But what about the times you just don’t feel like you can help someone else?

I know that feeling. I promise you I know how difficult it can be to try and focus on someone else when you feel like you can barely take care of yourself. Friend, that is the time I believe it is the most important. You see, serving others has a positive impact on our mental health. When we show kindness to others, it benefits them but it helps us, too. The Mental Health Foundation released an article about kindness. Click here to read it.

Treating others the way God treats us is really what it’s all about, wouldn’t you agree? It’s the Golden Rule and most people would say, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  But what does that mean for you and me? How can we live out the Golden Rule in our everyday lives? Let’s explore some ways we can put the Golden Rule into action and create a kinder world and spread a little positivity along the way!

Serve As You’ve Been Served

One of the most important things we can do in life is to serve others. When we put others first, we show them that we care about them and that we want to help them in any way we can. This is how God loves us – He puts us first and He is always there for us when we need Him. When we serve others, we are following in His footsteps and showing others the same love and care that He has shown us. It is a selfless act that can make a real difference in someone’s life, and it is something that we should all strive to do.

Love As You’ve Been Loved

Cancel culture has been a hot topic of discussion lately, with people falling on both sides of the issue. Some feel that cancel culture is a necessary way to hold people accountable for their words and actions, while others believe that it is too often used to silence dissenting voices. No matter what your opinion on cancel culture may be, it’s important to remember that God calls us to love and respect others, even those with whom we disagree. The Bible tells us to “love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us” (Matthew 5:44). This doesn’t mean that we should allow others to mistreat us, but it does mean that we should always seek to see others through the lens of God’s love. When we remember that every person is created in God’s image, it becomes easier to extend grace and forgiveness. 

See As You Are Seen

When we see others the way God sees us, it radically changes the way we interact with them. If we see them as He does, we will love them unconditionally without expecting anything in return. We will forgive them when they wrong us because we know that forgiveness is what God has extended to us. We will always put others first because we know that is what God has done for us. When we see others the way God sees us, it changes everything. It changes the way we see ourselves and the way we see the world around us. It changes the way we treat others, and it changes the way we live our lives. Let’s see others as God sees us, and let’s let that change everything.

Jesus served others throughout his ministry on Earth, and he urged his followers to do the same. We can serve like He did when we see ourselves as He sees us. When we see our others as God sees them—people created in His image—we are more likely to serve them well. 

Here are a couple of free downloads for you. Print out a copy for your kids. Sit down together for a couple of minutes and help your kids complete their chore chart. Or print the version that is already completed. This is a great opportunity for your kids to find a way to serve someone else. Maybe it’s helping little sister make her bed. It could be helping with dishes or taking out the trash. Use this to help communicate to your kids that they can help others no matter what! 

Chore Chart

Chore Chart Blank

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There is a strong connection between mental wellness and resilience. Being tenacious and having that “don’t give up spirit” is something I admire in people. Here at Goby, we like to call it swimming upstream. Being resilient when things get difficult can be hard to do on your own. That’s one of the reasons I love our Goby Family. We know that even in the hard times, we have others to help us along the way. 

But what can we do to help ourselves? I have a few things I have done over the years to help me build levels of resilience in my life. 


Resilience is the ability to sustain effort over a prolonged period of time. But I want to do more than sustain, I want to thrive! Resilience equips us to manage stress and adversity better. Over time, as our resilience builds, we have what it takes to navigate the rough waters of life.  As we gain strength mentally, physically, and spiritually, those around us will be able to take notice. Mom and dads, your kids will see the improvement as well. They are watching you, and as you make decisions to increase your levels of resilience, they will follow in your footsteps.

Here are a few things that have worked for me.

Mental

Increasing mental resilience can be challenging, but it is possible with consistent effort and practice. 

Set Goals

Start by setting clear and achievable goals that challenge you to push yourself mentally. This could be completing a difficult task, reading a challenging book, or learning a new skill.

Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can help you develop greater mental focus and resilience. It involves paying attention to your thoughts and feelings in the present moment without judgment. Regular mindfulness meditation or other mindfulness practices can help you build mental resilience.

