Brandon (AD) and I watch the monitor with different levels of concern.

Remind me never, ever, ever to do that again.

Here’s the short n’ dirty version of the story.  My friend and producer/sound-designer-type pal, Jason heard about a new film contest/festival that a local company was putting on.  It was called Z-Fest, sponsored by the company Z-Systems somewhere in the West Metro.  Anyway, like the 48 Hour Film Project, they wanted us to make a 7 minute film by a certain date.  Unlike the 48 HFP, they give you a week to work on it…also, you can write the script ahead of time.  Jason had this idea for a movie and asked if I’d direct it.  I said “Sure” mostly because I don’t know any better and mostly because I’m sort of needing a break from all the writing and re-writing and conceptualizing of my new book idea.

He wanted to do a movie about Jesus and monkeys and religious people.  I wanted to read the script.  After I read it, I read it again.  Now, I know I’m not the shiniest knob in the door store, but…well, I didn’t get it.  It was sort of too long, and well, I just didn’t get it.  It was supposed to be about the Book of Revelations, but told in current times.  It (like Jason) was kind of weird.  I feel okay saying Jason’s weird because I tell him he’s weird all the time.  Also: I’m weird, too.

So, I don’t think I was prepared to do a movie like that.  Jason had already had Bill Borea (the bad guy from FutureSand) lined up to play Jesus, so he was in no matter what.  Since the idea got shelved (and I think Jason will direct Jesus Monkey on his own someday) we decided to get together and meet to brainstorm ideas.  On the way to the Chinese restaurant where we’d put our heads together, I had (what I thought was) the coolest idea.  I thought it would be awesome to do a movie about a blacksmith who hits his hammer on a cursed weapon and it teleports him forward in time.  It would’ve been called BLACKSMITH & THE ANVIL OF TIME.

I presented the idea.  It got shot down like a lame turkey with no left wing and a weight problem.

So, we pooled our resources.  Bill is a pro wrestler.  Bill knows other wrestlers.  His friend, Lenny Lane, owns a company with a wrestling ring and is a wrestler, too.  I sort of cringed.  It sounded like we were going to make a wrestling movie…and guess who was going to have to write it?

Lenny Lane (left) and Bill Borea (right) are TWO. MEAN. MOTHERS.

We tossed ideas around.  Bill had an idea that took almost 45 minutes to explain.  I thought it was a cool story, but there was NO WAY we’d be able to get it all out in 7 minutes.  Just not possible, but I think it has mini-series potential.  Anyway, somehow we started talking about a local wrestling guy called EL BANO.  Bill thought it was Spanish for ‘The Toilet.’  I thought it was pretty funny and in no time, we sort of fleshed out the story of RISE OF EL RETRETE.  I looked up an alternate word for ‘toilet’ and the actual fixture is called ‘retrete.’  For what it’s worth, El Bano means ‘the bathroom.’

Anyway, I sat down later that night and realized I was basically Barton Fink (from the Coen Brothers movie of the same name)  I knew nothing about wrestling, what the moves were called, or anything.  Despite that, I cranked out a serviceable (but long) draft of the script.  It passed inspection but it was suggested I cut it down.  I did a little and we figured we were good to go.

So, we found some awesome actors and actually found El Bano himself, to play a fictionalized version of his alter-ego.  His name is Jeff Chermak.

Let me tell you how it went down.  Jason and I went out to Lenny’s place (Wrestlingparties.com) to see the ring and the place where we were going to shoot ROER.  While there, Bill set it up so that we could meet a couple of wrestlers to maybe have them read.  In my head, I knew I wanted someone that was sort of a bigger dude and could pull off playing a pathetic guy.  Instantly, after meeting Jeff (El Bano) I knew he was our man.  I feel sort of bad for the other guy that showed up because he didn’t have a chance.  We had Jeff look at the script, made arrangements to start shooting in a couple days and we left.

On the car ride back, Jason and I realized we made a mistake.  We never had Jeff read (aloud) word one of the script.  Yikes.

Jeff Chermak is JOHN SALAD (a.k.a. EL RETRETE) and was our golden boy!

A few minutes into shooting the movie, we felt vindicated.  Jeff was even better than I expected.  The dude was a consummate pro and had his lines memorized and just blew us out of the water.  All around, our cast was fantastic, but Jeff I think was the runaway star, which works since he’s our main character and shows up in all but maybe three shots of the movie.

Shooting went well, but it was definitely much more tiring than doing all of it over a weekend like the 48 HFP.  Getting up at 5:30am with Jake (my one year old!) and then going to work, coming home for a bit and then heading out to Plymouth (which is a haul for me from Woodbury) until 1-2am, only to do it all over again the next 3-4 days was rough.  I looked and felt ragged and worn-out.  My family wasn’t too crazy about it, either.  We were pretty efficient for the most part, but even still, it took it’s toll.

A handful of us took that Friday off and we shot the last few scenes and it was in the can.  From there, we spent what felt like years in the basement of Brian (our DP and editor)’s basement.

Now, I don’t like to think I’m too fidgety, but I definitely have to be doing something.  It was an exercise in patience for me to sit and watch us piece this thing together a little at a time.

I won’t make this seem like a year, I swear.  Bottom line: When it was all put together (sans sound fx and music) the sucker was around 10 1/2 minutes.

WE. WERE. SCREWED.

At about 2am on Saturday night, Brian, Jason and I made a decision:  Forget the contest.  There was no way we could chop 3 1/2 minutes off of our film and have it make sense.  Contest be damned!  So, we contacted the dude who put the show together and asked if we could still be screened.  He agreed and a weight was lifted from our shoulders.  Would we have like to have won the $1000.00 first prize?  Sure.  But, when it’s all said and done, we’ve never been in it for the money or the glory, really.  These contests serve one purpose for ol’ Soft Drink Productions.  It give us a kick in the pants to get a movie made.

And we did.

How many people does it take to film a 30 second scene in a living room? (Answer: This many)

And you know what?  It’s pretty dang good, methinks.

Sure, I’m not a wrestling fan and if someone told me years ago that I’d be writing and directing a wrestling movie, I’d slap them in their mouth.  It just didn’t seem like it was in the cards, you know?  But I think we did something a little different.  Sure there’s all kinds of beatings and dumb jokes, but there’s kind of some cool stuff happening with the characters, especially with Jeff’s character JOHN SALAD who will become EL RETRETE.  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m biased (of course I am) but I think people will kind of dig it.  I guess I’ll know when the film is posted up here (hopefully) sometime next week.

