tokyobold

What's Happening Right Now

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 10:54:00 +0000

I'm in a hotel in Osaka and here's what's on TV:

Japan's shortest man is sitting on the lap of Japan's tallest man, watching a guy do magic tricks.

More on that later, I guess.

Moments Like Those

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 12:50:00 +0000

Sometimes you see a stranger do something and you get this big feeling in your guts like the random thing that you've just seen is a complete summary of what is going on with that person.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, think again, because actually you'll find that you DO know what I'm talking about.

Anyway I was thinking about that after my first visit to a Japanese video/DVD rental shop yesterday. Aya took me there to get some movies since that's the sort of thing couples do when otherwise short of inspiration. This was a local shop, not a major chain - I forget the name but their store mascot was Christopher Columbus for some reason.

(What We Rented:
National Treasure - what the "Da Vinci Code" movie might've been if it had attempted to be interesting or fun. How's Nick Cage's elocution though... it's like he's balancing an invisible coin on his chin and is therefore afraid to open his mouth too much when talking.
Tremors - one of the cool things about dating a girl from another culture is that you can say "OMG YOU'VE NEVER SEEN TREMORS" and then make her watch Tremors.)

Like most entertainment venues in Tokyo, it had a couple of pachinko machines and a couple of slot machines in it, ancillary to its main purpose but nonetheless as necessary as toilets. Apart from myself, Aya, and the staff, there was one guy there, alone on a Saturday night, hitting up the pokies in a video store. I noticed him when he paused from playing to angrily stomp a cockroach that had been scuttling around at his feet. And that was one of those moments - the surroundings, his purpose, his crappy track suit pants, the exaggerated fury he vented on the roach, all said to me: "Here is the Sum of this Man"

i mean if you wanted to play pachislo why not go here, was he not man enough for the Big League

Of course, I realize that it's completely unfair to think that way. And I'm forced to wonder if and when this has happened to me - what unguarded moments have summed me up for people who will never see me again - in the street, yanking at a stuck zipper, flying half mast and failing to balance a coffee in my free hand as it spatters against the T-shirt that I've put on backwards and inside-out - "Well, there's THAT guy's life..."

Doggs, think about it and tell me what kind of moments like this you have had if you can be real about it.

Other observations:
- The porn in Japanese video stores is not segregated from the regular movies?!? When pointed this out to Aya, she explained that the "real porn" was upstairs... given that the stuff that was shelved alongside the collected works of Sean Connery was unambiguously hardcore, I can only surmise that the Real Deal is some kind of parade formation synchronized jackhammer anal with a cast of thousands, retrieved perhaps from a secret Nazi research base in Antarctica. (Fear and only fear prevented me from going upstairs to check).

- There's a whole lot of American direct-to-video releases available in Japan that I've never dared to imagine might exist?

"Snake Train" - a terrible train crash occurs when the 9:15 collides with a giant snake.
The snake was "pretty angry" but otherwise unaffected.

I am tantalized by the prospect of watching them and making fun of them, but scared of the ten-year regression in my psyche that would represent.

1 Year Anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 13:26:00 +0000

Today is the first anniversary of my arrival in Japan. Obviously, since I'm updating at home updating the blogg, I'm not celebrating tonight.

However, tomorrow I'll be hitting up the Ichikawa fireworks display, just as I did in the first weekend of August 2006, and this time instead of sitting on the riverbank alone, I'll be going with some good friends and a nice girl who kisses me sometimes. So in terms of progress, that's pretty tangible I suppose.

Here's a quick review of the year in incomplete sentences.

Things eaten:
Guts
Compressed Rice
Pig Uterus
Fish Spoof
Spinal Cord
Mince Slime w/Noodles
Marmite On Toast
1x Large Whelk (excluding Shell)

Skills got:
Speak Slowly
Catch Trains
Level 1 Linguist
Swim (Basic)
+1 to Wisdom
-1 to Fatness
Operate Inter Net
Identify
Bowling (Accuracy)
Bowling (Power)
Bowling (Finesse)
Bowling (SPECIAL ABILITY: Rhino Storm)
Speak To Americans
Imaginary Friend

Equipped:
Same 3 Shirts I Had When I Got Here, Plus Those $10 Hallensteins Shorts
Stubble
Fan
Tiny Dictionary of Inadequacy
Triceratops Trucker Cap

Disappointments:
Didn't write enough.
Didn't draw enough.
Didn't make enough music.
Didn't learn bugger all Japanese, really.
Still basically a bit of a lazy prick no matter what country I happen to be in.

