.topi berfikir aku.

.of books and love.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Tue, 28 Nov 2023 08:15:00 +0000

officially a member of the public library in town.

i'm excited to rekindle this lost love of mine. used to have a book with me wherever i go but the habit stopped. maybe because of the changes in work load? i'm not sure why.

years ago, i was also a member of the perpustakaan tun razak in ipoh, the selangor public library in banting and also the perpustakaan negeri sabah cawangan kudat. it is like a family tradition. one that i practiced until i started working. thank you mak abah!

btw, once i had a crush on a librarian in the ipoh library. i was a pudgy-faced, baggy-clothed and tudung senget girl. ada hati nak crush kat abang librarian.

tup tup ehhh...kahwin dengan librarian.

excuse me while i escape. maybe later i'll find the time to write book reviews via my blog.

byeeee!

thank you for reading!

.down with influenza.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 06:59:00 +0000

what i posted on facebook when i was down with influenza on 17th July 2022. just this morning, my neck and arms started to ache and heat crept up the nape of my neck. hopefully, it's not influenza again. . . last wednesday, we woke up feeling lethargic. assuming we were just tired from our drive to jasin for aidiladha, we went to work as usual. after all, the night before, we took the covid saliva test and it turned out negative. however...by noon that day, i started to feel warm. not because of my latest workplace doesn't have any fan or that the airconditioner is not functional. warm as in heat slowly creeping up your neck to your head. there was also this feeling of lump forming in my throat. went back home during lunch break, got some paracetamol and went back to work. the medicine did not help. ejal came back home after work feeling weak but still not as feverish as i was. i planned to wait out until the next morning to see whether the fever would subside because that is what i always do. plus, i need to be in ipoh for a workshop the next day, don't have time to fuss over this. by this time, i took another round of paracetamol. turned out i can't stand the awful headache and it was just around 6.30pm. we rushed to the clinic. begged to see the doctor because they close at 8.00pm and usually don't attend to any patients by 7.00pm. alhamdulillah they showed us mercy.

why the terrible headache? my temperature was 39.9°c. i can't and won't open my eyes. the pain somehow feels much more bearable while i shut my eyes and scrunch up my face. paid RM50.00 for the influenza test kit. two lines came up. today i drove ejal to the clinic (still waiting for his turn). he paid RM70.00 for the test kit. why are they sold at different prices? i dunno. conclusion: the headache is worse and lasts a few days longer than covid. my ribcage hurts when i cough but covid did not hurt that way. body temperature fluctuates more frequently. alhamdulillah feeling much better on my fifth day. it's my turn to take care of Buzal Garden.

p/s: doktor kata ubat antiviral untuk influenza dah habis stok kawasan sini. . . . thank you for reading!

.positif covid.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 18 Jul 2022 00:57:00 +0000

a posting from my facebook on march 2, 2022. ended our quarantine on march 9, 2022.

sabtu malam ahad di alostaq, tekak mula sakit. bangun pagi ahad, mula sakit kepala yang buat rasa nak ketuk-ketuk kepala. buat saliva test tapi garisan kedua samar-samar.

ibu buatkan air rebusan cengkih dan serai untuk sedut wap. ayah sediakan sarapan. pegi klinik buat RTK, negatif. alhamdulillah ibu ayah pun negatif.

masih asingkan diri dalam bilik. malam tu ditambah gigil sejuk dan selsema tak boleh baring tidur sebab nanti hidung sumbat. jadi, pejam mata sambil hayun badan, back and forth.

pagi isnin buat test lagi. garisan makin terang. balik sungkai terus dan lapor pada mysejahtera dan majikan. ambil panadol, ubat selsema dan strepsils. waktu ni dalam kereta, i got a runny nose.

sampai sungkai, berkurung kat master bedroom. ejal hantar makanan dan tambah ubat. alhamdulillah sakit kepala dah kurang. mula batuk berkahak, badan lemah lesu.

pagi ni ejal Buzal Garden buat saliva test, positif tapi takde gejala lagi. ada geng but tsk tsk...tak dapat layanan room service dah. kena turun pi masak sendiri.

doakan kami sihat semula tanpa kesan long covid. doakan moga PCR test nanti takde sisa coronavirus ni dalam badan kami. moga dipermudah semua urusan rakan-rakan dan keluarga yang dijangkiti covid-19.

thank you for reading!

.a facade of happiness.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Tue, 21 Jun 2022 00:41:00 +0000

assalamualaikum,

have you noticed that most influencers only share happy moments on their social media?

we would gobble up all the worry-free stories drenched with fairies singing their life montage like the ravenous ogre that we are (you can be other mythical being if you want to but hey shrek isn't so bad) and later be sad (or jealous) because our life is not as glamorous or fortunate as theirs.

the only sadness or problems they share would be about others who are in need which is notable because they can get all the attention and help that none of us, ordinary people, can gather.

it is not anybody's fault really.

they choose which stories to share and probably don't want followers to sympathize with their struggles that i'm sure everybody has but just at different degrees. same struggles but not in the same boats? they also do that to promote a certain lifestyle that matches the products they are selling or represent. we as outsiders should be wiser than just being a mindless ogre and be grateful with what we have while relishing the stories they shared.

however, somehow i do wish they share real life situations where not everything is as breezy. that would be refreshing as it would be inspiring on how they overcome the obstacles. some of you might disagree. just like a bunch of you who believes that social media or a movie is where we go to run from reality and so it is okay if it doesn't make sense, exaggerated and gold-plated.

to each their own.

i'm just writing this today to ask,

are you happy?

thank you for reading!

.honing poetry skill.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Thu, 15 Jul 2021 03:37:00 +0000

assalamualaikum,

a new poem from me to matno.

let's keep it here.

.matno, me and pami.

a smile can change a mood,

a breath can lift a burden,

so start your day..please don't brood,

with this, may your heart be gladdened.

trials will come your way,

triumphs shall come in your prime,

challenges you're facing today,

shall bring you glory, wisdom and shine.

friends and love..they don't rhyme,

but mine and yours are surely doting,

being friends isn't a crime,

but man, your jokes..they are disconcerting.

gleefully,

syitah

13th july

thank you for reading!

