Blog of Trevor Tierney

THERE IS A MIKE RICE IN ALL OF US

Trevor Tierney — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 14:05:13 +0000

In the past week, a news story caught fire in the media about the Rutgers basketball head coach, Mike Rice, who was caught being verbally and physically abusive towards his players out on the court during both practices and games (you can read more and see video on this Bleacher Report link). His behavior and actions are completely unacceptable and he should have been fired long ago, when his assistant coach made the administration aware of the problem.

With that being said though, I am always deeply suspicious when these big stories come out in the media, when everyone is completely outraged and one person is demonized. Usually when a story attracts such huge attention, it is because it connects with people on a certain level. Also, there is the notion of witnessing the “shadow” within the collective unconscious, which means that we see the dark side that is a part of all of us.

The reason that Rice is being vilified, and rightfully so, is that he crossed the line of acceptable behavior in the sports world when he started to become physically abusive of his players by pushing them, punching them, kicking them and throwing basketballs at them. His verbal abuse was extreme as well, using homophobic language and attacking players personally. His termination is justified and his $100,000 bonus that he received on the way out is laughable.

However, many coaches behave like Rice in that they view the sports world as an acceptable place to vent their anger. It is deemed acceptable for coaches to yell at their players and referees. Some eyebrows might get raised and people might comment on it, but no one gets fired and the world keeps turning. Furthermore, many people in all walks of life behave like this, as they yell at their kids, partners, co-workers or flip off strangers as they drive on the freeway! I will fully admit that I am not immune to this behavior either, although I continue to work on it and grow past reacting in that way.

So, in getting back to my main point, how are we all the same as Rice, who we hold in such contempt? We are like him in that we are all violent towards other people when we react and blame others for our own anger. Anytime we feel angry and we project that outwards into the world, then we are being violent towards others. Whether we start a war, we kill, we punch, we yell at, or we insult, we are being violent towards another human being. Other than self-defense (which is another topic unto itself), there are absolutely no acceptable reasons, excuses, or venues for this type of behavior. None.

Here are some steps that we can take to grow and evolve past this way of reacting, and move towards a more powerful way of responding :

1. Mentally prepare. What are some ways in which we act angry in our lives? Do we get road rage? Do we yell at co-workers or our players or teammates? We can ask some people close to us what some of our behaviors are when we get angry, so we can catch ourselves in the act the next time around.

2. Breathe. To be able to be present enough in our body to witness our emotions, we have to come back to our breath. This is why meditation is such a powerful vehicle for personal growth. When we start to mentally notice that we are behaving in some of our angry ways, then we can try not to do anything other than stop and breathe.

3. Feel. After we are able to be present in our bodies, then we can actually feel what is going on in them. We can simply feel what it is like to be angry. Is there some burning in our chest or belly? Is their tightness in our body? When I feel angry, I feel a very tight constriction through my throat and chest and my whole body tenses up and gets hot. It is definitely not a pleasant experience, but one that I have learned to be accepting of. It is important for us to try and feel our anger as we breathe for as long as we can.

4. Accept that we are angry. We all have every right to get angry. The anger itself is not the problem. The problem is when we project that anger outwards into violence. Anger itself though is a completely natural and valid emotion within our human experience. Being with our anger unconditionally and not trying to “feel better” is the key to growth here.

5. Notice the trigger. The problem is when we take that anger out on the other person or issue that caused our anger, we are not solving anything. We are just reacting to the outside world and creating more drama. The person or situation that causes our anger is simply a trigger to the anger that already exists within us. Usually, the people who are closest to us or the situations that we care about the most, are the strongest triggers for us. When we say something mean, or yell at, or hurt someone mentally, emotionally or physically in any way, then we are being violent towards other people, and many times it is someone we actually love!

6. Rinse and repeat. Anger does not go away quickly. We need to practice this over and over and over again throughout our lives. I have been aware of this type of work for a few years now, and I continue to make mistakes with this process. I just come back to it time and again, knowing each time that I do, I am growing as a person and I am making the world a little less violent.

I have a lot of compassion for a guy like Rice (although I have more for his players). Underneath all of his anger, I am pretty sure that there is a lot of sadness. Most likely, someone was abusive towards him in the ways in which he is now abusing, which is very sad. That does not excuse him though, as we all must take personal responsibility for our anger and learn to respond to it in a mature manner. We are all capable of ending the cycle of violence, no matter how imbedded it is into our psyches.

When a story like Rice's comes out into the public, it’s really easy for us to be politically correct and self-righteous and say, “Look at that monster. I can’t believe what a terrible person he is!". Many people could also point at me and say, “Well Trevor, I’ve seen you get angry before out on the field and this is how you act!”. Or they might point a finger at my overly emotional father, a lacrosse coach who yells at referees all the time. There are countless individuals in the public eye or in athletics that could be called out. And you know what? They are completely right! I am certainly not perfect and I know that most of the people around me admit to the fact as well.

My point is though, how can we all commit each day to responding to our own anger? Can we all look in the mirror and see how most of us behave in the same way in one way or another? Maybe it is in a less extreme or more socially acceptable manner, and maybe it is behind closed doors, but almost all of us direct our anger out into the world, towards family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. That is violence, which is unacceptable in any form.

As we go through this practice of processing our anger, we will notice the difference between intensity and assertiveness, as compared to anger. On the sports field, we can shout and yell (to our heart’s content) out instructions or teachings to our players with a positive energy. We can assert ourselves and maintain healthy boundaries if someone wrongs us in some way. We do not become weak and “soft”, but become people who are strong, powerful, composed and confident. All of these experiences will come with time as we practice simply being with our anger in an unconditional way.

We all talk about wanting the world to be a more peaceful place. We all want to love others and be happy. A great way for us to start working towards these goals is just to learn to be with our anger without directing it into the world.

UNDER ARMOUR IS ENLIGHTENED : THE POWER OF "I WILL"

Trevor Tierney — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 14:45:07 +0000

In the past few months or so, Under Armour launched their new company slogan “I Will”. This story, which has had a few twists and turns in the news, caught my attention from the very beginning as I saw the power behind those two words, “I Will”. It is such a strong slogan and so loaded, that it made me wonder who UA has working in their marketing department; maybe some highly acclaimed developmental psychologist, or quantum physicist, or maybe even the Dalai Lama? It seems to me that UA sees the evolution and direction in which sports can move for the development of individual human beings and athletes, and not just the inflation of high-profile sport stars. With the popularity and reach of UA, this one slogan could have a deep impact on athletes everywhere, if it is seen in the correct light.

So, you will have to bear with me a second as I share some history in developmental psychology. First, there is an ever evolving area in psychology with the fancy label, “Post-Autonomous Developmental Psychology”. Basically, this area of study looks at how people develop after the basic childhood stages that everyone learns about in PSY 101. Many of us believe that once we reach adulthood, then that is it and we are done growing! But, these psychologists, theories and studies in Transpersonal Psychology show that reaching adulthood is really only the beginning and that we can continue to grow and evolve towards higher levels of development throughout our entire lives.

In fact, this pursuit for each of us to grow individually should really be at the top of our priority list in life as the future of our earth and our children depend upon it. Much of our society is stuck in the same level of development as most teenagers. This is what people are seeing when they ask, “Why is our Congress behaving like a bunch of children?”. Well, that is what many of those people are on psychological, emotional and spiritual levels. They ARE children in many ways! Changing them is not the answer, though. Changing ourselves and committing to growth and development is how we can make the world a better place.

So, what does this have to do with sports and Under Armour and “I Will”? There is no one short answer for that question. This is really my passion and becoming my life’s work as I want to examine how sports is a practice and a path towards higher levels of development for human beings.

For this discussion, let’s look at the words “I” and “Will” through the eyes of one of our forefathers in Transpersonal Psychology. Roberto Assagioli was one of the first human psychologists to ever propose higher levels of development in adults back in 1910. Assagioli proposed a two stage model for adulthood in which adults could develop to higher levels. First though, he had to define what was being developed within people. As a starting point in explaining his theory, Assagioli defined “I” as being “consciousness and will”. (So, actually UA could have saved some ink on their logo and just made it “I” but it’s not quite as catchy.) Assagioli has a multi-tiered explanation of consciousness on various levels, but on its most simple terms, he is interested in the “witness” behind the I.

So, when you lift your arm in the air, who is the "I” that is lifting your arm? When you hear something, who is the “I” that is listening? When you kick a ball, or swing a bat, or score a goal, who is the “I” that did that? Where is that “I”? Assagioli would say that the I is the witness of all that. So, when you breathe right now as you read this sentence, “I” is the awareness of doing those things as you do them. Assagioli was deep man!

So, the first part of “I Will” is the idea of consciousness, awareness and witness. Furthermore, Assagioli was also very interested in “Will”. Actually, he was so interested in it, he wrote a whole book about it, entitled “The Act of Will”. As described in an article by Stuart Miller, Assagioli’s concept of will is defined as, “The will serves, quite simply, as the directing energy for all other psychological functions.” These functions include, “intuition, thinking, emotion, sensation, desire / impulse, and imagination”.

Now, how does this relate with sports? Well, as Assagioli believes, “In most cases, the discovery of the will is not so dramatic, but we do discover it in action. When we are making a physical or mental effort, when we are working against some obstacle, we can feel a power, a special energy in us, and we experience the sense of will or willing. In these cases, however, it is often mixed with a welter of impulses, desires, hopes.” If that does not make you excited about using sports as a way to self-discovery and growth, I do not know what will! Athletics are the perfect path through physical, mental and emotional challenges that can allow us to discover our own will. In the process, we can also discover our true self more fully and grow and evolve through that discovery.

So, when Under Armour says “I Will”, the meaning that I see is that we can participate in sports in this amazingly deep and powerful way. Instead of just trying to win games, or championships or trophies to be dedicated towards for (although those are important goals for us to have in order to challenge ourselves fully enough), we are growing into higher levels of development as human beings, and therefore being a gift to the world that needs us the most. When we say, “I Will” as athletes, the slogan can mean something like this, “I will participate in my chosen sport from a place of power and energy within myself that comes from a deep connection to God or source or the universe (or whatever you want to call it) through complete presence, full participation and commitment.”