All up, it has been a decent year, and far preferable to the hypothetical alternative in which I remained in NZ, earned reams of cash, and spent all my time gnawing on myself wondering about what I might be doing instead. So, yay for me, et cetera. If you have a choice between going to a strange country and not going to a strange country, my advice is to go to a strange country.

Un Livre Dont VOUS Etes Le Heros

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 12:53:00 +0000

Things of note today:

1) Manda Overboard has made an important stand against circumcision... and at no point does she compare the uncircumcised penis to a sea slug. It's nice to know of ONE lady that doesn't bring that up.

Apparently circumcision does make you better at not getting AIDS though.

After following the men for a year, the researchers found that for every 10 uncircumcised men in the study who became infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, only an estimated three circumcised men contracted the virus, the newspaper reported.

The study is considered significant because scientists have yet to discover an effective vaccine against the HIV virus or develop a reliable way to prevent infection other than through abstinence or safe-sex practices.

At last, an effective alternative to the jimmy hat: FETCH ME THE SHEARS MOMMA, I AIN'T WEARIN' NO GUNNY SACK!!!

Seriously though fellers, how many terrible rap b-sides do you need to hear before you just put a lid on that thing?

CONCLUSION: A man's junk is like roast chicken, though it may be less healthy, it's better with the skin left on.

2) Weird medical clip art... I found this stuff weeks ago while looking for reference material for drawing, and I've been meaning to bring it up ever since.

Mainly, I just wanted to know how to draw "child voluntarily drinking an activated charcoal slurry":

Child voluntarily drinking an activated charcoal slurry

The work in the LifeART collection may be stilted and weird-looking, but it's the captions that really transport it upon a lofty ledge of artistic merit, from which vantage it pisses down upon the likes of Dali, setting him cussing and spluttering, and wilting his stupid gimmick moustache, eerily and precisely after the exact fashion of one the ridiculous melting clocks in his banal, meritless paintings.

I present now a gallery of favourites:

Infant lying on back without diaper; adult left hand lifts both legs
while right hand cleanses baby's bottom with clean cloth

Injury occurs when excessive axial traction is placed across the elbow joint; illustration shows child holding hand of woman and beginning to fall with elbow of free hand extended

And who could forget this classic health science scenario?

One teenager smoking marijuana while another is injecting a drug into his arm

"Ah, that old chestnut!", I hear you exclaim. Finally, a personal favourite:

Stuttering child trying to talk to peers

3) I recently systematized my Flickr into a set of categories that can encompass anything sufficiently corporeal to be visible on camera. Linnaeus can eat a dick! I have uploaded a few photos recently, so if you like buildings and mildly amusing Japanese signs check it out. I'm gonna try and catch up on my photo uploads, I've still got a backlog.

Tune in next time for the first in an ongoing series: "Fighting Fantasy: Memoires of YOU" (alternative title: "Of Skellingtons and T-Junctions: The Long Hard Road to Page 400")

I'm sure they're tired of the obvious questions by now.

Sometimes Japan is Pretty Decent

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 02:13:00 +0000

Yeeesssssss!

Healthy and Pre-occupied

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 12:15:00 +0000

Well, it's either rained or been disgustingly dishrag humid pretty constantly since the last post in which I declared that the rainy season was cancelled. Chalk another one up to Man's Folly.

One of the Things that apparently Happens when you work for a Japanese corporation is that you go and get a health check, and since I now have a full-time, non-teaching job, that's what I did today.

(The above has been added to "Sentences To Not Start Your Novel With.DOC")

It was more comprehensive than I expected. They X-rayed my lungs. They tested my eyesight and hearing (in a cursory fashion - the test had a total of four tones, not counting any that I was possibly deaf to). They even stuck thingies on my bare chest like was done to E.T. and Elliot. All up it was very much like the first 42 seconds of the video for "In Da Club".

I've never had a real medical check-up before, so I was quite expecting to look at the lung X-ray and see Lucifer's face like in the 9/11 smoke. Happily, there was only two dark smudges that I'm told represent lungs that are normal - perhaps even boring. An off-white smear indicated that my heart is of a size "within normal limits, though possibly mean-spirited". Basically everything was normal and healthy-ish - barring results from the blood and piss tests that I await like a sailor's wife. The only nasty surprise is that I'm two centimetres shorter than I've been telling everyone for the past year: HEIGHT FRAUD. So, everyone: I could be alive for a while - adjust your plans accordingly.

Tune in next time for an in-depth and scornful analysis of David Bowie's 1985 hit "Magic Dance".