.dealing with life problems.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 00:00:00 +0000

assalamualaikum dear readers,

recently, i joined a webinar entitled bimbingan dan kaunseling: menangani masalah kehidupan melalui kerohanian, pendekatan spiritual dan barat. it took me three days to finish listening to the almost 7-hour-talk which consists of four topics delivered by four panels from various educational institutions.

the first topic left a profound realization on me. the topic is religiosity and spirituality. the similarities and differences of each element and how it affects us in daily life. after listening to prof. dr. mohamad aziz shah mohamed arip, it is much clearer why people act the way they do. i understand better on why a pious person could sexually abuse another, why someone would obey Allah willingly but has no integrity at work or why a philanthropist would not perform solat and why a hardworking and honest person would not fast in the month of ramadhan.

most of the time during the talk, being muslims and a child/parent themselves, they gave examples that are closer to them. but you do see what they meant to say, right? surely, there are other internal and external factors that contribute to why a person act a certain way like childhood traumas, demanding lifestyle etc. hence, we do need to go deeper into valid researches on why a dutiful muslim and a responsible man can kill hundreds of innocent hitchhikers, for example. during this talk, they were discussing it through insightful observation of clients and sharing of personal experiences: how you handle yourself, could help you deal with your life problems.

.here comes the sun!.

according to the professor, being religious means that you obey God by performing His orders while keeping away from what offends Him. Meanwhile, being spiritual is where you simply be a morally good person (but hey! how do we define a "good" person? that will be another long discussion). evidently, teachings of any religion is for us to be both a devout and also a good person. yet, a religious person might not be a good person and vice versa. therefore, we need to have a balance of both, a moderate approach.

simple, ain't it...

but can you do it?

can you perform your solat five times a day

and also be honest with your work hours even when there's no one monitoring you?

can you be honest to God and to yourself?

the third topic is the choice theory reality therapy (ctrt), developed by william glasser in 1960. it is a pretty simple approach and apparently, i implemented it in my life quite recently. we take negativity out of our mind. build a quality, healthy world around us by applying the WDEP theory.

W: what do you want?

D: what are you doing to get what you want?

E: you evaluate how well it's going

P: plan or re-plan

shared the idea of this therapy with an ex-colleague the other day as she was suffering from a severe headache caused by a high-blood pressure last weekend. She mentioned that it wasn't because of work but it was because of something that happened between her and a fellow colleague. this is a quick example of what could happen when we let external environment controls our mental health (and in her case, physical health too!) when we should have conditioned our behavior by having internal control.

something similar happened to me and i realized i had become a bitter person just by having that person around. i let their negativity affects me and at one point, i started to doubt myself. i understand that some people are just toxic because they are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. i obviously can't change the people around me to fit my idea of a good person. so, what did i do?

i distance myself from them,

socially and also virtually.

if they are family,

only contact them when it's necessary.

if they are your colleagues,

only deal with them professionally.

no need to entertain them outside of work hours.

voila! i'm much happier and calmer.

why don't you try it?

.a mentally and physically healthier happier me.

condition yourselves

to have a better,

healthier relationship

with yourselves and others around you.

hopefully,

everything will fall into place.

interested to hear about the other two topics? here's the link to the talk...

part 1 (4:19:58) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLbGmH5gQ2c

part 2 (2:40:22) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGn1hX7eWPk&pbjreload=101

may you also be enlighten!

thank you for reading!

.tips on losing weight.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Sat, 09 Jan 2021 05:20:00 +0000

assalamualaikum everyone!

tips on losing weight..

for PCOS patients.

or for anyone with weight problem.

it is still applicable except for tip number 5.

you can read all the tips you want from the world wide web.

this is just my take on the topic because it works for me.

i hope it helps!

1. set a goal
it helps to push yourself whenever you feel lost or down. i use apps like myfitnesspal and endomondo to keep track of how many kilograms i had lost, my daily calorie intake etc. i aimed to lose 1 kilogram per week = 1200 cal per day. the best thing is, these apps can be synced. for example, the calories burnt during your workout (endomondo) can be easily detected by myfitnesspal diary thus you can (if you want to) take more calorie than the one you already set. yeay! i'm using strava now btw.

2. cut sugar intake

this might seem like a small step but it gives a huge impact on your weight loss process, especially at your abdomen area. what i'm doing: avoid soft drinks or sweetened drinks on weekdays and only indulge in them on weekends (cheat days!). i try to drink 3 litres of water daily. the receptionist at my office joked about the countless times i walked past him to go to the ladies. never mind him because it is worth it! both the water intake and the brisk walk you take back and forth.

3. eat less carbohydrates
fruits for breakfast and snack. just a handful of rice with enough protein and fibers for lunch and dinner. sometimes i derhaka also because of events at work, open houses etc. i can't resist a bite of that fluffy doughnut or a sip from the hot, steaming cup of teh tarik or nescafe. don't fret! have a bite and a few sips (not more than a cup!) and simply get back into your routine the next day. we're trying to change our diet and make it a habit, not a crash diet.

4. intermittent fasting
a suggestion given by my husband. we started with a 12-hour fast (a friend of him is already on the 23-hour fast!). we have breakfast at 8am, snack at 10am, lunch at 1pm and dinner at 7pm. sometimes we can't stick to it because of we have guests at home or have to attend events at night. it's okay. always eat in moderation.

5. metformin

because i have PCOS, i was prescribed metformin. it helps to lower my insulin and blood sugar levels. by lowering the insulin level, metformin allows women to cycle more normally. in a way, this medication helps me to maintain my weight and helps with my slow metabolism. you don't need this if you don't have PCOS. i'm just sharing what might help. it is better to consult your doctor.

6. weigh yourself
we do this every morning before or after showering. you will able to know whether what you did during exercise yesterday and what you consumed had help in you losing or gaining weight. hence, this will put your mind on your target and consciously you will plan for your meal through out the day and which exercise to partake later. i find that ejal loses weight much easier than me. i think it is partly because he exercises more and consumes less food. however, when we did exercise together for a period of time and sometimes i eat lesser than him, i still did not lose as much. don't be discouraged! people lose weight at a different pace. your body fat, how your body retains water, your metabolism for example are matters that affect the process.

