Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval write the following in their book, The Power of Nice,

A Yale University School of Management study found that cheerfulness and warmth spread far more quickly through an office than irritability and depression. The best way to spread these good feelings? With a big toothy smile, the most contagious gesture of all.

There’s something powerful about a smile.

I’ve even created an acrostic for the word smile: Small Movement In Lip Encouragement!

If you’ve got a minute, then hit play to find out this week’s tip to increase your influence.

Got A Minute? #4 – S.M.I.L.E.

Got A Minute #4 from tim milburn on Vimeo.

Want more? Check out the Got A Minute? Video Series page.

Related posts:

1. Got A Minute?
2. VIDEO: Got A Minute? #3
3. Video: Got A Minute? #2

Let’s start this post off with a little dose of reality: every person gets criticized.

Just let that simmer for a moment. Every…person…gets…criticized. Once you understand that, once you realize that you are included in this group known as “every person,” it may help you to deal with criticism properly when it comes your way.

I realize the title of this post is deceiving. You cannot choose who criticizes you or what people criticize you about. You don’t have any control over when and where criticism occurs. If that’s where you spend all of your energy, then you’re going to run out of energy quickly. The only thing you have control over is your response to criticism. You get to make some choices. You get to decide how you will handle criticism rather than allowing the criticism to handle you.

Your world is full of people who have a different opinion, a different approach, and a different perspective than your own. That’s a good thing…right up until the moment when they feel empowered to share how their opinion is wiser than yours, their approach is better than yours, or their perspective is more valuable than yours. Or at the very least, they may just point out where you’re wrong without ever offering why they might be right.

So the next time you receive some criticism, be aware that you get to make some choices:

1. Choose to acknowledge the criticism.
When someone gives you criticism, receive it. Tell them, “thank you for that criticism,” (maybe not in those exact words). You may not agree with it or like it, but you show respect and a posture of humility when you acknowledge it. When your first response is to argue instead of acknowledge, you are allowing criticism to control you

2. Choose to respond rather than react to the criticism.
You don’t have to react to what has been said. You don’t have to do anything. You have the ability to choose how you will respond. If you need some time, simply say, “let me think about that.” You don’t have to get angry or get offended or get bitter…if you don’t want to. You decide what the best response will be.

3. Choose to learn from the criticism.
Even the most outlandish criticism can teach you something about the situation or the other person or yourself. At the very least, you are now more aware of a different opinion, approach, or perspective. But there might also be something valuable that you’ve missed. I’ve had student leaders claim to be teachable. I won’t know if that is really true or not until they’ve faced the criticisms in their life with a willingness to learn and grow.

4. Choose to let the criticism go.
This is really hard for some of us (me!). We may acknowledge the criticism, respond well to it in the moment, and even reflect on it to see what we can learn. Beyond that, we allow the criticism to eat away at us. We mull over it and we become paralyzed by it. It’s at this point, we must learn to let it go, to move forward, to release both the criticism and the one who offered it to us. I don’t know why encouraging words have such a short life span yet criticisms can linger on and on in our minds. Perhaps it’s time to forgive someone for saying something that has hurt you or offended you. Or perhaps it’s time to forgive yourself.

5. Choose to take it personally or not.
Some will begin their criticism with the words, “don’t take this personally.” Hogwash. Even when you try to separate the action from the person, there’s always something personal about it. Conventional wisdom may tell you not to take it personally or develop a thicker skin. I think you have to make that call on a case by case basis. There’s some criticisms that you might want to take very personally and others that you let go quickly and move on. Taking criticism personally depends on a lot of different factors (who said it?, do I trust them?, what’s the motive?, etc).

When we can view our response to criticism as a choice, a choice we get to make, it can free us up from some of the angst and anxiety that goes along with receiving it.

What do you think? What kinds of choices have you made when it comes to responding to the criticism of others?

No related posts.

“Just because you’re at the front of the line, it doesn’t mean you’re the leader.”
-Author Unknown

We’ve all seen a locomotive. It typically sits at the front of a long line of railroad cars. The locomotive is crucial because it has all the power. That power is used to pull all of the other cars down the track. When this happens, we call it a train.

You may or may not be familiar with “The Loco-motion.” The Loco-motion is a dance. But before it was a dance it was a song. According to Wikipedia…

“The Loco-Motion” is a 1962 pop song written by American songwriters Gerry Goffin and Carole King. The song is notable for appearing in the American Top 5 three times – each time in a different decade: for Little Eva in 1962 (U.S. #1); for Grand Funk Railroad in 1974 (U.S. #1); and for Kylie Minogue in 1988 (U.S. #3).

Here is a YouTube video of the song being performed by Grand Funk Railroad. 70′s Warning!: There’s a reason why these guys use the words grand and funk in their name.

Here’s the comparisons. Which one best describes your style of leadership?

You might have guessed that I am more inclined toward “The Loco-motion” style of leadership. I think we need some new metaphors for leadership. We live in an era where leadership is becoming less about “command and control” are more about “inspire and influence. Now that you’ve seen the comparison, which type of leader would you rather be?

No related posts.

Jeremy Lin has captured the attention of the sports world in dramatic fashion. Some are comparing the phenomenon to the media frenzy that surrounded Tim Tebow during the heart of the NFL season. But apart from both of them being great human beings who are well-spoken in their Christian faith – these are different stories.