What kind of magic spell to use???

Summer in Tokyo Will Always Remind Me of Hotness and Buildings

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:41:00 +0000

Thanks to the machinations of that wily old trollop La Nina, rainy season appears to have been cancelled, here in the Kanto region at least. But the city is still hot and humid, and suffused with an old, wrinkled scent - the smell of things that have been used, over and over again, by thousands of people - a smell that always reminds me of the first time I came here and went "coo it's not like Parnell is it".

Strangers in strange lands are inevitably moved to express themselves in the medium of overwrought, ill-advised metaphorical language. I am no exception. In fact I'm probably a good example - even a classic! - and I could well be used for cautionary, educational purposes - to warn young kids off thesauruses perhaps - or thesaurii - did we ever settle that one? Oops - I ended the sentence already - there was more to be said there I feel.

So I duly set out to inflict a description upon Tokyo's summer perfume, these hints of shit and ginger that furnish me with strange and not unpleasant nostalgia. I thought I'd start with the basic idea that Tokyo is a big set of lungs that I'm walking around inside. However, extending the metaphor, that would make ME maybe 1) some dust (BORING!!!) or 2) a disgusting lung parasite, which is possibly quite apt but could lead to rather more self-examination than I'm prepared for right now - thus, I abandoned the metaphor.

So anyway the main idea was that I reckon it's pretty hot and wet inside lungs most of the time and the same is true of Tokyo.

My back-up LURID METAPHOR emerged fully-formed and naked in the world during a chat session with Amanda, and here it is:

me: it is a complicated smell that requires recourse to ever more lurid metaphors to describe
basically every surface in the city is slightly warm and slightly damp and is exuding its essence into a great urban potpourri, where the dried flowers are concrete thinly laminated in the wax of human generations, and the curly bits of coloured bark are cats with face-ulcers
Amanda: Dude
me: potpourri usually comes in a basket so i guess the basket would be Sin

Amanda is in Kyushu of course, where the rainy season is fully functional - enthusiastic, even! The misery of two weeks constant rain shall only be compounded when an enormous convoy of trucks arrives from Tokyo, and bears all their fresh water away to offset our impending drought.

Anyway! There is another thing that happens when it gets hot, apart from me sweating and also overstretching my slight abilities as a writer and snapping all the tendons in my writing bone or whatever the hell I'm trying to say. Namely: people open all their windows. Consequently I have become a member of my neighbour's lives as they reside but four inches away. Right now I can hear someone splashing around in a bath and someone else chopping up something on a chopping board - hold on - yeah, sounds like carrot. And THEY in turn are listening to me listening to Nas and typing things.
Toyko is crowded and it's the biggest city in the world and sometimes I really realize this. However this social disaster is neatly defused by the fact that my neighbours are all humble, quiet living people of a kind mainly found here in Japan, and I am doubtless far more of a nuisance to them than they to I. As one night during my recent trip home attested, it doesn't matter how big your section is if your neighbours are P-smoking maniacs.

(Sudden, shuddering thought: a union of New Zealand's legion of P-smoking maniacs, with Japan's ready supply of "SAMURAI SWORDS"?????? Let's pray that the endless churn of continental drift never squidges these nations together)

Speaking of such, and finally, and most importantly, and lest we forget -- last but not least, allow me to add -- last but not least: what's up to everyone back in NZ. I had a mad decent trip and it was crazy way too short but as they say in "That's Life" magazine: "Life is suffering".

Seriously, it was great to see so many friends and family that I'd missed and realize that by the simple expedient of vanishing for ten months you can make everyone forget anything bad about you. Hooray!

Situation Update, and, Ninjas: Where Are They Now?

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 11:46:00 +0000

Here's what's happening now:

1) I'm going back to NZ for a little under two weeks, flight is tomorrow! I'm looking forward to coffee, meat pies, and people I ain't seen in too long (if you're reading, you may be one of them: hi!).

2) I've got a new job writing academic materials... as Shakespeare was to ignoring grammar and making up words, I shall be to illustrating the difference between present perfect tense and present perfect PROGRESSIVE tense.

DIGRESSION:
Grammar quiz!
What's the difference in meaning between the following statements:
"I have lived in Tokyo for ten months."
"I have been living in Tokyo for ten months."

Answers to Comments section please! If you have a good explanation, I will show it to my boss and you can come take my job off me.

DIGRESSION: Abort Phase

3) After my holiday I gotta go through a visa application process that rivals childbirth in its extravagent levels of pain, struggle, and sheer rigmarole.

