot of commentary regarding the return of players considered injured/near-death.

Actual Beatdown:

Since last week gave us Ndamukong Suh vs a 5'3" tailback, it seems easy to think the Chiefs are gonna blow this one up. But it's not happening this week. It wasn't the Chiefs, you see, it was the Lions.

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings
(Thus Spiked Line, Lions -42)
Prediction: Suh rips off Adrian Peterson's head and shits down his throat during the second series.

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Conference Mania - An Alternative History, Hold the "Dixie"

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 17:12:00 +0000

This is how one blogger (i.e. me) thinks this conference nonsense should have played out, in the best traditions of Harry Turtledove. Check out the Zizek excerpt on why alternative history is almost always reactionary if you can find it somewhere. I couldn't, but I wanted to add Zizek to the tags, so there you go. And I thought it'd fit the neo-confederate feel of college football's expanding southern conferences (Bleeding Kansas Jayhawks on their way.)

So here you go:

The Big Grandpa Conference
Army
Fordham
Georgia Tech
Navy
Notre Dame
Pitt
Penn State
Stanford
Syracuse

The Cajun Conference
LSU
Louisiana - Lafeyette
Louisiana - Monroe
Louisiana Tech
Nicholls State (L'esprit engagé!)
Tulane

The Leftovers Conference
Cincinnati
Iowa State
Kansas State
Rutgers
South Florida, Central Florida, International Florida, Atlantic Florida, Pacific Florida, and Regional Florida
Temple
Toby's Business School

The Mountain Anywhere Conference
Appalachian State
Boise State
BYU
Colorado
Colorado State
Idaho
Kentucky
Marshall
Washington State
West Virginia

The Mo' Money? No Problem! Conference
Miami
the Ohio State
SMU
UNLV
Also, ESPN is reporting that Mo Money has applications in from every SEC school (except Vanderbilt.)

The Pan (Pan) Pizza (Pizza) Conference
Louisville
Toledo (four time participants in the legendary Little Caesars bowl.)

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Links to the World Outside the Negative Dunkalectics/Thus Spiked Family

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 16:11:00 +0000

Without further ado.....

Like charts? I do. Check out Advanced NFL stats "Win Probability" charts. So what was the defining play of a game? Use a mathematical model to see if it fits your guess.

Meanwhile, for advanced college stats, check out Football Outsider's interesting and robust "efficency index."

Brophy's blog continues discussing the legacy of the single back offense, always under-discussed in the sports media in terms of its huge influence on the game today.

Dr. Saturday asks if the real Notre Dame will please stand up?

The Huddle mentions how Scott Chandler is a winner and Donovan McNabb is a loser when it comes to adjusting Madden stats after week 1.

USA Today writer Mike Lopestri on 2-0 Eastern Michigan -- the school with the smallest attendance in the FBS, only a short jog away from that other school in Ann Arbor.

Lengthy and widely-discussed Atlantic piece on "the shame of college sports." Taylor Branch is best known for his Civil Rights history trilogy on the King years.

In the midst of a week that broke NFL records in league-wide passing yards as well as quarterback sacks (since that statistic started being tracked in 1982), the New York Times devotes two Fifth Down blog entries to the Jets offensive identity, one on the hurry up wrinkle and the other on the run game.

And finally, Iowa State has Steele Jantz (auto-football joke name generator renders Watson obsolete) but is he better than all three UConn QB's who will play this week combined? Yeah, probably. "If you have three quarterbacks, you have none," even with trick throws.

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Week 3 College Football Preview: Panhandle Pandemonium

noreply@blogger.com (Dennis G. Schmuck) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 07:21:00 +0000

Last week's slate of games featured an instant classic between Michigan and Notre Dame, two evenly matched, highly flawed teams who would not be content until they gave away the game in the final minute. This week's primetime matchup of top 10 teams is likely to be more soundly played, and ultimately less exciting. But as with most Saturdays, there will be plenty of other teams that can't get out of their own way to enjoy all afternoon. On with the games:

Thursday, September 15th

LSU at Mississippi State - In preparation for their matchup with LSU, Mississippi State used the end of the Auburn game to practice making crazy time management decisions that may or may not work out but keeps their fanbase at a fevered pitch. The Bulldogs lost the game but now they fully understand Les Miles.

Friday, September 16th

Boise State at Toledo - Toledo just missed breaking the 90 year streak of wins by Ohio State vs intrastate rivals last Saturday. Oberlin is still the last Ohio college to beat the Buckeyes, which prompted the campus to have a party at the Third World co-op with Fat Tires and Tofutti Cuties.

Iowa State at Connecticut - Steele Jantz is the biggest sensation in Ames, Iowa since Fred “The Mayor” Hoiberg. Next stop on the Jantzwagon, Storrs, CT.

Saturday, September 17th

Eastern Michigan at Michigan - Denard Robinson spent the past week trying to replicate his stat line vs Notre Dame in NCAA Football '12 but the game's AI was too realistic to accomplish it. Meanwhile, Eastern Michigan hopes to match Western Michigan's feat of holding him to 0 yards passing and 0 yards rushing.

Penn State at Temple - The quarterback situation at Penn State is so desperate that they inquired if Kerry Collins had any eligibility left, and that was after the Texans debacle. This is the perfect time for Temple to swoop in and finally get a win in this rather one-sided rivalry.

Michigan State at Notre Dame - As if last Saturday night's Michigan Light Bulb Party wasn't exciting enough, Notre Dame hosts the Spartans this weekend in a rivalry game that always seems to go down to the last second. Side note: Was there a better schadenfreude double dip for most of America than a Notre Dame collapse followed the next night by a Cowboys collapse? Never change, overhyped teams that haven't won anything since Home Improvement was the #1 TV show.

Tennessee at Florida - CBS kicks off its SEC schedule, which means another season of Verne Lundquist, who will hopefully grow out his facial hair this year and merge fully into Wilford Brimley and/or Santa Claus.

Arizona State at Illinois - Arizona St. quarterback Brock Osweiler is so tall that most people on campus confuse him for a member of the basketball team...and subsequently ignore him.

Louisville at Kentucky - Louisville has looked terrible in an ugly win vs FCS Murray State and a beating against Sun Belt upstarts Florida International. Kentucky has just bored the crap out of everyone in their first 2 games. You should probably skip this one.

Austin Peay at Memphis - These 2 teams have lost their first 3 games by a combined score of 178-27. But this matchup is still not as bad as Louisville/Kentucky.

North Texas at Alabama - The battle of aggressive colors as the Mean Green take on the Crimson Tide. Unfortunately this matchup doesn't even look good on construction paper as Alabama opens up as a 45.5 point favorite.

Ohio State at Miami - Though this game is scheduled for Saturday night on ESPN, the network may exercise its option of switching it to Monday Night Football as it meets the minimum number of paid athletes to fulfill their NFL contractual obligations.

Syracuse at USC - After retroactively allowing USC's last second blocked field goal return touchdown against Utah, the Pac-12 has since ruled that USC can kick their extra point at the beginning of this week's matchup with the Orange. Then, justice will finally be served.

