Time For Moms

Love Letters

2012-02-10T05:00:00.002-05:00

I love Valentine's Day! Not only does it provide a great excuse to buy multiple bags of conversation hearts, but when our children lived at home, I enjoyed adding little extras to make the day special. I would prepare their "favorite" meals for the day. Some years we baked and decorated cookies. When they were little, I cut their peanut butter sandwiches into heart shapes and red napkins replaced the white ones. (whoo-hoo!) As you can see, I did not get the creative gene. Thankfully, our kids seemed okay with that.

When they all were preschool age, I decided to initiate a new family tradition. We started making homemade cards for each other. And we've never stopped. At first, the children drew pictures, so Terrell and I did, too, with simple words of love that we would read to them. Gradually, they added brief sentences, asking, "How do you spell...?" Of course, at some point they each did their own version of "Roses are red..." Sometimes the cards were quite artsy and other times they were sentences in pencil on folded notebook paper. This didn't matter to any of us...but the words sure did. Still do.

Valentine's Day provided another opportunity to teach our children how to express their feelings - in writing. As their got older, their messages got longer. More sentiment was expressed. What started out as "I (heart) you" or "I'm glad you're my sister", became 3-4 sentences, then 5-6 sentences. Separately, Terrell and I would write each of them a special note, a love letter. When they were little, we helped them read it.

In our letter, we describe things that we love about that child. For example, I might tell Cecilia how I love the way she comes down the stairs every morning singing something. To Terrell, I might share how I love the way he asks me how my day has been, every day. And to Ellison I might express my love for the way he is so affectionate. Different years generate new themes for things we see that we love in each child's character or personality. Every year I'm sure I repeat familiar thoughts - because I still love those things about that child. Often, as Terrell and I later read each other's letters to the kids, we discover that we've said many of the same things!

To be honest, my kids (and husband) could write the same note to me every year and I would probably cry. There's something about the written word of love. Its message and effect is timeless. Over the years, I've discovered that Terrell and I are not the only ones that save our homemade cards. They are keepsakes, that will never need interpretation.

"Thus says the LORD: ...I have loved you with an everlasting love..." (Jeremiah 31.3)

God gave us His Word, written, for us to know over and over again how much He loves us. The Bible is an amazing love letter to each of us.

As our Heavenly Father expresses His love to us, so He desires for us to express our love to our children. For many of us, expressing our feelings is NOT an easy thing to do. God knows. Ask Him for help. Faithfully, He will supply words that are authentic to us. Whether our children are toddlers or adults, I pray that this Valentine's Day provides a way to begin to express our feelings of love to one anther.

Birthday Blessings

2012-02-04T05:00:00.033-05:00

I LOVE celebrating birthdays, especially in our family. When it's someone's birthday, you get to pick what you want, within reason, for every meal. I think we all like supper the best because we get to choose more foods, we have more time to enjoy the meal, and it's when we get to have cake and ice cream!!

Except in my case, instead of cake, my sweet husband cooks a platter of my mom's chocolate icing. Yep, a good many years back, he got tired of watching me cut away the cake part and only eat the icing, so he decided to only make the icing and put candles in it. Yes, I was quite surprised, hugely blessed... and I look forward to this every year!

My favorite time on every one's birthday is when we do "Birthday Blessings". This is a tradition that Terrell and I started when our children were very young. Usually while we're eating our dessert, we go around the supper table and each of us says to the one whose birthday it is, "You're a blessing to me because....."

Like other new things we introduced to our children, we had to explain what we meant. We told them to say what they liked or were grateful for about the birthday person. When the kids were really little, their comments were cute and dear: "You bless me 'cause you play with me... You're a blessing 'cause you helped me learn to skate... I'm grateful that you talk to me at school..." Sometimes blessing is effortless because a relationship is in a good place. This provides opportunity to practice expressing intimate feeling and admiration.

However, with 5 people around our supper table, odds were that someone was sideways with the birthday person or visa versa. The birthday girl might have made her brother mad, or she might be mad at him. The birthday boy might not be getting along with a sibling, or be in trouble with me. Or, it's my birthday and because of so many discipline issues lately, I can't imagine how I've been a blessing to anyone!

On several occasions, I remember praying up a storm that God would lead the "blesser" to recall some good in her shared history of the past year with the birthday person. Faithfully, God would, and I would quietly sigh relief while enjoying the surprise and pleasure on the birthday child's face.

As our children moved into middle and then high school, their words to each other during Birthday Blessings amazed me. On any given day, two of them might argue or get on the other's nerves. But, on a birthday, they rose to the occasion because they respected our tradition, as they had each experienced the effects of being blessed by their family. At this set apart time (and I am sure, not a moment before!) they were able to reflect, appreciate the person, and express it. They would speak of their respect, admiration or gratitude often mentioning specific memories.

In any given moment God meets us where we are. He supplies the grace, even without our asking. He sees a heart willing to try to bless. He helps us to see what He sees in our heart - and to express it. He gives us strength to overcome the awkward moment of fumbling through expressing our feelings, to participate in building a better relationship. In these precious moments, I see the evidence. God is molding their hearts and their relationships with one another throughout the year.

Still, the biggest surprise for Terrell and me has always been their words of blessing to us. In our home, conflict was a part of living together. We had disagreements with our kids, they argued with each other,and sadly, we hurt each another from time to time. But reconciliation was required and restoration was pursued. As the disciplinary talks increased and consequences got tougher, as they struggled with our boundaries and anything that wasn't their idea... our expectations were pretty low as for what might come out of their mouths.

Interestingly, honesty did. I can remember several times when a child's "blessing" to me would begin with a phrase like, "I know we've been fighting alot lately..." or, a sheepish grin that said, "How do I say this considering what our relationship has been like lately..." And then, the surprise would pour out - tender humble love ... blessing. More times than not, Terrell and I have wondered how a child felt about us, only to be overwhelmed this way.

I think every member of our family has been overwhelmed at some point by the blessing expressed towards them. God wants us to be overwhelmed this way by love, especially His love.

Birthday Blessings evolved into a time of reflecting on relationship. When the children were little, they couldn't understand it this way. They measured their relationship by yesterday or last week. As they got older, they began to look back, a few weeks...a few months, because they were learning that their relationship changes as they change.
They learned how to celebrate the good, the blessing that this person is in their life.

The meal is satisfying for the moment.
The presents bring delight for a season.
But the blessings, they permeate our heart, contributing toward God's lifetime message of love.

Choosing Counsel

2012-01-27T05:00:00.007-05:00

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." (1 Peter 5.5)

I desperately NEED grace. I definitely want God's favor. He has promised it to me.

And yet, I struggle still.

One day I realized that I am potentially the most influential teacher for my children to learn to NOT be humble: While they live at home, I am with them the most, so our relationship gets the most "practice" for choosing: be humble or be prideful. So, when we have conflict - because I'm enforcing a boundary or because they have abused a boundary, I have to decide in that moment who my counsel is - my self or my God.