7. ignore negativity
yes, this is what we will face while trying to lose weight. body shaming, jeering and the negative thoughts that crosses your mind. avoid these people so that you can only cherish positive vibes. surely among your many friends, one would notice your effort and how your look changes. maybe some small ones like inch loss and less chubbiness on the cheeks. keep these friends around even if they give compliment just to be nice and we're not really showing any changes yet. slow and steady rather that collapsing from low blood pressure because you skipped lunch.

8. choose your exercise

my favorites are brisk walk and aerobics. sometimes i run or hike and use other equipment like jump rope or the elliptical trainer. it is quite important to find which one that is suitable to your body. surely we need to get out of our comfort zone to see results but you would also need to consider the capacity of pressure that your body can endure, like your knees or your lungs. so far i can only manage to run for 3 minutes and rest for 1. repeat the set. ejal can run for 12 minutes now!

enjoy the process and don't be too harsh on yourself.

remember to focus on 80% food and 20% exercise.

if you gain back a few more (i gained some after the third IVF try),

chill...just repeat the process.

may the force be with ya!

till then,

toodle-oo!

.
.
.
thank you for reading!

.201st post.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 01:43:00 +0000

assalamualaikum,

thank you dear readers!

travel tips,
rants,
stories,
recipes,
book reviews,
IVF journey,
poems.

hopefully my writing is beneficial to those who read them
and bring comfort to those who need it.

p/s: i finally have an IG account! the primary reason is because basel has a private account. hehe..

thank you for reading!

.an emotional detachment.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Tue, 05 Jan 2021 08:02:00 +0000

assalamualaikum readers!

well, i did say we planned to do things differently this time. so, we did. besides me staying in ipoh to lessen the risk of travelling to the embryo, we also tried a few other things.

i tried to stay emotionally happy by avoiding any stressful thoughts or events so that my physical is not compromised. i tried not to do any vigorous activities because friends who had pregnancy experiences told me that even sweeping the floor and driving should be avoided (in my case).

as what had happened before, i have the same thoughts and feeling of being pregnant. there is an embryo inside of me, right? a successfully fertilized egg to be exact. am i not technically pregnant?

.some of the medications.

i consumed all the required supplements,

received jabs every three days,

watched my diet (though my appetite changed a bit),

careful with my movements,

performed my prayers and zikir solemnly (i'd like to think so),

talked and poured my concerns to Allah,

avoided all gadgets,

engaged in all my favorites things to do.

we tried everything humanly possible but in the end,

it is all up to Allah swt.

we tried and we put trust in Him.

in the morning of 28th september, we went to the clinic so i could get my blood tested to confirm whether the pregnancy was successful or not. we were then told to come back at noon to review the result with our doctor.

the photo below was the one ejal shared on his facebook page with a posting mentioning that our third try also failed. yes, we failed. again. our doctor seemed dumbfounded with the blood test result.

.the last day.

everything was perfect, he said.

the body is healthy.

the womb is well prepared with medications/supplement.

the embryo is cultivated to a desired outcome.

a different method than the last one was used during FET.

but still....

as the appointment was on monday,

he asked whether i need a medical certificate

for the rest of the week.

he asked whether i need time to rest physically and mentally.

i felt fine at that very moment.

neither physical nor emotional pain.

i guess, i detached myself from the situation.

a defense mechanism, maybe?

i asked for only one day off from work. however, the next day i woke up with pain. my back, legs, arms, neck and nether regions. we called the clinic and a nurse said that that's normal. normal after i stopped taking the medications. normal for the next stage of my body rejecting the embryo.

later, i took a few more days off from work. my feelings were okay but i was hurting physically. the floodgate of tears only came a few weeks later. while we were in the car, in heavy traffic, out of nowhere. weird, ain't it? ejal let me sobbed. let it all out without saying anything. then, all is well. back to work!

should we try again?

thank you for reading!

.FET ketiga.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 28 Dec 2020 03:53:00 +0000

assalamualaikum,

17 september 2020

the day we went to sunfert for our third FET.

we were happy with this coincidental date because it is abah's birthdate.

we packed my stuff a day before and spent the night at mak abah's house.

i brought everything that i might need during the 3-week-leave from work.

i informed the office of my treatment and absence.

we planned that this time, we would do things differently.

i should stay at ipoh because it will be easier

for me to travel to and fro the clinic,

for each jab and appointment after FET.

we were asked to come earlier than the appointed time.

a briefing was given by the embryologist.

we were told about the growth process of each embryo

and was asked to choose which we would want to be used during this FET.

the payment schedule was given on august,

on our first appointment.

it was a pretty clear schedule.

i really appreciate each description and amount

stated for every visit/treatment.

i met a few new friends that day.

some were quiet and others were talkative.

talking about our experiences in the cold, empty waiting room

helped to calm my nerves.

yeah, even though it's nothing new but i was still nervous.

in just a few minutes,

the procedure was completed.

the waiting game started again.

but this time,

we were told it will only take 2 weeks

instead of three.

next entry: an emotional detachment

thank you for reading!

.third try.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 02 Nov 2020 00:59:00 +0000

assalamualaikum,

15 ogos 2020

kami mula semula usaha untuk dapatkan zuriat.

percubaan kali ketiga.

ubat/supplement yang kena ambil sebelum dan semasa rawatan:

metformin

vitamin D

folic acid

coenzyme Q10

.my medication pouch.

doktor ada maklumkan,

tahap imunisasi aku berbeza dengan orang lain.

aku ada alergi pada NSAIDs (ubat tahan sakit).

secara umum, bila ada bendasing dalam badan,

sistem imunisasi akan lawan

dan cuba bunuh bendasing tersebut untuk selamatkan badan.

hence, the occasional swelling or flu or fever.

however, my body usually would react more aggressively.

sebagai contoh,

kalau aku kena alergi makanan atau ubat,

mata akan bengkak dan gatal,

tekak pun gatal dan paling teruk setakat ni, sesak nafas.

jadi, dalam rawatan ketiga ni,

apabila dah masukkan embrio,

doktor akan bagi ubat untuk kawal reaksi imunisasi dalam badan

yang nak lawan/bunuh bendasing ni (embrio)

untuk pastikan kehamilan berjaya.

my immunity is scary, ain't it?

doktor juga ada cadang beberapa langkah berbeza

yang kami tak pernah cuba sebelum ini

untuk tinggikan peratus kehamilan.

he explained the plan in layman's terms.

pertama,

dia akan letak lebih 'gam' pada embrio

untuk pastikan ia kuat melekat di dinding rahim.

kedua,

kesemua embrio akan dinyahbeku,

dibiakkan ke hari ke-5, dipilih antara yang berjaya

dan dimasukkan ke dalam rahim.

or in his words,

"saya akan letak gam gajah nanti"

"semua kita akan bagi ujian untuk masuk sampai darjah 5,

ujian ni susah jadi tak semua akan berjaya"

entri seterusnya: FET ketiga

thank you for reading!

