And so it follows, as the night unto the day, that when romance ends, Facebook friendships can become a tad sticky. But judging from the number of letters I’ve received from men and women who are FURIOUS at being summarily defriended—or, as they put it, “cut out of my ex’s life”—I suggest caution.

One guy simply couldn’t bear the sight of all those status updates from his ex or her family members. (Mary’s going to Trader Joe’s, Mary feels chipper this morning, Mary’s eating Nutella straight from the jar. Who cares, Mary? It’s almost enough to cause the breakup in the first place.) But when this poor fellow defriended his ex, their otherwise amicable breakup turned nuclear. The ex announced to all the world (via her Facebook page) that he’d always been “a lousy lover.” She then proceeded to destroy his precious collection of vinyl records. Ouch!

So if you want to be a congenial ex, make no sudden moves, online or otherwise, while nerves are still raw. Leave everything status quo for a few weeks, then begin a meticulous pyramid of defriendings: Prune out the ex’s distant relatives, then casual friends, then immediate family and posse—in that order—and leave several days between groups. Boot the ex after a period of pure silence.

Start with one month, then add another for every year you were together. Make sure to restart the clock after intervening messages and drunk-dialing episodes! And if amicability isn’t your strong suit, wait two and a half minutes after you’ve retrieved the LAST of your belongings, then defriend your heart out!

Here’s a quick guide on what to take away from that first smooch:
1) Is he confident—or just cavalier?
Everyone knows confidence is sexy—as long as it’s not just blind cockiness used willy-nilly on anyone and everyone. The first kiss can help you separate the grounded and bold from the egomaniacs and braggadocios. How can you tell? Does he try to force the kiss on you like he’s giving you a gift that he just KNOWS you’ll love? Not good. Or does he ease into it the way you put your arm around an old friend—warm, embracing, strong? That’s the confident guy you’re looking for.

2) Does he rush things?
There are people who relish the sweet, simple joys of life, slowing to savor the lilies along the way, and then there are some who simply mow down those lilies en route to whatever it is they think they’re seeking. First kisses give you a good case study: Does he linger in the kiss, drawing out its full erotic and emotional potential, or does he start rushing off to put a tongue in your ear or try to slide a hand up your shirt? Guys who are still thinking of sexuality as “bases” and want to try to get home as soon as possible do not make up the world’s great lovers. You can weed them out with just one smooch.

3) Does he react to the signals you’re sending?
Good kisses don’t follow a formula; they’re an impromptu and evolving dialogue, like an unrehearsed mambo between two professionals, pressed close together. In the act of each kiss, we send dozens of micro-signs, alerting the person to how strongly to push or pull back, how to tilt and turn his head, how much tongue to share (if any), whether the rest of the body becomes part of the kiss, and on and on. These signals are your body’s way of showing what it likes, but only some kissers will be able to notice and respond. What types of guys are those? Probably the kind who will notice your other preferences in life as well. But the guy who just keeps kissing his way, no matter what you do? Red light! Red light!

4) Is he a full-body type (or just a one-point-of-contact guy)?
I’ve always believed that if the only point of contact in a kiss is the lips, then you’re only getting the tip of the iceberg of pleasure. In my mind, kisses can become transcendent by going 3-D, involving hands touching, bodies leaning, legs intertwining—creating co-efficients of pressure that are little dialogues or dances in themselves, both supportive to and part of the main dance of the kiss. My belief is that when you kiss someone who engages his whole body, it means he’s likely to engage it (and yours) in your horizontal exchanges as well. If he doesn’t, you risk having a one-point-of-contact man on your hands, and I think you know what that means…

5) Was he appreciative?
I know there are a lot of women out there who secretly like guys who remain a little aloof, somehow thinking that if the guy isn’t into it, he must be really special. But to me that’s a false premise; often the guy isn’t that into it because he’s simply emotionally closed or playing the field or even just trying to see how little effort he can get away with providing. Instead, I think you should try to find guys who you respect and who turn you on, but who are also really pumped up to be with you—and show it. So when you do end up making out with a guy for the first time, if he looks up starry-eyed, smiling, and maybe a little tongue-tied, you know he’s excited to be right there, right then—with you. And that’s a very good sign.