4) I received a few gifts from some of my students in my last week or so of work, such as a Winnie the Pooh soap and flannel gift set, and some chewing gum. Best of all, however, was a book about ninjas. Consequently I have been thinking about ninjas in a serious way again, despite their return to a state of cultural overexposure in recent years (i.e. once again they are PRETTY PLAYED OUT doggs).

So next time I have a chance to visit the Kansai area I intend to visit Iga and Koga, home to the two main ninja krews of antiquity.

In modern times, the Iga school appear to have diversified from spying and assassinations, and now provide workshops and team-building exercises for those in the corporate world. Check the practical advice on the website... how to reduce stress the ninja way.

I have a backlog of photos I ought to flickerize... most of them dating back to the time of Mum and Dad's visit. Some more have been uploaded tonight.

Well I Went On A Rolly Coaster

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Thu, 24 May 2007 05:52:00 +0000

One of the advantages of a timid, unadventurous childhood is that it bequeaths a trove of new experiences for your adult years, when you might otherwise become jaded.

Until last Friday, I had never been on a rolly coaster (or "jet coaster" as they are known here, it being somewhat sadistic to expect Japanese folks to pronounce "roller"). Thus, rather than losing my rolly coaster cherry to a venerable bucket at Rainbow's End in Manukau, I was ravished instead by "Eejanakai", which is based on pretty recent technology (its only the second of its kind) and currently holds the Guiness Record for greatest number of inversions (14).

(The record, incidentally, is not recognized by everyone since there are only three times that the actual track turns upside-down. The remaining eleven are "seat inversions" since the seats, terrifyingly, can swivel and tip you about independently. Yes, the roller coaster community has politics and controversies all their own, and apparently a "Supreme Council", and probably also a handshake - who knew?)

Some external footage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN6OnGyUnmo
And, point-of-view footage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkrFWtvQkYc

So, uh, it was pretty scary. Partway through the ride they have a speed camera that takes snaps of you amidst the experience, and you can buy them on your way out. Mine looked like a promotional image for "Faces of Death 4" - the words "abject" and "terror" are often combined in a loose and cliched way but here their union is entirely appropriate. Of the twenty people on the ride, I was visibly the most terrified, and in the manner most abject. Moreover the wind pressure had caused my shorts to ride up, exposing great pallid flanks of pearly, goose-pimpled thigh. I am not normally a fan of any photos of myself not taken in accordance with the strictest principles of MySpace composition (camera at arm's length, three-quarter profile, artificially quizzical expression, about ninety takes). So I didn't buy that one. It lacked... dignity.

Nevertheless the whole thing was pretty exhilirating. I would ride that machine again if I ever went back to Fuji Q Highland, and the queue was less than thirty minutes long (i.e. probably never). And I was able to comport myself in a somewhat more manly fashion when I rode Fujiyama later in the day. It's an older machine of more traditional design, but nevertheless a pretty respectable old scoot. At one time it had the record for highest peak, but has since been superceded. I guess it maybe remains in the top ten.

Here's some entertaining footage of a dude singing karaoke while riding Fujiyama: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUi44hl-P5I

Inter Net Strikes Out Again

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Mon, 14 May 2007 08:29:00 +0000

Shucks, so I was in a pretty foul mood earlier today and I put "www.ihateeverything.com" into my browser. I don't think I expected anything in particular - perhaps a Wikipedia of peeves, disproportionate hostility to the various contents of the world? Some vitriolic screed on the inadequacy of paperclips as a tool for attaching papers (papers! how I loathe them!), and also white people: god damn them?

Basically you would expect this picture and a Trent Reznor MIDI

But here's what you actually get:

The same kind of fake search engine non-content you get when you accidentally type "yhoo" instead of Yahoo. My mood, however, was slightly improved when I troubled to read the software's rather nonsensical attempts to exploit my obvious nihilistic urges and get me downloading some spyware or whatever.

Here's what's "hot":

Some of is just the kind of stuff that the internet exists for - nude pictures of middle-aged women, theft of copyrighted media, dating... "hate" and "hate crimes" obviously fall under the remit of "hating everything" and are pretty justifiable. But... "hobo"?

Hobo

Some things are "hot" and others are "popular":

"I hate music, Indian woman!" is a coherent sentence that I intend to deploy some day, at an appropriate moment.

"Life Blows" could refer to the idea that Life is metaphorically eating a dick, or alternatively the Blows dealt by Life to unfortunate folks, the kind of blows that might ultimately lead a person to hate a number of things. Both of these are sentiments that someone who really hates everything can get behind so I clicked on it.

