Too Soon w/Ralph & Taylor - Spiderduck

Episode 13 - Mascot Dance Party!

Ralph Parissi — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 03:04:50 +0000

We're back! In the newest episode of Too Soon, Ralph and Taylor explain their absence, discuss the joys of Japanese mascots dancing, Taylor tries to justify his vegetarianism to Ralph's unsympathetic ear, attempt to figure out the holy bond between a man that eats feces and a woman that drinks tampon blood and MUCH MORE. Get in here for an all new "Too Soon with Ralph and Taylor" and catch the podcast the critics are calling "another podcast!"

Too Soon Special: It's a Good Day to Occupy Steubenville

Trevor Osz — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 19:35:37 +0000

Hey guys, we are back again with another special talking about the heartbreaking rape case happening in Steubenville, OH right now. We live in the area, and work in Steubenville and we have a very clear opinion about what's going on. We also present the facts going on in the case and break down what has happened in the past week starting with Nodianos video all the way to the press conference, what the Sheriff is doing, and much much more.

Episode 12 - Seriously, Florida...What's Up?!?

Ralph Parissi — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 03:02:45 +0000

Taylor makes his triumphant return to the podcast after a couple of weeks off and it could not happen sooner. We review the weirdest stories from 2012 as we welcome in 2013 with arms wide open, as that one terrible, terrible band from the early 2000's might say.

We discuss why Florida is so messed up, if a squid can impregnate your tongue, get an update on a question Ralph asked Brad about family porno teams back in episode 11, and try to make sense of what makes a good Bill Cosby impression.

For the curious, there is an update on the Steubenville rape case that we talked about in our special episode last week and we discuss when we will be doing that again in the very near future. For the curious, visit localleaks.blogs.ru. It will turn your stomach.

Thank you for welcoming in 2013 with us and we look forward to much more from Too Soon with Ralph and Taylor in the coming year!

Too Soon Special: Occupy Steubenville

Trevor Osz — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 05:39:33 +0000

Hey guys, we live in Steubenville, OH which has gotten a lot of attention internationally lately. We recap this whole thing from the beginning and give our opinions. We think that the Occupy Steubenville movement is doing this for the right reasons. Check us out, and know that there are still good people in this area.

Episode 11 - The Bradpocalypse!

Ralph Parissi — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 23:18:06 +0000

Since Taylor plays in, like, three bands and works, he's been very busy. Too busy for Ralph, so Ralph went rogue and invited his friend Brad to cohost this week. Brad comes to us from a former webshow called "BS'n with Brad and Scottie" and his cohosting chops were not rusty! He got right in there with the harmony nonsense noises and a super long, "not-so-fast" five. Get ready for inappropriate sexual comments and stories about naked puzzle hour.

Today, Ralph and Brad talk about butt injections, prostitutes pulling us from the fiscal cliff, Brad's intense desire to own a frozen yogurt shop, the coming apocalypse, why YOU TOO should have the right to sex up a donkey, the awkwardness of an Eiffel Tower with your dad, and even touch on the recent tragic shootings (in a tasteful way, so don't worry). See what you think of Brad's spot on the show and give us some feedback as to if you want to hear more of Brad in the future!

Episode 10 - Zombies, Vampires and Ted Nugent

Ralph Parissi — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 04:19:07 +0000

It's here! The TENTH episode of Too Soon w/ Ralph and Taylor! Can't believe we're in double digits and I can't believe the FBI isn't monitoring our conversations. Small wins all around.

In any case, today we discuss a zombie hat trick, why Serbia might want a vampire ghost hanging around, what we should do about population control, discuss what fondling your mirror image might wreak upon the living world, why "Papa" John Schnatter is still a douchebag, why Angus T. Jones might not think Two and a Half Men is all that evil, and the epic feud brewing between Eminem's daughter Hailie and Taylor Swift. Plus, we go on a long rant that might make Ted Nugent come looking for us! Also, Ralph makes another plea for Dreama Walker to come on the show and turn him down in person!

It's all here in the 10th episode of Too Soon! Come celebrate with us!

Episode 9 - Emma Stone and Penis Cake

Ralph Parissi — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:56:54 +0000

This week, Trevor from the Trevor and Ian Talk Show joins us to attempt to talk about such serious topics as religion, Morgan Freeman's voice, bestiality, crystal meth and the weirdest thing someone could do sexually that you might still be okay with. However, the podcast goes off the rails when we all find out that Emma Stone might have a sex tape out there somewhere.

Then, Ian joins us for the final minutes, and we can't shut up about Emma Stone.

Finally, Taylor...no, look, who cares? All that matters is that Emma Stone might have a sex tape. And once that comes out, we know that we will all be fresh out of boners.

What are you waiting for?! Get in here!