When I choose self, I'm determined to conquer and win the moment. I go with my immediate and pent up feelings, which often include some mixture of fear(of not having control), hurt and anger. Then add some fatigue, and we've made dynamite! My words and actions are a reaction to my child's words or actions. At first, my reaction feels good, but eventually an empty feeling, a dead feeling comes. Do I want a dictator/child relationship? I exercised authority -- but what did I accomplish, in the eyes of God?

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. (Proverbs 11.2)

When I choose God as my counsel, my next step is usually hard because I'm choosing to try to be humble (counting on a lot of grace from God!). This means I don't react in like manner to my child's outburst; I respond, remembering she's the child - I'm the grown up. Well, that's hard if I've got a really good comeback line! Being humble also means, admitting I'm wrong when I am AND asking my child to forgive me. At times, I have wrongly accused a child, yet once I saw that I was wrong, I wanted to brush over it like nothing happened. I finally came to see my pride and the effect of this dismissal on my child. Finally, if I know my position is right, being humble means listening, not doing all the talking, so I meet my child where he is and bring him along from that point.

O Lord, you've been so patient with me! Thank you. I want to be a humble leader for my children. Please assist me with Your grace. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Learning to Enjoy

2012-01-20T05:00:00.001-05:00

The beds have been stripped. The piano is quiet. The loud music is gone. The laundry room is ... quiet. The refrigerator looks sadly empty. The Christmas break is over. Our kids have returned to their school campuses, their dorms and apartments.

The first week they leave is always the hardest for me. I walk by the piano, picture Cecilia playing and singing - and wish that I'd stopped what I was doing and gone to sit by her every time that she played. I walk by our sofa and picture our son Terrell watching some sport - and wish that I'd stopped what I was doing and gone to sit with him more often. I see Ellison's bike or an old pair of running shoes - and wish that I'd stopped what I was doing to go to the track or the gym with him. The pull on my heart is tangible - I miss my children!

And yet, this season is good. It's right. They are where they are supposed to be. And I am glad. I'm not distracted with regret. I want to learn. I want to learn to discern WHEN to stop, WHEN to pause and simply be present to my children and enjoy them. Ten minutes here; an hour there... not to teach something, not to have a "talk", no agenda - but to enjoy them.

When I look back to when our children lived with us, we spent a lot of time together. In fact, I used to have the opposite feeling about a quiet house!! When they would head off to school, an event or a friend's house, I'd think, "Ah, my house is quiet and I'm all alone for awhile!!" My, my, my. Circumstances sure can affect our attitudes.

Missed opportunities.
Plenty of times we see them; we don't seize them. Sure, there are things that we need to do - work, clean, cook, plan, return calls... But there are plenty of things we think we need to do, that can wait. Other times, we don't see the opportunity because we aren't looking for it - Time to just BE with our child.

Sometimes we don't see the opportunity as opportunity.
.. to be blessed- with a giggle, a smile, a random awesome question or statement;
.. to learn things about our child that we don't 'see';
.. to step into a God-staged plan where He wants to build our relationship with our child;
.. to breathe - just savoring the privilege of being someone's mom.

Do we know how to do this? The approach is the same from the time they are babies to adults, with age modifications, of course. We give affection - verbal and physical to express our love for them. We watch them - observing how they've grown, matured, the things they can do and how they express themselves. We listen to them - observing how their tone reveals their feelings about someone or something or themselves; we hear their views, frustrations, celebrations, concerns, and hopes. (Prayerfully discerning when to keep our opinion to our selves.) We engage with them - we tickle and let them tickle; we listen to them play their instrument and we applaud and praise; we watch them practice a skill or dabble with a hobby and we express interest and delight.

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The Fruit of the womb is a reward." (Psalm 127.3)

He knows the challenges and pain that will come, but He gives them as a gift. God gives them as a blessing - to bring us joy, to enjoy. He intends for us to have pleasure; He sees it, the pleasure. This is a window that remains open for all of our days, not only when our children live at home with us. I am still learning how to be a mom, now to my grown children. There are challenges as I grow and as they grow. And I thank the Lord for the continued opportunities to enjoy my children, His gift.

"Lord, help me to watch for the opportunities that you provide for me. Help me enjoy these gifts that you have given me. Amen."

Recalculating

2012-01-09T05:00:00.002-05:00

"RECALCULATING...in .2 miles turn left.." It tends to mean I've missed my turn - which has happened a few times since moving to a new city. But sometimes, my GPS is wrong. Well, not wrong. It's just that I decided to go my way, to take a route that I know is shorter. But when I do this, I continuously hear "RECALCULATING..."

Other times, I just give in. I go with what the GPS says, but all the while I'm mumbling comments, "This sure is a round about way," or "This way doesn't make sense." I'm embarrassed to say, I've even talked back to this machine when I realize that I'm making the wrong turn, but it's too late to correct my mistake. Before 'it' says the whole word "RECALCU...", I'm venting, "I know, I know! I'm turning around!"

Even still, I'm very glad to have my GPS, my travel advisor. It shows me the way, it tells me when I've messed up, and it always has a backup plan. "RECALCULATING" is its word for, "Heads up, Teresa, I'm about to tell you an alternative way to get where you need to go."

In life, I know that my God is the Source of all direction and strategy, every plan B, C,....Z that I may need to be an effective parent. I am glad, even relieved, that He has the big master plan to lead each of our children through their character development for them to fulfill the purposes He has for them. The catch is, He wants to use me (and you) to do it.

This means that we are the voice, the messenger, to our children - the one they hear and see and know as directing them. Sometimes, I have felt like a human GPS - that has to keep recalculating! I don't mean giving step by step, block by block directions to our kids. I mean teaching and training them in general life themes like obedience, respect, being responsible, and getting along with others.

Some of my RECALCULATING THOUGHTS go like this: "OK, that consequence didn't work; That conversation doesn't seem to have made a difference; That wasn't the approach to take; He didn't receive my words AT ALL the way that I intended; That worked for the other 2 kids, but it's obviously not effective with this one; I think I need to...; I think I need to stop...; I'm going to call.... and see what she does ..."

In other words, I teach and train the standard, the direction that my child needs to take, but she just. won't. follow. my. instructions. So, as she makes her decision, here I go again... recalculating. I don't know about you, but over the years I've gotten to use my "RECALCULATING" voice quite a bit! Unfortunately, my voice has often not remained consistently polite - like the GPS, a mechanical device. I'VE GOT FEELINGS. My heart is affected by my children's choices.

I get frustrated. If they would respond to my first approach, think of the things we could do in a day! There would be less talks, less consequences(for them to walk through and for me to come up with), less wasted time. We could enjoy each other more!

I get discouraged. Why don't they want to at least try to follow my direction? Surely, they've had enough experiences with me to see that I have their best interests at heart.

I get hurt. Do they love me, really? Don't they want to please me, just a little bit?

So, how's your heart doing?