More of the same:

The encyclopedia article about "life blows" does not exist, however that particular phrase does occur in their articles titled "no doubt", "Precordial thump" and "Welcome to the Infant Freebase" (seriously).

Who are these people? What is their business model? Who is paying to advertise with them? What does it cost, like, thirty cents?

One answer to the last question is "people who sell components of furniture but not actually entire pieces of furniture", which is what you get if you click on "Knobs" (disappointing for some, I suppose).

How could this possibly be effective in any way. "I hate everything but mainly the fact that I can't open my drawers anymore because the things on the front that you grip have fallen off... dang what do you call those things, godammit I'm so frustrated I just gotta hit up ihateeverything.com and see what's there".... is this a sentence that would conceivably pass through someone's mind.

No, it is not. (It was a rhetorical question)

I WOULD NOT PAY FOR THIS SERVICE WITH ZIMBABWE MONEY

Strung Out On Caffeinated Breath Mints

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Sat, 12 May 2007 15:22:00 +0000

Some months ago a minor scandal emerged when a small cabal of Nova teachers were busted for dealing cocaine. Lacking the underworld connections and fabulous salary of a Nova position, I have fallen prey to a more modest addiction - "Dry Hard" caffeinated breath mints.

It's a common weakness in my profession. Dry Hard neutralizes the milky gaijin breath with which we might otherwise drench our students - moreover the caffeine dose keeps the eyelids up as they struggle through a third conditional. Like soldiers dosed on ephedrine however, what begins as pragmatic use ends in a enslavement to sordid cravings - one colleague, holidaying in Thailand, took ten packs with him least he be struck with "Fugu Mouth", a putative and probably fictitious withdrawal syndrome. It's all a bit sad considering the Dry Hard's pay-off is a burning sensation in your mouth and a imperceptible buzz equivalent to an eyedropper full of Nescafe.

Another brand in the Mintia range - "Morning Spear" - has been exploited by lovers of rudeness to employ the phrase: "Would you like a suck of my Morning Spear?". (Never by me of course - though I have been guilty of referring to "Dry Harder" and "Dry Hard: With A Vengeance" in the very specific occasion that I must beg Dry Hard from another user three times in the same day. Someone needs to put me in a weighted sack and drown me like a kitten, I know).

Moving on from all that bollocks, the hottest thing in Tokyo streets right now is a fusion of jump-rope and breaking - Japanese folks are typically pretty diligent in the practice of their hobbies so the performances are usually of a high standard... witness here. Flair bartending may also be making a comeback, or at least some fellers were practicing in Yoyogi Park last time I was there. Somehow, Japanese men can do it without appearing to be douchebags.

Also I might go to this.

On the Seaons...

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Wed, 02 May 2007 14:18:00 +0000

After Spring's first blossom, Summer's first roach must come.

Let today mark that day.
Let this hour, mark that hour.

Little bastard has plenty of cover but I can move furniture if it comes to that.
I can OVERTURN.

Electioneering

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 16:04:00 +0000

The metropolitan elections ended yesterday... this is as merciful as the coming of Spring. The past week saw an escalating tumult of Tokyo-style electioneering that culminated in me losing a sock because I was so agitated that I tore it off my foot and threw it across the room and now I can't find it. It's hard to throw a sock far without bunching it up pretty tight, so I'm not sure how I contrived to lose it but I guess that's politics.

It is generally accepted in Tokyo that the best way to relay information to the public is by yelling at them through a megaphone - the busy commercial districts ring with the shouts of touts, sometimes as many as four or five outside a single storefront. They often experiment with wild variations in pitch and volume, though it's not clear whether this is intended to crack the public's unassailable ability to ignore stimuli, or to relieve their own boredom. (They have been known to keen and ullulate, modes of expression formerly restricted to "things being described by H.P. Lovecraft").

This is a pretty tolerable practice once you're accustomed to it. One does not go to Shibuya to stroll about doing maths problems in one's head, after all. In election season however, the practice extends to every part of the city. Nowhere remains unmolested as volunteers mobilize in support of their preferred candidate. The main streets are worked by small cars - roofs buckling under the weight of speakers, ladies dressed like the Queen Mother (RIP) wave gloved hands at pedestrians and chatter into mics. No-one waves back, or reacts at all if they can help it... the seasoned Tokyo citizen effortlessly deflects all incomings, like Daniel-san pretending to wash a car window.