Finally the One Thing You Can’t (Necessarily) Tell: Will he be good in bed?
Yes, it’s commonly thought that the first kiss tells you what you need to know about how a man will be in the sack, and, yes, all of of the indicators above (confidence, appreciation, attention-paying, not rushing, using the whole body) should convert to some degree, but sex is still a wild card, and you really never know for sure. What you can find out is whether he’s likely to be terrible, because, obviously, if he’s flunking any of the 5 tests above, he’s not likely to be an A-student in bed. The reverse, though, is the problem: Just because he passed the kiss with flying colors, I don’t think you can conclude he’ll be a great lay. He might be, but he might also get nervous, have issues, like different things than you do, etc. So while the kiss can be a good way to weed out probable losers, it’s not quite a surefire way to pick winners. If only!

Ah, the pleasures of online dating, where half the participants are only killing time while they wait for their 4:00 p.m. conference call, and the serious daters are so finicky that they make 9Lives’ Morris the Cat look easygoing by comparison. I’m afraid that some outdated pictures seem to go with the territory too. Everyone wants to look their best, and if that was fifteen years ago, oh well . . .

As a practical matter, focus on profiles with more than one picture: Be on the lookout for radically different hairstyles and clothing styles from different decades. Beware of anyone sporting a Kurt Cobain grunge look. It may seem like yesterday, but that was twenty years ago now. Or the next time you’re hitting it off online, try giving to get: “My profile pics were taken at my sister’s wedding on Borneo last summer. What about yours?” The response may give you a better sense of the photographic time line.

As for liars and professional retouchers, I’m afraid you’re on your own. Easy, right?

These first two examples point in the “buyer beware” direction of Mystery Dating: It is a big, scary world out there, and we can be hoodwinked pretty easily by mischief-makers. Still, what I know of people makes me suspect that most online daters mean well, even if they have some trouble with execution.

In fact, the most common problem with online dating involves neither trick photography nor stashed wedding rings. It’s:

You Seem Very Nice, Mystery Date, But . . .
I recently joined an online dating site. When I receive a message from a woman I don’t find physically attractive, how do I respond? Is no response the best answer? How do I decline politely?

How about building an effigy of the woman and setting it on fire? I’ll bet she takes the hint then.
Here’s the thing: Online dating can seem like an anonymous business, with all those (typewritten) overtures popping out of the ether. But in fact, the authors of those messages are real, live people—with feelings and everything. So if someone initiates a chat with you online, or sends you a message, respond as politely as you would at a bar or a bus stop.

If this person goes so far as asking you out—even though she has the audacity to not be your cup of tea—how about a simple “No, thanks”? Don’t ignore her messages. When we like people, for some sad reason, we can convince ourselves that it’s reciprocal, no matter how obvious the truth is to everyone else. They’ll just keep bugging you. So be straight with them instead. It may take decades, but these people will get over us eventually—and quite possibly go on to lead semi-productive lives!

Calling it the “wingman theory,” researcher Jennifer Argo, Ph.D. explains that little white lies are often told “when you don’t have the opportunity to make yourself look good, so somebody else does it for you.”

Sounds to us like that’s just being a good friend—depending on the lie. Posting “Beautiful!” on a pal’s unflattering Facebook photo is harmless. But let’s say a good friend was interviewing at your company and you knew she wasn’t exactly right for the job, but you were in a position to give her a recommendation. Would you? The research suggests that most people would exaggerate the truth, even in business situations.

“Based on the findings, it would seem reasonable to expect that people who understand their friends should be willing to step in as a wingman in a number of different contexts if their friends are in need,” Argo confirmed.

There’s a certain comfort factor that this research invokes. What’s the point of having good friends if you can’t count on their help? The trick is how to maintain your own integrity and reputation while doing so, and avoid having your lies backfire. “It does say something about [you], too. Because (as my friend), if you’re lying, and I know it, it might make me question or cause me to doubt how much you lie to me and others,” says Argo.

Would you lie for a good friend, and under what circumstances?

Prayer
You might not think of it as meditative, but it is. In fact, it’s likely the most traditional and widely practiced form of meditation, so if you’re religiously inclined, prayer might feel most comfortable to you. Your pastor, priest, rabbi or spiritual leader can offer ideas on prayers to do at home, but you can pray with your own words, as well.

Transcendental Meditation
“TM” requires little effort, making it a good fit for those who find concentrating difficult. It’s even been used as therapy for children with ADHD. You repeat a word, sound or phrase silently to help you achieve tranquility and focus, though to do it properly, it’s been said it should be demonstrated by a qualified teacher. Celebrities like Russell Simmons, Paul McCartney, and Jerry Seinfeld have endorsed TM.