I’m not sure that is what UA wants it to mean (I actually believe that they made this slogan in a way that each individual can tailor it to themselves, which is brilliant), but the power behind the meaning is immense. It transforms sports from something you “just do” into something that grows and evolves you into your highest self and way of being. To me, that is what life is all about and athletics are just a practice, or a discipline in strengthening ourselves in that way. There is truly nothing more exciting to me than this vision for athletics and for our youth! If we can evolve sports more towards this focus and pursuit, then the power and excellence that athletes would walk out into the world with, would be revolutionary.

DEDICATED TO EXCELLENCE

Trevor Tierney — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 18:10:11 +0000

Welcome to my new blog and professional services website at www.trevortierney.co. I have been writing a blog for a couple years now in the lacrosse world and I felt like it was time for my topics to become a little bit broader. (My old TIER Lacrosse site will be coming down soon as it has caused a bit of confusion in the work that I do. I still continue to be heavily involved in the game through our Tierney Lacrosse LLC which runs camps, clinics, teams and tournaments, as well as coaching at the University of Denver.) I am also currently working on obtaining my masters' degree in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology at Naropa University, after already having my bachelors' degree in Psychology at Princeton University. My goal in the next few years is to become a performance coach and counselor who works with athletes, young and old, to help them reach their true excellence both on and off the field. This new blog site focuses on that objective for all athletes, coaches and parents.

Athletics and sports are some of the most powerful physical, mental, emotional and spiritual practices that people can engage themselves in our modern society. For the most part though, we relegate our participation in sports as simply a means to an end and tie our entire identity into what we do as an athlete. We are programmed through our culture to play to win championships, trophies, awards, contracts, fame and the list goes on and on. There is nothing wrong with striving towards achieving these goals. However, the journey is more important than the destination.

As athletes, whether it is after practice, a game, or our careers, our sport ends and we have to participate in life. We have to be sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, colleagues, schoolmates and friends. We have to show up for those parts of our life, just as much as we show up on the field. These two motivations are interdependent, if not one in the same. The person who we are off the field shows up in our games. The athlete we are on the field shows up in our life.

My passion and pursuit is to explore this relationship within ourselves as human beings and as athletes. In doing so, I hope to discover how athletes can reach their highest level of being and performance on the field and in their every day life. As this exploration allows for me to grow, I hope to support others in the process.

Using sports as a practice in development can be an essential part of a young person's life. With that vast amount of information and technology that exists today, our younger generations are bombarded with confusing messages. Supporting them in making sense of it all, with a direct physical participation in their given athletic pursuit, can allow them to find great happiness and success in their lives. The same goes for older athletes who have never been given the same guidance, so they can find deeper meaning through their on-field victories and accomplishments and live a more fulfilling life.

This blog is dedicated towards that pursuit of excellence that resides in each one of us. We have this beautiful gift of life and it is our responsibility to make the most out of each and every second of it. My work is to first do this myself, and then in the process, support other athletes who are interested to do the same.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog! You can subscribe to this blog and have them sent to your email through FeedBurner. I look forward to interacting with you with any feedback, questions, comments or concerns that you might have through Twitter, Facebook or email.

LOSING IS DEATH

Trevor Tierney — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 17:06:54 +0000

"When you learn how to die, you learn how to live."
- Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom

Two weekends ago, our University of Denver men’s lacrosse team lost to Penn State in our second game of the season. We played miserably on defense and gave up way too many easy goals. As a volunteer assistant who helps out with the goalies and the defensemen, it was a bit embarrassing. I felt like I had done a terrible job preparing them for the Nittany Lions and that I had let them down in a way.

After the game, I felt miserable. I have written about this before, but losing is just not a fun experience. In fact, losing is painful. I have played or coached in athletics now for almost three decades and the losses never get any easier! I always experience a fair amount of grief after each loss and after my experience this past weekend, I really tried to sit with that feeling and see what it was all about.

A good friend of mine, Rob McNamara, has written a soon to be released book entitled, “The Elegant Self”. In it, he discusses the idea of the annihilation of certain aspects of our selves and our egos. He writes, “The sincere experience of annihilation can surface in a an intense confrontation with survival even when safety is of no actual concern.” I read this line in his book as we were traveling home to Denver after our loss and immediately texted Rob, “Losing in sports is annihilation!”. I realized that athletics are a perfect practice for us to experience this confrontation in life, make some sense of it and grow through it.

Our athletic experiences can have some very clear parallels to a certain type of death. When we fully commit to a sport, we are trying to “survive” by winning. If we lose, we may not get to play another day in the playoffs. It is also interesting to notice our term for overtime rules in many sports, which we call “sudden death”. The idea of losing literally meaning death may stem back to when the Mayans played a ball game that was steeped in ritual and spiritual meaning. After their games, which attracted huge numbers of people, the winners were awarded a feast and celebration, while the leader of the losing team was actually sacrificed and killed!

Fortunately for us today (I would have been killed several times over by now if I had been a Mayan goalie), there are ways in which athletics provides a more symbolic and subtle level of a death experience. After a loss, we are humbled. Whatever ways in which we see ourselves as superior to others, or any part of our ego that puts itself above others, are quickly brought down to reality after a loss. We can poignantly experience this wake-up call and see that we are just as fallible as anyone else in this world and we are not perfect in many ways. These are beneficial deaths for us to experience as they maintain our humility.

Another way in which we can experience death after a loss is that it allows us to let go of old ways of being. Our world is constantly evolving and changing. We must continue to grow with the universe or get left behind. So, many times a loss allows us to look at ways of being - both playing and coaching - that we may have to let go of. Perhaps our way of doing things is not working anymore and we need to come up with new ideas or approaches in order for us to succeed another day.

In the past, I have also written, “Winning Does Not Matter” and I still believe that. In that blog, I wrote about how it is important for us to strive to be our best and not attach our identity to wins, trophies or championships. So, that may sound counter-intuitive to what I am writing about here and it is in some ways. The other night, I was discussing this idea of losing as annihilation with Rob and his fiancé Brooke, who noted, “Winning and losing mean everything and nothing,” and she was completely right!

We are fighting to survive when we decide to pour ourselves passionately into competition. When we win, our highest aspects of ourselves have succeeded and proved themselves to be great on that given day. When we lose, our less integrated ways of being have failed us in a way and those parts of ourselves are destroyed by our opponents. We are disappointed in not having displayed our talents from our most optimal way of performance. We must die to those ways of being and playing that have not allowed us to compete at the highest level, so we can have success later.

So, what is the practice? For everyone, it will vary greatly, but I believe there are certain steps that people can take to let parts of themselves die after a loss and become greater in the process :

1. Feel. What do we feel after a loss? By experiencing our feelings after a loss, it may allow us to grow and see blind spots within ourselves that are holding us back from greatness. For example, these feelings that we experience after a loss may be what we fear the most before going into a game. If we fear feeling sad, then we may fear loss like death! The more we can feel that sadness after a loss, the less we will fear it the next time around.

2. Do not run away! This is one of the many reasons why it is important for athletes to practice staying sober after a loss instead of running out to a party to get wasted. The more present that we can be with ourselves after competition, the more we can learn through the experience.

3. Be suspicious of grandeur. After we lose, it is the perfect time for us to reevaluate and grow from our mistakes. One way we can do this is to look at the ideas that we hold about why we are great at something. For instance, maybe a player thinks he is a great scorer, but could have helped his team by passing the ball more in that game. It is always in important for us to be self-aware so that we can continue to grow and get better.

4. Stay balanced. It is important for us to recognize that while we might be sad or disappointed about a loss, we can still be grateful for many things in life. Especially in a team setting, we are surrounded by our teammates, coaches, families and friends, who still love us, win or lose! Certain aspects of ourselves might be dying, but we can recognize those things in our life that are still very much alive!

We can use this same practice in all aspects of our life. We can constantly strive to be our best and offer ourselves to the world in optimal ways of being each and every day. Many times, we will succeed and many times we will fail, no matter what we do! We must risk everything and nothing at the same time.

FOLLOW-UP : THE WISDOM OF THE LAX BRO

Trevor Tierney — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 20:02:09 +0000

How dare you Trevor! What are you some sort of flip-flopping politician?! Or have you just gone crazy? That's the imagined response that I believe that I will receive to this next blog, which I am creating a week after I wrote, "An Open Letter to Lax Bros : Respect the Game". Usually, I am a bit more critical of myself than others are though, so I might be overdramatizing it a bit.

It's seems in our culture that we are very prone to taking one extreme side or the other. For example, on the issue of gun-control rights, one person might make the logical argument that there should be more background checks for gun owners. However, in our society, there is this huge backlash from that statement that says, "You can't take my guns! This is my second amendment right to bear arms!". From the other side, someone might make the logical argument that there our country needs to do a better job in the mental health department and be more attentive to the needs of people with psychological disorders. The huge backlash comes back at them saying, "Well crazy people wouldn't kill so many people unless they didn't have guns! So, we should just do without guns altogether!". The bickering goes on and on, people entrench themselves in their stances and nothing gets resolved.

By the way, PLEASE note that I am not taking one side on this gun issue one way or the other. That's the last thing I need right now. All I am saying is that we really seem to struggle having a sensible conversation in the middle ground. That sense of extremes seems to be reflected in our society in many ways. There are either staunch Republicans or liberal Democrats. There are drunks or teetotalers. There are jocks or nerds. Good people and bad people. Religious fundamentalists or hell-bound atheists.

The nature of life though, is that there is a middle ground in everything that we do, say, believe or feel. Our limited amount of perception only allows us to witness so much that is going on in the world around us. For example, there is a wide spectrum of light, but our eyes and brains only allow us to take in a certain range of colors. There is an enormous range of sound waves that our ears are not able to pick up on at all. So, we might believe we have the right answer, but that is only a thought in our head. We might judge something to be good or bad, but that is simply our own subjective experience. Unfortunately, the consciousness of our own experience is not that simply explained.