In the meantime, it’ll be screening Saturday night (3.6.10) at the now defunct Oak Street Cinema on the U of M campus, along with about 18 other short films.  We’ve been told we’re up

2nd to last shoot and I'm starting to look a wee bit tired, no?

first (since we’re disqualified) so we won’t have to wait long to see or flick up on the big screen: Speedos, pile-drivers, dropping elbows and all.

Oh…and for the record?  I still want to do the BLACKSMITH movie.  I think it’d rock.

Special thanks: Greg Schaal who took these (and a skillion) more wicked pictures of our goofy little production.  He helped us with FutureSand and was more than happy to hang with us for 3 nights, snapping pictures of EVERYTHING.  If you need a rockin’ photographer, look him up at: www.gregschaal.com.  He’s the goods.

As seen on Kare 11's 10am show Minnesota Showcase

Jacob Alexander Troupe – The Big One

My littlest guy turned 1 on the 14th.  I’m floored by how fast that went.  I swear we were just heading to Regions Hospital like…yesterday to welcome the little chap and here he’s snuck up and got big on us.  He’s a big ol’ ball of awesome, my little 24-pound punk.  We had a birthday party planned for him on Saturday and would you know it?  He caught a bug, leaving him with a fever, some barfing and no party.  I can’t tell you how depressing it was to pick up his pre-paid balloons from the store, knowing we were the only ones who would get to see ‘em.  We made the best of it, though.  He opened some gifts, we took some pictures, and when he’s feeling up to it, he’s going to tear up his birthday cake.

Biggest Loser – Firefighter Edition

I had my first weigh in for our Biggest Loser competition at the Woodbury Fire Department.  I purposely didn’t weight myself all week, but continued to eat like a monk and workout like a crazy person.  I showed up Tuesday for FF drill and hopped on the scale, prepared to see maybe 2-3 pounds less off of my starting weight.  People, I’m here to tell you 8.5 pounds dropped off of me in one week.  Of course, I got razzed like crazy.  People accused me of taking diuretics, loading my pockets with weights for the kick-off weigh in, etc… But nope.  I don’t cheat.  I just know how competitive I can get when it comes to this kind of stuff.  A lot of smack talk made me think we should rename this competition the SOREST LOSERS.  It’s on, yo.

Star Review…of sorts

I got an e-mail from one of my editors on Friday about the Werewolf book I worked on last year.  Seems it’s making the rounds through the reading consultants and then it’s off to the illustrator and stuff.  I have to admit being sort o pessimistic when I saw the subject line of the e-mail.  It said: Consultant’s Comments.  Immediately I thought: Oh, great.  He/she probably thinks I phoned it in or something. Quite the opposite!  It said: I just finished reading The Legend of the Werewolf  and want to commend the author for putting in so much interesting werewolf lore that has circulated since medieval times.  It’s not easy to do justice to such a complex set of traditions, but this author has done so very effectively. Nice!  Totally unexpected, but completely appreciated!  I have to admit the “Legend of…” series has been a bit tougher than what I’m used to.  Trying writing books about violent, blood-thirsty monsters…but make it sort of kid-friendly.  I think I balanced the line a bit and hopefully the others get similar reactions.  I think they come out later this year?!??

Koo Koo Kanga Roo

Have you ever heard of Koo Koo Kanga Roo?  If not, you should check ‘em out.  It’s hip-hop for kids from a Twin Cities duo.  They like to say they’re Beastie Boys meets Sesame Street.  I saw them open for Har Mar Superstar back in November of last year and I was blown away.  The dudes come out singing songs that just make you want to get up and dance like a fool.  Also, they have insane amounts of energy.  Anyway, check ‘em out and download their songs, especially Lava Tag, my personal favorite.  My whole point in this?  The guys are making a pilot for a kid’s show and they needed kids for the taping.  I headed out to Prior Lake (which is a haul from Woodbury!) with Travis to get him in the show.  It was fun.  We met a friend and his daughter there and they tore it up on the dance floor.  So, stay tuned.  These guys are gonna blow up.

Nerdery’s Final Touch

I’m happy to say the Nerdery (my office) is finally, finally complete.  It’s been 3 years or so in the making, but it’s done, y’all.  With the addition of my new custom-built bookshelves, I got to put the crowning jewel in the last remaining space on the wall.  Behold my Shaun of the Dead poster!

My mini zombie shrine in the Nerdery!

I’ve had this sucker for years and just never had the dough or the motivation really to get it up on the wall.  Besides that, I sort of wanted the rest of the office to be a little more complete.  So…when I had the bookshelves built (with the talents of my brothers-in-law Sean and Brad) for the cost of materials and a Playstation 3 (my bribe), it was a no-brainer.

(You see what I did there?  Zombies?  No-brainer?  Ugh…never mind.)

I found a place in town where getting a frame job wasn’t too disgustingly expensive.  The lady that runs the lil’ mom n’ pop framing store thought I was weird.  Here I am in the middle of store, loaded with pictures of ducks, cabins, trees, and lakes with my goofy zombie movie poster.  “I’ve never even heard of this,” she said.  “You should check it out,” says I.

Vindication came a week or so later, when it was time to pick it up.  Her grandson was there and when I walked in, she didn’t recognize me.  “I’m here to pick up the zombie picture,” I said.  Her grandson came running around the corner so fast, it was funny.  The little dude was like 9 or 10 and his mouth dropped when he saw the framed beauty.  “I didn’t know this was here,” he said.  “I love zombies.”  “Who doesn’t?” I asked.  The woman who runs the store was baffled.  We talked a bit about how awesome the blood-thirsty creatures are and swapped stories about the video games with our favorite flesh-eaters.  It was as I was loading the picture into the truck that I realized I was talking to someone from my core audience for GOODHALO.  This kid is one of (likely millions) who are dying for a book like GOODHALO to come out.

Oh, good lord.  I can’t wait to get that thing out into the world.

Anyway…the poster is up, thus completing my favorite room in the house.  It’s already startled Laura a few times.  She thinks the kids won’t want to come into my office, but I think she’s wrong.  Everyone loves zombies.