.PCOS and mental health.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 15 Jun 2020 05:02:00 +0000

assalamualaikum everyone!

went through something weird this morning.

slept early as always but woke up feeling sad.

dejected.

heavy.

every few minutes,

had to concentrate on inhaling and exhaling.

don’t know exactly why.

drove to work, still feeling the same.

then came the dreadful feeling of having to deal with people at work.

gotta fake the smile again today.

inhale,

exhale.

what’s wrong?

the situation above happened in the early morning of tuesday, 3rd of march 2020.

therefore, i know it’s not monday blues.

it persisted until later that night.

however, i woke up the next day feeling fine.

similar emotional roller coaster had happened before

but usually i just dismiss it and set my mind on the tasks at hand.

it will eventually fade away into nothingness

as i keep myself busy with work.

customarily,

i would read more to understand better what i can’t put my finger on.

here is a list of links if you care to read.

depression, anxiety and PCOS

PCOS and depression: understanding the connection and finding relief

what is cortisol? why should i test it?

cortisol hormone: its role in stress, inflammation and weight gain

finished reading through all that?

maybe skim them a bit?

PCOS patients,

did you go through this too?

how did you cope with it?

PM or email me if you want to share..
(please note: contact page)

i’m not suicidal though,

don’t worry.

just curious...

and tired whenever it occurs.

.
.
.
thank you for reading!

.4 ideas to keep you busy during MCO.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 08 Jun 2020 03:37:00 +0000

assalamualaikum readers!

what will all the online lifestyle magazines suggest you do

to fulfill you time during the movement control order (MCO)

that apparently is extended until 31st august 2020?

well,

other than exercising,

gardening, "tik tok"ing, vacationing,

catching up on reading

and trying out new recipes...

will they also suggest these ideas?

1. build something from scratch

wouldn't it be cool if at the end of this would-be-historical period,

you come up with something that you made yourselves at home?

it doesn't have to be grand or monumental.

it just have to be memorable and useful

to you and your significant ones.

quick example...

since MCO started in march,

my senior back in college

built a few pieces of furniture from pallets

for his family.
impressive, i know.

what did we make?

we built (*cough* assembled) an easel!

.we got an easel from an almost undecipherable piece of instruction.

hey, go here for more challenging DIY ideas!
.
.

2. paint a picture

this will also fill most of your time
and you don't have to rush to finish them.
enjoy the moment!

i was excited to wake up every day
and looking forward to paint.
completed this paint-by-number in 15 days
and i have another on the way.

when you are done,
you will (relatively) improve your painting skill
and also have a decor for your bare walls.

.mine and his.

my husband bought them here through shopee.
.
.

3. explore your emotions

yes.

as the point above suggested

and as stated in the photo caption below,

the period of MCO might ignite emotions

that you probably never knew you had

or you thought are in control.

try assembling a 3D model of anything.

it will help enhance the efficiency of your left brain

and if it comes with instructions to paint or decorate it,

it will help with your right brain.

i had fun completing this one.

although,

i did hectically break one of its tire.

nothing a little masking tape can't fix!

.miniscule pieces that test my anger management.

this one is also from shopee.

4. exercise hand-eye coordination

who doesn't love jigsaw puzzles?

the suspense,
the anticipation,
the hair tingling sensation.

this particular one is fun for the kids too.
there are hidden objects in the photo
that you would find only when you've completed it.
the objects are not in the guidance photo provided.

you could also use it for fun learning.
finding the hidden objects and naming them, for example.
that could help with the kids' spelling.
assembling the small pieces of the puzzle together
can also improve hand-eye coordination.

.this one was easy.

read more on benefits of doing jigsaw puzzles.
and yup,
you guessed it right, shopee.
.

.
.
well peeps...
we are accountable for our actions
and more than ever during this recovery MCO period.
we're going to live in a new norm and hopefully,
it doesn't take a toll on our creativity, physical and emotional health.

stay safe everyone
and
be responsible, please!

.
.
.
thank you for reading!

.PCOS and weight loss.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 01 Jun 2020 01:00:00 +0000

assalamualaikum dear readers!

it has been a while since we talked about PCOS. if you have read my entry on PCOS and weight gain which was in year 2015 (read: right column on ivf journey section), surely you'd remember the time when i felt hopeless about losing weight. it seemed so hard and futile. frustrating. soul-crushing.

well, that was once upon a time ago. we didn't care enough. we didn't try hard enough. i was scared that PCOS was going to make the effort much more difficult. however, we changed that pessimism into something more constructive. alhamdulillah for a venturesome husband! he changed our routine, he planned our outings, he organized our outdoor activities (read: right column on nature-living section) and he supports my determination to lose weight and have a healthier lifestyle.

yes, the journey of losing weight for a PCOS patient like me took a long time. longer than a normal, without-any-health-complications person. if you haven't read about why PCOS causes weight gain, go here. yes, we need knowledge and help from everyone to make this a reality. thanks to our doctor, my coach and family.

how much did i weigh before we start?

85 kilogram!

at 1.65 metres tall.

yes...embarrassing, i know.

obese but ignorant.

we were happy though haha.

.at my heaviest around May 2015 with damia.

when did i earnestly start trying to lose weight?

2015

we went hiking, cycling etc since 2012

but losing weight with a purpose?

it was after we failed the first IVF treatment

and my doctor suggested that i should lose 10% of my weight.

what was my goal?

to lose that 10%
hoping that it will regulate my menses
and heighten the success rate of the next ivf treatment.

when i successfully did just that,
i managed to keep the weight off for a while,
gained back a little and then
with help and more knowledge,
lost way more.

what happened along the way that helped/hindered the process?
i had a tonsillectomy that changed my diet.
consumed multiple types of medication for
the second IVF treatment.
pregnant for almost two months and
it changed my appetite.
had a miscarriage and
went through dilation & curettage procedure.

it was a long and arduous process.
i'm sure i could lose way faster if we stop consuming
fast food, processed food and sweetened drinks altogether.
but we only made small changes here and there
and try to make it a habit.

through these ups and downs,
i decided to changed my goals.
just to spice it all up.
the goals were for me to
change my eating habit, lose weight and
be able to wear my risik ring,

my wedding ring and

my nikah dress again

on our 10th wedding anniversary.

and i did it!