Walking Meditation
A practice that’s both Taoist and Buddhist, you pace back and forth over the same path (so you don’t have to think about where to go next). The key is to relax and pay attention to how your body feels as you walk, how your feet connect with the ground. Steve Jobs once studied walking meditation under the guidance of a Zen Buddhist priest.

Mindfulness Meditation
In this simple practice, you sit upright (no slouching), gaze downward, focus on your breathing, and accept whatever thoughts or emotions happen to enter your mind, without judging yourself. This practice of focused awareness is often used as a psychotherapy technique.

Yoga
Now a tremendously popular form of exercise, yoga helps you shut out the stress of your day by requiring that you focus on your breath while performing a series of physical poses. Yoga promotes a stronger, more flexible body and a calm mind.

Body Scan Meditation
While lying down, you take a mental tour of your body. Usually starting with one of your feet, you concentrate on how it feels and any sensations derived from it, then let it fade from your thoughts. You move onward and upward through your entire body. Once you’ve finished with your head, you move back down, noting how each body part connects to another. This practice is meant to be extremely relaxing.

Tai Chi
Popular with seniors, Tai chi is a gentle form of Chinese martial arts. You perform a series of movements, slowly and thoughtfully, while focusing on your breath. Rock star Lou Reed is among its devotees, its benefits are gaining a whole new demographic.

There are many more meditation practices you can enjoy. These resources can help you get started:
—The Secret of Healing by Deepak Chopra M.D
—The Sivananda Companion to Meditation by Sivanda Yoga Center
—Meditation as Medicine by Cameron Stauth and Dharma Singh Khalsa M.D.
—YOU: Breathing Easy by Michael F. Roizen and Mehmet Oz
—The Path to Tranquility (Reissue) by His Holiness the Dalai Lama

What Is the Kimberley Process?
The Kimberley Process was established in 2002 in response to the presence of conflict diamonds.

Global Witness Bids Adieu
On Dec. 5, the well-known NGO Global Witness, an “official Observer” of the Process, released a statement declaring its resignation from the group. Prior to the birth of the Kimberley Process, Global Witness had played a crucial part in publicizing the existence of blood diamonds. While researching my book on diamonds, I learned about the campaign that the NGO, along with three others, delivered in 1999. It was called “Fatal Transactions” and it included the mailing of death counts from the wars in Africa—as well as other information on blood diamonds—to important news sources. Global Witness was also present at an historic meeting in the city of Kimberley, South Africa, in 2000, which eventually led to the creation of the Kimberley Process. A unique system once credited with decreasing the percentage of blood diamonds, the Process brought together NGOs, governments, and industry representatives. But some have lost faith in its current iteration.

Why?
What spurred Global Witness’ departure was, according to their press release, multidimensional. In the release, Charmian Gooch, a founding director of the NGO, is quoted as faulting the Process with “…fail[ing] to deal with the trade in conflict diamonds from Côte d’Ivoire, [being] unwilling to take serious action in the face of blatant breaches of the rules over a number of years by Venezuela and [proving] unwilling to stop diamonds fuelling corruption and violence in Zimbabwe…” The last of the three issues has been the object of great scrutiny over the past few years.

Marange Fields, Zimbabwe: A Beginner’s Background
In the summer of 2009, Human Rights Watch released a report describing abuses they found had taken place in the Marange diamond fields of Zimbabwe. Global Witness’ recent statement referenced further developments in the Marange saga: “In a shocking move, the Kimberley Process recently authorized exports from two companies operating in the controversial Marange diamond fields in Zimbabwe. The Zimbabwean army seized control of the area in 2008, killing around 200 miners.”

Worry Isn’t Isolated
Global Witness is not alone in its concern over the Kimberley Process. Ian Smillie, an expert and activist who was also present at that critical meeting in 2000, parted ways with the Process two and a half years ago. And the Rapaport Group (well known for releasing a weekly price list for diamonds) has a scrolling alert on its Fair Trade website telling visitors that the Kimberley Process has “authorized the release of millions of carats of Marange diamonds.”

In a recent article, The New York Times reported on another nefarious possibility: Multiple sources indicated that revenue from state-held diamond mines in Zimbabwe may be “bypassing the nation’s treasury and raising fears that President Robert Mugabe is amassing wealth to help extend his 31-year reign.”

What People Are Saying
When I emailed Ian Smillie during the holiday season to ask what he would suggest saying to customers, he wrote back, “Buy a goat out of the Oxfam catalogue and check back… next year.”