Oklahoma at Florida State - The marquee game of the day features #1 Oklahoma going into Tallahassee to face the most talented Florida State team in a decade. A win by the Seminoles would solidify their place as a national championship contender and help reclaim their throne as the best team in the Sunshine State. While Bobby Bowden's run in the late 80s and 90s was unmatched (appearing in the top 5 every year from 1987-2000), Jimbo Fisher has injected some life into a program that has been dormant for most of the past decade. Perhaps the folks at another, ahem, State College can learn from this example. Florida State 30, Oklahoma 28.

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Technical and Adaptive Solutions for Running to Daylight

noreply@blogger.com (Chris George) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 19:16:00 +0000

One surprising change to my job in the last three years -- as opposed to the seven before it -- is how it exposed me to management theory, business/pop psychology, and related fields I would have never read otherwise due to my own reading prejudices. Moneyball was the first and most interesting to me. I was somewhat skeptical (and still am) of the sort of Genghis Khan Teaches You How To Move Your Cheese and Save the World Through Emotive Management For Dummies books, but they definitely have occasional insights that make me think. And a few I even found useful for my actual work.

One specific reading that I found interesting and useful was a presentation that we were given about "technical problems vs. adaptive challenges." The key quote was "the single biggest failure of leadership is to treat adaptive challenges like technical problems."

Apparently google says this came from two well-known guys named Heifetz and Linsky from the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard. The piece we read was pretty straightforward, easy to understand, and didn't include any confusing graphics to explain it like this one:

OK, for those who haven't read about this theory, here is my attempt at explaining it:

Technical challenges are clear and known problems. The solution is easily apparent and already known. The solutions can be led by your existing management and team. This doesn't mean that the challenge will be easy or cheap to solve, but that you are built to resolve it.

Adaptive challenges have problems that are less clearly known and defined. The solution may require a longer process and learning new skills that are beyond your usual circle.

Think of your own employer or a previous one: are there things you could do tomorrow that you aren't doing now if you applied enough resources (human and financial?) Probably so. That's a technical solution. You could "will" your way into it, and you have the know-how to "git er done."

However, are there things your organization couldn't do by using the same tactics you currently are using? Of course. And you'd have to adjust how you use resources or engage new allies or organizations to have any chance of tackling that challenge. That's being adaptive.

Example? Say you were a city that faced a budget issue. The technical solution may be to cut spending 10% and raise taxes 10%. This may be appropriate and indeed the best solution -- technical solutions are often entirely effective.

But what if you had to cut spending 50% and raise taxes 50% just to keep from defaulting? Perhaps you are beyond what a technical solution can realistically fix now, and an adaptive solution might be merging your city with the surrounding county even if means you're out of a job because of it.

Frankly, a lot of our discussion around this reminded me of Alvin and Heidi Toffler comparing and contrasting first and third wave employees and the different challenges of industrial and information economies.

Anyway, to finally get to football, as soon as I read about this theory, I thought about college vs. professional football coaching. I thought of college football coaching in recent years as being more about adaptive solutions (constant changes to "the system" and the playbook), and NFL coaching in recent years to be more about technical solutions (finding the right personnel match-ups to maximize your talent in a tight salary cap league.)

Yes, that is a generalization. This will be a piece based to an extent on generalizations -- though hopefully at least as much reality as the mythology behind these sometimes cult-of-personality coaching icons. Let me apologize in advance for boiling things down to be a little less complicated than they probably are.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Chris Brown from smartfootball.com had an excellent piece a while back called "The NFL Offense: What is it? Why does every team use it? And how does it differ from college?"

I highly recommend reading it before you continue.

You can debate why the NFL is more homogeneous offensively than college. Typical reasons include narrower hash marks, the lack of paychecks for most college quarterbacks means it's less important to protect them from injury, and incestuous coaching trees. People debate the "faster defense" argument as well -- Chris Brown mentions "wouldn't offenses be faster as well?" -- though I do think the ability of college quarterbacks to outrun defensive ends is different than NFL quarterbacks, who aren't going to do that if their pseudonym isn't "Ron Mexico." But the reality is the NFL has only one or two main offensive and defensive systems, where college football has a wider variety.

After spending several hours obsessively watching Alex Gibbs talk to Urban Meyer's staff about zone blocking on Brophy's excellent site, one quote really stuck out to me before Gibbs even got into the essential details: basically he told the Gators staff (paraphrasing), "Your guys don't get the kind of film time ours do. We may actually get less practice time [something I found surprising], but our guys have time for film."

Therefore, the "technical solution" is often apparent to NFL coaches: you spend time on lengthy scouting reports and run maximum reps on executing your gameplan. Other teams might be running mostly the same plays from mostly the same formations, all with professional talent, but you need to do it a little bit better than them.

Meanwhile, in high school and college football (and other lower levels), the talent gap can be very wide -- and any sort of systematic "flattener" can be seen as an edge.

For example, I don't think it's shocking that Army, Navy, and Air Force all run some (or a lot, as the case may be) of a flexbone offense based largely around option plays: if you were a military academy football coach, what would list as your advantages? Probably "selfless players, excellent discipline, and good leadership." What would you list as your disadvantages? "Size and speed. Especially size." How do you maximize your advantages and minimize your disadvantages? Tune in any given Saturday to watch the military academies effectively cut block bigger players and neutralize others with a pitch. Watch their single gap defenses attack from a dizzying variety of angles. Would those three schools be getting into as many bowl games as they have if they ran "power" out of the I with those undersized athletes? Or if they tried to run Nick Saban's Alabama defense? I propose to you, "probably not." After all, Army's recent attempts at a "pro style" offense were fairly difficult years.

College football recently has been filled with innovations such as zone read, the Air Raid offense (with its West Coast and BYU roots), "Pistol" formations, guys like Gus Malzahn who have helped popularize Wing T elements in a spread offense , hurry-up tempos, and the whole wildcat phenomenon. Some of these bubbled up from high school or filtered down, but they changed how games on Friday and Saturday were played.

And defenses have reacted, with adaptive innovations such as 4-2-5 split field coverages, 3-3 stack/3-5 defenses and the mad recruiting rush to get the best "hybrid" athletes -- often, a linebacker/safety type. This shouldn't be a surprise as the nature of defense is to react to what offenses are doing: you may remember Jimmy Johnson's great Miami defenses, which adjusted both the scheme and recruiting, putting traditional safeties at outside linebacker and outside linebackers at defensive end to counter threats like Nebraska's great running attacks.

So as the college game evolves and coaching turnover churns away, we see more teams rewriting their playbooks, installing various combinations of spread and pro style offenses at dizzying paces. Some of them have done it in a haphazard way, some have been very successful, but you see a few new noticeable wrinkles every season.

Meanwhile, in the NFL, do we really notice most of the changes that happen between seasons? I'd argue "no," at least for myself. Watching the Patriots game a few nights ago, I generally had no idea what their staff did to get Aaron Hernandez in mismatch situations. I'm pretty sure it has to do with advanced stats, scouting, significant film preparation, and tweaks to routes, but what it doesn't include is throwing out an entire playbook, as seems to happen in college football (sometimes even under the same head coach!).