Right?

Well, they should.

So, it’s 2010 y’all.  I’m going to miss calling the past 9 or so years ‘double-aught’.  As in: Back in 2 double-aught 9, I had my Xbox go south on me.  Saddest two weeks of my life.

You know, that kind of thing.

But here we are, a week into the New Year and it’s…a new year.  I know most people get down and dirty and make New Year’s Resolutions and all that jazz, but I didn’t really.  In fact, when the New Year changed over, I was fighting a cold, tired from working on the Nerdery’s bookshelves, and killing zombies (Left4Dead 2) with my brother-in-law .  My other bro-in-law fell asleep on the couch at 11:45pm, even with all the video game generated gunfire.  He woke up at 12:10 and said: “Happy New Year!”  We said: “Nice try, dude.  You missed it.”  We know how to bring in the new year, don’t we?

But did I make any resolutions?  Not really.  I mean, not officially.  Sort of.

GOODHALO 3 – So, I still haven’t sold the first book, but I did write the sequel and I do plan on writing the third one, no matter what.  This might be the year.  Of course, this is all contingent on whether GOODHALO 1 sells and if I’m going to be stuck revising that bad boy again.  It’s a win-win, really.  Either GH is headed to the press or I’m going to finish what I think will be the final installment in the undead trilogy.  I’ve got other irons in the fire, but I’m hopeful for this one.  I should think about getting it to more than one agent.  I sort of gave her an ‘unrequested’ exclusive on it.  Hmmm…

BIGGEST LOSER – The dudes at my fire department have decided to try and do a Biggest Loser competition.  Since I could stand to lose a couple 10, 20 pounds, I signed up.  Turns out all but 2 (2!) of my fellow firefighters are in the competition.  We throw $20 in the pot and the winner gets half.  It’s like $150.00.  So…knowing this was coming up, I ate like there was no tomorrow.  I wanted to get it all out of my system.  Burritos, burgers, delicious movie popcorn, bacon breakfast burritos at Sonic (oh my!) and I got my weight up.  Now, I know that sounds like setting myself up to fail, but I’m innit to winnit.  The weigh in was Tuesday night and I clocked in (fully clothed, sans shoes) at 216.  My heaviest weight ever?  236.  When I was gung-ho about losing weight last time, I was unstoppable.  I ended up losing like 51 pounds over the course of 6 months.  Can I win this thing?  Oh, I think so.

BLOGGITY BLOGG BLOG – I’m going to do my best to try and get new stuff up here on the ol’ blog.  It’s been tough with the writing projects that I’ve been hired for and for trying to get my own stuff off the ground.  But…I’ve got some cool ideas and I think I’ll slowly and surely(?) rebuild my blog back to it’s mediocre standing.  I got ideas for videos, contests, all that sort of stuff.

So, in a sense, I guess I inadvertently made some resolutions.  Write more, lose weight, blog more.  But it’s not like it’s OFFICIAL or anything.  Well, except the GOODHALO 3 thing…and the weight loss and…

Oh, be quiet, you.

I’m going to come right out with it: I think little by little, the Ebenezer in me is fading.  It’s almost like I’m actually okay with the change from fall (best. season. ever.) to winter.  Sure, driving in the snow is enough to make me want to eat glass and the ear-splitting Christmas music still isn’t my thing, but you know?  I’m sort of digging the holidays and what-not.

(Of course, check with me in January when we head into the big white oblivion that is 3 solid months of Tundra Time)

But I’m actually okay with it for now.  The following is evidence of such.

Christmas Lights – For the last few years Laura (Patient Wife) has asked me to put lights up on the house.  I’ve dodged this colorful bullet for a while, but something got into me this year.  Maybe it was the nice weather we had in November, maybe it was guilt, or maybe it was having a couple little dudes that REALLY like the whole idea of Christmas, gifts, and drawing the white-bearded wonder to our house.  I agreed.

We had lights that I, um, never put up last year still waiting in the package.  I broke out the ladder and decided to go for broke.  Now, let’s be clear.  I’m not scared of heights.  As a firefighter/EMT, I sort of got over any sort of fear of high places that I may have had with a quickness.  I’ve been WAY up in the air plenty of times.  No sweat.

Got the lights over the front of the garage, along the side and all the way to where the roof is a bit higher.  I thought, no problem, I’ll climb up there, lay on my stomach and sort of work my way along the highest edge.

Yeah.  That didn’t work.  It’s steeper there and with a nice glaze of frost on the shingles, I could feel myself slipping.  With Laura and the boys watching, I decided I probably didn’t need to ruin their Christmas and my life by doing a header off the roof and breaking my neck.  When I tried to slide forward on my butt, and work sideways, that didn’t work either.  I was beaten.

We didn’t have a ladder tall enough, so I did what any neighbor who is deficient in tools would do.  I called up fellow firefighter and neighbor GC and asked to use his ladder.  He was gracious

So it isn't enough to draw people out looking for lights to our place (thankfully) but they have colors and they light up. Works for us!

enough to comply and I walked over to pick it up.  As I left with ladder in tow, I made the joke: “Thanks for letting me use this.  I’ll bring it back in a couple years.”

Hey, I thought it was funny.

Anyway, cut to the end and the place is all nice and lit up.  The best part?  I somehow worked it so that the cords all connected seamlessly and the extension cord just made it to the outlet in the garage.  Huzz-ah.

And…of course, I’ll admit it.  The house looks pretty cool.  Simple and colorful.  Not like some of these houses where it looks like Christmas threw up on their lawn and house.

Santa Claus – Another tradition that we sort of get into is hitting downtown Minneapolis to see the Macy’s Christmas display stuff and visit ol’ St. Nick.  They’ve got a whole floor full of little animatronic people and each year they usually have a new theme.  Macy’s sort of pulled

Jake isn't sure what to make of all this stuff. Neither am I.

the cheap card this year and did a repeat of last year’s presentation: A Day in the Life of an Elf. We really only cared about seeing Kris Kringle, but then we figured Big Jake (now 11 months old!) would like to see it.  His big thing lately is saying: “Oh, wow.”

