ShoeboxBlog

Brian's Brain

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:58:00 +0000

Upcoming Batman Sequels

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:30:00 +0000

* Batman: The producer's promotional-tie-ins-only cut

* Bat Bath and Beyond

* Batman: The One After the One with Heath Ledger

* Batman Kills the Joker for the Third Time

* Vigilantism Is Illegal, You Know.

* The Dark Knight and His Search for a Less Feminine Robin

* Three Batmen and Baby

* Stop Or My BatMom Will Shoot!

* Batman Returns some pants

* The Dark Knight Fights Childhood Obesity

* Triumph the Insult Dog in "Batman Begins -- TO SUCK!!!"

Random Russ

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:00:00 +0000

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:27:00 +0000

"Being a mom is just like not being a mom, only with less booze
and more poop."
-Cat

Newsdroppings

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:41:00 +0000

The federal minimum wage rises to $6.55 today. Minimum wage workers are so elated at the news, they’re only going to spit in every other burger.

Ford is planning to make smaller cars. Spokesmen say this is in response to a problem created by... um... Ford.

Obama says his daughters earn a whopping $1 per week in allowance. Geez! “Hey, girls, I know it’s tough having the media follow your every move. Here, treat yourselves to half a jumbo candy bar!”

The International Olympic Committee has banned Iraq from the summer games in Beijing, so look for some surprise winners in the security check point long jump and the dynamite stick relay.

Japanese scientists have discovered a complete Tarbosaurus, a relative of T-Rex. The scientists responded by pointing at the creature and shrieking, “Tarbosaurus!” while their lips seemed to be saying something completely different.

Omaha Humane Society officials discovered 117 cats, a rabbit, and a raccoon living in an woman’s house. Why the rabbit and raccoon? Well, you can’t have people thinking you’re just a crazy old cat lady.

Rapper 50 Cent is suing Taco Bell, saying the company used his name without permission in ads asking him to call himself 99 Cent. He’ll be seeking damages of 400 million cent.

A 9-year old girl in New Zealand has had her name changed from Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii, the name her parents gave her. She says she just wants a normal name like Apple or Shiloh or Rumer.

More than a dozen men who came to a special screening of the new Batman movie at Comic-Con showed up in Joker costumes. And without dates. Go figure.

In a recent survey, women were more than twice as likely as men to get tattoos removed. Fortunately, Angelina Jolie has agreed to take any tattoos women don’t want.

Kid Rock was involved in a fist fight at a Waffle House because Denny’s isn’t open that late.

Now there's a test for HGH. Great. Watch for Newsdroppings to become up to 26% less funny. Great.

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:06:00 +0000

Wonderings

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:05:00 +0000

by Dee Ann

Did Mr. Peanut ever have a planters wart?

How could Jim stay slim eating those meat sticks?

Was Dolly Madison a chubby girl with a really pretty face?

Where did Dr. Pepper go to med school?

Is Mr. Clean single?

Quote of the Day:

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:54:00 +0000

Least Watched Lifetime Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:38:00 +0000

* Temporarily Misplaced Innocence

* Pregnant With Rage...And Also A Baby

* Mrs. Custer's Last One Night Stand

* Mother May I Sleep With Danger...Again?

* Unnecessary Crying

* That's Not My Baby! (Wait, Yes It Is. Sorry.)

* Job Fair: The Morning After

* Naked In Nantucket

* The Old Lady Next Door Who Was Sad And Died Alone
Because I Never Said Hello

* The Washing Machine Diaries

* A Cry For Sorrow

* The Farmer's Wife...And Also Other Wife

* The Long, Pointless Journey

Your Funny*ness Contest Finalist

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:06:00 +0000

Stephanie Kelton, Lawrence, KS

(cover) They told me Social Security's going bankrupt
and the polar ice caps are melting
(inside) Pass my bottle.

See 17 other damn funny cards here and vote for your favorite!

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:33:00 +0000

"You can look but you'll have a hard time finding a romantic
poem containing the word 's'mores'."
-Russ

Newsdroppings

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:55:00 +0000

The Chinese government plans to set up protest zones during the Olympic games, because race walking is not a sport, dammit!

The beaches in France are being plagued by millions of stinging jellyfish. The French are at a loss regarding what to do, since surrendering to the jellyfish didn’t work.

A new study says women on antidepressants may benefit from Viagra. A related study says men on Viagra don’t need antidepressants.

New research shows that recovering alcoholics smoke more than average Americans, which at least keeps them out of the bars.

Kid Rock gets probation for... well, for being Kid Rock.

Will Smith made $80 million last year. Or put another way, $80 million more than DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Heather Locklear has checked out of an Arizona treatment center and should be back to pushing bitches into pools in no time.

Rapper DMX has been charged with identity theft. Dude, couldn’t you just have borrowed one of Diddy’s?

A new Forbes survey lists Charlie Sheen and Katherine Heigl as the top-paid TV actors. Sheen pulls in $20 million a year, while Heigl earns about $10 per bitchy interview.

If you want to break up with someone, there’s a new service that lets you call their cell phone voice mail directly with no chance that they’ll actually answer the phone, you cowardly sack’a crap bastard.