Narrower streets, such as that on which I live, are visited instead by small parades of supporters in headbands and fluorescent windbreakers, armed with banners and loudhailers. Occasionally the actual candidate will accompany these parades - identifiable by a different colour windbreaker and a look of replete satisfaction on their faces. I even saw one women bellowing away with her PA aimed into a tiny alleyway flanked by just three doors.

There are certain parts of these tirades that I can understand and they do not vary much. I will attempt a translation (for this example, I am imagining that there is a politician named "Tanaka")

"He's Tanaka!"
"Let's have a good relationship! (with Tanaka)"
"Good relationship, please!"
"Tanaka! Tanaka! He's Tanaka. (I can say his name in a variety of tones!)"

(repeat until out of earshot... as the old story ends, "and for all I know, they may be yelling still")

I have no idea what the issues were in this election (suppression of touts and hawkers, anyone?) - there is some suggestion that a sum of 10,000,000,000 yen may be missing, or required, or at stake, or is desired by some person or persons, or you can buy Odaiba for that amount... I dunno.

Anyway it's over and I'm glad. I belatedly noticed that some of the election posters are pretty amusing and I have put some up on the flickers with mildly acidic commentary. I feel no shame in gently ridiculing these strangers as there's every chance that at least one of them woke me up while I was trying to sleep off a hangover on Saturday morning.

MKD

PS: This is now the #1 hit for "Murray Dixon" on Google Japan - run it through a translation engine if you feel you'd like to become more confused.

Mystical Fortune Update

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 11:59:00 +0000

Well, I took the folks up to Nikko today, a place about 150km or so north of Tokyo, up in the hills. The tomb of Tokugawa Ieyasu is located there, and it's a World Heritage Site... now having spent a few days in Kyoto, one can get a little jaded about World Heritage Sites, National Treasures, Designated Important Cultural Properties, etc. Sometimes it seems all you gotta do to get registered is stick a crappy bird on the roof of your temple. Baby, it don't even got to be gold.

However, Nikko is the bidniz. I recommend it - the buildings are exceptional and, to my knowledge, no-one has burned them down yet (most historical buildings in Japan are reconstructions... the famous Golden Pavilion (Kinkakuji) in Kyoto for example, was most recently burned down by a buck-wild monk in 1950, but had been razed and rebuilt at least four or five times prior to that). Moreover, the temples and shrines at Nikko are set amidst towering, grand old cedar trees - you expect to see an Ewok in a kimono at any moment... that's scarcely a recommendation I suppose - let me re-assure you, no Ewoks were observed. (Though one fanciful carving of an elephant bore a passing resemblance to "Watto" the annoying thingy from Episode One who was apparently supposed to be a Jew or an Italian or something).

Photos will be up on the flickarz in due course (I have taken a bungload since getting my new camera and it will take a while to sort out what's worth uploading and what ain't).

Anyway, I also have a new fortune (see the old one here), procured at Rinnoji Temple.

Your Fortune: Excellent (result!)

Everything you want to do can be done well. No problem in your family.

(I like to read this as "No problem in YOUR family!!! ...many problems are implied in the families of others)

Wish: Everything goes as you expect. You can sell or buy any house, any land.
Expected Visitor: He(or she) will come very soon.
Missing Thing: Keep calm and look around with patience.
Travel: Business trip will do good.
Business: All right, but be cool.
Study: No problem. Continue studying.
Speculation: Just wait, or you'll lose.
Game and Match: You will surely win. Be calm.
Love: Get along with your partner faithfully.
Removal: No problem. (This may refer to tumours)
Childbirth: Don't worry.
Illness: Be faithful, and it will soon be cured.
Marriage Proposal: Leave it to others. You can realize it.

oh

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 12:48:00 +0000

i feel like i oughtta have a bunch to say after a long period of silence but hell you know what NOT REALLY

don't wanna get started complaining about how 70s bands that i liked keep rolling up to Tokyo and doing Vegas type shows for upwards of 8000 yen... i can't be investing that type of bank on the off-chance that they haven't started sucking in the last 30 years... (YEAH I'm looking at you "Cold Blood" but you ain't alone)

anyway i got at least one gig to look forward to

my folks is here and that is alright. there's a certain confidence that a man can only obtain and renew by showing off to his mother. so i'm feeling fresh in that regard. plus they are spoiling me rotten and got me a new camera and 6 (count 'em!?!) kilograms of extra dark chocolate..... yeah apparently it was on special. i suppose a fondue party may be immanent, or else i gotta develop some new fetish. i don't know what else can realistically be done with that amount of chocco

let me re-iterate NEW CAMERA: so there will be new flickrs pretty soon -- i mean what happened to our flickr scene, doggies -- who'd have known i was the heart and soul all along?