Obviously there are exceptions if you get specific and historical: Bill Walsh was probably as adaptive as they come (Sid Gillman as well) -- not just creating a 'new' playbook but ideas like throwing more on first down, throwing for the end zone by the time you get to the 20 yard line, and other challenges to conventional wisdom in an often culturally conservative sport. Don Coryell (though he coached his system at San Diego State first) and Dick Lebeau easily fit "adaptive" labels from the pro side as well. Perhaps interestingly, many of those guys came off as more intellectual than most other coaches in their time. Likewise, I assume some very famous college coaches like Woody Hayes probably used highly "technical solutions" (Woody seemingly perfected forcing opposing offenses into a small area he could attack them in: "So many times I've found people smarter than I was ... But you know what they couldn't do? They couldn't outwork me. They couldn't outwork me!").

But in 2011, the technical vs. adaptive gap seems wide: while NFL and college coaches both are under huge pressure to win, both are taking different approaches to try to get a leg up on their opponents. Watching games on Saturday and Sunday is almost like watching two sports, light years away from when the Steelers ran the same single wing for Jock Sutherland that he also ran for the Pitt Panthers a few miles away.

-----------------------------------------------

What about my own approach on adaptive or technical approaches to football challenges in my limited time coaching? How about another return to Lombardi (the ThusSpiked obsession with Fordham-related football strikes again!)?

For me, the best part of the HBO special on Vince Lombardi was hearing John Madden talk about having his mind blown by Lombardi's Packer sweep presentation that he attended as a young coach who "thought he knew it all." Madden sat in the back of the room, kicked his legs up, and spent several hours watching a presentation on one play: the Packer sweep. He left a lot more modest about what he knew and didn't know in terms of the details that win and lose yards and games.

So I submit to you: innovations and new systems can be great, but do what you do best, regardless of whether it's new or old. Have a base play with constraint plays at the minimum. Or go even further and play good "series football" like the Wing T coaches have for years. Focus on making players fundamentally sound. Be the expert on your bread and butter plays. Pick the best minds, listen to the veteran coaches, and learn the most detailed coaching points you can. Be a fly on the wall, be a participant in debates (with modesty), and do your homework. The old offensive line coach next to you might not know Dutch from Urban, but he has spent 25 years teaching kids to fire off low. Likewise, the up-and-comer who has gone to every Tony Franklin clinic in the tri-state area may come-off as a blowhard, but he may also have an interesting way to run a tunnel screen that you've never seen before.

Along the same lines, a common conversation I've heard coaches have is "the four plays you'd choose to win a state title." As you probably guessed, the idea of the conversation is which four (generally running) plays could you base an offense around. The old school answer is probably "blast, power, counter, and sweep." Heck, if that sounds minimalist, in the NFL, it seems some teams have based the vast majority of their running game around one running play (say, inside zone.)

Remember, a definition of a technical challenge is "one you know the solution to and could apply existing efforts to fix." If your running game is struggling, do you need to learn a new offense, or do you need linemen to apply the rules of your blocking scheme? My argument is that it's usually the later.

So just because you just picked up a hammer (the concept of "adaptive solutions"), don't view everything as a nail. Or in football terms, practice blocking and tackling before you worry about installing that single wing-spread-lightning-magic-fun-and-shoot offense. An adaptive change may give you an advantage in what can be a conservative coaching culture, or a leg up on a recruiting rap, but it won't matter if your players can't play the damn game.

(Vince Lombardi looking a little more like Chairman Mao than an
old school Kennedy Democrat/altar boy would have preferred.)

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Notes from the (College Football) Underground

noreply@blogger.com (David Stein) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 17:26:00 +0000

(We didn't have fancy helmets or intimidating black face masks back in the day.)

Whenever it comes up that I played football in college I always find myself disclaiming “but it was Division III football, it wasn’t real."

Rumors were that it was 'real' at some of the perennial powerhouse programs in the division. Mount Union, in particular, was always singled out as a program that was full of players who couldn’t cut it at a D1 school, but I don’t know how much of that is truth as opposed to jealousy.

What I do know is that at my alma mater, Carnegie Mellon, and its fellow nerd schools with football programs in the University Athletic Association (UAA), it wasn’t.

(Not this kind of football, either)

Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself. What do I even mean by real college football? I obviously don’t have any firsthand experience, but a friend from high school did play at a Division 1 FCS team (who won the FCS championship a few years after he ran out of eligibility). Even at that level, I don’t recognize any of his experience in my own. When you are on scholarship, your coaches own you. Waking up at 5am for early morning workouts? You bet. Mandatory meals and study halls? Every day. Skipping class for practice? Of course.

In Division III, there was none of that and it started from the recruiting process. Coaches would come to your school and call you on the phone to encourage you to apply, but at some point they had to sit back and wait to see if you would be accepted before attempting to convince you to choose their school. The football team at Carnegie Mellon did slightly out-perform the male population at the school so the coaches might be able to go to bat for you if you were a borderline case, but there was no one on the team who didn’t belong at the school. The university tried to help out the various sports programs by implementing a moratorium on classes during the afternoon to allow for practices, but professors didn’t always abide by the rule. And if class conflicted with practice, as it seemed to do for a handful of players everyday, you went to class. The coaches insisted on it. We left for road trips on Friday morning and if you had a test scheduled that day you had to take it early. Practices were extremely regimented: Monday was our day off, 1h 45m practices on Tuesday and Wednesday, 2h on Thursday. There was a short walk-through on Friday (after traveling, if necessary); games were on Saturday; Sundays were reserved for recovery (fat guys in the pool!) and film study. Every player knew exactly how much of a time commitment playing football would be and could plan their classwork around it.

The players were different, too. There are only so many student athletes who can get accepted to a top academic school and play football at even so lowly a level as Division III, so all of the schools were competing for the same players. If you were big, and could move, and were smart, you ended up at an Ivy or Patriot league school. Division III players all have compromises. Everyone was smart, so coaches had to choose between big and slow or small and quick.

Carnegie Mellon trended towards the small/quick extreme. We ran the Wing-T offense, where linemen were expected to pull and timing was more important than winning one v. one battles. Consequently I was able to play at offensive tackle (traditionally the biggest of the Wing-T linemen) and guard at 6’1” and ~240lbs. This isn’t to say that it wasn’t completely obvious to everyone else on campus who the football players were because, in general, we towered over average-sized human beings. But D1 football players:DIII football players :: DIII football players:average folks. Other teams, like our Academic Bowl rival (we have a trophy and everything) Case-Western Reserve, went to the other extreme and got big lumbering lineman that were effective in their fast-paced spread offense by forcing defensive lineman to take enough time running around them for their quarterback to get off the pass.

(This was our good guard. After getting his engineering degree, he went on to start Stack Media)

It wasn’t just physical differences that separated our team from Division 1 players, either. One friend, a center, earned spending money his entire college career by figuring out how he could game the system on online casinos. I don’t remember how it worked exactly, but online casinos were new those days and were offering bonus money for signing up and referring people so long as you made X amount of bets before you withdrew the money. He would sign up and then play blackjack according to the best odds until he had made enough bets to withdraw his money. Sometimes he lost a little, but frequently he made a fair bit especially when you add in referral bonuses. It should come as no surprise that he was in the business school.