On the way there, we ran into some friends who have two daughters, aged almost EXACTLY the same as our two boys.  (Hello, arranged marriages anyone?)  As a fella who geeks out on timing and odds and how crazy that we happened to run into these guys, it made the waiting and the crowds much more bearable.  We made jokes, we saw the Christmas junk and Travis got a kick hanging out with G, his little girl friend.

He fretted about sitting on Santa’s lap this year.  Last year he was fine, the year before not so

Travis, having seen this last year, points out that he's...seen this last year. Way to go, Macy's!

much.  It’s strange.  We told him that Santa would have no idea what he’d want for Xmas otherwise.  This sort of contradicts the idea that he sees Travis when he’s sleeping (creepy!) and he knows when he’s awake (creepier!).  You think ol’ beardy would be able to figure out what to bring Travis, but so it goes.

We had him sit up on Jolly(?) St. Nick’s lap and he was good.  Jake was completely fine with the process, too.  He’s got his usual deer in headlights look on.  I think he said “Oh, wow” a couple times, but he was a real trooper.  Travis was perfect.  When Santa asked what he wanted, lil’ TKT didn’t hesitate.  “A DS.”  (that’s a Nintendo DS for the uninitiated).  When asked to speak on Jake’s behalf, he said: “Bring him a book.”  Hilarious.  Jake can’t read!

And I don’t mean to pick on Santa.  I’m sure he’s had a long day, but dude.  You’re, uh…kind of scary.  Also: STERN.

Jake: Oh, wow! Santa: Why you little... Travis: I want a DS.

Sliding/Sledding – Today we decided it was time to hit the slopes.  For anyone who knows me pretty well, you’ll know I’m not talking about skiing.  That’s a story for another day.  We wanted to take Travis sliding and…

Before the cold and the whitey happened, Travis is eager to slide down the hill in style.

Wait.  What’s that?  Sliding doesn’t sound right?  Well, I’ve ALWAYS called going-down-a-hill-on-a-plastic-sled sliding.  Always.  When you take a car out for a drive, you’re not going “carring” are you?  Didn’t think so!

Anyway, we’ll argue about this later.  I know of a bunch of great hills, but sadly they’re all the way on the other side of the Twin Cities and we live closer to the Wisconsin border.  So…I did what any red-blooded geek would do.  I called on the interwebs.  I found a list of hills in the immediate area and away we went.

We drove FOREVER and couldn’t find any of the hils.  Seriously.  We could’ve driven to the sweet hills in Nordeast Minneapolis three times for all the miles we drove aimlessly searching for these stinkin’ slopes.  We found a little hill on near a golf course in a scary part of St. Paul and went for it.  The results were comedy platinum.

Like a little immovable slug. Jake is rosy-cheeked and happy as all get-out.

Travis loved it…and this was a TINY little hill.  I can’t wait to take him onto the big ‘uns I’m used to.  All was well until he somehow hit a rough patch and ended up doing a face plant right into the snow.  Seriously.  His face was buried…a true, midwestern” whitey.”  He was not pleased.

Jake loved it too.  He resembled the little brother from A Christmas Story all bundled up.  He  was like an immovable doll that wore a huge smile.  Laura set him into a sled and fired him down the hill.  He was laughing and smiling like he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to.  Quality.

We dig the snow. Yeah, I said it.

But yeah…there’s something about having the little guys and a wife who’s REALLY into the holidays that sort of makes a scrooge like me ease up a bit.  It’s fun to see all of this happen through their eyes and the excitement of crushing snow chunks of the street, climbing snowbanks, and firing snowballs at unsuspecting people (usually me).

As much as I sort of wish we lived somewhere where the weather is nicer and there isn’t as much hassle, I get it now.

And that’s saying a lot.

But, there’s been this black cloud hanging over me since…oh, mid-June?  Yeah.  Mid June.

That cloud, my friends, has been the requested revision of my zombie epic(?) GOODHALO.

I’m happy to report that as of last week, the revision is done, done, done!

The reading copy and the infamous red pen!

You might be wondering: Why in the name of all that’s holy did it take so long?

Well, it’s simple.  The book was a bit of a monster.  It clocked in at 97,000 words, which, in comparison to other fantasy-type books, isn’t too huge.  For my intended audience?  It’s a bit lengthy.

Also, I’ve got a full-time job, a part-time job, and a part-part-time job.  Oh, and a family, too.

Kind of hard to squeeze in the time I’d like to crank this thing out with all of that to balance.

So, TKT, how’d you do it?

Glad you asked, anonymous voice of the internets.  I made a decision long ago.  That decision?  I wasn’t going to let my writing affect my ‘normal’ life…at least, until it becomes my normal life.  Quite simply, I only work on my books and writing when the family is asleep and/or out of town.  Once they’re in bed or on the road to my in-law’s house, I enter FULL HERMIT MODE and hit the Nerdery (my office) with full force.

I don’t shave.  I sometimes skip a meal.  My eyes feel like dry nuggets of salt in my face.  I rarely come up for air.  It’s a discipline, I guess, but I know it’s something I have to work at…sort of like a diet, otherwise, I fall off the wagon.

So…from 8:30-ish until 12:30am-ish, I’m working on stuff.

Now, can I say I worked on GOODHALO exclusively during this time?  Nope.  I had other, paying (and soon to be published) books to work on.  We’re talking THE TRUTH ABOUT TROLLS, THE TRUTH ABOUT DRAGONS, and THE TRUTH ABOUT ELVES.  Oh, and of course LEGEND OF THE VAMPIRE, LEGEND OF THE WEREWOLF, LEGEND OF BIGFOOT and LEGEND OF THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE.

It's sick how many pages of revisions I went through. Pictured is the stack of all 45 chapters, marked up beyond recognition.

All of these little guys were vying for my attention, and quite frankly, I was glad for it.  I needed to pull myself out of the undead apocalypse I unleashed on my hapless heroes.  I have to admit feeling somewhat guilty leaving Pi, Gort and the gang hanging for weeks at a time, but they were right there waiting for me when the smoke cleared.

Anyway…it’s done and aside from another read-through and getting it to a friend (who digs zombie stuff, too) it’s going out to the agent (who shall remain unnamed)  that requested it’s revision.

But I’ll leave you with some GOODHALO fact nuggets.

