My family travels several times a year, and we’ve been doing that since my twins were babies, so I’ve figured out some handy tricks along the way. Here’s my best advice.

Send heavy stuff in advance.
If you’re traveling for a week or more with babies or very young children, then diapers, toiletries, sunscreen, Benadryl, and all those other necessities could easily fill all your luggage, not to mention weigh a ton. Whenever possible, ship your toiletries (especially diapers!) to the place where you’ll be staying a week in advance of your trip. There are several online drugstores that will ship for free and spare you that load in your luggage—or the risk of essential items going astray.

Bring only essential toiletries.
If you don’t have the luxury of shipping ahead, then bring only the things you can’t live without and in the smallest possible quantities. Opt for using the shampoo and soap that the hotel provides, or have your whole family share what you bring from home. Pare down your makeup routine to the minimum; you’ll want basics that you can apply quickly. Use sample sizes when possible—I store a select assortment in a labeled box in my linen closet so they’re always ready to pull out for trips—or purchase three-ounce (or less), airline-friendly plastic containers for transferring small amounts of your necessities.

Keep a bag of toiletries packed and ready to go.
For families who travel often, I recommend keeping a travel bag at home that is always stocked with your must-have items—this makes it much less likely that you’ll forget something key.

Make smart use of carry-ons.
Here’s what should be brought with you on the plane:
• All prescription and over-the-counter medicines, as well as contact lens supplies.
• Valuables such as jewelry and important documents.
• One bathing suit and change of clothes per person.
• Special-occasion outfits. If you’re traveling to an event such as a wedding, carry on your dress, children’s outfits, spouse’s suit or tuxedo, and the shoes you plan to wear.
• Electronics and chargers. These would be expensive to replace, and you wouldn’t want to be without them for even a few days. Before you leave, check that your camera works and that you have an extra battery and memory card. Make sure you have the right chargers for your phone, laptop, and children’s video games. Take the right travel adaptors if you’re going to a foreign country—and don’t assume that the same travel adaptor works in Ireland and Spain. It doesn’t.

Pack clothing using the rule of fractions.
Let’s say you have four members in your family. You will pack four suitcases. Into each suitcase you will put a quarter of each person’s clothing. That way, if three out of four of your bags are lost, each member of the family will have enough to wear until luggage can be located. In the spirit of full disclosure, I will tell you that my husband thinks I am completely out of my mind when I do this, and he refuses to participate. His naysaying doesn’t bother me; you can apply the rule to any degree that you want. Maybe you have two children, so you split their clothing half and half between two suitcases. You can do the same for you and your husband (if your husband doesn’t think you’re crazy).

Pack light.
With airline fees skyrocketing, there’s plenty of financial incentive for not taking your whole wardrobe on vacation. Here’s a list of what I’ve found to be excellent wardrobe strategies:
• Choose one color scheme and stick to items that you can mix and match; all tops should go with all bottoms.
• Opt for pieces that can be layered. This offers a greater number of outfits, as well as flexibility in case of temperature changes.
• Rely on dark jeans, which are suitable in almost any environment and are easily dabbed clean.
• Pack as few pairs of shoes as possible. Think day, evening, and athletic, and that should cover you for any eventuality. I’m fond of metallic finishes, because they go with everything.
• Have fun with accessories, such as jewelry and scarves, which will add a pop of interest to your neutral outfits.

Utilize all the nooks and crannies in your suitcases.
Shoes can be stuffed with small bagged items, and T‑shirts and articles of clothing that aren’t wrinkle-prone can be rolled, which takes up less space than folding.

Plan ahead for airport delays, and pack entertainment.
Lots of parents think about stuff to do on the plane, but we forget that young children are often wound up and climbing the walls of the airport. I discovered two foolproof, easily packable ways of engaging young children and encouraging them to blow off steam before they’re strapped in for a few hours: 1) a jump rope and 2) balloons. So simple. The pleasures of the jump rope are obvious. And the balloons: Blow one up, hand it to your four-year-old, and I guarantee he’ll have three new friends within five minutes. P.S., that jump rope can be reused if you want to get some exercise on your trip.

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Sam was a client who had a major fear of flying. I spent time on the phone with him as he arrived at the airport, went through security, and was about to get on the plane. He engaged the process mindfully and felt at ease up until the point when boarding began. Fear seized his body as he hunkered down to the airport seat white-knuckling the arms of the chair.