I wasn’t even supposed to be an offensive lineman. Truth be told, I hated playing offensive line. In high school, we were so small that most everyone played both ways and offensive line was just something I did in between defensive series. I don’t think my offensive self would have fared well against my defensive self. When I was being recruited, I was told I could choose what side of the ball I wanted to play on and it took me no time at all to commit to the defense. But at the end of my very first team meeting the head coach asked me and another freshman to meet with him in his office after the meeting.

I couldn’t figure out how I had managed to screw up before practice had even started, but I was about to find out. When we got to the head coaches office he informed us that in the past few weeks two offensive tackles had quit the team to focus on their studies and so he needed one of us to switch positions. Then he ruined my day by continuing by pointing out that I had experience in the offense since I played in a similar one in high school. He did pretend to give me a choice in the matter, but as a freshman who had been on campus all of one day could I really say no?

My plan was to play out the season out of obligation, and then become the next tackle to quit to focus on my studies. But then one play happened during one training camp practice and that plan went out the window. For the first week or so of practice I was an interchangeable freshman tackle, playing with the third and fourth teams (ie. somewhere between the 6th and 8th best tackle depending on the day). Then one day we were in the middle of a live session between the offense and the defense. I was playing with the third team that day and we had to go up against the second-team defense.

The play call was a Jet Sweep to the weakside (ie. no tight-end). The frontside tackle’s job from that formation is to hook the first man outside of you and get the corner for the pulling guard and the running back with the ball. On that play the first outside man was the defensive end and he wasn’t just on my outside shoulder, he was at least a yard outside. Despite this being one of my better blocks, it should have been impossible just based on alignment if he had done his job. Fortunately for me, this particular second-team defensive end was not well respected by the offensive line despite having the confidence of the coaching staff. At the snap of the ball he took a big step inside towards me and didn’t move upfield at all. Consequently, I was able to make the block, the coaches noticed me and by the end of camp I was the first backup tackle. By the middle of the season I was seeing a lot of playing time by rotating in to give the starters a break, and I couldn’t well quit after that, could I?

(I'm #65 pulling through the hole as a backside guard on what looks to be a bucksweep)

You develop a certain attitude if you play the offensive line. You are fatter and slower than pretty much the rest of the team, and your name only gets called over the PA system at games when you fuck up. You end up having to find pride in stats like ‘average rushing yards per game’ or neutralizing a team’s star defensive lineman. In our locker room, we were assigned lockers based on jersey number and most of the numbers between 50 and 79 were put in the “Fat Corner”. It was, predictably, the stinkiest part of the locker room but at least we had each other.

On the walk from the locker room to the field, you had to pass through Carnegie Mellon’s football hall of fame. Truth be told, it was less hall and more single display case on each side of the hallway but it did serve as a constant reminder of the program’s salad days back when it was known as Carnegie Tech: the 19-0 victory over Knute Rockne’s previously undefeated Notre Dame squad in 1926 (a game so uninteresting to the Fighting Irish’s coach that he opted to travel to Chicago for the Army-Navy game) and Tech’s appearance in the Sugar Bowl following the 1938 season where they lost to eventual national champions TCU. In the more than six decades since those events the program stumbled to its current state: where we clung to our record of 28 consecutive winning seasons until 2002 when I had the pleasure of being on the team that broke the streak by going 5-5. The record lived on as 29 consecutive seasons of non-losing records. It has since been broken, but not before breaking the 16 year playoff win drought a few years after I graduated.

(And I enjoy the attached caption so I don't have to come up with one of my own)

I remember not liking our quarterback for my final two years. It wasn’t entirely his fault, it was partly based on him getting the job as a freshman (notice I don’t have to say true freshman because the only time anyone ever redshirted was because they tore their ACL before playing in a game) when I was a junior over a friend, in a contest that I don’t think was much of a contest. Of course, he also wasn’t a very good passer, at least while I was there. To be fair, he was much better at running the ball and in the Wing-T that goes a long way. But still, it got to the point where when the offensive line was off by ourselves practicing our pass blocking schemes we would refer to our 7-step drop protects as “Interception Left” and “Interception Right”. I also may have slammed my helmet down and screamed for everyone on the sideline to hear “WHY DO I EVEN FUCKING BOTHER TO TRY?” (rhetorical question alert) after one of his many interceptions in his debut game. That probably didn’t help his confidence, but whatever, Ray Finke should have gotten more of a chance to prove himself before being pulled.

My finest moment was not on the offensive line at all. I don’t remember the exact game, I think it may have been the time we traveled down to Memphis to play Rhodes College. That was a bad game for other reasons: our offense could score on demand running the ball, but so could their offense by passing. We scored to pull ahead with maybe 30 seconds left in the game and then they ran back the kick-off for the winning score. Or maybe it was a game against the University of Rochester. Either way, the offense was in charge of kick-off returns and so I spent most of my time on the team on the return team. Returns aren’t that hard: figure out who you are supposed to block before the kick, wait til the kick to make sure its not a funky onside kick, turn around and run back 20 yards, turn around, find your guy, and just get in his way so that the returner can make a cut if he gets that far. I can’t remember if the kicker just screwed up or was attempting a sneak/pooch/onside kick but when he kicked it the ball came in my direction. I looked at it, decided it was going over my head and that it would be better to let the tight end behind me run up and catch the ball, and so I went and blocked the closest guy to me. Unfortunately for me, that tight end bailed without looking for where the kick went so he was nowhere to be found. The kicking team recovered because I was the only person anywhere near it and I was blocking. On film the next day, you could clearly see me look up in the air at the ball, think for a second, and then run away from it. It took me a while to live that down, though they never took me off the return team (I guess because I would have liked that).

That’s pretty much all there is to say. You play Division III sports because you still enjoy the game, not because you had a chance to go pro or wanted to be revered on campus. We played mostly in front of an audience of parents, siblings, and girlfriends, all of whom probably preferred the antics of the goofy Kiltie Band (slogan: don’t you hate pants?) to the football game itself. The team itself was pretty much split on loving the band v. hating them. Most of the student body barely realized that there was a football team, and the athletic field (open to all) was probably used as much for pick-up games of cricket as football.

Playing football prevented taking on a co-op or studying abroad, and I doubt it will ever help me find a job, but I’m pretty sure I would make the same decision again if given the chance. Though maybe I would have attempted to object to being moved to offense.

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Week 2 College Football Preview: The Big 12 Lives Another Day

noreply@blogger.com (Dennis G. Schmuck) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 09:00:00 +0000

Week 2's college football slate is rather lackluster, with only 1 game between top 25 opponents and no Robert Griffin III in uniform. Still, there's always the possibility of an instant classic from a game you wouldn't expect, much like TCU/Baylor last Friday. With that in mind, here's a preview of this weekend's matchups.

Thursday, September 8th

Arizona at Oklahoma State - Ok, this game already happened, but you were probably watching the Packers instead. Can you believe Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy is now 44 years old? Which means the infamous “I'm a man, I'm 40!” press conference was 4 years ago! Or was he just rounding down at the time?

Friday, September 9th

Florida International at Louisville - Florida International quietly had a Boise St. 2007-esque comeback to win the Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl last year. They will try to build on their success in pizza themed football games as they travel to Papa John's Stadium.