Others feel that, with vigilance, it is possible to buy “clean” diamonds. One dealer wrote to me, saying “If a client requires additional assurances, I would recommend they consult with a private dealer rather than a large retailer. Private dealers have first-hand knowledge of their entire inventory, will be more open to, and capable of sourcing a diamond on request from a specific country. While this may cost a few more dollars, in the end it may be worth it to the customer for their further peace of mind.” (Note: this person is a private dealer herself.)

Is There Hope?
Along with all of this turmoil, there are also definite auspicious signals to look to as the diamond industry enters a potentially metamorphosing chapter of its history.
—The United States, whose regulations prohibit Marange diamonds, has just taken over as the chair of the Kimberley Process for 2012.
—Smillie says: “Unlike some of the chairs of the recent past, the US understands the urgent need for reform, and a reform committee has been struck to look at the issues.
—The Diamond Development Initiative (chaired by Ian Smillie) is working on bringing the world “Development Diamonds.” For more information visit DDI’s website.
—The Rapaport Group has announced a forthcoming ethical certification system.

Alicia Oltuski has appeared on NPR’s Berlin Stories, in W magazine, The Faster Times, The Bulletin in Philadelphia, and other publications. She holds an MFA in creative writing from Columbia University, where she was awarded a David Berg Foundation Fellowship, and has an M.A. and B.A. from the University of Pennsylvania. She has taught at the University of the Arts and was a reader at The Paris Review. Follow Alicia on Twitter.

Vanilla Extract
If you bought too much for holiday baking, use it to keep your fridge and freezer smelling fresh. “Sprinkle a few drops of vanilla extract onto a damp cloth and wipe the interior walls and shelves,” Kim McCosker and Rachael Bermingham suggest in 4 Ingredients: More Than 400 Quick, Easy, and Delicious Recipes Using 4 or Fewer Ingredients.

Cookie Cutters
They just might encourage your fussy eater to eat his sandwich. “Try to make food look attractive and fun—simple things like serving half a kiwifruit in an egg cup or cutting sandwiches into shapes using cookie cutters can do the trick.” —SuperFoods for Babies and Children by Annabel Karmel

Pepper
Dieters, use pepper to thwart a potential binge: “My wife and I love gooey chocolate desserts. When we dine out, we order one to share between the two of us. We each take three or four bites and then pour pepper on the rest. After the pepper, we won’t eat any more dessert no matter how long we linger at the table.”
—The Pritikin Edge: 10 Essential Ingredients for a Long and Delicious Life by Robert A. Vogel, M.D., and Paul Tager Lehr

Vaseline
Maintain leather furniture with this dry skin savior. “To clean, wash it with warm, soapy water using a nail brush and cloth. Allow to dry, then coat the cleaned area with Vaseline; rub it in with a cloth to get the residue off. This works better than most expensive cleaners.”
—4 Ingredients

Blankets
They’re not just for keeping warm on the couch. Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, authors of A Love That Multiplies, have their little ones sit on blankets for a certain amount of time while playing quietly. The Duggar’s blanket-training helps children “have self-control and self-discipline, to entertain themselves, and to be pleasant in almost any setting.”

Hot Sauce
Did you adopt a new kitty? If she chews on electrical cords in your home, coat them with hot sauce such as Tabasco. “The unpleasant taste experience may stop the chewing problem,” says pet expert Mordecai Siegal, author of I Just Got a Kitten. What Do I Do?

Baby Oil
Not just for moisturizing, baby oil also makes removing Band-Aids easier if you “soak a cotton ball in baby oil and rub it over the tape.”
—4 Ingredients

Lemons
Sure, it’s great in hot tea, but its citrusy scent can also calm nausea. Alison Sweeney, author of The Mommy Diet, used it to soothe her pregnancy morning sickness: “I found some tangerine essential oil at a health food store and kept it with me all the time. Or you could just cut a lemon in half and smell that.”

Or, “soak your nails in lemon juice” to whiten your fingernail tips, recommends 4 Ingredients.

Tell us: What are your favorite household tricks?

If you are in a real bind, here are ten ways to significantly cut your expenses:
1. Downsize Your Home. If you are renting, do the math to see if moving to a smaller house or apartment might be worth the effort. If you’re bursting at the seams as it is, streamline your life and get rid of clutter. Maybe you’ll find you can actually get by with a smaller living space, or at least you’ll figure out that you don’t necessarily need to get a bigger place. The less stuff you have, the less space you need to comfortably live.
Possible savings: $150 or more each month.