.in my nikah dress on 15th June 2019 with maryam.

well, honestly...

i need to lose a few more inches

just to be more comfortable in them.

but yeah,

what's a few more inches compared to 85kg?

.cincin risik & cincin nikah.

i need motivation.

i have to achieve my ideal BMI.

you can do this, syitah!

ganbatte kudasai!

next entry: tips on losing weight (and keeping it off!)

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.
.
thank you for reading!

.pit stop hunting.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Sat, 29 Feb 2020 06:21:00 +0000

assalamualaikum everyone!

our ride on 21st to 22nd december last year.

we went hunting for pit stop/route stickers...

and food (of course!)

.hunting ground.

the route is shown in the map above.

sungkai-ipoh-taiping-penang-parit buntar-lenggong-ipoh-sungkai.

it was a 550KM trip.

route A2 was our first stop and we had breakfast here.

selera warisan abah in taiping.

we don't have much choice.

i guess they focus on serving lunch

but they have several great spots for photoshoots.

.route A2 taiping.

later, we went to P149 sungai bakap.

we shared a refreshing cup of coconut shake

and had a good chat with the owner.

their son is adorable!

you can see him in the right panel of the collage below.

.route P149, sungai bakap.

the next few photos are locations where we stopped for stickers,

some to fulfill ejal's travel-must-haves (eye-rolling here)

and some for rest plus food!

.restoran monalito, route 1, sungai bakap.

.empire bike wash, route 6, balik pulau.

.teluk bahang dam, tanjung bungah.

.hard rock cafe, batu feringghi.

.masjid terapung, tanjung bungah.

.hameed pata mee sotong, george town.

.gerai resepi warisan bonda, route P14, balik pulau.

.nasi kandar pokok ketapang, butterworth.

.roti canai gemas road, george town.

.brader's cafe, route A9, parit buntar.

.the lucky port, route 1, parit buntar.

.pitstop route A76, lenggong.

.restoran MHI, jalan lahat, ipoh.

reviews :

1. route A2 taiping: selera warisan abah...the nasi lemak was mediocre.

2. route P149 sungai bakap: coconut shake...the perfect balance of sweetness. brain freeze!

3. esplanade park, george town: hameed pata mee sotong...a 45-minute wait because of the queue but it was worth it. (~~because ejal was the one who queued hahaha~~)

4. resepi warisan bonda, route P14, balik pulau: a great spot to enjoy the sunset. so, come early!

5. restoran jamal mohamed: nasi kandar pokok ketapang...worth trying!

6. roti canai gemas road: roti bawang & roti bakar...marvelous but the place is too crowded.

7. brader's cafe, route 1 A9, parit buntar: bubble tea...too sweet for my liking.

8. pitstop route A76, lenggong: daging rusa masak kicap...disappointing. however, the daging rusa masak paprik we tapau-ed for mak abah was delish!

happy hunting, peeps!

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.
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thank you for reading!

.the joy of being alone.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Sat, 01 Feb 2020 12:56:00 +0000

assalamualaikum everyone!

remember years ago i said that i don’t and won’t write about people because i hate the politics of it all? i can’t run from that in real life so i try avoiding it all in this small space where i can share and cut loose with all of you readers, where we can talk about quirkiness, memories and experiences that warmth the hearts, smarten up the way of thinking (hopefully), it working as an outlet of escapism.

aren’t you just tired reading about people?

talking about people.

spending time with people.

i like being alone. i wish i could do everything alone but that is wishful thinking. i enjoy the quiet so i can work while listening to music on my favourite radio channel using headphones. i can’t stand the noise, the gossips, the chatter on topics that evidently can be done more discreetly.

.alone but not lonely.

maybe i have misophonia?

i cherish the quiet so i can savour my food in a place that i chose. i hate the indecisiveness of others and waiting for them to decide on where or what to eat.

i admit sometimes i do need human interaction. hence, the blog or the facebook where i can still connect with people but there is a limit to it. does this make me an anal retentive? a control freak? the need to control everything just the way i want it and get nasty when it doesn’t. oh yes, i do get terribly unpleasant. i’m not a good company when this occurs.

writing about this makes me wonder why i enjoy being alone thus i read more on it. you can read about it here and here. apparently, being alone helps us to reflect and recharge, mentally and physically, so that we will enjoy our relationship better. there are pros and cons of it and many articles and researches that validate this matter. go ahead and read on.

i believe having good soft skills and interpersonal intelligence help to ease this irksome matter. surely people who have great adaptability can be more tolerant and have positive acceptance. i’m pretty sure my strength is in kinaesthetic and linguistic intelligences. being in this profession, evidently i have dealt with many people and i am truly comfortable with it. however, for example, if i can avoid a call, i will.

after a mentally tiring day,

what are 3 things that you look forward to?

mine would be,

in no particular order…

good food,

lazing on my bed and

a chat with my husband.

this "confession" doesn’t mean i abhor small talks, working in a group or family gatherings. it doesn't mean that i don't want to be invited to weddings or parties. it simply means, i need to be alone sometimes. maybe you should try it too.

.quote from here.

to more great moments,

alone!

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.
.
thank you for reading!

.smells and memories.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Sun, 26 Jan 2020 23:37:00 +0000

assalamualaikum peeps!

what do you grow up with?

as far as i can remember,

my childhood was largely influenced

by disney animated movies and oldies songs.

i performed the cha cha cha by lola dee
in a competition during my form 1 english class.
i even came up with the dance steps
and my group members reluctantly agreed to it.
do you know the song?
here's the link if you want to hear it.
oh...by the way, we lost.

well, mostly oldies.

we also listened to michael jackson,

sheila majid and ella.

i don't know backstreet boys until i was around 14

and it was only because a few friends

were going gaga over them.

then came westlife, the rest of the boy bands

and siti nurhaliza, of course.