Challenge Yourself

Continuously challenge yourself by taking on new and difficult tasks. This can help you build mental resilience over time and improve your ability to handle stress and pressure.

Get Enough Sleep

Sleep is essential for mental and physical health. Make sure you are getting enough quality sleep each night to help your brain function optimally.

Physical

There are several ways you can increase your physical resilience. Exercise is not only good for physical health but also has benefits for mental health. 

Regular Exercise

Regular exercise is the most important factor in increasing physical resilience. Start by incorporating aerobic exercises such as running, cycling, or swimming into your routine. Gradually increase the intensity and duration of your workouts over time.

Proper Nutrition

Eating a balanced diet is essential. But it may not always be our first choice! When I feel myself slipping into unhealthy patterns, I look at what I am eating. The bag of Cheetos may seem like a great idea in the short term, but not the best plan for managing stress over the long term.

Hydration

Staying hydrated is important. Make sure to drink enough water every day. This is an easy way to take care of yourself, and we can overlook it sometimes because it seems like such an easy step.

Rest 
Taking time to rest and recover is just as important as exercising. Your body needs time to repair and rebuild muscle after workouts. Make sure to get enough sleep and allow for rest days in your exercise routine.

Spiritual

Increasing your spiritual resilience requires commitment, effort, and practice.. Set aside time for spiritual practices. Dedicate a specific time each day for prayer or meditation. Consistency is key to building resilience.

Connect with Others

Joining a spiritual community can provide support, guidance, and inspiration. Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who share your spiritual values and goals.

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is an essential aspect of spirituality. Make a conscious effort to focus on the things in your life that you are grateful for and express your gratitude regularly.

Help Others Along the Way

Helping others can be a powerful way to connect with your spirituality and build resilience. Find ways to be of service to those in need, whether through volunteering or simply being there for someone in your community.

Overall, building resilience in our lives takes effort and commitment and can have immense benefits on our mental, physical, and spiritual health. By setting clear goals, practicing mindfulness, challenging ourselves, and taking care of our bodies, we can gradually increase our resilience.  Additionally, connecting with others and serving can provide support and inspiration on our journey. 

With perseverance and determination, we can swim upstream and thrive in the face of life’s challenges.

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Sometimes we fight for our mental wellness because we’re fighting against a principle in the Bible. I think many times we don’t realize the principle we are fighting against is the principle of seasons. Learning to find God in the season we’re in is key to an abundant life.

Maybe because my parents were public school teachers, the calendar dictated much of our life. Or maybe it was because the rhythm of seasons played such a huge role in my creative life. In my experience, I have learned valuable lessons regarding season that have helped me as I have battled for my mental wellness. 

Seasons are for our benefit.
Can you imagine how vanilla our lives would be without seasons? I grew up on the Texas Gulf Coast. One of the most frustrating times of the year for me was the holiday season. The average temperature was eighty-nine degrees, and eighty-two percent humidity. Watching television shows as a little boy about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman made me wish for snow and cold.  It should be cold at Christmas! I would get so frustrated. Seasons are for our benefit. They are reminders of the importance of rhymes in our lives. Too many times, we can get frustrated with the season we are in. We can fall into the trap of being desperate for a season that has passed or become too eager for a season that is coming, we miss the opportunities that God has for us in the season we are in. There are benefits in every season. You may feel this right now as you are reading this, but God has something for you in the season you are in right now. I am certain that whatever He has for you, it is for your benefit. 