Saturday, September 10th

Central Michigan at Kentucky - Kentucky plays its second straight game against a directional school. If it's half as exciting as last week's game, it'll still be 0% exciting.

Iowa at Iowa State - Iowa State facts: Their home opener was available only on the web, and the web site crashed. Their quarterback is named Steele Jantz. It remains a mystery why certain teams are angling to leave the Big 12.

Oregon State at Wisconsin - 2 years after being 1 win away from the Rose Bowl, Oregon St hit a low point last week with an overtime loss to Sacramento St. Last time Mike Riley had 2 straight losing seasons, he was hired to coach the San Diego Chargers. An upset win vs. Wisconsin would help him avoid the same fate.

Toledo at Ohio State - Ohio State continues their tour of lesser Ohio football teams to give themselves a self-esteem boost after a beleaguered off-season.

South Carolina at Georgia - After their strange futuristic looking uniforms against Boise State were overshadowed by Maryland channeling the Red and Yellow Knight from Medieval Times on Monday, Georgia plans to take it a step further this week by debuting their “Bulldog Eating A Peach While Jimmy Carter Gives The Thumbs Up Sign And REM Plays 'Orange Crush' In The Background” shaped helmets.

Mississippi State at Auburn - After their lackluster performance last week against Utah State, Auburn hopes to cure their championship hangover against conference rival Mississippi State, and prove that all of those Tostitos were well earned.

Rutgers at North Carolina - An opening win at North Carolina in 2006 propelled Rutgers into their best season in the school's 137 year football history, and birthed perhaps the best college football themed rap song in the process.

Alabama at Penn State - With all the crazy uniforms we've seen debuted this year, these 2 schools have stuck to their guns with simple colors and designs. Though they may be going too far the other way by broadcasting the game in black and white, banning the forward pass, and making Nick Saban and Joe Paterno wear fedoras.

Nevada at Oregon - 2 explosive offenses and Gus Johnson broadcasting the game? Tune in at your eardrums' own risk.

Stanford at Duke - Using Stanford's top 10 football team despite rigorous academic standards as a model, Duke has no excuse...to not drop their program entirely.

Stony Brook at Buffalo - Continuing Thus Spiked's focus on teams from the northeast no one else cares about, it's The SUNYper Bowl! Stony Brook almost had a signature win when they traveled to El Paso and took the Miners to overtime. Buffalo has fallen flat after a Cinderella MAC championship 3 years ago. Who says college football is irrelevant in New York?

Tulsa at Tulane - Advanced Stat: These 2 teams share 72% of the same letters in their names.

Notre Dame at Michigan - Michigan comes in refreshed after only playing 3 quarters of football last week. Meanwhile, it took Notre Dame 7 hours to lose to South Florida, including 2 weather delays, 2 networks, 5 turnovers, and 9 Brian Kelly coronaries. Michigan 28 Notre Dame 24.

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NFL Week 1 Sneak Preview

noreply@blogger.com (Ross Golowicz) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 09:56:00 +0000

The NFL season kicks off... tonight! Without further ado, here are some things to look for this week, and recaps of some teams' coaching/roster updates.

Thursday, September 8th

New Orleans at Green Bay - Each year since 2004, the defending Super Bowl champs have hosted the first game of the season on Thursday night, and despite the 'Super Bowl hangover' they’ve won all seven of these opening games. Green Bay welcomes Ryan Grant (who did not get Wally Pipp-ed) back to its huddle fold, while New Orleans counters with 41-year-old secret weapon John Kasay. Kid Rock gets the pregame nod over Slipknot.

Sunday, September 11th

Atlanta at Chicago - Hands up if you remembered that Chicago made the NFC Championship last year. Jay Cutler’s finally ready to get back on the field, and he’ll be supported this year by Cowboys castoffs Marion Barber and Roy Williams. Atlanta might be underrated again, and Julio Jones definitely looks like one of the top rookie WR’s from the SEC. This game also features both of the safeties just cut by the Patriots: Brandon Meriweather with the Bears, and James Sanders on the Falcons.

Philadelphia at St. Louis - The Eagles signed every free agent in the league and are guaranteed to win like eight Super Bowls this year. Even though the Rams hired Josh McDaniels as their O.C. and went 4-0 in the preseason, they’re still massive home dogs in this one.

Indianapolis at Houston - As everyone knows, the Colts signed grizzled vet Bart Starr to fill in for Peyton Manning. But the converse problem for them is that three of their starting OL’s are totally unproven. There aren’t injured starters ahead of those guys - the Colts apparently just wanted to keep things interesting for Manning. Oops. Houston switched to a 3-4 defense with Wade Phillips as the new coordinator, so Mario Williams gets to rush from the edge against rookie OT Anthony Castonzo.

Cincinnati at Cleveland - The Bengals’ passing game lost Ochocinco, T.O., and Carson Palmer, and its new top three has a combined one year of experience. On defense they lost Johnathan Joseph and had to settle for second-tier free agents like Nate Clements, Thomas Howard, and Gibril Wilson. They’re looking like one of those teams in Madden that loses all its good players in one offseason, throws a rookie QB to the wolves, and wins seven games over the next three years. Cleveland has a new coach in Pat Shurmur, who’s already an improvement over Eric Mangini because he says things like “Those boots are magical sometimes.”

Buffalo at Kansas City - Dave Wannstedt steps in as assistant head coach / linebackers coach for a Bills defense that was last in the league against the run and only had 27 sacks. Matt Cassel was slammed to the ground in the 2nd quarter of the last preseason game, which might get Todd Haley fired someday. He'll play, but the Chiefs could have been forced to start former Wannstedt protege Tyler Palko at quarterback. Jonathan Baldwin, another Pitt product and first-round pick of the Chiefs, won't play because he broke his thumb punching Thomas Jones in the weight room.

Detroit at Tampa Bay - The Buccaneers' defense depends on three rookies plus a bunch of second- and third-year guys, and they have a backup running back named Kregg Lumpkin. Is 'Kregg Lumpkin' the worst name in the NFL? In all of sports? ...Is this finally the year for the Lions?? The passing game and defensive line look strong, but they don't have a power runner on the roster (besides Keiland Williams, signed early this week). On Nick Fairley's foot injury, Jim Schwartz says "He's out of the boot but not out of the woods." Bad news, 'cause those woods can be magical too.

Tennessee at Jacksonville - The worst offense in the league this year could be the Jaguars'. Besides having Luke McCown as the starting QB, their top WR's are Mike Thomas and Jason Hill. Maurice Jones-Drew was out for most of the preseason and probably isn't totally healthy, and their #2 HB, Rashad Jennings, is already on IR. Mike Munchak and Matt Hasselbeck lead the, uh, resurgent Titans, who aren't gonna score a lot of points either.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore - As usual, the Steelers' only offseason changes involved releasing the veteran starters on the o-line. Jonathan Scott has to be one of the least accomplished left tackles in the league, but if that means Ben Roethlisberger gets hit even more often, I'm fine with it. The Ravens' offense lost Derrick Mason, LeRon McClain, Willis McGahee, and Todd Heap; although they did get Lee Evans and Ricky Williams, they seem way too dependent on Ray Rice. They also shuffled four out of five o-line positions and didn't resign Dawan Landry, so novelist Haruki Murakami opens the season as the starting strong safety.