.the innocent and gullible teens. can you find me?.

as my tears welled up and i sniffled
while watching the remake of dumbo,
my husband can't relate.
while i animatedly sing along to my favourite things,
(not ariana grande's version)
my husband looked on weirdly.
but when he happily sings his kindergarten's anthem,
i, in turn, am puzzled.
he went to PASTI as i went to tabika perpaduan.

how about smells?
you smell something and it triggers your memory.
this is Proust effect.
involuntary memory.
olfactory memory.

when i smell black coffee,
it brings me back to the morning of hari raya in my kampung.
many years ago.
i see myself sitting on top of the stairs in opah's house,
a towel placed loosely around my neck,
looking towards the kitchen,
waiting for my turn to use the bathroom.
mak and my aunts were busy,
chattering and preparing breakfast
before we go to the mosque for solat sunat hari raya.
then, as if by magic, simultaneously,
i can smell the delicious fried rice and rendang ayam too!

the smell.
it made me feel loved,
safe and blissful.
it was calming.

when i smell twisties roast chicken flavour,
it will bring me back to the moment
in our wooden airport quarters
where my brother and i licked the floor clean.
i can't recall the exact taste
(maybe it was double decker prawn crackers?)
but i vividly remember that
abah sternly asked us to pour the content of the snack on the floor
because we were quarreling over who get to hold the packet.
so, we did
and never quarrel over the same trivial matter again.

oh my,
i need a whole new entry just for that topic.

so,
what is your best smell?

thank you for reading!

.terengganu-kuantan trip.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Sat, 11 Jan 2020 05:30:00 +0000

assalamualaikum readers!

last year on the 26th to 29th October 2019,

we went for a terengganu-kuantan trip.

mostly we went food hunting in kuala terengganu.

their nasi dagang with gulai ikan tongkol is just...

perfect!

this is going to be loooong entry!

.the 1,117 km journey.

day 1
we started the ride from home at 6.40am.

stopped for breakfast at r&r simpang pulai,

went up cameron highlands,
stopped awhile at r&r lojing and went down at gua musang.

later,

we rode through the mysterious and dreaded felda aring route.

why my husband chose this route, you may ask..

i have no idea!

it just started to drizzle at some point.

no other vehicles in sight for miles.

elephant's dung can be seen by the road.

the road have large potholes and uneven surface.

i got bored pretty fast.

and cold too.

the plus point of this route was that

i can enjoy the view of tasik kenyir!

.cold and wet!.

alhamdulillah

we reached the end of this 128 km route

and stopped at the first stall we saw in kuala nerus.

what a small world it is,

the girl who served us hot teh tarik was a student from upsi!

.a much needed rest.

reached kuala terengganu a while later and
had our late lunch at e-nasi kukus
because the first choice of eatery was already out of rice by 4.00pm.
we spent the night at titi villa homestay.

a gated property where one can rent rooms and park vehicle safely.

amenities provided in the room are

5 gardenia buns, 1 large bottled mineral water, water heater in the bathroom etc.

there is also a ruang santapan beside our room.

you can cook here as basic cooking ingredients are provided

and you can also do your laundry.

pretty neat, huh?

recommended!

.cozy and affordable.

day 2
early the next day,
we went for breakfast at the famous kak pah nasi dagang
in pantai batu burok area.
jalan-jalan cari makan TV3 had been here.
even though we were early, there was already a big crowd there.
the food?
i'll give it a 3/5 stars.

.all of this cost us RM15.80.

after the morning rain subsided,
we rode around the city and snapped some photos.
here are some we took at taman tamadun islam
and the famous kuala terengganu drawbridge.

.taman tamadun islam.

.thank you abang polis!.

i was craving for satar.
the best one i ever tasted was back in 2012
when i joined the national-level parliamentary debate competition for teachers
that took place in kuala terengganu.
it was a buah tangan from one of en. arman's ex-student.
i don't know where she got them.
therefore, i googled the nearest satar stall and we got this.

pok nor satar.
fresh off the grill.
otak-otak is sold here too.
they also sell frozen satar and otak-otak.
i prefer the otak-otak more than the satar though.
as you can see in the photo,
there is a big chunk of fish inside it!
4/5 stars for the otak-otak.

.we spent RM13.50 here.

second breakfast done (hahah)...
next!
for minum petang, we headed to pok nong
but the queue was about 500 metres long!
we decided to go to the nearest alternative which is
warung adik-beradik.
after 41 minutes of queueing,
we got this..

.great food, nice view.

day 3
we went back, had a good rest and the next day,
we had breakfast at kak yah nasi dagang bukit besar
before heading out to kuantan.
we accidentally found this humble stall
as the one we intended to go was closed.
how many stars for this nasi dagang?
4/5!
i prefer the texture and taste of the rice than the one in kak pah's.
the gulai was served separately from the fish,
it was divine.

.breakfast was at RM12.50.

we reached kuantan and ejal's friend treated us to lunch.
we spent the night at mak ndak's house in sungai isap.
had a good time as we reminisced their work and life experiences.

thank you mak ndak and pak ndak!
thank you kak su and azlan!

.blessed with good company.

day 4
after having breakfast with mak ndak and pak ndak,
we continued our journey back home through temerloh
but had a detour to kuantan city and teluk cempedak.
it was quite early and we enjoyed the view and sea breeze.

.ahhh the effort to get these photos!.

much later,
we stopped for an amazing lunch at selera patin bangau.
the gulai tempoyak ikan patin was cooked in small batches.
we had to wait for about 20 minutes for the next one.
it was during lunch hour and the restaurant was packed.
every large pot cooked about 20 large pieces of ikan patin.
the lady who served us was friendly.
the service was fast and efficient.
the food?
everything was delightful.
the vegetables, the begedil,
the sourness, the spiciness, the consistency of the gulai,
the freshness of the fish.
5/5 stars.

.satisfied customer paid RM27.60.

alhamdulillah
we reached home sweet home around 6.00pm.
happy tummy, happy mind.

whenever we ride,
i love to look up to the sky and around me.
the view is magnificent.
something you can't do while cruising in a car
(unless you have a convertible that is!)
anyway,
the sky over terengganu is very much different from perak.
the vast blue and the fluffiness of the clouds
left me in awe........
go have a look yourselves!

where to next?

to watch the videos of
day 1 & 2 trip, please go here

day 3, please go here

day 4, please go here

don't forget to subscribe for more adventure!

