Danny’s 1st Sermon - Part 2

I could not understand some of her decisions, such as staying with and loving my dad despite his less-than-shining moments–and I mean, they were really bad (don’t worry I’ll sing his praises for Father’s Day)– or taking her friend “T” back after she betrayed her so many times– or choosing to stay at her job teaching children with special needs when it took so much out of her and the school administration treated her so poorly.  Well, that’s just the kind of woman she is… A true example of unconditional love, patience, loyalty, and forgiveness.

I remember how my mother was my BIGGEST  and most consistent supporter throughout my matriculation through undergrad, grad school, and law school.  She cried with me when I called off a previous engagement just before the wedding and said she wished she could take the pain away.  She encouraged me to take the biggest step of my life and move to Texas (from NC) where I knew no one and had no money, in order to pursue my dreams.   She told me daily that I could and would do it.  She taught me how big her faith was and how I had to have faith in myself.  She even put her money where her mouth was and deposited money regularly into my account to show that she supported my endeavors.  She also seemed very certain that I would meet a wonderful young man, which I did, even though I was the perpetual skeptic.

When I passed the bar, no one was more excited than she.  She had to pull over on the side of the road to avoid wrecking her car because she could not contain her emotions when I told her the good news.  She sang my praises to her friends and posted the news in the local newspaper.  She was proud.  I felt loved.  That’s my mother.

Now, that I’m a mother, all those differences between us seem so minuscule.  I understand how tough decisions have to be made, especially when they involve more than just yourself.  I understand the sacrifice of dreams and the transference of them on your offspring. I understand a mother’s love is irreplaceable, unconditional, forgiving, and something to be celebrated.

So, here’s to my mom!  She is a cancer-survivor….  She is a retired special education school teacher….  She is indebted to no one…. She has been married to the same man for nearly thirty-five years…  She has two adorable children … She is a God-fearing woman of ethics and principles… She is a role model… and she is my mom.

I love you, Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day, MOM!… and to all the rest of the mothers out there!

If your mother is deceased, I know this may be a difficult time for you.  Take a moment to reflect on the fondest memories you have of her and I’m sure you will feel her loving presence close by.

I’ve been taking a hiatus from blogging and it’s likely to be even longer… much longer.  At first it started out with some changes in the blogging community that made me restructure my blogging methods… then I started going to court more often with more clients… then it was my addiction to the “Twilight” four-book series by Stephenie Meyer, which I read within a week… and from there I felt inspired to finally do something I’ve talked about doing since I was young–write a novel.

So, that’s what I’m devoting my time to.  I’m taking my own advice about following your dreams, making yourself a priority, doing what you love to do, never giving up, being a doer and not a talker, etc.

Although in the early stages, the project is not without its challenges.  This is my first REAL endeavor in writing fiction.  I’m really scared and I feel stupid.  I’m scared that it won’t be good and people won’t like it.  I’m scared that people won’t even want to read it.  I’m scared that I’ll get distracted before I complete it and just give up altogether.  I’m scared that I won’t know how to get it published even if I do finish it.  I’m scared for the rejection letters from publishers that I know is a common part of the writing business.  AND I’m scared for my parents and other people who may be offended by its content to actually read it.  BUT I can’t let fear cripple me (another piece of advice I dole out often).  Success often comes from taking risks.

So, there you have it.  I cut all my hair off, started wearing my pre-pregnancy clothes (that I can finally fit again–Whohoo!), and started to fulfill a dream.  My husband, Danny, is very supportive and is helping me with character development right now.  My friend, Tasha, is also giving input and allowing me to bounce ideas off her.  My daughter, Dasha, is enjoying “Sesame Street” videos a little more often now and appears to really love that.  I’ll keep you posted periodically.

I also update my Movie Connoisseur blog with movie reviews as often as I can.

It’s understandable why marriages are struggling with the added stress of making ends meet.  If financial strain is wreaking havoc on your marriage, consider…

Neuman’s 5-Step Action Plan:

Step 1: Fight for Your Marriage

Step 2: Set Aside Time to Talk About Money

Step 3: Go Outside of Yourself

Step 4: Bring the Kids On Board

Step 5: Keep Living as a Couple

Remember, difficult financial times don’t have to break your marriage.  It could bring you closer together.  Stick together and help each other.  Also remember, you are not defined by the job or material things you had.  You are still the same beautiful, powerful, and loving person you were before all that.  This is a good time to set a positive example for your children on how to effectively manage stressful situations.

Mommy Confessions:

**urinating in a diaper, herself, because it was more convenient than stopping to go to a restroom with a van full of sleeping kids.

**using a maxi-pad as a diaper for a six-month-old baby after realizing she had run out of diapers.

**pretending to cry in front of the children in order to get them to behave (or using other “shock and awe” strategies.

**having to reinvent sex in a marriage after children.  I’d Trade My Husband For a Housekeeper:  Loving Your Marriage After the Baby Carriage authors, Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile discussed this in their book (available below) and shared a few tips on Oprah’s show.

