Although the villain and his evil plot are important, the biggest challenge facing The Avengers is that they have a horrible time assembling into a cohesive team. After all, superheroes are by nature outsiders. They’re either super strong, super intelligent, or, as in The Avengers (for everyone but Thor), both. Watching them bicker and sulk reminded me a little bit of the early years of my marriage, when we were still figuring out how to fight evil on the same side.

Anyone in a relationship can benefit from taking a close look at The Avengers and the ways each character has had to put aside their flaws for the greater good.

1. Don’t be a thick-headed demigod, Thor.
Thor’s a demi-god prince who thinks he’s superior to everyone and therefore never stops to give anyone a chance. When you’re in the beginning of a relationship, it can be easy to sit on your high horse and assume that you’re always right. But Thor’s lack of perspective is always his downfall. It’s much better to really try to understand where someone is coming from and meet them in the middle. Learning to say, “I don’t agree with you, but maybe I’m not right, either” is invaluable. Beginning sentences with “I feel” instead of “You always” helps. And never hit anyone with a magical hammer.

VIDEO: The Avengers Official Movie Trailer

2. Don’t base everything on lies, Black Widow.
Seriously, everything out of this woman’s mouth is a lie. Very handy against enemies, but when can her friends trust her? Even one lie can set you up for constant misgivings. It’s better to say “I don’t feel comfortable sharing that right now” or “I don’t know” than to tell a lie to someone you love. And it’s safe to assume she’s lying to herself, too. Keep your ledger clean, and you’ll never have to worry.

3. Don’t bottle up your anger, Hulk.
I think we can all relate to the Hulk, an intelligent, altruistic man who turns into an uncontrollable monster whenever his anger gets out of control. But when you’re in a relationship, it’s possible for you to marinate in your own silent bubble of fury while your partner has no earthly clue that there’s even a problem. And then one day you discover that someone drank the last cup of coffee and you turn green and rip your favorite PJ pants. It’s so much better to let off the steam carefully by choosing the right moment to say, “Hey, could we talk? I’m having an issue.” For example, I now know to never bring up money right before bed. We only talk money in emails, and it stays short, sweet, and businesslike. Which means no more Hulking out.

4. Don’t wear a titanium shell, Iron Man.
Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark spends a lot of time building walls around himself. Titanium armor, Stark Tower, razor-sharp wit. But no man is an island, and when you go into a relationship, you have to lower your guard. Yes, you will both have bad days. Yes, you will get sick and have barf all over your shirt. Yes, you will sometimes be wrong. No one is perfect, and your partner can probably help you trim those insane eyebrow hairs. Let the person you love see you at your worst, and they just might surprise you by loving you anyway.

5. Don’t be afraid of change, Captain America.
After saving the world from alien Nazis and sleeping for 70 years, Captain America is reticent to join modern society, claiming that things have changed for the worse. Tough luck, kid. People are constantly changing, and one of the keys to a successful partnership is changing in compatible ways, or at least showing an interest in your partner’s new endeavors. If someone wants to go vegetarian, start working out, go back to school, you can’t be afraid of their new path or feel threatened by it—or at least, you can’t let that fear overcome you. Captain America will just have to embrace the Internet and low-waisted (or high, we’re a bit confused these days) pants like the rest of us if he wants to be happy.

Superheroes are so tragically flawed that we could keep this up for days. Batman’s trust issues. Wolverine’s rebellion, Wonder Woman’s blatant exhibitionism in that see-through jet. The good news is that—in the movies at least—they always find a way to triumph. Even if you’re more of a Clark Kent than a Superman, learning from heroes can help you fight your own demons. Then, if you’re as lucky as I am, you’ll one day be wrestling a three-year-old into pajamas instead of wrestling an alien-supported demi-god for his scepter to prevent world domination.