Elisha: What’s happening now?
Sam: I can’t do it, I can’t fly.
Elisha: Do you notice how your body feels?
Sam: Constricted in my chest, breathing rapidly.
Elisha: Put your hand on your belly, and take a few deep breaths.
Sam: Okay, that feels a little better, but I still can’t fly.
Elisha: You don’t need to fly, can you stand?
Sam: Yes.
Elisha: Can you walk toward the line? Just the line, nothing else.
Sam (hesitantly): Yes, I think so.
Elisha: Great, let’s just do one thing at a time. What’s happening now?
Sam: Because I’m feeling scared, my shoulders are tight.
Elisha: As you walk, bring attention to the shoulders, roll them, and give them a mental rub.
Sam: The woman is asking for my ticket.
Elisha: Okay, just think about handing her your ticket, nothing else.
Sam: I did it!

Sam made it onto the flight that day with a powerful lesson in hand. When the mind pictures the mountain you’re about to climb, focus on one step at a time, and before you know it, you’ll be there.

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By Marci Nault
Author of The Lake House

“Too much,” she said. “I’m taking time to figure skate three hours per week, and I know it’s selfish so I’m giving it up. My daughter is too important right now.”

“You have to take time to give to yourself or there won’t be anything left,” I said and that’s when her determination broke, the tears began, and she confessed that she was already there.

I’m uncertain if it’s genetic encoding or a societal pressure passed down through generations that have taught women their needs aren’t important. Throughout my childhood I watched my mother put aside personal dreams to care for everyone else. For most of my life, I believed that I was first responsible for others’ happiness and then I was allowed my own.

Women’s equality in the workforce and as world leaders has been a hot topic lately, especially surrounding Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In. She wants to change the conversation from “what women can’t do to what women can do.” As the creator of www.101dreamscometrue.com, a website that encourages people to go after their biggest dreams, I believe this is an important discussion.

Sheryl talks about how women want to be liked so they take a back seat in business, while at home they still do more of the work than men. But I believe there’s something deeper going on than likeability. How can women demand more when we teach each other that our only worth is what we do for others? How can someone who’s already overwhelmed by giving to everyone else achieve her dreams? And these dreams shouldn’t just be about the workforce, but the enjoyment of life.

When I told my friend that she was worth self-care and spoiling she said, “Not according to my mother-in-law, who thinks I’m a horrible wife and mother. Not according to my husband, who thinks I have it easy because I stay home. My other friends are supermoms who can handle it all.”

“What about what you think?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter what I think,” she said. And herein lies the problem.

It took me well into my thirties to realize that I had the right to be happy, spoiled, and enjoy the decadence of life without having to wait to receive it from others. It took a major crisis to turn things around and find ways to care for myself. I made a list of 101 dreams come true that were important to me, and I pursued them with everything I had. During this time I realized a few things:

1) The body and mind naturally need rest. I have one body and my mental state and health is the top priority. It’s not so I can give more to others, but so that I can enjoy the life I’ve been given.

2) If I wait around for others to give me what I need I’ll never receive it.

3) Taking responsibility for my own happiness makes for better relationships. Internal demanding and waiting for others to fulfill me created impossible expectations on those I loved and resentment on my part. The idea that I gave all of X and didn’t get Y in return wasn’t a happy place.

4) Showing young women to care for themselves through example can stop the cycle that’s gone on for too long.

5) I realized that I deserved decadence. Enjoyment is supposed to be a part of life and women tend to put pleasure last (just ask many husbands), mainly because they’re focused on responsibilities and believe nothing will be done if they don’t accomplish it.

I’m asking for women to support one another in changing our history. It’s time to give to ourselves the way we’re expected to give to others. At first it won’t be easy; we’ve been taught to base our self-worth on martyrdom, but change starts with small steps.

Here’s an exercise I gave to my friend:
1) Make it clear to your loved ones that a certain time each week is going to be for you. If you’re a single mother with very young children, do this after they go to bed or trade with another parent each week.

2) Decide on something decadent that you would love to do. Do you enjoy shopping? (On this day it’s only for pleasure, not errands.) Love bubble baths with chocolate, wine, and a good book? Like movies or long walks? Go for it!

3) For a minimum of three hours each week you have to put away your to-do lists, your anger towards those not giving you what you need in life, your running self-sabotaging thoughts that say you’re not good enough, and become grateful for everything you have. For three hours minimum, celebrate you!

It’s time for women to take happiness in their own hands and hearts. It’s no one’s responsibility but our own. Equality isn’t going to come from being more like men. When we realize that we deserve the richest life we can have just because we’re alive and not for what we give others—that’s when the real revolution will begin.