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.
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thank you for reading!

.dealing with two-faced people.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 16 Dec 2019 00:16:00 +0000

assalamualaikum people!

recently, i came upon several two-faced people.

i believe, they exist everywhere,
in every walk of life.

i might be guilty of this too.

yeah...before you start reeling with excitement

because of that statement,

(hey, it rhymes!)

let's look back at ourselves.

have you ever talk about someone else behind their backs?

doesn't matter if it was about something good or bad

but when you are in front of them,

you put on a different face.

you didn't confront them or let them know of the matter at hand.

isn't that being two-faced?

have you ever heard of someone else talking bad about another?

but when the latter is in your presence,

you didn't let him/her know about it.
you wouldn't want to humiliate them
or causing tension between the two.

isn't that being two-faced?

okay, now...let's ponder upon this.
do we consider these people being two-faced
or are they just saving face?
which is which?

i'm in a dilemma right now.
surely you have come upon this quote:

.quote from here.

frightening, isn't it?

just don't be that person.

distance yourselves from this group.

if you can't, just listen

but do not disclose what you have heard to anyone else.

i know,

it's juicy.

the temptation to be the first

to share and spread the news/rumors/gossips.

especially in this digital world

where everything is at your fingertips.

whenever you feel the urge,

remember the quote above.

hurtful, isn't it?

but that is the truth

and truth hurts.

(duhh....so cliche)

.karya afiq nashiron.

be careful who you confide in.

i have tasted the bitterness of sharing my woe to the wrong person.

never again will i trust that person

or anyone similar to her.
but the thing is,
you would never know until it happens again.
haih...fool me once, shame on you.
fool me twice, shame on me.

now, should i tell

or should i just save face?

"renung-renungkan
dan selamat beramal!"

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.
.
thank you for reading!

.are you a pathological attention seeker?.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Tue, 03 Dec 2019 00:22:00 +0000

assalamualaikum people!

got your attention, right?

so.....are you?
if you need the definition: go here.

there is a part of us that crave human affection.
an innate desire.

however,

being an attention seeker

is at a much more annoying level.

a level where

you'd like to smack them at the back of their heads

so that they would get back to their senses

and just say to them,

stop playing victim!

it is so exasperating being around these people.

you would feel sympathy,

provide comfort and be a good listener to them

but if they feel that the world is against them

all the time,

in all situations

and it is never their fault.

isn't it cry wolf?

for crying out loud, just stop!

i hope i won't be such a wimp.

but if i do,

i give you the permission to smack me.

it is acceptable to share your problems or success stories.

asking for advice or just someone to listen.

sharing and learning from experiences.

i understand that

we do need to express these sometimes

and others would gladly lend you their ears

but please,

don't over do it.

.meme borrowed from here.

too much prattle about your life or work challenges is whining.

too much of sharing your success stories is bragging.

everyone has problems.

it might be different from yours

but that doesn't mean it is less significant

or less troublesome.

"put yourself in my shoes"

yes, we're not in your shoes

but that doesn't mean we belittle your hardships!

i don't agree with people who use this quote

and expect to get away with everything

while using the holier-than-thou attitude.

everybody,
i mean everybody
thinks that they are better than others at some point in life.
that they are holier,
they are always right, others are wrong.
but believe me, you are not!
just the thought of you being better, makes you not.
yes, we can't help it sometimes.
just don't dwell in it. get out, get up and keep on swimming!
istighfar, istighfar, istighfar.
you learn nothing from life if you think you are right all the time.

everyone is successful.

in their own way, in their every day life.

it may be small but it is still an accomplishment.

don't be sour grapes!

just be happy for them because it's their rezeki

and thankful that you get to learn from their experiences too.

even if you dislike them, give credit where credit is due.

why am i writing this?

i'm sharing this with you,

anyone who takes the time to read,

hoping that you won't be a pitiful attention seeker,

won't be sour grapes,
won't cry wolf

or you could remind someone else not to be one.

sometimes, i am tired emotionally.

i can't always put a cheery demeanor

(which is a good way to dakwah...but life is not a bed of roses)

but i can always try to be a good person.
hoping that i'm making sense
and encouraging others to be good and do good
or learn something through my writing.

looking at the bright side,
these people were sent to us
so that we can be tested.
testing our patience, tolerance, humanity and sanity.
hopefully, we will come out better that before.

so, please...
let us stand back, relax and
think before we do anything.

let's be good together!

*insert smiley face*

p/s: homework for you guys...find how many idioms i used in this entry.

p/p/s: the first reader who responds in the comment section with the correct answer will get a gift from me (seriously). good luck!

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.
thank you for reading!

.sungkai to tanjung piai.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 25 Nov 2019 01:37:00 +0000

assalamualaikum,

yeah,

.jeram-tanjung karang-sekinchan.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 10:47:00 +0000

assalamualaikum friends,

this trip took place in march 2019.

our first long distance ride together.

as usual,

ejal planned everything

and i just tagged along

and enjoyed every minute of it.

all in all,

we travelled around 478.8km

(according to kisa's odometer)

in 3 days and 2 nights.

.the journey we took.

our ride started early in the morning.

we stopped for breakfast at medan selera behrang stesen.

the food was surprisingly good.

we continued our journey through the vast land

of felda soeharto and kampung sungai tengi.

the view was magnificent and refreshing.
alhamdulillah for the good weather.

.restoran asam pedas atok sg. sembilang in jeram, selangor.

as we had reached the kabin earlier than check in time,

we headed over to restoran asam pedas atok first

which is near our lodging for lunch.

the ambiance at the open-air restaurant

was modest and kampung-like.

the decoration was quaint.

i like it!

we both chose an assam pedas dish

with different kind of fish.

mine was stingray and his was mackerel.

the set comes with nasi putih, timun and telur masin.

it was so yummy and satisfying.

recommended!

but we should have shared the dish

because it was too much for the both of us.

as you can see in the photo above,

we even added on some other dishes.

tamak!

.the kabin in jeram, selangor

after lunch,
we went back to the kabin and checked in.
the area is a gated property
and a few rooms available were
tagged with famous port's names.
we spent the night in durban,
a small room for two,
overlooking the pool.
go here to explore more!

in the morning,
we enjoyed our breakfast in the cafe.
the staff was friendly
and the food was good and reasonably priced.