There is something difficult about every season.
My grandson, Gideon, begged me to plant a garden last summer. As adults, we know the only fun part of building a garden is at the end of a season when you get to bring in the harvest, the rest of its just hard work. We got busy, and we dug out the ground, enriched the soil, brought in some more soil, and built a fence around it to keep animals out. And then, I had to go back to Texas. Gideon was going out every day looking to see if there was a tomato, and it had been like four days, and there was no tomato. Do you see where I am going with this?  I think this is true in all our lives. Maybe it’s been difficult to get pregnant, and you think if God would just give me kids. I want to hold a baby in my arms. Then finally, the children are born.  And it’s not all you expected. It doesn’t smell like you expected it to smell. It’s not easy like we see in the movies. It’s sleepless nights, and you start thinking if I could just get out of the season of kids in diapers and me having to get up with them every night. And you, think, I can’t wait until they get into school.  You move from a caregiver to a shuttle driver, and you think, man, if these kids could just drive, and finally, they begin to drive, and you’re back not sleeping again at night, because you’re worried about when they’re getting home when they leave the house. When we feel negative feelings about our current situations, we can want to rush through and be on to the next. We need to remember that there are difficult times in every season. We have so much to learn in the trials. The hard places in seasons are where deep relationships are forged-it’s where our reliance on God is grown. These are the times that help us grow in resilience. We learn to preserver in tough times. And we can never forget that God is with us no matter what, even when things feel difficult.
 
 
Every season is preparation for the next season. 
When we see our season as a preparation for the season that is to come, we flourish. God is like that. Genesis says, “as long as the earth endures seed, time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease. Seasons were put into effect so that one season, the night season, it’s saying here in Genesis, is preparation for the day, the season of the next day, and we all. If we don’t prepare well by getting rest at night, the following day doesn’t go well. I see this in some of the lives of the next generation. I have a deep love for young adults, and I want to spare them hard lessons from the dumb tax I have paid. I think it’s human nature to want to begin where we see other people. We don’t see the thirty years they spent to “arrive”.  If you find yourself envious of someone else’s season, I want to encourage you to lean into everything God has for you right now. God wants to teach you and use you right now. And what you learn and experience today will be incredibly useful tomorrow.  
 
 
Instead of seeing the season you’re in as a benefit from God and a gift for that moment, we expend so much energy, longing for a season behind, or hoping for a season that is coming. I have a tool I would like to share with you this month that will help you make the most of the season you are in. Click here to grab your copy. We all want to leave a legacy that we can be proud of. And we want to do all we can to make the most of the season we are in. Finding joy in the present and making memories today can improve our mental health. Try a few of these ideas this month, and let me know how it goes for you! Send me an email and tag me in your socials-I would love to see how you are making the most of your season!


Here’s a bonus for you! 
You’re invited to join me at the FIRST-EVER Embracing Possibility: Navigating the Empty Nest Season with Confidence Summit, hosted by my friend, Martha Fry. This 3-day online summit has an amazing lineup of speakers, and I can’t wait to hear their presentations!  You’ll get tons of inspiration, ideas, and actionable takeaways from this online event, whether you’re just entering the empty nest season or seasoned and looking for new skills. The online summit takes place March 21st-23rd
Want to join?
Get your ticket right here!: https://www.marthafry.com/summit

Swimming with you,
Toby

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In a time when everyone is on social media, loneliness can be excruciating. Moms and Dads, this article made me think about you and how you are  trying to help your kids and teens navigate in such a connected world. We are spending February talking about loneliness.  We need to  look at how we are really doing and how our kids are doing.  It’s important to take a close look at our feelings of belonging and loneliness because of their impact on our mental wellness.

Scrolling through social media brings about a mixed bag. I love seeing pictures of my friends and family. But I also recognize that for some, and even for me, from time to time, I can begin to feel less encouraged by what’s in my feed. When we compare our lives and photos with what we see, we can feel less than others. That comparison is not good for your mental wellness or mine. What comparison can lead to is deep feelings of isolation. And isolation is what compounds our feelings of loneliness.. 

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.  It’s ok to have time alone to decompress, sit in silence, to rest. Being alone isn’t a bad thing. Knowing there is a difference between loneliness and being alone is the first step in staying emotionally well. There are three kinds of loneliness I want to talk about with you. 