Lin plays for the New York Knicks as a back-up point guard. Well…actually, the back-up part ended on February 4, 2012. Lin came off the bench in a game against the New Jersey Nets and ended with 25 points, 5 rebounds, and 7 assists. Plus, the Knicks won. The next game, Lin started.

The Knicks have been on a winning streak since Lin has blasted onto the scene. He has been given the moniker: Linsanity! After beating the Los Angeles Lakers, a game in which he put up a career-high 38 points, Kobe Bryant had this to say, “Players playing that well don’t usually come out of nowhere. It seems like they come out of nowhere, but if you can go back and take a look, his skill level was probably there from the beginning. It probably just went unnoticed.”

The point guard on a basketball team is a lot like the quarterback on the football field. He is going to run the offense and distribute the ball to the right players. This requires skill as a player and skill as a leader. In the midst of all of the hype around Lin’s success as a player (Lin’s #17 jersey sales have gone up by 3000 percent), I’ve noticed a few things about his ability as a leader.

1. Humility suits him well.

If you read through Lin’s story, you’ll see that he has overcome a lot to get where he is. He didn’t receive a scholarship out of high school. He didn’t get recruited by his dream schools of UCLA or Stanford. He did see success as a player at Harvard University. He went undrafted in the NBA after graduating from Harvard. This is the third NBA team he’s played for (mostly as a backup with few minutes). Up until very recently, he was sleeping on his brother’s couch.

And now, the national spotlight shines directly on him. Now, he is the most talked about story on ESPN. Not only did he come off the bench and have a great game, but he has consistently produced at a high level in all of the games since then. This kind of thing could go to a guy’s head. Yet, Lin remains poised, focused, and most importantly, humble. After one game, with every reporter cramming a microphone in his face, Lin stated, “I’m not really too worried about proving anything to anybody.  I think as a team we are growing and just trying to build on this momentum and I think that’s what everybody is buying into and that’s why we are becoming dangerous.”

It’s all about the team. It’s an opportunity to demonstrate the same character in popularity that he developed in anonymity. An effective leader will take any praise directed at him or herself and turn it toward the team. And Lin’s teammates are reciprocating, just watch the bench. His fellow players are cheering for him and excited about his success. This doesn’t always happen in a league where many players are concerned about their own success above anyone else’s.

2. Preparation shows in his game.

The best way to become an overnight success is to prepare like crazy – every single day – for the moment when your opportunity arrives. Abraham Lincoln (who knew his share of adversity and the hard road of becoming President) said, “I will prepare and some day my chance will come.” Jeremy Lin has been preparing for this moment all of his life. When the opportunity came, he was ready. We all stand up and say, “Wow! Look at this guy. Who knew he was that good?” It seems that Jeremy Lin knew.

His style of play seems fluid. He doesn’t get rattled. He has scored over 20 points a game consistently up until last night. That’s because the other team started to key on him in their defensive schemes. The result? He didn’t score as many points, but had a career night with 16 assists. This is no one-trick pony show. Lin is a baller.

Lin’s ability to get the ball to the right player shows his ability to adapt and play against what the defense is willing to give him. He’s a smart player. There are some people who feel like they deserve the position and then they’ll prepare accordingly. Lin has prepared well, despite being a bench player. He prepared to be a starting point guard before he became a starting point guard. Now that he’s in the spotlight, a lot of people who passed him over are left scratching their heads. Lin helps us to see that opportunity is merely a platform to display one’s preparation.

3. Responsibility comes with the job.

I’ve said it many times before – the choice to be a leader is first and foremost a choice to be responsible. There’s not a lot of responsibility when you play on the practice squad or when you watch most of the game from the bench. Jeremy Lin didn’t simply step in to fill a vacancy on the floor, he stepped up into the role of point guard.

The mantle of responsibility was never so evident as the closing seconds of the Knicks game against the Toronto Raptors on Tuesday (2/14) night. With the game tied, Knicks coach, Mike D’Antoni, didn’t call a timeout to set up a play, but left the game in the hands of Lin with less than 10 seconds remaining. Lin dribbled downcourt, settled in at the top of the key, and drained a three-pointer with .5 seconds left on the clock. After the game, Lin commented, “I’m thankful that the coach and my teammates trust me with the ball at the end of the game,” he said. “I like having it at the end of the game. I’m just very thankful.”

In order to be the leader, you have to be willing to take responsibility. The Knicks won’t win the rest of their games. There will be a moment that Jeremy Lin will have to answer questions about his performance in the face of a loss. But based on his track record so far, he appears willing to take the consequences of leadership for the opportunity to help his team accomplish their goals.

What are your thoughts? What has inspired you the most from this story? What takeaways have you seen from Jeremy Lin’s performance?

No related posts.

You won’t grow your influence by trying to get people to be impressed by you.

It’s more about being impressed with them.

If you’ve got a minute, then hit play to find out this week’s tip to increase your influence.

Got A Minute? #3 – The Most Interesting Person In The Room

Got A Minute #3 from tim milburn on Vimeo.

Related posts:

1. Video: Got A Minute? #2
2. Got A Minute?
3. Video: Set The Example