NY Giants at Washington - Ten years out from 9/11, football coaches are still letting Rex Grossman start. Why do they hate us? This offseason, the Redskins signed a guy named Stephen Bowen, who had 1.5 sacks last year, for the low price of $27 million over five years. The Giants let Steve Smith and Kevin Boss walk in the offseason, didn't add anyone to replace them, and were ravaged by injuries as soon as the lockout ended. Their entire secondary and linebacking corps will be replaced by guys from the FDNY - not just for the opening ceremony, but for the whole game. And the whole season.

Minnesota at San Diego - Marcus McNeill's still nursing an injury and didn't play in any preseason games, so watch out for Jared Allen flying past him into Philip Rivers's face. Also watch out for Vikings special teamers flying into Mike Scifres's face and blocking three or four punts. I heard Donovan McNabb "has something to prove this year" too.

Carolina at Arizona - This time last year, Cam Newton was a 2-0 junior who helped blow out Arkansas State and struggled to get past Mississippi State. Now he returns to the site of the national championship game and gets to test the Cardinals' new Steelers-inspired defense (new coordinator Ray Horton used to coach the Steelers' DB's). Neither of the Cardinals' cornerbacks have started in the NFL though, and both of their OLB's are former Steelers who should have retired when Newton was still at Florida. (Or Cambridge.)

Seattle at San Francisco - Pete Carroll and Jim Harbaugh! Marshawn Lynch and the 49ers run D, which lost Takeo Spikes and Aubrayo Franklin! Frank Gore and his coach's insistence on winning by 40... Don't miss this one. P.S. Ted Ginn won a starting WR job over Braylon Edwards. What?

Dallas at NY Jets - Rex Ryan's brother Rob is the new defensive coordinator in Dallas, so Buddy Ryan's coming out to see the defensive fireworks. Both teams should try to combine for exactly 46 points, but that seems like a pretty high bar. The Cowboys have injury problems at cornerback though, so Plaxico Burress might shoot right to the top of the fantasy standings. The Cowboys also imitated the Steelers in getting rid of all their veteran OL's - they cut Andre Gurode, Leonard Davis and Marc Colombo, replacing each of them with first-time starters.

Monday, September 12th

New England at Miami - The Dolphins let go of their top three running backs from last year, signing Reggie Bush and drafting Daniel Thomas to replace them. Chad Henne remains the quarterback. Chad Ochocinco joined the Patriots and will kick off his 25-TD MVP season in this game. 19-0, 19-0.

Oakland at Denver - In the two meetings between these guys last year, the Raiders ran for 592 yards on 93 carries, scoring 8 TD's. I'm not making that up! They won the game in Denver 59-14. Their roster's missing its top two players from that game though, since Nnamdi Asomugha joined the Eagles' dream team and Zach Miller was somehow allowed to leave for the Seahawks. The Broncos replaced all their coaches and most of their McDaniels-riddled roster in the offseason. Watch out for any play involving #17 for the Raiders and excitable announcers: "Denarius Moore! He's money!"

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Big East Non-Ordinal Power Chord Power Rankings

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 07:01:00 +0000

Based as it is in the Acela region, Thus Spiked probably boasts more Big East fans per capita than any other post-punk sports blog. And if Andy Staples can compare his Top 25 to a bunch of awful TV shows, I can compare the Big East's best teams to some awful little screamo and hardcore bands from their towns. N.b.: comparing things to other things unexpectedly = $$$ unique pageviews!

Yes, we know the Big East football conference has shortcomings. On a positive note, perpetual doormats Temple and Miami left the conference a few years back. This cleared a path to the Orange Bowl for Big East nouveau riche football powers like Louisville, UConn, and Cincinnati.

It also helped USF attain glory in a variety of pizza bowls.

USF Bulls: Reversal of Man

Talk about a reversal! When the Bulls visited Notre Dame Stadium last Saturday, you could totally feel the electricity in the air! Four minutes into the game, USF reversed a Fighting Irish drive by returning a fumble like 90 yards for a touchdown. Eight hours later the USF-Notre Dame game reached its shocking conclusion. To celebrate USF's historic reversal of football fortunes, here's a video from seminal Tampa screamo band Reversal of Man:

Rutgers Scarlet Knights: Lifetime

Rutgers blanked North Carolina Central 48-0 in week one. Nobody outside of New Brunswick watched this game. (Just kidding: the stadium's in Piscataway anyway.) Here's a Lifetime video:

UConn Huskies: Jerome's Dream

UConn beat Thus Spiked's favorite team Fordham last Saturday in its first post-Randy-Edsall Era victory [ed. note: Fordham punted on 3rd down at one point in this game!]. The Huskies should enter Big East conference play 4-0 after their next three games against the New York School of Law, CUNY Graduate Center, and Parsons. Look at this video from Connecticut's state treasure Jerome's Dream:

Pitt Panthers: Rusted Root

What better band to commemorate last weekend's matchup between Rust Belt universities Pitt and Buffalo than Rusted Root? Rumor has it that UPMC has a whole research group working to discover how to awkwardly insert a "Let's Go Pitt!" chant around the chorus to this song by Pittsburgh's greatest musical export:

Cincinnati Bearcats: Cobra Kai

Cincinnati beat Austin Peay 72-10. This video is by Cobra Kai (I don't really know anything about either of 'em):

West Virginia Mountaineers: Lincoln

I'm so glad that Lincoln turned out to be from Morgantown. WVU's matchup with Marshall was also lightning-delayed, giving me ample time to research Morgantown's weird personal rapid transit system. This video about it gives me the creeps.

Syracuse Orange: Earth Crisis

In the most exciting Big East game this weekend, Syracuse knocked off Wake Forest in overtime 36-29. And if you thought that was good, just watch this weird video about Earth Crisis and straight-edge.

Louisville Cardinals: The Shipping News

The Cards struggled offensively against Murray State in a 21-9 victory. When reporters criticized the poor offensive showing, Louisville coach Rick Pitino reminded everybody that no matter how hard they wish, "Stefan LeFors is not walking through that door."

I couldn't find a video of the Guillo-teens from Half-Cocked, so make do with this instead:

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Aaron Maybin Plays Chess With Death

noreply@blogger.com (Thus Spiked) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 07:01:00 +0000

[Editor's Note: Kevin Lincoln is a fan of both the Jets and Ingmar Bergman. He has contributed to GQ.com, The Awl, and other places, and you can follow him on Twitter at @ktlincoln. Without further ado, Thus Spiked Productions presents his original play entitled "Aaron Maybin Plays Chess with Death". Enjoy!]

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Setting is a craggy beach, more a collection of rocks than a sandy decline into the sea. Between a pair of large boulders, Aaron Maybin reclines in his Jets uniform, #51. A chess board sits on another boulder near his knees. Across from him, the black-robed, pale-faced figure of Death kneels, looking at the pieces, which have sort of a kitschy football theme to them—the king is a coach, the queen a quarterback, etc. etc. Death holds a clipboard.

Aaron: Wait. I’m gonna die?

Death: (taken aback) Oh, uh, no. No, that’s not what I’m here about.

Aaron: But you’re Death. The Grim Reaper. That badass angel.