2. Become a Single-Car Family. This won’t work for everyone, but it’s worth considering long and hard if there’s a way you can eliminate all but one vehicle for at least a short time period. Calculate how much you’d save if you got rid of one (or more) of your vehicles and then brainstorm if there’s a way you could make it work. An added benefit of sharing a vehicle with your spouse is that you will stay home more, which usually results in spending less money.
Possible savings: $100 or more each month.

3. Stop Eating Out. Restaurants are great, but they are expensive. You can often make a week’s worth of simple meals for the cost of a single dinner out at a sit-down restaurant.
Possible savings: $100 or more each month.

4. Get Rid of Cable. You can live without cable! People have done it for centuries and been no worse for it. In fact, I think that incessant watching of mindless television is only sucking out our brains and creativity.
Possible savings: $25 or more each month.

5. Cancel All Subscriptions and Memberships. No matter how much you love that magazine subscription, Netflix account, or gym membership, if you can’t afford to pay your utility bill, the extra memberships have got to go.
Possible savings: $15 or more each month.

6. Cut the Bells and Whistles on Your Phone. If you have a fancy cell phone with all the bells and whistles, get rid of it and replace it with a pay-as-you-go phone plan. Cut the extras on your landline or consider eliminating it altogether.
Possible savings: $15 or more each month.

7. Eat More Meatless Meals. This is drastic for some people, I know, but if you’re desperate, it’s a fantastic way to save a good chunk of change each week. You’ll typically pay at least $2 to $4 for just the meat you serve at a meal. Switch to simple, inexpensive vegetarian meals at least two or three times per week (vegetable soup, beans and rice, bean burritos, pancakes and eggs for dinner, etc.) and pocket the savings.
Possible savings: $35 or more each month.

8. Quit Using Your Dryer. Your dryer is one of the most expensive appliances to run. Invest in a simple outdoor clothesline or indoor clothes rack for drying your clothes.
Possible savings: $15 or more each month.

9. Adjust Your Thermostat. Turning your thermostat up or down by two or three degrees can have a pretty significant impact on your heating and cooling bills. You can also save approximately 10 percent by turning your thermostat back by 10 to 15 degrees for eight hours (overnight). Invest in a programmable thermostat to automate this.
Possible savings: $25 or more per month.

10. Plan a Menu and Use Coupons. Committing to spend an extra hour each week menu planning and matching store sales with coupons can yield a significant savings on your grocery bill. Click here for more details on how to lower your grocery bill.
Possible savings: $125 or more each month.

Working moms who are both successful and satisfied at work spend their days using their top strengths and talents in a career they enjoy and care about, doing work that supports their dual roles. Here’s how you can design and find work you love:

1) Don’t make unnecessary compromises. Many mothers have painted a mental picture that focuses on all the difficulties inherent to combining work and parenting. Usually work-life balance is front and center. Most moms start off assuming that major compromises are inevitable. Instead, start with a blank canvas and fill it in with what you most want. Then get creative in finding ways to make what you want actually happen. If work-life balance is the issue, think of this as a problem to solve, not an impossibility.

2) Make it a project. If you don’t need a new job right away, forget about job hunting until your target is clear and specific. Design your career first. Then search for the job when you know exactly what you are seeking.

3) Become a career detective. Look for clues about how you and the workplace best fit together so you don’t wind up squeezed into the wrong job. Since employers pay you to perform specific functions, the first place to look is what you do happily, naturally, perhaps even brilliantly: your innate talents.

4) Research jobs that seem to fit. Read, search online, and talk with several people who do exactly the job you are considering. Keep whittling down until you can decide on specific job descriptions. Specificity has power. Casting a wide net is usually a mistake. Start your job search with definite targets. Find organizations with a humanistic philosophy. Even though they are definitely in the minority in these dog-eat-dog times, they do exist.

5) Stand out with effective personal marketing. One mom wrote an extraordinary resume that vividly portrayed her project management and other wide-ranging skills. It was so engaging that she was quickly hired even though she openly admitted that some of her experience came from raising twins. A great resume is much more than a history of your past. It is an advertisement; and you are the product. Like all great ads, its message should be “If you buy this product, you will get these specific benefits.” Check out the world’s most used resume-writing guide “How to Write a Masterpiece of a Resume” at www.rockportinstitute.com.

6) Focus on communicating your strengths. There is a split in hiring strategies today. Some organizations look for the person with the perfect resume. Others know that, in an ever-more-competitive world, they need to find the best people. Sometimes that person does not have the ideal resume. They have something more important: desire, skill, talent, the right personality and a commitment to perform with excellence.