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Fast-fashion giants like H&M and Zara are perfect for the girl on a budget who wants to look good traipsing around Manhattan. I used to pick up cheap wears in bulk—and some of the far reaches of my closet still house the remnants of my “quantity over quality” phase… otherwise known as my twenties. But at the end of my discount decade, what do I have to show for it? I don’t have one fabulous frock that has survived even two washes or trips to the dry-cleaner. The only pieces still maintaining their position in my wardrobe rotation are the few I actually spent a pretty penny on.

The big draw of fast-fashion empires like H&M, Zara, and Uniqlo is their ability to deliver up to the moment trends at a deep discount. Ten shirts at $20 a piece is $200—and they fall apart after one wash. Why not save yourself the clutter and buy one high-quality piece that will last through the trends and take up minimal real estate in your already space-starved closet?

I’ve certainly learned my lesson. I can’t remember the last time I saw the inside of an H&M, and it seems I’m not the only one who’s tired of throwing away my money on disposable goods. This Time article, “Are Consumer’s Getting Tired of Fast Fashion?” from March explains that consumers have grown weary of the big-box discount stores and are more concerned with quality and sustainability than they have been in the past.

Everlane is highlighted in the article as an eco-friendly brand with the motto “Buy less, buy better.” Their mission is to change the way people consume, or urge them to consume less. I’m sure the company’s executives would probably love to launch into the financial stratosphere of Walmart (whose founders occupy positions 6, 7, 8, and 9 on The Forbes 400 Richest Americans list), but they exercise caution and restraint, and above all, responsibility.

And it isn’t just a quality issue we’re dealing with when we consider the consequences of fast fashion. The safety standards for factories overseas are largely ignored in order to meet the the demanding supply schedule. Take the tragic garment factory collapse in the Rana Plaza building in Bangladesh, which killed over 500 people. The factory mass-produced goods for labels we’re all familiar with, like The Children’s Place, Mango, Joe Fresh, and Primark.

This recent piece, “Fast, Cheap, Dead: Shopping and the Bangladesh Factory Collapse,” suggests that consumers can put pressure on fast-fashion brands to improve working conditions by halting their spending. Every time you are dazzled by a $6.99 T-shirt, stop and think about how and where it was made. Think about the landfill it will get dumped into within a few months. It always helps me save money and ultimately declutter my life when I imagine a mountain range of garbage closing in on me.

If you’re craving a consumer fix, try thrifting or vintage shopping! Reduce, reuse, recycle!

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Be the beautiful, funny, smart heroine you’ve always wanted to be. These women, and the female writers who helped shape their characters, looked to the big-screen dames of the ’30s for inspiration: the wise-cracking Carole Lombards and Jean Arthurs who didn’t apologize for their humor, intelligence, wit, or sexuality. They figured the men who couldn’t handle it were not the men for them. If you know there’s always another episode with another suitor waiting in your future, possibly the right suitor, you’re better off waiting than settling for less.

Express yourself through your own personal style—and don’t worry about what potential dates might think. Mary and Rhoda were the Carrie Bradshaws of their time; women across the country wanted to dress just like them. Why? Because each of them seemed to have a sense of style that came directly from her character’s soul: Mary with her pantsuits and feminine work dresses, Rhoda with her headscarves and flowy tops. Never once did either give the impression she was dressing for her dates; each dressed for herself. And, of course, for her fans. Any date who wouldn’t like your headscarf (or your own equivalent) is not the one for you.

Don’t tolerate sexists. Mary and Rhoda always spoke up when the men around them said something unseemly, and their love lives never suffered for it. Self-respect, and respect for your fellow women, is sexy.

Take control of your sexuality. If Mary Richards could take the pill in the ’70s, as she mentions once in a famous episode, you can certainly get some form of birth control, if necessary, in our modern era of subsidized contraception and plentiful condoms. Good girls take necessary precautions!

Stay out all night if you want, rules be damned. Mary did, and never spilled the details about what she and her date did all night, even to Rhoda. Take things at your own speed, and answer to no one about it.

Photo courtesy of CBS

Jennifer Armstrong has provided pop culture commentary for CNN, VH1, A&E, and ABC. She teaches for Gotham Writers Workshop and at writers’ conferences. Get updates by following her on Twitter and liking her Facebook page. You can also get writing tips from Jennifer’s free upcoming seminar “How to Write (Smart) About Pop Culture.” Get more information by visiting her personal website and the official website for Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted.

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A good night’s sleep is one of the most elusive things there is. Yet it is one of the most refreshing things we can have. However, people who worry often start to worry even more if they do not quickly fall asleep.