Revision requested: June 23, 2009

Revision completed: November 25, 2009

Word count at start: 97,000 (something)

Word count at end: 71,000 (or so)

Total words slashed: 26,000 words (I’m still stunned by this)

Percentage of book edited the #@%^ out: 27%

I’ve learned a ton during this long stretch.  Let’s share:

- I tended to write the same thing over again, but in a different way.
- Some of my characters were just plain unlikeable.
- The word ‘zombie’ doesn’t appear in the book…ever.
- One red pen is not enough.
- Anything sounds like more fun than revising.  My house is full of distractions, I’ve learned.
- My characters love them some inner monologue.
- Facebook is a time-suck.

Anyway, I’m jonesing to get this out again, work on my new projects and HOPEFULLY, get a chance to work on something new n’ exciting next year.  If all goes well, I’ll have ANNA 2.0 ready for submission, start the draft of GOODHALO III, and start tinkering with my long-planned and to be announced project.

Let’s hope everyone will get a chance to read GOODHALO…you know, when it’s published.

Nothing like feeling the weight of your book in your hand. Something to be said about that. It's like finishing a triathlon. Yes. EXACTLY like finishing a triathlon...and winning.

Ahem.

This weekend I got to start working on the two sports books for STONE ARCH BOOKS.  I was excited to do ‘em since it was a little departure from the non-fiction work I’ve been doing on the side.  With Laura and the boys out of town, I got to (once again) go into full hermit-mode and just put my nose to the grindstone.  And you know what?  The pages are friggin’ writing themselves.

It’s been one of those rare moments where I stop, take a look around and realize: Dang it.  THIS is what I was meant to do.  THIS is my purpose.

Not necessarily books on sports, but just writing in general, you know?

I’ve had a crazy couple of weeks of just full-on writing.  Between the books, the revising, the drafting, the synopses, etc…  It’s been a fun, busy ride.

It also made me recall a time when I used to just write stories just for kicks, not ever thinking they’d get published or read by anyone else.  One of my big traditions in the past was that every Christmas I used to sit down and write a kind of anti-holiday story.

I don’t know if it was my way of dealing with the terrors of SECRET SANTA but I decided waaay back to write a story for my then girlfriend.  She loved Christmas… I didn’t so much.  So I crafted the short 4 page story: CHRISTMAS EVE BLOODBATH.  CEBB (as I liked to call it) depicted Santa Claus as a divorced, alcoholic tyrant who abused his elves and reindeer.  One Christmas Eve, someone shot and killed his pal Frosty the Foreman (he got promoted) and Santa was looking for the payback.

It made quite the impression.  I read it aloud to my family and hers.  People were laughing and thinking I was nuts.  Eager to get more reactions from the story, I shared it with friends and people I worked with.

They all loved it.

The feeling was addicting, so I decided next year, I’d write another one.  A sequel, if you will.  Now, here’s where my quirkiness comes in.  I decided that, like the first one, I’d write it in the month of December and I would only allow myself 24 days to get it done.  If I got done early, cool.  If not, I would stay up into the wee hours until that puppy was finished.

I did this for 10 years, producing (obviously) 10 different stories based on my crazy Santa Claus and his rag-tag group of loveable elves.

The last one, AN ELF NAMED BILL clocked in at 63 pages.  I should mention it’s 63 pages of single spaced text in 10-point font.  So, really it’s about 167 pages if I were to format it and submit it somewhere.  Quite a stretch from the little 4 pager I wrote way back in 1992.

Anyway, the whole point is seeing where I’ve evolved as a writer.  I sometimes wonder if those stories EVER got out into the world, would people who read my kid’s books think: What is WRONG with that guy? Would it damage my credibility?

And conversely: Would I really care?

Having read the book about Dr. Seuss (Theodore Geisel) years ago, I realized that I think he would’ve liked to be able to break out of his routine and do something different.  The problem was, everyone had him pigeon-holed as this eccentric and wacky guy who wrote for kids.  And while he loved it, I think he needed to do something different.  I totally get that, even at an early point in my writing career.

My hope is that I’ll get to a place where I can write whatever I’d like and make a living at it.  How sweet would it be to say: You know?  I’m having fun writing these zombie books for teens and all, but I think I need to write something for the grown-ups.

So, a sort of cool thing happened last night.  As I was thinking about the CEBB series, it got me thinking about the short time I spent living in California, working in the visual effect department of the volcano movie DANTE’S PEAK.  There, I worked with a guy who not a lot of people got along with.  I did, mainly because he was my boss, but also because I have a weird (quirk, maybe?) of trying to crack the toughest of nuts.   (This might be why I love my day job working with sometimes difficult physicians.)  Anyway, this guy would sometimes rub people the wrong way and make them angry.  Somehow, I knew I wanted to get this guy to like me.  Being a fresh-faced and naive boy from Minnesota, I just laid it all out there.  I was self-depricating and completely open about everything.  When he asked what I wanted to do, I was straight up with him.

ME: I want to write.

BOSS: What kind of @#%^ do you want to write?

ME: Screenplays, books.  Whatever.  It’s what I like to do.

BOSS: What have you written so far?

ME: A bunch of short stories.  Some twisted Christmas ones, too.

BOSS: You should let me read those sons of #@%*$es.

At this point, I’d written 4 of the CEBB stories.  I was nervous about it, but I decided to get ‘em printed up real nice and bring them to my boss.  I didn’t think Oh, he’s got connections.  They’ll totally make these into a movie or anything like that.  I just figured, maybe this will cheer him up and he’ll like me.  It also helped that we were heading into the holiday season and I still couldn’t wrap my head around there not being snow on the ground.  So, so weird to me.

I left the stories on his desk and went off to do my bottom-feeder job as a production assistant.  I didn’t know if he’d like them or not.  When I got back from running around, he paged me.  I went to his office and he had tears in his eyes.

BOSS: These are @%!^ing brilliant.

ME: Really?

BOSS: Really.  When are you doing the next one?

ME: December 1st I start.

Anyway, I wrote another one and he was the first to read it.  It was shorter than the last few, so while he loved it, he couldn’t help but feel cheated.  It probably didn’t help that it ended on a cliff-hanger.

BOSS: You’re killing me, Kingsley.  I have to wait until next year to read what happens?  This is bull#$^@!

ME: Sorry.  That’s my way.