It's important that we tell God these things. Too often we just press on, not taking care of ourselves by going to God, asking Him to attend our heart. The Psalmist reminds us, "Cast your burden on the LORD and he will sustain you." (Psalm 55.22) We acknowledge our need for healing, that we aren't superwoman, as we go to Him: "Lord, I give you my frustration about..., my discouragement about ..., my hurt ... Please heal me. Please help me..."

Our children, young and old, are not trying to frustrate, discourage, or hurt us. Actually, they are simply being the way we are - with our heavenly Father: Sometimes we flat out ignore the directions that God has given us in the Scriptures. We know He loves us and wants the best for us, but sometimes, we rationalize that our way makes sense. And most sadly, we know the extent to which God has demonstrated His love for us, yet we don't obey anyway.

Dear Lord, You're the Leader. Help me to follow - so that I will lead in the way - that my children will follow. Amen.

HE CAME

2011-12-10T05:00:00.057-05:00

Well, our house is half decorated. I started last week and haven't had time to finish yet! Terrell has said a couple of times now, "I think we should decorate the whole banister, not just half the way up..." I plan to finish today. Well, we'll see.

Do you have any favorite Christmas decorations? I do. My sentimental favorites are the ones that our children made when they were little. I love pulling them out every year, picturing those little hands at work! I wish the one that I'm showing you here was on the tree, but it's not up yet!

A few years ago dear friends gave us a Christmas plate. Below the picture of Jesus in a manger, it says, "He Came." This also is one of my favorite decorations because it has a simple yet very powerful message. Every time I walk by it, the words grab me.

JESUS CAME because He loves us so much.
The message is from a Bible verse, John 10.10: "...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

For you. For me. For our children...HE CAME.

HE CAME for us to have
... A life that is abundant. That doesn't mean lots of stuff, lots of friends, lots of everything.
... A life that is full. That doesn't mean busy.
... A life that is joy-filled. That doesn't mean always happy.
... A life that is blessed. That doesn't mean without trials.

Life is interesting. We can have plenty, more than plenty, and then wonder how we're going to pay the light bill. We can have a full social life, people we call friends, and then one day wonder who we can trust. Circumstances can put us on "cloud nine" one day and bring us to tears the next. For reasons like this, some call life a roller coaster.

Jesus IS our fulfillment and our joy. The source of blessing and the answer in trial. And He alone is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

HE CAME that we might have life and have it abundantly...
Do we go to Him for LIFE?
Do we believe that our daily life can be ABUNDANT?

"Jesus, thank you for coming for me and thank you that You come to me. Help me come to You. Help me grasp what abundant life with You can be like."

Christmas Stories

2011-12-02T05:00:00.002-05:00

Two stories.

The Birth of Jesus.
Santa Claus.

Which story does our child know better?

Many of us grew up learning about Santa. Some of us grew up learning about the birth of Jesus. Some of us grew up simply exchanging gifts with family and friends. Most of us grew up with a mixture of these.

We've been influenced... by our parents, our peers, our culture.
How are we influencing our children?

When our boys were toddlers, I remember pondering how to strike a healthy balance between Santa and the birth of Jesus.

.... Just writing that sentence feels weird!

As our children grew, this question's breadth grew -- How do I lead and influence our children to see the significance of learning about and contemplating the celebration of the birth of Jesus ... while at the same time joining in the culture's festive mood and enjoying giving gifts to loved ones?

Looking back, it was much easier in those preschool and early elementary years! My first attempt at "sharing more about Jesus" was our tree skirt. Yep, I made a nativity scene tree skirt out of felt. I traced each character of the manger scene, cut them out and glued them on a large piece of felt. (My children were too young to judge my very elementary craft abilities.) Anyway... ! When our children were little, our tree was strategically in the living room, AWAY from where they played. But when we went to look at the tree and its ornaments, we eventually sat on the floor and talked about the manger scene on the skirt.

Also, a hand-me-down that I received from my parents was their first manger scene, which was plastic. Our children would play with it and every few days I would tell them the story of Jesus' birth with it. In time, they wanted to tell me the story. Cute memories!

We read story books about Jesus being born, but also stories about Santa, Rudolph and Frosty the Snowman. We made Christmas lists, baked cookies, sang carols and enjoyed watching some of the SAME Christmas classics on television that Terrell and I watched as kids!

Here's what I realized.
I'm raising my children in this world, and in our particular part of this world, materialism and the secularization of Christmas is dominant. BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY IN OUR HOME. The most important story to us is the one we will tell the most, the one we will focus on the most, the one we will live.

I made a decision when they were toddlers that I would have to be particularly strategic during December -- just like the stores are. Just as they contemplate how to woo customers to buy their products, I can pray and consider how to gently point our children to Jesus, in the midst of candy canes, crafts, Christmas carols and celebrations.

Our God sees all that is going on. He knows what competes for our children's attention and for their hearts -- the same things that tempt ours! Whether our child is 2 or 22, God has appointed us as parents to pray for our children to know Jesus, to know HIS story and embrace a relationship with Him.

During this month, let's be intentional to pray for our children to come into an intimate, significant relationship with Him. And while we're at it, let's pray for our own heart to be moved and changed by the gift and love of Jesus, our Messiah.

PS... I would love for you to share HERE ways that your family focuses toward Jesus during December.

A Gripping Moment

2011-11-22T05:00:00.037-05:00

When my husband and I arrived at our gate at the airport, there were only 3 other people there, one of whom was a young Marine, in full dress uniform. I glanced at him periodically and wondered, "Is he heading home or reporting back to duty...?" He seemed restless. I was so struck by how young he looked; he had to be close to the ages of my sons.

Gradually, the room filled to about 150 people. Then, as if on cue, nine soldiers dressed in camouflage quietly walked in and lined up at the entrance where passengers deboard. One held a large 'Welcome Home' sign. Within minutes the entire room was transfixed on this group. Then as each soldier stepped off the plane and entered our area, the 'welcoming group' saluted and hugged each man or woman, sharing kind words and warm smiles. Though in a public place, they shared a private moment, not intending to draw attention to themselves.

For a moment, I glanced around the room. Faces wore various expressions from sober to teary to admiration to big smiles. Without words and without knowing the soldiers or one other, we were grateful for them and glad they were home... Someone's mom, dad, brother or sister, son or daughter. Thank you, Lord.

As my eyes combed the room, I spotted the young Marine. He was standing, watching, and seemingly waiting. I thought, "Maybe he's waiting for a friend to deboard."

When the last soldier had been welcomed, they all walked together toward the door, talking quietly among themselves. Then spontaneously, the rest of us stood and applauded them until the last one was out the door. It was emotional. The unspoken gratitude for what they do for all of us; the fact that these are alive; the relief that they are home.

I looked over at the young Marine, still standing and watching as the other passengers deboarded and entered our room. No one came toward him. Then he left. I was so curious as to why he had been there, in our room, waiting.