So, last week when I wrote "An Open Letter to Lax Bros : Respect the Game", I received a number of responses. Some people wrote to me or commented along the lines of, "Trevor, thank you so much for writing that. I'm so tired of this lax bro culture in our sport. We need to end that whole thing!". I was appreciative of those responses as they seemed to be understanding my main point and wanting to change the negative attitude in the game. The only problem with that mentality is that it blames the lax bro, instead of noticing that there is a strong, but not all-inclusive, correlation between the image and attitude. Another response was basically, "Trevor, what are you, some sort of old fogey? This is just kids having fun and expressing their individuality and being themselves. Who made you God of how people should live in the lacrosse world?". I was appreciative of those responses as well as it allowed me to see some of the points that I may have missed and forgot to examine in that topic. However, those responses overlooked the fact that I can only write about so much in one blog and that I had actually touched on those topics in previous writings. But, you know what? Both sides are completely right! And they are also wrong. Just like me!

How can that possibly be? Well, there is always a middle ground. Never once in that article did I say that there was anything wrong, per se, with wearing certain clothes, or having a hair style, or talking a certain way, or being interested in certain things, or behaving in certain ways. Like I wrote in the first paragraph, that would be like the pot calling the kettle black as I certainly went through various trends in the game and ways of being as I grew and matured throughout the years. A third response that I received from guys who most people would consider well-known lax bros, was, "Thank you for showing that there is a difference between the outside appearance of what people think of as a lax bro and the mentality that has been used to define those people." Those lax bros who had actually lived the balance of both sides, were able to most clearly see the message that I was trying to get across.

My main point was that it is important to respect the game (as the title implies) and to care and play the game to the best of your ability. This does not mean that all players who look like lax bros do not care. The lax bro culture simply gets represented by that attitude many times. For example, many people look at Connor Martin as the king of all lax bros! He has long hair, he is from the west coast, he helped inspire and lead a company that sells crazy neon-colored apparel and he is the singer and songwriter for a band that is becoming very popular. His nickname is Con-Bro Chill! But, you know what? The real-life Connor Martin that I have met and gotten to know a bit, cares about lacrosse as much as anyone I have ever seen! He gives back to the game in various ways, he trains hard in the off-season to play in the MLL and he loves the game and plays it passionately.

So, when I wrote an open letter to lax bros, it wasn't to all lax bros. It was simply to the lax bros that were misunderstanding what this game could be about for them. And it's not because I think that I'm right on how someone should play the game. It's more from my experience and from the teachings of others, that when you pour your heart into something, you are going to get more out of it.

But, what if we were to turn this topic completely around and see what we could learn from lax bros? Here are some of the lessons that we could learn from them :

1. Have fun with the game! Sports are fun to play, no doubt. That is why we start playing them when we are young, in the first place. When we lose our joy in playing, then our performance can suffer and the game can lose all meaning. So, if a lax bro reminds us that we should be playing for fun, then they are right. But, be careful…having fun does not mean playing without passion or intensity or working hard in the game. And having passion and dedicating yourself to the game, does not mean making it an all-encompassing aspect of your life in which you have no other interests. There is a fine-line and balance in all of this.

2. Be an individual! Lax bros certainly seem to scream individuality at times. Different colored apparel, sticks, equipment. An attitude that tells the world, "I am my own man". There is the sense that you can be an individual within a team setting. We all have our own talents and personalities and it is important to bring those various traits to our team and still be in cooperation with the other coaches and players. At the same time, it is important to ask ourselves, "Am I trying to be myself? Or am I just trying to be like all the other lax bros?". Learning to bring our best foot forward as an individual to a team setting can be an invaluable lesson for us down the road.

3. Rage against the machine! There is a certain feeling of being counter-culture in the image of a lax bro that has always been an important aspect of every generation. Every decade witnesses a new uprising, especially among the more youthful people of the time, that allows us to grow and evolve as a people. Lax bros can bring innovation and creativity to the game that could get stagnant and boring. Imagine if we were still playing lacrosse like it was back in the 80s or 90s? (Not to say that was bad lacrosse by any means! I love watching old games.) But, it's important for everything to evolve and grow and remain fresh. It keeps things interesting and pushes us to greater heights.

So, with all that being said, I have a certain respect for the lax bro culture as well as having some reservations about it. One of my favorite lessons that I learned from a good friend and teacher of mine was, "Be suspicious about everything!". That includes are own thoughts, judgements and beliefs. When I started receiving all this praise and argument over my open letter to lax bros, I started to become suspicious of my own stances. I needed to clarify that for myself and now I am sharing that with any one who reads this silly blog as well.

The last thing I want to say about all this is that I write this blog for fun. Nerd alert! I would be writing these things whether or not anyone at all ever looked at them. I just enjoy writing and philosophizing on the things that matter to me the most. Please do not ever take these blogs as some sort of authoritarian voice on any matter. If anything, read what I have to say if you enjoy it and then formulate your own opinion. And then, question that opinion too.

The only thing we can sure about in this world, is that there is a lot that we don't know. There is a great amount of beauty in the middle ground, in the space of not-knowing, where we can learn and evolve the most from. As much as we might love or despise some things, it is exciting to realize that there is wisdom in everything.

AN OPEN LETTER TO LAX BROS : RESPECT THE GAME

Trevor Tierney — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 04:11:03 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, there was an amazing article in the opinion section of the New York Times entitled, "How to Live Without Irony" by Christine Wampole, a professor at Princeton University. Professor Wampole commented on our society's infatuation with living in an ironic manner (using the example of hipsters, among others) and not living in a "direct" manner. As I read it, I could not help but see a direct parallel with our own sub-culture within the game of lacrosse, commonly referred to as "lax bros".

Now, this is not about judging anyone, anything or any aspect in particular, within the lax bro culture. If you want to grow a mullet or "flow", good for you. I've had a mohawk or two throughout my life. If you want to wear lacrosse shorts that look like an amateur designer vomited color and clip-art all over them, then I'm not going to stop you. Trust me, I have made some questionable decisions over the course of my life considering fashion. You should know that I grew up in a time where we "tight-rolled" plaid cotton pants for a year or two so that we could look like MC Hammer. I also have pictures of my 11 year-old self wearing acid washed jeans with cargo pockets along with Jordans. I have absolutely no room to talk (although a conversation with my parents is in order about how they let me out of the house looking like that). Furthermore, everyone has the right to behave and choose however they damn well please. So, this isn't about that.

Where I do believe that I have the right to say something about this topic, is from a place of caring about a sport that I grew up with. I was born into a family where lacrosse meant the world to us. Literally. My father's dedication and success in the game as a coach put food on our table. I looked up to and respected his colleagues and players more than anyone else in the world. My goal was to be the best that I could possibly be in the game and I worked my entire boyhood life to try and reach that goal. Along the way, I learned invaluable lessons about myself and others through the hours and hours that I poured into the game. My world and life was shaped by a simple game with a stick and ball.

Furthermore, the growth of the game that I have witnessed throughout my life has been nothing short of extraordinary. When I was young from six to nine years old, I grew up in the epicenter of lacrosse, in Baltimore, MD. My father was then hired at Princeton University in 1988 and we packed up our things and moved to New Jersey. When we got there, I was so disappointed to find little going on in the way of other kids playing lacrosse. Most of my school mates barely knew what the game was. My father and some other great men in our community started the Hopewell Valley lacrosse league. The first year it was about 20 players, ranging in age from 8 to 15 and we just went out on the field. Today, that league is one of the biggest youth and high school lacrosse associations in the country!

Since moving out to Colorado in 2001, I have witnessed the game continue to grow in the same manner throughout the western United States. When I travel to California, Texas, Oregon, Utah or Arizona and see a kid with a lacrosse t-shirt on or carrying his stick down the street, it brings me so much pride and happiness. I know that the game is touching countless lives throughout our country and world and I hope that it brings as much to everyone as it did to my own life.

Now, my point in this little history lesson is to illustrate that this game is truly great! It is great in the way that it should be highly respected by anyone that participates in it, in whatever role they play. To relegate this sacred game to some style or immature attitude, as the lax bro way of being seems to point towards, shows a complete disrespect and ignorance of what it is truly all about.

Furthermore, it is important to understand where this idea of "lax bro" was created. I started seeing this culture in its infancy when I was in college (although I am open to the possibility that it started long before that). I started to notice that due to the fact that there was no professional lacrosse at the time, that some players looked at the game as a joke and not as a real way of making a living. There was an attitude that pervaded some players and teams that I came across, that it was not cool to care.

This is exactly how Professor Wampole described hipsters in her article :

"The ironic frame functions as a shield against criticism. The same goes for ironic living. Irony is the most self-defensive mode, as it allows a person to dodge responsibility for his or her choices, aesthetic and otherwise. To live ironically is to hide in public. It is flagrantly indirect, a form of subterfuge, which means etymologically to “secretly flee” (subter + fuge). Somehow, directness has become unbearable to us."

In the same way, lax bros take on the lifestyle and attitude that proclaims, "I am way too cool to care about a stupid sport like lacrosse…how juvenile." The haircuts, the dress, the laid-back attitude and most importantly, the lifestyle decisions, all scream to the world, "I'm way too cool to care about being a great athlete, a great ambassador, a great example for the game of lacrosse." The ironic aspect of this standpoint is that these same people want to use our game as a way to look cool to outsiders. So, a lax bro is someone who is too cool to care about the game, but will use it for their own gain.

For me to say that this all points towards the fact that these people are all scared of failure, or scared of success for that matter, would be a bit presumptuous and over-simplified. My point is that, for whatever reason, lax bros do not want to be seen as people who strive for greatness. If they are in fact talented enough to reach the pinnacles of the sport, while still maintaining their lax bro image, then they can contend that they never really cared, and they were just that good. In either case, they are phonies because they are inauthentic in the highest sense of the word. Even worse, their projection of our game to the outside world is a bastardized version that holds no true meaning of what lacrosse is really all about.

Here's the deal if you really want to be a lacrosse player, and not just some lax bro. When you sign up to play lacrosse for the first time, you are signing up to play a very tough and brutal sport. I have seen teammates and friends severely injured for life playing this sport. I still deal with the scars that I incurred from playing on a daily basis.

