I waited for the magic to wash over me that would leave me completely hooked up to this new social networking site like an IV drip full of sulphuric acid. (Glucose is for pussies.) But nothing happened! This site was boring!! TWITTER?! EWWWWW!!

So like youtube it got shoved beneath my couch cushions for a year. I took naps. I stole a pen from a church and i painted a kitten on a cup. I was insanely busy. Don’t you dare judge me.

Anyways I think it was a Wednesday, i decided to plug my computer inside the internet. The internet opened her hot steamy legs and accepted my computer and before i knew it was hurtling through free XXX pics and Nigerian heiresses offering hundreds of thousands of nigerian dollars if we could just be roommates once they left their war-torn country. Eventually i landed on Twitter. The layout was the same but something was different.. Had I changed? 7 hours later i figured it out! People seemed more interesting! People were putting more effort into being hilarious!

Except..John Mayer. John you have not changed over the course of this year. Your tweets lack the soulful tinge of your mid-tempo alt-rock top 40 hits.

I’m going to keep following you because i believe there may be potential here. Don’t think about it too much. When twitter gets to be too exhausting just go outside, stretch out on a lounge chair in your lime-green one-piece string bikini and gain some fucking perspective.

I think im done here.
Jamez.

I AM AFRAID OF YOUTUBE.
I wish I could say “loved what you did with the place” but to perfectly honest with you, I’m not exactly sure what you did to the place!

It’s kinda like when you hire a decorator. They put all this shit in your house. You look around and You’re sure its a chair on first glance. So you go sit in your new chair only to find out, its a fountain. in the shape of a unicorn.
Right now I am knee-deep in unicorn shit. because I took a hiatus from YouTube.
Take it from me, YouTube is not gonna wait on you.

This kinda reminds me of highschool, and now I feel like I’ve been left behind and I have to make up all my past assignments just to get back to where I used to be. Which is basically back to square one.

But if youtube were infact highschool – then the people with a million subscribers would obviously be like the cheerleaders, the class presidents and that girl that would always show her vagina for some tacos from the cafeteria. I only have 24,000 subscribers which means that i would currently be smoking with my stoner friends underneath a bridge right now.

But you know whatever my current YouTube status, I was coming back. No matter what. Because there’s just certain things I can never ever completely be without: like my classic iPod nano, my Shamwow, my self-sustaining delusions of grandeur, my nana Maureen, and the fact that the guys im into don’t need to technically be alive for me to have sex with them.

And of course I cant forget. You YOUTUBE. You are my Shit-Filled Unicorn. I would never truly leave, because much like my nasty recurring case of genital warts. YouTube is raging inside me and has all but taken away my kidney function.

I have to thank you.

Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for ensuring I have a place to always express myself. Thank you for not sticking me up your nostril and wiping me onto a dominoes pizza.

It’s things like this that make you a class act.

Love, tokenblackchic

The truth is last year we were just getting way too serious you know? And by “way too serious”, I mean you were getting way too fat.

Love, Jamie