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Photo by Zade Rosenthal

I’m getting married in August, and so far my strategy has been to try to tackle one task at a time and keep things as simple as possible. But no matter how determined I may be to stay calm, there are moments when I worry if it’ll all come together. I’m sure my fiancé and I will forget something fairly important, like, you know, having chairs for our guests to sit on (BYOC!). With that in mind, I sought out some tips for women like me who planned their weddings with a lot on their plates. Here, the best gems from their helpful advice.

Limit the seemingly endless choices. “Give yourself two to three choices of vendors and don’t go crazy researching stuff,” advises Susan Koutalakis, a public relations manager in Boston. “The more options you have, the more confused you get. The larger boards tell you all that you need to do as a bride. To be honest, I’ve never looked at The Knot (other than their wedding checklist), because my wedding is about me and my future husband—not about up-lighting, a chocolate fountain, or even spending tens of thousands of dollars, which was the vibe I got from the more mainstream sites.”

Schedule planning time on your calendar. “It’s not romantic to treat wedding planning the same as a dentist appointment,” concedes Sarah Van Dyke, co-founder of Antics Flipbooks in Madison, Wis. “But when wedding thoughts pop into your head during your busy days it’s a relief to know that you have focused time blocked off each week or two to prioritize your to do list, discuss decisions with your fiancé, etc.”

Work your Internet mojo. “Order your dress online to be made just for you, to your measurements,” suggests Lori Del Genis of State College, Penn., founder of Consciouselegance.com. “Let the dressmaker take care of the work and the alterations and such. Save the time and the hassle of driving all over town to try stuff on in wedding shops or to hunt for that perfect dress in a vintage clothing store.”

However, be careful not to let surfing the web  get out of control during your wedding-planning sessions. “Monitor your time on the wedding blogs,” councils Sarah Shewey, founder of Pink Cloud 9. “Five minutes of Pinterest quickly turns into five hours and your productive work day has slipped away.”

Consider the all-in-one venue. “I work full-time at a nonprofit and also do freelance writing and photography on the side,” says Rachel Esterline, of Saginaw, Mich. “I’ve discovered that I really don’t have time to plan my wedding. I booked a hotel for my ceremony and reception. The ceremony will be casual and on the beach. The reception will be in the hotel’s banquet room. This saves me from having to find separate venues, pay separate venues and transport the bridal party and guests. The hotel also will handle the catering and bartending, so that takes another weight off my shoulders.”

Enlist help. “I work at a public relations agency in Dallas and am planning a wedding on August 18 in Tampa, Fla.,” explains Jenna Tuttle, a senior account executive at McCrory & Associates Public Relations. “I’m lucky to have a wonderful mom who is helping me plan, and I would recommend enlisting in a good friend or family member who doesn’t have a full-time job to help. I talk to my mom probably twice a week with updates and a list of things I need to do, and it works!”

Patricia Thompson, Ph.D., a corporate psychologist/management consultant in Atlanta agrees with this approach. “I was fortunate to have a 21 year-old cousin who was very excited about the prospect of getting married, and helped with everything from screening venues to designing the programs to making the ring-bearer pillow, to acting as a liaison with the hotel event planner the day of the wedding. Since I was willing to delegate tasks (I’m not a control freak), things were able to get done efficiently, and limit the time I had to take off from work.”

Have a long engagement. “The best decision we made was to set a date for the future and let me enjoy what I was building during 2010 and 2011—my education and my career,” offers Whitney Kerns, a marketing director in Bucks County, Penn. “We were able to enjoy a wonderful two-year engagement. I’m now done my degree, comfortable in my job, and have enjoyed the wedding planning over the past 9-12 months.”

Laura Schaefer is the author of The Teashop Girls and Planet Explorers Travel Guides for Kids. Her wedding is in August.

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Trust me, hubbies: After one flick of a horsewhip, she’ll gasp, “Honey, you shouldn’t have!” and for once, she’ll mean it. Expect a call from her attorney in the morning.