You are signing up to play a game that has been played for hundreds of years by the native people of the continent that we now inhabit. This is a game that those people played for their God or Creator, their spirit, their own training and their own joy. It is important for us to have a deep respect for those people that created the game that we now get to enjoy.

You are choosing to play a game that has been grown by people all over the world, that have dedicated their own time and energy, to grow the sport so that people like you, could have a chance to play it. There is a long history of great players who have helped evolve this game to what it is today. It is humbling to see that each one of us is just a very small, but important part of that growth and evolution.

So, if you are going to choose to play this game, then play it and practice it with the most intensity and passion that you possibly can. Realize that no piece of equipment, no pair of shorts, no socks, no new stick, no haircut, no uniform, nor custom helmet, will ever make you a true lacrosse player.

The only way you can truly become a lacrosse player is by pouring your heart and soul into it and trying to be the best at it that you possibly can be. Maybe you won't play pro lacrosse or in a NCAA Final Four. Maybe you won't even choose to play in high school. But, as long as you are going to do something in life, then do it to the best of your ability and truly care about it.

This in itself, is the most important point of examining this issue. We are only here in this world for a very short time when you think about it. I know when I was in high school and college, I just figured that life lasted forever and I could just let my limitless days waste away in one way or another. That changes quickly as you grow into adulthood and the years seem to pass by faster and faster.

This lesson, that lacrosse or any sport for that matter, can teach us is to live fully and authentically each and every day. One thing I notice as a coach of youth and high school lacrosse teams is there seems to be a sudden closing down and self-consciousness, once a young man reaches high school. The teams that I work with in which the players are under 15 years old seem to have fun and truly care about the game. They laugh and joke with each other and the coaches. They are intensely caring and friendly to everyone. Then high school hits and the pursuit of cool seems to be the only thing on everyone's mind.

Quite certainly, this is a part of adolescence and development in self-discovery, but there is a healthier, less egoistic way of doing things. Wampole suggested :

"Nonironic models include very young children, elderly people, deeply religious people, people with severe mental or physical disabilities, people who have suffered, and those from economically or politically challenged places where seriousness is the governing state of mind. My friend Robert Pogue Harrison put it this way in a recent conversation: 'Wherever the real imposes itself, it tends to dissipate the fogs of irony.'"

Anyone can be a lax bro, just like anyone can be a hipster. But the "reality" of lacrosse hits hard when you step on the field on game day. Have you prepared yourself to be your best on that day and compete at your highest level possibly along with your opponent? Have you cared more about throwing against the wall and improving your skills or more about your sock color? Have you cared more about making yourself a great athlete through running and lifting or more about your popularity in school as a lax bro?

This is about calling out the companies and people that are assigning this style, this name, this reputation to a sport that many of us have loved for so long. This is a reminder that you cannot just get a haircut and go out and buy the most outlandish "lacrosse" shorts and socks and pretend that you are a great lacrosse player. If you want to be a real lacrosse player and not some ignorant and mislead lax bro, then you are going to have to care about the game in the same way that many before you have done so.

The great thing about sports is that they tend to separate the real warriors from the posers, the contenders from the pretenders, the men from the boys. So, I won't judge you, but the outcome will when the final whistle blows on game day.

Finally, if you really don't care about the game enough to not truly "live" it and reach your highest potential and excellence through your participation in it, then don't play! If you care more about your image and being cool and not caring, then just go be a hipster. Our game does not need or want this image anymore. There is too much history and love and sacrifice in lacrosse for it to be reduced to that.

Our game is special, treat it with respect. If anyone ever calls you a lax bro, tell them, "No, I am a lacrosse player," and then walk the walk.

This blog was revised and edited for minor changes on January 14, 2013.

PODCAST #5 WITH COACH BILL TIERNEY

Trevor Tierney — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 17:17:06 +0000

In this podcast, we finally get our first guest on the air with my father, legendary coach Bill Tierney. Coach Tierney was the head coach at Princeton for 23 years where he won six National Championships and is now the head coach at the University of Denver, where he has led them to their first Final Four and multiple conference championships in his three years there. In this conversation, we discuss recruiting in lacrosse, the growth of the game, referees and life in the game!

Now that we have this whole "guest thing" figured out, let us know who else you would like to hear from on our podcast and if you have any comments or questions below! Enjoy...

LISTEN IN ON THE WEB : You can either listen to the podcast on www.tierlacrosse.com at the bottom of this blog or at tierlacrosse.podomatic.com !

LISTEN IN ON iTUNES OR MOBILE DEVICE : Go to iTunes and type in TIER Lacrosse to subscribe to our podcast!

REPEAT AFTER ME : THE VERBAL COMMIT DOESN'T MEAN SH#@!

Trevor Tierney — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 18:11:54 +0000

A verbal commitment is when a lacrosse recruit tells a college coach that he wants to come play for their program and that coach tells the recruit that he has a spot (and possibly a scholarship) in that graduating class on their team. Basically, it is a promise from the player to play there and a promise from the coach that he will have a spot on the team. Now, I fully believe in integrity and keeping promises, but not when those promises have a detrimental affect on everyone involved.

Here are some of the reasons that I feel early commitments have a negative affect on the world of lacrosse in general. As a volunteer assistant coach at DU, I stay out of the recruiting. This is why I walked away from a secure and lucrative career in coaching. I could not stand the whole idea of recruiting and how it was done, especially with the early verbal commitments that were being made. These are some of the problems that this practice creates :

1. It is a system based on fear. A coach fears that if he does not manipulate and "wrap-up" enough recruits early on, then his team will not be good and he will eventually get fired. Players fear that there will not be a spot for them somewhere (mostly in Division I lacrosse) on a good team, so they feel the pressure to commit as early as possible. Anytime we do anything out of fear, it has negative side effects. It is like greed in our society.

2. It creates surpluses of good players on certain teams. Right now, there are too many good players on good teams right now. There are players sitting on the bench of some Division I teams that could start on many other programs throughout the country. This is why we are seeing some high profile transfers.

3. It's not fair to the player who commits early. I know…I know. The coaches have their political line, "We are giving these young men a chance to come to a great university and play lacrosse for an outstanding program." I hate that statement because it is so arrogant. Like these coaches are some kings or lord of lords that can grant you the key to the kingdom. Most of these players that commit early can go WHEREVER they want because they are that good. Any coach out there would be more than happy to make a spot on their team for them. So coaches, don't act like you are their savior doing them favors. It's gross. Kids in high school need time to grow and mature so they can make an informed decision on where they would actually like to go to college. Also, many of these players lose their motivation to actually work hard and get better. If they already have reached their goal of being on a team without having had to work for it in high school, what is the message we are sending to them?

4. It's not fair to all the other players out there! For a lot of lacrosse players, their dream in lacrosse is to play in college. Many want to play Division I (although there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing in Divisions II or III or the MCLA). As a club coach, I notice a ton of players who are becoming discouraged by their sophomore year because the dream of playing for their ideal university is over. I can speak from experience that when I was a sophomore in high school, I was very small and had not developed as a goalie yet. I needed those two extra years to improve and develop into a Division I recruit and fortunately, that is the way it worked back then. Everyone chose where they were going to go in the fall of their senior year!

5. The coaches can back out. Not everyone knows this, but coaches are starting to back out of these commitments. Or coaches get fired and the incoming coach does not honor these commitments. It leaves these players in a bad spot because most of the other coaches (due to this silly early recruiting schedule) have their classes filled.

So, here's the latest in the insanity of college recruiting. Two FRESHMAN have now verbally committed to major lacrosse programs. Obviously, people are freaking out once again. "This is ridiculous! The NCAA has to do something! This has to be stopped!". I agree fully. But, you know who has the power to make a change with all of this? Not the NCAA, but YOU.

This past fall, I got to have breakfast with Jim Mora, the UCLA head football coach. I was curious to learn about recruiting from him and what went on in the high pressure environment of football recruiting. Amazingly, despite all the cheating, back-stabbing and lack of morals that generally goes on in that world, they actually do it right in one way much better than lacrosse.

How can it possibly be that football is less screwed up than lacrosse when it comes to early commits? Well, it hit me when I asked Coach Mora this simple question, "Do you guys take early verbal commitments?," and he replied, "Well, we get them. They don't mean anything though! We don't think we have a player committed until he signs on the dotted line in his senior year." And there was the answer : if we all stop respecting the verbal commitment, then all the emphasis will go back to the senior year and the written commitment. So...

1. If you are a player, repeat after me : THE VERBAL COMMIT DOESN'T MEAN SH#@! You can tell a coach that you want to go to his school and then keep looking for better offers from other coaches. I have seen a couple players do this and it has worked out for the best for them. As they get older, coaches may want to give them bigger scholarships or players may change their minds on where they want to go to school. This will make the coaches motivated to keep working hard for you to come to their school, as well. Go ahead…do whatever you want! You will not know what you really want to do in your first couple years of high school anyway. It is in the best of everyone involved, so do not feel bad about it.

2. If you are a parent, repeat after me : THE VERBAL COMMIT DOESN'T MEAN SH#@! I know, I know…you want to raise your son to be a man of his word. But, this is the real world and sometimes we have to play the game and do what is best for us and for others. Committing early is actually hurting others. So, allow your son to commit early if he wants. But, then allow other colleges to keep recruiting him. It will actually work out for the best for everyone involved, so it is actually in integrity.

3. If you are a high school or club coach, repeat after me : THE VERBAL COMMIT DOESN'T MEAN SH#@! You guys are the ones under the most pressure in all of this. The parents expect you to get your players recruited. Unfortunately, unless a kid is a monster stud athlete and a dominant player in his first two years of high school, then that is not going to happen. It takes away from your ability to develop players toward reaching their goals. So, explain this to everyone and make a change in the system.

4. If you are a college coach, repeat after me : THE VERBAL COMMIT DOESN'T MEAN SH#@! Yeah, I know…most of you are all friends. You do not want to be that guy that goes after someone who has already committed. But, your school and your program might have something better to offer that kid, so I say, go for it! There are some coaches out there that have already had the cajonés to go out and do this and I respect them for it. This is the only way we will work our way out of this insanity. You all know that the NCAA is not going to do anything about this. Also, I know you guys don't like this idea at all because it means more hard work on the recruiting trail. But, if you care about the game and you care about the players involved, then you will do this because it's the right thing to do.