ALRIGHT MY SKINWALKERS maybe more later i never really know whats i'm gonna do next (just what i probably won't)

Rise and Shine, Twenty-Nine

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 15:48:00 +0000

well that is my age now, the two and the nine

right now i am eating peanuts that still have the skins on them and the skins are just driving me berserk. godammit they are a bane....

still, a birthday don't start 'fishially none tills i wake up in the morning so i reckon we'll not take having a bunch of manky skins stuck in my teeth as the measure of the day

i ain't sure which year exactly my birthday became less about presents and more about contemplating my inevitable demise but it were a few years afore this one - lucky i ain't prone to fussing about such

anyway, proper update soon doggies

El Delfin's 9/11 Tribute

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 02:11:00 +0000

Sometimes I feel bad about just posting YouTube links and stuff, but you know, what is the point of a blogg really? The answer is "not much" or at least it would be if English grammar allowed that to be an answer.

So, ain't no need act prideful about being just another molecule caught up in the Brownian swirl of inter net soup, pushing around a bunch of pictures of people's faces all phoshopped on the wrong bodies and that.

Anyway.

Here's an Ecuadorian pop star's musical tribute to 9/11 (is anyone out there rabid enough to demand I say 11/9 instead?)... it is pretty astonishing.

Ay yi yi!

(I ain't saying "Ay yi yi!" to act ill about Latin people. I'm quoting, he says it at least a couple of times. It is a genuine expression of shock and woe. Also his lounge looks like it belongs to a character in a Tomas Tang film)

Read the translated lyrics afterwards... posted up by Vice Magazine, which, incidentally, is probably a better place to be looking for content than right here.

Gut's Soul

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 06:06:00 +0000

I went to "Gut's Soul" last night, an all-you-can-eat yakiniku restaurant in Yoyogi. Infinite fried meat for 90 minutes - 900 yen. That is outrageously cheap. In fact the owners seem to be kind of embarrassed about the situation. The interior walls are covered in messages written in chalk. There is basic information like "what is yakiniku?" (my doggs - it is delicious marinated meat that you fry on a griddle that's set in the middle of your table), or advertising facts of dubious utility (fried pig meat has less cholesterol than egg yolks! EGG YOLKS -- BUSTED)

Much of the script, however, seems directly designed to shame the customer for coming to Gut's Soul. For example:

You can take as much as you like. You may be full. But don't forget to appreciate the farmer. You know that there is a lot of children who cannot get enough foods and starved in the world. So you should show appreciation for the food.

Or, more cryptically:

We have had a manner of culture for some hundreds of years. Now we have become rich and have no opportunity to learn this manner. So we introduced such a system as "you can eat as much as you want". We want you to think about the importance of food through this system. It's so excellent for you to learn something from our motto.

I think the point in this second piece is that our ancestors would've considered Gut's Soul an abombination.

Also: comic is updated.

Not Dead Yet

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 16:22:00 +0000

Well, I didn't die at the swimming pool though I was forced to realize that my level of physical fitness is perhaps best described as "abject". However it should be a fun way to exercise and additionally a useful addition to a dude's Apocalypse Skillset so I will go back. How's chlorine in your eyes though? I had forgotten about that shit. Dude... it's chronic.

Flickarz have been quiet lately as my camera doesn't really recharge anymore, though by utilizing massage techniques normally employed only in the relief of acute prostatitis I was able to eke out enough juice for a couple more photos, and those are up now (SPOILER: dead snake in a jar of booze!).

Plus the comic is updated with a pretty basic part 1 of a 2 part thingy (naturally I have broken the site once again in the course of updating it). Keith has sent an email to Lil Jon and you can read it.

Unbelievably, some folks don't know who Lil Jon is - maybe too busy sitting in a darkened room editing the Wikipedia article on cryptography or something. For the benefit of those and others, I submit the following as a crash course in understanding the latest comic... also as evidence that Western society has indeed abandoned any notion of policing the influences to which children are exposed:

LET'S GO

Inter Net is a Magical Resource and It Knows What to Do

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 02:13:00 +0000

I'm gonna go for a swim today in what may be the first instalment of a period of regular exercise. Swimming a proper stroke is a long lapsed skill (maybe last attempted when I was 13 or 14?) so I expect this outing to be somewhat embarassing... I just said to the inter net "okay so how does a dude swim again" so I could maybe get reminded about how much moves to do with my arms and soforth.