Chemical methods of falling asleep, such as sleeping tablets, mean that we do not sleep properly: if we are taking them, we don’t have enough of something called beta-waves in our sleep, and so don’t wake up feeling refreshed. Some sleeping tablets also have a hangover effect in the morning. People may use them for work shifts or jet lag, and although this may be understandable, it is not a good habit to get into. Indeed, your general practitioner should tell you that sleeping tablets are only licensed in most cases for a two-week period. They might be okay for a short time, but ultimately we need to learn how to get a natural night’s sleep without them.

You need to start at the other end of the day by establishing a regular waking time, no matter what hour you go to sleep. Try to make this much the same on the weekends as during the week. Next, work at getting the right sleeping environment: make sure you are comfortable, not hungry, in a quiet place, somewhere not too light. Allow a winding-down time before bed, when you stop doing normal routines and do something you only do before going to bed, such as brushing your teeth or reading a magazine.

1. Keep the bedroom for sleeping. The bedroom is for two things only: sleep and sex! Activities such as working, watching TV, drinking, arguing, discussing the day, and so on will make it harder for you to get to sleep. Some people manage these things and then sleep, but if you don’t sleep well, keep the bedroom for sleeping and for sex, which can help you sleep!

2. If you wake up for more than ten minutes, or can’t go to sleep within ten minutes, get up and go to another room. Stay there till you feel sleepy, and then go back to bed. If you don’t sleep within ten minutes, repeat this process until you do. Do not catnap during the day, even for ten minutes.

3. Avoid caffeine after 4 p.m. A small bar of chocolate, for example, has 40 milligrams of caffeine. And below is a list of drinks and the amount of caffeine in a typical cup. As you will see, coffee is not the only culprit! Avoid using caffeine as a way of staying awake. (The same applies to nicotine—cigarettes, gum, and chewing tobacco—as this acts on the same receptors in the brain.)

Ground/filter coffee: 83 milligrams

Instant coffee: 59 milligrams

Decaf coffee: 3 milligrams (not zero!)

Tea: 27 milligrams

Cola drinks: 15 milligrams

African cocoa: 6 milligrams

South American cocoa: 42 milligrams

4. Also avoid alcohol. Although this can relax you a bit, for most people it is something of a stimulant and actually raises your heart rate. So, too, does exercise before going to bed—it takes time to cool down afterward. If you want a nighttime drink, try milk with a banana, but not such a big cup that you spend all night in the bathroom.

5. If you have babies in the house, this is the time to do whatever it takes to get them to sleep. Ask your pediatrician for advice.

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• You check out the Facebook page of every girl he’s added as a friend—and let’s not even get started on girls who post on his wall!
• You leave an article of clothing at his house to see if he mentions it without being prompted.
• You secretly check his phone or email to see who else he is talking to.
• You demand that he not hang out with his friends, family, or any girl who comes within a ten-foot radius of him.
• You fight with him in front of other people.
• You trick him into meeting up with you under false pretenses.
• You time how long he takes to text you back and have a set average in your head. More than two hours, and he must be with another girl!
• You count his condoms.
• You respond to an unanswered text by calling him. And then emailing him. And then showing up at his house.
• You cry. Often.

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Stripes: Stripes are always in. A bold wide stripe is an essential stand-out. A striped pencil skirt like the one from Robert Rodriguez ($245) is available exclusively at Intermix or stripe pin-leg pants by Atos Lombardini ($297) and a flowing solid top, Rag & Bone’s piped racer tank ($115) is an easy basic. Or perhaps a Marc Jacobs color-block stripe tank dress ($995.) Don’t be afraid of horizontal stripes, either, they are flattering on everyone…especially a horizontal color-block with black covering the midriff.

Jacket: The sleek tuxedo jacket, either white with black accents or the reverse, can be paired with denim for day or all black for a dressy evening. We found a sleek jacket available exclusively at Intermix by Smythe ($628.)

Accessories: Accessories are an easy way to stay on trend without feeling overwhelmed. A funky oversized tote with a black and white geometric print from Zara ($90) can really pop against solid colors, or simple white belt with head-to-toe black is all you need to be in fashion. M Missoni has this look available on Shopbop ($710.)

Shoes: Just like a stunning handbag, a black and white stripe or checkerboard print shoe can make the outfit trendy without overdoing it. Marc Jacobs has a fabulous pair of stripe loafers ($745) this season that can do the trick.

Beauty: Makeup is perhaps the easiest (and least expensive) way to stay current. Chanel has stunning Le Vernis nail color in Black Satin. Ask your manicurist to try a black and white stripe on your fingernails next time—if you hate it, one swipe of polish remover and you’re safe!