5. If you are an online lacrosse publication, repeat after me : THE VERBAL COMMIT DOESN'T MEAN SH#@! By publicizing these promises that players make to coaches, you are perpetuating the problem. Players and parents are fighting for that one little blurb on your site so they can tell the world that they got their golden ticket! I know how badly you guys need content, but you are not doing our world any favors.

If we can deemphasize the verbal commitment, then college recruiting will go back to the way it should be. It should allow for players to work hard and develop over their high school careers. It should give the top players unlimited options for where they want to go to school and play lacrosse. It should create an environment where everyone is given a chance to succeed. It should put the people who matter the most, the players, in control of their destiny.

It may seem like an ideal situation that is impossible to create, but actually it's simple. Just think, "THE VERBAL COMMIT DOESN'T MEAN SH#@!" and we can end this insanity. It would take a lot of work though, needing all to buy in and everyone checking their egos at the door. How much do we care about our game and the youth that play in it?

DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCHOLOGY FOR TEEN ATHLETES

Trevor Tierney — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 17:06:11 +0000

I want to apologize that my blogs have fallen off lately. I just realized it has been over two months since I last posted an entry! I have missed doing this, but along with coaching at DU and running all of our youth and high school programs, I have also been going back to graduate school to get my masters in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology. My goal is to work on a more individual level with athletes and their families. I hope to individually coach athletes in their performance both on and off the field, to guide them in becoming more conscious and aware individuals and to support them with any struggles or issues that they are facing in life. So, a lot of my time, energy and money has been invested in this education so I can be my best in providing that service. It does not mean my interest in this pursuit has fallen off, there just has not been much time for me to write about it!

One of my favorite classes at graduate school has been Human Growth and Development. I was a psychology major at Princeton and my concentration was in Developmental Psychology, so this was nothing new to me. I just find it fascinating how we all go through certain developmental stages in life and some of us move on to the next one and others actually get stuck in one stage or another.

The stage that applies to the age that I work with the most in lacrosse is the Adolescent / Pre-Adulthood stage. In this stage, a young man or woman is trying to move from his "family sense of self" to a more "social self". This is why this stage is so trying on the relationships of parents and teenagers and brings up so much conflict between the two. Basically, this is the stage in which a teen is asking himself, "Who am I?" so that he can learn how to become fully himself for young adulthood. In order to do this, the young man has to break free from his parents and family in some ways.

The problems that arise in this stage are due to the fact that a teen has a variety of options on where to turn. This is when many teens will "rebel" from their parents and family and join another social group. This can either be found in positive experiences like a sports team or negative, less healthy surroundings like a gang. This is one of the reasons why sports can be such an important factor in a young person's life, if we handle that experience in a conscious way. However, sports can actually be harmful if there is not a good team atmosphere, or a good leader in a coach, or is a culture fueled with unhealthy decisions. The other way in which some teens try to find themselves, is the "imperial" way of going about it in their own way. This type of person will break off from all groups and want to be left alone by everyone. This may be why some parents notice their teens become shut-down or quiet at this time in their lives.

Interestingly enough for parents though, there are specific ways in which adolescents make contact with other people to establish relationship. The first is that adolescents want to make contact on their terms! This is why parents who constantly ask questions or hound their kids for conversation are turned away. If a parent wants their teenager to make contact with them, the best way is to let it happen on their son's own time and manner. The other way in which teens establish contact is that much of their relationships and friendships are established through physical activity. So the best way for parents to connect with their children may be to go out in the yard and have a catch or to play video games with them. Adolescents appreciate contact through "doing" something rather than talking or interacting conversationally.

The other huge dilemma that comes up for teens at this age is that there is a conflict between their new-found "social-self" and their "authentic-self" that they are searching to become. The authority on what their social-self does is their social group like their teammates, classmates or friends. Their authentic-self is based on their own beliefs, interests, integrity, personality, etc.

So, this is where peer pressure and tough decisions come into play for teens. This past weekend in Las Vegas, I talked to our Denver Elite teams about the difference between making conscious decisions and unconscious decisions in the arenas of alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, money and sports. This is truly where adolescents need the most support and training as they can actually learn how to become more aware and conscious of decisions that they make and how those decisions affect both themselves and others. In doing this, they actually learn to grow into their authentic-self and are able to leave the social-self behind!

It has been found by the psychologist and writer, Robert Keegan, that 37% of all adults in our country are actually still stuck in this stage! This is because they have yet to learn how to make those conscious decisions for themselves, instead of getting pulled around by what the world tells them to do. So, this is where coaches and parents can make a huge impact in their sons life and create change in the world and the society at large. Pretty exciting stuff…at least for me it is!

Anyway, I will keep trying to share some of the things that I learn in school that I believe may be of interest to the audience of this blog. I will also be working my way into starting a private practice to be able to work individually with any athletes or families out there who are interested. If anyone has questions or comments, please feel free to leave them below on the comments section.

Hope everyone out there is doing well and enjoying the holiday season!

REMINDERS IN MORTALITY

Trevor Tierney — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 06:03:28 +0000

Tonight, I played in my first men's league hockey game of the season. We played the first period to a 0-0 tie with a team that was just as bad as we were! I was thinking to myself, "Man, I am not playing well at all…it has been too long since I was last on the ice," and, "We are not playing well at all together, we have to get some shots on goal," and, "Man, my feet hurt and my legs are tired already!". All these negative thoughts were starting to run through my head and I was feeling myself get back into my ultra-competitive mode as a person who wanted to win and be a good player!

And then right as we started the second period…a player on the other team collapsed. Face first. Stopped breathing. Some of his teammates who were firefighters and trained EMTs rushed to his side and began CPR. We found a defibrillator along the side of the rink and linked it up to him. After around four minutes of no breathing at all, the AED shocked his heart back into action and he started to breathe, move around and even talk. An ambulance came and rushed him off the ice as he talked to his wife on a phone that someone held over his face. It was an unbelievable scene, to say the least.

As soon as everyone dispersed and the other team left the ice, I sat on the bench in awe of how precious are life is. We never know when it will come to an end and how many years or days or hours or minutes or even seconds we have left! It reminded me of why I was out there playing hockey, as well. It was not to beat the other team, or prove how good (or how bad) I was, or get in better shape, or relive my high school glory days.

I was there because I loved playing hockey! It was fun for me! I loved the feeling of skating fast and feeling the cold air on my face. I loved the challenge of trying to control a buck on a blade made of carbon fiber. I loved the speed of the game and how quickly everything moved. I just loved playing…like a kid.

It's crazy how easily we forget this in athletics. But if we remain conscious, we can play sports simply because we love to play! There is nothing more we need to strive for than that. One day, our heart will stop and all the reasons that we thought we played sports for will come to an end. But, our love for our game will never die.

My thoughts and prayers go out to that man I saw collapse on the ice tonight. I hope he is recovering well.

MY SUMMER OF BEING A BEGINNER

Trevor Tierney — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 04:55:18 +0000

"In the beginner's mind there is no thought, 'I have attained something.' All self-centered thoughts limit our vast mind. When we have no thought of achievement, no thought of self, we are true beginners. Then we can really learn something. The beginner's mind is the mind of compassion. When our mind is compassionate, it is boundless. Dogen-zenji, the founder of our school, always emphasized how important it is to resume our boundless original mind. Then we are always true to ourselves, in sympathy with all beings, and can actually practice." - Shunryu Suzuki-roshi, from "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind"

Today felt like the first day of fall in Colorado. We get more sunny days here than San Diego, so the summer can drag on through September. It made me reflect on my past summer and all the new activities that I started to participate in and how they humbled me.

I started off learning to swim. In June, I could barely swim across the pool just once! I remember in one of my first swim classes, one of the people at the pool ran up to my trainer and said, "You better go help that guy! It looks like he is about to drown!". He was not far from the truth at all.

I was also learning to ride a road bike. Not that I didn't know how to ride a bike. I just didn't know how to ride one that fast, as I soon found out when took a dive going 30 miles per hour down hill. And I used to think turf burn was bad.

These two activities led me to my first sprint triathlon in which I was passed in the water by two different heats (men in their fifties and sixties and women) that were started long after my group. I may have been a world champion in one thing, but in another, I was in 101st place thanks to the fact that there were only around 200 people there!

I started practicing Jiu-Jitsu with my good friend, John Davie, who you can hear on the podcasts that I have been doing lately. I pretty much get choked out or put in an arm bar several times a day, unless my training partner is just being nice.

Finally, I started my masters program in psychology this past month (I will tell you all more about that soon and is my excuse for not writing more lately). Although I spent many years as a student, a whole decade off from school, made me feel like a freshman all over again. Thankfully, when people are 33 years old, they no longer dunk your head in the toilet.

So, good for you Trevor! You want a cookie or a medal?

As much as I would always like a cookie (preferably chocolate chip to any moms reading my blog), that's not my point. My point is that I had forgotten what it was like to be a beginner! I coach youth and high school players all the time that are just learning lacrosse for the first time and I used to have little compassion for them. I would think to myself, "Why can't they just catch the ball? How hard can that possibly be?". Well, about as hard as it is for me trying to swim a single lap in a pool or as it is for me not to get tapped by a blue belt in about 10 seconds or less.

It made me see how important it is to be positive and encouraging with my younger and less experienced players. It felt so good for me to get words of encouragement and support from the people that I was learning these new skills from. It also felt so discouraging when I was constantly told what to do better or what I was doing wrong. Why wouldn't it be the same for the little laxers that I work with?

I realized from my summer of being a beginner, that it's important for us as coaches, as teachers and as parents to always be learning something new. How can we teach others to learn a new skill, study a new subject manner or behave in a new way if we have forgotten to be beginners ourselves? The answer is we can try, but we will not be as effective.