A recent cover of TIME displayed a different kind of mommy porn: a three-year-old, suckling the teat of his comely 26-year-old mother. I’m guessing she’ll have second thoughts about saying yes to the photo once the kid’s shrink bills pile up. She better hope Universal Healthcare is a reality before he turns twelve. Should the poor boy end up with an obsession with mammaries, here’s hoping he’ll turn it into a multimedia conglomerate. If Hef can do it, he can, too.

His mom will be so proud.

More disturbing than the magazine’s cover is its headline: “Are You Mom Enough?” In my opinion, that answer can’t be measured in the years it takes to wean your child. And certainly there is no definitive black-and-white answer to that question. Parenting is a chiaroscuro of actions and deeds. Forget about being the best mom in the world. You’re the best mother to your children if you:

1. Lead by example.
2. Teach them to speak out on behalf of others.
3. Stop them from passing judgment on others.
4. Show respect to people of all ages, young and old.
5. Let your children learn from their mistakes.
6. Teach your children to play fair.
7. Tell the truth, always.
8. Watch your children for signs of stress, because sometimes actions speak louder than words.
9. Teach your children that blame isn’t as important as finding solutions.
10. Introduce them to superheroes who don’t wear capes and tights, but do their bit to save the world.
11. Are not afraid to teach your child that he’s not always right.
12. Are not afraid to admit that you aren’t always right, either.
13. Demonstrate kindness and generosity to others.
14. Teach them to say “Please” and “Thank you.”
15. Say “I love you” often.
16. Make your point, without shouting or threats.
17. Teach them that the word is mightier than the punch.
18. Demonstrate respect to friends, families and strangers.
19. Inspire them to follow their dreams.
20. Encourage them to take on responsibilities.
21. Teach them the importance of education.
22. Help them discover the joy of reading.
23. Teach them that nutrition means great health.
24. Compliment them.
25. Can avoid making every decision for them.
26. Hold them to their promises.
27. Deliver on your promises to them.
28. Reward them after a good deed.
29. Teach them to respect their teachers.
30. Show a united front with their father on issues involving their wellbeing.
31. Don’t project the personal fears that held you back onto them, as they find their own way in the world.
32. Encourage their creativity.
33. Pass along the message that we all make mistakes—and can be forgiven for them.
34. Remind them that nothing is more important than family and friends.
35. Don’t allow them to become bullies.
36. Encourage them to learn from their losses.
37. Teach them to respect their bodies, and the bodies of others.
38. Teach them the joys of fruits and vegetables, as opposed to unhealthy fats, salts, and sugars.
39. Take them on walks, where you initiate long discussions.
40. Answer their questions, openly and honestly
41. Encourage their desire to learn more about the world.
42. Never talk down to them.
43. Give them chores.
44. Trust them to do the right thing.
45. Ask their opinion, and then listen to it.
46. Honor their trust.
47. Allow them to seek their own path.
48. Kiss and hug them often.
49. Love them at every age and stage.
50. Share wonderful experiences with them.

If your mothering skills touch on the majority of these traits, then yes, you’ve made your mark on humanity, and together you and your children will share lots of memories (if not mammaries).

Josie Brown’s novels include The Baby Planner and Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives. Her latest novel is The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook.

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I know that I am not alone in this struggle. For all of us who have lost a loved one, and are sadly reminded of that loss on holidays, I have a few suggestions.

1. Celebrate the living. If there was a silver lining to losing my mother, it was that the tragedy brought my father, my brothers, and me much closer. We now talk on the phone on a regular basis, and I know that I can always turn to them for advice. The essence of Mother’s Day is the celebration of family—so let your loved ones know how important they are to you.

2. Pay it forward. One year for Christmas, my mother gave me an entire bag of socks. There were striped socks, fuzzy socks, Santa socks, cashmere socks—you name it. I don’t know what possessed my mom to give me so many socks, but I do remember how hard we laughed when I tore open the wrapping paper. This year, I think I’ll gift some socks to my friends. Whatever it may be, honor your special relationship with a fun gesture that recalls a favorite memory.