Episode 8 - I Dream of Dreama Walker

Ralph Parissi — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 00:04:19 +0000

Think of this episode as our Pilot part 2! This is the one to listen to if you've never heard us before. Also, one of our most fun episodes. Get in here and listen to Taylor describe his love of truly repulsive cinema. Also, Ralph declares his love for actress Dreama Walker, we discuss disrespecting a corpse in no fewer than three stories, the possible (hipster) salvation of the Twinkie, the reason Austin, TX is so damn cool, and Taylor paints another beautiful dreamscape. Or something like that.

Check out SpiderduckNetwork.com and shop with our Amazon link to help us out. Also, please rate us/review us on iTunes! Enjoy episode 8!

Episode 7 - Michael J. Fox Carrying a Tray of Glasses

Ralph Parissi — Sat, 17 Nov 2012 23:19:11 +0000

Finally! (Or is it finely?) We got around to recording the podcast this week. Today's special guest is our brother Ian Parissi, who has come to complete the brotherly triumvirate and offer his opinions on the weird stories we find. Today's we discuss possible pedophile Elmo, the legal age of consent across North America, creepy fan-fiction, D-bag of the week John Schnatter of Papa John's, the closure of Hostess and subsequent mass Facebook hysteria over the possibility of never eating another Twinkie, and the merits of seceding from the Union. All this, PLUS a long winded Twilight rant and the Perfect Strangers theme song! Get in here and enjoy!

Episode 6 - Lunchtime at the Zoo

Ralph Parissi — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 06:04:48 +0000

One thing you should know going into the episode, there is a minor technical glitch that we encountered during recording that makes the audio sound really echoey at about the 52 minute mark. However, this corrects itself soon enough. So please keep listening.

In this week's episode, Ralph and Taylor discuss the election results, ponder whether Halo 4's release date had anything to do with candidates losing votes, shame a McDonald's that is ten minutes away from their house, wonder which body part they would cut off to win back a lost love, discuss RULE 34, decide whether or not to get an anus tattoo, throw cats at stairs, and of course Taylor paints another beautiful, yet dystopian, future.

Get in here for Episode 6 of Too Soon with Ralph and Taylor! As always, PLEASE write a review on iTunes so we get promoted!

Episode 5 - Ducks Trump Gays

Ralph Parissi — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 04:29:50 +0000

Welcome listeners, new and old! Episode 5 really goes off the rails for a bit. Nerd rants about Star Wars and The Avengers are coupled with stories of hot teachers, drunk duck rescues, Bond girl names, interesting ways to get out of a speeding ticket, and dolphins riding gorillas into the sunset. If you haven't yet, check out our past episodes on iTunes or Stitcher! And PLEASE rate us and review us on iTunes. It only takes a second, but it really helps us get promoted and reach a bigger audience through iTunes! Have I said iTunes enough, Apple? iTunes, iTunes, iTUNES!!! I'll take my free iPad mini now, please.

Episode 4 - The Good Things Hitler Did

Ralph Parissi — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 19:00:00 +0000

Here's the Quatro! Episode number four features special guest Ashleigh Thress (or Shleigh, to those that know her). Shleigh is a firm Conservative on most political issues, so we get into some political talk from both sides. But the conversation takes a left handed turn...right off a giant cliff. From there we get into all the "good things Hitler did," why it might be okay to only eat Chicken McNuggets and never cockroaches, an update on Bubba the Love Sponge, why deer should only cross in school zones, and give an award to the greatest preacher in the world! So, get in here and share your thoughts on the wonders of ethnic cleansing - it's the newest episode of Too Soon with Ralph and Taylor!

Episode 3 - Bullied by Bubba the Love Sponge

Ralph Parissi — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:36:06 +0000

Here it is - our third episode! This week, Taylor and Ralph discuss delicious jailhouse bologna sandwiches, have a moment with Honey Boo Boo that blows Taylor's mind, discuss tuna, bullying, something called "hog wallowing," Bubba the Love Sponge, and introduce our new segment: The Too Soon Fast Five!

We also sit down with our brother, Ian Parissi (from The Trevor and Ian Talk Show) and create a podcasting brother trifecta that will most likely offend a decent amount of people. So, pretty much par for the course! Get in here and listen!

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Episode 2 - I Dream of Manta Rays

Ralph Parissi — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 15:48:29 +0000

In episode 2 of "Too Soon with Ralph and Taylor," the boys discuss ex-SNL cast member Victoria Jackson, apparent "lady killer" Danny DeVito, and Honey Boo Boo (which sends Taylor into a rage coma he still hasn't recovered from). Oh yeah, and manta rays...for some reason.

Make sure you check us out on Facebook at facebook.com/TooSoonWithRalphAndTaylor!

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Episode 1

Ralph Parissi — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 03:40:55 +0000

Welcome to the Too Soon with Ralph and Taylor podcast. This is a show about the world, the news and pop politics with opinions given by two people that have NO business talking about any of it. In episode 1 we discuss multiple uses for an umbilical cord, bear rape, the world's first "poop transplant," and why you should never want Mitt Romney to have the window seat on an airplane. So pop in and enjoy the toasty goodness of our new show!