Sometimes I have been accused of being a "jack of all trades but a master of none". That's fine with me as long as I am being a "beginner of one" on top of that. As Shunryu Suzuki wrote in that quote above, this is when we are really able to learn something about ourselves and through that, others.

PODCAST #4 : LACROSSE AS A RITE OF PASSAGE

Trevor Tierney — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 20:22:53 +0000

Last summer, I started learning more about indigenous cultures and some of the rites of passage that they went through to help guide them into different points of their life. I realized through these teachings that our current culture and society does not promote or support conscious "rites of passage". Being the curious person that I am, I decided to experience one for myself. I signed up for a "vision quest" run by a well-established and respected group called the Animas Valley Foundation.

For the quest, I spent the majority of two weeks up at 12,000 feet on a mountain in southern Colorado with a group of 12 people and a few guides. Towards the end of our time up there, we all split up and found a small location to stay in for three days and three nights completely by ourselves. We each had a tarp for shelter, the clothes on our back and water. That was it. No food. No distractions.

I basically sat around for three days by myself out in the wild. There was nothing to do, but all the time in the world to just be and listen. This is something that we rarely give ourselves the space to do in our crazy, frenetic lives. There were times when it felt like the most amazing experience of my life and others that it felt like torture.

Trust me...I know you are probably thinking that I am out of my mind for signing up for this! But, I had a few real important goals in going through this experience. My first intention in going on this trip was to find out what is really important to me in life. When I was out in nature with nothing, it seemed to break it down quite easily for me. My other intention was to find out what I really wanted to do with my life and I was lucky to realize some answers.

Ironically, the most important thing that I realized from this trip was that my main purpose in life is to learn how athletics can be a rite of passage for our youth, high school and college aged players and share those findings with others. In fact, one of the first things that I did when I got back from my quest was to start this blog.

The reason that rites of passage are important is that they help usher us from one stage in life to the next. They allow us to view our different stages in life as equally important and allow us to grow and learn in a healthy manner, so we are prepared for our next stage in life.

So, in the case of this blog and audience, athletics are an important rite of passage for boys because they can teach them how to become mature, healthy, conscious and productive young men. This is so much more important than winning any championship or trophy and is so much more exciting!

If you are curious in learning more about rites of passage and different stages in life, there is a great book by Bill Plotkin entitled "Nature and the Human Soul", which you can find on Amazon. I will be writing more in the next year about the different traits that I believe can be learned through athletics when we utilize them as a rite of passage. I introduced 12 character traits in an Inside Lacrosse article that I wrote last spring called "Modern Day Warrior Training".

Finally, this week on our TIER podcast, John Davie and I talk about this topic, my experience with rites of passage and how we can start to frame athletics in a new way.

LISTEN IN ON THE WEB : You can either listen to the podcast on www.tierlacrosse.com at the bottom of this blog or at tierlacrosse.podomatic.com !

LISTEN IN ON iTUNES OR MOBILE DEVICE : Go to iTunes and type in TIER Lacrosse to subscribe to our podcast!

PODCAST #3 : THE PITFALLS OF EARLY RECRUITMENT

Trevor Tierney — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 12:16:17 +0000

In this podcast, John Davie and I tackle the ongoing discussion in the lacrosse world about early recruiting in college lacrosse. We discuss my latest blog, "The Manipulation of Elite Level Recruiting" and some of the comments that were in reply to that article.

This conversation dives a little bit further into some of the details and questions that come up along the recruiting process. Also, we talk about all the different ways in which the elite level recruiting process effects the entire lacrosse world for everyone.

Please keep the emails and comments rolling in to keep the discussion flowing! Thanks!

LISTEN IN ON THE WEB : You can either listen to the podcast on www.tierlacrosse.com at the bottom of this blog or at tierlacrosse.podomatic.com !

LISTEN IN ON iTUNES OR MOBILE DEVICE : Go to iTunes and type in TIER Lacrosse to subscribe to our podcast!

THE MANIPULATION OF ELITE LEVEL RECRUITING

Trevor Tierney — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 13:15:44 +0000

Every summer it seems like we go through the same thing in the lacrosse world. Some of the elite level Division I coaches decide to recruit a player or two who is younger than any player they have ever recruited. For one reason or another, that coach decides that he has to get that player to commit to his school before the other coaches see him. The player commits, Inside Lacrosse announces it on their website, and people start to talk about how out of control the recruiting process has become in our game. And you know what? They are totally right!

I believe that I could have very easily climbed the ranks to be a Division I head coach somewhere by now. But, you want to know why I decided to be a volunteer assistant in college? Want to know what stopped me from living that life? Recruiting. I abhor the process. And I have done it for a few years when I was a full-time assistant at DU so I have some experience in it. I have also watched my father Coach T go through the process since I was in diapers, so I know what it is all about.

There are some things about recruiting that are totally innocent and innocuous that I personally, just could not stomach. I cringe at the thought of watching lacrosse for months on end in the fall and summer and calling high school kids to tell them how great they are. These things will never change nor do I believe they should. For many coaches and players, this is the part of the process that they find fun and enjoyable, so I am not going to knock it! I just did not personally enjoy these steps in the recruiting game.

However, there are some aspects about the recruitment process that I feel are completely unethical. I feel if the NCAA really cares about student-athletes, they will do something about it. This story line really only applies to the top percentage of lacrosse players, but it sets a precedent for the rest of the lacrosse world.

My biggest issue with recruiting these days is the manipulation that coaches use to get players to commit to their school. Coaches turn it around, though (again, manipulation) and say, "Well, we are providing these kids with an amazing opportunity to come to a great school and get a scholarship and play lacrosse. So we are doing nothing wrong." But, they ARE doing something that is immoral because they are basically forcing young men, in their sophomore or even freshman year in high school to decide where they want to go to college. This keeps them from seeing their other options, which might be better for them personally and takes away opportunities for late bloomers, who come into their own as players and athletes further down the road in high school. Those are two very unfortunate outcomes that the coaches do not recognize as valid.

Here is what happens for some of the elite level players in lacrosse with some Division I coaches. And I swear that I am not making this up. A college coach sees a player at a tournament. The coach is not allowed to call the player, so the coach tells the player's club coach to have the player call him. The coach tells the player that he is very interested in him and he should come visit his school as soon as possible. The player goes to visit the school and ends up in the coach's office. The coach tells him that they are offering him a scholarship, but he has to verbally commit to them right then and there (or sometimes in a few days), if he wants a spot on their team and to take advantage of that scholarship. The young player feels so much pressure to make a decision, knowing how little scholarship money and spots there are in the game of lacrosse, that many times, he has no choice. This type of occurence, in one form or another, happens all the time and if that is not manipulation, I do not know what is.

When I was playing in high school, the process was much more fair for everyone. Basically, the coaches followed the NCAA rules more closely and by the book. In my junior year, I started to get letters from coaches that were interested. I received letters from Maryland, Hopkins, Virginia, North Carolina and Princeton and was very excited about it. I had my junior year to look into the schools and learn more about their programs. Then, in my senior year, the coaches began to call me to talk more and discuss an official visit to their schools. By that time, I knew I wanted to visit Virginia, North Carolina and Princeton, so I went to all the schools, hung out with their players for a weekend, met with the coaches and had a great time with no pressure! Then, by December of my senior year in college, when I was ready to decide where I wanted to go, I chose Princeton for a number of reasons that appealed to me. I knew that school was the best fit.

Now, what we are doing to these young athletes is absolutely insane. Asking a high school freshman or sophomore to choose where he wants to go to college is absurd. That's why you see all these college teams with tons of different cool helmets, uniforms and gimmicks. It's like McDonalds putting toys in their Happy Meals. It allows them to target a younger audience and suck them in to their culture. I have actually heard a number of cases of recruits picking a school because they liked their uniform or helmet the best!

What's worse, is putting pressure on a high school freshman or sophomore to make a decision on college is not in their best interest, no matter how you spin it. They still need time to mature and see what their priorities are, what their academic interests include, what types of people they want to be around and other decisions that take a few extra years to answer in a young man's life.

Furthermore, it does not give other student athletes a chance to try and grow and develop enough to play for their dream school. Many kids at that age have not even hit their growth spurt and have no chance of getting noticed by the top programs. It creates a culture in our game in which most of the high school juniors and seniors became discouraged and disenfranchised with a game, at a time in their lives when they should be striving to be their absolute best!

One time, I was sitting at a recruiting event talking to another Division I coach and I said something along the lines of this : "You know…at the end of the day, we should all realize that we are in this together. We are in this for the benefit of young student athletes. Really, we are all on the same team. So, if we just realized that, we would all chill out and know that if we work hard and have solid programs, that we will all get good players and they will all have opportunities to go to school and play lacrosse. Competing for players and trying to manipulate them to commit to us early seems silly if we realize we are all in this together." Promptly, he looked at me like I had three heads and excused himself from our conversation. Ah…the loneliness of idealism.

So, if I were the NCAA what would I do? I would try to get it back to the point in which student athletes were not deciding where they were going to college until senior year. Below are the rules that I would suggest. I am completely open to the idea that I might be overlooking something here, but I believe in making it simple and straight forward, so everyone would be on the same page.

RULE #1 : Student athletes are not allowed to verbally commit to any college. Verbal commits mean nothing and should not be used or recognized by any coaches or players. If a player is found to have verbally committed to a college, he will lose his first year of eligibility. Players may officially commit in writing to a school in their senior year on November 1st.

RULE #2 : Coaches may begin writing emails and letters to potential recruits on or after September 1 of their junior year. Coaches may call potential recruits on or after September 1 of their senior year. Student athletes are not allowed to call, email, write letters, talk or visit with coaches until September 1 of their senior year.

RULE #3 : Student athletes may take up to five official visits to schools after September 1 of their senior year.

What would rules like this do? First off, it would put the power back in the hands of the student athlete, where it should be. Coaches would still be allowed to sell their schools, but would have no power to manipulate and control young men and their families. Secondly, it would delay the process. This would give the top players time to make better decisions for themselves and would give EVERYONE a chance to grow as athletes and players for the chance of getting recruited in their junior and senior year. Thirdly, it would take the pressure off of young parents and players to spend all their time, energy and money on recruiting tournaments and instead, put it towards working hard to become a better player.