About 10 minutes later, I walked out into the corridor heading toward the restroom, but as I did I glanced out the window at the plane everyone had just deboarded, the same plane that I would soon board. I stopped. There was the young Marine.

He was standing at attention, saluting, and two baggage staff were standing by him, their heads bowed with a hand across their heart. My eyes followed the direction of the Marine's salute. A single casket was being lifted into the cargo bay of the same airplane. I gasped softly as tears welled in my eyes. To my left I heard someone sniffing. Another witness.

Until the plane's door closed and the Marine stepped back, I could not move. The moment was overwhelming, especially following the prior celebration. I prayed for the young Marine and I prayed that the deceased was also "going home", to be with the Lord.

"Thou knowest me right well; my frame was not hidden from thee, when I was being made in secret, intricately wrought in the depths of the earth. Thy eyes beheld my unformed substance; in thy book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was not one of them." (Ps.139.14-16)

Our days are numbered by God. We don't know what each holds, but He does. Loving us, He desires to lead us through each one. Loving us, He allows us to choose daily whose way we will follow - His, ours, someone else's. I don't know my number of days. But I do know one of my most significant purposes - being a mom.

The men and women who serve our country have responded to a call on their lives. What they do is not for their own benefit or for others to notice. They do it for us, for me. They live serving; we casually call it being "in the service". They don't wallow in or flaunt their sacrifices and struggles; they press on to accomplish their purpose. Humbly, they risk their lives for for the sake of other's lives, for me.

Life and death, with purpose. Life and death, honored. Service, for the sake of others. God, thank You for their example in my life.

God, thank you for Jesus. The ultimate Example. Life with purpose. Death with purpose. All to serve You. For the sake of mankind.

Father, help us love and disciple our children "in service" to You, with purpose - Your purpose. To your glory. Amen.

Make It Count

2011-10-19T05:00:00.002-04:00

Fall is here! The leaves are changing. The temperature outside is refreshing. I love this season. Fall, winter, spring, summer. I used to view seasons that way. Then I had children and I learned from a great teacher to identify other experiences of time as seasons, life seasons. This was actually encouraging to me. Like the seasons of the year, seasons in life will be for a defined time - God's time - and then each will pass.

Are we going to buy diapers forEVER? When are our boys going to stop fighting and realize they could be good friends? Does my child ever get to have a special friend? Will my child be healed? Is my relationship with my teenager always going to be so strained? Is my relationship with my adult child over? Often we won't understand God's timetable for our life seasons because we don't have His timeless, greater-than-the-universe view. What's our view? Our view is what we want.

Ever said, "I'm ready for winter to be over!"? As much as we may want winter to end, we cannot end it. God is in charge of this. Our calendar can say it's the first day of spring, but God is Lord of the weather we'll have that day... So, do we make the most of the 35 degrees day - or complain?

Just as the Lord is sovereign over the weather seasons, He is sovereign over the length of our life seasons, our children's life seasons, and each season we'll walk through with our children. Some we won't want to end, some are long, and some... we wonder if they'll ever end! Is there a pattern here?? Yes, WE want to determine or at least know each season's length!

We want things to happen or change on our timetable. Too often we're wishing away a season because it's difficult, challenging, painful, discouraging or all of the above. When we do this, we waste time. Time that God has given to us. There's a big difference between wishing away a season - and prayer.

God's not torturing us, waiting to see how much we can endure - of the weather or our child! He's working. Remember, He's the Creator and we are His creation.

I've had plenty of pity parties, after which I usually pray (or whine), "Lord, when will this end? What else can I do?" Often I'm reminded that sometimes I'm not to "do" anything. I'm to pray the desires of my heart, listen to God, and wait on Him, trusting Who He is."

With any enduring season, we can pray through it: "Lord, I want to learn and receive all that you have for me in this season. If there's anything You still desire to accomplish in me, in my child, in our relationship during this season, please help me see and understand and participate with You."

Why? Because I want to want what the Lord God Almighty wants - for me, my child and our relationship.
"...we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." (Romans 5.2-5)

Our "Looks"

2011-09-23T05:00:00.000-04:00

I like spy movies. I think it's so cool the way they use technology to communicate with each other on a mission. Sometimes I used to say to my husband, "I wish our children had earbuds like spies use. Then we could tell them what they need to hear (in our opinion)." I shared this thought at various times - when a child wasn't playing well on the ball field, or a referee made a wrong call(in my opinion), when a child looked nervous on the stage, or was standing alone with other kids all around, OR when they were misbehaving, yet it wasn't appropriate for me to approach them due to the setting.

Can't you picture it?? No one can see them (the earbuds), and we can talk and talk..."You're doing great! Hang in there! Or...I see you, you know better; stop that; this is your first warning..." Yeah, I know. Our kids would take them out of their ears, wouldn't they?! Oh, well.

So, we can't tell them...but we can show them. Facial expression can be a significant tool for communication because words often aren't an option. The circumstance isn't conducive to talking with our child - she's on a stage, on the playground, on the field, or among peers though we know our child could use a hug, a word of encouragement, or a reprimand.

Early on, I became intentional about giving facial expressions that communicate a message. Pretty soon, the kids learned to recognize, and sometimes look for, my encouraging, cautionary, or disapproving facial expression. The encouraging looks are a fun opportunity to love our child from a distance, and then receive from them that look of relief that says, "OK, that's right, you're on my side."

The corrective looks are a different story, but it's funny when we look back on them. I remember when the kids were little and they'd wander away from me, looking back as if to say, "Can I go this far??" As they get older, they still look to us with this question, even though they often know what our response is going to be.

At every age, our children are looking for love, approval and direction. They feel the security of being loved when we pay attention to their behavior, even if our expression foretells correction.

How do your children identify your expressions? Have some fun with this. Ask them to show you your "looks" I did this at supper time once: "Show me my look when I'm proud of you. How about when I'm encouraging you? What is my look when I want you to stop doing something?", etc. I was encouraged, entertained, but also humbled by this exercise. Take a look in the mirror to see what they are seeing.

Several places in the Bible, there is reference to seeking the face of God: "He will receive blessing from the Lord...Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek the face of the God of Jacob?"(Ps.24.5-6) "It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them." (Ps.44.3)

When we seek His face, we focus toward the only One who can meet our needs. We are seeking to know Him, and we'll receive love, direction and a grounding peace that lets us know He is with us.

We have the opportunity to give our children practice with this experience when we choose to be God's vessels of love in this way.

I would LOVE to hear about your experience if you ask you kids to show you your "looks"!

Is It Working for You?

2011-08-27T02:00:00.000-04:00

"I'm going back to work."
I said this on several occasions when describing our impending move. Around the third time, however, I caught myself. I thought, "I do work, I've been working for years, as a stay at home mom." Why am I saying this??

I've been a stay at home mom, a part-time employed mom and a full time employed mom. Some of us are students making our way toward a degree or certification of some sort. Some of us are single parents (or feel like it). All of it is work, any way you slice it.