The Bold Statement: Take a chance with an eye-catcher. Sometimes you just have to go for it with a wild geometric pattern or bold asymmetrical color block or stripe.  Maybe the Dolce and Gabbana nautical stripe dress or the always flattering Herve Leger one-shoulder bandage dress. Sure, you can probably only wear it once, but you’ll have a blast while you do!

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Having traveled to a lot of places that made me nervous and done a lot of things that made me nervous, I know that one approach to reasonable anxieties is to just “Go for it!” Most people will agree that stepping outside your comfort zone is something we all should do, and most people think it’s kind of like ripping off a band aid—just shut your eyes, grit your teeth and and do it real quick and then you’ll be happy you did it.

But I’ve come to learn that having wild experiences doesn’t have to mean ditching my comfort zone at the edge of the cliff as I leap off it. My best and most life changing experiences have been done in a more considered way—a way that simply expands my comfort zone to include the new thing I want to do, and in the end, expands me along with it. Stretching your comfort zone is a process, one that’s initiated by the desire to do something out of your ordinary.

What is it you want to do? Why do you want to do it? How will you get there? The first step is desire, and the next step is learning. Find out everything you can about your intimidating dream—whether it’s learning to rodeo ride or rock climb, jumping out of a plane, starting your own business, speaking in front of strangers, eating vegan. Do research on the Internet, talk to people who have experience in this activity or lifestyle, and create your own apprenticeship. You can do this by directing your attention toward an activity that is similar, but more approachable.

As you become more knowledgeable about your dream, start identifying the steps you’ll need to take to reach it, and then start taking the steps. By the time you are actually standing in front of that room speaking, leaving the edge of the cliff or introducing your new business, you’ll be truly ready to launch off into the previously unknown with your eyes wide open and the confidence to fully live the experience.

For more information on Steph Davis, like her Facebook page, read an amazing Q&A on Back Country and watch her new video on prAna.

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The Huffington Post pointed out that a whopping 34 Real Housewives have split from their spouses, the latest being Real Housewives of New Jersey star Dina Manzo, who announced in February that she was splitting from her husband of seven years. The couple even got married on camera in a 2005 VH1 special, My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding, although Tony Manzo never appeared with her on Real Housewives.

Former RHONY star Bethenny Frankel married Jason Hoppy in 2010; their courtship and marriage were the subjects of the spin-offs Bethenny Getting Married and Bethenny Ever After. The fairy tale ended in January, when Frankel filed for divorce.

The drama of Maloof’s divorce has fueled several episodes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, with her 2012 split from plastic surgeon Dr. Paul Nassif leading to allegations of abuse on both sides. They finally reached a settlement in 2012. Maloof rebounded with the much younger Sean Stewart, son of rocker Rod Stewart.

Divorces make for great ratings: The January 2011 episode of RHOBH, in which Kelsey Grammer told Camille that he wanted a divorce, was the most-watched episode of the season. Camille later said she knew her 13-year-marriage was ending before signing onto the Bravo reality series in 2010. She has found love again but, after her bruising divorce, isn’t in a rush to get married again anytime soon.

Socialite Carole Radziwill, a surprising addition to RHONY given her Kennedy connections, split from her rocker boyfriend, Russ Irwin of Aerosmith, in February. Radziwill detailed her biggest loss—the 1999 death of her husband, ABC News producer Anthony Radziwill—in the best-selling book What Remains: A Memoir of Fate, Friendship and Love.

Brandi Glanville, who joined RHOBH in 2011, had already gone through her messy divorce from Eddie Cibrian, although the acrimony has continued. Glanville shared the details of her ugly split in her new book Drinking and Tweeting. Her ongoing Twitter war with Cibrian’s current wife, LeAnn Rimes, stayed in the headlines, as did her pot-stirring with fellow RHOBH stars Kyle and Kim Richards.

RHOBH regular Taylor Armstrong didn’t just suffer the tragic loss of her husband Russell, who committed suicide in 2011, but also the jolt of being fired from the show. She’s reportedly anxious to land her own reality series for a much-needed source of income.

Tammy Knickerbocker from The Real Housewives of Orange County left the series after the 2007 death of her ex-husband, Lou. She opted to remove her daughters, who were also regulars on the show, from the spotlight, but daughter Lindsey was back in the news in January with a DUI, in which she reportedly punched a cop and drunkenly rammed cars.

Nene Leakes shares her personal motto

One exception to the curse: Real Housewives of Atlanta and New Normal star NeNe Leakes, who filed for divorce from husband, Gregg Leakes, in 2010 and announced in November 2012 that the two had reconciled. In 2011, she penned the book, Never Make the Same Mistake Twice.

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