**hating her husband, not loving the baby right away, and feeling like she had made a terrible mistake by making the decision to become a mother in the first place.

**losing control, losing relationships, and losing choices in life.

**feeling that motherhood is a 12-step program that has to be taken one day at a time.

**not bathing or grooming herself for several days at a time.

Moms confessed to not being honest about these things to people in the past for fear of being judged or looked at as being a bad mom.  Today, they felt free enough to share the truth about motherhood.

Apparently, feelings of loneliness, despair, anxiety, desperation, sleeplessness… being overburdened, feeling unappreciated, wanting to run away… and overall unhappiness in motherhood are not uncommon.  In fact, the new ABC show, “In The Motherhood”, explores these realities of motherhood by using real-life stories.  Moms are encouraged to submit their own real life stories on the site.  The show lets all moms know they are not alone.

And, that is the purpose of this post. 

I salute all mothers, especially mine .  I also want you all to know that no matter what your situation, there is someone who can relate to it. If you’re going through something particularly difficult, there is no shame in reaching out for help.

One mother, Heather Armstrong, found the help she needed by starting her own blog.  While suffering severe post-partum depression, she began to write about her daily struggles.  She received much support and comfort from readers.  She attributes her blog to saving her life.

While your story may not generate over $40,000/ month in revenue from a blog or book (It Sucked and Then I Cried, available below) as Heather’s does, opening up to someone about what you’re going through, as she did, may help you. So, confess it.

My Confession:

After being a -work-from-home mom for seventeen months, I’ve had the opportunity to discover the pros and cons of motherhood.  Yes, I’ve had some moments when I just wanted to run away.  I’m aware that’s probably not the best thing to say when you’re trying to conceive a second child, but I promise I don’t feel this way all the time. 

I have a good life.  I love and enjoy spending time with my husband and daughter.  In spite of that, I have had feelings of just going away from them both and spending some time by myself… so sue me.

I felt guilty and stupid for feeling this way and did not want to share it on this blog since I know my family and close friends read it (once a year).  I discussed it with my fellow-blogger, Stephanie, instead.  She was generous enough to take two full blog posts to address my issues… and I feel better.  There.  I wrote it.  That’s my mommy confession.

Have any mommy confessions you want to get off your chest in this judgment-free zone?

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined.“  by Henry David Thoreau.

Are you living the life you imagined?  If so, GREAT!  If not, what will it take to get there?  Be confident enough to make it happen.

“How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of these.” by George Washington Carver.

Are you treating others the way you would want to be treated if you were in their situation?  Remember, you reap what you sow… what goes around comes around… you get my point. 

“We owe our children a better future.  We owe our country a better future.  And for all those who dream of that future tonight, I say–let us begin the work together.  Let us unite in common effort to chart a new course for America.” by President Barack Obama.

Are you creating opportunities for your children (and other children) to have a better future?  Do you dream of a better future for them?  Think of things you can do to help make it possible.  Volunteer?  Recycle?  Donate?  And, just do it.

These quotes were all taken from the 2009 Barack Obama Wall Calendar:  Words of Hope and Inspiration.  I bought six of these calendars in January for friends and family (12.99 each). We all LOVE it!  You can get it here at a reduced price ($8.66):

“This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.”

Who doesn’t like to be called brilliant?    Thanks, Stephanie.

So, I’m supposed to tell 10 honest things about myself and pass it on to other brilliant bloggers.  I will try not to repeat previously mentioned things about myself:

1.  My love for reality shows, sparked me to write my own reality game show.  I registered it with the Library of Congress last year and have been working with my former Entertainment Law Professor to promote it.

2.  I have 5-10 more pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

3.  I always wanted to travel, but as of yet, I’ve never been out of the country. 

4.  In fact, my first flight was at 26-years-old.  I road down to Florida with a friend who needed a traveling companion and I flew back to my home in North Carolina.  Don’t laugh– My dad’s first flight was last year (at 55-years-old) when he traveled here, to Texas, for my daughter’s dedication service.

5.  I’ve been watching a lot of foreign subtitled films to beef up my French and Spanish vocabularies.  You can find some of those upcoming movie reviews on my new blog Movie Connoisseur.

6.   I had an ultrasound performed to determine whether my fibroid tumors were blocking my cervix only to find out that I had none.  I have to go back for a repeat ultrasound to determine whether the ovarian cyst has ruptured instead.  Geez…

7.  Danny has me drinking Monavie, an acai berry juice, daily.  It’s supposed to be a powerfully potent anti-oxidant.  All I know, it’s the newest fad on the market and it’s too freaking expensive… It better work.