Spiritual Loneliness

The root of spiritual loneliness lies in a distorted sense of identity. There are so many voices  distracting us from who God says we are. We are not created to be in isolation. I am a Jesus guy, and I do my best to live the way He lived. Yes, Jesus did take time to be alone. He spent time with his Father when He needed to. And He was surrounded by people. He chose that. He modeled that for us. We are created for community and connection. And we need to remember that isolation is the enemy. By living in isolation, we quiet the voices of our family and friends that remind us of Who we belong to. We need others to point us back to who God says we are and to remind us of who He has called us to be. By being in community with others, we can combat spiritual loneliness.

Emotional Loneliness

When I start to believe the lie that I am all alone or I begin to feel the darkness of loneliness creep in, I grab my phone. Waiting for others to reach out to me when I feel lonely is not the best decision. My friends and family can’t possibly know how I feel unless I share that information. It’s not easy, but being proactive is how I battle. Remember, feeling lonely is a reflection of isolation. We need to take a step and reach out to someone. Building a circle of friends takes time and energy. Join a small group, find a class to take, or join a book club. When you find something you enjoy, you will find people to connect with in those activities. 

Social Loneliness

The way to battle social loneliness is to find something you love to do alongside others. Take a step if you feel yourself pulling away from others or feel like you are not connecting with anyone. When I feel disconnected from people, I find something to do. What I have found to be the best combatant to social loneliness is to do something for someone you know and help someone else along the way. I start with my local church. There are so many opportunities inside and outside the walls of church buildings to serve others. If that isn’t where you want to start, try a local food bank or shelter. Decide to be proactive about breaking the cycle you find yourself in, do a little research, and you will find what you are looking for.

Loneliness is a byproduct of isolation. When we withdraw from our friends, our communities, and our relationships, we are left with our thoughts. The movie that repeatedly plays in our heads is never a highlight reel. It’s always a story of negativity, fear, and the like. I believe it is where the inability to have respectful disagreements, cancel culture, and the lack of basic skill development to have conversations with others is born. When we fall into the trap of believing, “I am better alone,” we suffer, and so does our society.

Loneliness is a mental health issue that impacts how young folks conduct themselves in job interviews and jobs. It affects their success in school. And it weighs heavily on the outcomes of their relationships. The outside world can feel harsh and threatening if kids retreat and fail to learn coping skills starting at a very young age.  So what about your kids? What are some things you can look for to see if they are battling feeling lonely?

• Do you see changes in their sleep patterns/sleeping more or less than usual?)
• Do you see their interest drop in activities they previously enjoyed?
• Have you noticed a general lack of apathy?
• Do you notice signs of ongoing fatigue?
• Has the dialogue with their friend decreased?
• Have you noticed a loss of appetite?

Kids get the blues. Kids can have off days. Kids can seem unhappy just like adults can. If you see your child struggling, check in with them. Spend time with them. They may pull away, but you go with them. Be aware of how much they isolate. Give them the needed space, but don’t let them disengage entirely. The real key to this is to spend time with them regularly so that when you have concerns, the rhythm of your relationship is to spend time together. Don’t wait until things start going south to spend time with your kids. Commit to spending time with your kids in their highs so that you can be there in their lows.  Listen to your kids. If they pull away, you go with them.

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Wrapping up this holiday season, I really hope you were encouraged and supported through our Not Alone campaign. We were so blessed to interact with some many through our text number and we had such a great time at both of our live events. 

Loneliness and isolation, while more intense during the holiday season, still creeps into our lives at any time throughout the year. So I’d encourage you to come back to these resources when you are feeling alone or are struggling. We have blogs and resources on our website, our podcasts available on any platform, and the live recordings on our YouTube all that directly address these issues. 

We have a few steps out of the campaign that you can take:

1. Join our text family to receive regular encouragement and resources by texting BetterDaysAhead to 940-329-5049
2. Join our Goby family newsletter to be the first to know about everything happening at Goby and join us in the mission of helping others along the way here .
3. To take the next step in your mental wellness journey, purchase our Overcoming Anxiety course – a five module course that includes videos, worksheets and other resources.  You can purchase it here and use the code Not Alone at checkout for 50% off!