Will changes like this ever happen? I would hope so but probably not any time soon. If we really care about our student athletes like we say we do, this is the type of change that we should be asking for.

I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK...BUT PODCAST #2 IS UP!

Trevor Tierney — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 23:29:46 +0000

Okay...I really have to get back to writing this week. I don't know what is going on right now. I'm going to have to shake off the summertime laziness and get back at it soon.

In the meantime, we have posted our second TIER Lacrosse podcast! Thanks to many of you who checked out our first podcast last week. I feel very grateful that others want to take part in these conversations and listen in! In our second installment, John Davie and I discuss a number of different topics including the role that parents can play in their son's athletic lives, the chasm between coaches and parents, integrity and the idea of young athletes learning to take personal responsibility for their experiences both on and off the field.

Again, this is just a conversation that John and I enjoy having and would love to hear your perspective and feedback! We certainly do not view ourselves as experts or teachers, but more as students and we are learning about these topics as we discuss them.

LISTEN IN ON THE WEB : You can either listen to the podcast on www.tierlacrosse.com at the bottom of this blog or at tierlacrosse.podomatic.com !

LISTEN IN ON iTUNES OR MOBILE DEVICE : Go to iTunes and type in TIER Lacrosse to subscribe to our podcast!

FIRST PODCAST!

Trevor Tierney — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 02:26:46 +0000

Hope everyone is having a great end of your summers! I needed a little break from lacrosse there for a while, so I have been on hiatus from writing. All of us need a little break or it's easy to get burned out on lacrosse, or anything for that matter. More on that soon though in an upcoming blog!

I wanted to use this first blog back to introduce the TIER Lacrosse Podcast! For those of you who do not know what a podcast is, it is basically just an audio recording, like a radio show. I am a fan of a bunch of podcasts and listen to them when I am driving or working. So, I have been inspired to start my own to use it as another forum to talk about the topics that we discuss on TIER.

This podcast is hosted by myself and my good friend, John Davie. John has been involved in the game for a long time as he was the creative director for the Warrior Lacrosse for almost two decades. He also has two boys that have played the game their whole lives. Most importantly though, John is a very aware person that I thought could bring a lot to these conversations and is interesting to listen to and talk to. In this first podcast, John and I introduce ourselves and their hopes for the podcast. We discuss some recurring themes that come up on TIER and give a feel for what we will be talking about in the future. We had a blast doing this and I hope it to be a new and interesting take on what lacrosse and sports can mean for youth players, their parents and coaches. Most importantly, I hope people find it entertaining and educational...if not, no worries!

Please excuse some of the technical hiccups for this first episode! There are some minor mistakes we made with some interference from our cell phones and a home phone ringing but such is life. We will get it dialed in for you.

LISTEN IN ON THE WEB : You can either listen to the podcast on www.tierlacrosse.com at the bottom of this blog or at tierlacrosse.podomatic.com !

LISTEN IN ON A MOBILE DEVICE : Click on tierlacrosse.podomatic.comon your smartphone or subscribe to the podcast on iTunes by going to tierlacrosse.podomatic.comon your computer and following the link to connect to iTunes on the right hand side navigation bar.

CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN

Trevor Tierney — Sun, 01 Jul 2012 17:28:37 +0000

I never know when I write something if it will resonate with others or not. My last blog, "The College Lacrosse Recruiting System Is Broken," certainly struck a chord with a number of readers, though. I received many emails, Facebook comments and Tweets replying back to the subject at hand. I think this matter simply rang true for a lot of individuals and families within our game.

One thing that I find challenging about writing is the balance between grabbing the attention of my audience and then also getting my point across. I think in the case of this last piece, I certainly grabbed people's attention, especially with the headline. Many people agreed with that statement and relayed back to me that something must be done to fix it…and now!

However, that was not the true point of my article. Could the coaches or the tournament directors or the lacrosse company owners or even the NCAA make some changes to improve the whole experience? Sure. I would not hold my breath on that, but yes, that could happen and make a difference. But, let me make my point more clearly…

Really, each one of us is individually responsible for changing to improve our experience of summer lacrosse.

If you are a player, you can realize that summer teams, tournaments and camps are not just so you can win trophies and get recruited. They are an opportunity for you to grow as a player and as a person right now!

If you are a parent, you can know that it is totally okay if your son's team does not win the tournament or if they do not get recruited by a single college. You can rest assured that these experiences alone are tremendous opportunities for your son, as an athlete and as a young man, to play a sport that they love and learn something about themselves.

If you are a coach, you can see that these events are not just so you can build your reputation as a winning coach and someone who gets their players recruited. You can use them as opportunities to teach your players lessons that they can use throughout their life and be a good role model and leader.

If you are a tournament or camp director, you can understand that your events are there for a much greater good than just putting money in your bank account. You can make sure to do everything in your power to provide people with an educational and enjoyable event that everyone gets something out of, regardless of whether they take home a trophy or a college scout writes them a letter.

So, my point was…yeah, our system is broken…but it is up to all of us individually to take personal responsibility for why that is the case. This can apply to our lives in an infinite number of ways. I find it funny (and sad at the same time) when I see people on television blaming our politicians or bankers or bosses or celebrities for the quality of their own experience. Nobody else is in charge of the quality of your own life other than YOU, not even Obama or Romney!

We all agree…the "system" of summer lacrosse is flawed at best. But, instead of screaming, ranting, raving and protesting that which is unlikely to change, what if we all choose to change our approach, our expectations and our thoughts and feelings toward that system? From my experience this summer, it has worked well for me. I am feeling more fulfilled through my work by using lacrosse as a way to teach and learn life lessons and to have fun. After years of approaching it from the more ego-driven side, this way is a lot more enjoyable for me and I have learned a lot more about myself.

And for your experience to change, if need be? Well…that is up to you.

THE COLLEGE LACROSSE RECRUITING SYSTEM IS BROKEN

Trevor Tierney — Tue, 26 Jun 2012 21:00:15 +0000

"Summer, summer, summertime
Time to sit back and unwind
Here it is the groove slightly transformed
Just a bit of a break from the norm
Just a little somethin' to break the monotony
Of all that hardcore dance that has gotten to be
A little bit out of control it's cool to dance
But what about the groove that soothes that moves romance
Give me a soft subtle mix
And if ain't broke then don't try to fix it"

- Fresh Prince AKA Will Smith

Summertime...that means BBQs and pools and beaches and bikinis and free time! The summer is supposed to be all fun and games, right? Umm…wrong. For myself, most lacrosse players and their parents, the beautiful summer season means club teams, camps, tournaments and travel. And that could be a lot of fun, but unfortunately, "it's a jungle out there". For a lot of people in our community, the summer means pressure to win tournaments and find their sons a scholarship or get recruited.

The tournaments and camps that should be enjoyable for everyone, feel like a battle ground with hostility between parents, kids, officials and coaches. It's kind of a huge buzz kill on the whole notion of summertime! I was just up in Vail (one of the most beautiful and peaceful places in the world) last week for the U13 and U15 tournaments with our club teams, and coaches and parents were screaming, ranting and raving at each other like they were in separate Juarez gangs. All of this seriously makes me consider getting away from it all. I should have listened to the Fresh Prince and followed his advice on what to do in the summertime...

The reason for this environment that we have created in the summer is due to a lot of misconceptions by parents and players and manipulation by lacrosse programs and coaches. Instead of just using these summer events as opportunities for everyone to have a good time and play lacrosse, we have turned them into a means to an end. That end in sight is to get recruited or earn a scholarship somewhere. However, I have bad news for a lot of you out there, that storybook ending is most likely not going to come to fruition for most players.

Perhaps, I am hypocrite for bringing this up and saying this. My full disclosure is that I run our Denver Elite teams, our DU team tournament and 205 West lacrosse camp. I make a chunk of my living off of those events and services. For the most part, people sign up for these things in hopes of getting recruited because we provide exposure in front of college coaches for the players. To hope fulfill that wish, I do my best to get our teams to some of the biggest tournaments and get coaches out to our events.

Here's the problem though, for both you and me : there are close to 100,000 high school senior lacrosse players graduating every year. There are about 60 Division I college teams which means there are about 720 spots on those teams for an incoming freshman class. That's less than one percent of all the players out there!!! Your chance of earning a scholarship is even less! Those teams have a TOTAL of 12.6 scholarships for all four graduating classes on their teams. Lacrosse is not football where almost every player on the team gets a full ride. An absolute star Division I lacrosse player might be getting $10,000 to $30,000 in scholarship money per year and then having to pay the difference, depending on the school he is going to.

Now there are over 600 more Division II, Division III and MCLA teams so that means there are some more spots out there to play. But, in case you do not know, those teams do not have scholarships. (CORRECTION : Some DII schools that are fully funded, have 10.6 scholarships on their team for all four class years. Also, some DI, DII and DIII schools offer merit aid through academic and other scholarships. Still, there is not a lot of money out there for recruitable lacrosse players.) So, there are another six to seven thousand more opportunities out there for lacrosse players to continue on in college, but that is only six to seven percent of the total high school senior lacrosse player population!

This might be bad for my own businesses but I don't really care. I would rather be honest than manipulate and make money off of people. If you are a parent out there and you think all of these camps and tournaments are a good "investment" because of the recruiting opportunities, then think again. When recruiting camps and tournaments first started in the nineties, only the most elite players were being invited or were on club teams. What happened was that these players (myself included in the mid-nineties) got recruited to play lacrosse for the top colleges after going to these events. Then, these tournaments turned it around on everyone and said, "Hey! Our tournament helped these kids get recruited. You should come too!". Now, there are so many tournaments and so many club teams that they are all diluted. College coaches now have to travel all sumer long basically looking for a needle in the haystack.

How do you know if your son is college lacrosse material? I think people need to look at these statistics and be honest with themselves. Basically, if your son is going to be a Division I prospect, you are going to KNOW it. There are going to be people telling him that he is the greatest thing since sliced bread from eighth grade and on. He will be the best player on his team or one of them, depending on where he plays and he will most likely be considered one of the top players in his state. The bottom line is, you will not be asking people if your son can play DI, people will be telling you that he can. If he wants to play DII, DIII or MCLA ball, he better be very, very good. There is so much talent out there now that all those divisions are filled with great lacrosse players. There is no easy entry into playing college ball anymore.