Death: Yep. Yessir.

[Beat.]

But that’s not a full-time thing these days. Life expectancies getting longer, you know. Less death.

Aaron: So then why are you here?

Death: Oh. Well, I do some freelancing.

[Beat.]

Aaron: Yeah?

Death: Um. I’m handling cuts for a bunch of NFL coaches this year. The Grim Cutter, you know. [Makes a scissors motion with his hand.]

Aaron: Aw, shit.

Death: Sorry, dude.

Aaron: Aw, shit man. Again? But I—

Death: Yeah…

Aaron: But I had a sack and a half against Philly. I was hitting the edge like a goddamn torpedo.

Death: You looked good, it’s true.

Aaron: So, Bellore?

Death: Made it.

Aaron: Berning? Both the rookies?

Death: Yup.

Aaron: McIntyre? Over me? I was a first-round… I was the eleventh overall pick! I was an All-American! For Joe Paterno! Joe Pa!

Death: Dude, don’t—

Aaron: Goddamn, man.

Death: You made 24 tackles in two years.

Aaron: But Rex? Rex believed—

Death: Dude, he said the same things about Vernon Gholston. Like, word for word.

[Beat.]

Aaron: Aw, shit.

[Beat.]

Death: So, uh, I’m gonna need your play—

Aaron: WAIT. Wait. Let’s play chess. I’ll play you for a reprieve. I mean, Pat Turner and Payne are both injured, I bet you Turner gets cut. You really think Rex wants two bum WRs sitting on the bench for three weeks when he could have me, chomping on tackles like they’re gorgonzola? I eat pieces of cheese like these broke linemen for breakfast! Or, shit, lunch or dinner, depending if it’s a 1 p.m. or 4 p.m. kickoff. AND PRIMETIME GAMES I GET A LATE-NIGHT SNACK.

Death: Well—

Aaron: Come on, man! I made some sacks against Philly! How can you cut me now? What’s the point of these goddamn preseason games if it doesn’t even matter when we make plays? I mean, seriously, are we just out there to get hurt?

Death: Money for the owners.

Aaron: Well, yeah. WHATEVER. Let’s play.

Death: Ugh. All right. I just don’t want you to start crying in front of me.

Aaron: HELL YEAH. AARON MAYBIN LIVES TO SACK ANOTHER DAY.

Death: Don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ve gotta beat me to make the team. And I’m pretty good.

Aaron: Bro, you’re looking at the Penn State football team’s three-time chess tournament champion.

Death: The Penn State football team has chess tournaments?

Aaron: Joe’s pretty retro.

Death: Ho-kay.

Aaron: COME AT ME, BRO. [Holds out two closed fists.] Pick a hand!

Death: [Taps Aaron’s right hand with his scythe. Aaron opens his hand. In the hand that Death selected is a piece with Patriots colors. In the other, Jets colors.] Ah, the Patriots. How appropriate.

Aaron: You do sort of look like Belichick, in that little hood of yours.

Death: I do not look like Bill Belichick!

Aaron: You sort of do.

[Fade. ]

Scene II.

Maybin, still in his uniform, playbook clutched tight to his chest, walks into a sports bar. The bar itself is spare and paneled in brown oak, Jets memorabilia dotting the walls, and toward the middle of the set, a man wearing a Sanchez jersey stands atop a ladder, painting scenes from the Jets’ last two AFC championship losses: Peyton Manning connecting with Dallas Clark on the sidelines, Cromartie getting beat, Shonn Greene getting stonewalled.

Aaron: What you painting, man?

Dude: The plague of the New York Jets.

Aaron: That’s all gonna change. The Jets got Aaron Maybin now.

Dude: Maybin’s gonna get cut.

Aaron: Hell no he isn’t. With Ellis gone, Calvin Pace injured half the time, New York needs any edge-rusher they can find.

Dude: He just isn’t versatile enough to make the roster. 53 men. You’ve got to be able to bring a few different skills to the team. Maybin just sprints at the corner of the o-line. He’s like a dog running into a sliding glass door.

Aaron: Now, just wait a minute.

Dude: Besides which, Muhammad Wilkerson? He’s the future.

Aaron: We’ll see. [Sits. Seethes.]

Dude: Why do you care so much about Maybin, anyway?

Aaron: I’m, uh. I’m sympathetic. Think about it. Guy gets drafted high. Expectations through the roof, you know? And the NFL, nothing guaranteed. Stress every second. Forget whether he’ll be an All-Pro, or a sack machine. He even gonna get paid? From second one, he doesn’t know. How you supposed to perform like that? It sucks, man. And here he is in a scheme, finally, that might suit his skills, not some Chan Gailey Buffalo bullshit. He just needs a chance, man. Sunk in existential cement that hardens every day, it’s no way for a guy to live and try and perform. How you supposed to rush the edge and sack the quarterback when you got cement shoes?

Dude: No guaranteed money is the NFL in a nutshell. Get over it.

Aaron: Shit, I shoulda just played basketball.

[Fade.]

Scene III.

Opens on the beach. Aaron has his helmet on. Death smokes a cigarette.

Aaron: Aw, shit.

Death: One move from checkmate, Maybin. I bet you could make it in the UFL. Hell, Las Vegas would probably sign you just for the press.

Aaron: Whoops! [Aaron faux-slips off the boulder and upsets the board, spilling pieces everywhere. Death waves his scythe, and the pieces reappear in their correct places.]

Death: Dude, seriously? I’m an angel.

Aaron: Always worked at State.

Death: Look, I’m sorry, but this is the nature of the NFL. It’s the cruelest league there is. But just think: You’re trying to make a 53-man roster, and there are 32 teams. 53 times 32 is 1,696 players. NBA’s got what, average 14 players a team? 30 teams? That’s 14 times 30 is 420. Should I really feel sorry for you?

Aaron: When you put it that way.

Death: Checkmate. Well, you bought yourself some time. Did you achieve what you had hoped to achieve?

Aaron: Nah. I’m gonna achieve that right now. [Launches from boulder and spears Death in the chest with his helmet, taking him to the ground. He stands.] YOU MAY BE AN ANGEL, BUT YOU BETTER LEARN TO MOVE IN THE POCKET, SON. NITTANY LIONS HIT HARD.

[Fade to black.]

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Just Relocate or Expand, Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Ross Golowicz) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 07:22:00 +0000

In my recent Madden '11 franchise, I moved the Raiders to Mexico City. “The Mexico City Raiders” is so compelling as a concept that I can’t imagine a world without it anymore, and indeed it came into being on its own, against my intentions - it’s obviously historically necessary. My thinking going into the first year was either to revive the team (a good challenge) or restart it somewhere else. We clawed out an 8-8 record, but the Oakland fans weren’t impressed and attendance was terrible, so I thought “Alright, next year in... Las Vegas?” When relocation offers came in, though, I skipped right past Boston (??) and Los Angeles since it had to be Mexico City, which hadn’t occurred to me at all. Imagine the fan fiction (or news reports) that could be written about Al Davis in the Distrito Federal: bribing, gambling, raving... What a perfect story.¹

But it’s not so far-fetched. How could I have forgotten the best-attended game in NFL history, back in 2005: the Cardinals’ win over the 49ers in front of 103,467 fans in the Estadio Azteca? That was the first regular-season NFL game played outside the U.S., and in retrospect it seems like a clear sign of the league’s new global strategy.