As we turn to the new year, everywhere you look, you can’t hide from the onslaught of messaging telling you how to make your life better. 

Three steps to lose 60 pounds. 

Four hacks to become productive.

Buy my program to reinvent your life.  

Deep down, we all know the truth. There isn’t one magic pill that will radically change your life in a moment. A quick fix may feel good for a moment, but we can look back at our years of failed resolutions to see that few rarely stick. 

Our founder, Toby, shared a thought on his instagram last week that said “Life is more about rhythms than balance.” There is a positive element to the nature of utilizing the turn of the year to reflect back, reset, and set goals and intentions moving forward.  That is the natural rhythm of the season.  But the pressure to change so much about ourselves that often comes from seeing article after article and social media post after post in this time, can overwhelm us. Leading us to the point of no movement at all or even worse, driving us to feel shame and disappointment in where we find ourselves, pushing us backwards. 

During our live event on New Years Day, we talked about a brainstorming exercise that Toby has used for many years as a tool to reflect, reset, and set intentions for the years.  You can find that resource here. I’d encourage you if you haven’t yet, to spend some time with this document. Approach the questions with a heart of compassion towards yourself and a childlike wonder for the future. 

One of the greatest gifts of this season is the feeling of hope. We once again can hope for something different and better for our lives. In scripture, Paul identifies three core components our of lives and one of those is hope. Meaning it’s essential for us to keep hope at the front of our minds. I know firsthand how hard it is to hold on to hope. There are seasons where it feels like there’s only bleakness surrounding me. Like there is nothing positive I can find on the horizon.  You may find yourself there now. I would still encourage you to nurture the smallest glimmer of hope. Even if it feels like the smallest ember. No matter how small the ember, it always has the potential to become a roaring fire.   

That’s the message here at Goby. That freedom doesn’t come from the absence of struggle, but by recognizing a hope outside of ourselves frees us to not only survive but thrive even when our circumstances may say something different. We can do hard things when we keep our eyes on the sun. And we can help others along the way!

We believe in you. We join you in hope. We are with you in the God sized dream for 2023 in your life. 

Ross

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And it was fantastic! We laughed, we had technical difficulties, we opened presents, we played games, we cried together, and we prayed. You and I both know that social media has a lousy wrap-but we were able to use the platforms to meet people right where they are. Social media is a tool that allows for another type of connection. Sometimes being in a room full of people is too much. We have found that some people like to watch and stay anonymous- not comment- just listen to the conversations we are having. I believe that connection is the greatest weapon in my fight for mental wellness.

Connection to others brings relational energy to your battle.

There is power in a crowd. You have seen this when we worship together in church. You have felt the energy of cheering for the same team in a stadium of strangers. Being isolated from others is not good for me, and it is not good for you. Sure, being face-to-face with someone is good for my soul. But I will make the most out of the opportunities that platforms like Instagram and YouTube afford me to connect with others. God can take anything and use it for His good. This week, be mindful of where you are spending time on social channels. Engage with accounts that are life-giving and that help fill your energy reserves!

Connection to others who speak life and hope breaks shame off your life.
We weren’t created to be alone. You see, God uses people to remind me of who He says I am. I have a few very close friends. These men have been in the trenches with me. And when I find myself slipping into the dark recesses of panic, these men remind me of who God says I am. One of the weapons I use to fight the feelings of shame that bubble up are the Forty I Ams. I want you to have a copy for yourself. Click here to get your copy. Read over these and find the one that is the hardest for you to believe. Write that one down on a notecard-write it on your mirror-commit it to memory. You were created to have a life free from shame. God loves you, and He is always with you.

Connection helps you break negative thinking cycles.
The voice in your head replaying the movie repeatedly is never a highlight reel. It is almost impossible to break the cycle of negative thinking alone. When we are isolated physically and/or emotionally, we may not have what it takes to break the negative talk in our heads. I need connection with others to break those patterns. That is why I love giving you my number. If you need to, text me. That’s right; you can text not alone to 940.329.5049. You can do it if you find yourself caught up in negative thoughts.