I've had moms tell me that they stay employed because they don't think they could handle the responsibilities that come with being home all day. Some stay at home moms tell me that they're looking for a part-time job, to have a break...but also to feel like they're accomplishing or doing something.

Over the years, prior to being a mother, I allowed personal achievements and people's words of recognition to gratify the yearning in my heart for significance and fulfillment. I've enjoyed each employment experience I've been given; I also know that I've given greater value to these at times because I experienced accomplishment, and I could actually articulate to others what I was doing.

We tend to minimize the "work" of parenting and therefore the significance of what we do, as parents. Paul says in Ephesians 2.10, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepares in advance for us to do." Our work as mothers was prepared by God; therefore, it is very significant to Him.

He honors us with this tremendous role - to raise our children to know Him and to live for Him.

We make considerable efforts to be good mothers, and in the quiet of our hearts, based on our positive experiences in other endeavors, we hope for similar feelings of gratification. Yet many days we are left feeling defeated, discouraged and unproductive. We love our kids, are grateful for them, but in our heats we are struggling. We wonder if any of the significance we long for can be found through being a mom.

Our craving for value will not be fulfilled this way or through any job, paying or volunteer, because our value is not found in what we do. Our value, our significance , is found in the Person, Jesus Christ, and through relationship with Him. Only as His own, can we know sustaining fulfillment and begin to grasp the honor He bestows on us as His Beloved.

A Fresh Approach

2011-07-28T05:00:00.066-04:00

One Sunday we were at the dinner table at my parents' home. My dad said to his then five year old grandson who was more engaged in interacting with the family than eating his food, "If you clean your plate, you can have dessert." Well, my mom is a great cook so anticipating Grandma's dessert got his attention.

Within minutes, he was neatly scraping the remainder of his food onto his dad's plate. When Grandpa asked what he was doing, he responded seriously, "I'm cleaning my plate." I remember that scene like it was yesterday. My nephew's actions were innocent, as was the look on his face. In his mind he was trying to obey his Grandpa. Grandpa was speechless. We all just smiled.

Kids tend to be literalists so we need to pay attention to what we say to them. Unfortunately, we often don't consider the child's interpretation of our instructions. We think we're clear because we know what we mean. For example, "Haven't I told you not to hit your sister?!" ... "I didn't hit her. I tapped her. She just cries at anything." or "I told you to straighten up your room." ... "I did. This is the way I like it."

My children never said, "Momma, would you repeat that slowly?" or "Could you explain what you mean because I want to get this right." Instead, they would do what they thought I meant. Sometimes they did well, but plenty of times, I'd have to call them back to the task. When I'd explain to the child what he didn't do, he'd say, "Well, you didn't say that or you didn't say it that way before." Even when I'd ask,"Do you understand?", the child would nod or say yes - because she had her own understanding of my words!

The summer is winding down, but we still have a few weeks left! This is a good time to evaluate what we are saying to our children as we attempt to teach them to do or stop doing something. Teaching and training our children can be very challenging. It is also a primary means through which our relationship with them is developed - one way or the other.

Take a fresh approach. Invite the Lord in and talk with Him!
For ourselves ...
   Lord, show me what I need to reteach and please
   show me how.
   If I'm not clear, help me see this.
   Help me be consistent as I train.
   Fill me with your grace and love so that I teach in
   a way that reflects You.
For our children ...
     Help him to understand and to want to learn.
   Mold her heart to choose to submit.

When we choose to pray, we are approaching our Heavenly Father as His children, asking Him to help us learn and understand His instructions - for parenting our children. He will teach and train us with great patience and love while bestowing these gifts upon us.

Now's the time!

2011-07-19T05:00:00.000-04:00

In the summer our younger children have VBS. Our older children have Christian camps and mission trips. From mid-August through May, many churches offer some type of Bible instruction for children either mid-week or on Sunday. I know our children have been blessed by all of the above... creative activities, high energy games, yummy food, cool teachers, funny presentations. My guess is that most of us have volunteered in at least one of the ministries I just named...and that's great! But, what are we doing as parents, at home, as God's appointed stewards of our children?

Jesus says, "Go to the people of all nations and make them my disciples. Baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28.19, Contemporary English Version)

Jesus calls us to "go to" our children and make them His disciples. After all ... our primary disciples are our own children.

Recently, a friend shared that she and her older daughter didn't really talk much about he Lord. Over the years the daughter had attended plenty of church programs, but my friend wondered what kind of relationship, if any, the daughter had with the Lord. The mom began to pray specifically - for herself , her daughter and this part of their relationship. A couple of months later her daughter came home from college. The mother initiated, the daughter was receptive and over time this area of their relationship blossomed. Most importantly, the daughter's relationship with the Lord deepened. Now they share the most important bond with each other - loving Jesus and being comfortable to talk about it.

Several months later this same daughter faced a difficult trial. Her parents and friends supported her, but the daughter had to walk through it. She did not walk alone. She walked with Jesus.

More often we won't "be there" for our children - the playground, the classroom, the lunchroom, the relationship dramas, the party, the date, the break up, and the tragedies that many of our children are confronted with today. We can love them, pray for them and be their support system... but they need their Savior.

They need to get to know Him and who He can be in their life RIGHT NOW. God gave them to us to raise - to raise to know Him. He wants to help us disciple our children at various ages and stages. As Jesus built relationships with His disciples, He sought the Father and he prayed often. Jesus knew His disciples (and we) would feel inadequate. He encouraged them (and us): "And I tell you, Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." (Luke 11.9-10)

Jesus spent time with His disciples as a group (family) and in more intimate numbers, and He kept it causal. Casual is good - They're our kids. Go for one on one time - present a Bible story or character and ask a couple of life application type questions..."What would you do..." "Why do you think..." "What does that tell you about God..." Also, Jesus' disciples were men; discipleship is not only for young children! Our preteens and teens are thinking about plenty. Let's give them some real food for thought. We can share what we are learning in the Word. We need to show them how relevant God's Word is in our life and tell them how He has helped us. Through sharing how we relate with Jesus, we can teach them how they can.

With an enticing food, beverage or setting - plus our undivided attention - our children will listen. God will do the work in the heart. It's not so much what we do or say, but what the Lord is doing through us when we choose to seek and open ourselves to the opportunities to be His instruments.

My kids have me, with all my flaws and weaknesses, and they have their dad with his. But there is only one Constant Companion to perfectly love and lead them.

Is He ours?
Are we helping our children to know Jesus this way?

Sowing and Growing

2011-06-24T05:00:00.000-04:00

"Why do I have to go?"
"I won't have anything to do there...None of my friends will be there."
"It's so boring. Why are you making me go...I'm not gonna watch."
"He doesn't care if I'm there or not.. He won't even notice if I'm not there."

These were our children's responses almost every time we told them we (all) were going to a sibling's sporting event, performance, or academic event. Usually they'd express themselves in front of the child whose 'thing' we were attending. Their tone and attitude was generally some combination of whining, frustration, grumpiness, and resentment.