Well, he never did get to read the 6th installment.  I ended up moving back to Minnesota to put my life back together and we sort of lost touch.  As I was thinking about this last night, I decided to try and look him up.  Sure enough, a guy that sort of looked like him was on Facebook.  I threw caution to the wind and wrote him a message.

Yo.  Didn’t we work on Dante’s Peak together?  You might remember me as the guy who wrote the CHRISTMAS EVE BLOODBATH stories.  I went by Kingsley back then because there were too many Toms and Thomases.

Sure enough, it was him.  We reconnected and believe it or not…HE STILL WANTS TO READ THE NEXT INSTALLMENTS.

So, while I know those weird, evil little stories will likely never see print, it means a lot to know that someone STILL remembers something I wrote, even 14 years later!

My whole point in all this?  Somehow, someway, writing these newest books about sports for kids makes me think of the mad writing sessions I’d subject myself to in December.  Though it was a small circle, I had a good, core group of people who were just DYING to read the next installment and it urged me forward, sort of like Hulk Hogan when he lets the crowd energize him (bad analogy, but it’s all I got right now) before he bodyslams and beats his opponent.  Knowing people needed to hear what crazy adventures Santa Claus (Santa, for god’s sake) would go on next kept the fire lit beneath my rear-end.

I just hope to have that cool, cult following again someday.

Example: I treat my DVDs like they’re antiques.  Seriously.  I place them in the DVD player as if one false move would make them shatter into a million pieces.  I go crazy when there’s a security sticker inside the case that I can’t remove without wrecking the artwork.  I even returned a DVD to the store once because the spindle was broken and the DVD was loose inside there.

GUY AT BEST BUY: So why are you returning this?

ME: The thingy inside is broken.  It’s making the DVD slip around in there.

GABB: So?

ME: So, it could get scratched and whatever.

GABB: You know you can only exchange this for the same movie, right?

ME: Fine by me.

(the DVD was/is Dancer In The Dark…don’t judge me)

So, it’s with a bit of Oh, man…what are people going to think of me that I lay myself out and reveal something really sort of strange that I’ve done since I was able to get behind the wheel of a car.  Let’s see if you can figure it out.  Below, in chronological order, are all of my driver’s license, scanned in for your viewing pleasure(?).

First up:

Under 21

Here’s me with my first non-provisional license.  I’m in full-mullet mode, angry at the world for some reason and sporting a sweet gold hoop earring.  I’m sure somewhere in my head, there’s a Pantera song playing.  This of course, was back in the day when you got one shot at a picture and that was it.  Also, it took about 7 months to get this beauty in the mail.  Not to give away the ‘weirdness’ of this, but this was obviously the beginning of my weird Driver’s License Ritual.

Off-Center MC

Here’s me, fresh-faced, excited and 21 years old.  These must have been happier times for me.  I’m guessing part of it is I love 3 pounds worth of hair with the removal of my mullet.  Heck, I’m so into getting my NEW license, that I couldn’t stand still (or the photographer was horrible) and I’m a bit off-center.   Can’t help but think, judging by the smirk on my fat face, that I’m up to something.  Hmmm…  And can I just say for the record how old these look?  Dang.

Flock of Seagulls

There’s me again, but I’m pasty as all get-out.  I went through a weird phase where I didn’t know what to do with my hair, so I sort of slicked it back.  This is between that stage and my “I want to look like a Japanese Anime guy’ era.  So, little by little, I creeped my hair forward.  Yes, yes.  It looks like the Flock of Seagull guys a little bit.  I get it.  My hair has always sucked.  I should note that this is the beginning of my soul patch phase (which is still going strong).  I don’t know.  I think it centers my face.

I Just Threw Up In My Mouth

I don’t think I was feeling so hot in this one.  But, this was my license during the one, brief moment in my life where I actually lived alone…in my own apartment.  With my crooked-tailed cat, the beloved Kato.  I drove a Plymouth Breeze, at the time.  I had to park on the street.  I also got a big ticket for forgetting to renew my tabs.  It should be pretty obvious at this point what the trend is in these Driver’s License shots, right?  Also of note, this style of ID didn’t last all that long.  It’s sort of a limited edition, you might say.

Thick N' Meaty

Holy cow.  Literally.   Here’s me at my new address out in Woodbury.  I’m dating Laura at this point and I live in a townhouse.  Little do we know that a year or two from the date this picture is taken, we’re going to HATE our neighborhood and more specifically, our neighbors.  This is also pretty close to the time where I discovered that Woodbury Public Safety was looking for new recruits for the Fire Department.  Go ahead and compare my weight on this one to the first license and the one below.  Go on.

TKT is...Skeletor!

Yeah, so this is my newest license.  Actually, I can’t even say that.  This is the one I had BEFORE I had to get it renewed.  Look at me!  I’m like half the man I used to be.  I lost 40 pounds over a year and I hate to say it, but I think I almost look sickly.  Anyway, this is a shot of me after we moved out of our townhouse and into the neighborhood in Woodbury we love.  I’ve got a kid at this point, a much better job and life is good.  Still, I’ve continued a trend with all of these pictures.  Figured it out?

Well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.  In every single one of these Driver’s License pictures, I’m wearing the same purple hooded sweatshirt.  I don’t think I realized I did it until the 2nd driver’s license came in the mail, but since then it’s been a trend.

The Name Sez It All...

I used to wear this thing ALL the time (as you can likely see) and it faded and got plain ol’ destroyed over the twenty-something years I’ve had the thing.  I was bummed when I got the front pocket caught on a doorknob and tore it.  I think the other side had been fixed, but when it happened a 2nd time (shame on me) I didn’t bother.  Or, you know, I was too lazy to sew it up myself.

The lady at the DMV even said it looked like a comfortable sweatshirt.  I admitted my weird trend and she sort of scrunched up her face like she didn’t know what to think of that.

Do I wear this thing nowadays?  Not much.  I did enjoy a quality day wearing the old sweatshirt when I got my license renewed a couple weeks ago.  It felt like old times, if even for a little while.  At the post office, some old dude who smelled like George Burn’s ashtray asked me what it said on my sweatshirt.

ME: It says B.U.M. Equipment.

OL’ SMOKEY: Uh-huh.

So, there it is.  I’ll put it back in the dresser until that magical day comes when I need to go and have the worst picture ever taken of me once again.  My kids will be a little older, my hair will be plenty grayer, but I’m willing to bet the purple sweatshirt will still fit.