Notes From the Meeting:

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:00:00 +0000

What Angelina & Brad Will Name Their Next Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:37:00 +0000

* Joe

* Number Seven

* That New Kid

* Hey You

* Billy Bob Anniston

* Lucky

* Publicity, “Pub” for short

* Xanax

Random Russ

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:28:00 +0000

Bad Ideas, Trust Me

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:52:00 +0000

by Cat

* Naming a baby after a food, even if said food is very delicious.

* Tatt of wild animal who appears to be ripping through your skin.

* Bringing a flask to your child's school assembly, no matter how boring
it will no doubt be.

* Saying "yes" to anything that purports to be "a great opportunity."

* Drunken fake tanner application.

Newsdroppings

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:12:00 +0000

Obama is reportedly shocked that Afghanistan is “like a war zone!”

The New York Times has refused to publish an essay by Presidential hopeful John McCain. Entitled: Please, Please, Please Vote For Me- Presidential Hopeful John McCain, editors said it just made them kind of sad.

The government has traced the recent salmonella outbreak to a Mexican-grown jalapeno found in Texas. If you’re reading this while finishing up your breakfast burrito, go ahead and start making your way to little wrangler’s room. Right. Now.

H&R Block has named a former McDonald’s executive as its CEO. And you thought the last guy who did your taxes was a clown.

Zimbabwe’s president met with opposition leaders in talks that were shockingly, “not a bloodbath.”

Two practical jokers are in trouble in California for dumping cologne on their buddy’s crotch and setting it on fire. So, to clarify for all you practical jokers out there: Striking the crotch with a volleyball, football, bowling ball, shovel, teeter-totter or Frisbee: Funny. Setting the crotch on fire: Not funny.

New evidence suggests that boy twins may influence their sister twins as early as in the womb, mostly by holding their fingers very close to their sisters’ faces, but not actually touching them.

Sick and tired of traveling for your job? Here are some tips on how to get on the U.S. Government’s ‘No Fly’ list.

Tori Spelling is writing another book. In your face, people who say Americans are shallow and more interested in celebrities than real issues! This is a book! With pages and everything!

Apparently Tom Cruise has been asked to star in a “Top Gun” sequel. We feel the need, the need for…er, you know what? We have no need for this.

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:00:00 +0000

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:49:00 +0000

"I have a living room, yet I choose to live all throughout my house."
-Tina

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 13:58:00 +0000

Newsdroppings

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:39:00 +0000

Barack Obama is visiting Iraq and Afghanistan for his first on-the-ground inspection of the war zones. His first conclusion is that the ground there is hot. Sandy, and hot.

Meanwhile, John McCain took in a ballgame at Yankee Stadium with Rudy Giuliani. McCain mentioned that the rules had changed since he was a boy. Like, it counted as an out if your pop fly was snagged by a Pterodactyl.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice says that Iran was less than serious at those nuclear talks over the weekend. For one thing, they kept saying “Sphincter say what?” after everything she said.

Tropical Storm Dolly is making its way toward Texas. Weather experts say to look for two balloon-like clouds that seem waaaay too big for the rest of the storm.

Batman made more money than Spiderman 3, so if you think tensions aren’t high in Nerdville, well then, you are a stranger to Nerdville.

CBS won't have to pay a fine for Janet Jackson's famous "wardrobe malfunction" at the 2004 Superbowl. The network will, however, be forced to issue a formal apology for 10 seasons of Big Brother.

Amy Winehouse's husband is going to do 27 months in jail on a couple of charges. It would have been more, but he got his marriage to Amy so far to count as "time served".

Spas are now offering “fish pedicures” where you dip your feet in a tank of water and let carp nibble at them. We thought that sounded creepy until we heard about the “fish Brazilian.”

Hybrid cars may pose a risk to the visually impaired. So if you’re blind, don’t drive a hybrid.

Chuck Norris has a new game for cell phones. Still, even Chuck Norris can’t help you look badass wearing a Bluetooth.

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:30:00 +0000

Products the Yelling OxiClean Guy Will Be Selling Next

noreply@blogger.com (Allyson) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:55:00 +0000

* Miracle Ear

* TV speaker repair kit.

* throat drops.

* alarm clocks

* super sponge!

* funeral services

* meth

Brian's Brain

noreply@blogger.com (brian) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:00:00 +0000

Tiny Little Movie Review: Batman The Dark Knight

noreply@blogger.com (djayt) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 14:35:00 +0000

Are you gonna hear a lot about Heath? Yes, of course you are and rightly so. This movie distinguishes itself almost solely because of Mr. Ledger. He takes it from a fine comic book movie to a really good doesn't-have-to-be-comic-book movie.

But it's not my imaginary made up job to tell you things you can read anywhere. No, in my world, my job is to tell you things you may not have noticed, so let's look at the work of two guys who might have slipped under your echo location, or what we non-bats call radar...

When the camera pans over Tommy "Tiny" Lister, you know something is up. Dude is too much a presence to not get some lines, or do some big physical stunt. As it turns out, he's got a couple lines and a small but pivotal physical stunt. Lister is the ultimate "oh, that guy!". He's got 137 listings on IMDb. He was the President in the Fifth Element. He's a machine, is what I'm saying. We're lucky to be alive at the same time. Respect.

Nestor Carbonell has a slightly larger role, but he's also someone you should get to know. He's one of a cavalcade of stars in the underrated Kim Possible , and of course, he's Lost.

If you're going to see the movie again, and I know some of you are, look for these guys. They won't be on the stage when Heath gets his posthumous award, but they make a huge contribution.