If you missed yesterday’s event, that’s ok. We will host another one in a week. Let’s get connect on New Year’s Day during our live event scheduled for 11:00 AM CST. Click Here to register and for more details and information, check out beagoby.com.

Remember, you are not alone!

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In other words, there was a greater energy output than was used to create it. This achievement is enormous. I am not a scientist by any stretch of the imagination. But I do understand this. It is tough to have an output greater than the input of energy, especially regarding my mental wellness.

If you look at your calendar, the pace of your life during the holiday season can be more packed than usual. Parties, dinners, half-days of school, gift buying, get-togethers, and all sorts of things place high demands on our capacity. I don’t think I have ever heard someone say, “I feel so refreshed, rested, and full of energy!” this time of year. I can find myself with lower energy reserves. The “extra” can put a drain on us physically. And there is extra going on with us emotionally as well.  For many of us, this time of year can heighten our feelings of shame and isolation. 

So I Can Say Yes

One thing I do is make time on my calendar to spend time taking care of my soul. For me, I make sure I have time each day connecting with my Source.  I am a Jesus guy. So I am intentional about spending time with Him. I make time worshiping a priority. I pray and read my Bible. I  listen to worship music. Sometimes, I go outside and take a walk. If you have been around here very long, you know I enjoy smoking meat-check out my YouTube page for some of my most favorite recipes! Connecting with the Father allows me to refill and recharge in a way that I can’t do on my own. Spending time taking care of my soul is my first priority so that I can say yes during this season.

Grab your calendar or your to-do list. Write down something you are going to do today to take care of your soul.

It’s Ok to Say No

Here’s a secret…you don’t have to say yes to everything. When I am struggling with my mental wellness, I can over-exert myself as a way to try and hide how I am doing. I will just say yes to everything thinking people won’t notice. It took some time for me to realize but now, I can  recognize the pattern and make a better decision for myself. Saying no is not always negative. Being wise about the things we say no to will actually help us have better yes’s. It’s ok to say no from time to time. 

Think back to the last thing you said no to. What was your motivation to say no? How do you think your mental wellness was impacted by that decision?

Something about energy that I find ironic is that I can be super busy and feel filled up at the end of the day or I can do nothing all day and feel drained. It takes discipline and self-awareness to understand the motivation behind our choices.  We only have so much energy.  Yes, scientists are working to figure out all sorts of ways to create new energy. New lasers and diamonds and all kinds of other resources are at their disposal ready for the next breakthrough. As for you and me, we need to handle our energy as the precious resource that it is. Let’s be wise when it comes to saying yes and thoughtful when it comes to saying no. 

The post Energy Not Alone Week 5 appeared first on BeAGoby.com.

I’ve run many different races at various distances, from 5k or about three miles and all the way up to a full marathon. Training is one of the most important aspect of success in the race. But as I’ve learned in my years of amateur racing, equally, if not more important, is an area that doesn’t get as much press as the elite shoes, latest gear or even the best training plan.

Your thoughts. 

How you are thinking while you are running. The message you are telling yourself. This can make or break a race. It can be the difference between finishing strong and tapping out. 

In Alex Hutchinson’s book Endure he spends time focusing on the mind/body connection. He says there is an increasing amount of evidence towards a psychobiological model in which non-physical factor affect our performance. These factors include our own self-talk. 

If our self-talk has such a tremendous correlation to physical performance, how can it not have a similar connection or our daily well-being?

What we say to ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, what we think, is so important to our mental wellness. Most of us go through life unaware of the messages we tell ourselves and we wonder why we are struggling. We wonder why we can’t get over the hump with this sadness or just the general malaise. 

Especially when we are feeling alone, our thoughts can get hijacked. We may not even realize that our thoughts are taking us to a place that we don’t want to be. And our thoughts lead to our feelings which lead to our actions. So our thoughts can lead us to become the version of ourselves that we are desperately trying to avoid. Like we talked about in our shame blog last week, we start to believe we are the person that should be alone. Or that no one truly cares about us. Or that we will bother someone if we try and share how we are feeling. So we isolate. And isolation is a Petri dish for negative thoughts. 