At least, I hope it will.

Well, in all truth this will be quick.  As many of you may (or may not know) I turned the big 3-7 on Monday and I’ve got the gray hair(s) to prove it.

Anyway, never too exciting to have a birthday fall on a Monday, but even so my family and I had some fun.  We got some pizzas, dialed up some old school Super Mario Bros. on the Wii and just sort of took it easy.

That’s how the TROUPES roll.

But the fun times were just beginning…

A little while ago (late August),  I seriously thought of taking my Twitter account and deleting it.  I just got more annoyed with it than anything else.  I don’t know what it is.  Maybe it’s the restrictions, maybe it’s how some people will put up 14 ‘Tweets’ in a row (get a blog, people!) and I found myself even lashing out at it.  I tweeted some bad things like: I hope you fall on a knife, Twitter.

You know, things like that.  I’m not proud.

Well, I was literally on there for what I thought was the last time, when I saw a ‘Re-Tweet’ (am I saying this right Twitter Gods?) that Stone Arch Books was looking for some authors to write some middle grade books for them.

So, certain that I just wasn’t busy enough, I sent a tweet their way.  Turns out, the mastermind behind the SAB Twitter page KNEW WHO I WAS.  (Hi Beth!)  Anyway, long story short, the editor asked me to send ‘em some writing samples.  I could do that.

Or could I?

My middle grade stuff has been collecting dust for a while.  I’ve spent the last couple o’ years working on my YA books (GOODHALO I & II and ANNA 2.0) so I wasn’t sure how well they held up.  I did a little tweak here and there, crossed my fingers and sent off a couple chunks of THE SHORT BUS JOURNAL and TRAVIS & THE MAGIC SANDBOX.

I sort of figured that everyone else in the world who saw the call for authors sent in stuff too, so I didn’t really dwell on it.  I also decided that my ol’ Twitter page could live just a bit longer.

CUT TO:  INT-MEETING ROOM DOWNTOWN ST.PAUL – DAY

It’s Tuesday morning.  I’m at one of my favorite weekly meetings and there’s a break in the action.  I check my Treo to see if I’ve gotten any e-mail (that’s what agent-hungry writers do, you know).  I see an e-mail from Stone Arch Books and I think:

Oh, here’s where they say “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Wrong.

While the books genres they were originally considering have been put on hold, the editor (Beth) asked if I would like to take a stab at writing a book (or two) in their on-going series.  Of course, I wanted to write back instantly and say: “Eh…heck yes!”  But my work meeting was starting up again.  I had to WAIT.

After a considerable chunk of time, I was able to write back, get all the ‘deets’ and basically agree that I’m in!

Not sure how much I can disclose, but I’ll be writing 2 middle grade books of about 5,000 words each that are sports-related.  Got some sample copies of a few of their previous titles and they’re VERY, VERY cool.

CAN NOT TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I AM!!!  Thank you, Stone Arch Books! You rock!

And…I’ve also been tapped to work on a series of Public Service Announcements for Woodbury Public Safety (where I do my firefighting/EMT stuff).  I’ll be primarily writing a handful of short commercials and letting the technical business happen on the outside.  A few 30 second PSAs?  Shoot.  I can do that in my sleep.

What’s cool about this is that we’re not doing just stiff and boring safety tips.  We’re throwing in some comedy to make them more appealing.  The idea is to get them out to the world and show them that safety and doing the right thing isn’t all that hard.

Yeah.  It sounds dry, but you’ll see.  My hope is to put a few of them up on here, too.  We’ll make it happen!

Anyway, it’s been a good October (weather excepted) and I’m hoping things keep picking up!

COMING UP: I’ve got a post that’s been 20-something years in the making.  Wait for it!

Well, it’s been a long time coming, but here it is,  finally!  My own little corner of the interwebsticles.  My very own webpage!

(cue fireworks that explode all at once and make your ribcage hurt.  also: a band that plays your favorite get-pumped music)

Here’s the funny thing:  I went out probably a year or so ago and secured the name www.goodhalo.com & .net thinking my zombie series would sell instantly and I’d be all set and ready to set up a GOODHALO prescence on the web.

Ahem.

Well, that hasn’t quite happened…yet.

What prompted the need for a website, TKT?  You’re clearly not big time.

And who knows if I ever will be, Psuedo-Voice-of-the-People?  But, when I was at my last author reading, a teacher came up to me after I rocked the house with my If I Were The President book and asked me if I did school visits.  I said I did and I would love to.  She then hit me with the unexpected:

“Cool.  Do you have a website?”

Er…no.  I mean, I guess the old blog is something of a website, but it’s not a TRUE website, you know?  I decided then and there I needed to buck up and see if I can’t join the legions of nerds before me who  have themselves a nice lil’ home on the web.

So, anyway.  Here’s mine.

This is all due to longtime friend and resident genius Jared Ringold.  He slapped together the whole thing.  I said I wanted it nice n’ simple and he delivered the goods.  He works quick and is one patient fella, especially when dealing with the likes of me.  I’m telling you, if you need a website put together, he’s your boy.  Let me know and I can get you two talking.

Anyway, I hope this is the beginning of something a bit better than what I’ve been doing on ol’ Tappity Tappity.  It’s like…all my stuff is here!  Under one roof!  Movies!  Pictures!  Books!  Blog!  A thingy where you can send me a message and I’ll get it!

Also…I have a logo!  I feel like I just need to slap a barcode on my butt and I can be dragged across the scanner at Target.

So bookmark me or follow me or just stop in and see what’s up every once in a while.  I’m still sweeping up the dust a little bit, but this puppy is going to be humming along on a much more regular basis.  You know?

Thanks for stopping by!

And hey…be careful out there.

-=TKT=-

Yesterday, I got to go out to Red Wing, Minnesota to take part in the 10th Anniversary Celebration of Minnesota Children’s Book Authors & Illustrators. It’s a really cool festival of sorts that takes place out at what I can only describe as an artist’s compound/haven. It’s got a whole bunch of old buildings and apparently writers/artists/musicians, etc. can rent these cool old houses for the day to get away from everything and just work on their art.