3. Acknowledge your role models. I may not have my mom around anymore, but I do have an amazing supporting cast of aunts, mentors, and female friends. Focus on the positive role models in your life, and let them know how much they mean to you.

4. Treat yourself. Buy that discounted massage offer for yourself, or go out for a disco brunch with friends. Above all, I know that my mom would want me to be happy, and as this holiday approaches, I plan on pampering myself a little bit.

5. Surround yourself with love. This coming Sunday, my dear friend Cassidy is coming into the city with her mother to see a photography exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art. Cassidy sat beside me, holding my hand when I got the dreadful phone call that my mother had died. She has been a source of constant support and friendship in my life, and I can think of no better way to spend Mother’s Day than strolling through a beautiful museum while catching up with Cassidy and her mom. You don’t have to weather the holidays alone. Surround yourself with love.

You can get more helpful lifestyle advice, parenting info, and recipes in the Tips on Life & Love newsletter.

This month we’re featuring your questions for Lisa and Ian in a weekly sex column. Here’s what they had to say to help our reader Kristen.

She says:
I’m having a hard time getting in the mood with my husband. His libido is always on the go but the past several months I find it hard to get turned on by him, not at all like when we were dating. I find myself thinking of an ex-flame just to keep myself interested during the act. I love my husband so much but the heat just isn’t there for me at all anymore—but I wouldn’t dare tell him! Does this make me a bad person?

Ian says:
Coupledom can be a fragile thing. There are threats everywhere, and even the strongest relationships need to be monitored and protected on a daily basis: From flirtatious friendships and infidelity, to blowouts over friends and relatives, to fights about money, relationships are all too easily toppled by big issues. But it’s not just the biggies we need to worry about. There are also smaller, more insidious threats to relationship satisfaction—threats we take for granted as being a normal part of a relationship.

According to a new study conducted by Good in Bed, (with the support of K-Y Brand), the biggest threat to long-term relationship satisfaction may come in form of boredom. In our survey of 3,341 people in monogamous relationships (1,418 men and 1,923 women), we found that a full quarter of those surveyed were bored in their current relationship. Beyond that, another 25 percent of respondents reported being on the brink of becoming bored. That’s nearly 50 percent of all couples, and boredom is basically like an attack on our relationship’s immunity system—once weakened we’re all the more susceptible to a cascade of ailments. For example, 20 percent of respondents had been unfaithful to their partner at some point as a result of being bored.

So my advice is don’t be one of those 20 percenters. If you used to feel hot and heavy for your husband, and now you’re feeling less interested in him and thinking about former flames, that tells me you crave excitement and that you might be feeling bored. Here are some things you can do:

• Ask your partner to try something new in the bedroom with you. The majority of the respondents (69 percent of men and 50 percent of women) were entirely interested in trying something new in the bedroom to combat boredom. So get going. Start with sharing a fantasy, or try a sex toy such as a vibrator. Nearly 55 percent of our respondents were interested in incorporating toys into sex, and nearly 50 percent also saw lubes and enhancers as viable ways to decrease boredom.

• Ask your partner to try something new outside of the bedroom with you. Be selfish about your relationship. Couples end up having a lot of combined obligations and responsibilities. Don’t stop putting your relationship first: From date nights to vacations to making time for each other, stay selfish.

• Maintain your individuality. From your career, to your friends, to maintaining your own personal passions and interests, being a strong couple requires being a strong individual.

• Keep finding things to talk about. At the end of the day, it’s easy to feel that communication is a chore, that talking to your partner is boring or routine and that there’s nothing new under the sun to possibly talk about.

You can get more tips like Lisa and Ian’s, plus helpful lifestyle advice, parenting info, and recipes in the Tips on Life & Love newsletter.

HBO’s new series Girls has arrived on the feminine-focused TV sitcom scene—and to listen to the critics, the press and the Twitter feeds of young women everywhere, TV, comedy, and the modern female experience will never be the same.