Thats why scripture tells us to take every thought captive in 2 Corinthians 10. God created us. He knows how our minds and bodies and souls work. He knows that our thoughts are so powerful. So he tells us through the words of Paul to examine ourselves. Become aware of how and what you are thinking. Our thought life is incredibly important. 

So you may say, “Ross that’s all great, but what can I actually do to change my thoughts?”

Well I’m glad you asked. 

The first thing I would tell you to do is cultivate awareness. Awareness starts retroactively. We start by reflecting back on the encounters and experiences of our day. How did it feel when you talked with your boss today? What were you thinking and feeling when you got upset at your kids today?Where did the joy come from on your drive home?

Then you can move to situational awareness. You can begin to ask yourself in the moment, why am I getting frustrated at my partner? What in me is rising up when my friend is pushing on that emotional spot? Why does that song trigger an emotional response? One of my favorite quotes is from Viktor Frankl. He says, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” We have the opportunity to create that space with situational awareness.

The next step is proactive awareness. In times of reflection prior to your day or upcoming events, you can begin to reflect on how you think you would respond. What will I feel if this happens? What will I think if my dad brings this up? How will I respond in a healthy way when I encounter that coworker? You can prepare for the encounters you will face. 

These are just a few ways to cultivate awareness in your life. We will always be caught off guard, but walking through these steps will help protect your thoughts. You will be able to take control of the way your brain responds instead of being at the mercy of your own and others’ reactions. 

This is hard work! And its okay for this to be a challenge in your life. Welcome to being human! But I believe this is an area that can have massive impact in your life. Growing in self-awareness is an upstream process that I would encourage you to give yourself to!

I believe in you!

Ross

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I think the reason we want our kids to avoid the pain of shame is because we know how it feels in us. Shame hurts us. In a deep way. Because shame, unlike guilt, says, “I am something bad,” rather than guilt which says, “I’ve done something bad.” Shame perpetuates a message in us that we aren’t good enough. We don’t have what it takes. And maybe that’s due to a mistake we’ve made in our past, maybe that’s a message we heard a long time ago that we can’t get rid of, or maybe it’s a part of our circumstances that are outside of our control. When shame gets a hold of us, it’s hard to let it go. 

Shame and isolation go hand in hand. Check out last week’s blog to learn more about the role isolation plays. When you are isolated, you start to feel shame about being isolated. You start to believe that you are the type of person that should be alone. You tell yourself a story about yourself that says no one really likes you. And things that you believe long enough, you start to become. In Luke 6:34, Jesus says that we speak what is in our hearts. So if lies of shame live unguarded in our hearts and minds, then we will begin to see them in our lives. 

Author Dr. Brene Brown is a shame researcher who has an incredible TED talk about shame. She says, “if you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment.” Often, when we feel shame, the last thing we want to do is tell someone. We want to keep it a secret. And we judge ourselves for it. We can start to feel bad about feeling bad. 

But often, what we need most is the thing we are most afraid of. We need to expose ourselves. We need to be vulnerable and share about our shame. My dad often says that what lives in the dark can’t survive in the light. Brene Brown says something similar. She says, “If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.” When we can open up and share about how we are feeling, what we are facing, and the challenges we are experiencing with a trusted friend, and we can be met with empathy, the shame is eradicated in us. 

This is the whole impetus behind our #NotAlone campaign. We want to fight against isolation. We want to be an army of shame coverers. Our text number is an effort to provide an easy step towards connection that you can take when you are feeling alone, isolated, or ashamed. We also have content daily on our social channels and our website to encourage you, hopefully exactly where you find yourself. 

If you are experiencing the deep pain of feeling shame, please know you are not alone. We have all been where you are. Some of us are there right now with you. Your circumstances may not change, we don’t have a magic pill for you, but we do want to be with you on the journey. To carry some of your burdens alongside you. You can do it. You can swim upstream. 

We believe in you!

Ross

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