But, one day a year, it’s like they open the floodgates and let a bunch of kids, teachers, librarians and everyone else who’s interested in children’s literature and illustration in. They had people walking on stilts, face painting, music, magic, books, books and more books.

I’d been asked by the people I work with at Picture Window Books months ago if I’d like to come out and read from my new book IF I WERE THE PRESIDENT. I’m no veteran to readings or school visits (having only done one each so far) but I was more than honored. The idea was, I’d come out, talk a little bit about writing, read the book and then sign some if people wanted me to.

Red Wing is about an hour away from my house and while I would have loved to bring Laura and the boys out there, we decided it was best if this was a solo trip. Jake’s been a little crabby the last week, so we thought we’d spare the rest of the people at the festival his crazy antics. I was scheduled to read at 2pm and then again at 3pm.

I got there at 1pm and got to meet one of the people I’d only known through e-mail and Facebook face-to-face. I helped set up the Capstone Publishers stand (Picture Window Books is one of their imprints) and was floored by how much stuff they produce. Gotta say I was pretty giddy about seeing my four books front and center.

The interesting thing about the stand was that we had all these books there, but we weren’t allowed to sell any of them. The Red Balloon Bookshop, which is probably our most famous kid’s book store in the cities, had a place set up inside where they were selling all sorts of books, most of which were from the authors that were there to read and do signings. So, a bunch of people would come by to look at the cool books and want to buy them but we had to tell ‘em. “Sorry. Only Red Balloon can sell book here, today.” Never one to disappoint, we ended up giving some of the books away.

Good PR, I tell you. Very few people went away disappointed.

Anyway, pretty soon it was time to get to the room where I was going to read.

Now, I should say this. I was definitely the little fish in a bigger pond. Most of the other authors were bigger names for sure and got sort of ‘top-billing’ and big ol’ autograph tables and all that fun stuff. They had me in a really cool classroom of sorts in the basement which looked like something I would decorate. Cool pictures of musicians, artists, etc…were all over the walls. There was inspirational messages, etc. Etc. The room was down in the basement, so my editor (Shelly) went around and roped people into coming and hearing me read.

I gotta admit, I was worried it was going to be a little like the scene in This Is Spinal Tap where they have a record signing event at a music store and no one shows up. Thankfully, Shelly was able to find a bunch of people and we were underway.

Before I started, a little guy walked up to me, eyes as big as saucers and nervous as all get-out. He said something I couldn’t hear. I said: “I’m sorry. What did you say, buddy?” He was maybe two years old or just shy of it. He tried again and I think he was scared to death. His mom said: “He’s trying to tell you his middle name is Kingsley, too.”

I was floored. How awesome is that?

So, we talked about our names and where they originated from, etc. (for the record, ‘Kingsley’ is my great, great grandfathers last name. He had all girls, so the name died with him) Apparently, this little guy doesn’t even go by his first name, just Kingsley. Very cool.

One of the things we did for each reading was have a drawing for a couple of my books. I ended up reading both IF I WERE PRESIDENT and PATRICK’S SUPER SOCKS and then giving ‘em away right after. Sadly, little Kingsley didn’t win one.

After the reading, I went upstairs to check out the place where The Red Balloon was selling books. I wanted to meet Lise Lunge-Larsen, who is an expert on Trolls and when writing THE TRUTH ABOUT TROLLS, I e-mailed her to clear up some questions I had. As I was looking through the books, Kingsley and his mom came by and told me they couldn’t find my PRESIDENT book to buy. We were told they’d have it to sell to people and, conversely, let me sign them for anyone interested in that sort of thing.

“They said they left them back in the cities,” Kingsley’s mom said.

I was bummed by that, but it just so happened I had an extra copy in my laptop bag. I gave them my copy and she wanted to pay for it, yadda yadda. I told her I wouldn’t hear of it. She then asked if I’d sign it and I said:

“Of course!”

I cracked open the book and wrote: “From one Kingsley to another!” and then signed my goofy signature.

Later on, I got to meet a really cool guy. He was an older dude named Ted who came by the Picture Window Books booth and was looking at all of the books laid out. Ted asked:

“You write any of these?”

I was almost a smart alec and said: “Any? Dude. I’ve written ALL of these.” But I didn’t. I smiled and pointed toward the ones at the front of the set up.

“I’ve written 4 of them, up there.”

Ted asked if I did the illustrations and I told him what I tell a lot of people who ask me that. “Nope. I couldn’t draw a picture to save my life.”

Anyway, we got to talking about stuff. Turns out Ted’s an illustrator and we talked about how despite the obstacles we have this need to keep doing what we love instead of saying: Eh…I’ll never make it. Guess I’ll watch Seinfeld re-runs.He then asked how long I’d been at it. I told him since I was in 2nd grade, which is pretty much accurate. I wrote a story called Stick Man’s First Voyage Into the Black Hole and I’ve never looked back.

Somehow we got on the topic of other books and I told Ted that even though I was asked to write a ballerina book (ahem) I was also given a chance to write a firefighter book. I told him I was a firefighter/EMT celebrating my 6 year anniversary on 9/11. He sort of laughed and said:

“That’s a heckuva date for anniversaries.” Ted then pointed down to his left leg, which I hadn’t noticed until then was fake. He went on to explain that on the day the World Trade Center fell, he was in a life-altering crash. He was driving a bus with a bunch of special needs kids and another driver going in the opposite direction jumped over the center line and took them out. A bunch of the kids didn’t make it, but four did. Ted’s left leg was another casualty.

We talked for a long time and Shelly ended up giving Ted a copy of PATRICK’S SUPER SOCKS and I signed it for his grandson. I asked him if he had a card because it would be cool to keep in touch with him. He said he didn’t, but asked me to wait there for a moment. Since his booth was right next to ours, it wasn’t a problem. I do have to admit feeling bad that he was headed back to his car, just to get a business card.

When he came back, he handed me a giant, hardboard print of some of his work. It was this really cool picture of a bunch of tropical fish that’s going to look insanely cool on the wall somewhere in our house (I’m thinking Jake’s room). He said he wanted me to have it and we shook hands and said it was truly great to talk to each other. And you know what? It was.

I went home a little later, listening to the newest Eels album (Hombre Lobo), hurrying home to go see Patton Oswalt (stand-up comedian) on a date with my wife and some friends.

Yeah. Not a bad day/weekend.