Until then, plans to hook the world on the NFL had come in two main forms. Since 1986 there had been at least one preseason game a year played overseas; for some reason each of these games was called the “American Bowl.” There was also NFL Europe, basically a developmental league, running in fits and starts since 1991.

NFL Europe was already in serious trouble by 2005 though - it was down to just six teams after Barcelona and Edinburgh folded, which also left Amsterdam as the only team outside of Germany. Attendance was generally on the rise, but slowly and from a very low base. Even the dominant Frankfurt squad only drew 33,000, on average, to a stadium of 52,000. Most others didn’t break 20,000.

NFL Europe managed to combine the quality of minor-league play with rosters made up mostly of foreigners (Americans rather than local Europeans), who typically wouldn’t be on the same team or even the same continent from one year to the next. The league shut down in 2007, losing more than $30 million a year by then.

The American Bowls had limited appeal as well. They were extra games at the beginning of the preseason (the first of five for those teams, instead of four), so they were boring even by preseason standards because the starters weren't likely to play at all. So for foreign fans with an interest in world-class American football, neither of those options were very attractive - the games just weren’t that good.

The Cardinals-Niners game in 2005 was an improvement over both of those, since it was a meaningful game between two full-fledged NFL teams. Unfortunately, those teams were coached by Mike Nolan and Dennis Green, and the starting quarterbacks were Josh McCown and Tim Rattay. The 49ers returned two fumbles for touchdowns in the first quarter, but didn’t score after that, losing 31-14. The Cardinals improved to 1-3 thanks to two TD passes by McCown.² Alex Smith also made his NFL debut in this game, relieving Rattay in the second half.³ Yeah, it was ugly.

Even so, the game was a success for the league. In addition to the sheer numbers in attendance, every report noted the excitement of the fans and the plethora of NFL jerseys in the stands. Despite getting booed every time he came out for a cowardly field goal, Neil Rackers said, “It was wonderful. They’re great fans, really into the game, more knowledgeable than I thought they would be. It was probably the best crowd I’ve been around.” McCown gushed, “The MVP of the game? Mexico City. The hospitality was awesome. Even though we got booed, it was a great experience.”

Two years later and just a few months after the demise of NFL Europe, November 2007 saw the first regular-season game played in London, a slopfest between the Giants and Cam Cameron’s Dolphins. Miami lost 13-10, dropping their record to 0-8. Highlights included Eli Manning running (...) for a 10-yard TD and Cleo Lemon throwing a late TD to Ted Ginn. Okay, this was a fucking awful game too. But in terms of publicity it was also a success - more than 500,000 people requested tickets in the first three days they were available.

Believe it or not, there’s been a regular season game in London every year since then. In October 2008 the stars finally aligned, and a half-decent game was played in London between the Saints and the Chargers. The Chargers lost 37-32 and went into their bye week at 3-5, but they managed to pull out the AFC West title with an 8-8 record. 2009 saw a reversion to the mean as the Patriots coasted, 35-7, over a terrible Tampa Bay team which fell to 0-7. Last year’s classic featured Mike Singletary’s 49ers (1-6) and Josh McDaniels’s Broncos (2-5); Troy Smith led the 49ers to a 24-16 win, but the really notable thing about this game was the 49ers practice on Saturday - that’s the one the Broncos illegally taped, thereby getting McDaniels fired a month later. This year, Chicago’s going to play Tampa Bay in October, and right now that looks like a decent matchup, but let’s wait and see which team can implode harder before then.

The next logical step for the NFL is to permanently host a team in a city outside the U.S. Commissioner Goodell has talked about playing the Super Bowl in London in the near future, and there’s been rampant speculation about planting a team there full-time, whether by expansion or relocation. The biggest obstacle here is geographic; London would be the longest trip for every other team in the league, even those on the east coast. Both teams selected for the London game currently get a bye the following week, but trying to stretch that across a schedule with eight U.K. games would be a nightmare. And the London team itself would probably have to play four or five consecutive games on the road, followed by month-long homestands. The fans demand travel parity! Let’s not even get into the problem of ‘one salary cap, two currencies.’

Toronto, meanwhile, has hosted one regular-season Bills game a year since 2008. This might look like ominous, slow-motion relocation, but in fact it makes the Bills more likely to stay in Buffalo. Canadian fans getting behind the Bills and buying tickets and jerseys is much better for the team than... no one buying them. Attendance figures aren’t all that bad - Buffalo averaged 63,000 fans at seven home games last year, 86% of capacity. In terms of raw numbers that’s 22nd in the league, one step ahead of Pittsburgh (!), which was at 97% capacity in a smaller stadium.

But the economics of the immediate region make it tough to translate fan support into revenue. The Bills’ average ticket price was among the lowest in the league at $59, while the Steelers were able to charge about 25% more. Bills' merchandise is also, shockingly, not among the top sellers in the league (merchandise revenue from all teams is pooled and shared equally, but teams can also work out side deals and keep that revenue - the Bills don't do as well there as, say, the Cowboys). Toronto also already has a strong CFL team, and if the Bills are going to stay in Buffalo (with fans in Ontario), they wouldn’t put up with more NFL competition right in their backyard.

Will we ever see the Mexico City Raiders? Or the London Bills?⁴ The Raiders are actually a great candidate for relocation - they had the worst home attendance in the league last year at only 46,000 per game (73% capacity). We already know Al Davis isn’t shy about packing up and moving. Mexico also has a strong college football tradition, a rarity outside of the U.S., U.K., Canada, and Japan.⁵ The Raiders are already one of the biggest NFL teams in Mexico since their games in the glory days of the 70s were often on TV there. So come on, make it happen!

It’ll take some time - there realistically won’t be a team in Mexico in the short term because of the security situation - but it makes too much sense not to happen in the long term. I still hope to read a Yahoo Sports exclusive that goes something like this:

Hue Jackson: We’re crossing the border next year, dog.
Jacoby Ford: How do you know?
Hue Jackson: The phone just rang.

1 - It turns out that the culturally sensitive Madden programmers let you sell tacos instead of burgers in Mexico City, and on fan appreciation day you have the option to give away, um, maracas or cacti. There weren’t any Spanish-language banners in Davis Field, though. The audio wasn’t set up to handle “Mexico City” either - the announcers would just say ‘the home team’ or nothing at all. During the draft, the P.A. guy still said “Oakland Raiders” at least once, and I swear I heard “Topeka is now on the clock” in the fifth round.
2 - Kurt Warner was on the cover of the game-day program, but was hurt and didn’t play.
3 - Interestingly (or not), McCown is now the 49ers’ third-stringer behind Smith and Colin Kaepernick. Unless he gets cut.
4 - I planned as much with my previous Bills franchise... but accidentally won too many games and revived the fanbase. There was no way to stab them in the back after that (and no relocation offers), so I turned up the difficulty and started over.
5 - There are pro and semi-pro leagues throughout Europe and even Asia and Latin America (stay tuned to Thus Spiked for more on those), but almost all of them are club teams based in the community at large, rather than at universities.

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