7) Conduct a smart job search. Few people find the perfect job through online job listings. Decision-makers prefer to hire people they know. The most effective strategy is to find creative ways to get to meet and speak with several decision-makers: people who could actually hire you to do the job you want. Then, when a job becomes available, you have something better than the perfect resume, you are known.

8) Persist. An effective job search takes time. You may be rejected several times, perhaps many times before you land the job you want. Since we all tend to resist discomfort, it is natural to avoid any activity that leads to what the mind interprets as failure. As a result, people often give less time each week to their job search. Defuse this by realizing that you will hear “no” many times before you hear “yes.” Whether you are working and want more time flexibility, or you’re job hunting, ask for what you need. If you don’t get the response you want, don’t give up. People who usually get what they want have a simple secret: they keep making requests. Often the sequence goes like this: no, no, no, no , no, no, YES.

1. Cut up, freeze, or otherwise completely remove your ability to use a credit or debit card for the next three months.

2. Make sure you’ve created a Full-fledged Budget. If not, do not try the Cash-Only Challenge. Download and print the free Full-Fledged Budget Worksheet.

3. Determine which categories from your Full-fledged Budget will be paid from your cash envelopes and which categories will be paid by direct withdrawal or check. Use cash for as many categories as you possibly can. Only use a check or automatic withdrawal for those categories that are a fixed rate or that you are never tempted to overspend in. If you’re paying bills online, choose the automatic withdrawal option that allows you to enter your checking account and bank routing numbers and then your payments will be automatically taken out of your account on a monthly basis.

Note: I do not recommend setting up automatic withdrawal on debt payments. Giving creditors unfettered access to your checking account can be dangerous as they may clean your account out to pay your debt. Instead, send a check or make a payment online that is authorized for a specific amount.

Calculate how much cash you need to withdraw on a monthly basis to fund each of your budget categories. If you get paid on a monthly basis, you’ll not need to worry about this as you’ll just divide up your paycheck according to what your specific budget categories are. But if you get paid every other week or weekly, you’ll want to know exactly how much of each paycheck should be set aside for each category so that it adds up to the monthly budgeted amount for that category. We have these biweekly amounts written next to each category in our budget.

4. Divide up your paycheck as soon as you receive it: immediately deposit enough money in your checking account to cover all the monthly expenses paid by check or automatic withdrawal and withdraw cash in the total amount needed for your cash envelopes and divvy it up between the cash envelopes.

5. Bring only your cash envelope and a calculator with you when you shop. When I am buying groceries, I make a grocery list based upon what’s on sale at the store and what I have on hand. I do a quick estimate ahead of time on how much my shopping list should total. I bring this amount plus a little extra to the store. (For us, that’s $5 to $10 extra.) You’ll want to decide what works for you. But remember that when the cash envelope money is gone, it’s gone. So use it wisely!

6. When shopping at the grocery store or another store where you’re making multiple purchases, calculate your purchases on the calculator as you add them to your cart. This will motivate you to evaluate all purchases carefully, make you aware of how much items actually cost, encourage you to look for the best deal, and prevent you from getting up to the register and having to put something back because your total is higher than what you have in your cash envelope. (Been there, done that and, believe me, it’s embarrassing!)

7. When making online purchases, use PayPal, a prepaid card, or a gift card. Some prepaid cards have fees attached to them, so I’d recommend paying through PayPal (linked directly to your bank account). Check the appropriate cash envelope that the purchase will be coming out of to make sure that you have enough money to cover it. If so, make the purchase through PayPal and deposit the money into the bank right away or else stick it in an envelope marked “To Deposit” which you can then deposit the next time you’re headed to the bank. (You’ll want to make sure you have enough in your account to cover the online purchase if you won’t be depositing the cash right away.)

It might seem like a hassle to refund the money to your bank account when you make an online purchase, but not only does this guarantee that you stick with your budget, it also encourages you to be more thoughtful about what you spend. Instead of just jumping on a good deal—without even thinking—because you’re afraid it might not be available for long, having to take the money out of your cash envelope and deposit it into your bank account forces you to think through whether it’s a good deal for you and whether it’s something you can really afford.

8. If you don’t spend all the money in a budget category or cash envelope during a month, don’t see that as license to go blow it on something else. Just save it and roll it over to the next month. It’s good to have wiggle room, and you never know if there’s a future expense in that category you’ll need it for. Most of the time, such as with the auto repairs category, we eventually need to use most of it, even if it sits and accumulates without being touched for months. It’s so reassuring to know that we have a budget category that is fully funded for auto repairs if the car breaks down or a tire blows.