Much has been said about Girls: that the relationships between the women feel authentic, that the Millennial sense of mild entitlement feels all-too-real-and-damning, that the sex is horrifying (and, oh dear god, it is), that the all-white and all-middle-to-upper-class cast doesn’t properly represent the cross-section of modern women for whom the show has been charged with speaking.

But here is my favorite thing about Girls: It takes place in the post-dating world that most female readers know all too well. At long last, the post-dating world, warts and all (seriously, they talk about warts), is finally out there for everyone in TV land to see and understand.

VIDEO: Girls’ Lena Dunham is “Voice of a Generation”

Sure, it might feel like the most bleak, depressing, f**ked up version of the post-dating world–without all the excitement and empowerment that comes along with embracing post-dating tenets like ambiguous connections and non-dates and techno-romance and the gaggle. As we at WTF Is Up With My Love Life?! say all the time, this new romantic frontier doesn’t have to be a frustrating, confusing mess characterized by stress, insecurity, and awful sex. But on “Girls,” it is. And either way, cringeability aside, it’s the most accurate portrayal of the post-dating world that we’ve seen on TV so far.

The show revolves around four early-twenties girls living in New York City, but Sex and the City this is not. If Carrie and Co. were going on swanky dates, marrying successful lawyers, and celebrating their meaningless sexual flings, then the girls of Girls are texting their undeserving Boyfriend Prospects, flirting with Career Boosters at job interviews and work events, pondering the “weird and aggressive” nature of having an ex’s ex like your Facebook status, and googling “the kind of stuff that comes around a condom.” Oh, and they are not going on dates. So far, not a one of them.

The modern romantic authenticity of the show stems from the fact that, out of four girls, zero of them seem to be living any sort of traditional love life. And not only are these friends’ love lives different from any others portrayed on TV, but they’re also different from each other, further proving the fact that every woman’s post-dating journey is completely unique to her experiences and needs and wants.

Main “Girl” Hannah is chasing a guy who won’t even text her back, and whose most genuine attempt at a compliment is, “You’re not that fat anymore…” Her best friend Marnie, who should be living the most traditional love life of all–she is in a four-year relationship with a sweet and dedicated guy that began in college–is finding herself stifled and frustrated by the trappings of a relationship that seems too good to be true, yet leaves her miserable, mean, and feeling like her boyfriend’s touch “now feels like a weird uncle just putting his hand on my knee at Thanksgiving.” Throw in Shoshanna, an insecure virgin who lives by the strict rules and judgments of her dating books, and Jessa, a free-spirited European who can’t seem to be in a room with a man (including her friends’ boyfriends) without demanding that he stick his hands down her pants, and you have, well…you have several version of what life can be in the post-dating world.

Needless to say, the premiere season of Girls offers much to ponder and analyze about modern love, romance, and incredibly awkward attempts at talking dirty. But as you get sucked into the first season, here’s my advice—no matter what you’ve already read about the show, and it’s supposed status as the voice of our generation (or “a voice of a generation”), don’t immediately judge it on its worth and accuracy as a 100 percent realistic portrayal of your very own life as a Millennial woman. Millennial women all have their own paths to success, happiness and self-realization, just as we all have our own paths to love. So for now, don’t watch the show with comparisons to your own life at the forefront of your mind. Just watch it to enjoy it.

And then don’t be surprised when you think back on it later and start matching up scenes, moments and quotes to your own life.

Next Sunday, call your Accessory, invite him over for TV night, turn on Girls, and get ready to laugh (yes, he’ll be laughing, too).

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Photo courtesy of HBO

Here are 10 great gifts you can procure easily or make yourself, package, and hand deliver (or hey, because their pricetag is low, you can still afford to spend a little on shipping). Bundle several together for a nice gift basket, or recycle a simple straw basket, galvanized metal tub from the 99-cent store, or cute clementines crate to hold your gift. The end result will have Mom beaming with pride.