So, why am I telling you all this? Well, these are the questions that many parents have been asking me all summer so they are on my mind. Secondly, this whole system that is in place right now is a complete and utter mess and I feel like something needs to be said. There are tons of tournaments and camps and tons of kids playing at them all over the place. There are college coaches sitting in their cars or in airplanes hoping they get lucky and pick the right places to go to find the top talent. There is no rhyme or reason to any of this, except for one thing. The people that run these tournaments are banking on the hopes and dreams of getting recruited to play college lacrosse. The NCAA college coaches should do something about it to get it all under control, but they won't...there is too much money on the table.

At the University of Denver, we have started to change our focus on what the summer lacrosse experience can mean for our participants. This is why we have started to focus my efforts on my Denver Elite teams in helping them have a fun and educational experience. We talk about life lessons after every practice and our players do a small homework assignment based on these lessons. We want their experience to be more than about getting recruited because we know that may not happen for many of them. We want them to have a fulfilling experience in which they learn about themselves, grow as people and have a great summer together. If they happen to get recruited in the process, then fantastic! We believe that this helps turn the experience into one of the greatest investments that a parent could ever make for their son.

The recruiting camps and tournaments that we run are another story. We simply try to do our best to put on a great tournament that is well organized and enjoyable for everyone. We try to get as many coaches to attend as possible, so the players that show up have a chance to be seen. However, it weighs on my conscience knowing that the vast majority of players there have little chance of playing in college. At the same time though, there are dozens of lacrosse players that we have helped find homes through these programs. Finally, we do our best so that it is a great experience for all of our participants regardless of whether they get recruited it or not.

Maybe this is like the Pepsi CEO saying something like, "You know what? Our soda is an awesome tasting product, but you might not want to drink it more than once a week or month." Or a Toyota executive admitting, "Yeah, our shiny new expensive Lexus is a pretty sweet ride, but we are coming out with a new version next year and once it gets dirty, you will realize that it has not made you any happier. You should probably just buy a Toyota Camry, which is basically the same car and will get you from point A to point B." Man, I would pay anything to see a commercial like that!

Basically, what I am trying to explain is this…lacrosse tournaments and camps are a great way for your sons to go out, have a great time together and learn about themselves. But, if you are using them solely as an "investment" to help get your son into college or help them gain a scholarship somewhere, you better damn well have someone telling you that your son is a great player who could definitely play in college. You better know that your son is in that top ten percent for him to have any chance at all. For the absolute elite level players, they are an essential way to be seen by coaches and get recruited.

So, really the power to fix this system is in the hands of the players and parents. Everyone has to be honest with themselves and be able to give themselves an honest grade of where they stand or get someone who can. If you are a top player, then go for it and try to get in front of as many coaches as you can. If you're not, then you would be better off paying all that money to find a trainer and a coach to work with you all sumer and make you a better player for the next season if playing in college is a dream and goal of yours. At the very least, we can all change our perspectives on what these summer events mean and gear them toward player and character development, instead of searching for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Otherwise, just save your cash and enjoy summer with some BBQs with friends at the pool. And send me an invite while your at it…I'm not sure how long I can be part of this fiasco unless we all change our perspective on what this all means and why we are all doing it.

UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND SHAME OF DEFEAT

Trevor Tierney — Mon, 21 May 2012 17:27:40 +0000

Well…that was exciting (and at the same time, heartbreaking)! Our University of Denver team just finished our up and down season with a one-goal loss to the number one seeded Loyola team in the NCAA quarterfinals. We had five one goal losses on the year (three to top five teams), which shows we were SO incredibly close to being able to win a national championship. But, like my father used to tell me when I was young, "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, son!". Such a comforting phrase...

It can be an emotional experience after a season ends, especially after a roller coaster ride like the one we went on this year. There is so much work and dedication that goes into the pursuit of a "successful" season at any level and that is even more so true at the college level. The players spend hours on the practice field, in the weight room, in the video room and in the office preparing for their opponents all year. Coaches basically sacrifice their entire lives at this level, just to be able to keep up and compete with all of the other teams and staffs out there. When I was young, people used to ask me what my father did for a living. I would reply that he was a college lacrosse coach. Then they would ask, "Well, what else does he do?". I would laugh and tell them there was no time for anything else and that they probably saw their father more at home, than I did. But, that's life in collegiate athletics.

Anyway, there can be a lot of anger and / or shame that comes up when a season ends. We can be angry at the team that beat us or the referees or at our teammates and coaches for not being perfect. We can also feel a lot of shame within ourselves. If we are players, we might say, "Well…if I had just made this save…or won this face-off…or scored on this shot, then I would not have let my team down." If we are coaches, we can think to ourselves, "We should have worked on that other thing the week before or I should have run that offense or that defense or played that kid at that time." All this anger and shame can eat away at us and be very destructive once a season ends to ourselves and to those around us.

A couple of weeks ago, I randomly met a Zen master and priest named Doshin, and I was fortunate to be able to talk with him for a while. He was a fascinating man with a big smile and an even bigger laugh. He seriously looked like a modern day Buddha! He asked me, "Trevor, can anyone make you angry?". I said, "Sure, lots of people make me angry." Then he said, "Okay, well let's say other people can make you angry. Who makes you angry right now?". At the time, my father and I were knocking heads on a daily basis from working together so much. So, I told him my father made me angry.

Finally, he asked me, "If you really feel underneath all that anger, what is there?". Then I felt the care and compassion and love that I have for my father. My eyes welled up and I told him, "Well, I really care about my father. I want him to be happy and successful." He laughed his big laugh which made me laugh at the whole joke as well. Again he asked me, "Can anyone make you angry?". The way he asked made me laugh at myself again and realize that no one could actually make me angry. I chose to get angry at other people! It was an incredible insight. I was able to see that we choose to get angry when we care deeply about something or someone!

Then, Doshin told me that the same is true with shame. We choose to get angry at ourselves and direct that anger inwards when we actually just care about something. So, instead of feeling how much we care or love something, we beat ourselves up for not being perfect. That can be incredibly destructive in our own lives and can keep us from having the happiness and success that we all deserve.

So, as the season ended for us on Saturday afternoon, I had a lot of anger and shame start to come up after our loss to Loyola. But, I reminded myself of the great lesson that Doshin had taught me and was able to see what I really felt down deep. Underneath it all, I care deeply about the players on our University of Denver team and my fellow coaches. I am incredibly proud of them for all their hard work and the successes that we had this season. I know that towards the end of the year, they played their absolute best and left everything out on the field. As much as I would like to see the DU team win a national championship one day, the high of winning it all and making it to the top cannot even compare to the love that I have for them all today.

Sometimes, we might be disappointed to not "win it all" and get everything that we want, but we can still be grateful for having all that we need.

FREE VIDEO SECTION UP!

Trevor Tierney — Tue, 15 May 2012 03:18:47 +0000

I want to apologize that I have not been able to write more lately on this blog. I actually miss writing but I have been so swamped lately, it has just not been in the cards for me. Things have been going well as our Denver Pioneers team has bounced back! See why I wrote "Never...Ever...Quit" a couple weeks ago when things were looking bleak for us? That is what sports are all about! We won our first round NCAA playoff game as we beat an amazing North Carolina team down at Chapel Hill this past weekend in one of the most exciting lacrosse games that I have ever witnessed. Now, we move on to play Loyola in the NCAA quarterfinals. Loyola is the number one seed in the tournament and have beaten us twice, so we know how great they are. We are working hard this week and looking forward to another tough game on Saturday in Annapolis.

Anyway, I also wanted to take this time to announce that I have added a cool new video section to this website. A couple of years ago, I filmed two goalie DVDs. One was entitled, "Evolution In Lacrosse Goaltending : Fundamentals" and it is basically an overview of my philosophy of goalie play in lacrosse. It is how I learned to play growing up from tons of top goalies and coaches, and it is basically how I teach my goalies at Denver. I also filmed a DVD entitled, "Evolution In Lacrosse Goaltending : Drills" which I never ended up releasing.

I just posted both DVDs on this website for FREE! Just go to the VIDEO tab at the top of www.tierlacrosse.com and it will ask you to register your email. I will not share your emails with anyone else. In exchange for your email address, you get over two hours of free goalie instruction from me. This is everything that I go through at camps, clinics, individual lessons and like I said before, with all of our DU goalies. With the ridiculous prices of instruction sports DVDs these days, it's probably about $80 to $100 worth of video.

The reason that I decided to do this is that I just wanted to get my goalie teachings out to as many people as possible. There are a lot of old myths out there when it comes to coaching goalies. A lot of things that coaches tell goalies have been passed down through the generations and do not work so well anymore with how the athletes and stick technology has evolved over the years.

This is not to say that my way is right and other peoples' ways are wrong. It's just that I learned a lot of different techniques over the years that made playing goalie easier on myself, and I think these same techniques can work for anyone to make them a better player. As I say in the introduction section, take what works for you and throw out the rest! That is the same thing that I did growing up as I watched and learned from the college goalies that I was able to spend so much time with since my father was a coach. I took ideas and techniques from them that I liked and incorporated them to make my own style. I encourage you other goalies to do the same!

People have been complimenting me for giving these videos away for free and asking how they can repay me. I'm flattered but the only thing that I ask is that you share them with other goalies and coaches. It feels a lot better to just share these lessons with others than the small amount of money that I could have made for selling these things. So, if you like them, please just pass them along to other goalies and coaches...thank you!

To see a couple of sample videos, you can check out the Introduction section or the Live Demo section from "Evolution In Goaltending : Fundamentals" by going to the links below on YouTube. To see the rest of the videos, you must log in on the VIDEO tab at the top of the TIER Lacrosse website.

INTRO : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TRhNsvpb5k&feature=relmfu

LIVE DEMO : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPIxxLzDNrY&feature=relmfu