8.  We haven’t taken professional family photos since January of last year.  That’s sad.  I’m dragging my family to the studio this weekend!

9.  I like Adam Lambert from American Idol so much, I had a dream about him last night.    He was… uh… singing.

10.  I’m not the greatest cook, but I can really throw down on some meat–chicken, pork chops, steak, turkey… you name it.  I’ve discovered the secret– cook it to death. That’s my secret.  I cook meat until there’s no bone left!

Was that honest enough for you?  Too much information, maybe?  Anywho…

That was the easy part.  The hard part is narrowing the pass-along list down to just a FEW brilliant blogs.

There’s no obligation, but if you’d like to accept this award, I’d like to give it to you:

A Poet’s View

Bad Gal’s Radio

Happily Ever After Soulmates

Dad to Two

My Junk Drawer

Received this via email.  Original source unknown:

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in to tell him that he was sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

“Hello.”

“Is your daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes.”

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter,” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…….”ME.”

Of course the 1st day of April wouldn’t be complete without thanking my readers, commenters, and droppers for the month of March.  “Thanks so much!” to everyone who visits my blogs… and extra smooches to those on my top Entrecard dropper list for March.  I hope you will still visit once I remove my Entrecard widget after April 7th. 

What am I thinking about today?  Hmmmm…. let’s see…

1.   Today.com is making some changes because Entrecard.com made some changes and all this means, I have to make some changes…. So, after April 7th, I will be removing the Entrecard widget from this site.  I’ve really enjoyed the traffic from Entrecard.com, but I’d like to maintain my blog here on Today.com– therein lays the conflict.  I am hoping my regular visiting-bloggers will exchange links with me (if we haven’t already) so that we can still continue to visit and support each other’s blogs.

2.  Instead of cramming my love for movies into a few posts per month on this blog, I’ve started another blog that is exclusively dedicated to my movie reviews:  Movie Connoisseur.

3.  I’d like to thank Jodapoet for sending Sony’s jazz CD to me in the mail.  She included a beautiful magnet in the package just because she’s sweet like that.  Visit her blog for daily-living tips and inspiration.  Click on Sony Holland’s link if you love smooth jazz and would like to learn more about this artist.

4.  My boy, Adam Lambert, is JAMMING on American Idol!  He gives a rock-solid performance every week.  Click here to see him perform “The Track Of My Tears” by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles.  I wish I could sign him up on my nonexistent record label today… heck, he makes me want to start a record label.  Of course, I think most of the contestants left are extremely talented.  It’s time for Megan Joy to go though… sorry.

5.  Lastly– I really, really, REALLY need a vacation.  If I don’t plan one soon, I might just leave one day and never come back.  I’ll keep you posted…

For more Random Tuesday Thoughts, visit the UnMom:

Rocket Scientist asked:  “What steps would you recommend to make sure your daughter has the best opportunities in life, not just in career, but in finding healthy relationships with friends and potential lovers? What traits and characteristics do you think are important for you to foster and, in your opinion, is it different than what you would do for a son?”

Now for Danny’s 2¢…

 “Should Dads Treat Their Sons and Daughters the Same?

 The basic job for parents is to prepare their child(ren) for the world.  The task seems easy, but in practice can be a little difficult, especially if the parent hasn’t figured out some of the basics for themselves.  Overall, the task is the same for all of your children, no matter their gender, personality, etc.  Although, since life will present unique obstacles for the differences our children have, we must also prepare them for those as well.

 In the beginning, the gender differences we teach our children are the practical ones.  We have to show the boys how to aim properly at the toilet so they can have the proper etiquette we talked about the other day.  We have to teach the little girls that you can’t do certain things in skirts/dresses, and so on.  When the child hits the puberty range, we begin to shift to more of the role of mentors, and we’re required to give a lot more details on what it is to be a man or woman. 

 The common trend I’ve noticed is that parents seem to treat their children of the opposite sex a little softer than they treat the children of the same sex.  Fathers seem to give a little tougher love to the boys than they do the girls, and mothers seem to baby their boys a little more than they do the girls.  It may be the replica of the spouse that makes the parent a little softer on the child of the opposite sex, but there is often a slight difference.  This being the case, we should begin to understand why it is crucial to have both parents involved with the child, so that together they are neither too tough nor too soft on the child.

 If you’ve read the last few blogs, then you know I like to create lists.  So the following is my list of the things I believe parents should do to ensure they raise noble children.

 1. Be an Example

I believe the biggest task I have as a father is trying to be the best example I can to my children.  My example serves as the best advice I can give my children, because actions speak MUCH louder than words.  My example gives my son (who is imaginary for this example) a framework on what being a man looks like and my daughter (who is currently walking in and out of the room) a model for a potential husband. 