I understood: They had no interest in the event, and it was their sister or brother they'd be watching...why would they want to do that??! Sometimes they acted like I was discreetly torturing them with this requirement. Funny, I felt tortured to not get to simply enjoy watching an event, but instead to reply repeatedly, "It will be over soon/ not much longer/ stop that/ comeback over here..."

Some outings were fine. They'd make a friend or see one there and hang out.
My strategy - much prayer (for the child and for me), positive strokes, and pointing out any other family doing the same thing (because "No one else makes their kids do this, Momma.")

My answer to the innumerable times they asked, "Whyyyy??" was consistent - "To support him. We're his home team. We're doing this to encourage him. I know you don't want to go, but it's what we're doing."

In other words, this is what our kids "knew" - We go to each other's events.

However, as I trained them, I didn't want them to become adults who attend their siblings' events because "they should". I wanted them to grow to desire to go - because they really support and love each other in their heart. My role was teaching, training and tons of prayer ("Lord, help her grasp the blessing that this is to her brother.") I depended on God to do the heart work in each child - and to help me exercise His grace. We all had attitude "struggles" - thankfully the Lord is our Redeemer and Strength!

Early on, I was grateful if the children sitting with me behaved or didn't complain Then one day during the elementary years, as I dropped Terrell off early before his game, he looked at me and asked, "Are Ellison and Cecilia coming?" When I said yes, he smiled. That moment made all those trying moments worth it. Gradually, each of them would ask things like, "Who all's coming?" Push back was subsiding. And everyone enjoyed being the recipient of an audience.

Then a huge change came.
When Cecilia was in the 9th grade, I told the boys (11th and 12th graders), "After your football practice, I want you to walk over to the gym for her volleyball match." Knowing they would be exhausted and hungry, I expected push back. They both said, "Sure." I was stunned - no excuses or complaints. "Thank you, boys; that means a lot to me and it will to Cecilia, too." When I left the room, I thanked God and cried.

There are many sibling trials but when those beautiful breakthroughs happen - wow.

"And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1.6)

Cecilia's junior year, Terrell surprised her and drove 4 hours round trip to listen to her perform. Her senior year, Ellison called me from college and said, "Mom, I want to surprise Cecilia and come to her play-off game tonight, but I'll have to drive back right after the match." This spring Terrell and Cecilia drove 6 hours round trip in one day to celebrate Ellison's entry into the Summerall Guard at The Citadel. In each instance, I said, "You do not need to come", and they said, "I want to."

"Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen." (Ephesians 3.20)

Focus

2011-06-04T05:00:00.066-04:00

I've had a bit of transition in my life over the past few months. We've moved to a new state, I have returned to full time employment, and my husband and I are working together - sharing an office in our new home. If you want to pray for Terrell and me adjusting to working together in our "cozy" office space, that'd be great!

Actually, I'm excited about it, but we do have our MOMENTS!! And it doesn't help that since we've only recently moved, our "office" (a room over our garage) is a jumble of boxes, scattered notebooks, countless lists and all those remaining things that we don't know where to put yet.

Yes, potential stress is around every corner in about every room I walk into. If I could walk around with my eyes closed, I would, because everywhere I look, I think, "I need to do that...and I need to do that..." or "Ugh, I meant to do that yesterday!" or "I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!"

Then I'll recall some of the tragedy going on around our world or I'll think of loved ones who deal daily with incredible challenges, and I am sobered. My perspective, regarding my self and my circumstance, is affected.

It's so easy to become circumstance focused. What a trap for stress, fear, discouragement, or an overall downward spiral.

The other day I read Luke 13.22: "He (Jesus) went on his way through towns and villages journeying toward Jerusalem." Two words grabbed me: "...journeying toward..." Jesus has His eyes set - Jerusalem, the Cross... abiding in and obeying His Father. Yet, up till now and before He gets there, His journey has been and will be challenging and taxing. Unfamiliar places, encountering all sorts of people and circumstances, seeking to discern His purpose in each setting, long hours...

I thought, "What am I 'journeying toward'"? Lord, help me journey toward YOU! ... And all these circumstances along the way?? Thank you, Father, that You know every one of them. You have a purpose and You'll show the way. Help me abide in You.

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-04T05:00:00.010-04:00

For you, Moms...

Being a Mom

Being a mom is not about glamour. It's not about attention being given to us. It's not about outward recognition.

Being a mom is about humility: We will not have all the answers; we will always be on a learning curve; and we will make mistakes.

Being a mom is about selflessness: We will put our children's needs before our own because they are dependent on us, and we are responsible for them.

Being a mom is about sacrifice: For a season we will give up things we may have enjoyed before we had children and we will have to say no to some opportunities that arise because we are first committed to raising our children.

Being a mom is about grace: We will need to draw on God's grace frequently because on our own, our strength tank will empty and we'll need His grace to be who He knows we can be.

Being a mom is about quiet reward: When we see our children growing in the Lord, when we see them respond to our love and discipleship, when we see them becoming the person of character that God has created them to be.

And being a mom is about blessing beyond what this world sees as valuable: When we know the wonderful and tangible love of our children and that immeasurable inner peace that we are aligned with our God who loves us so much.

There is no substitute for a mother. It's one of God's highest callings.

SCREEN TIME

2011-04-27T05:00:00.026-04:00

Twenty years ago, when I was a teacher, I was surprised to learn how much TV my students watched. Today with the addition of video games and home computers, the "opportunities" for screen-type activities seems unending. Personally, I think the TV, the computer, and even some video games can be fine instruments for entertainment or education. The computer can also be a great tool for communication. Sadly, however, it seems that for many children, some type of "screen activity" is their most constant companion.

We introduced our boys to TV at the same time. Terrell, age 4 was intrigued; Ellison, age 3, could have cared less. A few years later we bought our first computer game for them - "Reader Rabbit". And eventually we gave in and bought them each a Gameboy video game. In the beginning each device was something new for our child or our family to do. Eventually, each device became an issue or source of disagreement between my child and me. It wasn't the device's fault.

We need to frequently ask ourselves 3 questions about our utilization of screen time with our kids: How do we use it? How much do we use it? Why do we use it?

The way that we respond to that sentence can help us determine why we currently don't have screen boundaries with our child or why our boundaries are what they are.

It's funny, what starts as a fun new activity for us to share with our child can so easily become something so different For example:
A. Have these devices become the babysitter, the substitute for us or a friend, or a way to pass time?
B. Have these devices become "the competition" within our own home? Does our child want to be with them more than with us? Have we unintentionally conditioned our kids this way?
C. Are these devices enjoyed by our family members - but in healthy proportion to nurturing our family relationships?

Hmmm... at times it's been "A" when I was trying to fix supper. And because of "A", I've experienced "B". Although, sometimes, I've wrestled with "B" because I'd give in and give them more screen time, and then guess what they wanted? Yep, even more screen time! "C", of course, is the best choice...