.restoran aroma ikan bakar in jeram, selangor

for dinner,

we rode to the nearby restaurant.

aroma ikan bakar which is also in the same area.

we reached there just before sunset

and the view was beautiful.

there was some renovation going on

and i bet the restaurant will look much more presentable later.

you can choose the fresh seafood at the counter

and they will cook them upon order.

we ordered sotong goreng tepung,

udang goreng butter and nasi goreng kampung.

delicious!

.padi box in sekinchan, selangor.

the next morning,
we rode to sekinchan.
ejal already booked a room at padi box.
the view of the area from afar

was making me giddy with excitement.
the rooms/containers were colorful,
the lush green rice paddy field was soothing to the eyes,
despite the heat!

we stayed the night in a room
overlooking the rice paddy field.
when it was almost dusk,
one of the staff came over
and notified us that they will close the outer door for the night.
preventing insects or other small animals from getting in.

go here for more info!

.photo shoot around the rice paddy field.

the next day,
we spent the day taking photos around the rice paddy field.
we even got chased by dogs!
they were guarding the factory nearby.
almost skidded the bike, trying to flee from them.
alhamdulillah we didn't fell.

at 3.00pm,

we headed over to satay hut.
the best place for satay lovers.
you can choose different sizes of satay;
regular or big.
there are also two different types of dipping sauce;
the usual peanut sauce or butter chicken sauce.
but unfortunately,
they only serve chicken satay.

no beef or perut or venison.
i'm cool with that
because the chicken satay was yummy!
so was the peanut sauce.
not a fan of the butter chicken sauce though.

we also ordered mee rebus and nasi goreng paprik.
they were tasty too.
but please,
a word of advice...
if you had ordered the larger satay,
you don't have to order anything else.

.satay hut in tanjong karang, selangor.

the next day we rode to lumut.
just to meet up zai and her family!
it had been 11 years since we last met.
i brought along a gift for her eldest son, hadif.

but earlier that day,
we enjoyed lunch at d'marmalade cafe.
ejal met his friend, suhairi, here.
i ordered assam laksa.
it was good but too spicy.

.d'marmalade cafe in lumut, perak.

checked in at hotel sfera
and met zai and her sons at aeon mall manjung
in the evening.

it was great meeting her
and the boys.
felt like i've known them since birth
even though it was our first moment together.
can you imagine that feeling?

.aeon mall seri manjung in lumut, perak.

thank you zai and saiful

for taking the time to meet up.
i know how tight your schedule is
whenever you guys fly in from sipitang.

okay,
that's all folks!
head on to these restaurants and cool lodgings.
experience them yourselves.
enjoy!

you can watch the video of this trip here.
don't forget to subscribe!

p/s: ejal named his first motorcyle, kisa. a kawasaki z250. the lastest one is named rinjani, a kawasaki ninja 650.

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.
thank you for reading!

.sakinah, mawaddah, rahmah.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 14 Oct 2019 02:53:00 +0000

assalamualaikum,

hello everyone!

how are you?

a few weeks ago, i read a posting shared by a friend on facebook. she didn’t write them. it was written by someone else. i can’t recall the whole text but a portion of the writing stuck in my mind. i can’t even recall which friend shared it. my bad!

the writer, a man, stated that in marriage, we seek sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah. he embraces all that with his wife. just when he looks at his wife’s face, when they struggle to make ends meet etc.

simple as it seems,

not all of us is lucky enough to experience this.

simple as it sounds,

i am fascinated by the logic of these words.
because sometimes...
we forget.

sometimes when i worry over what to cook tomorrow when guests are coming, fret about the endless stream of workload at the office, angry about the mindless random people not caring for the environment, i stop and remind myself that all of these doesn’t matter.

don't get start on politics

or other worldly problems

that affect the majority of earth population.

let's look at something much near at hand.

.enjoying breakfast together.

don’t get me wrong. it matters that we entertain our guests as best as we can, perform with favorable result on that work project and contribute to the sustainability of earth our way but it doesn’t worth the sleepless nights and hateful thoughts you would have over it.

cherish the little things.

we have loads of this.

cliché as it is,

it rings true.

loud and clear.

appreciate the time spent arguing over where to put the tall, glass vase. grateful for the silent night where you lie together side by side, you with your reading and him browsing the internet. welcome the little help that comes with other little hiccups. treasure the serenity of performing solat together. hold dear to your partner's ability to listen while you babble away your daily troubles.

nothing else matters as much.

put the glass down before your arm aches.

pick it up again when you’re ready.

and repeat.

.doubt or regret?.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Mon, 05 Aug 2019 01:36:00 +0000

assalamualaikum readers!

do you have doubts?

that's a silly question.

everyone doubts.

about something.

or someone.

sometimes, it keeps you awake at night.

or pauses you in mid-sentence.

it makes you wonder

whether the decisions you made were right or wrong.

whether you should get up

and finish folding that laundry.

or maybe you should

or should not say what you meant to say.

still with me?

these doubts will come

and they will heighten your senses.

they love to come in the dark of the night

and when the neighbourhood is almost silent.

when your partner is snoring.

when the stray dogs occasionally bark

at something you can't see.

your heart is racing.

your eyes hurt

from squinting them shut,

desperate to welcome sleep

but your mind is whirring

with images of the past.

or maybe expectations of the future?

i saw that list.

it was clear as day

but no one commented on it.

maybe i dreamt it?

i don't think i can reassure you

if you decided to ask me about it.

i will fail at that part

but i will not waver.

i will sleep now.

the doubts will come back.

visiting again tomorrow

and the day after that.

and the next.

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thank you for reading!

.underdemeciated.

noreply@blogger.com (syitah) — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 07:04:00 +0000

assalamualaikum,

it rushed back in

this feeling i have

underdemeciated

why is it so?

why do i need it?

this human approval

and admiration

i am enough

let's just leave it at that

if the shoe fits

i just wanna say

you make me feel this way

or maybe it was something else

that caffeine withdrawal thing

you know

but today

i just wanna soak it in

this feeling of

underdemeciated

so,

you

ungrateful,

female dog.

p/s: language has been filtered. obviously.
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thank you for reading!