 The “do what I say, not as I do” method, can be quite confusing to children.  I remember when I was younger, my father used to go in and out of his smoking phases, but always told me how bad cigarettes where.  I remember being a little perplexed how he could continually say they were so bad, but yet he smoked them.  It took a later lesson from my mother when I was around 14 to get the point (she let me choke on one my dad left out).

A big concern of mine today is that so many men are not present in the house these days, especially in the black community.  The last I heard 70% of black families were being raised by a single moms.  Where will young men get guidance from, and who will the young women look to for potential spouses if almost three quarters of the men have no example to look to?  This topic could use its own blog, if not its own book, but with statistics like those, it’s definitely a problem that needs addressing.

2. Instill Positive Values

I remember when my sister graduated college, as the moderator acknowledged all the parents, he made the comment that what was taught by them (the parents) would go much further than what was taught by the university.  This is something every parent should take to heart.  My wife and I practice in the legal field, and we’ve all heard the lawyer jokes, but we can both assure you that we didn’t learn how to be the scum of the earth in law school.  Those who give lawyers (and every other profession) a bad name are likely the ones who got a skewed set of values from their parents. 

Most people’s values revolve around their religious beliefs.  Some people pull their values from the Bible, the Quran, the Torah, all or none of the above.  Whatever the source of your beliefs, be sure to have a strong enough foundation in it yourself, to answer the inevitable questions from your children on why you’ve chosen those values.  “That’s just the way we do things” is not a very strong answer if you want your children to practice what you’ve preached.  So if you’ve never actually opened a bible outside of the three or four Sundays you’ve made it to church that month (or year), don’t be surprised when your children don’t follow what’s in it.

The best way to instill good values and make sure your children actually follow them is to do as point one mentioned and practice them yourself.  This way you can be an example of your values in action.

3. Nurture the Strengths Positively

I’ve noticed my daughter since she was in the womb has had an admiration of music.  When my wife was pregnant, my daughter used to kick constantly during the song selections in church and now after every service she runs to the piano player to get a chance to peck at the keys.  Now some may see this as a grand opportunity, and involve her in every music competition under the sun as soon as she’s eligible and make a star out of her as soon as possible. 

I believe its best to encourage her talent without taking it overboard, because in the end, I still want her to enjoy what she does.  So while I will help her get all the help she needs to develop her skills in this area, I will not push her so hard that she loathes the very thing she enjoyed since before she was born.

4. Explain any Unique Challenges Life Is Likely to Present

We should love all our children the same, but we will most likely have to work harder with some in certain areas.  A first born will get a different lesson than the youngest child when it comes to how to treat siblings.  The blind child, will most likely get much more attention than all the able-body children in the family because their needs are special.  Whatever the uniqueness is of the child, you need to explain to them the strengths and weaknesses they need to consider when taking this unique feature to the rest of world.

For example, I’m the proud father of a wonderful little girl who is of African descent.  Of course, I’m going to teach her how to be a respectable young lady and will show her how to be the best at anything she does.  In addition to that, I will forewarn her of the hurdles she may face due to some sexist and racist practices in our society.  I will not present these hurdles as a reason to give up on any dreams, but just make sure she’s aware that they exist and if ever faced with one, show her how to overcome it.

5. Be Fair Amongst All Your Children

Although, you may need to tailor your children’s lessons in life to their circumstances, there can’t be too big a distinction between the children, because it may come off as not being loved the same.  Children pick up on this extremely fast and will internalize it, so that it later manifests in some sort of abnormal behavior.  This is a major pitfall every parent must avoid, because doing so can scar your children for life.

6. Be Open in Your Communication

I don’t know how many of the rest of you got (or currently give) the “because I said so” rule, but the vagueness of the rule prevents much of a lesson from taking place when it’s given.  I understand that parents don’t always have the chance to explain everything they do, but I think that it is to the parent’s benefit to explain as much as they can, when they can.  This will keep the child from wondering why you asked them to do a certain thing and may keep you from having to tell them the same thing when the situation arises again.

7. Be Sure to Do Everything In Love

Of all the rules, this is the one that underlies all of the rest.  I know children can frustrate you, make you angry, make you sad, make you all sort of other emotions, but they are still your children.  So it is of the upmost importance to show them, no matter what you say or do to them, you are doing it in love.  A child, who knows they are loved, will better handle the challenges that life throws at them, because they know they have someone in their corner no matter what.  I like to thank my parents, for always making that clear.  I will surely pass it on to their grandchildren.

With that being said, it’s been wonderful giving my 2 cents these last 2 weeks and I’ll let Davida take back the reins with regards to the content of the blog, until she summons me to chime in again.”

This was a tough question, Stephanie.  I’m glad it was for Danny and not me.  I’d probably still be thinking and writing about it.

Thanks, Danny, for giving us your 2¢ for the past 2 weeks!!!  Thanks to everyone who participated!!!