So, how do we get there? How do we undo what we've allowed up to now?

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given to him." (James 1.5)

Coming Together

2011-04-03T05:00:00.002-04:00

Well, we found a house! Thank you, Lord. Oh my GOODNESS, we looked at so many! Even when I went to visit friends, I found myself looking at a room or the house layout as though I was considering it.

As we entered a house, we quickly determined if particular pieces would fit, like the dining room table or the piano. But our primary consideration was our living area, the kitchen and the family room. In each house that showed potential, I tried to picture our family, hanging out together. Over the years, our kids enjoyed some time in their bedrooms, but they usually gravitated to the kitchen and family room area because it's where we live. It's where we play and laugh, catch up with each other, have serious conversations, goof off and simply share life.

We didn't get there overnight. It's required lots of intentional effort and much prayer to forge relationships of depth.

Especially today, children are faced with plenty of opportunities to isolate themselves - playing video games, watching TV, listening to their ipod, doing facebook or any number of activities on the computer... In addition, there are plenty of activities to pull our children away from home and therefore, away from cultivating family relationships. Our children need opportunities to come together within the family - with us and with their siblings. Ideally, we are molding strong life-long intimate relationships.

We need to initiate more opportunities for building relationships within our family. A lot of these opportunities are simple things, brief pockets of time. Others are predetermined boundaries such as when the TV is on or how much time is spent on the computer or the phone. Often when I was folding laundry, emptying the dish washer, or cooking supper, I'd call one of the kids to come to talk. If two of the kids were playing separately, I'd suggest something for them to do together, or prompt one to go join the other. Other times, I'd simply go insert myself into whatever one of the kids was doing because I wanted it to be natural that I was around when they were home.

Our children will pull away at different times as they explore and wrestle with the changes and adjustments of getting older - whether they're 7 going on 8 or 16 going on 17. During these times, I really pray - but I don't follow their lead. I pray and try to follow God's lead.

Were my suggestions and gestures always welcome? Take a guess! Our kids really enjoyed our boundaries about the TV and computer - not! (Next time, I'll tell you about what that was like in our house.)

Really being a family requires us to seize lots of opportunities to practice living together.

It's really hard. Building great things usually is.

Who's Looking

2011-03-09T05:00:00.007-05:00

A few years back my neighbor's little boys set up a lemonade stand. I grabbed some change and went over to support them. One of them eagerly poured me a cup. I took a sip, remarking how good it was. As I walked down my driveway, I looked back at them and watched for a little while. Then the boys poured themselves each a cup, took a gulp and poured the rest BACK into the pitcher. My stomach turned, imagining that I probably just drank "backwash" lemonade. Yep, their mom was in the house...no clue.

She didn't see. Like me with my kids, I imagine she's seen enough similar things with hers! But God was there - in the moment. He's everywhere, all the time. He's omnipresent. I'm thinking He was smiling - at the boys being boys and at what I was thinking.. as I watched.

God sees and hears it all. Do we avail ourselves of this amazing opportunity?!

When our children lived at home, I embraced and took comfort in it. I trusted that His presence was both in them and in the setting. If Cecilia had a test, I asked God to help her and give her peace. When the boys had football practice or a game, I asked for His protection and His favor as they played. When they went out on the weekend with friends, I asked God to fill them with courage to be who they are in Christ and to keep them safe. If one had to have a difficult conversation with someone, I asked God to give him the words to say.

I wasn't there...but God was.

Do we believe this? Do we believe God wants us to participate with Him in the daily circumstances of our child's life? The key words are "participate with Him" - not Him participate with us. If we try to control our child or a circumstance, how are we participating with God? ...God, who made our child and has the BEST plans for her.

Unfortunately, I know firsthand the horrible feeling of realizing when I'm trying to control my child or her circumstance. Ugghh! It's humbling because I realize that I am not trusting God - and it doesn't do a whole lot for my child or our relationship either!

As each of our children left home for college, I've been challenged to a new level of choosing to trust God and who HE is. I still pray many of the same themes for our children. But more than ever, I have to intentionaly place them into the Father's hands. I close my eyes and pray, "Thank you God that you are with my child right now. Help her turn to you and cling to you above all else. Help me trust You and pray as you want me to pray..."

Jesus said before He ascended to the Father, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28.20)

Always...with us...with our children.

"Say your sorry's ..."

2011-02-24T05:00:00.002-05:00

I think there's more to it than this.

For me to tell my husband "I'm sorry" is SO much easier than saying why I'm sorry AND then asking him for forgiveness. For the longest time I has such a hard time with this!
Why? Because it's humbling. In time I got better at admitting to God that I saw my error, but then to go to Terrell... mmm, my pride and stubbornness often delayed me. I just didn't want to "give". Sometimes I didn't want to give admission; other times I didn't want to give forgiveness. The catalyst for change in me came as I determined how I wanted our children to handle reconciliation.

When our children were preschoolers, I came up with a routine for apologies:

1. Tell God: what you are sorry about and ask for His forgiveness. Then I would smile at my child and say, "God just forgave you, and He's glad that you asked Him."
2. Tell each other:
    One child - Say what you're sorry about and ask for
                     forgiveness: "I'm sorry I called you a name.
                     Do you forgive me?"

Other child - Give forgiveness: "I forgive you."

3. Eye contact was a must and tone had to be somewhat convincing.
Can I tell you how much fun we all had?!!

It was easy to come up with a plan, but I knew that my life needed to reflect what I taught. Ugh. I began to pray for God's grace that I would become a humble "giver" - giving admission and giving forgiveness.

Our kids bickered a good bit over the years, but they also were each other's favorite friend. When they fought, they dreaded my words, "OK, you know what you need to say..." As they got older, they'd often push back with, "He doesn't mean it."

Thank God, with a lot of prayer and "let's-break-it-down" conversations, they matured; they got it. As our children have opportunities to be on both sides of forgiveness, they begin to experience that in genuine reconciliation, they both have to participate - every time. Each person needs to say something, to give something - whether they feel like it or not.

Jesus taught, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (Mark 11.25) Through all those years of "practice", God was working, growing their hearts to value reconciliation - with people and with Him. The heart of the verbal exchange is being willing to communicate and make the effort to be humble. Forgiveness is a decision. "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble...Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you." (James 4.6,10)

Forgiveness

2011-02-12T05:00:00.042-05:00

When our boys were preschoolers, learning to share was our hot topic. Terrell would either claim that a toy was his or say that he needed it as he took it from Ellison. Ellison, who thought his older brother hung the moon, wanted whatever his brother had and would attempt to take it any chance he got - to discover what was fascinating his hero.

Often on the following day Terrell would say to Ellison, "I'm playing with the truck by myself," or Ellison would dash to get the toy that was Terrell's favorite the day before and go play with it in a private place. The boys were demonstrating that their hurt, anger or impatience could accumulate - even as preschoolers!

Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel. Grasping its importance and practicing it (ourselves and with our children) is important. Our "opportunities" to teach, train and practice with our children begin when they are very young. (Oh, boy!) It's easy to get tired, discouraged, and frustrated with how quickly our children might repeat the same offense or not want to forgive or not want to ask forgiveness! Plus, "practicing" forgiveness takes so much time! God knows the challenge we are facing - and He wants to help us FACE it.

Many sibling relationships are built upon unresolved hurts. Broken relationships begin to be restored through acts of forgiveness. Someone needs to seek it, and someone needs to give it. Until this happens, both people relate to each other out of their woundedness or hardened emotions. "The tongue has the power of life and death..." (Proverbs 18.21) Words of forgiveness are words of life. But these words don't come naturally to us. They must be taught.

Saying Goodbye

2011-02-02T05:00:00.002-05:00

We're moving...to another city.
We've known for a little while. This is our third such move. The hardest part is saying goodbye to the people we love. I dread it terribly. So I can't write about that part yet!

Recently, I was wiping down some kitchen cabinets, and out of nowhere a flood of memories in this room hit me. I just sat on the floor and cried, remembering special times, funny times, dear conversations - both with our family and with friends. And then I thanked God for His goodness.

Before we move, I'll go to each room of the house. It's not depressing; it's actually a tender time. The memories come as I sit in a room and reflect. I remember challenges, laughter, milestones, stretching, tears of joy and tears of pain and more. And then I thank God for all of it and His presence and faithfulness through it.

While our kids were home for Christmas, we reminisced - leading them to reflect and mark this time...and say goodbye.

It brings closure. Acknowledging an end, in order to turn toward embracing a beginning that the Lord is bringing.

A while back a friend of mine moved, from one neighborhood to another. The family was excited, but also sad. I suggested this same process for them.

Change isn't bad, but change involves loss. We benefit by processing the loss, what is ending, with the Lord.

Do you have a change that has recently happened in your life? ...a job change, a relationship change, a health change...
Is your child experiencing a change? ...a school change, a friend 'change', a final sport season, the end of a particular activity...

When we invite the Lord into our change, He reminds us of His faithfulness thus far, and gratitude is stirred in our heart. Then as we turn toward moving forward, or we encourage our child to move forward, we'll embrace hope because we know God will go before us and be with us.

Consider...

2011-01-26T05:00:00.002-05:00

As moms, we think about, or consider, lots of things regarding our child - their friendships, abilities, our relationship, discipline issues, and on and on. We yearn for insight, the next step, the right thing to do. Our insight will increase as we prayerfully consider. "No one considers, nor is there knowledge or discernment..." (Isaiah 44.19a) It's simple really, just begin to invite the Lord into whatever you're thinking about concerning your child.

Often we don't consider, we just ask someone else. There is nothing wrong with this, but the Lord would like to be our first resource - and He is the only one with perfect guidance. When we don't take the time to consider, we often make rash decisions. For example, if our child (toddler or teenager) has a habit of whining, and we haven't taken some time to prayerfully consider why and how to deal with it, then we often enable the behavior by reacting to it with a quick fix to quell it for a time.

We set ourselves up for unnecessary stress, and we often set our child up for inappropriate or even unnecessary correction. When we don't have a plan, we tend to lose control more quickly - over our child and our self - so that peace is nowhere on the radar screen.

When we take the time to prayerfully consider, the Lord will provide the response that will have a longer lasting , more effective result. Since He made our child, He knows what will be most effective. Also, since He sees all and knows all, He can lead us to discern the root cause of the issue. We can pray something like, "Lord, please help me address my daughter's whining. What is the root cause? Is any of this about me? Show me what's necessary. Help me discern your plan." Then we can spend some time considering the issue: When did it start? What is my pattern when she does this?

I love God's promise in James 4.8: "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you."

Rhythm

2011-01-13T05:00:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year!

Are you back in a rhythm yet? During December I have no rhythm!

January is when I attempt to come to some kind of order. But even then, I sometimes struggle with what to tackle first or how to tackle it! I've found this to be true as a stay at home mom and when I worked full time. I have my "wanna's" for the day, what others expect of me, what "has to happen", the unexpected and everything that distracts me in between.

As I begin this new year, I'm returning to an old prayer I used to pray. It comes from a verse I love that's easy to remember, challenging to trust, but very freeing when I try to apply it to my living. "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act." (Psalm 37.5) God intends for the scriptures to help us know Him better and to help us with how we live our life. He sees and knows everything - so He knows our challenges. He wants to help - but He desires to help us through a personal, developing relationship with Him.

My renewed daily prayer is: "Lord, I commit this day to you. Help me trust you." Years ago I began to pray this because I struggled to release my plan (my "way") and commit it to God. When I commit my way to Him, I choose to release my way and become open to the way He will present throughout the day. By saying this to God, we take a step of faith that He will meet us where we are.

Earlier today a friend and I were having coffee. We shared what we do when we're avoiding what we need to be doing. She cleans her sock drawer; I do a load of laundry. We laughed because these are things we can CONTROL. When I choose to commit my way to the Lord, I'm deciding to try to obey God's will for the day. This can be a tall order when I'm facing something challenging, something I don't want to do - or I'm tempted by something I'd rather do!

I always have to add my request for help with 'trust'. Sometimes the circumstance stirs up all my feelings of inadequacy. Other times, laying down what I want to do for what God wants me to do requires me to draw on His strength to be able to trust that His way is best.

"... and he will act." The first part (of the verse) we attempt to do; the second part, God will do - always, faithfully. As we try to commit our way to the Lord daily, He will act. He will lead us. Trust Him. The more you try this, the more you'll experience it.

Believing

2010-12-17T05:00:00.048-05:00

"For nothing is impossible with God." (Luke 1.37)

The angel Gabriel said this to Mary after telling her two amazing things - her elderly relative Elizabeth, who has been barren all her life, is 6 months pregnant and she (Mary) is going to bear the Son of God. Mary, a teenager, believes. She believes this is God's messenger and she believes God can do all this. She believes that nothing is impossible with God.

Do we?
I know that I want to believe like this. I pray for God to grow my faith in Him that I will believe like this.

What seems impossible to you right now regarding any of your children? God already knows before you say it. NOTHING is impossible with God.

Elizabeth probably struggled with the humiliation of being barren as a wife and later accepting that motherhood was not to be her experience. Mary probably dreamed of being a mother after she married, not before. Not to mention she had to flee her hometown because the king wanted to kill her baby.

Their lives took turns that neither of them saw coming. They trusted God.

And neither could have anticipated the blessings God had in store for them through their circumstance.

As circumstances arise or linger for us, for our child, in our relationship with our child... what will we do?

When I try to handle "it" by taking matters into my own hands, I usually say or do things that I regret; I waste a lot of hours with distracted thought; and/or I focus on the negative possibilities. UGH!! When will I learn?!

Entrust God with every thought, every concern, every desire. Continually invite Him into it. In the end, and along the way, we will see His faithfulness.