Here's what swimmer71holler has to say about the freestyle:

when swimming this stroke you want to pull the water while gliding through the water and when you swim the 50 meters this helps to but don't forget that kick

okay don't forget that kick fellers LET'S GO

( might do a comic today if i don't drown)

My Fortune, From Kamakura - Found While Packing Up

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 05:22:00 +0000

ILLNESS: If you take care of yourself, you will recover.
PREASURE: You will have your desire fulfilled.
THE PERSON YOU AWAIT: He will comes if you are honest.
LOST ITEM: Looking for the item that you lost.
LAW SUITS: You will win.
QUARREL: You will win.
BUILDING / MOVING: Favorable if you are honest.
MARRIAGE: Will go well.
TRAVEL: Favorable.
LIFE AND DEATH: You will be alive if you are honest.
BUYING/SELLING: Favorable
TOOL: Ink stone, abacus

Stevie Wonder Was Very Excellent My Doggs

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 14:47:00 +0000

Well, the concert was at this place called the Saitama Super Arena, which may give you some indication of its size. We didn't have the best seats exactly, but having seen recent photos of Stevie I was able to work out which barely discernable shape roughly corresponded to his body.

Actually I exaggerate the distance, and the view didn't matter overmuch anyways. He played for about two hours and the set list was better than I dared to hope for. We are talking about 85% real joints to 15% songs that are kinda soft. I thought about doing another pie chart but I think most people know what 85% looks like?

Anyway there was so much realness. Dude's voice seems as supple and beautiful as ever. Though he is kind of fat now, which is awesome, and completely within his mandate. Stevie Wonder has every right to be fat. Why did you bring it up you jerk.

So yeah... I am Stevied up in a big way right now. I'm ready. Do not say some bull crap about Stevie to me. I will slap you and have any novels you may have written banned from school libraries by the Board of Education.

HERE IS A PICTURE I MADE OF ME AND STEVIE

[WOAH the picture was kind of getting more disturbing every time i looked at it so i took it away, sorry]

oh shit of course

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 16:53:00 +0000

oh yeah and here's the bit from kickboxer where van damme gets wasted and starts dancing

how could i forget

Sub-blogg

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 16:28:00 +0000

Since I have foresworn computer games, my idle time is often spent drawing and scheming on how maybe - just maybe - I could make a comic that is pretty decent. Often I want to shout my ideas at the internet, futile though it may be.

However I know from personal experience that it is generally pretty intolerable when a comic creator has a whole bunch to say about every minor detail of his project. To be exposed to such a person, it is like wading through dead leeches or possibly sea cucumbers.

Consequently I have created another blog in which to direct such things - I have just added a bunch of recent sketches that I inked with my new magic pen. Those of you with a perverse desire to witness me punching myself in the testicles for not being exactly like Chris Onstad are welcome to check it out.

Another Comic, Some News, and BONUS

noreply@blogger.com (Murray) — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 14:16:00 +0000

Another Comic:

A Small Kobold 1996 presents: "Civilization 2" done got concluded.
Once again you gotta click on the comic to make it remotely legible.

I am still playing around with the look and composition of things. Also I am slowly straightening out my ideas about how to write a comic. On a list of "Things That Ain't Easy", producing a good quality web comic comes somewhere not far behind "pimpin".

a-small-kobold.com remains essentially broken for now (in fact I recently noticed that it has mysteriously discarded some of the episodes), so I guess I'd better sort that out before I draw any more.

Some News:

Operation: Get The Hell Outta Chiba is nearly complete and in a couple of weeks I'll be moving to a spot much closer to any place I could conceivably ever want to be. It's in the middle of a triangle formed by Shinjuku, Shibuya, and Nakano - an area I will henceforth refer to as RAD DUDEZ TOWN.

(Thinking about printing some RAD DUDEZ TOWN T-shirts with the lettering kind of made out of lightning bolts or possibly bones from a skeleton).

So I'm sure you can all imagine my relief.

BONUS:

Brett Lee's duet with Asha Boshle - an apalling song that has been hugely successful in India. (I'm sure I'm well behind everyone that lives in a country where cricket is actually played here).

Brett's first single and hopefully his last... Asha Boshle on the other hand, has been running shit for maybe about 40 years. She sings on almost every Bollywood song I like - actually for much of the 70s it seemed she sung on every Bollywood song full stop. Here's an example from 1972 - and for added geek value, let me point out that it was ripped by The Black Eyed Peas for a recent-ish single... I'd call them rascals if that term didn't imply affection.