—Best Books for Mom

—Homemade Scented Bath Oil (Homemade)

—Adorable D.I.Y. Stuffed Owls (Efemera Ink)

—“You Are Entirely Amazing” handmade wooden card (Etsy, cardtorial, $10)

—Homemade sugar scrub in jars (Maybe Matilda)

—Mad Men-style Retro Apron (Etsy, 4RetroSisters, $36.95)

—“Mom, You Are My Sunshine” art print (Etsy, NamedByArt, $15)

—D.I.Y. Garden-makers (Wit & Whistle)

—Watercolor: Hummingbird Art (Etsy, MaiAutumn, $25)

—Pretty, personalized aqua chalcedony necklace (Etsy, Delezhen, $64)

You can get more homemade tips, plus helpful lifestyle advice, parenting info, and recipes in the Tips on Life & Love newsletter.

Mix it just before you use it or make it a few hours ahead and store it in the refrigerator so it stays fresh. Add 20 drops of essential oil to the 4 1/2 cups of milk and honey.

Yield: One bath

Ingredients
1 quart (0.9 L) whole milk
1/4 cup (59.1 mL) honey
Essential oil*
16 drops chamomile
2 drops bergamot
2 drops vanilla
*See Health and Safety Precautions below

Equipment**
Glass or stainless steel measuring cup
Eyedropper
Large glass bowl
Stainless steel spoon
**Do not use copper, aluminum, cast-iron, or Teflon finishes.

Step 1
Combine the milk and honey.
Combine the milk and honey in a glass bowl. Stir with a stainless steel spoon.

Step 2
Blend in the essential oil.
Add the essential oil with an eyedropper. Stir the ingredients with the stainless steel spoon until well blended.

Step 3
Make a milk bath.
Pour the mixture into a tub full of warm water, swooshing the water with your hand to blend.

Bath salts are added directly to the bathwater. They do more than add fragrance; the minerals have a drawing effect that detoxifies the skin. After you bathe, apply a moisturizer, as bath salts have a slightly drying effect on the skin.

Health and Safety Precautions
Essential oils are potent and should be treated and stored like any other medicine. They should be kept out of the reach of children. If you are pregnant and in your first trimester, avoid all essential oils. Thereafter, pregnant women and the elderly should consult a doctor before using them.

Also, we’re going out on a limb and saying “I’ll have another!” For the winning horse, that is.

These recipes will make for a most memorable Run for the Roses:
—The Perfect Mint Julep (Just Married and Cooking)

—Kentucky Derby Pie (Passionate Penny Pincher)

—Kentucky Hot Brown (The Saucy Southerner)

—Pimento Cheese Dip and Sandwiches (Capers Catering)

—Miss Hurley’s Kentucky Beer Cheese (Garden and Gun)

—Bourbon-Cured Trout (Just Married and Cooking)

—Chocolate Bourbon Truffles (Just Married and Cooking)

You can get more recipes, plus helpful lifestyle advice, parenting info, and relationship tips in the Tips on Life & Love newsletter.

MAKES 8 SERVINGS
To rim a margarita glass, cover the bottom of a small plate with coarse salt. Put a little bit of water in another small plate or bowl, and dip the rim of each glass first into the water and then into the salt. When filling, be careful to pour into the center of the glass so you don’t “knock” the salt off.

16 ounces Cazadores Tequila Reposado
8 ounces Cointreau
8 ounces fresh lime juice
3 ounces agave nectar
Coarse salt, for rimming the glasses
2 limes, cut into wedges

Mix all the ingredients in a big glass pitcher filled with ice. Stir well with a wooden spoon. Pour into 8 glasses that have been rimmed with coarse salt, filled with ice, and garnished with a lime wedge. ¡Salud!

You can get more recipes, plus helpful lifestyle advice, parenting info, and relationship tips in the Tips on Life & Love newsletter.